time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show
Hey everybody welcome to Larry and Needles show
switch to the other camera
I'm Larry
and I'm Needles
really glad to be here
how you doing today Larry?
I'm good
I'm a fancy fucking suit you got on there
I mean Jesus
Are you going to a baptism or something?
Baptism by fire baby
Steve Harvey's
I'm actually I gotta go do a quick family feud after this
That's right Mikey
White trash for him
We got Kiki with us today
Hi Kiki
Good buddy of ours
The third of the Bromuda Triangle
The Killbossa Queen
Give me a box of them naked ladies
Oh it's like oh in that hat
It looks good on you
So I was with my kid the other day
and he's like what's wrong with your arms
and I'm like what do you mean what's wrong with my arms
and he's like look at there's all these little dots
and I'm like oh shit
Those are track marks
No those you know what they are they're fucking
Yeah they're fucking Krav Magak kisses
Oh right
But where the fingers crack
That's what I told him
I was feeling my arm yesterday and I'm like man
where the hell my like sore like certain spots
He just looked and it's like the five finger death punch
And my kid's like oh my god they're all over your arms
and like you should see Larry
because he knows Larry and Kiki
So he's like Jojo did that to you
He's still a sweet boy
He doesn't know Larry's mean side
How he likes to abuse women
No no
No I'm joking
He's never abused a single woman
Just like to wrestle with them
Quite
And shake the hell out of them
Well that's what they need sometimes
So I got a new game for us today
Excellent
We're not going to play yet
And I got another hate mail which man
Oh man
I don't really
I mean please send them
Because I love to read them
Hate mail is better than no mail right
I look at it like this though needles
If we're getting any kind of
Thanks for joining us without the headphones
You know I got a listing
I'm the producer
These people out there
I'm the producer
Ladies and gentlemen our producer
But I mean any response is a response
So fuck man
I mean it looks like you got shit out of a sky whale
I mean you got a fancy to eat up for a Friday
For a special tonight
I like it it's cool
I mean you know whatever
You don't see it
But he can get away with it
Yeah
He can still put a choke hold on you
My wife uh never lets
Very nice
She's not very nice though
When I want to wear this suit to a wedding
She's always like no no no
You're not wearing that motherfucking red suit
Yeah why would you
I mean come on man
You stick out like you're selling
I don't even know what drugs you're selling
I think you have women or children's underwear
In pockets
This is the guy that
It's like
In fucking pre-sealed plastic baggies
Oh I mean you didn't have to go that far
But okay now we know your methods
Yeah
We'll set up a GoFundMe for when you go to jail
If it's not Scottish it's crap
That's right
But no it's very silly
Larry dressed in 9's first today
It's pretty nice
And it's this material like you know
It's so um
So artificial that it can't
I mean I've thrown
I've worn it to gigs
Wadded up in the corner
Of a fucking dressing room
And things just won't wrinkle
Dude that's how you get China virus
By wearing stuff like that
Cause that's probably where it's made
Oh yeah
Next thing you know
I don't know
It's actually got
OPP suits
Apple suits
Apple
Apple suits
Look at it's got the liner too
Look at that
Joker liner
I mean where did you get this from
I got it on line years ago
Yeah okay
I saw it and I'm like
Fuck I'm buying that suit man
And I used to wear it at
When I used to play with the mess
All the time
Oh okay
I mean that's very silly
Yeah
Very very silly
Um so should we get it
What should we get in at first
The game or hate mail
What's the game
Okay so
Woo
The name of the game is
Guess the race of the case
Okay.
So I'm going to read you a case and I want you to guess their race.
It's pretty simple, eh?
Sounds interesting.
Yeah, it's going to be very interesting.
Train load of fortune cookies stolen.
I mean, you never know who that could be.
I know.
All right.
Michigan man strangles woman to death with shoelace during ambush, drove body around
in car.
Wait, no, wait, no, is this...
This is a headline.
Are these real headlines?
Yeah, these are real headlines from the news and from the internet.
All right, even better.
Yeah.
All right, let's hear that one again.
Michigan man strangled woman to death with shoelace during ambush, drove body around
in car.
I mean, there's a lot to take in right there.
So, I mean, first of all, with a shoelace.
I mean, this guy's stealth as hell.
Yeah.
That's a white guy doing some math.
Stephen Freeman, white.
But think about this.
This guy kills a lady with a shoelace.
I would have guessed that motherfucker came from Kentucky, not Michigan.
The thing is, is that, oh, shit, I forgot to fucking write the one I wanted right now.
It's close.
I just realized that right now.
No, no, this guy got into a car accident and then ditched the car and the cops found
the body of a lady in his car.
Oh my.
And he ran into the woods and they had to hunt them down in Michigan.
Fuck.
And he was missing a shoelace.
Yeah.
Well, you might have had it out of still.
I mean, getting choked with her, she was in her 60s too.
So, she wasn't like a younger person.
She didn't even need to use the shoelace.
All right, second story.
Right?
Guess the race of the case.
All right.
Okay.
Extreme weight loss star Brandy Mallory, 40, was found dead in her car after grabbing
Chipolte.
Oh, she's white.
This is a real headline.
I mean, come on.
Oh, is that how you want to be remembered?
She's a weightlifter.
Is that how you want to be remembered?
She's a weightlifter.
Yeah, she was a weight, extreme weightlost star.
So, she was fat and then, I'm still fat.
I'm still on the TV show.
From the picture, right?
Yeah, okay.
I mean, so she was 1000 pounds.
She was 1000 pounds.
She was a couple of sandwiches over a picnic, if you know what I mean.
And she was, run into Chipolte.
I'll read it again.
Extreme weightlost star Brandy Mallory, 40, was found dead in her car after grabbing Chipolte.
Well, just by the name, she sounds white.
Okay.
There's two races, I'm guessing.
Well, of course she could be black.
Yeah, well, yes, either it's an ordinary car.
Or Hispanic.
Brandy's a Hispanic name.
Yeah, but Mallory.
Okay.
All right.
And well.
Well, what's your guess then, Larry?
I think she's a white hillbilly chick.
Okay.
And you're sort of kiki?
Yeah, going to Chipolte.
You're both wrong.
She was African-American.
Damn.
She choked on a burrito.
I guess the weightlost wasn't working.
Oh, man.
Well, I mean, is that really how you want to be remembered is when they look your name
up that you died getting to have to get Chipolte?
An extreme loss.
She was a big girl in the picture.
Yeah.
You know they're a big girl and they fit in over half the picture size.
Here's the thing though.
Sometimes they lose weight and then gain it right fucking back.
Well, or they get stomach shit or they, you know what I mean?
Osempic.
Well, dude, do you ever see that doctor, the guy with the glasses, that he deals with all
the fatties and he does the stomach stapling?
Is that the 600-pound life guy?
Yeah.
And he's like.
I think you just said you had anything right there.
I really think you know what I was talking about.
While he was dealing with 600-pounders.
Yeah, I'm just saying.
I love there's a lot of clips from that video.
Fucking patronizing me.
And these girls, like, these people are like, I just, I don't know what the hell was she
saying.
She can't stop eating?
Probably.
I don't know how I'm gaining weight.
And he's just like, he doesn't let anything slide.
He's like, oh, he's harder than that.
He's like, listen here, fatty.
You know what I mean?
And the problem is, the problem is, is what happens is when they lose all the weight,
now they got all that skin.
And then they got to get rid of that skin.
That's what always confused me about fatt people and skinny people.
They call fatt people, they call skinny people skinny, but really a fatt person has a lot
more skin.
They should be called skinny.
Because they're skinny.
I think skinny means less than skin.
But I know, but isn't that odd how that is?
It should come in.
Not really.
I agree with what you just said.
I just don't, I'm going to be honest with you.
I was out the other day and I had noticed the majority of the people in the area that
I was around were overweight.
No, that's the American way.
I mean, no, no, I'm just saying, but I'm just saying.
Country's turning into a diet diet.
It's not even in America.
There's fatt people in Canada, but I'm just saying.
That's North America still.
America needs to pack that.
But I'm just saying that when you look at the ratio nowadays, like, okay, I was in a
Walmart going to get some shit and I was like, oh man, I mean, even the kids were fat.
In Amsterdam, everybody's on Red Eskiles.
