Time to get ready for the Larry and Needle Show.
And the Needle.
Show.
And the Needle.
That was my guy.
Well, the Larry Needle Show.
Oh, he's a little silly.
Special episode.
Welcome to Larry and...
my fucking trick fucking graphics beginning.
You meant to say tick.
Yeah.
That's alright though.
Love you no matter what Larry.
Jacket or no.
I want to give No-Shirt Nick another day.
Why are you wearing a motorcycle jacket in the basement?
Because I'm a fucking biker, man.
Look at that, man.
Look at her.
Oh man.
One way to get beat up.
Hey dude, I played at the Outlaws fucking clubhouse.
I played at fucking...
He's earned it.
I can't tell you how many biker fucking clubhouses I played at.
These motherfuckers.
I would have already been dead if A. they didn't like me and B.
I wasn't a badass on the guitar.
So, you know, one time Robert played the first time
I fucking played a show with Bobby at one of these biker parties.
And he's like, oh my god, they don't like us, dude.
And I'm like, dude, if they didn't like us,
that bass guitar would be shoved up your ass already.
Seriously.
You know, he always goes to sex with me and f' the ass
and then he just said that.
And then he just said that last...
Come on, Larry, what's wrong with your mind?
What the fuck, man?
He's got a point though.
Because, you know, in between songs now,
they wouldn't clap at all.
They're sitting there like this.
A couple of their girlfriends would clap
and they'd look at their boyfriend and hope they don't get punched.
But they would know that.
Silence.
And I said, dude, there's not fucking, you know, projectiles hurling at us.
They like us.
And this is like the fifth time I played for these guys.
So, you know, they never clap.
I know this already.
The place where I went with Larry around here in the Burbs,
they had a bar and it was just stocked with beers.
And it was like, what, $2 beers or something?
Dollar beers or something?
That's a good way.
The clubhouse around here, by where I live.
I don't remember, man.
Okay, well, that's fine.
Maybe it was those dollar beers.
What's that?
Maybe it was because of those dollar beers.
I don't know, maybe I wasn't there.
That's when you know it's a good place though.
Even when we went to the midget wrestling,
it was only, what, three bucks a beer or three dollars a drink?
That was great.
I always enjoy when you can get a good bang for your box.
What are you doing, Larry?
Hang out in Boys Town.
I'm sure you find a good deal.
No, but you can buy drinks for everybody.
It's like a 20 spotter.
I was feeling great.
It's not like $60.
Here's the thing, man.
I bought two or three beers for that fucking kid.
That was at the skinny kid in the backseat with us.
I asked him for another fucking cigarette.
He's like, oh man.
Which kid was that?
The kid that had the fucking American spirits.
Dude, why wouldn't you ask me for a cigarette?
Because I know not one of those ghetto ass palm offs.
He's tired of kissing you.
I didn't want to kiss you.
He has to move out and do me.
So I'm thinking shit, I bought this motherfucker a couple of beers
and he didn't fucking want to give me a cigarette.
Maybe you rubbed him the wrong way.
I guess I did.
Rub him the wrong way.
Yeah, from the backside, not the front.
There goes our for the ball.
Whatever you do, man, I don't fucking need to know.
He was a fuck guy.
You're just pushing that shit on me.
Pushing it on me? You know what?
That was a good start.
Isn't that Polish Barbie one too?
Oh yeah.
That bartender was pretty cute.
She had some interest, whatever.
I mean, she had some miles, but she had a few more to go.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
She can take some more.
Couple more bangs.
She had a couple more rides around the world.
Yeah, around the world.
That was just things from California to Pennsylvania.
I'd probably go around the block.
2500 maybe.
You run her through the fucking dirt a few more times.
Yeah, it's like a Hugo.
The whole EU shit, man.
They can do that shit though.
Do you remember that, the Hugo?
That was like the fucking car.
The butt of every joke.
Was it from Yugoslavia or was it just?
It might have been, man.
They might have been.
You think we'd be smarter to put Hugo to Yugoslavians?
Well, yeah, but I don't think I've ever seen a Hugo on the road.
But it was like a butt of every joke.
I knew someone that had one.
And here's the thing, man.
They had a fuck. Oh my lord.
Oh my land time.
They had a whole, like, you know, their toolbox.
They're a motor mechanic,
like a car mechanic.
And they had all their tools and shit.
And they got into a fucking heavy accident
with the Hugo.
And the tools were just flying around the car.
And I got pretty fucked up.
Well, dude, that was like the first thing.
It was very small. Yeah.
It was very small. You get an accident, you get buried in it.
It was like a car.
You have tools in the back of it first.
Fucking projectile.
You need tinderbottom.
Big wrenches and shit.
There's gas, tools,
and a little car.
Somebody rear-ends you, man.
And a Polar-Trivia.
It's literally waiting to go off.
I think the Corvair, when they got rear-ended.
No, man, you know, that was the fucking pinto.
The Ford pinto. That was the one.
The more recent one that blew up.
The Corvair, you say, saved that from also.
Because mid-engine, it would...
You would think a mechanic would have a better car.
Right. Well, here's the thing.
It's like the shoemaker with the whole of his shoes.
You know, that's always how it is.
Really? Yeah, like Tom.
Not anymore. Like Rat.
Working at the guitar shop, and he had one guitar.
He worked at the music shop for fucking 35 years.
People aren't dead genuine anymore.
No, but it's even like...
The carpenter that needs his house,
all his shit work needs to be done.
They do all the work when they're not at home.
People are still trained by the internet.
You know what I mean? Like, we're all controlled by something.
Like, you could still do something for eight hours a day,
but now you're going to go on your phone.
I mean, majority of people...
Yeah, much time I've wasted looking at my fucking...
Just taking a shit.
We're not just going to take a shit on Instagram.
The next thing I know is like an hour later,
I'm like, what the fuck did I just do for an hour?
It's just a crime anymore.
Well, I'm not saying I do an hour, but yeah, it's just a waste of time.
I understand you fucking embellished on that.
Yeah, but it's just a waste of time.
I don't fucking work around with that.
First of all, I don't know where my phone is.
Second of all, I don't have a job.
I don't know where my phone is.
And not to mention, I just have a fucking
Game Boy in the bathroom.
Yeah, that's what his name is, Game Boy.
Where's he get it from, China?
I just play Tetris, man.
I bet you you do.
You lock her back up after you get it.
That's it.
Hey, I know how you met my new boy at Game Boy.
He's Game Boy.
Do you see that movie?
The Tetris movie?
No.
It's actually pretty interesting.
Russian guy had created Tetris back in the...
What do you mean?
It was the 80s.
But American guy bought the rights to it from
some guy in England.
Lexi...
But he didn't have the rights to it.
Russia wouldn't...
The guy that created it couldn't sell the rights.
It was coming to Russia.
They owned it.
It's a pretty interesting movie.
I don't know how accurate it was.
But eventually the guy...
The American guy...
You and your stories.
I mean, I'm not going to pick up on one of them.
We're not here for accuracy.
We just spew misinformation.
Don't quote me.
Come on, the guy who wears a white watch.
I'm talking about the movie I saw.
The American guy actually
did this... The Russian guy a solid.
Because after Russia fell,
Gorbachev turned on his watch.
He fucking gave him some money.
