WEBVTT

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Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show.

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Hey everybody. Is the mic on or what? Yeah, welcome

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to the Larry and Needles show. I'm Larry. I'm

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Needles. We're back into our regular - Ed Spalding's

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here with us today. We got we're back in our

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regular habitat With the good microphones and

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in the studio. Yeah Shalom shalom The reason

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we stopped coming down here is when I fucked

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myself up in that motorcycle rack, but now I

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Can handle it I? Could have handled a long time

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ago. It was just basically a lot of laziness

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after a while. It was so easy to just You know,

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be lazy. Larry's a lazy faggot. That's what it

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boils down to. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, exactly.

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You're finally... I'm very happy that you finally

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admitted it, Larry. How about fucking, uh...

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You know, the cream of the crop rises to the

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top, and Larry, unfortunately, you always be

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at the bottom. Mm -hmm. That's hilarious. Mm

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-hmm. Mm -hmm. How about Luigi got the death

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penalty removed from his, uh... The plumber brother?

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Yeah. Mario's brother. What happened? He shot

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that guy Remember Luigi the plumber? Yeah, he

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shot somebody. Don't you remember all that free

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Luigi stuff? No, I thought they lived underneath

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the sewers. No, dude. He was in New York and

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he shot this guy Man, do you think they were

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hanging out with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

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Probably. Can I hit that please Larry? Sure.

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You know, unfortunately, Larry's mulatto a strange

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wife has gone to abscond on a carnival cruise

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to Africa and we are left with pretty Spalding.

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Say hi, Spalding. Say goodbye. But as you can

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tell, Spalding's mom's new husband is Jewish.

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And how do we know that, Larry? I don't know

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how. Well, what is Spalding wearing there on

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his wrist? Oh, yeah. The Kabbalah bracelet. Oh

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man, you are a black dad. You just forget everything

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about your kid and it's literally a foot away

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from you. You're like, which one has an apostrophe

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and which one doesn't? So what are we talking

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about all this Luigi guy? What do you want to

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talk about him? Well? I do it first of all yeah

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Second of all listen everything's faking gays.

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We always talk about but they took the death

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penalty off the table And it was yeah, cuz he

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didn't do anything wrong his original charge

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was stalking and the judge decided that Stalking

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is a non -violent crime. Yeah, that's what the

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cops told you when you're in the bushes So it's

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all good. But peeping is supposed to be a crime.

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Speaking of peeping. Oh boy. Peeping town. Here

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we go. Now we're on a roll. The plane has left

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the runway. Now that's a perfect segue into my

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story. I was going to talk about Lady Godiva.

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The chocolate lady? Yeah. And she, not only did

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she make chocolate, what she did was she rode

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a horse through the town naked. Come on, you're

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kidding me. No, her kid. What town? Whatever,

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some fucking place in France or something. It

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was a long time ago. Obviously there were no

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Muslims there because you'd have been raped.

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Well anyways, the King, the reason she was doing

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this, the reason she was going through the town

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naked was she was protesting the King, her own

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husband's... Rise of taxes against the poor so

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I'm gonna take some right now. How many mistresses

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you think this king had? I don't know but Lady

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Godiva was probably not his bottom bitch. So

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anyways, right? Well, you want to you don't want

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to play along and have some fun. Okay, then yeah

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In front of your son what was wrong with you

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so anyways The king made a decree where everybody's

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got to look away. You can't look at her away

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You know look away cuz cuz she's gonna ride through

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the town naked and everyone knows she's gonna

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do it I want to sniff her horse so Everybody

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everybody looked away except one guy and his

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name was Tom and that's where peeping Tom came

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from What do you think they did to this guy What

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do you think he really got though? What do you

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think he got? I probably burned at the stake

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like he was a witch or something. And he took

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his fucking eyeballs out and then they fucking

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executed him. What did they do with him though?

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I don't know, they just blinded him. They struck

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him blind. But the guy's name was Tom and that

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was where peeping Tom comes in. I have a fucking

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story just like that in my phone, but I'm too...

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Yeah, man. Welcome to our mushroom cast today.

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Well, I do nitrous, and we babysit Larry's illegitimate

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black son. He's not illegitimate. Yeah, he's

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illegitimate. I mean, look at your nose. Doesn't

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it tell you in the fucking Torah not to create

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with these people? Whatever. Earmuffs spalding

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these people. It's not nice. Oh all of a sudden

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you're nice liberal Larry over here Yeah, check

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me out. I'm liberal Larry just fucking shining

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like a beacon of liberal hope absolutely Okay,

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so and what's your next thing you got some things

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written down. I'm gonna let you do your thing

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Larry I'm gonna do nitrous and just you know

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work. Well. I don't have that much written down.

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I only got a couple things written down Catherine

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O 'Hara died. Who's that? Who that bitch? SCTV,

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Home Alone. I don't know who that bitch is. Oh!

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Schitt's Creek. Wait a second. Oh, really? From

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Schitt's Creek? I'd like to Schitt's on her chest.

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No, not the hot young girl. The mom. Catherine

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O 'Hara. Yes, obviously, because you said Home

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Alone, and the kid lady child probably wasn't

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born. I didn't see Home Alone, but... I've seen

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all the other movies, like she was in... Best

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in show wait one of the greatest fucking movies

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of all times and I don't know where anybody says

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you ever seen that Fuck yeah, oh my god. Look

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at you Let's do the predator handshake right

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now What is it just bend elbows, bro 1488 and

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then we both meet in the moon Do you know that

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you know where they got the word for dollar why

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we have eight listens What's because of you?

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Yeah? I know yeah, okay? Well, my name's in the

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title. We have hundreds otherwise so if you just

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ran it by yourself the layer those Larry show

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Larry show Run it right into the crowd. You'd

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be like flight 97 into the Pentagon Hell no,

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man. Yeah, okay. They find your passport burning

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on the ground and whatever it was. You know how

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they call dollars, bucks, like a buck? You owe

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me 50 bucks or whatever. Okay, yeah. Clams, snatch,

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snus, yeah. Yeah, you know where bucks came from?

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Yeah. Because before, if you didn't have any

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money in the old days... You would use buckskins

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as fucking... Hides. Yeah. Yeah, tanners and

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shit like that. But it's gotta be a male skin

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from a male deer. It's just a holdover from back

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then. What, you think they had trannies back

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then, like a guy would show up in a buckskin

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dress? No. You can't even play, I mean... Lord

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have mercy, I tried to do a bit with... What?

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We tried to have fun. You asked me if I thought

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they did. I don't think so. Yeah, and you can't

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be like, oh yeah, that'd be hilarious, but you're

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like, no. Just shut me down. You can keep going,

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motherfucker. This is a two way, I mean, there

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is no hall without oats. The joke ain't gonna

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fucking work if I say no. Come on. But this is

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the other part of the joke and you're so retarded.

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Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I can imagine if they

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had trannies back then. There we go. I wish we

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had a little beep for him to check on his little

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ankle monitor little light You're a little light

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in the loafers All right, so well, I mean, are

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you done talking or do you got anything else

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to talk about? Let's see what you got. No, he's

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not here smart guy Wow, now you're gonna take

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okay Einstein, which is now you're being called

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a fraud and a pedophile Which is the great? Did

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you see the I like the one meme that's out there

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where it says to you? How is ice doing in Minnesota

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and it's pretty good and it shows the fucking

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guy, you know, whatever's now I mean explaining

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things is killing me right now. Okay, so okay,

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I Love to talk about this with Yeah Okay, there

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we go the train passed by all right, so Getting

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back to this. What did you just say now with

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the ice thing? And I like that I like the meme

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where it says how is ice doing in, Minnesota?

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And it says pretty good and it shows their faces

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the Alex pretty and the whatever good bitch whatever

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name is You talk about the Mount Rushmore No,

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I didn't Mount Rushmore. It just has their fucking

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pictures next to each other So one look one white

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lady gets killed and BLM comes out and tries

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to support her like Like Minnesota is the hotbed

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for stupidity. Well, it really is I mean we talked

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about this before that The amount of retardedness

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that is going on in our neighbor, shall I say?

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Yeah, well, it's kind of our neighbor. We're

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technically connected to them, right? No. I'm

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just saying. How do you get there? How do you

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get there by car? It's above Indiana, right?

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Yes. I hope so, man. Wish we had a fucking man

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Yeah, I could tell you what's going on in North

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Fox I'm Gonna be honest with you fucking Richard

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Branson this guy names his company virgin I Mean

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Larry this guy stole your aura. I know I should

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be suing that motherfucker. You're like. I'm

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the one who likes virgins It's my territory What

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the hell right by fucking I think he dealt I

00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:31.860
think brain deals with the a -list celebrities

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and Epstein Dealed with the b -list ones the

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ones that were a little bit more perverted Shall

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I say what the rancid is more of like a discreet

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guy? You know everybody comes in and they all

00:11:42.720 --> 00:11:44.740
come out with chlamydia. All right. That's all

00:11:44.740 --> 00:11:47.419
right Here's your pills and your swag bag as

00:11:47.419 --> 00:11:50.440
you walk out the door. Here's your iPad is more

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like meat and potatoes kind of shit, if I'm gonna

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say. See, you knew exactly what I meant by that.

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I mean, that made Spaulding giggle. Made Spaulding

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nervous. But it's like, why don't we look at

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this fucking guy who's got Virgin written on

00:12:11.639 --> 00:12:17.879
an airplane? Yeah. Imagine if I just bought a

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van, a white van, and wrote Virgin on it. Virgins

00:12:22.100 --> 00:12:29.620
wanted now you're adding Quieter with thank God

00:12:29.620 --> 00:12:33.220
you never became a famous musician you'd be so

00:12:33.220 --> 00:12:42.120
compromised Just like fat girl they just fucking

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put two pieces of loose in front of her like

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I'll give you the codes Um, oh shit, where was

00:12:52.850 --> 00:12:56.529
that boy I wanted to talk about? Aw, man. That

00:12:56.529 --> 00:12:59.509
poor little boy. He's gone. He went down the

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drain. Who did? I don't know. Dude, you're just

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making shit up. Watch out for my balloons, bro.

00:13:03.950 --> 00:13:06.889
I'm not gonna hit your balloon, bitch. I'm just

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tending to my child. You know what's so crazy?

