Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show.
Two, one, sure.
Welcome to the Larry and Needles show.
I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles.
Hey, you know, we're real fucking excited today because we got a confirmed new listener that told us to our face that she listened.
She even told us...
Can I get that joint?
Different little things that we talked about in different episodes, which is really funny.
She reminds us of what we talk about, which is very funny.
It was a lot funnier hearing our shit come from her.
All right, cool. Let's move on.
Yeah.
I love you, Sherry.
Yeah.
It was funny.
Anyways.
That's all right.
So if I was 81 years old or 80 years old, and like we were just sitting at the table and, you know, there was just like a neighbor's kid there and I started sniffing it.
What would you do?
I'd call the authorities instantly.
You think?
What if it was on camera?
I mean, you have evidence, right?
Yeah.
But how come people get away with that?
I mean, it's sniffing kids like that's a new Adrena Chrome sniffing kids.
Sniffing kids.
Sniffing kids, sniffing kids.
You don't know.
You remember that sniffing glue song, Exploding Hearts?
No, I do not.
I can't recall it.
Sorry, Larry.
You could just easily just switch out the glue part for kids.
All right, well, get back to sniffing kids.
All right.
I don't know where that just, I mean, Larry's extremely stoned right now.
I shouldn't even be letting him smoke this joint because we know what happens.
You fucking stare at me like Mitch McConnell.
You don't even know what's going on over here.
Was I done talking?
Yeah, you have to ask twice before you stop talking.
That's all right, though.
Are you going to like that for me?
Are you just going to hit my joint and then smoke your own joint?
No, we're going to share them, right?
Why would we share them?
We wrote two.
No, we don't know who's who's now.
Well, the one you put in your mouth is yours.
That's obvious.
The other one that hasn't been in your mouth is mine.
I mean, get it.
Slow down, Junior.
You're going to be late.
This is a long hour.
This is something egregious.
This is a long hour.
So you got to smoke my joint and your joint.
I mean, talk about communism, shit.
For the people, for the people.
For the leaders.
No.
Here you go.
Oh, thanks, Larry.
I appreciate it.
So yes, these people, I mean, okay, first of all, sniffing children is kind of fucking
weird.
I don't condone any type of stuff with children.
I've seen a guy on TV doing that.
I can't think of who it was.
I think the guy's a president.
And I know that for a fact.
I know who's president.
Now I remember.
The guy that's on camera doing it multiple times and in pictures when he was even vice
president.
The best is the latest one where he was trying to eat that ladies' baby.
Did you see that one?
He started nibbling at the kid.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
That was really fucking nice.
I mean, I didn't want to bring up the nibbling because it's kind of fucking creepy.
That's this.
That's like contact.
I know you got your Jeffrey Epstein fucking beard.
So I know you're all gung-ho on this topic.
What's the difference between, what's too much of a nibble on a child, Larry?
I'd say any amount is too much.
So one second.
You know, is it in Italy?
Well, that's groping.
I know.
I mean, nibbling is a whole new thing.
I know.
I mean, our president nibbles children.
I just think it's fucking weird.
You think that's weird.
Yeah.
I mean, you deserve a fucking...
He's fucking weird.
That's kind of converted.
What's going on with that?
There's a lot more going on to that than meets the eye because he's a notorious sniffer and
nibbler, dude.
I mean, if any...
He was a notorious sniffer, now he's a nibbler as well.
I think he was also nibbled before.
And he's a shoulder rubber, too, isn't he?
He likes to get behind women.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, that's the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yeah, you see him all stiffen up and fucking...
The turn of the Frankenstein and the shoulders go up and shit.
This fucking guy, he's just...
Dude, I mean, he's a fucking sexual predator.
Oh, yeah.
He's like getting the...
The thing is, is like...
He does it on TV.
Oh, yeah.
He's like, I don't care.
I mean, what the fuck does that...
I mean, he's the president.
What are you going to do?
Hey, stop sniffing children.
Yeah, whatever.
I'm the president.
Fuck you.
You just nibbled somebody.
Where?
I don't remember doing that.
He probably doesn't remember doing that.
And you see the kid in the clip just trying...
A ghast.
Yeah, jerking away from him violently.
Yeah.
Like, eye-hitting and everything.
Like, you just worked the taser up in front of the kid.
Exactly.
Like, baby, you want...
What would you rather get, baby tasered or nibbled by Joe Biden?
I think the baby would choose a taser.
Yeah.
I would for my child.
Yeah.
I mean...
Me too.
You know what the worst thing is?
It's going to go out of their memory.
It's going to turn into a meme in that poor kid.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's fucking...
They're from like Ireland or somewhere though.
He's a fucking buffoon, this guy.
Oh, yeah.
He really is.
Okay, so getting back to the fucking Democrat.
I mean, you know, the weekend of burning, you know, like weekend at Bernie's, these people.
Weekend at Bernie's, these people.
You know what that is?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When they carry the dead body.
Yeah.
I mean, I did see...
One, the Secret Service like talking, using his mouth to talk.
Yeah.
Which McConnell's just like staring out, literally he's like in a cage hole.
Well, I think McConnell's a Republican.
Is he?
I think so.
I don't know about my fucking...
But he's a very, very fucking...
Oh, then he's a vote.
Yeah.
Just like fucking...
But he goes, you know, he sides with them, you know, I mean, he's a rhino.
Well, just like Feinstein, she's a fucking...
Did you see that?
But you know, Republicans are also bullshit too.
Listen, man, I'm for a bipartisan shit.
I just want everybody to get the fuck along so everything gets cheap again.
Me too.
We need two new parties and everybody that's in it now, get the fuck out.
They could never be in politics again.
Maybe we should start the wig party again.
Yeah, we started with regular people like us.
We just dressed like fancy gentlemen.
That'd be amazing.
You know, different kind of people.
Huh?
Who?
Started back up with normal people that are not...
Oh, man, it's hard.
Everybody's gonna always get corrupted no matter what, I guess, you know.
Good for a see-ville.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
You're gonna get a guy who doesn't take a bribe.
You're gonna get a guy who takes a bribe.
That's it what it boils down to.
And when the regular man becomes a politician, he'll no longer be the regular man.
But the problem is...
He's gonna start fucking taking money from lobbyists and everything else.
Yeah, they started out as well.
You know what they started out as regular men, but there are people...
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Yeah.
Like, you know, they started out with good intentions, but they all get corrupted and fucking go side by side.
Well, the thing is...
The crazy thing is that more than corruption, it's war generates revenue.
Yeah.
Okay?
That's what...
I mean, terrorism generates revenue.
If we have something to keep you afraid of, if we have something to occupy you with, you know what I mean?
The American people are like lemmings.
We're gonna fucking just look at whatever's on the TV screen and be like, yep, that's right.
Yeah.
You know, there are people...
And you know what?
I'm gonna say this word and I'm gonna use it to myself.
There are people that are woke from the media.
Yeah.
They're not fucking...
I don't know what the red pill and the blue pill means.
What does that mean?
The blue pill is from...
It's Matrix, I know, but I don't know what the definition is.
