Time to get ready for Larry Needle's show.
Larry, I am, Needles, Landon, even Kiki, Larry, and Needles, show.
Hey everybody, welcome to Larry Needle's show. I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles.
I'm Larry.
Alright.
This is Kiki.
This is my history month to my white devil constituents.
Yes, I got it.
I'm looking forward to reparations soon.
I took a 23 in me.
5% African American.
The hell of a shirky guy.
I got it on board the past now, so don't say anything in front of me.
I would like my reparations now.
Well, that's, I noticed that that's,
Yeah, you're due reparations.
Yeah.
Even though you don't have kinky hair.
Yeah, well, I just say I'm 5% African American.
It's kinky down below.
Yeah.
Just from the waist up.
You don't have a lot of melanoma in your skin.
That'll work out.
He's an Irish African.
Yes.
I never noticed all the, you have a bunch of new tats.
No.
They're old.
Well, now I'm going to have to look at them in a different light, man.
He's part black.
Part of the Zulu Nation.
Yes.
That's the way I can go.
That's the way I can go with this.
This is going to really mess me up, man.
Why is that?
Because I'm going to have to take in, um, watch everything I say about you.
Okay.
That's all right though.
Or about anyone else or anything in, in general.
So that, you know, you don't get offended.
No, I'm easily offended.
That's the problem.
I can't take a joke.
Oh my God.
And I don't want to get sued.
You know,
Oh, I'm so crazy too.
Let me tell you.
Well, he lets his girlfriend use the N word.
You know, that's when they're in bed.
That's about it.
Yeah, I saw that one.
She can call me.
I did not request that though.
Which is very funny.
Oh, I wish you were a big black man.
No, she wanted to be called NB.
How you guys doing today?
I'm doing great.
It's Friday.
Actually, when I was coming over though, I started snowing.
I know.
I saw that.
It's been so nice.
We get used to it and then all of a sudden.
That's the problem.
It's still February.
Our friend.
He comes up man.
That's when we get killed all the time.
Yeah.
Our friends in the Gaza Strip decided that they're going to take away the nice weather for me.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
I think you might be related to them.
Now that you have that, it disclosed that because everyone out of Africa, that's why they're
proud over there.
Very, very so.
But from us Neanderthals that conquered or populated everything in Europe and stuff like
that.
But then we did interbreed with you guys.
So who's we?
Yeah, who's we?
We are people that were conquered by the Moors.
The Moors.
Yeah, the Moors.
The Italians.
Yeah.
The Moors went through everything.
Yeah, the Moors.
They were crazy.
Yeah.
My ancestors are from Naples.
Do you guys watch the Super Bowl?
Hell no.
I caught some of it.
Yeah, I watch it just because my kid wanted to watch it.
No, I have watched football since Colin Kaepernick and all them people started taking knees to
national anthem and Black Lives Matter.
All that anti-American stuff.
And then they took and played a black national anthem at the beginning of the Super Bowl.
Listen, there's one national anthem.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And then they took a black national anthem.
There's not a black.
That means you're dividing everyone and, you know, along racial lines.
Well, that's how they start the Civil War.
You know, just cool it, people.
You know, you know, enough is enough.
How are you going to start a Civil War?
Did you see Carrie Lake during the Super Bowl?
She was at the Super Bowl.
Carrie Lake when they sang the national anthem.
They had a picture taken of her.
And she was sitting down while everybody else was standing up around her.
Carrie Lake?
Yeah, from Arizona.
They said there were a lot of people sitting down.
She's the one that got screwed out of the election in Arizona.
Oh, okay.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Real good-looking.
Good-looking one that's good.
Yeah, a real good-looking one that knows her shit.
Good-fitting one.
Oh, she's a skinnier one with darker hair, not the fat one with the blonde hair.
Exactly.
And she wouldn't take a bribe because she was, oh, yeah.
Wouldn't take a bribe.
Now I know who you're talking about.
Definitely.
Because I'm trying to picture it in my mind.
How blatant was that?
He came out and just said, hey, do you want some cash?
He was a Republican, too.
We could take care of you whatever you want.
Yeah, whatever you want.
We'll give you a nice cushy job.
Yeah.
But really, you know...
Which is creamier price.
Hey, what?
I got a game.
No, that's what they were saying.
We don't have to wait.
We don't have no price.
You want to play it now?
I have no price.
Sure, we could.
Okay, we could start out early.
Can I say one more thing real quick?
Sure, yeah.
We need to do like, you know, Momar Gaddafi did.
Oh, man.
Well, he got it in the end.
Well, he did get it in the end.
It was Hillary.
What?
Well, he had, you know, he backed down and...
Where the hell is he from again?
I read the Libya.
You know, he put a big basketball game together of other superstars.
Did you hear what he said?
So does China.
Well, but his halftime...
Okay.
So the halftime show, instead of having like cheerleaders come out and do this, he had
a makeshift rig come out, you know, that we had a noose on it.
Oh, man.
Jesus.
They had a trial for a guy.
There was a...
It's a halftime?
This is halftime, halftime show.
He was, you know, tried on dissent.
Of course, he was found guilty.
So they hung him right in the middle of the game.
Wow.
Or halftime.
And this guy, so his neck didn't snap right when they...
Initially?
Initially.
So he sent her to show you.
No, because they do the slow hang instead of...
What we do is the fast drop.
The drop.
It takes them...
It's amazing.
Anyway, but get this.
So a woman came out, like she saw this guy just sitting there dying, suffocating.
A small lady comes out from the crowd and you think she's going to go try to save this
guy.
She starts pulling on his legs.
Nice.
To kill him faster.
I knew that's what you were going to say.
A cannon on him.
Well, there's only two ways that that story goes.
And then the funny thing is Gaddafi actually made her the mayor.
Oh, nice.
He had an all female security detail.
Yeah.
And have you ever seen pictures of them?
They are fine as hell.
Hopefully they're better.
He didn't mess around.
I think they're better than that.
What was that video we saw of the Special Forces?
Oh, the Special Forces, the SWAT team.
The SWAT team, the women, the Chicks.
Oh, yeah.
When they did the Benny Hill music.
That was a coup de gras about that video.
But it just showed them like, the first thing they had to do was they had to take a zipline
down from one side to the other side.
And one lady made it and then they all got stuck in the middle.
What's that?
That was the second thing.
And then...
They had crapping owls in the freaking water so when they fell off they'd be freaking killed.
Well, they dropped them.
And that gives them more incentive to take and do it properly.
Well, they dropped their service weapons too.
And the water was less than five feet and they couldn't retrieve that.
Well, the thing was they messed up by all going at the same time.
Yeah, there was no...
One at a time.
They just ran at it and fell.
They all ended up in the middle.
Oh, yeah.
There was too much weight in the middle.
And then the rope, the line says.
And then they're sitting there like...
Oh, they're...
Okay.
Ask Navy SEALs, Rangers, Green Berets, whatever.
They're not going to take and do something like that.
They know.
You know what I mean?
That's why we're top in the freaking world.
Oh, yeah.
Hmm.
All right, Larry, what do you got for us, Kill?
Okay.
I was reading a warning label on something.
It said, warning, this training equipment is intended for physical conditioning.
Consult your physician prior to starting any physical training program.
Injuries including paralysis and deaths can occur when using this equipment.
It is recommended properly fitted safety equipment including, but not limited to, hand wraps and gloves be worn at all times.
Users assume all risk of injury.
Is this on your new bed?
I mean, where do you think that...
Yeah, where do you think that warning is from?
What piece of equipment?
I'll give you a clue.
I have it in this house.
A dumbo.
Okay.
That sounds like a pretty heavy, something heavy like gloves and all that shit needs to be used.
Well, yeah, but it's Larry though.
