Time to get ready for Larry and Needle's show.
Larry and Needle's show.
Hey everybody, welcome to Larry and Needle's show. I'm Larry.
I am Needle's.
Hi, Key.
I'm Key.
We got Key.
I'm Leonard.
We got Leonard.
We're going to try and contain this motherfucker for this episode.
You know, I know he's a wild man, but that's just, that's natural.
We can't help that.
The nature of the beast, shall we say?
Key word beast.
Yeah, exactly.
You're a fucking beast.
You're going to try to start this and do this without me.
No, we didn't.
We told you to come down.
We knew you'd come down.
We started, baby.
I was talking with his wife.
Don't you ever do that by my back.
That's more important than this shit.
Okay.
True words.
We're never spoken.
But that's very good.
So here we are for our second episode.
Geez.
And everybody is doing good.
Second episode for tonight.
Happy Wednesday.
By the way.
Wednesday.
Hopefully.
No, but dude, this thing is going to get.
I know, but this is coming out on Wednesday.
He jokes about Boys Town, Joe's cheeks and his.
Yeah.
My ass was chapped.
What year do you think this is?
Yeah.
Wednesday.
This is 2024, right?
All right.
By the way, Kiki's wearing a beautiful catechronic t-shirt
available to all of you.
You got a joint layer or no?
No.
Done in weed green.
And that's an original artwork that I drew myself.
Oh, so you're not feeling any pain right now, huh?
No, we're going to do dental work.
Okay, good.
Here we go.
Get out the toolbox.
Get that robo grip out of the toolbox.
Get the molars out.
That's all right.
Where's your toolbox?
I'm fixing my last wisdom tool.
Go get your shine box.
Now go home and get your.
Hey, yeah, shine box.
Yeah, get a knife.
Oh.
Let's go have a fucking dinner with mama.
Yeah.
You know what we have a problem with in this country?
What?
Is people and the internet.
Because we've talked about this before, how people like to Google things
after the fact that they do things that are very heinous crimes.
Right.
So last Monday.
Or before they do things too.
A woman high on meth.
Especially, yeah.
A woman high on meth slams into an Amish buggy.
Google's what happens if you get into an accident with an Amish buggy
and kill two people right after work.
Damn.
I mean, I mean.
That's good.
The search history of, I mean.
Oh man.
What did they tell her?
What's that?
What did they tell her?
Oh, you're going right to Dr. Hedge Jail.
Not Amish Jail.
I mean, I have to read this headline again.
What was this in Pennsylvania?
Yes, I think it was.
Yeah.
Okay.
A woman high on meth.
You got to keep an eye out for the freaking horse and buggies, man.
Yeah, but this bitch did it.
What the hell?
Exactly.
She hit their fucking ass.
So she's stupid as fuck and she's, you know, all consequences.
What do you think we should do to her?
Hang her by the fucking.
Her thumbs.
Yeah, that's right.
Dude, you read my mind.
Okay.
Put her in a makeshift fucking buggy and let a car run into her.
Okay.
I mean, I mean, her first reaction was to put it online.
Yeah.
What do I do?
What do I do with some guy?
Mommy, mommy, mommy.
You dumbass fucking cunt.
Okay.
You know, what the hell?
You don't have any common sense.
You go, oh, call the police first because that fucking Google, you're, you know, and
they call mommy.
Okay.
Oh, well, oh, help me out of this.
Help me out of this.
No, I didn't.
Fuck you.
Google what to do after because when we talked about this, remember that guy?
That was a cry when they were reading his, his charges.
He Googled at 445 how to get rid of a body.
Right.
How long a body takes to decompose.
Right.
Six o'clock is all about it.
And then he's like scoffing like, I didn't do that.
Yeah.
We have.
Hey, come on.
Just do a fargo and put it through a wood chipper.
Yeah, but that's very messy though.
No.
Hey, Larry, because, you know, then it's easier to dispose of you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Not really.
That leaves a huge mess.
Hey, are you wanting to lug around a fucking 200 pound fucking body in a fucking plastic
bag or some suitcases or do you want to take it and lug around some wood chips?
Well, but the whole thing is, you got to get that body to the wood chipper.
No matter what you're still lugging the body.
No matter what.
Hey, you know, if you're going to do it, have the wood chipper handy.
You have the rental place dropped right where you killed the guy.
Exactly.
And now you got a 40 foot radius of blood and all this stuff around.
Yeah.
Okay, listen, do it through the rainy season.
And the animals will also, Bob.
Do it in the rain.
I mean, do it at a pig farm.
You know, if you're going to take and do something, you have to think it out.
Okay, pigs will eat everything.
That's for sure.
All the bullshits.
What was the guy's name, Larry, that we watched?
These people are just stupid, man.
The guy that was from Canada, was a Canada, the pig farmer.
Remember, he had the hog stand.
Yes.
Pinkton, yeah, Willie Pinkton.
Nice.
Good recollection, pal.
Thank you very much.
And he would serve human flesh to people in burgers.
And they actually had to come out in a statement in Canada and say that if you ate this, they
were susceptible to diseases.
Mad cow.
Well, not mad cow.
No, diseases, man.
Human cow.
What's that?
Human cow.
I don't know, but it's great.
This guy got away with a lot, though.
There was something.
That's like a Texas chainsaw.
Think it out.
You got to think.
No, he didn't get out.
He didn't.
No one thinks shit out, you know, all these dumb ass people.
Oh, he thought it out.
He was very.
Yeah, he was serving it up in his restaurant and figured things out.
I'm talking about if you're going to kill someone and want to dispose of it, think it
out beforehand.
Is that what you do?
No, no human should kill another human.
I would.
God's will.
I would.
I mean, that is trust me.
Trust me.
If I had to.
That guy got complacent.
I would.
I'd never mind.
Never mind.
I love these boys, soccer.
That's fine, though.
When you think about this the way that these people do things, I know we're getting back
on serial killers.
That's all we ever talk about.
Well, I don't know if that's not all we talk about.
Most a lot.
At the same time.
That's what's happened down here.
Willie Pickton.
I think that picked in that was, I said, Pinkton.
I think it's picked in.
You were saying, is that Al Sharpton's cousin?
He is still black history.
You can tell by the silence on that one.
We'll edit that out in post.
Sharpton, Pinkton, it sounds like the cousins.
We'll add laughs to it.
That dude lost a lot of fucking weight, man.
I liked him better fat.
Yeah, so did I, man.
I liked him when he was pretty white.
He burned down.
All his crap.
I'm a Laker.
Make a look at hi, make a heiny.
Yeah, but I mean, all the Akbar.
Con.
Yeah.
All right.
But at the same time.
Bad by the elephant.
See, yes, this poor lady hit it on a spuggy.
I googled it.
Did she kill two people?
21 counts.
I don't know why 21, but.
Well, driving on math, driving too fast.
Oh, it was in Hittisota.
So legal late in US and she leave the city.
You know, for getting a stop for a vehicle.
She killed two children.
That's why there's 21 charges, man.
Oh, man.
And ironically, in her tape deck was dead Kennedy.
She was listening to I kill Children at the exact time.
No, she was thinking about chap aquatic.
Yeah.
And dead Kennedy.
Ted Kennedy.
Which is very.
Mary Joe, Kepeckney.
Oh, poor girl.
Yep.
RIP in heaven.
Mary Joe, Kepeckney.
Serious.
We love you and your family.
You shouldn't have died like that.
And you know, it's been a scum.
Yes.
But he couldn't help it because he is.
Fucking.
Family covered it up, man.
That's the thing.
So this lady called her HR department and admitted.
She said, I F up.
I just killed two Amish people.
They were kids.
I just hit an F in buggy.
I'm not sober.
I'm high on meth.
HR manager recalled her saying.
Damn.
So never implicate yourself in a case.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, did we all say all those things?
Did they put her in a, did they put her in a program to get off a drive?
That's crazy.
She called HR.
Yeah.
She called her job, which is weird.
That's how high she was.