Well, the blue pill is you're gonna go on being a fucking...
Fucking chute to the system.
A blissful idiot.
You're gonna go on with your life and not know what's going on.
Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?
Right.
Or you can take the red pill and you're gonna be awakened and know what's happening.
No, the truth.
You're gonna wake up in a fucking ship and rip clothes.
But once you do, you're fucked because you'll never not know the truth.
They ask them which one do you want.
So it's woke.
The initial woke.
That's what woke them up, baby.
Yeah, they were doing it, I guess, in a movie before.
Yeah, the fucking Matrix.
You just said it was in the movie, the Matrix.
Did you forget that already?
Jesus, Peter Tosh over here.
So...
Fuck you, God.
You remember...
Okay, so...
Go ahead, go ahead.
I didn't mean to interrupt you.
I'm sorry, Larry.
I keep going on this one, we can't.
Well, I mean, do we really think that we have to?
No.
I mean, there should be term limits on people that run this country.
We look like fucking blithering fools.
Our economy's fucking in the dirt.
People care about pronouns more than they care about fucking anything.
Okay, so BLM is out of fashion right now.
They went bankrupt.
Do you know what I mean?
Pride month is over.
And that whole Dylan Mulvaney thing canceled Bud Light.
Fucking...
What's hip right now?
I don't even know what's hip right now.
Like, what's it...
Well, that's a thing, they're trying to force things that they think are hip and cool
line of the people and people see through it eventually, you know.
Or eventually the people on top are so full of shit.
Well, like BLM where they stole all the money and bought themselves mansions.
But there's a hierarchy to everything.
When you're at the bottom of it, it's a fucking pyramid scheme.
That's all it is, man.
You bring people in, you become higher in the ranks, you know, you have to...
It's like a cult.
That's what it is, basically.
But now you can have more leaders and followers on the internet.
You don't have to be in person.
You can do a Zoom meeting and talk to fucking 11,000 people and be a bigot and hate fucking
hate speech and shit like that.
It's easy to be a racist behind the screen, you know.
Minus those guys with the torches that you like to hang out with.
Okay.
But yeah, no, there should always be turmoil in the town of what's going on in this country.
We just look like a bunch of fucking idiots, man.
Mitch McConnell's a good example.
Feinstein is a good example.
Our president is a prime example.
Biden is a great example.
And I don't like to talk politics.
I really don't.
I just, I don't, I can't believe...
Just for the safety of our country, though, we should have fucking stricter term limits.
Seriously, if you're fucking Nana did that or your pop-pop did that, you'd be like,
all right, you know what, maybe it's time you fucking retire.
Yeah, maybe you shouldn't take the car.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
We don't want you to run into the people at the farmer's market.
Poor Jimmy's just trying to get some flowers for his mom for her birthday tomorrow.
And now he's a hood ornament.
He's crippled from the waist down.
Come on up, over the neck up.
Yeah, because you can't tell the fucking difference from the breaking the gas anymore.
Shit like that happens.
That happens all the time.
They drive through windows and shit, but you know, we're all going to get old.
And it's funny that we all think of...
But here's the thing though, you know, when people get that fucked up in the drive-in,
they store windows and shit, you know.
Well, I mean, that's because like you said...
You do take their keys away.
You don't let them be the president.
Well, the state does.
Once the police deem it fucking that you're a fucking terror on the road.
You know, once your elderly mom or dad starts falling down once, twice, three times, off the bike, up the stairs,
fucking over a bag and the thing, fucking just up another set of stairs.
We have to make smaller stairs so they can get up.
Yeah, but here's the thing.
You would start worrying about him if it was your parents.
You'd be like, oh shit.
Yeah, pop-ops not doing so good.
You know what I mean? He might need to take a break for a minute.
Exactly.
Just give him a couple OCs and let him sit on the fucking chair and watch fucking Wheel of Fortune all day.
Exactly.
We'll search off on 20, pop-op.
Or you'll be taking 280, so that'll be the next week.
I don't know. Do they still give old people drugs like that?
I don't think they do really anymore.
Oxycontin, I don't think they do.
Well, I don't think they give drugs out to anybody anymore.
But you know, the newer...
I don't want to get into the Oxycontin thing.
No, all these things are bad. Pfizer is bad.
I mean, these people fucking, they're not stupid.
They know how the government manipulates us in the fucking clay and we do whatever they do.
Our sponsor fucking Johnny's Free Clinic doesn't even give him a fuck.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Just send donations, he needs more hangers.
Johnny's Free, I forgot about that one.
Hey, so do you remember when I was...
We were talking about the people flipping out on the plane and the one guy was saying they were a shapeshifter?
How can I? I want to date that chick.
Well, no, now listen to this.
She's married.
Another guy, well no.
You must broke my heart.
Another guy.
Yeah.
Saying the same thing.
Well, I'm not into dudes.
In China.
Oh boy.
Saying, get me the fuck off of this plane.
He was saying that the stewardess says, are not human.
They're not human.
I don't know if you...
The stewardess?
Yeah, the workers on the plane.
He was saying they're not human.
What nationality were they?
Chinese and everyone was trying to calm the guy down and he was flipping the fuck out.
How many were of them?
How many were there of them?
I don't know how many stewardess there are.
I mean, don't they all know karate and shit?
I don't know if it's China.
They didn't say that in the article?
No.
Well, I mean, they should have specified that.
Although, they're not called stewardesses.
They're called air waitresses, I think.
How dare you.
Oh, I like the guys call them traveling whores.
If that was a stewardess, I'd be so corrupt.
I'd smuggle everything in there.
I'd lizards, coke.
You have ten kilos of your fucking cooch.
What are you talking about?
That's a little extreme.
Ten kilos in your cooch.
That's a good album.
Ten kilos in your cooch.
So anyways, connecting back to the other person that was flipping the fuck out.
Who's that?
The first one, the one that you wanted to marry.
Oh, back to the airplane lady.
It's like, I'm stoned, man.
Yeah, and so here's the thing, man.
Maybe these fucking people are seeing something.
Like, that's an AI robot.
The fucker ain't even real.
I mean, listen.
And it's freaking some people out, man.
And the guy's going, and just like the lady was saying,
he's like, let me off this plane.
This plane is going to crash.
He's saying to the people, call your loved ones and tell them goodbye.
And what did I say last time that fucking you told me that?
That lady should be shot.
Why should he be shot?
Because it's freaking everybody out.
You fucking noticed that the fucking people were fucking bullshit.
Okay, so we're okay.
Where was he sitting, first of all?
He was sitting in the back where they hang out.
Oh, man.
Those waitresses.
Because when we would go on long plane flights,
I would usually be so fucked up and I would end up going in back
and pounding a few beers with the stewardesses.
They had a glory hole.
I would hang on that little back area by the tail end, you know,
and they had like a little, it was almost like a little area
where you could stand around and they had their little flip down seats.
Oh, yeah, their jumpsuits and shit.
Yeah, and they also had shit back there too.
Cokes and stuff and like refreshments and shit.
And so I would just say, hey, could I just hang right here?
And I would just pound three or four beers and they'd say,
yeah, and they would get a kick out of me.
