Time to get ready for the Larry and Needle show.
So are we hot right now?
Yeah.
Okay.
So 5.30 shall we say.
Alright.
Fuckin 30 bitches.
Alright motherfuckers how you doing?
Hi and welcome to the Larry and Needle shows.
Nope.
I'm Larry.
No wait a second.
No that was bad.
But okay we can keep on going.
Yeah this is Larry.
Yeah I'm Larry.
That's Needle's over there.
And so I don't know if this is gonna be our first one.
It's gonna be our second one.
We don't know which episode this will be but it's gonna be probably an episode.
That's all that matters.
I mean yeah we gotta release the fucking Bad Tracks right.
I mean Led Zeppelin and everybody else did it.
I mean they all can't be here.
We had our first hold down the other day with my dad.
Yeah big joke even.
That was fucking.
Can I see the fucking join or what's going on.
That was pretty fucking cool.
Do you have one for me?
I should probably have my own eh.
Here.
Yeah.
I mean Don Cachain.
We don't promote drugs and we don't do them but if you do what the fuck was that.
Why would you throw a lighter at him.
I thought he might have needed a lighter.
Oh he shouldn't have thrown at me.
He should probably ask.
I mean this is not how things go.
But alright and thank you for joining us.
Today the date is.
We don't need the date.
Fuck the date.
It's Monday.
How's that?
Yeah it's Monday.
Any date that ends with a why.
I'm going to do this for a second.
Tomorrow's my birthday.
Oh it is.
So if any super fans will figure out what the date today is.
Sixty three years old and you're still looking fine as well.
Thank you.
Let me tell you you're poor wife.
Like I always said.
My wife is lucky.
Oh lucky for what.
I mean you're a sugar baby.
She takes care of you.
But at the same time you're a lucky fellow.
Everybody can't be a sugar baby right.
It takes a special thing to do that.
I mean you do have.
Special talent.
You exude talent shall I say.
You gotta keep your pimp hands strong.
Well I mean Jesus Christ man I see the size of those fingers.
You would definitely knock a midget in these next months.
By the way by the way.
Oh by the way.
Midgets.
Yeah we went out to the local eatery in town there.
Okay.
I'm gonna tell you.
Yes.
Maybe we'll put it out.
Do we have to bleep out midget?
No but we might want to bleep out the name of this thing so in case this girl ever hears
it and there was a little midget girl that works there and she's the you know like the
hostess.
Is she a short service cook?
Yeah.
I mean it's funny because she was only like a half an inch shorter than Mary.
Oh well Jesus Christ.
And I'm like the only difference from you and her is she's legally a midget.
Mary can pick up that midget and probably toss her across the bar.
I mean listen.
It was fucking funny but she was cute.
She was a cute ass midget.
I thought of you.
Thank you very much.
I thought you'd like her.
Listen man anytime you're thinking of me I appreciate it.
If there's a midget in the mix then oh my god that's duly noted so I say then why give
me even the heaven even.
You know that?
I don't know about that.
Oh well I mean fucking amen.
We're only human right?
Oh at least I didn't say goddamn right.
Oh man.
But at the same time so then what were we talking about midget.
But she was real cute and it was funny because there was a you know like the boss's son.
The son was like doing busboy duty and he was about 12 years old and maybe even younger
like 10 years old and I said to Mary do you think he's you know banging the.
A 12 year old's banging.
I mean are you Jesus Christ.
Because they were the same height and shit.
That doesn't mean shit Jesus Christ.
Age duty you are Kelly.
Age ain't nothing but a number dude.
I think it's only illegal if it's by height.
It's not how things work dude.
No you know if it's being.
I mean come on really what are you going to do.
Now you're just going to start measuring.
I was saying you know the boy would be making the advance.
I'm not saying she was attacking.
He's 12 years old.
Right.
Man you're getting into murky water over here.
What are you doing.
Okay well at the same time we know you have a book Clivity for Midgets right.
I mean.
I'm not in love with them or nothing.
I mean I didn't say you were in love with them.
You're already married.
I mean that would be.
I don't like them.
Would she get quarter your stuff instead of half.
Yeah.
Well I mean you'd be the boss of that.
Thank God that your wife is my lawyer shall I say.
