Time to get ready for the Larry Needle Show!
Here we are.
And we love you.
All right.
It's very funny.
Here we are. Welcome to the Larry Needle Show.
I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles.
Fucking gorgeous out today.
I love it. You know, even though I'm a creature of the night,
I do hate the sunshine
and I don't like beat out there in the day
because I can mask my nefarious things
at the cloak of night.
But...
Because all the good shit happens at night in Boys Town.
Well, nothing good happens after midnight, right?
Isn't that what they say?
I thought that's what all the fun time happens.
Oh, not anymore. You're in bed by like 9 o'clock.
So what are you talking about?
I ain't going to Boys Town with you.
Not anymore. That's what you're just telling me.
You do it on your own.
Yeah.
I'm not going to wear a sugar baby nowadays.
Strings aren't cheap.
Neither are amps.
No.
That's right though. Got your shoes on at least?
No.
Put some things into the lab.
I don't like when you do that.
Hey man, I gotta bring my feet with me wherever the fuck I go.
If you can at least clean them.
Did Jesus clean his feet?
They're not too bad, man.
I, you know, I was outside
cleaning the pool and shit.
I was like,
you know,
walking around.
I told you about what we did yesterday.
I went to a party and I have to talk about it
because I think it's silly about the sock wrestling championship.
And I know
you're just dating you don't like this.
It's so weird.
What do you mean it's weird?
You're worried about my feet?
I'll kick someone's ass in the sock wrestling.
You won't be able to get the socks off of my feet.
What are you talking about?
I'll put a pair of socks on and I'll fucking
glue over your legs.
I could just sit here like this and you won't be able to get them off.
We have to do it against a woman also.
That's fine.
That's the whole thing. We have genders.
That's the whole point Larry.
So we went to a party yesterday
with my boy's birthday.
And I have a tradition
with his wife or girlfriend.
I don't know if they're married, who knows.
They've been living together.
And you take tube socks, pull them up
and you wear them.
Tube socks?
You're wearing black socks.
Tube socks is the official
but they didn't have tube socks.
It started off with tube socks initially.
I was going to take
an aster for a pair of nightlens.
Everyone has the same socks
like the matching cut type?
Yes. They're both the same.
So then what you have to do is
I was going to ask her for nightlens
and she's like, you want to wear nightlens?
She's like the legs hanging on the sides
like I'm robbing a bank.
I came here to soccer us a little.
I've been there for Halloween so many fucking times.
A bank robber?
Just put the nightlens on your head.
Were they new or used?
Real pervert vibes Larry.
It's just an easy Halloween costume.
And when you're real young
the easy one is like, you know,
your parents burn a cork and rub it on your face
and say, okay, you're a bum.
They burn a cork?
Yeah, you burn a cork.
A wine cork?
It turns black and you rub it on your face.
So wait, you did blackface when you were a kid?
No, you just do a beard.
It makes it look like you're, you know,
you need a shave and shit.
And your parents go, alright here and they give you a little derby
or something and say you're a bum.
Calm down El Jolston.
Fucking singing Mammy over there in the corner at nine.
I mean, if you want to do blackface
it's real easy.
All you got to do is burn a cork.
You know?
And apply it to your face.
Burn and rub in a bigger circular motion
like a Nanook.
Nanook, Nanook.
Or like a karate kid
when he wax on, wax off.
Yeah.
He wax off all the time.
I don't think that's acceptable nowadays.
How hard is it to get off your face though?
Oh, it's super easy.
It's just ash.
Yeah, I don't think that's acceptable nowadays Larry.
Well, I mean the hobo beard.
You can get away with that.
But who knows nowadays people who still think
you're trying to do blackface?
No.
You're going to think that about a little kid?
Yeah.
Anything to stir up controversy, right?
Whatever gets you clicks and likes.
That's some shit man.
I think it's just a good idea for an opportunity
for their fucking minute of fame.
Yeah, it used to be 15 minutes.
Now it's 60 seconds or however long you...
Less than that sometimes.
30, whatever, TikTok clip is.
15 seconds.
How long are the news clip is on the news?
Yeah.
When you fucking get caught being a serial killer or something.
Or being caught doing something stupid.
Like when they videotape these women,
these white women being racist, which is hilarious.
But they're not, they don't get famous from that.
They're doing the wrong way.
They lose their jobs.
Fame works in both ways Larry.
They get infamous.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean you just added two letters to it.
Well, you know, it makes a world of difference.
You know what I want to do?
I want to find out who that chick,
remember the chick that was on the plane
and she thought the dude was a shapeshifter?
No.
You never heard about that?
No.
And she was sitting next to this guy?
And she's like, I'm out of here, fuck you guys.
She lost her mind and she's like,
his eyes were blinking like weird and shit.
And they showed a picture of the guy.
He was like in a hoodie all like hunched down.
You know, I want to find out who this lady is
and I want to date her.
Yeah, that sounds like a stable.
As stable as any of your other relationships.
I mean, am I looking for stable?
I mean, I just asked you.
No, obviously not.
I wanted a lady who said a guy.
I mean, I'm looking for a trans performance.
I wouldn't say you are.
I'm looking for a lady who said there was a shapeshifter
on the plane and I wanted to date her.
She was a little cutie patootie.
Oh man.
I don't know if I saw the same one
and she was getting off the planes
and she got up and started freaking out
that this person was not a person.
No, I didn't see that one.
The one I saw was different.
This broad was going fucking nuts, man.
Screaming at everybody.
If you want to stay here and die,
be my fucking guess when I'm out of here.
What kind of asshole does that on a plane?
I mean, Jesus.
You have to be a real piece of fucking shit, dude,
to be like, hey, I'm getting off this plane
if you want to stay on here and die.
Yeah.
What the fuck lady, what are you doing to me?
I like when you're flying like from Mexico
or South America or something
and everybody's Hispanic,
which most people then are Catholic
and they're like, I'll do the sign of the cross
before the plane takes off
and you're like, oh, fuck man.
Yeah, because you're like, thank God we got out of that third world country.
Yeah, and then they do it again when you land
and it's like, okay, I see what...
At first it kind of makes you nervous.
It's like, do they think this plane...
they all think the plane's going to crash.
Well, I don't think that is what it is.
It's like all that collective mind energy
might make the fucking plane crash, you know?
I mean, listen, we're using humans
to fly these planes.
