Time to get ready for the Larry and Needle Show.
Okay, watch this, right?
Now we're hot.
Okay, cool.
Watch this.
I'm going to try to blow that out already.
Wait, stop.
Asphalt.
Ready?
Oh!
Fucking Needle.
Almost ten foot away blowing out the fucking knockchampa.
Smells like an Indian deli in here again.
This is take three on this shit.
Yeah, because Larry keeps on fucking this shit up, man.
Yeah, no, I didn't fuck it up.
No, he doesn't know.
Something happened with this fucking machine.
I will not push my best brother like that.
I'll tell you, he did fuck something up.
Is this idiot cooking a pizza?
First of all, who keeps...
First of all, my wife, and I yell at her all the time.
My wife!
I'm like, why do you keep shit in the fucking oven?
Dude, fucking plastic.
Plastic containers and fucking...
You guys keep plastic containers in the oven, and I swear to God, listen, I'm not a fucking careless person.
And I told the man, clean the oven out real good, make sure, because she keeps shit everywhere in there.
And I'm not a big fan of storing shit in the oven.
So I preheated the oven, and I thought I cleaned it out to the extent of cleaning it out.
But unfortunately, there was some sort of container that was plastic in there that wasn't that big.
It wasn't a big one.
I know.
It was a tiny one.
I know, that's Mary does shit like that.
It was a tiny dancer.
Mary, what are you keeping this fucking thing for?
Yeah, because you guys have cats.
Don't throw it out.
I know, but you know what?
We only need a couple.
You only need three or four.
One or two, and they're on the counter the ones I use.
I know, that's why I tell her to throw this shit out.
And you know, I apologize for fucking melting plastic in the oven, Larry.
So the whole fucking upstairs smells like plastic.
I'm going to tell you right now, this is a fucking, this is a tide turning.
Even the studio started smelling plastic.
Larry's not yelling at me.
No.
Yeah.
Which is amazing.
I should, but...
No, because you know it's not my fault.
Excuse me.
Well, fuck it ain't my fault, motherfucker.
I didn't say it was your fault.
Could be in some fucking...
You know, it's, you know who's fault it is?
Your fault and Mary's fault.
Jesus' fault.
No, Jesus' fault.
Jesus has no fault.
Yes, he does, man.
He's going to find that out.
He should make better Tupperware.
When you're in hell, you're going to find that out.
Yeah, I hope he makes better Tupperware because I want my pad tied.
Not to soak into everything.
Whatever.
Here's the thing, man.
Tupperware is bad to begin with.
All those fucking microplastics and shit.
And lary...
Ever kid you know?
Now we got the shit burning in the fucking house.
Larry, do you want me to tell you something?
I don't know.
The people at home might not know.
My house is one fucking room.
I mean, I got the kitchen and the front room and it's pretty much...
It's not one room, you asshole.
...and then my bedroom.
I mean, the house ain't big.
It ain't the Taj Mahal.
Well, I know.
It's one fucking room.
Obviously, these people don't think...
You could see the stove from the front room.
I really wish these people thought that we were Persian princes.
Yeah.
The Taj Mahal.
That's right.
So you can mess boys in every room.
Not just one or two.
And my wife was fucking sleeping.
I'm like, oh my god.
She wasn't sleeping.
Yeah, when I woke her up and said, oh my god, there's a fire in the hills.
What the fuck, man?
But listen, man.
It's alright.
Whatever.
I know, but I didn't do it on purpose.
I literally thought I fucking cleaned out the goddamn oven, man.
The range I thought was clean.
That's why when you get fucking time for involuntary manslaughter, they put the word involuntary
on there.
You know what I'm going to tell you?
You know what I don't do, Larry?
I don't put plastic in my oven.
Me either.
That's my wife's food.
No, what do you mean you me either?
You just put plastic in your oven.
I tell her all the time.
I'm like, what the fuck?
I hate going in there and fucking shit out every time I need to fucking make a pizza.
Listen, if our folks know what Chinese food is and they get takeout, they get them fucking
around black plastic ones or the...dude, you guys got 40 of them in there easily.
I don't know about four on one, but...
Dude, there's a stack Larry on the motherfucking range.
Whatever.
It's my fault, I apologize.
Okay, let's...
I didn't mean to fucking almost took the house on fire.
Let's get on with it.
Nobody fucking cares about that.
But you brought it up.
I know, I just wanted to point it out to everybody.
Oh, there we go.
Fucking moron.
No, I'm a moron.
You're an egregious motherfucker, that's what you are.
But that's right, doggy, you'll survive.
You will survive, Larry.
Yeah.
That's right, dude.
My cats are freaking out.
Oh, you're outdoor.
So plastic.
Your cats are fine.
Let me tell you, it's better than crack smoke.
I don't know about that.
Exactly.
I saw you look right at me.
You're goddamn right in there.
It really bothered the cats.
What that?
The cocaine smoking.
Exactly, and now you're telling me the plastic bed is just one fucking night.
Even though these cats that I have now have never even witnessed that, and they're over 10 years old, but...
So that says something there, but my old cat would fucking...
They can't turn witness on you.
Right.
My old cat would crawl up on my leg, up my back.
I'd have no shirt on, I'd be hotter than fucking here.
She'd be on my head, digging into my head.
Sounds horrible.
I'd be like, oh, Mary, get this fucking cat off of my head.
I'd be trying to balance the fucking...
It sounds fucking horrible.
Everybody's seen the Hunter Biden videos.
You know what it's like.
Yeah, I know.
When he nibbles and sniffs.
That should be your next album title, Nibbles and Sniffs.
You know what this is, Larry?
The last PBR in the house.
Bow down to it.
I should take that thing from you, you fucking cunt.
Come and get it out of my fucking war hands.
I will mess you up.
Too bad we don't have a video aspect of me just kicking your ass.
Yeah, I'll fucking kill you.
Yeah, with what?
With your dick.
Yeah, with something in the head with a fucking guitar, man.
Yeah, good luck with that.
You see those arms, you couldn't even hit yourself.
Dude, man.
Yeah, just because you have a Casey Anthony shirt on.
You're a tough guy.
I got a Casey Anthony shirt on.
You know what you're talking to.
I know exactly who I'm talking to.
What do you mean?
It's a Larry and Needle show.
I just did Larry and the Stranger.
I'll rip you from fucking limb to limb.
Huh?
How?
You heard me, you fucking bitch.
With your teeth or your hands.
You're gonna rip me limb from limb.
I'm asking.
The only thing is, is you're fucking probably enjoying it.
You fucking sick bastard.
I'll at least slap my balls.
Yeah, can anyone out there guess which letter Needle's is?
LGBTQ plus or all the above?
Dollar sign, I'm the dollar sign.
No.
Yeah, that's what I am.
I'm money, baby.
I'm just showing my butthole on OnlyFans claiming I'm a chick.
Your butthole's on the other side of the glory hole.
