Hey, everybody. Wait, wait, stop it. Look how
red I am. I'm peeking. You can see it right there.
No, you're good, man. All right. Hey, everybody.
Welcome to the Larry Needles Show. I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles. Special guest, Donnie. Holding
baby spalling with the Kabbalah bracelet. Oh,
there's a Kabbalah member now. Nice. Good job,
Spalding. I'm going to tell you right now, I
stand shoulder to shoulder with my Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ, against the muzzies and the Jews.
But you know what my Lord and Savior does not
tolerate? Thou shall not lie. Thou shall not
lie, Larry. We are going to get a start soon,
though. Wait a second. Let's put a pin in that
for a second. Oh, they're lying already. Yeah,
they're always lying. Who's lying down here?
Government. We're lying about what? Everything.
What are they lying about? I mean, come on, give
me an example. This whole world, the whole situation
is happening to us here, all this. Very vague.
Yeah, I know. It's when they start talking peace
and security, peace and security, everything's
peaceful, it's all safe, everything's fine. That's
when we need to look out. It's like the last
Kurt Cobain interview. That's when the shit starts
to hit the fan. The one without the shotgun blast
in the head. When you start talking, oh yeah,
peace in the Middle East, everything's great,
it's peaceful, there's no more war. No, there
will be, there will be. And then the shit's gonna
hit the fan just a few months after that. Peace
in the Middle East is because we keep on fucking
fun being in the Middle East. Right. So you're
not dope sick anymore, huh? Oh yeah, are you
dope sick or no? I don't know, I'm a little bit
sick. You got right? Today, eventually he'll
be sick soon. Yeah, but you got it right though
before he came here. I mean, first of all, we
should have had a lie counter up. That's what
we should have started with. So lie number one.
So here you want to hear something crazy. So
I went by my fucking. Oh, obviously fat girl
isn't here with us today because he is so retarded
in a Polak that I texted Larry at nine o 'clock.
I texted the boys at nine o 'clock this in the
morning. Don in force. And I said, we're going
to do the podcast. You're like, oh, yeah, you
know, I'm just a fat girl. What the fuck, man?
Just fat girling up, you know, probably eating
pizza and fucking kissing dudes somewhere up.
So all of a sudden, an hour before, two hours
before, I'm ready to go. Oh shit, I got to go
to my sister's. Fucking birthday like you don't
know and you're a fat girl I'm calling all the
texts at like one in the afternoon or 12 was
like, okay everybody Just find out about your
fucking sister's birthday party. Oh, yeah, you
know what? Hit list He has to read fucking your
sister's birthday, too He's got a fucking re
-interview for the podcast fat girl Oh, okay.
I once saw a roller yesterday and um, down fucking
in the city. And on my way back, uh, they had,
so 290, the heroin highway going fucking, I was
going westbound, both, all for like at least
seven to eight miles. And Don was going eastbound.
No, well, yeah, he, I mean, you know, by that
time Don was already - Could you get off at Western?
I didn't know. I was, no, no, no, you couldn't
because they had all the - So basically, listen
to this, Donnie. So I was driving back last night
and Roller lives the proximity of where the ICE
detention center is in Chicago. So on the incoming
side, the eastbound and the westbound sides,
they had two fucking state troopers at every
exit and inbound and outbound ramp. Really? Facing
out at fucking highway side, street side, right
where the entrance goes and then. Two at the
top. No shit. I saw at least 50 and they were
rushing in fucking going eastbound while I was
driving westbound the whole fucking time. So
basically you couldn't get down there at all.
You couldn't get within that vicinity of a certain
mile radius. You could not all of because. What
if you were already on the highway and you didn't
get off at an exit and you just kept going? You
had to keep going. Like if I wanted. So when
I got off at fucking where Rollers Street is,
that was it. Like you couldn't get on, you know
what I mean? Like they were closing, they were
moving down and closing everything down at this
point. As it went. Yeah. So it's like, just like
I say, how do you like your police state, Larry?
Cuz here it is medium. Well, yeah, because we've
been fucking bamboozled Fears in here we got
people to Peter teal talking about fucking yeah,
I Christ The funniest thing is he calls fucking
up stupid fucking he man Greta Thunberg. She's
the fuck it. Oh, what do you call it? Um Who's
that guy from the fucking up? She's a jolly Roger
of Hamas on a fucking boat. Just talking bouncing
around Israel. Yeah, you know what I mean? You
see that Israel had to pay for all their plane
tickets and they're complaining They want their
money back Those plane tickets were promised
to us 3000 years ago So they had the whole shit
blocked off and then I was watching fucking,
you know, obviously fucking acts and Dude, they're
just cracking skulls. It's like the DNC all over
here Just fucking cracking fucking hippie skulls.
Yeah, they got big batons out there and everybody's
like, you know They're like, oh my god, we created
a problem for these people and now we're begging
for a solution. Welcome to the UB State, you
fucking dicks. This is what you get. This is
what you're named for. Here's the thing, they're
going after these names. They've got the names.
What names? Of these guys you're picking up,
the dangerous people, these... Criminals. Gang
members. The people running in Tifa or Trans
-Tifa. Right. And the over -the -borders, the
border -jumpers, the illegal aliens. Well, they're
not border -jumpers. They let them in. Well,
either way, whatever. The illegal aliens, they're
picking up the brown ones, for pregnant women,
but they're not talking about getting any of
these ones that don't know who they are. All
the Muslims they snuck across, all the thousands
of Chinese they snuck across. Well, how come
they're not picking up any of them guys? No,
they're not. No. They're going only after these
Mexican people, which is fine, because they're
the worst of the worst. They're gang members.
So we ignore. No, no, no. They're gang, whatever
they are. They're saying what they are so they
can just concentrate on this, so we forget. about
the other ones. Which other ones? Terror cells
that are living here comfortably. Yes. The CIA
and the FBI. Those are the terrorist cells. Right.
Being funded by whatever while they make up the
shit they're trying to protect their border again.
Let's just start at the beginning. They're deporting
all these people. The U .S .S. Liberty, the U
.S .S. Cole, let's do the King... But they're
not deporting the right... Let's do 9 -11, let's
do Ruby Ridge, let's do Waco, Texas, let's do
Oklahoma City... You know, they're getting all
the gang bangers and crime committers. They're
not getting the terrorist plotters that are going
to be blowing up buildings and shit. All those
things I named, who was involved in that? The
CIA or the FBI? Right? Get off your phone. You
can't start looking at your phone, dude. What
are you doing? What are you doing, man? We're
gonna fucking do it. I was gonna show you something.
Why don't you tell our audience about what happened
with you getting carjacked. I told the audience
before. No, you didn't. No, you told them you
got carjacked. Wait a minute. Wait a second.
Wait a minute. What was it? I'm sorry. I wasn't
carjacked. I was tranked. No, what were you doing?
I got tranked. I took Trank and lied. Pashed
out? No, wait, say you lied about getting...
Well, I couldn't live with my lie. I eventually
had to confess my lie. But did you lie about
getting about... You told us you got carjacks.
Yes, I did. I did. Okay, Larry, hand him the
helmet. You have to wear this for the rest of
the show. The liar's helmet? The liar. I'm a
liar. I'm a lot more than that, good lord knows.
Never mind the lies, there's plenty of other
things, but lying is the least of it, trust me.
Oh, for the audio listeners, you really have
to see this at a video. I like this thing, I'm
gonna wear it every time. You should probably
wear it at home when you do fentanyl. I remember
one woman said, no, they told me not to wear
this. Yeah, you should wear it at home when you
do fentanyl so you don't have to lie to us anymore,
because that'll fucking black you. This fucking
guy's doing fentanyl, lying to her, fucking breaking
her. Look, look, they asked me, is someone beating
you up because they come with bruises all the
time? Yeah, myself. Are you getting beat by someone?
She I love it. You know what? He's so blase about
it. It makes my heart whistle. It really does.
Like he doesn't even care. He's like, yeah, I
lied to you guys about getting carjacked and
told you a 30 minute story on your podcast. But
now I'm fine, because I don't have a helmet,
so I won't do it again. On the podcast? But you
knew! I knew you were on drugs, but I still thought
you got carjacked. Here's the thing. You told
me all these details on the phone. I was tightening
it. Look at it. And then when you came on the
show, you had... No details, you know? Yeah,
and all the contradictions. Because it was a
bad lie, man. Because I'm lying junkie, what
do you want? Oh, there we go. That's the title
of the episode. I mean, right there. Lying junkie.