What are you doing?
I'm in a band.
I'm going on tour.
Oh, cool, you know.
Larry's all tan too.
He looks like an Iranian right now.
He's like a curved sword motherfucker.
Like if you tried to do that now,
they would be like, absolutely not, sir.
Call the air marshal on you.
Definitely.
They definitely were.
You're way too tan to go on a plane now.
I'm supposed to do that.
Why are you taking me away, my friend?
Sorry, sir.
You have to come with us.
I have been detained in the fucking little jail cells and...
In a report?
Yeah, in a few different ones.
Why was that?
Well, now you gotta tell us why.
Well, you know, just different reasons.
Like one time they thought the MXR distortion plus, a real old one.
So, paddle.
Why don't you explain to people what they...
It's a guitar paddle.
It looks like a fucking bomb detonator.
And it was a real old one all beat up and painted army green kind of.
If you were going to take this and detonate a bomb,
you'd have to be a real idiot to put it in your fucking carry-on luggage.
You know, everyone was flipping out after fucking 9-11.
And, you know, that got me detained in an airport in Frankfurt, Germany.
And I was fucking freaking out.
They had me stripped down to my underwear.
I bet.
The guy's fucking ready to put it in his put-on rubber gloves.
Yeah, dude.
It was getting close.
Welcome to Frankfurt, Bendo.
And then some other guy comes running in the room with the pedal in his hand.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
Stick this in his ass.
And then he said, it's okay.
It checks out.
He's not lying.
It is for a guitar.
And I'm like...
I mean, it says AC in and AC out.
No, it just says input and output.
It's got the little guitar plug.
Kind of like it was just a picture of you.
And it was an old one that didn't have any power cords or anything.
They had a battery in it and shit.
And they're like, what the fuck is this?
Yeah, I know, but you can easily just put this for a guitar.
Why'd you have to get to your...
I was just...
Of your own thing you wanted to get to your underwear.
No, man.
Did they tell you even though?
Believe me, I did not want to get to my underwear.
I was fucking freezing out.
They're like, what are you doing?
Why are you taking your clothes off?
Another time...
I brought my own gloves.
I got detained, you know, here once with my wife and once without my wife.
But the one time without my wife, I thought I would...
I'm like, pick me up here's the time the plane lands.
You start to be a pro at when to leave the house to get there right when I'm walking out.
So I think I'm going to be smart and not bring any luggage.
And I just got one carry-on thing.
And so I skate right past everybody and it's an international flight, you know.
Can I say something?
Yeah.
What was your weed?
I didn't have it.
I wasn't traveling.
I don't travel around with anything, man, because you know, you got to do the dope where you're
at and then get it at the next place.
That's how it works.
Sounds amazing, doesn't it?
Yeah.
So when you don't get it, then you're extremely sick and shitting yourself.
Sounds a pretty plan, Larry.
But I was coming home anyways.
And so Mary's like, what the fuck took you so long?
She's like, everybody came out and then like an hour later you come out.
I'm like, they detained me because they're questioning me.
Why didn't I have any luggage?
People have luggage and I tried explaining to them.
Did you have a carry-on?
I was trying to save time.
I had a carry-on.
I traveled light.
I don't need to bring a bunch of shit with me.
Yeah, we're the same shit for two weeks.
Yeah.
And so they weren't buying that and they fucking...
They weren't buying that.
They detained me.
It was bullshit.
What did they find in your ass?
After a while I was getting pissed off.
I'm like, really, you know, you can't fucking travel and not have a...
When I got back from Amsterdam, I got detained.
And I had seeds.
You know those click pens with the fucking...
They were pencils and when you click them, the fucking...
What comes out?
What's it?
No, carbon.
Is that carbon?
Carbon come out.
The tip of a pencil.
Yeah, lead.
There you go.
Thank you.
And I would put...
I put seeds in there.
So when they shook it, it just sounded like a bunch of cracked up.
I don't know how they would crack up and shit in there.
And I had like three or four of them and I got fucking hammered before I came back from...
I mean, come on.
It's my last day in Amsterdam.
I came off the flight and they immediately flagged me.
And they went through all my shit, searched me.
Where were you getting in trouble at?
At home.
This is O'Hare.
Okay.
When I came back from Amsterdam.
O'Hare's the worst.
Oh yeah, no.
Nothing's worse.
This was late 90s, 97, 98 maybe.
And so it was a little bit lackadaisical because, you know, we know it didn't happen yet.
But what do you call it?
You could just...
They were fucking predators.
At the same time, I was the only one who lost the whole plane.
But I was the most fucked up on the plane too.
Yeah.
I was going from Amsterdam to England and the girls were like, what were you doing in
Amsterdam?
You know, it customs and I'm like, man, I was getting fucked up.
And she's like, because everyone's like, I was there for business.
Every person, I was there for business.
Oh, well, yeah.
And I just told her, man, I was there guarding my fucking balls off.
And she's like, finally, someone who's honest, I hope you like fun.
Yeah.
That was the only time they didn't fuck with me.
When you were honest?
Yeah.
That was when I said I was getting fucked up.
The irony in that, right?
I mean, that's fucking hilarious.
But it's crazy.
I have this thing that I wanted to read to you, so keep going for a minute.
One time I went to Oxycontins with an...
I mean, I went to Mexico with my wife and she's like, oh, take these and she hands me
that, I don't know, a hundred Oxycontin 80s.
I'm like, damn, I got like fucking 10 years in my pocket.
And you get to that thing where you got to press a little button and it gives you a green
light or a red light.
Yeah.
Oh, thank God it wasn't a red light.
Because I'm like, Mary, I'm going to, she's like, I'm like, I'm going to go to fucking
jail when they catch me with this shit.
She's like, I put this up your cooch.
She hands him to me as we're getting on the plane.
Oh, what the fuck are you going to do?
Yeah, I put him in my pocket and just figured, hey, you know, I was a fuck up.
I didn't realize what I was doing.
Well, what are you going to do?
I mean, that's how it works sometimes.
The border is a weird thing.
It really is.
Like going to Napoleon, they didn't fucking even, there was not even anyone manning the
fucking gates when we went by car.
When you go in other countries by car, there's usually a stringent fucking going through.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it's just because traveling around and but Poland, right.
You drove right into a wall.
It's fucking crazy.
Like, wow, no one cares.
No one.
Well, I mean, I've been all over.
I don't have a, I've been to Poland like four, three, four times.
I don't have a single Poland stamp in my passport.
I heard they built a rocket to the moon.
No, it's impossible.
Yeah, they did.
You never heard of that.
They built a rocket screen door.
Yeah.
I fucked it up.
It should have been the sun.
I said, moon.
So I'm stoned.
I looked dead nuts at you too.
And you just like looked at me.
I can't even see.
Oh, perplexed.
Oh, you can't see this.
Literally fucking bind as a bat right now.
So if I wanted to just rub my nuts on his head, he wouldn't even know if they wanted that.
I might know that.
How do you know?
I think I might know.
Well, pass that joint then.
Let's see how high you can get.
You're on a roll right now.