Germany, no one was fat.
Can't even get ice in Amsterdam.
South America, no one was fat.
Yeah, because there's a third world country.
England, no one was fat.
And, you know, Germany and South America.
Didn't have South America, but.
And the South American ain't fucking third world.
No, I said them already first.
I said Amsterdam, everyone was skinny.
They said South America and I said something about something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said South America after that.
Well, if you go, you're up a lot of different places.
You watch the tape and I'll fucking rub it in your mouth.
Man, I will fucking choke you right in front of Kiki, you bitch.
Dude.
If you go down to Mexico, you go to Mexican Costco.
You'll see like frosted flakes and all like different cereals.
They won't allow any cartoon pictures on there.
No shit.
It's not pandering to children.
Yeah, it has warnings on there that this is high sugar.
It has a picture of a guy with a missing leg.
Yeah.
On the cover instead of totally tired.
He got Wilford Brimley and then another guy with diabetes.
And then that for a catheter on the back of the motherfucker.
Hey, can't get a lighter layering.
This is America.
Thanks, Bubbs.
Just all into one here.
Did you ever see those big sisters, the real fat sisters?
Yeah, the 600 pound fucking, that's all he's talking about.
I might have been like a thousand pounders, but I remember them talking to a nutritionist
and they're like, well, we grew up.
If we had a sugar, our mom said if we drank a diet soda, it would cancel out a sugar.
Oh, fuck man.
Well, I mean, that's just real redneck fucking shit.
Yeah, but the doctor's like, yeah, that's not how it works.
That's a redneck doctor telling you.
That's a doctor, Nick.
If you rub it on the window.
The grease.
I'll never forget it.
You guys want to hear a doctor's story.
This is my grandfather now.
This is my dad's dad.
Oh, right.
Before you say this, my uncle was 700 pounds and they had to cut the roof out of the fucking
house to get him out.
And this was back when I was like early, late 80s, early 90s.
So that was the thing.
Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you.
But look at that.
That worked out perfect.
He was an OG fatty.
Yeah.
That was like the first figure out how.
Oh, dude, he was a drunk.
He came to a family party once and he pissed in the pantry.
He was so hammered.
Oh, man.
And he was such a big guy.
I remember my uncles, four of them that were fucking old school guy.
You know what I mean?
Like they all had construction jobs and they four of them.
They all went to NAM and shit.
Dude, like we were talking about what Sonny was saying, picking up a baby with all the
dead weight.
You know what I mean?
They got a guy up.
They had to use a crane to pick this motherfucker out of the house.
Oh, wow.
Shit, dude.
I remember.
My grandpa was speaking to doctors.
Fucking R.E.P.
Back for a move to there.
Uncle Donny.
I'll tell you about my uncle Donny after that.
I guess Uncle Donny's a big guy.
I was gonna say, yeah.
But anyway, my grandfather's like, yeah, now this is Christmas day.
Everybody's at the table.
My grandparents, both sides, except for my grandmother because my grandma and grandpa
were divorced, cousins, aunts, uncles, and my grandfather turns to me and he's like,
yeah, you know, he's never been.
He's never been to the doctor in his life.
Never been to the doctor in his life, not even born in a hospital.
And he's like, yeah, one time I got, you know, the clap from this fucking whore.
And I'm like, oh my God.
He's like, I just poured gas on my dick.
I'm like, what?
God, man.
He's like, yeah, everything was fine.
He goes, and then I went and punched the fucking shit out of that bitch.
And I'm like, oh my God.
I don't know if you need to know the second half.
I mean, the story just gets.
Then he goes, and then I felt really bad because then I found out it wasn't her fault.
Oh, man.
We do not promote domestic violence on this show.
And I don't know why Larry thought this story is relevant.
This was like 19 fucking 30 fucking two.
Does that mean it's all right to hit a woman back then?
I think it was all right back then.
No.
I mean, they gave her a free ice pack when they got married.
Oh, here.
It was even before 19th.
It was my, this is like 1920 fucking.
Did the gas cure the VD?
I guess.
First of all, it goes into your grandma's.
It was 19.
19.
Yeah.
The last time the Cubs won the World Series.
Yeah.
My God.
Okay.
That sounds very archaic and fucking.
Oh boy.
I don't know.
All right.
So cheese.
He would just say shit like that.
Come back from that story.
We were talking about doctors.
So now my uncle.
Oh, wait a minute.
My uncle Donny when he was a kid.
He had this fucking eyeball taken out on the spring of a fence.
So, so when we would be at weddings and we would be fucking hammered and he was hammered
all the time, he'd take out his glass eye and put it in his fucking drink and shit.
I'd be pretty for an ice cube and you could freeze it.
It didn't float.
It went right to the bottom.
We all sprung like glass.
It was glass.
I mean, I don't know what else it would be.
That's how they did it.
Fucking eight, man.
They painted the eye.
Uncle Donny was a colorful fucking guy.
Yeah.
You got any more crimes?
Yeah.
That's what I'm waiting for.
A Nebraska man shot a bald eagle and planned on eating it, finally sentenced.
Fucking illegal immigrant.
A Nebraska man.
No, yeah.
Who's passing through Nebraska?
A Nebraska man shot a bald eagle.
I can't imagine a Nebraska man shooting a bald eagle.
And planned on eating it, finally sentenced.
That's gotta be a white guy.
White guy shooting.
Are you going to talk it out or?
I think it's a white guy.
Well, how you shooting a bald eagle?
You think it's a white guy?
Yeah.
You got a gun.
Or an Indian.
Damn, you were right, Larry.
He was an illegal immigrant at first, man.
Yeah, you know.
Domingo.
I'm sticking with my illegal.
No, you said white guy.
Well, I said he was passing through.
Yeah, but you said an Indian after that.
He said he was not.
He's a Nebraska man.
I'll give you a half a point, you son of a bitch.
I mean, he was pretty.
Don't fucking cheat anymore.
I heard that story before.
You're a fucking cheater.
That's why I'm here.
Oh, well, then why didn't you say something, you liar?
Because then you said I was wrong.
I'm like, wow, another asshole is shooting a fucking bald eagle.
Yeah, I know.
No, Nebraska man would do that.
No woman or child.
And that's why I said nobody from Nebraska would do that.
You shot the eagle, too.
It was crazy.
Yeah, because it's the American bird.
Yeah, nobody would do that.
It's not no pun intended.
The cardinal rule.
Well, okay, all right, we'll go state birds all of a sudden.
I mean, shit the gong when he bombs.
Oh, we got a gong.
Look at this.
Thanks, man, our family and our friends are supporting the hell out of us.
And they're donating shit to us.
Wow.
This is for a fortune cookie.
A 500.
I gotta do some.
Let's all.
I gotta do some kissing up.
We got a brand new fucking gong.
Dave, we will see how long it let us keep it, but another.
And so now until we give it back, we're going to have very special fortune cookie 500.
We're and speaking of that, what do you call a rich Asian?
Larry, what do you call a rich Asian?
Let's see.
Shit, I don't know, man.
Cha-ching.
That is pretty fucking good.
I was very good.
I love that one.
Only OK, this isn't a crime, but this is just hilarious because this plays into the political
sphere of what's going on right now.
Only fans model, Lila Lewis claims she rated George Santos Dick.
That's it.
So only fans model Lila Lewis claims she rated George Santos Dick.
She rated it.
Rated it.
You know, they send pictures of how big it is.
You never heard of this.
Yeah, she's rating.
Yeah, she's not.
She didn't rate it like a fact.
George Santos.
Is that the.
That's a guy who just got fucking.
The dude that just got fucking banter.
He's getting.
He's got a power.
But it's just very funny.
He's like the fruitcake guy that dresses up like a girl and.
No, no, that guy killed himself.
No.
Are you kidding me?
No, there was a guy that that happened to me.
I thought George Santos was the guy that lies all the time and everything.
Well, I mean, that's a politician.
Well, no, like this.
I mean, he really lies a lot.
Like they laugh in his face and go, come on, dude.
Come on, Georgie.
What are you doing, boy?
You can't be talking this smack on the floor.
OK, so I'll read it one more time.
Only fans model Lila Lewis.
So we got to guess what race she is.
Lila Lewis claims she raided George Santos's dick.
