This stuff is funny. Okay time to get ready for Larry Needle show
Hey, thank you for tuning into the Larry Needle show I'm Larry
That's needles. That's I got looking for hams. That's Kiki. We got Mary on the God Mike
And this is the Wednesday show, so we're a lot more fucked up than we were on that Friday show
We're talking about okay, we're talking about this karate school we go to and the people there are pretty cool and
So she's only 20 the girl that runs it is only 20 and you won't get okay
She's cool as fuck and I thought she was older and then do you have to call him master Nelson? I don't know we do
I do I don't I do I call him yes. Is that why he
No, I don't respect yeah, I don't know I don't respect you but I know I could kill me one kid and white guy say
Well this master
The guy I dream he would have killed her that guy went to space come on
I mean what kind of sigh opposite
Skill of this oh he owns the clubs. Yeah, he owns the joint he owns place in Aurora Bartlett
They were yes, it's called National Karate
School or something and he fucking moved from Minnesota not even Minneapolis or St. Paul
But like I mean you just said the state you didn't say where he moved from
No, I'm not saying where he's from because I don't know the town he's from he told me
But I forgot but he's not from the town where Mike when dull had his bar
But he knows where that's at and he moved down here strictly to open these karate schools
somebody in Michigan
I'm a little bit of a dog. Yeah, exactly fly by now
here right and he's from a small town in
Minnesota and he couldn't believe the fucking crooked politicians and how the shit worked
Right because he's buying property or you know renting property
Putting up these schools and now he sees how these guys are like you can't put up the sign
Unless my cousin's winning does it or something
I mean shit like that. He was running into me. It's like welcome to Chicago. I mean a sign. That's kind of weird
Well, no, I'm just saying whatever thing was going on
Remember the story
No, yeah
We were trying to open up. They're trying to get the final inspection
Approved right and then the one inspector wouldn't inspect this or wouldn't approve of a sign and well
We gave them everything they wanted. He's just back to the side. So I'm not crazy
Yeah, so and then he got a call from a guy or no the inspector something gave him a card of a sign guy
So you're a call this guy up. Yeah, my brother. Yeah, I think it was a brother in law
The guys like well here. Let me take your prints. I'll give him to the you know, I'll give
And then all of a sudden it got approved
All right, okay, I see how this shit works. Yeah, you gotta grease some wheels. Yes. Yes, but yeah, that's not how it should be
obvious not even Chicago he was in
But I deal with in the city outright you could be outside the city limits
I work if you were in a good, you know close distance
We are a commercial electrician I deal with inspectors, you know, you know how it is and well, they don't take payoffs
No, not the ones I've some of them. No, no, no, no listen
They did but they all fucking got some of them are very lax today's job
Some of them are real serious and some don't care. They are connected to get that job
Well, but no some more third party also they hire them out of district. Oh, no shit. Yeah, so but also a lot of those people are
Not very skilled in what they do. Yeah, they don't even know what the fuck they're doing and they're the inspector
Shouldn't the inspector know every aspect of every job that goes into the fucking job?
Well, it depends what they're inspecting. Yes, if you do them plumbing, they gotta be specific. They gotta be
Slab if you're doing candy. Yeah, they're all specific. There's a lot to know
I mean, it's like the band leader at the high school
This fucking guy could play all the instruments because he teaches the lessons to all the kids during the day
Before the band gets together, you know, I think the boss should know every aspect
Well, but these are that's what I think
It's the construction is a lot different
Yeah, well, there's a master everything and know the code for everything. Yeah, the code is the problem
Yeah, that's the thing the protection code for every aspect that goes into every inch of a building
It's because they're coming up with new codes every year because they got an amendment
You got to make it seem like they're doing something you know
No, no, it's all it's all boils down the politics and then counties make their own shit
And you know if you fail an inspection, you got to pay a certain amount of dollars
Yeah, then they become consultants. Well, which is bullshit. Right. Here's what you got to do. Yeah, blah blah blah
Well fucking pound sand
They give you a blueprint just like anything, you know, you follow that blueprint you're gonna
Some people don't like following the blueprint or don't know how to read them. Yeah and do whatever they want
Yeah, how come he didn't use this how come he did this so wait one night speaking of blueprints. This is a great story
You guys will love this. So we're sitting there smoking
having fun my wife having fun my wife having fun
Man Larry
House who's been up for maybe like three days and
We're leaving it's like fucking six in the morning and he goes hey I
Got to go to a job right now and it's a big job and he pulls out on this dining room table this huge blueprint
And he goes to me and Mary
Do you guys know how to read blueprints and I go dude?
I'm an idiot that's in a band and my wife is a lawyer
You don't know how to read blueprints and you're going to the job right now. You've been up for fucking three days
Are you fucking nuts?
