Time to get ready for the Larry Needles show, motherfuckers!
Larry, Ne-D-O-V, Ne-D-O-V, Larry, Ne-D-O-V, Ne-D-O-V, show!
Hey everybody, welcome to Larry Neal's show. I'm Larry.
And you're a son of a bitch, that's what you are!
Trying to start the show without me? Does how many N words I said?
Yeah, man.
Who's it having the run under on that?
Maybe you'll find out in a Twitter clip.
That's one way to shut the show down.
That's the one for the archives.
We have that somewhere.
A lot of needles in this bastard trying to start the show without me.
Oh man.
What do you mean, oh man?
They don't know that, we started over.
Yeah, I mean we could always let the original file go.
Tag it under your account.
I want to say we got my wife, Mary, with us today off camera,
because she doesn't want to be seen with us assholes.
Hello, Mary.
She already thinks that we're not funny, so this is my lawyer also.
It's just better she's on the God Mike,
because that's how much we are.
I wish I had a fucking reverb.
Hey, we have Kiki.
And Kiki's here.
I forgot, we already introduced him and he made us start again.
Yeah, because he started without me.
This is 50% my show, right?
You just cannot start without me.
No, I know, I know.
I mean if there is no rules, then what is it?
He was getting impatient.
It's all chaos andarchy.
Needles was taking a piss and I started the show without him.
And how dare you?
We had a false start in the archives.
No, we didn't, you just started without me.
It wasn't a false start.
Well, we stopped it.
A false start is when you go over the line,
and you definitely went over the line.
When we get our Patreon, that will be one of the things on there.
Oh man.
I have no problem with that if you pay for it.
Yeah.
That is the $15 tier.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
That is the highest tier.
Oh, the vent.
I could hear the AC, I could hear it, not AC,
but he coming through the microphones, man.
Well, that's fine.
People won't notice that at home.
I think they will, but just turn the mics up a little bit.
Yeah, why don't you just point everybody's...
No, our voices are fucking cranking right now, man.
We're at good level.
Click the right arm right when you start it.
Okay, well we'll see how it sounds.
I mean, obviously, our producer is a joint smoking dog, man.
This is our 101st show, and I still don't know how to fucking get shit together.
Stop smoking weed, maybe you can figure it out.
Did you bring that other joint down too?
Yeah, that's G-E-L-L.
Right now, I want to say, Needles bought this weed today, it's called Obama, this shit makes you crave fried chicken and trannies.
He's gonna take my joke.
I had to.
I mean, he's gonna steal my shit right in front of me.
I mean, you start my show, have my show without me.
If you're gonna steal something, you do it right in front of the mother dog, right?
You're gonna steal right in front of me.
You are a liar, sneak thief.
I mean, you really fit into the mold every single day we do the show.
I mean, you really have no wall to back out.
I have no fucking...
No ground to stand on.
I'm gonna say, I can't say that I'm not a dirtbag.
Okay, but I'm talking about a liar, sneak thief though.
Doesn't that go along with the dirt?
Here we go, gay Charles.
I don't see the truth.
Maxelle recording tapes.
Do you remember when he used to sell Maxelle tapes, and then they had Ella Fitzgerald selling Memorex, and she was like...
And then she'd shut their eyes.
Yes, yeah, I remember the Ray Charles commercial.
Yeah, Ray Charles for sure.
The Maxelle commercial.
Scotch brand recording tape.
Well, I remember the first time I heard like really got into Ray Charles.
I think it was the Blues Brothers movie.
Okay.
Yeah, but fucking...
When he shot that kid in the music store, and tried to steal the guitar.
And then that's when they played it.
They were jumping everywhere and I was like, oh man, whoa, calm down there, Kiki.
You're early to start getting racist.
Was it a colored kid stealing?
Man, I mean, okay, I really...
This is the hell you're really gonna die on.
I mean, seriously, one word.
What?
A what?
A six year old.
What?
He doesn't know what's going on.
We already talked about this, and we have for weeks, and now you just act like you're hearing it for the first time.
That's what I assumed that look was, and that sound.
What?
I mean, what the fuck?
I have surfed new papers all of a sudden.
Doesn't understand.
Yeah.
We've seen this before.
I can't say this word anymore, but that's all right though.
So I guess we're not supposed to say...
We have six listeners, so...
Yeah, I guess we're not supposed to say...
Oh, you got a real cat-itude tonight, don't you?
I do.
Oh my gosh.
I don't even know what...
So I gotta say, Kiki, he's got some bunny rabbits, right?
Those are his pets, and...
Got my new favorite shirt.
And I had this shirt, and I thought...
I mean, it needs to be a size bigger, but that's okay.
I like it tight.
I mean...
Who doesn't, man?
And I'm like, hey, man, I'm gonna give you this shirt.
I got the shirt with the rabbit holding the gun.
Yeah, they can see it.
I mean, yeah, I can explain it while it's right there on the usual.
But the best part is he showed up today wearing it.
Dude, I already gave you that shirt, because today I was looking for it thinking,
fuck, I can't find that shirt.
Actually, he didn't say that.
He didn't say, dude, I gave it to you.
I said, I already gave you that?
I thought I fucking lost it, and I was looking for it, because I wanted to give it to you
still, and I'm like, where the fuck did the shirt go?
I forgot that I...
My own private Hitler.
I forgot I gave it to him.
He's like, so high he doesn't know what's going on over here.
Well, yeah, we were a little fucked up last week.
Yeah, that's right.
It was the 100th.
Yeah.
100th birthday for us, dog years.
Birthday 100th episode.
And I got my hair trigger shirt.
Yeah, that's fucking awesome.
It is a great shirt.
It's a petition if you want it to be one size bigger, and we'll get them a size bigger.
I mean, we don't need to see your pierogi nips.
Dude, he looks fucking great in that shirt.
Oh, calm down, Larry.
Don't put down my boy.
That's right.
It's kind of hard to pick a mommy man.
Oh, man.
It's a tall bag of potatoes.
Larry's a more advanced and crafty we are.
I'll rip it, motherfucker's neck out.
I almost said the wrong word there.
Man, I'm really unbored.
Speaking of which, I want to just say,
He's already a kiss geeky.
Dude, let me tell you who's one guy I didn't want to kiss.
I want to fucking give him one of fucking Knuckles sandwich in the kisser.
Are we talking about Bruce?
Bruce, this fucking colored guy I worked with.
He was the laziest motherfucker I ever met in my life.
This is, well, they say,
Whoa, what are you doing, Larry?
Oh my God, man.
Let me tell you, this motherfucker was...
I mean, how do you need someone to translate this to German?
I wish I could say this in German.
This guy fucking put the L in lazy,
and he put the fucking C in colored.
Let me tell you, he was a fucking piece of shit.
You really...
First thing he says to me, and we show up,
I'm volunteering for the fucking voting shit last Tuesday for the primary.
This guy says to me, upon meeting me,
first words out of his mouth,
you look like a fucking common criminal.
No, you didn't say the F word, he said,
you look like a common criminal.
What? That's what he said to you?
Yeah, motherfucker, say what?
Which he does.
I guess I do.
I mean, you do.
But...
First of all, appear...
Wait, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
This is what you wore, you're still wearing it.
He hasn't even changed from this attire that he wore.
Look at him, he's dying laughing,
because he knows it's true, man.
He's smiling even.
The only difference is I had on the Charles Manson shirt
he gave me a little thing.