No, he brought him to America.
They started their own company together.
Tetris company.
The guy ended up becoming a millionaire.
They created it.
Eventually. It took him like 20 years
after he created the fucking thing.
After you're in a fucking communist country.
I've been in them fucking...
I've been in some places where it's not even
communist before, but it was east of the fucking wall.
You know?
And those motherfuckers don't even have
hot water.
They don't even know what it is.
They take cold showers every day,
and they don't even know that they could be
having hot water.
It's really weird.
Dude, that guy was probably...
It didn't matter that it took him 10 fucking years,
is what I'm saying, you dumbass.
Can you do any kind of fucking...
Do any kind of correlations
with this motherfucker?
I will knock you both out with a
ciggy in my mouth.
I bet you those women are pretty fucking hard to get.
If you have an open beer on the computer,
you should probably go and do Larry.
No, don't use the Lord's name in vain.
Sorry, Larry.
You'll fucking go to hell.
We're all going to hell.
We don't know this Larry.
I'm not going to hell.
Don't use the Lord's name in vain because he doesn't like it.
You know.
Dude, would you like if someone was cursing your name?
They do it all the time.
The Lord already told me he's got a blade.
They curse your name too.
Larry does it 500 times a day.
Larry, damn it.
She's never ever said that.
She's never.
She's got a nice t-shirt.
You're a son of a bitch, Larry.
Useless sugar baby.
Larry, damn it.
Clean the pool.
You're doing sick guitarists,
ripping bongs.
They ain't paying the bills, Larry.
You ain't paying nothing.
My God.
You lost your look a long time ago.
I got my hustle.
Do I know your hustle?
I got my hustle.
Kiss and do to the train station.
That's not the hustle she was looking for.
That's not the hustle I'm talking about though.
I got waves.
Yeah, you got a lot of hustles.
Hey man.
Call you backdoor Larry.
Yeah.
Ditch dildo.
Dude, that one's great.
Dude, that's his poor name.
Ditch dildo.
Oh, that's classic.
But I'm still blown away
at how that thing was dug up.
I love it.
It's very fun.
Seriously, that's like a one in a million fine.
I know.
That was your lottery win right there.
I've lived here for like 25 years
and cut the law in a million fucking times
and I never saw that thing.
It was pretty fucking,
it was only a little bit of it.
Sticking out, it was like, you know,
sun was hitting it, it looked like a diamond.
You see how he's embellishing also?
No.
It's like the fucking, what's that called?
Well, here's the thing.
When I dug it up, it was all filled with,
it was filthy dirty, you know.
I had to bring it into the house and put it under the sink.
And then put it in your ass.
Like one of those Mexican, like, novella movies.
Yeah.
The sun starts shining.
The lady finds the dildo and the bushes,
but it's buried on the dirt.
Thought it was a buried treasure.
Yeah.
It was. What are you talking about?
It was. When he found it,
I was like, the mic hit the tip and he kissed it.
And he ascended to heaven.
If you could only re-wide
of what the dildo seen.
So, it's all the gay listeners
will know that you're a fucking homophobe.
Who is?
You are.
Why would you say that?
You're afraid of fags.
Hey, if they're, oh man, what do you do?
That's what it means.
That's what homophobes are.
If they're like a pre-2005 homo,
I'm down.
In 2005, they're probably with the trans group
and I'm not down.
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't think the homos are with the trans group, man.
What did I say? Like, the older homos,
dude, we're all the same.
Yeah. They just want to have a good time.
Yeah. The newer ones, no.
They just want to fucking cause trouble.
Yeah, exactly.
They made shows about this.
There's like that one with El Bundy.
El Bundy?
Where they made the Phenox normalize.
Yeah, that's what they do.
They fucking indoctrinate us with all this stuff.
It's predictive programming.
And they make us fucking...
It's a predictive programming.
It's just fucking hammering us with it.
They just saturate it with us.
And then fucking China keeps on doing the same.
They don't have tic-tac-clad in China.
Well, the Phenox though, the Phenox are Phenox.
I mean, they're just like us.
We just like different ass.
That's all.
When we went and saw the dead.
We were like, I'm not even in God's eyes.
But that's another story.
If you want to look into the Bible.
I don't judge though. God can judge.
No, I'm not judging either.
They can fuck each other up the ass and go to hell all they want.
You have to say that part, but that's okay, Larry.
You know, that's their thing.
I'm gonna fucking...
I'm gonna keep on with God and fucking...
Sodomites are not fucking good.
But that's why they normalize it and porn.
That's why all these chicks getting fucked up the ass and everything.
That's fucking disgusting, man.
Man, you're an old man.
No, I'm not an old man.
You know what?
That's the problem, man.
The smell of shit isn't too appealing.
Well, I mean, Jesus,
crime-y kind of people are having anal sex with.
Here.
The smell of shit isn't appealing.
It's not.
I mean, I don't know what you guys are doing, but that is an egregious statement.
There's a thing though, if you do that.
What's a thing, Larry? Please tell me what you like to try.
I get a girl that do that.
When you fuck somebody and smells like pussy,
what do you think is gonna happen when you fuck them in the ass?
It's gonna smell like ass.
Unless they're porn stars.
Right, and then they're running forward and they fucking...
Then they fast it for it and don't have any shit in their ass.
First of all, listen, if you're dating a girl
that is not clean, then you will be able to tell right away.
Dude.
And if you keep dating her...
Oh, man.
Come on, you guys aren't stupid.
Whatever, man. He sounds like a fucking nun right now.
Who's the funer?
I sound like a nun right now.
I'm talking about pussy and all this shit.
And I sound like a nun.
It doesn't sound very good.
I gave a girl a ride home from Vegas
and she turned a heat-seater on.
Oh, lord.
It smelled like a fish frying the car.
Aw, man.
We started looking like guys in the backseat.
We started looking at each other like...
Can't this bitch smell her own shit?
No, we kept turning it off and she was turning it on.
And like, are you serious?
We didn't smell her own shit.
Oh, dude.
I was burning the car after that.
Oh, dude.
That's the one thing that...
You had to go buy one of them little trees and shit.
One of them?
Oh, man.
It was melted into the cloth.
I had to buy a tree factory, man.
It was... oh, lord.
I hired a detailer to smell them all over.
Even a detailer shook his head, man.
What was she wearing, man?
Oh, she's a...
No way.
She brought some fucking over-border disease, man.
El Stanko.
That's another thing.
There's seven of these people over there.
No, this wasn't even from the border.
I think she was actually fucking Iraqi.
Iraqi?
Yeah, I think what they called.
Dude, did I not date an enemy?
No, I wasn't dating.
I'll never forget.
I went to Iran for a business trip.
Yeah.
This was Vegas.
Yeah, even worse.
A business trip in Vegas.
Literally.
You all got the sting.
The Texas sting.
Yeah, this was a sting.
The Texas taco.
The gift that keeps on giving.
I don't know about that.
The gift that keeps on stinging.
So did you have cloth seeds?
Oh, thank God.
I was just joking when I said cloth seeds.
That's all the pictures.
Because they had a heater.
I had cloth seeds.
I had to be careful who took my car.
Jesus, man.
I ain't cooking no fish for it in here.
Just some street walker with a fucking vinegar puss.
I'm not letting no one in my car.