She calls the worst department to ever get a hold of.
I would call my parents.
Somebody.
I'm going to implicate them on this also.
I'm going to call somebody with a fucking brain.
Not work.
They took and run me down with a car when I was riding a bike or whatever.
And they got me in the ambulance.
I had the paramedic taking call my boss.
Then say fuck it.
He's not a work saver.
I'm not getting into a because of this.
And he explained it all to him.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Honestly, yeah, that's like my first call.
I'm not coming into you.
You got to call my boss.
I'm not going to call him because a job is fucking important.
Most people nowadays, they don't give a fuck about it.
But you're calling in to say, what should I do?
Yeah, more important.
Exactly.
You're calling in to say you're not coming to work.
I would say what just happened for 10 and a half freaking years.
And this is a great story because I know you guys will love this.
All right.
A man goes around a Texas thrift store shoving antiques up his butt.
Big more than the antiques.
Bigger chess pieces.
This is our video.
I'm taking this stool out with me.
Mike goes through the trouble of buying a butt plug when you could simply shove antiques up your bum.
Really?
He was testing out the products.
He was a killer villain.
I was sharp-witted.
How sharp were they?
What?
How sharp were they?
Well, I don't know.
The antiques.
The king piece in the chessboard hurt a little.
This guy hit like this.
This guy planned it out.
This guy thought about his little curve.
He only took small things.
He only took smooth things, Leonard.
Chess pieces.
But wearing a kill.
You know, pawns.
You gotta get them.
They have no sharp edges.
He put a spoon in his ass.
A spoon?
Nice.
And then it says, just in case there was any doubt, he wasn't done.
He saw something that caught his eye, he picks up and looks at it and then does his little
horsey stomp and proceeds to kester it.
Man.
Oh, get in there.
Get in there.
Oh, man.
I'll fucking spoon, dude.
The first time he's done this.
He wanted to cook some shit later.
He's a slamer.
I hope it wasn't like one of, like a ladle spoon or something.
It had to be like a teaspoon.
I don't know.
Hopefully it was one of those weirdy and teeth ones.
He had to start.
Florida.
Yeah, he had to start.
Oh, yeah.
It was one of those giant belly crocker spoons that you send away for in this revenue.
The wooden one.
The red plastic one.
Remember the big fork in the spoon?
Oh, yeah.
The wooden ones.
What's that?
No?
Leonard.
Yeah.
The thing is that these people.
This is just so fucking absurd, man.
It's not.
It's a story.
That's what they like to do.
I understand that.
But it's just so fucking absurd.
Dude, you can't really fathom it.
No, I can't.
I'm trying to picture it in my fucking mind.
Nothing's a crime.
It doesn't register.
Well, that's the thing.
Nothing really should surprise you.
Yeah.
Like, there's going to be a guy coming in your store.
Think guy, he's not touching children, but this guy's just shoving stuff up his bum.
Well, you know, the messed up thing is somebody probably read this and went to that antique store.
It's like, is that stuff school for you?
Yeah, this is one that guy's playing in.
Yeah, now it's what he's got to sign it.
He wants to buy it.
Yeah, sign it.
You didn't clean this, did you?
No, it's a part of American history.
Is this the one that he did this with?
Yeah.
I want this.
Okay.
Technically, that's hazardous material.
You probably have to get rid of it.
No, yeah, you would have to dispose of it.
There is no way that you can keep that.
You can't sell items that have been of someone's rectum.
But who knows, though?
How would you know?
I don't think that he has been fucking cool.
Well, he's on video doing it.
So, I mean, that's how you know.
They take and drop off all sorts of shit all the time.
How do you know?
That have been on people's ass?
Who knows?
Oh my God, Leonard.
Well, any couches that have been donated?
Yeah, check them with the black light.
Yeah, oh Lord.
Oh, yeah.
They don't accept those.
Yeah, they probably don't.
Good wall salvation.
Any couches in my house, you should check the black light.
Yeah, all these NGOs that are perpetrators.
You should check any freaking hotel bed you stay in.
Oh, yeah, I mean, that's just obviously.
That's why I like sleeping on the floor.
I don't want to check, you know, the fucking...
That's what a hotel room is for.
Yeah, exactly.
Just act freaky and you don't have to clean it up.
Exactly.
You don't have to care about throwing your bed out.
Hey, they ain't cleaning the freaking mattresses.
They're cleaning the fucking floors.
Okay.
Okay, so I'd much rather...
How often do you clean your mattresses?
Do you honestly think the floor...
How often do you clean your mattress?
Do you think the fucking floor is clean?
I do.
I rotate it all the time.
We're not cleaning it though.
And I vacuum it too.
Yeah, don't get it.
I sew filter green vacuum cleaners and I can take and show you all the freaking...
Yeah, but that doesn't get the hazardous material lost though.
That skin and everything else that you take out of it, man.
If I...
If we later have any relations and I accidentally show her which way the business end is of
Moina and then it just sits in the bed and coagulates in one spot, vacuuming, picking that up.
No.
Rotate the mattress.
Or when you got a squirter and there's a fucking wet spot this fucking thing.
Exactly, yeah.
Yeah, you get a girl to rub it.
I dated a girl.
We had to wait and have her rub her sheets.
She wants it to buy rubber.
I dated a girl that needed rubber pants.
You dated a girl that was in a rubber room.
I had a chick...
You know, she had me piss on her.
Ah, Leonard.
I was laying in the tub and I pissed on her.
Sounds excellent.
Okay.
And how did that go?
It reminded me never to fucking go out.
Well, you know, there was a couple of times before that.
You know, tired out of the bed.
I didn't have enough freaking rope.
I used an extension cord.
But after she had me piss on her in the tub, that was the last time I took in sour, man.
Well, no shit.
I didn't take it.
I wasn't a follow-up, man.
I'm going, where the fuck is this in a lead to?
She wasn't married.
Hey, Leonard.
Yeah.
Leonard, she wasn't marriage material.
It's just a precursor to a bad event.
Well, yeah.
That's what it is.
It's like it's just going to keep on accelerating.
I met her when I took in, checked myself in for rehab.
Oh, yeah.
There you go.
Rehab.
You know, and she was in there.
She was addicted to piss.
No.
She was one of the people taking in...
Intake.
...in the rehab.
Intake.
She was one of the socialists.
Socialists.
I know.
I had a socialist who knows at the methadone clinic.
No.
I hated that.
My mother.
Is it wrong word?
Socialist worker?
Yeah.
You know, she was doing my therapy and shit like that.
She was doing more than your therapy.
Yeah.
That's what it ended up being.
But then after that, it's like no more.
I'm cured, man.
All I'm doing is drinking beer and smoking cigarettes.
And pissing on my therapist.
Sounds like a good time.
Sounds fucking horrible.
Sounds like a horrible fucking time to me.
And I ain't bullshitting you, man.
Unfortunately, I know.
The crazy ones are the fun ones.
To an extent.
Everybody likes to put their wiener in crazy until it gets too crazy.
Yeah, but you know, if a chick wanted me to piss on her, I'd say, nah, you know what?
I'm going home.
Well, it felt like you're the first guy to do it.
How was that my place?
You know, you did it at your own house?
Yeah.
Aw, man.
She got in my tub.
You are fucking tough.
At least I was in a tub.
Yeah.
She's like, hey, and your couch, like, oh, what did you do?
Bad dog.
You can't hurt the paper.
She knows where you live, then.
That was a long ass dog.
What if she comes over for more pissings?
You're not home.
We got a rag down there.
Uh-oh.
Man down.
We don't have nothing.
What the hell?
Leonard's going to be penalized for that.
No, I'm not going to do that right now.
I apologize.
We're going to send Leonard to the penal colony in Boys Town.
Oh, man.
The Joe, the fucking dog, the old, your fucking cheek.
I don't know what that means, but it's getting fucking popular.
All right, should we do our game?
Yeah, let's do the game.
This is not to offend anybody.
But we're going to offend people.
No, no, we're not going to offend anybody at all.
