Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles Show.
Larry and Needles.
Show.
Alright everybody, welcome to Larry and Needles Show.
I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles.
We got Frank.
Hey.
And Mark.
Don and Forth making a comeback.
So we were just talking.
Talk to and I got to apologize last time.
Oh yeah, do the hit list man from the beginning.
I gotta say the first thing is so I don't get my legs broken.
I forgot to save Tom's Free Clinic Automotive and Veterinarian Services.
Thank you for the slow you were talking.
You're gonna start, wait, we're gonna, I thought you wanted to start at the shoutouts first.
Okay.
Automotive, I wasn't ready for that yet.
Okay, okay, we'll do the, we'll do the shoutout.
We'll close out with that.
Thank God, Jesus Christ.
Thank you God, thank you Jesus.
Get ready with God.
The Holy Spirit.
He will sucker punch you in the throat with the Holy Spirit.
My, I was mad at you Alex.
You already love you.
Nick, Jeff.
Nick, I know you're allergic to cotton so try polyester.
Bobby, Frank, he's right here.
Frank's a beard.
My dad, Groucho.
Big Joe, Groucho.
Stupid puppets right there.
Chris.
Matt.
Hope you feel better brother.
Ross.
Matt, you're still gay.
Dave.
Ross, love you.
Zodiac.
Dave, thanks for the con.
You're reading him so fast.
Zodiac.
Well, they don't stop.
I mean, you're going to fucking, Jesus.
Harmony, Helena, Sherry.
Kat, love you Sherry.
Sherry, we showed you bass in the last episode.
Oh, that's not a euphemism.
Jay.
Chrissy, Becky, Tiffany, Georgie out there in Colorado.
Crypto Beach, Swarnhawk, Richie, Ujaville, Colorado.
Oh, wait a second.
How's that?
I hope, I, man, Ujaville, I'm really sorry about that Indian prison.
He's in an Indian prison right now in New Delhi.
He's good now.
We just sent him commissary.
What happened, really?
We sent him a million rupees.
Ujavi?
Yeah, Ujaville.
Ujaville.
You better don't disrespect his name.
Yes.
Yes, he got arrested.
He was arrested in a bus rape.
He was just changing the tire.
And Carlone.
Carlone, love you, brother.
David, I know you're watching and over there in Starbucks.
Oh, nice.
Camille, my other buddy from Starbucks who doesn't work there anymore.
All right.
So, Tom's, you're going to forget again.
Yes.
You really almost forgot.
Tom's Free Clinic Automotive and Veterinarian Services is truly the one-stop shop.
If the sore's on your lips, start it in between your girlfriend's hips.
Call Tom's Free Clinic.
Oh, we're still in fucking...
We're all good.
That's fine.
I don't like that camera.
And that's called camera switching.
Oh, thanks Larry.
So technical.
Now that you're our producer, you guys four beers deep and he's trying to kiss the guest.
Yeah, okay, whatever.
I mean, a guy wearing a coat like that really can't have no ground to stand on.
You look like fucking, what's her name, Liz Taylor.
And so you look like, with her short hair.
Or who's the other one?
Frank, you can't even call them fucking bears?
You're going to have to go re-fill this fucking hole.
All the beers.
Where's he the fuck?
Yeah.
What's her name, man?
Liv Tyler?
No, no, what's the one, the very fucking, nah, the snag, Liza Minnelli.
Do you look like in that jacket?
Oh yeah.
We're like a, what's your left for your wife's closet?
Hey man, I've been wearing this a long time and I don't think...
To all the gay clubs, I mean, come on.
Fucking number one finoco over there.
Something's got to make you stand out.
We're not to a fanook rodeo.
Something's got to make you stand out when the rest of you go.
Yeah, okay.
Right.
It's not the Viagra, it's your jacket.
I actually stopped wearing the black leather jacket while I was at...
No, that's not all wrong.
What place one night?
Every single person walking into a black leather jacket.
I'm taking this thing off and never...
The same style?
Yeah, black leather jacket, dude.
What style?
Yeah, it's Chicago.
What are you fucking doing, dude?
Welcome to Chicago, we all were black.
The fuck out of here.
Whoa, why are you being racist?
I'm not being racist.
You think we're wearing a lot of black?
Go to New York.
Yeah.
Everybody's wearing black.
I'm just gonna scroll.
You too while you're on the podcast.
Come on, you mama Luke, take your shit off.
I'm gonna take your phone away in two seconds.
Stop.
Why are you doing that?
Why are you guys doing that?
I was just checking something.
Fuck.
Guys, he's motherfucking addicted.
That's what he is.
What a fucking...
Seriously addicted.
Last time you touched a boob van Halen was popular.
He's fucking...
Yeah.
He'd rather stare at his phone.
No.
He had to think about that for a second.
That's what he thought.
They had incurable disease around that time.
Halen II.
S-D-I-A.
Oh.
Oh, you had sickle thoughts.
No, no, I am hooking.
I can't get out of my fucking house, dude.
I literally wake up, struffle out to the room, and turn on that damn smart TV.
Hit the MC, right?
First, though.
But you hit the MC in the morning, right?
That's it.
You know what the MC is?
No, I...
You know what it is, eh?
No.
Oh.
The clinic.
No, I don't have to go every day, dude.
I'm K.
MC.
Don't worry about it.
The old MC.
Oh, yeah.
You ate a motorcycle claw.
No, I just told you.
I don't leave the house.
I don't go anyplace.
The problem is I don't ever leave.
Maybe I should start going every day.
How often do you have to go to the clinic?
I don't.
Every two weeks.
What's your place?
It's gonna be a month soon.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
We're really letting you go there, aren't we?
What's the appointment?
No, no, no.
This guy's got a baker's dozen going up.
Yeah.
It's 12 years and running.
Don't laugh.
He froze.
What?
I don't laugh.
Honestly.
Fuck.
Did you see?
Fuck you freaking me out, bro.
We're not.
He fucking froze.
Go.
So I can't go to the clinic.
I can't go to the clinic.
You're gonna be in a hurry.
I can't remember what to say.
Would you keep fucking blocking me coming in?
We're erupting.
It would be good if you were going to the old MC every day so you'd get out of the house.
You said you wanted to leave.
I can't.
You said you wanted to go out of the house to go to the MC every day.
No, I don't go to the MC.
No, dude.
You said you wanted to leave.
You fucking blew the whole thing.
I can't remember what I was talking about.
I apologize, Danny, unfortunately.
I don't go there every day.
You said every two weeks and then it's gonna be a month.
Yes, I know.
I'm listening to you, man.
Just having fun busting your balls.
You wanna talk about giants?
No.
Come on.
I know that makes you happy.
Do what it's fine.
I'll tickle you and talk about giants.
Don't worry about it, buddy.
The Nephilim.
You wanna talk about the Nephilim?
Well, I'm hooked on social media.
I'm doting my Facebook.
Well, why are you looking at your phone?
We're talking here.
I'll do it.
Watch it.
You are in the middle of a live conversation and you'd rather look at your phone.
That's what I mean.
I'm seriously addicted to this.
We'll put it down.
Give me your phone, asshole.
No, I'm not giving it to anybody.
You know, you can't put it over your life.
Oh, yeah.
Do you see nudes who send you your butthole pictures?
No, that's not like that.
I'm talking about GRI.
Me and Joe see them what?
Two times in the last, what, six months?
Shit, man.
Yeah?
Thousand times.
No, in the last, no, not that.
No, you know, we don't wanna talk about concert, man.
Why?
It was a good time.
It was a great time, but, you know, I talked about it already.
You looked good for the show.
It was fun, man.
What about the next show?
When's the next show?
I wanna go to see some fucking good punk rock, man.
How about this?
Spirit of 77 is playing.
February 10th at fucking Chicago Loop and Streamwood, Illinois.
If you are living in the surrounding area, man, if you're around here, go there.
When you go to the door, you go there.
Who are Spirit of 77?
They play Nickelback tunes.
That's all they play.
We play dead Kennedys and fucking Sex Pistols.
These guys don't know anything about punk.
Yeah, and, you know, Ramones and Danny Connors.
I mean, look at that jacket.
Once a finook, always a finook.
What is it for, you say, in Streamwood?
Right, but it's right next door to good time music on the stream, on Bartlett Road.
Right, right, right, right, right.
It's a bar.
That's a cool one.
And one time we played there.
It's a shit hole.
It's a rock hole.
Yeah, it's kind of a shit hole.
It really is.
It's a dive.
It's a dive bar.
Here's the funniest part.
I'm not just saying, the ambiance is great.
That's what it's good.
I'm glad it's a shit hole.
It's going to be great.
Right.
If it wasn't a shit hole, it would be a shit hole.
Why would you want to go see a punk rock show if it wasn't a shit hole?
And the other thing is, one time this guy that runs this fucking joint yelled at my old
band, Eastside Wildcats.
And I was in with my neighbor Tony and Bobby.
And I think Jeff, maybe Matt and fucking yelled at us for playing cards just for killing some
time before the gig.
Like we did the sound check.
We yelled at for playing cards.
Why?
And the guys like, no gambling.
We were like, we have no money.
We're the band.
We're not gambling.
We're just fucking killing some time.
How about that shit?
No playing cards in my fucking bars.
Wow.
Yeah.
And I had to put the cards back in my guitar case.
I think that's just someone who just wants too much power, man.
Yeah.
Everybody wants power, right?
No, I mean, why would you stop people from playing a card game that's not even gambling?
Yeah, exactly.
Because you just want to exert their power.
And it's your authority.
Exactly.
I mean, fucking, if these guys were here.
Right.
That's what I mean.
How many were there?
How many was he?
One?
And you were how many?
He was one and there was five of us.
Exactly.
If they wanted to exert their power, and they would have fucking said something.
You're just going to raid the joint and you're going to get in trouble because these guys
are having a poker game.
