Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show.
Larry and Needles.
And the Needle.
Larry and Needle.
And the Needle.
Show.
I want to get that joint from Larry, buddy.
How's it going?
Welcome to the Larry and Needles show.
I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles.
I'm Frank.
We got Frankie the beard.
Frankie the beard's joining us tonight.
How you doing, Frankie?
Hey, pretty good.
That's awesome.
I want to start off the bat by saying, you know, we didn't really do a Thanksgiving episode.
No.
I just want to say that I am very grateful.
Yes.
And I am very blessed.
And I love doing this with my boys.
And thank you everybody for listening.
Like, follow, subscribe.
And any of our platforms, Apple, Leave a Review.
And YouTube.
We got our own YouTube page at Larry and Needle show.
Yeah.
So please check us out.
But all I want to say is thanks everybody for listening.
All our friends and family.
And you really mean a lot to us.
Yeah.
And it's really not bullshit.
We really do appreciate it.
It is fucking great.
I mean, we, this really is a ramshackle operation.
I mean, we really don't have any good opinions, any bad opinions.
We really don't know what the hell we're talking about.
We usually smoke too much weed and drink too much, too much Ambs.
So, I mean, you don't really know what we're going to say.
You don't.
But I do have a hate mail that someone sent us directly to our Twitter, which, um,
our Twitter was shut down for a little bit because someone reported us as being racist.
Something.
Which I shall not or can sort deny.
I don't know if they didn't say why.
They just made me jump through a few hoops to get it going.
Yes.
They didn't tell me exactly why.
Well, this comment is the one that got us.
You think so?
Yeah.
I know so.
Okay.
Well, I think it is canceled.
But I mean, it says on our, if you look at our Twitter, it says, like, no, we're not
making money off of this.
Yeah.
We're not going to bow down to the men, to the man.
We were going to keep doing this for free.
We might bow down to the men, but not the men.
Yeah.
Even multiple men.
That's what Larry likes.
That's why he's got two hands and two feet.
That's all right though.
So, um,
A dick for each foot.
Excuse me.
Sorry, Amry.
Kicking the dick with each foot.
Yeah.
Is that what you're into now?
No.
Kicking the dick.
Just one.
I would expect you to be more of a multi-hand guy like you're fucking downhill.
Yeah.
So, Kari, yeah.
About what?
You were talking about.
Oh, okay.
Well, no, I was just saying that about what?
About our Twitter getting canceled?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Well, somebody said something because, um, you know what?
I might as well just start off the bat with that.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Um, let's get the hate mail going.
This person says, okay, so this was a DM.
No, you see that thing.
Oh, sorry.
This was a DM sent to our Twitter.
Thank you, sir.
See, when you're in the middle, you could double bump all day, but I don't do that.
You can't.
Basically, it starts off that saying, I have reported this podcast and Twitter, excuse
me, what is this called?
What is that called?
Like our Twitter page for racism, which we don't say anything bad on our Twitter page.
No, we don't.
I mean, we try to crack jokes.
We're not comedians.
Right.
We're barely podcasters.
We're not a fan.
We're not a, what are those people called, broadcasters?
No, I'd say we get into the point, man, that we got over 75 or so shows.
Yeah, we do.
I mean, we're probably becoming podcasters.
We're consistent, right?
I mean, it takes 10,000 hours to become a professional at anything they say.
So, oh, anyways, you're like, okay.
So basically this person is saying, I'm not going to, I don't want to use pronouns here.
So we'll just keep it neutral.
Well, that, that should be racist.
What's that?
Pronouns.
I mean, I don't know if it's a pronoun racist.
I'm not saying that.
How you want to be.
Right.
No, but.
I mean, you just, I mean, shit bag would be pretty bad, you know, if you call someone
a bitch.
The way things are now, the way we accommodate people.
Oh, well, I mean, the climate of what things are going on is, it's appalling, right?
Quite.
I mean, the things that we condone as a society.
We're not even in reality.
Well, we are in reality.
I don't know if this is, I mean, it's seriously, the way that things are going, you're really,
I really come to believe that we're in a simulation more and more each day.
Like they just really put the fucking screws to us to see how much we'll take.
Yeah.
They've locked us up for COVID, like lemmings.
I mean, the World Economic Forum and who.
And we all just went along with it.
Well, and who is fucking.
And who is fucking.
No way we complied with the mask and all the vaccines.
I didn't comply with any of that shit.
I didn't either.
I don't never wore a mask.
But the way, like, it's almost like you were like.
I worked all the time.
I was ashamed being Americans that said, oh yeah, and they bowed to that.
They bowed to me.
Well, the thing is, is that the government implements control on us and we just freely,
freely give it away.
Yeah.
Like they collect, we were talking about this.
They threw it out there and we fucking ran with it.
And everybody bit with, well, the whole thing is when the government shuts you down, you
really have no choice, especially, you know, if you work in an office or a restaurant
and you're just a normal person, you can't, you have to comply.
And then they were doing, they were implementing fines on companies that were, had people that
were non-vaccinated.
Yeah.
So if you didn't tell your employers, or employees to get vaccinated, we have to let
you go, which is communism and fascism.
Oh, absolutely.
It's most extreme.
I mean.
So Mary was getting something done in the hospital, some procedure.
I forgot what it was.
Like some cyst behind her knee or something.
And it was just a simple thing where they drew it out with a needle and that was it.
Now I was going to pick her up and the lady at the fucking front desk is like, you have
to have a mask on her and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
Fuck off.
And I'm like, you work at a hospital.
You should know better than that.
And she's, I'm like, you're going to make me put this maid in China motherfucker on my
fucking face.
And I started going off on this bitch.
That doesn't make you look like a psychopath.
One second from the security guard.
And I just, and that's, I finally just give me the mask and I, well, yeah, I took it like
this and then I threw it on the ground and walked right past her.
But the problem is, is that they shame you.
They weaponize.
Yeah, but I fucking went off on this.
Weaponized shame.
That's a, you'd be standing.
If you were in line, I wouldn't wear a mask and they literally, there were businesses
that turned me away that I don't frequent now because of that.
A gas station.
I walk in, put a mask on.
It's like, come on.
Dude, there's places I will not give you my money.
Well, you should.
This is, this is what America is about.
Capitalism and choosing what the fuck you want to spend your money on and who's giving
you the best product.
There's this record store right in town, man.
They're Wonderland and they have a great selection of used records and shit, but I went in there
one day and they gave it up all the information.
The guy wanted me to fucking use hand sanitizer.
For what?
To come and thumb through his fucking old used records and I'm like, are you fucking
kidding me?
That's going to ruin the fucking records.
What if that seats through?
No, but he was making everybody do that.
Like how were all the other stores so safe?
I didn't do it.
I said no and I never went back.
That Walmart was safe or Costco or you know what I mean?
Like how are all the other guys you can't shut everybody down.
It's a corporation though.
Well, that's where you're conspiring with.
It's like they don't want competition, but it's like, well, there are no mom and pop
stores anymore.
Are there?
But it was like so controlling.
This one was that the record store.
Well, that's what, but okay.
You want to go to that.
That's why they would do that.
All right.
Fuck COVID.
Let's talk about something else.
Okay.
It was such a fucking, I'll never fucking tell you.
We're not talking about COVID.
We're talking about the masks.
Yeah.
We're talking, oh, that's all part with COVID.
Well, let me know it goes hand in hand, right?
It's just a fucking, fuck your vaccine, fuck your poison, fuck your mask.
Well, the problem is, is that people are still compliant and they're safe.
They lock them down.
They have to be locked down again.
It's like, come on, really?
I don't want to shoot.
You want to go through that again?
Some people are very happy sitting in their houses collecting $500, $1500.
But after you got like punked or duped, you'd be like, all right, man, you got me.
No, fool me once.
You know what I mean?
Fool me twice.
Shame on me.
But you're still wearing a mask now driving in the car by yourself.
Oh, I've seen people walking wearing a mask.
Yeah.
I mean, car, okay, whatever, but walking in fresh air.
I mean, I've seen high school kids with fucking masks.
Well, but do you know what?
That might be because of their parents.
I'm fine.
Thank you.
All right.
I don't want.
That might be because of their parents.
Next segment.
I like music.
I don't want to talk about music.
I'm still in the middle of the thing that the lady wrote us.
Yeah.
So what's she write?
Okay.
So I'll read it again because we completely digressed from what we were talking about.
I have reported this podcast and this page for racism.
Like we said, we never write that in.
I hate everybody equally.
Well, it's not even that.
It's like, I don't have time to hate people.
If I don't like you, you're not in my life.
I know.
I love everybody.
He knows I'm on your side.
Yeah.
Like that's, no, I know, but I have to be the heel sometimes.
That's why we have a podcast.
You can't always agree with each other.
I will say some crazy shit.
So basically she's saying, she calls us degenerates.
I was sent a clip of you degenerates.
