Time to get ready for the Larry and Needles show.
There we are. Okay. How's everybody doing out there? This is Larry. Welcome to the Larry
and Needles show. That's Needles over there.
I mean, Needles, yes. I mean, that was the worst intro you've ever done to this day.
I think the AC is getting to you. Oh man.
With the opposite of water brain. Yeah, AC brain going on right now.
So our Fourth of July extravaganza begins. Happy Fourth of July, Larry.
Yeah, happy Fourth of July, Needles.
Do you know what the Fourth of July and Happy Birthday America, that's when we
got our stuff from England? We took our country back and then 35 years later,
we gave that shit right back to England. So everything that you think that you know is bullshit.
We just handed it over like a fucking tea party. Right? Here you go. Just take our freedom back.
So on July 4, 1776, the Second Continental Congress unanimously adopted the Declaration
of Independence, announcing the colony separation from Great Britain. Nice.
Well, I mean, do you really want those fanooks running this country? Imagine with that one.
They are running the country. How so? Because 35 years later, after the Civil War,
we gave the country back to England.
Well, please elaborate on this. I mean, you just can't stop talking and just let that air go.
It was something to do with money and England helped us out. We were broke after the war.
So that's the beginning of our fucking...
And so we sold ourselves out like a cheap fucking whore.
Yeah, but for what though? I mean, we just needed money?
Yeah, we were broke.
Yeah, just like what's going on now.
What are you looking for, Larry? What do you need?
I'm looking for that tin that I had maybe with a joint in there.
Right there?
The green one.
Oh, the green one right here? Yeah.
Okay, here you go.
Smoke one of these babies.
We rolled this like a week ago.
Nice. It's been fucking just stewing in its own juices.
Yeah, this thing is fermented and aged properly.
It's gonna be lamented once we smoke it.
Aged in the paper.
So we had a good day today.
Yeah, we did. We did.
We went by a friend's house.
We went to a friend's house who's got a palatial estate.
Which, yeah, I mean, that's an understatement.
I mean, we're talking.
Quite an understatement.
Yes, I mean, we're talking and the collection...
Me and needles were like the only...
Their basement is like Dave and Buster's.
Centipede, asteroids, pinball, shuffleboard.
It's like an arcade to some extent.
Yeah, and it was like our own private haven today.
Because we were just like down there.
Mash and Tallboy PBRs down there playing
fucking games.
But the best part is that our friend Sherry
clicks on the arcade and what happens?
The Mrs. Pac-Man tabletop bar version of the game.
From the 80s.
Yeah, or maybe, yeah, definitely from the 80s.
It was the original deal.
Like the ones you'd see in the bar that you could
sit your drink on and sit down at like a table type thing.
Yeah.
They fucking smoked like crazy.
I thought there was a smoke machine under it at first.
It was a lot of smoke.
Yeah, it literally looked like a fucking smoke machine
was coming out of that motherfucker.
And I thought if this thing continues to smoke like this,
there's going to be a serious fire.
So Fireman Larry jumped on it.
Yeah, I am.
Jumped on the cable and took one for the team.
I would plug that motherfucker.
And then you could smell the electronics burning.
Yeah.
And you know all that shit, like amplifiers, toasters,
pinball machines, electronics, all that shit runs on smoke.
And once the smoke comes out, you never can get this shit back in.
What did you just say?
Everything runs on smoke?
Yeah, and when the smoke comes out, it's impossible to get the...
I mean, are you just trying to slap me in the face as an
electrician that everything runs on smoke?
Did you ever notice...
Everything you named that smoked into a wall?
Did you ever notice when the smoke comes out, it stops working?
I mean, kept it fucking obvious over here.
Yeah, because if it kept on working after it smoked,
you'd have a big problem.
Well, because it runs on smoke and when the smoke comes out, it stops working.
Dude, how high are you?
You think shit runs on smoke and not electricity?
If it ran on smoke, you wouldn't have to plug it into the walls.
When I worked at the music store, I would tell kids that.
Would come in with their amp, would be fucked up.
I'd say, oh man, we're never going to get that smoke back in.
And they'd look at me like, what?