There's an amount of air that you can't even fucking...
Oh, these motherfucking planes
fly themselves.
No, and that really auto-applying shit like that.
Yeah, unless something goes wrong, you know.
They got to land them.
And you know, 99% of the time
when they crash is during the landing.
Well, it's not like they fall out of the sky
unless they want them to fall out of the sky.
No.
When I had worked at O'Hare on the runways and shit,
I worked with the guy
who would calibrate these machines.
He worked for the FAA.
And we would drive out
into O'Hare.
And O'Hare is... huge.
How many miles? I mean, we're talking fucking...
Maybe 100 miles...
I don't know, acres and shit like that.
So then they would have these things, Larry,
at the ends of the runway. More than 100 acres, dude.
Okay, whatever. You know what I mean.
It's fucking huge. It's vast.
And so what they would do is
they would have these machines, okay?
So when you were coming in, these machines
would hone on in the front of the plane
and there was a box in there.
And they would actually help it land.
It was crazy.
And the guy would calibrate them.
And he'd do it every two weeks, I think it was.
But we were out in the middle of nowhere.
This guy had a cooler beer and he had a rifle.
He's like, you're going to see wolves out here?
You're going to see... I mean, we were in the middle
of nowhere.
Yeah, in the middle of nowhere.
I know. They got a lot of property, man.
I remember when they
took over
when Bensonville turned into a ghost town
and there was this girl visiting us
from Germany that we met on a tour
and
I drove
back to O'Hare airport
and I took her down
Irving, you know?
Oh yeah, when you got over there, but...
And the train tracks and shit, yeah.
And when she saw all the houses empty
and gone and shit half off,
everything all decrepit before they
poured down Bensonville and she was like,
holy fuck. The airport bought all these properties.
She thought we lived in the fucking ghetto, man.
She was like, man. But that was actually
the furthest from the truth, though.
Because it was all fenced in and shit.
They went in. No, but
at the time Bensonville looked really bad
because it was all fucked up.
Yeah, because O'Hare bought it.
And then the other funny thing was this girl
thought we were millionaires because
when she met us we were playing at some huge festival.
Yeah. And then when she came
and visited and she came to my house here
and we played at fucking Gainers
and she's like, oh my god.
I thought you guys were rock stars.
Like, no, it was funny.
We just sit in our mom's basement and smoke weed all day.
Not in my mom's basement, but...
Oh, I mean, you have done that?
Probably within the last month.
No, I haven't.
Which is funny.
I remember you can drive up the...
Oh, on up Irving.
Excuse me.
And it's literally we would fucking
eat some shrooms or some acid
and we would park underneath
the runways on Irving and the planes would fly
hell alow
and we would just sit there and nobody would
fucking bother us. Like, there was no...
Everybody parked there. There was no, like,
any, like... You're too young to park there.
You didn't do that. I'm calling bullshit.
What are you talking about? I just brought up the story.
You think I'm just making fictitious lies?
No, I know it was done
and I know people did it, but I don't think
you did it because I don't think I even did it.
I think it was already not done.
So just because you didn't do it doesn't mean I fucking did it?
No, I think it was done by the time
you had anybody that you knew with the license.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm gonna fucking look at it.
You're gonna call me out right now, Larry, on this.
I'm gonna look on the computer and look up
what year they stopped letting people
park on Irving. It's not when they stopped parking.
It's when they put up fences
and they bumped it out when they bought more property.
They moved the road.
Yeah, whatever. You're probably right.
You're a fucking asshole.
Dude, you're a fucking douchebag.
Real douchebag. You're starting to incite...
Now I'm getting on fucking fire.
Relax, relax.
To get back to the thing that we were talking about
last week, people about President Ford
at Woodfield Mall in Shandburg, Illinois.
They were expecting
3,000 people.
30,000 people were there.
So I was right when I said there was a fucking
hell of a lot of people.
You were right. You just said there was a hell of a lot of people
and then you gave them a number.
So I mean, if you were to say 28,000 people,
then I'd be like, okay, you were close.
I had no idea how many. Exactly.
So don't claim a win for Larry right now.
This is where you got me and now you got to deal with me.
No win for Larry at all.
It was fucking 30,000.
So that was cool.
When did it become un-American to be American?
Because remember 9-11?
When Obama came into office.
He was a big fucking socialist, man.
Well, okay, listen, I'm just asking you.
I'm trying to, okay, Obama
that's sure, but it's like, when did it
flip from 9-11? Everybody had flags.
To all of a sudden,
hanging a flag is racist.
It's how the media and the government
manipulates the scenario.
At that time, they wanted everybody to fucking
wave their flag
so they could take our rights away, so they
can declare our... Patriot Act.
Yes. Patriot Act, so they could
quote unquote, check out terrorists,
but now they turn it against us now.
It really smells like an Indian
deli in here and I hate it.
By the way, people, it doesn't smell
like an Indian deli. Yeah, you're burning fucking
incense in the enclosed room.
This is what Jesus
would, this is what Jesus got when he was a baby.
For
the people brought. Three wise men.
Yes, man.
Three wise men. He's rallying more than three.
Freakincense,
and
bitch.
Fuck, like you know now. I just said it.
What do you mean, like I know?
What the fuck, Larry?
I do know. I just said it, dude.
I mean, you are so stoned,
you keep on forgetting. What does your shirt
say?
Keep the faith.
Is that George Michael's son?
Gotta have faith.
Yeah.
Sherry gave me this shirt. It's peach.
Is it? Yeah.
Isn't that peach? I thought it was
orange. Yeah, it's peach.
Yeah, that's right though.
It's very fancy for you.
Yeah, you know.
It's better than a Q and N shirt.
She gave it to me for my birthday and
what not, so. Yeah, that's right though.
Yeah, it was really nice of her.
She's sweet. Would you turn
60?
Yeah, I'm 60 now.
I'm fucking sold.
You said it.
That's right, Larry. Last week I was 72.
Some more years before that.
Yeah.
Larry's a
ageist shifter.
I'm not a shape shifter.
I'm an age shifter.
That's all you do.
Especially when you get around the high school.
Thank God you got rid of that stash.
Now that summer's here,
I don't want the fucking cops here every week.
You're like, I was just walking by the school.
They're like, oh man, let's see your ID.
There's no kids at the school now anyway, man.
The school's out.