Amazing.
I like that.
I mean, that's pretty good.
Somebody let you down.
I'm gonna grab it.
Hold on.
I mean, I've been called a lot worse by a lot closer people than I love.
Me too.
My mom degenerates.
I wish she would have called me.
Me too.
DG?
She said so.
DG.
Yeah.
So you degenerates making fun of people of Asian descent.
When do we do that?
Never.
When do we make fun of people with Asian descent?
Of Asian descent?
I love people of Asian descent.
Even if you did, if it wasn't good fun and good, you know.
Well, I mean, there's always a disclaimer to this.
It's just comedy and fun.
I mean, this is the lowest form of comedy that we know how to do.
No swarm of rock and roll.
Well, no, this is comedy, Larry.
You know what?
You're having a Joe Biden, Mitch McConnell moment over there.
That's all right, though.
So she's seen the cats in her room.
Yeah, my wife is feeding cats.
So making fun of people of Asian descent with Asian voice.
So that's what she, no, that's just Mary.
But so she specifically says that because of the Asian voice that we're using, that
it's not PC.
Oh, fuck PC.
No.
PC to me is pussy control.
I love a girl with some pussy control.
I don't think the first 25 years of your life.
I'd like to live one day, maybe with a pussy.
Just see what it was like.
My dad always said something that bleeds for three days and doesn't die.
Don't trust.
One day.
Yeah, one day.
I wouldn't.
I'd fuck everything.
And the women I guarantee I didn't pale myself.
The women I guarantee they wish they had it.
One time was one day with the pussy.
I died.
You died.
You died from a pussy.
I mean like, he tried to shove a parking lot ballard in there.
He died in front of the Jimmy John's sitting on a parking ballard.
They even used a step stool.
What a sight to see, wouldn't they?
I really don't want to be a woman because I want to get into another thing.
But being a woman sucks, man.
And I'm not saying, I'm going to say, well, because I'm just going to tell you why.
I was just about to tell you because of all the women that I've dated, getting their hair,
getting their nails done.
They have to keep up this image.
Do you know what I mean?
If women don't...
No, it's not being vain.
It's what society dictates.
Society dictates what's hot.
And that's a good thing.
Let me tell you.
No, it's not.
My wife's a good thing that a woman wants to take care of herself.
Yeah, well, but that's the thing though.
She doesn't put up all those false fronts.
Let me tell you, man, the last couple of days she's been pissed off at me and today...
Yeah, because you're an idiot.
Yeah, here's how dumb I am today.
Yeah, here we go.
You're making a fucking mistake of...
What are you doing, man?
Why are you fucking...
He's being a dummy because he's stoned all the time.
He's a drug addict.
Why are you fucking a pooch?
Well, dude.
He takes that literally.
He's fucking the pooch.
Wait, I didn't fuck no drugs.
What is he talking about?
Have you seen me on the YouTube?
Oh my God, you see those videos?
Those are just between you and I, Larry.
Why are you fucking up a woman?
Nah, here's who I am.
It's all fair and funny games.
Look at the guy.
He's half retarded.
That's what I did today.
So she goes to the doctor, you know, she had to get some stress tests.
Some fucking lungs.
So they bring you to give them stress tests?
No, no, no.
And yell at him.
He says, he was a lung scum.
He was a lung stent outside the window.
He was a lung spanker.
No, I'm sure he'll go higher or lower.
Listen, you jagged ass.
He was a lung scum.
And she's like, you know, I've been smoking for 50 fucking years.
I'm probably gonna die.
No, I'm gonna keep rolling.
I'm probably gonna tell me I have cancer or something.
Keep going, sister.
So she came home from the doctor.
That's why I don't go to the doctor.
I can see on her face after being married for 24.
You didn't go to the doctor with her?
Shut up, asshole.
Dude, you just stayed at home and got pulled bongs and played guitar?
Oh my God.
I mean, now I see why you're the asshole.
Even you can't even, oh man, Larry.
Dude.
She's all freaked out and she's like, I might have cancer.
You're like, that's cool, honey.
I'm just gonna rip bongs.
She said pray for me and I said, OK.
Pray for you.
I prayed for her.
Make some sweet guitar licks.
Well, you worry about dying from cancer in the waiting room.
So she came home.
She came home from the doctor.
And I could see on her face after, because, you know, for an endless marriage,
I could tell when things are good and when they're bad.
I knew when she had dope and when she didn't, I knew when she was going to cry
or she was going to kill me or she was going to be happy.
Right.
So when she came home from the doctor, I could tell by the look on her face
that everything was OK.
Well, and I didn't ask her how everything was.
Jesus, man.
I mean, what kind of case are you making for yourself here?
You're like, yeah.
I was in the whole bottom fell out.
Oh, you think when you didn't ask her how her visit wasn't what she told you?
Yeah.
Because what is she going to do?
Come running up to the door and be like, Larry, I have cancer.
No, I would have seen on her face right away.
And I would have been like, how about you just ask her questions?
Like a human being.
Use your words, Larry.
I know.
Well, anyway.
Oh, yeah.
No, you don't know, obviously.
That's the problem.
We're trying to break this chain of abuse.
So, but I just want to put it out there on the world.
I want to let everybody in the world know that I'm a shitty husband.
He is great.
Yeah.
I suck.
You know what I am?
Kissing Mary's ass.
Because I'm a douchebag.
I mean, are you shoveling shit with one hand or two?
Because that's a big load.
That was two.
That was with two that day.
It really looked like it.
And yesterday I don't even really know why she was pissed off at me.
Probably because of the day before.
I mean, if you wouldn't think, I mean, now she thought, well, what did you do stupid this
day?
She hasn't been pissed off at me in fucking years.
Did you show your wiener to the neighbor?
I didn't.
No?
Did you start drinking at eight in the morning?
No, I don't know what I did.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, yeah, so probably carried over from the other night.
Something happened.
Yeah.
You're not caring about your wife.
You'll think about it in ponder.
A ponder on it.
Are you kidding?
Is anybody else hearing this besides me?
What do you have to ponder?
How about not be a douchebag?
How hard is that?
Obviously really hard.
Wow.
I mean, guitar riffs have to be made and bonds need to be pulled.
You find that in a dictionary?
What's that?
What you just said.
What's that?
That needs a ponder?
They should.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it doesn't take a rocket science to reel.
That's a lary.
I mean, sugar baby gone wild.
Here's another thing.
Dude, you're sugar baby gone wild.
That's it.
Yeah.
You are, man.
You're off the rails.
This sugar baby is going to the moon.
He's reaching for the stars.
Here's the other thing too.
It's been about three or four weeks since we smoked cigarettes.
And I know they taste great.
I endorse them.
I love them.
She's been smoking a little bit, a couple of cigarettes here and there.
Yes.
Sneaking them off.
Hey, hey, hey.
Now you're talking shit about her?
No.
I understand.
I understand why she's on edge.
Mary, I smoke.
I understand why she's on edge.
I don't know what they say.
I also want to fucking cigarette.
I know it's tough on her.
I understand.
I'm a cigarette.
Okay, so I mean, where does the story end?
Because I mean, this thing is going out.
You just ended it right now.
There was no end to it.
There was no end.
You're like, yeah, you're just an, you're just an asshole.
I mean, that's what it boils down to.
It just turns out that my heart is going, it's keeping us alive.
I mean, you're turning on your fucking, you don't bite the hand that feeds you.
I know.
Literally.
Are we playing the guitar, man?
No, we're not playing the guitar.
We're in the middle of a podcast.
What are you talking about?
Hey, Mary, love you, man.
Mary, keep smoking.
Jesus Christ.
We're going off the rails.
Hey, when we have the guitar segment though today, I have a very special guitar.
I'm going to show it.
Put you in the down here.
No, it's my good friend, Sherry's bass.
It's a national bass with the, with the violin body style, like the Paul McCartney
Beatle bass made after Beatlemania.
Yeah, I'll do that little thing.
I mean, how long is this podcast?
It's not, well, I'm literally, that was, I was being so far away.
As long as you stay awake.
For 17 minutes and 35 fucking seconds.
Okay, so making fun of Asian people with Asian voice.
How can you pretend to be funny?
Kamma.
Who said we pretend?
Kamma.
And then in quotes, when you're not, which thank you very much for using quotation marks
after a comma.
I appreciate it.
Me too.
And I like, I like good punctuation.
I like the fact that she pointed out that it sounded like a quote from us saying that
we already know we're not funny.
So why are you even writing this letter?
Well, but that's the whole thing is that, you know what, do we do this for, look at us.
I mean, we're, I mean, this is debauchery, right?
I mean, if we had, I mean, the only thing we're missing is hard drugs and prostitutes
and play blow your nose in the mic.
We need orange, man.
I'm turning my mic off with it on my nose.
We need orange.
What's orange?
We need Trump, bro.
That's it.
No, we need Trump.
And why do we need Trump?