Vinegar puss.
I picked up everybody's...
I don't let them in my car.
They'll blow me through the window.
I was in the car the other day, hitchhiking.
And he goes, aren't you a little...
The other day?
And he goes, aren't you a little afraid?
I might be a serial killer.
I said, the chance of two serial killers in the car
at the same time are fucking astronomical.
That's ridiculous, I told them.
That is a good one.
I was trying to midget to play the drum.
And then I pointed.
Thumbs down.
For those of you that aren't fucking watching
on the fucking picture system,
I'm flipping needles off.
Speaking of vinegar puss,
you remember that story?
Who's vinegar puss?
It was me, you, Ronnie, and Leemann.
R.I.P. and Leemann.
Butter sticks.
What the hell did we just see?
I don't know.
Was it the Pantera show?
I don't know. I came and remember.
We were right by United Center.
And if anybody that's from the Chicago area,
they know that's a real nice area.
Yeah, it was even nicer back then.
Yeah, it was better for which one.
There was a black lady walking the streets.
A street walker, shall we call her?
Yeah, we nicknamed her vinegar puss.
Was it summertime or winter?
It smelled like it was, man.
It smelled like it was a hot day in the summer.
It probably was the summer,
but it was like nine degrees below zero.
No, man.
It was horrible.
And all of a sudden she gets in the car like,
whoa, you got this.
And she gets in the car like, whoa,
you got to go.
Right, like immediately, like, no, you got to go.
But our buddy,
our buddy bit of butter sticks.
Wait, hold on a second.
He was down.
And it was the worst thing.
He was driving, too.
We were in the back seat.
That's why we got stuck there.
No, hell no. Get the hell out.
And she's like, next time I'll be clean.
I'll be cleaner for you boys.
Oh, man.
I'm so gross.
No, no, no. Here's the story.
So she pulls her pants down
in her underwear.
And we get out of the car.
Because it smelled so bad.
We were gagging.
Oh, man. That is so fucking gross.
And then he didn't drive home
with us just ripping out.
I'm so pissed.
He's like, wait a minute. I'll do it.
He's like, no, I'm good.
I'm good.
Oh, man.
And I'm talking this lit, man.
And she got the nickname
vinegar puss.
And that was being nice.
Yeah.
But the next time she's next time
I'll be more cleave view boys.
Oh, man. That is so fucking gross.
Dude.
It was that.
What are the grossest times of my life?
What are those moments when you realize
you're not willing to do with your wiener
and what you're not willing to do with your wiener?
The only prostitutes that's awakening you.
That is fucking gross.
This is where I draw the line.
I am not going to put a wiener
in this street hooker
on Cicero Avenue.
In a full condom.
Hasmets who wouldn't do it.
Hell no.
No. But here's the deal though.
When he had sex in the car and she sat down
it smelled.
It stinks before me though.
When she got in the car we all knew
we were like oh my.
We didn't let it like we were like
we weren't like being coy about it.
We were like what the fuck is that stink.
She pulls her pants down and sits on the front seat bare ass dude.
Oh, fucking.
You gotta have a whore towel.
You gotta drive home with it.
You still say have a whore towel in your car.
I think my Leemons said so.
Was that my Leemons car?
I don't know.
Oh my god.
It was this mom's car.
You guys go to lobster fucking
or what is it called?
You guys go to lobster.
Oh my god.
Dude that car had to stink.
Like.
Oh my lord.
I think we were like riding with her heads out the window
on the way home from the city.
That is fucking so gross man.
No it was horrendous dude.
I'll never forget that.
We were like oh my god.
We were like get the fuck to here.
It was a complete street walk.
You know what I mean?
A fucking bomb.
She was like crawling.
I don't even know if she was walking.
Oh my lord.
She was a fucking crawler.
She left a snail trail on the street dude.
That is so fucking gross man.
In that her boys day.
RIP Leemons.
RIP Buttersticks Bob.
He was proud man.
He'd still be proud to this day.
No man.
Dude wasn't he banging like the underage neighbor too?
Jesus man.
Well he was dead so we could say it.
No.
Let's say yeah.
He cares.
God will judge man.
He was proud of that shit.
How about this?
This is the best story man.
Leemons calling me all the time
and he'd want to get weed
and his brother would want weed for me too.
Oh so you do?
Yeah.
So then one day
he dies of course.
We all know that.
RIP Buttersticks.
About a month later I get a phone call
from his phone number.
Oh that's why I remember this.
Yes man.
I'm thinking it's his brother
and I knew that they lived way out in the fucking
McHenry or something.
Whatever man.
The fucking guy's dead.
I mean shit.
We can give out his social security number
at this fucking point.
He's dead dude.
So I get a phone call
and it's
Leemons number and I'm thinking
it must be his brother using his phone.
Hey man can I come over
and cop some weed and I'm like yeah sure dude whatever.
I think it's a dead guy's phone
but that's fine.
And then this guy comes to my door
and it's this guy Charlie.
A guy I know as well.
And I'm like hey man what's up
and he's like what are you doing here.
I just fucking called you and I'm like
oh wow that was you.
I'm thinking it's going to take him
at least an hour to get to me.
And I'm
just like holy shit.
A guy that I know they croaked
and another guy that I know
had his fucking phone number.
That's fucking crazy.
Because his number was still in my phone.
That's crazy.
That is a wild fucking story.
That is. It was pretty fucked up.
And you know I just thought maybe
oh it's his brother and he's probably
just still has his phone or something.
Did I ever tell you this story
when I went with
Turbo. Harvesting your memories.
We went to see a Jackie the Jokeman.
Jackie the Jokeman.
A man couch radio show.
He's a Canadian.
Well Jackie the Jokeman was the guy
that was at Howard Stern.
Yeah he was a very good comedian. Old school comedian.
So we got tickets
and we got to the show
we saw Lehman's big brother there.
He was a big boy.
When he said big brother he said
Lehman's brother.
Mike.
Oh shit man.
We were just naming everybody.
And the first joke
Jackie the Jokeman comes out
and he's like look at this man.
Oh my god.
He's a big son of a bitch.
Dude he used to fight
but he was a big son of a bitch.
They would be fighting on the front yard.
In the garage.
Did you ever talk about
your specimens you left there?
Maybe. Probably not.
Dude.
What did Niels do this low life?
I nicknamed Lehman's house
the armpit of Maple Street
because it was right at the Dicturn.
It was a bend.
It was basically the armpit of Maple Street.
Oh my god.
His mom would come in and we'd all be doped.
You have your pants off.
Yeah.
Because I would take my pants off and I'd be saying
sweat my ass over the winter time.
I'd be sitting in my fucking
tiny whiteies.
Well we'd all be all fucked up
and they'd be like
but you know how leaving was.
He was a slob.
He'd have left over spaghetti
from five days ago, six days ago
and he'd leave the room to go to the bathroom
like with a poor bunch of fucking
I'd take a plastic cup
and whatever was in the room
he'd mix it all together
and he'd go hide it
and deposit.
It was a specimen A3-5-4-2-1.
They had names for him.
All over the place.
And then all of a sudden like four to five weeks down the road
it would start
stinking like all fucking garbage
dump in his room.
What the fuck is going on?
Where'd you guys hide this?
Because he would know we'd fucking
hide specimens
in his closet.