00:13:08.549 --> 00:13:09.809
Like, how many people do you think have died

00:13:09.809 --> 00:13:14.330
from DEI shit? DEI? Well, shit. I'm just saying,

00:13:14.490 --> 00:13:17.559
there's probably a number that you can't... Put

00:13:17.559 --> 00:13:19.899
any quantitative. There's got to be a couple

00:13:19.899 --> 00:13:21.659
hundred at least that have died well remember

00:13:21.659 --> 00:13:24.700
that lady so a year ago remember that that fucking

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dog bring that was flying the helicopter and

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Then her co -pilot was a man and she was supposed

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to steer and she ran into the commercial jet

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I think I remember something. Was this about

00:13:42.990 --> 00:13:45.750
a year ago? Yeah, yeah. I just said that later.

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Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's coming back

00:13:47.990 --> 00:13:51.029
to me. It was by the runway. It was by a runway.

00:13:51.529 --> 00:13:55.509
I am so happy everybody gets to see your diminishment

00:13:55.509 --> 00:14:01.289
of mental stability right in front of you. Oh

00:14:01.289 --> 00:14:03.070
yeah, a year ago. Yeah, I just said that two

00:14:03.070 --> 00:14:05.129
seconds ago. Okay. Yes. Remember she was told

00:14:05.129 --> 00:14:06.950
to steer. I didn't know the detail. She hit the

00:14:06.950 --> 00:14:09.789
commercial on the jetliner. Which, I mean, there

00:14:09.789 --> 00:14:12.830
was more records of this flight between 9 -11

00:14:12.830 --> 00:14:16.570
and the Pentagon. Sure. It was more records there

00:14:16.570 --> 00:14:18.690
than fucking dollars. At least the engines matched

00:14:18.690 --> 00:14:22.850
up with these fuselages, shall we say. But, she

00:14:22.850 --> 00:14:26.490
just like, drove a helicopter into a freaking

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commercial airliner and killed like 60 -something

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kids. Well, women drivers. What did I just say?

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I said helicopter. Let's add that to the list

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We need a white board of what women should that's

00:14:37.230 --> 00:14:39.029
our new thing now that we're down. Let's see

00:14:39.029 --> 00:14:46.570
vote what ride Lady cops Helicopter by Anything

00:14:46.570 --> 00:14:49.669
that lifts off the ground well listen if we're

00:14:49.669 --> 00:14:51.889
gonna fuck it when it goes with driving We should

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really send away. They should make a bill and

00:14:54.190 --> 00:14:57.289
see if they'll pass it just for sure Take it

00:14:57.289 --> 00:15:02.190
to the helicopter driver She's a pilot, oh my

00:15:02.190 --> 00:15:06.950
god. Who's... Who's saying drivers? He said like

00:15:06.950 --> 00:15:12.870
four different things. Oh my god. But yes, she

00:15:12.870 --> 00:15:15.230
just like ran into a plane and you can hear it

00:15:15.230 --> 00:15:17.909
on the audio. The guy's like turn, she's like

00:15:17.909 --> 00:15:21.129
no, and then all of a sudden boom. Oh my god.

00:15:21.210 --> 00:15:23.669
And they kill all these kids. But I think that

00:15:23.669 --> 00:15:26.850
was such a sacrifice to Moloch. Sure. Or some

00:15:26.850 --> 00:15:28.909
sort of demigod or whatever satanic thing. Why

00:15:28.909 --> 00:15:30.809
would she say no when the guy says turn? Because

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I think it was in Washington, too. It might have

00:15:34.129 --> 00:15:35.570
been in the... I can't remember what that means.

00:15:35.850 --> 00:15:38.649
Listen. You don't want to get your news from

00:15:38.649 --> 00:15:40.509
a guy who's doing nitrous. You think that was

00:15:40.509 --> 00:15:43.509
a DEI hire? Or do you? You think that was a DEI

00:15:43.509 --> 00:15:45.350
hire? News on nitrous. That'll be our thing.

00:15:45.850 --> 00:15:59.190
Was that DEI? She's a lady. Yeah. Unqualified

00:15:59.190 --> 00:16:02.350
any more of an explanation than that and that

00:16:02.350 --> 00:16:15.710
much Okay, who is the driver she was Asian? Agent

00:16:15.710 --> 00:16:18.389
woman never run those broads flew that plane

00:16:18.389 --> 00:16:23.090
upside down Listen I'm on a night response. I

00:16:23.090 --> 00:16:26.029
might be making this up right now, but I swear

00:16:26.029 --> 00:16:29.070
to God that I thought there were these Canadian

00:16:29.070 --> 00:16:32.190
broads that flip the plane upside down like a

00:16:32.190 --> 00:16:34.889
jet. And we could look that up. Interesting.

00:16:35.110 --> 00:16:37.350
Yeah, it was very, very funny. How were they

00:16:37.350 --> 00:16:40.529
driving, how were they piloting a jet? You still

00:16:40.529 --> 00:16:43.409
don't understand how aerodynamics works. Who

00:16:43.409 --> 00:16:46.409
was letting them pilot a jet? What? Who let them

00:16:46.409 --> 00:16:48.710
pilot a jet? I mean, it's probably some retard.

00:16:49.850 --> 00:16:52.590
Somebody, some guy who's autistic and is like,

00:16:52.750 --> 00:16:54.860
yeah, you know what? I got my money from selling

00:16:54.860 --> 00:16:57.759
wrestling figures. I let these two smoke hot

00:16:57.759 --> 00:16:59.980
and smoke shows fly. Next thing you know, you're

00:16:59.980 --> 00:17:03.799
upside down and your shit's flowing on ya. Spills

00:17:03.799 --> 00:17:10.099
drinks. Everything. You're real peach today,

00:17:10.119 --> 00:17:15.859
aren't ya? Yeah. So these fucking broads were,

00:17:16.220 --> 00:17:18.519
uh... That's another thing. Which ones? Jet pilot.

00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:22.670
Write that down on the fucking whiteboard. Jet

00:17:22.670 --> 00:17:26.089
pilot no anything that lifts off the ground more

00:17:26.089 --> 00:17:31.029
than one inch a lady cannot Or be wheels huh

00:17:31.029 --> 00:17:35.970
or wheels? Anything wheels I mean, I think I've

00:17:35.970 --> 00:17:38.130
covered a fucking broad spectrum with anything,

00:17:38.210 --> 00:17:40.670
but I mean now you want to add wheels. Yeah,

00:17:40.769 --> 00:17:43.839
well Yeah, this is Larry's stipulation. You're

00:17:43.839 --> 00:17:45.579
saying things that go - See, this is what happens

00:17:45.579 --> 00:17:46.559
when you try to run the government. What if they

00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:48.599
don't leave the ground at all? You're gonna want

00:17:48.599 --> 00:17:51.319
to have to ban - I mean, Larry's arguing with

00:17:51.319 --> 00:17:54.140
me. This is like, you know what? I'm Tom Homan,

00:17:54.440 --> 00:17:57.819
and he's Minneapolis right now. It's just like,

00:17:57.960 --> 00:18:00.240
let me do my thing. I want to cook, brother.

00:18:00.539 --> 00:18:02.920
Just sit over there and let me say - Okay. How

00:18:02.920 --> 00:18:04.880
about this? Women shouldn't be able to get in

00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:08.240
the front seat of anything. Is that better for

00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:10.079
you? Yeah, I like him better in the back seat.

00:18:14.220 --> 00:18:19.700
We need to install What what do we need to install

00:18:19.700 --> 00:18:22.480
well if you're driving some sort of like sprinkler

00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:28.640
system to cool you down When you start getting

00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:47.709
a lot heavy it'll be like voice recognition Oh,

00:18:47.709 --> 00:18:49.710
shit, that's great, dude. Where'd that chip at,

00:18:49.710 --> 00:18:52.490
bro? Chip, man. How you doing, brother? I love

00:18:52.490 --> 00:18:53.670
you, I haven't seen you in a while. It's gone.

00:18:55.210 --> 00:18:57.369
Last night we didn't do, last week we didn't

00:18:57.369 --> 00:19:00.910
do Larry Needles because Needles flaked. I didn't

00:19:00.910 --> 00:19:02.910
flake, man. Kid's got things going on in life,

00:19:03.009 --> 00:19:11.269
you know what I mean? Stiffed me. Shit happens.

00:19:12.279 --> 00:19:20.160
You wish I stiffed you you faggot My name is

00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:22.779
Larry and it was so funny I didn't get that joke

00:19:22.779 --> 00:19:26.460
till yesterday It's so funny. Listen, I'm gonna

00:19:26.460 --> 00:19:28.420
get a nose meter out cuz that thing looks like

00:19:28.420 --> 00:19:31.519
it's getting bigger and bigger by every day Are

00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:36.740
you cashing your shuckles? It does grow I think

00:19:36.740 --> 00:19:39.200
your ears and your nose. Real part of the IDF

00:19:39.200 --> 00:19:45.900
the international dick feelers Don't get me fucking

00:19:45.900 --> 00:19:52.940
involved in your Because that's what I want to

00:19:52.940 --> 00:19:55.839
do if I'm in a gay club I want to get my boy

00:19:55.839 --> 00:20:00.579
involved No, it's gonna be secretive, you know

00:20:00.579 --> 00:20:02.960
what I mean? It'd be like LBJ just walking around

00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:05.039
the White House and long though. What are those

00:20:05.039 --> 00:20:11.640
called? Asian boys I Don't know what they're

00:20:11.640 --> 00:20:19.740
called Boys? Pages? Where do they get these fucking

00:20:19.740 --> 00:20:24.819
kids? From the farm that they're farming them

00:20:24.819 --> 00:20:27.460
from? You have to be more specific. Do they even

00:20:27.460 --> 00:20:30.119
have mothers or fathers? Okay, can we be more

00:20:30.119 --> 00:20:32.059
specific? Let's start at point A and work our

00:20:32.059 --> 00:20:36.079
way back. Children from where? Like, okay, back

00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:39.430
in the uh... 1800s, early 1900s. The Cabbage

00:20:39.430 --> 00:20:41.869
Patch Kids and those fucking incubator babies

00:20:41.869 --> 00:20:43.430
and all that shit. Yeah, man. Remember the orphan

00:20:43.430 --> 00:20:45.829
train also. And they showed all those kids, okay,

00:20:45.869 --> 00:20:48.369
where the fuck did those kids come from? Well,

00:20:49.009 --> 00:20:50.849
people... And that was back then. Imagine what

00:20:50.849 --> 00:20:53.869
they could do now. Oh, they could make that shit.