And some lady comes in and she votes,
and her name is Bianca Lana,
and I open up my shirt to the lady next to me,
I go, Bianca Lana, birders.
What is wrong with you?
And she's like, you got a Charles Manson shirt?
Why are you doing that at a polling station?
You know, you gotta...
I don't know, I don't know.
You gotta keep it real, bro.
He's trying to intimidate voters.
People are trying to vote.
Keep, how do you keep it real at a polling station?
I'm talking about Charles Manson shirts,
when she was probably a teenager.
No, the lady next to me was like,
fucking 70 years old.
She knew damn well...
Yeah, she was probably a teenager.
And she corrected me and said,
yeah, and she goes, no, it was a lobby on her.
Yeah, the lobby on her.
And I said, okay, well, Bianca Lana,
what's the fucking difference?
And that's what fucking...
What's his nuts?
You knew what I was talking about.
What's his shit?
What's his name, Mayor?
The guy who went to Paris that upsconded
when he got the fucking famous guy.
So wait, let me get back to Bianca Murders' wife.
Let me get back to Bruce,
but I would like to change Bruce's name to Charles,
because I used to work with this black guy named Charles,
who was a real cocksucker.
But anyways, Bruce says, okay, there's two self,
there's a little black Velcro pouch
on top of the fucking box for all the gear for the voting shit.
And somebody says, what's that?
And Bruce says, it's mine,
but I thought he said it's not mine.
So I opened it up and looked, and there's two iPhones in there,
and he goes, hey, man, don't touch that shit.
I'll break your fingers.
I look at him, I go, dude, you ain't breaking shit, Junior.
And this fucker's like, you know, 150 pounds more
than me a foot taller.
He's getting bigger every time I hear this story.
Well, you know, he's a big fucking black dude.
And I'm like, dude, you don't know who the fuck you're talking to, man.
Oh, my God.
Larry IDF Jones.
Well, I'll tell you something, man.
Larry Epstein.
I got a lot more confidence than I fucking had.
Let me say it.
I just, you know, it might be the alcohol,
and it might be the drugs.
Now you can openly kiss dudes.
Yes.
You're going to act a little crazy.
Especially the color type.
But here's the thing, this guy looked like a slow, fat fucking dobo.
I was like, man, I'll sweep the leg on this bitch.
I don't even have to use any of my skills that I learned.
I don't have to use my skills, man.
This fucking guy would have been easy.
You turn into Rambo?
Dude, Larry's learned a lot.
I learned a lot.
I learned how to take colors down.
You know, here's the other thing I learned.
That's real good and important.
The other thing I learned through life is I've gotten punched in the face,
and I've gotten my fucking teeth knocked out.
So I'm not afraid of that either.
So, you know, once you get over that fear, it's fucking, it's on.
Because I could, what is he going to do?
Knock out my fake teeth?
That ain't even going to hurt.
Well, no, I'm just talking about when you're younger.
You get punched in the face as a way, that's a good way to learn.
Learn pain.
Ain't also a way to learn like, hey, man, that's what's going to happen,
and people that get scared.
No, that's the outcome of the scenario.
Fuck.
Yeah, you want to talk shit and spit blood.
Yeah.
And then if it's shit, you deserve it.
Yes.
It's not who's better than who.
It's what you deserve.
But we're both going to be split in blood, though.
Not just me.
Everybody's going to be spitting a little blood on this one.
We're spitting a lot more than blood.
And swallowing too.
Speaking of swallowing blood.
Oh, man, here we go.
Well, wait, so what, this guy did his guy back off?
Yeah, he backed the fuck down.
And then another time later in the day, not these glasses,
because I would have fucking kicked his ass.
Even though you were going through his shit.
Yeah, even though it's going through his shit.
I know, but we didn't hear it, and the guy's like 10 feet away.
No, just didn't hear it.
No, and the dude looked at me and he's like, he didn't say fucking shit.
Okay, wait a second.
He didn't look at you?
Yes, he looked right at me and said, dude, I'm going to grab your finger.
When was the last time you smoked weed?
That day, I didn't smoke weed until like 4.30 in the morning,
and it was about fucking 8 in the morning at the time.
So you were sober.
Yeah, pretty much.
Oh, man, that's your worst.
Yeah, my worst.
Oh, so hilarious.
You didn't want to fucking grab his finger.
Totally hilarious.
He didn't even look forward to it.
He realized.
Wait, you still had that time.
And then later at the end of the night, when we're breaking down,
he knocks my glasses, not these pair,
like, because I said this is my good pair.
I'm not allowed to fuck them up.
Well, I don't know.
He kind of just carelessly let them fucking knock to the ground.
I go, hey, mother fucker.
Wait a second, where were they?
They were on the table because I was breaking down some shit.
And he's lifting up his cell phone and shit and his cables
and his chargers and all this fucking colored shit that he brought with him.
Oh, whoa.
And he fucking knocks it down.
He knocks my glasses on the ground, and I'm like, dude,
those are my fucking glasses you just knocked down.
Man, you're very confrontational.
I was.
This guy learns a little bit of a skill.
He thinks he's fucking John Clark.
And he goes to me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And I go, apology accepted, mother fucker.
No, he's more like fucking a fucking cop.
He's fucking a cop.
I know.
I guess.
In your dreams, bitch.
No, not my dream.
Hey, Mary, my wife with a high kick.
Yeah, I was like, this is how it goes.
Here's the thing though.
Your friends might be cucks, but I'm not.
Mary.
What were you talking about?
It was a joke.
I know.
No, you don't.
Don't make me start to push around my wife.
Whoa, man.
What are you talking about?
Women's month is over.
Oh, you know what?
We're still in women's March.
Are we?
March?
March, the month I was born.
Hit away.
So anyways.
You got you on the last one.
Hey, Mary, I want to bring you into this.
So me and my wife, very nice.
We had a couple of animals die.
You guys already know this.
And then some cats.
And so what the, what the guy did at the crematorium was,
man, he said, if that is not the greatest beginning,
the guy at the crematorium.
Oh, he didn't catch that.
I didn't.
I just did.
It wasn't.
Larry, this guy at the crematorium.
What he did was because here's what happened, man.
I came in one week with my cat.
It was on a Thursday and I bring him a dead cat and I said, could you get this cat cremation?
Did you get this cat cremated?
Thank you.
And then I come in the next Thursday and he's like, was there a problem or something?
I'm like, no, dude, I got another dead cat.
Holy fuck, man.
How many cats you have?
Exactly.
But for two of them to die in a week and he was like, holy shit.
And so he made a contribution to the Illinois University of Illinois in Urbana.
University of Illinois in Urbana.
Champagne.
Champagne, Urbana.
To the veterinarians.
To the veterinarians classes in the school in the university.
Division.
For the veterinarian division in honor of my dead cat baby.
Oh, right, Mary?
Yes.
That's pretty cool.
It was amazing.
Dude, when I was reading the letter, I swear, my heart wasn't so cold.
I would have been crying.
Yeah.
If it was one of my kids, I would have been crying.
Yeah.
It was amazing.
And I'm like, holy fuck, man.
They just put money down for people to be vets, even though I don't believe in colleges.
But they do have to fucking learn how to do that.
We don't know the amount, but they made a substantial thing for them to send us a fucking letter in her name.
That's right off.
That's what it is.
That might be.
But the thing is, is they picked my cat out of all of that animal.
Yeah, it's scared the government off.
