time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show
Hey everybody, welcome to the Larry and Needles show
I'm Larry and I'm Needles
I'm glad to be here man
Thanks everybody for listening
Like, follow, subscribe
Trying to get off the ground
Let things go
And if you're listening, we love you
Many nights I tried to pick myself up off the ground
and just couldn't do it
Why's that?
Your arms were weak
Your mind was weak
I think it was my mind
It was a multitude of variables
Yeah, a lot of variables
I'm sure there were, I mean if your arms aren't working
and your legs aren't working
It might be time to call an ambulance
I think from our buddy Joey out there
What's up, pal
Thank you for the gorilla pussy
Cause you wanna why? Cause it literally is pink
in the middle
Now we're just gonna test out reefer
if anybody wants to send us some
We'll shout you out
But that's alright
How you doing today Larry? Pretty good, pretty good
Yeah, I mean
Seeing how
the conundrum that the United States is in right now
and I don't like to talk politics
about that, but
I mean where do we go from here?
What would you do Larry to make the country better?
As a non-working man and a sugar baby
Well
I'm ready to go down
I'm ready to go to town and fight for it man
Fight for what?
I'll go to battle if we had to
But the other thing is
is what I would do is close the border
First off, first and foremost
Why would you do that? Cause we got too many mother fuckers coming in that are
I mean you don't want to let military
foreign countries that we haven't even checked
with their backgrounds into our country
Oh well those guys are okay, it's the little
families with the kids and the women
that bother me
America is not for improvement
You cannot come here and improve your life
Right? Who's dangerous?
Those little kids and those women
Well because you know what they're gonna eventually
have spiked in their heart and hate for the
United States
Maybe not
Which brown are we talking about?
Maybe not
Mexican brown or
Curved sword brown
Curved sword mother fuckers are gonna hate us forever
Yeah well they hate the west
for some reason
Who doesn't like low cut jeans and miniskirts?
They don't but for some reason
that to me is really fucking
dumb, that doesn't even make sense
What doesn't make sense?
That they don't like low cut jeans and miniskirts
No I mean they do but eventually
you're gonna have to wear a burka
or whatever that's called and show your eyes
I mean that's gotta be
I wonder if they're in private if they make their
women dressed like whores or what they do
besides the beatings and everything
And the raping and stuff like that
They probably don't really get
many Victoria's secret items
Who? These women
Imagine shipping these Curved sword wives
The most oppressed people are the freakiest people
Oh that'd be a good fucking reality show
wives with a Curved sword you know
like they have wives with a Curved sword
Real housewives of this or that
We just send them lingerie
like there's some random Iranian
There's a hidden camera and they get a beating
or something
You whore
Where did you get this?
American pig
That's great though I like that idea Larry
That's a good idea
Did you set a timer?
Real housewives of the Curved sword
Okay
Let me tell you there's gonna have to be a lot of wives
Yeah, one guy
There ain't gonna fucking
This show has 900 stars
Yeah
They just picked the top 4 or 5 wives
from each dude
And you know
It's just like these NBA bitches
and shit they got money like a mother fucker
NBA bitches who?
You know like when they have these real housewives
of the NBA and all this shit
I don't think they do real housewives of the NBA
Yeah they do
They got money and all this shit
And they fucking do right
Women like to shop
Imagine these motherfuckers who are like
oil fucking sheiks and whatnot
They got money like a mother fucker
The best is they show the pictures from like Dubai and shit
And they fly these
Instagram girls
and these only fans girls
out there and they could completely degrade them
and then they take them out
and they're dressed like school girls and shit
Nice
I mean money buys anything doesn't it
Yeah we're sophisticated here
on the Larry and the E.L.S. show
No I wouldn't go as far because I have a
I have a listeners or
I don't know if I want to call them a listener but I do have
a
We got some hate mail?
Well if you want to call it hate mail
Email hate
I'm gonna read it I'm not gonna read it right now
This is a teaser cause let me tell you it's a doozy
Well I got a doozy for you man
Very very exciting
Larry and Needles
Forch a cookie
500
Do we have a gong?
And this is the exciting part
You actually have an Asian lady coming down here to read it
No for my
That'd be nice
But I had this old dresser drawer
Out of my old dresser
And it was just filled with junk
And I never
I just keep moving it around moving it around
The whole fucking thing and shit just came out
And I'm like
Well that's God's way of making me
Fucking finally go through this shit
And I found a lot of things like
Oh this is Larry's autistic corner
Like cards and fucking thumb drives
And shit we could use
Welcome to Larry's autistic corner cause he's gonna
Read off the things that he found in the drawer
I also found an actual
Original
O.G. Larry fucking fortune cookie
O.G. not written down in the
Book because this one
Slipped by in a different time
So the fortune cookie 500
Today
Wow you're very excited about this
I kinda am
Okay so let's read it
GONG
Yeah we're gonna get a gong
From Dave the guy that's in my other
I think we're just gonna buy a gong
If any listeners know how to make a gong
And wanna donate one to the Larry Needle show
We'll write your name on it
And we'll put it right here
Right here
For the show we'll put it there
And after the show we'll put it behind the drums
Real white snake performance
Okay
This is a great one
So this is a fortune Larry's gonna
Read off of an actual piece of paper
And this fortune is dope because it's got
Larry's misfortunes that's what you call it
It's got the stuff on the back
Oh the numbers?
