Me, I just heard the revolting. Hey, everybody.
Happy New Year. Merry New Year. Welcome to the
Larry Needles Show. I'm Larry. And I'm Needles.
And this is? Don Anforth. Yay! And B Spalding.
We got Spalding. And B Spalding. Finally off
probation. You can't tell from his ankle bracelet.
There's that paper towel, clean this just fine.
It's a diaper, dude. All right, stop, stop, stop.
Okay, keep talking, Larry, come on. These are
real diapers. No, we're not looking at your fake
baby. Get the hell out of here. Don Hanford,
how you doing? I know. Don Hanford's okay. He
could use a better diaper. Yeah, Don Hanford's
doing okay. You need to be put in prison, Larry.
You have a fake Negro baby, and you just checked
its diaper and looked at its penis. He's a mulatto.
That is more offensive than saying n -word. Is
it? I think so, I don't know. I don't think so.
I say both of them, so I don't know which one's
more offensive. Non -white. Non -white is probably
more offensive. Non -white. I'm gonna just say
that from now on. What's up, mulatto? I wouldn't
let Needles lie that he's going to fuck you up.
Could you name your kid Mulatto? Mulatto Jones,
yeah. Mulatto Jones. Mulatto steals a lot. His
middle name is Steals. Last name, a lot. So what's
going on in Iran? You hear these people are revolting,
I guess. Yeah, man. Yeah, you heard what happened
the other weekend? I saw two shines in the alley
and I ran. Yeah. Right. That's a good move. Run
from a black. Run from a black. Run from a knife
or try to attack with a gun. But Larry, we did
Krav Maga and he won't say anything because he's
too stoned. Larry's about to get wrecked, so
listen, he's not going to say anything for the
next 15 to 20 minutes. You don't run from it,
you run at it. You don't rerun from it. What
are you doing? Yeah, man. You don't want a rerun?
What's happening? Yeah, yeah. What's happening?
I'm smoking this joint. So how was your new year,
Mark? I had to work. I was fine. Did you have
any dope? No. Liar. I worked. I worked. Yeah,
you didn't. Until, like, they were done at, like,
8, 3, 9 o 'clock. Were you speaking English?
Yeah. Yeah, he said it worked till 8, 3, 9 o
'clock. It was a good night. And I went home.
You still got them Cook County shower shoes with
two different socks. At least in jail they have
matching socks. I got a matching pair at home
just like it. What do you mean? Yeah, two pairs.
Mine actually match. That's alright. Larry looks
like he's been hanging out in Finocchio. Just
touching kids. My socks have some kind of horror
Pennywise. You're so scary. Were you guys up
late? Did you celebrate the New Year's after
midnight? Oh, yes, we did. Yeah, man, we were
jamming. We played until like about four in the
morning. Oh, wow. Needle's saying, he's saying,
LA Woman with us, and you could see it on Caribou
Heart TV. If you want to see how much the Larry
and Needle's family are of dirtbags, you should
really watch this stream because Let's see. Steamboat's
girlfriend fell over in the middle of the floor
in front of me. While we were playing one of
Evan's songs that's called I'm a Drunk. I'm a
Drunk, literally it's called I'm a Drunk, I'm
a Drunk, I'm a Drunk. No, it just says I'm a
Drunk, I'm a Drunk, I'm a Drunk and we're all
getting hammered in the background. That's a
good song. It really was and then fucking...
Nina Petino. Nina fell down as we were singing
it. She literally fell at my feet like Judas.
Here's your 30 pence. I'm going to betray you
and be an asshole. Maybe your needles were tripping.
Yes. And we ate some molly. I mean, we were tripping.
Like I said, I got my chair in the basement.
I do have my chair. It's a leopard skin print.
Like gothic chair with these big black arms.
It's the most comfortable chair and dude I was
at one point I was sitting there and the floor
raised above The funny thing is we were on camera
the whole time. We didn't even realize it. One
of our boys was recording us. I knew we were
on camera because I knew we were going to play
on the internet all day. One camera, not three.
Yeah, that I didn't know. He had three cameras
set up throughout the whole fucking basement.
Was everybody tripping or just you guys? No,
just us. Well, you know what? We're the only
real heroes. I gave some to Bobby and I gave
some to Nina. Oh, you did? Yeah. And Mary, too.
Oh, Mary, I know. So basically, almost everyone
was trippin'. Everyone but Jay. And Tony Belloni.
Tony and Evan. And I offered Tony, but he said
he didn't want it. No. Okay, so now you didn't
realize yet, because Larry and I were zoomed
in. So everybody was, but you know, what are
you gonna do? Like we said before, well, listen,
who the fuck do you wanna spend your time with
in your life? Your friends? You shoulda came
over here, but you're retarded. I can't do anything
about that. I can't bring a fucking retarded
horse to water and not make him shit. You know
what I mean? You were working right down the
street. You was a 10 minute drive. That's why
it was a 10 -minute drive for this guy not even
yeah, maybe he's fucking shot though took me
a fucking yeah took me an hour to get here Busy
dude. Yeah, I worked out day two ass clown Not
out and clean your floors in your apartment We're
gonna need a band. Why? Fuck that. So I get the
karaoke machine and learn those Italian songs.
No, you do hip hop. Whatever you want. That's
what it's gonna turn into. Bring your guitar,
you know. It's gonna make your hair curly if
you go in there. People ask you what to play,
you know. Like what? What do you like to hear?
Well, listen, listen to what we did today. Listen
to what we did. Me... And John and Bobby played
Ramones, Buzzcocks, Sex Pistols, and we slowed
it down real slow with the piano and the acoustic
guitars. And we made it like some kind of lounge
fucking shit. I said, man, we should fucking
make an album like this, because people would
be like, oh, it sounds... When it was super slowed
down and shit, and done that way, it sounded
like completely different fucking songs. Mark
my word, Larry's gonna be done in tight minutes.
The one guy at Sunday brunch, he played the piano,
at Sunday brunch, and he would play all these
rock numbers, toned down. And I would know him,
you know what I mean? I'd be like, wow, dude,
that was cool. Everyone else thinks he's listening
to some kind of classical song, and he's playing
in... I'm told that. Yeah, but Black Hole Son
was doing a lot of that. Black Hole Son. Black
Hole Son, where? Soundgarden. Yeah, but where?