But he would never find them and he'd just get lazy
and be like fuck it.
And it would just stink in there.
That time I took a full jar of Parmesan cheese
and stuck it under his water bag
and turned it into a hole.
We pulled the water bag back
and it just fucking dumped in there
and turned it into a hole.
Oh my god.
It turned into a hole like 120.
Take it.
Oh my god.
It just stunk.
What the fuck is the bad time?
Why does it stink like rank cheese?
What the fuck, man?
Dude, it was so bad.
It was bad because we would
hang out there.
Why would you do that to yourself?
I found another specimen.
Because you were in the trap house.
You were in the trap house.
Everybody would come down to the window
every time we were by we.
If you wanted to come in or you wanted to buy drugs
you came in the window.
And I'd be sitting in my undies.
But then on Sunday...
It was a big elongated ranch
and it had four bedrooms
three on one side
the kitchen was in the middle
and then big mic was on the end
and then the garage was right next to big mic.
So...
Excuse me.
Granted, it was in the middle of a subdivision
of residential houses
and people would come up every 15 to 20 minutes.
I aimed to buy and drugs.
I just bring nitrous.
If we didn't want to let you in, we wouldn't let you in.
I used to bring nitrous to his house.
He had a shot in the back.
Oh, man.
I remember he got a pet snake
and he had it for like four days.
I was like,
the snake is disappearing.
Like, yeah.
Somebody left the top open
and he heard it and he nodded out.
Yeah. It's probably still living in the house.
That thing's dead. He found it.
It was in a vent somewhere.
Oh, man.
Yeah, R.P. Ma Lehmann
chews the shit.
He's gone? Probably.
Yeah, he really chews.
Ma Barker.
Yeah, she's gone.
She got machine gun down on that last bank robbery.
Oh, no. He had a grandpa.
No, his grandpa.
Holy shit.
We'd be all fucked up.
And he had to be in his 80s.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Yeah, he would just shit his pants.
Yeah, he'd have to go change grandpa.
Oh, man.
Well, especially when his mom would come in
and come in and come in and come out from work.
She was a good salesperson.
I figured pharmaceutical.
She looked like Mama Cass.
But she would come in,
all of us would be fucked up,
fucking sitting there smoking rocks out of a socket.
Oh, my God.
Greg, I don't care what's going on.
Everybody's gotta go.
Oh, man.
Is that what she'd say?
No, yeah, we'd be smoking shit.
Well, she wouldn't say, I don't care what he would say,
but she'd like, everybody's gotta go.
Because it'd be late at night and she'd get a work in the morning.
We're just fucking degenerates watching like Beavis and Butthead and shit.
We're fucking teaching Chong.
Yeah.
Which is very funny.
People kept knocking at the window.
All night long.
Man, I'd say,
what was he selling, crack?
No, no, no, people would come over and bring stuff.
I'd be like, get the fuck out of here.
People would come over and bring stuff and want to party.
And then people would come over and want stuff
and then the people that were there partying would sell.
You know what I mean?
It just turned into something that wasn't meant to be.
It turned into something that wasn't meant to be.
Doesn't it always?
He never left his broom.
Well, he did.
We'd go bowling all the time.
I guess he would. The Wayne Doodle.
Yeah.
That was his waterbed's name, the Wayne Doodle.
Man, that thing stunk so bad.
There he is.
Who is a waterbed as a teenager?
The stories that waterbed can tell.
That is so fucking gross.
Waterbeds are gross, man.
You got to be like an 80's porn star.
You're really fucking good on a waterbed.
I don't think so.
You can't get really any...
You don't think so, dude.
No, I fucking...
I'm an old man.
I fucking had a fucking...
I had a girlfriend and a hand in waterbed.
Fucked her all the time.
You're a big boy now.
I'm just saying.
I guess you don't know how to fuck, I guess, is what it is.
What is he doing?
You can't fucking waterbed, I'm saying.
I can.
It sounds like a threat.
I don't like that word.
If you're asking for a cake...
I'm like, whoa, man.
What a fucking...
Yeah, no, you can get some good moves.
Yeah, dude, you don't know how to fuck, I guess.
No, I don't.
I really don't, man.
Do they still make them things?
Who knows? Who would fucking ever buy a waterbed?
It's terrible to sleep on.
We would always end up in the middle of the thing in the morning.
Everyone's jammed in the fucking middle.
Dude, it's a fucking big hot water bottle.
Everyone. How many people are you sleeping with?
Yeah.
Captain Rockstar.
I don't want to say something, but that's fine.
Whatever.
A fucking waterbed.
Just a weird one of those fucking inventions.
It's like, ah, so now you just have water in your room.
In a big bath.
But it just floods the fucking room.
You know what?
We ran at a waterbed and it popped.
That's more like it.
That's more government sci-ops shit right there.
Here's a waterbed.
Try sleeping on this.
You'll be so uncomfortable.
You won't even be able to believe it.
You can bang on it, though.
That's the thing.
It's better if you're banging and sleeping.
First of all,
here's the thing.
Let me explain it to you.
Oh, explain it to me, Larry.
When you're fucking down and your knees are touching wood,
you're just looking at it.
And the chick's ass is propelled up.
Oh.
Because it's like a built-in pillow under her ass.
Chick, I'm sure, and quotes.
Whatever.
Anyways, you're an idiot.
And you don't know what's going on.
That's how it works.
That's the problem.
You're not going to tell your story anymore.
I just explained it, you fucking dummy.
Your knee displaces the fucking thing
and the fucking bed goes higher like a thing.
And it's like having a pillow under their ass
and you could really fucking batter, actually.
You fucking dummy.
I had a girlfriend that had one, dude.
She had a fucking one.
It really didn't like that he stared at me right in my eyes.
Because you're the one going,
what is over the, how does it work?
I don't know, have you ever fucking banged a chick?
He'd be more perverted.
Yeah, he tries to kiss me.
Oh, shoot, Larry.
You got all caught up in your eye, Gwuh.
No, I had a buddy that still has a waterbump.
Oh, man.
Really? Oh, yeah, he's a...
He's got a wheelchair.
He's like almost 60.
See?
What kind of drugs does he do?
Shoot, did you hear that, Larry?
This guy doesn't know where he's at.
I think he's fucking swimming.
That's how it works.
When you have a waterbed, you think you're swimming all the time.
Dude, we should go film a podcast
walking into like mattress fucking Americas or something.
Where's your waterbed?
I'm gonna be like, what?
Or we should just go find the water.
We could find it.
Somebody's got a sewed waterbed.
To do what with it?
I don't need no fucking waterbed here.
I'm not sure we're gonna do the video somewhere else.
You want a waterbed now?
I haven't laid in a waterbed.
So we're in a gold chain.
I remember when we were kids.
My cousin had a waterbed,
like a king-size waterbed,
just the fucking bag part, though,
without the frame and shit.
On the ground?
On the ground, in a basement.
Bladder.
Waiting to fucking make a bath.
So when we were kids, we were going down there.
100 gallons, fucking.
So he would go down there and fight.
We were kids and throw each other into this fucking thing.
Or jump up, run and jump on.
I was with this kid that owned the bed.
He was 10 years older than me.
So how old were you at this time?
So he was probably 20.
Yeah.