Isn't school, are the kids,
only kids at school now are dumb kids
in their summer school.
Or bad kids.
Yeah, dumb kids and bad kids.
I think summer school's done, isn't it?
I have no idea.
Fuck, man.
The bass player in my other band
is a summer school teacher,
a high school teacher.
He was teaching summer school too.
You know, like the other joint?
Might as well.
Sonny boy.
Oh man.
So anyways, people don't know this,
but I didn't say anything about it.
Because I'm a great guy.
But I'm going to bring it up now.
Oh boy.
When Needles is like, man, I'm going to make a
pizza, Larry.
I'm like, okay, just make sure,
we already talked about this.
Alright, let me beat a dead horse.
Oh my god, really?
I'm the fucking blackout drunk guy
and you don't even remember it.
If we talked about it, then I'll let it fall.
I'm trying to order you oven racks.
I feel like we've talked, oh, that's cool.
You doing it right now?
No, I was looking up something about,
I wanted to talk about something.
I thought you were ordering oven racks right now.
No, I already got it.
So anyways, yeah, I got some.
I got some children in the cars now,
a day's.
They die?
What, from heat?
This lady left her kid in the car
and forgot about him for five hours.
The car was 133 degrees.
Five hours is a long time.
Where the fuck were they?
I probably Arizona or something.
But how is that crazy?
People don't leave their animals.
Obviously, animals are more rambunctious than children.
When we were kids, they left us in the car like crazy.
But not for five fucking hours.
I got left in the car.
Me and my brother, we'd walk around the parking lot
and you'd see other kids that were left in the car.
Yeah, you guys had the poor gang going.
That's what you did back then when you had kids
and you wanted to run in the school.
But you still see it now.
It's like everybody, it's a...
You have a five hours difference.
There's a difference between leaving you
and fucking no shirt and nick in a car.
Yeah.
Then leaving a kid in a child seat.
Yeah, it was that little...
My mom would never do that.
We never got left as babies.
Dude, the kid cooked in the car.
For five hours, 133 degrees, man.
That kid was probably delicious.
He rotisserie'd for five hours.
Well, he rotisserie'd just, dude.
Pressure cooker, basically.
Almost, yeah.
Because the windows rubbed, right?
You have to get rid of that car now.
It probably smells like that baby.
That is very...
That is very sad.
I'm serious, no.
We really wouldn't eat the baby.
Even it was cooked to a tender,
fucking tasty fucking...
I want the skin crispy.
I don't like it salgy.
I mean, I don't know.
Baby's skin get crispy.
Probably. It's a lot thinner than...
But those are...
You got to ask the Hollywood elite about eating babies.
Here we go.
Larry and Neal's show does not condone that.
We're just making jokes.
Eating babies?
Yeah. I remember one time, though,
I was at the zoo and we were looking at...
Robert needed to fucking do some work there.
And I'm like, I'll go with you.
And I'm looking at the polar bears.
And they're all jumping in and out of the water.
Playing with the cats and shit.
And then they're feeding them.
You said the polar bears?
No, no. The zookeeper was throwing meat in there.
And I say to Bobby,
I go, you know what the bears really love?
The best is human babies.
And there's some lady next to me with her stroller
and a little baby.
You just wanted the shock factor?
Yeah.
Watch out!
You're going to light your thing or what?
You're going to get a parking ticket.
It was funny. Bobby laughed.
Oh, okay. As long as Bobby laughs.
The sad thing was, though, it looked like the bears had green
dyed hair because
there was so much algae on the side of their fucking
glass tank.
And the closure.
Yeah. That when they were rubbing their backs on the glass,
it was getting on them, you know?
Well, I mean,
listen, fucking polar bears are nothing to be
meddled with.
Fuck, I'm trying to sneeze, but I'm not.
That's the worst when you can't sneeze.
Are you going to try to sneeze when you stop in the middle?
Isn't that what, wasn't there
an old wives tale that saying sneezing was almost
orgasmic?
Like the same muscles you use or something?
No, that's not the tale I heard.
The reason they say bless you when you sneeze
because they thought your soul came out.
I'm not talking, that's completely apples and oranges
I want to talk about.
That's the only wives tale I know about.
I actually heard of it.
I think you use the same muscles when you sneeze as
when you orgasm. Oh, really?
I don't know, I kind of had, I'd rather
fucking have an orgasm than sneeze.
I mean, you know, sneezing is okay.
But it's not.
Is that your boyfriend's name, sneezing?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not.
You're fucking hilarious.
I am, I'm making myself fun.
Aw yeah, you're just so funny.
That's alright though, man.
What are you going to do about that?
Nothing.
Nothing, nobody else is going to laugh except you.
There's only two of us in the room, so
it's either 50-50 Larry.
There's maybe going to be people listening to this,
maybe not at this point anymore.
Yeah. Oh, you are now?
I'm not asking them.
You can't pander for listening to this.
You can't ask them to listen while it's going on.
If you don't listen, we're coming to your house
and Larry's going to put his dick in your mouth.
Aw man, I'm not going to do that.
This fucking guy is a weirdo.
Oh, I'm the weirdo.
What are you drinking there? None of your business.
He's drinking a fucking big, tall glass of
fucking vodka.
No, I'm not. What are you talking about?
Water, any water. God, I said it.
Yeah, right.
Lying motherfucker.
Like my water cold.
This fucking guy's drunk.
What are you talking about?
Aw man.
We came here to have fun and now you're just going to call me out
in front of everybody?
Nobody's here except us, remember?
Yeah, people are listening like you said, right?
Exactly. See, motherfucker?
See, this guy doesn't know how things work.
He doesn't know how the internet works
and podcasts and whatnot.
People are listening and then they say,
my God, that guy's blacked out drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with him?
No, they don't say that because they don't know
that until you say, hey,
this guy has maybe been drinking a little bit.
Okay. Not a lot.
You're setting this thing in their house.
It's going to be blacked out later, probably.
Oh, see, now you just changed your tune again.
I'm blacked out. He's not already.
I'm not.
Okay. There is a shitbag.
What's going on? He's not blacked out yet.
But I did have a guy that
was your roommate here.
I mean, you cannot besmirch my character like that
in front of our listeners.
I will punch you right in the gut later.
Anyways, remember Pat?
He was blacked out with one or two drinks.
He was so fucking gone.
Pat who?