OK, so it came out that he was spending contributions from his political campaign to only fans models.
Nice.
OK, and so now I'm tying it together.
Yeah, now I'm tying it together.
Sorry, I should have done that.
And he was like shopping at Sephora, getting Botox injections.
In his cock.
No, not in his cock.
I mean, I mean.
You should do that for the show.
You want to get Botox injections?
Botox cocks.
That's what we'll do for one show.
That's going to be funny.
I'll have to ask my wife.
OK, so what do you think the race of Lila Lewis was?
Well, I'm going to go three for three in white.
I think she's black.
Lila Lewis.
It's a fake name.
Wait, wait, wait.
All right.
George Santos, George Santos.
George Santos.
I'm going, what kind of women does this guy like?
Well, I mean, he's Hispanic, but you never know.
There's so much freakish stuff.
Yeah, but as I say, he's a dirty bird.
What's he doing?
And not only fans.
You know what?
There's a multitude of women.
I'm guessing she's Asian.
OK.
Yeah.
Kiki's final guess?
Asian?
Larry?
I think she's black.
OK.
She's a white, sick girl.
Her titties take up half the picture in the circle.
And I look there, man, so Larry's leading with half a point.
I should have won my first guess.
Because he's a cheater, but we won't fucking talk about him.
Fuck you, man.
I got the first one.
Did you get it?
So do we both, man.
Oh, you both did.
OK, so you know he's winning by half a point.
It doesn't matter.
There's no prize.
I just said you're winning, but yesterday there was a kick in the nuts and a choke
by me.
Oh, wow.
I hope I win.
All right.
I got two more, boss.
This one's, OK, a little macabre, but just to throw you guys off a little.
Metro officer charged with child abuse and domestic violence in Las Vegas.
Metro officer.
So Las Vegas to police police department.
Service man Hispanic.
Metro officer charged with high with child abuse and domestic violence.
He's Hispanic.
I watch enough cops to know that every cop in Vegas is Hispanic.
Yeah, right.
That's a good guess.
I'm going with Larry here.
You're both cheaters and you're right.
Joseph Ortega.
I know my shit.
Yeah.
No, it wasn't pedophilia.
It was child abuse.
Hands of mess.
Jesus, Kiki, put your mind just traveled out of nowhere.
All right.
Hopefully.
OK, let's see.
This is the last one.
All right.
This is a good game, right?
I like it.
It's very silly.
It kind of fits.
Fucked up people.
And it just goes to show that everybody commits these.
I mean, this is just me looking like at lunch today.
You know what I mean?
I don't normally look at this.
I don't get off on this stuff.
If it's a guy shit on somebody, I'm going to say.
I'm going to say a German guy.
Like McAfee getting shit on through a hammock.
Yeah.
McAfee.
That's my bad.
McAfee was a real freakazoid.
All right.
Last one, fellas.
Oklahoma couple arrested for body slamming sonic employee who mistakenly put jalapenos
on their hot dog.
That's a white guy.
No.
No, that's a black guy.
That's a brother.
Can't even be a sister.
Yeah.
There's a couple, but they're definitely black.
They're black?
Yeah.
Okay.
перcus smashing.
Quinteria Simmons.
Yeah.
And Andres Briscoe.
No white boys.
Fucking body slamming.
What the fuck they did.
And he drives.
What I thought Oklahoma would throw you guys off.
No, but he drives.
Like, I'm trying here, but you guys are just racist.
We're not racist.
Yeah, it just goes to show how racist you are.
You just know the crime.
You know the crimes you know the fucking yeah, well the funny thing is you quoted cops is making
Here's the last one you did I watch enough cops. So that's white trash right there
I know the Metro PD by name there's a lot of Hernandez is on there. Yeah a lot of Gonzalez
Gonzalez is a great story though wait so they both got picked off because there's jalapenos under hotdog
Yes, and then he body slammed the guy who was working at the desk
He probably didn't you know what I should write right?
This is what I want next
What I want next is I want to scream behind us so we can show the pictures of these people because they all have mug shots
And let me tell you these guys
Gonzalez was smiling in his picture
Oh, man, he was happy to buy like I mean, oh man, I gotta show you these pictures. You know, I guarantee there's footage of this
Shit. Oh, yeah, there's cameras and shit, but they don't release that kind of stuff which is crazy. Well, something depends on how
um TMZ, baby
Okay, so I don't know if that's oh
Last one. Okay last one. I like this game. I forgot. Thank you. Ki-Ki
I do too
Makes me feel better. Kentucky mom charged with murdering two sons appears bored as court hears horrific new details about shootings
Oh, man
I knew see I this is the stumper
Yeah, it is it really is because there's no other it's gotta be like a man
I'm very proud of myself right now
Everyone's really making me
Man, he sighed when I read it. Oh man. There's nothing though. I don't think a white mom
She would maybe beat her kid to death or drown the motherfucker, but I don't think she would shoot him
Yeah, I think she's yeah, you guys can fucking talk the shit out. You know what I mean?
Like I don't think the white mom would shoot the kids. Okay. I mean this talking about like shoot the husband, maybe
Oh, but not the kid. Oh shit. My bad. He beat the kids in a rage though. Or fucking slam your head off
We'll read it again. I'm trying to think of Kentucky mom
Charge with murdering two sons
Appears bored as court hears horrific new details after shootings
It's a tough one. That's a meth head. Hmm. Okay. I mean this you guys got to talk this out
I mean you had a good thing going. Yeah, I know
No, I like your logic. I don't think a white mama would fucking shoot her baby. Okay. Well, what's your answer?
I mean, she's black. Yeah, okay. I think Larry's got this one. Larry's he's got a well. Yes or no. What's your answer?
Okay, so you're both saying black. You're both wrong. Okay. She was white. Okay, but her kids were black. So it's a hate crime
But isn't that the crazy isn't that the craziest headline she appears bored in court
The mom was racist against her own kids. She was a cutie patootie and then they showed her with the kids and I was like
Hey, I got some real quick. That was a good game though. Yeah, okay. All right. I like that
This isn't Larry's autistic corner. I just want to it always is
Larry's autistic corner when you start showing stuff. You ever you ever know
Okay, it's not
Larry's autistic corner, but I switched to the autistic camera so everybody can be closer to me while I show my things and listen
Hey, no, check it out. I hate for our
Audio listeners because some people listen to it. They don't have the visual. Okay. So now I'm gonna tell them what you're doing
You're fucking up. This is a case. My brother gave me this case. What kind of case is it? It's like a little uh
Like a cigarette case. It's a tampon case. It looks like a harmonica
It's a little longer than a cigarette case and it says royal flush on it
And if you could see this and if you can't see it, I'll tell you the fucking logo looks just like
What the bc boys got their grand royal logo from
Look from they got the cards and the same
And then my brother gives me this for christmas
You could keep you could keep joints in here and shit and I'm like, oh, yeah
Speaking about that. Where's the joint at? Okay. Listen, shut the fuck up. Oh, if you saw a new year's day
That's why I do it the day after or like two days after he gives me this thing for christmas
He goes to me, you know, I don't know why you smoke pot and I'm like, dude
You just gave me a join holder two fucking days ago. He didn't mean it is a joint. Look at this fucking joint that I had in there though
Okay, Larry, come on Jesus man. You're getting real autistic real quick. That's two papers together, man
That is a nice thing. Thanks Larry. Let's get that thing and get this I thought it was a harmonica at first
So my brother gives me some pot paraphernalia for christmas and then three days later tells me to first of all
He didn't think it was pot paraphernalia. Yes. You know, he told me you could put joints in here
Oh, well, he's asking me for a bong. I'm giving him a bong and everything on christmas day
Two days later. I'm like using the bong. He's like, no, I quit smoking weed that
I will give it back. What the fuck no, it's all right. Yeah. I mean, what's he putting flowers in it?