Yeah, my finish the job. Oh, he fucked it up so bad. No, he's not finished a job
Sheep working literally walking out from literally partying all night and all day
Fucking you guys not a read blueprints. I'm like dude. I'm not a fucking read. I don't know what the fuck
He was like
He had like bobcats and shit. I mean that's not exactly what he did. Here's what this guy did one time
He's going around these people's house doing digging out some shit in their backyard of this bobcat
And he goes hey, I really noticed I was fucking up the ladies lawn
And I didn't want to make too deep of a rut in the in the one side
So I started going around the other side of the house and they got really mad at me
I'm like, so you fucked up both sides of their grass. You lay plywood down, but whatever
One time I told him he goes this guy told me he thought I was trying to bamboozle him
And I said dude bamboozle means you're giving him a great deal
And I said you should tell all your customers you're gonna bamboozle
Okay, oh jeez and then he comes back to me a few days later. Hey, man bamboozle don't mean what you said
He's a fucking moron
Yeah, and he owned these vehicles
Yes, the first time Mary met him she said to me
Man that guy's funny. Is he like a comedian or something? I go Mary. That's the real deal
This fucking guy if he's if he's if he's faking it
He hasn't broken character for the last 25 years
And then she got to know him and said oh my god this fucking guy
That's normal to him. Yeah, he's not trying to be funny. No, he's just not he was crazy. Well
He was a nut
He fucking got tricked by the feds to fly back from Florida
Yeah, don't trust the feds ever to fucking cuz he got busted
He made a deal with the feds. No man. He fucking he was gonna get busted for coke
They see he this guy bought coke off of them
Over and over and over and little quarter half grams grams eight balls
How much the feds until they fucking had like a kilo
Didn't do any of it and then and then he moves to Florida before they could bust them
So now he's down there doing coke down there
Yeah, I'm gonna go down there and they're like hey man
Why don't you come back to
Chicago for Christmas don't you want to visit your parents? Oh, yeah, that's a great idea
These feds that he thought were his friends that you know would do coke white, you know, they'll shoot shit right in front of you and
Their cops, you know just cuz they're getting high
Don't mean you're not fucking did you read that thing about it?
So they actually tricked him to come back from Florida cuz they didn't have the jurisdiction to bust him down there
It was like some kind of fucking Illinois bullshit
Yeah, and they fucking as soon as he walked out the plane at O'Hare boom bang done
He fucking did like six or 12 years some crazy
Got out and immediately start fucking selling blow again, I mean that's what they all do
Remember those protests at the Keystone Pipeline? Yeah
Did you read the article about how the FBI and the CIA infiltrated all these people? Oh really? No
Yeah, they had plants in the crowd that were inciting this and they also
Interjected them into hotel rooms into these groups. What it sounds about. Yeah, yeah, isn't that crazy?
Yeah, people think that word safe from our government which were not no and we just talked about the
Billery airport murder night. I mean come on you get shot in the face or whatever you want to do
Yeah, they're not gonna get away with anything to keep doing America's taking away our freedom slowly one
Not that small a minute time. Oh, they already have pretty quick lately. Yeah
Well past few years ever since Biden's voted in all the problem is that a
Million or how many votes did he get you know what I mean?
100 million yeah, well first president Biden to get a hundred million votes. Oh, yeah
Do we really I mean everybody
Larry the man would voting is I'm no mathematician
Account I'm no number of these new people though make them vote. Yeah
It's better than hanging districts that they think oh, yeah
No, it's not a lot of them. They want to raise they want to raise the electoral number there
The hanging chance with the larry is but what's not hilarious is what Mary's talking about I figure out a way
What's it?
They bring these people in because now they have low-wage workers
They can get them IDs where they can vote they can get the elect court electoral college number up and those raise the college number
Even if they open the district yeah number more districts open the district up and they give more what they do is they count them on the
Census even if they're not citizens and they can't vote in the electoral college still goes up
Well, you know she give them guns though. That's what we should do
Should give you what it is. Yeah, and I people don't realize how dangerous
They're not part of what we
They're Marxist
Oh, no, we're coming in. Yeah, we're coming in right now refer to them as Democratic Party
Refer to the people that are
Crossing our border illegally as illegal aliens. We should say they're migrants per the UN so they get their money
That's illegal motherfucking. Well, dude. Did you see you guys see Michigan has more?
Registered voters that are actually eligible to be voters
Like I mean
That's all numbers jiggling
Like I mean we know talk knows this and then it still goes
Oh, yeah, we know for sure that the machines are hooked up to the internet. Okay, we all know that and so
But nobody stops it. Well. Yeah, that's a thing
And everybody says something on us and okay, and then nothing changes. Yeah, it's the same story the next time
Here we go
Literally was at the voting booth the guy didn't go with the other lady. Yeah, take the bail now
I don't know. Yeah, did go someone probably did go with her cuz
She couldn't have
So here's what happened is somebody that now this lady who appointed herself boss Trish
Oh, okay. Let's give her address out next
And who was supposed to have shit locked down who was bossing everybody around when it came time to fucking do it
Somebody that wasn't planning on going with her that night like maybe that cute girl that we like
Larius, yeah, and then a cold had to fucking go because those nachos you see get through one, right?
I mean and then so now someone that didn't plan on going there later
That has to get stuck doing that because the kid forgot and she didn't remind him and he's got a test the next morning
And that's all he's thinking about he's a fucking senior high school. He doesn't know man. What are you doing?
I'm just saying. Yeah, I know you are why are they using the person like that?
Just a little he no, there's always usually a school
A high school kid so they can learn about it. Yeah, they get credit and they usually don't give them that much responsibility
But she was all bragging about the fact that he was 18 so he can fucking do everything
So he can vote because she's a devil. She likes to rape children. We've had some that are 16
17 and they just come and help and you don't let them do everything
Yeah, you let them see what's going on
It's inside. No, she was so happy that she could treat him like a like a worker that she treated him like a worker
He moved all the city. She's like you're an adult now
All the heavy big
He moved all the fucking chairs
Did all the fucking grunt work that a mule would do the minute?