So I fucked that choke up, which is amazing.
So everybody knows about my fucking neighbor next door and I drew the branches in his yard.
How the world turns.
Here's something really funny.
Today, one of my friends helped me cut down the branches in front of my big, giant tall bushes in front of my house.
They were like 15 feet tall and now they're like five feet tall.
And so there's a lot of, there's a big, big, big pile of branches.
And what happened to them, Larry?
They're in my driveway right now, but I'm being like tonight I could throw them in my neighbor's yard in the morning.
You're stealing my shit.
I told you about that earlier.
Did you?
Yeah, you dumbass.
We were on the fucking screen porch and I told you that.
That is a good idea.
You dumbass stoner.
And then tomorrow I'll just be like, dude, I didn't do it.
You don't even know where you're at right now.
You're probably throwing back into your yard.
If he threw them back into my yard, I'd give him credit for that.
You got too much bush going on there, Larry.
You can't just fucking start chucking that into your neighbor's yard.
There is a lot of shit.
I mean, that's a fucking act of war there.
That really would be.
I would be in the wrong.
Even though when I told other people that I did that.
You would lie to them.
No, I told them I threw the branches back in his yard and they were like, wow, dude.
I thought they'd all be like, damn right, you should have thrown back in.
But everyone was like.
I don't matter here.
You don't think my opinion matters?
Yeah, but I didn't think other people would agree with that.
I thought everyone was siding with me.
Because the system is just a skew, isn't it?
Always towards the perp, not the victim.
I mean, Jesus, Larry, this is what's wrong with this system.
And it's you perpetrating all of it.
Yes, it is.
Look at by being an angry old bastard throwing branches in your neighbor's yard who has young children.
The nice thing about it right now.
What's the nice thing about it?
They were pine bushes.
I was informed in my whole front of my house smells like a Christmas tree.
You should just light them on fire right in the dry.
I mean, it's like an eight foot pile by like six foot.
That'd be fucking great.
I don't think they'd appreciate that.
No, because you'll start your own house on fire knowing you're a lock.
Who would fire enough away?
Fire enough away from lighting it?
From my house.
So you're going to push it out.
We should push it on the sidewalk.
It's public property.
You're going to light it.
Sweep it out in the middle of the street and burn it at the end of the thing by the park.
You do live in a cul-de-sac.
You could get away with that for like five minutes.
And then they'd have to call the cops on you.
And then they'd see my freshly chopped off bushes and be like, I think I know what happened.
Yeah, the cops would pull up and be like, yeah, this is the perpetrator.
The guy with the manicured bushes that's burning a pile of shit in the fucking street.
Jesus, you hit your head when you came down here.
I wasn't with you for five minutes, man.
So it was like 95 degrees out today and I was out all day.
Watching someone else do work.
Yeah, and then I took a ride and...
I mean, the ultimate life of a sugar baby.
I went and fucking scored some lean.
Dude, this is a sugar baby summer.
It was a 40 minute ride.
I didn't turn the air conditioning on once, man.
You want the car?
Yeah, because you're a Nazi when it comes to the fucking...
The air conditioner. You're like an SS warrior.
I know. I want to fucking withstand the temperatures.
Yeah, but sleeping in the fucking heat is the worst.
The worst, man.
It's a thing that never happens anymore because my wife keeps it fucking arctic.
Bullshit.
Oh, yeah.
You don't turn the air on most of the time.
This is hot out at night and she gets up and she's hot and she tells me,
I'm turning the air on. I don't argue with her.
Yeah, because it's probably good.
Because she's not going to put fucking gas in your scooter.
You're going to have to go down and panhandle by the train station.
Oh, man.
You have to walk your scooter over there.
Man, they just see you and someone give you a fiver right away.
I feel like, y'all, this guy really needs it.
He just got out of the mental institution.
He took his fucking shoelaces.
Literally, you have no shoelaces.
It gives me anxiety looking at your feet.
It's like I'm in a lab.
No, it gives me anxiety.
How do you walk around in those things?
I know the Barney-ass rubble feet.
They're tight on me, man.
I don't know how I got these, but they're...
Whatever, man.
You look like a homeless guy.
That's what I'm trying to get at.
I put socks on they're too tight, so they only fit without things.
Here's the other thing, with the laces, it wasn't doing anything.
My foot is touching the front.
My foot is going from front to back on that motherfucker.
I think you went to Poland too many times.
It's rubbing off on you.
So just looking at it gives me anxiety.
Now I got to look at those fucking dogs.
I mean, those things are fucking just barking, dude.
Don't do that again.
We were going to hit the train whistle anything in a while, so that's pretty good.
Yeah, we haven't.
That's one thing.
We used to train whistle when people said dumb shit,
or they'd say someone's last name or something like that.
And they'd say, oh, edit that out, but you know what, now, fuck it.
Nothing ever gets edited again.
This dude in Russia got laid off, and for two months he posed as a traffic cop.
He said it was his dream job, and that's what he was doing.
So he just did it, and nobody objected, nobody did anything.
Nobody said, hey, who is that guy?
No, somebody just let fuck it, Sergey, into the break room, and he was a traffic cop.
So he just started hanging around at the police station?
Yeah, he was very conniving in his ways, because...
Did they say he did a good job?
Yeah, he was awesome at his job.
He loved it, but he was getting paid.
He wasn't getting paid.
No, he just showed up and did it on his own.
Good intention, because that was his dream job.
He got laid off.
But that's what I'm saying, did they say, man, this guy's so good,
we should just start putting him on the payroll.
I don't know, man, impersonating an officer seems like a felony.
I mean, I'm not a fucking attorney.
They might let him slide, though, and it is Russia.
Yeah, but I mean, at the same time...
They might kill you.
Exactly, I mean, you want to talk about 50-50, fucking Russia, man.
You might either get dropkick or just shot point blank in the head by the police.
You ever seen those videos?
I think we talked about that.
They're doing a drug bust and some dude sprints
in two full concrete sections of sidewalk,
like a regular sidewalk.
He comes at his feet out and just dropkicks this dude.
And then they, other cops could start beating the shit out of him.
It is nothing worse than Russian justice.
And people think that we get roughed up.
I mean, obviously, some people here and there do.
We have it so good in this country, okay?
But our cops aren't even in shape good enough to beat your ass like they couldn't.
But we're also talking about continents that have the billions of people on there.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, how do you think the cops are in India?
You think they're looking at your personal rights and shit?
They're gonna stick that nightstick up your ass until you're in the Ganges.
You're gonna get fucking sodomized with the fucking Billy Club.
Thanks for reiterating that, Larry.
Like they did to Abner, LaWayman in New York City in like about, I don't know, thousands.
I think I remember this story.
Yeah.
Yeah, they were co-hear scene fucking in New York.
The New York cops.
What's that called?
There was confessions out of people.
Yeah.
You know, there's, what the cop, dude, the back down the cops are fucking.
They did the Billy Club version with Abner, LaWayman.
It is crazy that just what, a hundred years ago, racism, not even a hundred years ago.
What?
Like racism was still prevalent in some places.
Yeah, man.
