WEBVTT

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Not being associated with these fucking things.

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Yo, ladies and gents, welcome to the Larry and

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Needles show. I'm Larry. And I'm Needles. And

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Fat Girls here, too. I'm Kiki. How you guys doing?

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So we just got to start off by saying, we had

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a rough year in the Larry and Needles universe.

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We lost another person. Mm -hmm. So RIP Dom.

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Mm -hmm. Yeah. Kid, I mean, I don't know if we

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should. say what happened we don't want to say

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too many details but just that you know so that

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dominic was a cool kid yeah so now piggybacking

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off of that so we were at my friend jimmy's house

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who had a little party after dominic's wake and

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uh goes right into it saying names well that's

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not that's not his real name i know i'm joking

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see how quickly i said okay let's let's set this

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up okay so so we go to a we go to a party That

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is all of our friends. I would say the majority

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of our friends are 99 points Yeah, that's fine

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I'd say 99 friends are alcoholic Place well this

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weird to go to a part. Well, okay. Yeah, just

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weird to be drinking at a place but you know,

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but uh So we go to this party and it's all of

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our lowlife dirtbag friends everybody that you

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know and Out of notes, this is the first time

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I've ever been to this place Okay, and let me

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tell you these people are so hospitable. They

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are awesome. They're the greatest people Absolutely,

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and they live in this unincorporated part of

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town. We're Jimmy Jr fixes Mary's breaks all

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the time. Yeah, I know. But what do you call

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it? So they live in this unincorporated part

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of town and it's usually it's mostly like rednecks.

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It's sort of nice houses and shit. So I walk

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in and there's an Asian lady in there. Tiny little

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Asian lady and kind of out of place. You know

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what I mean? Like. Basically, the enemy is in

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this town. Does she have like a redneck accent

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though? No, no. She talked like this. Yeah, but

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she's the best. I want to say that. Yeah. She

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cooked for us. Yeah, so she cooked, she made

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the ultimate food is what you do to the, you

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know, that's how you get them. You feed them

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and get them fat and then they're lazy. Then

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you kill them. And then you can kill them. Yeah,

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you know what I mean? Cause they can't really

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run away. And fat, then steamboat. She was handing

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out glasses of hot sake. Yeah, which is the complete

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opposite. They were getting us and she was getting

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us fucked up. Yeah, so she was Japanese. So she's

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getting his hand. So she's trying to throw you

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guys off. I say, you got any heroin? I ask her.

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Nobody really paid attention to me, though. I

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figured it was kind of a blue comment. But it

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was Chinese. Yeah, the Golden Triangle. Right.

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So. The Golden Triangle is not China. It's anywhere

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where that shit comes from. Yeah, that's where

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they got it. The Golden Triangle is where that

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shit comes from. Thailand, Burma, and Cambodia.

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It used to be called Burma, what was it? Okay,

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whatever. So, just very odd. that all of us white

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people are there, and there's just one Asian

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lady, and she's like feeding us, getting us hammered,

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and then, like making sure you're drunk. Why

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you not want some, Larry? Okay, now you had to

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do that, didn't you? That's what she said to

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me. Larry's son. Rari -san, why are you laughing?

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You're too skinny, Rari -san. Drink, eat. So,

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and the food was amazing. Like probably the best

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Chinese food. You want sake? You want sake? Yeah.

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Yes, I do. And she's not partaking in any of

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this. She's dumb American. I didn't eat anything

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or drink anything. Let me just put that down.

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Round eyes. Easy. I drank only things out of

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cans that I opened. What does that mean? Did

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she try to poison us? I don't know. I'm fine.

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I drank some sake. Okay, we'll see. Glasses.

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Dude, glasses. I'm sorry. You had the boiling

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water. She put the boiling water and put the

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glass in there. It was amazing. So it was really

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heat up. It was pretty. So I think the Chinese

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are watching us. Pretty elaborate. That's what

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I'm coming down to. At one point, she's walking

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around on her laptop taking photos and photographs.

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No, no, no. An iPad. An iPad. Taking films of

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everybody and photographs of everybody. So Larry

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and I are... Extra ones of you guys. Larry and

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I are dying laughing. I'm like, you know she's

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sending that back. We're totally like eye to

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eye. Look how blunt they are. Round eyes, so

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easy work over. She's like, it would be easy

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to take these. So lazy and slovenly. Look at

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the fat one, steamboat, still eating. He like

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my food. And he's just like eating. She's like,

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oh, keep eating, keep eating. Oh, Bobby, you're

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lying here. Have another. So she's like taking

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pictures. Look at this fat motherfucker. American

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Wokka? Crazy. Right back to the fucking office

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in the CCP. Totally like... But it blows my mind.

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Where did this... Think about it. There's not

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that big of an Asian community. Wait, so who

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was she? It's my buddy Jamie's wife. So then

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I ask Jay, I go, well you know she's a spy. She's

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like, oh no. And I'm like, well does she have...

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Does she have family that still lives in China

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and she wouldn't add to me and I go She's a spy.

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Otherwise, they kill your family. They told you

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100 % you got to report back to them. Okay Whether

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or not she's a it's her by choice or not. So

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she's like taking these pictures with this iPad

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of like everybody She does I wasn't gonna bring

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that Mary fucking cover story. Yeah, right. Yeah,

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that's cool That's code for human traffic I don't

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they all work together. They don't back. Listen,

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they don't you don't I mean we talked about that

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how they got busted fucking the Chinese had a

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wouldn't call it those try that boy And when

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they get compromised, they get put into Tesla,

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and it backs into a lake. Yeah. The doors lock

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automatically, the windows stay shut, and you're

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done. Remember when they had the police stations

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in New York? I'm sure they still do. They had

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their own separate cops. No, they had a tower.

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Yeah. There was an illegal, like a tower that

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rises above, like a lift. Like from China. And

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they would put it in Chinatown and they were

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watching their own people. Well, you got to make

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sure there's no dissidents, man. Do you remember

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when they had a California warehouse and they

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were making all biological shit there? Yeah,

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they were making vaccines. Nothing ever happened

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of it? Yeah. No, and they remember they got caught

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because they somebody was doing inspection and

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the shit leaking out the window Leaking which

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you would think that the Chinese are more meticulous

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than that. Mm -hmm They're allowed to do that

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kind of shit in their own country. And then what

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do you call it? I was reading this thing about

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how Tiananmen Square was But all the meticulous

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stuff and all that's just propaganda fed to us

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throughout our life. It's all propaganda. You

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know, we don't know how meticulous they really

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are. They're probably just as lazy as we would

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like to be. Oh, dude, I've been to Asia. They're

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not as lazy. Well, and they're not meticulous.

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I know. Some of them, a small percentage of them

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are, but yeah. Sure, maybe the scientists. Well,

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they're all just, they're all sheep anyways.

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You know what I mean? Like, they are commies,

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first of all. But yeah, so now, now we're probably

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in some weird Chinese database. Larry and I.

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I've already, I've been to his house before.

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Oh yeah, you're already compromised. So now I'm

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compromised. That's right, that's right. You

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guys are top of the wood border, right? I adopted

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a Spalding from her. Get out of here, really?

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That's where you got it from? Yeah. That's great.

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Spalding was at a grond sale. That was starting

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to make sense. I was just going to say, now things

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are adding up. Now it's all 30. She's sitting

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there. Spalding was at a grond sale. She's got

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a bug in him. Yeah, seriously. You didn't think

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about that, did you? Or maybe he's got, maybe

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there's a pound of pure, great horse in there.

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Or maybe wipe off his skin. Maybe he's fucking

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a little Asian baby. He's got contacts in, so

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he's got round eyes. Larry's going to get his

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dolls. I'm going to make sure he's not a spy.

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Well, like we were talking about before, Larry's

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the ultimate black daddy. He just leaves him

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in the basement for like a month. He checks up

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on him every once in a while. But dude, that's

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what they want, because now he's sitting there

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walking around. Pauling's a good boy. He's got

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a Kabbalah bracelet. Feel how heavy he is, man.

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You probably forgot. Yeah, because you probably

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even changed his diaper. Jesus, Larry. You're

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complicit. Now they got your fingerprints. I

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know, right? Dude, this thing weighs heavier

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than a regular baby. Yeah, I know. It doesn't

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hit the wall like a regular baby. Everything

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about him is just like a regular baby. I love

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when they do those jokes like that when they're

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like walking with the baby and the guy trips

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and the baby flies out of there. The stroller

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or something, yeah. Like if we went, if we should

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go take Paul, the small thing to the park and

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just throw him back into Florida. And then see

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if the cops come. Go to this park right here.

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Yeah, right down the street. We'll push him right

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out of the fucking swing. Yeah, launch him. Jesus,

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what's wrong? Do you have a camera set up? The

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swing is all fucked up. Do you have a camera

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set up downstairs? He may be getting up at night

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and like walking around. He's cooking crack.

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I thought I smelled something. Yeah, make a dying

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bed. Is there a meth lab in my basement? I'm

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making you proud, manny. Oh, Jesus. You and that

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doll. He's a good boy. I can't even really see

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him with just his eyes. I know, he blends in

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with the couch. His diapers are good things.

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You can see his diaper. His diaper. Now you can't

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see him at all. He's a good kid though, I gotta

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throw him away. Hey, get out of my pockets, bowling.

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Check your wallet. Yeah. Even though he's got

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an ankle monitor on. He does. He's got this fucking

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ankle monitor taken off and then as soon as he

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gets it off. I think he was born with it on.

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I don't think that it's just an attache or a

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coutrement that comes with spasms. That's how

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it works, yeah. Look, you can't see him. Oh,

00:10:43.139 --> 00:10:45.080
yeah, you can. Hey, you can. Yeah, you can. Wow,

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he disappeared. They got a baby on their podcast.

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I can't believe one day they got that baby with

00:10:52.419 --> 00:10:59.340
a chain. Baby Smoke. I can't see him, though.

00:10:59.919 --> 00:11:02.490
You can't see him now? I wonder why. Smoking

00:11:02.490 --> 00:11:04.690
to hit her, no. You'd be liking it, that. That's

00:11:04.690 --> 00:11:07.509
very funny. Oh, that's classic. So anyway, so...

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So you guys got compromised. Mei Pang fucking

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took a lot of pictures of us and sent them off,

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and I know she has to fucking report back, because

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Jay would have said, no, she doesn't have any

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family in China. If she didn't, she would love

00:11:20.289 --> 00:11:22.639
to... through all that in my face, right? And

00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:26.399
then so then silence. That's kind of very Sun

00:11:26.399 --> 00:11:29.700
and I are in the we're in the backyard in the

00:11:29.700 --> 00:11:31.879
screening porch and we're all hanging out or

00:11:31.879 --> 00:11:36.200
booze and having a good time. And I'm sorry,

00:11:36.379 --> 00:11:39.460
Jay, but this was so funny. So we're like asking

00:11:39.460 --> 00:11:42.169
her questions about her. But that's what he said.

00:11:42.549 --> 00:11:45.029
Does she have family in China? And she's starting

00:11:45.029 --> 00:11:48.009
to lose it. She's getting all mad. Listen, you

00:11:48.009 --> 00:11:51.350
two, Sue is off. Oh, yeah, first of all, she

00:11:51.350 --> 00:11:56.389
didn't... Larry. I know. Come on, Rary, son.

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So what did I, okay, whatever. So fucking, I

00:11:59.399 --> 00:12:01.179
mean, if you listen, you know who we're talking

00:12:01.179 --> 00:12:04.019
to, our friends. But so we're in the back, so

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we're poking her. You know what I mean? She's

00:12:06.179 --> 00:12:08.559
like, yeah. She was fucking so mad. Does he have,

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that's not a good question, Larry. He'd say something

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and I'd say something and he'd laugh and we're

00:12:13.620 --> 00:12:15.340
both just laughing. And he was like, I'm like.

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So does she have any family in China? That is

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not funny. She is off the list. So we're like,

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why is she off the list? Everybody's laughing,

00:12:26.379 --> 00:12:28.279
because they know what we're going to do next.

00:12:28.740 --> 00:12:31.740
So now for the next hour, we're talking about

00:12:31.740 --> 00:12:33.639
something. We're like, hey, Jay, does she have

00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:36.899
any family in China? Oh, man. And you fucking

00:12:36.899 --> 00:12:39.000
guys have no respect. And I said, because you

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know, I read this article that said. Not even

00:12:44.100 --> 00:12:48.460
on drugs. Every single person has to report back,

00:12:48.659 --> 00:12:51.899
like it or not, or they'll do shit to your family.

00:12:52.360 --> 00:12:54.580
Especially if they were born in China? Yeah.

00:12:54.820 --> 00:12:56.460
Oh, that's your state. It's just like Israel.

00:12:56.460 --> 00:12:57.860
Well, you don't get a visa. You're loyal to Israel.

00:12:57.860 --> 00:13:00.720
You're not allowed to travel abroad unless you're

00:13:00.720 --> 00:13:01.120
working for your fucking... No, you've got to

00:13:01.120 --> 00:13:03.840
get special permission or escape somehow. Yeah.

00:13:04.159 --> 00:13:07.509
But you don't escape with your kids. No, no.

00:13:07.629 --> 00:13:10.990
It's not a true escape. Unless you're open like

00:13:10.990 --> 00:13:11.850
a nail salon. I don't know if they were born

00:13:11.850 --> 00:13:17.389
here or how long she's been here, but maybe she's

00:13:17.389 --> 00:13:19.870
been here that long. I don't know. It could be.

00:13:20.129 --> 00:13:23.149
I know she was only married to my buddy for maybe

00:13:23.149 --> 00:13:26.740
10 years, 15 years. The kids are older than that,

00:13:26.919 --> 00:13:29.000
though. Okay, all right. Well, the story's taking

00:13:29.000 --> 00:13:31.320
a real dive now. But yeah, man. So we were on

00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:34.000
the thing, and Jay just would not fucking go

00:13:34.000 --> 00:13:35.120
along with it. But we just kept poking her and

00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:36.820
poking her. Yeah. Because that's what we do.

00:13:36.899 --> 00:13:39.779
We're gonna needle her. Well, she's one of our

00:13:39.779 --> 00:13:42.559
good friends. Oh, yeah, they're very good friends.