Oh, I was sitting by the box remember she kept saying Mary
Do you want to come and work this machine and I said I'm okay and then a few minutes later Mary?
I'm like, yeah, sure. I'll come but when lazy motherfucking when they got there
The motherfucker was sleeping. She never won't say I'm not even kidding
I'm gonna set them. Hey, do you want to do a different job? Oh no between 18 and 80?
No, but don't crack exactly. I don't know how old this motherfucker. Oh, I mean did you have great
They never asked my age or a little younger. She never asked him to get off his ass. Yeah, she knew the answer
No, he was a fucking lazy motherfucking. He didn't do anything
I hate to say I mean you hit
He didn't work
Racist terminology
Understand it didn't earn it. I would like to say welcome to our new sponsor who
Yes
Much we don't want them yes, we're not Larry Finkel Larry Stinkle over here
Get a range that
See it's a shame what is no guys voluntary
Oh, yeah, he was literally sleeping and he had his if you say something this motherfucker literally had two
iPhones and there's signs everywhere and there's signs everywhere no cell phone
So now you're telling the people that are coming in to vote they can't
I mean it was ridiculous
Super
The motherfucker had him plugged in because the things were overheating
Oh, yeah, when you're sitting watching it all day, I mean how many chicken wings did he know when he said I'll break your fingers
I said, yeah
Man, you know bring it a bad name. We came over and shit here junior
He went home. He was I was working all day this white boy. I couldn't stand this motherfucker was a street dog
He's saying right now
Which is the furthest which is true. I mean your twink street. I'm a twink, but I'm still
Whatever
That's what happens man, that's why probably why I'm so mean to my band and I strap on the guitar
It's like a strap
Your fans are gonna be gay
We're subliminally turning them gay
No, no we're tracking gay guys. Oh, yeah, they spend money the Phenox do
Battered
Gay website
He looks like the Barney rubble looks like he's been stopping that car
No, they're not don't take them out right now, please don't
Or
my feet
What?
Look at her.
The disdain on her face.
She's like, I know you people and man I can't.
It's like you turn these microphones on and I'm with you guys all day.
None of this is going on.
The minute the mic is off.
The mic's gone, we're all gay.
Are you all turned into this?
I love that.
Do a stand-up routine.
That's the name of the episode.
When the mics turn on, we're gay.
That's the episode.
Come on Mary, make us laugh some more.
It's the truth though.
We sat here for an hour.
They were real polite.
The camera comes on.
It was pretty funny.
Talking about your school was pretty funny.
Which school?
The Angerati school?
Yeah.
And so, Nankiki's doing electrical work there.
No, he already did it.
We did it.
I said we did it.
He said we did it.
I didn't say we motherfucker.
Get the wax out of here.
One guy came in and just screamed over.
All right, yeah, this emergency light's bad.
We know.
What do you think we called you?
It's like, well, you got to, yeah, they just,
you didn't fix nothing, didn't do anything.
Electrician?
Well, it's not even, it was seat test.
Maintenance people, they come and say,
well, yeah, that's why we called you.
It's bad.
He's like, well, yeah, it's bad.
It was a bug eye?
And it was just ceiling tile on it.
It was a bug eye, like an old school bug eye.
But I'm the ceiling here.
No, the battery was.
On the wall.
Yeah, but the battery was probably dead.
Yeah, the motherfucker's burnt out.
The guy should have had a battery on him
at least put it in there.
But at the same time, I told the guy,
listen, battery, screw that, just change the whole thing out.
Well, that's what I did.
I'm like, listen, you can change the battery out.
I don't know if this thing's going to charge even charging that.
It's a little box and shit.
It costs 15 bucks.
You go to home, people buy that, pitch install it.
Yeah.
What is it?
It's like an emergency light.
It's a power go.
It was half spotlights, point of ways and shit.
So you have to have it.
So I replaced that and then I put a new outlet
and new receptacle in it.
So Larry turns it off.
Hang a TV up there.
They want to hang a flat screen TV.
Yeah, hang a flat screen TV.
They turn the lights off sometimes
so we get to grab a little ass.
The lights turn.
They turn the lights off.
They attack the women.
I make sure I'm on the side of the girls when it happens.
Larry, you got to stand over there.
He pours Taco Bell sauce on him.
He's like, Larry, what are you doing over there?
And I'm like, don't worry, dude.
I'm blending in with the girls.
Yeah.
He doesn't like it.
And I flip the lights off.
He's like, you want to smell my fingers?
No, that's what I tell these guys afterwards.
Smell my fingers.
Oh, man.
I can't believe the numbers.
Well, I believe the numbers man was having a hard time.
Yeah.
He said he was.
He said he's going on like 68 or something, 70.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He's only a year older than me.
Is he?
That's it?
Yeah.
He says that he's older.
He does seem like he's older because he could barely lift his fucking leg.
He's a numbers man.
Yeah.
I mean, he's, come on, listen, we all play with our life.
Yeah.
He's like, this Jewish guy that's like an accountant or something.
He wears the pie symbol that comes out.
I don't know if he'll touch me though, Mary.
It's not the star, but the other thing.
Mary does.
Mary puts it in his mouth.