It was a carjacking. But how could you just lie
on your board? It was a self -tranking. Why do
you want to admit I was on drugs? I love how
it was a self -tranking, how he still distances
himself from the fucking tranking. Oh, no. It
was completely my fault, dude. So you think you
took Trank? Well, it's a mix of drink is what
they do now. That's what I heard on the news.
What do you mean, man? You started believing
the news all of a sudden? Well, not this one
show about the drugs in other cities, but there's
this trank they put in Fentanyl. Yeah. And the
trank is what really makes you just go down,
you know what I mean? Yeah, okay. Yeah, and I
completely... Hey Larry, could you grab me a
PBR, please? And as a matter of fact, the guy
said I put something, another one in there for
you. Why don't you try, let me know what you
think. Wait a second. So the dude that you bought
your dope from told you that I added other drugs
that you don't go... Wait, slow down, stop. Yes,
yes, yes. The African -American gentleman that
you don't even know that just sells you drugs,
which is the greatest thing ever. It's like,
hey, we hate blacks. And it's like, hey, man,
you got some drugs, bro. Right, right. I hate
blacks. Kill whities unless you want to buy a
fucking jab. So the African -American gentleman,
let me get this straight, that you buy drugs
off is like, hey, I mixed other drugs into your
other drugs. No, no. He said there's another
one in there. another drug like not in all the
drugs another capsule there's a new stuff yeah
there's something new that's your lucky there's
a new one in there let me know what you think
about it oh my god right and what did you do
you did that one first didn't you i can't remember
what happened until you knocked my fucking tooth
out wait what I fell down and hit a stool, a
bar stool in my kitchen. So this is when you
were lying to us when you said you had power
gas. And then I went forward and actually the
force on my tooth went over. I mean you're fucking
Magellan over here. The force on my whole head
and on my tooth. Junkie tails. Junkie Magellan.
One time I fell backwards in the bathroom with
my head on a fucking bathtub. How do you fall
backwards? Well not only do I have neuropathy
in my feet so it's hard to balance. Dude, I mean.
Once I start going backwards, yeah, that's it.
You know, I'm going. I'm done. I'm falling. So
you should probably sit down. How about that?
You hit your head on the bathtub? Yeah. I'm going
to fucking kill myself up here. It sounds like
it. That's why you need the liar helmet all the
time. That should be your accoutrement from now
on. What you should wear. You should probably
wear it when you drive, too. He comes out and
just lies to us. Bold -faced lies about how we're
fucking wrong that he's doing drugs. Oh, man.
What do you mean, oh, stop? This is your tale.
I'm sorry. Don't apologize. I didn't want to
admit it. I should have admitted it. Yeah. You're
talking to two ex -fucking friends of the program.
And the best is like... And they don't call me
Needles because I crochet. I get it. Believe
me, I get it. You know what I mean? Not because
you're Taylor. I mean, come on, dude. This fucking
guy. Are you good now? Sure. You're not going
to lie to us anymore? No. You're on drugs, right?
No, I'm quitting. Oh yeah! No, I'm stopping.
When are you going to probably? Yeah, after tonight.
When are you quitting? Tomorrow. When are you
quitting? Well, I have a plan. Oh, Jesus. Sorry.
Well, I have a plan. Look, I do work two jobs,
and they love me at these jobs. You know what
makes two jobs better? Adding fucking fentanyl
to them. No, it makes it worse. Dude, I'm not
off at a table one day. No, shit. Oh, really?
With the water pitcher in my hand? This is what
we go... Dude, I'm at the table with two ladies,
and I got the water pitcher, and I'm just froze.
And... And they're like, son, is everything okay?
Yeah, yeah, sir, sir. They saw the wolf. I'm
like, oh, I'm sorry, I forgot what I was gonna
ask you. Did you want something else to drink,
or is water fine? Should you be wearing sandals,
son, while you're surfing? I got fired from He's
just like, I'm really good. I'm nodding out.
First of all, you didn't even work there. I'm
not even getting into this story because it's
a waste of time. You're a liar, too, because
of this story. You were never an employee of
Hot Bellies. You just played acoustic guitar.
You're not an employee. Yeah, coming from the
liar. When I got fired, it was... He should be
your attorney. It was from the, uh... Pop Belly's
Corporation. Yeah, it was from... My checks were
from Pop Belly's and I got fired from the manager.
So you were paying taxes? Yeah, you were getting
two ages. You were retarded. How much were the
checks for? 25 bucks? No, 25 bucks an hour, so
I would play about seven hours a day. Okay. Holy
shit. So that's, I mean, that's let's say 6,
1500, something around that. Wait, whoa. Yeah,
that's a good game, dude. And then you got fired
for not enough, didn't you? No, no, no, no. Okay,
yeah, my bad. Not 1 ,500. Shrieks are on the
job. You couldn't put a tape and pretend you
were there. It worked for me, man. And it was
fun. I love it. Two heroin addicts fucking defending
each other about how great they are. There was
a kid there. I can't remember his name, but we
would go back to his house and do dope. He was
like, hey, man, you party? And I'm like, yeah,
I do. Of course I do. I play guitar and pop belt.
He had a fucking gay boy party. No, no. He needed
to ride home one day. So I drive him home and
fuck him. And he's like, hey, you want to get
high? And I'm like, yeah, dude. I love how we
tried to do it. Bro, you party? He said, hey,
you get high. And I'm like, yes, I do. And so
he fucking gets high. What, yes, I do. So now
I'm like, shit, now this kid knows I'm high.
And he's like, man, how high is that bathtub,
Phil? They both get in. That's your fucking thing.
You know how Larry's lying when he laughs? That's
all right, dude. Game for pay ain't bad, man.
Especially good dope. Dude, man, I didn't have
to give any game for pay. And here's the thing.
All I had to do, and what I did, was I played
a different fucking thing. For a solid week straight,
I didn't fucking repeat myself once. Nice. And
all I had to also do was make the kids at work
that pot bellies happy. Your lighter, not your
phone, dude. Hey, can you play this? Hey, can
you play that? You guys already stole my later
come on Mark Larry probably has it come on, dude.
Here it is. Oh, why hang it? I gotta beat yourself
with anything in there. I do feel safer with
this helmet on What's that? I love Donnie and
Force more than anything. I said they got me
in the helmet. There's nothing more than you
can have in your life than a person that is addicted
to drugs and trying to get them off of drugs
if they don't want to do it. Larry didn't want
to do it, I didn't want to do it, I love Larry,
Larry helped me out. I did want to do it though.
But Larry helped me out, I helped Larry out,
we fucking got out of that shit. Donnie and Force
is in the fucking midst of shit and we're gonna
rip the fuck out of them for doing it because
that's all we can do. And the funny thing is
years ago when Mark didn't even party, He would
fucking scream at me. Now we're using first names
now, right? Wow. Yeah, okay. That's how serious
we got. Well, he would be like, oh, what are
you doing? What are you doing? You know, and
I'd be like, don't worry, man. Know what I'm
doing, dude. And fucking, you know, like a total
junkie. And then I tried getting clean, and then
all of a sudden I find out he's partying and
he's hanging around with John and shit. Okay,
well, I mean, his name's in it. You know what
I mean? First of all, listen, the fucking problem
is that they started us off on fucking pills.
Fuck you, the Sackler family. Got all us into
that shit. And then, but before that, we were
even into, I was into stuff before Oxy's came
around. Of course you were. Needles was sniffing
glue since he was born. We used to leave high
school. and drive down to the city to go cop
and then bring it back to everybody. During lunch,
bam, bam, we'd make it back in fucking hour,
hour 15. You just knocked the cherry off of that.
No, no, because it was not lighting right. Needles
was fucking criticizing my joints earlier before
the show started, and obviously I'm an expert
joint roller, but I just kept my mouth shut.
First of all, people that are experts with joint
rollers don't say they're experts. No, I'm just
saying. Just like you were like, I'm so smart.
Fucking people going to Einstein because you're
Einstein all of a sudden. Well, I can say that.
Look, Einstein's like, I'm so smart. No, my name
is Larry, and I'm fucking smart as balls. No,
suck it, dude. Here's the thing. Piss off, you
homo. You say it to them when you can't fucking
hand them a joint. You tell them. You obviously
know I roll amazing fucking joints. You don't
roll amazing joints, they've been fucking tight
as balls the last time. It's like you're hanging
on Boys Town again. Here, this is not a bad joint.
This sucks. Get them, oh okay, look at that.