He's got a lot of bunch of knickknacks and wigwans.
Right?
You know what I mean?
It sounds good.
It's from the radar approach.
It could be the wheel, even.
Well, and there's the other thing.
No, you got a rubber one?
No.
Well, here, for this label to be written the way it is, some dumb ass has been hurt by this thing.
Exactly.
That's why you gotta think it's big.
Put this shit out there.
Well, it's gotta be big too.
That was a mouthful over there, Larry.
And you'd think the thing would be a giant contraption, right?
What do you think it would be?
That's why...
Well, I'm trying to think, hmm...
Have to wear...
Yeah, holy shit.
Some sort of weighted thing.
When I tell you, you guys are gonna go, what the fuck?
The bruising stuff, the cut in the side, you know, the bark.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's not the medicine ball, is it?
It would rip you up, cut you up, you know, if you got feminine hands.
How about your stretch and stick?
A dumbbell bar or something.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, shoot, we don't even have the American flag in the picture.
Oh, no.
I'll get it, man.
Alright, no, relax.
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'll just get a few points there.
Yeah, just, yeah, just, it's fine.
It's like a minefield right there.
Yeah, that's cool, man.
Okay, Larry, what is it?
Anybody gonna guess?
I, yeah, like a dumbbell bar, like a bell.
A bell, a bell.
Yeah, that's what you were thinking.
That's why I made this game, because I knew you wouldn't guess.
It's the fucking MMA little padded gloves they give you for the Crop McGon class.
Wait a minute.
Had all that written on the tag.
Oh, my God.
Really?
And when I read this, I was like...
When you hit someone in the head, it might take him causing...
Corralysis or death.
Yeah, definitely.
Please don't worry if you eat it.
Eat these because you're gonna eat the gloves.
It's crazy, isn't it?
It's very crazy for gloves.
I'm like, wow, they're really covering their ass with this fucking tag.
It is.
It's crazy how they always say that.
That doesn't say that on my boots.
But it might.
Like, checking the freaking nuts with my steel toes.
It looks like you've kicked a few nuts with those puppies.
No shit, man.
Isn't it crazy they always state that the calcium...
Why?
This is noticov cancer.
Yeah.
Like, they're the only ones...
It's like, okay, the rest of the world...
What the hell, you know?
...the rest of the country will get it.
You know, pair of boots, that should have that on that, then, too.
Or, you know, on, you know, a shirt.
This shirt might kill you.
The shirt.
If you don't get the arms through properly.
Or if you're real high trying to take it off and it gets stuck on your head.
Yeah.
That doesn't make any sense, dude.
Well, that used to happen to me.
I'd be like, Mary, I need help.
My hands would be all stuck.
When you were a little chubbier.
No, just when I was too fucked up to take my shirt off.
I can't even take your shirt off.
That's a little bit crazy there, Larry.
Fuck that!
Sleeping in this shirt.
Just take my pants off so I can shit and take a piss.
Yeah, right.
Just make sure you get out of the bed.
Right.
Damn right.
Leonard, just make sure you go to the washroom.
You're gonna love this.
Don't sit in the bed.
Oh, we got here.
What do we got here?
All right, I got a story, Larry.
All right, let's hear the story.
Have you ever shit yourself?
Well, I'll tell you when I was, you know, kicking dope a few times.
Yeah, you know, you think you're gonna...
Yeah, it happens sometimes.
Other than that, no.
Only from, like, hard withdrawals or something.
I almost shit myself today.
I've done it before.
When you're working and stuff, it's like, holy shit, you know.
I mean, not like a huge wall.
You need to take a crap, you're trying to fight.
Well, yeah, you know.
And get your toilet paper out of your freaking bag so you don't, you know, shit in the cemetery, right?
All right, well, let's hear the story.
I love the Joe Ideas shitting story.
Have you ever heard that?
Probably, I just can't recall it right now.
He said he had to shit so bad he got locked out of his house.
So he pulled his pants down and he put his back against his neighbor's house and took a shit.
Oh, man.
Yeah, and just...
I felt his pants probably.
Well, no, he said he had to shit right in the neighbor's yard because he just leaned back in the neighbor's house.
Yeah, that's how you do it.
He went by the front, like, went by the front door and then the neighbor actually came out and walked, was walking around.
He's like, oh, man, somebody took a shit and on there.
And then Joe Ideas came and he's like, oh, who the fuck would you have?
Yeah, well, it's kind of scumbag.
Asshole dirty, too.
That's got to be uncomfortable.
Kind of like you and your little brother back in, like, 1980 or whatever.
You're talking about me?
Yeah, didn't you say the guy was screaming at your dad because your little brother shit between the trailer and the car?
Well, yeah, my dad was an electrician, so anytime his tools would get stolen, we'd go down to Maxwell Street so he could go buy tools back, you know?
Back in the day, yeah.
Well, yeah, when Maxwell Street was around.
Yeah, now it's part of UCI, you know?
Yeah, so but anyway.
Sometimes nature crawls in the urban environment.
Yeah, well, no, yeah, anyway.
Oh, shit, it does, man.
I know.
We get down there and my brother's like, oh, I got to take a shit.
And my dad's like, oh, we're not leaving right now.
He's like, he's like, go in between that car and that RV.
My brother drops cars, yeah, taking a crap.
Some black guy walks out, hey, man, why are you shitting in front of my RV?
He started yelling at this and that.
Yeah, I could imagine.
Oh, a black guy with an RV back then.
That's crazy.
He was just kind of back then.
He started yelling.
He probably stole it.
Hey, hey, you got the words out of your mouth, Fratzer's, and I did, man.
No shocker there.
All right, you ready to hear the story?
I'm not saying this is like a brand new RV either.
Yeah.
Japanese women lift skirts, flash ocean to attract lots of fish at annual ceremony.
Nice.
Yeah.
Japanese women lift their skirts, flash the ocean to attract lots of fish at annual ceremony.
Wait a minute, are they just flashing at the ocean or are the guys in front of them?
No, the ocean, they flash the ocean.
I mean, I like the idea of it, but then all of a sudden, the fish.
I'm just trying to paint a picture for you guys.
I'll bet you a thousand.
Are they on a cliff?
So they go to the, oh yeah, they go to the ocean.
Are they on a cliff or on the beach?
Hey, it shows a cliff, so.
I'll bet you a cliff.
Hey, I'm just asking questions and I'm getting answers.
They line up at the edge of the cliff.
I'll bet your man made this ritual up.
Damn, man.
You want to hear what they say?
What they say is amazing.
They should say something.
Let's hear it.
So it says they stand on the edge of the cliff, face to sea, lift up both of the hems of their
kimono, lower their body undergarments, call out, give us a big catch of fish, and if
you give us fish, we'll show you everything.
Oh, man.
Nice.
I like these women.
So these are wives of fishermen then because they're going to show their husbands everything
if they get a big catch.
Maybe they have to go out there and show everything if it's a good catch.
Doesn't that make sense?
Sounds legit to me, right?
Exactly.
Sounds like some people have created this thing and now he gets to see it every year and
still live in it.
Here's how this was.
It was 2024.
Do their things smell to take in a track?
Well, that's what I was curious about.
What's that, the fish and the fish?
How the hell are you from California and I'm from here?
Where'd they get it?
I was born out here, but I spent the past 20 years out there.
But you know, I keep relating.
Some old timer came in with a big catch one time and he's like, well, I had two women
that's called their kids.
They started making relationships.
Had relations on the cliff or something.
She flashed them when he was going out to see.
Yeah, exactly.
That's how it started.
Well, then Japanese, when they stick to something, they don't fuck around.
Well, that's a thing.
You know, but when they got their garments up, are they taken and using their muscles?
Using their muscles to like aqueef?
Yeah.
No, never say anything about that.