He just bang and push.
And I'm probably 10.
I get a rash.
I think he was already fucking...
I think it was just in his basement.
Yeah, it sounds even worse.
No, it was his own house.
He was already fucking buried.
Oh, even worse, he got a waterbed in the bed.
Was it like shackles?
No.
It was just weird.
We used to fucking jump on it and fucking run and jump on it.
Yeah, man.
And it was fun.
Yeah, right.
I can see as a kid.
Playing on some weirdo sex toy.
That's basically the worst.
Why is it my family doing it?
Why is it my cousin doing it?
Why is it a fucking weirdo sex toy all the time?
It must be how you live, man.
I'm not even thinking like that.
Well, in Mike's defense.
I mean, that's where he's sleeping, right?
If you're having a two-sided bladder in your basement,
just lay in there like something's going on.
Yeah, we're gonna take it.
You just said it's up, but you just said it pushes them up.
But here's the thing, there was no frame on this fucking thing.
Exactly.
You couldn't even lay on it.
Dude, we were just jumping on it as kids.
It was like down there for him.
I don't know.
Yeah, they have to have a way with women and whores problems.
Dude, he was fucking...
I like this guy.
He was married, you fucking idiot.
Oh, they did his wife there, then, okay.
Maybe he had a swing or he had to put a pineapple on his card.
You're an idiot.
Why am I an idiot, man?
Just a star.
That's where I'm going to go to change it up a little bit.
Totally disparaging my character for no reason.
There's a reason.
She would put on the cheerleader outfit.
Supreme Court of Larian Needles now?
You're gonna get slapped because that's how you're talking.
You're fucking right I am.
Yeah, that's what I said.
You're gonna get slapped right in the fucking channel.
No, I am the supreme court.
I'll choke him with that cool if you want me to.
It's all right.
Look at him. He doesn't know where he's coming from.
Get up any time, motherfucker.
Stand up.
These paps actually ain't too bad.
I haven't had a beer in a while.
Are you kidding me?
One of the greatest things you could do.
My sinuses usually fuck up with beers.
They're not doing too bad.
I guess if you're not doing blow it helps.
That's a statement to live by.
Paps is very good.
And then you do blow with it.
That's all right.
Doesn't clear your sinuses.
Any of those kind of beers?
What's that?
Paps, hams, Miller's, fucking old style.
Grain belts, fucking Genesee.
All the junk that's local in all the places.
And all the real cheap shit.
It's all good.
It's all shwill, right?
Yeah, that's the best shit.
They're just killing us with all this shit, man.
All this IPA bullshit.
It's an overpriced fucking suicide.
Speaking of bullshit.
I heard all the processed food
bullshit we eat.
I don't know if it was per week or per month.
We can eat a credit card size
amount of microplastics
for the amount of processed food we eat.
Holy fuck.
Because all the cows and the pigs
and all the shit we eat.
All the plastics they eat.
So all the microplastics we eat
depending on how much processed food you eat
you can eat a credit card size
amount of plastic.
It was either a week or a month.
Either way, that's an astronomical amount.
Yeah, that's a lot of fucking plastic.
Who would think that plastic is in our food?
Everybody.
But isn't that the craziest statement you've ever heard?
But what does fucked up?
It's like, hey, you guys are eating plastic
in the food that we give you
that is regulated by the government, the USDA.
And we're feeding it to you.
We were talking about regulations on rat shit
and how much you can have.
Then I get.
That's different, though.
That's delicious.
See now this is okay.
No, but that's not me, dude.
No, rats are gonna shit.
Dude, fecal might be gonna shit.
You shouldn't have rats in a food plant.
But this shit happens.
What the fuck happens is
you know how many restaurants you go to
where the walls are filled with emojis?
Oh, yeah, because they're working them in shit.
But the problem is that the inspector
fucking lets you get away with one thing.
Well, yeah, they get paid off.
But the plastics that they feed these animals.
The plastics that they feed this shit.
I've seen the feed, too.
I've seen videos where they show the feed with plastics in it.
And here's the other thing, man.
That's not good, man.
Here's the other thing.
That was one of the reasons that they said
that the chickens weren't able to have the eggs
because they were so high full of plastics
and they weren't just able to fucking lay eggs.
Yeah, I remember when they were talking
about all that egg-shorted shit.
Oh, yeah.
And then some supply chain bullshit
smoke screen and then some other
bullshit shit.
And it's like, no, motherfucker,
they're feeding our animals plastic.
Dude, I forget the name of an author.
She's written a book.
Ever since we've started feeding
our animals all this process bullshit plastics,
male testosterone levels have gone down
and the taint
are getting shorter.
The taints are getting shorter on animals.
Like cows and pigs are getting shorter.
They're talking about this shit.
No, it's true, man.
It's true.
No, it's true, man.
But yeah.
Well, because Alex Jones is right.
But no, but it's fucking up everything.
It's fucking crazy.
No, this ain't only Alex Jones.
Yeah, and this ain't only Alex Jones shit.
This is some shit no shirt Nick told me.
And he would never listen to Alex Jones
and he thinks everything I say
is bullshit and a conspiracy.
But oh, yeah, ever since that we've been
like testosterone levels have been going down.
That is a true fact.
And since all from the plastic
Taint levels are getting shorter.
I love how you're using your fingers
to approximate the size of a taint.
The space between the antole
and the fucking genitals are getting
fucking shorter.
Both.
But the amount of chemicals
that they pump into us, the amount of chemicals
think about that, the amount of chemicals
that we mix in a house, literally is a cleaning lady.
Who knows what's next.
I hate it. I fucking, I don't want to.
Do you ever see the interview with Bill Gates
where he talks about everybody loves trees.
Do you plant trees?
He's like, no, I do not plant trees.
He's like, why don't you listen to the
would you rather listen to the scientists
or the heretics, you know, it's like,
you're not a scientist.
Bill Gates is just a shill.
He fucking thinks he's a guy.
He's a cuckoo.
He's just a shill. He's nobody.
The people that you have to worry about
he's definitely somebody.
Yeah, that's the thing.
Anybody with that kind of money could do a lot of
fucking damage.
I think he has more control than the government.
He's got more money.
Dude, he can control what he wants.
It's not even that the government controls him.
Think about that. They have more guns than Bill Gates
will ever have. They can come in and swarm his ass.
Because Bill Gates is going to form a revolution
against.
Because he pays those fucking politicians big money.
And they keep him in check.
That's what they do.
Nobody keeps him in check.
Nobody keeps anybody in check.
Bullshit. You're going to tell me.
No, Niels, listen, dummy, all these motherfuckers
are off the hook.
That sounds like fighting shit.
Yeah, it is.
Listen, all these motherfuckers, nobody's keeping
nobody in check.
Look at the guy holding himself in the leather jacket
like he's cold.
Nobody's keeping anybody in check because...
You want my shirt?
Dude, it's okay.
The rest of the motherfuckers are all crooked.
So nobody's...
Anybody that would be keeping the guys in check
need to be kept in check too.
Why is that? I don't understand.
What do you mean why is that?
I don't understand what you...
I'm not going to keep you.
But I understand that.
I mean, listen...
You know, it's like the...
The fox is watching the hen house.
I mean, who's keeping who in check?
That's a great analogy.
