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Time to get ready for the Larry Needles show.

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Alright, welcome to Larry Needles show. I'm Larry. I'm Needles.

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Hello. See you there, woofer.

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And Fat Joe, coming to you live from the basement of Guantanamo Bay tonight.

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We're going to do a, ah, Shizer. We're going to do a, just a belated Christmas episode.

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First of all, we got to say we lost a member of the Larry Needles universe.

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Chaddalax father. So, R.A.P. Bob.

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And, uh, and, uh,

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Keep you in our prayers.

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Also, to one of our big listeners, Sherry, her niece's son,

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or maybe her nephew got killed in the car wreck last night.

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Really? Christmas? Yeah.

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Wow. What was it? Just wreckless driving?

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I'm not sure. I didn't get all the details. You know, the kid lives in California.

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Oh, really? Oh, he lives in California right now.

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Yeah. It's Sherry's sister's kids. Godspeed, fellas, and brothers.

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Brothers, kids. I can't remember. You fly on Jesus's wings.

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Yeah. Because it's very sad, especially around the holidays.

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Absolutely. So, obviously, you can see we have

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Senor Wolffers here today. And Fat Joe.

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And Fat Joe. He can't be up here.

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No, you can't put him on your microphone, though.

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How was your Christmas, Senor Wolffers? Good.

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Yeah, do you have a good time? Yeah.

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I mean, just still in the Christmas spirit, obviously.

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Yeah. I know my Christmas call.

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Yeah, it looks like you were doing a Christmas hit for the Mexican cartel.

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And Fat Joe and Fat Joe was born on Christmas.

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Was he born on Christmas? Okay, well...

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December 25th.

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Happy birthday, Fat Joe. You know who also was born on Christmas?

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Who? Jesus. But that's a lie.

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He was born... Jesus isn't a lie.

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No, the birth date is... Yeah.

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Why? We used to have calendars.

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We used to have calendars in your wolfers, where every day was equal.

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28 days. Wow.

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It's now some of them have 31 days. 13 months.

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Yeah, 13 months. Christmas.

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Yeah, Christmas. Well, yes, I mean... I mean December.

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Yeah, December.

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April 1st was the first day of the year, not January 1st.

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Yeah, so April Fool's Day, basically.

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People, they fooled people. And that's why they haven't...

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April was first, but January 1st.

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That's it. That's why they have April Fool's.

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Oh, it's all... Just like when you go to school.

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It's all some sort of a Rockefeller, Ford-based thing

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where they want you to get up this early in the morning

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and then you go to school and they kind of indoctrinate you to do this every single day.

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Yeah, I am 75 years old.

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You're 75 years old? You're a dog?

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No.

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Okay, in human years. I'm the son of you.

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Oh, you are the son of me. Yes, you are. I love Sonia Wolfers.

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He's my favorite. You're 105.

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I'm 105. I feel like it. Let me tell you.

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Yeah, me and Senior Wolfers just figured out that my cats are older than him.

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Which is very funny.

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So...

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By one year, they grew up together.

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You guys grew up together.

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Yeah, they did.

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But... So then, what do you think Christmas is about Senior Wolfers?

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It's about having fun.

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It's about having fun and something...

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Being with your family?

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Being with family.

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Being with your loved ones?

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Kind of leading the Sicario right now.

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And also, I'd say, what more things? Fadjo?

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Yeah, Fadjo's out there.

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So you had a good Christmas, everything was fun.

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Well, you get school off too, right?

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Yeah, for a whole year until January 5th.

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Wow.

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Yeah, I still go to school even though I'm 75.

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Yeah, I was going to say.

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You never stop learning, you know.

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Yeah, I know. But it's kind of weird when you're 75 years old and the classroom full of children.

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Oh yeah, I still children.

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Yeah, you better watch out about that.

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I'll be alone.

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I'll be right down. You better not cry. I'm coming for you right now.

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This is my desk from when I was 75 years ago.

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Yeah, Larry went to school back in the 50s.

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Do you have a desk like this where you put stuff inside?

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We didn't have a desk, we put up a butt.

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Oh, jeez.

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Oh, that's a lot of butt space.

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Yeah.

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I mean, how do you not comfortable?

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All we have is a notebook and a pen.

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That's a lot to fit up your butt. You roll it or you just put it, you roll the notebook up or you just put it up there.

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Leave it flat.

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Oh, we just show it up there.

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You're poor janitor in the bathroom.

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There must be poop everywhere.

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Yeah, it's blood.

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Oh, jeez. Five people die from it every month.

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Five people die from it every month?

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Well, that's not good ads.

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How do they keep all these people in there?

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Hey, it's not me at least.

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Yeah, that is true.

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Five people a month, those ads are good.

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How big is your class? It's got to be 5,000 people.

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No, it's about, let's say, 100 in the school.

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100? Okay, but...

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So five a month?

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No, there's more than 100 kids in your school.

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Yeah, there's a lot more than that.

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Well, I got to a place called the drug school.

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Oh, jeez.

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I've never heard of this.

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You totally are a Sicario.

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You're working for the cart's help.

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And what does this drug school entail?

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Oh, people smoke pot.

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Oh, jeez.

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All day long.

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At school?

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Yeah.

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And you don't do drugs?

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No.

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You don't.

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I'm not.

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I will send your woofers slap you.

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Yeah.

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They just smoke pot all day?

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Well, the funny thing is...

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They smoke pot and just write, and then show it back up.

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And then show it, but the funny thing is

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Senor Woofers is learning about drugs right now.

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At school?

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Yeah, at school. And sex.

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Which is kind of weird, but okay.

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I mean, I don't...

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They're ruining this kid.

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So, that was the ruining it.

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Actually, he's pretty...

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He has a good time about it.

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Does everyone laugh when you're in the class?

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The teacher starts talking about that stuff?

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No, they show up 15 feet real up their butt.

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Oh, jeez.

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But when the teacher starts talking about...

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And then use them as a kebab.

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When the teacher starts talking about drugs,

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does everybody laugh or is everybody just like,

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what the hell are you talking about?

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Yeah, they just stare forward

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because they don't know what's going on.

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Except you, because obviously people are smoking pottles

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in school.

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At least you're not a narc, I like that.

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You're not telling anybody.

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You're perfect for this thing.

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I'm from the FBI.

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Please don't say that.

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You're not from the FBI. We don't trust the government.

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What? Come after your nap!

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You're not coming after them?

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We don't trust the government in these parts.

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You better watch out.

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What would you do for the FBI?

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I just lure kids into my bed and then take them...

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Jesus!

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Holy Jesus.

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Did you just see your kids?

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You would lure kids into your bed and then take them.

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I mean, actually that really does sound like the FBI.

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Absolutely.

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I mean, you'd fit right in.

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I mean, you wouldn't even need an interview.

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You'd just have to write that right on your resume.

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And they wouldn't even want to fingerprint you, probably.

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And then we used the kids. It's our new FBI agency.

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Oh, okay. So you're honey potting.

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Yeah, you send the honey pot to other kids.

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I mean, how many vans do you have?

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Just one?

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We have the big Diddy Van.

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You have a Diddy Van?

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Oh my God.

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How do you know about Diddy?

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And what is in the Diddy Van?

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You don't want to know.

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No, I don't want to know.

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Sounds dangerous.

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Well, I mean, how do you...

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And what does Fat Joe have to do with the Diddy Van?

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See the driver?

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Yeah.

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He just...

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Most of the time he crashes because he can't see over the thing.

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Well, he can't touch the pedals either.

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He can't just sit there.

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So you guys load the van up with children.

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And then it just sits there because you can't touch them.

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And if one of them...

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Oh, that's a shut up.

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We just throw Fat Joe over them.

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You throw Fat Joe at the kids?

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And what does he do to them? He takes care of them?

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No, he torques them.

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He torques them?

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Oh, because it's the Diddy Van.

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Where did you buy this Diddy Van?

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Or did the FBI specially make it?

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And does he have a picture?

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Oh, we killed Diddy.

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Wow.

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Dude, from senior woofers to FBI agents,

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howl to your ears.

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Where'd you kill him at?

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His mansion.

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He's been dead probably for weeks, right?

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Yeah.

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We hid the body in somewhere.

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You can't say where you hid it because it might be hidden anymore.