You don't say that?
No, it does not say that.
It's a possibility though.
They got to get the smell down there to the fish.
Otherwise they won't.
They're calling them queef.
I don't think they're being disrespectful to the sea gods.
Who's that, Poseidon?
This is a family show.
Well, I wouldn't find that disrespectful.
Not at all.
I mean, imagine if I was a sea god, it's an annual ceremony.
So, I mean, they want a good fit, which I mean, the irony of that show.
Well, they also got an annual show where they take and kill all the fricking dolphins when
they hurt them in the shore.
Yeah, right.
That's for sex though.
Okay.
So, what, you know, why are you saying, well, no, no, it's the same fricking shit, man.
Come on, guys.
What's that?
What's the same shit?
Okay.
Whether they're queuing or killing.
No, not really.
Queefing and killing.
I'd rather see someone swathing and killing.
Yeah, definitely.
You know, a lot of times in the news, you know, these women taking, kill their guys after
they get enough children.
Right, you know what I mean?
After enough what?
Exactly.
They're not for what though?
When do they kill them, Leonard?
Why do they kill them?
Because they queef too much.
Who knows?
Lorraine Bobbitt cut his shit off or the women taking stab on 36.
So this is an epidemic in Japan?
No, not at all.
Lorraine Bobbitt's from here in the United States.
I'm just saying here in the U.S. they might have continued the ritual too far.
Oh, I see.
I see.
You know, I always tell them.
The United States is so enamored with serial, sorry, he can't even cut you up.
They're so enamored with serial killers and murder shit.
I know.
Did you see this thing I sent you?
Like all the different countries?
Yeah, the serial killers.
The most serial killers?
We're over 3,000, right?
South Africa, I forget all the other.
Brazil, India.
The top ones are like Illinois, I mean not Illinois.
The United States.
The U.S. and Russia.
Yeah, U.S. definitely.
Yeah, you guys had over 3,000 in there.
Yeah, that was insane.
And India has a billion people.
But there were a lot more serial killers around through history and stuff like that.
Let me tell you.
The most famous detective.
H.H. home.
Until there was social media and everyone was connected, no one knew what was happening
here in this part of the state, this part.
It's Larry Needle's show.
Let Larry say something.
Let me tell you about serial killers.
There was so many times we'd be on tour here in abroad no matter where we were and we would
try and get somebody to let us crash at their house because we'd be on a waste money at
a hotel.
They thought you were a serial killer?
No, every time.
I would think, why are these motherfuckers letting the whole band work?
Sometimes they'd like groupies and people come, you could party there and everything.
I'd be like, why?
Yeah.
Why are these fuckers?
And I never really got a good night's sleep.
Yeah, I would always have one eye open and shit and be like, this fucker's gonna come
in at night and tie us up.
We're gonna wake up in the basement.
I made drinks for all of you here.
Exactly.
You would scare the fuck out of me.
Yeah, seriously.
So we did it.
We still did it.
Larry, they pulled another body out of the Texas Lady Bird Lake.
Oh man, a real quick.
Wait, did the Japanese have a good fish harvest?
Oh no, they haven't, season's not over yet.
Oh, so this is just the beginning of the season?
Yeah, this is just the introduction.
So how many is this?
Small, small, around.
What's that?
15.
Is a quiff small, still around.
I don't know, Larry, do you have to go?
No.
10.
10 and 20 months.
20 months?
That's fricking two years on.
Wait, where's Lady Bird Lake?
In Texas, Austin.
It's in Texas.
It's part of a river.
And it's an offshoot of a river.
They've already put cameras up, trust me, man.
Well yeah, but they haven't caught the person yet.
This is the 10th, Larry.
10th, they're in 20 months.
That's like the fricking gigolo killer.
Gilgo Beach.
Yeah, it took that fricking long to take those guys in, man.
Needles Idol.
Yeah, Rex Hooperman.
Now they're saying that his wife might have been involved,
but they don't know.
They're trying to connect the dots.
Which is crazy, that guy.
What's that?
I don't think she was.
Who knows?
I mean.
She didn't know what was going on.
Or she took in and covered things up in a way that she didn't know she was covering things up.
And Mrs. Hooperman, if you're out there, we got a gentleman that liked to date you.
Because there was a guy that was all controlling and has a woman and she's scared to death in
hell.
I was just going to say she's scared.
And she's doing whatever he tells her to do.
That's probably true.
Killed by proxy.
But you know, here's the thing.
You would think a serial killer would be brutal to his wife around the house,
but usually the motherfucker is a man.
Yeah, he wasn't.
I mean, look at these guys.
Your family got standing and everything else.
Wasn't one Bundy?
The church, he worked in the foundation.
And when he got pulled over on his way home.
You talking about that BT?
The BT, yeah.
Oh, Dennis Redman.
Oh yeah, Dennis Redman.
He's like, I've been waiting for you guys to finally get him.
Taunted him for 30 million years.
You know what his downfall was?
He told them that he was going to send them a floppy disk to the police.
And he did.
And all they had to do was.
Yeah, but that was through the church.
Yeah, and that's how they found it.
Because it had a distinctive mark from where it was done.
So because of the typewriter.
He got cocky.
The typewriter at the church had a fucked up letter.
Well, but they could tell that it came from the address on it basically.
That was caught on.
Which is funny.
He was sadistic though, man.
They have so much bravado and gusto.
And they talk to media.
Other serial killers, what I would surmise is they have sex and they take and kill them.
BTK was sadistic.
Same as Ramirez, not Ramirez on the Night Stalker.
The other two.
Kemper was bad.
The Asian guy.
Kemper.
Yeah, and they were sadistic.
Oh, dude, Irmacio.
That's how I learned about it.
That's when you cut somebody's head off and use it for oral sex.
Oh, that was Jeffrey Dahmer.
Well, this also I've been kept up to date too.
You know, he even, you know, body parts are head and stuff in the fridge so he can take
and fuck it.
Really?
No, what's that series now?
It's about how the FBI was formed because of the serial killers.
There was a mine hunter, but it's done now.
They were going to bring it back.
Yeah, because I thought that was actually based on that.
It started off with they would go visit these guys.
Yeah, because Kemper had a real high IQ.
He's a very smart dude.
Most of these guys that you know, they have a high IQ.
They know, like he would hang out with the cops at a cop bar.
He was so big he couldn't be a cop.
You know, that's why he tried to be a cop.
I think he was like six nine or so.
The only one who didn't have a high IQ was what is his name out of Wisconsin.
Ed Gwynne.
The chainsaw massacre was based on.
Which he only killed one or two people, I think it was.
He dug up all these freaking bodies and stuff like that.
Yeah, he was a grave robber.
And part of that was silence of the lambs where, you know, stitching a body.
Yeah, making a woman body and stuff like that.
Yeah, it's very disgusting.
I mean, those are some real sick people.
I mean, nowadays all you got to do is freaking, you know, tell your teacher,
I want to be a girl and they'll give you freaking drugs.
You don't take and have to kill women, cut their freaking bodies up to make a fucking woman body suit.
You know what I mean?
Sounds like a lot of work.
It's like being a serial killer.
You know, there's too many fucking conversations going on.
We got a one guy at a time.
Being a serial killer has got to be talking now.
Being a serial killer is a full time job, though, you know what I mean?
Like disposing of the bodies, picking them up, trying to like, and not doing it all the time.
And spacing it out and where you're going to take and do it.
Where you're going to take, you know, a green river killer.
Yeah, a lot of those eggs had dumping grinds.
They had green ridge rigs.
How many, you know, 33 that he admitted to and stuff like that?
I think it was in the 70s, maybe.
No, 33, but they're accounting more like 70 or 80 to a lot.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
I mean, there's the amount of serial killers that were in a certain mile radius in California at one point.