Outwardly.
Yeah, I guess.
It's very, like.
Never though what I ever fucking, well, because I'm not a hundred yet, I guess.
Well, I'm not saying, I'm just saying in places that we weren't, there was always, you know,
there's still racist places.
Yeah, but we're always from Chicago.
Check out our new tour next year, Larry and Nidalee's show, Ant Racist Places.
Yeah.
We're gonna go to every single, we're gonna look it up on Google and whatever.
No, it's a place where nobody gives a fuck.
Everybody's mixed, man.
I mean, it's Chicago.
I know, but I'm just saying.
There's places, I don't know, maybe some weird place down south or something, but I don't
want to be smirking any fucking part of our nation.
Well, I mean, it's been shown that there's people that are, you know, they hold certain
views and hold certain standards to things.
Yeah.
And they're very intertwined with each other and don't let other races join them.
And listen, there was fucking, remember, there were golf clubs that wouldn't let women in.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's funny how we have to pick and choose what to be racist about and what to be angry
about and what's not American and what's American.
And I was listening to something about this guy at work and they started talking about
like the trans stuff and immigration.
And the guy calls him a racist.
Yeah, racist, bigot and a Trump supporter and just shuts the conversation down because
he's saying to guys like, I don't agree with what's going on.
And these are electricians.
No, it wasn't another.
It wasn't my job.
Another.
It was trade.
Okay.
Yeah.
And it's like.
And so that was it.
And then the guy couldn't really argue effect, but his argument was your racist and the bigot
and the Trump supporter and shut the, you know, had nothing to say.
Well, there's no comeback.
There's no rebuttal.
There's no nothing to back up what you're saying, which is the basis of all argumentation.
Right.
Yeah.
You don't have to use your fist to argue.
No.
You're going to be archaic and fucking like these days, though, words are violence, man.
You say something bad about somebody.
You fucking say something about anybody, especially if you're white, you are going to get fucking
attacked.
If you call someone the N word, you're going to get.
Oh yeah.
I didn't want to mean to block you.
You're going to see.
You should though, you know what I mean?
Because that ain't cool.
But at the same time, you're not really racist.
You're fucking doing your thing and you just say something to somebody and now you're,
hey, you know, you say something against gays or something, even if it's a joke or whatever,
and people are like, oh, you're violent against gays.
Now all of a sudden you've done violence.
You say something off color about any fucking other kind of person.
And whatever it might be, you're committing violence.
My niece would say this shit to me.
Well, it's, you know, people are just, people are, you're committing violence with your
words.
That's amazing.
That would be, I wish we could win a war with words.
You know what I mean?
But we got to put boots on the ground and we got to drop bombs on people just like fucking
everybody's complaining about this Hiroshima, this Oppenheimer fucking movie that now we're
terrorists because what we did to the Japanese people.
Isn't that a crazy look at it?
Not American soil saying this.
The reason they're showing us Oppenheimers because they're going to be dropping bombs
soon.
That's all foreshadowing.
I mean, come on, Larry, really?
What the fuck?
Stop yanking my chain.
This is what you think?
Yeah, you know.
You're going to start dropping bombs and civilians.
Preemptive program.
You are smiling like a guy who just got out on an eyebond.
I mean, fucking hey, Larry, you could barely contain yourself with that one.
Where and when are they going to start driving?
Or is it just fucking random?
You know, Russian shit, we're going to start fucking around with them soon.
And so they're getting us used to the idea of nuclear war.
About something that.
By showing Oppenheimer.
About something that only happened.
Reminded us that this shit could happen.
Christopher Nolan's a good fucking director.
Or it's just to scare everybody.
Yeah, but if they let it through and if it's in Hollywood and it's a big money fucking
movie, that means it's controlled and it's edited and they're only telling you the story
they want to tell you.
Dude, the narrative is very good in this fucking.
I'm not saying that they can't write great stories and keep you interested.
I'm just saying it's a lie.
Listen, a fucking Hollywood movie is great.
Remember being a kid, going to the movies and just forgetting about shit, man, for
a couple hours.
I want to go see the making of the new.
I want to see the Manhattan Project.
So my we.
I want to fucking see nuclear bomb get made.
And I want to see it dropped on our enemies.
My dad take us to see Funny Car Summer, which is a terrible movie.
Funny Car Summer.
And it was about a drag strip.
And then we made him take.
Oh, funny.
Okay.
Funny as in.
Okay.
All right.
And then we made him take us to see Dirty Harry and Crazy Mary.
That's a great movie.
Dirty Larry and Crazy Mary.
Yeah.
Or Dirty Larry and Dirty Mary.
I think it's Dirty Larry, Crazy Mary.
So and then and then we went to the drive in and he brought us to see Blazing Saddles
and that was fucking terrific.
Oh, man.
Oh my God.
That and word that loud.
The little sheriff's in here.
They're just blasting over blocks.
Yeah.
It was at the drive in.
Dude, if you watch that movie lately, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but in the first
like five minutes, he says the n word like three times.
I don't know.
You know what?
It's been so long since I saw it, but I remember that me and my brother were just laughing.
Oh, it is.
Let me tell you, when you get, when you get to that point of being a young boy, you know
what I mean?
When shit's like, when you start understanding like, oh man, I can't.
I don't exactly remember how old I was when it came out, but we were kids and it was fucking
funny.
It is a very funny.
He made good movies, Mel Brooks.
Yeah.
And it was always fun going to the drive in because my dad had this old ass, like a 68
Plymouth fucking station wagon in the back door went down and that way out the back.
Fuck yeah.
And we even had seats that went facing back.
Yeah.
Like a grandma's here.
What's that called a mother-in-law seat or something like that?
Maybe.
I don't know.
These are for everybody.
That's for me and my brother were usually forced to sit.
Yeah.
Get the fuck back to it.
I remember sitting there like, it was fun, man.
Jay and I would sit there and drive.
Yeah, we would be driving.
And we had a station wagon in the seat.
Like the back of the seat was in the bottom of the trunk.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And then fucking, and then the seat flipped up and you could sit in there and it was crazy.
Yeah.
Like driving a fucking fire truck backwards.
You know what I did the other day?
I don't know if I've ever told you this.
Sometimes when I get bummed I'll watch the fire department rescue people backwards.
Oh man.
So they're putting the people into the fire.
It's always the best when they're saving like nine people in one window.
Now they're put throwing them back to it.
It's fucking stupid.
Whatever.
It makes me laugh.
Yeah.
Oh, fucking excuse me, man.
So yeah, man, I worked my fucking ass off today.
A lot of shit.
Dude, I don't think you did any work.
You already admitted you didn't do any work.
I mean, you just, you paid this dude what?
A couple, couple times and then fucking, it took him a couple hours and he was good.
But you just stood there and watched.
Did you wear a shirt?
Not in shirt.
Some of the time.
I cleaned up.
It's in your blood.
I can't have a shirt.
It's starting to set in Larry.
You better watch out.
You're gonna be using no shirt, Nick.
Doing death leopard cover tunes.
Oh yeah.
That would be amazing though.
I'll fucking dig that.
