Time to get ready for the Larry and Needle Show.
Larry and
Needle
Larry
and
Needle
Show.
Here.
Shit.
That's funny.
Larry and
Needle
I love this song.
Larry
and
Needle
Show.
Hey everybody.
Welcome to the Larry Needle Show.
I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles.
This is our first
show.
We're going to be doing
the Needle Show.
This is our first
video episode.
Ever.
So we're going to
edit so Larry's going to probably have to play an intro from now on.
We'll see what happens.
We might figure it out.
Yeah, we should be able to figure out.
It's not that big of a deal.
Last week I said
something about those two gay guys getting busted on cops.
We're going into cop talk already.
Well I said the wrong county and I want to correct myself.
The name of the county is
Escambia.
That's what sticking in your craw has in it.
Escambia, yeah.
I said some real fucked up
thing and I can't remember what it was.
About honey?
No, honey.
Yeah, no, no.
It's either one of those.
I mean you say a lot of fucked up things.
That's alright though. I know how you're pro-Palestine.
No.
I'm pro-life
as far as, yeah, don't kill people.
No, people don't deserve to die.
No.
Especially for the war machine to keep going, right?
Yeah.
It's always greased with blood.
And that's the thing about it and that's the whole problem.
That's all it is.
It's just a machine
to keep the wheels greased to make money
and the problem
is people join the army
or they join the Marines or whatever the fuck
Air Force.
Space Force even, I don't know.
Space Force, that sounds awesome.
Yeah, and they want to fight for the country
and they believe in the cause and they're patriotic
and then they fucking, you know...
Space Force is just another way to take the fucking
taxpayers money, right?
Yeah, but you know, then they get to
satisfy with the whole United States
thing because they see,
they make a sham out of it
and they're fucking mockery.
Have you ever seen Telly and Knight?
No.
I do my hand.
Yeah, he was one of the drivers and it was playing by Will Fee.
I don't know to look at the camera
I don't know to look at your ugly mug
so I'm still trying to figure it out.
See that's why I took my glasses off
because I can't see anything.
I just stare off into space.
I can't see the camera, I can't see you, I can't see anything.
That's alright though.
I can put them back on, they're filthy though.
I should have cleaned these bitches.
I mean technically we're almost on TV.
Even though there's only 30 seconds.
We're putting our mugs out there for people to see now
which is completely,
it's kind of weird now that when you look at yourself
and you're talking now it's like oh you have to put
words to a face.
You realize how ugly you are.
Well not even that, it's like oh man I'm saying these horrible things
and they're about to go out on the internet.
Now I said this shit and people know what I look like.
Yeah.
Now people can tear it apart.
Which is okay though.
I mean we've already started doing this for about 60 something episodes.
Yeah this is actually,
this is episode 67 episodes.
This is episode number 68.
And we'll see how it goes.
Hopefully we can get it together.
We really didn't plan on doing one tonight
but Shorty just left and
Yeah I gotta say thank you to my nephew Alex.
That kid hooked us up big time.
Yeah shout out Shorty.
Showed us how to get it together and
Yeah I mean we're
Here we are.
Like we said a ramshackle operation
and cheers to everyone for
coming up.
Now my mother-in-law gave me this ukulele
It's the pineapple shaped one
without the
upside down pineapple.
Without the curves yeah.
Okay and that's what the Lydian Needle shows played out.
So tomorrow we're going to do another episode.
This is just kind of a
a teaser.
A test pattern.
Yeah cause I don't know if Fat Kiki's going to be able to fit on the couch with us.
He's a big pierogi.
So we'll see how he looks.
So we'll see you.
He's going to make us look good.
I really didn't have anything prepared tonight.
I mean we definitely should.
There were some things I heard that I wanted to mention.
What's that?
But I wrote him down
and of course I don't have anything with me.
Yeah.
Where's the uh...
Where's what?
I was going to look for the crack baby mobile.
Did you show everybody the crack baby mobile?
No I don't know where it's at right now.
We'll have to get that straightened out.
We're going to have a really...
It's a really nice feature.
It's a thing you get for your kids
if they're uh...
You know if you're on drugs
when you're pregnant and the baby's...
Oh okay and the baby's born addicted to crack.
I'll never run out of a lighter.