Oh, yeah.
It was astounding.
You couldn't swing a fucking dead cat without it.
DNA testing.
Oh, the Golden State Killer.
Yeah, the Golden State Killer.
He was a cop, too.
I still feel bad, dude.
And that's not being facetious, okay?
I know.
You know, I'll tell you why not.
The USA knows about the most serial killers because we have more high tech ways of finding them.
Well, now we do.
I guarantee India, they find by and they just...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Billion people.
Jack Nish is dead.
Throw him in.
Gandhi.
Okay, what I was saying before, okay, is only because of social media that, you know, this
town, this part of this state, this and that, everything is interconnected.
Before everything was isolated.
Private serial killers.
You know what I mean?
All the one cameras.
Well, and now there's people watching the cameras and finding everything out and all that stuff.
How about the one guy in Russia, Chowchescu?
Oh, yeah, I remember how many he took and killed.
With a hammer.
Really?
Yeah, remember?
Yeah.
They need those.
We heard about him.
What is that guy's name?
It wasn't Chowchescu.
He would say, come and look at my dog's grave and hit him in the hammer and throw him down
a well.
But see, you know, their country doesn't release that.
So that's a good reason to do it, right?
They don't want other people.
Yeah.
They want to look at America.
Because oh my God, this whole country is depraved.
Which we are.
It needs God.
It needs Allah, you know, or whatever the hell you want to take away.
We're the most gluttonous country in the world.
We're every country's reality show right now.
So every country, they don't put the shit out.
Well, yeah.
They don't want it out, yeah.
Exactly.
Every country sitcom.
We know that nowadays, people's murder is, it's more of a thrill thing to people.
People search this stuff out.
They want data.
They want to know, you know, they mean there's podcasts about stuff like this.
So yeah, I take a look at some of this stuff.
But I also know by, you know, reading papers and news and stuff about these major cases.
I don't know anything about smaller cases.
Well, you just have to search the Internet enough.
There's so many cameras and stuff like that.
I guarantee you know, which is crazy.
Like that eight needles like that internet.
I think we would look at like the Chicago gang fucking website.
Oh, yeah.
Chicago police.
Yeah.
I'll take it.
You see lots of fucking crazy shit.
Look at that all the time.
That's crazy.
Chicago police release and other police departments.
It's pretty crazy because everybody has, you know what I mean?
Like they have this story in their head and then I'll see the body cam footage and everybody's
like, oh man.
Yeah, it's totally different.
Which I completely condone.
I like that.
You know, they can now be held accountable.
And at the same time, these guys forget they have cameras on and they catch them planting
drugs and doing shit.
Okay.
Very funny.
You know, they're saying, you know, all the cases, this and that.
I don't know.
No, there's no evidence.
We need body cams.
So now that all the body cams are all the police officers, all the video from the body
cams, now there's still refuting.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So we need proof.
What's the next step?
A cop's word is always going to be more of everything.
Oh, Fanny Willis, my word.
Well, I mean, if you want to go down the line, you know, in her court deposition yesterday,
you have to take my word.
Hey, somebody step on the duck.
There's a grouse.
There's a grouse around here.
Wait, let me say something about only one witness.
You have to take my word.
Let me tell you about Fanny Willis.
Me and Mary noticed this.
She had to pay that George looking motherfucker, George Floyd looking motherfucker with the suit
on to go on dates with her.
She if she reimbursed this guy for everything pretty much she was paying to get fucked by
this guy.
I don't know about that.
Well, I mean, I don't know about that, but they were taking extravagant trips.
That's why my wife is getting out of it.
I'm just paying to get fucked.
And if you look at her in this stand, her tits look like shit.
So what the fuck?
Obviously this guy was laying it down.
That's why she was paying to get fucked.
But this guy was laying the pipe down, Larry.
That's the whole thing.
He's got a cock like this.
Okay, Jesus.
I don't know about that, but all right, man, I think it's so crap.
Maybe he's got a cock like this.
Here's the thing.
She's still fucking paying either way.
She's still paying.
You can tell by her attitude.
Maybe she had some attitude.
She had some attitude.
I got you.
She had, okay, Leonard.
Okay, but maybe he had girth.
Okay.
Girth Brooks over here.
Larry, how far are we in?
Too deep.
Alrighty.
29 minutes, son.
Oh, that's it?
Yeah.
Oh, shoot.
Come on.
All right.
So Fanny Willis had to pay to get fucked.
Yeah.
Oh, I don't know about that.
Vacations on the people's money and fucking...
And that's fine.
I'm not judging her.
Me either.
I know.
But when you're using our tax money...
That's the problem.
Be smart about it.
And you know, hey, this probably...
Okay.
Why bring a case in the first place?
Okay.
Because that's what she builds a career off of.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Trom.
Hold on.
She's not smart.
And she's not smart.
She went with a Rico case.
You know how hard a Rico case is?
It's ridiculous.
Okay.
Not really.
It's very, very hard.
It's difficult.
It is difficult.
Very hard.
It's harder than most other cases there are.
Yeah, but really...
But that was the only way that they could take and bring 19 people in.
At one time.
Well, look, it's a...
I can charge them.
Exactly.
And get everything they call their gains.
Well, that's how you get the boss.
The underlinger, the capo does something and they connect it to the boss.
That's how you get all the mafia ones is at a Rico.
But you're just doing more cases at once.
You know what I mean?
Exactly.
It's all one case.
But you have to do multiple...
Because it's top guy is not fucking hitting houses or breaking legs.
What these multiple people are doing is trying to correlate it to the boss.
Right.
They could never cast a loan.
That's it.
I mean, they could never get a wade.
They could not make a case separately against any one of the 19 individuals.
So...
It's 9-11.
9-16.
How about Holly Dragden?
Hey, how about Holly Dragden, Don Jr. in...
Eric on this case for fucking four million each on the hook for four mil.
They weren't even involved.
So with her, they couldn't make a case against 19 people.
So let's put them together and say it's a racketeering case.
And we're going to use Rico.
It's like Russia.
And then you had a couple of the freaking idiots, you know, plea deals, oh, I'm out
of this or whatever, whatever.
The phone calls is standing strong and they brought all the freaking evidence that their
lawyers and their investigators have found.
And now the whole thing is blown completely up.
She's going to get this barred.
Wade's going to get this barred.
But they'll get jobs at Harvard.
Oh, yeah.
Private sector jobs.
And after this, it's going to go through appeals.
It's going to be freaking four years before this thing goes to court again.
They'll go on a speaking tour and get 40,000 a fucking gig.
40,000.
Yeah, all these assholes.
Those guys are getting six figures.
Yeah, just do that.
It's crazy.
The money that these people make.
And they don't even have a guitar or an accordion or anything.
But their mind is going to go.
She has no legal sense.
So they think, yeah.
She has no legal sense.
She should never been DA.
Okay.
This is just.
But first of all, how she ran was she should have never been DA just because she said,
I'm going to run on getting Trump.
Well, first of all, she should have never said that.
That's some more.
Jackson.
No, I'm talking about Fannie.
Yeah, Fannie too.
But Leticia Jackson.
She was the one that really said she's going to get Trump.
The thing is that these people don't think somebody's going to get deep into their shit.
Right?
She got a huge problem.
She got in there and elected just because, oh, we got to have a person of color.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's all right.
So now she's got a black judge that's going to stick it to her.
So is he racist?
Yeah, yeah, it's racist.
Did you see the thing in Dalton?
That's what I was just going to say.
The man with the dishes.
That's what I was just going to say.
It will be racist.
We left on black crime.
What is Fannie Willis and Wade going to say?
Oh, this is racist.
I'm just waiting for that.
Yeah.
Well, did you see the man?
Yeah, I did.
Because everything else has failed.