Even if they were having a real poker game with legitimate money.
I'm just looking too deep into it.
The chance of that happening, right?
I'm looking way too deep into it, Ann Ford.
I mean.
No, the guy is looking way too deep into it.
Yeah.
Everything is a conspiracy.
Right.
That's right.
You know, that's ridiculous.
The deeper you dig, the darker it gets.
Wow, man.
The darker it gets, the hotter it is.
What do you mean what's next?
I'm always pushing.
I'm just going to do what I'm going to do, Frank, I hate to tell you.
I'm going to try it.
You all right there, Danny, and Ford?
No, I lost my cane to call for the movie.
My train of conversation.
My thought is gone.
You lost your train of thought?
Yeah.
I'm really bad here.
You're really bad here.
What did you want to talk about?
I can't remember now.
I used some of the documentary though.
Right.
I had it.
Exactly.
I had a subject I can remember.
But I know you had a documentary that you wanted to talk about.
I can't remember.
I wish you could remember.
Donnie and Ford did.
I know.
I can't remember what it was.
Oh, it was a good one, dude.
I guess I'd write and sit down.
Well, that would be good conspiracy theories.
I can't even make fucking four phone calls.
Yeah.
When you need to make these three phone calls, dude, you're mental to my health.
We take a lot of fucking notes, man.
And I won't do it.
You won't do what?
Take notes?
We make these three phone calls.
I mean, speaking of...
Well, you make crazy phone calls in the middle of the night to your friends talking about...
Speaking of conspiracy theories, okay.
Is that a box cutter?
Yeah.
Are you doing a 9-11 tribute?
Yeah, look it.
This is a box cutter, right?
This is the little bit of...
This is the only box cutter in the world.
This is the razor blade that sticks out.
This is from Chicago Messenger Service.
I'm terrified of those things.
My God.
Great fucking...
That thing will slice your throat.
Oh, there are quite a few.
It is a weapon of destruction.
I don't think you're going to be able to fucking hijack an airplane with this motherfucker.
Oh, there were seven of them.
Weren't there or something?
Come on.
One plane, you know what I mean?
There's like two on each plane with...
Give me a fucking break.
I'm already feeling like that.
Dude, you're going to take over the fucking world with this thing.
I'll take that out of your hands real fast.
That?
Seriously.
Yeah, but if you're unsuspecting people that are not trained, you're definitely going
to be fucking taking advantage of them.
Dude, that's still...
Listen, if you pull a blade on someone, some people are going to be very...
They're going to cower very quickly.
When you're on an airplane, you've got those aisles and shit.
Yeah, but if you have to have people that are willing to fucking...
It's a very...
First of all, why are we talking about this?
Because this never happened.
I was just...
I mean...
Oh, it happened.
It was just too much show and tell box.
I mean, you're telling me that...
Could you please put that blade away?
Can you tuck it in?
But they didn't use it.
Jesus, man.
They weren't...
This guy's got the knot in out four seconds ago and you gave him a fucking box cutter?
I mean, are you just trying to hurt someone?
They're not...
Call the Chicago Messenger Service.
312-666-6800.
So, you're going to say that...
Deliver's excellent, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, what do you call it?
No, I don't mind wondering.
Are they still doing business to Messenger Service?
I doubt it, man.
With the fucking internet?
No, people still need documents, bro.
People still need documents, fucking.
Yeah, paper.
Court and shit.
People want packages.
Sure, sure.
It's just nowhere near as big as it was.
I'm sure they wrote drugs and shit through that shit, too.
So you remember the drug?
You get a guy who plays ball for a Messenger Service.
Fuck yeah, man.
Pick up the drugs.
Drop them off.
Just like taking a cab.
Yeah.
To do your drops, you know?
Look, pregnant.
Good lady.
You know what's weird is my nephew got arrested for drinking or a ticket.
I don't know if he got arrested.
Dude, wait a minute.
He had a ticket for drinking underage as a passenger in an Uber car.
Okay.
And he wasn't even drinking at the time.
He was just drunk.
Really?
Okay.
Oh, yeah, no, if you're a minor, they get you for that.
Yeah, if you're...
Well, you know, he was under 21, right?
Yeah, that's fucking cool.
Oh, well, then yeah, that's a good 21.
Yeah, you can't...
Well, listen to that.
Why are you taking an Uber?
Because you're fucked up?
You're under 21.
Why would they have the right to fuck with someone that's a passenger or Uber?
They should do...
Right, that's the thing.
What did the Uber do wrong, though?
That's right.
What kind of...
Why did they get pulled over?
What does the Uber driver have to do with the passenger?
Exactly.
However, he drives...
Right, and the car had nobody to...
Because he's underage and he's intoxicated.
That's against the law.
But still...
But if the Uber driver's doing what he does...
There, you're missing the point.
If you're underage and you're intoxicated...
He's in the backseat of the car in an Uber yet alone.
It's a hired car.
Front seat in the car.
No, the guy...
No, he was in the backseat.
He's a passenger.
He's in the backseat of the car.
A hired car.
There's a driver.
Right.
The driver got pulled over.
The only business the cop has is with that driver.
He had none to do with the passenger's that vehicle at all.
He had no right to ask that boy...
Don Anford.
How do you find out he got him drunk?
Exactly.
Don Anford's lawyer talked to the cop.
He had no cooking business to do with.
Exactly.
And you know what else?
I don't even think he was talking back or saying anything and he said,
I don't like your slurring, son.
He just fucking decided to ask.
No, we don't know all the facts of the case.
Well, it's my nephew.
I kind of do know a couple of the facts.
Just because he's your nephew.
You don't know how to get you.
Like when they say, do you know why I pulled you over?
No, yeah.
It's my nephew.
I made him almost...
Yeah, well, yeah.
He got fucking pulled over.
Well, Uber got pulled over and he got ticketed for being drunk underage.
Okay.
So that's what a boy was talking about.
I don't know.
I forgot why they pulled the Uber guy over.
First of all, that is what they're going to say in court.
We pulled the Uber over.
We saw these two kids that were underage.
I think he got out of it.
It was a while back.
Oh, okay.
Well, then...
Man, I don't know why we were bringing this up then.
Because we got to fucking talk some shit, brah.
I know, but I mean, as we're slamming beers in here.
Don't drink and drive.
Hey, I'm not underage.
It's in the middle of a case right now.
Which is...
Frank's going to catch a case, man.
No, don't say that, man.
If you were a cop out there and you see this fucking deliverin' pizza...
Mike and us?
No.
Yeah, pull this ass over.
Well, here's the deal.
They get you with the questions.
So you know why I pulled you over?
I was speeding?
Yeah.
You were.
There you go.
Oh, was that over the assessment?
Yeah, you did.
Well...
No, I have no idea why you pulled me off.
I said, what's going on here?
You don't give them a reason to give you ticket.
And then they're going to smell the heavily smell of marijuana coming from Antforth and search him.
One time I got pulled over.
Yeah, I'm a block.
I fucking just went...
He didn't smell marijuana from his car.
No, when he walked up to the window and he opened the window.
He can't do that.
He's got to have to read the pulmon over first.
I fucking...
I understand.
I fucking am a block or two from home.
I just picked up two or three jabs.
I'm coming back from the city.
I'm fucking hauling ass.
I'm literally about to turn down to the fucking into my subdivision.
Yeah?
And I get pulled over.
Yeah?
In the cops like you're speeding pretty fast there, buddy.
You know what I mean?
I mean shit, man.
And I'm fucking...
Now I'm nervous because I got a lot of dope on me.
And fucking the guys like...
It actually was a chick.
And she's like...
Actually it was a chick cop?
Yeah, and she's like, you're pretty nervous.
And I'm like...
Yeah, you know...
You have to go to this heroin on me.
Exactly.
I mean, what do you think?
I'm nervous.
I mean...
Fucking hey, man.
No, but I just said to her, yeah, you know, I have a really clean record and I never get pulled over by the cops.
I'm an old man and I'm not used to this shit.
You're scared of him.
And I said, you're freaking me out.
And she said, oh, don't worry.
Everything's fine.
Just be careful and have a nice day.
And I'm like, oh my God.
I almost fucking had a heart attack.
Yeah?
I get home and I tell Mary, holy fuck.
I'm never speeding.
I thought I'm almost home and there's never any cops right around here.
And I just said, fuck it.
And I punched it and said, I'm getting home fast.
So you broke the law?
Yeah.
Okay.
And fucking, and that's how they get you.
Yeah, you break the law.
Because the cops are there for a reason.
Why are they there?
She told you she pulled over speeding.
She could have speeding taken that shit.
She can't have surgery.
She didn't give you a ticket.
Oh, I love you.
I said, I thank you so much.
Yeah, foxhole prayers.
But hey, that's all they are.
Oh, Lord, please don't let them look in my glove box.
Because I got a bunch of dope in there.
No, I didn't even say that because I don't want to say something dumb.
Like, oh, Lord, if they don't find this, I'll never get out.
Yeah, man.
That's what I'm saying.
Foxhole prayers, yeah.
You're never going to do that.
Because I know that's a lie and I'm not going to lie to the Lord.
Another right thing in there.
Just rely on, I rely on luck.
That's luck.
I rely on luck in my fucking books.
There's no such thing as luck?
Luck in, oh my God.
Jesus.
You couldn't even get a loaf of bread with that face.
I was pulled over by some undercover, like, deep undercover guy.
He was so undercover I didn't believe he was a cop.
This is actually how I got out of it.
I was so insistent that he wasn't even a cop.
And he really had no reason to pull me over because I was down on the Diner Road and I
was coming out of the drug place.
Oh, yeah, they were all right.
He didn't have any reasons to pull me over other than the fact that he saw me come out
of that place.
But I was like, right.
And then I insisted.
A deep undercover cop.