Yeah.
I put it in my mouth.
You can tell he just took off his like suit pants socks.
Because he still got that.
His legs have dig deep dig ins of some kind of last-ever all day.
He takes apparatus or something, Judaism or something like that.
He does something else.
Oh, yeah.
He's in Cali down there, sitting at a chair, fucking typing on a computer.
He's probably a math wizard.
And how long has he been at the class?
Just a little longer than us, I think.
Yeah, he's been there for a while, but it's like every time you get paired with him.
I love how she can bring this back to our class.
Thank you, Mary.
She's interested in it.
But every time you get paired with him too, I, you can't go hard with the guy.
He gets nervous.
Yeah.
And then we go hard.
Yeah.
I always go hard with the guy.
I got to cuddle first.
Well, because he always gets, I, it's funny because he always gets nervous.
I'm gonna knee him in the face because he's always putting his foot in the clock.
Yeah, he's always got his hands in the clock.
What the fuck?
I mean, just get, look at you already.
I fucking make up the noises.
I don't even know what you're doing over there.
He's going, he comes up and he goes, give me your money, motherfucker.
Yeah.
You know, we're getting in the wrong.
He's all like, holy fuck.
Because you have no fucking restraint.
Give me a wallet bitch.
You know, all that shit.
Take a letter, can't hit that.
He's like, holy fuck.
Yeah.
Thank you.
We're doing our little punches and he's like blocking and scared.
Yeah, he's all that.
He's, you know, he's not good at real world situations.
Let's say real world situations.
But we're, you know, we're working with them.
We're trying to, trying to teach them.
We're very aggressive.
Well, he really gets down to it.
But yeah, he probably gets a little nervous.
I mean, I do.
I'm gonna do like a pack.
Yeah.
Now he's kind of used up.
Cause we're real friendly with them.
But yeah, he's probably like these guys.
I don't know.
We're talking like a fucking guy.
He's talking.
Sonny's trying to tell Larry and I see Larry's paying attention to Sonny.
So it's a prime opportunity to attack me.
Because he's not paying attention.
And so Sonny of course, she's like, and then we start fighting.
Yeah.
Cause we're almost in our fifties and the child is telling us.
Well, and this guy doesn't know if we're like, if we're really just fighting.
If we're really just being weird or if we're really just like,
we're animals, what's going on?
Yeah, he doesn't know.
We've proved our worth though there.
You're doing electrical work for him.
We're still there.
Well, the girl says all the time, man, I hope you guys keep coming.
Oh, Ray loves wearing those thongs.
Yeah.
She says, no, the first day she says, you can't come in shirtless and you can't wear any
boy shorts.
No.
She said, she said, you can't think.
You're like, we're going to do them in the parking lot.
Yeah.
She's like, you can't smoke in here.
How many you think are going to light up in the fucking carotid pool?
She thought we were gay lovers.
She said, you can't smoke in here.
These are the most thuggest fucking gay guys ever.
You just, you guys know you can't smoke in here.
You're fucking gay guys everywhere.
Just so you guys know, you can't do drugs in here.
Yes, you do drugs.
Man, forget it, man.
Because we're going to do a meth in the bathroom.
Can't do anal nitrate.
Yeah, I can't do this next exercise.
I'm going to be in the bathroom, man.
No anal nitrate.
That's a righto sniffing the seats.
That's what Larry does.
Does the, um...
Does the who?
The young kid come back?
Which one?
Yeah, no, he, well, he saw that kid was there one day
when his mom didn't pick him up.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, now the one day when I was there alone
with nobody else but just somebody,
he was the only other guy there.
And this kid made me look terrible because
he's never smoked a damn fucking cigarette in his life.
You're an old man.
Well, he's like 17 years old.
Not even, dude.
This kid was like 14 or 15,
and he was like, he could kick the fucking shit out
of probably all three of us at once.
He was doing fucking flips and backflips and fucking...
Backflips?
Dude, he was doing all kinds of crazy shit
running around the room.
Just kick it off.
In between the exercises, I'm like...
I'm like, dude, sell them out.
I told them, sell them out.
Dude, you're making me look real bad.
You're making me look real horny.
I don't care.
I really don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care what I want to do because I'm 50% of this.
I told them, save that shit from when needles was there.
And how are the girls?
The one girl's fucking hot.
Here, these guys are getting honeypotted
by some fucking Cuban broad or whatever she is.
She's got dark skin.
Look how he knows...
I
The taco twins asked she came up to me after the show our after that we had classes
My sister we have a question like are you guys brothers?
We were debating back and forth if you guys were brothers or not
Yeah, how are you guys
Larry I might be brother
Cousin thing well first I thought we were love
We're
Gay
Are you sure you guys are
Her mom's our sister
Scare with a system
well
Oh
They're actually from can't go they way they're Mexican as fuck
Their oatmeal
She's cute. She's got a good personality
The bigger one like
Stock
Jokes and shit, that's all that man. It's really and so you know, they're all right
It's my self to him once in a while. Yeah, the one girl the Maya
You can see like whatever that she waits for the two girls to walk out the door and she rushes right behind them
Oh, she's scared of us
She's wearing some pretty
Quarter inch away from
That's not that no, they're not that short. Okay, so another two inches. They're showing some thigh
Yeah, a lot of thigh and it's white
It's really intimidating and then look at you. This is how you dress for a class
You go, that's what we need to start to do, you know what I'm gonna start
Just wear a suit one day
Wait, do you wear your long underwear in the shorts?