So now we go to races.
Did you see the mayor in Dalton, Illinois, that she basically got called out by people
in like a town hall meeting?
Yeah.
She called them racist and they were African-American.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm a woman, a black woman in power and you are afraid of me.
No, no, she goes, yaw, yaw.
Can't speak English.
Keeps on using yaw, yaw.
Listen.
Speak English.
Did you guys see the town hall meeting with the old timer?
He comes up.
He's like, I'm here to say you guys are a bunch of fat.
Oh, yeah.
Nice.
It was hilarious.
I like it.
I was sitting here.
Yeah.
They were like, are you getting him off the podium?
Everyone clutching their pearls?
Oh, yeah.
Get him off the podium.
I forget what else he said.
But it was, yeah.
Oh, he tore in girl.
Yeah, he just tore into it.
And they're like, we got to get him out of here.
Yeah.
So, he's in the sexist.
Yeah.
But the problem is, is that...
He was telling the truth.
Well, that's the whole thing.
People get so offended by the truth now.
You can't say anything to anybody.
No, people are offended by the truth back in the day, okay?
But you spoke the truth.
Well, it's easier to lie than tell the truth.
Now, in days if you speak the truth, oh my God, you're a racist.
Well, now nobody's allowed to be offended.
Transphobic, you know, you're homophobic.
You're whatever fucking gender you want to fucking call yourself.
You're phobic against that.
Transphobic.
Jesus Christ.
And you know the whole Fannie Willis case too, where they tried to pay off the black,
the other, like her lovers, I don't know if it's her wife or whatever.
He's married.
He was married.
They got divorced.
They tried to pay her off, but she didn't take it.
She's like, yeah, she wants her to...
Oh, motherfucker, here's the receipts when he took this bitch to fucking Caribbean.
Oh, 2022.
No, they started in 2019.
Well, the problem is, is that how aggressive they are, having to tell the truth.
And then her father went on, did you see that?
Yeah, I did.
And he said, like, black people like to keep cash around.
Yeah.
It's like, okay.
Well, that's right.
I get that also.
But I mean, who doesn't?
But who keeps that much cash around?
That's the thing, though.
No, they do.
Trust me, I told you about this.
Remember?
It's just funny the view is like it's...
Hey, remember, needles?
When we were talking about when I was doing the asphalt...
When you go to Compton, they open the locks, they got the money.
Yeah, you go back and look at that, you know, our deal or whatever.
And I said the surprising thing was all the black people had all this money in cash.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I can see Asians doing that too, coming from Asia, you know, communist country.
Oh, my buddy was a plumber.
I don't lie, okay?
Yeah, come on.
You're pulling my leg.
My buddy was a plumber.
He did a job at this old lady's house and he had to move her bed or stuff.
I don't smoke weed.
He found a brown paper bag underneath her bed.
Can I hit that?
Yeah, Larry?
Brand new $500 bills and a stack of $50,000 cash.
It can't be $500 bills.
No.
Yeah, there is.
I've seen them.
I don't...
Yes.
These were crazy old.
Okay.
They were crazy old $500 bills.
Since the 30s there hasn't been any $500 bills.
No, yeah, this is an old lady.
Thank you.
And she had this stuff stashed.
Okay.
And, you know, that's like my dad's like, oh man, did you even take a few of them?
He's like, no, I didn't take any of them because she died like a week later.
Oh, man.
Well, I guarantee like the movers probably found them.
Oh, somebody on a family member.
Yeah, you know, that's...
I mean, I'm good, Larry.
Thank you.
At this point in time, money costs more...
Forever.
Costs more money to print it.
I'm taking fine stuff and wands and taking care of it.
Yeah, then it's worth it.
Isn't that crazy?
It's not even there is whatever, you know?
Yeah.
Well, because well, old people, they used to, well, lived through the depression.
They snatched it.
Oh, yeah.
Because they don't trust the banks.
Yeah, well, yeah, I don't...
Hey, did you trust the bank?
No.
No, I don't.
When I got raided, they didn't find my money buried in the yard.
It was freaky in like South America every time you turn in money and get money.
Hey, speaking.
Listen, man, this is a fucking podcast.
There's people that actually like this shit, I think.
Maybe not.
I know, but there's fucking microphones.
Speak up then, man.
I'm speaking, motherfucker.
When you be trading the money every time in the South American bank, the guy would say,
okay, now be careful.
Be so nerve wracking, it'd be like he come to the side room.
People are watching you.
Yeah.
He'd be like, be really careful.
Every time we change money, it'd be like, holy fuck, every person is telling you to be careful.
Oh, yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, it's crazy.
You're in the barrio down there, where all this shit's happening that you're taking
to see nowadays.
People are just getting killed over a freaking, a bike tire.
Why were you changing money?
Didn't they want the dollars even back then?
No, because they couldn't figure it out.
Exchange ring, like rolling stones, tickets and shit.
And street vendors probably don't want that either.
Yeah, it didn't mean anything to them.
They were too far away.
It wasn't like Mexico.
Yeah, they probably didn't have a lot of American dollars that they can make that exchange.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
That makes sense.
And this is what, back in the 80s or something?
No, this was in 2016.
The 80s, that's great.
Well, then they had the dollars that they could make the exchange.
Which is very funny.
Where's that beer?
Can I have one of them PBRs out of there?
Yeah.
Well, I have a high noon in here.
Right there, man.
Right next to you.
Joe.
There's none in the cooler.
All right, a new story.
You ready?
Yes.
This is a goodie.
Here we go.
Father 47, whose penis fell off due to a blood infection.
Reveals how he lived with a new one attached to his arm for six years.
Oh my God.
As he says, he burned it while cooking.
And it hit relatives in the face with this genital foggy.
First off, how do you get that bad where it falls off?
A blood infection.
Yeah, seriously.
It's going to take some time for it to fall off.
We should show the pictures.
They basically fall off.
They're nickel-act.
But then how does it get in this?
Because they attach it.
Yeah, they put a new one on there.
Before they can reattach it?
Right.
Six years.
How big do you think it got in six years?
Fuck man.
Wouldn't it suck if it was like three inches?
Yeah, it would have been about his balls.
Those were okay.
They didn't fall off.
Yeah, it was just a shaft of the penis.
So he had the shaft.
I'm going to forearm, yeah.
It included struggling to cuddle his grandmother and burn it while cooking.
So this was just a limp, a limp fucking penis, like a fucking big ass mole off his arm,
because it can't get erect.
How do you know?
He could maybe fucking be sitting there like this.
You have to have everything else attached to get it erect.
Start pumping shit to it.
Tie off six inches.
Your blood vessels and everything else going through it to taking it and filling it with
blood.
Shoot dope into it.
So he's got this fucking, you know, this little nail.
Hey, where is this even going on?
It's in the United States.
No, the UK.
So basically.
Oh, is this off of one of the tablets?
Come on, man.
His penis fell out.
All he's got is a freaking head.
What's that?
Oh my God.
I think it is the same way.
Six inches.
Great minds to go.
All right.
There you go.
Six inches.
Okay.
And it fell out of his sleeve while he was grocery shopping.
And I love it.
I love reading this again.
It says even hitting his loved ones in the face while he hugged.
I mean, that is the best part.
You think you just wouldn't hug him with that arm?
I mean, unless you hug him with the head or the foreskin.
Unless it's your hot cousin or something.
I mean, I do hug you with it, but.
That's what I mean.
You get a double slap, technically, which is hilarious.
You think you would wear some sort of sleeve?
You're like at Iverson War?
Hey, you think they're just who crab my guy with.
I was gonna say, you think they're getting away and crab my guy.
It may scare some people off.
The bear hug would become a whole another thing.
A chokehold?
Oh my God.
I just cut the head of my dick.