He fluctuates back and forth. You know how he is. I'm looking at that joint, dude
Is there a filter in the middle? No, I put two papers together. Oh, so it looks like there's a filter in the middle
Smell it, fucker
Show your fucking monkey hand next to it. That's what you should do for size
My hand? Oh come on sit down in my tent. I think this is my hand
All right
My hand
Very nice
So artistic, he can't if you say that just say it every once in a while my wife and he has a say
Very nice
Yes, he can't, yeah that's his dick
And we found it
Amazing Kiki
So I told Mark I go, hey Mark man
I showed him the girl with the Tourette's and then I said I told Kiki and Needle said you have Tourette's too
Yeah, yeah, I know I do. Why'd you do that? And I go they thought it was cool
Dude, I seriously, I kind of have been in love with that chick. I love her too. I mean she come we already talked about this
She's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for forgetting the fucking joints Kiki. I mean Jesus man
You said that the last time too my short-term memory shot. Oh man
Sit nice joint Larry. Thank you very much. All right, perfect and not hold her too. Yeah
So should we read the hate mail right now? Yeah, we could man
It's always exciting. Yeah, we need an intro for this but
Don't it that that that I hate mail
That's it you need like a hardcore
Don't it that don't it don't it don't it don't
Wait, let me go. I look good. There we go. That's some
Yeah, okay, so then the then the then the then it the then the then the then the then the then the then the then the then the then the then
Needles is always getting the hate mail
Well, I'm gonna read it. He's reading it and that we're both always directing it. They hate us both. Yeah, they really do hate us both
They call this drug addicts the last
I
Mean we're only smoking weedies. I think we're shooting dope in front of the camera
No, or behind the camera for that man
Blown coke and Larry's ass
Wow
That might be on video somewhere, but
This comes from a person that had Wakanda forever in their name
We need like the middle name was Wakanda forever. Well, you know what that means, right? No, it was a black superhero movie
Oh, no, yeah, we talked about um white. I said white lives matter last week
Oh boy, but but I said all lives matter also, but like a
Relangelo. See this is the time we check the temperature
There's a little hand out of nowhere
Remember you're on camera kiddo
And you're not on candid camera. All right, so
So I can't give the socials out, but I tried to follow this lady and she already blocked us
So
How dare you say black lives don't matter which I never did say no
I never said that we're saying when did white lives stop matter?
And that's what I that's what my little rant was about
And I said that any child should not die in the way that kid that in oh, Las Vegas that got killed. Yeah
Did you read about that?
We were talking about
You gotta trim that shit dude. Oh my god
Jesus
Yeah, that's why I can't hear anything. Okay, so how dare you say black lives no matter which we already said
I'll reiterate we never said that this podcast spews racism and hate. I mean open your ears jackass. Okay. I mean
She's got a point
So far
So this podcast spews racism and hate I mean, what's your point bitch you should be ashamed of yourself
I love that when people tell me that I mean, you know, I'm just gonna blush from a random comment
sweetie
If you think this would embarrass me
Yeah, first of all you white idiots are the problem with this country entitled and stupid
Gus the race
Of her
Well, he already missed a joke that was but you missed a joke about two minutes ago
What kind of forever? Yeah, but yeah, but he was just oh you're ready. Okay, so you say yeah
Yeah, I mean yeah, we already okay, so I'm sorry. I that went over my head
But that is very I thought Mary was I mean that's
That's just dragon my fucking
I'm just going full circle with it. Okay, so
Wow, she didn't yeah, she was just first of okay. I mean come on here. I believe she even watched you
Be ashamed of myself
For I know that's a funny thing. Thank you for listening like follow subscribe
Yeah, thank you. What kind of I mean, we're getting ready to we love you, honey. We're getting
We're getting ready to start doing clips soon, so we got a good one for you
All right, so first of all you white idiots are the problem with this country entitled and stupid
I mean she's got another point right there stupid. I mean, yeah, I'm not entitled
I know you're entitled to everything later. You're a white person right? I mean look at you have that suit on
I mean it looks like you have nice ladies in your stable upstairs. It's fucking entitled to them
Entitled to be a pimp
So
But someone's got to do it either a pimp or a bathroom attendant
I like a mint, sir
cigarettes
cologne
I don't know where she gets any of that shit from well from listening to us. No, that's what she gets it from
I mean, she just didn't come up with that. I don't know. She's watching this show
Yeah, but like I said, she listened long enough. So we get we that generates towards our views. So thank you very much
Um, it's one number
All right, so you I did well she
You're working on it. You guys are working on it. Hey, listen, we love everybody. Keep watching. I mean, you know, you'll see
You'll see us progress as human beings and they're all yeah, I mean larry did not I mean larry only said he likes to hit women tonight
Yeah, you'll see us to generate
You'll see us to generate his people over time. Just just stay with us. Okay, so and there's an Asian corner coming up too
So maybe oh, yeah
A lot of blacks have been the flitzy racist towards everyone. No, I'm just joking. We're not
First of all, you white idiots are the problem with this country entitled and stupid. Okay
L sharpen and jesse jackson
Which I made fun of last week because I said I wanted to be the white l sharp then and go to all these when they kill white
People that I'm gonna start doing it. I'll be the lawyer. You won't dare
Oh my god
You are gonna be the lawyer because you don't have any law experience. I don't know what help
Yeah, I mean you show up in a white beater in court
This isn't going good
No bowtie
White gloves
Like a chip and they hurry up. I gotta get to the club if the glove does not fit you must acquit dude. Okay, so
L sharp didn't and jesse jackson have done more for the black community
than any white person ever has
I mean, I don't know if that's true. You know, you know, donald trump actually
Gave the rainbow coalition, which is jesse jackson's
Yeah, like the NAACP controls. Well, he gave him um, or no, I'm sorry office in trump towers. Yeah rent free
Oh, yeah, of course they did we talked about how jesse jackson was. Why are you switching back and forth?
I don't like that. I'm just toying around. Okay. Don't toy around. Hey, we got two cameras people out there. Yeah, they know that
They know that if they watch all right. This son of a bitch, man
And we already talked about how jesse jackson was involved in the MLK. Yeah shooting. Yeah, he was an FBI fucking
Yeah, I believe it. You need one of those. Oh, should I probably shouldn't have said this?
You probably shouldn't have said those two words in the same sentence. All right
I'm this man. I might and uh, I think there's a mic over there and uh
I'm throwing my voice. Oh my god. He's the n-word
I should dang it groucho calm down him a mic. He said what I should give no, you shouldn't give a puppet a mic
He's have too many white claws already
So then uh, where did we leave off? Okay, so
L sharp and jesse jackson have done more for the black community than any white look at the thing foamed again, Larry
Holy shit. We bought it. I bought a 12 pack of pbr today and every one that I open up keeps on foaming
I'm surprised. I bet you if I did that one
He said no one in the same sentence
I wonder why it's moment
But okay, so I told you to get hams motherfucker. They still make that. Yeah, they do actually. Yeah
Dude, I like my dad would deal peel offs. Oh, yeah, shoot him at each other. He was smart
Okay, so
L sharp and jesse jackson have done more for the black community than any white person ever
I am reporting this channel for hate speech to who while I do to youtube
So they could get our channel blocked. You know as I just checked an hour ago. It's still up. So well, you should thank you very much for
Here's the other thing
It's plainly what plainly
Yeah, it's it was plain to do is no hate and we're just joking around fuck her man
She didn't she didn't mention anything about misogyny and she could fucking blow me
Five minutes before Larry
Because we love him we'll read them all out and I'm not gonna shout you out, but if you know who you are
Miss Jones
Okay, here we go your sharp racist tongue is hurting the black community you drug addict should be the same
I mean, I'm very sorry. I don't be I'm not a hateful person
She probably lives next door doesn't this stuff is just fodder for the masses, you know what I mean like
Well, here's the thing very much for taking time out of your day to leave us a bad comment. Yeah, you know what I mean like I love it
It's very funny when people trash us and I have to read about them trashy
Keep them coming. These guys don't even realize we got some leery and needles news
We are gonna play
Oh, yeah
I'm gonna do I don't know what needles is gonna. No, we are gonna do our first live podcast
I'm gonna do a live podcast. No, wait. Don't diminish that with your fucking
Did you hear what he did? He's like, yeah, we're gonna do a live podcast. We're doing our first live
Wait, we're doing a live podcast from I get that later. Yeah, we're doing a podcast from on location, which is really cool
We're gonna do it at this guitar shop. Okay, but the other thing that's really attached to a bar
Which is attached to a bar and that night they're having an open mic
And I'm gonna get up there and I got a fucking comedy set worked out
That's gonna be good and needles is gonna get up there too if he wants
We can go up there together and do a little thing if he wants if you how about I put my hand in your ass and you'll be my dummy
Okay
We could do that
But I know this motherfucker's gonna get up there and freeze because if it's got you know a room full of people
He's just not mother fucker idea with mexicans with knives every day. You think I'm gonna freeze on the stage
I mean, come on, dude. Okay. Well, just so you know
Needles may really stick his hand up there because those are assless
Yeah, well, there's
Not assless
Sipper that goes all around convention in town and even Vienna beef
That's what I get him
Is he is he original folks? Thank you very much. All right, so Larry ate the enemy's food the other day
And here we go
Our new edition you can hit it as many times as you want kiki
Uh
Fortune cookie a five hundred do it again. Yeah, hit it again
Fuck you. We gotta go on sucker. One more time for one more time for fortune cookie 500 fortune cookie bite
Once more than it was a cross
Okay, Larry's going through his artistic box fortune cookie 500
Yeah, this was my fortune yesterday. I went to I went to this place. I'm gonna say the I'm gonna say the fucking name of the place
Because you know what it sucked
It was fucking terrible. I bet you your fortune says azt will not work on your age
Too late for you around I
You go die
So it was so bad now me and my wife man. We're fucking high rollers and shit
You can probably tell by the shoes. Yeah, and uh
This is the first time
In my life, I didn't tip someone. I looked at mary. I'm like, this is fucking terrible
I'm like, are we gonna tip this fucking con and she's like
No, we're never coming back here. Why why should we and I'm like, wow if mary says it dude, you notice
That's not her way. Yeah, but you should still tip was she that bad of a waitress terrible
Wait was the food there was like mad that we were there. This was called man
We're in beast. You should have fucking got up and showed them some moves and maybe they were
It was
Dude the fucking guy sitting at the bar that looked like a
Droughty was the fucking seven not yet black belt or something. Yeah, you probably that'd be great though
Wait, wait, isn't this a place you frequent it?