No, my mouth is.
Not my butthole.
What are you talking about?
When it's break time.
I mean, I don't want to fucking, you know.
Isn't it crazy though?
Have you ever been to a glory hole?
No.
Neither have I.
But a hand fucker.
What a liar.
So, isn't it weird though when you feel a little bit of stubble on the end?
Oh man.
Oh, Larry, play along, you stinky bastard.
You're sick of.
Well, whatever.
Larry doesn't want to play tonight.
Fuck, man.
What?
What do you want from me?
What the fuck do you want from me?
I want you to be funny, Larry.
I want Larry to be Larry.
Can you do that for me?
My house smells like plastic.
No, piss off the basement doesn't.
Kinda does, man.
No, it doesn't.
Now you got cancer all of a sudden.
I've been ripping heaters for 40 years.
Yeah.
I mean, what are you, 64?
You never know what's going to trigger it, man.
Yeah, kissing packers.
Man, it's so fucking hysterical.
It really is.
It makes me laugh.
You're just so funny.
That's why I love it, because it makes me laugh.
To really think I care what you think.
So dumb.
I know, and that's what makes me laugh.
It's the best part.
We should have a fucking poll.
The people out there could email us or whatever, get a hold of us on Twitter and tell us,
what a fucking dumbass needle is this fucking dummy motherfucker.
Dude, how many times are you going to vote?
I'm not going to vote.
It's all from Larry.
I don't need to vote.
Five thousand times.
I'm sure that anybody that's ever heard at least fucking one minute of any episode
knows that you are fucking moron.
Come on.
It's obvious.
That is very egregious, Larry.
I don't like your tone.
Hey man, I don't like that.
Why would you be saying that to me?
Why?
Aren't you a Christian, man?
Are you going to question my faith?
Yes, I am.
I'm completely going to question you.
Call you out on your fucking stupidity?
Look at that swastika tattoo.
Fuck you.
Jesus Christ.
I'm going to have no tattoos this video.
This guy works for HVAC Company at Auschwitz.
This fucking guy is crazy.
He's the one with the tattoos.
Yeah, I got swastikas all.
No, we don't condone that shit.
I'm just trying to be silly to Larry.
Yeah.
Because Larry fucked up and this is the third episode we're doing tonight.
No, I didn't fuck up, man.
Something happened with the computer.
It said, read error.
No, it gave.
That's what it said.
Listen to that.
Back in the old days with analog gear, this didn't happen, man.
No, we just go to reel the reel and shit.
Yeah, the tape would go and you knew that fucking shit was going down.
Oh my God.
Fuck, we've download that.
I don't know.
Exactly.
So now you're making a fucking absolute reference.
You know, Stevie Wonder, when he's making a record to this day, he records it on tape.
He doesn't fucking trust him.
You see how they wear the fucking dresses?
I don't trust him for anything.
Do you think he was a pedophile?
I don't know.
If you're blind, can you be considered a pedophile?
Well, yeah.
I mean, because you're blind, they're aged.
Well, how do you seek him out?
I don't fucking know, dude.
You're gonna have to ask your friends in a pedophile club.
This is a hyper...
Fucking sick bastard.
Let me scan your card.
Maybe you could ask Hunter Biden how he does it.
Or fucking...
Why don't you wanna play along?
The big guy.
I am playing along.
What the fuck?
Yeah, you always go to Hunter Biden.
I mean, come on.
That's low hanging fruit.
Well, I'm sorry.
What can I tell you?
I don't want you to apologize.
Literally, I love you, but I mean, Jesus Christ.
We can come up with better things than that, right?
I don't know.
You want me to start naming your fucking pedophile?
Yeah, start naming names, Larry.
Yeah, pedophile club by name.
Everybody knows who went to the vibe.
You're just like Jimmy from across the street.
Tommy of Three Doors Down.
You just start naming people.
Billy from Jimmy's Abortion Clinic.
Yeah, no.
What did we say?
Oh, yeah.
We like to take our sponsors.
Our sponsor, Jimmy's Abortion Clinic.
Two free dogs and a fry.
Jimmy's Abortion Clinic and hot dog stand.
Like our beef wet.
Dip it.
Our dogs dry.
Dip it.
Hey, dip it.
Exactly.
Percent of dogs.
The only thing that's like two things that are wet in this room.
I mean, how would you get away with that?
Do you have to have like a curtain?
Well, yeah, you need a separate room.
I mean, you set up the code.
You can't even get food and doing abortions.
The guy that's doing the operations, you know, it's only allowed.
Wait, the abortion's there here out there.
The guy doing the abortions, he's only allowed to really like work the pizza puff maker and shit.
What the hell is he's got?
He's got a lot of time before that bell rings, you know, they always say a while.
Larry, man, you're off the rails here.
Who inserted a bell into this scenario?
You think he just re-abell when they open the door?
No, dude, on the pizza puff machine.
Well, how's he doing abortions and running the fryer?
He's doing the abortions and then when the thing goes, dang it.
It's called the fryer, Larry.
Yeah, the fryer and then he runs over to the pizza puff machine.
He runs over to the thing.
So he's doing abortions in between running the fryer.
And then he goes back into the room with greasy hands and does...
Well, he's got rubber gloves on when he does the fryer.
What kind of like the yellow ones?
Like when you're cleaning the kitchen?
Yeah, the thick ass yellow ones.
Your fingers stand up even when you're dying there.
You can't even bend your fingers, they're so fucking thick.
Those things were good in Chernobyl.
You could work out high tension wires with them, they're so thick.
They're called elephants foot.
You know what that's for me?
What?
Chernobyl.
From the toots you fucking bang?
That doesn't even make sense, Larry.
I know, Larry.
You catch elephants.
No, you just...
Elephants foot, Chernobyl.
When the fucking corn melted the elephant foot.
See, I don't know those nicknames and shit, man.
I didn't know that.
That's why I'm here.
I've seen when you're talking about that meltdown fucking thing, that picture.
Yeah, and...
It's fucking crazy.
We talked about the fucking vodka made from there.
Yeah, man.
Dude, Chernobyl, dude, three mile island too.
You know what, they should send us, if they want to send us a case of that fucking Chernobyl
vodka, we'll drink it.
The whole case?
Well, not at once.
Oh, well, I mean, that sounded like you just said that.
You gotta come up with stipulations.
We'll drink it and then we'll talk about stories.
How about this...
We'll talk about shit on the podcast.
How about you poop it in your ass?
Let's put vodka bottle in your ass.
How about we'll do that with you?
I don't want to fucking have shit in my ass.
I'll say that.
That's not shit, it's vodka, dude.
I don't want to fucking have a fucking vodka bottle in my ass.
We heard it here first.
Larry says he doesn't want vodka bottle in his ass.
It sounds like needles might...
I'm gonna cut this all together with some gay people.
It sounds like needles might want one though.
No, I don't at all.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
There's no room after he's all, he's got that shampoo bottle up there already.