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Do you know where Jimmy Hoff is at?

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No? Okay.

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He's totally FBI.

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Uh-uh.

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I don't know.

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Who's Jimmy Hoff?

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He was a guy that was murdered by the mob,

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supposedly.

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Teamsters Union.

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Well, yeah, he was ahead of the Teamsters Union

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and caused a big kerfuffle and they did not enjoy it.

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He was a very powerful guy.

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Also, they were stealing money from the Teamsters Union

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and the pensions.

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Well, one of the things that happened was he went to prison

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and the mob saw how much money he was making

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and they were like, fuck this guy.

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We can cut him out of this scene.

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He had a lot of power

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and the truckers loved him,

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but that's why they had to off that moment.

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And then, as usual, they threw a stink and guess what?

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Buy-buy Jimmy.

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And they never found him.

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His body is missing.

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It's a funny thing when you get older,

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we'll talk about where's Jimmy Hoffa.

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But they always try to do that.

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But back to this Diddy Van.

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How many miles per gallon does he get?

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Is it a good gas mileage?

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Oh my god.

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I can't believe that.

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I mean, so basically,

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you're saying that you're running the kind of like an Epstein Island.

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I didn't say that.

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Epstein's bus.

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Epstein's van.

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That's like, what's that called?

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Oh man.

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It was going to say Rorschachs,

263
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,000
but not Rorschachs.

264
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,000
Pavlov.

265
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,000
Oh, is that called Pavlov's dog?

266
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,000
Pavlov's dog.

267
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,000
I forgot.

268
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,000
But um, so then

269
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,000
Schrodinger's cat.

270
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,000
Thank you Larry, that's what I was looking for.

271
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,000
I knew it was one of those animals.

272
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,000
Owned by a scientist.

273
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,000
Okay.

274
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,000
So then what part do you play in the FBI,

275
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,000
senior Wolfers?

276
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,000
I just played the thing that

277
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,000
mostly,

278
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,000
it's just anybody in my way that's taking

279
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,000
of our kids.

280
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,000
We kill them, we take the van

281
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,000
and we just drive without a friend.

282
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,000
How many people have you killed?

283
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,000
This isn't good, and I don't know if you should admit this,

284
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,000
but that's okay.

285
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,000
As many free candy vans

286
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,000
are there in the world.

287
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,000
Okay, do they have to say,

288
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,000
so they do write free candy on them?

289
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,000
No.

290
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,000
I understand why he wears a disguise now.

291
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,000
Yeah, exactly. We should have muffled your voice too.

292
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,000
We said you want some drugs.

293
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,000
We said you want some drugs to kids?

294
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,000
And they say no, because right?

295
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,000
You want some candy?

296
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,000
There you go.

297
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,000
We want some V-box?

298
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,000
You ask them, do they want to get high,

299
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,000
and then if they say no, you say you want some candy instead?

300
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,000
Yeah.

301
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,000
And then there's drugs in the candy.

302
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,000
You want some dogs?

303
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,000
So what happens if someone tries to take you?

304
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,000
I have a Glock on me.

305
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,000
You have a Glock on you all the time?

306
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,000
You are strapped to the end.

307
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,000
How do you think I'm in the FBI?

308
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,000
I think there's other reasons that you're...

309
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,000
I think there's other reasons that you're in the CIA then,

310
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,000
because usually you guys butt-eds.

311
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,000
They don't like...

312
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,000
they want to always encroach on your territory.

313
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,000
They almost killed me, but I killed 10 of them.

314
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,000
You killed 10 CIA agents?

315
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,000
Yeah.

316
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000
How many shots?

317
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,000
One to each guy or multiple?

318
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,000
Some of the nuts.

319
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,000
Some of the nuts.

320
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,000
So that's two shots per burst.

321
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,000
Free if you're kind of wee wee.

322
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,000
Oh, you got them in the nuts and the wee wee?

323
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,000
No, I mean, worldwide.

324
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,000
Better than John Wick.

325
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,000
Better than John Wick? I know we watched John Wick 4 last night.

326
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,000
He's all gacked out on murder.

327
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,000
How many murders were there last night in that movie?

328
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,000
A thousand?

329
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,000
150 something.

330
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,000
For real?

331
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,000
Holy fuck.

332
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,000
I mean, I don't even know these 10.

333
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,000
I killed a thousand.

334
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,000
I think it was like 450 murders for all the 4 John Wick movies.

335
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,000
That is crazy.

336
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,000
Which is very funny, because...

337
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,000
He actually worked for the CIA?

338
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,000
Who?

339
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000
John Wick? No, he didn't work for the CIA.

340
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,000
I linked him and then I just killed him.

341
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,000
You killed John Wick?

342
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,000
With my fists.

343
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,000
With your fists?

344
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,000
You have bold statement.

345
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,000
You understand that, right? Now people are going to come after you.

346
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,000
Then I took him in the Diddy Van.

347
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,000
Then you took him in the Diddy Van?

348
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,000
Oh, man.

349
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,000
You did not disrespect John Wick's old vantage.

350
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,000
Did he go willingly?

351
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,000
I didn't do that at all.

352
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,000
And then what did the Fat Joe work on him?

353
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,000
No, he did that by your eyes.

354
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,000
We call it Tyrone.

355
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,000
You call Tyrone?

356
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,000
Who's Tyrone?

357
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,000
I mean, there's a lot of players in this game.

358
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,000
Tyrone just shot him in the head with a dragon's breath.

359
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,000
Oh, do you know what?

360
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,000
So, Dragon's Breath, it's a shotgun bullet.

361
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,000
And what it does is it shoots

362
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,000
bullets, it shoots like a...

363
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,000
I don't know if it was buckshot or if it was a slug.

364
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,000
It was like a...

365
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,000
It was a slug, but it shoots fire at you.

366
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,000
So you start on fire when it hits.

367
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,000
I think it's a slug.

368
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000
Is it a slug? No, but no.

369
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,000
No, it's a buckshot. I thought it was buckshot.

370
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,000
Yeah, it was a buckshot. You could see all the...

371
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,000
You could see the...

372
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,000
The pieces.

373
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,000
But yeah, so Tyrone versus Tyrone.

374
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,000
John Wick on Christmas.

375
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000
Hey, why don't you talk?

376
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,000
You talk.

377
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,000
It's a great Christmas movie.

378
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,000
Or else what are you going to do? You're going to throw Larry in the Diddy Van?

379
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,000
Oh, no.

380
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,000
Well, the problem is...

381
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,000
Make Tyrone do his thing.

382
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,000
You can't drive past a schoolyard

383
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,000
when Larry's in the van though. You got to take the other route.

384
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,000
Alternate routes.

385
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,000
Oh, no, we just throw him at a kid.

386
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,000
You guys just throw him at a kid?

387
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,000
Oh, man, I was thinking you'd feed him to the alligators or something.

388
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,000
No, it's...

389
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,000
Tyrone, how do you know Tyrone?

390
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,000
I... I found him at...

391
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,000
I found him at Burger King.

392
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,000
You found Tyrone at Burger King?

393
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,000
Yeah. What was he doing there? Working or eating?

394
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,000
He was eating.

395
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,000
And being up people.

396
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,000
At the same time?

397
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,000
This guy's awesome.

398
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,000
How big is Tyrone?

399
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,000
10 feet.

400
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,000
Maybe funny if we said he was a midget.

401
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,000
He was like 3 foot tall.

402
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,000
He's 10 feet tall.

403
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,000
He sounds like a bad mother. He sounds like a Nephilim giant.

404
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,000
Yes.

405
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,000
He's like a giant though.

406
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,000
And what he does, you're bidding? He's like you're underling?

407
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,000
He just beats up the strong people.

408
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,000
The CIA.

409
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,000
You beat the CIA? I know, because you and the FBI and the CIA do not get along at all.

410
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,000
That's a problem.

411
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,000
Fat Joe.

412
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,000
Fat Joe, what do you have to say for being trapped?

413
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,000
I hate you.

414
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,000
Oh, jeez, man.

415
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,000
And that's your getaway driver. You better be nice to him.

416
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,000
I dropped you on that accident. Don't make me slap you.

417
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,000
I mean, so...

418
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,000
And okay, where did...