And say, yeah, it runs on smoke.
I'd say, did a lot of smoke...
Then why do I need to plug?
Did a lot of smoke come out when the thing cooked?
And they'd be like, yeah.
And I'd say, yeah, we'll never be able to get that smoke back in.
You can't recuperate the smoke?
No.
But you know, obviously, I know that's not how it works.
Yeah, but you just fucking really sturdily hung behind that for a minute
and tried to tell me that everything, pinball machines run on smoke.
The funny thing is, we turned the switch on and the electricity kicked on
and all the games started.
They don't run on smoke later.
Yeah, I know.
You run on smoke.
Weed smoke.
Fuckin' dummy smoke over there.
Which is hilarious.
Did you bring your notebook down here?
No.
I don't have an idea of what the fuck is going to come out of my mouth today.
Oh, I hope it's nothing racist.
Never.
Because I mean...
Never is.
Then we're going to have to put a disclaimer in front of this.
Okay.
You know.
I'll tell you one thing.
Einstein was a big fraud.
Okay, how so?
You know, he wasn't as smart as people think.
They just pushed, you know, ballooned him up with the media and all his math things
were mediocre.
He was a big plagiarizer and everything he did had holes in it like crazy, man.
He wasn't even really that good at math.
Chris, my old buddy, you know, Chris, the genius.
Yeah, okay.
He was, he was definitely smarter than Einstein and I hung around that kid every day.
Okay.
I mean, this is a fucking...
That's just what I read recently.
Almost egregious what you're saying.
I just read this thing that said Einstein was the smartest.
As a society, we all progress, right?
So, no, hopefully.
Well, I'm just saying, so some person comes up with some sort of theory or in theorem
about that and then you build off of that, right?
And you try to prove it right or wrong.
Yeah.
Just like Larry believes that the earth is flat and we're going to get to this right away.
No, we're not.
Yes, we are.
We're definitely going to get to this right away because it is very intriguing because all of a sudden...
Man, I'm too high to get into it right now.
I don't have my book with me.
I got to prepare.
When we do, when we do a flat earth episode, I want to have notes.
So I don't look like a fucking moron.
Oh, because I am too high right now.
I'll be honest.
I'll tell the people at home, I'm drunk.
I fucking took mushrooms.
I'm high as shit.
I'm not ready to fucking get that deep into it, but I will have a whole thesis prepared next time.
With pictures, right?
Because that's what we're doing things from now on.
Because we want to show our audience how crazy you are.
I'll be able to explain it.
Oh, you're going to explain it.
I mean, there's not much to explain.
Larry thinks the earth is flat.
I mean, that's pretty much it.
I mean, there's nothing we can do about this.
Whatever.
Listen, you brought a book and I appreciate you reading.
Great book, by the way.
Listen, I give you accommodations for reading because people don't read anymore.
No, they don't.
I read everything.
You know, I shouldn't say that.
I don't read.
I shouldn't be a fucking gross assumption.
I've told you, man, I read about 10 books in the last month and that's just what I do.
And I like to educate myself because-
How many of those books are about Trump?
None.
Okay.
I only got the one-
How many about Biden?
Three?
No, I don't have any.
I don't have any political books.
I don't like reading those.
No, you need to use those hard cut lines on.
You don't need those books because all that shit's online.
You could just read that every fucking day.
All the politics, I'm sick of it.
It's so fucking bullshit.
What's that?
All the politics and all-
Politics are gay.
They really are, but they affect us in more ways than one.
Yeah.
They affect the shit out of us.
You know what I mean?
They really do fuck our livelihood up.
But just the type of motherfucker that wants to be a politician has got to be so fucking-
A nefarious character that's a narcissist.
Yes, narcissistic beyond-
A nefarious narcissist.
How is that?
Damn, man.
It's like M&M candy.
This is like N&N person.
Nefarious narcissist.
It's very dangerous combo, man.
And the other thing is, is the power.
Once they get it, it's like-
It's very hard to take away.
Yeah, who wants to get that up?
You can fucking-
Think about it.
Would you?
I-
It would be tough.
You wouldn't know until you were in the position to do it.