That's Chris Cornell. Yeah, Chris Cornell Sound,
but where? At the brunch, the piano player at
brunch. At brunch, you're playing Black Hole
Son? Yes, exactly. It's kick ass. Yeah, for you.
When you do it on the piano, though, it sounds
real nice. No, it doesn't. It's like... Right,
he's playing it up the style. A little finesse.
He's gaying it out, shall we say. You two love
that, just a little gaying out, don't you? Well,
it's funny, these were the same guys. God, every
time I see you, you look more and more like a
bag lady. Seriously, the hat gets lower, the
shirts get higher. Next thing you know, he's
gonna bring a fucking pigeon here. Fucking ass
clown. I give those guys lots of money, man.
Yeah, you give who? The pigeons? The homeless.
Oh, I backmold you give them, because they give
you drugs. Yeah, the homeless have the best,
they get the best drugs that you can tell them.
For nooks and the homeless. Yeah. The one night
I was standing in line. We're at the glory hole.
No in the Rockwell Gardens. Oh even better So
you had your ass out No one's got nothing and
the one guy was man. Oh, he goes you got that
red car, man I wouldn't get yourself like man.
How you I got that red car because I see you
all the time and he showed he's the guy at the
intersection with the It's a squeegee. Yeah,
it was a little short guy. I told you. What did
I just say? Who gets the best drugs? So you let
the homeless guy in your car. Couldn't smell
any words. And then he blew him. Then we kissed
on the mouth. So did you get it? Yeah, like three
other guys jumped in. Ah, man. This sounds like
a gay porno. Yeah. That's the name of the porno.
There's nothing happening. It's Sunday evening.
Nothing's happening, right? And then one guy
in the back is eight. Nothing happening. Call
this number. Call this number. Call this number.
Larry, how big is the hood? And nothing's happening.
We couldn't score a shit. Except kisses. So I
looked at the number and I go, oh, this is Slim.
This is Slim. He's bowling. He'll be done in
11. He's bowling. Man, you know Slim. I'm like,
yeah, I know Slim. Slim, the black guy. And I'm
sure he wasn't Slim. He was probably like 400
pounds. And he was bowling. He was called John,
but they call him Slim. Yeah, Big John, but they
call him Slim. So it was just ironic that I knew
the number and shit. Well, back to Rockwell Gardens.
I mean, you don't got to keep saying the name
over and over again, but that's fine. Yeah. Yeah.
And then what'd you do? I just dropped him off
at home. Everyone learned several ways. Let me
tell you, Don Anforth is the epitome of I will
take my dick anywhere and just do anything. No,
I don't do things with my dick, no. Exactly.
That's the whole point of it. You're not following
Puss, dude. That's the irony of it. You're just
like, I will take my dick anywhere to get whatever
I want. But that's all right, though. I mean,
like I said, back in the day during Cabrini Green,
we used to go down there and they would drop
a bucket. And you would put your money in the
bucket and they would pull it up and they would
drop it down. No, we went to the hand. There
was a hand that would just come out of a house.
And I hate to talk about this stuff. It's not
who we're not. The only one who's like this is
Spalding and Don Anfor. My mom and dad were telling
me when they were younger, they went on vacation
to like Canada or something. Canada. And they
had a bear. He was sitting on the top of a pole
on a little platform. And you'd put like a marshmallow
or something in the cup. Hmm. Oh, the bear would
pull it up. Yeah. Choo -choo -choo -choo. It
was on a pulley. Man. Then he would get the food,
and then he choo -choo -choo -choo. Put the thing
back down? Yeah, because he wants more shrimp.
He was like, man, I can't. And my dad was going,
ping, on the bottom of the cup, and he would
pull it up. There's nothing in there, and he'd
be like, motherfucker. He was getting mad. My
dad did it a few times. Is this real? He was
in his 20s. Is this real? Yeah, this is real.
Are you sure? Yeah, this is what they told me,
man. OK, but I'm just saying, do you know asinine
that sounds? You know, my dad was like, I don't
know, 20. I'm not saying that, I'm not talking
about the validity of his age, I'm talking about
the story. He's like, a bear was in a tree and
he put a marshmallow in the bucket and then you
flicked a bucket. Dude, how many motherfuckers
fed this? Dude, this bear had to be 5 ,000 pounds
with all the treats it was getting. Oh, they're
giving it little fucking bits, man. I had Roscoe
train to come with the clicker for one piece
of food. Motherfucker, we're talking about a
bear in a tree with a bucket, not a dog with
a clicker. Speaking of bears, do you know about
this Wojtek? Wojtek? The bear, the Polish bear
that's in the Polish army? The Wojtek. Wojtek.
He's a joke bear, boy. This is a living bear.
He was a live bear. Oh wait, okay, so wait, what
year? It wasn't World War II, but it was some
wartime shit. So, World War I? I don't know,
maybe, but it's possible. Man, without Kiki,
you two retards can't tell a good story. Well,
I texted it to the group today. Okay. Oh, yeah,
I saw that, but I couldn't watch it because it
was on YouTube. And I don't have an account on
YouTube. Oh, okay. Well, anyways, he, uh... That
motherfucker was drinking a bottle of booze,
the bear. Yeah, well, he was in the Polish army.
The bear was? Yeah. The Polak leader. Come on,
this isn't a joke. No, this is true. No, this
is not real. There was a Polak bear that drank
vodka. He was drinking vodka. It's so sweet,
yeah. No, listen, here's what happened. First
of all, whatever you say, I'm not gonna back
it up. It's true. He said, yeah, man, this is
real. I know it's fake that automatically. No,
it's not. Israel what? Here's what happened,
man. The guy traded some fucking wild, you know,
some native people. No, I don't know, native.
Slow down, wait, wait, wait. Slow down, native
people. Like some kind of fucking. Person, you
said people. He glues people or something. He
glues, like, Inuits, Eskimos? Yeah, something
like that. Really? Dude, did you even watch this?