What the fuck is this, 1932?
I'll watch the whorehouse.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like the John watching the whorehouse.
Where's the whorehouse?
Right in the right direction.
He pulls his credit card out.
Charge it to Larry Jones.
Yeah.
Oh, Lordy.
I forgot my rubbers.
Bear back in hookers.
You're going to have a rough paper route, boss.
Yeah, you're just...
You're asking for trouble.
Anybody you bear back is...
Two things you don't do.
Like a doorknob, bathroom.
The AIDS thing.
And beg a whore without a rubber.
The second one, the latter is the first one.
They do call it that.
I've never... Well, I don't even want to get into it.
You've never walked into it.
No, yeah. That too.
It's okay.
It's okay, Larry.
I'll tell you guys...
Yeah, I was on tour in Prague.
No, I'm telling you the cameras are out.
I'm telling you the cameras are out.
My first trip.
Yeah, let me tell you. My first IPA.
Yeah.
I'll tell you when the cameras are out.
Yeah, oh yeah. I bet you you will.
Very sultry story about it.
I'll tell a story about it.
We got lucky with our extravaganza
back in the day.
Because nowadays, I feel sorry for the young kids, man.
The problem is we get older
and I would realize that shit is so fucked up
and we can't do anything about it.
Like, what are we gonna do?
Here's the other thing, though.
What do you think a fucking little thin layer
of rubber is gonna really protect you
from what the fuck that shit has going on
up inside of there?
Jesus, man, you are a real pervert, man.
But just to understand...
Have you never fucking banged a chicken?
And you're looking at fucking rubber shredded
and all you got is the ring and you're like,
oh fuck.
Why is there so sexual all of a sudden?
Well, here's the thing, though.
It seems like you don't know what's going on.
Sometimes you realize it feels too good to be true.
Yeah, yeah.
And while I'm just saying,
you can be careful of everything
and you think a fucking thin layer of rubber
is really gonna protect you
from whatever that takes action.
Larry's gonna monster dog this dude.
No, man, don't do that when you say that.
What are you doing, man?
What are you two fernooks up to
when I'm not around, man?
Jesus Christ.
Oh, don't use the fucking...
I can't even trust my friends, man.
You can trust us.
No, I can't, obviously.
Just don't kiss us.
Yeah, I don't want to.
I don't even want to be involved
in any of that shenanigans.
This fucking guy...
He looks like a fucking biker Freddie Mercury.
It's not a fucking bulletproof vest,
is all I'm saying.
What? The condom, you know?
Well, no, hey.
He had the invention...
You had the invention back in, like, 1995.
The mudflap.
And then rubber.
A mudflap to protect your balls.
Yeah, this is the mudflap.
I'm like, dude, that's the best invention I've ever heard.
You gotta protect your boys.
Because your boys are slapping all free and shit.
Fucking...
How long ago was this?
Yeah, back in the 90s, dude.
Yeah, the mudflap.
I thought that was the best idea.
I was getting ready to pitch troaching.
I'm like, holy shit, that's golf.
You have 70 sands on.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, neck off.
Or a naked lady's golf.
Or you could make the naked lady one.
Yeah.
There's lots of options.
There's the hillbilly truck.
There's lots of options.
There's the hillbilly truck or mudflap.
Yeah, lots of options, man.
Mudflaps.
Yeah, I did.
You could have a Confederate flag on one of them.
Fuck.
They still don't have it.
I don't get it.
Well, they make dental dams and bullshit like that.
But I'm sure they have a nut sack holder or something.
I don't know.
What's a dental dam?
You being serious?
I don't like that.
What the fuck is this?
Dude, watch out.
Get your elbows ready, man.
Touchy.
Man.
Oh, look at that.
That's how he likes it.
A little IDF.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Dental dam.
I keep giving money to people that don't deserve it.
Dude, we went to...
What's a dental dam?
Stick it in your mouth.
Take a face mask.
I got a story about a dental dam.
So we were in Vegas for a bachelor party.
My buddy that didn't get much puss
got a hooker.
And all of a sudden,
she said, I wanted to eat her out.
Which is red flag number one.
No, that's for his character.
Yeah, but he wanted to...
Diminishes it.
He's like, yeah, she made me use a female condom,
which is a dental dam.
And he's like, so I was eating her out.
And then I saw her rifling money out of my...
Ha ha ha ha.
While I was eating her out.
Wow.
So he's like, I put it onto that real quick.
Yeah, if you haven't been ripped off by a prostitute,
you haven't been living.
That's a code to go by.
That's definitely a man code.
It was kind of funny though.
It was funny how he admitted it, talking about it.
Well, that's the best part. You can tell your boy shit.
Yeah, exactly.
It was a prostitute.
Yeah, but I don't know if you want to go spreading around
that you're licking the pussy.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It was a dental dam.
What is it? Exactly.
So it's like a female...
Let's say you put saran wrap on the box, I guess.
I've never seen one.
It looks like an N95 mask.
And then it has like a little slit in the middle
where you put your tongue in.
To actually get to the pussy?
To get to the middle by the pussy?
Not even vertical, horizontal.
And so it's opposable.
So it's for Chinese girls?
Yeah.
But it's not even...
Wait, so it actually gives them access to it?
Yeah.
So it's not sealed?
So you're getting...
What do you mean it's sealed? It's a woman.
So it's not like a regular condom.
You're getting actual skin to skin.
It's not a condom, Larry.
So you're getting skin to skin contact?
No, you're not.
Oh, so you're not? Jesus Christ, Larry.
You're not understanding.
The way you're explaining it, you're saying there's a slit in there.
A dental dam is meant to separate skin from skin contact.
Let's start at that point.
That would have been better.
It would have been better if you started there.
I acknowledge that. Thank you, Larry.
You're still a fanook.
Inventions like that shit,
I mean, does it really matter?
Who pulls out a dental dam on the street and tries to toots out?
Who even wants to do that in the first place?
Exactly.
Well, I mean, I know a lot of people.
Yeah.
That's how I wonder, yeah.
Drugs do a lot of crazy things, right?
That's true.
I mean, come on, when you're whacked out of your mind,
you don't know what's going on.
No, you know what's going on.
Man, I know what's going on when I'm whacked out of my mind.
Yeah, I bet.
You're whacked off on your meat.
And here's the thing, if I'm not whacked out
or I don't know what's going on,
I'm not in the mood to fucking remember what's going on anyway,
because I'm probably not having a good time.
You better off, you don't want to remember.
I'm probably more fucking like those zombies you'd see.
Yeah, you're more in tune with the fucking person.
It's more in tune with being folded up
like a fucking lawn chair.
No, hopefully you don't wake up with the gift
that keeps on giving her on your face.
Herpes.
Man, again, Jesus, dude.
Dude, taking some drinks down for what?
I'm sorry.
You guys kiss for another minute.
You guys make out for a while.
We'll send you the video.
What time are we at?
We're 51 minutes, man.
Oh, shit, man.
This is a good time for me to mention.
Let's do our shout-outs, okay?
So, we're going to do a little bit of a video
and we're going to do a little bit of a video
and we're going to do a little bit of a video.
Let's do our shout-outs, okay?
Time's free, clinic.
No, no, no, no. Hey, slow down, ass clown.
Shout-out to NoShirtNix for that true dope.