There's a cock in your mouth all of a sudden.
This poor guy.
So he was homeless at one time.
You don't say.
Yeah.
Hey, did he ever use it to take him to a cracker?
I have no clue if he did that.
I mean, I would just assume somebody would do something silly like that.
If it's a dick and it's attached to your body, even if it's on your arm,
it could still probably feel something.
It can't.
I mean, it's definitely connected to you.
How do you know, man, the guy could be sitting there with his arm tied off.
Because, you know, if I cut your cock off right now,
and it's okay, it's going to be limp.
It's going to be limp.
Here's the thing, dude.
It can't take it filled with blood.
So it can't take it erect.
Okay, listen, though, they saw another one on the fucking guy's arm.
You get it?
And this motherfucker is getting blood.
He's pumping his arm.
He's watching it go up.
He is getting blood.
Yes, yes.
It's like a fucking bicycle pump.
When he's working out, when he's working.
It's like a bicycle pump.
My, you know, he may have had to do that just to make sure it would keep
actually filling with blood.
Okay.
Seriously, I mean, this is science.
That's honestly probably one of the wildest stories I've ever heard.
Isn't that crazy?
I mean, they sew it on.
It's getting blood.
Six years.
That's how they kept it going.
But it's getting blood, so you could get a fucking heart on it.
He ties it off.
Okay, so it was a blood disease?
Yeah, he had sex with this.
You ever see this?
That's a good bet you could win at the bar.
That's a good bar trick.
Yeah, think of the bets you could win at the bar.
Here you go.
Holy shit.
Come on every night with a thousand bucks.
Dude, Malcolm requested that it be six inches.
That's what his wife requested.
I do not know.
I'm just wondering if they got it from a cadaver.
Probably because they only had the top part and they had to re-move part.
Why wouldn't you go top?
It was a totally different day.
Yeah, so she was hoping for six inches.
Dude, it was a totally different day.
I would go bigger than I already got.
It was a totally different day.
That's what I'm saying, like six inches.
I mean, come on, Bob.
She's hoping for six inches.
You gotta work with something there.
I wish I had fucking nine.
I got eight, but I got birth.
So while it was on his arm, he could not pee through it or get an erection.
So he couldn't get an erection while it was on his arm.
Okay, you were right, Leonard.
So that's not fun.
No, that's funny.
Well, you don't want to pee through it.
How are you going to pee through it?
I'm just saying, yeah, there's no reason.
But I could see the hell, man.
Maybe getting harder.
Shoot.
That's crazy.
Wait, wait, how did he piss?
How did he piss, needles?
He had to do a thing through his urethra.
Probably into catheter.
Yeah.
Well, I, I'm not a doctor, dude.
Dude, that's one of the worst pains I've ever felt with a catheter.
Really?
He says I effin' slapped myself in the eye with it.
Yes.
When you cuddle your nanic, Christy.
Hey, I'm going to put a fucking, what is that, a mouth thing.
Muzzle.
He says when you cuddle.
Silence in the lamp?
Yeah, listen, be a lamb and shoot white down.
You got your freaking lamb.
He's trying to talk.
When you cuddle your nanic.
I like the hairy eyes.
Oh, fuck.
All right, be quiet now or I'm taking away your-
When you cuddle your nanic Christmas, you hit her in the eye.
He told us that.
Oh, man.
Poor nanic.
He's poor grandma.
How many times has this guy hugged her, man?
And he doesn't learn either?
That's what I'm saying.
We can't like, yeah.
This guy's just walking around with a third arm technique.
He's like, cut off some of his stuff.
That's fucking insane.
This guy is like completely-
He's a trooper though.
Is it a white guy?
Yes.
Of course, he's from England.
Yeah, but he was home the first time.
Wait a bit.
Would he get a six inch cock if he was black?
He cut off her husband's shit, okay.
He didn't do that at all.
He pinched it.
Yeah.
But this has to be because it was a blood disease.
Yeah, so what?
It must have been dying down there.
Is he Indian or something?
No, he's British.
Wait, so they had to test him?
They can't do British, but still be Indian, okay?
Well, this guy's white.
He's a lying motherfucker.
Okay, so here, I got another great sentence that comes up.
The keen darts player also spoke of learning to tuck his darts under the penis.
Oh, man.
This guy is a-
I mean, he is comedy gene-hits.
He was like holding his darts.
Up over here.
So he just said they're like, so I would imagine they were-
So you don't have to go like this.
Because you got more here so you can take it and use it.
And just put them right in here.
You don't have to hold them like this when you could just put them right there.
Yeah, he can shove them right up there.
Like a fucking- like Robin, who was this quiver.
Yeah, he's just- we could throw it with X at the same time, two darts at once.
It sounded like this guy was pretty-
Hey, Daddy, how's the darts going to fly?
Yeah, like- he's very-
Did he have his darts in his quiver or was it just held there with the penis and his bicep?
His balls were his quiver.
No, he had no balls on there.
After he got it.
No, he had his balls were intact.
His balls were intact because he was just-
So after he got it, so did that guy, he made his wife quiver.
Look at these, that they took off just the top of his cock.
They took out the rest of it because of the darts.
What did you do? The surgery or something?
You sounded like a doctor all of a sudden.
The guy got his whole shit removed.
No, he didn't.
Yeah, that's what it said in the fucking article.
They kept the top of it, which they attached to his arm.
No, that was a different cock.
Oh, was it his own dick they attached?
It doesn't- it says that they found his, but I don't think it's-
I don't think it's from a cadaver.
It doesn't really specify it.
Okay.
Because if he asked for a bigger one, that does make sense.
Yeah, because I mean, if he's asking for a serious one-
Hey, you can make it.
You see that donkey over there?
I see graft off of her.
Don't- donate your body to science.
Yeah, I know they killed my buddy Chris.
Because at that point, they're going to be attaching all the fibers and all the blood vessels and stuff like that.
And everything is taking- growing a freaking cage, you know what I mean?
That's crazy stuff.
Yeah.
They should have just 3D printed it.
Just the same as when you take a, you know, literally deteriorate a freaking bone.
Just- it can't take it to be set or whatever.
They put it in a wire cage and everything else.
Hey, and the bone grows.
Leonard, you know what I mean?
Could they reset a deteriorated mind?
Yeah, shock therapy.
Yeah, sure.
Shock therapy?
Yeah, definitely.
You can definitely reset anything with enough pills and-
One flew over the cuckoo's nest?
Oh yeah, another girl on the flick.
Another girl on the flick.
You ever see that, Larry?
Oh, yes, I have.
I see both of those.
Oh, both of those.
Yeah, clockwork one tank cuckoo's nest.
Clockwork one tank cuckoo's nest.
I read- I read one over the cuckoo's nest.
Really?
In school, they made us read that paperback.
Oh, speaking of that, you know, well, changing the subject.
Nurse Ratch, alright.
Well, wait, shout out to Malcolm McDonald that he's got his wiener back.
Well, you got- do we ever talk about the Ice Wide Shut movie?
Nicole Kidman?
Yeah, well, how he died.
Yeah, I still haven't really gotten a movie, man.
Is that what I said?
Stanley Kubrick.
The Ice Wide Shut.
Yeah.
Nicole Kidman.
I know all of his other movies.
Who died?
Stanley Kubrick.
During the movie?
No, like, no, he didn't.
No, before-
I'm asking.
After it was done, they had a pre-screening with all the executives, and they wanted-
supposedly they wanted to get a lot of crap out of there because he wasn't supposed to
put it in there.
Yeah, okay.
Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, stuff like that.
Yeah, so a lot of crazy stuff.
Because it was like a sex cult.
Well, it actually shows what was going on.
Well, it's a Scientology.
Yeah.
They were showing too much.
Too much truth.
They were showing the truth, yeah, that's a problem.