Pat Terry? Yeah.
Yeah, but one drink was up fifth of whiskey.
No, no.
Just to be made one,
pour one small
glass. Shots?
No, but you know, like the
this much in a rocks glass or something.
Yeah. He would be
fucking annihilated.
Basically, all he needed to do
was open the bottle and smell it.
He was so fucking far gone at one point.
Yeah, but this guy was day drinking
every day.
Right?
Before they even used to call it day drinking.
No, I mean, come on. You're kidding me.
Day drinking is a new fucking word.
No, it's not.
Day drinking?
You don't think back in the 50s, somebody said this guy's drinking during the day.
Yeah, they said he's drinking during the day.
He's day drinking.
So they switched to, you'll think people were smart enough in the 50s.
That started in
the COVID era.
The day drinking thing started on some talk show somewhere.
Did you put your head in the microwave today?
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, hopefully it wasn't with your tinfoil hat on you asshole.
The thing though, if you put your head in the microwave,
you can't even turn it on because it needs to be closed.
I know later.
Oh my God.
You know, you should cut a hole through the door
and put your head in.
There you go. Maybe look at your fucking wires connected again.
I did have this one old microwave
for my grandma that you could turn on
when the door was open.
You just have to go in
in your girlfriend's room.
You just got that thing
you take the light bulb out,
the microwaves just running all the way.
She's gay.
I got a huge lump on my leg.
I don't know why kid.
I would never do that.
Intentionally give somebody radiation poison.
I mean, there's that.
There are many people that would accept the United States, right?
Right.
I mean, we tested fucking nukes on our own soil.
Right.
I mean, Philippines, we moved people out of their islands.
Imagine how fun it was
being a little rich kid
like, say, in Vegas
in the nineteen whatever,
forties or whatever.
Thirties.
And you're on vacation and they're going to be testing the bombs.
You know what I mean?
Well, you're not close enough.
They could see it.
It was so big you could see it from far away.
Well, yes, but you're not within the radius
of the glass zone.
No, not at all.
Yeah, they do calculations, Larry,
because I know you're so good at math.
But the people would
stop everything and know it.
At nine o'clock, they're going to blow one up.
I'll stop everything and look over in that direction.
It's like the Kennedy Space Center watching a shuttle takeoff.
Except this is the opposite of a shuttle.
This is
maybe some sort of prospect.
This is demise.
Well,
I know you don't believe space is real,
but you just acknowledged that we've watched
spaceships go into space.
No, you've seen spaceships
go up in the nowhere.
And then what, did they just turn back down and get parked?
They planned in the ocean, yeah. You're fucking crazy.
Oh, yeah, they do, man. No, you're crazy.
You're totally crazy.
How can you not believe that a spaceship
goes up and then just all of a sudden
takes a horseshoe back down and then they're like,
yay, there's the other one.
I mean, how far out does it have to be?
It's like a trajectory when it takes off
and it has to be at a 90 degree angle.
No, anytime they show them it looks like they're going off sideways
and they're like, well, that's because of the spin of the earth.
Blah, blah, blah. It's such bullshit.
Now you're getting into fucking spin of the earth.
I'm just talking about a spaceship
when they put enough fuel on it.
Well, I never saw one go straight up.
They go straight up for a minute and then they seem to always
go sideways.
Well, yes. Right.
Because they're going right into the ocean somewhere.
But motherfucker, they get into, they get past
the water.
So where do you think the videos of them working
on the space station are from?
From a swimming pool somewhere.
Oh, man, Larry.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
That's what we should start doing.
Don't say Jesus.
Grateful dead, Larry.
That's what we should start doing in the pool.
Let's start recreating like the moon landing.
Yeah.
And we can do the JFK assassination underwater.
All right.
If he was to get assassinated on the so-called moon.
Yeah.
Kennedy's assassination on the moon.
That might be the show title.
Here's the thing though.
No, I don't want to do that.
Oh, after you just got his kicked off a Twitter yesterday.
You want to talk about that, Larry?
No, man.
I said some things.
You said one thing.
You didn't say some things.
I said, I just replied one thing.
Don,
junior.
No, no.
Larry does understand that you can't threaten people on Twitter.
I didn't.
Or mean to cause bodily harm.
Larry just thinks it's a wild west out there.
So,
and it was, you know, it was
it was dumb, but
I did it.
And I went and go click into our Twitter today and what happened.
Oh,
real funny, Larry.
I forgot to tell you needles.
I got banned yesterday.
It's been over 24 hours.
And he still hasn't tried to rectify the situation.
He just let me come and deal with it.
Well,
they put the fuck literally what happened.
Oh, I don't know.
I just thought it was free speech.
Everyone's talking free speech, Twitter, blah, blah, blah.
Free speech is really not free speech.
If you're trying to hurt people, can I get that please?
I wasn't trying to hurt anybody.
But if you if you're making statement,
that's the fucked up thing, which
you just got to watch the newspaper.
They remember like, oh, free speech, free speech.
The newspapers were ran by a conglomerate
of all these people that fucking
what's
censored everything.
They put what in the news out of the news.
They did whatever you know what I mean.
So there I mean, there is
the only we always talked about this before,
but the only free thing there is is
idiots taping themselves doing stupid shit.
What do you think about the, okay, back to the space thing.
You're right.
Everybody does want to tape themselves doing dumb shit.
That's really an amazing phenomenon
that goes on.
But do you think
that those seven astronauts
really got killed in the Challenger?
Yes, I watched it.
I watched it in a classroom.
I watched it too.
Me and my brother watched it too.
We were sitting there watching it.
I told you we stayed.
When I was a kid, they wheeled the TV in.
I know everybody's a kid.
They hear the wheels now
with the iron frame and the fucking
VCR underneath it and the TV above.
And they wheeled that bitch in
and they made us all watch it.
All of us watched
American citizens get
murdered on our own soil by our own
space program.
All of those people that allegedly
died
have jobs in the
government to this day,
allegedly, the ones that are still alive.
Maybe because of their pensions
or something. No, they're still alive.
They go to work every day
and they're fucking scientists.
Tell me the people in the Challenger are still alive? All of them.
They weren't in it.
They were not in there. That was a false flag.
That was something to make everybody
flip out. You're kidding me.
With the internet right now, you don't think
you're not thinking
I'm not sure. Look it up, bro.