But sorry, Joe.
This is a game that Sherry, who I love a lot,
shout out Sherry.
We love you, Sherry.
A lot.
A lot, right?
Sherry is the shit.
She's one of the women I love.
She's the real deal.
She's ride or die.
That's what I said.
I was asking, how much do you love Sherry?
I love her.
I was asking, how much do you love her?
So Sherry commented on one of our videos,
and I came up with the game because of this.
So this game is called MLK Quotes or Fortune Cook A Quotes.
MLK or Fortune Cook A?
Yes.
Does that mean Martin Luther King?
Yes, sir.
No, it means fucking.
In accordance with Black History Month.
What about Junior?
You missed the Junior at the end of it.
Okay, MLK Junior or Fortune Cook A, Senior.
Okay.
Great Black man.
That was a government sigh-up and Jesse Jackson was involved.
What's that?
We all know it was a government sigh-up and Jesse Jackson was involved.
Yep.
Yep, definitely.
He was right there on the back on him.
All right.
So, I'm gonna read you.
All right, listen, we're playing now.
I'm gonna read you a quote, and you guys have to guess if it's MLK or Fortune Cook A.
Okay.
Are you ready?
What's a fortune cookie?
A fortune cookie.
The thing is a fortune cookie.
Okay.
Is it a fortune cookie thing or is it a fucking MLK?
What do you get out of the fortune cookie?
You get sweet.
A fortune.
Goodness.
Okay.
I'm just asking.
All right.
Delicious sugar cookie.
A night delayed is a night bear...
Wait, a night delayed is a right denied.
Fortune cookie.
Damn.
MLK.
A night delayed is a night denied.
Ooh, that's a twist.
Let it to the MLK.
I'm leaning MLK.
I think it is too, but I'm gonna say fortune cookie just to be different because you guys...
Yeah, I know that's to say, well, usually my first thought is wrong.
It's always the opposite.
Well, that sounds like something he'd say in like a speech to say, let's go, motherfuckers.
We're wasting time.
Yeah, definitely.
But it can pass for a long time.
Definitely could be a fortune cookie too.
Yeah.
A night delayed is a right denied.
Yes.
I apologize.
Yeah, that's what you said before.
MLK.
Yeah, I'm gonna say MLK.
MLK, Larry.
Okay, I'll say fortune cookie.
MLK.
I knew it.
Shit.
I just want to be different just in case.
Yeah, do not mistake temptation for opportunity.
That's a fortune cookie.
Fortune cookie.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree.
Fortune cookie.
I'm gonna have to agree.
I'm gonna say MLK then because if they say both, fortune cookie, I got to go different
again.
They could go either way, but yeah.
Yes.
Well, that was a fortune cookie.
I figured so.
And let me tell you, I scoured through hundreds of MLK quotes to try to make this work and
it doesn't seem like it's going.
All right.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
MLK.
Fortune cookie.
500.
If it's a fortune cookie and I'm right, we got to bring the gong.
Yeah, I would say MLK in that one.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
And what do you guys think?
MLK.
I'd say fortune cookie.
That's got fortune cookie written all over it too.
Fortune cookie it is.
Yeah.
All right.
I got one wrong.
I'm, I'm, faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.
Fortune cookie.
That's a fortune cookie.
No, that's MLK.
And what do we got?
Chinese don't have faith.
So what do you say, Larry?
I said fortune cookie.
Leonard.
Fortune cookie.
Kiki.
MLK.
MLK, baby.
Nice.
Yeah.
I should be writing these things down.
Kiki's leading, I believe.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is depth.
He just got one ahead of you.
You guys were tied up until then.
What's that?
The only difference between a rut and a grave is depth.
Depth.
Fortune cookie, man.
That's MLK.
I'm going to say fortune cookie too.
It shall be fortune cookie.
Now you guys are tied.
You and Kiki, I'm behind by like two.
Delight the world with compassion, kindness, and grace.
Fortune cookie.
Oh, that go both ways.
Yeah, I'm saying fortune cookie on that one too.
Say it again.
Delight the world with compassion, kindness, and grace.
I'm going to go with difference, MLK.
Ah, it's a fortune cookie.
It's just so funny that you think MLK would say that.
Oh, shit.
OK.
You guys.
Radical motherfucker.
A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
A cynic, that's a fortune cookie.
Yeah, it is.
Yes, it is.
You guys are all right.
Be on alert to recognize your prime at whatever time of your life may occur.
To wait.
Oh, shit, man.
MLK.
Let's say fortune cookie 500.
Cookie.
Nice.
That means fortune cookie later when we ring the bell.
You know, I know.
OK, good.
The time is always right to do right.
Oh, that's MLK.
Ah, yes it is.
These are very difficult.
They tried.
OK, we should have Malcolm X or your axe.
Malcolm X.
Some real fiery shit.
Did my ex-girlfriend tell me this or was that an Malcolm X quote?
She called me.
Robert or everything else.
Yeah.
Dude, that's it.
That'll be good.
Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy to a friend.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, that's an MLK quote.
I'll say fortune cookie.
That's MLK.
MLK.
Ah.
Of course it was.
That was too beautiful.
Yeah, yeah, that was beautifully put together.
No person has the right to reign on your dreams.
For the good of you.
MLK.
All right.
Oh, shit.
I suck at this.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
That's a fortune cookie.
Say that once more.
A conclusion is a place where you just got tired of thinking.
Like this heater's done.
Fortune cookie.
That one should be in the fortune cookie hall of fucking fame.
Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.
Say that once more.
Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.
MLK.
I like that.
Yeah, that's gotta be MLK.
Yeah.
So what do we say?
I'm saying MLK.
All three of you?
Yeah.
Watching cocaine.
Nice.
I got you finally.
Yeah, that was good.
Rat white bastards.
See, it only seems fucked up to you, needles, because you know the answers are ready.
To us, it could go either way.
You don't understand how I scoured the inner ones.
I know that's a thing.
These are tiny.
It's hard to find some MLK quotes.
Get on with it.
I didn't want to bastardize his quotes to do this.
Get on with it.
So.
All right.
So you don't take up so much freaking time.
Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.
That's MLK.
Yeah.
Kiki?
Definitely MLK.
All right.
You're all right on that one.
Because that motherfucker was righteous, you know.
He might have been bad here and there and people want to nitpick and shit.
He's fucking horrors and everything.
But he was just a human, bro.
He had a good fucking...
He was a man of God.
He had a good constitution.
He was dissuaded by...
He's a fucking horse.
Dude, I'm a man of God too, and I fucking ain't perfect.
Nobody's perfect.
Are you fucking a horse?
I used to.
Okay.
You used to.
I mean, the night's not over yet.
Are you under FBI investigation?
Sounds like a date.
I hope not.
It's still young Larry.
All right.
Here we go.
Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles.
Fortune cookie.
Yes.
Fortune.
Yeah.
It's gotta be.
You're wrong.
Damn MLK.
I was gonna say that.
I just went along with the crowd that time.
I only got two options left.
Look, I was gonna say...
That was so fucking...
That was so left-wing of me.
Oh, follow the crowd.
I know, dude.
I was a regular sheep on that one.
It sounded like a cookie.
Yeah, exactly.
She just did a little jump off the bridge, man.
All right.
We must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope.
That's MLK.
One more time.
We must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope.
That's a fortune cookie.
I said MLK but I'm switching the fortune cookie.
Finite.
Finite means...
That's MLK, man.
Yeah, I think that's MLK, too.
Yes.
It's too deep for a fortune cookie.
MLK.
Fuckers.
When the blind or the leading, the blind get out of the way.
Oh, fortune cookie, man.
Yeah.
MLK.
Man, that can go through the way.
Fortune cookie, dude.
He's ringing the bell.
Almost.
Kiki didn't decide.
Yeah, I know.
I'm going to have to say cookie.
Hey.
I'm not black and I'm not...what was the last question?
Brian's reading the brand.
And I'm not blind.
And I'm not black and not Mexican.