All those good things
Listen up we're gonna read your lucky numbers
For tomorrow after this
And if you win the Lotto from these
Numbers you gotta give Larry and Needle's
A cut
Larry's wife is a lawyer
And we will thank you
We'll come at you hard
First with letters and then
And then Larry will bang your ass cause he's coming at you hard
And then someone's gonna knock on the door
We're the feds
Anybody can pretend now
Okay what is it Larry
It's a true fortune too
As long as you don't sign up for anything new
You'll do fine
That's the one you found
I mean
That's like telling you to just say fuck it
As long as you don't sign up for it
That right there
But that right there is the way
The country is going
Just fucking sit in the room
Let social media bomb bar
Let false information
And all this bullshit
Get into your head
And don't do anything that stimulates your mind
Or your body
Wait wait wait slow down
Are we done with that
No we're not because we're gonna analyze it
Cause it's very prophetic
As long as you don't sign up for anything new
You'll do fine
I mean
This guy was drinking sake
Or whatever he was drinking china
Hot sake
Japanese
Yeah but this shit is made in some factor
The only thing that's made in USA
Are Chinese fortune cookies
The enemy's fortune cookies
We should start calling this
The enemy's fortune cookies
Also known as fortune cookie 500
And then
Now you want to learn Chinese
They teach you Chinese one fortune at a time
Mandarin or just regular
This is a good one too for us medicine
The word for medicine
Is written in Chinese
It's got the little squiggly writing
And then it's got in parentheses
Y-A-O
Yaw
Or Ye-O
I wouldn't, I don't think it's Ye-O
Yaw, it's probably Yaw
Yaw coming here
And so now here's the part where we're gonna come at you
And sue you if you don't fucking
Give us a card
Larry's gonna read your numbers for the day
Right
After the day this could win you millions
Or billions maybe
Well this is the numbers for the day
So they play them, you know, powerball
You could work it on any fucking day
You could work these every day though
Okay well you can work them every day
Alright, lucky numbers are
38
37
16
Larry's favorite age
26
56
And 34
34, so read them again Larry
Cause if you win
We do want some of it
No, we're coming for you
38
47
16
26
56
And 34
Just a fortune
And now remember kids
As long as you don't sign up for anything new
You'll do fine
That is
The ultimate
The bi-part
I mean like bi-passive
We're not even bi-passive, passive shit
Passive aggressive sort of
Please don't do anything new
Why would you want to stimulate yourself
You have everything you need
And would you say that's 10 years ago
Yeah, and you know cause
If you do something new you might fail
We have a listening device on it
Now the thinnest smallest
Another fucking red state after us
Which is awesome, we'll get more followers
China is good
We like electronic
Do they still make electronics there?
I believe so, yeah
I mean
I don't know what they do really
Just about everything you pick up is gonna be from China
That little task and recorder I have
Is I think from China
Are you burning my table motherfucker
Oh shit dude, son of a bitch
Man, Mary is gonna kick your ass
Fentanyl, that's what China brings us
That's my bad son of a bitch
Wait until I tell Mary
Oh man, that's not cool
Soon as she comes home
You're a fucking rat
Jesus man
I should really just come over there
And choke you, is that a mini harmonica around your neck?
She will fucking probably notice
Knowing her
Look at that
Oh, now she won't
You wanna play the mini harmonica for a second?
Let me see what you can do with that baby
You should see this is the world's
Not the world's tiniest harmonica
It could be the world's tiniest harmonica
It's got four holes
Just like you
I got ya
They call you in Boys Town
He's got three holes but
He's got five if you count his hands
And feet
And feet, you got fucking seven
Okay, here we go
This is gonna be the C major scale
This is very small, man, I don't know
Can you play the delivering song?
Yeah
Fucking poppin'
That was amazing
Yeah
Who the hell wears a harmonica?
Groucho's got one too
From other neck
Me and Groucho both have one
Please, okay, I don't wanna see this shit
I just realized that the doll's head was in the shot
Oh
I found Groucho's suitcase
With all his clothes
He's got his political buttons
He's got a Ike button
Like a second dead cat
He's very political Groucho
He's got a Nixon and an Ake button
You are his owner
And you live vicariously through a weird doll
I don't like it
We've already talked about this but that's fine
He's got some cool hats to cover that hole in his head
You should paint a Hitler moustache
That would be silly
If we get some dry erase marker
Cause I don't want him to have it forever
But we could give him different facial hair styles
We could give him different wigs
No, we could give him different beards and shit
Hitler's weaved out wig, that's what I want
What was that? The Jesse Owens Olympics with 1930 something?
1938 or 39 or something
That's a Hitler's car moustache
Was it 36?
Yeah, maybe
Alright, oh shit, I wanted to fucking
Talk about this, this is silly
You ever an STD?
Yeah
What kind?