Dude, let me tell you, I gotta stay fresh and clean.
But at the same time...
Mmm-hmm.
They got no time for that.
Amazing.
Mmm-hmm.
Fuck, man.
At a different time though, you know.
At a different time in what?
At the same time.
That was two different things, Larry.
No, because you always say, you know, at the same time and then you don't say anything.
It's like, okay, well I just said, well no, at a different time.
And then it still don't say anything.
Is this new bit we're trying out?
No, no, we're not trying anything out.
I'm just, I'm just...
I'm just point...
I mean, is this like your quotes of the Larry's quotes?
I'm just pointing it out there.
I mean, what's the last time he done Larry's quotes?
Oh man, I stopped doing the quotes.
Do you have one tonight?
No, man.
My only quote is that...
Don't?
Because I know you're going to keep repeating the same one.
No, no.
And we need to get paid for that.
No, man, I ain't going to repeat that.
I was just going to say, you know, I told you that I found out that Martin Luther King was
kind of a fake and a fraud.
Man, man, Larry, you just...
So wait a second.
Okay, I broke my heart, man.
You went from...
I mean, okay, I'm not going to say praising this fellow.
I went from praising him to fucking being questioning him overnight.
You quoted him.
Quoting him and praising him to questioning my fucking...
And arguing with Niels.
Yeah.
So say that again.
I'll argue with you anytime.
No, you did argue with me.
Yeah, and I will argue again.
An act of submission right there.
Fuck you.
Niels wins.
The only act of submission is...
Should see the smile on Larry's face.
He got busted by Niels.
Busted.
This motherfucker...
This motherfucker busted you, motherfucker.
Busted me in nothing.
Man, I wish we had a video aspect.
What are you going to bust me at?
Dude, you're smiling more than fucking...
Because it's fucking ridiculous.
...it's fucking ridiculous.
It's ridiculous.
Yeah, it's precocculus, actually.
I laugh.
It's amazing.
I love you so much.
I hate you too.
So this is the second, third time.
Okay.
Third time I'm saying this, man.
I want to just put it out there.
My neighbor fucking has this film.
Oh my God.
Three fucking episodes you're going to say.
No, man.
I never said it.
You said it in...
This is the third episode you've said it on.
But the motherfucking episode didn't happen.
But you still said it.
I want to put it out there.
It's in the ether.
No, it ain't in the ether.
You said it, didn't you?
It ain't in the ether.
This fucking guy complaining about his neighbors.
I'm going to tell you right now, you are in for a real good
Lerian Needle's tidbit into how Larry is a psychopath.
Larry, please proceed.
I'm not.
It's not psychopathic.
Here's what happened, man.
This motherfucking...
Okay, we had a fucking...
I'm not.
This motherfucking...
Okay, we had a real heavy windstorm and some tornadoes and shit in the
Chicago land area.
Not around you, though, at all.
No, in DuPage.
The heavy wind, yes.
Yes, heavy wind.
But we had a tornado in DuPage County, they said.
But not by you, though.
No.
No, we're near me.
I mean, let's just give out the address from now on.
Okay.
Anyways, fucking...
The neighbor's tree, a lot of big fucking branches blew into my yard.
And I saw it this morning.
So the neighbor's tree is on their property across the fence.
No, not really.
Yeah, it's across the fence in their yard.
Okay, they're...
What do you mean not really?
Yes.
Well, the trunk of the tree is in their yard.
Yes, that's the tree, Larry.
But it's a tall motherfucker.
I mean, fucking 80-foot.
It's a tall, yeah, 80 feet, probably.
So the fucking branches break off and go into Larry's yard.
Like about eight or nine branches.
Big fuckers, man.
Okay, so, Larry, what happened this morning?
I actually barely was able to fucking...
Wait, stop.
What time did you wake up?
I got up early when I noticed it was about six o'clock.
In the morning.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then what'd you do at 6.30?
I said, fuck, man.
I said, shit, I gotta get rid of these branches.
No, wait, wait, wait, wait, you got up, walked into the backyard, saw the neighbor's branches
in your yard.
And so...
And that started throwing...
And Larry doesn't drink coffee.
No.
You didn't go to Starbucks, did you?
No.
Okay, so this is...
This is before Larry got his coffee.
He got his coffee.
You ever see those sh...
In marijuana.
Yeah.
Larry's already smoked an eighth of weed in 15 minutes.
Anyway, so I'm throwing the fucking shit in the...
Dude, so wait a second, he's throwing the neighbor's branches that fell over his fence
into...
Back into the neighbor's yard.
And the neighbor has two little children.
But they weren't out.
It wasn't like I was throwing branches.
Yeah, because why would they come out if a guy's throwing branches?
It was fucking 6.30 in the morning.
Look, hey, kids, come outside the neighbor's law.
I'm gonna throw a stick at ya, you little fucking bastard.
Yes, you know what I mean?
Well, here's what happened.
So all of a sudden, I'm whipping the fucking branches.
Big motherfuckers, like seriously, I could barely lift them.
That's how big they were.
And Larry's a small guy.
Nah, fuck you, I'm huge.
And fucking...
So I'm throwing the branches over in his yard and he comes racing out of his back, throwing
them.
And he's like, hey.
The quickest he's ever moved in his life, probably.
Yeah, this guy's kind of a fucking fattest.
He's a jelly roll.
Yeah.
And he's like, hey, what are you doing?
And I'm like, oh man, these branches, these are your branches from your tree.
And I'm throwing them in the yard.
So you're throwing them in the yard.
He's like, why are you so mean to me?
I'm like, I'm not mean to you, dude.
And he's like, why do you hate me?
I said, I don't hate you.
I hate your fucking tree.
And he's like...
Well, they say that in this whole while, I am whipping the branches back in his yard.
So there's like seven of them, like the branch, you're just throwing them.
And then...
Because I'm a great neighbor.
And he's like, well, it says, you know, the law is that if it's in your yard, you got to
deal with it.
And as I'm throwing the last branch and I go to your motherfucking yard, dude, and I just
walked away.
And I fucking...
What do we talk about with Jesus?
Respect your neighbor, don't bang his wife.
Yeah, don't bang his wife.
It doesn't say anything about branches.
Jesus doesn't say, don't throw branches in thy neighbor's wife.
I mean, if you and I were hanging out with Jesus at a bar and he was like, hey, Jesus,
should I throw branches in my neighbor's yard?
What do you think Jesus is going to say?
He might say it's...
You could say no.
You know, he'd say...
What do you mean he's not going to say no?
He hears what he would say.
This is outrageous, lady.
What do you say it's the branches from his yard?
It's my son.
Oh my God, now you're just making up Roman shit.
No, man.
What did you just say?
He would say...
He would say in today's vernacular, he would say...
Oh, in today's vernacular.
Today's vernacular.
Okay.
He would say, like, our slang, like he lived in our fucking neighborhood.