Are you Hindu?
I might be.
Not Hindu.
Where am I from originally?
That wasn't the question.
You know, Wizzow from Bozo?
He's right up on from Zanzibar.
Freddie Mercury.
Dude, didn't Wizzow live by Turner's Pond?
Wizzow lived across the street from the Dine and Bats' church.
My mom...
He'd be given out full-size candy bars and magic tricks on fucking all of you and us kids.
I was actually thinking about this earlier.
Marshall Brody.
Yeah, he lived all Bozo and cookie.
And how I couldn't stand fucking Wizzow.
I honestly, you know...
How could you not like Wizzow?
He was a Chicago classic.
And you know, I could not stand him.
I thought about this shit earlier today.
Wizzow?
I didn't know.
Yes, Wizzow.
That's what they call it.
Bozo and cookie the clone.
Well, Bozo was no fucking hero either.
Okay, I was thinking, you know, back in childhood, how nice it was, you know what I mean?
I used to think, when I was back in childhood for me, I used to think,
how in the fuck is this guy's hair sticking out like this?
It didn't look right to me.
I was free-occupied.
No, Bozo was here and the wave took all and then stuck out like three feet.
He was the original punk rock haircut.
He was the one that's gonna take in molester kids.
He was always there.
He was like a little kid.
My brother fucking punched Bozo, stepped on his foot, and it was all on TV.
We went with like the park district.
You told me about it.
Yeah, we were kids.
How did the park district make it even better?
Well, because how are we going to get Bozo tickets?
It takes like 10 fucking years, man.
And my brother won the one to play the game.
I honestly thought about this earlier today.
Well, Wizzow never fucking laid a hand on me.
No, that's fucking weird, man.
Was it the mustache that scared you, Lennon?
You ready for another one?
Nothing scared me.
He was just a fucking deviant, man.
Did it make you horny?
To some extent.
No, it was something off-putting.
Off-putting, okay.
You gotta vibe from him.
Yeah, well, a grown man playing a clown is...
Little fucking off-putting.
Yeah, very geesey.
Exactly.
Come on.
After a while, you'd be like, oh, no, enough is enough.
I'm changing something.
I mean, this one's probably going to be easy,
but if I cannot do great things,
I can do small things in a great way.
Am I okay?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, when Bozo got killed, when he died,
he got chopped up by a serial killer,
and they found his body all over,
spread all over WGN Studios.
His head was in the garbage can.
This is very fictitious.
Yeah, allegedly, yeah.
His torso was in the dumpsters,
and they found his balls in bucket number six.
Yeah.
That would mean to get to that bucket number six.
Number six.
I mean, come on.
There you go.
Fucking swim.
And a swim.
Fastback bicycle.
And a slip and slide from Milton Bradley.
A swim.
And a floating Parker Brothers monopoly.
Fastback bicycle.
Remember that?
Fuck yeah, remember that.
What was the answer?
Dude, I got a fastback bicycle.
Be careful, man.
There's light and lights in here.
Watch your fucking mouth.
If you go back and watch the Bozo show.
We're live right here.
The Bozo show is very long.
We don't have to go back to watch the Bozo show.
Okay, next question.
Yeah.
Continue on.
No, that's it.
We're done.
Yeah, Leonard.
That's it.
You won.
You won, Leonard, by far.
Good game.
That was a good game.
You won at least, maybe you and Keegie might have been tied.
Maybe you won by one.
No.
Hey, we were tied, right?
Pretty much.
I think we might have taken it over at the end.
At the end?
Okay.
I don't keep scoring.
If you guys would fucking be on the same team,
I'm sure you would have beat the team I was on.
That's for sure.
How about Joe Biden posting a picture with us?
If you were on my team, we would have taken a one.
You're cutting off my partner, Needle's order.
What's that?
The one Joe Biden posted a picture with his devil eyes.
Oh, yes, yes.
Isn't that crazy?
For a quick flash during his speed.
Was that during the Super Bowl game?
Why would they do that?
I mean, literally, why would...
They did that on social media.
Isn't that crazy?
Wait, that wasn't a meme?
No, no, that was for real.
He literally did that on purpose.
Well, he didn't do that on purpose.
Well, his people did it and he okayed it.
They show him making a speech and he's making a speech about...
When?
Just the day of the Super Bowl or the day after.
That Sunday.
Yeah, it was right around the Super Bowl.
And during his speech, midway through, all of a sudden,
he flashed to almost a subliminal,
but just a little too slow to be subliminal picture
of Joe Biden with devil red glowing fucking eyes.
Like blasting eyes.
Like he's trying to be fucking cool.
With his speech with the red flags with...
Yeah, yeah, we know.
The Marines and stuff like that.
Wait, was that the speech you were talking about?
I didn't think he'd see that.
Yeah, he did a little thing where he flashed his devil picture.
He was talking about shrink-flaturing, which is the greatest thing ever.
I don't know if it's the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry, I don't watch the Super Bowl.
I didn't either.
I don't watch the Super Bowl anymore.
Yeah, he's like, bags of chips used to be bigger.
Like, alright dude, you're our president, man.
Come on, call me if something bad are.
You know what I mean?
You really can't be like, he's like, I like ice cream.
We all understand that, Joe.
The DOJ just said you're capable of doing your job
and that you cannot...
You're not a man.
Hey, no, listen, you're not a cop.
He says you're not competent enough to fucking...
He's been completely enxonerated.
Wait, wait, listen.
One, shut up.
Wait, wait, wait, listen to me, listen to me.
They say he's not competent enough to fucking stand trial,
but you're okay to run the fucking country.
Yeah, he's incapable of doing his job.
You're too fucking dumb to be on trial.
That's like for people with a 70 or lower IQ.
They don't understand right from wrong.
You need to be pulled ahead and execute people.
Because they're too dumb.
This guy run the country, dude.
You want to talk about Canada then.
You know what they're doing in Canada with assisted suicide.
Yeah.
So they get these people that are words of the state.
Uh-huh.
And first they sterilize them.
Oh.
And then they're like, hey, you know what?
Your life is not going to get any better than this.
Why don't you just kill yourself?
This is eugenics.
This is nonceasem eugenics.
Listen to what they do.
Modern name.
They offer you like a week's vacation.
A year's worth of drugs.
And then after that, year's done.
Then they cash your check-in.
And then you have to actually go through with it.
And these people are my favorite simple teams.
But after a week's vacation, a year's worth of drugs,
you might not want to kill yourself anymore.
But they're simple teams, though.
Too bad you said they're kind of dumb.
Oh, man.
Canada's fucking crazy.
A week worth of drugs.
You have an epiphany.
Too late, though, motherfucker.
You signed.
Shit, man.
You signed too fucking late.
You signed your shit away.
For real?
Shit.
They're going to come with the drugs.
Could you fucking imagine how many weeks left?
That's what I'm saying, man.
You have an epiphany.
But could you imagine?
Yeah, can you imagine, man?
You know what I mean?
There's not enough drugs that are going to make me want to kill myself
if they're one week.
No.
I want 52 weeks worth of drugs.
Yeah.
They make you on drugs for a certain amount of time.
I want to get to that.
I want to get to that suicidal state of a drug addict.
Fuck it.
Not at all.
I've been there before.
But hopefully you're at that state where they kill you.
You know what I mean?
Needles' way.
You want to be, you know.
We have some conversations going on.
Leonard.
But no, I understand that you get to that ascension of where these people are basically telling
you what to do with your own body.
It's crazy.
It really is.
It's more than crazy.
These are words of the state that people's families have died, or they've put these into
these hospitals, and then all of a sudden they're like, hey, listen, we can't keep you anymore.
You're too much money out of the state.
We need to do, how about this?
We will do this for you, which you have to sign this paper like Kiki said.
And then you have to kill yourself at the end of the contract.
Also, I heard in Canada, you can go in there with slight depression, and they'll suggest
that to you.
Oh, you're depressed and you're fucked up?
Well, they give fentanyl to kids up there.