With the internet right now, I can't believe
you don't know that. There is so much facial recognition
going on in this country right now.
Nobody can get away with anything.
Serial killer.
Dude, the government gave him the job, so it's all good.
Dude, serial killers are getting caught.
They don't need to worry about facial recognition.
Serial killers are getting caught
in astronomical
astronomical. But you know what? That's because
that's a different thing.
No, but it's all the same thing. These are the worst
of the people and they're getting caught.
A teacher that's fucking faking her death
isn't worse than a serial killer.
She's always going to show up though.
Social security, checks,
new identity. They know she's alive.
They know she's alive. It was a scam.
The government was in there.
And her family, I mean, I don't know Larry.
So now you're telling me that the government
sent up an empty space shop.
Yes.
And you blew it up on purpose to
fucking freak everybody out and make all
the people love their teachers.
That's so...
I'm going to tell you something. I watched this
in my fucking class when I blew up.
Oh man, the brainwashing goes
home. And I'm like, and my parents are
like, hey, you know, they're all fucking
shocked from what's going on.
The brainwashing is going deep right now.
There was no internet, no cell phones.
I know. So it was easy for them to control
the narrative back then.
Okay, and?
So you believe everything they told you?
What are you talking about, you fucking
asshole? You think I believe
about what they say about the Gulf of Tonkin
or Vietnam or fucking all this bullshit?
No, because I would believe them
when they talk about their challenges.
History is written
by the winners, Larry.
It always is and it always will be.
That's why you gotta read between lines.
And if you don't fucking like the history, we've written, guess what we're going to do to you?
I like the history.
China does to you.
North Korea does to you.
We're going to put you in a camp.
Timothy McVeigh.
You don't know.
What do you mean?
Timothy McVeigh. These guys painted him out to be this fucking
Ted Kaczynski.
Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
You won't listen to me. You shut me out.
No, I didn't shut you out, but they will put you in a fucking camp.
They'll put you in a fucking cell.
Yeah. They'll blame shit on you.
It's tough to be an American sometimes.
It really is.
There's no solid definition
I think of being an American anymore.
But here's the thing, dude.
If you believe them when they tell you about the challenger,
when every other fucking thing they say is a lie,
why would you...
Now we're not lying.
We're not lying now. We were lying all the other time.
Okay, well, listen.
I don't know what to lie here.
What is the end game of blowing the challenger up?
To fucking brainwash everybody.
That doesn't make any sense.
To get some kind of fear.
It was very traumatic for me now that I think of it.
Yeah. To traumatize the kids your age.
Me and my brother didn't give a fuck.
We were... He was a senior in high school.
Yeah, he was kissing in the back seat.
And I was already out of school, you know.
Teachers, I didn't care.
I was just like, wow, man.
We were laughing, actually, unfortunately.
Allegedly.
I mean, you shouldn't be saying...
Do you think before you speak sometimes
we were fucking allegedly in that note.
We were teenage kids.
You said like three...
He was like, you know, we were fucking teenage kids.
So we were getting high,
and you should see the smile on Larry's face.
The smile on Larry's face.
I'm thinking that. We were watching...
Dude, we were sitting in no-shirt nicks room,
pulling bongs,
watching it on this little fucking black and white TV.
And we were like, wow, man.
Space shuttle, let's get high.
Ha, ha, ha.
And then bang.
And we were like, oh, holy fuck.
And we were like, whoa.
I mean, maybe we weren't laughing, but we were...
Oh, no. We weren't...
We weren't broken up about it, though, at all.
Yeah, I was. I was a child.
Right. That's what I'm saying.
And that's what it was.
It was a false flag to make everybody love their teachers
and believe everything you do.
How did I love my teacher?
I just watched people die in a fucking space shuttle.
Right. Because one of them was a teacher.
You know?
Remember, it was the first teacher.
Okay. So then everybody's all heartbroken
over this class that loves this teacher.
Teachers are treated worse
than any other fucking working people.
And the fucking teachers union probably said,
oh, oh, pretend there's a teacher on there, too.
We'll take the most loved teacher
in the fucking United States,
put her in a fucking space suit,
walk her down the plank,
and we'll set the rocket off.
Everyone's looking at the rocket.
Just like when Keith Richards does a guitar solo
when you're looking at him.
How the fuck did you bring Keith Richards into a chance at...
Well, not a langer story.
Just like when Keith or Ronnie
is playing a guitar solo.
And then you're looking at them
and then the Mick Jagger's changing his clothes
and you don't notice.
Dude, listen, how do you turn into a Rolling Stones concert?
Well, because listen, while you're watching
the fucking challenger blow up, dummy...
Stop hitting your microphone.
While you're watching the challenger blow up,
you're not watching the teacher and everybody else
exit the fucking loading dock.
They're like, don't worry.
Are you a stage fucker?
You really...
RIP to the challenger.
Because this fucking un-American son of a bitch
will be dead fucking...
Yeah, exactly. That's un-American right there.
If the information I read
is untrue and they're not alive...
Listen, I'm gonna tell you right now...
They don't have these government jobs, and yes,
RIP the challenger...
I'm gonna tell you right now, listen to me, I feel so bad...
But I think it's bullshit.
They lie to us so much.
I feel so bad for the families
of the people that died in 9-11.
Even if our government fucking
perpetrated all of this shit.
We can't...
It's egregious that we do that to our own citizens.
It's fucking... It's true.
It's horrible.
I don't want anybody to die in our country.
Do you really think Osama bin Laden was capable
of doing that?
Who knows what's going on, man?
Everybody has to have a patty,
and I always like to say that.
You know, if you're a fall guy,
you need someone to take the brunt of the battle.
And again, from past performance
and every other time,
all the way from the very beginning of time,
we know that they've lied
every single fucking time.
So what they told us has got to be a lie
about 9-11, so take it from there.
That's an old one, though.
Anyone could do that research and know that they did that.
Isn't that crazy? You just said that's an old one.
Yeah.
A fucking attack on our American soil,
and you're like, that's an old one.
Man, I don't know, but that one's an obvious one, man.
It's egregious what happened.
It really is, man.
People were jumping out of the buildings.
And, man,
I would never want to be putting that situation
to live or die like that.
Motherfucker, I'm on the 100th floor,
and there's a fire at the 50th.
That's fucking crazy.
And then you're like, you got two options.
You can't go down the stairs.