Exactly.
But you're not the type of guy.
But here's the other thing.
No, I've been in the position where I could have done some nefarious things and gotten away with it.
But I didn't do it, you know?
Because I do have a conscience.
A lot of these motherfuckers, they don't have a conscience because they don't have a God.
They're God as Satan, man.
So it's no problem for them to fucking do whatever the fuck they want because they don't think there's any repercussions.
Well, there isn't until you get caught.
That's the whole thing.
But there is repercussions in the afterlife, my friend.
This whole afterlife talk that we're getting-
You don't want to talk about flat earth, but you want to talk about the afterlife.
Well, I'll tell you something.
Which neither one of you have proof for.
Okay.
Okay, what?
Have you gone surveying this week to find out that the earth is flat?
Yeah.
I mean, I could set you up to a construction company.
You can go out there and hold this stick, like throw tomatoes at your dumb ass.
Boo this man.
Boo!
Okay.
Yeah, that's all right, man.
You're going through your fucking-
That's just the thing, you know, you attack the guy's fucking character instead of having a good excuse.
Oh, really?
You really want to get into attacking character?
Is this the point we're at right now?
Well, 40-something episodes and now you want me to attack your character?
No, you've attacked it plenty the whole time.
I've done it a plethora of times, I shall say.
That's your fucking thing, I think.
Yes, my one thing is still solely hand standing behind the A.
You're a sugar baby and you like to kiss dudes at the manhole.
That's what I'm going to stick behind.
Hey, you know what?
It's not just me.
It's a paying gig, right?
Yeah.
And also, how about that fucking deer we saw today was fuzz still on his antlers?
Too dear.
Yeah.
We saw buck and a doe.
It was fucking amazing.
And this property, which this property is fucking acreage and acreage.
Yeah.
Like there is fucking-
Hunches of acres.
So, but yeah, no, I mean nature's cool.
I love it.
All right.
Yeah.
But the-
The-
What's that, Larry?
Now, as we're down in the basement playing fucking pinball and fucking centipede,
there's all this nature going on around us.
Yeah, well that's-
We're so distracted.
Oh, but we played shuffleboard.
Yeah, that was really cool.
That was fucking amazing.
It must have been like from the 40s or the 50s.
It was maybe even older.
It was a 30-foot shuffleboard table.
All in one slab.
Yeah, amazing piece of wood.
Had some wax on it.
We waxed it up, bitch.
Put that little powder shit on it.
Man, I won as usual.
Yay!
Needles be me two to nothing.
Three, I thought.
Two.
Oh, okay.
But whatever.
Yeah, that's all right.
Throw needles one.
We played probably four rounds.
We played more than that, but shuffleboard is a-
Those old-school games-
It was pretty fun, man.
It was those heavy metal-
It was like these little metal pucks that had some weight to them.
And there was like rubber on one side and metal on the other.
And then you lay this sand on the table and it slides.
Because probably people don't-
I mean, shuffleboard is-
I think it's a big Chicago thing, too.
Is it?
I don't know if it's-
I don't know if it's predominantly in this area, but-
I'm sure they got it out, Eastman.
Those old-school-time games.
Darts, fucking pool, snooker, like shit like that.
You know, like where you actually have to have skill.
Yeah, I like to play pool today.
We should have just done that.
That's all right, though.
There were children around, so you can't play pocket pool.
Yeah, well, I got good at playing pool.
When we would be on tour all the time, we would show it.
But whatever fucking club or bar,
and we'd have all kinds of time to kill,
and in between getting high and doing whatever mischievous shit,
we would play a lot of pool, you know?
It's a very difficult game.
You get practiced up, man.
And when you get good, it's kind of fucking fun.
It is very fun.
But at the same time, you got to practice it, practice it, practice it.
You know, it's just like anything.
You got to be- but to be good at pool.
Mary's old boyfriend, he used to be able to run the fucking table.
If he got the first shot, that was it.
You were never going to ever get your shot.
And it's funny because-
It was like playing Fat Stomino.
The motherfucker was good.
I remember going to like, when we were little kids,
we would do like, say we did like after a baseball game or,
you know, we would go to like a fucking pizza place.