Dude, yeah. Why do you gotta know? Because it
doesn't sound like it. I wanna know what kind
of people. What do you mean with the details?
You don't need to know, man. You don't need to
know that. So you just make up a story. So anyways,
we got treats for like two cans of beans. for
this little baby bear. Two cans of beans. Yeah,
beans. These people are fucking like peasants,
you know what I mean? They're like Russian fucking
peasants, like Eskimos. They live out nowhere,
in the middle of fucking nowhere in the Toad.
Right. So these pollocks, get this little bear.
I thought they were Russians. No, they were in
Russia where they got the bear. Polak Russians,
the worst kind. Anyways, they were Polish on
me. It's like Polish Nazis. It was the Polish
fucking army. Stay away from the Polish Nazis.
Anyways, so now they have this bear. And the
bullsh - They feed the bear, they, you know...
grows up and shit. He's eventually drinking vodka
and smokes and everything else. What do you mean,
eventually? He had to be trained to do that.
A bear just doesn't start smoking and drinking.
You see how he's so retarded at telling stories.
He's like, yeah, the bear just starts smoking
and drinking. It's a long time ago. That doesn't
mean anything. If it's the Polish army. Someone
had to be like, hey, I'm going to smoke around
here. Hey, that looks cool. You just don't stop
bear. So anyway, this bear started going all
around with them, and then, you know, to different
wars, and then he sniffed out a spy. They were
in this camp that they took over. So, wait a
second. Because they have this great smell. Slow
down. Right. How many wars? The thing was in
about, he was in about five different... Don't
believe him at all. He was in about five different
countries. So, two. No, no, it was a lie. It
was a lie. Army bear. Army bear. Then... They
want to go to Italy, but they tell them you can't
bring this bear on this ship. Yeah, because you
can't bring a fucking bear to go invade sauce
monkeys. The Moors are there. So the commander
of the thing makes the bear a private and then
gives him a pay book and he's now in the army.
Are you still high on mushrooms? No, and then
they bring him to Italy. Sounds like it. He fights
with them there. He carries bombs. back and forth.
Dude, I mean, this is literally the most absurd
thing I know. No, listen, I know you sent it
to me, but OK, so big deal. You think it's real?
Did you cross check it? Yes. So then I looked
online because they had these cool... I love
how you're a little squishy. So they had this
patch on their, uh, they had this patch on their
army. You're a proud bear. Slaves. With the bear
holding a bomb. He's, like, standing on one.
Okay, holding and loading armory is two different
things. No, he's not loading, but this is...
So then I looked at... If that guy gets hurt,
the bear could load it if he had to. I don't
know about that. Thank you, Jesus, for finally
having some realization in life. You're like,
yeah, the Bearland, the dude's driving a Jeep
across Europe, he's going to Belarus and Belgium.
No, listen, they showed him. They showed him
in Gelsenfors. Yeah, he's like, fucking Smeltafors.
So I looked it up and I'm like, shit, I want
to get that patch. You know, I want to put that
on an army jacket. The bear? Yeah, man, the Polish.
I'm right next to your swastika. And when I went
to look it up. I will say that Larry does have
a good field officer's jacket. So when I went
to look it up. Two desk calls. There is OG patches.
There is a shit ton of stuff about boy tech.
There's books. Who's Wojtek? The bear. And it's
spelled W -O -K -T -E -K. Wojtek is like a fucking
company name in some movie or something. That
might be real. It's a Polish name, man. It's
like a real old school Polish name. All right,
so this bear sounds very fictitious. I mean,
you're just wasting my time. No, it's fucking
real, man. It is real? Yeah, exactly. He's real.
He was real. He was a great bear. How do you
know? Did you live with him? They loved him.
He was really cool. How do you know this? He
might have been a real mean ass nigga. No, he
was nice. He didn't attack or hurt anybody ever.
They raised him up like this. How'd he die? Right.
He just died of natural causes. There are statues
of him all over Europe and shit. We should get
one for the house in front of the front yard.
Dude, they're fucking amazing. They look fucking
huge. They were cool. They were cool. He was
huge, man. In size and stature and... Yeah, I
think he weighed 550 pounds. Was his weight.
Yeah, fucking bears are big, dude. How about
diving already? I saw it diving horses. I really
do not believe the whole of the story. He actually,
well, you know, it was the guy, it was like a
fucking colonel or some higher up who is bad,
so he was allowed to do that. I understand, but
I'm not saying, the validity of the story does
not appease my tickle. Okay, well. I think it's
very fictitious in some sort of nature. Nah,
I'm looking into it further. What do you mean,
nah? I mean, you're squeezing your love doll
over there. It's not fictitious. If I saw...
Okay, you gonna finish that sentence or no? I'm
like Charlie Sheen. No, he's not. He's like a
homeless lady, dude. Look at him. He just nodded
out in the middle of the freaking... His monologue.
I saw a diving horse. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, where?
At Chicago Tastes of Chicago. When? 1922? A couple
years ago, like 10 years ago. A year and longer.
It was. It was a diving horse. Yeah, I heard
you the fourth time. I mean, yeah. Yeah. He dove
into a tank. What is this, in India or something?
He dove into a tank. It was a diving team. That's
the only way it's legal. It was a diving team?
It was a team of divers, yeah. Oh, not a horse.
No, diving horses are illegal now. What the fuck?
Why are you trying to trick us with your Jew
trickery? It was a Jew trickery. Did you see
that? They used to have diving horses, but...
He's like a Jew bag lady. He said that you saw
a diving horse. He said, I know. It took me a
while to rationalize. I thought everybody was
watching a real horse dive. No, you just made
it up in your head, and then you just set it
up. It was in a costume. It was in a horse costume.
Who the fuck was in a horse costume? How the
fuck did they climb up the ladder in a horse
costume? No, they didn't because they'd have
to be split in half. Somebody's got to be the
back legs and somebody's got to be the rock.
Maybe they had a ramp up to the fucking thing.
I'm not sure how they did it, but they did it.
Look at that, it was a real horse then. I mean,
you just keep lying, bro. That's the problem.