Because every time I've been to this place to pick up my cat's ashes, there was a pile.
I mean, yes, of all different of over 100 different animals.
No, it's not a grab bag.
That's actually got them all marched with numbers and names.
But a couple, like the weird thing was, man, these motherfuckers had urns like this big and we're like,
Urns that big of what?
And I'm like, why is the thing so big?
And they're like, it's a horse.
People get their fucking horses cremated.
That's like some weird porno stuff, I think.
We're like rubbing up on it.
It was her favorite horse.
And I get excited at the afterlife.
Big Willie Jones.
Oh, man.
He's naming your horse that.
I don't think that's going to fly.
That's her favorite horse.
What's the one, the famous race of Thuriburg?
Sea Biscuit?
No, no, no.
Kentucky Derby?
Yeah, Kentucky Derby.
I don't think, what was his name again?
Manowar?
No, no, no.
The completely offensive name you said before.
They're, I don't know.
Spirit Trucker?
No, man.
What was his name?
I mean, you're really going to die on this hill.
I saw a great interviewer guy was the drunk guy, English guy, was getting interviewed by
a woman.
She's like, what, she asked him.
About the women in the pubs.
No, about the name of, if you had a horse, what would you name it?
He's like, well, or he said something like, who, he's, she's like, who's your favorite
horse?
He's like, well, he was so drunk, he didn't even understand the question.
He's like, if I had a horse, I'd name it on my face.
Because so all the fit women we'd be going, come on my face, come on my face, come on
my face.
I mean.
This guy was just, this is totally true.
I like it.
I know you do.
He's like, oh, yeah.
I got the joke already.
Yeah.
Come on, my face.
Get in there.
Oh, man.
Like so all the fit women would be yelling, come on my face.
And even the fucking fit men and ugly women too.
So what should we talk about first?
Let's talk about all those fit women we didn't get at.
I think John Bonnet Ramsey's old, the house that she was murdered and is selling for.
I don't know, man.
It's in Colorado in the summer.
Very affluent.
Oh shit.
It's probably going for like two million.
Okay.
That's my guess.
Mary, how much you think it's gonna be in Colorado in the summer?
Did you see that?
Yeah, because that had been a long time ago.
I didn't see it.
John, how much you think the John Bonnet Ramsey house, it's been on the market for six years
and they can't sell it.
I was gonna say, I hope it's not like Jack and the Price.
Oh wow.
Okay, good.
I'll give you that tidbit of information.
That's good.
So, John was murdered in there and they never found the killer.
Probably the eight house.
My brother's apartment, the person that lived there before him, blew his brains out in the
living room and I'm like, you're gonna live here, dude.
Hey, so how much you think the house is worth?
Well, now I think it's only worth like about 150,000.
About 850,000.
Mary, because it was a big house back in the day.
Yeah, no, it's probably worth about fucking 6.5 million.
Fuck.
And they just dropped it by 700,000 and they still can't sell it.
That's a big house.
It's not even a big house.
It's a fucking, I mean, it's an okay house.
You can murder it.
It's the neighborhood.
Here's the thing.
Location, location, location.
I mean, is that how you just tell the cops that?
This location is one body and the other one is at this place.
Here's the other location.
Maybe they can fix it.
This location, whoever buys it.
This location, I did this.
Sir, all this is a great old location.
Yeah, sir.
Obviously it's a good old location.
Dude, this is only a 10 foot area.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just kind of a car piece of cardboard.
On this location.
An arrow, weiner, the bull side.
Okay, now what would you rather be on the glory hole?
I mean, because both ends are technically the business end.
Yeah, yeah.
Both ends of the glory hole are definitely the business end.
There's no way to do it.
I don't want to be on the really real business end of it.
Which one's that?
The fucking guy on the other side on his knees.
That's a shitty side.
He could be leaning over.
He could be doing whatever he wants with the other.
He could be at a chair.
He could be.
But I don't want to be on him.
I'd rather be the guy standing at the other side of the glory hole.
Yeah.
And he's been here 50-50.
Rolling the dice.
True gambler.
Fuck yeah.
I'd rather think about it though.
I don't want to have to think about it at all.
This guy, you're putting a wiener into a mouth.
This guy might have herpes.
Oh yeah.
He might have sores.
He probably does.
If you're the guy sucking, you can at least look at the wiener and be like, pass.
Wow.
That's true.
What are you guys talking about?
I'm wondering the same thing.
You gotta pay attention here.
Neal's is sick.
Sounds awful.
It is very awful.
But it's true life, Mary.
We need to get to the bottom of it.
Yeah.
These are deep discussions.
The literary Neal's show needs no answers.
So Carla has the glory hole in his store?
I don't know if you should read the name.
But I mean, you see, literally you'd be there every day.
No, I don't think it's a joke.
I think it's a joke.
Yeah.
I think he does not have a kid.
He has a picture of Jerry Lewis up his thing.
No, it's like we said, Larry.
You're frequenting it very much.
Yeah, it's a what's his name?
It's a picture of what the hell's his name?
I don't know, man.
You're drawing a blank for me?
Don Nott's.
No, I only chucked something better.
You can't even talk about something.
Chuck Berry.
Chuck Berry, that's what I was thinking.
He's known for more than the black guy farting on Hookers.
How about only him?
He's only the world's greatest fucking rock hero.
Did you hear about the little rascals gang that robbed the bank?
No.
Come on.
What?
Yeah, Mary has, didn't you?
There's a group of children that they dubbed the little rascals.
They thought they were over 18.
Is this in Brazil?
No, this is United States.
Oh, I know.
What else, man?
Is that in the Atlantic?
Eleventh, 12 and 16.
No shit.
Yeah.
That is awesome.
And they were dubbed the little rascals gang.
Shout out to America for letting this happen, really.
Did they get away with it?
No, the parents' tournament.
So they did, but then the parents' tournament?
Yeah, they got away with it for a minute.
They moved.
They moved to the gameboys and shit.
Yeah, but that's the thing, the FBI couldn't trap these fucking kids.
Come on.
Dummy.
Three children.
But think about it, that's a pretty smart thing.
I always wonder, well, I'll tell you what, man, the last...
We knew somebody that robbed banks, but at the same time, I wonder when you get, when
you walk away from the bank.
Eight years, I've never lost faith in a fucking organization more in my life than I have lost
faith in the FBI.
The FDIC too?
All of them.
Any acronym?
Any acronym for the government is...
N-C-A-A-P.
N-A-C-P, all of them.
You can't even get it right.
Oh, man.
They say N-C-A-A-P.
We're gonna have to make you watch that Negro-Magic movie.
That's your punishment with panics.
Magical Negroes.
And there was a...
Magical Negroes.
What the hell?
Newly already talking about that.
It's a real movie, right?
Yeah.
It's not fake.
No, I'm not making this up.
Yeah, was this in theaters?
Yeah, I think.
And what it was, was they showed like a black guy.
I saw a little snippet of it.
They showed a black guy.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, and they showed him and he goes to the kids.
He goes back to his kids?
No, he goes to the cinema, right?
He's talking to...
He says, kids, I'm going to get a pack of cools.
I'll be back soon.
He just never comes back.
No, here's your heads.
Here's a Billy Dee Williams one.
He says I want some Cove 45.
Why do you need that Cove 45?
I'm gonna go get a Six Pack of Cove 45.
It's a new port.
Come on.
It's a 40's.