00:20:53.869 --> 00:20:57.569
Yeah, man. If you can clone a sheep over the

00:20:57.569 --> 00:20:59.509
dollar or something. Yeah, when they let us know

00:20:59.509 --> 00:21:01.670
that they were cloning a sheep, that means they

00:21:01.670 --> 00:21:04.869
were already, well, you know... My favorite thing

00:21:04.869 --> 00:21:09.960
I heard today was... Mary talking to one of her

00:21:09.960 --> 00:21:13.779
friends saying that, what was it? Technology.

00:21:14.140 --> 00:21:16.740
Hidden technology. Yeah, hidden technology is

00:21:16.740 --> 00:21:20.339
all around us. And don't you want to stay alive

00:21:20.339 --> 00:21:31.150
to see it? It's like. Hidden technology. It's

00:21:31.150 --> 00:21:32.970
not hidden if it's, you know what I mean? Like,

00:21:32.990 --> 00:21:34.910
we all know this part. And then you want to get

00:21:34.910 --> 00:21:37.190
into DARPA and all that gay -ass bullshit. No,

00:21:37.190 --> 00:21:39.509
man. It's hidden technology. Are you kidding?

00:21:40.529 --> 00:21:42.289
No, not at all. There's all kinds of fucking

00:21:42.289 --> 00:21:44.630
hidden technology. How so, Larry? What do you

00:21:44.630 --> 00:21:48.130
think is so hidden about technology? Well, there's

00:21:48.130 --> 00:21:50.009
technology that's hidden that you don't know

00:21:50.009 --> 00:21:52.369
about. If you say technology one more time, I'm

00:21:52.369 --> 00:21:56.230
gonna hit fucking... How can I tell you what's

00:21:56.230 --> 00:21:59.049
hidden if it's hidden? That's the whole thing.

00:21:59.049 --> 00:22:03.589
It's hidden. Okay, what do you think about the

00:22:03.589 --> 00:22:05.950
pyramids, Larry? Is that hidden? There's gotta

00:22:05.950 --> 00:22:08.890
be some technology in there. So technically,

00:22:09.190 --> 00:22:11.609
if it's inside the pyramid, is it hidden technology?

00:22:12.710 --> 00:22:16.049
No. Oh, now you're writing the rules and parameters.

00:22:16.579 --> 00:22:19.059
Well, no, if it's there in front of you, it's

00:22:19.059 --> 00:22:20.859
not hidden. But what if it's in the inside? What

00:22:20.859 --> 00:22:22.900
if on the facade it looks completely different?

00:22:22.900 --> 00:22:25.000
Well, then yeah, then there's hidden technology

00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:28.799
in there. Listen, you would be the most crooked

00:22:28.799 --> 00:22:31.500
anthropologist or whatever these guys are called.

00:22:31.500 --> 00:22:33.579
Why? Because they could just sway you with anything.

00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:38.980
I don't know. I wouldn't lie. You're a digger.

00:22:38.980 --> 00:22:46.069
You really are. I wouldn't lie. You know. Oh

00:22:46.069 --> 00:22:48.269
shit, did we read the fucking, you brought your

00:22:48.269 --> 00:22:52.630
things down. Very honorable, these are some shitty,

00:22:53.029 --> 00:22:56.390
we went out to... Where's it going at? A Chinese

00:22:56.390 --> 00:22:59.029
place, I couldn't find the... Really petering

00:22:59.029 --> 00:23:02.130
out here. Luck is coming your way, that's not

00:23:02.130 --> 00:23:04.630
much. Bro, what are you doing, man? Where's it

00:23:04.630 --> 00:23:06.630
going at? It's over there, but here's the thing,

00:23:06.809 --> 00:23:10.049
I don't know where the thing is, the... Hit her,

00:23:10.349 --> 00:23:11.809
the stick. Oh, you have a stick there. There's

00:23:11.809 --> 00:23:14.349
a stick there. Oh, hello, man. You need the fucking...

00:23:14.349 --> 00:23:17.029
You need the mallet. There's a fucking number...

00:23:17.029 --> 00:23:19.529
I couldn't find it. I looked all over for the

00:23:19.529 --> 00:23:21.390
fucking ring. We reaped the production for a

00:23:21.390 --> 00:23:25.930
bit. All right. Keep going, honorable son. Luck

00:23:25.930 --> 00:23:29.069
is coming your way. Ruck is a coming... Oh, you

00:23:29.069 --> 00:23:31.509
go Ray. Yeah, honorable. Wait a second. What

00:23:31.509 --> 00:23:36.970
are the numbers? Lucky number. Eighteen... nine...

00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:42.759
64 65 33 and 44 Wow, that's more numbers. Why

00:23:42.759 --> 00:23:44.859
the fuck so many numbers? There's gotta be code

00:23:44.859 --> 00:23:47.039
for something. You ever think there's gotta be

00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:48.920
code for shit on there? Somebody's combination,

00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:52.640
huh? Somebody's combo. No, it's like code for

00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:55.759
something like, you know You want to buy a candy

00:23:55.759 --> 00:23:57.619
song? This one has a lot less lucky numbers.

00:23:58.460 --> 00:24:03.519
Good news will come to you from far away And

00:24:03.519 --> 00:24:05.220
then my comedy from far away. So what does that

00:24:05.220 --> 00:24:07.319
mean though? What would that entail a phone call?

00:24:07.819 --> 00:24:13.079
I guess man I would think it would be more of

00:24:13.079 --> 00:24:17.099
someone bringing it to you, you know Yeah, like,

00:24:17.099 --> 00:24:20.480
you know, like what are those guys? Someone from

00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:22.420
far away. You're like, yeah, you know what? We

00:24:22.420 --> 00:24:24.380
saw you looking through the fence again at the

00:24:24.380 --> 00:24:29.099
playground. We read somebody I was thinking more

00:24:29.099 --> 00:24:31.920
like, you know, you meet somebody that's from

00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:34.440
far away and you get lucky. Oh, how far away?

00:24:35.079 --> 00:24:37.579
Couldn't be that far. Could be further. Come

00:24:37.579 --> 00:24:39.359
from container. Oh, me and my friend, we come

00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:41.740
from container. Container ship. We are container.

00:24:41.740 --> 00:24:44.279
We live in container. We are container China

00:24:44.279 --> 00:24:48.380
flower. That's where your girlfriend's from.

00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:50.539
Oh, what's that? That's where your girlfriend's

00:24:50.539 --> 00:24:53.140
from, the container ship. I wish, man. Come on.

00:24:53.959 --> 00:24:56.339
Nah, because they come off all stinky and stuff,

00:24:56.579 --> 00:24:57.579
and then you know what I mean, what are you going

00:24:57.579 --> 00:25:03.079
to do with them, right? Well, yeah. Well, Larry,

00:25:03.079 --> 00:25:04.720
that was kind of a double ending. I'm very happy

00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:05.759
you just said that. They come off all stinky,

00:25:05.980 --> 00:25:09.259
but they fucking give them a bath. You want some

00:25:09.259 --> 00:25:10.559
sticky rice, right? They give them a fucking

00:25:10.559 --> 00:25:14.779
bath before they fucking put them in the whorehouse.

00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:19.220
See where your mind goes. I go straight to the

00:25:19.220 --> 00:25:22.960
farm. I buy him off the container Wait till they

00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:29.759
get to the field if you catch my drift How are

00:25:29.759 --> 00:25:31.779
you gonna be able to fucking afford to go get

00:25:31.779 --> 00:25:39.440
a container, huh? I'm not I'm kidding. I know

00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:41.940
you're only gonna get one. I know, but I just

00:25:41.940 --> 00:25:44.339
go up there, you know, it's a cash transaction.

00:25:44.859 --> 00:25:47.099
Yeah. You know what I mean? Get yourself a container.

00:25:47.099 --> 00:25:48.960
You know what I do? I walk up to them. Get yourself

00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:50.900
a container. You know what I do? I fucking...

00:25:50.900 --> 00:25:53.880
Oh man, it's Matt Barber. I don't care. Get off.

00:25:53.960 --> 00:25:57.240
We're on the podcast, you faggot. Shit. You know

00:25:57.240 --> 00:26:00.619
what I do? I go by the women's container. I have

00:26:00.619 --> 00:26:05.599
them look at me. Yeah. Hilarious. If whichever

00:26:05.599 --> 00:26:13.619
one doesn't jump, she's my new wife. If someone

00:26:13.619 --> 00:26:17.640
doesn't flinch, unlike you, you are not wife

00:26:17.640 --> 00:26:22.519
material, Larry. Absolutely not. I love you so

00:26:22.519 --> 00:26:25.099
much. I'm not wife material. I love you so much.

00:26:25.420 --> 00:26:27.440
You're sugar baby material, that's all you're

00:26:27.440 --> 00:26:32.380
good. Fuck you. That's how you know it's the

00:26:32.380 --> 00:26:39.990
truth. All right, okay We got food we ordered

00:26:39.990 --> 00:26:48.109
a pizza With sausage and maragada Stuffed man

00:26:48.109 --> 00:26:52.910
only three minutes in Huh only 26 minutes in

00:26:52.910 --> 00:26:55.730
okay. That's fine, bro. Mary got a fucking What

00:26:55.730 --> 00:26:58.309
is that called an artichoke stuffed artichoke

00:26:58.309 --> 00:27:02.589
this motherfucker was? $13 for one stuffed artichoke

00:27:03.029 --> 00:27:06.369
Mm -hmm. Can you fuck it? Mm -hmm. So then why

00:27:06.369 --> 00:27:10.609
is it worth $13? I don't know. You could eat

00:27:10.609 --> 00:27:15.369
it. Okay. Yeah. Don't want to play along with

00:27:15.369 --> 00:27:18.069
me. I was a little high there. No, it's not worth

00:27:18.069 --> 00:27:22.269
$13. Stuffed artichoke is amazing. It's asinine.

00:27:22.789 --> 00:27:25.089
Why would you charge out? But who else is getting

00:27:25.089 --> 00:27:27.420
stuffed artichokes when we're freaking... joint

00:27:27.420 --> 00:27:30.619
that used to sell eight balls of pizza. It's

00:27:30.619 --> 00:27:36.759
also a blizzard outside. Which is completely

00:27:36.759 --> 00:27:40.660
true. What's that? It's not a blizzard at all.

00:27:41.460 --> 00:27:44.200
What are you talking about? I don't know. It's

00:27:44.200 --> 00:27:48.839
fucking pretty... You're fucking talking about

00:27:48.839 --> 00:27:52.069
that it was a blizzard. Making me shoveling.