So they wanted to cut a bunch out.
They got into a big argument because he didn't want to do it, and then all of a sudden, like,
two weeks later, he had a heart attack and died.
Right.
I don't know, I think that's how he died, but yeah.
Let me tell you something.
I'm crazy.
Tell us something, William.
Adam, they got a blow dart that they could use on you.
It's made out of an ice crystal.
It goes in your skin.
It doesn't even fucking leave a mark, and it gives you the symptoms of a heart attack.
Yeah, like a heart attack on you.
Yeah.
There's a heart attack on you.
Yeah.
Well, I'm just saying, shh.
The Russians, they got it from the Russians.
They'll just drug you.
The Russians don't care.
Yeah, they'll give you uranium.
Yeah, they don't care at all.
But they've perfected it.
Yes, they did.
But the problem is the Russians perfect everything.
It started with the Umbrella one, remember?
Just like IDS.
A little tiny metal ball that had the three holes in it.
And they took it and injected it with an umbrella.
This is back in the 60s and stuff like that.
So they'd go on way past that where, you know, this dart.
Was it the man from Uncle?
No, no.
Did that show, right?
Just like it's metal, it's that freaking sharp.
It dissolves.
And there's no trace of it or mark.
There's no trace.
Nothing, man.
It looks not even like a mosquito bite mark.
It's very unexpected.
I mean, it might even leave just like the slightest red dot that they wouldn't even notice.
You know, right.
You know, so a corner is staying.
That's how little it is.
And they're looking for a little tiny red dot.
It's fucking little.
What is checked.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, nothing like track marks.
It's little.
It's just this little tiny thing.
Yeah, that's crazy.
But it's sitting on there and no one's going to inject in the senator back over here.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, it doesn't make sense.
It's not unless you're like the contortionists of the fucking universe and you're out of
veins.
Okay.
And what are you going to do?
Just push it in your.
Oh, no, you're talking about yourself.
And it's just going to, you know, you're going to wait.
It's a fucking joke, man.
Oh, okay.
Man.
No, no, I'm just thinking scientifically.
I'm supposed to be.
I'm supposed to be funny, man.
Yeah, you are.
You're making me lose.
You're making me lose my confidence.
We love you, Larry.
What time are we at there?
We're at 52 minutes.
Okay.
You want to do your hit list?
Um, you want to say something funny?
Oh, sure.
I'm sure.
You got something funny.
You were asking me.
What the hell, man?
Very silly.
Yeah, shit, man.
He's got the cue for question on.
Okay.
So we do you want to start at the top and go to the bottom?
We already said the queer American.
Shout out to Jesus.
Funny.
I got nothing funny.
All I'm going to say is I'm glad everybody.
I like to think Leonard and Kiki and needles.
No, no, no, no.
Shout out to Ross.
We ain't saying it off yet.
He's got questions over.
He's got some other stuff.
You were just supposed to say something funny because you said,
okay, okay, I'll tell you, I'll tell you something funny.
My wife, she's such a fucking bad cook.
Last summer, the flies pitched in and bought me a new screen door.
That's pretty good.
She said, I said, I baked some cookies, honey.
I made two kinds.
Take your pick.
I said, no, that's okay, honey.
I'll use a hammer this time.
Oh, that's good.
Okay.
I said something funny.
Not that fly door thing.
Come on.
They got something more.
When he did stand up, he did stand at a bar just cold turkey.
And it was pretty funny at everybody.
Next time, next time I'm going to do a different approach.
I just started picking apart every motherfucker.
You should.
You did some good things.
And then I might have to use Crab McGot.
Come on.
Yeah, I'm going to work the crowd.
I'm working.
Hey, you got to.
Hey, how much for the girl?
The women.
The royal penis is cool.
How much for the guy in the African?
It's a dashi.
And I got to say, it is nice.
Very vibrant.
Needles looks excellent for black history.
What is this?
Hey, needles.
Bring up another questionnaire.
Bring up another question.
Okay, episode.
How old?
You still have a little bit of time.
How many?
Okay, I got a question.
How many months old were you when your mom, the first time your mom dropped you on your head?
No, I thought you'd say you're talking to us as a group.
No, I'm fucking with Leonard.
No, I was probably weeks old.
Weeks old.
Okay, because my mom was a high dropper when she's sitting down.
Because my mother refused to take care of me and my grandmother had to come on down to take care of me.
Now this is turning into a sad...
I was just kidding around.
And at one year old, I fell into the cactus garden.
Oh!
And I was covered in cactus needles and stuff like that.
Damn, dude.
And my mother wouldn't do anything.
Your grandma pulled him out?
Yeah.
Damn.
Sorry to hear that.
I thought he was going to ask, come on.
Happy Mother's Day.
Come on, what?
I thought he was going to ask how long you were breastfeeding for.
I thought you were going to take it and bring something else up, man.
No, we're...
What were you going to ask?
No, I wasn't going to ask anything.
Oh, when I was just talking, I thought he was going to say to you, how long did you breastfeed for?
That's what I thought.
Oh, here we go, man.
I know I got you.
I don't never remember breastfeeding at all.
Who does?
Hopefully nobody does.
Because it's kind of Instagram feed.
Unless some of these kids that are three and five years old and their mothers are letting them breastfeed.
So, you know, it just comes up on my feed.
I don't think I ever did.
Instagram feed has breastfeeding.
I don't know how, yeah.
I don't know if I did.
If I did, it was electrical, crop and all that.
Hey, you guys, here's something that would really, really freak me out when I was a little kid.
Because me and my brother would be really bad.
And we'd be in like the store or somewhere driving my mom crazy and she'd be screaming at us.
And she'd say, this exact thing, and this is what would freak me out.
Where did you come from?
You're not even my kid.
You know, and I'd think, wait a minute.
What the fuck is going on?
And I didn't know it was just an expression, you know?
And it would fucking blow my mind.
A very hurtful expression at the same time.
Where did I come from?
Yeah, back in the day.
But you know, it's like you can't be my kid because you're such an asshole.
But I took it fucking literally.
And personally.
And personally, yes.
Now you can't say stuff like that.
Back in the day when I was growing up.
Yeah, I mean, what the...
I mean, I was like, he's in a fricking school in fricking Madder.
I got my ass kicked in Woodfield.
My mom called me the N-word.
You know, that's why when we were in the family.
She said I was N-rich.
Oh, let that pass.
I would always sit behind my dad, the driver.
So he couldn't hit you.
He couldn't swing around because they could get my brother and sister, but he couldn't get around to me.
The maid is the gator.
But then I'd get him afterwards.
My mom beat me down with a kiss album in the vestibule of Woodfield one time for wasting my fucking 450.
You only get double stuff.
Yeah, like where did you get the money for this?
I bought it and she's like...
She beat you with a kiss album?
Yeah, the album I just bought.
What's wrong with you?
You gotta waste every fucking dime you get.
And that's when the N-word came out.
And then you're like, I want a rock.
Exactly.
That's the title.
When I was working at the Victoria Station.
And my friend that was with me laughs so hard.
My mom, she had come and picked me up that one night and I bought Eric Clapton's cocaine album.
And this is wintertime and I hid it in my jacket and everything else.
And she didn't even know I had that.
Back then it was like, no, no, no, no.
You know what I mean?
Holy Christ.
I remember when my mom saw the Iron Maiden number the beast album and she's like, oh, get this fucking thing out of my house right now.
Which is true.
And she was right.
She's dead right.
You know what?
At the time as a kid I thought it was all bullshit.
But now.
We thought it was cool.
Yeah, they had to.
You know what I mean?
Now.
You know what I'm saying?
The push is a boundary.
Well, Iron Maiden still is cool.
Don't talk bad about Bruce Dickinson.
I don't know.