I'm ready.
You're ready for it to do death leopard cover tunes?
I'll do anything, man.
You'll do anything?
Pretty much.
I mean, we already know that.
When they call you little sweets down in Boys Town.
That's right.
You're a fucking hometown hero.
That's right.
You'd like that, what's that, the alderman of Boys Town?
Man, did you see about the fucking, they finally admitted about aliens and shit that they found
bodies and stuff?
Yeah.
You know, here's the thing about the aliens.
Do you believe in that shit like aliens and ghosts?
Well, I believe in ghosts to some extent.
I believe in them, but here's what it is.
Yeah.
They're not coming from outer space because there is no space.
Oh boy, here we go.
What's this have to do with your flatters, shit?
Well, partially, you know, they're coming from beyond other, they're coming from other
lands beyond the ice wall.
That's why they need such high powered.
I thought you said that we're in a terrarium.
Yeah.
It goes on far, man.
It goes.
So they're space?
Or there might be ways through, you know.
So they're space?
No.
And now you're saying there's portals also?
Everything's like Stargate.
Possibly.
I mean, you can come up with the fucking theory here Larry.
Not Stargates, but portals.
Yeah, portals.
You've probably never seen the movie Stargate.
No.
They go from, there's one, they find one, fix it, and then it's in another part of the
world that takes them there or world, not just a whole different place.
Whatever you think, whatever makes, it tickles your fancy Larry.
And now all those Hollywood movies are just things showing you what's really going on
and they say, oh yeah, yeah, that's fantasy.
Because they're movies.
That's what I want.
I want fantasy.
Right, but don't you realize that the people that are in the movies are also on the inside
track and are getting tipped off to what's really going on and they're fucking coming
up with their science fiction movies?
You want to hear something funny?
So I work with this dude, shout out Uncle Darrell.
Fuck, and he used to tell, he told me that they used to show porn at one of the outdoor
theaters.
Oh yeah.
Cascade was it?
The one on North Avenue?
Oh, I don't know if it was Cascade.
Like St. Charles maybe?
I don't know which one it was.
But there was a couple of them, man.
But he's one that was out in the middle of fucking nowhere, which is now a town.
And you can drive by and sometimes see it.
And you know the cars would be parked in there and I'm like, ah man, you know those people
are fucking and sucking in those cars.
God, tell me, tell you, you want to talk about fucking what's that called Sodom and
Gomorrah?
That's where it's going down, man.
Like you couldn't see the screen, but you could see the cars there.
Oh, the top of the car.
And you knew that it was a porno going up.
To speed up.
Exactly.
Some dude just working his meat over.
Brutal.
Dude, you have to be a real sicko to go to an outdoor porn movie.
At least an indoor one.
Sky High, it might be some call or something.
The Sky High.
They just show skin flicks after dark.
Dude, what kind of pervert take you?
Hey man, you know what?
You're just helping her out.
Any time you're with some girl and you really, you know, back in the day.
No, I don't.
You didn't really know her.
And someone put on a porno or something.
They usually sped things along.
You know, you're in a room with like eight other...
We know you like to have group sex later and we've already talked about this.
Your proclivity towards multiple partners.
Whatever.
But hey, you know, you fucking want to wear a pineapple and go for it, bud.
I think you'd wear it upside down if you're swingers.
But you just wear a regular pineapple.
You got a pineapple Hawaiian shirt.
Like a doobie getting passed around.
Oh shit, that's funny.
Fuck, what were we talking about?
Oh, aliens.
Goddamn.
Sorry, I apologize for that.
Grateful dad.
The alien.
Oh yeah, don't use the Lord's name.
I just apologized and switched it.
I know this guy's trying to learn people out there.
I'm trying to tell him that.
Oh, you're trying to tell me.
The words, the worst one.
You're going to censor me?
No, man.
I just don't want you to burn it now.
Hey, look at, see my American flag over here?
See I knew I knew it'd be special.
You can say it, but I'm just warning you.
You're going to go to hell.
Call me an American.
I didn't say you were an American.
It's a very American thing to curse the Lord's name in vain.
Everybody does it.
They even do it on TV.
You know the alien thing.
Yeah, I know.
I don't understand what the alien thing is.
They're coming up with this alien shit because the next big scare for them to take over our
fucking rights is.
Aliens?
Yeah.
Well, we created space for it.
They're going to have a fake alien attack and then we're going to be like, oh, we need
your help.
We need your help.
You know, that's how they're going to get their one world government going, man.
Well, look what happened when 9-11 happened.
Everybody came together.
Yeah.
They lost all our rights every time.
In one year before 9-11.
Which don't get me wrong, I love this country.
I would never want to see anything bad happen to this country at all.
I don't remember.
Me either.
You know what I mean?
I don't like the fact that they do terrorist attacks on our own people and fucking blame
Arabs and shit.
That's here nor there.
I mean, it's highly proven.
Allegedly.
Well, I don't know about allegedly even.
I mean, there's fucking multiple variables that are.
He said right before Rumsfeld said before, I think it was Rumsfeld before a year before
eight months before 9-11 at a speech that we need another new Pearl Harbor.
I mean, war.
We just had war pays the bills.
We look at companies like Halliburton and fucking what's the other one, the missile
company.
Shit.
Damn it.
I don't know.
You can't help me.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to think of it, but they sell fucking, you know, they sell all this shit that they're
getting rid of Ukraine right now.
Like they're just giving stuff away.
What do you think's happening?
They're testing all new weapons and shit and they're stealing tons and tons of money,
man.
They think who's stealing money?
The U.S. government and the from who?
From us, they sent over $200 billion to fucking Ukraine.
Yeah.
You just realized that we're getting ripped off by the government?
No, but I'm just saying.
Remember that first paycheck you got?
Do you think that they really need that much fucking money?
Obviously.
That's why they're giving it to them.
I mean, if they didn't need them, they didn't want to give it to them, right?
They're fucking stealing it.
They're using it as money laundering.
What's going in is probably, there's a lot more.
They're probably bringing fentanyl in.
They're probably bringing a whole bunch of other shit into this country.
Zelinsky's got his $30 million fucking mansion in Miami.
Okay, and good for him.
It's all from this money ever since the war started, man.
Listen, man, these people are not that stupid.
Right now, nowadays, you could fucking track anybody.
You know what I mean?
If we put trackers on people, you could tap phone calls, all this shit, Larry.
Is that your fingertips if you know the right people?
Or anything that is an acronym in the United States.
Anything that's an acronym in the United States has overreach of any citizen.
The fucking CIA is fighting with the FBI.
The FBI is fighting with Homeland Security.
Man, I remember as a kid thinking, ah, the FBI is so heavy duty and cool, but...
Back then it was.
They probably were bullshit always, man.
What did they call them?
They can't just turn this bad.
They're terrible.
What do you mean?
They're going after people for no reasons.
Like Elliott Ness and shit?
No, Elliott Ness was a TV fucking show, right?
No, it was an actual dude.
Elliott Ness was a fucking fought against bullseye.
What we know about it is from the Untouchables on TV.
Yeah, that's what was actual fucking.