Pick me. I love you, bro.
You are an amazing artist.
We love you, man.
Also, I want to say, on New Year's Eve,
man, you're still gay in Florida.
There's a show called Caraboo Heart TV
and it's a live YouTube TV show
and we're going to be playing it.
I'm talking about right now.
I'm talking about the people we love
and you're going to do this.
Dude, Larry, man, I wish I had something to throw at you.
Okay, come on, Larry. Let's go move, man.
You can keep talking, motherfucker,
just because I'm showing that.
Oh, man.
Let's do not. You're a fucking idiot.
You're a fucking idiot.
Just for the people that don't understand
my fucking fake Italian.
Oh, man, I'll see you in a minute.
So, let's see, Chris.
Love you, Jay.
Yeah.
Man, you're just that...
You know what? Here's my thing, man.
What's your thing, Larry?
Whoever's listening, we love you.
Yeah, we do love you more than anything.
I'm not going to give any more personal shoutouts, man,
until I get...
What do you mean?
If they fucking email us or something.
Why are you being such a scrooge for love?
I'm not being a scrooge.
You can't keep out love.
So you're just going to hold it in?
Love is meant to be given away.
Oh, you know what we should do?
Because we recorded two episodes tonight.
No, you're a loveless bastard.
We should say today is New Year's.
Oh, happy New Year's.
So, do you ask Clown that on New Year's Eve?
No, we'll pretend it's New Year's Eve right now.
Hey, happy New Year.
Larry's sucking another dick.
Pretend it's New Year's.
So, we can show this episode on New Year's Eve.
No, we'll do New Year's episode.
It's New Year's.
Okay, in Chicago.
It's going to go up to YouTube when we publish it tonight.
But we could wait and put this one up on New Year's Eve.
Whatever you fucking dummy.
Jesus, man, the amount of weed that you put into your brain
really decomposes it.
Okay.
Yeah.
You know what I hear?
You guys start kissing and watching to see if it's coming out.
Kids fast down here.
Let me tell you.
All we do is yell at each other and call each other names.
Because he's a fucking fanok.
Oh, man.
No, man, I'm not a fanok.
I didn't say anything, man.
I'm saying it's your swipe.
What?
Tells us swipe.
I know.
That was the one we used to use when we were kids.
I don't know what you're even explaining what it was.
Yeah, we're too old for you to introduce me stuff, Larry.
Keep it in the closet, you old man.
You know there was a Larry O'Gee?
Shoutouts or no?
I know. I'm going to change my name to Larry Katachronic, I think.
Oh, man, I get fucking 57% now.
Because I might not.
Yeah, you'll get more percentage.
Because I might not...
Nothing.
Spotify and all these things.
And I got a lot of albums up there on the Larry O'Gee.
And then there's this other black rapper dude named Larry O'Gee.
So you're going to give it away?
She's doing a collaboration with us.
Here's the thing, man. I'm not looking to fucking...
Oh, that's a pretty good idea.
I guarantee you're an original Larry O'Gee.
You're an original Fanuk.
O.G. Fanuk.
I'm an O.G., for sure.
But I don't want to start no gang shit either with these guys.
Because they are fucking real G's.
See, I'm just an O.G. musician.
These guys are O.G. gangsters.
Larry O'Gee is threatening the other O.G.
He's probably...
I don't want to fucking be like one of these...
He don't know where you're at.
Oh, I'll tell him the address.
Let me hit that Larry.
You just got done saying how my fucking brain is all decomposed.
Yeah, because you keep smoking weed.
And then you keep smoking weed.
You're damn right.
You know you want to hit.
You shouldn't sit there and know you're all being decomposed.
Larry here every time.
It's weird not smoking weed anymore.
Yeah, it's funny that we just passed a joint in front of him.
He's a fucking weirdo.
Yeah, it's funny that we just passed a joint in front of him.
I used to smoke weed all day every day.
Alright, so we're not doing a fucking hit.
That's what I do to the girls.
I used to grow weed all day every day.
I'll show you what I do to the girls.
You're gonna have to.
You're gonna use your smoke like a fucking toilet.
Yes, he got me like that.
Look at him laughing.
He's like, is that for free?
No, that's Mary for somebody.
I'm gonna suffocate.
Do you ever watch South Park?
Yes, I have seen that.
That is a good one.
I haven't seen it.
I even saw the movie.
That's one of the movies I have seen.
Do you see the episode where they had the boy band
and their song is called Finger Bang?
Finger Bang.
Which is just, I mean, you're such children.
This is what you're bringing up.
We're talking about a band.
A band of the former.
You're like, have you ever seen an episode
in South Park when children are talking
about Finger Bang?
Have you ever seen an episode where you six
are like the Mexican immigrants from the movies?
Well, that's the thing. It's just all,
South Park is all part of the South.
Shoot the tacos, shoot the tacos.
It's all PsyOps.
South Park is a big part of the PsyOps.
Those two fruitcakes, Tray Parker and Marker Parker
and whatever the fuck their names are.
We're gonna kiss them. We can make that a fucking injury.
They're probably fucking really bad
for people and they're the ones that have done
fire.
Look at this all drained.
It's all white and shit.
Dude, you look like a vampire.
That's what happens when you get old.
Dude, you really, look at how pale he is, man.
You need some iron, bitch.
Fuck.
Mays will throw some
potassium in there, too.
No, we need to fucking
total multi-vitamin.
Total multi-vitamin.
I'm sorry, anal.
His laugh is even like a vampire.
You know what I mean.
One dick.
Two dicks.
Three dicks.
Okay, here's my breakdown.
Here's my breakdown.
And you have a tuna.
I know.
No, listen to this, man.
You wanna hear my breakdown assessment?
Oh, tell me your breakdown of flash dance.
Him doing that vampire
flash dance? No.
Dude, really? Listen to this, I was in a band
for a short time. What's this, though?
Let me tell you something.
I was in a band with a kid that we just
wracked his hands.
His sister was in the fucking
she was the girl in flash dance.
I was in a band with a kid
who was a real dark and his older sister
was the girl that was in the movie.
The head girl?
She lived in Chicago, I guess.
So you want three people to get to her?
No, I knew her brother.
Did you get to sniff some pants? No, I didn't
get anything off her.
What about her last chance at your boat?
No. You don't, really?
No, I never saw it.
Come on, man.
This chick hooks up with these boat racers.
And it's just the fuck out of here.
No, I'm being serious, man.
I was trying to think of flash racers.
They race cigarette boats, man.
What they like to do is they meet her at the strip club.
Because they're called flash dancers.
She was a flashing broad.
So then they fucking go down
to the strip club and they meet this broad.
And what she does, she likes to do this thing
where she lets people pee at her.
Bullshit.
Yeah, they dump buckets of pee at her.
It was a good movie.
That's such bullshit.
Turns out she ends up liking the pee.
Yeah.
She's a little bit of a fan of potatoes.
So she has to dance for fucking money
to pay for her treatment.
All right. I want to thank Tom's free clinic.
It did help flash dance.
And her heart teed.
Veterinarian and automotive service.
And I mean, they've,
I bring my cats there for shots.
And I go there for shots, too.
Yeah.
Modern day Frankenstein.
They're like,
I'm gonna take a shot.
Oh, God.