I should slap you. Hey, while you're down there,
come here and service me, you hobo. Fuck, Don
Anforth, what are you doing in there? He's probably
getting high. He probably is. This is what junkies
do. They go in your bathroom, and they don't
come out for a long time. You're like, what the
fuck? And then you don't want to keep the door
down because you own the door. Yeah. I love how
he pissed at the lighter. You shouldn't lock
him anymore, man. Yeah, stop locking the door.
So I don't have to break down my door. Oh, man.
We're getting high in the bathroom? All of a
sudden, we're going to start believing you now.
Oh, god. Oh, and you get mad because we don't
believe you. No, you're like, you should believe
me. Exactly. Then we go, holy shit, you had an
epiphany, fucking weirdo. I know. Well, I don't
know, man. I might, like, after Tuesday. What
are you going to do, move to Africa? No, uh,
no. That'd be great. Yeah, that's what we want
to do. We got to take a very tight fire there
and do something in my car, you know, but somebody
will take my key five or something. Wait, what?
the car keys from me so I don't drive my car
and I can just say I don't want to be sick for
a week or two. That ain't gonna happen. Did you
hear that long pause of silence like we really
have nothing to say about that because it ain't
gonna work somebody's gonna You know what you
can walk you can uber You can't even get ashamed
from what you've done. I can't stop lying. You
can't stop lying. The only way to do it is to
get the numbers out of your phone. Yep exactly.
No it's not. But not really. You've been stopped.
Listen, if he don't want to quit, he ain't gonna
quit. Right, you always want to quit. If you're
getting rid of numbers, guess what he's gonna
find you. Yeah, and these guys always call back
anyways. Listen dude, listen, I was homeless.
I know what the fuck it's like. He'll get rid
of the number when they call back if you're like,
oh thank god. I used to boost the batteries and
then go to Humboldt Park and fucking sing. You
know what I mean? I used to see these people
on the street, man. I'm gonna wind up just like
these guys, man. Yeah. And nowhere to go to boost
it and fucking keep going and going and going
and going and guess what? You know, thank God,
man. Guess what? This PBR is delicious. It is,
really. Cheers to PBR. I might be drinking, but
I ain't doing dope. Oh, I can't believe you guys
are having alcohol. Oh, you can't believe we're
having alcohol. It's so dangerous. From a guy
who's an African -American drug dealer who's
like, hey, I threw a mystery pill into your bag.
You don't know which way it's this one. And you
know he got so high, he didn't remember which
one it was. Well, it's the one that's glowing.
How did you know the difference? Was one of them
in a drastically different color? Did he mark
it? Did he say anything? Yeah. It was a real
smaller size pill. That's how I know it. This
one will kill you half the time. This might be
the one he was talking about. I'll put that one
in my eyeball. Which I know which one you're
talking about, the little guys. Yeah, they got
the fucking baby pill. Which is not good. If
you're fucking buying anything, because they
do the horse pills, they do the little guys.
Yo, I got dubs. Hey, you know what? I used to
love those little pills so much, man. So I know
where you're coming from, but this shit now is
so bad grow fucking, what do you call it, corn
and all these unsustainable crap that they can
get more money for fucking heroin. And then we
let the pharmaceutical companies come in from
America. Yeah, someone's making a bunch of money
off the criminal. When I was 17 years old, 18
years old, I played hockey, they gave me fucking
a script of fucking axes, like 30 -milligram
axes, like 60 of them. Wow, you heard yourself
playing hockey? Yeah, I got butted. Yeah, you
could pass that shit out like crazy. What's that?
Oh no, I was already in my shit by that time.
Oh, so you already knew. No, no, but I was doing
street drugs and then I got pharmaceuticals.
You never did Oxy's before? What's that? You
didn't do Oxy's? I don't like it. I didn't like
them. They weren't right. Oh man, I love them.
Remember that Lori chick I used to go out with?
Hope's old girlfriend, remember? I had real bad
wisdom teeth problems. Liar! Bad, bad, bad wisdom
teeth problems. He's a liar! And we went, finally
it got so bad we called some... Quack dentist
in Carroll Street strip centers and woman. Yeah,
who was really nice. I can't imagine you were
gonna call a quack She was really nice. We're
gonna do all of them for 400 bucks. You see we
had And we had to get there real early in the
morning. Yeah Give me a bunch of prescriptions
for antibiotics and shit. So naturally they felt
better but one of the prescriptions Lord, it
was it was a lot of money, but Lori took it and
kept it. So give me that, you dumbass. Yes, because
it was ox cheese. Yeah, it was ox cheese. And
then you had to fight her for three weeks. Yeah,
she took it for herself. And then she told me
she was hot, man. She was hot, man. She was good
-looking punk rock. Waving coke out of her. And
a pill addict, too. Yeah, anyway. She had the
look, though, you know? She had the looky hair
and a good body. I'm just saying, she was pretty
cool. The last thing I wanted was a chick. Mark
was very abusive. No, he gets beat up. I don't
know what went on. We've talked about this before
on the podcast. If you listen to our earlier
podcast, he, just like, just like Donnie Anforth,
I'm a survivor. We're both survivors, Donnie
Anforth. We both survived domestic assault. Yeah.
Not on paper. And with the police report. Right.
She just mentally abused me, but. Not physically?
No, not her, no. Not the other one. It's so hot
guys everybody will just hit on it. Is this on
the dispensary? I don't know if I want to smoke
that though. You couldn't blame the chip. It's
too damn hot. You're right. Should we smoke some
of this? Let's get started. It's good stuff.
So now you just listen. You're like, yeah, OK.
I said, maybe that's because it's George Soros
weed. And you're like, yeah, that's probably
a good idea. And then you ask the guy with the
liar helmet on. Should we smoke this stuff? And
you're like, yeah, it's good. Actually, I was
under my car trip on it this morning. That's
a lot of weed there, Larry. How long have you
been there for? I mean, really? We'll hear then.
It's good weed. You smoke it. I said, that's
a lot. Not good. This has got, I think it's 39
% THC. I don't know what that means. That's fake.
39 % TA, TA. It's like saying fucking Israel
should have its own country. Well, I don't know.
When the one says 22 % and I take it, it doesn't
work for me. When the one says 39 % and I take
it, I get high as shit. I think that's all fucking.
It must be psychosomatic. Not Pavlovian shit,
but what's that called? The placebo effect. Yeah.
39 % TA. Gaslighting. Why are you admitting this?
Because they didn't die They just OD'd. Yeah.
Oh, that's great. I mean, you know what I mean?
Because that's what Jesus wants you to do. OD
your friends. Oh, my God. Isn't that like the
12th Commandment? I saw this thing last night.
I'll send it to you. Oh, boy. Here we go. Nephilim
Giants. No, the guy that's the editor of one
of those big gossip magazines that exposes everything.
Oh, we forgot to do our fucking segment. And
he had this drug dude on. They talk about every
single drug. Inquiry. Where they come from. No,
the other one, the online one. Real popular.
Not the onion. Babylon bean? No, no, no. TMZ?
No, not TMZ. The other one. I mean, dude, come
on, man. What the fuck? There's one more. There's
one more. Okay, yeah. All right. Just tell the
story. Anyways, they were talking about all the
drugs, all these different drugs, like Molly
and shit, and a lot of them, they don't even
know where they came from, or these scientists
made them, and things like ketamine. Ketamine
actually comes from PCP. It's a tone down for
a PCP. The PCP, not only did it make me crazy,
but it lasted a long time. That was the problem
with the PCP. And the guy that runs your magazine,
he looked like he'd done all kinds of drugs.
The Don rolls great joints. You see a lot of
illegals by your house, Don Anforth, are you
going to lie about that too? Hard to say if they're
illegals, but a lot of Mexicans, that's for sure.
I tell you what, I don't see anymore cars with
Mexican flags on them. There's be tons of them
around there. No, no, no. That's because Mexican
Independence Day is over. They had them going
out. Before that, they had them on there. No,
but they had them going out. They don't want
to show their shit. But now there's not nearly
as many. I saw a video from Cicero where they
were the... DHS or whatever, was using like a
car, they had a Mexican flag on it, and they
drove up by Home Depot, and they just jumped
out and grabbed something. This is Orwellian
fucking bullshit with the fucking government,
man. We're being taken over. They want to take
all our rights. Like I say, check into Loosh,
look at your Loosh, and look what they're fucking
doing to you, man. What the fuck does that mean,
that Loosh thing? The Loosh is what your body
fucking exudes. aura except not like hippie shit
you know what I mean when fucking something bad
happens you give off a loose loose when something
good happens all these feelings get off of what
is this new and that's what this dark from though
state lives off of where does this come from
that was gonna free the side make your religion
is a loose from no noosh is what your body exudes
when yeah that's a name during stress, during
wrong, during pain. Is it a liquid or is it a
light? No, it's like an aura. Like a pheromone?