It's our only last hope.
I mean, well, there's only a couple of candidates.
And they could still take it.
So I mean, really, he's a lesser of two evils.
Yeah, that's true.
So I bought at the same time.
He's a lesser of two evils.
When it's down and dirty, who are you going to vote for?
What's it?
I'm definitely not going to vote for the guy who doesn't know where he's at right now.
I mean, but there's only two candidates.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, what are you going to vote for Chris Christie?
Viggly.
I mean, the guy is a man fucking moose knuckle.
Our only fucking like, he's not our savior.
He's not the great white hope that everybody thinks.
No, I'm not saying he can't vote for the guy who's a voter, but we need him right now.
We're like, it's the breaking point.
Frank, you're old nut to remember.
Do you remember that TV show, the great white hope?
It was like the white basketball coach in the black school.
It's fucking funny.
Washington.
Washington High.
Yeah.
Fucking motherfucker.
That was a good show.
But do you think this guy's probably going to get caught up by somebody for that?
Well, probably, but you don't have to point it out, Larry.
But at the same time, do you think that this guy in the state?
Okay.
How about this?
The white shadow.
Answer the line.
The white shadow.
They used to be Cleveland.
They used to sit in the locker room and they'd talk and the bench come in.
Oh, yeah.
I'm too young to know the show.
We're a little older.
I'm sorry.
You guys are way older than I am actually.
Well, we're not that much older.
Almost a decade.
But that's fine.
So what would you do to change at this point in time, if you became president, what was
the first thing you would do?
Yeah, I wonder if Frankie the beard was up there.
What would you do to make this place better then?
Well, come on, man.
That's not a fair question.
What do you mean?
That's a totally fair question.
I would open the pipeline.
I would close the border.
Okay.
There you go.
That's a solid valid point.
As far as like, everybody's legal immigrant would be get a free megadot CD.
And turn around at the border and send back home.
One free guitar lesson from the beard.
And he just plays mariachi songs very badly.
But no, but what would you do though?
You close the borders.
You open up the pipeline.
I mean, it's a compilation of things that it's so complicated.
It's not that complicated though.
No, but I mean, I mean, we have to, there's so many things we have to address.
Okay.
I mean, like, oh my God, like, I mean, we talked about the border.
We talked about immigrant crisis.
I don't want to talk about it.
I mean, do you want to, what is not really policy?
I'm just saying though, but I mean, the wars that are going on.
Absolutely.
I'm just talking about making this country better.
There's two wars going on.
And Ronald Reagan.
It's not even happening on our soil.
Yeah.
And Ronald Reagan, you may said, make America a great gun.
He used that before.
No, the, but no, the best thing that, yeah.
No, the best nine words he said was, what did he say?
I don't know.
The best thing was, I wish I was, I'm from the government.
I'm here to help you.
Oh yeah.
The most, no, no, the most dangerous nine words you could hear.
I'm from the government.
I'm here to help you.
You're lucky if they even say that.
Yeah.
They just show up at your door and ask you.
Oh, Frank, you want to talk about conspiracy theory.
I don't want to.
I want to talk about music or comedy.
All right.
So, Frank, this is no show.
This is no shout out or a promotion.
Dude, you watch kill Tony.
Yeah, I love kill Tony.
Have you watched it?
I'm like way late to the show.
It's 10 years old.
It's a good podcast.
It's a very good podcast.
No, you watch it on video.
Yeah, I listen to it.
Yeah.
You gotta watch it.
Oh, fuck, 10 years.
There we go.
It's all right though.
So Joe Rogan.
They're podcasts.
Huh?
They're podcasts.
Yeah, I love them.
Joe Rogan opened this fucking mother ship in Austin.
But dude, it's the spaceship.
No, just you, man.
That's how we get this fucking happen.
I just fucking found it out.
I'm like, where the fuck was I?
I mean, there's so many podcasts.
It was 10 years old.
I'm like, I didn't hear this.
It's older than that.
But what do you call it?
There's a lot of podcasts out there.
That's good.
We'll be as funny as them.
I promote it.
And I'm not getting that.
I hope you're not.
I mean, I don't know how you're getting kicked back.
But that'd be great if Frank DeBird was getting kicked.
Where are you going?
I'll be right back.
One second.
Okay, that's fine.
Dude, it's funny shit.
No, it's very good, man.
Listen, there's so many podcasts out there.
And to find an audience, it's far and few between.
And you don't even have that much time in a day to like...
I listen to podcasts all day long.
No, but I'm saying like to stretch yourself.
All the things you follow and watch and...
It's a fucking...
It's over indulgence and it's over saturated.
There's so much going on as in media that were totally fucking bombarded with it all day long.
Not media.
Like now we pick and choose what...
Not at all.
You go to the gas station, they play a fucking video.
Oh yeah, but I...
Okay, so you have no control of that.
You drive down a billboard, you listen to the radio.
But when you go home, you're going to watch what you want to watch.
Yeah.
You will, but you still have to find new stuff to do.
The only good thing about that...
But you're going to get into stuff just because it's there.
You're going to follow the shit that's like your tribe.
If we had five channels, we would watch those five channels.
We have millions of shit to watch.
Yeah.
What did we say? How much is downloaded every 150,000 hours?
I think it was 10,000 hours per minute.
And 150,000 hours to YouTube per minute.
Which is fucking asinine.
And the only thing we're watching is Larry and the Unshuck.
Oh, I don't know about that.
There's other cool things to watch.
I don't do it. I fuck all that shit, dude.
Well, it's just there's so much to watch.
Like you can watch people falling down.
I don't have Facebook, I don't have all this shit.
Twitter, whatever it's called.
I don't have none of that shit, dude. Fuck that.
I mean, I don't have it on Facebook.
Like Facebook.
No, it's like Facebook.
It's like, oh, you can reconnect with somebody from fifth grade.
If they were that cool in my life,
I'd still be talking to them.
We just talk to them and they keep it tight circle.
I mean, I don't need a new friend.
I'm not trying to be like a dick, like saying, no, like back and off,
like standoffish, but...
Keep your friends tight and your woman's pussy tighter.
Yeah, because you don't bang her.
Hey, you go through life, man.
Doors open, doors close. People come and go.
Yeah, just don't let them hear you when you're asking them how.
Yeah, amen.
But anything you know what...
I don't need that gay shit, like, oh, let me see...
Fuck it.
Let me see what...
This is a good segue.
What? No, keep on going.
You don't need that gay shit.
Yeah, no. Okay. So I got a new game.
What's gay?
What's more gay?
ABCD?
What's more gay?
Okay.
Licking an ice cream cone or being a Democrat?
Mmm.
And I want to hear an explanation.
I know this is a good game. Thank you.
Wow.
Okay, well...
How about both?
What I want to know why?
At my old work, there was this girl, A.D.,
and we would give her a banana every day
and fucking watch her eat it from the other end of the world.
What a whore. She knew what you guys were doing.
She didn't know at first because she was stupid.
She caught us one day.
Did she eat the styrofoam peanuts?
No, she was in that dump.
So what's more gay?
Licking an ice cream cone or being a Democrat?
Probably being a Democrat.
Okay, you think so?
They have a gay agenda.
But even if you're a male or an eight,
but if you're a boy or a girl and you lick an ice cream,
you're still licking it the same way.
Yeah, but if you lick the ice cream cone,
I'd be licking your day.
Because you're gonna use the same tool.
You put the whole thing in your mouth?
No.
Did you swallow it?
It's time out. They're fucking pervy.
No, dude, if you're a boy or a girl
and six years old, you're licking it the same way.
I know I have the audience behind me.
The fans are with me.
There's the whole thing.
There's my fans. They're fucking pervs.
You're six years old.
The game is called...
I'm not talking about children.
But you're licking ice cream.
I can't even tell you what I did.
Oh, I know what you did.
The same way.
Come on.
What else you got?
Are we playing guitar, man?
Let's play some motorheads.
What do we got?
We're still in the glue game.
What's more gay game?
What's gay?
That was the first question.
Aw, man, it's gonna get bad.
What do we got?
Wearing a tiny cowboy hat?
Or being trans?
What's more gay?
I'd say wearing a tiny cowboy hat.
No.
You've ever seen those?
Why do they have them?
Because you're gay.
Where else would you wear that?
To a tiny fucking horse rodeo?
I'm gonna go with cowboy.
A midget rodeo.
What's more gay?
A tiny cowboy hat?
Or being trans.
A lot of these guys want to be trans.
Just to say, you know what?
I'm not a woman now.
I'm going to prison and you know what?
I'm a woman now.
So I can get locked up.
I'm going cowboy hat.
You going cowboy hat?
But that's a perk of being trans, right?
Yeah, that's the whole thing.
And pregnant women in jail.
Trans isn't even reality, man.
That's a transmission.
Every time I hear trans, I think it's transmission.
It's such a fantasy world.
It's a mental disorder.