00:27:52.109 --> 00:27:54.509
Oh, you know who got released man? No, let's

00:27:54.509 --> 00:27:56.569
get back to this blizzard thing, bitch. You know

00:27:56.569 --> 00:27:59.789
who got released? That Caroline Ellison. You

00:27:59.789 --> 00:28:01.430
know who that is? Who the fuck is that? The one

00:28:01.430 --> 00:28:03.269
with the dork broad with the glasses. They got

00:28:03.269 --> 00:28:06.809
busted with Sam Baker and Fry. Sam Freebank,

00:28:06.950 --> 00:28:08.670
whatever. The Jew guy. Yeah, his girlfriend.

00:28:09.009 --> 00:28:12.069
Yeah, she's on the market, bro. She's fucking

00:28:12.069 --> 00:28:14.529
gross. Well, that's why you should fucking...

00:28:14.529 --> 00:28:19.119
She's got all the secrets. You should get into

00:28:19.119 --> 00:28:22.119
her tunnels. You can become a tunnel Jew with

00:28:22.119 --> 00:28:26.240
her. I don't want to be a tunnel Jew. Yeah, I

00:28:26.240 --> 00:28:30.180
said no one ever. You know, shalo shalom. Come

00:28:30.180 --> 00:28:32.900
on. You don't want to be a tunnel Jew? Whatever

00:28:32.900 --> 00:28:35.119
happened to those guys? Remember they had like

00:28:35.119 --> 00:28:38.220
a bunch of dirty mattresses too? They're down

00:28:38.220 --> 00:28:40.160
there. They still got tunnels, I'm sure. Your

00:28:40.160 --> 00:28:42.420
people are still down there? Yeah, man. Just

00:28:42.420 --> 00:28:44.380
fucking living with the fucking Teenage Mutant

00:28:44.380 --> 00:28:46.859
Ninja Turtles and shit. They found one tunnel.

00:28:47.210 --> 00:28:49.869
Huh? They found one tunnel. You think that was

00:28:49.869 --> 00:28:53.670
all that they had, was one fucking tunnel? Come

00:28:53.670 --> 00:28:56.430
on. How? Did the Viet Cong do that? Right. I

00:28:56.430 --> 00:28:57.390
mean, the Viet Cong had one tunnel. They had

00:28:57.390 --> 00:29:01.190
lots of fucking tunnels. Tunnels all over the

00:29:01.190 --> 00:29:04.170
fucking place, man. Those fucking noodle monkeys,

00:29:04.690 --> 00:29:07.109
they fucking, you know, those are sneaky little

00:29:07.109 --> 00:29:09.230
bastards. Tunneling like fucking crazy. All they

00:29:09.230 --> 00:29:14.069
did was tunnel. The most fucking, my number one

00:29:14.069 --> 00:29:17.059
fear in the world. That would be having to be

00:29:17.059 --> 00:29:20.259
a tunnel rat back in Vietnam Climbing through

00:29:20.259 --> 00:29:22.880
them with a you know, the flashlight and I had

00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:26.660
all my god They'd have like snakes and they're

00:29:26.660 --> 00:29:29.279
fucking be like all this crazy booby trap shit.

00:29:29.980 --> 00:29:35.460
Yeah Fuck that shit man all for what a fake war

00:29:36.109 --> 00:29:38.890
From the Gulf of Tonkin by Jim Morrison's dad.

00:29:38.890 --> 00:29:42.609
Yeah, and then LB in a man. I was telling me

00:29:42.609 --> 00:29:45.410
the other day He had that Lizard King bullshit

00:29:45.410 --> 00:29:48.890
going on Lizard King who you know, he said I'm

00:29:48.890 --> 00:29:51.890
Jim Morrison. Oh, yeah He probably was just saying

00:29:51.890 --> 00:29:55.690
telling the you know telling the man I'm a lizard

00:29:55.690 --> 00:29:59.049
person He was a dork in a band that's fucking

00:29:59.049 --> 00:30:02.210
subpar the doors are subpar. They're really not

00:30:02.210 --> 00:30:06.079
even that great They're pretty fucking good They're

00:30:06.079 --> 00:30:08.700
not even that great. At that point in time, they

00:30:08.700 --> 00:30:12.660
were just a fucking cut out for the CIA and MKUltra.

00:30:14.279 --> 00:30:17.140
That's all they were. I'm the Lizard King. You

00:30:17.140 --> 00:30:19.480
can do anything, you know what I mean? And like,

00:30:19.579 --> 00:30:24.119
gay ass poetry and shit. Man! Men used to be

00:30:24.119 --> 00:30:26.359
men. Then they turned into faggots, and then

00:30:26.359 --> 00:30:28.799
men came back, and then now they're turning back

00:30:28.799 --> 00:30:33.859
into fanooks, right? Coming from a guy. Who knows

00:30:33.859 --> 00:30:37.009
all about it. Yeah, you do. You know what I mean?

00:30:37.029 --> 00:30:39.250
Tough to ride your fucking scooter through Boys

00:30:39.250 --> 00:30:43.430
Town now in the snow. Yeah. Way too slippery.

00:30:43.450 --> 00:30:45.750
You actually got to ride it forward now. Yep.

00:30:46.269 --> 00:30:48.769
You got to pay close attention. Actually, not

00:30:48.769 --> 00:30:51.230
with your booty short, your pink booty shorts.

00:30:53.930 --> 00:30:56.789
Ah, it's so stupid. Yeah, it's very stupid. I

00:30:56.789 --> 00:30:58.410
know, but it makes me laugh. That was funny.

00:30:58.569 --> 00:31:00.950
You're a fucking moron. I'm retarded. I'll tell

00:31:00.950 --> 00:31:02.230
you that tomorrow. It's so easy to make you laugh.

00:31:03.460 --> 00:31:07.680
Any dumb thing makes you laugh Yeah, yeah, you

00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:11.079
you're a dumb thing. You make me laugh. That's

00:31:11.079 --> 00:31:26.099
fucking funny. Haha All I'm gonna just say is

00:31:26.099 --> 00:31:41.470
haha and you'll laugh haha Oh, it makes me laugh.

00:31:41.809 --> 00:31:44.369
Your mind is getting softer and softer. Yeah,

00:31:44.369 --> 00:31:46.730
it really is, man, with every hit, man. You want

00:31:46.730 --> 00:31:51.789
to hear something crazy, bro? What? What's crazy?

00:31:52.650 --> 00:31:55.369
Man, if this article would fucking pull up, man,

00:31:55.730 --> 00:31:59.569
the fucking... They had this article that came

00:31:59.569 --> 00:32:02.549
out within the last year that 850 women were

00:32:02.549 --> 00:32:05.789
killed. Along the highways and they believe that

00:32:05.789 --> 00:32:09.170
truckers did it huh that they're involved in

00:32:09.170 --> 00:32:13.450
some sort of cross -country Murderous spree shall

00:32:13.450 --> 00:32:16.589
I say very salacious stuff Wow stuff that would

00:32:16.589 --> 00:32:20.549
make a white liberal lady Freak out come in her

00:32:20.549 --> 00:32:22.630
pants. Yeah, you know what I mean like that's

00:32:22.630 --> 00:32:32.490
what gets them off. Mm -hmm murder Rapist might

00:32:32.490 --> 00:32:36.849
use your hole. I can't wait. We should have a

00:32:36.849 --> 00:32:44.849
newspaper. We just print the worst stuff ever.

00:32:45.650 --> 00:32:50.049
Rapist likes with young white ladies. In this

00:32:50.049 --> 00:32:55.230
neighborhood. Single white rapist looking for

00:32:55.230 --> 00:32:58.829
single. Now we're doing ads. Yeah. We started

00:32:58.829 --> 00:33:06.519
our own ad company. Slow down, let's walk this

00:33:06.519 --> 00:33:11.220
one around the block Larry So we start for felons.

00:33:11.220 --> 00:33:16.240
We started dating service for convicted sex offenders

00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:22.920
It's a little bit controversial, but we'll get

00:33:22.920 --> 00:33:25.380
gay married and we'll pretend to kiss on camera

00:33:31.109 --> 00:33:34.049
He can't even play along from the bit. He's like,

00:33:34.210 --> 00:33:39.789
I said, not even kiss. So I said, no. You don't

00:33:39.789 --> 00:33:43.849
want to do that in front of your black son. I

00:33:43.849 --> 00:33:45.829
got to teach him the right way. He's like, this

00:33:45.829 --> 00:33:48.470
motherfucker's gay as fuck. You got to teach

00:33:48.470 --> 00:33:53.130
him right. You got to do that shit, boy. Right

00:33:53.130 --> 00:33:55.769
from chicken wings. Listen to this fucking dummy

00:33:55.769 --> 00:34:01.940
over here. Let's steer you wrong. Coming from

00:34:01.940 --> 00:34:04.079
the guy who didn't know where his child's been

00:34:04.079 --> 00:34:06.279
for the last four weeks. Yeah, and then we just

00:34:06.279 --> 00:34:12.260
put him in a chicken bucket Let me tell you when

00:34:12.260 --> 00:34:14.460
this mom gets back from he likes it she's gonna

00:34:14.460 --> 00:34:20.400
be very upset. Oh, she like he likes it I mean,

00:34:20.400 --> 00:34:22.079
it's definitely not getting us any listeners

00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:24.780
or followers. No any of this stuff, which is

00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:27.800
hilarious. That's why we think to do it You're

00:34:27.800 --> 00:34:31.400
right there kiddo. No, I'm thinking Oh boy, that's

00:34:31.400 --> 00:34:35.400
a problem you're thinking. You don't like having

00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:38.159
followers and listeners, but also I really never

00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:41.019
tell anybody about this because, God forbid,

00:34:42.440 --> 00:34:44.760
if somebody that I knew fucking listened to this

00:34:44.760 --> 00:34:48.559
fucking shit, you know, it would be fucking bad.

00:34:49.559 --> 00:34:53.300
My whole world would be fucking done. Your whole

00:34:53.300 --> 00:34:56.960
world what? It's not like you have an empire

00:34:56.960 --> 00:35:05.679
that's supported by you. And it calls down Caesar

00:35:05.679 --> 00:35:12.360
like a Nero over here. You are like Nero. You

00:35:12.360 --> 00:35:14.380
go into the whorehouses at night and pretend

00:35:14.380 --> 00:35:17.760
you're a slut and just be used. Is that what

00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:20.119
he did? That's what he did, yeah. Nero was a

00:35:20.119 --> 00:35:23.840
very, very... Come on. Twisted individual Nero

00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:27.760
was very twisted and all those Greek people are

00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:30.980
Catholics of Roman. Oh fucking got intertwined.