What?
They give fentanyl to kids up there.
What?
Which is crazy.
They prescribe that just like, I mean Trudeau is the devil.
He really is, man.
Castro's son.
Well, yes, we've all speculated on that before.
Allegedly Trudeau's mom, Maggie Trudeau, Bangalow and Stone.
There's a lot of pictures with her and him.
Who's Castro?
Yeah.
Everything is intertwined.
The elites run with the elites.
You know what I mean?
They look at us as like peasants and serfs.
Yeah, Mick Jagger's one of the problems too.
Well, music is the best.
The funny thing is, I love music, but when you really break it down to brass tacks, it's
the devil's shit.
Yes.
It's all it is, man.
When you're younger, you don't realize it.
Even the Super Bowl, like the halftime show and all this stuff, there's multiple examples
of crazy stuff going on that are trying to diminish and, okay, look, we always talk about
if I was the devil, right?
Yes.
The first thing he would do is try to make people think that he didn't exist.
Well, God wasn't real.
And then he was also not real.
He was made by somebody.
So it's all a big joke.
Yes.
So it's all fictitious.
It was just hearsay.
It was just written in a book, which I don't know how many people read books anymore because
everybody's so enthralled with the Internet, right?
Yeah.
Approximately fucking five to nine percent of the people read books in this fucking country
daily.
Other than that, nobody reads shit.
I don't know about that.
You're just making numbers up now.
No, I'm just kidding.
Okay.
Yeah.
A Larry study.
I smoked six bombs and came up with this number.
They're like, dude, you're coloring in a book.
You can fucking fact check me, people, out there.
And if you could come up with a better number, I'll take it.
Yeah, I know you'll take it, Larry.
You all prove that.
I'll take it like a man in Boystown.
You look like a Oscar trip.
Smoking a Boystown 100 Mentos.
But the problem is, is that the new older government, who, the UN, anybody with purple
helmets is they just don't have our best interest in us.
That's all it is.
You know, I haven't heard too much about it.
They haven't had best interest for the last 30 fucking years.
More than that, Leonard.
Yeah, it's more than that.
Okay.
That's 30 years that we figured it out.
Whatever.
You guys taking talk.
Yeah, well, that's what we've done a podcast.
And we don't draw.
That'd be kind of boring.
Ever since the seven years.
NGOs.
You know what NGOs are?
Non-government organizations.
The UNICEF, the Red Cross.
He told me to shut up.
No, I didn't.
I said let him speak is all, motherfucker.
You can talk.
You can interject.
I'm not your fucking, I'm not your parent.
You can do whatever you want.
I'm just saying, let's be polite.
You're very polite.
You're scaring me.
You're so polite.
That's all right, though.
Ever since the Senate hearing where the CIA was talking to the judge and the DA, we're
like, let's talk about this behind closed doors.
Yeah, when they were talking about due control, asking if they control the media.
Yeah, nothing good ever happens behind closed doors.
It's like asking the Jews if they control the weather.
What are they going to say?
No, we don't.
Exactly.
Harp does it.
But our lasers do.
Yeah, what about DARPA, too?
We don't.
Oh, I personally don't.
But my cousin, Maury, he does.
The numbers guy.
I know, Leonard.
Harvey Schinkelstein.
I didn't know you were Jewish.
Scheklstein.
I didn't know you were Jewish this whole time.
Just by practice.
By proxy.
Larry Shekels.
Oh, Larry.
Larry.
Larry Shekels.
Shalom in the home, brother.
Shalom to the dome.
Iron.
Shalom means?
It means Larry.
Larry gives good iron.
No.
Good wishes.
Shalom is hello and goodbye.
Yeah, also good wishes.
Hello and goodbye.
Like Aloha.
Sounds like a Beale song.
Shalom to a Jewish person.
Shalom.
You know what I'm saying?
Shalom.
Hey, whatever happened to Malady?
When you take it leave, you say shalom.
It's still a state in the country anymore.
Still destroyed.
It's two different meanings in the word.
Shalom, man.
How many different words do you know that have two different meanings?
A lot.
Yeah.
Bob and prick.
Bob and Bob.
You're and you're?
Prick and prick.
Oh, okay.
Bob could be Bob as a name or Bob.
Bob and we.
Bob on this.
Or a Leonard.
Leonard, you could prick your finger or I could stick my prick in your mouth.
I mean, there's a lot of words.
Shalom means hello and goodbye.
It's.
I understand.
Okay.
There's no other words in the world except Aloha.
Shalom.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I did a lot of work for a guy down in Florida.
That's in the Diamond District in Boys Town.
Every corner of the first name was Shalom.
Needles.
And that's how I took the phone out of the house that I was.
That's in the Diamond District at Boys Town.
Okay.
Hello and goodbye.
I think there's a Beatles song like that because you say shalom.
I say shalom.
You say shalom.
Shalom.
See, and a lot of people don't know, you know, you know, Jewish people and make fun of a lot
of Jewish people.
I work for a lot of Jews.
You can make fun of Jewish people when you are Jewish people.
Feeling a little fuclept.
Rhode Island is either a road or an island.
Exactly.
But at least know what some of the words mean.
You know what I mean?
Hey man, I don't have to know.
I could walk around in the fuckein' ways.
I know those people kill their own people and they're very proud of it.
God damn it.
Oh, don't use the Lord's name in vain, Larry.
Oh yeah, you can't do that.
Jesus, forgive this fool.
Oh man.
Hello.
Put you in the gas chamber.
Shalom.
Okay, there you go.
You guys want to take it and be that way?
That's fun.
Man.
Don't be putting words in our mouth, mother.
I don't.
Larry needle.
Larry needle are fuckein' very somatic.
We love Jews.
We are the antithesis of somatic.
Is it somatic, mathematical?
That's racist.
No, that is really racist.
That is fuckein' racist.
You know what I mean?
Don't talk about math.
Especially about me on my day of growing up.
During on Black History Month.
I mean, there is really the moniker where they say that.
Don't talk about being on time.
It's so difficult that it's like a black guy doing math.
Yeah.
Or swimming.
Alright, I'll take a fist bump on that.
So, during Black History Month, no math, no talk about being on time to work, no talk
about achievements of any kind that are fuckein' racist.
What about going to school?
No child support.
No school.
No, no school.
I don't know, but don't fuckein' say it.
Hey listen, I'm gonna go get cigarettes really quick.
I'll be back in a minute.
Okay, dad.
You guys just chill here.
I'll find you when I'm 28.
Don't worry, I'll be home later.
I'll find you when I'm 20 years old.
Hey, hey dad, look what I brought home.
Hey, what's that?
She asked to live here when the child is born.
Okay.
What are you talking about right now?
I am completely confused, but okay.
Sounds like a rough fuckein' history.
Yeah, this guy's got a rough paper route.
So what's your name?
I go uphill both ways.
I'm asking.
Shenakwa.
Shenakwa Falls.
Man.
Up there in Wisconsin.
Okay, no.
That's my type of hairspray.
Shenakwa.
It's not never a buy.
No, it's not literally.
I can just make up products now.
That's a breath spray.
Yeah, bonacca.
Okay, okay.
Wait, when we were punk kids and we were listening to the punk rock and everything, we were in
about middle school, we put bonacca in my friend's cat's mouth.
Shenakwa?
Oh my gosh.
Or bonacqua.
And we didn't know, you know, we...
Shenakwa.
And this kid was kind of a fuckein' dommer guy.
I didn't realize it at the time, but later I figured it out.
And then fuckein' the cat's mouth just foaming and foaming and foaming.
You're a cat lover too.
Well, yeah, but at the time, dude, I was a...
You should have fuckein' picked that fucke out of him, man.
Dude, I was...
What the hell was he doing?
And why did you let him fuckein' persecute that cat, man?
Persecute?
No, they just totally assaulted it.
They didn't...
Exactly.
I mean, it's not like they had a trial for it.
It was before...
Oh, sorry.
One word.
It was before I was a human.