It's a fake male from this one.
It's so loud.
You can read all of it.
Well, they make a flag.
Listen, if you got your own flags from the shit, man, you're serious.
It doesn't matter left, right, center, whatever.
Oh, no, it matters.
But what I'm saying is, the way it's...
Look at Caitlyn Jenner. She's a trans Republican.
It's staunch Republican.
That is fucking mind blowing.
We live in a fucked up world right now.
We don't live in reality.
It's a video game.
And I can't even call him her.
Bruce Jenner is...
The Calfalon, baby.
He lived with the Kardashians.
The Calfalon.
He had to compete with those big giant
puffed up asses
and those fake tits and the fake lips.
He had to do something
to make himself stand out in that fucking
crazy fucking family
that he was part of.
So his world
and his Hollywood world is so fucking twisted
and fucked up.
The becoming a woman is not even that weird for him.
Well, I don't think it's that.
I just think that, hey man,
listen, if this guy wants to become a woman...
He was surrounded by women.
And that's the other thing.
It's not about pussy though. That's the thing though.
But he almost wanted
to fit into that Brady Bunch
six pack. It's just like cross dressing.
That's all. It really is, man.
He's cross dressing with tits.
I don't think he'd turn to the other side.
He's got all these chicks like a bang.
Dude, I'm going to tell you right now,
that's what makes Bruce Jenner his dick.
You know?
No, if he chopped it off, then he loses identity.
Still holding on to that identity.
You get these normal people that do this.
They don't really fucking...
I mean, there is nothing...
What world do we live in that you do this?
Somebody's playing us right now.
But also the other thing is anybody knows.
I'm more convinced of that every day, man.
I really am.
We're all like...
But I'm saying boy, girl, man, woman.
He likes boys.
He's a man.
I can only be 2,000 yards from a school walk.
But...
Next year it'll be 1,000.
Getting closer.
Getting closer as the years go by.
It's like a probation.
What's the world that we're in?
Like let boys be boys and girls be girls.
But people don't want to do that because they push the agenda.
Who's the easiest to fucking
mold and
make comply?
Children.
If you indoctrinate them with all this bullshit,
look at the Hitler youth.
You indoctrinate them with all this fucking rhetoric.
That's what I'm on the show for.
Show and tell maybe next week.
No, we're not.
I mean, we're just in the middle of
a lady saying we're racist and you can't show that.
So...
So what do we agree then?
We're racist.
So we agree that wearing a tiny cowboy head is
more than being trans.
Out today.
I like that one.
Alright, so...
Eating a banana in front of your boys
or a Henry Kissinger fan.
Again, are you deep-throating the banana?
Jesus, how do you eat it in front of your boys?
Oh, actually, I'm one of your boys.
No, not at all. I don't want to see that.
One time when we were on tour and we were really, really hungry.
Oh boy, and you all sucked each other off.
Because you needed protein.
Close, though.
Oh, man, you all jerked each other off.
Why?
I mean, Larry, do you want me to play some sexy music?
No, we had this girl, Franzi,
maybe she's listening.
She's from Germany. Her name was Franzi Fister.
That's her last name with Fister.
I think that was fake.
You think, Larry?
Fister.
I mean, did you really just come to that some eyes?
You know what, I thought it was funny, though.
It's centered on her ID, though.
Yeah, was it written on a fucking back-up box?
I don't know. I don't know what the fuck her deal was.
Anyways, you know, she was a German bitch.
She would do all kinds of crazy weird shit
and a lot of weird sex shit, too, on the road.
And one time,
I had a banana and she was fucking hungry
and she's like, please,
can I have a bite of that banana?
So I said, okay, but you got to get on your knees.
Jesus, Larry, you sexually assaulted her.
You got to get on your knees
and bite it from down there.
Well, Frank, what are you doing, man?
You're in front of the camera, bro.
You were so hungry.
You were so hungry that she did it.
We can't cut it, dude.
Yeah, if you got to take a picture of something,
that's okay, bro.
He just stood in front of the camera and told us to cut it.
Frank's our new producer.
Frank the beard, our new producer.
You got a new producer?
He blocked the shot and made us get quiet.
That's why we had him wear black hoodies
so he could black out the screen.
He literally just stood in front of the camera,
turned around to us
and gave us the cutthroat sign
that we need to stop the podcast.
He was like this to us, like cut the fucking tape, boys.
Man, we could lie down and...
Shout out, Frank the beard.
Who are we doing edit for? Nobody.
Well, we can't, actually. We can't pause.
Because we don't know how.
We don't know how to.
Which is very funny.
Ah, shit, man.
Even that lady just goes on to say, Larry,
that you and I were not funny.
Which I completely agree with her.
I totally disagree because...
What's that?
Although you can't really tell by the recording
from the recording of the night from the comedy night.
Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you say the recording of the recording
from the comedy night?
Yeah, from the night that I did that little stand-up routine.
Which...
It did say some very sexist things.
And it was very funny and people actually laughed.
Actually all the women that were there came up to me
and said, nice job, man.
You are really a funny fucking guy.
We already talked about this. This is all made up in your head.
But here's the thing though.
To certain people we are funny.
To this person we're not funny.
But to other idiots like us, we are pretty funny.
Because they get it.
She just doesn't get it. Or he or whatever.
I don't know.
Alright, so then she goes on to say
that it's just basically low-hanging fruit.
That we're grabbing at.
Anybody can get a gong.
Not anybody.
Well, yeah, you can order them off Amazon.
Oh yeah, shout out Dave. Thanks for the gong, Dave.
I mean, we will do our fucking cookie.
A 500.
And a little bit.
We will use a gong.
We'll make very good use of gong
and make an honorable instrument.
Honorable musical instrument.
I mean, so then she just goes on to say
that we shouldn't do this.
You guys should not be doing this anymore.
She should.
Well, that's cool that she got...
But, I mean, what's she gonna do?
This is America, right?
Last time I looked at the fucking e-mail,
the rec messages, and the other thing is...
Thank you very much for listening.
We really appreciate it.
If you could start your own podcast,
and it could be called Larry and Neal's
or Asshole.
I hate Larry and Neal.
If you do that, I'll subscribe to your shit.
We'll be looking for a Patreon.
We'll be a guest.
You can just rip on us for a little bit.
You can fucking...
I'll sit there with a thing over my mouth
and you can call me.
Jesus, Frank, where the fuck did you go, man?
China?
I wrote a fucking game because it makes
Frank uncomfortable when I talk about gay stuff.
No, here he is.
It makes me very happy when I say this shit.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
Frank DePriere back from the fucking break.
Me and Frank went to a few fucking punk rock concerts,
and this guy got fucked up.
We still got more game shit, dude.
I'm just doing an introduction for him
until this fucker sits down.
All right, sit down before you fall.
Yeah, where's my...
What do you got? A gun?
Cigarettes? I got a knife.
I got a knife gun. Good luck, Larry.
You'll take it from me.
Last night, we worked with rubber guns
at Krav Maga, and...
I don't work out.
Well, I'd say like 10 attempts
for me to grab the gun from the guy,
I would have got shot probably three times.
Always turning like a doorknob away from you.
Grab the wrist, turn away.
Well, no, no, but this was a gun in the back
fucking maneuver.
That's not bad, though.
Yeah, it's dip. Grabbed dip.
Fuckin' down around. I like them.
What, yeah?
Yeah, that was just my first time doing it, so...
I'll practice it.
I'll try to figure out what side they're holding...
what hand they're holding it with.
No, we learned to move where it does not matter.
I'll show you later.
But no, but you always want to distinguish what hand.
So you always move a little...
Yeah, but if it's at your back, you don't know what side that mother fucks.
No, you bump into it.
That's what you say. You put your hands up
and slowly bump into it.
I hope the guy don't shoot you.
But then if he's holding it with his right hand,
you come in with your left.
Yeah, but you don't know if he's holding it with his right or left.
You can feel on your back, well, depending.
Okay, I'm just saying, ass clown.
Okay, because I was doing it to Kiki
and I was switching hands and that mother fucker
had no idea what hand I was holding.
So what are we talking about? Shows?
No, we're talking about...
We're still playing our game.
What's more game?
Because we see the good shows.
I know. What's more game?
DRI at the Avondale
or DRI at Reggie's.
Okay, so...
Okay, so the last one, did you get that?
Eating a banana in front of your boys or Henry Kissinger fan?
I'm gonna do a Kissinger fan.
Okay. He was a killer.
He just died last week.
You think so?
Well, because all your boys gotta watch.
I mean, you're just eating a banana.
It's not that bad, bud.
You take a bite and you go, fuck you guys.
But still, you have to still get to laugh at you
and make fun of you for the whole time for you to eat that banana.
Yeah, but it's only funny for the boys.
Banana's out in the open.
There's a lot of people.
Well, here's the thing. Every time I ever have a banana,
it's at home and I'm splitting it with my wife.