He'd be like, hey, dude, what the fuck did the branch come from his tree?
Are you pretending to be Jesus right now?
Yeah, I'm Jesus now.
Oh, okay.
I just want to make sure...
I just want to clarify that for our listeners.
He'd say, I'd be in the bar, Jesus right now.
You know, the neighbor, his branches are all in my yard and it's fucking on my floor.
Hey, Jesus, these two chicks want to hang out.
They're about 16 and 17.
I will make them 18.
Can you make them go away?
My son.
Let's make them 18 really quick.
Let's turn this water into wine if you know what I mean.
Yeah, dude, you got every right to fucking throw those branches back in his yard.
Let me buy you a beer, man.
And I'd say thank you, Jesus.
You're gonna buy Jesus a beer?
Yeah, if he wanted to buy me a beer.
His motherfucker makes water into wine.
Does he think you want a beer?
He was gonna buy me a beer.
Dude, you think he could...
Because he wanted me to buy him one.
So if his blood is...
Okay, whatever.
Okay, so if his blood is wine, right?
What do you think his nut is?
Yeagermeister?
He called Schlager.
This fucker's going to hell.
Aw, man.
That's right.
I'm gonna be the fucking guy with the kick-ass boat and the wife theater down in hell.
Beat that joke to death because you're not gonna have a kick-ass boat.
I will beat that joke to death.
I love it.
You're not gonna have a kick-ass boat.
Two motherfuckers solo skiing.
Not two skis, one ski, I'm not sure.
That's right, though.
You're just jealous, Larry.
That's the problem.
Haters are gonna hate, dude.
I'm such a hater, you know.
You just said it, I didn't.
I hate everything.
Well, you really do, man.
I mean...
That ain't true, man.
You don't like to go to the Pride parade.
I love thy neighbor.
The Puerto Rican parade, oh my god.
Let's not talk about that fighter bomb you made.
Puerto Rican parade, yeah.
How about the fucking...
Oh, here we go.
Here it comes.
The Gilgore Four.
We talked about this, right?
Two.
No, no, this is episode number three.
We didn't talk about nothing.
Yeah, episode number three.
So this fucking guy...
This fucking guy over here.
I mean, he took the phones of the fucking people he killed and called their family up on them.
That is fucking up.
That is sadistic.
He's a sick motherfucker.
Yeah.
His name was Rex Howerman.
Rex Howerman.
Like, we talked about it in episode two.
Rex is a strong name.
I mean, T-Rex?
Yeah.
Don't you associate it with that?
Yeah.
Usually someone named Rex doesn't need to be a rapist.
He's getting pussy galore, you know what I mean?
I mean, if your name Rex in high school and shit...
Never know Rex.
Me either, but I would imagine that if your name Rex, you're going to be getting pussy even easier than say someone like me.
I sound like a rapist, though.
You really do.
Getting pussy.
I didn't say taking pussy.
I mean, they're giving it.
It's almost synonymous.
Giving it.
It's synonymous.
There's a fine thin line.
This guy's fucking from a different era.
He's from the fucking 60s, bro.
Rex is?
Yeah, he was 59 years old.
He's almost as old as you.
Almost, man.
Three counts of first degree murder.
What, he's 63?
Yeah.
Three counts of first degree murder and three counts of second degree murder.
You won't hear a crazy thing, so...
He's a big, tall Edmund Kemper motherfucker.
There were 10 women found in this area.
Yeah.
Three of them were...
They think you did all of them.
Well, three of them were in burlap sacks.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
The fourth one was they're trying to tie to him, but they found his hair and his wife's
hair in the burlap sacks.
Okay.
And do you want to know why they did that?
Why?
23 and me.
What do you mean?
That's how they caught his DNA.
Because his wife did it or he did it?
No, because somebody did it in their lineage.
They wanted to find out if their family tree.
Some fucking family member in his family.
Yeah, that's how they got the Golden State Killer.
Yeah, yeah.
Fucking...
That's how they're going to catch you.
There's been a couple.
What's that?
I said that's how they're going to catch you.
Well, nowadays, yeah, because people just give up their shit, man.
We're all fucking retarded.
I'm not, actually.
I would never do that, but it doesn't say...
No, you would never do that.
I don't have a brother anymore.
You would never do that.
You're not a rapist, but you are retarded.
What's that?
I said you'd never do that because you're not a rapist, but you are retarded.
I'm...
Dude, I would never...
Open your fucking ears, jackass.
I would never...
Man, rapist is a weird thing, man.
It really is.
And it's the most...
...degradable.
I loved when I was younger and I would get molested by older girls in the neighborhood,
you know.
Okay, this isn't...
And people would call that...
Ungoing thing?
Well, when I was younger it was, yeah.
How old were you?
I don't know, you know.
What do you mean you don't know?
How do you know for...
12.
Okay, and how old were they?
I mean, this sounds very fictitious.
You don't want to, because you got no game.
Here's the thing, though.
Okay.
Do you think...
And even if the chick was, you know, 20, do you think that I would be mad or what?
Like when a teacher begs a kid...
Well, here's the thing.
I can see, like, when a girl gets raped, but when a boy gets raped, it doesn't really...
Man, wait a second.
...damage it.
It doesn't...
Slow down, slow down.
...get...
Listen, buy a chick and he's getting to have sex with her and she's showing them the ropes
and she's older.
It doesn't damage him for life.
It fucking sees...
He's bragging to it about his friends and shit.
Do you never see the South Park episode, have you?
No.
They go to the police station and they're like, we would like to port, you know, something
underage between a teacher and a student.
And they're like, oh my god, what's his name?
Listen to that.
And, you know, because they thought it was a male teacher and a girl student.
And then they find out that it's a woman, a young child, and they're like, nice.
Exactly.
They're all like, nice.
See, that's exactly...
We literally say that it's fucking pretty funny.
And it's true though.
The dynamic of between sexual assault between male victims and female victims.
Very different dynamic.
It's a skew, but there is a lot of power dynamic also in there.
You know what I mean?
Like men have always...
But there's no fucking...
You know, it's different when you're penetrating or getting penetrated.
So, you know, that's the difference.
Well, yes, I just said there's a different dynamic between that.
Because usually these men are aggressors.
They like power.
They like to hold you in a position that you're uncomfortable in.
And I'd say for the high school boy getting the bang is math teacher or whatever.
I don't think it mentally damages him whatsoever.
I think he's like glad that it happened.
You know what, Larry?
He's happy when it's happening.
You know what, Larry?
Yeah.
Don't tell your friends.
Just keep banging her.
Right, right, right.
That's how stuff gets out, man.
Don't post it on Facebook.
Yeah, my dad always told me that.
But if you ever meet some slut, you know, and you will, and I did.
Slut?
This is your teacher, Larry.
No, no, no.
But even like a slutty chick that puts out, don't tell all your friends if you want to just...
But nowadays they do?
No, I know.