I was a punk kid.
I didn't fuckein' care.
That's like you're the later's experiment.
It was a dummy.
Guy O'Waska trip.
I was on Guy O'Westboska.
I couldn't help myself.
Guy O'Waska?
That's...
You didn't even have that back then.
Oh, yeah, they had that for years.
I was with a guy named O'Waska.
I was on Kitten O'Waska.
Yeah, you could take and do wiki sticks and shit like that back then.
I've done that.
We've all smoked that.
What did you do, man?
Bramble of the hide.
Did you break the handcuffs and run away?
Oh, speaking about that...
Oh, Larry, that is a good segue into a story I have,
which you guys are gonna love.
Man, I can't believe I got this one.
Man, this is great.
This is excellent.
You people at home, you don't know what you're in for.
This is fuckein' amazing.
Shit.
You're gonna be so glad.
Alright, man.
You're gonna be so glad you tuned in.
Man...
Oh, Shizer.
What the shangguts?
For them the Shizer.
Spinehousin'.
Man caught pleasuring himself in the natural library
uses lube on his hands to slip out of cuffs.
Nice.
What a tie-in theory.
That's a tricky fucker.
So this dude's just wrecking meat in the library.
Instead of arrest him...
It's not his first rodeo.
No, but then they're like, hey, okay.
Why is he in a library where kids are at?
Kids aren't there.
He just answered your own question.
Kids don't go to the fucking library.
Do you feel elaborate on that one?
When I was going up, that's where you took it wet, man.
Now kids just look on their fucking phone, man.
Fuck.
You know, even when I was taking a rewire in my Carmen Gia,
I went and took the book out of the library to children's.
Yeah, yeah.
But when was that?
1970 fucking five or something?
No, like, 89.
Okay.
It was a stone steel...
Three internet.
Stone steel wheel tour.
Yup.
Alpine Valley.
Alpine Valley, yup.
Three nights.
Okay, but okay.
What?
Just because you went and checked out a fucking book in 1989,
doesn't mean there's kids in the library today.
No, that's what the library is used for.
Not fucking masturbating, man.
No, no, no.
Kids are on.
No, no, no.
In the city library, they get free internet access.
Is that what they're doing there?
Yeah.
So he's watching porn?
So why is he masturbating?
He was masturbating on, fucking, live internet or something?
Yeah, live internet, if you want to call it that.
Yeah, he was on the web.
He was on the web looking at porn.
What the fuck?
He should be slapped upside the fucking head.
Well, maybe...
Dragged out by his fucking dick.
And they tried to do that, but he broke free with the lube on his hands.
Okay.
And threw him in the...
You know, Joan, you know, at least six fucking months.
At least six fucking months.
Okay, well...
Six months with no lube at least.
Yeah, I mean, obviously, this guy's a lube master, you know.
Jiffy lube should hire him.
He could do the commercial.
I mean, this guy got promised.
Slippery Sam or slippery Peter, whatever.
Slippery Sam.
Completely out of jail.
Jiffy slippery Sam's lube hut.
Check your oil and sniff your wife's chonies.
And we'll get right out of those cuffs for you.
Yeah, I mean, isn't that crazy though?
I mean, how much lube...
Well, they didn't put the cuffs on them.
You know, they put the cuffs on them.
They didn't put them on tight enough.
It's like when you put them on tight enough.
There's no fucking way you can get your hand past...
You can dislocate your wrists and you can figure stuff out.
You can't. Trust me.
I've been cuffed enough to fucking die, man.
Here's the things, man.
Here's the thing, though.
It's just a story, Leonard.
I'm just talking about it.
Yeah, and here's the thing also, Leonard.
That's what you take it personally.
Hey, hey, can you loosen this up a little bit?
No, no, no, no.
Sounds like my first girlfriend.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Put a fist in there.
Loosen it up a little bit for you.
There you go.
Stick some of a brass and tighten it up.
Now we're getting un-Christian-like.
Leonard is very un-Christian.
He brings out the worst in me.
Hey.
Do you feel like a heathen with this fucker?
I'm a Baptist.
Me too.
I was born and raised a Christian, but I've gone to
Baptist church for a lot of years.
You've strayed from the flock.
Hey, man.
I don't have to kneel anymore.
The nuns don't put freaking pencils and shit underneath
my knees, fuck me up.
You know, fucking, you know.
Did you ever bang a nun at school?
No, I never bang a nun.
Surprise.
No.
Damn.
Surprise.
But, you know, I've banged some holy ones before.
So, I've been giving up all three of them.
Yeah.
That's all right, though.
Thank God for the internet, right?
No, you know, we had Sister Anne Marie, Sister Agnes.
Oh, Jesus.
Sister Mary, elephant.
Sister Anne Marie played the guitar.
Of course.
Say I'll do it.
That's free right there.
I'll tell them to get you in.
Butterfly.
That's how they really suck you in.
Sister Agnes.
I can't say anything bad about Sister Eileen.
Man, you had a lot of fucking underlines.
There were so many things that I watched.
Sister Agnes.
And then when I was in high school, it was brothers.
It wasn't sisters.
Yeah, that's how it was.
She was a good sister.
You know, and Brother Joe was a motherfucker.
They're all assholes.
Oh, Jesus.
No, no, no, it's serious.
You know, I went to a high school where all the hallways are carpeted, all the classrooms
are carpeted, no windows and any of the freaking rooms and shit like that.
So you need to take in pay attention and brother Joe was like a series of kill rooms.
Okay, brother Joe, you know, someone was going to take and get it.
And when he took off his freaking watch in the front, man, you don't want to fuck up
his watch.
No, no, no, no, no.
And you didn't know the hell was going to take and get it.
I need to walk back and forth down the house.
And you know, we only got, you know, like 20 kids in the freaking classroom and shit.
And walk back and forth back and forth.
That motherfucker, you know, I mean, I've seen it happen to other people too.
Come up behind you.
You didn't even freaking know it.
Hit you in the freaking head completely out of your fucking test.
You're lucky that's all it did to you, man.
Okay.
You know, on the floor and she'll like that.
Yeah, it sounds like childlike a random beating daily or something like just a random.
Yeah, he'd take it, pick someone out and take it.
Hit him.
Okay.
Lollie capilletti that poor girl.
Oh, man.
I wanted to go to fucking the washroom and shit like that.
When he finally let her fucking go to the washroom, there's a big red spot on the fucking
seat and shit like that.
Oh, is that what happened?
What?
I'm kidding, man.
He beat the, you know, yeah, he put his foot in there.
Damn.
This is what I'm talking about.
You know, when I was taking and growing up, that's what you took in dealt with.
And that made you a better person.
We had this guy.
We had this guy in high school.
It was on the Denver fucking Broncos.
She's probably not doing that well right now.
All right, Peter, what's her notes?
Hey, you know.
I didn't like taking eating spice ham.
Even in his day, if I look at it or I smell it, you mean?
Oh, no, it's spiced ham.
Capicola.
I used to put my lunch, the sandwich in the fucking in the bushes on the way to work.
I was only two and a half blocks away and stuff like that.
On the way to work?
On to school.
Oh, you said work, motherfucker.
Work, you said.
Okay, school.
School.
So, um, I'm there.
The work day and whatever.
And I didn't get rid of the freaking sandwich.
Okay, make sure you eat your freaking lunch and stuff like that.
I'm telling them, I can't fucking eat this.
Whatever.
Took me down to the principal's office.
No priest has ever said that.
Eat the hell out of me with a panel and stuff like that.
Forcing me to eat this freaking sandwich.
Damn.
I'm thrown up all over the front of his office.
I'm telling you, I can't take and eat this.
I would have kicked the motherfucker in the balls.
I can't take this ham.
I'm sorry, Jesus.
Yeah, well, it's back in the day.
I love ham.
Spiced ham.
There's just something about it, man.
It's a beating.
When the priests and the nuns, they would beat the children.
Oh, okay, Larry started.
Larry, your book.
Yeah, I was just gonna say, we had a fucking...