But it's not.
It's Hollywood, man.
No, there was a dude named Elliott Ness, I thought.
Yeah, yeah, but they're taking his stories and spinning them and twisting them.
You don't actually know.
So they're making a movie, you're telling me.
Yeah, you know.
They're making a movie, Larry, for just fucking explaining me what a fucking movie is.
I know, I understand they're twisting these fails and fucking, you know, they're spinning
the yarn.
They're making it look good, you know, they're probably always fucking bad.
But back then, though, these guys were fucking...
Praying people up and shit like that.
They were fucking fighting.
Eventually, they learned how to fight fire with fire.
These guys were carrying 38s of fucking fads and they got Tommy guns and shit.
You know, they're out gunning the fucking police department, which is still, I mean...
That was a different time, though.
That was a very, very beginning and that was all probably based on personal vendettas and
shit.
What's that?
The early FBI with J. Edgar Hoover, the fucking war...
Well, it was just made to spy on American citizens.
That's all it was made to do and the fucking black male.
Because everybody's like, oh, Jeffrey Epstein was a huge pedophile.
What a dirtbag.
Like, this has been going on since the fucking beginning of the United States.
You think they don't know this?
Yeah.
Look, how many presidents had black children because of their slaves?
They would just grab anything in arms reach.
Fuckin' man.
They were drunk all the fucking time.
They tried...
Everybody...
Okay, listen, racism, we were talking about that before.
Tell me, how you would be if we were born 200 years ago?
I don't think...
I'm not that cruel.
I couldn't be that cruel.
Seriously, that shit's fucking...
I'm kidding, man.
But you know what, though?
My mentality does change a person.
Yes.
I think that's what you'll buy himself as a threat.
But once you're a part of a mob, you're not a part of a gang.
Once you're in that gang, bang, man.
You don't care.
What's your name, gang?
Oh, cowboy gang, bang, dude.
Oh, that's gotta be the worst, man.
What kind of lube would you be using, big?
It's all dusty and shit, man.
Like, ah, just a chap.
I just...
No, I'm not into the whole West gang, bang, bang, bang.
No, I wasn't thinking of the West.
I'm thinking 200 years ago, like, New York, out east in the city.
I'm always thinking city.
Like four-point shit?
Oh, West would be too much work, man.
To go what?
To be a fucking...
Yeah, I want to go to the bar and hang out.
I don't want to get in a gunfight over some car game.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, the wild West was fucking wild.
They had gentlemen's duels and shit.
I mean, it was called wild for a reason.
Exactly.
And plus, he had engines.
You gotta watch out for that, man.
Yeah.
You don't want to fuck around with engines.
I think they had engines everywhere, bro.
Uh-huh.
We all pushed them more west once they started taking their land.
But I think they still intermingled and still, like, you know, they would help them fight
in wars and everything.
They would recruit them up.
They just didn't give them all small packs and fucking booze.
After they used them and shit.
What's that?
After they were done with them, they'd say, here, yeah, take these blankets.
Yeah, here, you go.
Things are helping us win this war.
Here's some blankets to keep warm.
These are extra cuddly.
And try this to keep you extra warm.
Here, try this booze.
Because I think, isn't that that, is that, I don't know what the word is, but I know
there's like an enzyme that doesn't break down alcohol.
I think the, I'll say aborigines, because I don't know what the politically correct
term is, but they have like an enzyme that doesn't break it down.
Well, I always heard that, I don't know this scientifically, and I heard this when I was
a little kid from like one of my older uncles, because, or maybe my dad.
But I can't remember who told me, but I noticed when we were in New Mexico one time, that
everybody was just boozing and they were fucked up by like, you know, 10 AM.
And my dad's like, yeah, I think maybe it was my uncle.
I can't remember, because my uncle lived out that way too.
Fucking stories and thrallings.
But anyways, man, he told me that their liver was only half the size of us.
All that just to get to that?
So they're fucked up really quick, man, so they fucking can't handle it.
I understand that.
It shouldn't be drinking.
I mean, if you have a half of anything, you're probably, you know, it's working twice as
hard, you know, just like you have a half a heart.
Right.
Because you gave the other one to Satan.
For you.
You made a deal with the devil.
My heart belongs with Jesus, brother.
Well, you think I have to get it back for you, brother?
No, no.
Yeah.
My heart belongs with Jesus.
I passed out the other night, I used your hand to sign a contract.
Yeah, fuck you.
This is legally binding.
Yes, I will jerk out to Satan off whenever he wants.
So you got that going for it.
That's going to be your fucking deal.
What's that?
They got jerks, ain't no?
Yeah, you better shut your mouth, man.
I know because of my puttas dick in my mouth.
It ain't funny.
That's it.
That's all the funny talk that we're going to do.
Just for a silly second.
Don't get your panties in a bunch, Larry.
You fucking...
I'm not going to use the Lord's name in vain.
Grateful dad.
Oh, man.
Huh?
And what?
You're going to go to hell and fucking around with that.
Why?
I haven't done anything bad today.
It's blasphemy.
Since when?
I didn't say anything bad.
All that joking around about jerking on Satan.
Oh, wait a second.
Okay, so I can't say the word.
Okay, that's fine.
I'll totally comply with that because I know you don't like that, Larry.
All right, go ahead then.
I'm being a good dude, but I can't even joke around about...
Dude, you aren't turning the leftist, Larry.
You really...I can't even make jokes about your religion.
It ain't my religion.
I'm just worried about you, man.
No!
What a flip-flopping motherfucker over here.
I mean, do you hear yourself?
Are you wearing a wire?
I really fucking hope not, man.
I think you turned fed.
That's why you're wearing that silly-ass shirt.
And then the witness protection program.
We're not going to put you...
That's great.
Whatever.
I just think it's fucking silly.
I can joke around about whatever I want as long as it's not hateful or racist, maybe
subliminally racist.
But you can't fucking...you can't censor me, Larry.
I'm not censoring you.
Yeah, you are.
I'm just going to have to pray for you.
I mean, I'm going to have to put this on Twitter to Larry censoring, you know.
I'll put a picture of me or red tape on my mouth.
No, I'm just going to have to pray.
For who?
For you, man.
I appreciate that.
Thank you, Larry.
You got to pray too.
I'm going to have to go then.
I'm going to pray for yourself.
Someone told me that once.
Kind of an eye-opener, but after about 30 minutes I forgot what and did my thing.
Oh, man.
What?
People tell us to say a lot of shit all day.
You think if I just listened to the homeless man and told me to go fuck a broom, I'd go
do it?
Here.
No.
Go fuck a broom.
Well, you never hear a seamless ransom that people do in their New York.
Did you see that lady in Oakland that fucking took her clothes off on the highway and was
shooting a gun?
Fucking amazing, man.
I wish I had balls like that.
Did they, did you, did you, uh, did they kill her?
No.
You could ask her out.
Yeah, I didn't think her body was blurred out, so I want to see what her body looks
like.
Her wrists look, her wrists look huge.
Did it matter though?
She was towing a gun and going all wild like that?
What, does it matter what?
Pair up with her and the one from the air.