I don't want to get into it
On the thing
Without my face showing
Which is hilarious
I finally found
Super gonorrhea
I didn't have that
If you have super gonorrhea
Please contact the Larian Needle show
Because I want to know what it does
It really sounds like you're fighting your body every night
It's just a bad villain
You're having hallucinations
The incredibly drug resistant
Super gonorrhea
And it's in quotes
May have finally faced a foe
It can't best in the form of a first class antibiotic
Aw man
STDs are making
Making a comeback
Which is crazy because people are saying
Everybody says that people are having less sex right now
But people are bathing less and they're filthier
I don't know, that's not how it happens
We're not talking about
What's it called? The black plague
Do you ever fucking bang some chicken
You know you're gonna catch something
You don't even want me to talk about STDs
And then all of a sudden you just go into the craziest statement
You have just said everything
I know, here's the thing
I know you know and that's the problem
I can't not talk about it
I know, you just have no filter
That's what makes it silly
Sometimes you just know you're gonna catch something
And you're like fuck that
Yeah that's what you should say no
Or at least use a sandwich bag
I mean
At that point in time
People know what you look like
You're not George Clooney
She had to be at least a four
A Milwaukee four
I'm a lot more of a fucking bad boy than George Clooney
Is that how you're rating yourself a fucking bad boy?
God man, bad boy status is hilarious
So shout out to Super gonorrhea
Yeah that's fucking sounds brutal
I mean yeah if you go to the
If you go to fucking Tom's and they're like
You got Super gonorrhea
Well they'll work on that
It's a free clinic
We're not going to go pitch for Tom's right now
The difference of gonorrhea and Super gonorrhea is
Instead of just pissing out
Razor blades
You're pissing out like razor wire
I don't know if that analogy works
I would be like a twisty shit from the top of the fence
Maybe you're pissing lava
Maybe
And razor blades
You just had to throw that in you douche of inch
But that's alright
So my dad's friend I remember this guy Jimmy
He was in NAMM and he was a crazy motherfucker
Shout out Jimmy
RIP Jimmy actually
He was one of my dad's friends
He used to sell blow to Led Zeppelin
When he would come to Chicago
And fucking
When I was a kid
That's a great way to segue Jimmy's life
When I was a kid he told me
Yeah you know
You say he was a vet
Veterans day is fucking tomorrow
Oh peterous
Jesus man what the hell was that
Larry
Don't forget we're on camera
Anyway
The weirdo-naked-tomato type of behavior
On the Larry and Needle show
You have to check the video out
He was a funny guy
And he told me you know like hey let's see
Here's what you do
You get with some broad and she's questionable
You stick your finger
In alcohol like you know vodka
Or whiskey or something and stick it in her twat
And she squirms and says
Ow that means she has open sores
And then he said and then drink a beer
Right before
And forget about it
Drink a beer and forget about it
Right before you fuck her and then after you fuck her
Piss real hard
So you can clean out any BD
This is like a dirtbag manifesto
It really is man
And he's telling me this shit
And I'm like ten years old and I'm like
Ten years old
I mean you guys were already thinking of
Black Panther and little Nikki and the Purves
Now maybe I was a little older like
Fucking 13 or something
That's how I judge everything about you
Little Nikki and the Purves
But yeah he would tell us that crazy shit
And one time he came to the house
That's pretty crazy I mean think about that
Listen to this needles
I hate to break this down for our listeners
But this man
Just has
Vodka or something laying around
And puts it inside of a woman
To see if she has
Well he was an alcoholic he always had
Some kind of alcohol around him
That doesn't really shock me
Next thing you should say is a math guy
He told me that when Zeppelin
Canceled her gig in Chicago
Cause Paige was too fucked up to play
It was because of him
And I believe him
Well he's dead so
And so one time he came to the house
And he's like hey Larry come outside
You know I'm a little kid
We're practicing it's just
The band right after little Nikki and the Purves
We're starting to get pretty good
And shit
And I'm like what's up Jimmy what do you want
And he's like here come here and he's got some
There's some white fucking stretch
I'll never forget a long stretch
White limo a Lincoln
In our driveway
And there's some guy in the back seat
There's a driver in the front
And he opens the back door and there's some guy
Banging some whore
And she's all fucked up and he pulls her off
He pulls him off
And says get the fuck out of here
And he's like go ahead Joey
Wait a minute
What did you just say
That the limo pulled up in your driveway
A man was having sex in the limo
And then he pulled her
Off of him
Yeah Jimmy my boy
He tried to tell you to have sex with his lady
And I'm like whoa dude
I don't know and she's all fucked up
And it's like you know and she's
And I'm a teenager and she's like
You're cute
I mean I don't know if we're going to have to
Edit this story
What are you talking about
What did you hit your head this week
Yeah it's just something that happened
One day and then he laughed
And he never came back
Another time this scene
Dude man
It was fucking noon I was in
I loved how you
Distinguished one you could be a dirtbag
By what time it is during the day
Bro it was noon man if it was like
4 o'clock bro I would have totally done
I was a little kid though
I wasn't a full dirtbag yet
You are just in your infancy of dirtbagness
That's alright
I respect that
It's a lot of pressure to put on a person
On a shot you know what I mean
Like hey here's a grown man just
Banging a horn in the back of a limo
And just grabbing him by the neck
And he's like jump in Larry
Exactly
And then there's another time
When Nick our drummer came in
And he's got a motorcycle
Home and on
He's all you know
Comes in and Jimmy is crying
Because one of his mobster friends
Had just gotten killed and put into a trunk
Of a vehicle and fucking
He wants me to drive him to
Allegedly
And my mom is not letting me go
She's like are you crazy?
