Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles Show.
Hey everybody, welcome to Larry and Needles Show.
I'm Larry. And I am Needles. And we got Jay visiting
us today. Our special guest. Glad to have her.
Peace. Alright. This is going to be take two
because for some reason... every time Jay is
on, the world does not want her. No, I'm just
saying, the last time we did a podcast with Jay,
we did video and it didn't record the video.
That is a true statement. Or the audio, and we
had to get rid of it, we couldn't have anything.
True story. Paranormal interference, it's divine
intervention. And Larry, is it recording then?
Yep. You need one of these things. Quite on the
set. I always assimilate those with pedophiles.
Yeah, that's what they click that thing. You
know what I mean? I'm not obsessed with them
at all. That's just more prevalent now more than
ever, right? Well, I suppose if you think Hollywood,
yeah, there's not even Hollywood. They click
that shit. The amount of people that are getting
busted right now. Clean slate slate. Yeah. No,
they should do it college What do you think they
should do when they find a guy that a person
or a man or okay? Let's do this. How about this?
Hmm What is the difference between a teacher
a man teacher touching a girl and a girl teacher
touching a boy Is there any no, you don't think
so no, okay? Will say I'm a bigot though cuz
I see two chicks kiss. Yeah, I don't care. I
see two guys. It's You really you're a Bromophobe
Okay, what if it's a teacher? Yeah, it's just
male teacher having sex with a underage wrong.
It's well Why do you have to say that dude? I
mean you just really how about this? That's what's
going on at schools. What if it's a hot? Female
teacher having sex with a boy. I just said that
and she just said it doesn't matter. Oh, you
don't think it matters? You know what I say,
Larry? It's wrong. I say that kid's fucking lucky.
That guy deserves 50 high fives. But the boy,
of course, feels like, you know, it's something
great. Yeah, because it is. But the woman is
taking advantage of a young child and it's sick.
Any woman who is attracted to a young child is
a fucking sick arse. Any woman who's attracted
to a child is a sicko. Oh, any person that's
attracted to a child is a sicko. She's a sicko.
Doesn't matter. You got something wrong with
you. But I mean, it's a lot cooler. I mean, actually,
it's not a lot cooler. Yeah. But it's just more
silly. From a young boy's point of view. But,
you know, what does a young boy know? From a
young boy's point of view. You're supposed to
be stupid at that age. But the adults should
know better. Well, you think with your dong and
not your brain. And then you got some, you think
she's a MILF and she's like 24? Yeah. You know
what I mean? She could be a MILF. She's a MILF.
What's that? She could be a milf at 24. I know,
but Larry, that's a little bit older. Yeah. You
know, you understand that. But what was the last
one? The boy was what? Like, he was like 16 or
15? I don't know. I don't keep up on this stuff.
We passed. We texted it, man, on the fucking
thread. I don't know who you're talking about.
We. The Proud Boys, man. I don't know who those
guys are. You know. Never heard of them. The
boys. Never heard of the Proud Boys. That's wrong.
Across the board. That's it. Bottom line. Well,
yeah, but... Why and a teacher touched my kid
when he was a cat he did cops get her first.
Oh It didn't happen. No, but it did she better
hope the cops get her first My kid would be proud
of shit, but I'd be out of no you'd be mad if
it was a fucking a right I would be yeah moms
are like that. They get jealous each other and
yeah women are get so I would be jealous He's
a sick fuck. They're like, oh look at how hot
she is Banging my kid's head. Get out of here.
I would fucking love it. Just having her way
with my son. Again, boys are horny. Who isn't?
Girls are too. You know, this huge misconception.
Girls were, you're right. Your girls were too.
I mean, come on. It takes two to tango. It takes
one to street walk. No, Joel. When it's an adult
and a child, it's wrong. That's it. Okay. I agree
with that. A child's supposed to be stupid. Where
do you think they should be? Their brain isn't
even developed till they're 21. Well, first of
all, you and the two individuals on each side
whose brains probably haven't developed since
they were 13. Do you think your brain's developed?
What kind of question is this? Coming from the
guy who smokes 40 bongs a day. I don't smoke
any bongs a day. I barely smoked any weed at
all. I barely smoked weed. Okay. I believe you
as much as fucking Jack Rubenstein. Talk about
fake. What? Joey don't smoke weed. Oh. Very little.
I thought, look at his nose. Doesn't he look
Jewish with that side view, Jay? Look at how
big that nose is. Larry, turn to your left a
little. It's not that big. Look at it. I've seen
worse. It's almost blocking out the sun. Because
that's what they want to do. That's a Jewish
space laser, just your nose. Just stand over
women sunbathing. Leer at them. Huh? Yeah, speaking
of Italian, in the last episode that got lost,
we were talking about how Jay grew up thinking
she was half Italian and half Polish. We're going
to talk about this again, really. I'm just telling
you that's what Alice told me. All right, I Have
to go back again Like an illegal should I know
more about your shit than you know now, you know,
I'm in Well, maybe you know what maybe we're
that much more interested in it than I well,
it's probably your wife since I Know I know I
was raised Italian and that's I don't care. It's
probably Jeff. He's coming to dump those things
off on us Yeah, um Yeah, he's done. That's why
he's just fried now. No, I'm not fried Yeah,
I mean last time the last episode that got lost
also. Yeah needle steals No, I don't steal. I
just steal lighters and you steal them back.
That's not stealing them back when you're taking
back your own lighter. I mean... Is that stealing
them back? Oh, man. Huh? Right? What? If you
had some of mine and I take it back from you,
it's not stealing it back. It's called Indian
giver. You're an Indian giver. I didn't give
it to you. You swiped it. Just some lighter sticky
fingers. That's all. Sticky fingers with lighters.
I used to be really bad at that. Really, really
bad. Stealing? Well, taking lighters on accident.
Stealing? And one time Johnny was so mean to
me about it, I've never done it again. He scared
me to shit. There you go. This one, too. See?
You didn't learn your lesson, Johnny. Because,
you know, I will say, you could have five lighters
and have a party. Everybody's gone and he's got
no lighter when he had five. I mean, kids do.
All right. Maybe you know how many times that
happens. Oh, yeah, many for you know walking
like here. We go. Maybe it's time to play our
game All right. Yeah, I really haven't tied the
strings shit Somebody then you go for like oh
my god. I'd be pissed you're jay my hand Johnny
was really pissed at me one night because he
didn't happen It was jay my handwriting is shit,
and I don't have my glasses here. We're gonna
play this game Can you read what that says at
the top? Jobs that wouldn't women shouldn't do
and other things. Yeah It's gonna be fun, okay
So there's not just looks like white I just bought
this today so this watch out don't be fucking
using it So today we're gonna play a game and
Jay's gonna have to write for me because my handwriting
You're right No, not at all, because we're gonna
be very simplistic, so we're gonna play a new
game with Jay, which I think is very funny. It's
called, jobs that women shouldn't do and other
things. Okay, so Jay, here you go. I'm not writing,
Joey. I ain't fucking doing it. What kind of
feminist are you? I'm not writing, I'm terrible
at that. You're terrible at writing? Yes, I don't
do things that I suck at. And I can't spell and
I'm not opening that whole can of joke for myself.
All right, so we have a going thing on this show
that some ladies should not do some sort of jobs.