Well, I haven't been there in like three years now four years. So no, he hasn't frequented a lot
He could have just said that but here's the thing. What's the thing? They used to have a gong like this
But it was more authentic from china thinner material had a microphone in and I used to fucking whack it on the way in
And on the way out. He's not talking about the gong kee-kee
And so listen
The lady would go, uh, you only want to have a ring gong. You only want to have a bang gong
And so she laughs she would laugh every time I came in
And she liked it and so I figured oh, I'm gonna go get the gong from this bitch for our fucking bitch
And then and they switched owners man
She sold the joint and now the new people the fucking food sock used to be great
But they're real nice and friendly now the fucking lady is a cunt the food is terrible
When they were when we ordered now she's got rice in her veg. Dude. Yeah uncooked
And fucking when she was in the back door in my order she was like screaming at the go
Oh, they were talking holy fuck dude. Nah, she was like yelling at maybe it's a human trafficking
She was a bad man. Did you think the new carts were a rub and tug place?
Because give it over here
And don't you touch it?
I don't know man. This is I would this is what I would get joined cause with this bitch
Hold on
100 oh, yeah, wait, let me get the joint because I need it. I mean I want to get the ambient
But you just won't got the numbers. We're doing of course. Yes. Yes. I gotta advertise
On the back you could win a million dollars if you scan this new one Larry. Yeah, she bet that's a very good color
It's a virus. I know
Hey, we win I'll split with you, but we'll scan it with your phone
Yeah, no the enemy is already watching us. I mean you brought them down into the lab a couple times already
This whole house is run by Chinese. When did I bring him in the China comms?
Do what what do you mean when they have 5g shit you wore it was made in China?
Please don't tell me you had it on
Oh, kiki move away from him. It's even another enemy. We talked about this. It's still an enemy
No, that's a white guy making that shit. Yeah
That's a white guy. Yeah
I'm not gonna mention
No, he gets it from a guy from China. That's what they're Japanese
What's the what's the what's the fortune? I'm lighting it. No you didn't light it man
All right, let's hear the fortune. I'm fucking fanook man. Holy Christ. You're a fanook. All right, listen
I'm gonna start joining what kind of this hate out. This is a this is a fortune directly for the fucking Larry and Needle show
How about this a fortune is like that joint
And then pass it over here
Yeah, go man. I will fucking attack you. Those are fighting words. Yeah, I know see. Thank you kiki. Yeah
I know if this fucking fanook thinks he's gonna get up on me. Uh-huh. Uh-huh
I like that you had a girl faking you for choking her out. Oh
A merry lady know us man. That is a funny story we should tell
So this is a fortune. Oh, okay. So we'll hold it afterwards
Yeah, I'm a fucking man. Now Larry wants to do business
What's the cookie for 100?
Don't be hasty now this is directly towards us the new show
Maybe and all of you out there
Don't be hasty
Prosperity will knock on your door soon
Okay, let's break this down. So we're gonna get money knocking on the door
No, it's gonna be the government with guns. That's what it's gonna be. That's not prosperity
Well, yeah, it is because they're gonna tell you to go to a camp and you'll have a better life
Is it true? I don't think the life will be better at the camp. Is it better life at the camp? Yeah, no, it's not sure
You get all the gruel you want dude suntans. Come on man. I don't have to work in here
I got a chance to win a million dollars here. You guys will- Okay, wait a second. Read that again. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you
Don't be hasty
Prosperity will knock on your door soon
Now I'll read it in Chinese ready? Oh really? Yeah, don't be hasty
I really thought they had the conversion to Chinese
That would've been bad because some of them do
Okay, so don't be hasty
Man, lately Larry people that you know, they don't have fortunes in China, right?
Do you remember back in the day? American shit. We had general so's in our fucking China
Oh, I'm not stupid. We give them fortune and lots of sugar
Yeah, the episode that we learned the Chinese word. Do you remember it? Huh the Chinese word from last week?
What was it medicine?
What is it? Oh
You remember no, I said it was yo. I said it was y a o
No, I said it's y a o or y a o and you said I don't think it's y a o
No, it was fentanyl. It's like yow yow yow. That's medicine. All right. So what are the lucky numbers?
The lucky numbers are no wait a second tell this claimer. Yeah fucking wins anything from this. We will hunt you down
Yeah, we're listening. We have your addresses. You you use these numbers and win money
You owe us motherfucker. Yeah, if you want to make you use them you're doing here we go percent per plus travel expenses
two
number two
five number five
nine lucky number nine
12
Don't like that number 19. That's what she said she was and 32
Don't want to deal with that busted catch two five nine 12 19 and 32. All right. Well, those are the larian needles
fortune 500 numbers
momma son
Thank you. You play those numbers and you win you owe us money. Please don't make us come at you
Just don't
Yeah
I'm gonna come with my assless chaps and you're gonna have to kiss me where there's no material
That's his mouth
His joke stinks laugh it up buddy
Oh now he's trying to distract you
I mean, it's a dumb
I love it
The best thing ever
Dude, no one wants to fucking tune in and watch you laugh at your own dumb shit. It ain't even funny
It seriously ain't even funny. Thanks Larry
I mean coming from a comedian telling by that suit
I mean like real joke over there
Anyways, no, anyway, any who?
Oh, how about the dude and callie that shot those guys
That tried to rob him and they took his gun fucking permit away man. He's concealed carry
Dude, look at that son. That's why I left that fucking place man taking our guns man
Starting I mean literally it's a fucking news story. It was on camera. He was walking into his house
Came from the gym came for yeah, and then
People came to rob him. He went shot off his gun at the people trying to attack him. Yeah, they had guns out
Yeah, I mean they were threatening his life
He did it as a responsible gun owner. He did the right thing in Los Angeles county took his con
He had concealed carry permit. Larry. I'll hit that it was legal
And the Los Angeles county took his concealed carry permit away. Yeah, which is I mean tells you everything
That's your second amendment rights just being fucking taken away because you defended yourself
It's not like he fired into a crowd. No like a lot of people do
You know what I mean? A lot of grease in his hair dude. Wait Newsome cleans the city up because chow ming's coming to town
She was there again. She's being yeah, what was his name chow ming?