I'm like, well, he just pulled me over.
He had the little lights.
But he didn't have the lights.
Why did he pull me over, man?
He had the little lights.
And then he had the very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very charming.
I tried to look at him, but I can't get that as far as I wanted.
Hardly seen.
He could tell if you pulled me over.
Man, he had little lights, and then he had hardly uniform.
I could get nothing.
And I'm like, dude, you're not even a cop, man.
And then you blew over.
And then he pulled me over before.
Oh no, man.
And whatever.
So he said, well, then he goes, oh, I can't get you.
Now I'm going to get you.
Don't you worry, buddy?
I just I didn't believe it was a cop. I really didn't I mean did not look at the cop at all
Showing any identification. No, I didn't get to that point. I was just like what the fuck are you plies? I did nothing wrong
I was watching
He still can't put it together
Oh
Always getting fucking busted Mike
He's not a cop and drive away who the fuck does that? Okay, I do all right
Shut up listen to me
So what happened now you bust me a year later
He didn't think was a cop busted him a year later
There's the thing that fucking puzzles me again
You had two grams. Yes, I know what a fucking Jew bag you are
And the other thing is
I come back for 20 bucks at a time man
Going to get $20 bags 10 of them. I don't do a lot of
I just do 10 time that would have to later
I did the $100 and the hundred feet then I'd you know, yeah, you progress like a drug addict
All right, like a like a Vegas gambler. I'm not gonna spend all my money. I'm gonna spend it 20 more
No, I'm gonna spend it throughout the whole night, right
I can spend it all in the morning doing a more like I do all this blow it once I'm gonna stretch it out
Yeah, you know keep going to the dealer. I used to just fuck how many rails would you get out of a 20 back?
Oh
Jesus
Fuckin okay, we are okay. All right enough drug talk
Hey, hey, I mean, but that's just a horrible lifestyle. Yeah, and that's why I really
debilitating
And then you want to jail right who me no, I want to do for that. Yeah
Yeah, 30 days I couldn't get down what happened but what something about what the escapades in jail? Oh
Drop the soap on purpose
Crazy county's right. Yeah, County's way crazier than prison. Okay. Yeah, so this this this this this
From what I've heard
Comes in he looks like Mike Tyson only a little shorter. Oh my god. That was a midget and a little meaner. Yeah, but he looks just
Yeah, he had a pension for raping a little bigger, but not quite as tall, you know, but he's definitely he's in for he told us robbery
He was a few blonde hair crack-haired white men and
Anyway, you know they got that orange jumpsuit and shit and you like where with the old with the top down shit
And well, yeah, you have to he looked like he looked like McGillagorilla
His name was McGrath. Oh my god. I'm really
To his face no, yeah, exactly. That's what I thought. Yeah, no, I mean
Just racist behind his back just gotten in and he made himself a little tent underneath those tables
No, and he was laying there. I don't even know
Listen wait for the people at home that haven't been locked in County. It's a fucking like picnic bench with a square
It's just fucking benches and everything's bent bolted to the ground. Yes, everything. You couldn't fucking tear that thing out
And you put a sheet and you can lay like an hammock in there on the ground, but you get your back rest and shit
So there's all these paperwork for classes and D and like a cardboard cut out die-cast cut cards
Just yeah
This
Assholes couldn't come up with flyer so they're all messed up and I cardboard
She said I'm cardboard. I don't know. Yeah, I know you don't know
Looking to read card board. Yeah
I'm straightening them out. Hey, that jacket's getting your head shot off asshole mark. I know I'm sorry
I'm just gonna tape me on tap them down all of a sudden this guy you were tapping them
He was making straightening even
You know you wait so the guy you know he's under the table. Yeah, the get OCD. He's under the table
Okay, so wait a second, but you look gorilla is underneath the table. Oh, you didn't know
I don't know he's there and I'm tapping this thing and he comes flying up out of there. What are you fucking with me?
I'm like, oh my god, and you know it's serious and I've already talked myself out of two fights
And I gotta go to number three, right? He's gonna kill me, you know, you're in the pod
Fucking yeah, and it's rough which is hilarious
It's self how the people yeah, dude, everybody's angry in there
Oh, it's everybody's angry vying for fucking dominance. So anyway, we go back and forth. I'm time explaining my I had no idea
You were there man. Well, I even let you get a word in cuz
Yes, you're able to fucking get your foot once all mark needs his foot in the door. Yeah
I was a silly one. Well, you know, I had something that he wanted then he tells me you gotta give me honey buns
Fucker honey buns, you know, I'm back in my cell. I'm sitting there
And I look at my little bag from the commissary honey buns
And so I'm like McGrath here you want my honey buns
He says yeah, baby, and then he fucked you
They're flying through there he jumps up from the ground on the table
Gribes a honey bun. It says junkman around like precious pop never precious. It's like a gorilla
Never press the cart to the no
Oh dude, you fucking dog would float up into the air give him a tree
Yeah, yeah, yeah, lady gave me a treat to understand like fresh prep
I'm a woman
One day now we're sitting on quiet it finally calms down it's a Sunday afternoon
And
Yeah, yeah, everyone's just reading TV's on soft couple guys are playing checkers in the back
And we're reading their books just eyes and quiet and they bring in these kids the detectors come walking down how these kids
Like scared straight like scared straight and that's what the other guys know this or any of the guys
It was like fun. They said them in front of the fucking cell and we also go crazy
Like oh my god, these kids are ballin fucking ballin man
And they take them out of there and no good job guys right back to silence everyone's quiet reading the books again
That's pretty funny though, it was hilarious
And you were on an episode of scared street. No, no, no, it was different situation
We didn't get to talk to you
Kids in and scare him
They videotaped it. Yeah, no wonder if they video like it like a Sunday afternoon. They caught these kids smoke
So they have somewhere
Fucking you know fucking right scared was on TV. Yeah. Well, they used to have that
Yeah, I remember the same bus in the back. I'm breaking ladies job both for goddamn arms. I see this. Oh, sorry, Mary
I
Jailhouse cooking. Oh, yeah, my wife
You know, you know, you know the bat burritos. Yes, I know yes way the trick is you can't use too much of that
It's very popular right now jailhouse cooking videos. I've ever seen these yes
There are people that sneak phones and shit into jail and cook and then videotape it
I'm being serious. I'm not lying about this
But they make the craziest shit like
It's squeeze cheese. Oh god, I don't like crushed up ramen
We don't know what I was gonna spit it up. No, then I ate one of the fucking burritos, dude
I wanted to drink the soap. I was so awesome. I wanted to drink fucking hope it would loosen me up
Yeah, yeah, this shit is not good for you. The food is horrible. Do it and they get so you just like
If you carbide the car below you
So nobody wants to fight but if you work out heavy duty you get jacked because the diet is fucking
Yeah, work your fucking ass off ever. Yeah, jail's not a fun place. Just when you think you got a control of it
It's gonna be okay something if like it happens, you know, oh, yeah
If you get in a good pod, it's good if you're not a good
Well, I got along better with the with the blacks and Mexicans in the other white people cuz you're okay
Yeah, you know the whites were the most annoying ones there actually
Well, my wife was a public defender for many years as you all know my wife
My life in Chicago, Illinois and Cook County the fucking
Public defender in the worst part fucking up Harrison and Kedzie
fucking
Garfield and fucking up. What was the other one of them? She worked at all of them. Yeah, literally three blocks away
Wait, I don't mean to interrupt you but three blocks away from the police station had the highest murder rate in the city at one point
Harrison and Kedzie leave you partying and she had to go straight to work sometimes
Well, here's the part I want to say
Spirit I want to say is a lot of these brothers would be getting like two three four five years
And they'd be like, thank you. Thank you, you know, or my wife would get them off
Get them out of their fucking case or whatever and then she for the last tail end of her fucking career right before she
Retired she went to the fucking into rolling ghettos and fucking
Into the wider fucking area and once the people would get like, you know
Guys would get repeated DUIs and maybe get like
Defenders, yeah, repeat offenders. Yeah, these people that were not there in the scouts of the earth
But it would be but it would be like, you know
Short time it wouldn't even be as much time as the black brothers would be getting the black brothers
I'll know you're also a lot of Lika with them. Yeah, and fucking
Exactly
That's Peewee Herman
That's me and fucking and
A couple of white boys would get fucking a couple of months and they'd be crying and
And the brothers would just be getting fucking ten years
Okay, yeah, yeah, no fucking thing. I
Was crazy, you know, she said the contrast but a horrible life to live
Prison
Country Club of Jails to because it's always rotating
Oh
One toilet
Fucking the hundred dudes in there
And the one time I was one the lucky if you can even do so literally everybody had to stand
People are gonna fight to down from the shower. It was nice. It was nice
I'm pretty so you the television you can actually hear it with the door shut
It was pretty nice and I would fuck with the guard for the little
Thing, you know, I want to espresso. Oh, we had a the little cups of orange juice, you know
Okay, and you can instant coffee from commissary. Yes
We saved the cups because then if you really heat up the water from the sink
You can make the coffee, but your whole coffee is awful. Yeah, we have a spresso's and you know, spresso's
Guys couldn't believe it. They were like, what the fuck's going on here?
You're gonna cook you might as well try to figure things out your stock there, right?
But the problem is is once you leave yourself in your no man's land
Makes my spresso market
Here
You do something that you're worth you only have to be worth full jail you can't just go in there being a schlub
No, right if you got no skills no value
We call the chicken salt you're gonna be a past around
Yeah, you're gonna get a few four fucking noon. I told you you're not gonna need this chicken salt with the crust of potato chips
You won't need any other believe it just put the noodles in and the chips will be fine
I don't like that shit at all. I don't like crush ramen like I said, I don't want to fuck no
It's horrible. It's not even good. I'm mad some fucking ramen when we're done with this podcast
Are you doing Frank?