And then there would be the bar, and then there would be pool tables,
and there would be all the shit we were talking about.
Like, you know, so we got to fucking indulge in that shit.
Nowadays, kids go on their phone.
They don't want to be bothered.
I know.
I'm so old, needles, that when we were kids,
my dad would take us to the giant slide,
which, you know, was on Lake Street there, and they had one in Melrose Park,
too, with go-karts, and they had like a little arcade tent.
But there was no real arcade games.
Every fucking machine was like a skill game.
Oh, okay.
Which is nothing but pinball machines, the whole fucking place,
because it was before Donkey Kong and Pac-Man.
Yeah, I think pinball is a gentleman's game.
Yeah, it was fun, man.
I really think it is.
I think it's something, there's concentration, left-right brain.
And my dad had this, my dad was a vending machine guy, you know,
when we were kids, and we had a quarter with the hole drilled in it.
Yeah, so you could pull it back, pull it out,
pull it out, and then fuck it back through, and we would just play all day.
You know, we used to do, so when they sell electrical boxes,
they have the holes for the knockouts, you know, half-inch,
and you would drop them, they're called slugs, and you would drop them in and
get some coax and shit and fucking whatever we wanted.
When we were kids, we went to the apartments when they were building Spring Hill apartments there,
popped out every fucking slug from every gang box in every building,
and he had pockets full of these things, because it was just like quarters.
Well, then then three-quarter ones, you gotta take the half-inch.
You go to fucking school, put it in the vending machine there.
Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.
They work in the toll booth and shit.
Well, they were heavy enough, that's the thing.
Yeah.
But.
And approximately the size of a quarter.
You can't get away with scams like that.
No, not anymore.
There's nothing you can really do.
The machinery is too high-tech.
Well, before it worked off of weights and thicknesses, now it's like.
Reading it and shit.
Now it's scanning it and stuff.
Scanning it, yes.
We're always being watched, that's what it boils down to.
Yeah, especially you.
Especially you.
Huh?
You're always being watched.
By who?
That's kind of hot.
I like that.
Yeah, okay.
Well, what do you mean?
You're the one who said it.
I mean, usually it's a law.
No, not today Larry.
Not today.
I got court tomorrow.
I know.
Needles is losing it.
So it might be.
It might be the Larry show for a while.
No, I'll call from jail.
Okay.
Yeah, that's what I said, man.
Well, totally, we'll have to do it.
If we have to do it from county, it'll be amazing, dude.
Tomorrow, I'm bringing the fucking portable recorder and I'm coming with you to court.
Well, don't, what do you say?
No, no, no, no, no.
Allegedly, allegedly, don't say that.
Highly illegal.
I don't fucking do, you know, like a golfing thing.
Quietly, I'll say what's going on.
So they're not going to notice a guy sitting in the pews.
Now they're handcuffing needles and taking them into the lock up.
No, that's not going to happen.
I hope so.
I hope that does.
I mean, it'll probably be easier to call from there from then on fucking 26th.
County.
Yeah.
You know, we could probably make something happen.
Yeah.
But they eye-bonded me, so I should be good.
You probably will.
You probably will be.
Yeah.
I mean, they know you're not a fucking crazy loose nut.
Like you just-
I mean, yeah, I don't know what that means, but okay, I don't know what that entails.
You know, fucking-
Everybody gets a little squirrely sometimes, obviously.
Yeah.
I didn't do it maliciously though.
No, that's what I-
With no criminal intent.
They know that.
That's what I mean.
They know that you're fucking-
For the first time in my life, I didn't try to get over on the system.
Right.
Man, you know what I mean, Jellybean?
Yeah.
It's fucking.
But we'll see what happens tomorrow.
Maybe Larry will come with me to court and we could do a court episode.
And then if he gets locked up, I'll drive his car.
Well, no, then you gotta come and visit me right away.
And then, dude, oh, you-
I love when we have a fucking recorder.
You got the phone in your jacket with the recorder.
I'm like, just put money on my fucking commissary, Larry.
You're like, oh, so that's a nice outfit you have on orange really suits you.