00:13:42.899 --> 00:13:44.539
Yeah. But it's like... And you know what? The

00:13:44.539 --> 00:13:46.419
lady is fucking... She's a saint. She's amazing.

00:13:46.419 --> 00:13:47.879
I love her. She's so awesome. She's really great.

00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:51.059
And I don't care if she is a spy or not, but

00:13:51.059 --> 00:13:53.360
it's just so funny how Jay just flips the fuck

00:13:53.360 --> 00:13:54.200
out. Well, it was so funny when I walked in.

00:13:54.200 --> 00:13:56.519
Wow, she's fallen in love with America. I thought

00:13:56.519 --> 00:13:59.139
she stopped to do her duty. Like, I kind of knew

00:13:59.139 --> 00:14:01.600
what was going on. I walked in, I'm like, oh,

00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:05.279
this ain't good. Let me tell you. I can kind

00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:08.460
of feel a room pretty quickly. You guys never

00:14:08.460 --> 00:14:10.799
met her before? I have. He has. He knows her.

00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:13.279
This is my first time, but I met him. I know.

00:14:13.580 --> 00:14:17.360
She's been to our gigs and stuff, but this is

00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:19.840
my first time. And you know what, you get that

00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:22.960
little tingle when you walk by a little Catholic

00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:25.039
church or something. No, she was probably jabbing

00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:28.320
you with something. What are those called? What

00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:30.940
are the juice prays? Synagogue? Synagogue. You

00:14:30.940 --> 00:14:32.580
walk, you know, you get that kind of tingle when

00:14:32.580 --> 00:14:33.960
you walk past the synagogue. Well, she may have

00:14:33.960 --> 00:14:35.740
given you guys like, oh, here's a sockie thing

00:14:35.740 --> 00:14:38.600
and shoot me up. Give me a bridge. Advanced COVID?

00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:42.899
Yeah. She like blows. Yeah, exactly. I'm surprised.

00:14:42.980 --> 00:14:45.259
Here's some sockie, a bat flies out of her pocket.

00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:47.440
I mean, that's not the worst thing that could

00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:49.860
happen. Technically, they could turn us all into

00:14:49.860 --> 00:14:52.519
communists, but that's fine. Well, unfortunately,

00:14:52.620 --> 00:14:56.179
last week, we didn't get to play our game. So

00:14:56.179 --> 00:14:59.659
we'll play our game right now. Last week we had

00:14:59.659 --> 00:15:03.779
Big Head on here, Steve, and man, I'll tell ya.

00:15:04.179 --> 00:15:06.740
I'm surprised he made it home. Me too, I'm glad

00:15:06.740 --> 00:15:10.059
he did. Don't implicate anybody. I'm not going

00:15:10.059 --> 00:15:14.080
to implicate him. Just stay with that. But if

00:15:14.080 --> 00:15:16.360
he has to back him up. I'm just glad he made

00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:22.490
it home. He hurt his foot. He's drinking foot.

00:15:22.870 --> 00:15:28.830
Yeah. Turns out you do get a sore toe if you

00:15:28.830 --> 00:15:31.710
open 100 doors of your chalice. Yeah. If you

00:15:31.710 --> 00:15:34.350
drink too much, it gets a little itchy. Hey,

00:15:34.450 --> 00:15:37.029
how about me? Yeah. You know, you got to get

00:15:37.029 --> 00:15:40.370
the break foot and the gas pedal. Exactly. They

00:15:40.370 --> 00:15:44.190
got to be in sync. You can't have one be one.

00:15:44.190 --> 00:15:46.700
So now we're going to play. Our game, which I

00:15:46.700 --> 00:15:49.299
love to do, guess the race of the case. So I'm

00:15:49.299 --> 00:15:51.799
gonna read. Fantastic game. This is my favorite

00:15:51.799 --> 00:15:54.639
game. I'm gonna read a news article and you have

00:15:54.639 --> 00:15:56.539
to guess the race of the person who committed

00:15:56.539 --> 00:15:59.580
the crime. All right. All right. First one, woman

00:15:59.580 --> 00:16:04.000
attacks boyfriend. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:09.759
ding, ding. That's it? No, no, no, no. I was

00:16:09.759 --> 00:16:12.860
doing it. Women at tax point. Women steals wigs

00:16:12.860 --> 00:16:21.340
off. Chicken stand rob. Which happened because

00:16:21.340 --> 00:16:24.620
the watermelon store got night robbed. It was

00:16:24.620 --> 00:16:27.000
a multi -interstate crime. It was like one of

00:16:27.000 --> 00:16:31.019
those KFC Pizza Hut things combined. Yeah, watermelon

00:16:31.019 --> 00:16:33.519
chicken. And let me tell you, right now, I'm

00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:36.200
pissed that the blacks got that moniker, shall

00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:38.480
I say. Fried chicken and watermelon is awesome.

00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:40.720
Oh, absolutely. You know what I mean? He doesn't

00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:42.559
like it. Yeah, absolutely. It's so good. It's

00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:44.659
like because everybody's like, why do you don't

00:16:44.659 --> 00:16:46.519
know how to spice their food that we get fried

00:16:46.519 --> 00:16:48.830
chicken and watermelon? But I mean granted if

00:16:48.830 --> 00:16:51.169
you look at the old days in cartoons They really

00:16:51.169 --> 00:16:53.590
did play that one where they had the black guys

00:16:53.590 --> 00:16:55.470
eat watermelons. They were spitting the seeds.

00:16:55.610 --> 00:16:59.169
I think bullets. Yeah All you just see for their

00:16:59.169 --> 00:17:03.049
lips. Oh, man Shut up to Hitler. Donald was always

00:17:03.049 --> 00:17:05.190
doing the cooking. It was Mammy. Yeah, and she

00:17:05.190 --> 00:17:08.609
made shit But it was the Colonel who brought

00:17:08.609 --> 00:17:13.650
the syrup over This butter were told to bring

00:17:13.650 --> 00:17:17.700
the syrup. I need a house n -word Yeah, oh with

00:17:17.700 --> 00:17:20.839
the rice to uncle Ben all right All right, so

00:17:20.839 --> 00:17:23.720
a woman attacks boyfriend with hatchet his head

00:17:23.720 --> 00:17:26.299
sounds his head hounded that sounded like splitting

00:17:26.299 --> 00:17:30.359
wood witnesses said as she hit him Other was

00:17:30.359 --> 00:17:34.079
witnesses. I was gonna say white chick Sounds

00:17:34.079 --> 00:17:37.220
like a friend with sounds like Lena his head

00:17:37.220 --> 00:17:41.299
sounds like witnesses said when she hit it You

00:17:41.299 --> 00:17:43.640
know what? It's a hatchet. It's a white jade.

00:17:43.660 --> 00:17:46.759
Who has hatchets? I'm going to say Mexican. I

00:17:46.759 --> 00:17:49.819
mean, I don't. Hatchets are, you know, a hatchet's

00:17:49.819 --> 00:17:53.079
a pretty fucking serious thing. Yeah. It's like

00:17:53.079 --> 00:17:56.859
a hammer. That's like something you carry as

00:17:56.859 --> 00:18:00.079
a weapon. Yeah. All right. Well, maybe even Puerto

00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:01.920
Rican. It's a white girl. Maybe Puerto Rican.

00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:04.119
I think maybe I'm changing to Puerto Rican. You

00:18:04.119 --> 00:18:08.289
go to Puerto Rican. Is that a race? Yeah, I mean

00:18:08.289 --> 00:18:23.059
they are stabby that should be the race You can't

00:18:23.059 --> 00:18:25.599
turn your back on a Puerto Rican lady. And good

00:18:25.599 --> 00:18:27.539
luck, because they got fat asses too, so they

00:18:27.539 --> 00:18:30.740
like block you in front of the door. It's like

00:18:30.740 --> 00:18:33.319
a lineman from their hips down. All right, so

00:18:33.319 --> 00:18:35.339
what do you say, Larry White? I say White, yeah.

00:18:35.460 --> 00:18:37.960
And Kiki, what do you say? Rican. Rican? It was

00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:42.400
a Mexican. Oh, damn. You should have just said

00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:44.900
Hispanic. That blanket's a whole bunch. Lena

00:18:44.900 --> 00:18:48.200
de la Veria. I said it sounded like Lena. Oh,

00:18:48.220 --> 00:18:53.450
you did say that. It was Lena. Yeah, I should

00:18:53.450 --> 00:18:55.089
have stuck with my first guess. I should get

00:18:55.089 --> 00:18:57.309
a bonus point for getting the fucking first name

00:18:57.309 --> 00:18:59.309
of the criminal. That's actually, I mean, that's

00:18:59.309 --> 00:19:01.210
maybe even a couple bonus points. There's only

00:19:01.210 --> 00:19:04.210
five fucking questions. Okay, well. I mean, how

00:19:04.210 --> 00:19:05.809
many points do you want? But to guess the name

00:19:05.809 --> 00:19:07.430
of the actual killer? The point was promised

00:19:07.430 --> 00:19:33.279
to you 3 ,000 years ago. Yeah! So assistant principal's

00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:36.500
husband comes to middle school, kills her and

00:19:36.500 --> 00:19:41.160
mother before turning gun on self. Really assistant

00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:44.460
principal assistant principals husband. That's

00:19:44.460 --> 00:19:46.779
a white guy. Okay, come back. He's not gonna

00:19:46.779 --> 00:19:50.880
kill himself comes We're gonna walk that one

00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:53.940
around the block remember that right there hold

00:19:53.940 --> 00:19:59.519
on to that Spaulding Okay, so goes to the middle

00:19:59.519 --> 00:20:02.779
school that she works at kills her and her mother

00:20:02.779 --> 00:20:05.660
before turning the gun on himself Definitely

00:20:05.660 --> 00:20:09.069
a white guy. I mean Yeah, I don't know how much

00:20:09.069 --> 00:20:13.809
more I got to go into that I'll say Mexican just

00:20:13.809 --> 00:20:15.910
to be different from Kiki. I mean it could be

00:20:15.910 --> 00:20:17.710
a Mexican, but like yeah the ones that go after

00:20:17.710 --> 00:20:19.930
the mothers, too I mean, that's actually anyway,

00:20:19.930 --> 00:20:23.109
but it's like you're gonna do blanket. Yeah,

00:20:23.109 --> 00:20:24.690
it's man. That's it should be his middle name

00:20:24.690 --> 00:20:33.190
blanket Michael Jackson Michael Jackson. All

00:20:33.190 --> 00:20:35.819
right, so it was a black guy Damn, he killed

00:20:35.819 --> 00:20:38.480
himself, huh? Stephen Lee. Yeah, he killed himself.

00:20:38.619 --> 00:20:42.140
Was he half? Was he half? Well, I mean... Was

00:20:42.140 --> 00:20:45.880
he mulatto? I don't think that's the right terminology.

00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:47.680
Mulatto? I don't think that's the right terminology.

00:20:47.700 --> 00:20:51.539
I still use it. I do too. I don't know if that

00:20:51.539 --> 00:20:53.059
means anything though. Kids just go into a college

00:20:53.059 --> 00:20:55.339
and be like, hey, look at that mulatto. Why not?

00:20:55.619 --> 00:20:58.400
Because that's what they're called. I don't think

00:20:58.400 --> 00:21:03.599
that's a derogatory statement. He hasn't had

00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:07.420
the news on lately. He's still reading the old

00:21:07.420 --> 00:21:10.279
racist handbook. He hasn't gotten the updated

00:21:10.279 --> 00:21:14.660
version. I'm still reading the 1997. But uh,

00:21:14.700 --> 00:21:17.299
I can't believe the black guy actually turned

00:21:17.299 --> 00:21:19.539
the gun on himself. He's like one of my peeps.

00:21:19.660 --> 00:21:21.779
Yeah, he's like, oh man. He's making us look

00:21:21.779 --> 00:21:25.559
bad. Yeah. Killed the mom and her, imagine, and

00:21:25.559 --> 00:21:28.059
then himself. Well, and the mother. That's understandable.

00:21:28.099 --> 00:21:30.460
I see a black guy doing that, but turning the

00:21:30.460 --> 00:21:33.019
gun on himself afterwards. Yeah, that's, I mean,

00:21:33.099 --> 00:21:35.259
that's a rarity. Although the one, one guy we

00:21:35.259 --> 00:21:37.759
might know, I shouldn't say his name. This name

00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:40.599
I won't say, but he was a, he was a dealer and

00:21:40.599 --> 00:21:44.279
uh, he got. He got chased down by the cops. He

00:21:44.279 --> 00:21:47.900
killed his girlfriend and the baby, and then

00:21:47.900 --> 00:21:49.440
he went out and killed his, and then he went

00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:52.099
from Chicago and out to the western, far west

00:21:52.099 --> 00:21:55.000
suburbs, and killed, like, his mom and dad, and

00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:57.279
then when the cops surrounded the house there,

00:21:57.799 --> 00:22:00.000
he blew his brains out. Well, no, yeah, I mean,

00:22:01.140 --> 00:22:05.940
when the jig is up, the Nick gives up. Yeah,

00:22:06.180 --> 00:22:11.490
I see that happening. Yeah. I can't help myself.

00:22:11.869 --> 00:22:14.250
That just flowed a little too nice. I just really

00:22:14.250 --> 00:22:17.789
can't help myself. That's needles. But no, I

00:22:17.789 --> 00:22:20.490
understand when the jig is up. But like, if you're

00:22:20.490 --> 00:22:22.950
just going to go kill the mother and the daughter.

00:22:22.970 --> 00:22:25.150
Well, he was in the school. He probably could

00:22:25.150 --> 00:22:27.150
have walked. That's a pretty soft target. You

00:22:27.150 --> 00:22:28.829
probably could have walked right out on skates.

00:22:28.829 --> 00:22:30.329
What is this saying? Then at least you get some

00:22:30.329 --> 00:22:32.630
free time. But he was probably suicidal. What's

00:22:32.630 --> 00:22:34.549
up, Steven Lee? The guy just walks in. He's like,

00:22:34.809 --> 00:22:37.630
not too much, baby. Just shookin' and jivin'.