I could have a three-way.
That'd be amazing.
Dude, I could sell that on port like in a, my, a porno fucking.
They'll fucking just lose their minds.
Oh man.
Right in the middle and start beating your ass or shooting.
I'll come out as a shapeshifter or whatever.
And then what did the other lady, oh, fucking, what was the other lady?
The other one was just firing off a gun.
Oh yeah, naked, she'll be naked shooting a gun.
So this will sell units.
Let me tell you.
Yeah.
Quick as download ever.
I got played lady and gun lady.
I can get to how with that though.
I wrote both of them in the room man.
Poof.
That's, I mean, that's mixed in oil and dynamite.
Yeah, you're going to fucking die.
Well, what a great way to go though.
We should be on film.
A middle of a lovers quarrel.
Isn't that how every man wants to go?
Two women fighting over you.
You accidentally take the bullet and on your way down, on your way down you grab both boobs.
Nah, I'll fucking prefer to live through that.
Well, maybe you lose half a liver.
I'm like the Indians and now you can't drink anymore.
I can barely drink as it is, dude.
Yeah, you are a cheap date.
What the fuck?
Let me tell you.
By the way, asshole.
Oh, that's not nice.
There's no beer at all.
I had a 12er and Jay brought me a fucking six pack of tall boys.
I didn't drink that.
Yeah, you did.
I did not drink that.
You were down here going, it's on the fucking pockets.
I said this is the last one, but I didn't drink all fucking fight.
Well, what up?
Are you really going to bring this up right now?
This is what we're talking about.
No, and then you know what else?
Fucking asshole.
All you had to be is like, hey, needles, can you give me 20 bucks?
And I'd be like, here you go, but no.
Here's what else.
You're going to fucking air your grievances like this?
Your panniness.
I want to go ahead and my tamale that I had and you fucking ate it.
Then I'll get you another tamale.
Well, dude, I was planning on eating it for dinner and I go in the fridge and it's fucking
gone.
That's my bad.
Fucking asshole, man.
I'll buy you more tamales.
That ain't the point.
You don't need that much anyways.
Too dead ain't the exact least.
So I'm waiting on that.
I love how this is how you want to end it.
You argue with me about tamales and beer.
Oh my God, man.
Just the Larry and Sir Larry and Los Needles.
Seriously, man, because it is bullshit.
Okay, we heard your grievance.
I'll give you cash.
Oh, man.
We can go to the store.
What a cock sucker.
I just said I was going to repay this.
I told you I didn't go to the pier.
You should go to the store and get that easy off.
The stove too.
Oh, gee, you're just on fire, man.
You're in all your grievances tonight.
Anything else, Larry, that you want to entice our listeners ears with?
Yeah, you gotta help me put those bushes in the air.
Yeah.
Did you just, you could fucking stick your dick in your ass because I ain't helping
you do that shit the way you just besmirched me.
That was not funny, Larry.
Yeah, to put the bushes in my neighbor's yard.
Yeah, it sounds like a fucking euphemism for something.
Fucking asshole.
Totally just, why would you do that?
Well.
But that's all right.
You're the fucking king in Larry's world.
That fucking stupid Jeffrey Epstein beard.
Hey, man, it's fucking crazy looking, isn't it?
I feel like a bee-neck, an old bee-neck.
Yeah, it's better than that porn stash.
I'll support that all day.
Well, here's the thing.
Oh, boy.
You shave off the beard right now and have a porn stash like that.
The top says you can't wear the porn stash anymore.
It's illegal in these parts.
Like, sir, that is way too illegally walking by a park with.
You're like, I'm just watching.
Well, then you gotta take off those sunglasses.
And your hand out of your pants.
There are families here, sir.
It'd be better, it's a lot better than doing it at the dog park.
Then you got a real problem.
Just wrecking your meat outside the fence.
Oh, man, that's what you would do.
No, I would not.
Just because I had a mustache.
These fucking lies.
That's what would happen.
Huh?
And just because I said you hated porn stash, then, Alson, I like to have sex with dogs.
You're the one saying it.
He forgot what a joke was.
He got so high.
I think what the joke?
He'd taken it literally.
Now, hopefully, I've got to stop using that computer because when the FBI comes and searched
it, I don't want to be on there.
Oh, man, I don't want you on there.
It's my fucking computer.
Well, stop looking up weird shit.
I don't look up weird shit.
Well, I do, but I just leave it on there.
Like Mr. Hands.
Mr. Hands.
Fucking asshole.
That's all right, man.
I'll do your shot.
Or your hit list.
Yeah.
All right, let me change my mood a little.
I don't know what that's supposed to mean.
I mean.
I want to shout.
I want to thank all the only girl.
I mean, you start with that one.
I mean, this is the time to shout out our new listener and you start.
You can't even get it out of your mind.
I mean, you are a rat, Larry.
He is just dying over here right now.
He was doubled over a second ago.
Our only fans, girls.
Sherry told me that when she followed our page on Twitter, it was just like only fans,
girls, like their profile, like her whole algorithm change.
Oh, man.
Just chicks selling nudes and putting stuff in their butt.
Oh, man.
Sorry, Sherry.
It's fucking hilarious.
It is very funny.
Larry, keep them pics coming.
Larry loves them.
Just looking at him on the porch.
Like a total old dirt bag.
Just going through nudes.
People can see inside the porch.
He's just looking at nudes.
I mean, Jesus, Larry, have some class.
Man, all right, Chrissy, I hope you're still listening, doll.
That's not R.P. is it?
R.P. Chrissy?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Hope you feel better.
Yeah.
We miss you.
Chris, buddy, I hope you're listening.
Yeah, you should be.
We hope you feel better too, man.
Yeah, I sent him some stickers and shit in the mail.
Nice.
Tiffany, how you doing, honey?
Excuse me.
Matthew, what's up, buddy?
What up, man?
Russ, what's up, dude?
What up, Russ?
Got dude in Belgium, what up?
Yeah, Belgium especially.
I hope it's not a bad thing.
I don't think it's a bot because they're downloading the episode.
Well, that might mean that they are a bot.
I mean, I don't know how the internet works.
Yeah, but do you think there's one person that's downloading every episode?
It's probably like, you know,
No, it's spread out.
It's not a poll or something.
Oh, God, Larry.
All right.
I don't know what the fuck it is.
It doesn't seem like someone should like us that much.
Why not?
They listen to the show.
I know.
What's wrong?
I mean, Jesus, what are you saying?
People should listen.
I'm glad they do.
At Larry Needle's Twitter.
Dumbass.
Made me say that even because he's fucking...
I don't care if people listen.
No, I do.
I want people to listen, but I'm just saying.
I kind of find it hard to believe and I almost think, you know,
It just freaks me out the computer in the first place.
It's like, yeah.
Like it says on his page.
Maybe half the people.
Like it says on our page.
Listen to us now because we're going to get canceled soon.
And on that note, I'm Larry.
Oh shit.
I'm...
I'm Needle's.
And I'm Larry.
Thank you.
We love you.
Damn.
Rock and roll.
Peace.
Larry's in Needle's show.