Do you agree with that or no? Yes, I do. Okay,
oh fuck yeah, this is gonna be fun then. All
right then, so the first thing that the Larry
and Needle Show thinks about, ladies should not
be cops, lady cops. Yeah. First of all, you're
seeing that lady that was pointing the gun at
her partner's head There was a hostage situation
I can say that I but listen there are some badass
chicks. Yeah, I don't know about that I think
the rule in general How nobody's scared of a
cop and a dude can overtake you and I wouldn't
want my lady I'd be come on you just because
nature is better stronger That's just physically
the truth and women are very trigger -happy too.
Yeah Can I get one of those lyrics? Not always.
A lot more accidental deaths. So what do you
think? Lady cops, yes or no? If I was a man,
I would not take a lady cop series whatsoever.
If I had a daughter, I would not want her to
be a police person. A police person? Not even
a lady cop? A police woman. I wouldn't want her
to be working for the police, no. So Larry, I
wanted one, but yeah, you can. So my answer is...
So yes. I respect them and I think they're bad
ass that want to. That's number one. Lady cops.
I wouldn't want my daughter aunt or mother to
be a cop. Well, you know what? First of all,
especially when they're on the rag. My dad told
me once anything that bleeds for five days and
doesn't die. That's not true. You know what I
mean? If you're trained, you're trained. It's
not going to make you be emotional. What are
you talking about? I know a lot of men that are
way more emotional than women. Women can be masculine
and men can be well, yeah women come because
they get a haircut and they're They start taking
hormones. I mean I was a tomboy just like this
but that's the Jay just broke it wide open. She's
a dyke. I'm not a fucking dyke, Joe. She's a
muff dyke. No, I'm not. That's why she's only
been with a couple of guys. I'm a nobody. Yeah.
I'm not gay and I don't like men either because
they're stupid, so I'm a nobody. It's not gay
if you like it, Jay. Don't worry. That's what
Larry lives by. Absolutely. I'm not a dyke. That's
not true. So lady cops, we agree on. They shouldn't
be, right? Lady cops. Number one. Number two
pilots. Oh, no, I think Women are very very You
don't notice shit Oh bullshit, you don't notice
what? They notice everything. You guys don't
notice it right and you're wrong. First of all,
periods come into huge accordance with this whole
list. Why? What makes you think you need to speak
up? Because it throws your shit off all of a
sudden. What the fuck do you know about having
a period? Jesus, like you can't have babies this
week. You don't know a fucking thing about having
a period. I know what makes women speak up. Listen,
I've been... You don't know shit unless you had
one. I've been with women. I can tell you, if
you had them, the world would stop. I've been
with women. Me too. You know what I mean? The
world stops when just cause you had one. You
know what, Jay? Listen. Let's segue this and
go back to the list. You know how many jobs I've
had where I want to punch my fricking boss? The
period blood is good for lubricant though. Well
you put it on your doorway when the Jews come
by they don't kill your first born. It's not
about lubrication, it's about cleansing you.
You guys are dumbasses. Freaking missed 7th grade
sex net and you don't even know what you're talking
about. You heard that though, right? Okay, good.
A lubricant for Satan? Maybe. Yeah, maybe say
this like that. Maybe it's a lubricant for that.
Who let this white bitch in here? Sorry, the
dashiki's talking. So, we're gonna write down,
we're not gonna write down Pilots? No, I'm gonna
read you a story which actually plays into this.
Is this your big game? Yes, but listen, I want,
okay. Is this a wrong message to send to a lady?
So this lady I've been talking to, she's complaining
about, she's like menopausal and she's like all
bitchy and crying about it. Metapause sucks,
it's struggling. First of all, it's got men in
it. I know, it's ironic, it's really epic. What
means menstrual? Menstrual system is going on.
All right, calm down there Larry. Fucking Larry
Nassar. Fucking Larry Nassar Jr. I know, Jay,
they should call it menastop, but they don't.
They call it menopause. Larry Nassar Jr. over
here. It is ironic that they call it that. Okay,
so then this lady's like, ah, I'm 46 and I'm
pre -menopausal and I've got a real bitch for
fucking... But here, listen to what I said to
this, because this is funny. I said, ain't that
young? I've heard of older broads getting knocked
up. Guess when the last day she talked to me
was? Was that day. Yeah, it was that day. That
you shouldn't speak about No business taught
you don't know man, you don't get it way too
crazy man All right, I want to say Mary sister
had a kid when she was like 45 or something Twins
even yeah can happen The last couple kids, you
know. So we all agree on Lady Pilots. Yeah, Pilots.
No fucking way. If I see a set of titties...
No, I think a woman could be a fantastic pilot.
If I see a set of titties in a pilot's outfit
and they're not in the cabin, I get really scared.
Mm -hmm. I want me an air waitress. If I see
a tampon in the fucking little wastebasket...
Oh, Jesus. You're stealing it. Taking it home.
Taking it home with me. You're like, oh. Who
left this tug muffin in here? Because you're
going to see a tampon in the back. Well, you
know what? You're not. First of all, this is
a democracy on the Larry Neal Show. And guess
what? No, you're not. You're not going to see
a tampon. Yes, it is. Lady pilots. No way. I
agree. I think a lady pilot should be grateful.
Larry, lady pilot, two thumbs down. Here's the
other thing. There shouldn't be anything where
there's involving driving periods. Wait, number
three. That's not true. Here we go. I know some
unbelievable women drivers. See, Larry and I,
we know each other so well. My girlfriend, Quincy?
She can F 'n drive any F 'n vehicle that's ever
F 'n been used. Yeah, one lady, you know. I watched
her crazy jams. I know 50 guys. A semi into the
smallest alley in the city. Yeah, I bet. Yeah.
Chrissy can drive anything. She's a F 'n phenomenal
driver. To turn tricks. Oh, right. You know what?
When she sees you next time you're done for it
was a joke you think you should be scared of
me Larry She pulls her truck over here, and you're
gonna see her and you ain't gonna know I'm just
gonna knock I don't have to pay for All right
number three I'm not lying she's a phenomenal
driver there are we ready for this one this one's
gonna blow your tits back Jay you ready? Lady
shouldn't drive What I just say Come on. I'm
not the greatest driver, but I do know there
we go. I mean Alice is a driving somebody too.
So we drive 50 -50 right now No, I'm just going
to an alley. You can't even okay now. I'm terrible
into that Larry if you listen to our old one
of our older episodes. It's called driving leaders
ride really good That's Alice, but my sister
can drive here that makeup roll joins the same
time with a stick chip and not miss a big man
Yeah, when we were fucking kids. She's a phenomenal
driver. First of all, ladies shouldn't drive.
Well, that's your opinion, sir. I disagree. Why's
that? I just said, I gave you two perfect examples.
Yeah, two peep, two women out of how many? Well,
I can only give you - And you said you're not
a good driver. I'm not great, no. No. The funny
thing is let me paint a picture. I can drive
if they're like pizza delivery person around
the neighborhood I'm gonna give you an option
Women don't drive anymore completely relinquish
their rights to drive Yeah, okay, but we get
them ubers to go wherever they want whenever
they want at all hours of the night and They
don't have to pay for it No, I didn't know that
I'm just saying this is our this is our alternative
Yeah. That way, everybody's happy and it's safer
on the roads. Women were drivers, too. I know,
we gotta get rid of them. We are not anymore.
Well, I wouldn't want my... Not under the Larry
and the Eagles universe. Nope. Here you go, lady.
Do you consider yourself a crazy driver? What's
that smelly? Oh, fuck yeah. Okay. Alright. Well,
wait a second. You do? No. Really? He's a better
driver on 15 bags of heroin than any lady. A
lunatic driver. Let me tell you, it would take
67 Asian ladies and he's compared to one of them.
He's a crazy driver. On nitrous on a scooter.