I'm like, my commissary, Larry.
What the fuck?
They'll be like, why is that guy got a trench coat on?
It's 95 fucking degrees out.
Yeah, it's all.
It's hiding all the fucking recording equipment and shit.
He's got it in his microproms and shit.
Look, can I plug in somewhere?
Hey, you got an outlet?
You just got a cord coming out of your jacket.
You just plugged in.
I'm fucking just all disheveled.
It's been like an hour.
Like I look like a Ted Kaczynski event for months.
I'm like, Jesus, Larry, I need some ramen.
They don't feed us enough.
And now I'm fucking bringing my all them packs that I saved up from the ramen.
From the ramen.
You'll put them in your ass.
You'll boof them for me.
Just a rubber of fucking full of ramen spices.
Yeah.
All different kinds.
Shrimp, beef.
No, all I have is chicken.
That's it?
Maybe a couple of other ones.
A beef and a shrimp.
You have to.
Well, but here's the thing.
There's too much sodium in them.
Fuckers.
I don't use them.
That's why I have so many.
Dude, I got a shit ton in my house.
Dude, those are fucking like trading cards for prison.
That's what I mean.
These are going to come in.
But you have the boof them though.
That's the problem.
Well, I'm not going to be the one that's going to need them.
You might have to.
Yeah.
So you put them in your ass and then you give me the spices in a condom.
What are you going to do for me, man?
That's a lot of work.
I'm going to call you in every week and do a podcast.
That's what I'm going to do.
The problem is, Larry, you know what you have to do?
You got to cut the corners off those bags.
Yeah.
You want them poking your innards.
The next thing you know, you die going in there.
And they're like, how the fuck did this guy die?
Oh, he overloaded on fucking a ramen spice.
Like, oh, there's a corner to the ramen.
70 milligrams of fucking.
Yeah.
The corners of the ramen bags sliced up as in it.
No.
Well, no, you cut them too short.
So now the ramen got out and got in your ass.
So you overdosed on like 30,000 milligrams of salt?
Like when the coke rubber breaks up and went on your way back from fucking Columbia or something.
Yes, Larry, exactly.
Just like the coke rubber breaking, except yours is filled with sodium filled ramen packets.
He overdosed on salt.
And ass salt.
Ass salt.
Like bad salts.
You get just as high, I heard.
Off a watt.
Ass salts.
Ass salts?
Oh.
Like bad salt.
You've smoked bad salts, right?
Yes, I have.
Of course, yeah.
Kind of dirt bag would I be if I didn't say yes.
How was that?
I know it's fucking good that I wanted to do it.
I used to work with guys.
I used to hang with guys that would shoot it.
Oh my god.
Man, let me tell you, even I wasn't.
Needles said no to needles then.
What the fuck does that do to you?
Oh, that's when you want to rip people's faces off and you're like.
It's just out of your mind.
Wack it off to a light pole or something.
Oh man.
Yeah, like these guys were animals.
And then they would just snap out of it and be normal.
Nice.
Not really.
Crazy fucking drunk.
Guys just tried to rape you and you're like, hey.
Not everything's cool.
Hey, you want to hear?
For the next 30 minutes I'll come down from my bad salt buzz.
Oh my lord.
And then you know what the funny.
You could sniff it too, right?
Yeah.
Because that's what I was going to do.
Sniff it, smoke it or shoot it.
It was a, they used to sell it at head shops.
Wow.
Yeah, you could buy it.
It was fucking.
I'd never just get it at like Bad Bath and Beyond and shoot.
No, it's that type of bath salts nigger.
Used to be.
No, you know what?
I'm not, I don't know the fucking etymology of goddamn bath salts.
I don't know what's the last name of it.
Here's just what I'm going to say.
That shit fucks you up.
No, I bet.
I bet.
You know what?
It's just like that canine spice shit, you know?
Yeah.
Anything that's chemically produced,
which is almost everything nowadays.
Well, you know that shit that K2
and all that, that fucking had,
some of it they were selling in the city of Chicago about,
about four or five years ago.
I remember seeing this on Channel 9 News.