I know, but you just said you saw a diving horse.
And then we asked you where, and you said the
Taste of Chicago. And then you said, no, I didn't.
And then you said the horse was split in half
with two humans. And then I asked you how they
climbed up. He didn't say that. He didn't say
the horse was split in half. Yes, he said maybe
they were split in half. No, you said they were
split in half. You said that. They had their
costume on regardless. They wouldn't be split
in half. They had their costume on. How can you
be a fucking horse without two humans? That's
their costume. One's got to be the back. One's
got to be the white ass clown. So then piss off.
And you totally ruined my tirade. Fuck you. Oh,
fuck off. And so then they jumped off this thing,
holding onto each other together in this costume.
I guess so. What do you mean you guess so? Because
it landed in a very shallow pool. You know, like
you got to dive right in. No, not in force. Very
shallow pool. How the hell could they, like a
backyard swimming pool? It's like an agent of
death. It was a very shallow pool. It was like
a backyard swimming pool. Yeah, what are you
talking about, man? Did they survive? Yeah, they
were diving from a big high platform. Where the
fuck up there? I understand that, but did they
survive? Yes, they survived. Did they survive?
Yes, they survived. Touring and diving team played
festivals throughout the country. Yeah, that
was their shtick. They dove off the thing dressed
as a horse. I thought the outcome was different.
I thought they were going to die in this scenario.
My apologies. These Romanian's had a little two
-year -old baby on a fucking... Whoa, two -year
-old baby. Going over the fucking high wire.
He's two years old. What? How bad is it there?
Where? A two year old? Yes, he was a two year
old. I mean, you know what, I don't trust your
judgment on anything. You said it was a two year
old son. I really don't. A two year old on a
high wire? Yep, on a high wire. I tried it on
a bicycle. On a bicycle? Yeah. Two years old?
Two years old. Was he black? No, Romanian. How
do you know? How do you even know this? I think
you were hanging out with Erica Kirk. The one
people. The angels. The one people with the -
What was it? The Romanian angels? Yeah, yeah.
Are you part of the Romanian angels? There were
some crazy - I don't know what country they were
from. If you pronounce it, it was some crazy
- Where the hell were you? These guys were nuts
too. And it tastes of Chicago. And that was their
schick. It was this ball of death, whatever it's
called. I thought he was just nodding out. Yeah,
they do that at the... I haven't seen that shit.
You want to see what the Indians do. They do
a half ball of death. That's all right, though.
What are you going to do? Those fucking people
are gypsies. Nah, they're fucking... Bro. They're
fucking gypsies. They live in caravans. You can't
trust them for fucking... I would rather trust
a pile of shit than a gypsy. You used to work
for gypsies. I mean you don't have anything.
You can't come back. You can't have any fun I
got retardo one and retardo to here the I told
you Susie smoke that weed you shut down Hell
no, I ain't shutting down the other one. That's
it Even better see what I mean Tweedledee and
Tweedledum over here Yeah, okay And let me think
about what I'm gonna say over here Mary, have
you ever checked out the legal age of tender
in the United States for women? No, it was carnival
things. I apologize, but... How much fentanyl
is in Venezuela and forth? Not as much as there
is here, apparently. The way they're bombing
the ship, man. Bombing where? All the drug boats.
They're not drug boats, they're fishing boats,
dude. They're fishing boats with four 650 -horsepower
engines on the back. Okay, where are they going
to, though? Where are they fishing for? Where
are they going to? Wait a second. Don Anforth,
where are they going to? Do you know how much
fuel... Do you know how much fuel those motors
hold? This much. This much. Not that much. They're
not going to fucking Miami. It's a ploy. No,
no. It's a fucking Psy -Op. Larry? No, they're
not at all. Oh my God, guess what comes from
Venezuela? Nose candy. Oh, come on, really? That's
our biggest problem. How many people die from
nose candy every day? How many people die from
feni? 300 a day. It's insanity. It's all about
the Jews. It really is. The Jews are going to
put someone in power of Venezuela because they
have a central bank, and it's not controlled
by anybody. But that's all right, though. I don't
know anything. I'm freaking retarded. I really
am. Well, this thing in Iran scares me because
these people are uprising it now. It's said that
if they shoot at their people, who else is going
to get involved? Who's that? If the Iranian government
shoots at their own protesters, they're not going
to get involved. OK. We don't want to get in
a war with Iran, dude. Well, first of all...
Guys, we don't. What do we have against Iran?
Nothing. What does Israel have against Iran?
Well, we've bombed them already once this year
for Israel. And you want to know why? Right.
Because they're nukes. The Lukud party... Listen,
I'm going to start talking about the Jews. The
Lukud party fucking tries to scare us while they
have all these nukes. No, respect. What's that?
These Jews don't belong there at all. Who doesn't?
The Jews in Israel. Well, I mean, they're not
even, they've never been there. They're not indigenous
to that area. But, like I said. How do you know
where they're indigenous from? The religion they
worship is satanic. Well, I mean, if you, how
come? 23andMe is banned in Israel because when
they find out their DNA isn't localized in their
vicinity, people aren't going to be happy. You
know what I mean? Let's just keep with the six
million bit for a little while and shame everybody
into giving us billions of dollars. How much
money does Germany give Israel? for reparations
for the Holocaust. We talked about this. How
about the United States? How about Canada? How
come there's a Holocaust museum in almost every
big city? Is there one in Chicago? Yeah. There's
probably three. Wow. And you know what? They
probably out -Jew each other. Yeah. You know
what I mean? It's like a Jew going to the synagogue
and being like the rabbi. told me what I didn't
want to hear. How do I get my donation back?
You know what I mean? I gotta go to another synagogue.
Thank God I can throw a shackle and find another
one. It's like smurfing. But that's just like
anything. You're gonna look out to find anybody
that tells you whatever you want to do is a good
thing to do. Right? I don't do that. No, I'm
just saying. You need a preacher. If you're gonna
do, but if you're gonna, you know... Do you think
this is a good idea? No. Do you think this is
a good idea? No. Right, right. But... The thing
is, if we're provoked into a war with Iran...