00:22:37.630 --> 00:22:39.410
And he's like, because he's moving now. I went

00:22:39.410 --> 00:22:40.289
out of his way out. He's like, did you see that

00:22:40.289 --> 00:22:44.049
new Shaft movie? Mm -hmm, I did. Oh, Lordy Boyz,

00:22:44.089 --> 00:22:46.150
you guys talking about the new Shaft movie? He's

00:22:46.150 --> 00:22:49.029
like, oh, yeah. That was really good. Especially

00:22:49.029 --> 00:22:52.089
because the security was probably black. So he

00:22:52.089 --> 00:22:53.150
was probably busting around with them. He's like,

00:22:53.490 --> 00:22:55.109
D -shirt, you get your hair colored red again.

00:22:55.170 --> 00:22:57.460
She's like, oh, you know that? And then, you

00:22:57.460 --> 00:22:58.960
know, he's like, how do you wipe your butt with

00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:04.000
them big nails? Sorry, I had to go through every,

00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:06.220
trying to get as much as I could out through

00:23:06.220 --> 00:23:07.940
that one. Yeah, now what did you say now about

00:23:07.940 --> 00:23:13.460
the... Again, that's all me Because Larry forgot

00:23:13.460 --> 00:23:16.740
how a comedy show works. He's my worst critic.

00:23:16.740 --> 00:23:26.160
He's like It's totally fine to say mulatto. It's

00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:28.240
not I think I think it is. I mean, why don't

00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:35.720
you call you next week if it's okay to say mulatto

00:23:35.720 --> 00:23:42.900
Afro -american No, no, American Association College.

00:23:43.319 --> 00:23:47.220
Colored people. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How did you

00:23:47.220 --> 00:23:50.900
forget that, of all things? National African

00:23:50.900 --> 00:23:53.519
American seat. I mean, are we really going to

00:23:53.519 --> 00:23:57.880
break down fucking? Yeah. Oh, OK. It's not colored

00:23:57.880 --> 00:23:59.900
people. It's colored people. No way. No, that

00:23:59.900 --> 00:24:03.190
is what it is. You know that? Yes. Come on. N

00:24:03.190 --> 00:24:05.630
-double -A -C -P. We're always like, look at

00:24:05.630 --> 00:24:08.309
those N -double -A -C -P. Wait. Well, I understand

00:24:08.309 --> 00:24:09.710
that reference. There's a whole group of N -double

00:24:09.710 --> 00:24:12.609
-A -C -P colors. But we're not allowed to use

00:24:12.609 --> 00:24:16.609
colored? No. That's why we say the N word. That's

00:24:16.609 --> 00:24:19.609
how you could tell that that organization was

00:24:19.609 --> 00:24:23.150
invented in the 60s. Watch that. And double ACP.

00:24:23.470 --> 00:24:25.450
Yeah, we all know about that. Yeah, I understand

00:24:25.450 --> 00:24:26.769
that. Otherwise, it'd be something different.

00:24:26.769 --> 00:24:28.029
Yeah, but you'd think they would have changed

00:24:28.029 --> 00:24:30.250
it. You look really weird right now. Oh, yeah,

00:24:30.349 --> 00:24:32.490
it is. National Association for the Advancement

00:24:32.490 --> 00:24:34.109
of Color People. Advancement of color. You think

00:24:34.109 --> 00:24:36.390
I would lie about that? Established in 1909.

00:24:37.009 --> 00:24:40.019
Oh, wow. Yeah. That's why it's definitely called

00:24:40.019 --> 00:24:42.440
colored back then. That's the year my grandfather

00:24:42.440 --> 00:24:45.920
was born. That's when my grandfather was born.

00:24:46.539 --> 00:24:50.240
That's when my grandparents emirated to his country.

00:24:50.619 --> 00:24:52.940
Jesus, you all right there? And then he says,

00:24:54.099 --> 00:24:56.640
hopefully to the... The fat tongue on fat girl.

00:24:56.839 --> 00:24:59.400
His grandparents kneel down and pray, hopefully

00:24:59.400 --> 00:25:02.779
our grandsons won't be too dumb two generations

00:25:02.779 --> 00:25:05.759
from now to finally learn the language. They're

00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:11.160
not too high and drunk. You get it, right? I'm

00:25:11.160 --> 00:25:13.240
just dying over here. It's so funny, let me tell

00:25:13.240 --> 00:25:15.319
you. All right, story number three. Hey, get

00:25:15.319 --> 00:25:17.039
off your phone. Hey, you know, you can be any

00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:20.720
color to join. Huh? Yeah, it's for colored people.

00:25:21.099 --> 00:25:24.559
No, any color. You don't have to be black. Yeah,

00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:25.619
you don't have to be black. You don't have to

00:25:25.619 --> 00:25:27.920
be colored. It says right there. That's how they

00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:31.019
get you. Yeah. You know what I mean? They probably

00:25:31.019 --> 00:25:32.900
wouldn't let you join, but I bet you I can get

00:25:32.900 --> 00:25:35.559
in. Huh? I could probably get in. I'm Sicilian.

00:25:36.140 --> 00:25:37.440
Oh, yeah, you could probably join. I'm black.

00:25:37.480 --> 00:25:39.799
Yeah. The fucking Morse. That's what I was going

00:25:39.799 --> 00:25:42.440
to say. I can get in. Yeah. I mean, you know,

00:25:42.740 --> 00:25:47.680
I'm glad. Yeah, that's it. I'm not a mulatto.

00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:52.799
I'm an octun. Octaroon. Or an orangutan. Yeah.

00:25:54.180 --> 00:25:59.269
But an octaroon. Octageryon. Your dick ain't

00:25:59.269 --> 00:26:00.809
black because it's like a black man. Eighth.

00:26:00.809 --> 00:26:03.170
Eighth. Yeah, that's one of the other requirements

00:26:03.170 --> 00:26:06.490
to get in there. No, eighth. Eighth. One eighth.

00:26:07.710 --> 00:26:09.750
Let's stick with the eighth. Let's see your AZD.

00:26:09.769 --> 00:26:12.529
If you record, you'd be a quatroon, I think.

00:26:13.029 --> 00:26:17.299
Okay, whatever. I mean... What happened? Oh,

00:26:17.299 --> 00:26:19.039
here we go. I mean you're gonna break. Let's

00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:23.059
go. Let's just do Larry's genealogy corner To

00:26:23.059 --> 00:26:25.839
break down the family tree. Nothing. You said

00:26:25.839 --> 00:26:28.859
he's made any sense whatsoever. Thank you Everybody

00:26:28.859 --> 00:26:31.799
now is dumber for listening to what you think

00:26:31.799 --> 00:26:36.380
you factor. Oh What pros for the perfect place

00:26:36.380 --> 00:26:40.180
in time that we just had that? Wonderful wonderful.

00:26:40.180 --> 00:26:43.759
Is that Billy Madison? Yes from Billy Maddison

00:26:45.039 --> 00:26:48.079
That's what he's saying. He goes off on a rant,

00:26:48.279 --> 00:26:50.660
like they have a battle off for education, and

00:26:50.660 --> 00:26:53.660
he goes on this really good rant and it sounds

00:26:53.660 --> 00:26:56.359
great, but then the teacher's like, nothing you

00:26:56.359 --> 00:26:59.859
said made any sense whatsoever. They were in

00:26:59.859 --> 00:27:03.220
a debate club. Yeah, it was a debate club for

00:27:03.220 --> 00:27:05.119
a school, but it was two grown men. He was trying

00:27:05.119 --> 00:27:08.579
to get his degree. All right. Boyfriend who claimed

00:27:08.579 --> 00:27:13.029
moped riding duo. stabbed girlfriend to death

00:27:13.029 --> 00:27:16.730
in New York City, road rage, a New York City

00:27:16.730 --> 00:27:20.029
road rage incident, charged with murder. So I'll

00:27:20.029 --> 00:27:22.950
read that one more time. Boyfriend who claimed

00:27:22.950 --> 00:27:26.750
moped riding duo, stabbed his girlfriend to death

00:27:26.750 --> 00:27:29.910
in New York City over a road rage incident and

00:27:29.910 --> 00:27:31.869
he was charged with murder. All right, so we're

00:27:31.869 --> 00:27:34.440
guessing. We're guessing, okay. You're guessing

00:27:34.440 --> 00:27:36.519
he's the boyfriend. Yeah, not the moped rider.

00:27:36.779 --> 00:27:43.160
He's Larry and his boyfriend. He's right. You

00:27:43.160 --> 00:27:44.799
know how they're like, right? Like because Larry

00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:47.140
rides forward and the other guy rides like they

00:27:47.140 --> 00:27:51.599
intertwine their legs. He's saying that he's

00:27:51.599 --> 00:27:55.759
laughing. The only guy that's ever been on the

00:27:55.759 --> 00:27:59.579
back of my bike is him. Yeah, I know. Which is

00:27:59.579 --> 00:28:01.519
hilarious. That's how you guys roll, right? Yeah.

00:28:01.839 --> 00:28:05.480
I don't want to fall off. I scissored over my

00:28:05.480 --> 00:28:12.319
leg there. Your legs, yeah. That is true. I'm

00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:16.019
the only guy. We were so high. And that's why

00:28:16.019 --> 00:28:19.299
I say this stuff. Wait, did you guys drive to

00:28:19.299 --> 00:28:23.420
the city too? It wasn't a short ride. It wasn't

00:28:23.420 --> 00:28:29.740
like going to the Starbucks. High as hell on

00:28:29.740 --> 00:28:33.680
China White. I woke up at the stop, like woke

00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:36.359
up and passed out for like five minutes and I

00:28:36.359 --> 00:28:38.720
woke up. And I like look over and there's like

00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:42.500
little kids in a minivan. Look at those fruitcakes.

00:28:43.279 --> 00:28:48.460
Look at those Funook's mama. Is that what a Funook

00:28:48.460 --> 00:28:51.640
is, mama? Yes. Look at these guys. They're in

00:28:51.640 --> 00:28:55.240
love. Oh, you guys were probably shirtless too.

00:28:55.380 --> 00:28:58.220
No, no. We were close. I don't do nips to back.

00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:05.440
Sweaty nips to backdrop. I remember, clear as

00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:09.920
day, I had my head on his back. Oh my god. As

00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:13.420
soon as we stopped, we knotted out. That was

00:29:13.420 --> 00:29:17.119
one of those wind -up things. We rolled out and

00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:19.160
the little kids were looking at us in horror.

00:29:19.680 --> 00:29:23.900
It was hilarious. It was pretty hilarious. Roll

00:29:23.900 --> 00:29:27.170
up the windows, kids. Don't make eye contact

00:29:27.170 --> 00:29:29.490
with them. You don't want to get AIDS. Right.

00:29:29.710 --> 00:29:31.769
Don't make eye contact because you'll get airborne.

00:29:32.470 --> 00:29:36.690
Yeah. All right. So who's the kid? Is the guy

00:29:36.690 --> 00:29:40.430
black? No, that's a white guy. Yeah, Kiki didn't

00:29:40.430 --> 00:29:43.309
think it. Oh, yeah. We started talking about

00:29:43.309 --> 00:29:45.230
the scooter. Because he's trying to blame it

00:29:45.230 --> 00:29:47.750
on some Puerto Ricans on mopeds. Right, right.

00:29:48.230 --> 00:29:51.390
So that kind of adds up. So. I say black, you

00:29:51.390 --> 00:29:54.849
see? White guy. He's a Mexican. Ah. Dammit! Franklin

00:29:54.849 --> 00:29:59.210
Batalas. You guys are, there he goes. Oh, dude.

00:30:00.910 --> 00:30:03.630
I got none right. I'm not, yeah, I'm not getting

00:30:03.630 --> 00:30:07.069
any right today. Okay, so New Orleans inmate

00:30:07.069 --> 00:30:10.890
sentenced to life after throwing feces at corrections

00:30:10.890 --> 00:30:16.329
officer. Oh, man. Said it again New Orleans inmate

00:30:16.329 --> 00:30:19.849
sentenced to life after throwing feces Corrections,

00:30:19.849 --> 00:30:21.869
I'm gonna have to go the obvious one here. It

00:30:21.869 --> 00:30:24.450
sounds like James Whatever sounds like one of

00:30:24.450 --> 00:30:29.730
your daddies. Yeah Actually, yeah, well Possible

00:30:29.730 --> 00:30:36.990
baby, baby daddy. Oh, I just clicked It should

00:30:36.990 --> 00:30:41.599
take black people time times they get Not in

00:30:41.599 --> 00:30:47.039
one nut to have a baby. You have to have multiple.

00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:51.619
I don't get it. So it doesn't happen immediately.

00:30:52.079 --> 00:30:56.549
Yeah. After the tenth time. Yeah. Sorry, that

00:30:56.549 --> 00:31:00.529
was very classless and low -brow. I apologize,

00:31:00.970 --> 00:31:02.809
Spaulding. I'll give you your 40 acres and a

00:31:02.809 --> 00:31:05.250
mule after the show. And you know what? People

00:31:05.250 --> 00:31:07.390
are pitching about reparations. We already gave

00:31:07.390 --> 00:31:10.390
them reparations. We gave 40 acres and a mule.

00:31:10.390 --> 00:31:12.269
Where do you think that came from? I need reparations.

00:31:12.329 --> 00:31:15.089
That wasn't reparations. I never got reparations.

00:31:15.130 --> 00:31:19.750
We're not black. I'm Octoroon. Please, I swear

00:31:19.750 --> 00:31:21.769
to God, I'm going to Octoroon you in your face.