So who knows if it was true or not,
but they said that shit was made with rat poison
is one of the ingredients.
Strict nine?
Yeah, and what happened?
Like LSD.
Well, but what happens with the way that it's taken with this shit,
it makes your fucking blood vessels bust open and shit.
I mean, that's not on everybody.
I mean, probably one out of 10.
Well, that's pretty high, man.
Well, I mean, I'm not.
One out of 10 people's fucking shit bust open.
Listen, I'm not the guy that's counting the numbers.
All I know is,
Well, all I know is these Indian fucking gas station owners,
they got charged with like,
they wanted to charge these guys with murder.
I think they gave them like a manslaughter charge or something.
Well, became a legal.
Because they kept selling it.
Yeah, it became illegal at one point.
It was in the hood and fucking.
Oh.
So they just kept going.
You want to hear something crazy?
Remember that dude we talked about in Canada
that opened up that drug spot where he was selling drugs?
Yeah.
Well, he was like, do like,
he was just openly selling non-tainted drugs.
Yes.
RIP to him.
He died?
Yeah, but overdose.
Oh man.
And it hasn't even been six months.
It's not even six months.
I'm not lying, man.
Fucking amateurs.
What does that mean?
That's what happens.
Dude, I'm an amateur.
I'm lucky I'm alive right now.
I almost fucking bit the bullet again.
I guess, you know, that's the way.
Dude, fucking bang me out, dude.
A hundred fucking something for a shot of fucking Narcan.
That looks $800 in Narcan, man.
That's how much it is.
Yeah.
Why would they give it to us for free?
I don't know, because the guy that was wearing a fire suit gave it to me.
Someone's got to get paid.
I guess.
Because, you know, they would give us that shit all the time for nothing.
Yeah, but five of them?
When's the last time you've had five of them?
Well, I had four of them in my house at once.
Now then you used one and then you used another one and then you used another one.
And now you had two.
Now I have none.
Yeah, now you have none.
Well, that's good because we don't get high enough.
But now I don't need them anymore.
Yeah, exactly.
But...
Shit, man.
$800 for five fucking shots?
Yeah.
Fuck me, man.
That's really an inflated price.
Not really.
It saved my life, Larry.
I mean, $800.
Yeah, but...
My life is worth a lot more than you earn now.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I mean, thanks for diminishing my character like that.
I mean, hopefully the tax man's listening.
I wasn't looking at it that way.
I was just looking at their...
They're gouging.
For face value?
Yeah, they're just gouging.
Yeah, but it was given by a professional
in a professional setting when...
You know what I mean?
Like, I wasn't just at your house getting high.
I guess.
Like, if it wasn't for them,
then guess what?
That'd be the Larry and...
Larry show.
Yeah.
You just talking to yourself in a mirror, recording it.
No, I would get other guests.
Oh, thanks.
Donnie and Ford.
This week he's going to talk about how Jesus and Hitler
had a love child.
Oh, man.
Fuck.
I...
I hope he's all right.
I haven't talked to Mark in like a week.
Yeah, shout out to prayers at Don Anfos, man.
We hope we're doing good, brother.
Everybody said good prayer that he's fine.
Alive?
Yeah, I said fine, but yeah, alive too.
That would be good.
Yeah, because he just cuts contact off out of nowhere.
Like a fucking psychopath.
Yeah.
I mean, but we all have our proclivities, right?
Yeah.
We enjoy what we enjoy.
Some of us like solacellis, right?
Yeah.
Especially he can be alone by himself with the wolf hoof.
Just fucking...
Things faster over there?
No, I can't.
What did Sherry say?
It's not like cigarettes and feet.
He's got his festering fucking foot.
Yeah.
And he's not doing anything good to make it better.
Uh-uh.
No.
I mean, he's not doing anything good to make it better.
Well, I mean, he's just...
I mean, that guy...
He is walking around fucking just better.
Fuck, that was weird.
I would get it checked out if my foot was black.
Turning black from the bottom off.
Yeah, because I mean, it doesn't work.
You know, something might be happening there.
Do you think?
When your lowest extremity is black?
I mean, you're in a gangrene.