Probably about 15 at this time
You're driving cars?
16 maybe
I probably was 17
I love how you just went up 15
I have no idea how it was
Well here's the story
That's nothing to do with it
That's a relevant fact
Oh those are a relevant fact
He's drinking an entire bottle
Of J&B fucking whiskey
And
Unlike you on the set of scene
My drummer comes in
And he's like
Is that code for something?
Yeah he's a drummer in our band
And he's like
Jimmy goes to him
Are you here to play?
And our drummer says yeah I'm here to play
Because we're going to jam
You know it's time to practice
And he gets up
And punches my friend in the face
And when he's down he gives him a kick
And my mom
Is flipping the fuck
Out
Dude it's one of my friends
He's like I didn't know
I thought it was just some guy
And I'm like we're in my mom's kitchen
It's one of my fucking
He thought we were in a bar
Because that's how drunk he was
He kicked the shit out of my body
You kicked the shit out of your body?
Yeah and my mom was
We never trust a guy from Nam
That guy's got fucking tics dude
He's seen some shit
I don't even care where he was
He used to tell us all the stories
No that's he you know
Hepra veterans day
But at the same time
I was watching things about
They go through some fucked up shit
Tunnel rats
When they would go down
On the Vietnamese would fucking
Dig tunnels underneath the ground
And they would drop these traps
So there would be like a trap
Where you went in and there was like
These sticks and rollers
But you get stuck when you went through
And you just sit there and buy
And then there was another one with a snake
And there was another one when you went to a certain point
There was like a stick and it would drop fucking
I mean these tunnels were
Think about it the fucking
I almost said it but
The Vietnamese were tiny fella
Shall I say
So the Americans
You know were an average height a little bit bigger than them
So these guys it was a death sentence
For most of them
Which is the scariest shit you've blown your note man
I'm doing it on fun
No you're not but you're doing it on camera
You have no coos man
I swear to god
So
And then they would flood the pits
Which is oh think about that
You're stuck in there and then they just flood
That shit with water
And then you're going crazy
I mean that's war
I mean how about
The multiple wars we have going on right now
And
It's crazy that
Yeah it's fucked up
Everybody's just downplaying one war to make another
I mean I haven't heard anything good from
Israel Hamas
Israel
I mean we're still fighting right
Yeah doesn't do honestly anything good
We are and you know
People shouldn't fight
We're fucking spending money we don't have
There's a lot more to it than
You know than meets the eye
There's a lot more to it than meets the eye
We don't know what's going on
I don't even want to speculate
At this point because I really don't know myself
It's a military dust rule complex
Yeah you know that it's not what they're fucking telling us though
What they tell us is not
We'll find out in 40 years
We'll be dead by then
We'll be dead by then but it'll come out
I mean
And they'll look back in the archives
And they'll go man Larry and needles
They fucking knew that it wasn't right
Yeah
Compared to Tucker Carlson right
Yeah I mean we're in the lower echelon of that
They'll probably link
They'll probably look us up and then it'll send
Them to a link to Tucker
Yeah there's no to cratum
Yeah
There's
4 kilos of cratum for $50
Use promo code Larry and needles
Yeah
Which isn't bad I mean hey at least we get to
Hawk something
Someone's gotta
Yeah well someone always will that's a problem
It's a capitalist country
So you want to have cratum with your name on it?
Yeah I would love to
Man this is funny
So we received
A letter what?
Shit man
No I don't have it
Pause it right now and get some weed
No we can't pause it and get weed
If you pause it I think it's another recording
Shit okay well man
We're ill prepared
It's alright
Oh you know what I got the half joint
Motor in
So what we're gonna do is
I'm gonna
Get it on one of our videos and it's amazing
I really really really encourage people
To send us hate mail
Which is awesome
And
If you like us this is very fun
I have to wait for Larry so this person
Listened to one of our episodes
And did not like it and it
Is amazing the response
That he gave us I mean
I don't know if he's a listener
A fan
I'm just gonna
Speculate that this guy does not like us
So Larry are you ready for it
Our first edition of
Hate Mail
M-A-L-E
Alright so this is
Technically a comment a statement
I look at it as almost a manifesto
To some extent
From a listener
You know what now that sounds like fun
We should just do
Comments from Boys Town
A listener quote unquote fan
The Larry and Needle show is garbage
I mean pure trash
Whoever
Listen to this show is an idiot
Nothing makes sense
Shout out to you brother I mean
If you've seen the copious amounts of weed
We smoke now
Alcohol intake alright so
First of all
I hope there's multiple
I really hope this guy breaks it down
But I already read it so
First of all they don't know what they're talking about
Shout out to you
You're dang right
We just pretend to have fun here
That's right
The show in quote
Consist of two drug addicts
Pretending to be interesting
I mean
Just because our logo is a prescription
It doesn't mean we partake in
Fetnal
Opioids
Speed
In fact we want to say
That we are against all of that shit
Well I don't know about that
We don't take it
If you want to take it take it
You don't fucking get in my way when you take it
But here's the other thing
We don't really want to condone drugs on the
Not at all I mean marijuana is okay
It's legal in our state so we're good
If you're in Chicago land
Or fucking Michigan
Or somewhere like that
Colorado
So I'm going to repeat this again Consist of two drug addicts
Pretending to be interesting
Man
Thank you very much
Just in case you know
I follow
All this guy's socials
You do? Yeah well just because
He left his comment
So I followed him so he didn't black
Me so that has to be good
I actually wrote that out
Because I was stoned
Yeah calm up
This is his words again
As a podcast listener
These guys really suck
And don't know what they're doing Don't waste your time
Oh man
Thank you very much
That was awesome I love it
Yeah
At least he didn't talk about my lisp
What's that Larry?