Both eat it from each end?
Yeah.
We kiss when we get to eat.
Oh, man. Banana mouth.
There's like white shit all over you.
You lick each other's faces.
Alright, Frank.
Fuck.
It's just a little bit.
Alright, man.
And I feel like I'm gonna be sad.
Kissing a dude or trusting the government?
Oh, man. Come on.
Trusting the government.
For sure.
Oh, my God.
That is like...
I got Frank Canundrum for Frank.
No, not Frank.
He doesn't know.
I'm Frank Bluefuse.
You can say both, Frank.
Since...
I've been trusting the government.
Well, yeah, that's an obvious one.
But I mean, kissing a dude.
That's an obvious one, too.
Well, I'd kiss a dude.
We clipped that.
I think Joe wanted to kiss me earlier.
Oh, man. With that beard? Jesus, man.
Hey, yeah.
Kissing a squirrel.
I like it.
Somebody had to bring some facial hair, though, man.
What the fuck?
I'm like, lacking in that department.
I mean, that thing's been going for years, Frank.
It's not like it's just...
My beard's getting...
It's not years.
No, it's months.
I like the squirrel.
What's it?
Frank's had my album speaking of squirrels.
Hot rat? No, no.
He's shaving with the weasel.
It looks like electric razor.
Can I get a brew, please?
Yeah.
Fuck that, I hate shaving, dude.
Frank's our beer bitch.
Beer bitch?
Alright, wearing sandals.
Support of the World Economic Forum.
I'm not going to support her
in the World Economic Forum, but...
But that one's really tough.
I'm going to go...
Men should not wear sandals.
Especially with socks.
I have my slides on.
But if you get the fuck out,
I will kick you right now.
I'll push you, I'll throw my sandals at you.
Shower shoes.
I gotta get ready if I go to jail.
I'm gonna be wearing...
Dude, first of all, you're unzipping the wrong thing.
You opened the side.
Not even the top.
There you go, bro.
This one, oh man.
Come on, man.
Be careful, man.
It's way cooler than you. Thank you.
Alright, let's see what else do I have here.
I have the very refreshing...
...from the way in the sky blue waters.
Oh.
Wearing a pink shirt or being a liberal?
Being liberal.
Pink shirts are no good.
I'll wear a pink shirt, because when I got a nice tan...
I still be dead, though.
Fucked out, rock it.
I got pink guitars, I got a hell of a kiddo thing.
It's a game, man.
You guys are attacking me now.
You said give reasons why.
You're both just attacking me all of a sudden.
I will choke you both out with this drug rug behind me.
Here's the thing, though.
The word liberal doesn't mean liberal anymore.
No, there's a distinction of what he means now.
Liberal means you're intolerant.
You can't have a conversation.
That's all it means.
Conservative now means...
I'll be honest, being in the band,
being on the road, being backstage,
doing drugs, being fucking weird...
It always goes back to being on the road.
But I'm just saying, you become pretty liberal.
You're gay sex.
Fucking sure.
Lots of weird drugs.
Why not? Fucking orgy?
Yeah, sure.
Orgy broke out.
And then you got a sore on your lips.
What happens?
Here's the thing, man.
Your balls are burning.
Yeah, your balls are burning.
You come home and you fucking get...
You got...
You stuck up my dick.
Not because I went to jail,
but I actually had to go...
Get a test.
Because I already hit...
That things like this big and your fucking p-holes
like this big and it's...
You got to tell me about it.
We all been there.
Unfortunately.
It's probably getting arrested.
I was pretty liberal.
People can change the meaning of all the words.
1984, like the book.
Orson Welles?
Okay.
Basically, they just take everything away from you.
Yeah.
And change the meaning of all the words.
That is good.
They're just taking everything away from you.
And it's so bad.
Our own people that are doing this to us.
Well, they're not our own people.
They have an agenda.
They don't consider us human beings.
If it was another country.
It is another country.
It's China.
It's us.
We've been influenced by so many things.
Tic-tac.
Made by China.
Not the very honorable...
It's the U.S.
We're stuck.
Hey, you remember watching Charlie Chan on Saturday morning?
Oh, very honorable.
They had an old TV show.
I loved it.
He had the fucking head.
It was black and white.
You have the suit on?
Oh, I know who you're talking about.
He was a detective.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With the mustache?
Yeah, it was fucking great.
I know who you're talking about.
He's a little fat, round guy.
Like the guy from North Korea.
Kim Jong-un.
Who did it? You did it.
I want to party with Kim Jong-un.
Him and Putin.
I would like to fucking get one of his ex-girlfriends with him
on the earth.
I want to ride a horse with all two of them,
but all three of us...
Kim Jong-un in the middle.
He's a raw dog at him with his shirts off.
Oh, man.
He's got a fucking...
He's got a fucking Zelinsky in there.
Communist puddle party?
Well, I mean, you're gonna throw him in the...
What's wrong with him?
I don't like him. He's a fucking acting pussy.
He's a poser.
We talked about what he played as Dick with the piano.
Putin's real. Zelinsky is fake.
Well, Putin's fucking been around.
Who even knows he's still Putin anymore?
No, but Putin...
I support Russia.
On the record. You support Russia?
Yeah, I would. I would vote for Putin.
Yes. Frank, I said it a million times myself.
Listen.
I wish Putin was my dad.
Oh, my God. Shout out, big Joe.
I'm kidding.
I wouldn't trade with my dad.
If my dad was not around and I needed to step dad,
I hope it would be Putin.
Two-month Vladimir Putin or Joe Biden.
Stephen Segal would be had to be your...
Great Godfather.
I know.
If he adopted you and shit, that'd be funny to tell.
Don't worry, Frank.
Yeah, Stephen Segal was kicking some people's ass.
No, he wasn't. He's a fake bastard.
We've already talked about this.
All right, what else we got?
In the Middle East.
What's in our huddle?
How far are we?
What's the next gayest thing?
Yawning on the podcast? Sorry, we bore you, Larry.
Yeah, these fuckers.
It's 45 minutes in. Let's have a show and tell.
You're gonna do Larry's autistic corner?
Yeah, remember when you were talking about
stopwatches?
Sorry for our audio listeners.
This is unbearable.
I know.
Remember when you were having the stopwatch
conversation?
Yes. Okay.
It's a little watch.
It doesn't go on a chain.
It just would go raw dog in your pocket.
Okay.
And it's got like a magnifying glass on the back
where you could see all the gears.
I'm gonna show it on the closer camera.
Larry's autistic corner.
This thing is pretty fucking dope, man.
And my buddy George gave it to me.
Shout out, George.
So here's the face side and the thing is
completely round and it's a glass in the middle.
I mean, on the sides.
And the other side
is
the innards.
You can see all the gears and shit.
The innards of that. Did you see the innards?
Yeah, no. I mean, I've seen it before.
Larry's got some weird shit.
That's the end. That's my fucking vintage.
Larry's autistic corner.
My vintage fucking toy for today.
It is pretty cool, though. Larry has got a
fucking whole mishmash of
wigwams and knits.
I think Mark's here.
So, I might be around.
You didn't set a mic up for him?
No.
We'll just move down one, everybody.
With the microphones.
And I'll take my side mic and put it over in front of me.
I thought I heard the door.
Oh, there's like, is there a liquid?
No, there's not liquid. That's pretty cool, Larry.
Isn't that wild? I mean, it's definitely wild.
There's gotta be something
you can put that in like a band or something.
That would be pretty cool.
But then someone would just keep that in their pocket.
And you'd lose that shit.
It was so crazy.
It's very old.
We should see what it's worth.
That would be very silly.
You know what time it is?
Time for a fortune cookie of 500.
I'm a boy.
Now signed for a fortune cookie.
Oh, very honorable.
You're gonna hit the gong or what?
What the shit, dude?
Why did you do that?
That's it.
Very honorable segment. Go ahead, Frank.
A fortune cookie of 500.
Harder.
Little harder.
Yeah.
Now we're talking, man.
Now it's official. Frank hit the fucking thing.
Yeah.
Shout out if you want to be a guest and hit the gong.
This will be the second...
From Dave?
Yeah, this is the second...
This is from Dave.
Well, you can save Veronica.
There's lots of...
Confucius say...
You go to bed with itchy butt and wake up with stinky finger.
That's all right.
Very...
Very conducive.
Very conducive to sticky hand.
Uh-oh.
Mark just killed one of my cats.
He fell on it.
Oh, Frank almost just killed my leg.
Does that have a pistol that just went on?
Oh, shit. He knocked it going over.
This motherfucker's drunk.
It's a shit show.
I told you to watch out for the rubber.
It's the rubber.
And the 46 amps don't help.
No, it's okay, bro.
It's at 46, 27.
27?
My lucky numbers are...
Wait a second.
Did you read the...
36, 26, 36.
What's the lucky numbers for the day, people?
Those women's dimensions?
Did you really are a misogynist pig?