Oh, man.
It's like fucking... this sounds like suburban frostbite.
You've been walking around the city.
You get... dude, you get jungle foot real quick on the west side without shoes on.
Like, I wouldn't walk down there if you paid me.
Well, you know what?
I remember going down there once with no shoes.
All fucking walking around downtown and shit.
What are you looking for?
Just... it was a nice hot summer day and I fucking felt like no, I didn't want my shoes
and I just didn't wear any shoes and then I realized,
shit man.
Would you realize that you lost your shoes?
No, I didn't even bring them with.
It was a nice hot day and I just hopped in the car and then I realized,
fuck, I'm in the city now and Mary wants to get out of the car and we're downtown
and I got no fucking shoes.
But we did anyway.
We got around.
I went in places people didn't even notice.
I don't know how that's possible.
This sounds like a lie.
Ask her.
You have the ugliest fucking feet a man has ever seen.
Bullshit man.
I mean literally.
Dude, my feet are beautiful.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
The dresses are just dirty as fucking gents.
What's so dirty about them?
Walking around today, the bike path with no shoes on.
What do you mean they're not dirty, you fucking asshole?
It's disgusting.
The homeowner thought you were somebody that just wandered on your property.
Luckily, I should have shot you with a salt gun.
Just to be like, hey, calm this guy down for a minute.
Put some shoes on Larry.
Well, I didn't want to.
I had them fucking goofy sandals on man.
I know your Jesus handle and that new fucking skin had haircut doesn't help also.
I mean, this guy's like, what time is it?
He's like 1488.
Like that's not even a time.
Those numbers don't even exist on the clock.
But he's still pointing.
It could be 1400.
It could be 14, not 88, but.
I mean, do you want me to make you a clock that says that every number?
No, you know, like 1400, 30, that'd be, you know.
No, I don't know.
You are losing me very quickly here, Larry.
1430 would be 230.
Okay.
So now we're going fucking military time.
Yeah.
So it could be 14.
Well, you got a special, you got to, I mean, at least tell me that.
I don't know what the fuck we're talking about.
Our clocks upstairs are set to military time in the kitchen.
Tell you.
It's a first.
Let me tell you, you love one.
What's that called?
Fleet week.
I'm sure you do.
What's that?
Yeah, or all the semen coming for her out there in your fucking American flag tank top
and your little boy shorts.
Yeah.
Welcome sailors.
Welcome abroad.
Whatever we want to call you.
Welcome to this.
He shall be a staple now of the United States.
Do we talk about that guy that was a trainee in the Navy?
Yeah.
The gay guy.
Yeah.
That's what I was getting back to, Larry.
But you didn't catch on.
Yeah.
Larry's a buzz.
Hell of a guy, man.
Yeah, I don't, I mean, I don't think he-
He could really dance his way across the poop deck.
Seriously.
I think we made that joke already.
Did we?
Now we're recycling jokes.
I don't remember, but it's just he really probably had a hell of an act.
You know.
Well, no, it wasn't even about the act, it was about recruitment.
Yeah, no, but he did his act on the fucking ship, too.
Don't you remember, man?
Oh, yeah.
We're all the boys.
I fucking imagine that.
Launching a boat and this guy comes out on roller skates.
What the fuck, dude?
Trying to launch fucking planes here.
When you get back inside, Jimmy, and fucking-
You're distracting everybody.
I wish I knew more about the Navy.
I could make some quick jokes like what do they call the bathrooms?
The had, right?
Yeah.
Did you-
Did you- You know why they call it that?
Why is that, Larry?
I don't know.
Okay, well-
My dad told me once he knew.
He said you forgot it.
And then you-
These are the Marines.
And then you-
Marines is a branch of the Navy, you know that?
First of all, don't spit on the ground.
Why would you- You just did it right in front of me.
What do you mean?
You're lying, now.
I had a piece of weed in my mouth, man.
So that doesn't mean you gotta spit on the ground.
This is where we live work.
Oh, fuck.
This is our workspace, dude.
I'm the guy that vacuumed your shit.
Bullshit, you don't vacuum.
You don't vacuum down here.