That's not gonna happen. ...there could be big
problems. You're really worried about Iran. We
just arrested the fucking leader of Venezuela.
Well, I don't know about arrested. They kind
of kidnapped him. He went into a country that
you should... First of all, I'm going to tell
you right now, it's all fake and gay. It's so
fake and gay. Me and Mary were saying it's probably
already been done. What happened with George
Bush going into fucking Afghanistan after 9 -11?
How many American citizens do we lose? And all
of a sudden this fucking faggot can just go in
there and just kidnap... Fuck get out of here.
The guy wanted to be out of there. This is real
Oh, they probably gave him 50 million bucks and
we're never gonna hear about him again They're
gonna send some super max like El Chapo get the
fuck out of here fucking government. It is the
Everything it's a fucking video game man. You
want to you know, why? You get a, okay, so you
play these video games and you get like a country
and it's like they're in such despair that they
need this NPC to take care of it. It's like The
Sims. And then you build this, I beef, steal
all these fucking, all this shit. And you build
it up and you feel so good about building a country
up. And then now they do it in real time. And
in 2024, the Rothschilds went into fucking, what
do you call it, Venezuela. And they, in 1999,
I think it was even, that they went in there
because... You all right, dude? You have fun.
What do you call it? They couldn't manage their
country. They had to get their finances in order.
Who the fuck, isn't that the craziest thing you
ever heard of? You have to bring an outsourcing
there. We had to bring an outside source in to
manage your country. This is the most asinine
thing. Yeah, I know, it's ridiculous. Well, it's
not like we can keep ours straight. Well, then
you look at fucking Mexico with Shekelbaum. 37
candidates got murdered before she came to power.
37 candidates. I saw a thing on Venezuela not
too long ago. They were just walking downtown
through the streets. It was beautiful. and quiet.
Everyone was nice and friendly. There wasn't
even a car. Yeah, because they started that CEOT
thing. The Venezuelan prison. There was no bad
at all or all that at all in Venezuela. Isn't
that Tren de Aguara? Yeah, that's where I'm from.
And they started that big CEOT or something like
that. That guy's over here. Right. That huge
prison. I'm going to tell you, man. Listen, everything
that we know about the whole world is just falsified,
faked. The huge prison's great, right? Huh? Yeah.
Well, they built... They built those prisons,
man. You like it? It looks good. I like the way
they fucking brought him in there, don't you?
They all get no shirts and white boxers. You
like that, right? You saw him, like, when they
bend him over and people... Oh, those are El
Salvador prisons. You got to walk and bend over.
He's right in El Salvador, yep. That's why we
keep him around. Yeah, you're right. I thought
it was Venezuela, you're right. I also did think
it was Venezuela. But El Salvador, here we go.
You earn your keep tonight Don Hanford. Yeah,
but they still got their share of gangs and fucking
cartels and all that shit. Well, the thing is,
is that, okay, from what I was reading, and listen,
I don't know nothing, you know what I mean, just
what I read. He banned like, Ursury and pornography
and all this other bullshit. in this country.
They had a centralized bank, or the citizens
controlled it. And I don't know anything about
this country. I am not an expert, nothing at
all. This is just what I read. And you know what?
They, you know who wants to control the world?
The Jews. They do. And you wanna know how? Because
what do they do? They plant these people in and
they want, dude. We are a controlled country.
We are fucking controlled by the enemy. Thanks.
Dual citizenship running our government. It's
not acceptable. It's like 435 and then 100 million.
Would any other country in the world let you
have a dual citizenship and become part of it?
Russia, China, fucking... I mean, imagine that.
Anywhere. How could we do that? No, let's just
say the big superpowers. Russia and China, because
they're all infiltrated, the rest of them. But
they still wouldn't have you let someone in.
And then you want to think they're Freemasons.
And then you want to think that there's also,
beyond that, there's so much more. Yeah, but
the only time, like, a Russian would have you
is if you were a dual citizen, as if you were
a spy. You know what I mean? You'd have to be
working for them. And then they're going to kill
you at the end, anyway. It's ripped off billions
and billions and... billions of dollars is known
fried. Who has? in Minnesota. How about this?
You want to go back? Let's start with... Who?
Waltz? Yeah. Yeah, Tim Waltz. Come on, man. Well,
I know, but you're thinking about the... He's
still there. He's still there. He's not under
arrest or taken down out of his office. Well,
then there you go. Now you just realize how the
world works. Isn't that crazy? How could he not
be in jail? Why does he not fucking stop? Doesn't
that fucking not make sense? You know, if I went
to the neighbor's house and punched him in the
face, It hasn't stopped. I'd get arrested. If
I went to the neighbor's house and stole their
checks, I'd get arrested. But you know what?
This is the thing, Donnie. They want us all to
believe we live in a safe, soft spot. And we
don't. We are controlled by demigods. We are
controlled by Baphomet. We are controlled by
the Star of Remfram. I'm not. You're not what
you still are. You have parameters in your life
that are controlled by you. You pay taxes. You
do all this other shit. And guess what you also
do? Your taxpayer dollars go to kill children
in Palestine and other countries. And you're
unwilling. You're an unwilling participant, which
strays you away from God. It does. It really
does. And they do that on purpose. I mean, everyone's
like, oh, we got, we need a congressional war,
you know, a signage of war. Which hasn't been
done since the Korean War, I think, was the last
one. I can't believe you're making sense like
this. Well, why would you interrupt me while
I'm making sense, then? You just can't help yourself.
You just totally did. I waited until you stopped
talking. I was on a rant, and then... Yeah. I
waited until you stopped talking. And why do
you have that over on your face like that, ass
clown? I'm trying a different micing technique.
just so you can have it by your mouth. Was it
too close, you think? Hello, check. Okay, why
are you doing that in the middle of the show?
You do that at the beginning, you idiot. That's
how I roll, motherfucker. So do you think that...
Okay, I was telling Mary this today, Donnie,
and for that... You live in the west side and
shit like that. Remember when you would drive
by and you see those daycares? And there'd be
one right next to a liquor store. It was a storefront.
This shit's been going on for 25 fucking years.