And
Okay, so he cleans up the streets for him
But that was just tells you what's going on. I was telling Larry this last weekend
He thinks that this isn't
We disagree or agree at the same level. So they put these fences up
You tell him about frisco. Yes. Yeah, you see them all around the fences are just to keep the homeless out until
They're gonna take them down and I think they're gonna keep them up the second he leaves because they already have them up
It's control. Yeah, you know, you know what I mean like and bring them down. They have to be like others will be back
They're too many homeless
They already have they it's up already. It doesn't matter. He may he'd like to me may
Keep bragging to chow ming about that. Well, yeah, him and biden agreed to sell more fentanyl of the united states
You know and this this leads me to some too. You know, I'm I weigh over. Yeah, yeah, no political now, but let's get political
Well, I was rocking out to some political
And I was listening to a winds of change and you know thinking about these younger kids have no idea about the burlin wall
I've been there. Yeah. Well, I mean, okay. We grew up. I mean, I think it was taken down in like 1989 or 90 or something
Yeah, but it's like that was
Communism it was Reagan. Well, yeah, it was Gorbachev take down that wall or who was that?
Was it Gorbachev tear down this wall?
But it was I mean west Germany was free and clear
But then in east Germany it was controlled by the russians and scariness and then it took I think it was like half a million people
Came out and protest finally and then they they didn't know what else to do
And then they're like, all right
We finally have to because everybody was trying to escape to the west. Yeah
But like the younger generation has no clue of like this was not too long ago
So what basically kiki is saying is the holocaust never happened?
Exactly
No, but you're right
How about the new letter from bin laden that everybody's fawning over
Oh, this is hilarious. How about this? Okay? I got some
Yes, I'll mount it off. You finally pull your notes out. You're fine. Ladin. Okay. The tiktok trend is to read this letter, right?
A letter to America
Supposedly sent from bin laden
But we all know that this is an american written letter. Yeah, george bush wrote it. No, this is all a fact
100 percent. Oh, read the letter. Kiki, I would love for you to play this part in this
I'll play the defense you play the
they uh, they
They interviewed they did a poll to the palestinians in the Gaza strip
75 percent of them of course support october 7th massacre
Okay, where'd you get these numbers from?
Different fucking weed.com. It was been
Yeah, I got this directly from bin laden
He did the poll. He emailed me. See now. He's been dead before 9 11. Exactly. Okay, and then 76 percent uh
Get it out. Come on. Get it out. They fucking
There were four Hamas. Yes. It's supporters of Hamas. Of course 98.2
Fucking hate america. Wait, that's like 160. What are you? Wait, what kind of poll is this? No, no, no, no
I mean man, this is just a three different questions. They asked them. Oh
Jesus man, 92 you are the worst presenter ever
2% of the people that they asked
Okay, so it was a poll of hate. I know but come on. Listen. Here you go. First of all, that's understandable
Palace free palestine is a new uh black lives matter
But here's the white person you like israel if you're a black person you like
Hamas and that's seriously what they're doing. They're separating it. I left my
Conquer and divide society is the easiest way to take over them over
That's the easiest way. I know that. Well, you know, I'm not saying you don't
Here's the question. How about this though? Is this a is this a fucking is this a logarithm or is this the is this the
Spirit of the nation. What's that? 2.9 billion people
Um
Go with I stand with Palestine hashtag. I stand in Palestine while only
200 million go with I stand with israel hashtag. Well, yeah, but is it on tiktok?
On tiktok, I don't know man. It's a logarithm. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's big toe 100
Do you think that's how many people actually feel the propaganda tiktok's pushing that shit? No, it's all propaganda. They gotta be right?
It's all bots. They draw them with their computers. Listen. It's all bots. Nothing is real
And you know this yeah, but they fucking push this is what they're putting out to the propaganda though
This is what they're putting out. Yes. That's what they do
Israel and Hamas are more than willing to wait. I can wait. They're more than willing to show a dead baby on camera quicker than anybody
You know the beautiful thing about this though is all these crazy libtards and lgbqs now. There's
Oh, you missed a letter. I think you missed a t lgbtq. There you go. Well, now
Apologize to the lgbtq plus blow me
That was like a dollar sign. Well, no now they're storming the democratic party like the democratic house because they're like, what the hell you guys are
Supporting this and now they're going against the dem. Yeah, like I said, yeah, I'm just kidding. It's on table
Well, here's the thing and here's the thing the dems can act fucking walk this tightrope of saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
We don't like the Jews either. Oh, no, no, we like the Jews
You know
Because here's the thing the fucking people they vote for them don't like the Jews and the people that fucking
Um that they have to fucking say they like are the Jews because that's our number one fucking ally
And here's the other thing. It is the other thing Larry. The other thing is it's the only
Country in the Middle East who's not sharia law Israel. Okay every other country
Surrounding that muslim. No, no, no, here. What's that tell you?
That's why they fucking hate them. But here check this out. One of the reasons check this out
So all those corrupt countries surrounding Palestine are muslim. Yeah, Palestine. First of all, wait our muslim
Why don't any of these other countries want to take in fellow muslims?
Because they all they want to send them here. No, they none of them like the Palestinians
They don't exactly they're like the muts of the middle east. They're the bad
Okay, so first of all before you guys even get any further than that
Will we agree that what happened in israel was an inside job?
Oh, yeah, okay. So there we go. That's the first thing first. So anything after all we see created a mus, right?
Yes, israel helped in building them up and
Well, we fund our enemies we are
We gave them arms. We fund them. I mean come on
The Taliban wanted to fight russia. So we arm the shit out of them
We are and then you know what I mean like they came into afghanistan and they were overwhelmingly
Taken by the Taliban because they were in mountainous terrain and they knew where they were at
American missiles to shoot well, yeah, but I'm just saying though. They had they always had they knew what they were doing
They were goat herders. Yeah, like that. You know what I mean? And then but that's just thing we always fund the other thing though
They're coming down on these these people and what people
The uh, obama so osama bin laden, you know, I have a hard time saying that
The osama bin laden, you know osama bin laden followers
Suck it
Hear me
And uh, and they're don't hit the mic what they're doing by doing this and this could all be fake all this fucking publicity because
What's that? What publicity about osama bin laden?
Listen, listen
Damn, listen to me man. Listen to me. Hear me out. The motherfuckers get to reinforce the lie about
9 11 now again
That's why I was gonna get because everybody's getting hip to it that it's fake
And so now they get back on the news and say well, how could they support this guy that knocked down our buildings? Come on
How is this fucking?
Guy this camel rider in the fucking middle of the desert in the cave gonna fucking take down those buildings
Anybody that has any fucking common sense whatsoever would know that that is impossible
It's impossible
And you know, I mean, are you talking to some people you met on the fucking street? He's talking to them talking to everybody
I know we're talking about you know what the hell you're talking about. I understand that but at the same time
It's just so funny that a letter from osama bin
Whatever, I mean, that's it. But they're just reinforced. No, but what I'm saying is the whole reason they're doing this
Is to reinforce the 9 11 lie again. So people will blindly fight you in the street
Oh, how could you say you know what the biggest you want to know what the biggest travesty of 9 11 was the patriot act?
Yeah, that was the biggest
We gave up all of our rights and the government government just took that we didn't even give them up
The government took them they took without our fucking approval or our vote or anything like that for your own good
Yeah, we're gonna listen to all your conversations after we knew this was gonna happen two days before. Yeah
How about fucking tick tock though with this getting back to the other thing with the number
Man, what do you got a fucking hole in your head and all the information falls out?
Well, I'm asking you what the other thing with this israel and the palestine. I am posting all the hashtags
Oh, I'm just what's going on with all the kids
Dude, okay, needles needles head to I remember my first fucking joint too
anyway
Oh, here's what's happening man
Shine everybody's worried about tick tock taking all this information from everybody, right?