You're fucking right I am.
That is just disgusting and appalling, Larry.
This is the one...
Speaking of misogyny...
Oh, you know what you need to do?
Repeal the 19th Amendment.
Women's vote?
Yeah.
What do you think of that?
I couldn't agree more.
Larry, give me a fist bump for that one.
Dog brains?
What are you doing?
Hillary Clinton looks good in a pantsuit.
Oh, jeez.
Yeah!
And we welcome to the podcast...
Adon Anfal.
Man, I'm an old joint.
Well, that's great.
We'll sit down.
No, no.
Take your coat off.
Okay.
This...
This is a shit show.
Courage is found in your ability
to become comfortable with yourself.
With yourself?
Alone in a room by yourself?
Courage is found in your...
You're getting Chinese eyes.
I'm turning Japanese.
Can you stand yourself?
Can you even stand yourself?
Exactly. Can you stand yourself?
Well, it depends.
Well, if you got courage, you could become comfortable being yourself.
Okay, can you please read that again? Frank, hit the gong, please?
Frank, you give it a nice little hit there.
Oh, he's got Ham's beer.
Holy shit.
No, I don't want one, but I haven't seen a Ham's.
You turn gay when you have one beer.
All right.
He didn't say no.
You're trying to get me drunk, huh, Mike?
No, we gotta try it.
Time for Frank to hit the zing again.
Hit it.
Very good.
Courage is found in your ability
to become comfortable with yourself.
Yeah.
That is true.
I mean, you know what? I always think about this because
imagine being locked up in solitary confinement
in prison.
Hey, why are you roughing?
You know what I mean?
You guys can't have a side conversation
while we're talking.
What are you doing?
I'm talking to you.
I told you we shouldn't have four people on the podcast.
I know.
And these two guys.
Come on.
I know, but we all have to talk
cohesively as a unit.
Okay.
All right.
And I was.
Fuck your cookie over.
So being in solitary confinement,
could you handle that, Frank?
Being locked out one day, one hour a day.
Being stuck in a prison cell.
I mean,
you don't want to get all your food.
I don't think they let you out one hour a day.
For recreation.
Not in confinement.
Not in solitary.
If you're like Max, I think it's like one hour a week.
You get out of your sleep.
You get outside one hour a week.
Then fucking J6ers,
they kept their motherfuckers locked down.
Oh, yeah.
They still are locked down.
Another one just got a fucking,
what do you call it?
How about Jackson's solitary nuts?
Oh, shit.
You go crazy, you know.
Oh, yeah. Then they starve you.
They do tricks that they used to do on Guantanamo Bay inmates.
You know what I mean?
They fucking, you get to shut.
Have you ever seen those cells?
They have like a shower on wheels.
And they roll it up to your door.
And you open your door,
you go into the shower.
You shower, it's like clear plexiglass.
And then you go right back in yourself.
Wow.
What's better is getting hosed down through the bars.
Have you ever seen Rambo?
Well, dude, so long ago,
I don't remember it at all.
You don't? No.
It's about this Chinese guy?
I was in middle school.
Yeah, it's about this Chinese guy, Larry Rambo.
Okay?
Yeah, I know that guy.
I'm serious.
It's Larry Rambo.
Dude, I went to school with that kid in sixth grade.
Rambo, Larry.
Listen, man, he worked for the Chinese government.
He was at Navy Seal also.
So he was torn between his country
and his family getting killed.
In China, yeah.
Oh, man.
Dude, it's amazing.
Larry Rambo is a bad motherfucker, too, in the movie.
I know he's a bad ass.
It's a lot of people in the salon, right?
Yeah.
So they're gonna kill his family in China.
Holy fuck.
But he has to serve his country also.
And I mentioned he was at Navy Seal, right?
Larry Rambo,
is your country on?
Papers.
They're slaughtering dogs and cats in these restaurants.
Larry Rambo?
Yeah, Larry Rambo.
He's a real animal rights activist.
He's an actor.
I'll get him.
So Larry Rambo finds out
that they're selling dogs and cats for food
out of this Chinese restaurant.
You're kidding me.
No, I'm not.
I'm really close to the fortune cookie part.
But the Yakuza are involved.
Who?
The Yakuza, the Japanese mafia.
Really? Yeah.
Dude, it's very fucking deep.
There's a lot of layers in this, Larry.
Dude, I opened a new can.
Why did you put that can in it?
Cuz I didn't want to keep it over there, bro.
It's an ass tray. Don't worry about it.
It drives me nuts, too, Frank.
That's all right, though. He's a dirty fucker.
I'm surprised he hasn't thrown any snap rats in this place.
There's a lot of garbage right there.
Now it's got ash all over the ground.
Lucky number.
Oh, shit, we forgot the lucky number?
Frank, hit the gong.
Oh, yeah.
We have...
Wait a second.
Go ahead.
First lucky number.
Lucky number six.
Jeff Yefsty.
Second number.
Lucky number 29.
Lucky number 47.
47. Almost a mill.
Lucky number 50.
50.
Lucky number 53.
53.
And I'm going to show the people the fucking ad
on the back of the...
We're going to get fucking sued, man.
I don't know where I got into this.
99 cents.
Black chick eating Chinese food.
Is that the one in underwear?
Yeah, I had to show the people.
I'm going to show them.
It really is.
Hey, go down to the microphones for a second Larry.
On the feed.
I can see the audio.
So I just wanted to say again,
thanks Dave for the...
Fortune.
And once we get some more fortunes,
I'm going back to my book.
And the gong also, thanks Dave.
I'm peeking red.
Look at that.
You see that?
The enemy is coming through the door.
What's in the door?
Scared Larry.
He had a flashback from the Korean War.
I did. I thought I was back in the fucking ditches.
What conspiracy are you into this week?
Oh man.
Yeah, what happened?
This is my favorite...
And first conspiracy corner.
No, I saw a guy today, some preacher,
a false prophet guy.
But I got a hand in this to him.
I thought all preachers are bad.
I didn't want you in my church.
That is sad.
You Democrats are communist baby killers.
He's a mixing church and state though.
Well, he's a total deliverance preacher.
He's not even really...
He's not a man of God for say.
But I gotta agree with him on that thing.
He's dead right about this.
He was really going on. He was at a rant about
the whole situation.
Some preacher, I can't remember his name.
Is he popular?
Not like Joe Losty.
He's from Bethel church and shit.
I don't know what that is.
I don't pay attention to the church.
Here we go.
It's a way to be in church but not believe in God.
It's amazing.
Not the atheists, but they say Jesus is God.
That's a little hardcore.
Give our cover for that?
Where's the cover?
It was great because he was going on and on about it.
I don't know what you're talking about.
There was another thing I wanted to say.
Oh, there's another thing too.
You know the ancient civilizations?
Which one?
Sumerians and shit.
Yeah, speak of the Sumerians.
I didn't even think about it in the aspect of
when they say city.
They mean city, dude.
These people were literally cities.
Thousands and thousands of people.
Oh my God, I saw a thing about them.
Dude, they're so smart.
Their technological advances were crazy.
Dude, almost.
Yes.
They were also advanced but at the same time.
They were very, very...
I don't know the word.
What's the word like the Indians?
How would you describe the Indians?
Like, they could live societally
but then they would flip it
where they would have these games
or they would use a head as a football.
Sure.
Very archaic and primitive at the same time
as they were very advanced.
It's an oxymoron almost
because they were very
they were very intellectual
and very sophisticated.
For their time they were.
They had calendars.
They would make structures.
They were more shit than that, man.
They're hiding from us.
The government.
The people that are trying to change the thing.
What government?
Our government?
Yeah, you know.
I'm a New Guinea.
You're trying to hide shit like you don't think about.
We're probably all a lot blacker
than we know.
Oh yes.
And they don't want these rich, snobby, white, bully, bully motherfuckers.
You think anyone wants them here?
That they're acting?
I miss so much that Ant-Man.
That is...
They don't want that getting out to any...
It already is how to.
God forbid we should find out we're actually...
We're the money guys.
We're the petafight, we're Epstein Islands.
We're playing blogs or what?
We're trying to figure out what's going on.
And there's something else too.
What else? Tell me.
A big thing they're trying to keep a secret.
Who's trying to keep a secret?
The giant.
The fact that the Bible is real.
The fact that it's all real and true.
There are different speculations.
There's different speculations on the fucking validity
of the Bible.
Here's what the guy said.
It's a pinion, but I agree.
They messed up the...
I didn't do that man.
The gospel.
That was Frank that did that.
I didn't do it.
The Bible is real.
There's all different variations.
I thought you said it wasn't real.
I was going to have to kill you.
It's a story in a sense, but these things actually did happen.
It's interpretation.
There's other things they have, other things that aren't in the Bible
that they know about.
One of them that now these aliens that did our DNA
they know.
Aliens mess with our DNA.
Where did you hear the Sumerian tablets?