We knew a Somali lady here in the park who always
had that damn phone up tucked underneath her.
Her phone, okay. Larry Ashtray, not the garbage
man. She could tell she was... Running a daycare?
And? And? Dude, see, these guys don't have fun.
Larry, remember the Puerto Rican lady where she
used to buy me an EBT card and she would feed
us? These guys don't know how to have fun. You
know what I mean? Like, oh, Somali lady, that's
all I need. No, no. You know what you do? She
was kind of loud and just rude. I didn't want
to do anything else with her. Yeah, because she's
like a real... Dude, she's a West African nigga.
Wherever she was. Like, they don't fuck around.
Yeah, she's a West African nigga. Somalis on
the West Coast at the top. West Coast? West Side?
Somalis. They're nice, though, aren't they? They're
hot -looking chicks. Why do they have such big
heads and small brains, Anfort? I have no idea.
I mean, what do you think their average IQ is,
Don Anfort? How would I know? I'm asking you
a freaking question. What do you think their
average IQ is? I don't even know what an average
IQ would be. Take a guess. I have six. Man, you
really suck. Six. Their average IQ is six. No,
it's not. Man. You're just the worst podcaster
ever. If it was six, it would be like the goldfish.
I mean, you can't make it normal. It'd be like
Donnie Enforth. If it was six, just bumping his
head into the wall. At this point in time, you
hit your head on the floor anymore, Donnie. Oh,
my God. For the can, to hold the lid up on my
couch. Oh, yeah, yeah. You have a what? He'd
put a soup can or something to hold up his couch.
Get the fuck out of here. I mean, you're kidding
me, all right? How'd that work out? It worked
out fine until I spit it off my chair and sliced
my head open on the chair. So now he said it
was the couch and it was the chair. You see what
I mean? No, that was another incident. The chair
and the eye and the chin, that was a... That
was another complete time that happened. So that
doesn't make any sense what you just said. It
didn't happen long before. Okay, so did you have
a can of soup underneath your chair or your couch?
Underneath the couch. Okay. I was sitting on
my chair. Okay. I slid off the chair. Bam. So
you slid off the chair and hit the can of soup
underneath the couch. It wasn't under the couch
good enough. Right, it wasn't all the way under.
A leg is that big and a can is that big. Just
enough to, I mean, you can almost still feel
it. He's lying to us again. No, I'm not lying
to you, dude. Not this time? Yeah. Not this time.
I never should have lied about the first one.
You did. You told us you got carjacked. I know.
I should have stopped right there and said, what
the fuck? Yeah, you should have just stopped
lying. I just fucking collapsed into my fucking
face. Dude, you made a completely fictitious
story. You were in your house the whole time
and you fell down. But then you made up this
story how a guy carjacked you in 7 -Eleven. You
were in your house the whole time. It's like
law and order with you. He's like the junkie
wolf, you know, dick wolf. Oh, he'd do two questions.
He'd fucking fall under from one more question.
He would completely fucking completely fold under
question. He wouldn't know what's going on. Look
at him. He's a mess. Look at this guy. He's guilty
of something. Yeah. Let's take his fingerprints.
They're gonna be on something bad. Take his fingerprints
and run it with every case we got going. They're
gonna be on something very bad. Some sort of
weird porno tape. I'm bashing this up, don't
worry. Crack pipes. Oh my God. You show me the
man, I'll find a crime. That night we got busted
at Rockwell Gardens. No. In the station, in the
station there was two of those 50 gallon garbage
cans, you know? Yeah. One full of lighters, one
full of crack pipes. Nice. Big, giant, 40 -gallon
trash tubs. Crazy. Full of them, man. Full of
lighters. I love how you still think about that.
It was a crazy night, dude. The taxi that was
there, which made me not want to go in, so I
started to walk back, and the guy kind of pushed
me in, the white guy. I thought it was his taxi,
because it wasn't his taxi. He was a cop. That's
why I started to get out of there. But it turned
out the taxi driver was a little Indian guy who...
The braces wouldn't fit on him. The handcuffs
kept sliding off his wrist. He was sort of skinny.
Are you guys done? No. A little bit. So the taxi
driver was getting doped, too? Yeah. That's great.
How long ago was this? It was when they were
running downtown. Oh, man. So a while ago. A
while ago, yeah. And yeah, so I didn't want to
go in. And the guy was getting out of the cab.
It was the cop who was just moving the cab or
something, whatever. But white guy, army jacket,
you know, leaving the cab. Undercover. Undercover.
Sure about this, yeah. That's why I was walking
back. I was going back to my car. He said, oh,
they're working, man. Go on in. I'm like, that's
OK. I'm going to go in. I guess I'm going to
come back there. No, go on. Go on. Donnie and
Fourth never says that. He pushed me in there.
Yeah, he pushed you into the dope spot. Yeah,
that's OK. A cop pushed him into the dope. I
mean, if that isn't in the whole thing. I was
trying to leave. Yeah, I bet you. I was. You
didn't get nothing, did you? I didn't get to
know, I got jumped. Then another cop jumped on
me, because they thought I was... So you got
jumped twice? They thought I was a cop. So the
cop jumped you because he thought you was a cop?
Yeah, they were forcing around over there. Did
you hear this? The cop jumped him because he
thought he was a cop. Right, they were trying
to like, they were forcing around, they were
playing around. They were playing around. With
their guns to my head. What? That's not playing
around. They were spiting them off. They were
playing around and tickling someone. I'm fucking...
Yeah, it felt like you were getting arrested.
And they're trying to arrest me. Yeah, there
we go, finally. I don't even know what's going
on. Yeah, because you're all high and stuff.
Yeah, I thought I was getting jumped. They thought
I was one of their undercovers. They didn't know.
One guy thought I was someone else. They thought
that he was one of their undercovers, so they
jumped him. Yeah, they were playing. They were
like, you know, pretending on the guy. But I
didn't know that. And so the whole thing was
a mess. It sounds like it, because the most funniest
thing I've heard tonight is that the cops that
were real cops thought you were a cop, but you
weren't when you were going to score dope and
then they jumped you because they thought that
you were a cop to joke around with them. Right.