Not many people are going to see it
We just read it on the thing
No I know but it's just funny that this guy took the time out
So thank you for making our analytics go up
For listening for so long
I don't know I couldn't break it down per person
But hey
We all got to start somewhere
Fucking drum key
Yeah I'll tell you what man
What are you going to tell me Larry
Give me that
This is a special
Key
This is from this
This is
From this place
Larry's Autistic Corner
You can't help yourself
This is from a music store in Sweden
And it's called Hellstone Music
And it's a really fucking cool place
And the guy gave me
The owner of the store gave me this
It's a
Drum tuning key
And a fucking beer bottle
It gets you into the fucking gay bar
The bottle opener
The skeleton key for all the finook club
And the fucking drum key
Needles is a fruit keg
I don't know about that
It's pretty cool man
A drum key and a fucking beer opener
You got to admit
And you can't buy these fucking things
This guy only gives them to you
If he thinks you're a nice person
Okay
So listen to this
You remember Maui
The place in Hawaii
What happened there
Yeah right, oh well it's forgotten
I mean that's why I'm asking
No something happened there
The new cycle filtered it out
And technically
The forgotten people
So
The state is offering them a million dollars
Each
Okay
For land that's probably worth
Fucking 20, 30, 40
No the rebuilders
Shit
They're offering them a million bucks
They get to keep their land
That's a better deal
But the problem is
Is that
News that those participating in the fund
Would be required to wave their right
To seek tort liability
But
Against parties involved in the fund
For wrongful death and severe personal injury
Oh my lord
So they are trying to silence these people
With a million dollars
This is written
Wow
Isn't that crazy
The protocol
Which I don't like that word in any sentence
Where I'm a fucking
Technically they're the plaintiff right
The defendant is
Who fucking knows
The defendant would be the state
Right
I mean if you think they use a direct energy weapon
That's a government
Or the United States
That the power lines cause the fire
Like they say then that's
Whatever local
Yes, electrical company that is
Needles
Electrical company
We only lose about four guys a week
Due to electrocution
Yeah in Hawaii that's tough man
I'd have to start bringing illegals there
You gotta say yeah
Four guys a week man
Jesus man
That's 16 a month
My fucking insurance
Is gotta be true to roof
So
The protocol would require people to sign the release
Releasing
I don't like when they use release and releasing
Without a comment
Whenever you're like doing any TV
Musical thing, stage thing
And they make you sign a release
That means you're not getting paid
Usually
Or you could get hurt
Just the DNR that's it
So the protocol would require people
To sign the release releasing
The parties who are participating
In the fund from any
Tort liability
Tort again, crazy
This is crazy man
That word meant
I can look up tort right now
Isn't it crazy that they're trying to silence these people
Yeah
Mary would know what the
Tort meant in the context of the court system
A wrongful act
Or infringement of a right
Other than under contract
Leading to civil legal liability
Public nuisance as a crime
As well as a tort
So basically Hawaii
Is admitting to some extent
What they're doing
And they want to fucking silence the people
With a little bit of money
Comparative to what we gave them in Ukraine
What we're giving to Israel
I mean
It's a fucking Kansas City shuffle
Imagine what they're trying to keep
Zelensky from talking about
I mean there's a video
That guy playing a piano with his dick
I mean come on
This is your world
Well it's better than what we have
But at the same time
Another making this guy out to be killed
It's so funny how the United States
Is like
Breaking up with somebody through text
You know what I mean
We're done with you
And he's like pleading
Give us credit and we'll pay you back
What did you do with all the money with no oversight
How could we don't have any of the money that we sent you
Exactly
It's like
Child support
That's what it is like
We fucking adopted this bastard
And we gave him a bunch of money
And now we lost our job
And now we got a few
So much money
And then we're giving Israel money of course
Well we have to give him Israel money
But here
We are not giving Hawaii money
They should get a lot more than that
How about living in a country where people
That are elected to this country
Don't like the country
Isn't that crazy
We have elected officials that
Hate the United States and they're very
Vocal about it
Yes very vocal about it
They don't try and pretend
Well nowadays
Everything is
Open you know what I mean social media
You have to have a presence on that
You have to do this, you have to do that
You always have to fucking
Well okay I will say something though
This really breaks my heart
That
That Talib lady
But listen though
They voted to censor her
Which are
Censure
Which what's the difference
Our highest government
Is blocking a United States
Citizen from
Their amendments
I don't care what she has to say
Or who she means to harm
I'm just saying isn't that crazy
You down
She's no longer truly
A United States citizen when she's a representative
In the fucking system
Well it's not even that
She's a citizen but at the same time
You're censoring people that's what it boils down to me
I understand man it's fucked up
If you've listened to any podcast
Any TV shows
Anything it's censored by
The FCC
And the other thing is they give her more
Exposure
Because
People want to listen to her
What is she trying to say
And you should just let her talk anyway