Crazy. What's that? I don't know because he's
a drug addict and he's fucking up. No, he's just
got a wet foot. Hmm. I don't know if you do that.
It's not even a lead foot. It's his right hand
on the scooter, which is notorious for a voice
tackle. That's what they call the right hand.
A very aggressive driver in a car. Or he can
be. I don't know if he used to be. He said he
was like exercise. I don't know if you are anymore.
No, you're the ogerta instead of omerta. The
ogerta. Fuck that up. Alright, so women shouldn't
drive. I'm happy you agree on that, Jay. I don't
agree with that. What do you mean? It's going
down on the board. Again, I don't agree with
it. Women, look at, look at, women. Women can
be pilots and women can drive. Shouldn't it just
write driving because it already starts things
that women shouldn't do. I don't trust ladies
on the ground. Why would I trust them in the
air? Well, I am a lady, so who is more fucking
equipped to answer the question than you or me?
First of all, I think men have a higher stress
tolerance. And I think you have a biased opinion.
No, they don't. Fuck, no they don't. What are
you talking about? No they don't. Come on. Man,
you do not have a higher stress tolerance. What
are you talking about, Willis? Come on. What
are you talking about, Willis? Who brought this
bitch here? You guys are fucking potheads. No
way. Oh, we're potheads, so we can't come up.
Potheads. Hotheads. A word of the hothead? You
just hit me four to four minutes ago. Very much
so behind the wheel. Behind the wheel? That's
cause you said something about Chrissy. You're
lucky you didn't. I didn't say nothing about
Chrissy. He did too. You said some dumb shit.
It was a joke. Chrissy's beautiful. Yeah, well,
that shit wasn't funny. My gosh. You're going
to do this in front of the Jesus camp? Yeah,
I defend my own you. Okay. So we agree. No, we
don't. Women shouldn't drive. We don't agree
on that. Number four, Larry. Maybe it could be
Chrissy. If I was going to repeal something,
what would it be? Um, the right to vote? What
amendment is that? What's that, the fifth, 19th
amendment? The 19th amendment. Women should not
be allowed to vote. You're a fucking moron. Why,
why, why? Because then if they don't have the
right to vote, they don't have to pay taxes.
Yeah, well, this is my this is my thing if women
don't vote they fucking work. They don't need
to be supported Well, that's a whole that's a
juice I opt to get women to work because they
could tax the other half of the fucking family
This is separate the family. This is a game we
play. What do you mean? You know like this game
you just say in a bunch of dumps The game is
who is Jagan is smacked first game. It should
be. Who's jagging a smack bird? That's the fucking
game. Actually, the game is jobs that women shouldn't
do and other things. Here's the thing though,
don't you believe it would be great if you didn't
have to pay taxes if you went to your job and
you just got all the money. You owned a house,
you didn't have to pay property taxes. Why should
women not have to pay taxes? Because that's what
you get. You give up your right to vote and then
we give you and then you have to pay any taxes.
Fuck that. We have fucking minds just because
we have and mouths just because we have a giant.
We all know that. The mouth is the part we like,
but not when it's talking. Here's the thing.
Here's the thing about women. Most of the women.
Oh, here's Larry. Most of the women, most of
the people you see at these rallies, so -called
rallies, the protests and shit, anti -ice and
anti -this, anti -that, Elon Musk, Bernie the
fucking Teslas, are all fucking women. I don't
agree with not a single thing that women are
saying. I know but it's just ironic. I don't
agree with it. Right, well, you know, there's
gonna be a few exceptions in there that... They're
not the majority, Joe. There's a lot of them
though. Well, they're not the majority, but they're
being put out there. They tilt things. The media
is making them seem like they are. They're portraying
them as the fucking... Yeah, it's the media.
Talk about fake. Oh shit, I dropped that lighter.
Why is it you gotta hang onto that shit like
it's frickin' real? Well, I mean, you know, next
thing you know, say the Holocaust number. I'll
tell you another woman who's very, very, very
high up and who I absolutely cannot stand. I
think it's so disrespectful. And she had no business
is the speaker of the house. Oh, yeah. I mean,
she is, I am so, she offended me so much when
Trump was first in office. Making all kinds of
faces and being disrespectful behind trial. I
don't care what it is. That's your boss It's
shit up. It is what so here you go Defiant she
is it absolutely was in the wrong position. She
should have been so right then Here we go. Wait,
wait, wait, here we go. I don't think she here
we go. I got a black history fact. Okay, okay,
but write down I will give me a second relax
on this day in history in 1927 Ricky Dale Everclear
Becomes the first man to put oversized rims on
his truck with his girlfriend stack return You
get sucked into your algorithm, and it's just
gonna keep sending more and more. It's not my
algorithm. Well, let me tell you, my algorithm
is... I don't get one lick of smut on my algorithm.
Endoctored to stupidness. Huh? Oh, no. Write
down a public official. Well, wait a second.
Let's talk about women public officials. No,
I think women can be great leaders, too. Well,
what about Nancy Pelosi? What about Hillary Clinton?
She's an asshole, and Hillary Clinton's a criminal.
What about Ruth Gayter Ginsburg? Ruth Gayter
Ginsburg. Ruth Gayter Ginsburg. I respect her.
She's dead. She's terrible at her job, especially
after she died. Probably better after she died.
Yeah, well, she did improve a little, but at
first. Why would we speak of The Grateful Dad?
I like The Grateful Dad. He's one of the only
black guys that does like The Grateful Dad. I
also like a salami. Listen, I know Don Tarius
and he knows you. Don Tarius is crazy. Don Tarius.
I saw some good shit on 48 hours last night.
Such a great show. One kid likes the other guy's
girlfriend so he punches him in the mouth and
knocks his tooth out. So then... Real lovers
quarrel. So then later, at another date, the
kid that got his tooth knocked out stabs the
other kid in the back. So that's kind of a heavy
escalation. So then the other kid leaves and
he comes back a month later and fucking puts
seven... rifle bullets into the fucking first
kid that stabbed him. Six isn't enough. And it's
like, holy fuck, man. It's like, okay, it took
the police about, I don't know, half an hour
to figure out. Yeah, what? Who did it? Yeah,
because they all narc on each other. Yeah, and
they all knew each other and shit. They were
all tough guys together. It was like so fucking
retarded and so the one kid got life and the
other kid died. All right. Astronauts. What are
you playing at? Astronauts that's fine cuz that's
fake. It's only a swimming pool to pick it up
Bonnie Remember we had that crazy astronaut lady
that drove across the country. She was nuts.
She was what did she do? There was a crazy astronaut
lady that drove across the country in a diaper
Really kill her at her ex's girlfriend. Nice.
You know, you don't see it Huh? She was stalker,
batshit crazy. And? Well then there you go, so
ladies should not be astronauts. Right. Oh my
god. You're gonna fucking say that? You just
said it, she's batshit crazy! She wasn't driving
a plane, she was a stalking whack job. Technically,
she shouldn't drive. Technically, I mean, listen,
if you can't - I will say this. If you can't
drive - All people that are stalkers and batshits
should not drive. If you can't drive - Whether
they have a vagina or - If you can't drive -
That's a totally different thing. On terra firma.