Exactly. Then when they saw how hard I was fighting,
they realized maybe they got the wrong guy, and
they quickly got their guns out and put them
all in my head. And that slowed me down. Yeah,
that'll do it. They whipped me into the corner,
and all the people that were on the stairs said,
man, that was great, too. We never seen that,
dude. You were really fucking those guys. So
they didn't arrest you? Yeah, it was trespassing.
I got, you know... So wait a second, they threw,
huh? They took us all down the stairs, really
caught everybody that was coming into the place.
They drove us to the station. Oh, bring a paddy
wagon? Yeah. Thank God I was out, I was out right
before 11 o 'clock, just before 11 o 'clock when
it started. I got out, it was the last call for
the first call, you know, all the people. Thank
God it wasn't the second call, I would have made
it. And there's other Hillbillig in there telling
me I'm going to Connie with him, you know, because
he's looking for a white pal to hang around with,
you know what I mean? But I've been good with
all the Negroes. So wait a second. Wait, whoa,
whoa, slow down. So you met a white guy in there.
Some Hillbillig was in there trying to convince
me that, you know, it didn't matter because I
already had my pocket full of chicklets and a
bunch of gum from the gum ball machine at work.
It was broken. I mean, this story is the craziest
story. I had chicklets in my pocket in lockup.
Chicklets in my pocket. And there we go, I have
chicklets in my pocket. The shine I'm in there
with, he's having a... The what? The black gentleman
I'm in there with. No, what'd you say the first
time? You can say it again. He said shine, shine.
All right, there we go. Whoever's listening now
is in for it. Vice Lord. Or actually an ex -vice
lord, of course. Nice. No, he's nothing but a
dangerous vice lord. No, he's a diabetic vice
lord. Oh, that was in a joke. Yes. Larry, laugh
now. You want some sugar. You need sugar. He
needs sugar? He needs sugar. Guess who's got
sugar? You and your tank. Right here. You just
opened up your butthole and let him in. I got
this gum here, you know. Oh, man, it's great.
Thanks, dude. You're awesome. You know, when
you get down to town and you tell them, you know
him and that, you know them, look, yeah, for
you, man, I'm like, yeah, great, cool, thanks.
So now the other hillbilly wants to buddy up
with me, of course, because, you know, you think
someone... You're one with the blacks now, yeah.
Right. Because he knows you're an actual true
lowlife. Right. Well, he just had candy in his
pocket. That's not even being a lowlife. Some
black guy was going to go into a diabetic coma
and Don Anford had chiclets in his pocket. Then
we bring in, they bring in these three dudes,
two young kids and one old fella. I gave him
my seat on the bench. He was so old. Never been
rushed into Dana's life as a black guy. 72 years
old. They got drunk after work and wanted to
go get a prostitute. Nice. And they picked up
a cop. And a poor old guy. I wonder if she was
small. But man, that's so crazy. Imagine the
odds of going getting the hooker in the city,
a streetwalker, and you pick up a cop. It's 72.
Those odds have got to be billions. Imagine the
odds of a black fellow being 72 and never been
arrested before. Now, Larry? That's some fucking
crazy ass. His records have been hidden. Come
on, Larry. A 72 -year -old black guy that's never
been arrested. That is like an Occam's razor
wrapped in an enigma wrapped in Pandora's box.
Well, I know. He had a stretcher on the floor.
There was no room. I let the guy take my spot
on the bench because I couldn't do that. Was
he a good kisser? No. No? Well, I'm sorry, then.
Oh, man. So then they let us out, finally. Thank
God they didn't tow my car. So... When was this?
That's where I lived, from downtown. Today? No,
no, no. I lived downtown. They drove my car back
to the police station, so it was right there
when I got out of jail. They said, we'll go right
back to the drug spot, get my drugs. I got home
from time to time to see the end of Linnerman.
Any day with Hawaii. Nice. Yeah, any day with
Hawaii, basically. Yeah. Because you're on a
run, kiddo. Look at you, you can't even hold
your phone. Which... Who can't do that also?
That's a sign. Yeah, that's a sign right there.
When I was getting... When needles was invested
in fun stuff, I would sit on the wood floor.
Dude, I know, I know. Every fucking minute, dude.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,
bam. Stop dropping my phone. Well, no, everybody
was, they didn't know. Yeah, I knew. Oh, they
know. Well, they knew, but, yeah, I was like,
dude, well, piss off. They know, they think it's
something they dropped, too. Fuck, I dropped
my phone again. I think either I'm coming to
lay in bed or I'm gonna look at my phone. You
drive your phone? No, I don't go to work high.
I didn't go to work. I stopped going to work.
I mean, come on. You're going to lie to us now.
No, I don't go to work right now. Tony said he
saw you the other day. I sure got your phones.
I work there high. Well, you just said you don't
go to work high. The Elmwood Park restaurant.
Because you make sure you go on delivery sometimes
too. I'm sure you don't want to be driving around.
What are you talking about? How many cars have
you wrecked? Yeah, well, yeah exactly you shouldn't
be anywhere near the wheel when you're on When
you're on the clock shall I say? For doing drugs
nobody should man. Well, I mean some people should
You do adderall you do weed weed drug From what?
Oh my god, I wish you wouldn't have said that
that is the highest amount of milligrams that
will ever be spoken on a show, I think. Jesus,
you can't even keep water in your mouth, dude.
Okay, well then tilt your head back, sucker.
I've got to drink like a seal. All right, what
time? Yeah, kiss you fucking guys. I told you
Larry was gonna smoke. He'd be worth nothing
this fucking guy Look at you just eating popcorn
I know but we're doing a podcast or not Fuck
man, I work with some target Tried what? That's
probably not a good idea. Listen, how about this?