00:35:31.079 --> 00:35:35.179
But also, uh, you know, they believed in Unix

00:35:35.179 --> 00:35:37.679
Unix they would castrate these people they were

00:35:37.679 --> 00:35:41.960
either used for music Well, they did it because

00:35:41.960 --> 00:35:44.139
so they wouldn't fuck the girls and they use

00:35:44.139 --> 00:35:46.219
them for their Hiram. They were the keeper of

00:35:46.219 --> 00:35:51.119
the Hiram Which hey, you know Just slap your

00:35:51.119 --> 00:35:53.139
meat all day and knock it off. It's got to be

00:35:53.139 --> 00:35:56.039
the worst thing ever. It's horrible. That's like

00:35:56.039 --> 00:36:04.360
purgatory for men And they agree to this this

00:36:04.360 --> 00:36:10.000
is something How does this happen? I mean, how

00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:12.300
do you get this job? Why would you want to fucking

00:36:12.300 --> 00:36:15.860
do this? What job? Well, first of all, what does

00:36:15.860 --> 00:36:19.079
this mean? You don't apply for it. How the fuck

00:36:19.079 --> 00:36:21.300
does that happen to somebody? This is out of

00:36:21.300 --> 00:36:25.360
touch with the working society you are, Larry.

00:36:26.019 --> 00:36:27.900
Which, okay, wait a second. Do you want to be

00:36:27.900 --> 00:36:30.699
a unit? No, but I'm thinking why would anyone

00:36:30.699 --> 00:36:32.940
fucking want to do that? Well, first of all,

00:36:33.099 --> 00:36:35.360
I think they're picked because they're a nice

00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:39.250
looking twink. You need to lie candy around right?

00:36:40.489 --> 00:36:42.630
I Think I think when they did that to him that

00:36:42.630 --> 00:36:45.150
they fucking got real fat like when you get a

00:36:45.150 --> 00:36:49.690
cat fixed or something and they blow up You know,

00:36:49.690 --> 00:36:52.929
this is your analogy. Yeah, that's when you fix

00:36:52.929 --> 00:36:57.349
a cat It looks like Nero or some sort of God

00:36:57.349 --> 00:37:00.690
Greek. He got a cat named Nero. Yeah, I wonder

00:37:00.690 --> 00:37:04.179
why She's part of the CIA. Right. That's all

00:37:04.179 --> 00:37:05.900
right, though. Yeah, my wife will keep seeing

00:37:05.900 --> 00:37:08.559
your letter. My wife is the CIA. I didn't say

00:37:08.559 --> 00:37:12.199
I said she's part of. I didn't say she is. She's

00:37:12.199 --> 00:37:15.139
part of it. You said it. I didn't. You're part

00:37:15.139 --> 00:37:17.679
of it. You see my hand? You're fucking part of

00:37:17.679 --> 00:37:24.880
the CIA. What is it? CIA? Yeah. Fucking. See?

00:37:25.710 --> 00:37:27.530
Right in front of you, you didn't notice this

00:37:27.530 --> 00:37:29.329
whole time, have you? Nah, I thought it was some

00:37:29.329 --> 00:37:32.110
construction logo thing. It is a construction.

00:37:32.750 --> 00:37:34.869
Actually, it's demolition of countries, and then

00:37:34.869 --> 00:37:37.630
we come in there and do the most worst thing

00:37:37.630 --> 00:37:41.289
you can think about, and pretend with false pretense

00:37:41.289 --> 00:37:43.510
that we're gonna make this place better, even

00:37:43.510 --> 00:37:46.030
though Gaddafi brought water to the fucking deserts.

00:37:47.090 --> 00:37:55.889
Mary's getting the phone call. I don't think

00:37:55.889 --> 00:37:59.250
you can hear it on the... Yes, you can. It comes

00:37:59.250 --> 00:38:03.269
from the mics. Do you forget how recording works

00:38:03.269 --> 00:38:06.130
all of a sudden? You have a full recording studio

00:38:06.130 --> 00:38:08.349
and you're like, man, I don't think they can

00:38:08.349 --> 00:38:08.869
hear though. I don't think you can hear it coming

00:38:08.869 --> 00:38:12.190
through like the... The computer. Yeah. Onto

00:38:12.190 --> 00:38:15.230
the thing like full volume like taking over everything.

00:38:15.349 --> 00:38:17.550
It's just a background noise because the mics

00:38:17.550 --> 00:38:20.090
are pointing this way. Yeah, but it's still bad.

00:38:20.190 --> 00:38:25.079
Yeah, yeah. I mean... I really wish it was you

00:38:25.079 --> 00:38:27.320
that got hit by a stingray instead of Steve Irwin.

00:38:27.340 --> 00:38:31.739
Ah, man. What are you talking about? Are you

00:38:31.739 --> 00:38:35.960
fucking nuts? Dude. I mean, you wouldn't take

00:38:35.960 --> 00:38:39.019
it for Steve Irwin. Hell no. Fuck Steve Irwin.

00:38:39.730 --> 00:38:42.230
I mean, the guy's a crocodile hunter. Who cares?

00:38:43.030 --> 00:38:46.769
You know what? It's amazing he lived that long.

00:38:46.949 --> 00:38:49.329
And it's crazy that a crocodile didn't kill him.

00:38:49.329 --> 00:38:51.489
But it's amazing that he lived to be whatever

00:38:51.489 --> 00:38:54.130
30s, mid -30s. Something like that. I mean, that's

00:38:54.130 --> 00:38:57.329
like Australian 70s. Yeah. Especially if you're

00:38:57.329 --> 00:38:59.949
hunting fucking crocodiles. Well, I mean, it's

00:38:59.949 --> 00:39:01.650
in your name. Yeah. I mean, that's what you're

00:39:01.650 --> 00:39:03.090
born and bred to do. Usually those guys don't

00:39:03.090 --> 00:39:04.690
live to be a hunter. And then you find abroad

00:39:04.690 --> 00:39:06.590
that's like, fuck yeah, this guy's going to just

00:39:06.590 --> 00:39:08.949
put his head in a crocodile. And I'm going to

00:39:08.949 --> 00:39:11.630
live on a fucking place that's got like a hundred

00:39:11.630 --> 00:39:14.469
crocodiles around me and then we're just gonna

00:39:14.469 --> 00:39:17.789
you know bang in the bedroom over here you live

00:39:17.789 --> 00:39:21.489
on a crocodile reserve did he I would assume

00:39:21.489 --> 00:39:23.710
so didn't he I don't think so I think he had

00:39:23.710 --> 00:39:25.969
like a reserve that he stayed oh he might have

00:39:25.969 --> 00:39:27.949
but I don't think he lived there whatever man

00:39:27.949 --> 00:39:31.489
play along with my fantasy here all right And

00:39:31.489 --> 00:39:33.550
they're just making sweet love in front of all

00:39:33.550 --> 00:39:35.949
the crocodiles. And the crocodiles are just thinking,

00:39:35.989 --> 00:39:38.449
I can't wait until these fuckers step out of

00:39:38.449 --> 00:39:40.070
fucking pockets. Or she's like, hopefully she

00:39:40.070 --> 00:39:44.269
miscarries. I can bite your leg off. Yeah. I

00:39:44.269 --> 00:39:48.130
can use a tasty snack. But here's the other thing.

00:39:48.150 --> 00:39:50.530
Oh, man. They're just waiting to fucking bite

00:39:50.530 --> 00:39:53.730
your fucking legs off. Who was? The crocodiles,

00:39:53.989 --> 00:39:55.650
man. Oh, I thought you were midgets. What do

00:39:55.650 --> 00:39:59.000
you think they do? Crocodiles? Yeah. I mean they

00:39:59.000 --> 00:40:00.760
do crocodile shit. I don't know what a crocodile

00:40:00.760 --> 00:40:02.360
does. Yeah, they bite you and drag you into the

00:40:02.360 --> 00:40:04.340
water. Well if you fuck with them it gets you

00:40:04.340 --> 00:40:06.219
close. Oh yeah, did you get that spinning shit?

00:40:06.219 --> 00:40:09.699
Into that death spiral. Yeah, death spiral. Yeah.

00:40:09.960 --> 00:40:12.960
It's like this podcast. It's the death spiral

00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:20.800
retardedness. It's like a fucking... It's like

00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:24.019
a crocodile grabbed this show and fucking...

00:40:24.019 --> 00:40:26.380
Oh yeah, it's just got a little poodle in its

00:40:26.380 --> 00:40:30.059
mouth. It's just the tiniest poodle that motherfuckers

00:40:30.059 --> 00:40:34.579
got a hundred miles an hour to spit in. You can

00:40:34.579 --> 00:40:37.059
just see its fluff. Fucking whims breaking out

00:40:37.059 --> 00:40:39.199
left and right. No, you just see the fluff coming

00:40:39.199 --> 00:40:45.820
in. That'll be our new merch. We'll do a crocodile

00:40:45.820 --> 00:40:48.670
with a poodle in its mouth. Well, no, you know

00:40:48.670 --> 00:40:51.090
how like the cartoons they would just draw a

00:40:51.090 --> 00:40:54.849
ball of fucking smoke with things flying out

00:40:54.849 --> 00:40:58.670
Fur here and there and huh? Yeah Yeah, yeah the

00:40:58.670 --> 00:41:00.989
cloud and that could be with the t -shirt looks

00:41:00.989 --> 00:41:04.010
like well I remember seeing my cats in the backyard

00:41:04.010 --> 00:41:06.829
fighting like that with us with a no You're talking

00:41:06.829 --> 00:41:09.750
like old -school shit like with the yeah, it's

00:41:09.750 --> 00:41:12.809
just a circle, but I actually saw it where long

00:41:13.050 --> 00:41:15.710
It was a circle with the cats fighting, and you

00:41:15.710 --> 00:41:18.110
couldn't see anything except fur coming out.

00:41:18.269 --> 00:41:20.210
And every once in a while, it was the fur color

00:41:20.210 --> 00:41:23.130
of my cat, and it was fucking freaking me out.

00:41:23.309 --> 00:41:25.710
And I couldn't get in to stop fucking fighting.

00:41:25.710 --> 00:41:29.590
You're like the Michael Vick of cats. No, I didn't

00:41:29.590 --> 00:41:30.929
like when they fought. Dude, you were training

00:41:30.929 --> 00:41:39.440
fighting cats. That's crazy. Your garage is just

00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:42.480
a fucking cat fighting ring. But it's not like

00:41:42.480 --> 00:41:45.500
a regular octagon. No. You know, like the wheel

00:41:45.500 --> 00:41:48.619
where the dude's driving though. Inside the motorcycle.