Well, that's because everything is fucking publicized today.
Everybody's got a, you know...
It's egregious.
What the fuck?
Look what I did.
You can instantly kill somebody's reputation in 20 minutes.
Easily.
Yeah.
Without any effort.
Especially so...
Larry's a racist.
Aw, man.
Why you gotta say that?
Because we all knew it.
I mean...
Fucking asshole.
No, that's gonna be your headline.
Everybody knows that ain't true, though.
That's the thing, man.
None of these people really know you, I mean...
You're the one...
Who else knows you?
Here's the thing.
Here's what they do know.
Here's what people do know.
Even whether they know me or not, they do know that the person throwing out the accuracy
of my accusations is probably the one that's doing the crime.
You know, it's like when you come home and you got some girlfriend that's always accusing
you of cheating and shit.
Oh, what's her name?
Fucking a...
And then you say...
Bitch, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Anforth and...
Ava.
So Ava.
Yeah.
The fucking know you're fucking out of your ass.
Yeah, and how she didn't know to DUI's and shit.
Okay.
But yeah, you were just saying something that had some merit.
So you know, and so that's all.
So that's a what?
It's a projection thing.
So I'm projecting onto you there.
Yeah, right.
You call me gay.
You went all around that rope of dope just to make them want to stay here.
I mean, fucking A, that was a tall tale.
Oh, man.
Jesus Christ, we finally got to the goddamn end of that motherfucker.
Quit fucking saying her and saying her.
I know, I'm doing it on purpose.
Dude, you know, this cock sucker is going to fucking burn.
Oh, that's even worse.
No, Lord, this dummy doesn't know what he's saying.
Please.
Don't.
It's going...
You fucking mocked your fucking idiot.
I love how you stutter because you can't handle it.
Well, you're going to go to hell, man.
I was just raising my arms and drugging.
Yeah, he thinks he's funny and shit.
I am funny and it made you stutter.
I thought I was funny.
No, I'm not laughing.
You're a bird.
Yeah, because you know what's going to happen?
If Jesus comes down here and kills me, you're going to get the backlash of it.
I'm sure there's going to be some sort of crazy lightning bolt or something.
First of all, Jesus doesn't come and kill.
God does.
No, man.
Who does?
It's not his bag.
Michael the Archangel.
I don't know.
Shiny McShine box.
You're splitting hairs.
I don't know.
I don't think God's going to come and kill you.
I wish I was splitting hairs right now.
He already fucking killed us once.
Who did?
God.
How?
With the flood, dummy fucking dumb.
How do you even kill us all?
You didn't hear about Noah's Arch?
You fucking dumbass.
Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?
I never heard of that, bro.
We have a whole episode named Donnie at Force Arch.
And that's the only reason.
And that's the only fucking reason you know about it.
You're trying to explain it to us.
Hey, they bring two in.
I don't fucking know.
You didn't know anything about the Arch before that?
No.
He can tell us anything.
Thank God your parents had a fucking brochure.
You never went.
Huh?
You don't know anything about the Arch.
Noah's, you never heard of Noah's Arch.
I read the whole fucking brochure about it.
Yeah, but before that, you never knew the story.
And?
That's all I'm just saying.
You're going out.
Do you know a lot of stories?
How many stories do you fucking know?
Yeah, but you don't know all of them.
No, but everybody knows Noah's Arch.
Exactly, so fucking piss off.
Noah's Arch is like the children's Bible shit, dude.
Fars.
That's why you're going to burn.
Fars.
Come on, Larry, I want to give you a rebuttal.
Come on, give me a rebuttal.
Tell me, this fucking guy brought two of every animal in a boat
and then floated around.
How long did you take them to build them?
Build the boat?
Like 20 years?
20 years?
Something, 40, 30, I don't know.
Well, like 220.
Okay, they were a loser.
I mean, that's all he did.
He just built a fucking boat.
Wait a second, he lived for 220 years.
Dude, the Bible is such a farce.
He didn't start building the boat until he was 250, motherfucker.
Dude, the Bible is such a farce, dude.
It really is.
Dude, you are going to go to fucking hell.
What is going on here?
Now we're just making things up like...
Noah lived to be like fucking 700 years old or something.
600 years old.
You believe that?
Yeah.
Because why?
So you don't believe the earth is round, would you believe Noah lived?
Yeah.
Even you laughed at that one.
Oh, yeah.
I do.
I do believe that, yes.
That's what I believe.
That the earth is flat and not round and that Noah existed.
Yeah.
I mean, Jesus, dude.
I do.
Don't say that.
Dude, let me call the fucking Jesus Christ.
Oh, man.
Let me call the mental.
I'm going to never be able to be part of this podcast.
I'm going to learn how to play that accordion when they take you away.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to put free handcuffs on you.
That's what your boyfriend does to you.
Oh, really?
Savvy Larry.
That's what your boyfriend does.
It's okay when you say a dumb joke.
Okay, so anyways, let's see.
Who?
What?
Where?
What depth of hell do you think you're going to burn in?
What?
The 47th.
The deepest fucking depth?
The 69th.
You know why?
Why?
Because you're mocking me.
I'm going to the 69th depth.
You think it's funny, dude?
Yes, dude.
I'm going to have the sickest body in hell.
You think so?
And I'm going to have the most kick ass.
I'm going to have a jet boat in hell that spits out jet skis in the back.
So when I'm driving my jet boat, my demon horrors can come out in the back with jet skis.
Do you visualize that, Larry?
I don't think that's going to be happening.
Who the fuck are you to fucking piss on my dreams?
Anyhow, it's going to happen, motherfucker.
Says who? You asked me what was going to happen when I went to hell.
Yeah, no.
And then I told you and you're like, that's not going to happen.
I'm just saying, no, that's...
Yeah, it's like, hey, Larry, what's going to happen to you?
That's who you think that's not what's going to happen.
It's going to happen because I'm going to make it happen.
Okay.
What?
Lord, forgive this fucking idiot.
Oh, now you're praying for me?
Yes, you need prayer.
The ultimate sinner?
I'm the ultimate sinner.
You said it. I didn't say it.
Fuck you.
Dumbass.
We are ultimate sinners. You're right.
You're fucking a fucking ass.
Everybody's a fucking sinner, aren't you?
I know you're a fucking idiot. That doesn't mean...
Oh, now you're going to diminish my character.
Yeah, no, I don't need to diminish your character.
You just did.
It's already diminished.
Says who?
I'm saying it. Your character's already shit.
And what credible are you? I mean...
Your character is shit.
Says who?
I'm saying it.
My friend whose character is also shit.
Fuck you, man.
I mean, Jesus Christ, we're like two fucking peas in a pod.
Fuck you, dude. I don't use the Lord's name in vain.
See, that's the difference.
Well, goddammit, Larry, you should start doing it.
No, dude, see, that's the thing.
Oh.
You're going to burn because you're mocking this fucking...
Oh, coming from the guy with the Casey Anthony shirt on.