If you can't drive on terra firma, and then go
into the atmosphere, and then go into the ionosphere,
you can't drive anywhere. Right. Okay? Should
we agree on that? How are you gonna park that
fucking ship? No we don't. Yeah. First of all,
technically the space shuttle is a fucking plane,
right? Yeah. It's so fake. Wings and gay and
fake, you know? So fucking fake. I believe women
can be pilots. I disagree with you. Yeah, but
I'm talking the astronaut though. How do you
change a tampon in space? I think it should be
astronaut slash pilot. But their brains aren't
as big as males Maybe they'll chimp out. She
sent a black lady up there. Oh my god. That should
be the name of the rocket, the Baltimore 2. Talking
out of your asses. You just realized this we've
done like three podcasts. Okay. Well, I'm just
saying again I'm just you know, stating the obvious.
What do you think? Astronauts. I don't agree.
I'm a hostile witness. Astronauts. Hostile witness.
Okay. And this here judge this court of judgment
that you guys have. Hostile witness. Well, maybe
I'll vote with you one time. How about two ladies
as a mom or dads, you know, the mom and the dad.
No. I told you I don't want to get into that,
but... Oh, I didn't know that. Two dads or two
moms? Two moms. Just two moms. I'm pleading the
fifth. Pleading the fifth? Hmm. Let's just leave
it at that. I think they're going to raise a
vicious kid. No, I don't believe that. I'm pleading
the fifth. Move on. Your product, your environment.
Moving right along. All right. Okay. That hit
home. That hits home. Okay. There's more in the
coolery. I got family members that are trannies
That's a weird statement to make I have family
members that are trannies I'm sure they would
appreciate your verbiage. They won't they don't
watch this show One of our cousins fucking kids
Well, you know I'm a round frickin tag in a square
world Larry what else shouldn't women do? Thank
you. Oh Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you women shouldn't
date men who think like you. Thank you, Larry
This was a very contentious point after this
game, huh? You're not gonna get any dates after
this game. Listen, I'm already married. Mm -hmm.
Yeah, you're safe. I'm fine To us your marriage.
Oh, why shouldn't we let cuz first, you know
what Jay? Women are so emotional aren't they?
Yes, we can't be sure Right there. So I mean,
do you want them dealing with your brain shit
open? No, you can be fucking listen You can still
be trained to do your job, whether you have your
menstrual cycle or not. You can separate things.
All of a sudden, you're going through a breakup.
You're trained, you go to work, you do your job.
But do you want someone to fucking do their job
because they're trained, or do you want someone
to do it because they know it in their heart
and their mind is straight? Wait, DEI shit, that's
what you're saying. You know a man where their
heart and mind is straight? It should be. Well,
I don't think so, sir. Unless there's something
wrong. We're all human, we're all applied. Listen.
That's just she doesn't get the fucking dresser
she wants from Wayfair and she leaves a sponge
in you. Mm -hmm Right, she's thinking about you
know, she's thinking about that wrongs that didn't
come. It's not women doctor They get such small
hands too. So I think she's thinking about that
rug that didn't come and she shows you up with
a he I have a family member where they left a
sponge in there and it wasn't a dude doctor They
left a sponge in you? Yes, not me, but somebody
in my family. I think I'd rather have a drunk
doctor. I'm not going to say who it is. A drunk
man doctor? But somebody in my family had a procedure
done and got a major infection. Who was it? You
don't have to say who, Larry. I'm not going to
say who it is, dummy. But I'd rather have a drunk
man doctor than a lady sober lady doctor. And
it was a man. And I'm talking like Scotch. Really?
So you're a guy, you're going for surgery, you
find out your wife is cheating on you. You want
him to perform surgery on you too? No, because
he's probably banging one of the nurses. Yeah,
that's why his wife is cheating. I mean, this
guy's making so much money. He doesn't even care
about his wife. He's thinking about the paycheck.
I know it. Here's the thing, though. The man
is just thinking about the paycheck. He doesn't
give a shit about it. This guy's just banging
muff left and right, throwing darts on the board.
Nurse Susie or Sally, they're all there. Just
lying in and dying in these anesthesiologists.
Made out cute. Hmm, they're not all cute. They're
not all handsome. Not every woman wants to be
with a doctor. Well Because we're all Indian
every doctor All Indian doctors really want to
be with a woman Yeah, I mean, do you think a
lot of they're really okay Jay, would you go?
Would you go to an Indian gynecologist? No, I
prefer, well, a female, yes. Hey pretty lady,
your vulva is very beautiful. You have a very
nice vagina. Hey, you're fucking smart though.
Maybe you should shave it for me next time. I
can't see in. Gross. Your motherfucker's like
Vishnu all of a sudden. He's got hands all over
him. Eight arms to his fucking finger you were.
He's just going all over the joint. You will
have to put your feet into things now, man. Tell
the Indians they're all the ultimate horny guys.
You gotta watch out for them. If they ever, I
mean, what would you rather have? I hope they
wouldn't go. You wouldn't go? I wouldn't know.
I wouldn't know. I don't have a personal relationship
with any many Indians in my life. No I do I love
my Indian friends that I have are fun Yeah, the
dude that's in jail right now. Java who Java
you Java? He's an Indian jail send this motherfucker
rupees every time and but he's cool as shit man
and In all his in all the Indians that I have
met through you Java that I've hung out and fucking
drank with and party with They're all very cool,
but you know what they're all they see on TV
though. They're not really cool No, but the ones
that I know are pretty cool, but here's the one
thing It's like if their wife tells them to be
home in like nine or something They're like I
got to leave now They leave and it's like weird
because they're really fucking scared of their
wives I'm thinking man these bitches must fucking
maybe they're worried. I'm just gonna kill them
Yeah, they got one if they were back in India.
They could have multiple right they could just
take what they want in India I don't know, I
don't think that that's how they roll. It depends
what religion they are. First of all, listen,
when you're horny, you're horny. Right. I mean
there's no religion. But here's the thing though,
it's not like there's an overabundance of women,
hot women walking around India, I don't think,
I don't know. Unless they're grabbing, you know,
young ones and shit, I don't know what the laws
are out there. Listen, let Larry cook for a minute,
he's got something going here. Pervert fucking
list only covers the United States. I don't know
the laws in India. I told Larry that so that
his punk wristband on the inside, it's a map
of the United States and it says the legal age
of consent on each state and each one. Does it
really? Yeah, don't show her though. You lie.
I typed out a little thing and taped it in there.
It just says 16 everywhere. No. And then there's
one that says 15. That one's highlighted. Larry
is happily married. Arrow's going to it. He's
happily married. Thank God it's only one state
away. That was bullshit. It's a driving disc.
Bullshit. We've got to fly there. Yeah, Larry
does have a Bolshevik mentality. If this trailer's
rocking, don't come in that again. Trailer? Yeah.
Bolshevik. I'm going to Tennessee or something.
Or something. I got a book, wait. All you have
to do is look. I'm only three hours away from
multiple borders. That's all right, though. All
right, is there anything else we should think
about that women shouldn't do his job? You put
down surgeon, right? I mean, you're on five,
I've only agreed with one, just saying for the
record. No, six, no, surgeons. Yeah. Okay, I
disagree with that, too. Really? Yeah. You don't
think if they're on the rag or something, it's
not gonna affect them? It always comes back down
the rag, doesn't it? Mm -hmm. The mental imbalance.
Or if they're going through a fucking menopause.
No, like I said, doesn't matter. When you're
at work, you fucking do what you gotta do at
work. Mm -hmm. Know you change that shit aside
and then also not everyone's like you Jay. You
got it You guys are not so Just saying I think
I'm a little bit more of an expert on it since
I happen to be one. Okay, don't bite me But you
guys aren't even willing to hear what I'm saying.