It's like an aura. Do you remember when you were
a little baby, you could see colors around people?
I mean, think about it. You're nuts. Listen,
we're batteries. I used to be able to see people's,
the color around them, if it was good or bad.
Yeah. More junkies. What happened when you looked
in the mirror? You know what? Good question.
I never even thought about that. Hey, listen.
So you had no alright at all. Even worse. Yes!
Like when my grandmother came into the room,
it was like a happy, glowing color. I mean, so
hard with the liar. Right. And when there was
someone else I liked, you know, yeah. Larry keeps
on looking at your face and I keep on seeing
the liar. Well, I thought I could. I mean, I
was. You were what? Seeing colors around people.
Auras. I could see people's auras. And were they
all good or bad? I was four years old. I could
tell if they were good or bad. And I could tell
if people were good or bad. And what did you
come up with? How did you help him? I didn't
help, I was four years old. He's like, you're
bad. No, I couldn't do anything, but I knew he
was still there. Not talking to that person.
Well, I'll tell you what, he grew out of seeing
people's auras. I'll tell you what, when I was
a kid, who I was afraid of was Big Tim, Timmy
and Peter's dad, his dad. Okay, seeing him in
a family party was downright frightening and
fucking he looked like the typical like picture
of the devil you'd seen The guy with his hair
slicked back. His suit was burgundy. Yeah, he
was a CIA agent. You know what I mean? It was
a burgundy suit. It was like reddish, devilish.
He was in the CIA just like the person after
him. He was just like a fucking scary dude who
was mean to kids. You're not going to tell me
that BT... Was not in the CIA or he told us FBI
motherfucker I'm just finishing my sentence.
Who's in the FBI? Guy we're talking about son
Whatever I fucking Peter and Timmy's father's
dad. Oh, well then there we go. That's fine.
If we want to keep on naming names That's cool.
I mean cuz that's what Larry is notorious for.
He was an FBI guy? No That's what he said No.
He had a lot of kids and he was just like kind
of a mean guy and had parties when I was a young
kid. He was frightening to me. He looked like
the devil. You know what I mean? And he always
wore the same like red, reddish maroon tweed
suit. You told us that so then down here, so
there's no police presence down in your area?
Nothing at all? No, we did hear as we heard it,
there was a ice rage going on down the street.
I'm on the move. The guy who carjacked you. And
my boss will sit in there. Well, if the boss
comes up, I'll just lock the door. I'm like,
so they're going to come up to your front door,
and you're going to lock it. This is all like
some Donnie and Ford thing. When you stand at
your glass front door, you're going to lock it
on them. You go, should I do both sets or just
the one? And I'm like, if you want to get them
broken, how many doors do you want broken? Yeah,
leave them open. If they're coming for you, just
leave them open. You know what I mean? If they're
coming to fucking get you, they're coming to
get you. I'm like, what are you going to tell
them? They can't have your Mexicans? I was in
a trap house once that was raided. And let me
tell you, they're going to come the fuck in.
Right. Back side, top. They're going to come
through the wall. They got dogs. They're going
to get you. Listen, they got drones. They're
going to take your hands up in the air and try
not to get shot. Here's the other thing. The
guy has no hiding spots for his illegals. Who
does? My guy. Yeah, nothing. No place to put
them. What do you mean? I mean, they can try
to put them in pizza ovens, but it's hot in there.
So you got illegals working at your fucking...
I'm not sure. One, for one, for sure. Okay, one's
okay. Right. I'll give them. The rest are all
pretty good. And we only killed a couple of people.
I mean, how many times a rape has he fucking
been connected? I don't know. Non -family? Right,
right, right. Well, I mean, incest is a completely
different fucking, I mean. Yeah, that usually
doesn't get reported. That gives you like nine
or six stars in Guatemala, so. Oh my God. What?
It's disgusting. Yeah, well, I mean, what are
you going to do about it? It fucking ends. Listen,
right now, people think that we're the fucking
worst people in the world. Americans and this
fucking shit. We are the most docile faggots
in the world. We're the fucking Ugandans, or
Libyans, or fucking Syrians. It's hard living,
my friend. We're in a gay ass country. Yes, sir.
Oh, dude. First of all, for being white. He'll
kill you in some places. Number two, for being
Christian. You know what I mean? The number three
is fucking not trying to conform to their fucking
shit. I'm telling you, we need the Jews to take
the muzzies out. You fill in the rest of that.
Yeah, that would be great, but... Maybe y 'all
at home could email us or something, direct message
us. About what? Someone take out the Jews and
the Muslims. We need to get all of it gone. The
Jews and the Muslims all have to go. I can't
do it all at once. Now you sound like Hitler.
I mean, calm down, there are, right? There are
a lot of them. You and fucking Himmler and fucking...
The Jews and the Muslims. Hot here. Huh? Man,
it cracks me up how little people know about
these Muslims, how they're religious. What do
you mean they don't know about them? I mean,
there's Muslims three, seven times a day, they're
so religious. There's Muslims rape children.
There's Muslims kill Christians, there's Muslims,
yeah. Okay, let's do this. Sure, they're so religious,
but look at their... Bullshit religion. Okay,
first of all, let's start with our homeland.
Guess who did 9 -11? Yeah, I get it, man. Muslims.
Yeah, I know. So we are supposed to hate Muslims
because they killed three -something thousand
people, four thousand, if you look at it. Whether
they did or not. Then you go to building six,
which nobody knows about. Building seven, you
know, whatever you want to fucking do with all
this bullshit. And then you realize that the
fucking all of a sudden this passport flashed.
down from a fucking, you know, it's like, oh,
this guy's Saudi and Arabian. Oh, they're muzzies.
You know what I mean? Get the fuck out of here.
We're not that stupid. Do you really think that...
They tell you never forget. Oh no, they want
an excuse for a war. They're just trying to make
an excuse for a war. And then all of a sudden
we're going to hire a muzzy to fucking run New
York City? Come on! This is weird. We are in
the biggest, shittiest, fakest gay movie. Dude,
you couldn't even get on an airplane without
taking off your fucking shoes. Everybody in the
world could come walking across the U .S. border.
What the fuck is that? But they let you keep
your shoes on now down in O 'Hare, which is great.
But we talked to Mr. X, he's like... They made
all these security restrictions for the air,
and left the ground completely right open, which
is classic fucking invasion tactic, dude. It's
a classic war. I'm coming from General Liar over
here. No, you're right. We need to put some SS
bolts on this ant forum. Dude, it's a classic
invasion tactic. We gotta make some stripes.
Some fucking sergeant stripes? No, SS. Just...
Look what's happening in Europe with the Muslims.
How many Muslims are there, dude? They're ready
to go to Sharia law. They want... Sharia. Sharia,
whatever they call it. Look out. Look out, dude.
What do you mean, look out? They're gonna come
over. They're gonna get these evangelical Christians.
Oh, those seven laws of Noah, whatever the fuck
they're gonna call them. It's the Noahide laws.
They're not gonna say that. Come something else
and the Christian. Oh, it's so beautiful. It's
so nice not realizing The punishment they're
gonna get for not doing this you get head chopped
off If you want read a Bible or talk about Jesus,
what are you talking about? So they're trying
to convert all these yes fucking Muslim and if
they don't comply Yes, chop their heads off.
Yes, sir. I'm saying yep, and where's this at?
It's the Noahide laws are called. I understand
that what country is this going on United States
of America It's going to be a big change in America
that can actually come into effect in a couple
more years. The Noahide laws? Let's see. And
we're gonna call them the seven laws of Noah,
or the seven... They're trying to get all these
red bracelet fuckers in that temple. The Kabbalah?
The temple thing. That's what it's all about.
That's what it's all about. You see, Sparley's
got one of those... What's the cube called? What's
the cube called that they have a... Yeah, they
got that fucking cube. And fucking blue shit.
Sparley's got one of those... I'm so sorry, Mr.
Axel. He's probably a Muslim, Sparley. Hey, what's
the cube called that they all fucking... The
comma cube or something, yeah. There's a rock
and there's a cube. Exactly. God, we're retarded.
There's a big cube and there's a rock. And they
walk around it. It's ridiculous. It's a bullshit.