Because then people will see okay she's an asshole
It's like the hatchet
Here's what she believes
She's really a fucking asshole
Starts in only fans
Tiffany Gomez
Shout out to my future wife
Tiffany Gomez
We want to have you on the show
Anytime
But should anybody be
Censored
Canada
Canada is actually saying that you have to submit your podcast
And they want to start taxing them
And censoring them
That does not surprise me man
Not at all
Especially from a man who wore blackface at least twice
That we have pictures of
No one's got any pictures of me
You are
Definitely at the prime minister of Canada
No but you're right
Man the guy should be fucking
You do like to do blow so you might be the prime minister of Canada
Hey
I could party with the prime minister of Canada
But I'm not going to be the prime minister
Of Canada
I always used to remember
That I wanted to be a president
Oh yeah when you were a kid
I wanted to be the president
All of a sudden you realized that
What a horrible job it is
Well a cop is more
That's more
What I'm looking for
Worthy
But there's still crooked people
The president is guarded
Everyday
But you don't know that shit when you're a little kid
No I don't know I want to be an astronaut
And then they're like there's a firmament
Yeah go ahead junior
You're going to spend a lot of time
In a swimming pool
With fucking space gear
I'm pretending to be on the space station
It's all a farce
But we don't want to talk about it
Oh it is a farce
Yes it is
What time are we at
You can hear the cats crying upstairs
39 minutes
40 minutes
Yeah so the cats are crying for my wife
My wife
Very nice
My wife
So autistic
And so you know I didn't feed them of course
And they're crying pretty loud right now
You can't hear it
Now they
It's like what
What is it like what did you say
What's like what
Man forget it
He doesn't even know what he just said ladies and gentlemen
No I wasn't I was paying attention to something else
I apologize
I was looking for my other new story
Okay so what did you say Larry
No repeat yourself I apologize
My wife
Well
I was just saying
That the cats were hungry man
Oh yeah well fucking Mary's not here
What do you expect
And that's not nonsense for the guy out there
The things that we don't fucking talk facts
Oh I mean we really don't
We just make shit up as we go along
Right
Well the cats are fucking definitely wanting to eat
They're like they're gonna fucking die Larry
No one said they were man
I'm just saying that we report the fucking facts
That the cats are hungry
Breaking news in the sugar-baby world
The cats are hungry
But Larry refuses to feed them
My wife will be home
Yeah I know so she could feed them right
Because you're too busy podcasting
Yeah you know this is a fucking
Very important
Very important thing
Well to some people it is
To other people this is very trivial which I love
Shout out to the guy who wrote us a hate mail
Thank you for taking your time
To really break the
To really break down our show
Let's get in the
Let's get in the Krav Maga last night
Okay so what you want to talk about this
Needles got to live out his
Greatest sexual fantasy
What was that Larry?
Get pinned down and held down and all kinds of weird
We were practicing arm bars
No that's not how Krav Maga goes Larry
I don't know what it goes like
I could not stop laughing
I know you can't stop laughing
Because you're so high all the time
Look at you
You can't even stop laughing now
When he got down in between your legs
This is all you think of
Two men in clothes
But you see them having sex
Who has the problem here
It's not me
I thought it was
Fucking hysterically funny
Yeah because all you do is think of me
So here's the best part
So here's the greatest part
I got that moved down
They choke you from the side
And you whip your leg around their neck
Put him down
Dave the numbers man
He couldn't do it
He couldn't fucking
Type a keyboard all day
What do you expect
So numbers man couldn't do it
The most exercise he gets is going to get a bagel with
Lacks on it
So yeah
Funny
That the numbers man couldn't get his leg high enough
To fucking get it around my neck
I could have children
This is almost anti-semitism
You know exactly why
You're saying they're not athletic
I didn't say they're not
Those fucking people go to the war
And they're fucking ready to rock
I mean Jesus
Your anti-semitic rhetoric
What are you talking about
I mean you're lucky
If you would have wrapped that leg around you
Were the socket
My neck would have got stuck in that notch
It's a sock notch
Yeah
So he couldn't do that
And then
I was watching
I was trying to watch out of the corner of my eyes
And check out the taco twins
Rolling around on the ground
They were pretty
Ladies thank you for wearing yoga pants though
Let me tell you because
You turn any ordinary thing
Into a party just with yoga pants
I mean
One of them
Had a fucking tongue on
And I mean it was
Smearly visible
Turn that bitch into a party
And they're tiquito
But
Thank you very much for yoga pants
Because these ladies were going at
Because we can't touch the women
Because we all know Larry's background
It can't be none of us can be
Closer to them just because of Larry
He did let me bite the one chick that one night
It's like what's that called? Defcon
Defcon one
I get to do whatever I want
No that's not how it goes
Whoever told you that
Is a liar
It's like some MK Ultra shit
When the gong goes off
Oh man did you hear about this guy
You used to grab in women
Okay check this out speaking to MK Ultra
You're gonna like this dude
Now this is a story from my wife
So I do not know the source
Or if it's real
Here's the latest mind fuck
From the PSI Ops government
There was a guy
You okay?