So that's...
What you do is it should be straightened out a little bit more.
Yeah.
It's because it's been running around.
It's because it gets misused and shit.
But what you do...
is you...
You know...
First of all you get these all untangled.
And it has to be on a code hanger.
And you put this...
Supplied by Tom's Free Clinic.
Yes. They sell these at Tom's.
You can get the 5, 6 to 10 lighter edition.
This is the deluxe one.
And uh...
You hang this above baby's crib
and he gets used to playing with lighters.
Yeah. Just like his mom.
It's really a nice thing.
That's alright. I love...
We had a couple of inquirers laying around.
So I love reading through some of them.
They are good. You know there's a lot of fake news out there.
All the newspapers are bullshit.
All the TV stations are bullshit.
Most things are bullshit.
But one thing you can count on for the truth
100% of the time
is the national inquirer.
The government.
No, you can never count on that.
What do you mean? The government doesn't lie to us?
This is Chesty
Chesty, Jesse, Nipz, Big, Bust and the Bud.
I mean, fucken' A. That's a mouthful.
Don't you think so?
I can see her.
I'll let you see her.
I mean, we can actually show people
what we're looking at to inquirers.
Very silly.
She's got a wreck on her.
I don't know what we can get taken down from YouTube or not.
I don't know if we have to watch.
I mean, it's not like we're trying to get monetized.
So, I mean, we can't...
We don't want to be anti-Semitic
and you don't want to talk about COVID.
We're not anti-Semitic anyway.
Those are probably the parameters that we have to follow.
I got lots of Jews in my family, man.
I mean, I didn't ask for your lineage.
Well, I don't want to fucking...
You don't want to what?
You don't want to talk bad about my own people?
Brethren?
Yeah.
I mean, if that's what you wanted.
Here they're saying that...
What's that? Osama bin Laden?
I think he's a two-pocket in the article.
The dude, J. O'Neill,
47, who claims he
fatally shot
9-11 master, Mayan Osama bin Laden.
Oh, that's the guy that they pushed him off.
How about the dude? And you know that that didn't happen.
But he got...
I actually do have something I want to talk about.
Charges causing bodily injury
in public intoxication in Texas.
He's human. What do you try?
The military hero was released and...
We put all these people... $3,500 bond.
So 10% of that?
Yeah, so that's not bad.
But we put these people underneath a microscope
and then we make them into our heroes
or we idolize them and then they do something wrong
and everybody's like, oops, I told you.
Well, first of all, this guy,
I mean, I don't want to say he's bullshit
because a lot of people love him
and he could probably take me out
with a sniper rifle at fucking
a thousand yards. But...
We all know damn fucking well
that that wasn't been some...
Osama Bin Laden. Jesus.
He knows that motherfucker
who died in some hospital.
Osama Bin Laden.
Come on, first of all, he's been dead since 2000.
20 days after... Yeah.
2001, he died. Yeah, he was dead before that.
This is allegedly...
This is all hearsay.
But how about the guy that killed all those people in Maine
and then they miraculously
find him
two miles away from the first shooting
and he shot himself in the head.
Yeah, and you know what else is funny?
And nobody know nothing.
I mean, no pictures of anything.
I want to see this motherfucker.
I want to see the picture of the hole in his head.
But you know what, they can Hollywood that shit too.
You can see a picture
and it's still a lie.
I don't know exactly how...
But one thing's for certain, if that did really happen...
Yeah.
The government sighed out.
They knew that he was dead probably fucking
10 minutes afterwards and then they wanted
to keep the scare going
so they could
have a reason to keep the news cycle going
with that story and get the gun thing going again.
Well, but fear actually starts...
Because that's the main thing they like.
Well, they want to try to take the guns away,
which is... I mean, the Democrats want to take everything away.
Yeah.
They don't want anybody to have fun.
They don't want anybody to live a normal life.
Does it really matter what we want?
No, not at all. We're just...
We're basically just lemmings.
This one is a ukulele.
You just interrupted me to just point out the ukulele?
Yeah, with...
...painting it up like a hula dancer.
And this one
is a tenor uke.
The one above needle's head.
It's a little larger.
You're gonna hit you with that one?
It's tuned the same as a guitar without the bottom two.