Or I've gone also in just like my regular pants a couple of times
Through the women's bath, it's like, you're not wearing the shorts and on today and I'm like dude when shit goes down
I'm gonna be wearing my fucking street clothes. He's like
Not gonna be in shorts at the bar when some go
I was saying goes hey, what are you looking at? I'm gonna buy a suit
Angelo type suit that's real big on you
Yeah, well, this is how I dress to the bar
It's all purple
Over the belly button and I get your master Nelson tobacco these guys are still paying right
They're paid up these other partners are still
Sunny and race face
Oh my god, yeah, we need to learn where should we're gonna briefcase
You guys want to learn how to party we'll show you
Yeah, the numbers man, it's like the office man. It's like 14 9 11
Like the numbers man would wear like
Before we got his Crop McGot t-shirt and wore that shit all the time
He would wear like I don't know like Chicago Bears
Maybe or some bullshit like that or some kind of shirt from like you really don't movie like fucking Pirates of the Caribbean
I think he had a lot of time
Oh, no, it was some dumb shit like that
1980 no not even 1980 like
There's no reason he would have had a pirate to the
I
Was 2020 bottom at Walmart or something that looked like to me
Do he's older than you?
Well, no, it's you know, it's not gonna have a 50 year old t-shirt
It's because you're an old man, um, he likes to save money though
Definitely like to save money
How do you guys turn the pinch your penny save a penny
What's that in the bank?
Shuckle a day keeps the doctor away. Shuckle saved as a shuckle
Definitely got a desk job. Yeah, he wears the pie symbol so he's a
He's gotta be a buddy man. Yeah
His hair pattern says he's in the county his hair pattern
Yeah, I mean, he's a direct agent for the idea
Right level from when we fucking strike at him. What?
The his fear level when we you know Larry
He allegedly man says it's a counting people all the way. I mean listen to this guy's lawyers right there
They fight with this guy you could tell he's not as street is
The the regular person that would be in sick. I don't know. Here's the other weird thing the class before us like all the kids in it
I think every Indian in the in the area
East Indian
Brings their kid to karate so they could fucking learn how to fight
Training the next generation
Aerotype the dot the dot yeah, yeah, they're I mean they're already like yeah, no, they're everywhere. I mean, it's all Indian kids
It's amazing the whole class. Oh, yeah, the whole class is in usually small slights. They're all
Small smaller and then there's just one big fat white kid. That's like, you know, he's 13
He's six five and weighs three hundred some pounds beating the fuck out of everybody
And I was laughing one day and I'm like look at that one kid knocking the shit out of that other kid and lady
10th run it was that's my son
The only white kid but everyone else in a big white kid biggest fuck man like I'm serious
Five kids
Anamony could shit
Like the Indian kids their pads they're not like they don't make them that small
Don't fit right man. Homus don't pay the bills
You want chickpeas in your diet get the fuck out of here
I
Kind of shit is that but no I do everywhere dude even the gym I go to now
It's like I see so many Indians everywhere. They're trying to get in fucking shape, bro
Well, I'll tell you what though Indians are great neighbors because they oh, yeah, they mind their own business
Yeah, and also also though. I got some Indian friends and they are fucking fun and cool
Yeah, Rob ishawner. I like your job. Oh, yeah, they do that to the Indian pre yeah
I like those shuckles Indians are good. Yeah, it better have hopefully get some porno
I'm not telling the truth. He showed it tell us some funny stories about some of them
Oh, man because he told us stories about when he went to India to visit his cousins and shit
Being grown up in like Hanover Park. He grew up in Tanglewood and then he fucking
Sorry
It's not giving no exact addresses. Yeah, they're giving close but okay close
Yeah, we're in Tanglewood people
Amazing we were in Tanglewood right now. I know man in the hood baby
So I grew up there and so you know something first time I ate a girl's vagina was in Tanglewood. Oh nice
I'm being dead serious. I have a baby. It was the girl that just passed away. Oh, yeah
All right, I can tell you what the jumper she had a polka dot jumper on
With a tank top on man. You got a good memory. I can't
Which is rare for me, I mean this is a moment in needles life
My corners
Jumper
My cornerstone of perversion
What were you doing in Tanglewood?
No, we're friends we had a half a day and we went there
Yeah, why I don't know it seems like with all the people yeah, yeah, and so
Oh, but some had fun lots of people that like magic. Let me tell you
Magical
But yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, very funny, you know what I had I can't believe I just remember I had some good times in Tanglewood
Too, that's where Gary lives Gary and Brian Jones and shit all those guys. It was a Wild West for a while
Yeah, but I was the kid it was yeah, like the guy that was it was gotta was fuck
Do when I went to school, but you know what it was always cool. It was always fun. Yeah, I knew people that
The only reason you're going there is because you know
I went to junior high in there. Yeah, yeah, everybody you know, you know, you know, because you know from high school
And not even just
Everybody knew everybody when your kids
Yeah, like no like no I live I live further than these people and that's yeah, and they crammed us all in this district
I see bust us there. Yeah, he probably should have went to a different fucking school. Yeah
He was out on the cusp man. I was getting on the cusp was not shooting to be in going there. Shout out to Mandy
I was getting some sweet puss in middle
Oh man, man, just mashing the hell out of it. You ever see those potato mashers?