I like how this story starts out
And he was found
With his brains blown out
With a suicide note
In tactical gear
Maybe he didn't have a suicide note
This is the Florida guy at the amusement park
And it said I'm not a animal
Yeah we just talked about this
I told you that
It wasn't Larry
Well you know that's
Okay well no I told you this
Here's what made me remember
From Mary and Nat
Your story is because
She said that he was
MK Ultra and he fought it off
I told you this whole story
Okay
Are you kidding me right now
We talked about this
Yesterday in Krav Maga
We did
Oh my god Larry
Yeah
This is what I have to deal with
We didn't talk about it on the show
No but you just said
Mary made your source
Which I'll take that actually
I don't remember okay maybe
I remember
Larry got in the car for Krav Maga yesterday
And the first thing I said is
You smell like fucking meat
And that's the exact laugh he did
And then right away
He's like Larry
Yeah I mean Jesus
You're gonna get him a contact hide
And then I'm uh
You know he's not smoking weed all day
No he's high off of you
And uh
He's a killer
But he's cool
Maybe he wants to kill us
I don't know if he does he's good at hiding it
He's very open about what he can do
So I know he's open about what he can do
But he doesn't like openly hate us
So maybe
Well that's pretty good if you're going to a martial arts class
He has to tolerate us
So Larry we're all standing in the fucking
In the street
We're all standing in like a half circle
In the room and it's like 30 foot
By like 20 foot mats on the ground
Meers and shit you know
The fighting room
Yeah it's a fighting room
It's a kill box
So
Total kill box
The fucking our sensei's talking to us
And Larry's just standing with like
Five feet within me
And I just attack Larry grab his wrist
And try to choke him
So then we start fighting
And he's like
Shaking his head
And he doesn't do anything he just lets us fight
It's funny though because it's fun
To get reprimanded by a more mature
20 year old kid
Calling it a fucking grown adult
Sounds like you're pulling a horse
Fuck you man
No it is very silly that you
The child is telling us to fucking behave
He's 27 years younger than I
And he's like I have to separate
You two idiots
But that's alright though
It's fucking very funny
Get trained people
And then like
He'll say like one thing to the other
He'll say one thing
To the class
And then he'll come over by me and needles
And out of the side of his mouth
And then he'll say and then you give him an extra
He's a killer
He likes to fucking
20 years old man
He didn't know if he wanted to be a dentist
He's a
Big on teeth removal
Where that came from
You know he's knocking fucking teeth out
With his elbows and fucking
His fists and the palm of his hand and shit
He could hit you fucking
37 different ways
That's the freaky part
How are you going to do a hit list?
Yeah but
What did you leave it
Man the look on your face right now
Did you forget it? Yeah my list is upstairs
Aw you're not even prepared
Alright so start at the top
Totally unprepared
Totally fucking unprepared
I think we got to be on video
Alright
You want to thank Tiffany Woodcock
We want to thank
Matthew
I want to thank Chrissy
Jay
Sherry
Mary, Harmony, Hully, Frank
Don Anforth
Kiki, thank you for the fucking
Mr. X camera
Mr. X
Kiki for the camera
Yeah
Needles is going too fast
First and foremost
I should have said at the very top though
My nephew Alex
Oh yeah Shorty
Thanks Bob
That's the fucking shit
Thanks brother
Oh yeah always
Good pick of Justin Trudeau
Yeah
It was from last year
We put it up again because
We were looking at those cats and everything
Yeah Hitler cats
We'll talk about that in a minute
And
Also the only fans girls
And I got to say
Keep sending pics Larry
I got to also say
Tom's Free Clinic
Tom's Free Clinic Automotive and Veterinary Services
And Sex Shop
And Sooner
Sex Shop is still
Well the contractors aren't doing so well
If your motor
Is a knock in
And your warts
Also a rockin
Call Tom's Free Clinic
If your motor is rockin
And your warts start to pop in
That's that maybe
If you got poppin warts
That's pretty bad
You don't want to know about it
Fucking
Let's talk about those cats
Oh
The funniest thing I saw on the internet
Is cats that look like Hitler
Obviously they have nine lives
Which is a simple joke to make
But
They call him Kittlers
Which is the greatest name ever
Yeah and they must
Surchai and Lohf to get these cats
They have pictures of them
In scenarios
With them seeing Hyle
Which I'm not going to do right now
Because they will be disrespecting
Little cats with black under their nose
Some of them even have
Fucking hair
And there's a lot of them out there
And I used to have a cat like that too
And I used to call him Hitler
And my wife was like
You can't have him be named that
And also somebody else which was my name
So I switched him to Chaplin like Charlie Chaplin
Because you know he had the mustache
So and Charlie Chaplin had the same thing
Going on
We talked about that before that mustache
Chaplin was but the cat had no choice
He had no mustache
I understand that he was born like that
But if a male adult wore a Hitler
It would not be that good for them
Some would
If you were in the left maybe you can get away with it
Oh yeah nowadays
You know what's funny
It's not funny it's crazy
They're calling
Jews Nazis
Who said that?