No, your book you read about the nunnery and stuff like that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Where they fucking rape and torture the nuns and stuff.
Jimmy Savile stuff.
They rape and torture the nuns.
Wow.
Anyways, the thing I was gonna say is...
Jimmy Savile raped all the fucking kids over there in Britain, man.
Savile, he was a hero and icon and stuff like that.
You liked him, huh?
I thought he was cool.
He was until he found out what he was doing.
He's going to the fucking hospital.
The kids are in the fucking hospital beds and he's fucking molesting them and shit, man.
Fucking sick, motherfuckers.
There's fucking world sometimes, man.
And these are the higher up people that everyone look up to and stuff.
May you burn in hell, Jimmy.
Seriously.
There you go, man.
Jimmy, may you repent and fucking go to heaven.
And Savile and...
There's no repentance for you.
All the other people in parliament and everything else that were so close with that.
He was tied with the queen and stuff.
Yeah.
And Diana.
And Diana had gone back to the fucking Andrew, man.
You know what I mean?
No.
You know, everything.
There's not a lot of fucking strings that it takes to connect everything.
Yeah.
That's the problem.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
The degrees of separation.
How about this, man?
I'm one degree of separation from the Kardashians.
You want to hear how?
You're white.
No, I didn't say I fucked them or anything.
I said I'm one...
You know how they had that...
Separation, man.
...degrees of separation?
Fucking Kardashians.
I fucking interviewed...
They have done so...
Shut your mouth.
Let me tell you how I'm fucking one degree separated.
I fucking interviewed Travis Barker from Blink 182 in 1999 for this fucking website called
Bug Juice at the Warp Tour Fest.
And then he fucking went out with the Kardashians.
Two degrees, not one, two degrees.
I'm sorry, he's dating Courtney or something.
So I'm only two degrees away from a whore that I could care less about, but you know,
that's just weird.
Okay, the Kardashians have done more damage...
No shit, Sherlock.
...to the, you know, the children and society...
The American psyche.
...you know, than anyone else.
And they're only claim the fame...
Just being whores.
...his father that took and got OJ off on killing...
Okay?
Yeah, she's more more than that though.
They're nothing.
Okay, they're nothing, man.
And all they do is go and fuck niggers and take their fucking money.
Oh, man.
Okay.
No, I'm sorry.
All the black people...
It's okay, Larry.
All the black people...
It's black history, Mont.
It's gonna be on you.
I am calling the ACLU right now.
This is Leonard Peebles.
Rainbow Coalition Push, L Sharpie.
Jesse Jackson and L Sharpie.
I mean, yeah, let me talk to him.
There's an African-American gentleman here,
and then you're really gonna do that
in front of my dashikian?
During black history, Mont.
How dare you say that about needles, people?
They have done nothing more than destroy
all the young girls and women in this country.
Yes, hey, Leonard, check this out.
I heard this thing where it said,
if a girl watches 15 minutes, just 15 minutes
of keeping up with the Kardashians,
their empathy for other people goes down.
They're fucking narcissism and greed, skyrockets.
They become total assholes with just 15 minutes exposure.
It's all it takes.
That's how fucking fucked those people are.
You know, and selling all their makeup
and all the other fucking shit.
Demise of moral values.
They want to be like,
they want to have huge fucking ass because
Nickers is like a fucking huge ass.
Let's just keep on saying that word, then.
Sorry.
I mean, let's just not get us canceled.
Leonard is grandfathered in.
Larry, nor do you know he's in the 50s.
He said that, so let's just make a disclaimer.
No, the mother is the true evil one.
She sent the sex tape for her dog
and like posted that shit.
To make money.
To get to.
How evil is that?
The mother would do that again.
Explore your kids.
Yeah, what is that?
Kim, Yonah, Kim, Chris.
Chris Jenner.
Listen, first of all, poor Bruce Jenner.
Bruce Jenner.
Oh my gosh.
Jesus Christ.
He was a hero of mine, man.
The Catholic.
He was a hero of mine.
It's home events.
Home events in the Olympics.
Okay, him and Mark Spitz.
That's why I wanted to say that you're a swimman
and everything else.
I like Mark Swallows better.
He lose sound.
You make sure you do.
Yeah, Swallows.
Hallstead and Guy Street.
Fank, fank.
There you go.
Who was the guy that did the AIDS that hit his head?
Louis, uh, Louis Gaines.
Greg Gaines.
He was an awesome diver and stuff like that.
And they emptied all the water out of the fucking pool.
Yes, it was AIDS water.
Well, but dude, come on.
What do you mean, come on?
If someone shits in the pool, you have to...
What was her?
Ten parts for fucking millions of people.
If someone eats in it, you call up Africa and be like,
what do we do now?
You could drink that bloody AIDS water and be fine.
His call was to Africa.
Yeah, we are totally unexperienced in this.
We got this guy, Greg, takes a beer.
Yeah, he is.
And, uh, drain the pool right away.
Yeah, drain the pool.
Yeah, drain the swimming coach.
What's fucking him?
Oh, is that what...
No, no, about that, but okay.
Well, he had a nice ass.
Allegedly.
Yeah.
Well, he wasn't hetero, that's for sure.
No, we all know that.
Yeah.
But at the same time, he was...
Well, he was awesome, man.
Yeah, he was a saskus proctologist.
He was awesome.
Thank you, buddy.
Well, it was early in the, uh, 80s.
Yes, it was...
Well, here's the thing, man.
It was...
Here's the thing.
Everyone was...
It was okay to still be homophobic.
And everyone was so afraid of AIDS
and they thought it was just the fucking...
Dude, what was that one...
AIDS.
Where they had the kid, like, coughed in a blood rag,
and that's how he got AIDS.
Like, they made it seem like he got AIDS.
So easy.
The little kid, Williams or whatever.
It was about the boykin AIDS.
Yeah.
I remember that.
He was out of Indiana or something like that.
Yeah, I'm totally free, but I remember the moment, like,
they showed him...
He was coughing in a rag of blood, and that's how they...
Got it.
...thought he got AIDS or something.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
It was another foul shit.
Yeah, I remember.
Yeah.
And he had a skinny kid, blonde hair,
and he was a poster child for AIDS at the time.
Yeah.
And then they, you know...
And then he had...
What do you say, post...
He'd taken die, you know,
and they had all the quotes on the capital and ground
and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, it was crazy back then.
Now, when you say poster child,
you mean, like, the kid that would attract the homosexuals
to...
No, no.
Being...
This is what you have to take and avoid.
I know.
I'm kidding.
You know what I mean?
That's, you know, we're not talking a poster child for...
To turn you on.
No, no.
For the guy for abducted children.
Yeah.
They were just trying to...
They were passing along a connection to anybody
just by some dumb little thing.
Yep.
Yeah.
So, you know, and that's their thing.
And I remember my mom...
Just like when people were afraid of, you know,
the C-word in the beginning and all that,
and just any little thing that they get scared of.
Oh, yeah.
In the beginning, nobody knows what's going on,
and everybody's just scared out of their fucking mind,
and that's part of the fucking big plan of the big,
you know, big brother is to keep those fucking scared.
No, no, you know, age was a lot worse.
And it still is.
If you were gay.
And it still is because you don't necessarily have to be gay
to take and catch it.
COVID is flu, okay?
And they use that word, okay, to scare them.
Shit out, everyone.
Okay.
5% of the vaccine killed.
And, you know, everyone stay at home, mail-in ballots, okay?
And that's how they got a fucking election.
So how about this?
Hey, Leonard, you like this.
You like this.
I mean, you can learn all-cited mail-in ballots.
So it was like flugel, hey.
No, Leonard, they're trying this again with the fucking mail-in ballots.
What?
They're trying to do something.
We were going on tour and it was during the bird flu.
During the bird flu.
And so every night we would take a fucking t-shirt and write something on it.
Which one?
There was two different bird flu.
I don't know, fucking one of them.
Right, okay.