But yeah, so all of a sudden this guy is not...
Nobody sees it and they're like...
Oh, he shot himself in the head in the forest
and nobody's ever gonna see him again.
Like Steven Paddock.
So convenient.
Just another Paddock thing.
Just like who else, needles?
Just like...
Jeffrey Epstein.
Oh, well, yeah.
But that's completely different.
That guy created his narrative.
They created...
I believe when the screen blacks out, it's still good, baby.
Oh, shit.
They created a whole narrative around him.
Right.
See, now this is another problem.
So here's what we're gonna do.
This is our first show, like we said.
This is hilarious.
Right now Larry's typing in his password.
Hey.
This is my new hoodie.
She can tell by all the cigarette burns it.
I used to wear this one a lot when I used to party.
Uh-huh.
But those days are over.
Okay, so then we gotta figure out...
The camera angle's still good.
Yeah, it's still okay.
But what do you call it?
We're gonna have to figure out how to keep this thing running the whole time,
rather than cutting out there quickly.
Well, here's the thing.
When the screen starts getting dark,
that means...
We gotta jack around with the mouse,
but I believe we should just let it go dark next time
for a test to see if it just keeps recording,
because I believe it will.
Will you see the green light?
Ah.
I do see the green light.
So I think that means it's recording.
Sorry, we're trying to work out the bugs on here.
We're definitely not producing them.
Yeah, so here's the thing.
When we get the money for a producer, man,
this fucking show is gonna run so smooth,
you ain't gonna believe it.
But until then, it's gonna be...
We have to push all the buttons.
It's gonna be a rough fucking ride.
It's gonna be...
It's a very ramshackle operation.
It's very in-house.
And the funny thing is if you panned around
and saw all the equipment in here,
we still can't figure this out.
That's another nice treat about this visual aspect
of the Larry Needle show.
And I know we're not really doing a normal show today,
because this is like almost like...
It's a real...
what you would call school when you go for an initiation.
We're learning right now.
Orientation, dang.
Oh, yeah.
We're gonna fucking film with all kinds of different backgrounds,
because let me tell you,
this place is a treasure trove of craziness.
This is Larry's base.
We got a lot of good shit down here, man.
You just have to make sure that nothing bears your address.
We might even have a show and tell.
A show and tell?
What do you mean?
Oh, man.
You know, it's show and tell someday.
Show some shit, like show some guitars.
We'll hit that thing. There you go, buddy.
Thanks, boss. Oh, you're a lot nicer when there's the video.
That's very funny, you shitbag.
All right.
Welcome to Larry Needle's Fortune Cookie Corner.
Fortune Cookie 500.
Yeah, Fortune Cookie.
Fortune Cookie of 500.
Of 500 fortune cookies.
Oh, you're going to get kicked off.
You eat 500 fortune cookies,
and you will be sick.
Okay.
Excuse me.
This one, I got this one several times.
We'll go to this one place.
So right now what we're doing is we're reading
Larry Compiled, a list of fortune cookies that he had in a drawer.
Actually, he wrote them down.
Yeah.
And what it is is...
Show him the book. He can show them now.
Show him the cover and shit.
Just hold on.
Now we got personal things written on there.
Oh, yeah.
No, we don't.
It's okay. It's got a cat.
On the front and then on the back, it's like a little...
Or bullshit.
Today's Fortune Cookie Fortunes,
brought to you by Tom's Free Clinic is...
Thanks for the air time.
You will be invited to a small gathering
with lots of spicy conversation.
Okay, that's actually like a fortune.
Tell him what's going to happen.
I don't know if that's a fortune.
You're saying that you're going to go to a party
and you're going to...
What kind of...
What is spicy conversation?
Is that like sexual?
Yeah, sex talk.
I mean, see, that's how we interpret it.
A lot of ass talk.
Well, I mean, that's very Sodomite shit.
I don't know if that's funny.
I'm a kid fan.
We don't do Sodomy around here.
Well, I mean...
Not around here, but when you get in the boys' town...
You do it all the time.
Well, there's been plenty of
slutty punk rock chicks that have gotten fucked
on this very couch, but that's the whole other...
Jesus, man.
That's the whole other thing.
I want to thank my buddy, Killian,
for getting me this couch.