Oh
Good brother. Yeah, it's quiet weird when I first got in I was with some black kid and come across the scroll on the cable
You know that little yeah, you fucking ticker. It said to hell do page kind of largest drug bust
Hey, we're gonna let's work this you know, I say to the kids again
So what are you for what are you for? Well drugs?
Drugs, how much did you have they're gonna ask me like I get there for a couple days, you know
Oh, wait you pretended to be somebody else. Well said to hell and do paste kind of large. Yeah, but you don't want to pretend to check your papers
Dude, they check your papers
Dude, I was pretty anything to ask me when I was in for drugs. I was in for drugs
Well, you get so mad because I wasn't pretending Mike. They didn't know I knew if there was a drug
I wasn't pretending nothing what happened though was the kid that I came in with they found out
He told me this is for fake ID
Okay, so that I knew if they think anything we're not the two drug dealers anymore. You know what I'm saying
I knew my my little well the one to see your paperwork when you get in the positive
To make sure you're not a pedophile to make sure you're not a snitch
You don't have paperwork when you get processed everybody has paper you don't go under your pod with anything
See your paperwork. Let me leave her file with you when you walk into the fucking pot
No, in county. They'll give you your paperwork you take with you when they see your intake paperwork
I didn't take paperwork other prisoners don't get to see that
If they fucking want to give you a physical copy
Yeah, they did not give me a copy of anything to walk into the fucking cell with anything on it said anything
I've done or did ever
What the fuck are you talking about dude? Okay?
Okay, my buddy Chris told me who was the bank robber who fucking committed suicide
They might be able to find out what you've done
But he said you better produce your paperwork within a day or two because they want to see
Okay, he robbed the bank went to prison. Yes. I was in do page county jail
Really think they give you fucking paperwork to you went to prison
And that might be a different fucking scenario. Check your fucking paperwork, man. Check your head, bitch
Get so fired up because you're wrong. Do you okay?
All right. You guys trying to make me wrong. I'm not trying to make you wrong
You are you are and I don't like
Especially when I know I'm right or I know what happened when I know what it is when I know the truth
Okay, the truth is out there
You just have to find it, brother. You won't let me reveal it. I'm gonna get upset about that
There's no paperwork and I wasn't trying to I didn't say oh, yeah
I'm that guy the world's two page county flourished drug was me and him. I just asked you exactly
I did not say that
You guys ever hear about chopper?
Yeah, I didn't say that. They said what do you infer I just said drugs
Okay, hey, you ever hear of lies and renelling? Yeah, you look like that's your new band
You just do lies and renelly too
So for a split second they said too held and they thought me and this guy were those two people
Oh
Well that sucks right
Well, I had a crack rock in my ass
You didn't mention that right
Sounds like a blues album
I might be locked up but I got a crack rock in my ass. Yeah, how are you gonna smoke?
Yes, yes, you know the car. Oh, that's two page county's
They didn't get this god
Being ever ever rock with no pipe or no chore and you're locked in county
Oh my god people die from dreams like that. So finally it's a week or two. I can put a library
I go to the library. I'm not it. I'm looking at books in the library
Putting your ass. No, I'm looking at books in the library or anything and there's a folded up piece. It's in for all
Oh, Jesus man. No kidding. I'm not kidding. Yeah, so I take the book here. I mean fuck. I need this foil
I need this book. It's all coming together like a clue
Enforced in the prison cell. So now we got foil crack. Yeah
How are we gonna light this bitch up mother? You got no receptacles. What are we gonna do?
And you can't burn fucking toilet paper. How are you gonna do this? And?
You get a paper clip
Put it in the fucking outlet. Yeah, you know this that heats up and you put your fucking crack by the way
Jesus
Yeah, but there's no receptacles in the prison cells and they're in the county in two places. I didn't have any crack by the tail jail, dude
I love it. That was a great story. Why are you lying? Why are you lying? Very good. I was like damn
I'll be coming to you later in a while and you are so whatever you ask, he's like I'm not not now
I mean honey, you are. Yeah
That was very good Enforced. I like that. You're in a good mood today. He got all mad too. Did you see that?
Over a fake story
That wasn't a fake story
That's true. The cracker got my ass wasn't but
And he didn't find the foil
No, I did find the foil. I did find the thing of foil. I traded that
Traded that for what? I can't remember. Somebody else wanted it
Back to Honeybunts and keep McGillip from fucking them
I'm just kidding. Pretty much
The honeybunts and his ass
They swiveled me out of my bible. I had a King James bible
Somehow I was able to get a King James bible
Yeah, apparently it was I guess it was
That's what you want
Right, and I don't realize this every time
Oh, because it was a bible study and the guy's bible, he was going off to prison
He had a new version and it didn't match up to the
Peter's bible, you know what I mean? Because he was a bible for King James and he suggested that he get a King James bible
The guy's in Connie fucking jail and he goes, oh you should get a King James bible
And sure enough, all of my
Right, but his guy in his pot happens to have a King James fucking bible
He turned to Muslim
He's going to prison so I traded him bibles. That's why I wound up with that bible
Traded him bibles?
Yeah man
Only in fucking jail trading bibles
Right
Yeah
You know, where else would you trade the bible?
They'd say Jesus is man
Jesus is found to get a lighter sentence
Jesus lives in prison
He's a warden
No, he's not a warden
Jesus is a warden of us all
He's in the fucking cell with us man
It was so hot it was like torches dude
God is our warden
We were complaining it was so hot, it was incredibly hot, it was literally hot
I mean we couldn't even sleep but it was so hot
Horribly hot
Jail
And you said could you turn on the air, could you just never breathe?
So he had his roommate Phantom with some old natural geographic
Hey Micaela could you fan me with those small bags?
Yeah, I got my money back
I'm short enough
Don't worry man
He's like make the noise too
There's the cover
Which is hilarious, what time are we at?
Make the noise bitch
Yeah
Oh man, you gotta squeal
You know what time it is?
What time is it?
It's the time for
What's a cookie for 100?
Man
So Frank was all fucking gung-ho at the beginning of this
ringing the fucking chai
But that is what you want to hit the gong next?
Well that's finally hit it gong
No you do just once
That's the interesting point about the county jail system
What's that?
You know they got the orange jumpsuits and the green jumpsuits
No prisons I mean privatized sorry
Well yeah that's great but whatever
You know what I mean they got the green jumpsuits and the orange jumpsuits
So I'm in the orange jumpsuit you know
Yeah
I go past the green jumpsuit area and it's all just
Oranges in new black you know
Yeah that means he wants to play
And they're all in the green suits and they're in a big long room with bunk beds you know
The green suits are graduates
Thank god I'm not in there you know that must be a real
A dorm
A zoo in that place
Yeah the dorm's right that was the low fucking level
Couple other dudes right so thank god I got church of felony because I got you know private room and shit
Yeah
With a bunch of killers
You know
That are used for fun
Right so so so okay yeah whatever
I mean
So I get out
I get out I move I get with this guy
Moving with a new roommate
To move in with a new dude
And he's got a new dude for some time
But he only did he wasn't a felony he just had regular DUI time
He was in the green jumpsuit you know what I mean
Yeah
So we're talking and he's sitting there
He says hey they had orange jumpsuits
Sweet
It looks good on you nice hat
And here I am thinking god thank god I'm not down there with those guys in the green jumpsuits
He's got a new outfit on there
Oh
And he comes home going man I'm so glad I was upstairs with those guys in the orange jumpsuits
Yeah
It must be awful up there
Yeah yeah yeah
Oh for sure
Yeah nobody wants to fucking
Right
The green jumpsuits don't want to fuck around
The orange jumpsuits don't want to fuck around
Oh yeah
As long as you're not around
In a bag
You're fucking trying to be on bad
Okay since I don't remember where we left off
Nah man we gotta start marking on it
I might have to read too
Well you might remember if I read this one
Fat chance
Before the beginning of great brilliance
There must be chaos
Okay we haven't read that one
No
What was the one before it?
Uh
Big fortune will descend upon you this year
We read that one
No fortune
You're gonna read that one
Big fortune will descend upon you this year
Man there you're killing us
We're doing two today all right that's fine
Okay first big fortune will descend upon you this year
Well it's December so fuck you fortune cookie
Where'd you get all these fortunes?
Well it might be from
Meadening 2024
Yeah but this year's over
Over
Well that's true could be
It is a fortune cookie
Yeah it could mean like the next year by next December
Yeah it could be
And then the other one I said
Before the beginning of great brilliance
There must be chaos
Fortune cookie 500
Listen to the round eye
Another saying
So I mean no
Thank you for listening to fortune cookie 500
Danforth hit it
Give it to Danforth
Let Donnie Danforth hit it
Oh okay
Look out Frank
I'll take it for a hundred for me
Oh hard
One more time
Walking again
See we bring out the racism in everybody
Seriously
It's fun to ring it
They're showing the banger
He's on
He says oh kung fu
Who says that?
It's like the worst racist thing ever
A banger gong
Get it on
Kung fu is good
There's the one with the
So I mean technically there is chaos before every storm
Right
Yeah
That's what they said the chaos before
No they said before brilliance serves chaos
Yeah they said
Okay so there's always
But there's chaos before anything
How about the kung fu though
When he has to pick up the fucking hot boiling pot
And then one side is dragging
And on the other side is a fucking
Maybe it's another dragon
How about
And he picks it up with his forearms
And singes the pictures of the dragons
Into his arms
And then runs outside
And puts him in the snow
Yeah
He gets branded
And he's got the branding for the fucking intricate dragon tail too
Like in the kung fu masters like very good job
That'd be funny if it was two fortune cookies
Two aggro's
One side is a lucky number
Yeah
36
49
The other side is the other
It's just two fortunes
That's what we deliver
You got the menu
That's how they work in America
I have a number 47
And I have a number nine
It's on your back
That's how it's all the way around
We deliver we
I bring you a delivery
Can I get a bruise?