Fuck you, man.
Oh, look at that.
Casey Anthony.
Oh, yeah. She was a real prom queen.
Casey Anthony is a good person.
Oh, says who? You? I mean...
Hey, she has her faults, man.
She...
Don't we all write, Larry?
She said... I watched her fucking...
I watched her thing.
Oh, this is going to get good listeners.
Six episodes.
Fuckin' doc.
One hour.
Maybe it was four episodes.
It was either four or six hours, but...
It was a lot of Casey Anthony.
Why?
And by the time I was done, I was convinced that she did not kill her daughter and that
her father did it, and this guy was a fucking child molester.
And not only that, according to Casey Anthony, her brother also fucked her when she was young.
Who you gonna believe?
I know, and that's the other thing.
She's a complete lying fucking bitch, too, at the same time.
There you go, Larry.
The fucking...
What she got off in court, man.
She's a cute chick, man.
She's cute.
She really is.
I mean, you're wearing my age bracket.
You're wearing her t-shirt. That's how cute she is.
She's writing my age bracket.
We made this t-shirt, though.
You can't buy, Casey Anthony t-shirt.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I was never involved in the making of this t-shirt.
I think it was your idea.
No, it wasn't.
It was.
Man, she's so cutie-potootie in that picture.
I know.
Oh, with that smile, she's on the fucking stand.
Let me tell you, here's the deal, though.
Who the fuck knows about anything?
You know, when you're in that moment...
I don't know, man.
But when you're in that moment...
Oh!
Shout out to LVH, Leslie Van Houten.
Who's Anna?
Manson.
She got released.
Oh, they let her out?
LV Van Houten, right? LVH.
Woo!
What an acronym, baby.
I don't know.
Shout out, literally.
I told Leslie.
Cut.
It's Van Houten, for sure, though.
Yeah, okay.
That's good, man.
We just talked about that, bitch, a few episodes back.
Yeah.
Remember, I said they were gonna let her out?
Mm-hmm.
That's good.
I'm glad you're out, honey.
Have a good time.
I know you're a little old now.
Well, she's got...
She has cancer.
The needles will still fuck you.
I...
Well, I mean...
Just because you were associated with Manson.
She mutilated the bodies.
She's...
She's grand...
She's grandmothered in.
No, dude, Larry, listen.
She admitted to mutilating the bodies.
Oh, wow.
But she didn't help with the murders.
Well, that's nice.
52 years she's been in prison.
Hey.
Imagine that.
52 years, Larry.
She was 19 when she was put in prison.
Wow, man.
Talking about being a fucking child of the system.
That's most...
She's been in prison most of my time on Earth.
Well, but you know what she...
I mean, she and me...
That's a pretty fucked up thought.
I mean...
Who knows what's going on anymore?
The prisons are overcrowded.
They have to get rid of these people.
They can't murder them.
We need to rein...
So they give them cancer and they fucking...
Oh, we don't need to give them cancer.
Well, there's...
Cancer materials are in everything around us every day.
Yeah, especially that plastic you burned in my phone.
That plastic you burned in my fucking stove, man.
My oven.
That's very cancerous.
And what else are you gonna say, Larry?
Nothing, you fucking cheats.
You got something else to say, Larry?
Yeah.
Yeah, knock this...
You fucking cunt.
Yeah, exactly.
Look at you.
Fuck you.
You fucking El Chapo looking motherfucker.
Fuck you.
That stupid haircut.
Hopefully they lock you away.
But at the same time...
So let's see.
We talked about the Gilgo guy, right?
Just for a little bit.
El Chapo's son has a watchword more than your life.
Dude, you know, two things in Mexico...
Should we shout out the girls that...
Should we shout out the...
Wow.
Craigslist escorts starting with Shannon Gilbert?
No.
Why not?
The 23-year-old girl that started...
They'd pay us for a plug?
They're fucking dead, dude.
They have to pay so.
And then when they were looking for Shannon Gilbert,
who was hot...
I love he said Sharon and then he said Shannon.
She was a 23-year-old hottie on Craigslist selling her ass for money.
I mean, Larry, you can...
And while they were looking for her, they found the four other ones that were known as the...
Three?
Well, okay, yeah, four.
They were known as the Gilgore Four.
And that was 24 Melissa Bartholomew, 25 Merrill Byron's, 22 Megan Waterman, and 27 Amberlynn Castello.
Here comes Lee, you know.
So, you know, shout out to Craigslist.
Nice work, guys.
Nice work getting these...
leading these girls with their death.
I have a fucking bunch of assholes, those people that are Craig and his friends.
Larry, prostitution is the oldest trade known to man.
It's a dangerous job, man.
How do you know?
Exactly.
When you were in Boys Town.
It is, it's dangerous.
You're the kind of shanky dude.
You gotta watch your shit.
Shank on your hip.
Mm-hmm.
No more glory holes.
I don't fucking go out without my Hitler Youth knife to Boys Town.
Oh my God, Larry, that's so...
Horrible.
I mean, that statement, how can you comprehend it?
Well, it's the only one with the long enough blade to keep him away.
Yeah, but the sheath isn't as fucking accurate to the time period.
Whatever.
You can live with that.
I'm gonna give a fuck about that.
What are you guys gonna do?
Are you about Nazi artifacts?
Fucking uh...
Yes, sir.
I, um...
Oh, kissed another dude.
Made a...
Ah, fuck you.
I'm so tired, I love it.
Yes, sir, can I go?
What a dumbass.
This guy, you know what, he's got...
This is a guy, this is a fucking class clown, right?
Motherfucker don't have nothing to say.
The problem is, is you're my fucker.
Bro, I love you.
You're ready to cut a motherfucker off.
You're gonna cut me?
I wish you would try to.
Oh, man.
We will start a video aspect just for me beating you up in wrestling.
Dude, I'll kick you in the fucking balls.
I did, that's not wrestling, asshole.
You're not talking about...
I ain't gonna wrestle, I'm too old for that shit.
I'll shoot you in the fucking foot.
I'll shoot you in the foot.
You're gonna shoot me in the foot?
That's not even fair.
I don't wanna fuck around, man.
Well, I don't know, I've never done otherwise.
Okay, glory hole, boy.
GHB.
GH needles, that's a fucking full name.
GH needles.
What is that called?
G stands for moniker, but what is that?
That's your moniker, that's your fucking pseudonym.
That's it, pseudonym, maybe.
That's good, though.
Fuck yeah, that's good.
You don't even know what it means, but...
Yeah, I know, it's the title of the author.
I know, yeah, yeah.
Motherfucker Larry.
Ah, man.
God damn those feet, Larry.
Motherfucker, I swear to God.
Larry is the dirtiest feet,
and then he brings them into the lab.
And they're so dirty, I mean, literally.
They are dirty, Larry, and they're fucking big ass canoes.
I walked in the fucking garage, I needed to go in the garage.