This was out of a doctor's office waiting room
in a high-rise downtown Chicago, man.
All the way down there, almost on fucking Michigan Avenue.
It was like... I can't remember, but it was down there.
And he's like, Larry, you got to come right now.
There's this awesome couch, and he was like a union guy,
and they were fucking gutting out this floor on this building.
And he's like, my boss ain't going to let me leave this shit around.
You know, it's a serious work site.
And so my buddy was here with his van,
and I'm like, dude, let's go right now.
I don't know the kids first.
Yeah, and then fucking we got this cool green vinyl couch,
and it's got chrome legs and shit.
It's pretty hard to go.
I mean...
It's dope, man.
It's a nice couch.
It's withstand that...
It's withstand. It stood a lot.
It stood, withstand, withstand a lot.
It's withstand it a lot, baby.
All right, so I mean, getting back to this guy in the forest, man,
like, doesn't anybody ask any questions?
No, they don't.
They just go and move that.
Now it's like they would go fun me for all these people.
I mean, we don't want to get into Alex Jones territory
where we're saying that things aren't real
and people shouldn't be compensated, but...
But maybe they're not, and maybe they shouldn't, allegedly.
It just seems so strange.
It's in a place that's really far away.
There's really no cameras or anything.
Yeah, but if you live there, it's close.
But you're right. It's in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah, usually these shooting on a mean...
They have more forest per square foot in Maine up there
than any fucking place in the whole rest of the United States.
I think Maine is the most coastal land
than California.
Which fucking blows my mind,
because you think about how long California is.
Yeah, compared to the Maine.
You know, they're kind of every little jagged little thing.
Yeah, that's bullshit.
Something that's jutting out of that thing.
I'd rather go hang out on the coast in California.
Yeah, but Maine seems cool, minus the recent...
It's funny, though. I've never fucking played a show in Maine.
And you know what? When they have a school shooting,
do they lower the flags to half-mast?
Maybe. You know what's funny is my neighbor across the street
had his flag at half-mast today.
Because I thought they only did that for, like, dignitaries
and people...
And I thought, is he a Matthew Perry fan?
You know, I got some Matthew Perry facts for you, buddy.
Oh, right. Awesome.
I've never watched a show up in some of the films.
Matthew Perry. Okay. Chandler.
Think of that name. Chandler Bing from his character on Friends.
Chandler. Doesn't that sound like Child Handler?
Okay, next.
Like, Chomo. He's a fucking Child Handler.
Anyway, secondly, Bing.
The definition in Noah Webster's fucking...
In Miriam Webster, I'm sorry.
In Noah Webster.
Miriam Webster's dictionary, the definition for Bing,
is solitary confinement cell.
Okay, the Bing, B-I-N-G?
Yes. Is that weird?
Not really. I mean...
I didn't know that.
So, to me, it was weird.
And the secondly, secondly, one of his last tweets he tweeted
was a picture of some cranberries.
He said, this is all I've eaten.
Now, the lead singer of the cranberries...
Killed herself.
...died in a fucking drowning in a tub a couple years back, too.
I don't know if she killed herself, but she probably killed herself.
No. Then, check this out.
He had this Batman logo on his property, like on his house.
It looked like, like, almost like the bad signal.
Matthew Perry did.
It looked almost like it.
No, no. It was the bad signal.
It didn't shine into the sky.
It looked like a light-up thing.
And it was a Batman thing?
That was on his house. Yes, it was the Bat logo.
On his house?
Yes.
I don't know why.
And when he would tweet out,
when he would tweet out, he would tweet out as Mattman, like Batman.
He liked Batman a lot, I guess.
That much, that he...
Now, listen, the cranberries made a fucking album
that was a Batman soundtrack.
So, that's a fucking coincidence,
which we all know out there in fucking computer land
that there's no fucking such thing as a coincidence.
Thirdly, the last album that the cranberries chick made
was called The End.
And...
I don't know that much about The End.
The last picture he took for Twitter, I guess, that he posted
was him in some fucking hot tub, probably the one he died in.
And there's just all these connections between these two.
Well, the first thing that they said, they came out,
there were no drugs found in this place, just prescription pills.
Yeah, that's like Elvis. I'm not on drugs, man.