I can think of a lot of jobs you guys shouldn't
have. Oh, what's that? Debaters. Debaters? What
are you talking about? Because you only want
to hear your side. A man got killed for debating.
You only want to hear your side. When is the
last time a woman was killed for debating? I'm
talking about just you two. Oh, oh. You two,
specifically. I don't want to hear anybody's
side. So can you be an astronaut? No. I'm not
trying to - Exactly. No way. You can't even drive!
Could you imagine? How about you or a lady cop?
I could drive. I'm not a good parker. I could
drive. Could you imagine if they really did go
to space and you're in that little fucking thing?
Not me. No way. They did go to space. Remember
where all the coosies went? No, not me. I'm claustrophobic.
Oh, okay. Yeah. Dude, come on! They wore jewelry,
and the door opened from the outside. Oh, God,
don't get me started about that dumb shit. Oh,
that was hilarious. Katy Perry and all that.
Yeah, Katy Perry and parasol. The fucking dingle
cunts that all went up there. What did you say?
Huh? Some cunts. Words we shouldn't say. He did
it on purpose mine slipped out You guys don't
see word in front of me You get one warning for
that needles I will take Triple C. I will snatch
that hat and beat the living shit out of you
with the bell on it. I swear I will syllable
smack the shit out of you if you say that word
again in front of me. You've been warned. Can
I say runt? Don't say anything raunchy. One time
I went out with this little runt. She was a midget.
Don't say the P word, the C word, G -D, J -C,
none of that. No, we don't say G -D. You guys
know on the freaking list, you know. We don't
say G -D. J -C, but we do say the C word, we
do say the P word. But we do use frivolous amounts
of other hateful speech. Yes, that is a true
statement. Yeah, it is very hateful. It is a
very true statement. What hateful thing do we
ever say? Oh my gosh, how much time do you have?
I don't know. Can we go back? Actually, no, we
don't do hate speech on here. We're not people
at all If we had a lot of hate you wouldn't be
on the show everybody we love everybody We just
we are here to incite a reaction out of you and
you I know but you're not interested in it doesn't
seem So here's some cool shit yeah, I walk in
the last week I gave the bartender at the punk
rock place a blowjob First off it's a girl, but
I gave her some a couple mushroom caps and then
last week when I went in there I go up and order
a beer and she's like, your money's no good here.
And she's giving me free drinks all night. And
she's like, man, I had such a good time. And
I forgot that you gave me those capsules. And
I realized, oh, yeah. Because, you know, you
hand them and you do the mushroom capsules and
you forget that you take them, you know? And
then all of a sudden you're like, man, I feel
really good. Or you're like, whoa, I'm tripping.
So I got free drinks all night, Jay. Another
story she was great excited needed brain cells
from Larry. I was excited about that He drinks
like a lady I very rarely ever paid for my drinks
because she blows the bartender That's a fucking
lie Didn't have to Free weed I never had to touch
a single we get some free blow right now She's
like I was one here's a free beer lady when I
was Dominic this one hands got a beer this other
hand needs So I never do nothing for it. It's
just me being me man lonely Just me being me.
Yeah to be a lady. I'd fuck for air. I'm like,
yeah, you know what I mean? I totally fuck for
air If I said my nose has an edge and my hand
has a twitch. Bullshit. You guys know that's
not true. And anybody who knows me that's watching
this is probably like a capellucci's beacon.
It's so ridiculous. I can't even get mad at it.
What's that? What you guys are saying? I would
never wear that. I guess he knows what you did.
Never ever ever. Jesus knows what you did. Yeah,
Jesus saw. He did. You're right. He's gonna.
I'll pay for some stuff that wasn't what you
guys did. When you get up there, say Peter's
gonna blush when he opens your book up. I'll
pay for some stuff, but not the shit you guys
are saying. That thing is dead about. Mm -hmm.
That's right here in Good Life. I've been blackouts
rock and turned down sex because I've never turned
down sex when I was blackout drunk. No, I only
people that I Actually have affection for it.
You know, I was thinking about I never did that
kind of stuff bullshit No, Joey. I didn't you
never went home with the bar with some rando
never not once in my life. That's your number
No, sir. I just blacked out No, even in my blackout
days. Yeah, you're black. I will say though I
do but no, so these guys see you naked What these
guys had to see you naked and then that get laid
No, I'm not sleep with you because I remember
you with less and I don't keep it the circle
tight if you're Yeah, I got a circle you running
in here. They were wet When you were back then
everybody was fucking everybody everybody so
therefore I was quite selective Women have such
the upper hand. Yeah, just because they have
Just because they have never been in a position
where I had to use my woman prowess No, I have
no confidence in what I am or what I have to
offer. That's amazing. Do you have the fart on
someone? My body is a temple, man. I don't just
give it up. Your body is a temple with 19 beers
in it. I went wherever I went to know there was
somebody that's clean. Even before I was having
sex, I knew I was drunk. Yeah, that's good. Coors,
though, are fun. You'll never see a picture of
me with my naked boobs. My mother taught me when
I was young. Just show your butthole. No, you
just Don't ever do it in a camera. Just do feet
You know, I don't ever do it on camera. Why your
mother to see it? Listen pictures has no conscience.
It's a true story sex makes very good men do
Bad things. No, I think good women do bad things.
I am not like that. I've seen it. That's what
I like because I like when bad women do bad things.
I've seen it hurt people. I like when good women
do bad things. It's not something for me. I like
them more. I'm not going to judge. Susan Smith.
Remember her, right? Laurie Dan. Oh, you remember
Susan Smith, right? No. She's the one that drove
her kids into the lake. Oh, yeah. Oh, my. That's
what it is. Fucking Casey Anthony. Who is the
queen of the show? He had to be a porno dude,
made a bunch of money off of it anyway. Casey
Anthony? Best thing that ever happened to him.
Who? Oh, not Casey Anthony, I'm sorry. Oh, the
dude that got his dick chopped off, John Wayne
Bobbitt. Yeah, the Bobbitt guy. Yeah. He ended
up way better off. John Benet Bobbitt. It was
the best thing that ever happened to him. Huh?
I don't know about that. I don't think any man
has ever said... He totally exploited it! I don't
think any man has ever said the greatest thing
in my life is that when they cut my dick off.
I'm sure he didn't say that in the moment, but
in hindsight, it was the best thing that... He
was a nobody. It was the best thing that ever
fucking happened to him. I don't know about that.
And then they gave me ten or twenty thousand
dollars that I spent on coke. And everybody gets
to see my little dick on... It looks like a neapolitan
box. A reattached appendage in pornos. Uh -huh.
We made money in pornos after that so mmm Someone
did but not yeah, not him trust. It's a flat
rate. What I might as well be a fucking Industry,
I don't well, I mean, I don't I don't I'm sure
you got a variety You got pity. He got all kinds
of shit. First of all, he got notoriety from
his wife cutting his dick off. That's what I
said! That's what I said, Needle. That's a terrible
thing to be famous for. Imagine a... It didn't
seem to hurt his feelings afterwards in hindsight.
Well, Larry, you know what it's like to... He
totally exploited it, and he was a goofball,
and he thought it was the greatest thing that
ever happened to him. Hey, mister, you got your
wiener chopped off, huh? You wanna make a movie?