40's, good deal.
Anyways, man.
But back then they had fucking six ports.
Six packs of half tall.
Quartz.
But we're no half quarts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Six packs back then.
Anyways, this fucking guy's going, you know what the most dangerous animal in the world
is?
And he's standing in front of a picture of a great white shark.
And all the kids go, a shark?
No, it's the white man.
Nice.
And it just gets worse from there.
We respect that guy.
Thank you very much.
He is a fucking dummy.
We are funny, aren't we?
Wait, is this part of the movie?
Yeah, this is part of the movie.
Wait, really?
This is still in the movie?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
I may have to watch this.
I mean, this is a memory of the Ultra.
It's fucking an hysteric movie.
I mean, you're kidding me, right?
It's hysterically funny.
Dude, it's MK Ultra shit.
They're brainwashing people.
Literally, we're your friends.
It's great.
White people are not bad.
I recommend everyone to see it after it's online.
Don't pay to see it, but after it's out there, you gotta fucking see it because it is fucking
hysterically funny.
Well, yeah, many people did pay to see it.
No.
No, obviously not.
But no one's inherently evil, are they?
They couldn't even pay the fucking.
They couldn't even pay the fucking backstage deli tray bill from the fucking box office.
Dude, they only made like $1.5 million off this movie.
A cheap movie.
They could be the deli worker.
Dude, no.
I'm telling you.
Off the rails.
A cheap movie these days is like $25 million for a low budget.
Well, just to pay for the food service?
We'll probably be a million in the fucking box or a fucking $500,000 fucking dollars.
They barely covered the fucking cotton.
Yeah.
Well, for the unions.
Those motherfuckers are gouging.
Yeah, thank God for the unions.
I will tell you what though.
The one kid that was born evil was that kid that you had a serial killer kid.
Which one?
That one kid that was killing strangling babies and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
There's been a lot of them, but yeah, I know what I'm talking about.
No, the one we were listening to.
Yeah, the little stinkers.
Yeah.
The one we were listening to.
Holy cow.
The kid was like nine or eight years old and he was putting cigarette butts on the kids'
eye.
And he was quick to like, when the cops hit the bull, like he could choke in the baby.
Oh, no, yeah, the baby was choking me.
He could circumvent the bull.
Yeah, he was convincing the cops.
He was a great bullshitter.
Yeah, he was like, holy cow, baby.
That was great.
How old is this kid strangling babies?
He was 10 years old.
He murdered like three people.
He's trying someone at camp or something.
Here's a good headline for you guys to run with.
How's this?
Okay.
Baptist University professor found dead in gay bath house.
Wait, wait, repeat.
Don't ask, don't ask Obama anything.
Baptist University professor found dead in gay bath house.
Says bath house.
A professor at a Baptist University who went missing during the conference in Florida.
Missing in quotes.
I'm giving the air quotes.
He was a missing.
He just got back.
He was found dead in a gay sauna.
His death doesn't appear to be.
I don't know.
I'm not at all.
I mean, if it's an old boy.
I mean, if it's a boys club, yeah.
You know what I mean by boys club?
Bath house, berry kind of stuff.
Yeah, I know.
But do they let women in the sauna with you?
Yeah, they do.
Okay, that's nice.
Some places they do, yeah.
So everyone can get infected.
Well, no, a sauna was in the sauna with a woman today.
Oh, it's nice.
Did you get anything?
No.
Oh, damn.
She's still locked in there on this basement.
She's still there.
She's waiting to get home.
She needs to lose 10 pounds.
I'm gonna turn the sauna up to 110.
110, it's at 220.
220, and I got like a skinny.
Sweating that fucking.
So that's just a funny headline.
I love it when these people, I mean,
I met this university professor found dead in a gay bath house.
I mean, honestly, that's not even gonna get to me.
You know, bitch wear.
Yeah, really?
People are gonna remember you.
Man, this guy did all this good shit,
and then he ended up being a fruitcake
and a giant in a bath house.
Well, who knows if he was doing good shit?
Well, if he was administered at the Baptist University
or whatever, he could have been skimmed off the top.
But he wasn't dancing with snakes' Baptist.
That's what I like.
Those are the Baptists.
Those are the real evangelists.
Yeah, they're not afraid of death.
So AI Translate, Hitler speech,
social media users express support for fear.
So they created an AI Hitler.
And they realized how great he was.
Well, it translates into English, right?
What a great guy.
Did you ever hear that?
Great speaker.
Yeah, but then it builds off of...
I've read it, actually, when they do the subtitles underneath.
That's the way you have to do it.
Don't listen to shit.
That's how the media gets you.
Read it.
Dummy's can't read.
You know what I mean?
They don't have an attention span.
I watch all my shows.
Not my shows, shall I say, but movies with subtitles.
Dude, you know what?
I cannot watch.
Sometimes I'm so hooked on the subtitle
saying if something doesn't interest me, I'm like too far.
You pick up shit you don't know, tells you the music gets played in the background.
It tells you whatever.
You know what, listen.
We're a dumb-down society.
No one's dumb-down than you.
Well, listen to this.
Larry, I will kick you right in the fucking chest.
So if you're buying a book off Amazon,
you know Amazon prints that book up?
Yes.
Every single book up?
Amazon can change.
Whatever the hell they want.
His uncle was in Darpa, Bezos.
Before they set it out.
A lot of my music books I buy, this is the weirdest thing.
I mean listen to this.
You've got to go to like a used bookstore nowadays.
The most.
Listen, I'm going to start a place on the fucking internet that sells used books.
I'm going to become a billionaire.
No, check this out.
Check this out.
Come on.
Check this out.
A lot of the books I buy, they're made in Minomi, Illinois,
and they're usually printed like two days after I ordered them.
Okay.
Or a day after I ordered them.
Or the date that I ordered them.
They are.
As you order them, they're printing that shit up.
They don't even have to have the fucking shit in stock.
We're not talking about that.
We're talking about Darpa.
No.
It's the same thing though.
So they can change whatever they want.
They can censor them whatever they want.
But like let's say you ordered a Bible.
Let's say you ordered a book.
Music books are going to be music books.
Socialism.
No, no.
Socialism stuff.
They can take out chapters and they can do whatever they want.
They can change anything.
Yeah, that's what makes you leave it.
Change one word could change the fucking meaning of the whole fucking thing.
They could take out whole verses.
Exactly.
That's why if I get any books now, I gotta go to like a used book store.
That's it man.
Make sure it was actually their original book.
Print is print.
But still.
I don't think on the internet it's fake.
But it's the same thing.
They're printing a book.
You think it's real.
I want my books from like between 1890 and 1902.
Huh?
Anything after that or before that is no good.
Well that's a scary thing.
Yeah, but okay nothing's not good on print.
It's not at the same time.
This is the narrative of what's going on.
But it's been manipulated like a Kiki saying man.
Man.
I almost said it's real name.
You did.
Oh my god.
You did almost.
That's alright.
To hell.
I'm gonna say his last name in his address now.
Yeah, that's just a true fashion like you.
You gotta kick right to the fucking chops.
Good luck saying my last name.
I can't even know it.
I didn't even know it.
I've read it off the card at the fucking.
Parogi monster.
Yeah.
Did we talk, should we talk about the guy from the, oh wait, we didn't get to AI Hitler.
No.
Yeah, we started talking about it.
We started talking about how people are liking the, what he's saying.
Yeah.
AI translates.