00:31:24.170 --> 00:31:26.470
They give you eight shots right to the fucking

00:31:26.470 --> 00:31:31.849
chops easy there Brazil But uh, what do you call

00:31:31.849 --> 00:31:35.990
it? This is a black guy and then Evanston fucking

00:31:35.990 --> 00:31:39.150
obvious gave since 2021 they've given they're

00:31:39.150 --> 00:31:41.170
giving ten million dollars in reparations they

00:31:41.170 --> 00:31:45.250
give $25 ,000 to a black family to do renovations

00:31:45.250 --> 00:31:51.809
to their house or Yeah, other shit, yeah But

00:31:51.809 --> 00:31:54.049
there's only certain parameters that they can

00:31:54.049 --> 00:31:56.690
use it. You can't buy crack. You can't use it

00:31:56.690 --> 00:31:58.750
under the guise that you're gonna do your fucking

00:31:58.750 --> 00:32:01.410
driveway and you buy an ounce of Sweet Baby Chiva,

00:32:01.529 --> 00:32:05.210
you know? Or you buy some sick -ass Chevy fucking

00:32:05.210 --> 00:32:08.930
lowrider or something. Or one of those three

00:32:08.930 --> 00:32:11.410
-wheeled motorcycles and then just play like

00:32:11.410 --> 00:32:13.829
the worst music as loud as you can. I told you

00:32:13.829 --> 00:32:16.789
about that, right? I saw a parade of them. Must've

00:32:16.789 --> 00:32:18.630
been about a hundred and something of them in

00:32:18.630 --> 00:32:21.170
a row. A hundred or something of them. Seriously,

00:32:21.589 --> 00:32:23.910
down by Manny's when my niece got married. It

00:32:23.910 --> 00:32:26.910
was all those little low three -wheeling black

00:32:26.910 --> 00:32:29.609
dudes in those little motorbikes. They know how

00:32:29.609 --> 00:32:32.029
to spend money, man. With the tunes blasting

00:32:32.029 --> 00:32:34.609
so loud. Every person with a different thing.

00:32:35.390 --> 00:32:37.990
We had to wait like fucking 15 minutes for these

00:32:37.990 --> 00:32:40.130
motherfuckers to go by. That's how many of them

00:32:40.130 --> 00:32:42.119
there were. Yeah, and they were going and they

00:32:42.119 --> 00:32:44.299
all went to this gas station because when we

00:32:44.299 --> 00:32:46.539
drove down the street we saw them all with the

00:32:46.539 --> 00:32:49.039
music still fucking blasting. That's usually

00:32:49.039 --> 00:32:53.440
how that story ends. Or a lady was slapped around.

00:32:54.900 --> 00:32:57.380
I guarantee there was more than one getting slapped

00:32:57.380 --> 00:32:59.319
around. All right, so what do we think about

00:32:59.319 --> 00:33:02.700
this inmate? Black person. I'm just going with

00:33:02.700 --> 00:33:04.839
the obvious throw and shit. Yeah, I'm going to

00:33:04.839 --> 00:33:07.619
have to go hillbilly guy just to be different

00:33:07.619 --> 00:33:09.700
than Kiki, white guy. You don't have to be different

00:33:09.700 --> 00:33:12.259
than Kiki. You should just be fine with the body

00:33:12.259 --> 00:33:14.539
that the Lord has given you, Larry. You don't

00:33:14.539 --> 00:33:16.859
want to transition. You can't get some monkey,

00:33:17.059 --> 00:33:19.339
so. Well, then I'll transition back to black

00:33:19.339 --> 00:33:22.400
guy. OK, all right. You're both right. It is

00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:24.299
New Orleans. That's what. But it's just a funny

00:33:24.299 --> 00:33:26.339
story. You want to know the guy's name? Yeah.

00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:31.420
BB60 Rayburn. So BB. And then in quotation marks,

00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:34.680
it says 60. And then Rayburn. The street name

00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:38.240
is 60. Yeah. Life in prison for throne. What

00:33:38.240 --> 00:33:40.880
is that shit called? There's a name for it. It's

00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:42.380
attempted murder, right? Yeah, but there's a

00:33:42.380 --> 00:33:44.339
name for it. It's called the monkey pie. Oh,

00:33:44.539 --> 00:33:47.910
well, the mixture. They're the gas. I think it's

00:33:47.910 --> 00:33:49.730
called gas or something. Oh, you're talking about?

00:33:50.049 --> 00:33:52.769
The actual mixture of feces and urine. They make

00:33:52.769 --> 00:33:54.170
it, and then they throw it, but I think it's

00:33:54.170 --> 00:33:56.210
called being gassed. Oh, it's called the shit

00:33:56.210 --> 00:33:58.609
muck. Dude, imagine that. Like, you can't smell

00:33:58.609 --> 00:34:01.029
it. That is horrible. Well, and you know, that's

00:34:01.029 --> 00:34:03.089
what they say. They fucking, they'll stab somebody,

00:34:03.150 --> 00:34:05.190
and then they fucking douse them with piss and

00:34:05.190 --> 00:34:07.130
shit to fucking infect them. Yeah, it's like

00:34:07.130 --> 00:34:08.610
the fucking, it's like the fucking chuck -a -doos.

00:34:08.610 --> 00:34:10.630
Well, that's what Genghis Khan would do. Yeah,

00:34:10.809 --> 00:34:13.110
same thing, rub it on shit. Yeah, straight from

00:34:13.110 --> 00:34:16.650
the African hand muck. Yeah, well clicks and

00:34:16.650 --> 00:34:19.590
for a couple clicks rub your arrow and shit and

00:34:19.590 --> 00:34:21.349
shit that motherfucker. Well, that's what the

00:34:21.349 --> 00:34:28.630
Vietnam Kong did, too All right last one this

00:34:28.630 --> 00:34:30.409
one's not too bad. I like this is a good one.

00:34:30.409 --> 00:34:34.769
I got the needles might do yeah, okay off -duty

00:34:34.769 --> 00:34:38.050
Florida cop buying hot dog shot dead by man having

00:34:38.050 --> 00:34:43.360
a bad day That's a black guy. I'll read that

00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:47.940
one more time. I mean, RIP to this guy. That

00:34:47.940 --> 00:34:51.579
could be a redneck. I don't condone that. I'm

00:34:51.579 --> 00:34:54.199
going to switch my vote. I'm guessing it's a

00:34:54.199 --> 00:34:58.739
redneck. This is just comedy. You want me to

00:34:58.739 --> 00:35:00.579
pack it up? Yeah, could you please? That adds

00:35:00.579 --> 00:35:02.559
up to being a redneck. I'll read it off one more

00:35:02.559 --> 00:35:06.179
time. Off duty Florida cop. buying hot dog. I

00:35:06.179 --> 00:35:08.119
mean, hey, who the fuck doesn't want a glizzy

00:35:08.119 --> 00:35:09.639
during lunch? I love a glizzy. Here's the thing,

00:35:09.820 --> 00:35:12.300
man. They have hot dogs? In Florida, yes, they

00:35:12.300 --> 00:35:14.260
have hot dogs in Florida. I didn't know. They

00:35:14.260 --> 00:35:16.800
have hot dogs where? In Florida. That's what

00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:18.480
I was going to ask. I didn't know they had them

00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:20.800
there. I thought it was only like Detroit, Chicago.

00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:23.360
It's not Russia. Do you want to be slapped now

00:35:23.360 --> 00:35:25.739
or after the show? I think my hot dog isn't in

00:35:25.739 --> 00:35:27.559
any country in this world. Are you fucking retarded?

00:35:27.619 --> 00:35:30.239
Did you just ask if they have hot dogs in the

00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:33.579
United States of America in the Redneck Riviera?

00:35:34.860 --> 00:35:37.639
Did you just ask us? That's a delicacy down there.

00:35:37.639 --> 00:35:41.860
I think the enemy's gotten to them. No. You wore

00:35:41.860 --> 00:35:45.480
the fucking yarmulke last week. And then he fucking

00:35:45.480 --> 00:35:48.760
did a prayer for BB. Something's going on. Okay,

00:35:48.960 --> 00:35:51.340
good. You gotta... Elvis socks. He was probably...

00:35:51.340 --> 00:35:53.380
Dude, that was for me and you smoked it, dude!

00:35:55.839 --> 00:35:59.559
What a fucking, and it's my reefer too. Here,

00:35:59.639 --> 00:36:02.119
I'll pack that for you. Pack it right here. Hey,

00:36:02.139 --> 00:36:03.760
don't do that, you're gonna bust the screen.

00:36:03.980 --> 00:36:05.440
Oh, I thought that's how you were packing it.

00:36:05.500 --> 00:36:07.539
No, push it up against the side, dude. All right,

00:36:07.599 --> 00:36:08.400
all right, I didn't know, I didn't know. Dude,

00:36:08.599 --> 00:36:10.199
if you bust my screen, I'm gonna bust your ass.

00:36:10.559 --> 00:36:12.119
Oh, okay. Ooh, that sounds tempting. I'm gonna

00:36:12.119 --> 00:36:14.199
push you over. I'm gonna beat you to death. I'm

00:36:14.199 --> 00:36:16.840
gonna beat you to death with your own cane. I'm

00:36:16.840 --> 00:36:22.099
gonna push in your ass. All right, I always tell

00:36:22.099 --> 00:36:24.679
Larry I'm gonna be the guy that's gonna buy him

00:36:24.679 --> 00:36:30.960
new tennis balls every month for his walker Isn't

00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:33.880
he funny keeping he's laughing right now like

00:36:33.880 --> 00:36:37.539
that bad All right, so what do we think about

00:36:37.539 --> 00:36:40.099
that's a white guy off -duty Florida cop buying

00:36:40.099 --> 00:36:44.449
glizzy Shot dead by man cuz he's had a bad day.

00:36:44.449 --> 00:36:47.090
Yeah, that's a white guy's shit. This pig bought

00:36:47.090 --> 00:36:49.409
the last place. Dave. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's

00:36:49.409 --> 00:36:53.449
a white guy. So we got white, white. You're both

00:36:53.449 --> 00:36:57.210
wrong. Labrado Machado. What the hell's a Cuban?

00:36:57.329 --> 00:37:00.010
Hispanic guy. Mexican, yeah. Damn, he's Mexican.

00:37:00.010 --> 00:37:02.769
They're all the same fucking island rats. That's

00:37:02.769 --> 00:37:05.250
the ting that I know. What's that? No, they're

00:37:05.250 --> 00:37:08.789
not. They're not all the same. What are you talking

00:37:08.789 --> 00:37:11.239
about? Island rats, you say. I'm talking about

00:37:11.239 --> 00:37:14.360
the Puerto Ricans. Yeah, but Mexico, it's totally

00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:16.960
different. I understand geography. I'm not saying

00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:19.239
that. People are totally different too, man.

00:37:19.239 --> 00:37:21.440
I don't know about that. We just talked about

00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:23.559
that La Diabla. Did you see that story I sent

00:37:23.559 --> 00:37:25.940
about the lady that got caught? I guess I know

00:37:25.940 --> 00:37:30.000
a more diverse group than you do. Okay. Fucking

00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:34.400
Larry Sandiago. We're Carmen Sandiago. Larry

00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:38.219
Sandiago. What you just get sit there and smoke

00:37:38.219 --> 00:37:40.619
all that then you don't need to get more retarded

00:37:40.619 --> 00:37:44.400
leisure Hot dogs in Florida and then he tries

00:37:44.400 --> 00:37:46.760
to do geography. So there's this Chinese guy

00:37:46.760 --> 00:37:49.460
He gets off the fucking plane in New York sees

00:37:49.460 --> 00:37:51.760
a hot dog stand on the corner and he's like,

00:37:52.360 --> 00:37:55.440
oh hot dog So he goes over there. He goes, ah,

00:37:55.659 --> 00:37:58.320
yes, the guy gives him a hot dog and the guy's

00:37:58.320 --> 00:38:00.800
like, ah That's the only part of the dog. I don't

00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:05.019
like That's good. That's good. That means town

00:38:05.019 --> 00:38:09.130
street jokes For street jokes about street food,

00:38:09.309 --> 00:38:10.909
motherfucker. Talking about street food. You're

00:38:10.909 --> 00:38:15.409
so diverse. I swear to God, Larry. Larry's turning

00:38:15.409 --> 00:38:17.829
liberal. Have you guys seen these videos? I might

00:38:17.829 --> 00:38:19.849
be. You are. You're fucking gay and liberal.

00:38:20.449 --> 00:38:23.030
Sorry. Someone's got to do it. I apologize. Tim

00:38:23.030 --> 00:38:27.030
Walz, hey, Larry is kind of a... He adopted a

00:38:27.030 --> 00:38:28.829
son. A black one. He's like, what's that guy?

00:38:28.849 --> 00:38:30.889
Who's the dude that adopted the son? He's progressive.

00:38:31.050 --> 00:38:33.369
The president in a hotel. Who's the dude that

00:38:33.369 --> 00:38:37.550
got adopted? The black baby. The white guy. With

00:38:37.550 --> 00:38:40.969
Anthony Bourdain in the hotel. Oh, uh, uh, uh.

00:38:40.989 --> 00:38:42.889
I can't believe I can't remember. Schumer. Yeah,

00:38:43.010 --> 00:38:45.050
Chuck Schumer. What? Chuckie fucking Schumer.

00:38:46.449 --> 00:38:47.789
Well, there's a... Adopted a black kid? Yeah,

00:38:47.929 --> 00:38:49.980
he adopted a black kid. But they were thinking

00:38:49.980 --> 00:38:51.460
they were... And he tongue kisses the kid. They

00:38:51.460 --> 00:38:55.219
were probably... Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.

00:38:55.239 --> 00:38:57.539
I love how Larry just makes shit up, and then

00:38:57.539 --> 00:39:00.460
he's like, allegedly. Like, who else told...

00:39:00.460 --> 00:39:02.179
I've never heard that before. That's all you

00:39:02.179 --> 00:39:04.039
gotta say, though. You never saw the picture

00:39:04.039 --> 00:39:06.199
of Chuck Schumer kissing, like, the ten -year

00:39:06.199 --> 00:39:08.860
-old black boy? Yes, I have. But they're not

00:39:08.860 --> 00:39:11.239
tongue kissing. Ew, I never seen that. Yeah,

00:39:11.579 --> 00:39:13.340
that's what you want, Larry. You're projecting

00:39:13.340 --> 00:39:16.400
what you want. You should recreate that with

00:39:16.400 --> 00:39:20.500
Spalding right now. This is what Schumer did.

00:39:20.780 --> 00:39:22.840
This is what Chucky the Schumer... That's not

00:39:22.840 --> 00:39:25.219
how a dad kisses his son. Oh, you know what?