Yeah
Thank you, Valeri
So Frank, man, he could really fucking put him away
So I got another
What's More Gay
Welcome to the new game show
What's More Gay
With Valeri and Nino
What's More Gay
Prison sex or purple hair
Wow
Oh, I stumped down
Man, you know, I mean
I stumped down and forth
Well, prison sex might not necessarily
I mean, it's always gay sex as opposed
But the men that really between two homosexuals
Right
Hopefully they're consenting
So one more gay
I was gonna say prison rape
But that's just too
That's just the whole gay sex
Prison rape, it might not be gay sex
It's low hanging fruit
So what's more gay
Prison sex is gay sex
It's low hanging fruit
So for gay, I'd have to say purple hair
Honestly
I would probably say purple hair too
Honestly, yeah
I think purple hair is more gay than
Prison sex
Because I mean prison sex
Prison sex, if you're in prison sex
Well, I mean, yes
If they're consenting and they're both of them
Oh my god, the other night
The guy downstairs for me
I think they're having gay sex downstairs
Oh, no
Oh, Mike Granted
What do you mean, oh my
Don't say those words before that sex
And I couldn't hear any girl, you know what I mean
I didn't hear, it was just all of him
I mean, oh my god
I mean, do you know who your neighbors are?
If he's fucking someone, this guy would be awful for them
Both awful for you too
Because you gotta be
You gotta be fucking shit
You gotta enjoy it
Right
Listen, you're not a consenting person
You should call the cops on that
He was fucking online
I hit a bus
I'm stomping around on the bus
Well, he's trying to break up gay sex
It's like far from you in the morning
They're like
I started slamming
She was like, in case you want to make them bark for us
That's why we shut them up
I think he got the answer, baby
How long were they going?
Long time
Oh, it's long time
Long time, Charlie
He started hitting the gong when he said, say
How long were they going?
I don't even know what now
How long were they going?
Long time
So then wait, so wait
What time was this in the mall?
Was this
What time?
First of all
Why?
It probably would start until people should be sleeping
Well, first of all, by the time you were making breakfast
They probably just stopped because it was time to quit fucking
Imagine that
Your neighbors
Two in the morning when I noticed he was having
The neighbors are downstairs gacked out having gay sex
And you're gacked out upstairs having to listen to it
That's horrible
That is a nice way of writing it
I wanted to get some sleep
That really is
Then I said, I better not have gay sex again
I'll never get sleep
Should you go check it out?
No, of course not
You like knocked out the door?
No
I have Don Antford
No
You got a bottle of wine
We should go get him down here
And two cups
No, I mean, I don't want
No, two
They got a share
I don't really care
Well, then you can hear him talking to the one
Just the one guy
His voice is so deep
It's just like him
You hear that?
I'm a three-doll
Coming through the wall
Three dudes, two girls
Rarararararararararararararara
I mean, seriously
I'm not gonna
Lot of nothing I was interrupting
Jesus, wait a second
Wait a minute
Did you just hear the sex noise he made?
Rarararararara
Was that what you just did?
No, it's his voice talking
That's what I'm talking about
He's been having a cigarette after sex
Oh
You could smell that too?
Yeah, they had a cigarette and then they'd say
That was really good
Thanks for having my ass so hard
There's nothing worse than listening to gay sex
And smelling a cigarette after a gay sex
Oh, God
You just know we just got
I'm not sure I was gay
I was gay sex, I don't know
Yeah, no, now you're speculating
You just told us you were sure it was gay sex
No, no, I don't know if we're sure
I was in this band, the barbecuities
And we fucking went on the tour
Hey, look at that
And this girl Gabby was the lead singer
Yeah
And I don't care if I'm saying anybody's name
And she was having gay sex
But she was a girl
Oh, yeah
So technically that's cool
It's not even called a gay sex
It wasn't quite as bad
It's the most awesome thing in the world
Still raw, but right
But me and her husband who were the bass player in this band
Were carrying all the gear and we loaded the van
And we get in the
She's trading for her
We get in the apartment and you could just fucking
You know, and then we just groupie
They fucking let us sleep over the whole band
And we get in there
And the other girls aren't there yet
And it's just Gabby with the girl who owns the apartment
Yeah, and just you walk in the room and just pussy
You know
Boom, you smell pussy
They're really good
Are you guys making salmon or trading for her?
I was like, this is awesome, man
Yeah, they're just scissoring up there by themselves
But the dude who was made her
Her husband
Yeah
Oh, man
So wait a minute
So the funny thing is you're like
He got so fucking mad
Oh, you think that?
I mean, he's too
He couldn't join in
You're like, dude, no
Is Matt jealous of his girlfriend?
It wasn't his girlfriend, it was his wife
But listen, I just figured
I just pictured
He didn't know this about his wife?
He didn't know this
Oh, what?
My picture
I pictured Larry and this guy walking up the stairs
And he's just
They see him both in bed
And Larry's like
All right
And he's like, I said it's his
Very second step
And he's like
What the fuck?
Dude, that's my wife
Awesome
Exactly
Yeah, he's so stoned out of your mind
Of course, a big fight ensued
And I was like, holy shit, man
And she was like, and here was this bitch's argument, okay?
It's my fucking birthday
And I wanna get fucking laid
Now I wanna have an orgy
And I wanna fuck everybody
What you mean?
You didn't say, yeah
This is awesome
Yeah
Should I take my pants off now?
When we were at the bar, though
The chick that owned the house
That was actually was an apartment
That was letting us sleep over
She had a nice rack
And she takes out her tits
And Gabby starts sucking on her tits
And I'm starting to get fucking horny
Oh my god, Larry
I tell them, I tell them to shade out, man
This is fucking great
We're gonna all go to your house and party, right?
And they're like, yeah
And I'm thinking, yeah, and this broad is gonna
Fuck and everything else and
And then, you know, and then I realize
I'm not gonna do any of that shit
But it was really wild for a minute
Thinking it
And then when we actually did walk in on it
And the dude just fucking
It's suddenly real
Oh, dude, man
Yeah
Because his chickie was pissed
Obviously, he wasn't cool with it
If he was cool with it, he'd be like, hey, let me bang her now
No, yeah, but he wasn't like that at that time
He was pissed
No, at that time
And then they got divorced
I don't know
You just left them out of your life?
I never talked to him again after that tour, man
The tour, listen to this
After that, now this was about five gigs
Into like a 15-gig tour
And the whole thing disintegrated
I know, yeah, you're gonna get a parking ticket
All right, what's more gay?
Voter fraud or Big Mike?
Wow
Big Mike is...
Oh, you don't know who Big Mike is?
Michelle Obama
Oh, yeah, no, I don't really know that
No, no, okay
Big Mike, it's a man
It's a man, baby
I understand
So what's more gay?
Michelle Obama, that's a man
I get it
Or voter fraud
I'd say Barack Obama
Oh, yeah, Michelle Obama
Hey, hey, hey, it's not the game, asshole
I know, buddy
Stick to fucking parameters
I'm gonna...
I have no problems kicking a lady in a fur coat
I'd say voter fraud, then
And for...
No, no, Big Mike is definitely gay
Voter fraud
Why is that?
Oh, because she's gay
See, Ant Forth wins, Ant Forth
I mean, that was gay
That's how simple it went
I wouldn't...
Fuck it, hey
That Ant Forth's good at the game
Frank did not like this game at all
Frank's fucking tired
Yeah, I can tell
But it's funny, I have a hard time
Larry
It's very funny
Oh, we can't see
No, he's pulling the dot Ant Forth
I'm trying to see if I can find it
He's pulling the dot Ant Forth
You know, being a waiter and everything
I didn't realize actually...
Let's see that, Johnny
You know, how gay it is
You know, I suppose...
Oh, yeah
What's that?
It's the years progressed
More and more gays got, you know, involved
Or became more apparent to me
But when I first started, it never occurred to me
You had no idea
The amount of gays would get as big as you had
Oh, yeah, once you see them
I mean, I was blind to it
I really didn't even know
Yeah, that's what a gay guy does
One or two young guys that were gay
There was a lot of gays in rock and roll
But, so, yeah, I'm working at a place
There's a lot of drugs in rock and roll
People do crazy shit when they get...
Who's their inhibitions?
Yeah, I'm working at this place
And there's a bunch of young kids working there
And there's these guys, girls, working together
And there's this really pretty girl at one of the tables
And there's this waiter I'm working with, Jerry
And he's just a young kid
You know, mid-20s, whatever
Good looking kid
And you're thinking he's getting more pussy than I'll get out
Yeah, and I'm like, man, check out this chick, dude
Is that chick smoking or what?
He's like, yeah, yeah, that girl, she's really pretty
And, you know, I keep going, man
This chick is super hot
Oh, look at that one's ass
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And he's like, Mark, look, dude, I gotta tell you, you know
It's a dude
I...
You didn't say dude, whatever, you know, but he's...
It's funny
Then he starts saying...
No, who's it?
I want your heart to explain it to you, don't get offended or...
You know, but I need to tell you something
I started thinking, oh, no, is he...
And he goes, well, you know
I'm...
Yeah
The finook?
Yeah, he goes, well, I'm...
I'm like, you are not!
He's like, no, I am, cleansing my boyfriend
I'm like, cleansing gay, too!
That finook!
Yeah
I didn't even realize it
I have no idea
Oh, man, these guys...
Well, is that one thing?
Yeah
Oh, man, you're a shillery man
I had a finook and guys too, like, he could be getting tons of fuck up with you
That's his whole thing, man
What is it, thing, though?
Let me tell you, being gay...
Dude, you're gonna be fucking getting chicks
This is a fucking...
Dude, man...