Anyways, they know.
They knew they were going to be in big trouble from God.
Who was going to be in big trouble from God?
The fucking aliens, Mike!
The aliens are going to be in big trouble from God.
Yes!
They're fallen angels, aliens.
There's fallen angels as well.
And then there's these other things.
He's a creator of heaven and earth.
So he made everything.
God walked the earth.
And so they are, you know, he's mad at them for doing this to humans.
God's mad at him.
They're going to get theirs as well.
So there's a whole group, underground conspiracy theory,
you know, the underground bases.
True secrets.
Of aliens and human beings, military, working together.
They're convinced they're going to fight this war against God, dude.
And they think they're convinced they're going to win.
Yeah, but it's more, a lot of it has to do with morale
and people's spirits.
How much you break them down, what you can make them do.
Oh, that's all coming to the word.
Turn them into slaves.
Yeah.
They just want to scare us with everything.
Oh, you're scared.
You know what, if aliens were real, they would have already been here
and they would have made themselves notice.
You know, like we're some little cog in the fucking wheel.
Hey, I sure.
Well, yeah, but that's been here for a while.
Hey, I've been here for, if they let us have it,
the government had it for at least 20 or 30 years.
Oh, yeah, it's more advanced than you know.
You know what I mean?
Like, come on.
But that's creepy.
You have to be a lunatic to think that.
Yeah, I do.
So think about how it started and now I'm telling you.
Just like the internet.
It used to be called, they had it going on in like the 30s and 40s.
In the government, it used to be called the horseshoe.
Okay.
And then they just, well, it started in the Navy.
Well, they use it to connect all the military.
Right.
It started, I think, with the Navy first.
And then it was called the horseshoe.
And they used computers to connect the military.
And they used computers to connect everybody.
Yeah.
The government creates everything that's bad for us.
Weapons, drugs.
Well, they promote it.
Well, underhandedly they do.
I mean, they make us fucking...
We can be manipulated easily.
It's all propaganda.
It's very...
I'm a surrogate of drugs.
Well, it does come to that also.
All the really bad...
What are you watching?
Look, I mean, listen.
God has been... God in religion
has killed more people than anything in this world.
They tried to hide Egyptian artifacts...
Artifacts.
...thought in the Grand Canyon.
No, it's religion, definitely.
Come on.
I think it's land.
Do you think more people have been killed for land?
There's only so much land, though.
You can't make more land.
You can make more suit...
Did you see that London, pro-Palestine,
London packed
300,000 protesters
climbing on statues and shit?
You can make more suicide bombers later.
You can't make more land.
I know, dummy.
That's why they need to fight over...
I'm gonna call you in a fucking minute.
That's why they need to fight over a little land
and subside down right now.
Everywhere.
The world is...
Isn't that make you think
that everything is shitty right now
powerful?
We have no friends.
I'm not worried about that.
I'm worried about fucking what's gonna happen
inside our borders.
That's what I'm worried about.
We don't have allies.
It's not even on our soil.
I'm gonna show off a bass guitar.
Yeah, let's do it.
Nice.
This is a national bass guitar.
This is my good friend Sherry.
We talked about it all the time.
This was a brother Joey's bass.
What do you guys do?
It's got the scroll head stock.
This motherfucker's vintage is shit.
School is shit.
How much for the bass? Do we have an option?
I'm not selling the bass because it's not mine.
This bass is not for sale.
It's Sherry's bass and I just want to say it was...
You're not gonna play it?
No, it was her late brother Joey's bass.
Play it on the podcast, man.
I know she's gonna also be glad to be a say...
I know you don't understand that.
Yeah, motherfuckers. Let me get this out.
Will you shut the fuck up?
Man, you want to fight right here in front of our guest?
No, I'm talking to him.
I'm talking to our guys. All both of you bitches.
Alright, let me just say this, man.
Okay, Sherry's bass.
That used to be her brother Joey's bass.
I'm gonna say her brother Joey was beautiful.
He was a beautiful guy.
He passed away, rusting peace.
And he was a cool motherfucker.
And a lot of times,
Sherry would talk to me about her.
About him when he was hanging out.
Man, how many beers have you had, man?
A couple. I'm not fucked up.
Yeah, you are, man. Don't get all kissing and shit.
Fuck off. I'm just saying.
I just want to make Sherry feel good.
Love you, Sherry.
She's gonna be glad. I said that.
Feel good, Sherry. I love you too, Sherry.
Feel good. She's fine.
What are you talking about?
Something we don't?
Did he know something we don't know?
Are you talking to Sherry?
What the fuck?
I'm just piping in.
She's okay.
She's fine. That's the thing.
She doesn't need to say anything.
He's crazy.
Who's crazy? Mike.
I'm not.
I got to say, Sherry, a fucking thumbs up.
Yeah, no.
Feel better.
He didn't say feel better.
He just said feel good.
I'm busted his balls.
I know. I'm just busted your balls, man.
He's a lead off hitter.
I'm good, man.
Feel good makes sense for someone that's not sick as well.
I just piped in.
I don't even know Sherry.
I was like, hey, where goes Sherry?
What the fuck, you guys attack me.
Feel good.
You got this on video?
Sherry will probably be like, you're fucking evil.
If you've never done anything wrong before, this is going to be it.
I was looking up for it, you guys.
Why are you starting me?
And the reason I...
I'm yelling and we're just pausing the ball.
I don't even know Sherry.
I know and the reason that I'm selling the...
I'm showing the bass today
instead of a guitar
for the guitar corners, because
I got many guitars, but I only got three
basses and Sherry's bass was one of them.
But she's going to...
She wanted me to give it back to her
because she wants to play it.
You stole it from her, right?
No, I didn't steal it.
No, no, she gave it to me.
And she said, someday I might want this back
and I said, you got it.
And I did some repairs on it, actually,
and now I'm giving it back to her
better than she gave it to me.
So, fuck off.
Fuck you.
I don't know why you're so aggressive to me tonight.
You're all fucking nice upstairs.
That's because I can get a hold of you.
I'm not aggressive. You're very aggressive.
Be very nice. Yeah, okay.
You're treating me like you're treating your wife.
Whatever. I'm very nice to my wife.
From what you just told us.
She is a dumb.
Sherry is a girl.
She's a woman.
What do you think she was, a trans?
We don't know.
We don't know any trans.
We don't think we would have that person on here.
The only one that would be a them
is a woman, but she's a woman too.
I don't think she's transitioned yet.
She's a pal too, though.
Where's she going?
She's not.
She's going to cut it off and sew it to her neck.
That's how defiant she is.
Dude, she's not doing anything.
Oh, come on.
Maybe just put it on her elbow.
Tiffany don't ever change.
Unless it's in front of me.
As long as it's not from...
What is that?
Woman to man.
W to M.
Man to woman.
What's the next one?
What are you talking about?
Woman to man.
The pussy.
Yeah, I did.
You want to talk about the vagina
being infected all the time
and festering, smelling fucking wound.
Okay, I mean, this is...
Larry's a doctor now.
Do you know anyone
with a good pussy that's a fucking tranny?
I don't really hang out with trannies.
Oh, why now?
That's not my gig, man.
I don't like that shit.
But there was...
It's an open wound, technically.
That's it.
You have to put sutures and stuff in it.
You gotta keep that motherfucker open or else it'll feel...
It's not...
This is our next song.
This guy.
Here's what happened to me.
Oh, boy.
I'm always saying I don't think his paws are getting me high.
I can't get high of his weed.
It doesn't give me high anymore.
So I went and I got some...
He was so high he was not now.
I went and I got some really good, high-grade shit.
Really fucking shit this year.
I got a black eye and a wet side.
Good shit, man.
I did this because I got my
my new zoo pass.
I got a pass because it was so damn expensive.
You gotta pay it.
So, right, exactly.
You can't not.
You better get the whole fucking thing because...
You're right by the zoo.
You be a fool not to.
You're all free every time after.
Exactly.
You're not out in front of the barricade.
No.
I have a kid.
Never in the barricade.
In the Africa.
I feel him good.
I'm finally really high.
I'm like, man, I'm gonna go to the zoo.
I'm having a great time.
I'm gonna go to the zoo and jump in the bamboo cave.
I have fun now.
I'm in great, man.
Beautiful day, wonderful shit.
Everything's fine.
I get home, man.
I'm just pounding the hell out of my girlfriend.
We had the best sex.
We ever in our life, it was just, you know...
Like a fucking peacock.
Every position screaming and yelling and making groans.
I never heard, you know what I mean? Just incredible.
Then I passed right out.
She stole your wallet.
I was like, sleeping like, you know...
And I wake up hours later, you know...
She's gone. This girl is gone, you know.
And, man...
What the fuck happened, you know?
Holy shit, that's some great weed.
I look out the window and there's...
cop cars and people going around the neighborhood and shit.
And a zoo vehicle.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on here?