00:39:26.579 --> 00:39:29.760
Unless you're a fucking, uh, the Patriots guy,

00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:31.980
uh, Tom Brady. Remember when he kissed his kid

00:39:31.980 --> 00:39:36.090
on the mouth? Oh, yeah. What the fuck, man? So

00:39:36.090 --> 00:39:39.650
according to Mr. X, Tom Brady's probably, well,

00:39:39.730 --> 00:39:42.210
he's not maybe a girl, but probably his wife

00:39:42.210 --> 00:39:45.110
is allegedly a fucking tranny. Shout out to Mr.

00:39:45.409 --> 00:39:48.789
X. Mr. X came in town for five days. Yeah. And

00:39:48.789 --> 00:39:51.369
let me tell you, he pointed out all the trannies

00:39:51.369 --> 00:39:54.269
to me. So he's saying Giselle bullshit. Exa -palooza,

00:39:54.329 --> 00:39:58.449
let's just say. Tranny -palooza. He's saying

00:39:58.449 --> 00:40:02.070
Giselle is a tranny. He's saying Giselle's a

00:40:02.070 --> 00:40:04.530
tranny. Didn't she go out with Anthony Kiedis?

00:40:05.050 --> 00:40:07.590
I don't know. I don't know who those Heidi Klum

00:40:07.590 --> 00:40:10.409
did. She's probably a man. He thinks everybody's

00:40:10.409 --> 00:40:14.210
tranny. Listen, if they're men, holy shit, I'm

00:40:14.210 --> 00:40:17.489
gay as fuck. Well, we already knew that. That's

00:40:17.489 --> 00:40:20.550
gonna be a soundbite. Soundbite right there.

00:40:20.789 --> 00:40:23.789
That's why I got all quiet. Like, roll with it,

00:40:23.849 --> 00:40:26.050
baby. Come on, let me get the media. Dude, those

00:40:26.050 --> 00:40:28.739
women are smokin'. Who's that? Those men are

00:40:28.739 --> 00:40:31.139
hot. Giselle and Heidelberg. If I ain't a fucking

00:40:31.139 --> 00:40:32.519
man, that's who I'd pick too. First of all, if

00:40:32.519 --> 00:40:34.659
you look at all the first ladies. They're all

00:40:34.659 --> 00:40:38.579
men. I mean, listen, Barbara Bush. Yeah, she's

00:40:38.579 --> 00:40:40.780
a... Barbara Bush was... And they didn't even

00:40:40.780 --> 00:40:43.159
try and pretend. Remember Kissinger? Remember

00:40:43.159 --> 00:40:45.699
when Kissinger went to China and the guy shook

00:40:45.699 --> 00:40:48.880
his... You have a strong handshake. Yeah. You

00:40:48.880 --> 00:40:50.539
have a strong handshake, for one. He was bigger

00:40:50.539 --> 00:40:53.440
than all the Asians. He was bigger than Kissinger.

00:40:54.420 --> 00:40:59.099
Schumer's wife... She's a cute guy. Yeah. Yeah,

00:40:59.300 --> 00:41:01.360
but it is kind of weird how they have, like,

00:41:01.500 --> 00:41:03.739
all these... It's rather queer. Shits that look

00:41:03.739 --> 00:41:06.500
like dudes. Like, he... Dude, I'm just gonna

00:41:06.500 --> 00:41:10.260
keep smoking. I'm cleaning my bed. Michelle Obama?

00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:13.760
Yeah, Michelle. But I'm busting your balls. I'm

00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:15.320
not being greedy. I'm just, like, busting your

00:41:15.320 --> 00:41:17.179
chops. But what do you call it? So he think,

00:41:17.780 --> 00:41:20.579
like... We went through all of this stuff about

00:41:20.579 --> 00:41:23.440
how all these... I mean... technical, and he's

00:41:23.440 --> 00:41:25.239
like showing these pictures and shit. I'm like,

00:41:25.239 --> 00:41:26.920
what the fuck am I looking at? I don't want to

00:41:26.920 --> 00:41:29.440
look at this. He's showing pictures of like body

00:41:29.440 --> 00:41:32.219
parts and the breakdown of the skeleton. The

00:41:32.219 --> 00:41:34.619
collarbones and the hips. He's showing all these

00:41:34.619 --> 00:41:39.619
different women. Dummy whore is a man. But it

00:41:39.619 --> 00:41:42.219
was just funny. Oh, Dummy Moore. It's just funny

00:41:42.219 --> 00:41:45.179
to be like, I don't know. There was a lot of

00:41:45.179 --> 00:41:47.179
them. Yeah, there was a lot of them. but I believe

00:41:47.179 --> 00:41:48.559
it. There was a lot of them and it was making

00:41:48.559 --> 00:41:50.559
me ill because there was a lot of them that I

00:41:50.559 --> 00:41:52.420
liked too. It was like, oh man. We will never

00:41:52.420 --> 00:41:54.340
know, but this has been going on forever. Like,

00:41:54.659 --> 00:41:57.059
allegedly, and this is all alleged, by the way,

00:41:57.239 --> 00:42:00.960
people, but allegedly even the fucking one that

00:42:00.960 --> 00:42:04.179
I liked, Caroline Levin, he's like, oh man, she's

00:42:04.179 --> 00:42:07.280
a man. Who's that? Caroline Levin, the press

00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:10.519
secretary? Yeah, the press secretary. The blonde

00:42:10.519 --> 00:42:14.039
girl? Yeah. And I'm like, man. She's a man. Yeah,

00:42:14.159 --> 00:42:17.420
she's like a nine or an eight. I'm like, I don't

00:42:17.420 --> 00:42:19.159
know, man. I'm like now you're trying to indoctrinate

00:42:19.159 --> 00:42:21.519
me into this shit. And I'm like, that sucks because

00:42:21.519 --> 00:42:25.139
I like her. Now I look at her and all I can think

00:42:25.139 --> 00:42:28.300
is, is this a man? No, the only trannies that

00:42:28.300 --> 00:42:30.280
look good are like the Asian trannies because

00:42:30.280 --> 00:42:31.739
they look, they have like - Those are the ones

00:42:31.739 --> 00:42:34.199
you got tricked by. Yeah, I'm going to say, you're

00:42:34.199 --> 00:42:36.019
on fire today. You're just admitting all your

00:42:36.019 --> 00:42:37.679
sins. Because those are the ones that look like

00:42:37.679 --> 00:42:40.280
most women. They're petite. And you know what,

00:42:40.280 --> 00:42:41.820
think about this. How come they could fucking

00:42:41.820 --> 00:42:44.440
do that shit for so cheap out there, but then

00:42:44.440 --> 00:42:46.559
here it's so fucking expensive? Look at the hands.

00:42:46.840 --> 00:42:48.519
Well, see, I don't know how the pricing works.

00:42:48.659 --> 00:42:50.179
I've never looked into it. Well, no, but think

00:42:50.179 --> 00:42:52.079
about that. How much money do those people fucking,

00:42:52.340 --> 00:42:53.599
you know what I mean? Like, they're not making

00:42:53.599 --> 00:42:55.599
American money. And then all of a sudden, their

00:42:55.599 --> 00:42:58.219
hand looks like mine. You know what I mean? It's

00:42:58.219 --> 00:43:00.739
like, okay, come on. Plus, then he showed the

00:43:00.739 --> 00:43:02.940
other trick about, like, the finger lengths.

00:43:03.079 --> 00:43:04.659
I didn't know this, but the woman had... Yeah,

00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:07.460
like your ring finger's smaller and shit like

00:43:07.460 --> 00:43:10.719
that. You know, the finger lengths are different

00:43:10.719 --> 00:43:13.440
sizes. Like, your ring finger... It was just

00:43:13.440 --> 00:43:16.159
very funny. It's very funny to think that everybody's...

00:43:16.159 --> 00:43:19.739
Like, your ring finger is longer than your index

00:43:19.739 --> 00:43:23.690
finger. I don't even remember what he said, but

00:43:23.690 --> 00:43:25.309
it was all broken down. And then they're making

00:43:25.309 --> 00:43:29.389
these babies that are in the incubators and stuff

00:43:29.389 --> 00:43:31.090
like that, and they're giving them to these people

00:43:31.090 --> 00:43:34.730
in power. Like, better than Trump. Like, he's

00:43:34.730 --> 00:43:37.309
an anomaly. He's huge. You know what I mean?

00:43:37.309 --> 00:43:39.730
He's very smart, so they're saying that they

00:43:39.730 --> 00:43:43.590
manipulate genetics. He is a big son of a bitch.

00:43:43.929 --> 00:43:48.139
And he's a genius. He's smart, too. Melania,

00:43:48.260 --> 00:43:51.000
who's a dude, then they get this incubator baby.

00:43:51.719 --> 00:43:53.780
Who's Trump's baby and who knows where else they

00:43:53.780 --> 00:43:55.860
got the baby. Well, no, but it's not Trump's

00:43:55.860 --> 00:43:58.579
baby. Well, it looks just like him. I'm just,

00:43:58.739 --> 00:44:00.599
Larry, this is just Jesus. This is your theory?

00:44:00.619 --> 00:44:03.260
I mean, you really know the life out of a conspiracy

00:44:03.260 --> 00:44:07.469
theory. I'm just guessing at what I think, man.

00:44:07.510 --> 00:44:08.369
I'm saying this. I know what I'm just saying,

00:44:08.510 --> 00:44:10.550
but this is what they're saying is that they

00:44:10.550 --> 00:44:13.150
get the dude marries, the guy marries the man

00:44:13.150 --> 00:44:15.050
that's a tranny, then they get these incubator

00:44:15.050 --> 00:44:17.489
babies, and then they throw them into the public's

00:44:17.489 --> 00:44:20.010
eye, but it's just a fucking robot or something

00:44:20.010 --> 00:44:21.849
like that. This is what somebody said. Well,

00:44:21.849 --> 00:44:23.769
I don't know. I'm just saying that's what they're

00:44:23.769 --> 00:44:26.510
saying. When we think of robot, the stuff that

00:44:26.510 --> 00:44:28.489
they have is so advanced right now that we couldn't

00:44:28.489 --> 00:44:30.869
tell probably. Yeah, I don't think they're in

00:44:30.869 --> 00:44:32.610
terms of robot. They're always 100 years ahead.

00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:36.599
I'll tell you what, that Asian doll head, you

00:44:36.599 --> 00:44:39.239
put that in a glory hole. Oh man, you put it

00:44:39.239 --> 00:44:42.420
in a glory hole? Yeah, well. You got that sticking

00:44:42.420 --> 00:44:44.460
out of the top of the glory hole. Dude, just

00:44:44.460 --> 00:44:47.659
10 Asian heads in a, oh my, did you make a killing?

00:44:48.800 --> 00:44:51.380
You totally make a killing. It'd be 24 hours,

00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:52.960
they don't need to eat, they don't need to sleep.

00:44:53.219 --> 00:44:54.639
24 hour glory hole. That's why you have it in

00:44:54.639 --> 00:44:58.710
a glory hole. Coming from the man who knows that.

00:44:59.130 --> 00:45:01.510
From the normal, glory hole expert. Give them

00:45:01.510 --> 00:45:03.789
some meth. In a tri -state area. And off they

00:45:03.789 --> 00:45:06.409
go. What's that? You give them some meth, and

00:45:06.409 --> 00:45:08.489
off they go. All you do is you hose them off.

00:45:08.909 --> 00:45:10.630
Oh, the robots. I thought you were talking. What

00:45:10.630 --> 00:45:13.480
do you mean? How do you give heads? How retarded

00:45:13.480 --> 00:45:15.000
are you today? The robot is going to fucking

00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:16.840
do all this? Yeah, you just hose them off after

00:45:16.840 --> 00:45:18.820
everyone. He thought they were real. I thought

00:45:18.820 --> 00:45:21.079
they were going to be people. You didn't realize

00:45:21.079 --> 00:45:23.500
that? He thought they were just going to be people.

00:45:23.519 --> 00:45:25.960
Yeah, you'd have to feed real people. How would

00:45:25.960 --> 00:45:28.320
you feed them? No, no, I thought like the robot

00:45:28.320 --> 00:45:30.760
head would be up there. Like, no, here's an out,

00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:33.800
in my mind would I imagine. The robot head up

00:45:33.800 --> 00:45:36.780
there to track the tension. It's a real beautiful

00:45:36.780 --> 00:45:39.099
head and she's speaking and shit. And then like

00:45:39.099 --> 00:45:41.579
some dirt bag that's kneeling down at the glory

00:45:41.579 --> 00:45:44.039
hole. So you're seeing actual. So that is a mouth

00:45:44.039 --> 00:45:46.920
with whiskers. He's insinuating a man like Larry

00:45:46.920 --> 00:45:49.340
always like. So when I go to the glory hole,

00:45:49.360 --> 00:45:52.199
this is what I want. I knock a couple of times.

00:45:52.699 --> 00:45:55.519
I look for the whiskers. Right, right. He's like,

00:45:55.639 --> 00:45:57.679
I want a guy with the goatee. He walks in, he's

00:45:57.679 --> 00:46:02.659
like, goatee. Guy puts his finger through. He

00:46:02.659 --> 00:46:06.480
sure knows a lot about this. Oh, you got me,

00:46:06.579 --> 00:46:09.940
Larry. I'm making jokes about it. Exactly. You're

00:46:09.940 --> 00:46:11.659
just telling me what you want. I never even fucking

00:46:11.659 --> 00:46:14.260
thought about any of those details. I guess you're

00:46:14.260 --> 00:46:17.400
a regular glory -holer. I love how you so...

00:46:17.400 --> 00:46:19.780
I mean, think about it. I'm not just saying.