Oh, they're gonna get your information. They're not taking it. We're giving it out. Listen, listen, man
Let's hear me out before you fucking screaming me. Oh, thank you
Oh, you're welcome. All it is is mind control, man. Okay. They're mind controlling a whole fucking generation
They don't give a fuck about the end. Well, they're not tick tock in china. Huh? They don't have tick tock in china
They do but they do but they do are all that shit mad
So, okay, they bans what we have the content that we receive. Yeah, compared to what they
They're not doing and they get a couple hours a day and they feed us the anti-american shit
So all this been lot and shit and all this other shit is so you're telling me media in china
Is the media is good for us? Is that what you're telling me? Yeah
I'm saying that it's all true. It's the polar opposite of that and I understand that larry. Of course everybody has an algorithm
You have an algorithm. You have an algorithm man. I'll tell you what you're out of order. I am gonna fucking get you
I like chinese
I got an algorithm for you. Fuck you. Hey, listen, I like chinese girls. I know you drunk
I remember my first beer larry
He had to know watch out. He might fucking present himself to you kiki dude, man
The assless champs. Don't make me get up mother fuckers. Yes, and everybody can see your ass
So anyways, I'm having a problem right now with fucking uh rolling papers amazon
These motherfuckers won't send me what a box of rolling papers
Why are you ordered from amazon because they're cheap man, and I get fucking, you know the pack of a hundred
Packs, you know what I mean the box hundred packs of papers. Yeah a thousand papers
I was like in a pack. Okay. He's got to fill that that container up. None of us could do the math, which is
I was waiting and I'm doing it in my head and I'm like man, none of us are gonna get it
That's fucked up
Anyways, it's a lot of fucking jolly. It's a lot of papers
And uh
Every time I press okay check out and it says okay not ship to this address
Yeah, I put it on a watch list dress, and then they won't wear it to her house, and they won't ship
And I'm like what the fuck man?
That's why won't they ship me the papers? Is there something you're complaining about amazon?
No, there's something going on in illinois that we don't know that they changed so much. You could just drive down the street and buy
Why don't you try and fucking order a pack with oh, because I try to write it out on my phone
No, not at all because we're on a podcast. What are you doing?
Yeah, we're sitting upstairs in the kitchen
the fuck dude
I mean Jesus that suit is rubbing off on you. I just don't understand. Here's the thing. It looks good on you though
Yeah, but you start relying on amazon. Say you fucking get everything. Yeah, like you just got upset about that
Suddenly these motherfuckers don't send you something though, but what if it was something really important and it wasn't rolling like what rolling papers?
No, what if it was something more important like what I don't know some kind of pill or something
I don't think amazon does that
Do you think they send pills larry?
What you said don't know what the fuck they said yeah, they don't sell pills
I'll tell you that right now
This fucking guy when's the last time you used amazon?
Is this amazon dot?
The other day we got the fucking cable for the fucking camera. We need to watch what we say about him
He's got that red suit out. I just realized it. You're a fucking ass
You're a son of a bitch. Yo, highlights. What the fuck man?
Holy shit. Kiki check him for a sickle. That's my friend Wang. No, thanks
I missed that joke for so long
All right
I think it's about time boys for what we're in
We could keep on going. Why'd you stop us?
We keep going then
We're over an hour. Is that a list or something? Oh, you're a thing. Yeah our hit list. Yeah, we're over an hour
It's our hit list. So you want to keep going? No, we could fucking end it. No, man
We're gonna go this one's a special episode goes for an hour. No, just do your shit
This might go for an hour and a half
We don't know okay
Unless you got something to say no keep going dude, let's go
Man all of a sudden, you know you get all fucking weird
The guys are fucking weird guys. Thank you. I appreciate that
I mean not weird like we're in a red suit. Not weird in a good way
I find a child's playground. Yeah weird in that way like I got jingle bells for you kid
I'm gonna go
How about the fucking jingle bells that go with that little harmonica from the Smithsonian you can use those
Oh god, we're going back into Larry's autistic corner
Larry's like grab my wallet. It's in my back pocket
It's in my front pocket. What are you talking about? No, you have assless chats on. He doesn't even say
He's gotta check your prison wallet. Oh, yeah, I hit a time that happened to me
Larry's watching some show and some ladies talking and blah blah blah
And this is on tv and she's like, you know the next thing, you know
Do you have to hide this in your prison purse?
Kind of showy she watching it looks like on the news. Oh, no on the news anchor or something
That's the vocal news is out of control. I hope it's a female that had the prison. It was a female
Well a prison person a prison wallet or two different things. Oh, yeah, the prison wallet is a male the prison person
Exactly
This is needles knowledge corner needles
Everything you want to know about
Being a dirtbag white trash prison. I mean jail but not prisoner. You didn't go to prison per se, did you?
Well, there's a difference between prison I know
Prisoners in town never went to prison. You're just a jailbird type guy
I mean
In the old days that would that would implicate that someone's very cool. He's a jailbird
All the ladies
I know I saw that
Hey
A time when jailbird was cool. Yeah, you know what I mean? He bought the leather jacket, you know, he had the wife
A jailbird you're part of the movie grease. This man was a bad boy. Yeah, that's a jailbird a bad boy
That's what you're into
Oh
That is jailbirds and fucking
Shit like that
It's in there for our robbery or something some rough shit
Some ruffian stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want just some guy that's in there for some fucking drug charge
I want to be bad
Yeah
Fucking chuch
All right, what about the hit list Larry?
Well, now we're having fun all of a sudden
You just stop it by lighting it and showing like to think that Chinese restaurant. Oh, yeah, that gave Larry the shits
Yeah
Didn't give me the shits because I didn't know I said, oh you didn't even we didn't even eat it dude
It was so fucking bad. I'm telling you we didn't even tip them
I had a five dollar bill in my hand and I go, should I fucking tip them and Larry's like
Fuck this place. We're never coming back
And I mean for my wife because my wife, I mean I could believe that you could believe
Very nice
I could believe that you call it out
That you guys know that you think that I don't have any class. What's your fucking moron?
But look at him. Look at him barely talk with the straight face. I mean he's a shitbag
He's a trash bag around a shitbag. No not at all. I mean, so she's not tipping man
She's 95% class in year five. I mean look at that
I mean that thing comes with a free haircut
And you need
I was gonna get we should go back to this Chinese restaurant
Long hair over it. It was bad. It was terrible. No, I would I go back
And I was just going there because I was first of all
I was just going there
We'll go there and start slipping tables. You set up a podcast and do it now
You know what the place you could because it was fucking empty
It was that should be the first indication dude. They gave us plastic fucking fork and knife
That should be your second indication because they came up to this and off and give it back to the next customer
I mean that wasn't your second indication that this place is they should have given you chopsticks at least
Plastic fork and knife man. I mean they really thought you were white trash
The asians really getting back for the opium wars on that one
It was crazy this is for fucking is this place local? Yeah, man
Yeah, where else would he go? He doesn't have his radius is
Oh, my radius is a lot farther than yours, dude. Yeah, but all the way to boys town and back. Yeah
Which is farther than you fucking go. Yeah, that's what they say around you when you're down there
You know
I go all the way and
I said it already dummy this guy is no we got shit in here. I'm just trying to
I'm just trying to make you
He's just stuck in the middle of two dumb jokes. No
My shit's good
Oh
That's not what Tom said open your ears. I'm free clinic. Thanks for the time. Yeah
You did not say your shit was clean. He's talking about my first fucking beer. Look at this jackass. All right, I'd like to thank
First and foremost god Larry for giving me the joint. That's right. That's christ next. Thank you Jesus
The holy spirit supine I saw any I don't know. I don't like this whole preachy thing. I'm not preaching
That's fucking man. Next thing you know a bunch of fucking dope sick chicks are gonna show up
And
There's your
Yeah, you know my dog on this he's at that. Mm-hmm
My nephew Alex. Thank you. Thank you, man. Thank you very much. I'm sure Nick
Put a shirt on Jeff stony. Jeff. Bobby
Franky slow down
Bobby
No, did you say uh christ in florida? Not yet, man. I got the I don't know what you went so fast. They didn't hear
Yeah, this is pretty big. Here's the motherfucking list. Oh man, here we go. Now we're gonna cancel because he's in a black face
I don't know what to say about this man. I could hold the motherfucking list up to the camera and not see a word