Have you ever asked why Mandy died? Yeah, so we know how Mandy passed away yet. Yeah, what happened?
Oh, she's died come on
We didn't come on that ain't a fucking cause
You just told me yeah, it doesn't matter if you don't want to talk about it
I know I will talk about it. I don't know I didn't ask her parents. I can't believe I can't believe it didn't matter
What happened what the fuck was there? You want to hear something funny? I would say what happened?
Listen, I would say listen roller and I were signing the book
And I said, okay, I don't know where you think she has on
Rollers started dying and that's my new favorite thing is get your boys to laugh at a funeral
Well, it is better to laugh and celebrate
It's very funny man. He's just dying because you know roller. He's my little pierogi
Literally on string it's like a couple that's like 10 minutes from his house from our house
Or from rollers house. I apologize. It's 10 minutes from right now
She was right. Oh, we get a spot right in the front of the place. You start doing nosebeers
Oh classic
We've rolled in there. Man, that's a way to hit a funeral. Yeah, seriously
Funerals are they're gay. They really are. You know what I mean?
Like who the f wants to see a body. Oh, that's like the Catholic religion does it a weird way?
Here's the thing though. Funerals are funerals are weird, but the other weird thing is there's a lot of fucking, you know
People that die are you that cold you got your hands in your pocket?
Yeah
There's a lot of people that croak and when there's no funeral it's kind of fucked up man
And like timmy like Pete like all these people Frenchy, you know, they die with no funeral and it's like
No, it's a weird ending
It's like it really is a funeral do well you show your respects man
And it's just I guess I'm fucking so old that I'm fucking you have to hold on your
Fucking want to yeah, you just do it. I want to go see the dead person laying in my promise
That's the last memory you have that yeah
Yeah, I don't think it's good
Those caskets are good open caskets. Yeah, I don't want to see that. I don't listen to open casket
Yeah, no, but I didn't see turbo because I knew the
Not good, but here's the thing man. Yeah, you don't want to remember that person. No, I think the closed casket is fine
Yeah, but whatever having pictures celebrate like I like what they did with I was like the marine corollers first one in first one
I hope he last one. Yeah, you know, I do definitely do
But no like rollers moms the celebration of life. I didn't have a way to find me got it
Yeah, give me one of those but then a celebration of life everybody got together ate some food had a bunch of drinks and told stories
It was fantastic. Yeah, it was great. Right. It was
It really was
Man
I don't know you're the first one in you never know when you're the first one in
Oh, I mean you hang your sheet outside if you want me. It looks like a Japanese flag
Did you get that one tough guy? Yeah exactly
There reminds me of a joke. Oh boy
here we go, so
the guy gets married
to the
hillbilly girl, you know and
The hang the sheets out the next morning and there's blood all over me and shit and
The dad comes over and he goes you got a divorce this girl and he's like why piling?
He goes if she ain't good enough for her own family. She ain't good enough for my son. Oh, geez
He's
Incest jokes
What do you think about that Mary?
You ever knew that one Mary?
No, I said a lot of jokes. Could be pervert. Do you hear this guy?
You need a perverted joke. Yeah, you're talking incest stuff
And it makes you who's the guy that's talking about the fucking Chinese flag outside the fucking sheets or whatever Japanese
Nice pinky
It's on camera though
Yes, it is. I don't give a fuck what you're talking about. Time stamp right now.
Maybe the time is fired at the show.
It's fire again. Let's see. Let me see. It's still, this show is deteriorating.
45 minutes and 53 seconds. Needles is still an asshole. The show is deteriorating.
That's it. That's it. It started off on the line. Here's the thing when he does it
It's only a fucking Japanese flag when I do it. It's a fucking Chinese flag. The whole motherfucking thing is bloody
You know what I'm talking about. Mine's rushing more with the sickle and the hammer
Mine is fucking more like a Chinese flag with a few small spots not covered in blood
All right, you have to get very technical, but that's fine. Okay. I mean we'll take you home for it. I gotta spell it out for a
Fucking moron. I gotta smell it out too
I know
Not the HR but Q or quality control. He smells every flag. QC
QC. Yeah, quality control. Yeah
I love it. No, that's not HR.
Huh? Yeah, whatever.
I'm gonna guess the race of the case. I always liked that game. Yeah, I know I had a couple of games.
Needles is fucking lazy. Oh
Let's do it. Let's do an old favorite show 102. Oh shoot.
What's a cookie 500?
Goal.
Harder.
Two a cookie.
Nigga.
Brought to you by Patrick D. Terry
Americans are very hobo people we will take you over.
Lesson piece Pat.
I know he's probably tormented in hell. Yeah, hopefully he's not. Please Jesus. Say Pat if you could have.
Every time his name gets mentioned, a fortune is around. He wakes up for a fortune.
He's like, I'm gonna get it. We're saying the gong rings because we have his ID so that's like his soul.
That's funny Larry. We have Pat Terry's ID and it's like his soul. So every time we hit the.
He wakes up.
Oh man.
He's gonna listen to a fortune.
We should tape his fucking dead ass license on the back of the fucking car. We should shoot it to the phone man.
That is a good idea.
Yeah, I know what it is. That's why I said it.
I just found my grandma.
We'll cut down his strips and we'll send it up to the firmament.