419
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,000
So the FBI created the Diddy Van or did you buy it from someone?

420
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,000
I bought it from... I stole it from Diddy.

421
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,000
You stole it from Diddy?

422
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,000
Yeah, wherever we killed him.

423
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,000
You could also steal cards too.

424
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,000
Yeah, we also killed Diddy.

425
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,000
Yeah, I know, but I mean...

426
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,000
So let's put it this way.

427
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,000
Okay, how about this then?

428
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,000
So, right now there's a Diddy in jail.

429
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,000
But you killed the OG Diddy?

430
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,000
The original Diddy?

431
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,000
So there's a fake Diddy in jail.

432
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,000
He said a double.

433
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,000
He was hit clown.

434
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,000
Oh, my... Larry, did you just hear that?

435
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,000
He said that again.

436
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,000
He was the clone of Diddy.

437
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,000
He's the clone of... This guy really is a The FBI.

438
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,000
Jamal.

439
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,000
Who is in the same cell?

440
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,000
Jamal too?

441
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,000
So you got Tyrone, Jamal.

442
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,000
These are the people...

443
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,000
Is he a pattern here?

444
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,000
Are these people he met in jail?

445
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,000
I met Jamal in jail.

446
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,000
You were in jail?

447
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,000
Yeah.

448
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,000
Under cover word?

449
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,000
Stealing kids from a van.

450
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,000
Oh, stealing kids from a van?

451
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,000
So wait a minute.

452
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,000
Wait a minute.

453
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,000
You got caught stealing kids from a van?

454
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,000
No.

455
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:25,000
I did accidentally shoot the gasoline thing.

456
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,000
The tank? The gasoline tank?

457
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,000
Please don't tell me you blew the car up with all those kids in it?

458
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,000
No, the kids got out.

459
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,000
Okay.

460
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,000
Well, that would be Fat Joe then.

461
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,000
No, he's R.

462
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000
Oh, Fat Joe's your getaway driver.

463
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000
Yeah, and we just got away, but then we got hit by a tank.

464
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,000
You got hit by a tank? Where the hell are you? Afghanistan?

465
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,000
No.

466
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,000
What was it saying?

467
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,000
The army went to us.

468
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,000
The army came to you? Have you ever served overseas?

469
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,000
Have you ever done any...

470
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,000
Excuse me. Have you ever done any work overseas?

471
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,000
Operator work?

472
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,000
You sure?

473
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,000
Never been to Afghanistan?

474
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,000
Iraq?

475
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,000
Afghanistan, yeah.

476
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,000
Okay, I knew that. I saw that in your eyes.

477
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,000
What were you doing in Afghanistan?

478
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,000
I was getting little babies with my friends.

479
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:17,000
You were kidding. How come it always boils down to putting babies in the van?

480
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:21,000
For example, they're smoling over there. I kidnapped them.

481
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,000
You kidnapped Spalding? Oh, that's how we got Spalding.

482
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,000
From a family, yeah.

483
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,000
There we go, Larry. There's the worst.

484
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,000
Spalding, say something.

485
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,000
Spalding.

486
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,000
What do you want, sucker?

487
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,000
Tomorrow.

488
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,000
He stole me from Afghanistan.

489
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,000
Who's Spalding?

490
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,000
I'm done with a big body.

491
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:49,000
So, you're doing all this wet work in Afghanistan, shall we say?

492
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,000
Do you ever see Saddam Hussein, or what do you call it?

493
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,000
You remember Mido Osama bin Laden?

494
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000
Yeah.

495
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,000
How about the Ayatollah Khomeini?

496
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,000
He's from Afghanistan or is that Libya?

497
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,000
Ayatollah Khomeini.

498
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,000
I think that's Libya.

499
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000
Is he Libya or is he? Yeah, but you just think you would know all those guys.

500
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,000
Well, yeah, but when we're starting to get there, let's start from the bottom.

501
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000
We're gonna work our way up.

502
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,000
So, you met Osama bin Laden, right?

503
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,000
Was he a good dude?

504
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,000
No. No? What was wrong with him?

505
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,000
He just messed up here at ADHD.

506
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,000
His what?

507
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,000
He had ADHD. He had ADHD.

508
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000
He did, huh?

509
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000
So, what is that happening?

510
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,000
He was always cleaning his guns and his goats.

511
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,000
Yeah, and he's also cross-eyed.

512
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,000
He's cross-eyed?

513
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:35,000
He was so big though. Did you go to his cave or did you go to his house?

514
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,000
His cave.

515
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,000
Did he ask you about 9-11 or did you ask him about 9-11?

516
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:47,000
I told him, if he don't tell me about 9-11, I'd shoot you with a shotgun in the head.

517
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,000
With a shotgun in the head?

518
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,000
Yeah.

519
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,000
You know what happened though? He told me everything.

520
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,000
He told you everything?

521
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,000
What did he tell you about 9-11?

522
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:03,000
I mean, you're very persuasive when you have a shotgun pointing at your head, right?

523
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,000
And this is what you're wearing in Afghanistan too, right?

524
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:11,000
You're somewhere on your ski mask.

525
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,000
With Fat Joe.

526
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,000
Fat Joe is my shotgun.

527
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,000
He rides shotgun.

528
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,000
He was my shotgun.

529
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,000
He can't shoot Fat Joe.

530
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,000
Out of his ass probably.

531
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,000
We need to get you a drug rug.

532
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,000
I know.

533
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,000
Well, no, that's not like a pullover.

534
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:35,000
So you were in Afghanistan with the sombra on and the ski mask and nobody said anything to you?

535
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,000
They said, they said, yeah.

536
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,000
We have a reputation though.

537
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,000
Yeah, so people are kind of scared of you, right?

538
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,000
What did they say though?

539
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,000
Who the hell are you?

540
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,000
What did you say?

541
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,000
I said, I'm your worst nightmare.

542
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,000
Oh, Jesus.

543
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,000
You're not going to be afraid to introduce people or introduce yourself to people, do you understand that?

544
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,000
They never talked to me again.

545
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,000
Oh, well, because you probably killed them, right?

546
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,000
How many people you kill out there in Afghanistan?

547
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,000
Oh, no, they moved to Libya.

548
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,000
They moved to Libya?

549
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:09,000
So was this before or after Mo Mar Gaddafi got killed by the CIA?

550
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,000
Because you see the CIA, they liked...

551
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,000
Before, I was good friends with him.

552
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,000
You were good friends with Mo Mar Gaddafi?

553
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,000
Wow, Gaddafi?

554
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,000
Really?

555
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,000
You drive around in vans and get chipped?

556
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,000
Yeah.

557
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,000
I mean, this seems to be a reoccurring theme with FBI.

558
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,000
I didn't joke.

559
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,000
You knew Fat Joe? He wasn't around then, right?

560
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,000
Fat Joe wasn't alive.

561
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,000
No, he wasn't alive yet.

562
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,000
Did you have Skinny Joe?

563
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,000
No.

564
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,000
I had, I had...

565
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,000
I don't know, who'd you have?

566
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000
I had Pepe the Frog.

567
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,000
Oh, Pepe the Frog, man.

568
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,000
Now we're definitely going to get canceled.

569
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,000
I know Pepe the Frog, which I try to explain to him is all of a sudden now...

570
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,000
I still get canceled.

571
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,000
I still get canceled.

572
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,000
I'm as bad as...

573
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,000
I'm so bad.

574
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,000
Because Pepe the Frog has deemed a right wing...

575
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,000
I've got...

576
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,000
...Jose, racist icon.

577
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,000
I'm as bad as Self Park.

578
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,000
I know the Frog you're talking about.

579
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,000
We've seen him, yeah, we've looked it up before.

580
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Self Park's not canceled, though.

581
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,000
It would have been if it was worse.

582
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,000
It's very bad, actually.

583
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,000
It's probably the worst of the worst.

584
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,000
They talk about...

585
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,000
They talk about Diddy Vans, they talk about Osama bin Laden,

586
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,000
they talk about putting kids in vans.

587
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,000
I mean, Daniel, it sounds like you're a writer for them.

588
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,000
Yeah.

589
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,000
Or else they might be living vicariously through your work.

590
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,000
No, no, I'm Eric Cartman in disguise.

591
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,000
You're Eric Cartman in disguise?