You wanna make a movie? He got famous. You know,
we'll pay for it. Here's a couple shackles. And
then they give him some coke. I don't know about
that. That probably wouldn't help. I know everything
that happened to him in my closed doors. Who
knows? But I do know that he exploited himself
after that. He was fine with it. He was a dirtbag
anyway. The reason he chopped his dick off was
because he was fucking everybody. He wasn't even
the Dalai Lama. You wouldn't even know who the
fuck he was. Yeah, he wasn't exactly the Dalai
Lama. You wouldn't even know who he was if that
didn't happen. St. Einstein or something called
the Dalai Lama. The guy was on camera kissing
a kid on the mouth. Oh my God. And you find out
he's the CIA asset. Yeah, the Dalai Lama. That's
all right though, what do you expect from everybody?
The Dalai Lama too, huh? Oh yeah. Never seen
him kissing that boy? He tongue kisses little
boys. Hey, you never seen him do it on camera?
No, I have not. It's very erotic. Get out of
here, you fucking wacko. It's disgusting. It's
like, dude, this guy's with little kids and shit.
I mean, this guy, this is a fucking, this is
the apex of the religion to some extent. And
he's like fucking the most utmost or something,
right? What was he supposed to be? Like, what
is he, what religion is he? Some old horny pervert
that was getting $130 ,000 a month from the CIA.
Yeah, Jay, how about that? He was getting 130
Gs a month from the CIA. With that whole Tibetan
bullshit. I can believe that yeah, I believe
giving him kids and stuff kids to have do what
he wants with Guys, it's been slaves beginning
of time. Oh, yeah people fucking doing his lawn
and shit How many countries have dictators that
you would be killed for being gay, but they're
gay themselves Oh shit, I don't know. Is it a
rhetorical question to Larry? No, it's just a
fact. Is it? Fuck yeah. Really? Well, you know
what? The thing is, like, Stalin wasn't gay.
Well, like, Charlie's shit. Joe Stalin got lots
of - I bet Stalin was totally doing all - Oh,
no way. When you get that big of a head, you'll
screw up anything. Anything. He was getting lots
of twice. Look at Hoover. And look at him being
gay. Hoover was a total fag. Look at him having
another opportunity. To get their rocks off.
They don't care I mean, so you're gonna fly me
to an island and hang out with a bunch of fucking
rock stars in the 70s, right? When you have good
women throwing themselves at you and you've already
freaking women Let's use that term loosely. So
then you go to women and find something else
man. Oh you get Desensitize they made movies.
That's bullshit, man. I had lots of girlfriends
in fucking had several at one time before and
I've been in a band It doesn't make you turn
gay Jay. You just want more women if you're already
gay. Well, you don't for you, you don't then
You'll fucking do it because you're a rock star.
You know when Larry looks at the menu after a
little while He's like I'm gonna order off the
kids man. Yeah, but I don't feel that hungry
tonight Lust has no boundaries or more. Well,
lust has boundaries. That's why people choke,
jerk, and die. Choke, jerk, and die. The bondage
goes bad. BDSM goes bad. It has limits. Everything
has a limit. When good sex goes bad, we should
make a video. It all depends on what you entertain.
What's your limit? What would you... Yeah, how
hard would you let someone choke you? Me until
unconscious or just barely black. Well, first
of all, I mean, we don't want anybody to choke
you till you're unconscious I wouldn't want it
at all. You can see some weird MMA smug Maryann.
I don't like that. I didn't that's not cool to
me I don't know if it's about cool. I wouldn't
give anybody there's a boss over me. Let me tell
you we're just talking about fun talking about
cool Saying that that stuff is cool. It's probably
the most tepid Annunciation you can save that
it's not at all about asphyxiation. That's a
plan. Well, I don't get it I mean obviously the
what's his name? Who's the Kung Fu guy Bruce
Lee? No Oh David care. Yeah, David care Dean
that guy He was choke -jerking in his office.
Oh, he is. Or on a satan's island. But here's
the thing. He's got a stranger danger look. It's
a lot of those guys. No, they're in separate
with him. I think that they killed him. It's
all fake. Stranger danger. Yeah, they killed
him and they make it look like that because they
want to humiliate him. You know, like Chris Cornell.
Scary. Yeah, Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington.
I wouldn't be in a room alone with that dude.
Who? That kung fu guy you were just talking about.
David Carradine? Yeah, he's scary. I don't know.
He was in Kill Bill, so he's kind of cool. Stranger
danger. How could he be in Kill Bill? He's been
dead way before that. Oh no, he wasn't in Kill
Bill, my bad. No, there was another guy that
looked like him. That'd be impossible. You need
a beer needle? Oh yeah, I'll take one please.
I have another black fact here for you. All right,
on this day in 1963, civil rights legend, Reverend
Dontel Big Willie Sharpton, made legal history
in 1963. He... In an all -white Alabama courtroom,
he became the first black man to represent himself
using the didn't -do -nuffin' defense. I didn't
do nothing. I don't care what you saw. It wasn't
me. I didn't do nothing, man. His defense was
I don't care what you saw. You know what I mean?
That's racist. That's what his defense was. Everything's
racist. That is. You can't say a word. That's
racist. But we can say the word. That's not racist.
Everybody's a Nazi too. Don't forget. Thank you.
It's like, wow. Such high compliments. Are those
my accolades that are coming up right now? Are
you giving me flowers? I need a latrine break.
There's no breaks. What time are we at? Sorry,
I gotta go, man. We're at 50 minutes. That's
fine, you can go use the bathroom, we'll finish
up. Yeah, keep coming, keep coming back down
when we're done. Keep coming back. I'm gonna
be back. Come back, we're gonna talk shit about
you while you're gone. And I'm just gonna crack
you both for whatever you say while you're gone.
Oh, you have no idea. It was Joey last time.
I didn't catch until the next day. Yeah, so you're
gonna have to watch this one. Every time I leave,
he says some real dumb shit. Oh, the worst stuff
is about to happen. Dumb? I thought it was genius.
It was on point. You made it look like I was
some kind of fucking moron. Did I? Yeah. It's
hilarious. What did he say? Wait, she sees this
later because she's gonna come down here. Well,
because he's retarded. That's what a retard says.
I saw it the next day, son of a bitch. I'm drinking
my cloppy. I'm clopping to my co -op. I realized
he got away with insulting the shit out of me
when I wasn't looking. What a fucking wise guy.
That's all right. I'll let you know what he says.
Yeah. Well, no. She'll see it tomorrow. She'll
hear it on the podcast machine, what we say about
her as soon as she walks out. That's what we
do. As soon as they walk out. We start talking
shit. Sniffer seat. Hell no. Sniffer seat. I
ain't doing that. You're gonna throw up. I don't
need to throw up. All right, here we go. I'm
just gonna let you first of all, you know what's
happening here? What's going on here is we're
on the Autobahn and we're just cracking 50 miles
an hour ladies just open up Larry's about to
crank the 75 Open that bitch up Larry. Come on.
Jay's doing good though, isn't she? Jay's doing
good tonight Tonight on the podcast. She's a
pretty good guest. This is the worst podcast
in the world I know. I know. And tonight's no
different. Anybody just, when she comes on here,
it makes us better. It makes us look left and
right. Cause she sucks so bad. It makes us look
good. Oh, Jesus. You really tried to sucker me
into that one, didn't you? Thank God I said the
words before you did. Nah, Jay's good to have
because she's - The Jew, always trying to make
the goyim fight. That's you. You just can't let
us be, because we're all cattle to you. That's
it. That's all right, though. I mean, do you
really think this Epstein shit is real? No. I
was thinking of this Jewish fucking Oi band they
could be called Oi Vey. I like that. Wouldn't
that be good? Yeah, Oi Vey's good. And they play
like fucking, you know, hate rock for rallies.