00:41:48.980 --> 00:41:51.679
Like a thunderball, you know. You just fight

00:41:51.679 --> 00:41:55.320
cats. Yeah. Throw them in that little cage and

00:41:55.320 --> 00:41:57.519
whatever happens, happens. Or you can give them

00:41:57.519 --> 00:42:00.460
little motorcycles. That too. Actually, weapons

00:42:00.460 --> 00:42:04.920
would be great. The cats aren't into being on

00:42:04.920 --> 00:42:07.840
lots of stuff. No, they're not like I mean I

00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:12.460
tried to fucking tried it twice I Tried to put

00:42:12.460 --> 00:42:16.019
my cats in a basket on my bike and shit, but

00:42:16.019 --> 00:42:21.750
they just jump out right like the retarded This

00:42:21.750 --> 00:42:23.869
is an autistic EC. I wanted to fucking... You've

00:42:23.869 --> 00:42:25.989
got your cats in your pants. I wanted to ride

00:42:25.989 --> 00:42:29.909
around with my cats. Yeah, I mean, dude, let

00:42:29.909 --> 00:42:32.989
me tell you, that statement has never been said

00:42:32.989 --> 00:42:35.590
clearer than by an autist. I want to ride around

00:42:35.590 --> 00:42:42.550
with my cats. Total fucking retard. But think

00:42:42.550 --> 00:42:43.789
of how fun that would be. I want to ride around

00:42:43.789 --> 00:42:46.570
with my cats. That's the name of the episode.

00:42:49.789 --> 00:42:52.570
So yeah, you know and so I put him in there and

00:42:52.570 --> 00:42:54.710
fucking took like two petals and the fucking

00:42:54.710 --> 00:42:56.969
cat jumped out He fucking fell over and he killed

00:42:56.969 --> 00:42:59.829
them both. No, they jumped out, you know, because

00:42:59.829 --> 00:43:01.730
you know, here's the other thing even a second

00:43:01.730 --> 00:43:04.710
Wait, you could even get the pedal the bike No,

00:43:04.710 --> 00:43:07.690
I took one pedal and the cat jumped out and fucking

00:43:07.690 --> 00:43:10.570
ran up. Wait a second You just took a fucking

00:43:10.570 --> 00:43:13.010
cat from outside put it up. No, it was my cat

00:43:13.010 --> 00:43:16.079
was Miss Kitty So then you're that way, dude.

00:43:16.139 --> 00:43:18.639
I tried to put her in the basket. Okay, and then

00:43:18.639 --> 00:43:21.920
you, were you high on heroin? Maybe. Yeah, okay,

00:43:22.219 --> 00:43:26.920
this makes a lot more sense. Drawing a timeline

00:43:26.920 --> 00:43:30.980
in my head as we speak. Here we go. So here's

00:43:30.980 --> 00:43:33.639
the thing though, she sat in the basket like

00:43:33.639 --> 00:43:36.000
all day and it was cool and as soon as I got

00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:38.199
on the bike and started pedaling, she jumped

00:43:38.199 --> 00:43:39.159
right out. Yeah, she's like, this is never tight.

00:43:39.480 --> 00:43:42.920
I'm not getting in here with this guy. He's gonna

00:43:42.920 --> 00:43:50.679
kill us both. Are you crazy? Fucking cat's way

00:43:50.679 --> 00:43:56.099
smarter than you are. How many times have you

00:43:56.099 --> 00:43:59.659
been hit by a car on your scooter? A couple.

00:43:59.960 --> 00:44:03.039
Yeah. How many times have you crashed as you

00:44:03.039 --> 00:44:05.760
have to pull your leg up because it's all fucked

00:44:05.760 --> 00:44:16.460
up into your hip? Ah, man. It's cool. Oh, shit,

00:44:16.739 --> 00:44:23.280
man. Huh? I'm alive. Barely. Look at you. Let

00:44:23.280 --> 00:44:25.500
me tell you, there's a thing we call in this

00:44:25.500 --> 00:44:27.960
parts of town a sugar baby depression during

00:44:27.960 --> 00:44:30.440
the winter. This is what you're looking at right

00:44:30.440 --> 00:44:33.639
now. This is a sugar baby depression. He can't

00:44:33.639 --> 00:44:36.639
handle the cold. Look at him. He's got thermals

00:44:36.639 --> 00:44:40.760
on. I got line pants and long underwear. He's

00:44:40.760 --> 00:44:45.840
got line pants, long underwear. Socks. And he's

00:44:45.840 --> 00:44:49.039
in his own house. This is how he dresses. A sugar

00:44:49.039 --> 00:44:53.320
baby is not meant for the cold. And it's not

00:44:53.320 --> 00:44:57.719
their natural habitat. They migrate south like

00:44:57.719 --> 00:45:01.420
the birds do. And they go down there. And that's

00:45:01.420 --> 00:45:04.679
where you bloom, you blossom like a flower in

00:45:04.679 --> 00:45:07.380
the sugar baby community. But now here you stop.

00:45:09.639 --> 00:45:13.429
Well, the sugar has stopped right now. Now you're

00:45:13.429 --> 00:45:16.789
just stuck inside with your sugar mama. At least

00:45:16.789 --> 00:45:19.150
during the summer, you can get out and parade

00:45:19.150 --> 00:45:21.750
around the pool, you know, shake your ass for

00:45:21.750 --> 00:45:24.889
the neighbors. Show them who the pool boy is.

00:45:24.989 --> 00:45:31.610
My neighbor's dead, man. That doesn't mean you

00:45:31.610 --> 00:45:35.269
don't have others. I know. Sounds just one. RIP

00:45:35.269 --> 00:45:37.610
Norm. My neighbor there was my buddy. Norm was

00:45:37.610 --> 00:45:39.579
a good dude, man. I'll remember Norm smoking

00:45:39.579 --> 00:45:41.780
cigars, cracking old styles, listening to the

00:45:41.780 --> 00:45:45.699
Cubs and watching them. Watching the ball game,

00:45:45.960 --> 00:45:49.139
getting drunk in the garage. And then after he

00:45:49.139 --> 00:45:51.059
was drunk, he would come over and then fucking

00:45:51.059 --> 00:45:53.119
want to hang out with me. And I think he liked

00:45:53.119 --> 00:45:54.940
Sherry. He tried to touch Larry's bum. I think

00:45:54.940 --> 00:45:57.760
he liked Sherry. When he would see Sherry in

00:45:57.760 --> 00:45:59.539
the pool, that's when he would want to come swim.

00:45:59.599 --> 00:46:02.960
He gravitated towards Sherry. And Sherry fucking

00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:06.510
of course. Love you, too. Yeah, we got a lot

00:46:06.510 --> 00:46:12.269
of people some ailments going on. Mm -hmm This

00:46:12.269 --> 00:46:15.630
motherfucker just walks out to get his mail has

00:46:15.630 --> 00:46:19.829
a stroke Drops down has a stroke dies to lay

00:46:19.829 --> 00:46:23.170
in there for a couple hours. No, no, no, no Dude,

00:46:23.829 --> 00:46:27.269
we were we were there We went out to eat. It

00:46:27.269 --> 00:46:29.289
was like an hour. Oh, it's like an hour. Yeah,

00:46:29.670 --> 00:46:34.199
so but we don't know when he fell down You might

00:46:34.199 --> 00:46:36.539
have been five minutes shit, man. We might have

00:46:36.539 --> 00:46:41.260
drove right by him. No No, Larry drove right

00:46:41.260 --> 00:46:43.199
by him and you didn't even notice him, dude.

00:46:43.199 --> 00:46:51.260
Fuck you. Larry That's a really bad neighbor

00:46:51.260 --> 00:46:55.119
Keep going like oh man looks like someone threw

00:46:55.119 --> 00:47:01.900
a mannequin out. Let's go My chicken tenders

00:47:05.179 --> 00:47:07.699
Wow, looks like someone's down on the ground.

00:47:07.699 --> 00:47:11.800
All right, let's go. I'm hungry. Go check his

00:47:11.800 --> 00:47:18.900
papers. No. Ola, he's like, hello. All right,

00:47:19.039 --> 00:47:20.860
we're calling the ambulance. You were there when

00:47:20.860 --> 00:47:22.639
the ladies came running up to me. Do you know

00:47:22.639 --> 00:47:24.119
Roxanne? They didn't come running up to you.

00:47:24.179 --> 00:47:25.780
Let me tell you, those ladies have not ran a

00:47:25.780 --> 00:47:28.639
day in their life. Well. If you catch my drift,

00:47:30.179 --> 00:47:32.179
you'll get it in a minute. I can't think of the

00:47:32.179 --> 00:47:36.699
words. There you go. Yeah, I can't think of it

00:47:36.699 --> 00:47:39.639
Cuz they're big as much. No, no then anyone else

00:47:39.639 --> 00:47:44.480
gonna say what I was gonna say, you know Relatively

00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:49.019
they ran up as much as they could run In your

00:47:49.019 --> 00:47:52.199
mind you thought they ran up they came up frantic.

00:47:52.199 --> 00:48:04.679
It was like a fat girl Yeah, they were not like

00:48:04.679 --> 00:48:06.360
that at all. I was there. What were they like?

00:48:06.440 --> 00:48:09.119
You tell me what they were like. What'd they

00:48:09.119 --> 00:48:13.219
say? Not frantic. I thought they were pretty

00:48:13.219 --> 00:48:19.559
frantic. Yeah, but you're a simpleton. My wife's

00:48:19.559 --> 00:48:22.320
not a simpleton and I'm sure she doesn't fucking

00:48:22.320 --> 00:48:26.300
think they're frantic. Look at you. Fuck you.

00:48:28.260 --> 00:48:34.389
Look at you. Oh, I know. Who the fuck eats NECO

00:48:34.389 --> 00:48:37.269
wafers? You're such a weirdo, too. It's like

00:48:37.269 --> 00:48:39.909
some fucking nuclear war shit. You know, that's

00:48:39.909 --> 00:48:43.429
fake as hell, too. It's been around since 1840

00:48:43.429 --> 00:48:45.550
fucking... Yeah, I know. Why are you still...