00:46:19.780 --> 00:46:29.010
A regular glory -holer. Let me tell you every

00:46:29.010 --> 00:46:32.489
time I drive past zebulon that place is packed

00:46:35.329 --> 00:46:38.789
Like clockwork, dude. I mean, this is an ongoing

00:46:38.789 --> 00:46:44.269
thing. Me and my brother were kids. When we were

00:46:44.269 --> 00:46:46.550
kids, we had a thing where we would drive past

00:46:46.550 --> 00:46:49.030
on Christmas morning to see how many people were

00:46:49.030 --> 00:46:51.650
there. The place was packed. And then me and

00:46:51.650 --> 00:46:53.190
my brother, you know, because we need to get

00:46:53.190 --> 00:46:55.630
out of the house to smoke some weed. And then

00:46:55.630 --> 00:46:58.550
we'd fucking laugh and say, Merry Christmas.

00:47:00.469 --> 00:47:03.030
There's some food guy that, like, food critic

00:47:03.030 --> 00:47:05.070
guy that, you know, goes to restaurants and shit

00:47:05.070 --> 00:47:08.230
and judges food. So he was in Roselle, judging

00:47:08.230 --> 00:47:11.630
some Australian place. Yeah. Where exactly was

00:47:11.630 --> 00:47:14.130
that? It was on Lake Street. I forget where it

00:47:14.130 --> 00:47:16.349
was. It actually looked pretty good. Australian

00:47:16.349 --> 00:47:19.940
food? Yeah, there's some sausage baked in some

00:47:19.940 --> 00:47:21.480
red thing. Yeah, they have the worst food culture,

00:47:21.539 --> 00:47:23.800
just as bad as fucking Britain. This looked pretty

00:47:23.800 --> 00:47:26.260
good, though. It's a prison. It's a penal fucking

00:47:26.260 --> 00:47:29.239
country. It's a prison. Here's our scrap set,

00:47:29.480 --> 00:47:30.980
mate. I didn't mean it in the wrong way. Yeah.

00:47:30.980 --> 00:47:32.860
Oh, well, no. So people are, oh, if you're in

00:47:32.860 --> 00:47:34.599
Roselle, go to this place. And I wrote down,

00:47:34.900 --> 00:47:36.639
yeah, you're in Roselle, go to Zebulat. They

00:47:36.639 --> 00:47:41.900
got great food. Say Larry sent you. Tell him

00:47:41.900 --> 00:47:45.000
Larry sent you. Tell him Uncle Larry. Tell him

00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:51.349
Larry sent you. Oh Larry, I know him. You're

00:47:51.349 --> 00:47:54.250
going to have to honker around here. You'll never

00:47:54.250 --> 00:47:56.909
miss it. It's right next to girls, girls, girls,

00:47:57.090 --> 00:48:00.730
24 hours live, ATM inside. You know that place.

00:48:03.670 --> 00:48:05.409
That's another place that there's always cars

00:48:05.409 --> 00:48:08.590
in front of. Well, that's got actual prostitutes

00:48:08.590 --> 00:48:17.119
there. Yeah, that's a Robin Tug. I know that's

00:48:17.119 --> 00:48:18.980
why I say to Mary every time we pass him like

00:48:18.980 --> 00:48:24.360
it's an actual whorehouse. I've been there You

00:48:24.360 --> 00:48:26.500
drive around to the back so you don't know how

00:48:26.500 --> 00:48:29.789
many cars seems pricey I mean, if they're advertising

00:48:29.789 --> 00:48:32.889
right there, girls, girls, girls, ATM and stuff,

00:48:33.150 --> 00:48:35.570
that's an enemy right there. That's Chinese people

00:48:35.570 --> 00:48:37.550
fucking... No, my cousin P told me it was like

00:48:37.550 --> 00:48:40.449
a hundo to walk in the door before you even fucking...

00:48:40.449 --> 00:48:42.769
Well, it's like 160, and then they start adding

00:48:42.769 --> 00:48:44.949
stuff, and then it's... And then you deal with

00:48:44.949 --> 00:48:46.369
the fucking girl on your own, you know what I

00:48:46.369 --> 00:48:48.670
mean? Yeah, the mamasan comes in, and then you

00:48:48.670 --> 00:48:51.690
gotta negotiate some shits, you know? But that's

00:48:51.690 --> 00:48:53.010
another side of it. And that was a while back,

00:48:53.230 --> 00:48:56.170
160 to walk in. I'm sure that's gone up. Oh,

00:48:56.210 --> 00:48:58.429
of course. I'm sure there's a good washy, washy

00:48:58.429 --> 00:49:01.230
around there. They have like a washy, washy finder.

00:49:01.309 --> 00:49:06.170
Well, that's like going into a rubber tug, too.

00:49:06.230 --> 00:49:07.590
It's like you're not paying to get in there,

00:49:07.789 --> 00:49:10.449
but like for the tug. Well, no, it's a massage.

00:49:10.730 --> 00:49:12.869
You want 30 minutes or an hour. That's a that's

00:49:12.869 --> 00:49:15.289
your entry fee. It's like the massage. You get

00:49:15.289 --> 00:49:18.880
out all fours. Yeah, but then you negotiate.

00:49:19.500 --> 00:49:22.699
Not that I know about that stuff. You know, it's

00:49:22.699 --> 00:49:24.900
all been told to you. Yeah, yeah. You get the

00:49:24.900 --> 00:49:26.940
bottom bitch, and then you get the top bitch.

00:49:26.940 --> 00:49:31.460
He's got the bottom bitch. You. Yeah. Absolutely.

00:49:31.880 --> 00:49:34.380
What do you call it? Without me he'd be dead.

00:49:34.599 --> 00:49:39.059
What time are we at? Saturday, Dad. We got a

00:49:39.059 --> 00:49:41.320
ways to go, Sonny. Don't worry about minutes

00:49:41.320 --> 00:49:43.579
and shit like that. I bet you it's pretty close,

00:49:43.579 --> 00:49:45.420
actually. It's about like that on a world tour.

00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:47.219
No, it's not. So then should we do fuck it? It's

00:49:47.219 --> 00:49:48.320
not. We still got like another half hour to go.

00:49:48.340 --> 00:49:51.500
Tiny Tim, two bits for your knickers. That's

00:49:51.500 --> 00:49:52.820
how bad this show is. It's one of my favorites.

00:49:53.940 --> 00:49:56.719
You need to show a picture, too. Two bits for

00:49:56.719 --> 00:49:59.400
your knickers. It's been cracking me up. I love

00:49:59.400 --> 00:50:02.360
it. Every time I talk to Kiki, you're like fucking...

00:50:03.679 --> 00:50:05.940
Oh, man. You got to show a picture of that. What?

00:50:06.139 --> 00:50:08.719
You already know? This is the childish shit.

00:50:09.019 --> 00:50:10.219
No, see, like, you got to take a picture. What

00:50:10.219 --> 00:50:12.500
do you mean? It's funny. I've seen the kid with

00:50:12.500 --> 00:50:14.260
the knickers. No, you got to take a picture of

00:50:14.260 --> 00:50:16.440
Larry with his cane and put them in. Too long,

00:50:16.639 --> 00:50:19.019
you didn't see. So what I did was, I was telling

00:50:19.019 --> 00:50:20.820
Kiki, I was like, this is what I imagine that

00:50:20.820 --> 00:50:23.019
it would look like. And it was like a modernized

00:50:23.019 --> 00:50:26.380
version of Tiny Tim. And he's just got one leg

00:50:26.380 --> 00:50:29.949
cut off at the knee. And he's like all dressed

00:50:29.949 --> 00:50:33.550
like all like 50s. Yeah, old time with the little

00:50:33.550 --> 00:50:37.429
hat and he's all just like... Looks like he's

00:50:37.429 --> 00:50:39.510
begging for change but he's like... Tiny Tim

00:50:39.510 --> 00:50:43.769
is still alive? It's supposed to be like Tiny

00:50:43.769 --> 00:50:46.510
Tim is still alive? Who knows? Are you talking

00:50:46.510 --> 00:50:50.000
about the guy that plays the ukulele? Dude, I

00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:52.400
mean, did we just not explain the whole thing

00:50:52.400 --> 00:50:55.780
to him? Yeah, but Tiny Tim... Tiny Tim tipped

00:50:55.780 --> 00:50:57.480
through the two lips, guy? The two lips? I'm

00:50:57.480 --> 00:50:59.019
gonna put them and hit you right in the two lips.

00:50:59.099 --> 00:51:01.159
Okay, because I thought you meant... I thought

00:51:01.159 --> 00:51:04.159
you meant Tiny Tim from A Christmas Story. You

00:51:04.159 --> 00:51:06.500
know, Tiny Tim and he's got the cake and the

00:51:06.500 --> 00:51:09.280
crutch. Yeah, the weird pedophile, dude. No,

00:51:09.340 --> 00:51:11.820
I'm talking about the... I'm talking about Ebenezer

00:51:11.820 --> 00:51:14.059
Scrooge and the ghost of Christmas. What the

00:51:14.059 --> 00:51:17.940
fuck are you talking about? Yeah, Tiny Tim...

00:51:17.960 --> 00:51:21.099
Try some more food, Dan. You know, it's a little

00:51:21.099 --> 00:51:22.280
English kid that was crippled. I mean, you really

00:51:22.280 --> 00:51:24.519
just derailed all things. Well, no, that's it.

00:51:24.639 --> 00:51:25.500
That's the guy I'm talking about. That's who

00:51:25.500 --> 00:51:27.440
he's talking about. Yeah, not the Tiny Tim, the

00:51:27.440 --> 00:51:29.820
ukulele player. Not the ukulele guy. No, not

00:51:29.820 --> 00:51:31.719
the ukulele player. I would have said the ukulele

00:51:31.719 --> 00:51:35.480
playing pedophile. Okay. So it is the guy from

00:51:35.480 --> 00:51:36.400
the Christmas story. Talking about their Tiny

00:51:36.400 --> 00:51:39.380
Tim. So son of a bitch, Larry. Yeah, the crippled

00:51:39.380 --> 00:51:41.119
kid. The crippled kid is the one we were talking

00:51:41.119 --> 00:51:43.840
about. But we were laughing about the... My God,

00:51:43.980 --> 00:51:45.579
Larry, I swear to God. Because that's who he

00:51:45.579 --> 00:51:48.699
imagined. We went and explained how he's wearing

00:51:48.699 --> 00:51:52.320
old -timey shit. Looks like he's begging for

00:51:52.320 --> 00:51:54.219
change. Oh yeah, now you remember. But he's just

00:51:54.219 --> 00:51:57.239
trying to buy some knickers. Dude, damn. Knickers.

00:51:57.780 --> 00:52:00.320
As long as he sees some knickers. So what we

00:52:00.320 --> 00:52:04.300
were doing was that he's sick. So everybody thinks

00:52:04.300 --> 00:52:07.840
that he's begging for change. So he's like standing

00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:10.920
on the corner. He's like... And a lady comes

00:52:10.920 --> 00:52:14.360
up to him and she tries to put... She tries to

00:52:14.360 --> 00:52:16.340
put some coins in the coffee cup he's drinking.

00:52:16.719 --> 00:52:20.099
He's like, hey lady, what you doing? She's like,

00:52:21.320 --> 00:52:23.820
I thought you needed some pounds or whatever

00:52:23.820 --> 00:52:26.699
the fucking stupid money you guys made. And then

00:52:26.699 --> 00:52:30.019
you have some quid. And he's like, oh no ma 'am.

00:52:30.119 --> 00:52:33.519
And he goes, I'm very sick. And she's like, oh,

00:52:33.579 --> 00:52:36.380
what's wrong with you? And he's like, well, I

00:52:36.380 --> 00:52:55.250
got this condition, my lady. You got a little

00:52:55.250 --> 00:52:58.389
bit of a cold, do ya? Yes my lady, I got a little

00:52:58.389 --> 00:53:03.239
cold. Well, do you need some medicine lad? He's

00:53:03.239 --> 00:53:07.420
like, oh yes, I need a special medicine. She's

00:53:07.420 --> 00:53:09.400
like, oh, will you go get it at the pharmacy?

00:53:09.920 --> 00:53:11.860
No, whatever, some stupid word they called it

00:53:11.860 --> 00:53:12.980
back then. You're going to get it at the pot

00:53:12.980 --> 00:53:16.880
to carry? Yeah, the pot to carry. And he's like,

00:53:16.880 --> 00:53:21.239
oh, you can't get it there, mom. Me medicine

00:53:21.239 --> 00:53:26.920
comes from a very special place. He's like, where

00:53:26.920 --> 00:53:29.300
does it come from? He's like. How about I give

00:53:29.300 --> 00:53:37.239
you two bits for your knickers? And this is what,

00:53:37.480 --> 00:53:39.800
a screenplay you have in your house, isn't it?

00:53:40.039 --> 00:53:42.860
It's over and over. Going over. How about I give

00:53:42.860 --> 00:53:48.039
you two bits for your knickers, Mom? And then

00:53:48.039 --> 00:53:51.739
the next scene. The best part is, he turns it

00:53:51.739 --> 00:53:58.199
on her. Then you flash forward and tiny killin'

00:53:58.199 --> 00:54:03.019
four bits. Would you like me to climb up in there,

00:54:03.219 --> 00:54:07.260
m 'lady? Get a couple sniffs from me? Would you

00:54:07.260 --> 00:54:10.940
take four bits? Four bits for a sniff of your

00:54:10.940 --> 00:54:14.809
bumhole? Yeah, it just goes over and over in

00:54:14.809 --> 00:54:19.909
my head. I'm fucking retarded. The funny thing

00:54:19.909 --> 00:54:22.730
is it makes us laugh. I love it. It makes you

00:54:22.730 --> 00:54:24.869
laugh. Dude, what are you talking about? You

00:54:24.869 --> 00:54:26.730
have no idea, man. I'm sure any listener out

00:54:26.730 --> 00:54:28.809
there is like, what the fuck? They're still listening

00:54:28.809 --> 00:54:30.809
at this point. Yeah, that's true. They're almost

00:54:30.809 --> 00:54:33.429
as retarded as we are. I picture you as playing

00:54:33.429 --> 00:54:34.869
this young kid. You just want to tell stories

00:54:34.869 --> 00:54:38.150
about your dolls. I'm not telling anything. This

00:54:38.150 --> 00:54:40.489
doll is not a doll. It's a human, man. It's not

00:54:40.489 --> 00:54:43.289
a human. Dude, you're gonna play this young kid

00:54:43.289 --> 00:54:47.110
the movie. Yeah, I'm gonna be his voice I'm gonna

00:54:47.110 --> 00:54:49.670
do the voiceover. Oh, and then when I was nine

00:54:49.670 --> 00:54:51.369
years old. Oh, come on. You could do better than

00:54:51.369 --> 00:54:54.630
that Yeah, you got to do like a little educated

00:54:54.630 --> 00:55:02.429
voice. Oh Yeah, you're doing like a third person

00:55:02.429 --> 00:55:05.170
when he's a baby. It's gonna be like then when

00:55:05.170 --> 00:55:09.789
I was Oh, boy. Now let's hear your movie script.