Dude, we'll buy a badass rocket and send Pat Terry to the firmament.
This kid was the biggest fucking jag off ever.
He was a terrible person.
But Larry said he was a great kisser.
Well, let's see how his fortune is.
I was gonna read this shit around and he came back.
I don't know where your head is.
It's a gash dainty.
You're a son of a bitch.
Look at him.
Every fucking week.
We don't know where your head is.
He's trying to find a spot.
Larry is a freaking liar.
He should get like a pen.
Did he make a freaking dot like I tell him every fucking time?
Dude, you're killing me.
I swear to God, Larry.
Let's just read this thing.
He's like, are you guys done yet?
So how are we in there?
Don't do it man.
Mary says Mary gay.
It's something to make promises.
Huh?
Can you fulfill them all?
What?
He shut the fuck up.
He understood me.
No, he didn't.
I didn't get the first part.
Yeah, exactly.
I didn't hear it.
Slow down, Harrod.
It's tempting to make promises.
But can you fulfill them all?
It's like a question.
Well...
Who the fuck are they?
What kind of person make promises?
These are all like fucking...
You know what this looks like?
All of these look like girlfriend on Saturday night
and then blow you off on Sunday.
Have you ever had like a corporate fucking job?
No, no.
They got these things hanging up in the lunchroom
and says, you know, you can achieve anything.
Hang in there.
Yeah, all that bullshit.
Without sales there's no way.
None of them are actually fortunes.
They're all just like these positive fucking messages.
I think Mike needs to write the fortunes out.
I don't know.
We might need to make our own fortunes very soon.
Because these fucking are starting to suck.
Yeah.
I mean, look at this. How do these even get in the book?
The next one. I don't know. Here's the thing.
Dude, he just keeps reading the same old pile of...
Dude, the funny thing is,
he doesn't know where he's at in this book.
It's just a random shit where
the ID is on a page for a while.
The ID is on a page for some reason.
The same page.
Hey, I think we didn't read this one.
And then he's like, I think we did.
There's no rhyme nor reason
to any of his madness.
He just keeps doing it and it drives me nuts.
No, I know that
the pants fucking license is always in the right page.
Yeah, it's in the same page.
No, on the page, but not even...
I know I read with these...
It's the same pages for two months.
It's a hundred episodes deep
and they just never turns.
Fucking guy, I don't know what he's doing over here.
Poor Mary.
I'm just talking about her.
Look at this Dane and Mary face.
Look at Mary face.
Now I'm realizing it's because you're all drunk.
And I'm not.
That's the problem.
You need to be drunk.
Now I see you guys are drunk.
You just have fun.
I'm not drunk.
I think it's great.
But I realize it's that you're drunk.
Marica.
Listen to all these...
How many guys get to do this every fucking week?
All of these kind of suck.
The next one is don't wait for your ship to come in.
Swim out to it.
What the fuck kind of advice is that?
Wait, that's not advice.
First of all, as clown, it's not advice.
It's a fortune cookie.
I mean, if you use that as advice,
next thing you know you're going to start banging whales.
What the fuck dude?
That's definitely to kill a round guy.
Don't wait for your ship to come in.
Swim out to it.
Go ahead, you see how Tommy Watt is.
In a literary situation, come out to the boy.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
No, that was a good one.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
You're going to write these fortunes down.
Yeah, you should write this shit down.
No, we get it dummy.
I know you.
You're going to be a fucking wheezer with a fucking moron.
I will fight you right now in front of Mary.
Like this one, don't wait for success.
Start ahead without it.
It's like, okay.
You're born without a wheezer.
No shit.
That's where they tell their babies when they tell their stories.
No one starts out successful, right?
Yeah, you do.
What are you talking about?
Were you ever born on the west side or on the gold coast?
Wow, that's different.
Yeah, exactly, that's how you're born.
I was born somewhere in the middle.
So I had neither
severe fucking poverty
nor success.
So, yeah, it's obvious.
If you want to make it in something, you got to work.
You got to work.
Dude, you're a sugar baby.
What are you talking about work?
When was the last time you had a job?
You're a fucking sneak thief liar.
I can't believe you just said that.
I can't believe this guy calls me a sneak thief and a liar.
I never lie about it.
How many guitars have you stolen?
Exactly.
See, look, I just shut them down.
Here's the thing, though.
Here's the thing.
When I took those guitars...
Stole them?
I was younger
and I didn't know about comma yet.
I did not know about comma.
But then when I learned, I repent.
I give back.
I give guitars away to people.
Someone needs a fucking guitar, man.
I'll give you a fucking guitar.
You want to learn how to play guitar?
Here's the thing, if I give you a guitar
and you don't fucking take it seriously,
man, I'm going to fucking be...
I'll be up your fucking ass.
I bet you will be up their ass.
Just like Nino's fucking wildest fantasy.
I will fuck you if you don't learn how to play the guitar.
I will.
So, you know, don't just be taking it.
Yes, Mary, that's for the show, when again.
Don't be taking the guitar for granted.
I'm just a little gay.
But, you know,
so I gave plenty of guitars away
for free.
I mean, guitars, if you got it back.
And that's the other thing, man.
When you start giving them away,
you start getting them back too.
So the karma thing does rejuvenate itself.
And the first kid that I
stole the guitar from...
Regenerate.