00:48:45.550 --> 00:48:47.389
Dude, there's some weird -ass shit going on in

00:48:47.389 --> 00:48:49.610
those motherfuckers. Show the camera that. Anyone

00:48:49.610 --> 00:48:54.070
knows what NECO wafers are? Mm -hmm. Listen.

00:48:54.889 --> 00:48:57.750
If you want to be a sugar baby, we need to be

00:48:57.750 --> 00:49:00.429
sponsored by Neko. Alright, enough. That's enough.

00:49:00.550 --> 00:49:03.469
They're not paying us, dude. Maybe they will.

00:49:03.670 --> 00:49:05.369
I mean, fuck. Maybe they'll send us. I don't

00:49:05.369 --> 00:49:08.590
think they're gonna send us. If they sponsor

00:49:08.590 --> 00:49:13.230
her. I will make you dress up like a Neko Wafers.

00:49:13.889 --> 00:49:18.030
We will dress up fucking spauldingly like a Neko

00:49:18.030 --> 00:49:22.309
Wafers. A Neko Wafers. Absolutely. We're definitely

00:49:22.309 --> 00:49:25.630
not getting sorry. I apologize to our constituents.

00:49:26.130 --> 00:49:33.409
Apologize to our Negro fans. You're just not

00:49:33.409 --> 00:49:36.050
even thinking anymore before you speak. You're

00:49:36.050 --> 00:49:42.289
just saying stuff. Welcome to Mushroom Larry

00:49:42.289 --> 00:49:45.199
Talk. You know what's wrong with this country?

00:49:45.500 --> 00:49:46.739
You know what's wrong is I don't think I took

00:49:46.739 --> 00:49:49.460
enough. You're fucking higher than I am. No,

00:49:49.559 --> 00:49:52.820
I'm just having a good time, dude. Look, why

00:49:52.820 --> 00:49:56.059
are you wishing? I'm not even... I'm not wondering

00:49:56.059 --> 00:49:58.900
about how high you are. I'm not worried about

00:49:58.900 --> 00:50:01.699
how high you are, but I'm thinking maybe I should've

00:50:01.699 --> 00:50:03.480
took more so I could be silly like you. I took

00:50:03.480 --> 00:50:05.780
the same amount as you did. I know, I should've

00:50:05.780 --> 00:50:08.139
took more so I could be as silly as you. That's

00:50:08.139 --> 00:50:11.820
what I mean. Am I here to make you fucking laugh?

00:50:13.619 --> 00:50:17.480
Am I here to amuse you? Yeah. Huh? Absolutely.

00:50:19.019 --> 00:50:20.780
Why else do you think you - First of all, yeah,

00:50:20.920 --> 00:50:22.840
with that - I mean, I swear to God, that nose

00:50:22.840 --> 00:50:25.159
is getting way bigger, dude. And you look like

00:50:25.159 --> 00:50:27.840
the Humpty Dance guy with that thing. Hey, yo,

00:50:28.199 --> 00:50:34.960
fat girl. Are you ticklish? Dude, rap back then

00:50:34.960 --> 00:50:39.139
was crazy. Tupac was a finook. Humpty was getting

00:50:39.139 --> 00:50:41.579
some pussy though. Yeah. Well, he said he was

00:50:41.579 --> 00:50:43.900
I mean, that's obviously now when you think it's

00:50:43.900 --> 00:50:47.679
like will so Will Smith he's like I like girls

00:50:47.679 --> 00:51:07.340
girls It's just him and a bunch of dudes fucking

00:51:07.340 --> 00:51:09.300
bopping their head. They're like, all right,

00:51:09.400 --> 00:51:11.699
well, we got to hear. I like imagine how times

00:51:11.699 --> 00:51:13.860
you had to hear that. When they're mixing it

00:51:13.860 --> 00:51:16.699
down and exactly shit and coming up. Man, this

00:51:16.699 --> 00:51:19.760
motherfucker is gay is fun. Yeah, two dollar

00:51:19.760 --> 00:51:25.679
bill. Three dollar bill. Queer is a three dollar

00:51:25.679 --> 00:51:28.900
bill. That motherfucking Will Smith is. Well,

00:51:29.059 --> 00:51:31.019
and then the funny thing is... And then his wife

00:51:31.019 --> 00:51:33.320
fucks everybody in the world, right? Dude, that

00:51:33.320 --> 00:51:35.320
cue ball bitch head? Come on, get out of here.

00:51:35.780 --> 00:51:37.760
That's the fucking shit my nightmares are made

00:51:37.760 --> 00:51:43.449
of. I don't want to fucking listen. She I don't

00:51:43.449 --> 00:51:47.150
know what she got like Propecia alopecia Something

00:51:47.150 --> 00:51:50.010
like that. It makes her fucking wear a wig. Okay,

00:51:50.050 --> 00:51:51.949
you weird -headed bitch. That's what fucking

00:51:51.949 --> 00:51:54.989
life's about That's why I wear a beehive or something.

00:51:54.989 --> 00:51:57.610
Fuck cool. Get a mohawk Don't be a whiny bitch

00:51:57.610 --> 00:51:59.630
and then have your family bitch. Get a mohawk

00:51:59.630 --> 00:52:15.340
Fucking get a tattoo Lani doesn't look too bad

00:52:15.340 --> 00:52:28.000
though for a guy This is true. This is true.

00:52:28.300 --> 00:52:30.980
We're just gonna go today, too So fuck this fucking

00:52:30.980 --> 00:52:33.940
there's this guy at this place that I hang out

00:52:39.940 --> 00:52:44.719
This guy I met at Zebulon. He's a real cool dude.

00:52:45.019 --> 00:52:47.960
No, no. There's this - There's this - Or whoever.

00:52:48.519 --> 00:52:50.380
Chattalack and - Let me - Let me read - Let me

00:52:50.380 --> 00:52:52.380
read fucking - Chattalack is a little bit - Let

00:52:52.380 --> 00:52:55.280
me tell you. This is for real. Fucking gay charles

00:52:55.280 --> 00:52:58.579
over here. So me and Evan are hanging out. It's

00:52:58.579 --> 00:53:02.059
open mic night. In the taco joint. I guess I

00:53:02.059 --> 00:53:04.699
can say where I was. In fucking - I mean, it

00:53:04.699 --> 00:53:06.739
just said the taco joint. Just don't - I'm sorry,

00:53:06.739 --> 00:53:08.679
I don't - I won't say the name of that. Whoa,

00:53:08.679 --> 00:53:10.599
whoa, whoa, whoa, I can't - I won't say the name

00:53:10.599 --> 00:53:13.099
of it this time. Thank God. And so there's this

00:53:13.099 --> 00:53:16.079
fanook there. Cass. You're just looking in the

00:53:16.079 --> 00:53:18.360
mirror in the bathroom? No, listen. This guy's

00:53:18.360 --> 00:53:21.579
name used to be Zag. And now he calls himself

00:53:21.579 --> 00:53:24.460
Cass and it's short for Cassandra. And now this

00:53:24.460 --> 00:53:26.500
motherfucker... Wait a second, Zag. Z -A -G.

00:53:26.780 --> 00:53:29.539
Yeah. Why wouldn't he go as Gaz? G -A -Z. Gaz.

00:53:29.539 --> 00:53:31.199
I don't know. I don't know why. You should ask

00:53:31.199 --> 00:53:33.380
him that next time. I don't really talk to him,

00:53:33.380 --> 00:53:36.679
but... Show him the group chat you're in. Okay.

00:53:38.029 --> 00:53:42.369
Yeah, he'll love it. He'll start crying. I don't

00:53:42.369 --> 00:53:44.610
know. He might try to kiss you. I don't know

00:53:45.099 --> 00:53:48.500
This guy's pretty fucking gay. So anyways, he's

00:53:48.500 --> 00:53:51.559
wearing a dress and shit, and he's got makeup

00:53:51.559 --> 00:53:54.159
on, and he's got long hair, and a girl's fucking

00:53:54.159 --> 00:53:56.619
do, like he went to the fucking beauty shop and

00:53:56.619 --> 00:53:59.239
got a do. Hey, I respect that shit, dude. So

00:53:59.239 --> 00:54:01.099
this guy's balls out, you know, and he's got

00:54:01.099 --> 00:54:03.019
- No, I mean, what do you mean by balls out?

00:54:03.460 --> 00:54:04.900
Wait a second, Larry, let me go - Meaning he's

00:54:04.900 --> 00:54:07.659
reached up and shoved his balls into the car.

00:54:07.659 --> 00:54:12.760
His nuts were out? So anyways, yeah. He sat down

00:54:12.760 --> 00:54:15.139
and his skirt went up and he was balls out. I

00:54:15.139 --> 00:54:18.280
say to Evan, I go, man, you know, it's a fucking

00:54:18.280 --> 00:54:21.679
sad fucking thing when the hottest chick in the

00:54:21.679 --> 00:54:25.179
fucking joint is a guy. Did you think that he

00:54:25.179 --> 00:54:27.860
was hot? No. Oh, it sounded like it. But it's

00:54:27.860 --> 00:54:30.019
just that. Oh, somebody said the hottest thing.

00:54:30.039 --> 00:54:31.340
It was a fucking funny joke because we were fucking.

00:54:31.360 --> 00:55:01.039
Oh, now it's a joke. Nothing worse than getting

00:55:01.039 --> 00:55:04.070
a massage by a man I don't know how dudes do

00:55:04.070 --> 00:55:09.050
that. Well, I've never fucking gotten a massage

00:55:09.050 --> 00:55:12.210
by a man. Neither have I. Where would you do

00:55:12.210 --> 00:55:15.889
that? I don't know. In the bath house? Well,

00:55:15.889 --> 00:55:17.730
I mean, they're doing a lot more than that. That's

00:55:17.730 --> 00:55:19.269
like the beginning of the portal. That's how

00:55:19.269 --> 00:55:23.130
it starts. That's when the boom chicka boom boom

00:55:23.130 --> 00:55:28.690
kicks in. The wah -wah pedal. Some guy with a

00:55:28.690 --> 00:55:34.800
big mustache comes in. Yeah, they always have

00:55:34.800 --> 00:55:41.340
a fucking mustache. Oh, I've never seen you here

00:55:41.340 --> 00:55:44.000
before. Yeah, I think that's like a prerequisite

00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:46.659
to fucking do porn, is you have to have a mustache.

00:55:46.679 --> 00:55:49.039
Not anymore. No. I think you just don't have

00:55:49.039 --> 00:55:52.219
to have AIDS. Yeah. I think that's the number

00:55:52.219 --> 00:55:56.139
one prerequisite. You have to pass an AIDS test.