The hard left
There's a hard left
And then a hard left
Whatever you want to call it
And fucking
It's a snake eating its own tail
So these Palestinian supporters
Are
Actually
Calling the Jews Nazis
You have to pick a side
That's definitely not the right side
Well no I'm just saying
The general consensus is you have to pick a side
Right?
You don't have to pick a side
But you shouldn't be against the guys who are
If somebody says hey
Do you support Israel or Hamas
I don't support anyone
I don't want to give any of them my money
No I really don't
Even though you're a sugar baby and you don't work a job
So that's okay
You can send them roaches if you want to
Here's a pound of roaches
But
No one I mean
We don't get the side that democracy
Is gone
We have to fight for democracy
Fight for your rights of party
I mean listen you want to
It's proven on camera that people are stuffing
Ballots which is hilarious
These people get paid to do this
And they're caught on camera
And the funny thing is
That nothing happens to them?
Well they weren't going to say anything about it
The only reason people found out about it
Is because of a whistleblower
So they have this film
And the officials in charge
See them fucking stuffing the ballots
But they don't give a fuck
Because they're on the crooked team
You know it's like having the fucking
Fox guard the handouts
The team of money that's all it is
Everybody's getting paid that's what it is
Where's this money coming from
All you gotta do is shove a couple
I like the one I saw recently
A politician
Just off camera from the ballot box
Or outside the door
Of the voting arena
The last little round
Paying the people
Outside the actual guy
That was running
Liri is an official
Voting judge right?
Yes yes I'm a voting judge
For the last what three years?
Maybe you were in that the last couple of few elections
There goes the polling station and him and my lawyer
We're just the greatest together
Me and Mary go there
I think we talked about this how you tried to get stoned in the parking lot
Where you were an official judge
Of the federal government
So I'm outside
I'm lighting up a joint
And all of a sudden the lady comes out
Representative shall I say
Yeah the lady who's actually in charge
Of the voting district place
And she's like oh you
Have been smoking I'm like oh yeah
And then I'm like I don't have any cigarettes
I'm like you got a cigarette
And she's like oh yeah and she looks at me like weird
Like what am I doing out there
Because it was cold and raining and shit
You gotta get stoned man
Being the voting voting
So I had a cigarette with her
Her name was Jennifer she was real nice
Mary liked her we were all friends by the end
That's very nice Larry
There was one fucking lady
That was like so vehemently
Like anti-trumpin
And all this you know
But like she was a worker
I mean it's not good though
You're not supposed to voice your opinion
When you're the worker you know what I mean
You gotta be neutralized
Some sort of disposition on that
So they gotta take people
They put two people by each
Post by each station
To keep them honest the Republican and the Democrat
I'm really an independent
But they're so short of
Republicans
You're technically bisexual
Right I'll vote for you there
Yeah either way
So I'm sitting next to this one lady
Who was just so so into Joe Biden
And I'm saying to her
Man
I hope I'm not pregnant
And she's like what are you talking about
I'm like I went out last night
And things happened
This is what she said to a lady at a pole station
And I'm like
And she's like you can't be pregnant
You're a man
And I said oh I thought you could be pregnant though
I'm gonna have a you know
And she's like you know that's not true
And she got really mad at me
Can they put eggs in your butt
Exactly
And then she was really mad at her husband
For fucking being late
Smoking weed with you
With some McDonald's that she was waiting on
That he didn't show up with fast enough
Well this sounds like a real
Yeah
I don't even know
Everyone else was real nice
She was kind of mean
I don't want to say she was a bitch
Cause she wasn't I kind of antagonized her
At times
No imagine that so there we go that's the root of the problem
And then me and Mary hung with this one old lady
That was uh
She was really really fucking cool
She's been doing it since Kennedy
Holy shit is this in place
Around here
No no with Chicago
She's from Chicago
Since Kennedy
She's probably had more ballot stuff than her
Yeah
And uh
It was cool because she gave me her
Portillo's and I didn't have any food
You know and she's like here you want this
I can't eat it
And I'm like ah come on
You're like oh there are bugs in this
And then so and the other thing was
Is she went to
The White House
To some
Rallies that were going on
Outside the White House
Outside the White House and she was with her mother
Jesus Christ
Who was like 90 something years old
Yeah
But this was like 20 years ago
This was 20 years back
She's telling me a story from 20 years before
But the mother
Was already in her like middle 90s
And the lady was probably only
70 at the time
And now this lady's in her 90s
And
She's looking around for her mother and she can't
Find her mother
And they're honoring her up on some podium
And doing some speech about her
And then they get invited into the White House
And they get to do some
And she's like my mom just wanted to go
To DC
And I'm showing her around and then the next thing you know
Probably to meet some African-American gentlemen
Yeah
Let's end on that
Okay
And on that note ladies and gentlemen
I want to thank you all
For tuning in I really really do
Fucking appreciate it
Yeah we love you guys thanks for listening tell your friends
And
Now we get to the awkward part where we play the outro
And we both sit here
And I press stop
Did you play the outro?
I'm gonna
What this fucking thing?
Two camera shots sucker
Hilarious
I get to see Larry's mug up close
Okay I got it now
I know what I'm doing here we go
One more time
Alright y'all peace
I'm Larry
And I'm Needles