It's a bullshit. Just like the Jewish religion
is bullshit. We're all fucking after Christians.
We're gonna be a dying breed soon if we don't
fucking stand up. No one's gonna stand up for
us. I love it. What's that? No one's standing
up for us. Exactly, because look at you, because
we can really rely on you. You're fucking all
fentanyl down with your liar helmet on. This
guy needs to be promoted to general. He's at
least got a helmet on. Fucking knocking out an
helmet. I'm not knocking out! Yeah, not right
now. I'm not knocking out. I'm not knocking out.
I feel good. He's on the perfect amount. Between
the fucking both of you, man. He's on the perfect
amount, man. Jesus, man. Yeah. These fucking
assholes I got. I hardly even smoked any weed
today. Like, damn it, man. I mean, the lies that
come out of your mouth. Oh, mama! I mean, no!
I'm not lying. Just like you told us last time
you weren't lying, right? I never should have
told the truth, you see? That's a great way to
live life. Now I should have never told the truth.
Now look, now we're going to live down to a lie.
My very, very, very good friend. What, did you
carjacked again? Carjacking in Florida? Yeah,
my very good friends who love me very much are
going to be angry that I keep lying. And you
see no problem with that you're like I shouldn't
have said the truth Like a true Democrat fucking
killing me up Larry's checking out like a true
Democrat Tell me what Larry I'm just starting
to feel like Almost normal. Although this is
all still numb right here. It's still very numb.
Joel Osteen's fucking boys camp. Oh my god, does
he have a boys camp? I don't know anybody who's
ever said that with that much enthusiasm, ever.
No, how about you remember that camp that got
destroyed by boys camp? You know about that camp
in Texas that got destroyed, right? No. Girls
camp? Yeah, they were up in a super week with
their governor's daughters and shit. Yeah, there
was a lot of people that were... involved in
there. And then there was another one that fucking,
what do you call it? Do you think it was a satanic
ritual? Oh, of course it was. Mystic, camp mystic.
No, but there are kind of witchcraft over there.
Probably. They had to sacrifice the kids. Bath
of match statues and everything. They knew it,
or it was random. Moloch, all these weird stuff.
They said we need to take the seven, how old
were the kids? I don't know. I don't know. Listen,
we're not trying to turn you on. Preteen kids,
probably from such and such age. We gotta take
this little age group right here. for the gods
to be pleased and then... Oh man, listen, I mean,
write your own pornography over here, aren't
you? You're like, what's his name? Oh god, what
the fuck is this? Ah, I can't believe I forgot
it. Who's the guy? Jeffrey Epstein? Bill fucking...
Bill... Dad wrote all that weird pornography.
See this guy's fucking scrambled. Yeah, my brain's
scrambled right now. But that's all right though.
At Ron Hubbard. Yeah, with aliens in the middle
of the fucking shit. Isn't that great? You had
the Scientology guy, that one. Remember, those
books were on TV? You had Dianetto, kid. I'm
telling you, he's a fucking brainwashed. Those
books were old. They were made in the 50s. No,
sir, Nick bought one day. Yeah, he cleared out
the car window eventually, I remember. He was
like, this is bullshit. He tossed it out the
window one day. Yeah, he was telling us. He was
telling us parts about it. Then one day, he was
like, this is bullshit. But I think you remember
that too. He's like fuck L Ron Hubbard and he
whipped it out his car window Going down the
highway to some gig or something. Well, that's
weird. Did you guys just reading L Ron Hubbard?
Well, we're very fucking educated That's what
educated people say we were very educated we
probably became Scientologist Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's ridiculous. They think all yours are fucking...
Listen, religion is the biggest sigh -off there
is. There's more people that have been killed
because of fake -ass religions. So Jesus says
he's the way, he's the truth, he's the right
thing. And then somebody else interprets it.
And then some guys have one fucking God with
eight arms and the other one's like... Worship
him. Mine was born in July, but we celebrated
his birthday in fucking December. Man, really?
There's just only one God who created everything.
It's all fake. It's all fake and gay, dude. You're
literally just fucking characters in a video
game for everybody's appeasal. I'll tell you
one thing, son. You're wrong about that. It's
not fake or gay. It's real. It's real. It's real.
It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's
real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real.
It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's
real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real.
It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's
real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real.
It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's
real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real.
It's real. It's real. It's real. It's real Oh,
there we are. We're living true beings on a,
you know, carbon fiber, you know. Yeah, but here's
the thing, the beauty of it is, is I've never
seen The Matrix. Who knows what they fucking
told this man. I don't even know what that means.
So that means you're somebody on the outside.
So you're a fucking mark. I'm not part of The
Matrix. You're an NPC then. It just seems to
me, living here all alone and trying to cover
up the truth about the Bible. The wrong way looks
at, well, that is real, that is true, that's
happened. The stories in the Bible actually happen
the way they say they happen, and they don't
want people to know there's really a God. You
don't think there's been edits in the fucking
thousands of years? No, exactly, yes, and they
changed it in the wrong way, too. They switched
it... Right. It's been changed, yes, and confused,
and everything, and manipulated, but the basic
story is there. It's like, who's had more drugs
now? There is no God. There is nothing. You're
not going to suffer if you live a bad life. No,
you didn't say that. That's what they want you
to say. That's what they want you to say. They
want you to think that it's okay to sin, basically.
Otherwise, they're afraid they won't make any
money. If all these Christians won't worship
anything but Jesus, you can't have... Hank Aaron
or Michael Jordan, you know what I'm saying?
First of all, like I said, religion is a psy
-op. That's why there's so many of them. People
fight over it all the time. It's meant to fucking
enact its fucking... But, so is everything else
a psy -op? All the Michael Jordan and the fucking
whatever you just... Yes, distractions. Well,
it's all fake and gay. You were like, no, it's
not. I don't believe that. And then all of a
sudden you're like, it's not fake. No, but the
Earth itself is real. When you go to the mountains
and you're in Colorado or California, that's
real. I can go outside and touch grass, so it's
real. That's real. I could pinch Donny Hensforth...
but I don't want to, I might get fucking sickle
cell or something. Absolutely. We're in a real
floating thing, a world. And you know this, right?
You should show Needles that fucking, speaking
of sickle cell, that spot of... Nope. Nope. No,
I saw it on the back of the cow. It's on the
front of the couch right now Why would you bring
that up Larry? I'm gonna open a freak show. I'm
gonna open a freak show? But he said it, I didn't.
Or a freak show booth. Once he gets his heavy
duty surgery, it'll be fine. First of all, he
needs to stop doing street drugs. That would
probably be good. That would be good. Yeah, that's
where we should start, liar. You don't have that
helmet on. Never shits and giggles. Hey, you
never shot no shit in the very close vein, did
you? No, no. How could you? No. I don't know.
No, I'd be afraid to. I would be, too. I don't
know. You're nuts. No, don't even go anywhere.
I'm afraid. Oh, they don't go anywhere? I don't
think so. I don't know. Yeah. Is that what happened?
Yeah, I'm not sure. Oh, OK. I don't think they
really lead to anything. The back of his legs
have tortellini on them. I went to a vein place.
I went to the very close vein doctor. That's
a good description. I went to the very close
vein doctor. They laid me down on the table.
The nurse could have ruled it. She was like,
oh my God, how bad does that hurt? And I said,
it doesn't hurt at all. She goes, oh. Well, insurance
won't cover it unless it hurts. You should have
let her kick you. No, she said, so just... Ow,
now it hurts. Yeah, she goes, just forget that
you came here. Here's five more bucks, kick me
in the balls. And, you know, basically she's
trying to say come back and lie, but I'll just
wait till it starts to hurt. He's wearing a liar
helmet. Yeah, you should have just went back
and lied. He won't lie to the doctor, but he'll
lie to his friends. Mary do you see the lighter
helmet? I'm a liar. It is true. Yes, I'm a liar.
It is true. Here's the best part. I've lied,
lied, lied to you. We'll make some kind of hat
with a liar on it. I'm like, okay, and I get
the marker and I'm like, you think that's speaking
out for anything? He's just like, hell no. He
draws the outline of that and I'm like, okay,
I got this. I got this. You know, that was on
there, too. Stop doing street drugs, man. Fucking
fentanyl and shit. You didn't know that was on
there? I didn't know I said liar on it like this.
No, you didn't know that? No. You just realized.
I just thought it was a liar helmet. Come on,
Larry, is this real? Oh my God. I mean, are we
in the fucking matrix right now? We've been telling
you. We showed you the helmet. Right, but how
am I supposed to see this? You put it right on
my head. We showed it to you. I didn't see this
when you showed it to me. I'd say, here, look.