They're all prescribed.
And he had his doctor at gunpoint going,
prescribe me some pills, motherfucker.
But, you know...
The guy...
Just think, whatever, man.
The guy's had a rough life, we all know that.
The guy, it's just funny, drowning in a hot tub.
Because that's what they said happened, right?
He pulled a Whitney Houston, sort of.
Matthew Perry?
Yeah, but they...
Yeah, didn't he drown in a...
Didn't he drown in a tub?
Yes, yes.
I don't know, you know more about this than I do.
Here's the thing, though, the tub was pretty big.
It was like a hot tub, right?
Yeah, I believe Whitney Houston...
She drowned in a tub.
Was like in a fucking bathtub.
Yeah, like the Beverly Hills.
Oh, maybe it was a bigger tub, then.
It was bigger, yeah, but it wasn't...
I want to say her daughter, though, was in a motherfucking bathtub.
And it was like her fucking head would have had been shoved down
by some other type of a tub.
I never understood the whole thing of wanting to get high
and then going to the bathtub.
That just seems like asking for danger.
Well, when I used to fucking feel really, really whacked out on blow,
I would want to take a shower all the time I would feel like.
Yeah, but that's a shower, that's not sitting in water.
Well, maybe these chicks want to sit in water.
And not even blow if you're doing opioids or something.
You don't want to be in the water, not in a...
No, I'm saying blow.
Not blows.
Yeah, nobody wants to...
You got to be a real psychopath if you're in the water.
All gacked out of your brains.
Tony Montana did it.
I did it, too, all the time, man.
Dude, now you're creeping me out. I don't like that shit.
Whoa, or, you know...
What?
You want to fucking get down with some...
Alright, man, I think we're in Oregon, Larry.
Jeez, man.
Taking a shower for that reason a lot.
Real Casanova.
I can't open, man.
You got to be a Casanova if you want to be a sugar baby.
Oh, I don't know about that.
You're not exactly...
Maybe in your younger years you were.
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, you can see how it goes.
Alright, let's end this thing.
We'll see how it goes in my later years.
Yeah, let's end this thing and see how...
Alright, man, I want to thank everybody for fucking tuning in.
Let's see how this goes, man, we appreciate it.
Thanks for watching this time.
Thanks for listening, but also this time, thanks for watching.
And thanks for not looking away,
because I know Needles is fucking hit he is.
Aw, that's alright, buddy.
Get your hands off me before I fucking break it.
Fucking take that, motherfucker.
Alright, like, follow, subscribe, now that we've got video aspects.
I want to thank Alex, my nephew, first and foremost, top fucking dog, Alex.
Thanks, Alex.
My nephew, he's the best. That kid is a wizard.
That's no shirt, Nick's son.
I don't know who no shirt Nick is.
Lead singer, a little nicky in the perverts.
And I want to thank Chrissy, Jay, Mary, my wife, my cats, I mean...
Very nice.
My wife.
Kiki.
Yeah, Helly and Harmy.
You say Chrissy?
No, I didn't.
I'm going to get to Chriss out there in Florida.
Ross out there in Arizona.
Fucking Matthew down in Florida.
Mr. Axe.
Mr. Axe, I'm not going to say where he's from.
Tiffany out there in Portland.
Grant in Portland if you're going to ever...
No, he'll never live in it.
I know, man.
He's too far to the left.
But you know what, I had a good time with Grant when he came in town, I gotta say.
Oh, that's good.
Even though I only spent, maybe, maximum two hours, maybe three hours with him.
Over a two-day stretch.
You wanted him to rub off on you.
But yeah, it was fun.
Just turning to a smurf.
And of course, you know, all the rest of the people I might have forgot,
but most of all to the people that we don't know that are fucking tuning in.
That's really cool.
And we gotta fucking say thank you to Tom's Free Clinic for the studio time.
And now we might have to start doing two Tom's commercial breaks for episode now that we have...
Video.
Vision. Yeah.
We could just do live commercials.
Anyways.
All right, you gotta end it then.
Thanks for tuning in.
It's so funny, we have to push the buttons.
And the computer screen's off right now, so we don't know where we're at.
So we're still trying to figure this out.
I'm learning.
I'm needles. Peace.
Peace.