00:55:12.389 --> 00:55:15.989
I got in my first game when I was six. I met

00:55:15.989 --> 00:55:21.230
my first mulatto. I joined the mulatto boy when

00:55:21.230 --> 00:55:26.630
I was six. I was a high -ranking mulatto. We

00:55:26.630 --> 00:55:29.300
were huckin' and drivin'. By second grade, I

00:55:29.300 --> 00:55:31.840
was in charge of the whole neighborhood. I wonder

00:55:31.840 --> 00:55:34.400
if they have all, you know, the gingers get together.

00:55:34.440 --> 00:55:36.699
I wonder if they have a mulatto get together.

00:55:37.059 --> 00:55:39.719
They probably do. I doubt it. You hit the mulatto.

00:55:39.719 --> 00:55:44.019
I see a lot of them. Yeah, that's what the t

00:55:44.019 --> 00:55:47.719
-shirt would say. You hit the mulatto, 2025 picnic.

00:55:48.780 --> 00:55:52.110
Yeah. You know. Oh, man. And they're just all

00:55:52.110 --> 00:55:53.989
wearing like t -shirts, you know, like all the

00:55:53.989 --> 00:55:56.429
mulatto. And they all like run around. You can't

00:55:56.429 --> 00:55:59.889
win mulatto if you don't play mulatto. You get

00:55:59.889 --> 00:56:01.610
like a hundred of them and you put them in numbered

00:56:01.610 --> 00:56:04.730
t -shirts and then you run around and you pull

00:56:04.730 --> 00:56:06.590
a ball out. And you seal them all up. Yeah, you

00:56:06.590 --> 00:56:10.349
pull the ball out and that's the mulatto. You

00:56:10.349 --> 00:56:14.769
won the mulatto. Well, I'm sure you can make

00:56:14.769 --> 00:56:16.809
up a little bingo game to play while they're

00:56:16.809 --> 00:56:18.489
having their little picnic. Well, yeah, that's

00:56:18.489 --> 00:56:20.269
what it is. It's like a skin care product. They

00:56:20.269 --> 00:56:21.929
all have a number on their back. If you look

00:56:21.929 --> 00:56:23.969
inside the collar, you're sure there's a little

00:56:23.969 --> 00:56:26.610
number and a letter. Oh, no, it's on the front.

00:56:27.050 --> 00:56:30.250
M4. They run around like they're bouncing. Yeah.

00:56:30.710 --> 00:56:33.889
No, I'm saying every participant. Yeah. They

00:56:33.889 --> 00:56:36.420
have the number. Oh, yeah. Bonus number. You

00:56:36.420 --> 00:56:38.099
gotta keep checking your collar. Am I, does he

00:56:38.099 --> 00:56:39.679
not hear what the fuck I'm saying? Am I speaking

00:56:39.679 --> 00:56:42.059
Chinese? Do you not only understand Chinese now?

00:56:42.059 --> 00:56:44.320
This is a side fucking hustle. Do you understand?

00:56:44.320 --> 00:56:46.460
Do you understand what's coming out of our mouth?

00:56:48.559 --> 00:56:51.539
He's talking about the second, yeah, the bonus

00:56:51.539 --> 00:56:54.539
lotto. He's always gotta warm up me. He's gotta

00:56:54.539 --> 00:56:57.400
come up with a bonus lotto. No, I just was thinking,

00:56:57.519 --> 00:56:59.400
you know, like if you don't have the people to

00:56:59.400 --> 00:57:01.719
run around, you could also play it that way.

00:57:01.900 --> 00:57:04.610
Or we could just get a hundred spaldings. Spray

00:57:04.610 --> 00:57:07.050
them half black and white throw them in a big

00:57:07.050 --> 00:57:16.829
bin The diaper to see what the number is Larry,

00:57:16.869 --> 00:57:19.929
why would you want to do that? That's just a

00:57:19.929 --> 00:57:22.190
painting on his head. Yeah rather than looking

00:57:22.190 --> 00:57:28.369
a baby inside a fake baby's wiener Number I mean

00:57:28.369 --> 00:57:33.989
be seven or whatever shit took a rough turn Your

00:57:33.989 --> 00:57:45.809
scat play fantasy Whatever floating heads and

00:57:45.809 --> 00:57:48.269
Larry's Larry's like I like it. Yeah, it works

00:57:48.269 --> 00:57:52.110
Dude stick your finger through to let you know

00:57:52.110 --> 00:57:56.329
he's got that's your fucking thing That would

00:57:56.329 --> 00:57:59.829
be pretty funny. He'd just walk in and he'd be

00:57:59.829 --> 00:58:02.570
like, goatee. That's a signal. That's a signal.

00:58:04.070 --> 00:58:08.170
Goatee killing the finger. Oh, man. Whatever.

00:58:09.309 --> 00:58:12.420
I'm going to get vulgar if you don't stop. You're

00:58:12.420 --> 00:58:15.699
gonna get more vulgar or just actually vulgar.

00:58:16.659 --> 00:58:18.260
Let's hear how Larry gets vulgar. I don't want

00:58:18.260 --> 00:58:19.659
to do that. You don't want to do that in front

00:58:19.659 --> 00:58:23.619
of your bastard child. Dude, don't talk about

00:58:23.619 --> 00:58:26.380
him like that. I just did. That's not cool. I'm

00:58:26.380 --> 00:58:28.599
gonna bounce him around like a spalding. Nah,

00:58:28.900 --> 00:58:32.639
we'll see. We'll see. What you think about that?

00:58:32.820 --> 00:58:38.679
Spalding? Shit. Shit. Larry's peetering out over

00:58:38.679 --> 00:58:43.070
there. Nah, I'm just... Yep, the white claws.

00:58:44.050 --> 00:58:47.710
Oh, yeah, I'm hammered. You have one white claw.

00:58:47.710 --> 00:58:50.829
I'm fucking wasted. Still that warm sake is getting

00:58:50.829 --> 00:58:53.090
to him. You know, yeah, I didn't have any, man.

00:58:53.130 --> 00:58:55.730
I'm smarter than that. I don't like sake. What

00:58:55.730 --> 00:58:57.429
are you smarter about? What? It was just sake.

00:58:57.590 --> 00:59:00.070
I don't know, you know. Did she try to poison

00:59:00.070 --> 00:59:01.969
us? All those decorative bottles. I'm not saying

00:59:01.969 --> 00:59:04.449
anything. You're drinking white claws and she

00:59:04.449 --> 00:59:06.750
had some high... I watch a lot of forensic files

00:59:06.750 --> 00:59:09.869
and shit. But that's after people are dead. Larry's

00:59:09.869 --> 00:59:13.400
no dummy. The only way is though it was a big

00:59:13.400 --> 00:59:15.679
party anybody anybody could have put stuff in

00:59:15.679 --> 00:59:18.360
the guy at the Miller Factory And then or the

00:59:18.360 --> 00:59:21.639
guy at the White Claw Factory or whatever Which

00:59:21.639 --> 00:59:24.780
I had several brands of beer and alcohol all

00:59:24.780 --> 00:59:27.559
different brands all were sealed from the factory

00:59:27.559 --> 00:59:30.500
That's all I know well hers were sealed off in

00:59:30.500 --> 00:59:38.590
Larry's smart. Oh she did yeah I said, she opened,

00:59:38.710 --> 00:59:42.050
she's like, oh, he, sorry, what'd he do? From

00:59:42.050 --> 00:59:43.389
what? From Carrie Shack? No, Carrie Shack put

00:59:43.389 --> 00:59:45.090
the cap on the bottle. Oh, I opened it for you.

00:59:45.090 --> 00:59:46.550
Oh, yeah, like, oh, he put the water cap. It

00:59:46.550 --> 00:59:49.010
just pops out. I was born to love you. I was

00:59:49.010 --> 00:59:53.190
born to lick your face. OK. But what do you call

00:59:53.190 --> 00:59:56.610
it? Oh, no, Larry's smart. He knows. She opens

00:59:56.610 --> 00:59:58.789
the bottle, and he's like, oh, yeah, well, anybody

00:59:58.789 --> 01:00:00.289
could have put that in there. It's like, all

01:00:00.289 --> 01:00:03.139
right, man. Jesus. They're good at doing that

01:00:03.139 --> 01:00:04.139
shit. They're good at roosting. You know, I'm

01:00:04.139 --> 01:00:06.599
sure the food was good. It was amazing. I was

01:00:06.599 --> 01:00:08.480
hungry and I wanted some. Oh, you didn't even

01:00:08.480 --> 01:00:12.519
eat? Better safe than sorry. Yep. Yeah. This

01:00:12.519 --> 01:00:14.119
is really going to your head. For all I know,

01:00:14.139 --> 01:00:16.360
she's trying to kill her husband. Well, then

01:00:16.360 --> 01:00:17.619
why would she kill us? That would be kind of

01:00:17.619 --> 01:00:19.539
suspicious. Wow, we're there. Let's kill all

01:00:19.539 --> 01:00:20.960
his friends. And let me tell you, they're smarter

01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:23.219
than that. They're right in the corner, fucking

01:00:23.219 --> 01:00:25.179
smoking heaters waiting for the orders, dude.

01:00:25.179 --> 01:00:29.389
I know. They're not fucking killing people. They

01:00:29.389 --> 01:00:31.630
slowly do it. How many fucking people do you

01:00:31.630 --> 01:00:34.750
hear a week killing random people, you know what

01:00:34.750 --> 01:00:36.869
I mean? Unless you live in Chinatown or something

01:00:36.869 --> 01:00:39.389
like that. How many times? Or how about Wing

01:00:39.389 --> 01:00:41.909
Hing? Wing Hing's been slow. Oh, Mr. X ate there.

01:00:42.909 --> 01:00:45.130
He wanted to go there. Mr. X ate there. I'll

01:00:45.130 --> 01:00:47.070
tell you what, they did have the best peanut

01:00:47.070 --> 01:00:49.170
butter egg rolls back in the day. That's what

01:00:49.170 --> 01:00:51.449
he got. That's what Mary fucking had some, too.

01:00:51.530 --> 01:00:53.030
And she's like, oh, they're really good. No,

01:00:53.110 --> 01:00:55.230
dude, the egg rolls there, I haven't had them

01:00:55.230 --> 01:00:57.360
in... shit, probably 20 something years. But

01:00:57.360 --> 01:00:58.840
they used to be the best. Who Jay used to work

01:00:58.840 --> 01:01:00.639
there? You see the cockroaches were huge. Oh

01:01:00.639 --> 01:01:03.300
yeah, dude, even my cousin. 20 years ago. We

01:01:03.300 --> 01:01:05.980
were going to a funeral. Not that cockroaches

01:01:05.980 --> 01:01:08.900
worked there. I rode with bad boy Mario. Little

01:01:08.900 --> 01:01:13.260
walks and shit. In between leaving the funeral

01:01:13.260 --> 01:01:15.139
service and then they're going to have a little

01:01:15.139 --> 01:01:19.519
luncheon for the closer circle of people at Saraswan.

01:01:20.719 --> 01:01:23.360
And Wing Hing just happened to be in between.

01:01:24.210 --> 01:01:27.369
the locations and I was driving with Mario and

01:01:27.369 --> 01:01:30.510
he went there and he ordered six egg rolls and

01:01:30.510 --> 01:01:34.090
ate them all, wolfed them down in the car. Wolfed

01:01:34.090 --> 01:01:36.809
them down in the car on our way to go have lunch.

01:01:37.250 --> 01:01:40.380
You ever see the movie Fatso? Yes. I actually

01:01:40.380 --> 01:01:42.800
saw that in the movie theater. Oh, did you really?

01:01:43.239 --> 01:01:45.940
Dude, so it's Dom DeLuise in the movies called

01:01:45.940 --> 01:01:49.360
Fatso. Him and his fat brother are like cousins

01:01:49.360 --> 01:01:52.059
or something. I haven't seen it in so long. They

01:01:52.059 --> 01:01:54.820
got to chain the fucking cab and it's a refrigerator

01:01:54.820 --> 01:01:57.679
shot with chains. They would call him Fatso and

01:01:57.679 --> 01:02:00.179
hit him and shit. He was really fat. So he went

01:02:00.179 --> 01:02:03.059
to go get Chinese food and he goes and picks

01:02:03.059 --> 01:02:06.570
it up. and he eats it all before he gets home.

01:02:06.570 --> 01:02:08.130
Before he gets to the house, and it's for like

01:02:08.130 --> 01:02:12.050
four or five people. Oh, man. And he gets to

01:02:12.050 --> 01:02:17.349
go inside, so he just eats it all. And my grandma's

01:02:17.349 --> 01:02:19.670
beating him with her piece of paper. Dude, I

01:02:19.670 --> 01:02:21.329
saw it. They're just like totally yelling. It's

01:02:21.329 --> 01:02:24.210
fat. It's so fat. Why would you? I saw the black

01:02:24.210 --> 01:02:26.110
version of it. That's a movie recommendation

01:02:26.110 --> 01:02:28.110
of the day. Yeah, that's a damn good one. Oh,

01:02:28.630 --> 01:02:31.110
man. Great movie. Did you ever hear of a car

01:02:31.110 --> 01:02:35.750
pizza? Like this black film, too. fat black people

01:02:35.750 --> 01:02:38.230
were bringing pizzas over to their family, for

01:02:38.230 --> 01:02:40.750
a family party. And they get a, I forget what

01:02:40.750 --> 01:02:42.989
they call it, they call it the car pizza. They

01:02:42.989 --> 01:02:47.070
get a whole pizza just for the car ride. Oh yes,

01:02:47.170 --> 01:02:48.969
I've heard of this. Oh yeah, okay, a car pizza,

01:02:49.110 --> 01:02:51.409
yeah, yeah. A car pizza to eat on the way home.