I wasn't gonna put my shoes on for that.
Why not?
Because now you track all that shit back into the fucking house, dude.
Yeah, but if I had my shoes on and was wearing my shoes, it would still be contracted.
Then you can take them off the door, and then...
That's why I have my slides.
I take my fucking outside shoes, I take my slides.
Okay, then, Mr. Rogers.
What the fuck does that mean, asshole?
It doesn't even make any sense.
Yeah, did you ever watch Mr. Rogers?
Yeah, when he put his shoes on and he sat down, fuck you, man.
So it doesn't make sense to do what I'm talking about.
I don't care what you're talking about.
Everybody out there knows what I'm talking about.
I don't need to explain myself. Everybody's laughing at you.
First of all, you ever see the episode where he sits at the black guy and washes his feet in the pool?
That's what you need to do.
And Lee would be like, oh man, Asalaamu alaykum, my brother.
Man.
What?
Jesus washed my feet.
He washed people's feet. I don't think he washed my feet.
Would he lick your feet?
Dude, man, don't fucking blaspheme, you fucking bastard.
What a piece of shit.
God.
Dude, how do you know if Jesus doesn't like feet, dude?
Dude, he's not a fucking weird pervert.
You know!
He's not a fetus.
He can do whatever he wants.
He's not a fetus like you are.
First of all, he's not even a real human.
He's in spirit.
Right now, yeah.
So technically, he can just finger blast any chicken on.
When he comes back down, though.
Yeah, I bet.
A lot of women have heard that.
He's gonna kick your fucking ass, man.
I hope so, man.
That'd be awesome.
If Jesus washed my ass, I would totally do that.
Imagine if that's it.
You think it's gonna be like a fucking Spider-Man comic book you dumbass?
Yeah, I totally do.
Actually, no, I don't.
I think Jesus is gonna be like a pig or something.
I mean, something fucking weird.
It's Jesus, dude.
You guys probably put up on like, dude, no fucking space-coking shit.
Getting banged by aliens.
Do you think Jesus is just a normal dude that like hangs out and looks at Earth?
Hell no.
That motherfucker is out there doing tentacle shit, dude.
That's what you think, man.
With like multiple women.
Yes, dude.
See, that's why.
He's a god in your eyes, right?
That's why you're a devil and you're gonna be going to hell.
Dude, look at the gods in Greece.
That's what the devil does.
The gods in Greece just did what they wanted, man.
They went through a bunch of fucking fruit cakes that fucked each other in the ass and
they're gods, you fucking.
And you don't think Jesus was like, hey, let's try this?
No, I don't think so.
How do you know?
I don't, because, man, they fucking smashed Sodom in Gamora.
Okay, listen.
I'm gonna tell you.
Sodom, Sodom, I'm gonna tell you.
Jesus has four glasses of wine and fucking Uncle Billy's over.
You know what I mean?
Oh, man, this motherfucker.
No, you just don't want to accept the fact that Jesus probably got ass banged.
Dude, quit fucking saying that shit.
I'm gonna have to quit the podcast and shit.
I don't want to be with a fucking associated with such a fucking vulgar asshole.
Bless from his motherfucker, shall I say?
Yeah.
I think Jesus did get ass banged.
I mean, what do you want me to do about it, bro?
Back then you never know.
I quit saying it to me.
But you never know, though.
Back then, this fucking, come on, man.
Dude, Jesus would fucking...
I mean, there were no laws back then.
It says in the Bible.
There's literally no...
It says in the Bible you shouldn't do that.
I'm gonna tell you right now, Jesus had 12 apostles.
I'm gonna tell you right now.
It says in the Bible that you shouldn't do that, man.
Do what?
A man should not lay with another man and a woman should not lay with another man.
If no one's watching.
Oh, man.
I mean, you smile and if he's under 12.
You're gonna burn.
How?
You're gonna be in the special fucking...
Special Jesus section.
Huh?
You're gonna be in the I mock Jesus a lot section.
Really?
How many people are there?
Probably a lot.
Okay.
I mean, sounds pretty cool.
A good amount.
I hope there's a lake, right?
Cause I won't be able to put my phone.
Awesome.
Well, I could put my boat in there then, right?
It might burn up.
That's all right.
We're kinda gonna want to flame it.
Flaming boat.
Huh?
Steel?
Steel.
What kind of...
What material will your boat be made out of?
Human skin.
What are you gonna wear?
S-line.
It's hell, baby.
I can do whatever I want.
See, that's the thing.
That's the part...
Titty skin.
It's all titty skin.
That's the part where you're wrong, though.
How do you know?
It's hell.
You ever been there?
Dude, man.
Yeah.
You asked me what my interpretation of hell would be.
You shouldn't say this shit, dude.
Why?
You're fucking...
So now you're censoring me on your own podcast?
No, I'm not censoring you.
This is egregious.
You could say anything you want.
I'm just saying you should not fucking mock the Lord and fucking...
You should not think that you're gonna have control when you go to hell.
Dude.
You're gonna be...
Do you think Jesus or I would win in Cornhole?
I think you should beat your ass in front of the Lord.
You think so, man?
I think he'd hit every fucking word.
Dude, what if I like slipped him a roofie?
I don't think it would...
You think he'd be smart enough not to take a PBR with a roofie?
I think he has.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a tall boy, though, baby.
They're hard to fucking turn down.
No, I think you wouldn't.
Come on, Jesus.
Here's a tall boy PBR, man.
He's got a very big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big.
I mean, he's got a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big.
Allboy PBR, woo, you know he wants it.
Maybe he wants a beer, but he's not dumb enough to take her.
He's got like supersonic ears,
he can hear the big crackling.
And he's not dumb enough to take a fucking open beer from you.
I mean, I know that much.
I don't want anything with Jesus though.
He's gotta have an entourage, that's what I want.
You got Jesus had to have followers.
Like the virgins and shit just want to be banged by Jesus.
Like, oh, we're all virgins, Jesus come and bang us.
You think so?
Oh man.
No, no, believe me.
You're fucking going to hell, man.
I know you've told me that nine times already, Larry.
Well, because you don't stop.
We've already agreed.
Shut your mouth, man.
Maybe shut my mouth.
It's a comedy podcast.
Maybe I could just be quiet all of a sudden.
Yeah, shut your fucking mouth.
I'm just here to fucking say stupid shit and make you mad.
You're doing a good job, man.
I know.
Well, thank you very much.
You're saying some really, really stupid shit.
You can't think of anything stupid to say without.
Dude, you can't even open your eyes right now.
Holy shit, Larry.
I am fucking high as hell.
Well, then pass that joy out, man.
I gave you your own joy.
I know, and I smoked it.
Let me get the, you know.
Oh.
How about this?
Well, about what, Larry?
You can't think of anything dumb and funny to say
and prove how stupid you are without including Jesus.
Are you talking to me?
No, I'm talking to the other guy.
Where?
There's no one else here except you, you dummy.