Actually, I'm not sure.
You can't go down the stairs.
Actually, you got one option. What do you do?
Yeah, fuck, man.
It's got to be if that's a horrible death.
Yeah.
Fire? Or fucking jumping out of a window.
Well...
It's a tough call.
Drowning is also...
I mean, I would have to say...
I'm going to drown you today in the pool.
All right, you just...
Please clip that and send it to the police.
I mean, if you're going to admit it, then I'm going to send it.
We're editing.
I'll send it to the cops.
Let's go swimming, Larry.
Why would you say you're going to drown me in the pool?
I'm kidding, brother.
That's very aggressive, bro.
There's that joint call.
You had it, I thought.
No, you got it, kiddo.
I don't have it, man.
Uh-oh.
Is it here?
Is it over there?
No, it's not by me, Larry.
Here's a...
A road from days gone by.
Maybe this is it, I don't know.
I love how confident you are in your lies.
You're just like,
ah, this is a road from yesterday.
I didn't know what to fluff your ass.
I might be today.
I don't know what it is.
I know.
It's weird, though.
That's very funny, though.
So, yeah, you know...
Ah, shit.
I fucked up for a second.
Had a really, uh, uneventful...
day today, man.
There's nothing better than Sunday.
Hung out with Norm and my dad yesterday
in the pool.
Really? Yeah, for a couple of few hours.
It was fun. Holy shit.
And those guys are old.
Norm's 80...
No, no, no, no.
Norm is like 70...
All right, come on, dude.
Pull it out. 75, maybe.
75, maybe.
Okay, come on. And how about Olds Big Joe?
83. Yeah, so Big Joe's in his...
He's old.
Dude, Big Joe is fucking...
If you've never heard the episode before,
we had Big Joe on, we're gonna have him on again.
Me and Norm were talking about
Olds 70's pioneer fucking
stereos and shit.
Which is very funny.
Yeah, he was into that, you know,
when he was younger.
And he still has his gear,
fucking nice turntables and whatnot.
Dude, so there's this show.
I'm gonna watch it.
I don't know how the fuck we're gonna watch it.
It's called Our Guy in Columbia.
Who's that now?
Uh-huh. Who's the guy in Columbia?
Who's Our Guy?
What is it? It's called Our Guy in Columbia.
It's a TV show.
And this guy goes to Columbia
and goes to do different things in Columbia.
First of all, he gets kidnapped.
Oh.
But like, sillyly kidnapped, you know what I mean?
But still at the same time,
like they're slapping him around, this and that.
Then... It's a comedy.
What's that? It's a comedy.
No, not to some extent.
And then he goes into the forest, the jungle,
while the police are watching him
and he makes a brick of cocaine.
Nice. One kilo
from start to finish.
And the cops are like standing around
and they're like, have a lab.
And the guy's just
mash at it.
And the cops are like, make sure he doesn't take any.
And they show the whole production process.
And then there's another one.
Ah, fuck man.
And this is real?
Yeah, it's real.
This is fucking reality or just some...
No, yeah, it's real. It's real.
I mean, it's British reality TV.
Like this guy does what he wants.
But you have to watch it.
Watch it, sorry. You have to go to the VPN to watch it.
And what?
A VPN.
It's like a thing that blocks your address of your computer
so then you can watch other things in other countries.
Ah...
So...
You buy VPN and it
pings around all the fucking...
da da da da da da...
So why can't you...
Why can't you watch things from other countries?
They just borrow us from that shit?
It's just like Netflix has...
Netflix has European Netflix.
You know what I mean? Like it's all different because...
Different set of brainwashing.
Different brainwashing tools.
How?
Netflix? Are you fucking kidding me, man?
What's that? I love movies, man.
Ah, man. It's all bullshit, dude.
How is it bullshit?
Movies are brainwashing?
Yes, my friend.
Man, I love movies, man.
Cool and Luke is one of my favorite movies, bro.
You know what? They're not showing cool and Luke on Netflix.
Yes, they are.
They are? Yeah, and on Amazon.
Hmm.
Yeah, exactly. You don't know what you're talking about.
You fucking shit.
Well, here's the thing, though. There's all the other shit that's brainwashing, man.
Oh, now you're coming up with other ideas.
You know the little Obama and fucking Big Mike
if program...
You know what? I had a Big Mike countdown.
You didn't say it once last week
and we talked about Obama.
And now you finally did.
So it's been two episodes since you talked about Big Mike.
You know, and so...
Kudos to you, literally.
Who needs their influence, those fucking weirdos.
And then...
He's a president. They're always going to have...
No, man. Okay.
You know what? I wouldn't buy into that shit.
What is the greatest club to be in, in the world?
United States President's Club.
I don't know.
Because they're still all given...
I think it's cooler to be in the touring
fucking rock and roll band club.
It's more fun.
And less people care about what you're doing.
You are so fucking gay, Larry.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Fuck, the president used to be cool, like I said.
But like we said last week, but...
It's ruined, the fucking...
The presidents were never really cool.
JFK had swagger.
Clinton had a little bit of swagger.
Yeah. Obama...
I mean, like Larry says, he's banging a dude.
I mean...
And, uh, what, you know, allegedly...
Yeah, thank you, Larry, allegedly.
Oh, he's even used to it.
Oh, man.
You know, you don't need anybody
coming to answer us.
Yes, we do. We want the followers.
And I want you to argue with somebody.
Oh, man.
I just want you to get into a huge argument.
I don't want to argue with anybody out there.
Some random stranger for nothing.
Are you kidding me? I love everybody.
I don't want to argue with...
Man, you don't love everybody.
Remember, you're throwing your bushes
in the neighbor's yard?
That has nothing to do...
That has nothing to do with love for my neighbor, man.
That was just...
I'm not going to take...
Smile on your face right now.
I'm not going to take your fucking bushes, man.
You can't even say it with a straight face.
Dude, that is...
Love thy neighbor.
That has nothing to do with love thy neighbor.
Yeah, you did. You yelled at him.
I didn't yell at him.
You're lying.
I didn't yell.
I said, no, it's your fucking bushes.
Yeah, you said that with a normal voice.
I said, I said it just like this.
Well, dude,
doing your fucking yard now.
That's aggressive.
It's very aggressive. You've got children.
You know what? My niece...
You've got children, dude.
You've got some of my niece with Tommy.