Man, it's a thing, dude
I can't say because they have these apps, they have all this stuff
Gay guys don't give a fuck, man
They don't get a handjob in a white castle
Oh, they're just shicking
I know that's what you want
I'm just saying, that's how awesome, dude
Who was your kid from the mall?
Doesn't that sound...
Oh, how about this, man?
Just people
This kid told me...
He's like, this kid, Jesus
People
This kid, Jesus, that I used to record down here in the basement
Yeah, that doesn't sound...
He was from Venezuela
Oh, okay, that explains a lot
What he is could be...
He tells me I had sex with 150 people
In over 72 women
And I'm like, oh, wow
Yeah, that doesn't add up, bud
And then he tells me...
Yeah
Then he tells me...
Trying to tell me about...
I pick up guys at the fucking bathroom at Stratford Square
I fucking...
Dude, that's what I'm saying
I go home in the car for 20 bucks
Whoa, 20 bucks is cheap
Now, Mary's down here and we're all down here one day
And he's telling me and Mary this
And he goes, boy, you, man
He tells me I did you for Taddy
Oh, man, I like this guy
What's his name again?
Jesus
R.I.P. Jesus
He's alive
Oh, is he?
I don't know, I don't think he's dead
He's got a lot of yourbred in on
I would assume he's dead
If he's blowing guys in the parking lot
Maybe
Yeah
I mean, this guy lives a rough...
I had a rough paper round
Actually, I saw him the other day
He asked you about your 10 bucks
Yeah, I don't...
Oh, I got his nine
I told him I got his nine
There you go
He said I'll do it for nine, man
Yeah, and my wife has to watch
And this kid...
So one night...
So one day we just get done with a person
He's smoking a hit
Oh, I...
So this is the one night
Me and Jesus...
We just get done with a long recording session
Doug was here
Doug was playing drums on the studio session
I was manning the mixing board
Jesus had a band called Manifest
Pretty old
And they were super heavy fucking
Manifest
Heavy heavy metal
Heavy duty shit
And one night afterwards
We're getting high
We're doing blowing shit
Jesus
Doug looks over
And he's like...
To Hazers, he's like
You got on makeup
Yeah, yeah
And Hazers's like, no man
And Doug's like, no man
You got makeup on
And you know, like when you see like a
Transvestite and the beard stubble
Starts growing through the makeup
After they've been up for too long
And he's like...
No, I don't know that, Larry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I really don't know that
The corky
He had it
Yeah, okay
I mean like it's something normal
Oh yeah
It made the fucking birds
Not my seat
Oh man
Made the first time
You did the last time either
The funny thing was was
Doug was just like
No fucking dude
You're wearing makeup
And Jesus would not admit it
And he had a lipstick
Jesus, man
The dude was done up like a motherfucker
He, you know
He was very forward about it
He was fucking bang anybody
Yeah, Venezuela, huh?
Yeah
No shit
Yeah
And you were his white fucking unicorn
Or even his unicorn
He couldn't turn you Larry
But how much blue you did
He couldn't make you $10
Not even for $10
And that's a deal
He told you how much he does in the car
Because he probably fucking gives you a hand
50% off dude
I mean listen
How many dicks do you gotta suck to make rent?
20 bucks a box, dude
I mean Jesus, dude
I mean you
Okay, this is who you like
Give me some factor of enjoyment
You have to have like a business plan though
Like I'm gonna
I need to suck 10 dicks today
Even have a business plan
He's not his plan
Listen
His business plan was he worked at Spencer's GIFs
Oh this may all make sense now
There's still shit on the side
And would come over here and give me shit
Like I have it
Yes, right
I had a disco ball
Yeah like a naked lady
He's just feeling like a black light poster
With a naked lady
All that shit
There's no comparison
Anything they sell at Spencer's
How old were you?
This is probably going back about
Fuckin' 15
10, 15
He still lived here
Yeah
So it looks like a Spencer's gift in here
Yeah
And it's like black light posters
Yeah
The mushroom one
With like the little frogs on it
Oh yeah
The hookah one
All the re-top 60 shit
And the plug-in
Okay so wait
I had the beads in between the
Oh yeah the Jesus beads man
Yeah those were the bass
I had those when I lived in Cali
Mine were Mother Mary though
Oh but what do you call it?
Ours were just disco looking things
So wait a second
So no Jesus picture
Jesus worked at Spencer's
And sucked dick in the parking lot for 20 bucks a box
But waited in the bathroom to find John's
Sometimes yeah
And he'd pick him up also in Spencer's
And he would have to
Dude he said there was a gay bad there
Oh my god holy shit man
This is a fucking revelation to me man
What do you do?
How do you know?
I got to try to pick up a guy who put a hit on me there
Yeah I got
Yeah okay
I'm not kidding
He's so
You go to the barber shop a bunch of times
You're gonna get an air job
No no no
It's less than a hundred
We're to that bathroom
Yeah okay
Backwards the rest of the time
No I'm serious
Oh man
What do you, what do you laugh at?
You don't think a gay would hit on me?
Yes I do think a gay would hit on you
What happened?
And I said dude I'm not fucking fucking fucking
I said dude I will fucking knock you out right here man
Oh there you go
It's a real gay thing you said
I didn't say do it to him though
That just basically says are you into rough play?
No he said I'm right here
He's like I'll rough you up
Hey
You don't think a gay guy would hit on me?
Yeah
I'm gonna kick your ass
Yeah exactly
You gay guy will hit on you three times until you enjoy it
Oh then at the time I went to the gay woods
I told you this was a gay woods
A big gay woods
The gay woods
Big gay woods
In Bullingwood
It's in Bullingwood
I think it's only one day a week
It must have been like today I went there because
Well
How'd you know it was gay?
I didn't
I'm driving around the day in my car
And I go to this you know
Woods it was like a forest reserve you know
And then there was a parking lot and a little path
A sign about the woods
And you walk out of the old school
You know I put my bike back here
So the following week I think it was a Tuesday
Whatever day
I get my bike I drive out to her
On a boy short day
Yeah he's like roller skates and boy shorts
I'm riding down this path
But I noticed
It's two and three sixties
Nothing but freaking men on this path man
Like in the bushes
In the bushes
Yeah yeah
What is it?
Wait a minute
What do you mean?
They're having sex these guys are
Together couples of men
Off in the bushes off the path
They're capulating in the bushes
Yes
Yes come on
And I'm riding along I feel maybe since you know
You're on your bike
Yes
Oh this is great
Yes
And I thought well you'll
A little tiny photo you know
Or the
Double sex is round of big deal
This is all the insects
One couple I thought okay
There's a gay couple one couple
But no it was like multiple
It's just you know I mean it kept that
As I rode along it was more and more and more
One dude
Two dudes
Right
It was just like nine dudes banging in the woods
It's the seven doors
Keep going keep going
Yeah you keep going and it keeps progressing
More and more
That's amazing
While you're riding your bike
No I bet you I turned around
Did you stop?
Yeah I bet you you turned around
And turned around and rode out backwards
Right through the gay woods
Of course not
That's amazing that there's gay woods
Well I knew it was about to happen
It's amazing
It's amazing that he found it and rode his bike
Yeah
And said he was on the back
On the accident
Again I didn't know
Exactly
That's the best part
Yeah
I got caught at the drug house
I didn't know what you were doing
F***ing gay woods
So I also rode with this gay fellow
I told him about it
He was a bulletin book as well Sam
And he was happy to tell them
Now you told him
These guys
He was happy to tell them
He started hanging out there
Oh Jesus
Yeah
He turned your co-worker gay
No he was gay for a long time
Yeah you just made him go man
He told him you were actually
Kissed him
He went to the gay woods
I found a big lurch for you Sam
Dude
You'll never guess what I found Sam
Yeah
I go Sam
This is like the holy grail of gay sex
I said Sam
Did you know about the gay woods?
You know like
Oh what gay woods?
Let me show you
I'm like it's over
I was a f***ing westerner
How about this
Here my brother
We also wear these outfits together
And then next week I see you guys
Hey thanks for telling me what's their place man
I go there all the time
Hey you guys are like this man
My brother is in Mexico with his girlfriend
And he sends a text back to the family text
With my mom, my dad, his kids
Oh yeah
Yeah
With two gay guys f***ing each other
In the middle of the street in Mexico
In the middle of the day and he's spilling
How many times have you been out?
And he sends it back to the family text
Why?
Because I was like what the f***
I was like he had like multiple angles and shit
And he was like walking down the stairs
I was like zooming in and out
And these bags are just swatching in the street
Larry garbage can
Garbage can man
Get the garbage can man
No don't throw up on the joint
Don't throw up on the joint
Dude
He's gonna put a few kind cameras
Move out of the way
Maybe he needs some water
Have you tried that?
The f*** are you doing?
This is a Larry and Neato shirt
Title my one and one quick
This is Larry and Neato shirt
Someone out there dialing
Oh my god
Like, follow, subscribe
Leave a comment
Hey I'll tell you man
I brought down
Oh you tell us man
I brought down about 20 beers
And I had about two or three of them
Oh man
And maybe Neato's had three of them
Hey I have three of them
This motherfucker drank 19 beers
Oh my god
He said 27 at one point
Oh f***
What the f*** is this all man?
From the land of skype waters
Come ham
Well you know what
Oh wait here we go
What's more gay?