00:55:56.179 --> 00:55:59.440
Oh, God. That leaves me high. Yeah, I was going

00:55:59.440 --> 00:56:02.739
to say. Thank God we've been running to fucking

00:56:02.739 --> 00:56:06.599
San Juan to get through your AZT medication.

00:56:08.559 --> 00:56:12.639
So speaking of San Juan, fucking Ivan, Ivan,

00:56:12.780 --> 00:56:15.659
my buddy in Columbia. That's not, I mean Puerto

00:56:15.659 --> 00:56:17.780
Rico and Columbia are two different countries.

00:56:18.300 --> 00:56:20.760
I know, I know. So speaking of two different

00:56:20.760 --> 00:56:23.639
continents. My good buddy Ivan is like one of

00:56:23.639 --> 00:56:26.159
my good buddies. I know, he's a great guy. He

00:56:26.159 --> 00:56:30.559
is... His best friend like some guy that he fucking

00:56:30.559 --> 00:56:32.400
grew up with and went to school with and all

00:56:32.400 --> 00:56:35.820
this shit is about to become president of Columbia

00:56:35.820 --> 00:56:38.039
if they don't about this if they don't fucking

00:56:38.039 --> 00:56:46.239
you know kill all the guy yeah Exciting right

00:56:46.239 --> 00:56:48.659
now and it's a couple months away or whatever

00:56:48.659 --> 00:56:54.119
the election down there the election. Yeah I

00:56:54.119 --> 00:56:56.920
mean, that's you know Can I tell you? It goes

00:56:56.920 --> 00:57:00.079
on. It's fun. I've been watching rewatching Narcos

00:57:00.079 --> 00:57:02.539
and it is crazy. They start with Escobar and

00:57:02.539 --> 00:57:05.059
they move on to the Cali cartel and move on to

00:57:05.059 --> 00:57:09.199
where it like breaks off to like Mexico and like

00:57:09.199 --> 00:57:11.559
Ecuador and all these other fucking places. And

00:57:11.559 --> 00:57:13.199
it's like, you know, who's always involved in

00:57:13.199 --> 00:57:19.000
that? Huh? The CIA. Oh, yeah. Kingmakers, Queenmakers,

00:57:19.239 --> 00:57:22.300
Shacklebom down in Mexico. Yeah. You know, you

00:57:22.300 --> 00:57:25.599
play a part. Fucking play your boys or 20 something

00:57:25.599 --> 00:57:28.800
people have been 37 people that got killed that

00:57:28.800 --> 00:57:33.599
were running to that fucking spot for for uh

00:57:33.599 --> 00:57:58.760
What do you call it president? But that's all

00:57:58.760 --> 00:58:00.320
right though, then we had this thing called Fast

00:58:00.320 --> 00:58:04.079
and Furious, remember that one? We caught the

00:58:04.079 --> 00:58:05.940
fucking... There's this chubby Mexican chick

00:58:05.940 --> 00:58:08.440
at the taco joint that kind of likes me. Slow

00:58:08.440 --> 00:58:15.980
down, talk a little bit softer. She's attracted

00:58:15.980 --> 00:58:18.440
to my Hello Kitty guitar. Oh, you know what,

00:58:18.519 --> 00:58:21.380
Larry? You're just a pussy magnet. Everybody's

00:58:21.380 --> 00:58:24.340
attracted to you. I mean, you got your sugar

00:58:24.340 --> 00:58:27.019
baby vibe going. It was what fucking opened it

00:58:27.019 --> 00:58:30.440
up. Huh? That's what fucking opened up the fucking...

00:58:30.440 --> 00:58:33.719
The tortoise coming after you? Yeah. Well, just

00:58:33.719 --> 00:58:36.599
the one. Yeah, but when there's one tortoise...

00:58:36.599 --> 00:58:38.599
I know. There's a lot more. Let me tell you,

00:58:38.679 --> 00:58:40.619
they breed like rabbits. There's a lot more tortoises.

00:58:40.619 --> 00:58:43.440
I know. They're watching you from behind, afar.

00:58:43.710 --> 00:58:48.170
I know. Gathering intel. And I actually brushed

00:58:48.170 --> 00:58:50.690
up against her, too. Oh, she's pregnant now.

00:58:50.690 --> 00:58:55.389
I know. Now she's pregnant. Shit, Larry. Right

00:58:55.389 --> 00:58:58.849
in front of Spaulding. You can't do that. You're

00:58:58.849 --> 00:59:01.349
going to have a brother or sister soon, Spaulding.

00:59:01.730 --> 00:59:04.150
Or three of them. Because that's how usually

00:59:04.150 --> 00:59:05.630
they're like hyena. They're going to be like

00:59:05.630 --> 00:59:07.909
you, little half -breeds. All right, stop touching

00:59:07.909 --> 00:59:11.469
the props. They're going to be... Mexican instead

00:59:11.469 --> 00:59:13.909
of black. He's not gonna be Mexican, he's black.

00:59:14.429 --> 00:59:16.250
I know, I'm telling him about his brother or

00:59:16.250 --> 00:59:20.030
sister, whoever's coming. Oh, yeah, okay. Well,

00:59:20.070 --> 00:59:21.469
you know what you should probably stop doing?

00:59:21.750 --> 00:59:25.050
Huh? Rubbing up against Mexican girls. I can't

00:59:25.050 --> 00:59:27.909
help it. I know you can't, Larry, but I'm just,

00:59:28.130 --> 00:59:31.389
listen, as your, as your best friend probably,

00:59:31.829 --> 00:59:35.170
I'm just giving you some, not even advice, just

00:59:35.170 --> 00:59:38.179
a suggestion, because I don't give advice. Maybe

00:59:38.179 --> 00:59:40.840
stop rubbing up against the tortoise. Tortoise.

00:59:41.480 --> 00:59:45.280
What time are we at? Probably way over. Time

00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:48.159
is a construct. We're right there. 59 minutes

00:59:48.159 --> 00:59:52.460
or 40 something seconds. Cheers, my nigga. Because

00:59:52.460 --> 00:59:56.139
I'm thinking about the pizza. And I'm thinking

00:59:56.139 --> 00:59:58.380
about... Oh, you want a slice of cheese, do you,

00:59:58.420 --> 01:00:01.340
Larry? Now I'm hanging out with James Elefantis

01:00:01.340 --> 01:00:05.260
and doing Pizzagate. And then Podesta Brothers,

01:00:05.539 --> 01:00:08.349
both of them. Will you order and then all of

01:00:08.349 --> 01:00:11.869
a sudden that mean yeah, I mean is she here Yeah,

01:00:11.989 --> 01:00:14.030
Mary said a long time ago. Yeah, man. I mean,

01:00:14.050 --> 01:00:17.349
I can't even joke around. Is she here? I ordered

01:00:17.349 --> 01:00:24.559
a slice of cheese Whoa, that's a sign from God.

01:00:24.579 --> 01:00:27.360
Listen, we talked about this fucking broads.

01:00:27.400 --> 01:00:29.920
They talk so much on the phone. Who the fuck

01:00:29.920 --> 01:00:31.840
are you talking about? My wife talks on the phone.

01:00:31.840 --> 01:00:35.119
My wife? Maybe more than anybody I know. Number

01:00:35.119 --> 01:00:39.139
two whore in Kazakhstan. Very nice. Number two

01:00:39.139 --> 01:00:42.960
prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. Oh, you know

01:00:42.960 --> 01:00:46.460
what we're going to do? Here's a deal. You want

01:00:46.460 --> 01:00:49.139
fucking free merch? We'll give it away. Send

01:00:49.139 --> 01:00:52.690
us some shit. But I acquired a shoulder -mounted

01:00:52.690 --> 01:00:55.329
Stinger rocket from the fucking Operation Desert

01:00:55.329 --> 01:00:59.289
store. If you would like that, please send us

01:00:59.289 --> 01:01:02.070
your P .O. Box. I swear to God, we won't ruby

01:01:02.070 --> 01:01:08.349
-ridge you. Send us anything and not your underwear.

01:01:08.710 --> 01:01:12.170
No ladies needles send you for kiki though the

01:01:12.170 --> 01:01:16.150
boys I said needles will send you kiss. I will

01:01:16.150 --> 01:01:21.949
kiss whatever you send Now that could be fucking

01:01:21.949 --> 01:01:26.489
terrible you heard it here for kids whatever

01:01:26.489 --> 01:01:34.400
you said On the air So come up with some good

01:01:34.400 --> 01:01:37.159
shit this time. Something gross. And let me tell

01:01:37.159 --> 01:01:39.059
you, we got some fucking merch that'll blow your

01:01:39.059 --> 01:01:42.059
tits back. It's a very silly merch. Yeah. You

01:01:42.059 --> 01:01:43.340
probably can't wear it at work. Well, probably

01:01:43.340 --> 01:01:45.519
it'll be just worth it to see him kiss him. You

01:01:45.519 --> 01:01:46.599
probably can't wear it anywhere except your house.

01:01:46.599 --> 01:01:49.480
You scot them or something like that. Children

01:01:49.480 --> 01:01:57.840
don't mind if it's 88 degrees out. Yeah. Fuck.

01:01:58.639 --> 01:02:01.650
Felt like it was like two hours, man. Well, that's

01:02:01.650 --> 01:02:13.030
because you're fucking whacked on drugs. Coming

01:02:13.030 --> 01:02:16.989
from a guy who's whacked on drugs. That's what

01:02:16.989 --> 01:02:22.909
I know. I'm also whacked on drugs. I know, as

01:02:22.909 --> 01:02:27.010
I'm saying. Oh, shilly, shilly cast. That's all

01:02:27.010 --> 01:02:28.510
right, though. All right, you want to go eat,

01:02:28.630 --> 01:02:32.940
kiddo? Yeah, we can do another one. Yeah, we

01:02:32.940 --> 01:02:35.159
can now listen check it out We're back to another

01:02:35.159 --> 01:02:38.039
one need some more mushrooms. We're back to our

01:02:38.039 --> 01:02:41.280
professionalism of having our intro song and

01:02:41.280 --> 01:02:46.059
our exit song again, so Thanks for tuning in

01:02:46.059 --> 01:03:01.530
peace Thanks for tuning in. One more fucking

01:03:01.530 --> 01:03:05.869
try. Oh man, we need a producer. There it is.

01:03:09.269 --> 01:03:13.269
Man, that song is so fucking good. I'm going

01:03:13.269 --> 01:03:16.429
to play it twice. Thanks for tuning in.