I knew I'd get
with the leather pick.
You made her in monster.
I finally put
the correlation together.
Yeah, I need an oil change in my car.
Oh, I bet you can use the boys
down with Larry.
They'll check your oil.
Oh, they do.
Yeah, make sure your plugs are firm.
I just work with this Mexican guy.
And I, you know,
we would do hardwood floors and I'd always be the fucking asshole.
They'd be bending over in the corner
doing all the hard work.
Oh, man.
I don't know what you just admitted to.
Yeah.
You know, here's how it works.
Well, if you, well,
because you might not know how fucking...
Yeah, you might not know how construction site works.
You didn't say sanding floors.
They didn't say cleaning the walls.
I did say sanding floors.
No, you said you worked for a city company.
So we would, no, we would put a man in the corner.
But here's what we would do.
I just never do it.
Anyways.
Like, what happened?
So what happened?
Let him get it out first.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
So anyways,
you know, I would always be doing the harder work.
Edging the edges with the smaller machine
where you got to be bent over
fucking laboring.
And the boss is the guy doing the fucking
middle section that you're standing on.
Yeah, the floors.
You know, he's not going to do all the hard work.
Yeah, hell no.
And I'd be bending over doing all this work.
He'd always stick the,
he'd always stick the fucking broomstick up my ass
and go, Court low, Court low.
Court low.
Yeah, he'd say.
Court low.
Yeah, he was getting hungry for lunchtime.
And then he was a funny guy.
He woke up with a lunchbox next to me.
With a 20.
Not even.
He's not going to pay Larry.
He wasn't that good.
He just laid there.
That's the fun of working in the trades.
Being the apprentice.
But this is fucking fun.
I mean, Larry has a job in 30 fucking years.
Well, check this out though.
I got fired from that job for being terrible
and then fucking,
he said, I can't handle this.
The two-set on his paychecks.
They didn't memo.
Comedic value.
No, he told me on the phone.
It was like a week and a half, two weeks later,
he's like, I can't stand this new fucking guy.
He just, he's good and everything.
He's way better than you.
But he just doesn't make me laugh
and shit all day.
And he's like, fuck it.
I'm going to ruin my business by hiring a guy.
But you know, he would just squirre.
He would just squirre all day
and doesn't know what he's doing.
I worked, man.
When I met work, dude, I worked hard.
I worked hard, man.
Yeah, but you do.
Fuck you.
Man, Larry, that sounds like a threat.
I'll tell you what, yeah.
I love the YouTube videos of fucking with apprentices.
We're like the one where there are no,
whatever floor building they're on.
They can have a can.
And the guy each kick it.
The guy fucking kicks it and he falls.
Because he thought it was a pipe.
Yeah, he kicks the fuck out of a pretty photo.
Yeah, he probably broke his foot,
but it was funny as fuck.
How hard did he kick that fucker?
He kicked it hard because he took a dive after him.
Were other people kicking it hard?
Well, no, they set up three cups.
They set up three cups.
Oh, I see.
Each person kicks one.
Kicks it hard and goes flying.
The last one is actually a pipe.
And the apprentice boots it.
And he fucking just falls through his face.
Which, technically, you just have to look at the line
of where the plumbing's going in the wall.
Exactly.
These are apprentices.
Yeah, no, but it's funny shit.
It is very funny.
And then they hurt themselves.
And here we go again about how the government
has controlled our brains.
Desensitizing us to bullshit like that.
People hurting themselves.
I mean, the fucking lawsuits
again against Pornhub,
which is funny.
I like the Polish videos on YouTube.
Where the guys like jumping
off a building into a small pool.
They're trying to jump a car
into another building.
And then the car just fucking
drops right off the building.
Do they give it anything in the fucking...
And they all survive. Eastern block.
They do whatever they want.
It's a wild west.
Dogs jump up like 20 story buildings
and fucking take a spilt.
Yeah, yeah. So do cats and...
Yeah, animals sometimes.
What time are we at Larry?
I've been to Poland. It is crazy there,
but I haven't seen anybody...
Oh my God, the chicks are so fucking hot
in Poland, man.
They're really good looking, actually.
And it's weird because the guys were pretty much
not that good looking.
So...
I had 50% of the good time needles.
Okay, thanks for calling me out.
The chicks were hot, but the guys weren't
as cute as I like them.
They were svelte, right?
They were. And you know what else, man?
Those motherfuckers could put down some vodka
and they had some great...
Some of the best weed I ever smoked
was in Poland, believe it or not.
You've been smoking some shitty weed.
How does this... Well, no, I had...
No, dude, they had some... What was this, back in the day?
This was like
2011, 2009,
before the whole fucking...
Migration of marijuana.
Before we had it here, legal.
Pollocks on fucking roads?
Yeah, and they would always say it's from
Holland, but everyone in Poland...
Everyone in all of Europe, though,
says that.
Well, because it probably was.
You know, there's...
What is it, October Fest?
They have drinking competitions,
but they won't allow
older people from Wisconsin
to compete.
It's a very...
That's a very...
That's an old discrimination.
Technically, right?
The Germans realize that
the Wisconsin old fuckers,
they can fucking put them down better
than anybody.
Well, they do. If you look at the map,
the drunkest cities
per capita...
Oh, dude, Wisconsin hands down.
Nice.
You look at a map, you're like, holy Christ.
You just look straight at Wisconsin.
Yeah. So, in October Fest,
they won't let...
I've gotten pretty drunk in Wisconsin myself.
They won't let them compete.
I love Wisconsin.
She's hard to file a fucking lawsuit.
Against Wisconsin?
Against Germany.
That's a hate.
If they can drink, let them drink.
But they don't care about discrimination
and all that shit. They'll say, fuck you,
we don't play those rules. You guys are pussies.
You know, I'm a killer.
You guys are a bunch of girl scouts.
And I'm joking.
You know.
And I would just like to say,
we're not going to do a fucking...
And again, don't forget about Tom's
Reclinic and Veterinary and Automotive.
And we're not going to do a fortune cook...
Wait, is that here?
If the rash on your ass
started from your dirty gas,
call Tom's Reclinic.
Yeah. And we're not going to do
a cooking 500, but I would like to say
to our...
I love it.
I would like to say to our Oriental friends out there,
very honorable.
Music
Listen up, round guy.
That's coming up once a year.
I'm not gonna be...
Again, thanks for tuning in.
We love you, peace. Follow, like, subscribe.
I don't care.
We are the leery... oh, man, look at all these little
fucking notifications.
Okay, okay.
That's all it does.
I know, I know, I know.
AZT Prep, Prep, AZT.
Later, later.
Later.
They saw positive, they saw positive.
They saw positive.
Motherfucker.
And then this thing always wants to...
That's a driving-tour term. You know that, right?
Yeah, what they would do is try to...
No, wait a minute, maybe you should probably
end the episode right before we get into that.
I'm sure people know where Motherfucker came from.
All right, cool.
All right, let's end this bitch. Come on, man.
Jesus, Larry.
All right, thanks for tuning in.
Again, like I said...
Are you closing out? Oh, yeah, you gotta do your thing.
So I can put up the logo, man.
Thank you for tuning into the Larry & Needle Show.
Peace.
Have a great night, y'all.
Happy New Year.
Larry & Needle Show.