Oh man
Holy f***
The gay would
By the way
If you can see this on camera
By the way people
My wife made this
She made this
My wife made this garbage can
Out of all pictures of rock stars and s***
And he's puking
And he's puking in it
I'm on there
Oh man
Oh dude
Oh
From the land of skype waters
Oh man
A rainbow tattoo or sucking toes
No a rainbow tattoo
Definitely a rainbow
That was a bad one I screwed up on that one
Yeah
I mean that was an easy one
Yeah I know
Excuse me
It's okay
I can't win them all
Aw man
Here buddy
Um
That one threw me off
Oh man
So many colors in the homo rainbow
Having a tiny pig or getting arrested
Having a tiny pig
Ah I think getting arrested is more gay
You're subjected maybe if you're a little twink
And you go in there
I'm just gonna use you
Well
I think it's more gays and
Well do you know what
We have kind of better
Can't help getting arrested
It's not by choice
Remember when you found that pig
Man do you have to talk about his left girl
For a leg body
I found this pig
No you did
When you found the pig
I got pulled over by the cops
And Medina rode right
Yeah and they said
Hey what do you do with this pig
I said I just found him
I don't know what to do with him
They said you better like bring him to the zoo
And I said okay
And then the next day
Just another bit
I got pulled over by the same guy
And he goes
What do you do with this pig
I thought I told you to bring him to the zoo
And I said
I did bring him to the zoo
He liked it so much
I'm gonna bring him to Disneyland now
They so much wanted to zoo together
That he won't
You're gonna take him to Disneyland
I did bring him to the zoo
He liked it so much
We're gonna bring him to Disneyland now
Geez
I know I understood it
But I just wanted to hear
I mean I really hope you drop that roach
And then it starts that jacket on fire
How about though when George did find the pig
This jacket is not gonna burn
We had a guy with a board
Remember when you
I know George
And I know the board
And we've talked about it before
There's a rhyme for you
That was insane man
Well no
It literally had tusks
And it would tear us fucking
He was said to saw
And it was huge
It had to
Huge
Very dangerous dude
Especially when they want to fuck
Tore that place a fucking part man
Wild animals were not meant to be kept indoors
No way
Especially 500 pound boars
Yes
Exactly
That thing took up a whole fucking room
Dude this fucking thing
In a residential house
At the end of the house
It was not the house
Need to be torn down
Sorry George
I love you
Oh it's actually
Farerly
Worse than it's ever been
Hey remember when we brought Ava there
And she like you know
She's like he was nuts
He goes hey you wanted me
Make big and she's like
This is a bore
It's very dangerous
You guys it's a bore
Get away from that thing she's saying
Then she wants you about of course
Honey your friend with that bore
In one time that motherfucker bit him in the foot
And he's wearing like thick work boots and shit
And it drew blood
Through his fucking nose
Oh they're deadly dudes don't fucking
Break your bone with their teeth
Yeah
They're huge
They are
I mean you shouldn't like I just said
You shouldn't have wild animals in your house
No he was ridiculous
I mean there's a certain law
I mean we know people that have had
Coat like snakes and shit
Vendomous snakes
I love those guys too
Yeah with the
And then they think that they're okay with them
They're not gonna hurt them or something like
Timmy had all of them venomous snakes
He's like hey man
Oh hi I'm dope
Dude I fucking try to sleep there
I don't mean full speed my snakes he tells me
I'm like what are you crazy I'm not doing that
He's like dude I would never
Allow one of my snakes to bite you
And I'm like how in the fuck are you gonna stop
A rattlesnake
Dude you can't even keep your head up motherfucker
You're in the toilet
We're not even by the snake's
It's a little faster than you're ever gonna be
The fuck's going on here
What do you think I'm gonna do
I mean these people they get lions and wonder why
You still have a needle in your arm
Come on man
Exactly
Yeah I have Steve early
You're like dude I'm not let the snakes bite you
Yeah okay man
So one night me and Mary are there and we're all partying
And there's about fucking five six people there
Besides me and Mary
And he's like oh hey by the way everybody
If you see a rattlesnake
Be real careful because one of my rattlesnakes
Got out of this
Yeah don't hurt them
You don't step on them
Cage and I can't find them
And I'm sitting on these weird video calls
Yeah right up the fucking door later
Everyone jumps up
Oh my god
What are you talking about
Everybody gets comfortable
And then you tell them that you have a loose rattlesnake
You're fucking
I mean that's the first thing you should say
When they open the door
One of my snakes got out
You might not know
I wouldn't
I shouldn't come in right now
Yeah
Emily and I are you know
Dealing with some cleaning issues
There's a loose rattlesnake
Yeah
So yeah and uh
I slept there one night
And you could hear them right
Well I didn't sleep there
I laid down
Yeah
And it was
I thought you were gonna sleep there
Dude
The cages with lights
There were fucking
Five foot high
Six foot high at some points
With different snakes in them
Like venomous snakes
Yeah
Right yeah
Yeah you'd do a Debbie animal
Stacked with uh
Stacked in uh
Sweater boxes
Those plastic
Yeah some of them are lured
Dude he would keep them in those
Sweater boxes and poke holes in the top
Yeah and why though
And for what reason
What was it what was it
Because he wanted to get bit
He would walk around here
I mean would he give it to you
All mothed out at night and fucking
Pick up snakes
Yeah
We used to have kids with little brothers
Walk around the backpack
And put them in the backpack
And come home with 15 to 20 feet
Put one of them on a train
That would be funny
Snakes on a train
When I got stuck out there
I had to walk back
And you could hear these rattlers
Man I've been boat shoes and cut off shorts
Walking through the fucking desert
And you I hear these things
And you think I ain't dressed for this
Not at all man
Talk about being unprepared
I wish I had some kind of
Fucking steel toe boots and long pants
Yeah
Or we should have just more than a fucking
Don't climb too high and climb it up high
All right supporting Hamas
Or riding a scooter
Oh man
Definitely Hamas
Sweaters are not gay
Yeah you shouldn't support Hamas
But we really can't let it is
You don't take
I know scooters either
What's more gay though
Riding a scooter or supporting Hamas
Scooters are pretty gay
And force
Donnie Enforced is a
I thought big fucking Frank DeBeard
Was going to be playing with us
But obviously
I mean a scooter is pretty gay all in all
Let me guys admit
It is
But I mean supporting Hamas
That's just
I could see a lot of gays doing that too
What's that
Supporting Hamas
Well yeah because they don't realize
What the hell is going on
Right exactly
The best part is
Back to our repealing the 19th Amendment
Which I stand by as an American
Women should not vote
And here's the other thing
Oh that fucked everything up
Man I forgot Donnie Enforced was to my left
When I said that
I got all patriotic for a minute
What's that
Put them to work too
Let them do their job
No they have to work
I mean
Yeah but no I messed you up dude
You gotta pull your weight
We don't want no dead boy
I mean that was very
Fatishism or what is it called
Rashes
No no no
Weight shaming
You gotta pull your weight
You gotta fucking
We don't want no dead weight
We don't even know dead wood floating around
What's better than one dead hooker
Two
Yeah
I mean I guess great to get jobs
I understand that you have to support themselves sure
Well I mean
They've changed things
It's kind of swayed things a different way that
I was just sort of a joke
Oh boy here we go
How do you keep
One hooker from telling about the dead hooker
What
Wait a minute
What did you get
How do you keep the live hooker talking about
Talking about the dead hooker
Wait a second
Wait a minute
Slow it down
How do you keep the live hooker quiet
About the dead hooker
Okay I mean you're just gonna keep on crafting this joke
Let's get there
Come on
I'm there
How do you
That's it
That's their point
How do you keep the live hooker
How do you stop a live hooker from talking about the dead hooker
How
You kill her
It's like two can keep a secret
You're a real pimp bro
Two of them are dead
It's a simple fucking equation
They're a real pimp there
Well no I just
It's a joke man
I was
Oh because you're a fucking kid
You're a fucking comedian with that jacket on right now
Sometimes
Wisconsin you had the other quote on
Your grandfather's coat
And the kid making fun of his coat
Had a quote
With every flag
God he's coat you've ever seen
What's happened
When you patched his shirt
It's all patched colors
Yeah
Look at the patched colors
Yeah
There's nothing wrong with that
I had this long fucking tweed jacket
Down to my feet with a fur collar
A nice tweed coat
And this whole chunk Indian guy
That was
A whole chunk
Giant
Well that was his friend
Yeah
Says to me that jacket's pretty funny and shit
And I had this big beard going on
And you can't handle your alcohol
You totally
No I could back then
No I'm talking about the Indian
Oh yeah
Jesus man
He started to stand up and just kept going
It was like an elevator man
We watched that guy rise for like a
Hey can't get a beer
And I'd say to him
My jacket
Look at your fucking jacket
And then he'd go sit out laughing and bought me a drink
Made of scalps
Was it just all scalps
No no no
It was all like
You know you ever see those leather jackets
With like every country flag
Sewed on it
Yeah
In leather
That's what he had
Okay can't get a beer
Um
But it wasn't a toilet with a jacket
And I'm not driving tonight so that's why I'm here
Larry can I get another beer please
Dude
Dude what
You want to fucking fight
You lucky Frank's stopping me
There's no example of a giant for you
What
That's not as Indian we see
Yeah he was big
Who
He was like big chief from Cuckoo's Nest
Ooh
Yeah he was fucking tall
He was a big fucking fucker
The sink through the window and he
Yeah yeah yeah
This guy just kept standing man
He was like
Yeah I'm like oh my god
I gotta do some talking here
Well it's just a big one
Dude dude think when he's out
But fucking Ken Casey wrote that
Right
I don't know
One through Fulham Flu
I think it was Ken Casey that wrote it
And basically
He was MK
He was MK Ultra
Yeah probably
Yeah no he was tied into the whole
LSD scene with Berkeley and shit
With the Grateful Dead
Yeah
Fucking all those Huxley
Oh yeah