592
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,000
Yeah, I was the writer.

593
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,000
Hey, baby.

594
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,000
I'm Sonja Wilfus.

595
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,000
I'm Spassin' Yo' Wilfus.

596
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,000
I just think you were.

597
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,000
Yeah.

598
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,000
Leaving out Eric Cartman in disguise.

599
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,000
But that's very funny, though.

600
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,000
So, do you have a good Christmas, Larry?

601
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,000
Yeah, man.

602
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,000
Got the hand with your fam?

603
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000
Yeah, we went to...

604
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,000
Shot out of no shirt, Nick and Big Joe?

605
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,000
Yeah, we hung out in my mom's.

606
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,000
Yeah, Big Joe.

607
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,000
Alex didn't show up.

608
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,000
Oh, shorty.

609
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,000
I'm gonna say real names, but that's fine.

610
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,000
I'm surprised you're not gonna give his address out right now.

611
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,000
We want to live in California right now.

612
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,000
What a crampole.

613
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,000
They just started arresting for felonies again,

614
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,000
for shoplifting and stuff.

615
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,000
As they should.

616
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,000
Which against Newsom's orders.

617
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,000
He was totally against this bill.

618
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,000
Should people be arrested, Senior Wilfus,

619
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,000
if they steal or break the law?

620
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,000
As an FBI agent?

621
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,000
Or do you just convert them into...

622
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,000
Or just kill them?

623
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,000
Or do you convert them into agents?

624
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,000
No, not...

625
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,000
What do you call it?

626
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,000
We use them as money.

627
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,000
Informant.

628
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,000
Informant?

629
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,000
Senior Wilfus is gonna kill you if you lie.

630
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,000
No, we use them to...

631
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,000
We use them to get money.

632
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,000
Who?

633
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,000
The informants?

634
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,000
We hold a gun at the head and we tell them...

635
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,000
Man, there's a lot of...

636
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,000
There's a lot of shady stuff going on in the FBI.

637
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,000
I mean...

638
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,000
I mean, you threaten a lot of people.

639
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,000
I think it's about like 20 already.

640
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,000
At least.

641
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,000
That's just the beginning.

642
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,000
That's just the beginning?

643
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,000
There's about a whole year.

644
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,000
Whole year?

645
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,000
We're for talent.

646
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,000
At this point in time, I think that...

647
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,000
You've kind of broken some laws. You know that, right?

648
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,000
Yeah.

649
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,000
Laws? We don't need no stinking laws.

650
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,000
I killed the law.

651
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,000
You killed the law?

652
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,000
I killed police officers.

653
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,000
Don't say that.

654
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,000
If your Wilfus is joking...

655
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,000
If they've found me with a gun...

656
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,000
Obviously this is parody.

657
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,000
If they've found me with a gun...

658
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,000
Yeah, okay. Well, you know what? You do work for the FBI.

659
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,000
And they are definitely corrupt.

660
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,000
And I'm sure they've killed civilians and police officers.

661
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,000
Sure. They get in the way or something.

662
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,000
But man, you really do fit the mold of the FBI.

663
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,000
Absolutely.

664
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,000
Actually, you're more of a CIA guy, shall I say?

665
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,000
Yeah.

666
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,000
You like to travel around the world.

667
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,000
I know where the FBI lives.

668
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,000
Do they have put...

669
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,000
You know what a B-52 bomber is?

670
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,000
Those big planes?

671
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,000
Do they drop bombs?

672
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,000
Do they put Diddy's van in the back of that?

673
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,000
And then when you go to Afghanistan, they drop it to the ground.

674
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,000
So you got something to drive around in?

675
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,000
No.

676
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,000
They make it 4x4 like you got a Land Cruiser Diddy Van?

677
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,000
So first,

678
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,000
let's say this is where he drops it.

679
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,000
Okay, so fat Joe goes in first.

680
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,000
No.

681
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,000
He drops the bomb.

682
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,000
Oh, fat Joe drops the bomb.

683
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,000
The bomb.

684
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,000
That's a bomb or is that the Diddy Van?

685
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,000
That's the bomb.

686
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,000
What kind of bomb?

687
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,000
Nuclear capabilities?

688
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,000
Stop pulling on that thing, sucka.

689
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,000
I know, but it did last time.

690
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,000
Does it have nuclear capabilities?

691
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,000
Is it just a big fire bomb?

692
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,000
It's nuclear.

693
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,000
Nuclear?

694
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,000
Where did you get the material for that?

695
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Hillary Clinton?

696
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,000
Or the tiny head crew?

697
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,000
I mean, either one of those answers is acceptable.

698
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,000
The tiny pug crew?

699
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,000
Oh, the tiny pug crew?

700
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,000
They're probably the worst.

701
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,000
They make it enriched in uranium.

702
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,000
The pug crew?

703
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,000
So that's a worldwide gang then?

704
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,000
The tiny pug crew?

705
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,000
No.

706
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,000
The tiny pug crew?

707
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,000
No.

708
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,000
The tiny pug crew?

709
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,000
Better than the Japanese though.

710
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,000
Oh, what do you call it?

711
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,000
Yigmaengwo.

712
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,000
Yakuza.

713
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,000
That's who the Japanese gang is.

714
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,000
Yigmaengwo.

715
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,000
Oh, jeez.

716
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,000
Are you doing the nation?

717
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,000
Oh, what about the Indians?

718
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,000
What about the Indians?

719
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,000
Hello.

720
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,000
Have you ever been to the CIA

721
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,000
and gone to India

722
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,000
and then you're gonna have to deal with those guys?

723
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,000
I am 50% Indian.

724
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,000
Is that your context?

725
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,000
Did you meet a senior

726
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,000
a senior official?

727
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,000
He tried to sell you a microwave.

728
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,000
Senior ding dong.

729
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,000
Senior ding dong.

730
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,000
So now you're doing what work in India also?

731
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,000
What do you Indian?

732
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,000
No, I'm not. Well, I can be Indian

733
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,000
if you want to be.

734
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,000
Would you please enter this code

735
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,000
into your bank account and then send me the address?

736
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,000
No, screw it. Give me Kamalpoop.

737
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,000
You can't ask, screw it. Give me Kamalpoop.

738
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,000
I am also Saudi Arabian.

739
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,000
No, that's not how Saudi Arabian is.

740
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,000
You're gonna get us killed, dude.

741
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,000
Come at me.

742
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,000
How's it going, dude?

743
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,000
It's in World Street.

744
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,000
Quit banging that thing around.

745
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,000
Yeah, you can't be banging because it screws up.

746
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,000
Larry, obviously you can tell Larry doesn't have children.

747
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,000
He tried to pull a knife

748
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,000
on senior woofers.

749
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,000
Come on, squirter.

750
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,000
Man, you're way funnier than Kiki.

751
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,000
Kiki, you're out.

752
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,000
Senior woofers is here.

753
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,000
Come at me, squirter.

754
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,000
So, what do you do in the United States then?

755
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,000
Well, okay, so you started out as FBI

756
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,000
and now we're just gonna move you to the CIA

757
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,000
because, I mean, you're just doing a lot of work that...

758
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,000
So, what do you do in the United States then?

759
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,000
I do a lot of stuff.

760
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,000
No, you're not using an alias?

761
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,000
This thing, this ship,

762
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,000
this show would have been canceled

763
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,000
if I told everything.

764
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,000
Okay, well, I mean,

765
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,000
let's try to keep it nonchalant then.

766
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,000
How about we say, let's go kind of low-key.

767
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,000
Let's just say...

768
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,000
There's nothing that low-key I do.

769
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,000
Let's see, how about this?

770
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,000
You're going...

771
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,000
You're going to be a liberal, not specific.

772
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,000
Yeah, so you're...

773
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,000
Okay, so all of these people invade Colorado

774
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,000
and they're not supposed to be there.

775
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,000
Like, but everybody let them in

776
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,000
without us voting on it

777
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,000
or telling them what to do.

778
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,000
What would you do to get these people out

779
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,000
if you work for the CIA from Colorado?

780
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,000
And there's about 20,000 of them.

781
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,000
But you have full access

782
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,000
to all the CIA's armaments

783
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,000
and gear and personnel.

784
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,000
So how would you get 20,000 people out of Colorado?