The first kid was the fucking bully
that used to fucking beat up me and my little brother
and my little brother, kids.
Beat up or beat off?
Beat off.
And then the best part was,
then the best part was
my cousins went to the,
my three cousins,
Frank, Chris and Joe,
went to the house.
They lived a few doors down on the same street.
And they beat up my youngest cousin.
My youngest cousin beat up the kid
that used to beat us up.
My middle cousin beat up the older brother.
And my oldest cousin beat up the fucking dad.
In the house.
So, I didn't really
feel bad about taking that kid's guitar.
Because then later, when I was
getting high with them, man...
You're still talking about stealing guitars?
Did that family commit suicide?
No, no. They were
really rich and they were fucking kind of
jagged and the kid was a fucking bully.
But you still stole from them.
Yeah, and I did. You're right.
But then you know what? The kid came looking around
for the guitar about fucking...
Hashtag sneak-fee flyer.
Larry.
The kid came looking for the guitar
about, you know,
a year or two later, three years later.
That's when he finally realized it.
When he finally worked up the balls to come
to the door
and ask, you know, give me my guitar back.
When I was, because he was going
to high school now and I was still in middle
school, he got out of school earlier
than I did now.
And so, he had the chance
to fucking get to my house
before I got home. And my dad's like, hey man
that Dave kid was here. Because my dad
would fuck with me all the time. Hey,
that kid was here and he took the guitar.
And I'm like, what, what? And he was always lying,
you know? But the day he goes,
hey man, that kid Dave was
here and I'm like, holy fuck, he knows the
kid's name. Yeah.
Yeah? And he goes, he wanted his guitar
and I'm like, oh my god, what happened?
And he goes, your mother gave him
20 bucks and the kid was happier than a pig
and shit. And I'm like, oh, thank you Jesus.
And that was the last time
I fucking... She paid for the guitar?
She paid him the 20 dollars? Yeah, she paid
him 20 dollars. You're going to start talking
about my mom, motherfucker? I apologize
to Ann Marie. Say now. I apologize
Ann Marie, I love you so much.
You can talk about me now, you want to?
No, you will get your ass kicked. I know,
but for some reason I just had to look at
you. Because you know
that you weren't the first one there.
Oh man!
Big Joe, I love you.
Ah.
Now that's a full circle coin.
Yeah, this is going to become...
Oh my god.
You missed the garbage. That's alright, buddy.
That thing was so bone dry that not
it dropped. Yeah, it was.
It was, wasn't you?
I do, I wouldn't know.
I'm not like you, one of them half
stepping bitches on fucking
Fleet Street.
You're a full boy.
I'm out there and fucking working it
hard. Full service.
Full service station here.
Real Wacker, Wacker drive
Slacker. More Wacker.
You're down there on
lower Wacker, aren't you?
Fucking... Two handed.
Living in a box.
Ah man, how do we get here again?
Oh man, this is the problem.
What time is it?
The only reason Mary didn't say none
is because she's having a heater.
What time is it?
You wanna hear a weird
thing speaking of guitars I've given away?
I gave this guitar
to dumb fuck Dave.
I used to use...
I had two of these. These things were only...
These guitars were
only 100 bucks a piece.
No autistic cornering.
In the early 2000s
and it was called Squire
I think it was Pawn Shop
or something or Squire 51
and I had two of them because they were only 100 bucks.
And I had the case
that green case there fits two guitars.
And in earlier tours
I'd be bringing like my tallies
and shit and I'm like fuck man
a few times they've gotten lost
and I'm like holy fuck
my guitars are lost but I've gotten them back
thank you Jesus again.
Still that's scary.
So then I said I'm buying these cheap fucking guitars
and when something happens
I ain't even gonna care.
Yeah and so I gave
the guitars away. I gave one to Georgie
Rock and Roll and do a song
and one to dumb fuck Dave
and
and then I fucking traded
and then I sold Dave.
I mean you're giving the lineage of all your shit
and you really need this right now fuck you ass clown.
Let's do a song
what time are we at?
You really gotta walk around.
Yeah I can't see the fucking screen.
Man we are just the most ghetto
shit ever.
Our producer
can't even see the screen.
Alright man. Our producer can't see the screen.
He's gotta walk around
and then he gives me shit
because he can't see
and fuck you
I gotta walk around.
The fuck is wrong with that?
I love it. Okay we're at it right?
Let's do a song. Well here's the thing man.
What kind of song you want.
About the government
about the FDA
vaccines
whatever you want.
They're gonna give you a shot
then you're gonna take it.
Can't go to work
can't fake it.
Buy a car.
150 bucks.
What about your kids?
They don't want them to go to school.
They don't want them to learn.
They're all gonna bear a rest.
They're gonna kill us.
Hey man I want to say thank you
to Tom's Free Clinic Automotive
and Veterinarian Services.
It's my favorite.
They do whatever you need done
cars
pets
another
regions
they don't report anything.
I heard they're buying a waxing machine
so you're very lucky.
So you get a fucking
you get a big cage.
You get a herpes removed and a full Brazilian
at the same time and go out that night.
Yeah he knows jiu-jitsu so watch out.
Alright peace we love you.
Yeah thank you for tuning in.
I really fucking appreciate it man.
If you listen to this one again
man you are the gods man.
You must be out of your fucking mind.
Oh you're taking a little piss.
Yeah that is true.