So anyways, the difference from bird sickness and fucking sickness, like AIDS or bird flu
in German, it's just the difference of the dots over flugel, like flugel.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Okay.
So I would go out on stage and everyone would laugh.
I'd say, I got my shirt for, you know, because of the bird flu and it would say AIDS or something.
And they would all laugh.
Or one time I had the one that said, you know, Schweineficker, you know, pig fucker.
Right.
And that would make people laugh.
And then when the girl was waiting for us at the airport one time, she had a sign that
said Schweineficker.
Did she look like a faggot?
And so everyone would get, oh.
No.
Everyone getting off the plane, laughed at that sign until we said, hey, Franz, you can
hug her and everything.
You guys, where are the pig fuckers?
Where are the pig fuckers right here?
Yeah, exactly.
It was funny.
Where's all the fat ones?
Geez, Leonard.
But you're American, so people just...
It's a long tour.
We'll find them.
Disgusting Americans.
What time we at, Larry?
105.
Look at that.
You see what I mean, kiddo?
Right on the mark.
Larry.
All right.
Hey, we want to say thank you to Tom's Free Clinic Automotive and Veterinary.
I'm not going to do a thing.
I'm going to do a song.
At the end?
Yeah.
Okay.
And I want to thank Jesus and God.
Black History Month.
Yeah.
And I want to thank Leonard and Kiki for showing up.
I think Needles too.
Yeah.
Love you guys.
Thank you for listening.
We love everybody.
We love you.
Fuck it.
Love you guys.
Mr. Rex, we love you.
Sherry, Jay, Tiffany.
Chrissy.
Chrissy, Matt Barber, you're still gay.
You javill.
I hope you get out of your Indian prison.
We sent some rupees to you.
In a cake with a five.
You're getting reaped.
That's all right.
I want some dead Kennedys, all right?
Yeah.
They're going to take your guns.
They're going to take your wife.
Next thing you know, they're coming for your life.
Lock your daughter up.
But here you go.
Sent to currency.
Oh, no.
They're going to kill us.
They're going to try to take us.
They're going to make us worse and make us right.
They're going to send us to camps.
And guess what?
We don't put up a fight.
We can't put up a fight.
Fuck the government.
We love USA.
That was fantastic.
God bless America.
Next time I'm going to need a pick or something.
Next time we need a pick.
My fingers are getting caught up.
I want to also say if Hams beer, PBR,
Old Milwaukee, any of you motherfuckers,
step up and fucking send us some beer.
We want Dana White on her podcast.
I'm going to add mention them.
Dana White.
She is one of the most American podcast.
No, it's a guy.
We are the last bastion.
It's the guy that runs the UFC.
We are the last bastion of freedom speech in USA here.
We are.
That's it.
We love this country.
The problem is that Dana White walked off the Hollywood.
What happened?
How he was getting too deep?
Comedians can't do podcasts.
They don't understand it.
Dana White is just like I'm done.
Exactly.
Because either one hears the difference
between us and Howie.
We're fucking real.
Howie is a con.
We're not comedians.
We don't have to be funny and we're really not.
It's a thing.
We're not funny at all.
Plus we don't care about ratings or money.
No, we got four conversations going on.
I got to go.
I got to go and do a podcast.
This is what it's like around my kitchen table
when everyone's fucked up, everybody.
You forgot your favorite beer though too.
Schlitz gay.
Schlitz, hey.
Schlitz, the Boys Town, Pink Cans,
fucking Vaddillon, Mulvaney, whatever.
It's fucking shit.
You want to send us.
We'll drink it down.
Are you fucking kidding?
Hey, if Bud Light wants to send us a truckload of fucking beer
for nothing, I'll take it.
I'll drink the shit of it, damn.
I'll start doing beer bombs.
Yeah, we'll do beer bombs with Bud Light on this motherfucker.
Yeah, we will.
We will drink the gay away.
You know, that's our motto.
We'll drink the gay away.
It was beer done.
Well, hey, the Donald could do whatever he wants.
Beer slums.
Here's what we'll do.
The mouthfeel.
I love how he's laying it all out.
He's got this plan.
Well, no, I didn't have a plan, but beer slums.
He must have been driven about this already.
Oh, yeah.
All right, Lonnie, drink about it.
Just two at a time, Leonard.
Just forget it.
He's going all out for a marketing ploy.
Yeah, a marketing boy.
It's going to be called the Leonard.
It's going to have a flag on the end of your mouth.
Two beer, two beer dogs.
No, no.
Yeah, exactly.
It's a double host beerbond with two black dicks
for the mouthpieces.
Oh, jeez, man.
I mean, all right.
I don't know why you're talking about my people like this
at the end of this episode.
Jello wrestling.
It's the Leonard, not how.
I demand equality.
It's called the Leonard.
And I demand reparations.
All right, one black dick and one white dick.
There we go.
I like an easy one because it just sounds like...
Three dicks.
Fuck that.
It's like women of jello wrestling right there, two dicks on the end of it.
Wait a minute.
What?
Goal!
That was logistically feasible.
I don't understand what you're talking about.
I'd like to see this.
Yeah, definitely.
I mean, do the Wieners pump out jello?
If it's a guache show.
No, it doesn't pump out anything.
You know, they're in a jello pool and they're having to take and drink the Bud Light
out of their freaking, you know...
And then we got a conveyor salad set.
And then we got to hold those with the fucking holes.
So then we got to put a tap line and then we got to get cash.
So...
I mean, the logistics Leonard's on the series.
No, no, no, no.
They, you know...
The container is split in half.
So whatever...
What container?
That's holding the fucking beer with the dildos.
It's like where does the catsy wear with the cantoons?
So whoever finishes their half first...
They can take and...
Eat some jello.
...the other person first because they're still trying to take and drink theirs.
How much beer is there?
Hey, be flowery.
Leonard.
And now you have an advantage.
Leonard, how many beers are in this container that they have to drink?
Is it like a half a gallon, three beers, two beers?
We can just do migrants.
How's that?
Okay.
They fight a migrant and then jello...
You know, with a woman...
The price of migrants is going up?
Let's put three in each.
Three beers, okay.
Three beers in each dildo?
And whoever finishes their first while they're holding them up...
How about we do a double ended dildo and they can do it at the same time?
No, no.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's for the jello wrestling part.
Okay.
It's like a beer hat with the two tubes, but it's split in half and it goes to each girl.
Each girl has to finish theirs first.
Right, because the one that finishes theirs first...
Has the advantage.
Has the advantage of taking tackle right in the fucking midsection if she's got any fucking brains.
Oh, she ripped her head off.
Because the other one is still trying to finish the fucking beer, you know what I mean?
It sounds like a real, real white trash abortion right in the midsection.
Hey, what trailer park are we going to hold this event?
Oh, the one behind Louis D's.
Yeah.
Stone Park, baby.
Yeah.
Bobby's Bar, Louis D's.
Land of the Lost.
Yeah.
Stone Park.
Did you take a boat?
My God, I spent fucking years in Stone Park.
Of course you did.
You left your heart in Stone Park.
It was like most people are like, I left my heart in San Francisco.
You left your...
You left your lunches at Stone Park.
I left my heart in Stone Park and had too many heart attacks and many strokes.
Remember that?
You know, back in the fucking late 70s and the early 80s, holy Christ.
Remember all the fires there?
No, we don't remember that.
We were children.
That was a little bit funny.
We're not out of here, right?
Yeah, we're on here.
Let me...
You and Larry are the stony.
Should I turn this shit off?
I had maybe 10 years after you guys did.
I was there.
Yeah.
All right, we will not.
Thanks for listening.
Like, follow, subscribe, tell your enemies, tell your friends.
Tell your friends.
Yes, tell your friends.
Thank you, Kiki.
Thank you, Leonard.
We love you guys.
Thank you, Nicos.
Thank you, Joe.
Thank you, Kiki.
I love it.
Hey, everyone behave.
Yeah.
Don't do anything Leonard wouldn't do.
If I mean it.
Oh.
Okay.