They think it's cool.
AI translates Hitler's speech.
Social media users express support for the furor.
Which I mean come on.
The guy's dead.
It's not like okay whatever.
Now they're just trying to start white nationalists.
But what they did was they developed.
That could all be a PSYOP.
It's on Twitter.
Well, okay.
You can actually see it.
But which doesn't, I mean listen, everything's a PSYOP.
Just like the Mossad in the United States started ISIS.
Twitter's probably the best chance of being the truth besides the Larry Needle show.
Why would ISIS attack Russia?
They haven't done anything in decades.
The Mossad in the United States started ISIS.
It's proven.
And how are they getting?
We gave them all these vehicles.
How are they getting there?
It just doesn't make sense.
I mean, anybody gets there.
But all of a sudden this cell turns into a terrorist factory.
And why are they going to Russia?
What the hell do they care about going to Russia?
Russia doesn't have anything for them.
It's all the same.
It's like World War III.
Russia right now, it sounds like we're starving.
They, you know, there was a fire tonight in Russia's...
The Capitol?
Orchestra, like a musical.
Yeah, no, that was yesterday.
Yeah, 40 people were killed, 100 were wounded.
But they're saying that's ISIS?
Yeah, ISIS claimed it.
Yeah, but they don't believe it's ISIS.
But they don't believe it.
No, it's not.
It's the Mossad in the United States.
It's us, probably.
And they want to start World War III.
Exactly, Mary Stray.
You just said that.
That's what I just said.
Well, it's starting, I guess.
Yeah, they want to start that shit.
Because Putin is our ally.
It's the only country that still believes in God and they hate it.
They can't disrupt Russia.
Tranny stuff ain't going in there.
No.
This whole degradation of children and the abuse of children.
First, I mean, people in Europe.
Russian chicks are too pretty and too hot to fucking need trannies.
So that doesn't matter about that.
No, they don't fuck around with the internet.
Why would they fuck around with that when they got all that?
We have all of that, Larry, but it's the internet that's influencing the children to do all this stuff.
But in Russia, they probably still have internet cafes.
Listen, the KGB, the Stadi, the film, the Russians, they've all been through the ringer and back,
even the children.
They know all the bullshit.
They've been on rations.
Listen, a peaceful resolution to the Ukraine problem.
Man, long time ago, but NATO doesn't want peace.
NATO wants war.
That's the problem.
NATO is the problem.
Go usher in the New World Order.
Take your purple helmet to another Russia.
And now, you know, China stands with Russia.
So that's only two people with a negotiator.
I mean, they're like the peace to me.
We have to go for the leader of China.
I mean, come on.
The claim responsibility for terrorist attack are unfounded.
The widely shared image of what alleged to be a statement by the group taking responsibility
for the incident uses a news template that ISIS apparently abandoned many years ago.
It was probably in the ISIS.
I claimed this.
I mean, we've got some whole things.
It's like 9-11, the plane wing disappearing.
They staged a terrorist attack in Moscow.
And now they release an AI video of Kate Middleton at the same time.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you know what?
She's got cancer.
I don't give two fucking pints about the British family.
Me either.
I really don't.
They could lick my fucking...
What's weird is my nuts dipped in Nutella or not even at you.
I just thought of a new expression.
I don't think I've ever heard.
I don't give a squirt about the fucking royal family.
Seriously.
I mean, that's a sentence, but okay.
I like it.
I want to start using that shit.
You can use it all you want.
I mean...
Sounds real good.
So, Needles had some chocolate bars with mushrooms in it today.
I had.
We ate them.
I mean, allegedly.
Allegedly.
Allegedly, it had mushrooms in it.
It made me yawn and fucking laugh.
I'm eating this tobacco, this nicotine gum.
I don't think you're supposed to eat it.
I'm not swallowing it.
That's the first time you've ever known that.
Yeah, this is the only time I ever spit out.
Usually I just swallow.
So, this is what this podcast is like.
Yeah, we've reverted to tell Lurie's gay all the time.
It's actually kind of cruel tonight.
Yeah, no, it's really funny though.
It's really dumb.
No, it is.
I don't either, Mary.
That's why we do it though.
It makes us laugh and that's the problem.
We just sit down here, smoke weed and drink beer.
I can't imagine why nobody would want to listen to this.
I don't either.
That should be our new slogan.
No, we want to listen to this.
But you know what?
We keep doing it every week.
No one's still listening.
No, no one's still listening, Mary.
That's all right.
We're like, I don't even know.
Hey, man, episode 101, coming in with a bang.
Still on how to do this shit.
No, per our lawyer who tells us we're not funny on multiple occasions.
I think it really is her favorite thing to do.
It's coming down in a trash bag.
Well, I'm hoping that it would be funny to talk about interesting stuff.
Let's talk about some.
Bring some up, doll.
Childness.
We all like it.
All you do is act like you're gay.
Bring up something and it goes back to one of these gay.
Bring up something else.
One of these gay.
We are.
That's something.
That's what we're doing.
You should be a comedian.
I'm funny.
Do you guys hear?
She just tells her truth.
That's the funny.
Nobody can tell the truth.
No, it's real funny.
You know what, Mary?
I completely 100% behind you.
We are not funny.
The lighting's bad.
The hammer.
The mushrooms.
The American Airlines passenger threatens to take down the plane with all the passengers.
I saw that guy.
He's in a headlock right away.
It's causing trouble on the American Airlines flight.
Larry wasn't on there.
He's identified as a 29 year old.
Shiao Patel from Florida.
I'm not sure if you know him.
I would have broken his arm.
He broke his leg.
He might have a knife in his toe.
I would have shoved that knife.
Patel remarks and threats well intoxicated.
The documents reveal that Patel shouted
regulatory slurs called other passengers.
Blue-eyed white devil.
He was on board.
Patel faces charges of battery disorderly conduct and intoxication.
But he didn't get...
But he got let out on a bonny loop.
He was high-styled as soon as he boarded
and began acting erratically, yelling and cursing at passengers.
Well, I've done that many times.
You're escalated.
When he reportedly slapped someone.
I've been so fucked up on planes.
In the hand in his face and spit on them.
I didn't do that.
A portion of the incident which occurred while the flight was still grounded
at Tampa International Airport.
We recorded his shirt online.
The footage captured him using an anti-semitic slur
and being restrained in a headlock.
One video clip.
He was wearing a striped button-down shirt.
He can be heard using derogatory terms.
I'm trying to get to my home country
and you all have made it harder for me to get home
to my country, he shouted.
Why are we hearing the first place?
That is recording right now.
Another video shows a frustrated passenger
wearing a blue witty and baseball hat
intervened by grabbing him and putting him in a headlock.
Nice.
Now put your hands down and don't touch anybody the man shouted
as he kept him in the headlock.
I'm a police officer, set a woman...
Oh man, I don't believe that at all.
Listen to this.
I'm gonna take your clothes off.
That's how it begins.
Check out this show.
Check out this fuck-up that I did.
They had these really nice folding chairs
at the voting thing and I said to Mary,
these folding chairs are very nice.
We could use them for the podcast.
I said in front of this kid Alex and I'm like,
I hope he doesn't say what podcast and he didn't.
I'm like, oh my god, because I'd say no dude,
I was just talking shit because I would never fucking say...
We were thinking about doing a podcast.
But no, I'm thinking of getting these folding chairs
that are like... Yeah, because you're embarrassed of what we say
on microphone when we just put it out in the air.