Like when you read them. Dead silence for the people that are listening. Dead silence because that sounds like that's free for a podcast
Dead silence. Until you people listen to you. Sounds like everybody we know that's died. This episode is called dead air
Okay
So before fucking needles open is fucking you're welcome trap. Yeah, I'll kick you both in the mouth
Bobby
Frankie the beard
Pee-kee man. Thank you. Thanks for the camera, bro. Thanks for the camera. I love it. My dad
Groucho wherever you are
Chris
Chris down there in florida. Hope you feel better brother. Love you. You're still gay russle
Davey
Zodiac mr. X shout out mr. X
Helena would you almost pee? Harmony
Cat
Sherry love you. Sherry. Jay. Wait slow down for a second. Sherry. Thank you very much for telling Larry that uh
We're okay because you know a lot of knock-around guys that are very funny. It's sherry man
We're just being idiots and we love you. Sherry. Jay. I want to you come over here. I'm gonna wrestle you jay
So you better show up
Oh boy. He doesn't know what the fuck. He just did. I just know what I did. I just hope to sleep in bear
I love you. Sherry. Thanks for the pizza today doll
um
Where was I jay? Yeah jay jessica. Love you, baby
Chrissy becky
Tiffany and of course
Tom's free clinic automotive and veterinary services
Tom's free clinic. That's the best place you can go when things are low
If your warts are stinking and you can't stop drinking
Call Tom's free clinic
Yeah, save save me a couple bucks at a needle too. My dog's ass right to my ass. That is I mean, I don't think you're supposed to do that
but well, that's okay, so
I mean you should be sharing hypodermic needles with your pets. I heard
I know that doesn't sound that's something makes me sound bad. You can't share needles with your pets
And you know I'm gonna get up on a federal charge
He loves bestiality. No, I don't
What are you talking about? He's one of his things. I watched mr. Hands once
Hey, well
You know what? There's this guy. Okay. How do you know him? Mario? He's a bridge builder. He built all these bridges
The golden gate bridge the san francisco bridge of my ass bridge the fucking brooklyn bridge
George Washington bridge the brooklyn bridge all this shit. Here we go
And he was known everywhere as mario the bridge builder
And then he sucked one
And he was known as mario the cocksucker from then on out even though he built all those beautiful bridges
He must have sucked it good for someone. Well, but he must have sucked it good for somebody to say about it
It doesn't matter if you do it good or bad, dude. You don't know
Oh, yes, it does. If you suck a good dick people are gonna be like, hey, that was good. He doesn't get it
Yeah, no, listen, I get it asshole. I'm just playing devil's advocate. We don't need a devil's advocate on this one
Oh man, you guys don't know what I have fun
I mean, I seen your fucking lifetime pass of the manhole upstairs or whatever
I'm not a bridge builder, dude
But you're a sewer guy. He's a pipe builder. He's a pipe fitter. I'm a pipe fucking layer. Right in his cool-o
Yeah
Those chaps were castless when he started it sounds like a lot of projecting to me
Okay, that's how you want it really seems. I mean now you're the news media just spinning it. Okay, that sounds like
Spin city over here. He's a blood pirate. Yeah, r matey
Yeah, I love me a little arse. I like some pipe. Mon arse
Come on really you heard it here folks. Yeah, that's all right, though
I like the company of a woman. He's getting nervous. I mean
That's what they said about JFK too, you know
This is gonna be good. Come on. I'm gonna let you go Larry. I'm like I am giving you carte blanche, Larry
That's how it works. Jackie. Oh like a little guy. Well, tell me facts. Tell me facts
It's like Ricky Martin. Good-looking guy turns out gay. Yeah, and touches his cousins and was probably probably a fucking
A legend male to male transition like oh man. I mean Larry. That's a far fetch thing to say come on man
No, I'm not gonna come on you man. You weirdo. He is he's a pretty boy. He's too pretty. Yeah, okay, and there's not pretty dudes in the world
He was probably one when fucking I went with he watched did you watch the movie? I say when I went to
When Swarthog and I went to fucking see the dead anyways, right by Boys Town and these fanooks man
And you couldn't stop yourself from stopping up. What?
You couldn't even finish your own joke was made to even batter your ass all the way
I know you see that he couldn't even finish
He started laughing too
I mean come on, you even get the punchline you ass-
We don't need a punchline
No, but these fucking guys we're walking around in like booty shorts and like these like vests that were like nine sizes too small
And that's they were just up and down like they didn't give I wish I had the confidence
I was gonna say man just fucking let it all go like yes
You know what I'm for nook and this is my twink and I'm just gonna take me because that's what
Yeah, I mean they were you're gonna bomb on that fucking open mic stage
What?
Where the hell did that was some inside stuff that just came you hear that kiki like we're completely talking about something
No, we're not we're not because you don't have the confidence to fucking walk down the street with that fucking twink
So that's why you're gonna bomb what he said
You said the confidence to walk around with that twink. Yeah, no you don't. So what are you? Oh, yeah, I do
I do
Oh wait, I do here we go. This is gonna go
We get 100 subscribers
We're gonna videotape Larry and I'm gonna find him a twink
And I'm gonna do five minutes to stand up
That's what I'm talking about. I know what you just said you didn't have the confidence to walk with the twink
I'm saying fucking
Fucking metaphorically
Larry dropping knowledge
Man you're fucking dummy
Metaphorically shit
This guy ain't fucking deep
Larry's been on stage for many years
I know he has it's a fun part that's why I poke him
I'm wearing this red suit and I don't think you would
But the whole joke is me poking him because he's been fucking traveled around the world playing music
Yeah, he's been on stage for a while
I know this joke though he doesn't get it
It's hilarious
He gets so flustered when I say it
I ain't flustered man. That's the thing man
You personally attack me
Say I like children and stuff what I didn't say that
That's what you're saying. I didn't say that you said that
Well, we're gonna watch this
The only one that said that was you
You're gonna have to review that
We'll do that in post
There's no editing either
Because if you said you like children that's it
No, we can always make that little clip
I'll send that to the FBI
That's gonna be the promo clip
Hopefully they arrest you in that suit
Dude if they arrested me in this suit they better have it when I get out
It better be in good fucking condition too
Like you said you used to crumble it up and throw it in a pile
I know it should be fine
I'm sure after they look at your computer and then put that in a plastic bag
Would they watch your heartbreak?
There are no creases in there
I know it's an amazing material
It doesn't stretch at all
It's like iron
It's almost like the material from that old Russian
Yeah, there's no change in his armor
But anyways when I went to Mexico on vacation with my wife once and I wore my big fucking lamb skin jacket
It was all saturated with weed smoke and cigarette smoke
Well because it was freezing
It was when we had that fucking polar arctic fucking blast or whatever they called it
They'll leave you
No, I was later than that
Remember that polar vortex or whatever they were calling it
Yep
So they took, I'm like when we go to leave I'm like shit I'm gonna need my coat
When we get home where's my coat
And I didn't notice it wasn't in the room the whole week
And they're like oh yes senior
And they had it in a fucking big plastic ziplock
I mean not ziplock
Fucking
A dry cleaner bag?
No, heat sealed because it stinks so bad
And now I'm in Mexico for a week straight and I'm smelling all the flowers
And we're by the ocean and everything's all pure
And I opened up this bag and my fucking coat was so funky I almost got knocked to the floor
I was like holy fuck does that thing smell
They were like we put it in this bag
Who else would tell a story by the guy in a fucking polka dot suit or whatever
It's plaid mother fucker
Mother fucker don't even know the name of the designs
Yeah well this jacket don't stink though
Not yet
If I wear it for a week now
Aw man
Alright let's end the show
That's what happens when the mother fucker's jealous of your fucking
I am not jealous of your fit
It looks good on you Larry
You're a fucking good duds
You can't take a joke
No you can't
Adios everybody
Man Kiki you're on camera
What happened what did he do
Nothing
That wasn't how it was Groucho
I'll see it
You have to watch in a minute
Peace love you guys like, follow, subscribe
I'm watching right now where he's not doing anything again
YouTube
Check out for clips on Instagram
Yeah and also really I appreciate everybody too
To tell somebody so they
We fucking could get more of a following
Because you know
We have a certain
Type of person that likes us
And I think everybody out there might know
Somebody like that
Yeah thought of the day
And remember be kind to somebody
Yeah
And try not to fucking forget who the father is
And who kind of
If you're the race you want us to pick on
Yeah
Anyways
Thank you for tuning in
You can't stop himself
To the Larry and Needles show
Do you have an outro?
Yeah we do
I'm going to play a role
I'm Larry
And I'm not Needles
And he's not Larry
And this is where we need the Tourette's girl
And now let's see where I should
Here's where I should have the logo
Peace