Yeah, you're very aggressive, Larry.
You're very woke.
I am? Yeah.
I'm thinking that that's aggressive.
That's what we should do now, so now Needle's is woke all of us.
You think I'm aggressive?
Come on, man. I'm as laid back as fuck.
As we're throwing branches in your neighbor's yard.
That's really laid back as fuck, Larry.
That's opposite of laid back as fuck.
This guy is fucking probably
20 years younger.
We already talked about this.
I mean, I just want to be easier than I can.
Fuck him. Huh?
He could carry him to the curb
easier than I'm able to.
So fuck him.
That's the way I look at it.
I'm old. You're an outlaw.
You're an old outlaw, Larry.
That's what you...
Just walking around
with your six-gun, just cocked and ready.
Who wants me to put in their mouth?
That's all right, though.
You'll get used to it.
I mean, you got to stop peeing in the backyard
first of all during the day.
That's not cool, man.
We didn't even know shit.
Mary's in the fucking bathroom. What am I going to do?
Well, stop peeing in the front yard
of the backyard during the day where
all the neighbors can see.
I'm not doing it in plain view of all the neighbors.
What are you doing?
Yeah, exactly.
Off in the corner.
There's only three neighbors can see.
Not all of them.
Especially the one with the two children.
That are not even...
They can't see me.
Six years old, either.
Mommy, why is that man pissing
in between the fence and the yard?
I didn't do it by their house, man.
Because they will call the cops on me, probably.
You think?
I would hope they would.
Why? Because I need to take a piss.
You want them to call the cops on me? I'd be in my own yard.
Fuck, man.
You can't pull your wiener out
and if there's children looking, that's not good.
I don't do it there.
Democrat all of a sudden?
Yeah, you just flip-flop Larry over here.
Fuck.
You're the one who said it.
I mostly wait until it's dark out.
It's the only weirdos...
Mostly weirdos like you at Night Vision Goggles
could see me.
Why would I wear Night Vision Goggles to watch you piss?
You're the one they had in there one time.
I did, but why would I wear it to watch you piss?
I was just looking at some ladies window.
Weirdos like you.
They had Night Vision Goggles.
Let them watch you piss, Larry.
That's the only one that's going to maybe see me
accidentally then.
What can I tell you? He's looking around for women.
Looking in someone's window.
That's the only guy that's going to see me.
I'm not worried about it.
When you wear Night Vision, if the light turns on,
you get blinded.
The old school ones that I had.
They were the green ones.
When you're talking to people in a peeping time.
You're going to be blinded and then fucking...
Peeping needles.
If you had that couple of seconds
where you're disorientated
and they can catch you,
the husband can come out and beat the shit out of you.
I'm still whacking off though.
I'm still just beating my meat, Larry.
This guy wants to fight.
That's fine.
Hopefully he doesn't say anything
before he attacks me like a ninja.
If he says something I know what to do...
He's fucking...
He got caught.
Anyways, one time...
So, Mary's dad was a judge.
We're out to dinner one time.
It was a long time ago.
He's been dead a long time ago.
RIP...
Judge.
Anyways...
He's telling Mary, yeah, there was a peeping time,
but he got away before the cops got there.
But they got his DNA.
Mary's like,
how did they get his DNA?
And he's like, they got his DNA, Mary.
He whacked off on the side of the house.
I was like, how did they get his DNA if he got away?
And then she's like finally...
Finally after like the third time,
he said, they got his DNA.
And I'm like, Mary...
Dude left the load?
Imagine there's like a fucking...
Guys looking through...
The guy threw his fucking DNA.
If you're a felon in Coconi,
you have to fucking register.
Jack it!
Jack off his ass.
Jesus, Mary, where did you get arrested at?
I never heard that.
In front of all the officers.
Isn't that what they make you do?
No, they don't make you jack in front of all the officers.
Make you do it.
So they push your finger in your butt.
Ah...
It's horrible.
What's horrible?
You pick up your dick, right?
Yes.
To check for STEs.
They got checks from that shit.
Who did what?
Coconi.
They deemed that it was fucking...
I don't know if it was inhumane or whatever the fuck it was.
I didn't get it like you, like an animal
in Coconi fucking jail.
I was at the doctor when it happened to me.
But it was still fucking horribly brutal.
Okay.
You know, they're probably a lot nicer at the doctor.
Oh yeah. I mean, there was just 30 guys
lined up and they didn't care.
I'm surprised they even...
They probably shared all of them.
Oh man.
If you didn't have STDs before...
Now, the whole row, the first guy
gives everybody what he needs.
It's a waterfall of STDs.
Oh man.
I've seen some...
You ever see Locked Up Abroad?
Yes, I have.
This chick was locked up in some
fucking Chinese prison or
Taiwan or some fucking crazy ass
fucking place.
Third world country that's communist?
Yeah. In the broad that was
fucking sticking his hand up everybody's
twat like the guy in college.
Was it a guy or a girl?
It was a chick and she wasn't very
fucking friendly or nice about it.
No coot to her?
Like the guy that sticks the thing up your dick at
Coconi and fucking...
And she was not...
And she was not changing her fucking rubber
gloves so she stuck her fucking
hand up at each broad twat.
She was in Kung Fu fighting
twats? And they all got feeding.
And they all got sick, dude.
No, they all got sick.
Imagine that.
I mean, what are you going to do?
You're mixing fucking...
to women or... I'm so happy I'm not a woman.
Let me tell you.
Think about it. You bleed every month.
Listen, multiple uncles,
friends, my dad
they say if you had fucking something
bleeds for more than five days and doesn't die
it's got a problem.
You should be trusting.
See, that made you smile.
It was just one thing you heard as a boy.
And now you look and I see all these women
and it's like Jesus Christ, you got to get your nails done.
Fuck him.
Can't go swimming, your tamp is hanging out.
That's the same thing.
They want to get their hair and nails done.
That's the thing.
Women, man.
They want to look good. They got to have to find a mate.
They want to keep a guy interested in them.
Nowadays it's very easy to stray.
You can go on apps and shit.
Find a fucking broad and like literally...
You don't even have to try.
Well, yes you do. You have to make a profile.
Then you got to swipe.
That's all you have to do is swipe.
And then pretending to know how to talk.
Because people don't want to talk nowadays.
Well, they don't.
They want to talk on the computer.
Well, it's just funny.