01:02:51.409 --> 01:02:53.030
When you go to the ballpark, you get a walking

01:02:53.030 --> 01:02:56.889
around slice or hot dog to go get another one.

01:02:57.130 --> 01:02:59.510
To find the right place. Well, you know what's

01:02:59.510 --> 01:03:01.630
weird? The woofers, they were pissed because

01:03:01.630 --> 01:03:02.650
they couldn't get - I got a walking around dog.

01:03:02.650 --> 01:03:05.010
When we were like - Well, we would be on tour

01:03:05.010 --> 01:03:07.210
in Germany and shit. One thing there, we'd get

01:03:07.210 --> 01:03:08.789
pizza all the time and they'd be like, what do

01:03:08.789 --> 01:03:10.309
you like on your pizza? And I'd be like, well,

01:03:10.349 --> 01:03:13.090
whatever anybody else likes, I'm good. No, what

01:03:13.090 --> 01:03:16.010
do you like? And then you tell them. And then

01:03:16.010 --> 01:03:17.929
there's nine people and then the guy comes with

01:03:17.929 --> 01:03:22.130
nine pizzas. Everybody eats a whole pizza. I'm

01:03:22.130 --> 01:03:24.789
like, wow. Yeah, because the ingredients are

01:03:24.789 --> 01:03:27.190
way better there. Yes, but it's just freaky to

01:03:27.190 --> 01:03:31.289
me that each person gets a whole pizza. How big

01:03:31.289 --> 01:03:34.409
was it, though? It was like a medium. I could

01:03:34.409 --> 01:03:37.550
eat a medium pizza in one sitting. You could

01:03:37.550 --> 01:03:40.269
eat a fat girl. I mean, look at him. Wow. The

01:03:40.269 --> 01:03:42.530
guy, the two -slice kid over here. Maybe right

01:03:42.530 --> 01:03:47.269
here. He's got... But if there was nine people,

01:03:47.429 --> 01:03:51.550
you probably wouldn't order nine pizzas. I'd

01:03:51.550 --> 01:03:53.170
order one for myself or whatever they want. We

01:03:53.170 --> 01:03:56.130
just had pizza. That was the craziest pizza that

01:03:56.130 --> 01:03:58.349
I've had in a while. Artichoke hearts and roast

01:03:58.349 --> 01:04:02.119
beef. I didn't like the roast beef ajarne part.

01:04:02.349 --> 01:04:04.150
I could have lived without the roast beef, but

01:04:04.150 --> 01:04:05.989
the artichoke hearts were great. It was all right.

01:04:06.130 --> 01:04:09.889
So you're familiar with the car pizza, then?

01:04:10.070 --> 01:04:11.909
Well, after this, yeah, I didn't realize. I mean,

01:04:11.909 --> 01:04:13.949
I've got a pizza in my car and I'm eating it.

01:04:14.429 --> 01:04:19.090
But bringing pizza home for the family? I wouldn't

01:04:19.090 --> 01:04:21.489
buy one just for the ride home. No, no, no. I'll

01:04:21.489 --> 01:04:23.809
have a slice out of it if I fucking feel like

01:04:23.809 --> 01:04:25.389
it. I would have a piece or two. You know what

01:04:25.389 --> 01:04:28.170
I mean? I'd take a piece or two out and then

01:04:28.170 --> 01:04:34.230
be like, what the fuck, Tamari? She's like, really?

01:04:34.309 --> 01:04:37.250
And I'm like, come on. God, you and the dad jokes.

01:04:37.510 --> 01:04:39.969
She fell for it. Mamma Mia, someone stole a tour

01:04:39.969 --> 01:04:43.670
of slices from her fucking pizza marriage. What

01:04:43.670 --> 01:04:46.969
are we ever going to do? Did I ever tell you

01:04:46.969 --> 01:04:50.309
the story about Juman, this guy I used to work

01:04:50.309 --> 01:04:52.929
for? His name was Juman? Yeah, Mike Newman. Oh,

01:04:53.610 --> 01:04:56.130
I just answered his name was Juman, you said

01:04:56.130 --> 01:04:58.570
yes, and then you said Newman. So it wasn't.

01:04:58.690 --> 01:05:02.670
What was his nickname? He was a Jew. But we would

01:05:02.670 --> 01:05:05.550
get these pizzas and he was so in the pizza bag.

01:05:05.610 --> 01:05:07.949
This is a long time ago. So on Thursday night

01:05:07.949 --> 01:05:12.269
we'd order a large pizza and it was $7 .57. Good

01:05:12.269 --> 01:05:16.570
old days. So we would take turns. Each week the

01:05:16.570 --> 01:05:19.230
one guy or the other guy had to pay the extra

01:05:19.230 --> 01:05:23.059
penny. Oh, yeah, we thought this yeah, he would

01:05:23.059 --> 01:05:25.840
count the pieces of pieces whoever paid the extra

01:05:25.840 --> 01:05:27.900
penny would get the extra piece in the middle

01:05:27.900 --> 01:05:30.980
I mean, this is how bad the guy was. Oh, so one

01:05:30.980 --> 01:05:34.079
week his nickname. So my dad had this fucking

01:05:34.079 --> 01:05:37.539
scissor That was really heavy duty. The one you

01:05:37.539 --> 01:05:40.360
see on TV where you can cut a penny in half So

01:05:40.360 --> 01:05:44.780
I cut a penny in half. Oh man, they came I came

01:05:44.780 --> 01:05:49.559
back in and like Hey, hey Mike There's your change

01:05:49.559 --> 01:05:53.780
and I throw the half cent on the... And he gets

01:05:53.780 --> 01:05:57.000
infuriated. That's why you'll never have any

01:05:57.000 --> 01:05:59.420
money. He was right about that. Your people are

01:05:59.420 --> 01:06:02.099
stupid. Yeah, he was right about that. This is

01:06:02.099 --> 01:06:05.900
a federal... This is a federal... This guy's

01:06:05.900 --> 01:06:08.860
three for three. This is a federal offense. Three

01:06:08.860 --> 01:06:11.500
for three. You're defacing government property.

01:06:11.500 --> 01:06:13.480
Four for four. He's been waiting for this moment.

01:06:13.739 --> 01:06:16.699
And I'm like, holy fuck, dude. And I'm like,

01:06:16.760 --> 01:06:20.500
man, you're the whole reason that Jews get a

01:06:20.500 --> 01:06:23.880
bad name. like you can't even laugh at this joke.

01:06:24.059 --> 01:06:26.480
I've been working here for fucking a year. It's

01:06:26.480 --> 01:06:28.440
a penny. And we've been getting pizza every Thursday,

01:06:28.500 --> 01:06:31.219
and you're fighting over the last penny. I'm

01:06:31.219 --> 01:06:33.619
going along with you. I thought we could make

01:06:33.619 --> 01:06:36.940
a fucking joke. You're an idiot. And I go, you

01:06:36.940 --> 01:06:41.280
know, it's Jews like you that get the rest of

01:06:41.280 --> 01:06:43.780
the Jews a bad name. You're the fucking guy that

01:06:43.780 --> 01:06:46.300
makes everyone fucking not like Jews. All of

01:06:46.300 --> 01:06:48.639
a sudden, he starts smiling from ear to ear,

01:06:49.019 --> 01:06:52.059
and he calls up his brother, and he's like, hey,

01:06:52.239 --> 01:06:54.280
listen to this. And he's like, go ahead, tell

01:06:54.280 --> 01:06:57.880
him what you just told me. And then I hand the

01:06:57.880 --> 01:07:00.179
phone back to him, and he's like, huh? And the

01:07:00.179 --> 01:07:03.820
brother's like, jealous. Oh my god. That he's

01:07:03.820 --> 01:07:07.820
got a goalie like you? No, that he got nominated

01:07:07.820 --> 01:07:10.539
as the guy that's the reason that people hate

01:07:10.539 --> 01:07:13.969
Jews. He told his brother, ha, in your face.

01:07:14.010 --> 01:07:16.590
I'm more Jew than you. Yes. Yeah. That's what

01:07:16.590 --> 01:07:19.909
he did. Yeah, he took that as a badge of honor

01:07:19.909 --> 01:07:22.010
for that guy. It was a badge of honor. I mean,

01:07:22.090 --> 01:07:24.789
I don't want to be, you know. Well, that's brutal,

01:07:24.949 --> 01:07:26.730
man. That's where it's crazy. Snack Shuckle Sniffer

01:07:26.730 --> 01:07:29.679
of the Year. Yeah, right. And now here, to top

01:07:29.679 --> 01:07:31.800
it off, did he take that half penny? Because

01:07:31.800 --> 01:07:34.019
he probably took it, brought it out. Oh, he was

01:07:34.019 --> 01:07:35.639
going to save it as evidence. He should have

01:07:35.639 --> 01:07:37.099
turned you in. He could bring it to the bank.

01:07:37.260 --> 01:07:42.699
He could get a free penny. He probably did. You're

01:07:42.699 --> 01:07:44.820
a deviant. You deserve to be provided. That's

01:07:44.820 --> 01:07:47.219
why he was asking me for the other half a couple

01:07:47.219 --> 01:07:50.980
days later. Seriously. He was going to bring

01:07:50.980 --> 01:07:53.460
it in. So here's what he did, Peaky. First day

01:07:53.460 --> 01:07:55.260
I'm working there, he's like, you want a Coke?

01:07:55.300 --> 01:07:56.900
And I'm like, no, I'm good. And he's like, no,

01:07:56.960 --> 01:07:58.760
I'm going to get some pops. You want one? I'm

01:07:58.760 --> 01:08:00.239
like, yeah. And his son says, yeah, I'll take

01:08:00.239 --> 01:08:05.739
one. So he comes back, and he writes 26 cents.

01:08:06.079 --> 01:08:08.260
Because there were 25 cents back then, even at

01:08:08.260 --> 01:08:10.900
the restaurant. It was a long time ago. 26 cents.

01:08:10.980 --> 01:08:13.639
And I'm like, oh, wow, man. So I flip him a quarter,

01:08:14.219 --> 01:08:17.279
and he crosses that off and writes, Larry, minus

01:08:17.279 --> 01:08:21.409
1 cent. So now I owe him a penny. And I'm like,

01:08:21.630 --> 01:08:22.909
wow, man. How do you think they get rich? And

01:08:22.909 --> 01:08:24.569
he's like, if you don't have the money, I could

01:08:24.569 --> 01:08:26.109
take it out of your check at the end of the week.

01:08:26.109 --> 01:08:29.770
And I'm like, OK. Here's the penny I gave him

01:08:29.770 --> 01:08:32.229
a couple of days later. He made his own son pay

01:08:32.229 --> 01:08:35.609
him the $0 .26 fucking cents. And I'm just like,

01:08:35.649 --> 01:08:38.869
damn, my dad was buying lunch for the whole crew.

01:08:38.869 --> 01:08:40.729
Yeah, right? Fucking whatever, you know? Well,

01:08:40.829 --> 01:08:43.149
yeah. It's just better. Charging a penny, man.

01:08:43.210 --> 01:08:44.630
It's better, though. The thing is is that you

01:08:44.630 --> 01:08:46.710
don't get rich doing that shit. We had a payphone.

01:08:47.260 --> 01:08:49.640
At work, like if I wanted to call my girlfriend

01:08:49.640 --> 01:08:51.939
or my mom or something. You shouldn't be making

01:08:51.939 --> 01:08:53.800
calls at work anyways. Huh? You shouldn't be

01:08:53.800 --> 01:08:56.100
making calls at work anyways. One time, Anne

01:08:56.100 --> 01:08:58.560
Forth came in there. Oh, Jesus. Oh, boy. Who

01:08:58.560 --> 01:09:03.779
the fuck is this guy? Oh, my God. We didn't even

01:09:03.779 --> 01:09:07.760
talk about that. What do we? Don Anne Forth.

01:09:08.380 --> 01:09:10.239
What's the new story? I can't even remember.

01:09:10.340 --> 01:09:13.039
There's so much shit that happens to him. Do

01:09:13.039 --> 01:09:15.479
we talk about it now? Or do we wait until fuck

01:09:15.479 --> 01:09:18.399
it? Dude, this is gonna be a long podcast. Or

01:09:18.399 --> 01:09:22.340
do we wait for Don Anforth to come in and defend

01:09:22.340 --> 01:09:26.270
himself? What time we're at 109? Yeah, that's

01:09:26.270 --> 01:09:28.569
a pretty good way. Yeah. No, we're good, man

01:09:28.569 --> 01:09:30.109
We're gonna say this is a good pot. That's gonna

01:09:30.109 --> 01:09:32.149
be a fucking cheese. That's it You're gonna remember

01:09:32.149 --> 01:09:34.810
you gotta write that down. I don't and for its

01:09:34.810 --> 01:09:38.090
story. I didn't remember for today Don't tell

01:09:38.090 --> 01:09:42.229
us now though And let me tell you excited if

01:09:42.229 --> 01:09:44.270
you guys even though I was there if you haven't

01:09:44.270 --> 01:09:46.649
listened to the Don and fourth episode sandal

01:09:46.649 --> 01:09:51.159
slaps and dirt naps Go listen back to that one

01:09:51.159 --> 01:09:52.720
because next week you're going to be kind of

01:09:52.720 --> 01:09:55.159
in the dark. So we're going to start about that.

01:09:56.159 --> 01:09:58.640
It's going to be part two of that one. Alright

01:09:58.640 --> 01:10:00.159
everybody, thanks for tuning in. Like, follow,

01:10:00.260 --> 01:10:02.539
subscribe. I hate to say that but whatever. Thanks

01:10:02.539 --> 01:10:04.640
for listening. You did record this week, right?

01:10:05.079 --> 01:10:08.199
Wait, did I? Oh yeah. I can see the red numbers.

01:10:08.479 --> 01:10:10.880
Have a great night everybody. Cheers. Adios.