785
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,000
I... I...

786
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,000
I copy

787
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,000
40,000 of these new do-do-do's.

788
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,000
40,000 fat Joes?

789
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,000
Yeah.

790
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,000
Okay.

791
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,000
With assault rifles, shotguns.

792
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,000
I mean, they'd have to be kind of tiny.

793
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,000
Well, 10,000 of them have snipers.

794
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,000
You have 10,000 snipers

795
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,000
for 20,000 people?

796
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,000
So wait a minute. Do you plan on killing these people?

797
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,000
Just not deporting them?

798
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,000
No, we just frighten them.

799
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,000
And what do you... but frighten them?

800
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,000
They have to leave the country, though.

801
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,000
Yeah, we push them out of the country.

802
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,000
How do you push them out of the country?

803
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,000
That's a lot of Diddy very well.

804
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,000
What about Brazil?

805
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,000
No, we're talking about Colorado.

806
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,000
Yeah, we're moving them to Mexico.

807
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,000
Oh, man.

808
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,000
That's the smartest thing you said tonight, Sergeant.

809
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,000
Actually, we should just put them on a rocket

810
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,000
and send them to the moon, right?

811
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,000
If we can afford it.

812
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,000
If we can afford a lot, let me tell you.

813
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,000
How many people have killed an odd amount of money?

814
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,000
Yeah, I was going to say, you're probably rich, right?

815
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,000
Uh-huh.

816
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,000
How do you get paid, though?

817
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,000
Per head. Every person you kill

818
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,000
is a certain amount of money.

819
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,000
So are you a counter-killer?

820
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,000
Yeah, remember we talked about that before?

821
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,000
I'm worth about $500,000.

822
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,000
$500,000? It's a half a billion dollars.

823
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,000
You probably don't want to say that, do you?

824
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,000
Come at me!

825
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,000
Come at me!

826
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,000
You heard it first.

827
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,000
Come at me, bro.

828
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,000
Come at me, bro. I'm strapped and ready.

829
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,000
Strapped and ready?

830
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,000
I mean,

831
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,000
so...

832
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,000
I mean,

833
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,000
how are you going to get all these people out of this country, then?

834
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,000
Vans?

835
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,000
Buses?

836
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,000
Um...

837
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,000
Dig a hole and just bury them?

838
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,000
Yeah, I mean, yeah.

839
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,000
It's a lot of bodies, though.

840
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,000
Right?

841
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,000
How many people are in the world?

842
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,000
A billion.

843
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,000
There's about 8.5 billion people in the world, I think.

844
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,000
Yeah, something to that extent.

845
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,000
I negotiate with a medical.

846
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,000
Russia.

847
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,000
What do you think about Russia, then, senior woofers?

848
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,000
I say, not!

849
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,000
You don't like Russia?

850
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,000
No, why not?

851
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,000
But why?

852
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,000
The enemy, too.

853
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,000
That's just great.

854
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,000
I said Trump.

855
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,000
Do you know who said that?

856
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,000
That old guy that keeps on falling asleep on stage.

857
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,000
Joe Biden.

858
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,000
Sleepy Joe keeps on saying that.

859
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,000
But you remember,

860
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,000
can you trust the government?

861
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,000
There you go.

862
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,000
Right from the...

863
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,000
Right from the babes mouth.

864
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,000
I am the governor.

865
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,000
You should run the CIA.

866
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,000
You know you can't be trusted.

867
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,000
You're smarter than half of these people that are doing it.

868
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,000
And you could probably be more clandestine.

869
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,000
Would you...

870
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,000
Fat Joe.

871
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,000
Yeah, we have to make Fat Joe dress light.

872
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,000
Tyrone Jamal.

873
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,000
You got a crew already going on.

874
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,000
What if we made...

875
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,000
What do you call it?

876
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,000
Fat Joe a honeypot.

877
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,000
If you had to dress up like a lady and put him in a dress.

878
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,000
And you had this seduce man.

879
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,000
I said we give him...

880
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,000
5 feet up.

881
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,000
There was a man at the bar

882
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,000
that we wanted to get information out of.

883
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,000
We don't want a water board yet.

884
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,000
Because I know that's your favorite tactic.

885
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,000
Right?

886
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,000
I swear for next Christmas

887
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,000
I'm going to buy Senor Wolfer's

888
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,000
the Guantanamo bacon.

889
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,000
This is a water board.

890
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,000
Comes with a car battery.

891
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,000
And jumper cables.

892
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,000
One of those hoods that they wear.

893
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,000
And definitely two boxes

894
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,000
so they can stand on while you electrocute them.

895
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,000
And turn them into a Christmas tree.

896
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,000
But where were we?

897
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,000
So what if we have to say that...

898
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,000
Say there's a man at the bar

899
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,000
and we got to extract information from him.

900
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,000
Because he knows where the nuclear warheads

901
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,000
that stupid Canada

902
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,000
accidentally put in maple syrup

903
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,000
and they're going to blow up the whole country.

904
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,000
How do we extract information

905
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,000
with Fat Joe dressing like a lady?

906
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,000
Woooo!

907
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,000
He just starts showing his butt.

908
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,000
Okay.

909
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,000
He starts showing his boobs.

910
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,000
Yes, you definitely do work for the CIA.

911
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,000
Get him five feet of them!

912
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,000
Is John Wick rated R?

913
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,000
Yes.

914
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,000
Not compared to me!

915
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,000
Not compared to me!

916
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,000
There's no nudity in barely any swearing.

917
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,000
I'm going to tell you right now.

918
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,000
Like our show?

919
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,000
There's no nudity in hardly any swearing.

920
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,000
The night is not over yet.

921
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,000
But at the same time

922
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,000
isn't that crazy that I would rather see

923
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,000
for a ten year old?

924
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,000
That's more comparable

925
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,000
to seeing nudity

926
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,000
and fortuitous

927
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,000
sexuality

928
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,000
and swearing.

929
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,000
Yeah, pretty gay.

930
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,000
I've never seen it, but

931
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,000
I know about it.

932
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,000
I didn't say it!

933
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,000
I know you didn't, but that's just very funny.

934
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,000
Every time you lie, I hate to slap you.

935
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,000
I mean, I just...

936
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,000
So what did you do in Mexico?

937
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,000
That's what we do to Spalding.

938
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,000
Every time he lies, we slap him real hard.

939
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,000
How about stuff that a fromer?

940
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,000
He's left the gold teeth right out of his mouth.

941
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,000
How about a fromer?

942
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,000
No, you're not throwing Spalding.

943
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,000
I thought you saved him, didn't you?

944
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,000
I saved him from the crazies.

945
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,000
From the crazies, yes.

946
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,000
I'm not saying I fully saved him.

947
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,000
No, but not at all.

948
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,000
He worked for the CIA.

949
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,000
Maybe he could definitely work for the CIA.

950
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,000
He could smuggled in half of those people.

951
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,000
That's all right.

952
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,000
Um...

953
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,000
He goes way undercover.

954
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,000
Yeah.

955
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,000
He may look like a couple months old.

956
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,000
A year old.

957
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,000
But he's 42.

958
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,000
Black dough crack.

959
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,000
Except he gets real ashy, though.

960
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,000
Hey, Spalding, what do you say about that?

961
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,000
Hey, I...

962
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,000
Don't do racist.

963
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,000
Don't do racist.

964
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000
Why's that?

965
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,000
It's not racist.

966
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,000
That's true.

967
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,000
I don't like it.

968
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,000
You know Spalding don't like it?

969
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,000
Now you're doing Spalding's voice?

970
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,000
Oh, God.

971
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,000
You're just a triple threat.

972
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,000
You work for the FBI, the CIA.

973
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,000
Do impersonation.

974
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,000
Yeah, do an impersonation.

975
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,000
So then what did you do in Mexico then?

976
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,000
Well, I did in Mexico.

977
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,000
I eat tacos.

978
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,000
You didn't eat in Mexico?

979
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,000
What kind of tacos?

980
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,000
Because I know what you like.

981
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,000
Ground beef.

982
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,000
Yeah, tell everybody how to eat...

983
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,000
Tell everybody as a white person how to eat tacos.

984
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,000
You...

985
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,000
I can't tell you something.

986
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,000
No, you're a flower!