Now I'm turning into daddy. I know. I can see
you on the screen now. Oh, now you can. The guy
with the big liar on his head. That's great.
Now you realize your helmet looks pretty good.
I know. I'm going to keep it. Hopefully it'll
fucking snap you out of your fucking shit doing
ways lately. How about this? Speaking of shit
doing ways. If you die, we're just going to throw
you in the Chicago River. That's good. OK. You
hear that, Mary? That's legally binding. People...
My mom will be happy. Thanks, guys. You're welcome.
You saved me a lot of money with that one, thanks.
She'll probably ask you, could you take care
of him? I don't want to... What do you mean,
take care of him? You know. Didn't you say you
had a number of a guy that can cremate it for
cheaper? Yeah, yeah. $78. Yeah, I said I got
to tell my mom about that. Yeah. She'll be happy.
She'll be thanking me up and down after I die.
Oh, thanks, y 'all for that number. $78. Nah.
You sure you got to beat him to break all his
arms. All his arms. They just got to be in one
fucking way. He's got to fit into a small barrel.
Dude, what was planning my funeral already? $78,
but you break his fucking bones. You gotta crush
your muscles. No, man, listen here, silly. Leonard
said that he knew a guy. Oh, that's even better.
Yeah. You know, once you're in the industry.
You know, he does all the... He does all the...
The pet place, right? ...bombs and... people
in the city that don't get claimed and shit.
I mean, first of all, this guy sounds like he's
rogue. He's really off the reservation, isn't
he? Maybe it's like 119. It was very cheap. Oh
wait, just change your... It was somewhere between
78 and 119. I can't remember. I thought it was
78. We'll criminal anybody any time! Criminal
anybody any time! 99 .99! I don't know why, because
it was like 89 to do the... cats and I wanna
say it was cheaper than the vat. No, his guy
was cheaper than the vat guy. Where does he do
it? This guy, I guess, runs, like, the city.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. He's got a crematorium.
The crematorium. You don't want to just give
a body to this guy. I don't know. Well, probably,
probably can. He'll probably piss, cast, and
burn just while he's missing people and not being
found, because... Because what? He's going to
be burned out for $99 .99 at the old Shibes fucking
crematorium. Now you're in on this racket. Right.
You just did the first commercial. Before anybody,
anytime. 24 -7. $89 .99. You can't do it 24 -7,
because you gotta remember, now you're burning
bodies in the fucking city, and you're stacked
in between houses. I stink so bad, who's gonna
know? And you're stacked between houses. My god.
And they're fucking emitting that shit. Yeah,
it's... You know how you just charge them from
the street and they're sitting in the hospital
and it was godawful. You almost want to throw
up. Wait, though. What was the address, Pharrell?
Pharrell Shy, remember? It was, like, on the
south side or something. Pharrell Shy. We pay
any car, any color. Where was Earl Shives? I
don't know. There's a bunch of them in the chain.
I don't know Earl Shives. No, I don't know Earl
Shives. It was a chain, Earl Shives was a chain.
You're like 15 years older than I am. We'll paint
any color, any color. 99 .99. Earl Shives. Look
it, with the liar helmet on, he can sell anybody.
That's what they said though, Niels. But that
was like Midas. Remember Midas or whatever the
fucking place they used to do the 99 dollar paint
job? They didn't do the inside, they just do
the car. Mako you're talking about. Mako. Double
A R. Better get Mako. There's always a black
guy running in your car. And Victory Auto Records,
of course, with Richard Dean was the announcer,
was the guy. Dean Richards. Now we're just getting
off the rails here. Chicago fruitcake on the
news. Yeah, he's so gay. He's on a morning Sunday
show. Who is? Dean Richards. I didn't realize
how gay he was. God, is he fucking gay. Scott
Anfort's old boyfriend. Richard's. He's on WGN
news, the entertainment guy, the movie guy, the
entertainment. I have no fucking clue what you're
talking about. The gay guy who talks about the
gays on the news, yeah. WGN, gay dean. Gay dean?
Dean Richards, yeah. Dean Richards. I don't know
who this guy is, but man, you know a lot about
him, it sounds like. He does the movie reviews.
Yeah, really. Like a real Cisco and Ebert. Like
a real Cisco and Ebert only. One of them gangers.
This guy has a job. That was a good job. Piss
off. Also, he fucking has little cooking segments.
Yes, yeah, he does the cooking thing too. Nah,
because he's a fanuc though. How do you get other
fanucs? That's like chummin' fanucs. Hey, I could
cook too. I mean, if you could make a fucking
creme from fucking flambe or whatever. Creme
flambe and suck a dick. Not even. Let me tell
you. Oh, these fucking people. Now, here I am
at Jim and Peach, right, with the espressos.
And, yeah, a twist. You're supposed to be sure
of a twist, espressos, you know. Yeah, do a what?
A lemon twist on espressos. An espresso? Yeah,
yeah, yeah. You heard of that? Yeah, yeah, it's
for fags. Yeah, you are a real faggot, yeah.
And, um... She knows it. Mary knows, right? Yeah,
yeah, yeah. But right, so now it's at Jim and
Pete's and the waitress. You got to put a lemon
twist on it. That is for fags, man. What did
I just say? Is that what you told her? I said,
yeah. Did they get mad again? She was careful
what you say. Yeah, he's like, I nodded out and
I woke up four minutes later and she was gone.
I'm like, I'm sorry. The last place I worked
at, if you gave a guy espresso with a lemon twist
down, you got hit in the fucking face for it.
So I'm just, you know. Yeah, exactly. You can't
be fucking doing that bullshit. So I went to
this place, I was working, you know, I wanted
to - Doesn't it like coffee, though? Well, espresso,
a cup of strong coffee. So why would you want
lemon in there? Exactly. He's a faggot? No, I'm
not. I don't put lemon twist in my espresso.
He likes a little - To shout out. Yeah. Nah,
I don't do it with espresso. Yeah, it's kind
of like a popper in your fucking car. Yeah, that
works for these two others, these two fucking,
those two of them, every day they'd have an espresso.
Say it again, these two dagos, dagos, dagos,
what the fuck? Every day they'd have an espresso.
What? Poppers? Oh, I don't know. Every fucking
day they'd have an espresso. And? I was looking
to get a can of pop. These fucking Jews. They'd
be rolling on the floor fighting over buying
shredded letters or hedge letters and shredding
them themselves. What? What's more cost effective?
Well, it costs a little more to buy a bag of
shredded lettuce. Obviously. But they're nice
and you open them right up in a permanent plan
and it's beautiful. Yeah, you can fucking work
with that. Shred the lettuce from the slicer
and you're really not getting it all shredded.
It doesn't all shred. It gets you really prepped
for your growth. And you got a mess. You got
a fucking huge mess. A giant pile of bull. Yeah,
it's ridiculous. So for the extra money, it's
worth it to have the shredders. It's all been
in nice shredding. I think you're a liar. No,
I'm not lying about that. No, I'm not lying.
See, there we go. We finally got the truth out
of it for once. No, I'm not lying about that.
So then I said, why don't you use ketchup instead
of tomatoes? Oh, Jesus, man. You've been hanging
out in your Shiva too long. That was hilarious.
You can't be doing that. That's great. Let's
just use ketchup instead of tomatoes. That's
excellent. Yeah, that's very funny. These junky
tails are really fucking great. I love it. It's
been a while since you've been on here. What
time are we at? The guy. You should put your
cheap booze in the expensive bottles. How crazy
is that? I asked him what time it was. He sat
back down and brought up another story. He didn't
even tell me what time it was. I don't know,
bro. Lunatic? I'm the producer here. If you'd
come in and put the chip in, how do you even
think people could tell the difference? Of what?