Like they fucking have in the Oi band, like the
Oi bands do. Okay. Like on American History accent
shit. Monoramen, how about Monoramen not at work?
Yeah, and that could be the backup band for Oi
Vang. Monoramen not at work. Or Monoramen at
work. No, but not at work's fine. And then obviously
Tunnel Jews. Mm -hmm. They'd have to back them
up. Yeah, that's one of the bands. I can imagine
the album Dirty Mattresses. Empty high chair
the dreidel's I like fucking South Park Kyle's
got an MC dreidel Poster on his wall like it's
a rap like a Jewish rapper. Oh, yeah. Well, there
are some Jewish rappers. There's a guy They're
funny Giannis Matt Howard, whatever Listen, it's
all subversion. They always weren't listen. I'm
gonna tell you right now Tell me Yeah, well.
We're nothing to them. That's it. If we could
unify, we would be such an extraordinary force.
I told you about working for Juman when he did
all that crazy shit. He used to call me goy.
The last time we unified, what happened? They
closed the ice cream shop down. Where? It's a
joke. It's all stupid, I said. The last time
we tried to unify, IG Farben and everybody else
stepped in and they just killed our own. They
said who always goes to the front lines of a
war? Jews never go to war do they? Well, yes
personally unit 8200 the mega group They're not
on the front lines Hollywood. No, they're on
the front lines of subversion and fucking uh,
sociopathic. How about, uh, uh, another Salzburg
reference on the movie when they had Operation,
uh, Blackie, it was Operation Human Shield and
they strapped all the black people to the outside
of the fucking tanks in the cars. It was fucking
crazy. That's racist if you shoot them. It's
not racist if you put them there. It's racist
if you shoot them. Operation Human Shield. I
mean, that kind of absolves you of all infractions
right from the law. I would think so. What's
up, Jay? How was it? How was it? Good, I'm glad.
Thank God. I like your old school soap. Thank
God your urinary tract is still working. Jesus,
man. Thank God what? Your urinary tract still
works. I'm grateful I have a healthy urinary
tract, too. You get a lot of UTIs? Am I kidding?
No, I don't. Jesus, Larry. Actually, no, I don't.
Good, good. Well, because she's... Cuz I'm cleansing
out with a lot of guys. She just has sickle cell.
I have sickle cell. You caught that from Don
Terrius? You and Don Terrius got into a scratching
fight. Caught sickle cell. Sickle cell under
his nails. That's what happened. He caught it
from a and that's what I do when I fight. He's
caught it from an old scratch, too That's like
the catalyst Popeyes is like the Wuhan lab first
Yeah, so he was eating chicken got under his
nails and he scratched a white lady Mm -hmm.
That's how I have a spirit air and that was it.
That was like the auto She took a spirit airline
down to Miami for a Carnival cruise and it was
all it was all over She had to fight the buffet
she killed someone over a pork chop Crab legs
Pulled his eyeballs out Okay, oh Have you seen
Have you seen so stupid you talked to Spalding
today? No boys. Have you been here? Have I seen
what Spalding never Spalding I Got him. I adopted
him at Sue's house. Oh god. I Don't that thing
is scary Joe. Well, it's right behind you No,
it creeps me out. I don't want to touch that
freaking thing. It's creepy. We made him a swing.
Look at it. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Isn't that
great? We made him a baby swing. I went to KFC
because he wanted it. And I said to him, could
I get a bar off KFC? Is that a fucking... Of
course he ate the chicken Jay before we made
I Don't like the Kentucky fried chicken, but
that's the best part of the swing. The thing
is funny Yes, no, what was I gonna do you needed
a fucking swing? I'm not gonna buy a swing for
him. Yeah, he's gonna outgrow it You just steal
it a couple years from now I don't even know
last time he got oh man one more good You get
an extra hormone so they have like six legs and
stuff. Oh, here we go. This is one more fancy,
okay? So, on this day in 1931, Taekwon Dochelle
Blake makes history when he became the first
black father to leave for a pack of cigarettes.
Oh, nice. 1841. 1931. 1931. Nice. I gotta go
get a pack of new boards. Look at the kid in
the window. There's gonna be a headline, needles
get speed up. Dumb shit he said about black people.
Dude, it's a joke. It's Black History Month.
Yeah, it's Black History Month, dude. It's Black
History Month. I've got stuff on Twitter. The
shit's out on the internet in one of these days.
Twitter never lies. Sometimes I wish you guys
would have been wearing masks. They'll be like,
hey, there's that motherfucker. Yeah. Why? What
have I done wrong? Needles, you offend black
people constantly, and there's gonna be a big
black man that's gonna beat your ass. I mean,
clip it. It's funny. Clip it and send it. You'll
beat your ass one of these days. Any black man
that's watching it would fucking laugh. We don't
hate blacks. We haven't said the N -word at once
today. Not once. Not once. Well, that is a good
thing. You know we need a sign? You know the
sign that says this is an accident? Yeah, how
many days since you said the N -word? And we
can change it. No, at the beginning of the episode.
Zero. Every episode is zero. That's a terrible
word. But it's meant to be funny. We don't mean
any ill will towards anybody at all. No. We're
retarded. Look at us. I got a tashiki on. I'm
part of the people. Yeah, man. He's one of them.
As -salamu alaykum, brother. Do you know what
that means? Do you know what that means? Yeah.
What does it mean? Hello, my brother. And word
no, it's not what it means. It's like what's
up my nigga? See you can't go one episode We
can't even get insurance Larry on this place
Man, and if you look it up in the dictionary,
that's nothing to do with color. No, I know It's
associated with the black panther it is not it's
Islam actually No, no, not the make -a -like
-a -hiney -ho thing. That's Pee -wee Herman.
Oh. And that was a black guy who said that, right?
Make -a -like -a -hi, make -a -hiney -ho. What's
that motherfucker's name? Jules? Yeah, his head
was in the box or something. Yeah, there you
go. A black guy's head in a box. The scariest
gift ever. Put me in the Kona by the bed, whitey.
Let me watch. Exactly. Open up the box, motherfucker.
Now give her a right hook. Until it was late
again, Pee -wee, 15 minutes. She didn't learn
the first time, Pee -wee. You're gonna have to
hit her again. Poor Pee -wee. Jay has gone radio
silent. My dad watched Pee -wee's Playhouse every
fucking day, and then I was like, I walked in
one day, because I'm getting ready for work when
I still isn't at home. What the fuck are you
watching? He's like, ah, you never saw this?
And I was like, no. And I was like, holy fuck.
And then I started watching it. That show is
like you're trippin' without any - Demonic. Yeah,
it's crazy. And you feel like you're trippin'.
Yeah. It's like a chair that talks. It is like
you're trippin'. Jack guy with a head in the
back. Cherry. Mm -hmm. Hmm, cherry. Some gay
dude in like a gray suit. They didn't have any
kids though on the show, did they? No. Because
he was gay. Because he wasn't allowed to be around.
He had fucking claws where he couldn't be 500
feet from kids. Well, and then they couldn't...
Leave him alone. He got it fucking raked against
the coals enough. I know. Leave the guy alone.
He couldn't film by a school. Yeah. Oh, stop
it. And then he got caught beating up in the
gay theater. That was all set up. That was awesome.