987
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,000
Yeah, no flower tortilla, right?

988
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,000
No flower.

989
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,000
500-pound-o beef man?

990
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,000
Yep, there you go. Tell them like it is.

991
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,000
Speak, sister.

992
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,000
I know, I know.

993
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,000
And then ground beef.

994
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,000
I like onions and cilantro. Cheese, because you're a child.

995
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,000
Well, it's in your woofers.

996
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,000
I'm 75.

997
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,000
I know you're 75.

998
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,000
You're still going to school.

999
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,000
And during the CIA and the FBI,

1000
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,000
it sounds like you're a plant for Homeland Security.

1001
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,000
And it sounds like you're going to get the Larry and Needle show canceled.

1002
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,000
Absolutely.

1003
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,000
Truth that you're speaking.

1004
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:49,000
I don't know if this is a good idea to have you on anymore.

1005
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,000
Yeah.

1006
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,000
Oh, you're 75.

1007
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,000
What'd you do in Vietnam?

1008
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,000
Oh, Vietnam.

1009
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,000
Yeah, do you even know where Vietnam is?

1010
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,000
I would...

1011
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,000
How about the golden triangle?

1012
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,000
If I would say something.

1013
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,000
You know the German flag over there, right?

1014
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,000
Yeah.

1015
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,000
Oh, that's a German flag.

1016
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,000
I don't know...

1017
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,000
Yes, we know the German flag.

1018
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,000
Actually, those are an ally of the Larry and Needle show.

1019
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,000
The Germans, shall we say.

1020
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,000
Absolutely.

1021
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:25,000
That's like a hippie version of the communist German flag,

1022
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,000
where they took out the little hammer and the...

1023
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:29,000
Sickle.

1024
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,000
Well, it wasn't a sickle, it was a compass.

1025
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,000
It was like, yeah, okay, yeah.

1026
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,000
A compass and a hammer.

1027
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,000
And they put that heart in the middle.

1028
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,000
You see, it's got the heart.

1029
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,000
So that was like some kind of thing.

1030
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,000
I don't know.

1031
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,000
That thing's made out of paper.

1032
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,000
I dragged it all the way back home from Germany.

1033
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,000
I don't think you dragged it.

1034
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,000
It's kind of small.

1035
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,000
I put it in my suitcase and carried it around.

1036
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,000
Alright, so let's get back to Mexico. You had tacos.

1037
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,000
Yeah.

1038
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,000
Did you have a mule? A donkey?

1039
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,000
So you had a donkey?

1040
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,000
I had a donkey!

1041
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,000
I had a frutti.

1042
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,000
You named it what?

1043
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,000
Oh, Freddy Fazbear.

1044
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:11,000
That's the name of this lyric.

1045
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,000
Yeah, Freddy Fazballs.

1046
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,000
Freddy Fazballs?

1047
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,000
Freddy Fuzzyballs, actually.

1048
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,000
Your donkey just had huge nuts.

1049
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,000
You were in all those Freddy Furry nuts.

1050
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,000
Watch out.

1051
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,000
You heard how big of a stick your sombrero holds.

1052
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,000
What were you doing in Mexico then?

1053
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,000
Running pot for the cartel?

1054
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,000
Larry, come on.

1055
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,000
Is that how they got it to the classroom?

1056
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,000
That's how we got our pug army.

1057
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,000
You recruited them?

1058
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,000
In Mexico?

1059
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,000
They were like, ah, we got...

1060
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,000
We gave the pugs five pounds of pot.

1061
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,000
Five pounds of pot?

1062
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,000
Yeah.

1063
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,000
How do they carry five pounds of pot?

1064
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,000
And that's because...

1065
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,000
And they're ass?

1066
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,000
Come on.

1067
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,000
I love that your point is...

1068
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,000
And you didn't even say it.

1069
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,000
You're like, show me where they put the pot on you.

1070
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,000
That's a lot to put up your ass.

1071
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,000
Do you know how big five pounds of pot is, dude?

1072
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,000
It's like...

1073
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,000
I mean, it's huge, dude.

1074
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,000
It's bigger than that drum right there.

1075
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,000
Yeah.

1076
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,000
Do you see his butt?

1077
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,000
Yeah, I see his butt.

1078
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,000
It still hurts.

1079
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,000
How does he walk, then, if he's got five pounds of pot in his ass?

1080
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,000
On his front legs.

1081
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,000
I mean, you really do work for the CIA.

1082
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,000
This kid's got it figured out.

1083
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,000
So then what'd you do with your donkey then?

1084
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,000
I mean, so wait, so you meet the pug gang down...

1085
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,000
Is it way sign...

1086
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,000
This pug gang is all over the place.

1087
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,000
They're in Afghanistan and Mexico.

1088
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,000
They want tacos.

1089
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,000
That's all they want is tacos?

1090
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,000
Tacos and pot.

1091
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,000
Tacos and pot.

1092
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,000
That is the episode, dude.

1093
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,000
They put pot on the tacos.

1094
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,000
They put pot on the tacos.

1095
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,000
Dude, these guys are out of control.

1096
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,000
I don't think you should hang out with them.

1097
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,000
You don't hang out with them, right?

1098
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,000
You're my best friend, right?

1099
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:23,000
Yeah.

1100
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,000
You're just... They're your liaisons, right?

1101
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,000
Like, you guys kind of help each other out.

1102
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,000
You don't hang out with them.

1103
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,000
They're my German army.

1104
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,000
Oh my God.

1105
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,000
How do you know they're German?

1106
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,000
You can tell by their armbands?

1107
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,000
No.

1108
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,000
No.

1109
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,000
No? Dude, you're this kid?

1110
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,000
Oh my God.

1111
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,000
You're smarter than half the people I know.

1112
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,000
And funnier.

1113
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,000
Oh my God. With Hymer, we had...

1114
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,000
41 minutes.

1115
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,000
Holy crap, Sidney.

1116
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,000
41 minutes left?

1117
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:59,000
No, we were doing it for 41 minutes.

1118
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,000
My eyes have gone red.

1119
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,000
Well, yeah, because you keep messing with them.

1120
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,000
Stop messing with them.

1121
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,000
It's on the pot.

1122
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,000
No, hey, Larry, come on.

1123
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,000
Jesus, man, what are you doing?

1124
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,000
That's one of the first words you said this whole podcast.

1125
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,000
Yeah, Larry is being quiet.

1126
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,000
He's all weird and weird.

1127
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,000
Yeah, and you say that?

1128
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,000
Well, no, you know what's happening?

1129
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,000
I want you to find out that he has his own ditty van.

1130
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,000
Do you know?

1131
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,000
He's a competitor.

1132
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,000
Oh, you're holding it.

1133
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,000
What's that?

1134
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,000
No.

1135
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,000
Is he holding off, you know, the little rat over there?

1136
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,000
What's that? I can't hear you.

1137
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,000
Is he holding the little rat over there?

1138
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,000
Who's holding the rat? No, he's not holding the rat.

1139
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,000
But Larry is one of your competitors.

1140
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,000
Yeah.

1141
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,000
You gotta watch out.

1142
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,000
Larry was a good friend with Dean.

1143
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,000
I'm gonna pull a Glock on Larry.

1144
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,000
Yeah, pull a Glock on Squidward.

1145
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,000
Yeah, dude.

1146
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,000
Larry will just show you his butt and be like,

1147
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,000
I don't have any pot on me.

1148
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,000
Yeah, but that's over how pugs do it.

1149
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,000
Hmm?

1150
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,000
No, that's just pugs do it. How many pugs are in this gang?

1151
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,000
In this cart?

1152
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,000
Should we call them a cart?

1153
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,000
Holy shit, dude.

1154
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,000
40,000 pugs. That's a cartel.

1155
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,000
And they're all in Mexico or are they all over the world?

1156
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,000
No, they're all over the world.

1157
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,000
Yeah.

1158
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,000
Yeah, I mean, this sounds like a very dangerous job.

1159
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,000
How do you survive?

1160
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,000
I give up on pot every day.

1161
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,000
That sounds like how they survive.

1162
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,000
Why, are they gonna kill you if you don't give them pot?

1163
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,000
No, yeah, they'll just pull it.

1164
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:33,000
Man, you better not tell your mom about that.