Well, I don't want people to fucking actually know
my real name to fucking see it.
They can correlate who you are.
These guys are real derp.
We know the crazy thing.
Any of these people that try to dude-pull this dumb shit
on airplanes, especially Americans,
Americans are done with this shit.
We're like, all right buddy, say something.
Richard Ramirez?
The Shubambo.
No, Richard Ramirez is the night sucker.
Okay, but Ramirez was the guy's last name.
It sounds right.
Richard Ramirez is the night sucker.
It wasn't Richard, but yeah, maybe Ramirez.
Something like Jose Ramirez or something like that.
I think it was George Ramirez.
Something they put in a taco truck.
Yeah.
Jorge's taco.
For the authentic Mexican field.
But now people aren't putting up for that shit anymore.
What's that? What kind of shit?
Any person in a plane.
A legal cover over the border.
We're gonna fucking jump that motherfucker.
Somebody says they're gonna kill somebody.
All right, I'm dead.
I'll be the first one to jump in seats at that moment.
Seriously, I would be.
Oops, I actually grabbed your dog's poop on the way there.
Sorry.
You just grabbed him boobs on the way there.
Excuse me.
Sexual assault vigilante.
That's what you are.
SAV.
The savvy one.
Sexual assault vigilante.
I'm the sexual assault vigilante.
I'm safety.
You're in a bus.
Some thugs are about to shoot a lady.
You grab all the boobs on the way there.
And then you're disarming.
I don't stop sexual assault.
I commit it while I'm stopping crime.
But who's gonna stop me?
Ah, did you put your gum in there?
Yes, I did, son.
Dirt bag shit, dude.
Not real dirt bag shit.
I guarantee Pelosi and Schumer were on a flight down immediately after this happened.
I apologize to this guy.
Who?
The Indian guy that said all about this.
Oh, yeah.
Listen, man.
It's okay that you're anti-semitic.
So are we, even though I'm a Jew too.
Yeah.
They don't know the difference anymore. It's all dollars. Everybody's paid off.
Yeah.
That's all it is. Do you get money?
Do you guys see the Don Lemon,
Elon Musk interview?
Yes, that was fucking phenomenal.
Elon is great.
But did you see Don Lemon's demands?
Oh, that was ridiculous.
I heard about it.
Yeah, it's like a cyber truck and all this other bullshit.
I want my own cyber truck.
I want $8 million advance.
Something like that.
I want $5 million a year.
It was really outrageous.
Oh, I want stock in the company.
I want to be able to edit and see what's getting said on X.
Elon Musk is like
pound sand motherfucker.
You're nuts.
Well, yeah, he's good.
That's what he said.
He's basically like, he's as cool as that motherfucker eating the apple in the dude's face.
No, he's cool.
Elon's pretty fucking cool.
He's controlled.
Listen, he's pushing electric cars.
Come on.
He's just pushing electric cars.
Well, he's got a lot of money invested in him.
But here's the thing.
Like Mary sent a Needles without
right, Mary X, it's the only
outlet to the truth.
At this point in time, yes.
She always said, but he's still censoring people.
He censored Don Lemon.
No, he didn't censor Don Lemon.
He just fucking laughed in his fucking face.
Don Lemon got to say whatever he wanted.
He wanted a job.
He wanted to censor people.
He wanted to censor people and he wasn't flying for it.
Here's the other thing.
When you go in for an interview
and you're going for a job anywhere,
to any place, you're going for your electrician job.
Do you go to the fucking boss?
Hey, buddy.
Listen, I don't like how you run things.
You're not even hired yet.
I want to fucking be in charge.
I want to work.
Do you think you're going to get the fucking job?
First of all, I started with him asking about his drug use.
And then it came out that Elon Musk is like,
I don't use drugs.
And then a week later, he's like, oh, yeah,
I do ketamine once in a while.
Well, he said drugs.
It is drugs.
People, the normies don't understand it.
When you're in a business world, we have to remember,
when he smoked weed on Joe Drogen,
he got drug tested
because he had a contract with the government,
and he had a contract with the government.
And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about.
You can't get past a firmament.
We all know this.
Let's build a rocket to go nowhere.
It's like, what's her nuts that build the bridge
to go nowhere up there?
And that Pelosi what was it?
Might as well be the Tower of Babel.
What was that lady that built the bridge
to nowhere in Alaska
or with the fucks-her-nuts?
Shit.
Damn, that's nice.
I can't remember her name.
Oh, man.
Jesus, man.
You're doing it.
You're a-overhead.
I'm having a piss.
Spanns.
Yeah, we keep paying those people money.
100%.
Yeah, I saw that.
Bullshit.
True.
Yeah.
Bullshit.
True.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't like him.
He's definitely an asshole.
Maybe he's not a cock sucker.
Imagine how different the situation would be covered.
And it's different too.
Imagine how different the situation would be covered
if we did not have acts.
I should smack you from here.
We're in the mainstream media.
Got a chance to establish their narrative.
The citizen journals already analyzed
the situation and dismantled it around the globe.
Nice.
The mainstream media just can't keep up.
Nice.
You know what I'm saying?
That's why acts is very important.
Very, very important.
First of all, the Russians know what's going on.
Here's the thing.
When Elon Musk got into the electric car business,
it was an entrepreneurial thing to make fucking money.
He didn't really know how fucked it was.
First of all, he started-
He didn't know it was going to get to this.
He was doing this years before these cock suckers.
He didn't know the bat that he had
that he couldn't build this battery
for the city.
The whole city was in a couple of
like, I think it was like 100 and something days.
Or like, it was like a
less than like a year.
Did he make the bat?
He was generated for this place.
He kept on getting knocked off the grid.
So it worked.
So the guy did some good things,
but electric cars are going to be the death of every party.
I understand, but at the time he didn't realize this.
He invested in Tesla
right when it started.
Because he sold PayPal.
He didn't invent it.
No, not at all, but electric cars were, I mean-
Electric cars, you know, aren't going to
ruin everything if we're forced to all own them.
Then it will ruin everything.
If the few people that want them
that have them now, it'll be okay.
The whole thing is, imagine how much strain
you have to go on the electrical grid to put a charger
at every single house in the house.
It's ridiculous.
It's not going to happen.
You understand load calculations.
It's just not in his face.
I was talking to
our friend with the Tesla, man,
and he was telling me all about it, and telling me
he's got the charger in his house, and the fucking thing.
Yeah, so the power goes out your fault.
And I took a ride to them downtown and shit,
and I'm looking at the screen, and I was like, holy fuck.
How do you even look out the window
when you're staring at this fucking
TV screen that's got all this shit?
And then check this out, man.
He told me when you go by the graveyard,
you could see people walking around.
Yeah.
Because like when we went back,
and I'm like, Mary said,
those are the people probably with the vaccine
that are buried, and the fucking shit
is really out there.
You're just like really out there all of a sudden.
I know, it's a crazy fucking, it's a crazy theory.
I mean, that's pretty crazy, bro.
Well, no, like his cars,
it could see infrared.
And here's what happened.
So it showed like, it seemed signature.
There was cones on the road,
it showed them on his screen.
There was a guy walking, a work guy,
and it showed him on his screen.
It showed the cars parked in front of us,
and behind us, on the screen.
There was night vision, and ferrari, and his ramp.
It was like a video game.
I'd be like, damn, dude, I wouldn't be able to look out
the fucking windshield.