Bacchus. Any lickers. Yeah, you can you can taste
the difference is obvious they they lied to me
about it they they tricked me in a blind test
Between absolute and Barton's or whatever the
fuck, you know, I mean you can tell the difference
Yeah, exactly Anyways, the guy would come in
and literally put the cheek vase age you like
the great goose bottle AND I DROP IT! And people
really drink below, you know what I mean? They
fucking know, dude. Oh yeah, dude, if you're
ordering Grey Goose, there's a certain flavor
in mine. Yes, you know. If you're getting smearin'
off your skull or whatever, you're gonna be like,
oh yeah, dude. And what would happen is, they
wouldn't order another one. Liquor talk with
you. They just wouldn't order another one because
they knew it wasn't... Seriously though, you
know you're not getting your turn. Well yeah,
you can tell the fucking low grade between high
grade shit. Absolutely. Right if you're drinking
a full the guys not gonna replace the high -grade
shit for other high -grade shit exactly and the
others now place with all the same Low -grade
cheap -ass shit that he's getting a three gallon
bottle of it three gallon wine jugs Is there
a bottle bigger than a handle? Yeah, like they
have a Dom Perignon one. They have a big, giant
bottle. They have the Greg Hussman. They're like
for advertising purposes. They have big, giant
bottles. And they're not always perfect, by the
way. Sometimes they do have a lot in them. I
want mine filled with pure, great cocaine. Well,
I thought there was some liquor stores that always
served that had, like, these big, giant bottles
of, uh, smirnoff. Sure. It was almost like an
Army gas can worth a fucking... Army gas can?
I mean, can you talk about some old -school,
dumb 1950s measuring system? If you were to work
with the metric system, I might have been able
to follow you. Which would be like an old -school
1950s gas can. It's like nine liters. Yeah, I
mean, what does it look like? Are you talking
like the big one that fits on the back of a Jeep?
Yeah. Oh, so look it. Here we finally go. Big
square motherfucker. Man, you two are retarded.
So now you got to know. Here we go. So now you
got to know as a waiter, right? Smyrnov vodka
is $5 .50. Absolute vodka is $5 .50. $5 .50 what?
Dollars. $0 .50, yeah. For what? Guy orders a
drink, vodka tonic. Oh, for one drink, okay.
So what are you going to do? Give him the fucking
smirnoff, which he ain't gonna like. The same
place he gets the better vodka. He just ordered
vodka, he didn't say what. Oh, you gotta ask
him, that's how you upsell. They're both the
same price. They're both the same price, they're
$5 .50. Well vodka and smirnoff are the same
price? Yes, yes. Interesting. Man, I don't know,
man. First of all, you have a liar helmet on.
Well vodka is the smirnoff. Huh? Well vodka is
the smirnoff. The smear not pleased the wild.
I don't know about that. You can buy pop -off
or something way cheaper than that and make it
well vodka. Well, not at a place like this. This
was a fancy restaurant. This was fancy and pop
-off. Then something like amaretto, okay? The
bar amaretto is schnapps amaretto. It's schnapps
amaretto. Schnapps is gay. Horrible. It's absolutely
horrible. And people drink... Amaretto Stone
Showers. They're not big drinkers. It's a real
nice sweet drink. It's orange juice and amaretto.
And amaretto is a real sweet liqueur. But the
schnapps amaretto tastes like shit. And most
people that drink those amaretto stone showers,
they're getting Di Sorono. And again, it's the
same price as a schnapps. First of all, what
the fuck? I don't want Bartok with Donnie and
Fork the Liar. Right. So you might as well order
the Di Cirono, right? Then they're going to like
to drink and order another one. How did we let
this happen? We completely lost control of our
podcast. And then after they have a couple, you
start giving them the cheap shit. Right. Right.
Because he's a liar. But I don't do that. I never
give them the cheap shit. Oh, I never do that.
It was the bartender. This is how I did it. It
was the bartender pouring the cheap shit when
you ordered the good stuff. Yeah, you really
are the Steve Jobs. So I would order the good
gin and she would pour the crap anyways. Yeah.
Yes, this fucking bitch. You think she would
fart in a glass for you? I'm thinking, well,
why is she doing that? Do you just hate me or
have you been instructed to do this? You know
what I mean? Was the drink actually for you or
was it for someone else? No, it was for a customer,
of course. I don't drink, you know. We only shoot
dope in the bathroom. Sniff it. Sniff it. Don't
you dare say that. So I don't know. And it probably
was down for management. Just, you know. What
do you think? OK. Over there. We all know what
you have. Over there. Right. And? The place that
shall not be named. The asshole's in the air.
Finally. Actually, Larry actually blurted something
out. Just don't say. I don't want to give him
any business in case people hear us. Yeah, that's
fine. No, I know. We're not talking to you, Mary.
All right, so we apologize to our... We still
love you, right? You know, that place where they
have homosexual orgies and the bar closes every
night. How do you know, first of all? A lot of
cocaine and faggotry. Because he's one of the
servants. Really? You hear what I'm saying? You
should watch this, dude. I don't know what happened.
I don't know what happened. Dude, I got harassed
by you homosexuals, man. Please continue with
this These guys were just my assholes. Anyways,
I guess they were aggressive homos. Yes aggressive
homos and they sent the shit The boss was a little
jealous of each other there was there was a power
struggle amongst the command No, no between them
command Yeah, there was there was it was a leader
of the homo band group the one guy was a leader
His name then it was the first name only the
femme was you know the other one, okay? Come
on. There was the one guy that was actually really
nice until the other two came you line Yeah,
when the flag was there by himself. I don't like
what you showed up and started working there
when they just started working there to come
come The one guy was really nice and cool, but
then once the other two showed up, he turned
into a complete fucking prick too. They totally
had their way with you. I was ridiculous, dude.
These fucking guys. So then you were the outsider.
They were jealous. They were jealous. They were
jealous of me. They were gay, so they're just
playing better waiters because they're gay. They
obviously weren't. And they was jealous of me,
dude. They were jealous of you. They were jealous
of me, yes. A 50 -year -old man. The homo -server.
Yeah, yes, yeah. The homo -server. 23 -year -old,
gay, fucking, yeah. Jealous of some fucking crap,
decrepit junkie, for God's sake. Why were they
jealous of you? Dude, they want to know how much
I pay for my highlights in my hair. I don't fucking
highlight my fucking hair. Dude, you are a lunatic.
They were jealous. They would do anything they
could to fucking get me. Mad, in trouble, yeah,
just all kinds of things. Did they try to kiss
you? They tried to turn me gay. Yeah, well, they
tried to kiss you. There's a method. There's
a method. No, no, no, this is good. Wait, wait,
slow down. Among this gay community. Stop, stop,
shh, listen. I found out. Pitching a new product.
Amongst the community. Don Anfor's anti -gay
program. No, no, this is what I heard. Here you
go, what's the anti -gay program? They told me
where they grab you by the nuts. Who dogs, the
gays? A gay. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty aggressive.
I was at work. Very aggressive. At work. Well,
did they do that to you? Mmm. I didn't say, what
the fuck are you doing? No, I didn't say what
the fuck are you doing. You could at least let
me take my pants off. They took your pants off?
No, you could let me take my pants off. No, of
course I was offended, shocked, and mortified.
But, you know, I'm confident in my sexuality.
It's not like I'm good. I'm fighting heroin on
the west side of Chicago. The most dangerous
place in Chicago. Worst than you've ever... People
who are listening, you can't... Yeah, I get in
my car and go, Jenny, you want me to sell you
some fucking drugs? And then this guy is all
worried about these fucking homos. Yeah, word.
Yeah. And, yeah. It's more dangerous at work.
Every person that you walk into when you go down
to the city has a gun on them. What? You're the
only guy who doesn't have a gun on them. Probably,
yes. I like the first time this guy goes to me.
Ah, fuck. And before it says to me, yeah, he's
all shocked that this other guy at work, that
he's at one of his work or at one of his jobs
where he's a waiter is a faggot. Yeah, true.
And I'm like, dude, you're a fucking waiter.
A waiter. It's going to be a lot of games. He's
like, I couldn't believe it until the guy's going
to him. I'm gay. And he's like, nah. Come on.
Hey, Jerry. Hey, not gay. He was like, grunge
my girlfriend. Grunge my girlfriend? Oh, man.
I love how you have no gaydar at all. I just
found out, yeah. He has no gaydar. Our one manager
at the restaurant. Don Anford living his best
life. I knew he was gay. Dominic, I knew he was
gay. He grabbed his nuts. Actually, someone told
me, but you can tell. He told me too. My friend
told me. But it's how he was his boyfriend Andrea
Andrea Andrea, he's a guy but his name is Andrea
right confused So wait a second. That's his boyfriend
for food. I didn't know is for nooks working
in this kitchen No, the other place just to but
they had other for nooks that I know. Oh, yeah.
Okay. Yeah, they're for nooks with the other
place The place that cheated on the booze. They're
all gone from there, too, by the way. Tell me
about when you went on vacation with that, too.