But still, I mean, when you think about it.
Still satanic shit.
Steve Halford.
Steve Halford, yeah.
Steve Halford.
Steve is the best.
Good old Steve Halford.
Dude, when he comes out in that fucking motorcycle and shit.
Fucking sin after sin.
Sad, wicked, you know what I'm saying?
Steve Halford.
No, I'm talking about the old kind of albums.
Those are really good ones.
That shit was fucking good.
Yeah, definitely.
They were good.
Motorhead, man.
The bass.
Yeah, there's no one, man.
Dude, you know how many times have you guys seen motor?
No, I never got the.
You know who's coming around?
It's fucking Neil Young.
Help me.
I'm just kidding.
I've seen Neil Young.
I've helped him.
I've never gotten to see him.
I've seen him.
I've never gotten to see him.
Okay, what's the next concert we're going to go to, man?
I want to go to a fucking song.
Social Distortion.
Huh?
We're going to see Social Distortion.
Oh yeah, Social D.
Jeez, man, really, nBad Religion.
We're going to see Social D at the salt shot.
And Bad Religion.
Bad Religion.
You know who they are.
You guys are invited except me, right?
I'm not invited.
What do you mean I'm invited except you?
You can come.
It's General Admission.
I come out every time I want.
It's all sold out.
Don't do it here, please.
Okay.
Very crazy.
All right.
Close it out, Larry.
All right.
We got to thank Tom's Free Clinic.
Well, we know.
First God.
Did you thank God?
Yes.
Thank God.
Thank you, Jesus.
Get right with God, please.
Thank you, Russ, out there in Maryland.
I want to thank my family, including my brother, my mom and dad, my nieces and nephews, and
both sides.
Including, including Bath's kids, but excluding Bath.
Oh.
Well, she don't like it.
Come on.
That's very unchristian.
Like, you should love her.
Okay.
I love Bath.
I do love Bath, but I'm not thanking her for this show.
This way.
Hey.
His spiritual trip to Boys Town, Guyawaska.
Yeah, but here's the thing, Nino.
Dude.
He was told to turn the other cheek.
When I was coming down from the fucking...
Listen, though.
When I was coming down from the Guyawaska...
Guyawaska.
Right there.
Settle down, Alfred.
When I was coming...
That's another cheek.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
When I was coming down from the Guyawaska and I was having a Boys Town...
I was going down that again.
...and I was slam behind the building.
Was that a slim?
That behind the building.
I was smoking.
I was smoking and I was turning the other cheek.
Holy shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, you've just seen a man go mad.
Diarrheal of a mad man.
Usually this should be behind a paywall, but...
Yeah, definitely.
But we're giving this shit away.
Oh, shit, no, man.
The joke.
All right.
Listen, Leonard.
All right, Larry.
Continue with your journey.
I was saying, when I was coming down from the Guyawaska the first time...
The Guyawaska?
And I was in the alley...
Smoking the boy.
You're in the alley.
Will you just be quiet, my partner?
With your roller skates on it?
Yeah.
I was heartin'.
I was heartin', man.
Just shut it.
I was having a Boys Town 100-mentall slim.
And I was counting mananzas.
And I was retying my fucking skates.
And it came to me that Beth would not fucking approve of this show.
And I'm not fucking gonna thank her.
She had a vision.
I had a vision.
You had a vision for a track.
Oh, my God.
I remember my first drink.
This guy fucking...
We're in third grade again.
I hurt, man.
Oh, fuck.
You're hurting my feelings, Leonard.
Your feelings, how about your cheek?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
See Leonard used to get mad when we made the gay jokes.
For now I see that he's ready to join right the fuckin'.
God.
You gotta hear it in person.
He's like, why all the gay shit?
Now, all of a sudden, he's like, you know...
Oh, fuck.
The fuckin' ringleader of fuckin' Boys Town over here.
People who love each other, that's what they do.
That is.
You know what, that's the thing, that's what bands do.
The whole time, call each other fags and gay.
And they kiss back, Steve.
The whole fuckin' time.
Yeah.
And they're just almost...
And it's like if you don't, you know...
Like what we say, needles, when the fucker stops making fun of you.
Then you gotta worry.
My dad used to tell me that all the time.
But, though, that's the truth, because if you can't...
Someone's making fun of you.
Like, a lot of people say, man, you're brutal to Robert.
And I'm like, man, I wouldn't do it to Robert if I...
First, A, if he couldn't handle it.
And B, if I didn't love him.
That's why a lot of women don't have a lot of friends.
They should do that shit.
Tough to find one that can take a joke.
Well, first of all, they're always...
They fuckin' hate each other.
If you're better looking...
Oh, yeah, that's the thing.
They do a little more.
You're constantly when, as soon as you turn your back.
That's why you guys are afraid of what's going on.
Because I'm so good-looking.
You're gonna get all the bitches.
Yeah, exactly, man.
Thank God my wife...
Oh, shit, man.
I fuckin' hurt, dude.
Thank God my wife was afraid of me.
Otherwise, I wouldn't want you to come over here.
All right, close it out, Larry.
I want to say thank you to Tom's Free Clinic Automotive
and Veterinary Services.
Thanks for burning up my cats.
Thanks for clearing up my nether regions.
And thanks for fixing my car.
Not burning them up, man.
Dude.
I'm not burning them up.
Okay, here's the thing.
I can't get...
Okay, I've had in my lifetime maybe 100 cats.
If I really, really got that broken up about everyone that died,
I would be a fuckin' mess right now.
So, I mean, I love them all and I gave them all a great life.
And that's all about you could ask for.
And I know they go straight up to heaven,
even though people think animals might not go to heaven.
No, animals go to heaven.
Except Mick.
Mick didn't go to heaven.
They got no corruption.
They got no ego and they have no fucking vanity.
They have no constitution either.
Cats are shit.
They know what it's right and wrong.
Just the same as any human.
Yes.
Okay, so they have a conscience.
Yes.
Okay, so Mick.
Except Mick.
Mick didn't have a conscience.
We want to write the hell.
Do you know the difference?
Yes, I do.
So, when you're doing wrong things, you know you shouldn't be doing it.
But you do it anyway.
Is that what you're saying?
I am just turning it into Jerry Springer.
I didn't even got into it with my conscience.
You are not the father.
But you are.
Not the mother.
I am the father.
I'll be the father.
But.
Wait a minute.
In true fashion, I will not stick around.
I am going to get.
Here's a basketball.
I love you.
Good bye.
Here you go.
Signed by Will.
Chamberlain.
And yet.
Love, Will, the still.
Tom's Free Clinic is the one that performed the operation on the man that lost the wiener
to the blood disease.
Oh yeah.
If your penis is on your arm.
So if you ever have that problem, contact them within 12 hours.
Yeah, you got to do it quick.
All right now it's time for needles to do its jingle.
Oh, you just missed it.
You got to repeat it.
This fucker was talking.
It needs to be clear.
If your penis is on your arm and it's starting to cause harm, call Tom's Free Clinic.
Yeah.
Sorry about your eye, grandma.
Sorry, my mom.
That didn't mean to hit you in the eye.
That's the best way to end the right time.
We were praising Jesus.
Seriously though, everybody out there, say a fucking prayer.
You're all a bunch of heathens.
You need to fucking Jesus.
We love you though.
You're all heathens.
You're not kidding.
Me and the rest of my heathens.
Not pushy things.
As-salamu alaykum, my brothers.
God bless.
Mecca.
Everyone.
Mecca, like a high, Mecca, high, any home.
Mecca, Lord, in their own time.
Don't listen to this guy, everyone.
Hopefully not too soon.
All right, we ought to hear it.
Right.
Love you guys.
We're going to take a piss break and then we'll be right back in a couple of days.
Jesus, man.