I'd be staring at this fucking screen the whole time.
They have like 20 cameras on it.
It was amazing.
I was like, I'm gonna go to the car.
And if I try to pass people, it locks the brakes.
So if I'm in a lane,
and some guy's getting ready to turn,
and he's going slow enough,
and I can't even go to lock the brakes up.
Oh man, that sucks balls.
Yeah, you know how to suck balls.
You know how to drive.
Yeah, you really know how to suck balls.
I'm fucking hammered down.
You know Tesla though,
the electric cars are one thing,
but Tesla is the number one thing.
They are mapping the streets of the entire world right now.
Yeah, it's like Google and all that bullshit here.
Because no one has more cameras.
Well, no, it has to think, so they are mapping the roads
of the world, and they're going to be the number one company
in the world when all these taxis
are all driverless and everything.
Automated and shit.
They're going to know the shit more than anyone.
Well, they're going to have everything mapped,
and that's very big money.
The thing is you let these fucking Roombas in your house,
and they map your whole house out.
Yeah, that's right.
So they go, okay, here's the bedroom.
Here's the other bedroom. Here's the kids' bedroom.
We got the layout, kiddo. Guess what we do next?
Bring the ATF in, and say you work for Hillary and all.
Boom, kicking that motherfucker in the air.
How?
This guy selling guns.
The Chinese guys are coming across.
Yeah, you work for the Hillary's Air Force.
This would be a better...
There were no even one.
You think they have a pizza place in there?
Yeah.
Billy's Pizza.
Hillary's Hot Dog Hall.
Oh, man.
Oh, jeez.
They have Hillary's Hot Dog Hall and Billy's Pizza.
Patch.
It's a patch.
Monica's Oral Surgery.
Oh, man.
I mean, to hear what your husband's saying over here.
It's a true pervert.
She knows I'm an asshole.
Yeah, we all know that.
She's married to me for years.
She's not the only one that knows that.
That's why I don't come down.
Yeah.
It sounds like that's the first thing she says.
Well, you know what?
It's better when you join in,
because then it keeps the fucking shit rolling.
It keeps this dummy away from the camera.
I will fucking roll.
Man.
Kicked in the chops right in the seatbelt.
So, let me say,
Neal's coming out.
He's bringing his DUI class.
Oh, man.
Why would you do that?
And so now he's going to get back to coming to cry on McGon.
He's been dying to fight with me.
Yeah, and I have to.
He's been giving us fucking kill box.
It's a room with a padded floor,
a mirror on one wall,
a fucking dancing rail on the other side.
Dancing rail.
It looks like a fucking dance studio to me.
It looks like a ballet thing.
To me, it looks like a dancing fucking thing.
You feel very comfortable.
But we use definitely the fucking kill space.
Snitch in the rail.
It's probably for the little kids or something.
Whatever.
Can't say you haven't.
I don't know why.
I don't think people fucking go up in their ass on the rail.
Whatever.
It's caught in the locker room.
The laundry basket.
Whatever.
Hey man, what are you doing?
Whatever.
What kind of answer was that?
Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
What do you mean?
Who called the cops?
Whatever.
No, then you run.
Whatever.
Oh, shit.
He married a good neighbor.
I don't know what kind of locker room...
Holy shit, I want a 80 there.
I don't know what kind of locker room is an underwear basket.
The guy you want to be in.
Someone who...
...throw fucking lost his money.
Yeah, it sounds like heaven.
Whatever.
Little ladies just throw their underwear in a basket.
He comes in with a wig.
Ladies!
Did it collect a basket?
Jesus.
You go Larry.
I'm going off camera to blow his nose.
Oh boy.
You know I'm probably still on mic.
I'm probably on Mary's mic.
You see what you've been missing all these episodes, Mary?
Yes.
Not too much.
The same stupid shit we do every weekend.
What's that?
We want to see what time is at.
Okay.
There's no other way to do it.
For you to stand in front of the camera.
Manipulate the mouse and fuck around the arrow a little bit.
Man.
To make it show the time.
You should be a sex instructor.
Manipulate the mouse.
Point the arrow towards this point.
Point.
How much time is left?
I can't say what I want to say because my wife is here.
You want to manipulate this?
You know, because he tells a weird story about the Germany.
What he was caught in a cool...
No.
13 year old...
You know, pineapple.
Yeah.
Pineapples don't even come out here ever.
I imported it, buddy.
Just for this.
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Let's put them to shots.
We make them want to say shit,
but I can't because, again, my wife is here.
Hey, you're censoring yourself?
No, I'm not.
You said you were.
You're this guy.
You have someone in front of her.
Whoa.
I guess I am a little bit.
Yeah, you're censoring yourself 100%.
That's all right.
What time are we at?
That was like Don Lemon.
Yeah, I was like Don Lemon for a minute.
What time are we at?
Without the fucking parade of boys.
Well, he got a huge asexual assault, too.
Oh, of course he did.
All those fuckers are sexually assault.
Don Lemon can't stand white people,
is he?
I already saw these David Dainwood for a long time.
What's the same thing with
all of that?
AOC,
white man's evil,
she's married to a ginger.
Oh, I know, the whitest white guy that could be.
Well, Candace Owens.
But she's not a...
And she turns on her fucking accent so hard, man,
to be so Hispanic.
Who's that AOC?
Try that shit around here, man.
Yeah.
But here's the thing, though.
She's in the protection bubble
of her fucking DC world.
And I know DC is pretty fucking ghetto
because I've been there a lot, but...
Yeah, they're protected.
In their circles, though, it's not ghetto at all.
And it's very fucking posh.
They're protected.
Yeah, they have protection.
In the government, I mean, you look at their districts, though,
that's controlling.
They could come around here, or around Chicago,
or whatever, even Chicago land
and fucking start talking her Hispanic bullshit.
AOC is...
Those bitches around here will fucking slash her shit
before she even knows what the fuck the series are.
You know what I mean?
I would just love to see that.
You're a fictitious scenario.
That is what would happen.
AOC, come here, let me see your purse.
You motherfucker.
You dirty bitch.
Her district is the worst.
They call up needles.
The third cutter you're looking for.
Needle to upskirt.
What do you want?
How much?
How much for the AOC?
Oh, we kill her.
We got that third cutter.
No, that's what they would do, maybe.
I'm just saying.
I'd make a scene with that.
I'd be Puerto Rican.
You want to get stabbed.
The town in Maryland suspended their entire police force?
Yeah, they're fucking people.
Speaking of police force, do you see the woman that was banging the six cops?
No.
Shout out to that lady, like I said.
She was in a lawsuit.
Listen, she's a dirty girl.
She deserves her cash.
She had paid the messages between them?
No.
I didn't even know this happened.
Larry, let me tell you.
I know you're a dirty bitch.
You're a dirty bitch.
I didn't even know this happened.
Larry, let me tell you.
If they were black guys she was talking with,
I could jerk off to it.
Dude, they were all black.
There was one white guy.
One white guy over five black dudes.
Come on, Kiki.
Jesus.
I know.
She's got a fucking show of diversity.
Yeah, she won five hundred jeez books.
So she got fired and then she sued.
Yeah, but then she's got to give up.
Good.
But she got fired for fucking all the cops?
Yeah.
Well, they used her like a dirty dish rag.
Well, if you're fucking six of them at once,
they all talk.
Oh, no, they were all except the talk of the town.
I'm sure she was.