Don't be a fucking glutton. Stop eating like
a pig. Don't have to have fucking popcorn. Both
you false teeth fucking bastards over here. I
watched Larry's tooth pop out once because he
bit a piece of pizza. Seriously, look, he's not
saying no. He literally did, he bit a pizza pizza
and his fucking tooth fell out. It doesn't wiggle
out, it's stuck in there. Yeah, the tooth's gonna
break before you put the gum in. Yeah, man. Now
that motherfucker came out. No, he's talking
about my actual teeth, bro. Yeah, you have none
left, so what is he talking about? Oh, your real
tooth came out. Yeah, real fucking tooth. That
motherfucker came right. I mean that thing was
like Napoleon just coming through the Bering
Strait You know that's fictitious, but it's a
sounds cool. Yeah, whatever the Bering Strait
The Bering Sea The Bering Strait unlike you Bering
Strait not like Bering Gay It's hilarious. You
know, we had a really good time at the rock and
roll party, Mark. You should have been there.
I mean, I am really podcasting with fucking monkeys
right now at this point. I really am. Y 'all
have so much fun. Hey, get off your fucking phone!
I didn't have any mushrooms or ashes. Well, if
you would have came, we didn't have - we didn't
have ashes, but if your dumbass would have came
here, like, dude, I called you two fucking times,
you ass clown. Did you? Yes, I did. I'll show
you the fucking - Ask Larry. And we text you.
Oh, now you're sorry. Oh, you know what? Nobody
invited me over. I'm gonna be a gay ass faggot
and make everybody think I'm fucking - But no
if you would have answered your phone and looked
at your phone But you know what you were too
much of a dope monkey Because you had to fucking
go downtown and go rub your fucking negro boyfriend's
balls to get a couple bags Larry Man you really
are a fucking Benedict Arnold Yeah said every
drug addict I know And then before yeah, and
then by six o 'clock at night, you're out. No,
no, no Oh my god, here we go. Welcome to conservative
drug addict corner with two drug addicts One
X and one in the drug addict program recover
now for what doing too much heroin last night
again You guys can't have fun. All right, let's
end it. I can't have fun? No, you can't. Why
not? All right, let's end it. Why are you the
expert on fun? That's what I want to know. Because
you're sitting over there, all gacked out, eating
fucking popcorn, and this guy doesn't even know
what day it is. I did wake up Friday. I did wake
up Friday. I woke up Friday at 630 last night.
I thought it was morning time again. Exactly.
So he thought today was Sunday. I was ready to
go to Metro. There we go. Wow. Thanks for proving
my point, Dianne. I really appreciate it. The
retarder, the guy who doesn't know what day it
is. I was actually sitting in my car. And this
is the third time he's done this because he called
me one time and was like, hey, what time is it?
And is it light or dark out? And it was dark
out, and he could have looked out the window
and seen that it was dark out, but he didn't
know that it was dark out because... Something
like that. He couldn't look out the window because
he was stuck in a position of contempt. Something
like that. You can't tell. It's too dark. It's
dark at 630. Well, yeah. Well, that means it's
dark out then, after all. When the sun comes
up... I know. It's weird. It's dark at the same
time. Yeah. But when the sun comes up, you can
tell the sun's up. Right. Yeah. You know, usually
about 7 o 'clock. Well, like, if you had to be
somewhere at 5 o 'clock... It's dark out at five
o 'clock and it starts. I understand that you
can be confused by a .m. p .m. Dark 5 4 5 6 7
even but that means that you're sleeping and
you're waking up it Well, that means you either
really fucked up Because you passed out or you're
really really fucked up because you've been on
a bender and you passed out Because, or you just
worked a big double shift and you came home and...
Why are you looking at your phone? No, I can't
let this go away. Well, why are you looking at
your phone? I don't want this to go away. Well,
why are you looking at your phone? I don't know
what's going on here. It won't go away. You know
what's going on? Yeah, you're in a podcast right
now. That's what's going on. You shouldn't be
on your phone. Dude, how many you've done like
50 hours of this podcast and you still don't
realize. You can't do you really can't stop looking
at your phone for 10 for 30 minutes. Why? What
is so addicting on your phone? Do you look at
porn? No. OK, then what do you look at? What's
so addicting? Because I know Don Anforth doesn't
look at porn. You know what I know he looks for?
Vacations and places to live. See I saw a house
in Florida. Here we go. That's my boy something
funny $50 ,000 we're at In the middle of the
ocean, yeah Right next to the nigger island Just
to make Larry laugh The only reason I say that
is just to make him laugh. I don't mean that
at all. That's his disclaimer. But no, that was
funny. What, dude? What are you talking about?
I need to look it up. No, look it up. N -I -G
-G -E -R. No, I didn't say it. Did they look
up? Did they throw the pictures in the yard?
This guy's throwing spears. Big cattle. Big shot
of Zulu shit. Dancing around Zulu warriors. We
didn't do Larry Needles after dark. That's all
we needed to do. Because remember the pictures
of the one place you were going to get in Tennessee
that was like $20 ,000? Yeah. But you couldn't
fit enough children in there. Don Anfor's daycare.
Yeah. It only cost me three million to run it.
Collected a bunch of money for nobody. No, not
exactly. You just want the kids. You don't care
about the money. You're in it for the love of
the game, kiddo. Are you gonna play fucking solid?
Get out of here! All right, let's shut this down.
He's fucking checked out, man. You're both checked
out. You both fucking stink. I told you, once
you smoke that weed, you're gonna be worth nothing.
Okay, you're the fucking evaluator of words.
I'm not the evaluator, I predicted fast. Well,
you didn't. What was I looking for on my phone?
You were playing solitaire one minute ago. No,
it just came up solitaire. Oh, it just came up.
You were looking for the house that you were
gonna buy. Redfin, where is that? For 50 fucking
thousand dollars. Prediction, nigga. Right next
to where? None of your business. In between Little
St. James. Biden Place. No, no, and Knicker Island.
Knicker Island is what fucking what's -is -not.
The guy from Virgin Island, or Virgin. The guy
that invented pants, Knickers. What's the guy's
name from Virgin Records? Branson. Branson. Branson.
Branson. Branson. Branson. Branson. Branson.
Branson. Branson. Branson. Br All right, come
on, Larry, shut it down. Please, we can't do
this anymore. Thanks for tuning in. I apologize.
I wouldn't listen to this if you fucking paid
me. I'm sorry. I wanted to show you guys what?
Thanks for tuning in. Dude, you couldn't, you're
fucking...