1165
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,000
I can't.

1166
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,000
I'm going right to jail.

1167
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,000
So that how you survive is you give the pugs pot?

1168
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,000
Yeah.

1169
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,000
Do they smoke it or do they eat it?

1170
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,000
We put in their tacos, he said.

1171
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,000
Oh, they put in their tacos?

1172
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,000
Yeah, that's what they do. They like tacos.

1173
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,000
Yeah.

1174
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:57,000
Pacos.

1175
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,000
There you go. Pacos is good. I like that. Man, this kid's good.

1176
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,000
Let me tell you.

1177
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,000
Pacos.

1178
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,000
All right. So then are you trying to overthrow the Mexican government

1179
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,000
or are you just happy there?

1180
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,000
I'm happy.

1181
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,000
Well, what about you're happy here?

1182
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,000
You're in a United States citizen, right?

1183
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,000
Yeah, but I've also been Mexican.

1184
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,000
You've also been, well, yeah, obviously you said we're woofers.

1185
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,000
I senior.

1186
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,000
My son, Le Bon Le Bix.

1187
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,000
Who?

1188
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,000
Le Fien, the senior.

1189
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,000
I don't know who that is. You have to say it.

1190
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,000
Oh, well, Le Bon Woofers.

1191
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,000
Le Bon Woofers.

1192
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:33,000
Who's that? He's French?

1193
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,000
He's my son.

1194
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,000
He's your son? You were married at one time?

1195
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,000
Well, he's 75 years old.

1196
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,000
Yeah, but usually if you're

1197
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,000
and if you're this clandestine

1198
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,000
and an operative, you don't want to be married

1199
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,000
because then those people become assets

1200
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,000
or not assets, but they become.

1201
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,000
Oh, no, no, he works in the CIA.

1202
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,000
Target. Your kid works in the CIA with you?

1203
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,000
He's 25.

1204
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,000
Oh, well, excuse me. Like, I know.

1205
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,000
What does he do in the CIA?

1206
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,000
Same thing as me.

1207
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,000
Yeah, I mean, steals kids and sells pug, pot to pugs.

1208
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,000
Yeah, he's my second ride.

1209
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,000
Oh, he owns the second van.

1210
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,000
He owns how many vans are there?

1211
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:11,000
And do you get a gas card from the CIA?

1212
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:13,000
Or do you have to pay for gas yourself?

1213
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,000
We get a gas card.

1214
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,000
Okay, well, that's good.

1215
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,000
We use their farts.

1216
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,000
Use pug farts?

1217
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,000
Yeah.

1218
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,000
You call me gas.

1219
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,000
I don't know if you can harness pug farts

1220
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,000
into a profitable fuel.

1221
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,000
Oh, no, they fart because of tacos.

1222
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,000
We give them taco bell.

1223
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,000
Oh, I mean, so you're giving them a pop taco?

1224
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,000
Well, they got this new thing. You stick the tube up the pug's ass.

1225
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,000
Yeah, that's right.

1226
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,000
I mean, how many pugs do you need?

1227
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,000
Again, all the words you said, that's bad.

1228
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,000
Again.

1229
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,000
Is he giving away your secrets, just like the guy who made

1230
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,000
the water card and they had the can?

1231
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:51,000
I hope that.

1232
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:53,000
If you're better than that.

1233
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,000
I made a car out of water. Next thing you know, you're 5 feet under.

1234
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,000
He's dead.

1235
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,000
I made a car off a pug farts.

1236
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,000
No, you're dead.

1237
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,000
Yeah, that's all right though.

1238
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,000
The 5 feet under pugs.

1239
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:07,000
So you got 40,000 pugs in Mexico.

1240
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,000
And they're all at your back end call.

1241
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,000
Like, can you tell them what to do whenever you want?

1242
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,000
Have you ever tried to overthrow a government

1243
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,000
with your pugs?

1244
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,000
We've already thrown...

1245
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,000
We've already thrown... Overthrown?

1246
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,000
The Portuguese.

1247
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,000
The Portuguese. And the Belgium.

1248
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,000
Wow.

1249
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,000
Belgians, man, you get around, don't you?

1250
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,000
What did you get, a lot of waffles from Belgium?

1251
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,000
I love waffles.

1252
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,000
I know you love waffles.

1253
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:35,000
I was there, I thought I noticed an overabundance of pugs.

1254
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,000
And pugs.

1255
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,000
In little ones, just a fan too.

1256
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,000
You're like, ah, man.

1257
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,000
I'm starting to see a pattern of all these countries.

1258
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,000
What do you think about...

1259
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,000
So, um...

1260
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,000
What happens... Do you know any...

1261
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,000
So what would you do if a country tried to make its own currency

1262
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,000
and move away from the U.S. dollar?

1263
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,000
To that... What would you do to that country?

1264
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,000
We would send the pugs.

1265
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,000
Send the pugs to do what?

1266
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,000
To...

1267
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:03,000
Well, say, I don't want to use the American dollar anymore.

1268
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:05,000
I'm going to start using this

1269
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,000
as my

1270
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,000
mode of currency.

1271
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,000
And I'm going to completely get away from America

1272
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,000
and all the other countries.

1273
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,000
So now, for me to do business, say I want to buy a bottle of water

1274
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,000
or a beer

1275
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,000
or a pot for pugs,

1276
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,000
I'm going to use this instead of the American dollar.

1277
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,000
How do you feel about that, senior woofers?

1278
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,000
Well, I mean, I don't know what that indicates,

1279
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:29,000
though. You dropped the pen.

1280
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,000
Oh, well, we're killing him.

1281
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,000
You're going to kill him?

1282
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,000
So you're like, you have to use the American dollar

1283
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,000
or else you're dead? Yeah.

1284
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,000
Okay, well, why is that? Because you don't like competition, right?

1285
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,000
No.

1286
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:43,000
Just like the Federal Reserve and the CIA,

1287
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,000
they don't like competition. I've killed Putin.

1288
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,000
You killed... Oh, my God.

1289
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,000
So you killed Diddy. You killed Putin.

1290
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,000
What about Bill Clinton?

1291
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,000
Is he still alive? He's fine.

1292
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,000
He's fine? Okay. What about Hillary?

1293
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,000
Hillary Clinton. Do you know who she is?

1294
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,000
No. Okay, that's what you're supposed to say.

1295
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,000
You don't want to be killed from them either.

1296
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,000
What's wrong, Hillary?

1297
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,000
I got this thing from...

1298
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,000
Oh, here it is. If I was back...

1299
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaking of the presidents and all this,

1300
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,000
check this thing out.

1301
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,000
If I was back in, you know, I was in the World War...

1302
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,000
Yeah, World War I or II?

1303
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,000
All of them.

1304
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,000
All of them? Okay.

1305
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,000
So I got this thing from the White House.

1306
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,000
It's 2024 ornament.

1307
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:25,000
But it's got Jimmy G.

1308
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,000
Carter.

1309
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,000
And look at this thing.

1310
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,000
How did he get that?

1311
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,000
Lynn gave it to me.

1312
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,000
Look at this intricacy on this thing, man.

1313
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,000
Jimmy Carter, not a great president.

1314
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,000
He killed the two of them.

1315
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,000
No, but if you read this little booklet,

1316
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,000
it would sound like he was the greatest...

1317
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,000
Oh, man.

1318
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,000
He was the only guy that was...

1319
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,000
If I would say...

1320
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,000
He was the only president that was

1321
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,000
certified in the submarines

1322
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,000
and they named it Submarine After

1323
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,000
and there's a picture of it up there.

1324
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,000
And...

1325
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,000
That Joe loves the camera.

1326
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:07,000
But it's pretty crazy, you know,

1327
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,000
and it's just weird because it's 20...

1328
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,000
It's a 3D. Yeah, and it's 2024.

1329
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,000
And...

1330
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:15,000
But it's fucking Jimmy Carter,

1331
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,000
like the worst president we've ever had.

1332
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:19,000
Maybe that's to make us...

1333
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,000
besides Joe Biden, and maybe that's why

1334
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,000
they made this year's

1335
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,000
ornament, Jimmy Carter,

1336
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,000
was to show you in contrast

1337
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,000
that maybe Biden was his...

1338
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,000
Right. That's weird, isn't it?