Or not Huxley um
Yeah
Who's the other guy
Fuck
Timothy Leary
That's who it was
Yeah yeah
The whole tune in and fucking drop out
Drop out but it was taken all wrong
So
All right I'd like to thank God
Jesus
Shout out God
Shout out Jesus
And smash you all with the Holy Spirit
Yeah right in your ass
Of course Alex my nephew
Thanks Charlie for helping us do this
Shit show
Jeff out there
Slow down
Who'd you just shout out after shorty
My brother
No shirt Nick put a shirt on
Jeff and Rockford
Jeff
Stoney out in Rockford
Stoney
My he's a band member
I know Stoney Bologna
Bobby
I need to talk to Stoney
Steamboat man love you brother
Frank
It was fun man
I'm tired
All right you keep saying take in the nap y'all
Great job friend
Kiki
Love you Kiki
My dad
You still a Pollock
Shout out Big Joe
Grow Joe
Grow Joe a stupid puppet I wish would burn up
Chris
Chris love you Chris
Hope you're better boobs
Matt you're still gay
Ross
Ross love you brother
Dave
So what do you ask
Oh wait Dave thanks for the gun brother
And the for hey stop hitting the mic you fucking ass
Oh what are you doing
Is that coming in
I am here
Yeah dude
Fucking elbow drop you
What do you mean is it coming in
You're hitting the mic from all the way
Fucking ass
Two
Hey no I'm gonna use the fucking
Dude where did you say
Don't you just cry out of the guy
And yeah
That's leaving you alone
Yeah leave me alone don't cry for me
Kizoniak
Mr. X
Mary
Mr. X
Helena
Love it
Sherry
Sherry love you
Yay
I still want to wrestle you
Chrissy
Love you
Becky
Love you
Tiffany
Love you
Oh
Georgie
Don't get that transitional surgery
Yeah Georgie out there in Colorado
Yep
Crypto Beach
Swardong
My cousin Richie
Ujavu
Oh wait
How was that Indian prison
Did you ever find out he got his rupees
I'm sorry why is Ujavu Indian prison again
Oh what do you mean why is he an Indian prison
Do you really want to know the facts
Well yeah kind of
First of all he ran a call center
And the call center did very well
Right
The problem was that Ujavu had a penchant for white ladies
So he started shipping them in from the United States
And then he got caught bringing them over state lines
So that you know I'm not kidding you at all man
And then he got busted with Coke
Because white broads like to do coke
Ujavu did this
Yes
No
Dude it was
What Larry you're a fucking asshole
Now you're talking to the first person to mine
I ain't even doing it
I knew I wouldn't you do that
Chroma got an armor to kick your ass now
You are the stupidest motherfucker Larry
You really are man
We don't want to be friends with Javu
You're so stupid it'd be by the gram
Dude I know that didn't happen
But Ujavu is a fucking man
I wasn't I know Ujavu
Go stop
Why is he really in jail whatever
Ujavu is where we do proud for Indian women
Man you guys suck
You really do
I hate this podcast
It was a great story
Whatever
Yeah you told a good story too
I can't get you back
But stupid fuck ass over there
Can't fucking
I'm a fucking I'm a bit killer
I mean you're a fucking fanook
You ask clown why would you do that
Exactly
You're like Stevie Wonder all the time
I'm gonna tell you why
Because I don't want you to be
Smurge Ujavu's name with them white women
It's a joke
It's total joke
Don't censor me on my own podcast
Okay
Thank you
You fucking asshole
Oh my god
Karlo man
Thanks for the guitar buddy
Thanks Karlo for the guitar brother
David out there in Starbucks
And Camille
Yeah keep listening bro
Starbucks
Only fans girls
Yeah keep sending Larry Nudes
And Tom Sreak Clinic Automatic
Automatic
Tom Sreak Clinic Automotive
And Veterinarian Service
He still has to read the paper
You're one stop shop
Where was Tom's Veterinarian Wall Shop
Wait a second we're gonna do that
Give me a time for the jingle
Wait a second he sent me a jingle
So I have to read it okay
So read it
Okay I don't know I don't know about Tom
It's a little side veterinary mechanic
Are you kidding me this is a real place
Wait here's the jingle they sent us relaxed
When your muffin has been stuffed
Then it's starting to crust
Call Tom Sreak Clinic
Tom's you're one stop shop
Yeah it's a free clinic
Veterinary Veterinarian Service
And automotive service
Right like you're just a robot guy
You can bring it in here and he can wash my dog
While I leave the car
Oh you're not washing dogs
Yeah no I'm not washing dogs
This is a reputable business
No it's not a kennel
It's like the Veterinary Service
Oh I see
Yeah you got your dogs got kennel cough
Bring that bitch over
Right
We'll change your oil on your head
Do my brakes
Give my dog the warm-up
I can fucking
If these got parvole we'll put it down
First you get a fucking transmission
You got green liquid dip
Dripping from your dick
Right
You fucking need an oil change
Also at the same time
Maybe you can fucking line up
Put some appointments too
Take pet meds for that
Well you ever take pet meds?
I did
Yeah I used to know a girl that worked for a vet
And she would bring us pet meds
I did it once in a while
I did pet meds too
Yeah
Not fun
Everything turned purple
Yeah it was just about to see
It was purple
Man that's so funny
Overnosing on animal drugs
Here's a half with me
Oh boy
You kissed another dude
I had an eye infection
And I had this medicine
That I would give the kittens
That had eye infection
Wait a second
Did you drop it in their eyes?
Yeah
Oh you're fucking with crazy shit dude
It was like this greasy shit
But you can't
You can see with your eyes
If it's in my stomach
I don't care about her
I snored it
You know you're dropping your eyes
Yeah
That's a little crazy
Listen
So I had this eye infection
And this girl Adele
She was over
And she's a nurse at fucking
Ross Hospital in Chicago
And she goes to me
Yeah yeah you know
The pet medicine is the fucking same shit
That they give humans
So I'm like no way
And I'm like I got some eye medicine right here
For the guys
Your eyes already swollen
Yeah
She's like oh the hell works just fine
Oh man she's a what
She's a nurse
At the vet
Or wait no
She's a doctor
At Russia
She's a professor
At Russia
At Russia oh my god
That's a reputable place
But doctors are all shams
I don't like going to the doctor
Oh listen to this lady
They told you cat eye drops are good
I put it in in the uh
The infection
It really
You got it
Wait a second
Wait can you repeat that again
What happened
The infection
Oh you got
Wait no you should say
I got an infection
I already had the infection
They put it in the drops
Oh I was intensifying it
I apologize
The infection got worse
Oh you think
I mean you said cat eye drops for a human
So then when I finally did
When it got so bad
No I was gonna lose my eye
And you kept using them right
Cause I told you tarted you are
You're like oh it'll get better
If I keep using more
Right
I mean you look like you have
Punched by Mike Tyson
You're just a sorry
Like you really look like
You're just a fat Chinese guy
And you can barely get the drops in
Totally
Just swollen me
Just the left side though
Just swollen
So finally Mary's like
You better go to the fucking doctor
You're gonna lose your vision and shit
Yeah you think
I mean you have an infection in your eye
And I told them I was putting this cat medicine
Oh my god
That was probably the lowest point in your life
Who the fuck told you that
Oh a nurse for a bra
And then I do heroin with
No she didn't party
No that's even worse
She was one of my straighter friends
You're sports head even mean
She was straight
She was a little cracker
No man
And she's one of my friend's wife
So it's very straight and clean
Yeah it sounds like it's giving horrible advice
Which I'd rather have a nurse on heroin
Tell me that cat eye drops are good
Mike no better than to give you cat medicine
Yeah like here you go
Yeah here you go Larry
Put these cat drops in your eye
It was just puffy and swollen
You think
I mean dude
Did you really have to tell me what it was like
He's like oh my god you're using this
I brought it in with me
Wow
You brought it with you
Like a real retard
Like this is what I've been using doc
Like what the fuck is wrong with you
This is a cat
Well I said my friend was a nurse
And Ross told me that this shit was okay
Yeah my friend works as a guitarist
This is for animals
Yeah
And you're an animal you idiot
It says on there you've been giving it to your cat
Oh man
You knew it was for animals
The doctor just had to say it out loud
But my friend told me that it was cool man
And she was a nurse and I trusted her
And I guess you know sometimes you just gotta
Trust people to tell you to put animal medicine in your eye
Absolutely not
I mean that is the stupidest thing I've heard tonight
Thank you Larry for sharing with us
I really appreciate it
Oh my god
The idiocy in that statement
And the best is you bring it with you
You could at least be like a spider bit me
Or something out in my eye
You know what I mean
But you just kept
You just kept
You just kept the cat medicine
I wanted the doc to know what the fuck had
Happened
He could tell right away
Good for it
He wasn't like hidden
Your whole eye is swollen
Well he might have been like
Shit I don't know what's wrong
I wanted to let him know I was using
Pet Meds
Yeah
I mean because that's
You're paying for this time
You might have stayed on him for a while
You never know
The Pet Meds
Yeah
No it was obviously
Now you're stuck on killing his eyes
That's probably the whole thing
I didn't stay on him long enough
Yeah that's the whole thing
I only tried heroin 175 times
I'm not sure if I like it yet
Yeah no I'll tell you about the 176
Speaking of 76
I think that's what
I think
I think this is our 77th episode
Shout out
Yeah
Man we're still together
This is the greatest episode ever
I mean listen
Yeah that's a pretty good
This really is a good one
My band spirit at 77 is playing at
The Chicago Loop in Stream with Illinois
On February 10th
And it's gonna be fucking dope
We play punk rock covers
So if you're in Stream with Illinois
On February 10th
And you're hearing this fucking thing
Come on out
And if you're not fucking we hope you die
And if you are there man
We will party
I'll bring
I'll bring some fucking goodies
So
Yeah his sweet sweet honey bun ass
I'll bring my sweet ass
Exactly
He's got honey buns
And he's here to have fun
Put it in his mouth
You gotta give me honey buns
Man that's alright though
No k
We're all good with time is it
It's time to
Okay so tell me why is your job on gel
Oh no we're not telling you at all
Thank you for tuning in
And we have to find out in the next episode
We appreciate it
Don't tell me why
No we're not telling you
Joe why is your job on gel
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