And I flip on the news,
there's an alert there is a monkey
missing from the fucking zoo.
And then you realize you don't have a girlfriend?
And I'm thinking, fuck, man.
I'm not married, I don't have a girlfriend.
Oh, man.
This guy goes down fucking sick old...
So wait, just better!
So they're going door to door.
They finally come to my door.
I go downstairs, I open the door and I say, what's grand?
They say, well, we thought maybe you might have seen
a monkey got loose from the zoo.
And I said, no, I haven't seen her.
And they're like, well, how do you know it's her?
Exactly.
Put them down.
Don and we're coming in hot.
That was good, Mark.
That was very good.
I was trying bits out.
It was hard to get a delivery out.
It really was.
Exactly.
It's almost impossible to tell a joke on the podcast.
I must have gotten it quick about it though.
You can't tell a story.
Yeah, you can't be a fucking guy
who tells a two-minute story on the show.
You gotta get it down and you gotta keep more interesting.
They said trying your material out.
Yeah, I've been working on this one.
This fucking guy.
Kind of, yeah.
It's like the other one.
So then do you hear that shit about the World Economic Forum?
I haven't heard that.
No, but then do you see that guy suit?
Like fucking looks like a piece of shit.
Yeah, the villain, no, I'm good. Thank you.
Yeah, the villain. It's like an evil villain from a sci-fi movie.
Who would listen to this guy?
What do you mean who wouldn't listen to this guy?
I don't know. He's looking like that.
It's obviously evil.
It's a boys club.
Who's the guy who just won?
The guy who just won in our team.
Yeah, the chainsaw dude.
The guy who just won.
Have you heard of chainsaw?
Yeah, I've heard of chainsaw.
The coach nipping coach.
He's got the crazy hair but
good for him, man.
Got busted sniffing the bleachers.
Who have you heard?
I don't care dude. He's a good guy for you.
Yeah, you take a chainsaw to fucking his rallies.
Fuck, I think it's Argentina.
No.
Wait a second.
No, Argentina.
Madero?
No. Javier Malay is the man.
He's got his...
Yeah, he's got like great...
Yeah, the chainsaw.
He's a libertarian.
Well, they compare him to Trump.
Yeah, that's the same guy.
He would bring fucking chainsaws to his rallies.
Libertarian school.
They're different views.
Some of them are good.
I'm just asking, check the books in the shit.
Libertarian?
Oh man, you really need a tiny cowboy hat.
What's the deal?
All right.
Next time you come on, we're getting you a tiny cowboy hat.
That's a great deal from Trump.
From working in the library to becoming president of his nation.
A man or a liberal or something.
Well, a libertarian is someone
that doesn't believe that there should be a lot of government.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
But how do you disseminate that?
They would believe that like...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You can't have two conversations going on
because they... you don't...
They're blurring each other out.
What are we gonna say Frank?
I'm gonna start a new party called
Common Sense and Truth.
That's the one I'm starting.
You should just go to the Wig Party.
The Wig Party was a thing at one point.
Common Sense and Truth and Reality.
That's the world I'm living in and I'm gonna like...
RFK is running as an independent
so that's as close as you're gonna get.
I mean, I don't think they're gonna really take that title too seriously
but if you get it on a ballot
you're gonna use our taxpayer money to print it.
The Democrats and Republicans suck too.
They're all in fucking bad luck.
Yeah, dude, it doesn't matter.
What doesn't matter?
The plus is the same for all but just exactly.
It's like a fucking horse.
Yeah, you want it in your teeth or your balls.
Exactly.
I'm gonna block it.
Yeah, I can.
If I could make a stop bro,
you'd want to get in your teeth or your balls.
Exactly.
I'm gonna take my teeth.
I'm not gonna take nothing.
Because then they're taking your voice because that's what they want to do.
They want to silence everybody.
I'm still talking no teeth.
I'm gonna give it my fucking elbow and my PhD.
I'm missing teeth.
Pretty hard to get.
I was getting too about these ancient civilizations and shit.
The records literally all happened before.
They started right themselves.
The civilization is rising up and then getting destroyed.
You know that part they say there might have been a nuclear blast somewhere?
Wait a second, wait a second.
I want to hear this again.
A culture is so polluted.
Yeah.
Exactly, just like it happened then.
People are bad.
They're outdated with shit from other bad countries.
Now listen, what Mark is saying is that back in BC, before Jesus, way long ago,
there was already real fucking advanced civilizations.
They got wiped out from a nuclear blast already.
From their own fucking doing.
This is heavy, if not heavier of a bomb than what we got going on now.
You'd be able to get soil samples of that.
Yeah.
Nothing's going on new.
It's like music.
It all repeats itself.
There ain't no new notes or chord.
That's what they're trying to hide.
The government is trying to hide what?
That this shit has all happened before.
Does it matter?
No, it doesn't.
I don't care.
To be honest with you, to say that yes, we had all this technology and we fucking took it from you, mother fuckers.
Right.
But do you want to be that advanced?
No.
Why on computers?
Why they want to keep struggling back to the same point?
But I'm just saying though, what point do you think we are in this timeline then?
We're probably like cavemen then in this timeline.
Right.
We probably are like cavemen in this timeline.
Oh yeah.
Without a cell phone.
Yeah, I'm not talking about that.
I'm not talking about cell phones.
I'm talking about so advanced that you can't control.
We're like that.
That it's like digital society.
Handprints, face prints, everything you have to use.
Your biometrics is what controls your body.
No, you don't want to do that.
Chips in your hand.
There you go.
It's going to be the chip of all of you.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
They already know so much about you and everything.
They already know so much.
We talk about this all the time that your data is worth more than you as a human being.
How much money did you make that year?
Let's say you made $60,000.
I made $4,500.
Yeah, because you're a sugar baby.
So I'm just saying.
Okay, so let's say that, so Larry's a prime example actually because he has a phone.
Larry makes $4,500 last year.
His information.
I don't know what I made.
I'm just saying.
I know.
Zero.
He knows.
They think Mary's housing an immigrant here.
So what happened?
He's going to take a look at you.
They totally deport you.
He works for a whole year and got his income,
but the information, everything in the information is worth more than him as a person
because he gets targeted ads.
He's his cell phone gets fucking emails.
You know what I mean?
He spends money, but people pay for your information.
It's passed around like a cheap whore.
Right.
They should give you money for this shit.
They should do that.
That's another thing.
We should get you now.
How was your weekend?
How was your zoo?
How was the zoo?
They got a monkey.
Your information.
Fucking gorilla.
I heard the giraffe gives good health.
It's a great add to your throat.
It's your tiny little packer.
It's like a carrot.
Yeah, and it bites it off and fucks it.
I never understand people that were into that shit.
Beastiality?
I just don't understand that.
I just don't understand animals.
That's the first thing I've heard.
I mean, I see if you're like a tweaker and you live on a farm.
That's pretty twisty.
I know, and it's maybe...
That's like one variable.
You're gonna live on a farm.
That's fine then.
That's one variable.
He's not tweaked out.
I mean, shit, dude.
What do you do when you're tweaked out?
You go fuck the sheep.
Or get fucked by animals, man.
You got dogs around.
Is anyone seeing this shit? Is it for real? Breaking bad too?
I don't know.
I've seen it show last night.
That hen got a DNA.
He comes out of the ground.
He's got a cigarette.
No, it's been one of his.
He's from the ripping fucking dingers.
It's...
He comes out of the ground. He's back alive.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and he's running now with drug operation.
He's a meth kingpin now.
He's running the whole operation. He's gay.
And his cohorts are shooting beams from their eyes,
killing people.
And he's got Jesse and Walth again
and slaves making meth for him.
I think you just had a dream.
Last night, it was breaking bad too.
I think it was fake.
It might have been fake, but I don't know.
Yeah, I think it was fake.
You got fooled by the internet.
We were just talking about this.
No, I got everything under control.
Dude, it didn't look fake to me, dude.
I wouldn't believe it.
It's a show.
It's really coming out.
This one clip from the series
was not clips put together.
This was new shit.
These were new scenes, completely new fucking scenes.
All right.
We should shut down because I gotta fucking take a piss.
We'll do another one.
Yeah, let's do another one.
I don't want to do another one.
Holiday weekend.
The whole sexuality.
Frank just yelled out holiday weekend.
For no reason.
Man, I know you don't know.
That's amazing.
So do you see that big show?
First, it was just awful that there was a high school teacher
at the cookie meth.
We'll get a cancer.
Now, the second one, they've got fucking demons
and homosexuality.
All right.
This is Larry.
Taking over the controls.
We're not shutting down yet.
And I want to say
thank you for tuning in and have a great night.
And we love you.
Peace out.
Check this out.
It was like when true blood
was on the ground.
I'm not one second.
I'm fucking this up.
I just couldn't get into it anymore.
It was too fake.
The vampires were fine.
But once I'm not buying it.
Have a good evening.
We're going to do another one.