I was, let me tell you.
Fuck, I want to meet her.
Do you see her picture?
She is non-persona gratis.
What's she?
Her picture, she had a big smile on her face.
I think that's what the turd is.
She's got the black list, if you know what I mean.
Yeah.
That's the best way to put it.
Oh, man.
Oh, sorry.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
I like that.
Oh, look it, I just looked up and noticed this fucking
gangbanger hat
that I bought at some gas station one time.
And I wore this thing in a whole tour.
And I fucking went around the East Coast and shit.
I wore this everywhere I went.
Straight out of Chicago.
Yeah, like, you know, straight out of college.
I've never seen Peter hat down on his way of high school.
I've never seen Larry wear a hat like that.
I know he usually do.
No, he does not.
But it was freezing cold out and sometimes
I couldn't find a couple hats.
He had to cuddle with someone and they're like,
I have hats.
They're like, I want to cuddle.
Straight out of the boys' town.
And this was like, you know, a $4 or $5 hat
at some gas station.
And I thought it was kind of cool.
And I had to fucking
I was like, get a coat.
And the fucking little trucker strap.
It's Velcro, so you don't have to fit it in a little fucking
so you can stretch it out.
That's how the boys know.
You can go on the bus.
I'm stretched out, boys.
That's what that means.
Yeah.
You're welcome for that correlation.
Hey, man.
You know, that's why
that's why when we
that's why when we go on a live show,
sometimes the fans are going to be all over me
and they're going to hate you
because I'm the whipping boy all the time.
They're going to realize this guy's...
Something good won't happen fun.
I mean, don't make us jealous.
I'm not. I didn't say I wasn't having fun.
I am the whipping boy, though.
You didn't say you weren't having fun.
Ugh.
Derelection of duty.
That's a crystal ship, if you know what I mean.
You know what I mean?
Slice it on the inside.
You know what's kind of cool, though?
I got to say this, too.
I'm this little thread, the D-Gen thread.
Me and Doodles.
You remember Doodles, right?
That's what we used to call each other.
D-Gen. Hey, what's up, D-Gen?
Not in D-Gen.
What's up, you trick bitch?
You know, shit like that.
We would fucking say we would laugh for hours
and we would talk about people
laughing and then, you know,
because I mean, I don't know.
With that kid, I just laughed a lot all the time
and fucking I wish he was fucking still around, but...
That got weird, but okay.
No, he was a cool kid, but the D-Gen thing was like...
I mean, look at you.
You got furry slippers on in a room.
I mean, that didn't do our job.
I'm the one that changed his feeling for the way it is, though,
because it looks like someone's last name
or something like that.
No, no, it's gotta be more clear than that.
Well, I noticed when I first typed it out,
and you're like, no, you gotta do it.
It does make more sense.
This guy goes to the polling station,
and you guys look like a criminal.
Yeah, he does.
That's a good fucking night, buddy.
You're a smooth criminal.
You got a great night.
You take someone to hell, buddy.
That's right.
And I wanted to know where do you live around here?
Man, really?
Where you're voting at the fucking thing
where we were at at the fucking park district
in the fucking unincorporated
white-ass neighborhood and shit
in the middle of nowhere.
How would he get hooked up there?
Who are we talking about?
I'm talking about Breaks, man, the most fucking...
Oh, man, the ladies.
The ladies.
Now I know who you're talking about.
Talking about the world.
At the end of the day,
there was this kid, Jimmy, he was really good.
He did the heavy work,
like all the brain work.
Jimmy, he was the long beard,
long-haired cock
that fucking was the damn, you know.
Oh, yeah, guarantee it.
A total twat.
I could say anything I want, man.
Fucking...
So he was a cool guy, though.
He was cool, and he did a lot of work.
And then the other kid did all the fucking work.
You watch him do all the heavy lifting.
I watch him do all the brain work.
He's gonna shastown the corner.
From the high school, that was a...
Yeah, okay.
Mary, tell this motherfucker,
he's the hardest working motherfucker in show business.
James Brown.
He's dead.
James Brown, dead.
Not you, son.
I do.
Hot dog.
And then this other kid, Andy,
the kid that laughed,
was supposed to count the votes with the lady
and just went home to study.
And I go, hey, they're standing there,
and I walk up to them and I go,
hey, who do you think is gonna get the lazy boys
fucking prize today?
You know it'd be hot to get a shitty motel
at the motel and take all the ballots
and dump them out of the bed
and then bang the other lady
when you're the Republican and the Democrat
taking the votes.
Great idea.
I'm sure there's already been a spread
in Hustler if they still had a magazine.
I don't know about that. There's gotta be one on the Internet.
I could see Larry doing that shit.
Ballot stuffing in the end of the book.
Ballot stuffing.
That's golden.
I love it.
A small Asian chick and some fucking
Oh, Larry.
Maybe that's what Bruce was for.
He could be the big black guy.
I mean, you have to interview for them on the spot.
Maybe that's why he was so lazy.
He was just hanging around for the movie end of it.
Larry's got three hams in him
and he's getting his baby snatched.
He doesn't even know where Mary's at anymore.
Okay.
That's all right, chances are, we're not funny in a minute.
Okay. Hey.
I want to thank all you motherfuckers for tuning in.
I really do appreciate it.
To this shit show of whatever we do.
And I want to thank my wife
for being here and barely talking again.
My lawyer.
Mary, say something.
You're welcome.
Honey, I love you.
And Koski.
But more importantly,
don't forget about Tom's
free clinic automotive and veterinarian services.
This week,
they're doing,
no, forget it.
Man.
I mean, you can't even compare.
Because it's so fucking bad what I was going to say.
You're going to do a jingle?
You can't. I'll do one if you want.
Oh, I thought you were going to do one.
That's what I thought. You couldn't say it.
Man, we don't censor ourselves here.
Okay. Say it.
I mean, listen, as long as it's not the N word.
If Needles ass is squirting
and your dick is hurting.
Call Tom's.
Free clinic.
Oh, sorry.
Free clinic.
Come on, Larry.
They don't accept the
What?
TBT cards for automotive work.
How do you know?
No, food stamps for that.
All food stamps.
That's what we were talking about.
Oh, yeah.
We already went through that, though.
Yeah. So, man,
I want to thank everybody for tuning in. Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, God.
Mr. Rex.
Mr. Rex, I want to thank my nephew,
brother Jerry Corsair.
I love you, Jerry.
I love you, Jessica.
I really, uh, thank you.
All my ladies, I love you all.
What? What did you just say?
I'm seeing it. Did you say to all your ladies
I love you all right in front of your wife?
I already said I love Mary first.
But you said to all your ladies.
Wait, no, no, no.
First I said it.
First I said to all my ladies.
He's got to say it.
How many ladies can ask?
We got priorities.
We got a hierarchy of...
Who does?
Mary's top.
Oh, I'm really interested in seeing what you say next.
And so is Mary.
Man, you really back yourself
into the stupid corner there.
And then the rest of my people that are women.
Oh, people now that are your women.
The rest of my girls that I love.
You, man, I love this guy.
I love you.
Everybody.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
You know what I meant?
I like you.
You got a ham's brain for it.
Nothing.
That ain't no momentary laughs and nothing.
Shit.
Damn.
You see, we get to it.
That's all right.
Africa has a couple of hands in terms of African-American.
Yeah.
We got to it.
Yeah.
Peace out.
Thanks again.
Wow.