They fucked him over. One dude gets busted jerking
off in the game. Yeah, the guy who busted him
was jerking off too. I had a fucking... So the
guy's in an adult theater, leave him alone. I
used to have a button that showed Peewee in a
trench coat. It was like a drawing and it said,
Peewee must go free. I wish I knew where it was.
And then the trench coat opened? No, it was for
me to know when he got busted. Well, technically
you're rubbing your thumb. Yeah, it's like you
should be able to beat off in public. You're
punching midgets in the fucking game, Sticky.
In a gay movie theater. I mean you're in a freaking
pornographic theater. Give me a break. Right?
The guy who busted him was just some piece of
shit asshole who just freaking threw pee -wee
onto the bus stop. It was horrible. Is that a
gay term? It was wrong. It was just wrong. What
does that mean? He's behind him and throws him
down? Flat? How does that work? He just shoots
a school up. Just because you're beaten up doesn't
make it gay either. Well if you're watching gay
porn it kind of does. It never said it was gay
porn. It was a gay porn theater No, you're make
known he knows you're adding that I think this
but I'm calling Mandela effect. You're adding
that Mandela effect. Yeah, well you think you
remember something right and it's not and it
wasn't right Well, it's in the Mandela effect
where someone dies and then you think they're
dead and then all of a sudden you hear that Yeah
again later Like I can't remember Who it was
that I heard died like three different times,
and I'd be like, man, I thought that motherfucker
died already, and they kept telling us. Mandela
himself. Twice called the Mandela effect. It
was Mandela. People said he was dead. Yeah, but
it was an American. Richard Simmons, too. It
was an American star, and it was like a fucking,
it was a... Richard Simmons, also. Game show
host, one of those, like, Bob Barker. Like, three
different times. Well, you remember him being
dead, like, years ago, and then recently him
being dead. No, cause I remember him announcing
him dead and then announcing him dead and then
again later announcing him dead, you know, years
later. And I'd be like, wait, what the fuck is
going on? I'd be like, I thought he died. And
everyone's like, oh no, he's alive. And I'm always
like, what the fuck is going on? You know, something
is going on. Same thing with Richard Simmons.
Yeah, and it's like, okay, wait. He was dead.
How can he be dead now? Just now? No, we're just
saying, like, Richard Simmons or Bob Barker or
all these people that you hear that they died
several times. And you're like, I thought they
already died. And people are like, oh, no, they're
alive. And then you're like, what the fuck is
going on? where they have the cornucopia and
they don't have the cornucopia. And then the
Shazam movie. Yes. I watched that movie. Shazam
is real. Sinbad. Yes. People say it wasn't even
made, but there it is. They memory hold it. I
watched it. Unless you have a video of it. Well
no, but they just alter our reality. Because
I love Sinbad. I watched that. But you wonder
how they would alter our reality? Through the
internet. Bernstein Bears is the way it's spelled.
Berenstein and Berenstein. Berenstein or Berenstein.
You remember it differently? Hmm. Another one
is that Richard... Another one is that Richard
Simmons... Those were Jew bears. Oh yeah. I just
realized that the Berenstein bears, they were
Jew bears. I wonder if Bob's wife Carrie Berenstein
is a Jew. Richard Simmons. I remember him wearing
a headband. Let's just not say people's names
on the podcast. I'm sorry. Well, too late now.
You can't say you're sorry you already said.
I love those guys, so... That doesn't really...
I mean, it capitulates the story that you're
doing. Those are pretty random names, though.
Yeah, but you shouldn't be saying them, how's
that? Yeah. But no, they want you to believe
that everything is real, and it's not, it's all
fake and gay. Everything is fake and gay, you
understand that, Jay? No, I'm saying there are
a couple things that I remember that you can't
find it now. Right, right. Well, yeah. I totally
remember Richard Simmons wearing a headband and
he can't find a picture. That's called memory
holes. I don't know about that. I remember him
wearing a headband. That's kind of weird, though.
That's one of those weird things where it's like
that's a person. You know what I mean? The Berenstein
Bears, the Cornucopia, Fruit of the Loom, the
movie. That was something that was actually physically
made. Captain Crunch, too, isn't it? But isn't
it weird? It was like Captain or Captain, the
way it's spelled. Captain, there was a N. Isn't
it Captain? There's two versions of it. Captain
Crunch. I can't remember. Because that's what
they do. They alter, they're trying to alter.
It's like Captain, apostrophe, and the N. And
then a different way that it's spelled. Captain,
like how they spell Captain. But you don't know
how to spell, so you don't know how that is.
Yeah, that is true. I'll say that. I do not have
common sense when it comes to spelling. Good
point, Larry. Very good point. That's true, actually.
I'm not a good speller, everybody knows that.
I'm a horrible speller. That's all right, though.
They don't judge you on that shit. I'm not saying
they want... Nobody's great at everything. No.
Everything is real. And you're great at everything
else, so that'd be crazy. I'm good at math. I'm
actually really good at math, but I was never
good at math. Oh, girls are not good at math.
Write that down. Oh, shit, I'm good at math.
That's not true. I was gonna say scientist. I'm
pretty good at math. Girls can't do math. Numbers
don't lie. I'm pretty good at math. Girls can't
do math. You know what they're good at though?
Honeypot. Oh yeah. You know what that is Jay?
No and I don't want to. You know what a honeypot
is? I do not and I don't want to. You ever heard
of Winnie the Pooh Likes? You know what he does?
He gets his hand caught in the honey jar. Is
anything sacred with you? You didn't bring in
Winnie the Pooh. Leave it alone. Guy wearing
old pants. Nothing sacred with you. He walks
around all day. He ain't got no dick and balls
either. Who cares? How do you know? Did you walk
around all day with a cop shirt? All under his
fur. He's just hugging a child with his dick
and balls out. Leave him alone. Who wants a bear
hug a child that's just wearing a t -shirt? That's
even more creep. Oh my god. It's a cartoon me.
I went into the fucking street It's a fucking
cartoon if I went into the strip club with the
t -shirt out in it. It's a stress ball You knew
I liked little bear remember him Do you know
that cartoon Jane little bear that makes me think
of the Berenstain bears? Well, no, but this was
little bear and it was a family And it was a
mom and dad and the son and the voices were so
soothing and my mom would be babysitting Mikey
in the morning And I'd be going to work. I was
supposed to be I was supposed to be there at
10 and Little Bear started at 10 and I was always
late and you're watching cartoons And then I
would get sucked in the Little Bear and I'd stand
there for like a half hour standing there watching
the fucking cartoon and then I'd be like, holy
fuck man, I'm really late for work now. I'd be
like, you know, half hour. Extra late. that I
already was gonna be. It's very easy to explain
to your other employees that have been watching
cartoons for the last half hour. Yeah, really
dumb ones. Yeah, I've never even heard of this
cartoon. For really little kids. I don't recall
it either. Little Bear was wild. Well, it's all
predictive programming, that's all they do. Trauma
-based mind control. Alright, let's fucking end
this shit. Thanks for tuning in everybody. Thank
you very much. Tune in. Always a slice, boys.
The worst podcast in the world. Yeah. Thanks,
Jay. I wouldn't say that. There's much worse.
What do you mean, thanks, Jay? How damn dare
you? No, no. I mean, thanks for doing it. Oh.
Well, you're welcome. It was always the worst
podcast. I would do anything for you, boys. Really?
Mostly anything. Peace. Chill. Thank you. Don't
get fucking nutty, Needles. Don't get nutty.
LERRY AND AIDA SHOW