1339
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,000
And you're woofers. What would you do if you were president

1340
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,000
in the United States?

1341
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,000
I would...

1342
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,000
If you had your own ornament,

1343
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,000
you'd have an ornament, right?

1344
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,000
Mm-hmm.

1345
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,000
There'd probably be two Oozies

1346
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,000
with a lot of pop.

1347
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,000
With two cross Oozies and a pug.

1348
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:51,000
And a feeling pot.

1349
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,000
No, wait, wait, wait.

1350
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,000
In the ditty van, going peace out the window.

1351
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,000
No, wait, wait, wait.

1352
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,000
No, wait, wait, wait.

1353
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,000
In the ditty van, going peace out the window.

1354
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,000
No, wait, wait, wait.

1355
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,000
Oh, man. What would you do if you were the president?

1356
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,000
Kiddo?

1357
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,000
I'm 75.

1358
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,000
Yeah, but what would you do if you were the president?

1359
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,000
I would kill.

1360
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:15,000
You would kill? I mean, jeez, man.

1361
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:17,000
No, boy, you're totally shit.

1362
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,000
I said, don't call me kiddo.

1363
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,000
Whatever, senior woofer.

1364
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,000
It's not to me, I am.

1365
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,000
What would you do if you were president?

1366
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,000
What I would do if I was president,

1367
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,000
I would give

1368
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,000
every dog

1369
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,000
their journey to smoke drugs.

1370
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:35,000
Yeah, man.

1371
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:37,000
So that's your whole platform

1372
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:39,000
as dogs can get high?

1373
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:41,000
They don't have thumbs.

1374
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,000
We feed the dog.

1375
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,000
Peta.

1376
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:47,000
I'm a griffin.

1377
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,000
So, okay, so you let

1378
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:51,000
dogs do drugs, okay?

1379
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,000
That's your first thing. What's your second thing?

1380
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:55,000
My second thing?

1381
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,000
I want five things of your platform.

1382
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:59,000
Not to

1383
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,000
probably one thing.

1384
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,000
Number two?

1385
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,000
Try, no, not to

1386
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:07,000
get rifted.

1387
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,000
I say

1388
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,000
I would

1389
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,000
take down

1390
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,000
the state closest to

1391
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,000
to Mexico.

1392
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,000
State, well, there's a bunch of them

1393
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,000
that's over in Mexico.

1394
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:23,000
Texas, Arizona, New Mexico.

1395
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,000
California.

1396
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,000
And I tell them to run, make a bigger border.

1397
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,000
Make a bigger border?

1398
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:31,000
Okay, so you would combine all these

1399
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,000
states and make one state to make a big

1400
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,000
border? Yep. Okay.

1401
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,000
I like that.

1402
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,000
What would you do to the border wall?

1403
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:41,000
I would man it with pugs.

1404
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,000
With machine guns?

1405
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,000
Pugs are our best weapon.

1406
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,000
Yeah, I see.

1407
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,000
But I mean, so are the

1408
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,000
pugs loyal to Mexico

1409
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,000
or would they fight for the United States?

1410
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,000
Uh,

1411
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,000
fight for the United States.

1412
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,000
I mean, they're contract killers, right? So you just give them

1413
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,000
money. They're all mercenaries.

1414
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,000
They're about every

1415
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,000
pugs worth. What about the chihuahua's

1416
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,000
on the cartels

1417
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,000
on lease on the chihuahuas?

1418
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,000
Those are little bastards.

1419
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,000
We have to lock them up when we give them pot.

1420
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:15,000
Who the chihuahua's?

1421
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:17,000
So we set them up.

1422
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:19,000
We give them a little weed and then we lock them up.

1423
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,000
I like this idea.

1424
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:23,000
They're too crazy. They kill us.

1425
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:25,000
Yeah, I mean, if that isn't a metaphor, let me tell you.

1426
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,000
That is the greatest metaphor.

1427
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,000
They're like aliens. Yeah, I mean,

1428
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,000
illegal aliens. Yeah, illegal aliens.

1429
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,000
Yeah, I mean,

1430
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:35,000
call a spade a spade.

1431
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,000
Antiron and his other friends

1432
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:39,000
and do that work for you.

1433
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:41,000
Who's it?

1434
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,000
Also, also the leader of the pugs.

1435
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,000
Yeah. Which is name?

1436
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:47,000
Uh,

1437
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,000
Le Pug Le Hitler.

1438
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,000
Le Pug Le Hitler?

1439
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,000
Did you just say that?

1440
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,000
Larry.

1441
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,000
The Pug the Hitler.

1442
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,000
That is this guy's name.

1443
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,000
Oh my god.

1444
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:03,000
I mean, that is a t-shirt right there.

1445
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:05,000
That is the best t-shirt I've ever seen.

1446
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,000
He's like this pug.

1447
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,000
Has a mustache.

1448
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,000
Has the German tattoo on his tongue.

1449
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,000
Swastika.

1450
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,000
It's called a swastika.

1451
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,000
And he wears an armband.

1452
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:19,000
So he has a little mustache.

1453
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,000
I mean, dude, I mean, how does this kid

1454
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,000
not fit into this pie?

1455
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,000
Anybody I've ever met.

1456
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,000
He's 10 years old and he's a regular.

1457
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,000
75.

1458
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,000
I don't know what that was.

1459
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,000
He was going to be able to grow a mustache.

1460
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,000
Don't ask me that.

1461
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:37,000
Yeah, exactly.

1462
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,000
I was just going to say, listen to this guy.

1463
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:41,000
Actually, wait, I know how.

1464
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,000
How was that?

1465
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:45,000
They have so much pot that they have.

1466
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,000
Oh, he grows a mustache.

1467
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,000
I was going to say that he's on steroids.

1468
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,000
Nice.

1469
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,000
He's on pug steroids.

1470
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:55,000
I think we have a Tyrone pug.

1471
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,000
Oh, you have a Tyrone pug also?

1472
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,000
And a Jamal pug.

1473
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:01,000
They have an extra bone in their foot.

1474
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,000
Oh, my God.

1475
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,000
They have 206 bones.

1476
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,000
Oh, my God.

1477
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,000
They have 206.

1478
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,000
207, Riley.

1479
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,000
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

1480
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,000
I'm missing your woofers.

1481
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:17,000
I'm so sorry.

1482
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:19,000
208.

1483
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,000
I tried to hold it together.

1484
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,000
208.

1485
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,000
I'm missing your woofers.

1486
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,000
208.

1487
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,000
I tried to hold it together.

1488
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,000
208.

1489
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,000
Because they're weird.

1490
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:35,000
Oh, Jesus.

1491
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,000
They must be fast runners.

1492
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,000
What's going to be them?

1493
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,000
What do you think they call them?

1494
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,000
Boner.

1495
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,000
All right. I think we're at the end, Barry.

1496
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,000
I think we're done.

1497
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,000
Okay. Thank you for being here today, senior woofers.

1498
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:51,000
Thank you.

1499
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,000
Thank you, dad.

1500
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,000
We got to say thank you to Tom's Free Clinic Automotive

1501
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,000
and Veterinarian Services

1502
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,000
and for taking care of

1503
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,000
Fat Joe.

1504
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,000
And all his sexually transmitted

1505
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,000
diseases from sharing

1506
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,000
sharing pipes with the other pugs.

1507
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:09,000
Oh, God.

1508
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:11,000
They got pug herpes.

1509
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,000
Absolutely.

1510
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:15,000
Oh, man.

1511
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:17,000
You think they'll be okay?

1512
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:19,000
I know.

1513
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:21,000
They're going to be killing each other one day.

1514
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,000
Oh, my God.

1515
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,000
I don't even know how to do a top.

1516
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,000
All right. Thank you for tuning in.

1517
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:29,000
I mean, baby!

1518
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,000
Special episode with Nilo Sund.

1519
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,000
It's been a while. Like, follow, subscribe,

1520
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,000
and thank you for listening.

1521
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,000
Subscribe for a senior. Subscribe for another pug.

1522
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:39,000
One pug

1523
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,000
and two to the crew.

1524
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,000
Subscribe!

1525
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,000
Holy shit.

1526
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,000
Peace. Thank you.

1527
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:49,000
Oh, my God.

1528
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:53,000
Let me see you.