I fuck you, Larry.
I was a joke, you dumbass.
Okay.
I mean, why would you talk about me?
Why have you mismerged my character
in front of our audience?
I don't like this.
I'm not mismerging your character, man.
Yes, you just totally fucking.
I'm being honest.
Oh, that's how you hide it.
That's how you hide with your hate speech.
Dude, oh my God.
You are anti-trans also.
I'm putting that into the episode.
I'll tell you what.
Jesus probably would be anti-trans.
He don't vote for that.
Wow.
Of all the things I've said,
and now you just said that,
that's probably the most controversial thing ever.
I think he might be.
How do you know?
Wow.
Gee, let's think.
Jesus.
I just told you,
Jesus probably had ass sex with children.
No, what the fuck?
What the fuck?
Dude, oh my God.
You are fucking gonna.
But it makes you laugh.
Please, it ain't funny.
It's making you laugh.
That's the whole point of this.
It's not funny, man.
It's be saying the most egregious shit.
Shut your mouth, man.
No, I will not.
Hey, just fucking shut it.
And you know what?
All of a sudden you're gonna be like,
hey, you know what?
Catholic priest and fuck little boys.
They did.
Okay, so then there you go.
There's a damn correlation between you.
They're a big difference from Jesus.
Why not?
What do you mean why not?
They're like Jesus' butlers.
No, they're not.
Yes, they are, man.
They're the devil's butlers.
Ah, I don't know about that.
If they were the devil's butlers, man,
they'd be helping me get fucking new recruits
on my wakeboards.
They will.
Back in my kick ass boat.
They will, man.
You should go hang around with some of them.
Dual outboard, 454 baby.
They'll get you all the little boys you want.
Fuck you.
I don't want that shit, dude.
Whoa.
I just want kick ass drugs.
They'll get that for you, too.
Every once in a while.
And then they'll slip you away from you.
A lady to spit on my wiener.
You'll be the one with waking up with the sore ass.
You know what, Larry?
They're not the priests.
You'll see what happens.
Sometimes you gotta take one for the,
not with the priests, though.
Ugh.
You know what they're doing.
You were just saying the priests.
No, I said Satan or hell or whatever.
Yeah, Satan's butler's the priest.
That's who you're gonna be hanging with.
You know what those guys are?
Bunch of thugs.
Oh, man.
They're all fucking crazy, right?
I mean, who wants to be a priest?
Why?
What benefit is there to you?
Well, you get to listen to people's fucking problems.
You're a fucking weirdo.
Well, they're pedophiles
and they're part of the fucking Satanic.
They have been proven to be pedophiles,
but not all of them.
No, some of them don't know what's going on.
There's evidence that priests are pedophiles.
How's that?
Yeah.
That's it.
That's why your mom took you out of choir boy practice,
right?
No, altar boy.
Altar boy.
Actually, no, no, I was an altar boy.
You came home with rippies and your-
Dude, listen, my mom's from the old country
and she got a weird feeling from the fucking priest
and took four of us out of the fucking,
the harm's way of this fucking-
Who says stay away from this fucking pervert for years?
Who knows that this guy would have done
with four fucking young boys?
I mean, this is like old country buffet
for a fucking pervert, dude.
Yeah, he would have had a party.
If she would have just left us there,
holy Jesus, man, this fucking guy.
You kids, you kids could be-
I don't know what kind of problems I would have had.
No, man.
Holy schnikes.
Is that what happened, Needles?
Then I'd have a reason for something.
Oh, man, this poor kid.
No wonder, no wonder he doesn't like you, Jesus.
He got as raped as a child.
Who did?
You did, by the way.
I didn't get as raped as a child.
Get the fuck out of here, man.
I said my mom stopped it.
She walked in when he was doing it?
No.
She walked into the room.
No, she felt weird and didn't let us stay with the guy.
She felt weird watching, huh?
Larry, that's my mother.
And I swear to God, I will choke you out on the microphone
and everyone will enjoy it.
Because they will hear your groans of pain
as I work you over.
Because I am a working man. All of a sudden, I got so mad.
When is the last time you worked, you sugar baby?
Dude, all I did.
Exactly, you can't even eat that.
Today, I fucking picked up those branches.
You know, the last day I worked was today for 10 hours.
I did it in the early part of the day while it was cool,
so I threw the branches in the neighbor's yard.
Get your man-pon out.
Freaking asshole.
What's that?
Your man-pon, it's like a tampon.
Oh, man-pon.
That's so funny.
Yeah, because you're bleeding out of your ass
because your boyfriend worked you over.
That's so funny.
God, the look on Larry's face right now
just made the whole episode.
It made me so happy right at the end too.
Thank you, Larry, for that.
That's not over.
Thank you so much.
Do your shout outs, Larry.
I can't see, man.
It's an hour, right here.
I'll read them.
Here, give me the list.
Right there.
No, man.
You're right.
I want to read them today.
Right there on the right.
The orange paper.
Jesus fucking Christ, man.
All right.
Ah!
Again, he used the Lord's name in vain.
He had a piece of shit.
Nope, shite town.
Nope, this isn't it, dude.
Where the fuck is-
He's a fucking piece of shit, Lord.
Dude, what the fuck, man?
He doesn't know what he's doing.
I mean, this is egregious, man.
We've got to talk to him.
Oh, no, no, no, let me get it.
I want to do it.
Please, Lord, forgive this stupid fucker.
No, no, no, I want to do it.
Hey, Russ, man.
Man.
I was really busy today, dude.
And I didn't get a chance to watch that DVD yet,
but I'm gonna fucking watch it.
Please don't say it.
I'm gonna make my dad watch it,
and I'll report back to you.
Matthew, what's up, buddy?
Thank you, Barbara, we love you.
Tiffany, have fun writing that song with you.
Me and Tiffany went back and forth
and wrote the Hunter's Cope song.
Oh, hey, she's gotta pay for airtime now
if you keep on going.
Yeah, it's gotta fucking check that song out,
Hunter's Cope by Larry O'Gee.
It's unspotifying everywhere else.
Chrissy,
Chriss, man, missed your call today, dude.
I'll give you a call back.
Luan.
Chriss, yeah.
Really?
Chrissy, love you, man.
Hope you get by her, bro.
Into all the only fan girls.
Hey, wait a second.
Bobby kisses dudes.
Okay.
Fucking, who else?
I don't know.
That's it, okay.
I just really, just really cool
that you guys are checking it out.
We love you and you're one of the few in the crowd
because I don't know if you're proud,
but you're probably.
Listen, man, now you're starting to make
more Marines sound like listeners.
All right, we love you guys.
You know what, there's less of us than Marines,
so you are an elite group
and you're some bad motherfuckers.
Spread the word and let's make the group a little bigger, man.
And have a great day, week, slash everything.
Peace, I'm Larry.
And I'm Needles.
My name is Larry and I teach in ハレビンニールショール.