Because she keeps an eye on all of us right.
Yeah right.
She's upstairs on 200 mg.
He's just wandering.
He had the fucking night card song going in her.
Oh you know what we're going to do this thing then maybe.
Well I'm going to fucking.
Oh shit.
I'm going to look at the news really quick.
Well you kind of keep an eye on what's going on.
And then I'm going to read a story out and I hope you do something silly.
What's going on here.
Because if you don't do something silly guess what Larry.
This ain't going to work.
California to not do business Walgreens or abortion pills.
I mean come on.
Jared Fogle this fucking guy.
You know what I mean.
Subway guy.
Yeah he's definitely the subway guy but at the same time I mean he was like talking to
this lady about doing stuff to work kids.
What.
Yeah.
What do you mean.
What do you think I mean.
I don't know anything about him except that he lost all sorts of weight and then.
He got in trouble with what some child porn or something.
Yeah.
I don't know how you just brushed over that.
He just lost some weight.
Well I'm not brushing over it but.
He's like yeah he's lost weight.
I didn't know that he actually was confronting people and shit.
What was that.
I didn't know that he was confronting people and shit.
I thought he was just.
Why do you think he's in fucking prison.
Well I don't know.
I don't know anything about the fucking story is the thing.
That's why I don't know.
I don't know why the motherfuckers are in prison.
Well there was the fat guy that had the fucking or skinny guy that had the fat guy that fucking
lost all the weight.
He had fat pants and then all of a sudden he's like talking to some fucking lady who
turns an informant.
And fucking this fucking guy is literally just talking to her like he's ordering a subway
sandwich.
What's he doing.
What's he talking about.
Man you know I want pickles on it.
I want tomatoes.
I want fucking you know whatever else you got.
What is he doing on a child.
I want to drag it through the garden.
What do you say.
He's ordering up kids or something from these people.
No he was talking to this lady about her children that he wanted to see them naked.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
And she thinks that a pedophile has her news.
And he thinks that she's going to go along with this or something.
Well no she turned him in.
That's how he got caught.
Why would he say this.
Because the guy's a fucking pedophile.
Oh my fucking lord.
He's got the shit ton of cash.
I mean look at.
Listen.
I don't really want to talk about Epstein.
I'm a much really little girl.
The fucking blues brothers.
The women.
The children.
I think I don't know I'm probably chopping that up but it's like the women.
The little girls.
The fucking throwing shrimp in each other's mouths and shit.
I don't remember that shit.
You didn't remember the blues brothers.
Not really.
What the fuck.
Dude it was fucking.
I saw it once when it came out.
The long one.
The long man.
Illinois Nazis man.
It's a great band name.
Yeah.
I mean play at certain rallies and events.
I mean we all.
You kind of pigeonholed him.
Yeah.
You didn't do it.
What did you do.
Kind of cuts you off from a big portion of the audience out there.
I am looking for the skinhead rally.
Where can we play.
I never liked those fucking skinheads man.
You know.
I was like did you just say you didn't like those skinheads.
Never liked them man.
They're always like you know when they show up at a punk show and shit.
They always you know they always seem fucking bigger and taller than me and they always fucking
seem a lot more aggressive.
That's why I'm fucking.
They're just.
Just.
My mother fuckers.
I'm not down with that.
Anybody who's aggressive towards you no matter if they're a little fucking guy or a big
guy.
I'm not down with all the violence and shit.
I'm not down with all the violence of that.
Well I mean especially at that age right that kind of tells a bunch of character.
Yeah exactly.
I mean I know you like to kiss guys but hey you know what.
You're still a stand up dad.
You're not a fucking pilot.
I like a softer approach.
You're fucking blowing your nose on Mike.
Okay thank you for listening.
Alright thanks for listening.
I'm Larry and Needles is a stroke.
And we love you guys.
We love you and have fun.
This is a lot to go to cut it off here.
We gotta cut it off right.
Alright.
We had our moments.
We had our remonements.
Oh my god.
Look at and the mics get turned off and then that's what you say finally.
You got a good joke.
Our remonements.
Ah fuck.
Jesus I gotta deal with you.
You know the mics are still hot.
Yeah it's on there.
I know.