People don't want to talk but then they make
half a billion podcasts a year.
People do know how to talk.
It's just like some of them are more retarded than others.
Right.
I'm going to talk about Pokemon for two hours
and you're going to...
You know?
You know what I mean?
Dummies will always be dummies.
Nowadays you can find other dummies.
Before you couldn't.
Now I can find...
If I'm a goth dude, I can find a goth chick in California.
You know?
If I like to get shit on, I can find another chick
that likes to shit on me in Minnesota.
They're there.
There's no shortage of crows for you.
I don't think you have to go to Minnesota or California though.
You can just probably do that shit locally.
Everybody likes to hunt.
I want to go out of state.
Drop your car off at the nearest forest preserve
and I'll hunt you.
You can poop on me.
It's all silly.
People like have...
They like what they like.
It's weird. You can't tell people what to like anymore.
You'll always be a fucking perverted weirdo
and like weird shit.
So will you, but you just keep them on to raps
because you're married and you don't have the most freedom.
I got as much freedom as the next guy.
No, you don't.
Yeah, I do.
I'll tell you, I could do pretty much whatever I want.
I could even say this on the podcast.
You probably shouldn't, but you will.
We're so close to the end.
She won't hear it.
Shout out Mary for not listening.
She knows who I am
and what I am
and fucking...
and you know...
No, I don't know.
Tell me. I'm speculating.
I'm just in your heart, man.
And I would never be shitty to her
so she knows that.
That's good.
And I know that she also wouldn't either.
She wouldn't be shitty to you?
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, because you guys are like fucking...
What shall I say?
We deserve each other.
Oil and water, no.
Red Bull and vodka.
Exactly.
They go together, but they'll keep you up at night.
You know when to stop. They're all jacked up.
Which is very, very silly.
Man, we're like motherfucking peanut butter and jelly.
Something like that.
Oil and cream.
You know.
Dog food and water.
I just tried to come up with the craziest thing I could.
I didn't see if he'd laugh.
Alright, you want to do your shout-outs, Kato?
Oh, yeah.
Shout-outs to Weed for making Larry
almost incapable of doing the podcast.
I mean, fucking A, Larry.
Shout-out to Chrissy.
Hope you feel better than R.I.P.
No, she's not dead.
Oh, that's what it's dead?
She stopped listening, but I hope she started back up again.
Because we really appreciate you.
R.I.P.
I'm sorry.
Because we really appreciate you.
And we need you.
And I know Needles is an asshole
and it's hard to listen to him.
Hey, alright, let's move on shit back.
We went. Thanks for listening.
Shout-out to Winn.
How about the dude in Belgium?
He's better than the guy in Belgium, bro.
He's better than the listener since the beginning, bro.
I know Larry wanted to try to deport you
and report you to the Interpol and shit.
I didn't say that.
I'm going to turn this guy in for cocaine trafficking.
We didn't even know him just because he didn't listen to one out
or he didn't download one episode.
That's alright. Shout-out to our brother in Belgium.
Yeah, if you're going to traffic to...
Stay away from the windows.
Trafficking some shit this way, fucking...
Who's Larry's address?
Just get me out.
Email me. I'll DM you my address
for the fucking packaging.
And his feet pic.
Picture my feet for proof of it to me.
It's your verification process.
It's got a picture of my left ear and my foot.
Just you playing guitar with your foot.
Shout-out to Tiffany. Chris.
Woodcock. Matthew.
Chris, hope you're doing better, bro.
Yeah, Russ.
Shout-out Russ.
And of course, also always is always the only fans girls out there.
I can't believe you have that on a piece of paper.
Someone's going to find that in a hundred years and be like,
what is this list?
What does it only fans?
All the people he wants to kill?
What does only fans mean?
What was this, grandma?
I mean, I don't think...
Would you do only fans to be a dude on there?
No, man. You know, I...
It's degrading. That's fucking weird shit.
Would you show your butthole on camera?
I mean, here's the thing.
I fucking...
I wouldn't want to.
Yes or no?
No, I don't think so.
I haven't fucked in front of people before.
I don't know how we got to this point,
but I just said if you'd show your butthole on camera.
You know, you're somewhere, people walk in and shit.
Gang bang you were involved.
I mean, Jesus, Larry.
Really spilled the beans on this story.
I was having sex in front of people.
I think that was your exact words.
It happens, but...
Yeah, it happens to a lot of people.
When you're younger and you're places and, you know,
you're more on the go and...
I don't know what...
You have sex with people in a room.
Because, you know, you're drinking and doing drugs
with a lot of people and it turned into an orgy.
Well, it's bad too, but...
I mean, sometimes you're...
at some, like, you know, your backstage
and say, like, hey makers,
shout out to hey makers, they're long,
wait a second, did they pay for an ad?
No, man.
They're the way you fucking promote it.
Disregard whatever you just heard.
Disregard, disregard.
And they used to play...
they used to let people under 21
and after they raised
the age to 21
for drinking.
And we had fake ID saying
we were 18, so we could go there
and do gigs and shit.
And so, you know, sometimes some older slut
would fucking give you a blow job
or fuck you back there.
And if the boy's in the band
walking or whatever, you're not going to stop.
Yeah, you're just going to let everybody see your dick, Larry,
because that's what you're into.
Yeah, because that's what I'm into.
Let all the boys in your band
change. Those are... that was back when I was a heathen, man.
I don't do shit like that now.
And plus, you know, I am married
and like I said, I could do whatever I want,
but I choose not to be first.
You've admitted so much stuff on this podcast
that nobody believes you.
I mean, seriously.
You've told us about your European trips,
your trips to Boys Town,
your trips back to Boys Town.
Taking the bus.
I don't know what that means. It's a euphemism for something.
But that's alright, though.
You know what taking the bus means.
Exactly.
And on that note...
Hey, thanks for listening, everybody.
I really appreciate it.
I love you, Larry.
I love you two needles.
We love you guys out there listening because...
Thank you for listening.
We just do this for fun because we're stupid.
No, I'm not.
I didn't mean to say that.
We have stupid comedy.
How's that?
You do, yeah.
Oh, because you're so refined.
Like this guy's like a great poopon
and then someone pooped in it.
Exactly.
Well, anytime you can get in a good poop joke,
I guess it's worth it.
Good night, everybody.
Have a great evening.
We're gonna have needles.