Oh, my God. In Jamaica, it was just a great line,
too. So this fucking guy wants me to rub him
down with oil. After he shaved his entire body
He shaved his entire body in front of you Pretty
much, yeah What do you mean pretty much? I wasn't
watching or anything He just stood up in his
high shorts and started shaving his entire self
because he was all hairy We were in a room, a
big room that overlooks the ocean. I am so, wait
a second. I'm gonna tell you right now. We went
to Jamaica together. I had no idea it was gonna
be a honeymoon place. Wait, you went to Jamaica
together with this dude? I didn't realize it
was such a romantic place, Jamaica, you know.
What do you mean? You went to a fucking, you
got one fucking bedroom hotel with a dude. What
did you think was gonna happen? No, there was
two beds. Oh, on top of each other, like bunk
beds? No, no, one bed and one bed with this cheap
little foam mattress. Foam, fucking nowhere condition.
They figure you're gonna stack them. Okay, me
and Danny and Fourth, I swear to God, this episode,
I wish we could do two episodes. So anyways,
he wants me to, and I, of course, just kinda
flip out and whatever, then I don't know. But
did you rub him? No, of course not. You just
kissed him. But then I was there, walking around,
and I just... Wait a second, did you have to
go back to the room? No, he came out buck naked
when he wanted you to rub him down. Oh, see,
do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
I mean, buck naked. Wait a second. All right,
slow the fuck down. No, no, it wasn't like that.
Okay, wait a second. Come on. We didn't do that,
no. Coming from the guy with the liar. No, he
wasn't gay. He actually got a good girl. He took
her. He had a Jamaican prostitute with him. Not
a good look at all. Yeah, he was with a girl
anyway. So he's got Asian eyes. He wasn't gay.
He wasn't gay. You know what I mean? Being shocked
by this and thinking that he's so gay, I just
troubled her. I perplexed her. I'm on the beach
and these girls goes, are you okay? I'm like,
man, you know, I just came with a friend from
work and... Man, he made a move on me. I think
he might be gay. And they're like, oh, you poor
thing. You can come stay with us. I know, but
wait a second. I'm still confused though. So
this man, you were staying in a hotel room. Wait,
let me stop later for a second. You flew out
there to Jamaica with this man. Both of you shared
one room with two beds. This guy comes out of
the shower, shaving himself. Yeah, pretty much,
yeah. Okay, first of all, do you know how shaving
works? Like, you have to be underwater, you just
can't run on it. He had an electric razor. No,
he was electric razoring his entire body. Oh,
he was electric razoring? This guy's a real fucking
sadist, dude. He was standing there with the
electric razor in his whole body. He was this
big hulking Greek guy. He was like some kind
of, you know, one of the Greek gods. Yeah, you
were his little Nero, weren't you? And... No,
he was actually a handsome dude, man. He was.
He really was. Dude, I mean, you should just
stop talking right now. I'm okay. No, I'm not.
Anyways... Well, we both want him getting laid
by girls, man, okay? So he gets this young black
Jamaican girl, and I... go to All Inclusive Resort
with these three other chicks and let me stay
with them because I'm there with a gay guy. So
I'm at the All Inclusive Resort with these, yeah,
I slept with one of them. And he's Greek. Do
you know what they have tendencies to do? I know.
All this was going through my head while I'm
there. I'm like, oh my God, what have I done?
What's this, what's, you know? But whatever.
It turned out to be a pretty good time all in
all. Yeah, and the ass sex wasn't as rough as
they say. They have good insurance. Andre. He
was a lot of fun, actually. These guys, they
were so fucking rich. They lived in, I think,
Morton Grove. Dude, I went to his house once.
It was a mansion, to say, a ranch. It was a mansion.
So you went to his house once, and then you went
on vacation with him. And he was a waiter, and
you didn't know he was a faggot. No, this guy
was the bar manager at the Hyatt. But he was
gay. No, no, he wasn't gay. He was not gay. Only
with you. How were you? What was the relation
between you and the guy that you went to Jamaica
with? He was the bar manager, and I was the cook.
So he was gay then? He just said, so he was gay.
He wasn't gay. He's a bar manager doesn't mean
he's gay. You just told us he was gay. You said
you wanted me to rub oil on him. That doesn't
mean he's gay. Are you fucking kidding me? If
Larry asked me to rub oil on him, I would punch
him so hard. I thought you might be gay, but
that doesn't mean you're gay. Maybe you just
want someone to rub. Well, I'm shaving my body.
But I wasn't going to do it because I'm not gay.
But he's shaving his body in front of you. Maybe
he was gay. I don't know. Look at my dick and
my balls while I shave it. And then, did he show
you his ass? No. Oh, okay. Well, that's good.
Did he say, hey, check my ass? Did I miss a spot?
Yeah, look at my grumble. Did something miss
it? No, no. No? No, it was just all the cool
boys being boys, right? No. No, I'm not rubbing
all your lines, you're broke. No, I laughed.
Why don't you go out and have fun and then I'm
gonna sleep in this bed next to you. Well, no,
man, thank goodness, too, there were these other
not -gay guys. I love how he has to say that.
From Wisconsin, they didn't know where to stay.
So they get in the taxi with us, because Andres
says, I know where you can stay. Stay with us
at this place. Meet us at this resort. You'll
love it there and everything. I don't even notice
that one guy's got a limp is all I see. I see
the guy limps. OK, one guy's got a limp, whatever,
no big deal. So the next morning I realized these
guys are swimming off the cliff and there's this
big giant prosthetic leg... laying there on the
fucking rocks by the water because one of the
dudes had a... prosthetic leg. You have to take
it off to swim. Nobody had a prosthetic leg and
there was one up there. Right. Okay. This is
disturbing now to start my vacation off. This
is disturbing coming from a guy who copes heroin
on the west side. This is a disturbing way. But
it's so pirate -like, you know, the missing leg
thing. Yeah, and the dude wasn't gay, but the
leg was gay. The leg only wanted to kiss me.
Man, I make a nice carving for that leg, man.
We get you a nice... You know, applewood carving
for that day. Watch out for those people. Make
a nice pedding. Shut it down. If you're leaving,
Larry. So they had broke foot man. All right,
we're leaving. All right. Thanks for tuning in,
everybody. What are we leaving to? What are we
leaving? We want to thank Don Anfield. The liar.
The Don of comedy. The Don of lies. I'm not done,
dude. I'm not done lying. All right. So while
we're there, he was a broke foot man. Broke -foot
man, then I met the one -armed man the guy head
when I I couldn't meeting all these people with
deformities The hunchback Perverts to light A
bunch of weirdos you're taking advantage and
that was pre -internet Like a perverts the light
there's a dude with the hunchback the one -armed
man broke -foot man was dude we were staying
with They went around the whole island on their
motorcycles and I asked you how'd you lose that
leg? In a motorcycle accident. Yeah. And they
go around the whole fucking island on motorcycles.
That's how I'm going to lose my leg. He's a hopscotch
accident. That would have been better. We thought
we were in a shitty spot. We thought we were
always fucking pretty shitty. It took them three
days to go around the whole island. And they
came back. Because it was better than anywhere
else on the fucking island. Yeah, you think?
So you were in the best spot? We were in the
best spot, it turns out, yeah. Oh, thank God
you guys are still here. Where's the best spot?
We were in the grill. But now it's not the best
spot because the whole beach is gone. What do
you mean it's gone? They had a seven mile beach,
dude. There was a beach seven miles long. Oh,
sounds like Israel. There was sand, beautiful
white sand, dude. Like let's say from the hotel
or restaurant thing. There was beautiful white
sand. 200 yards before the water. That's pretty
nice. Before the water. Then you could walk out
to the water up to your fucking knees for another
quarter mile. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's
like Salt Lake City Utah. That's how they get
you. It was fucking beautiful. That's how they
get you. It's all gone. That 200 yards of sand.
They used to have hardies there at night. What
happened? Hey, quit rubbing your knee on me,
homo. Just poor planting, poor erosion. Poor
planting. Yeah, everything. It's just gone. And
they would have like, you know, shows at night
on that sand, and people walking around selling
things on the sand. There was tons of room. Dude,
it's all gone. Now from the restaurant, I went
to Legends, where there's the deck, and it was
like literally four feet, and there was the ocean.
What is he talking about? All that sand was gone.
Larry, what is he talking about? Seven mile beach
in the group. And ladies and gentlemen, with
that, that's the erosion of our world. It's gone.
Yeah, okay. You're gone. Our world is enroding.
And, uh, you know what to do. Love you guys.
Yeah, thanks for tuning in. If you listen this
long, fuck. Say bye, man.