Exactly.
You're a fucking liar.
I would do the guy that did it.
I can't work in these conditions anymore.
Call an OSHA.
Minus all the gay sex that's going on down here.
You gotta have a hard hat.
Yeah, I watch out at Euphonism 4.
Fuck, man.
What a weekend, though, right?
Man.
We were supposed to go-
Okay, I'm sure y'all heard last episode of-
Oh, yeah.
We wanted to bring this up here.
The needles was going,
what the fuck, Leary?
Because I wanted to jam with my own band,
and he's like, I asked him,
what time is the Les Claypool show?
Don't worry about what time it is.
Give more context to this.
Okay, but I just want to make everything-
I mean, you can't go into it like that.
I just want to make everything-
So Sunday, we were supposed to go see Les Claypool.
Les Clay-
Plus Claypool.
At the Salt Shed, where the last victim of the
Chicago serial killer was taken from-
Was abducted from.
Well, not abducted.
Well.
He was drunk, walking across the river,
and somebody pushed him in.
We got a serial pusher in Chicago, Leary.
Yeah.
Which is crazy, because do you remember about two-
maybe two years ago, there was an aunt who pushed
her niece and her nephew into Lake Michigan.
No.
And one of them died, and they asked her what happened,
and she was like, I had the need to push them.
Oh, maybe it's the same bitch walking around.
Maybe it's like Havana syndrome.
Because you know what else-
You know what Havana syndrome is, right?
No.
In Cuba, when they were fucking supposedly doing the
radio waves to the American diplomats,
and they all complained about like headaches and
shit like that.
Yeah.
I forgot the name of it.
I knew about that.
Havana syndrome.
Havana affair.
Well, that's already a fucking thing.
Yeah.
But Havana syndrome's a lot cooler though.
Yeah, well, until you get it, then it's not that cool.
Well, I'm not an American diplomat, let me tell you.
You'll never be one.
And I wouldn't be in that hotel.
I wouldn't have been in that whole hotel, you know,
where I would have been.
Coconut in hand.
Bowlin'.
Peer balls in one hand.
Dick in your mouth.
Dude, I'm downhilling too.
I got one dick in each hand, dude.
Yeah, let me tell you, it's fucking Havana going on, baby.
But you know, those motherfuckers can do shit like that.
They can do things to make you go nuts.
They can fucking put out radio waves.
They can make you have frequencies in your head,
you know, all types of different shit.
Tinfoil hat shit?
Yeah, man, all that shit.
Did nothing wrong with that shit.
You'll need a tinfoil hat to fucking protect yourself from that.
Dude, it'd be great if I showed up to court with a tinfoil hat on.
Oh!
You could videotape that.
Hey, with this new skinhead haircut,
I could fucking make a real nice tinfoil hat.
He told me to wear this hat.
For protection.
You got this, you're just in like a Nazi uniform.
He got like a field store, what was that called?
Nobody looking at the field general's outfit,
the jacket number by Hugo Boss.
Hugo Boss did make some nice fit for the fucking Nazis.
He did, man, and people don't realize
when they're wearing that logo on the fucking chest and shit
that he's the guy that designed the fucking,
not only was he a sympathizer, he was probably a fucking Nazi.
This thing is a sympathizer, man.
If you sympathize with it, you are it.
They had a lot tougher back then than we do.
Let me tell you, there was a world war going on.
Fucking, this guy wants to make clothes,
the Nazis are like, hey, guess what?
I'm pretty good, man, it was pretty nice.
First of all, didn't motherfucker, he just gave them a design.
It's not like he, you know what I mean?
I know.
It's a fucking asinine to think that that's, you know,
it's like Walt Disney with a Nazi sympathizer.
Hugo Boss, first of all.
He made every outfit hand-dlanded and single-handedly.
Which would be amazing,
because then I would totally support him.
He completely clothed the entire fucking SS.
Single-handedly.
Yeah, that was tough, man.
His fucking fingers were killing him.
That was before they invented the thimble, so it really hurt.
Man, so many bad jokes I just really want to say,
but I will refrain from saying that.
But that's okay though.
On this 4th of July, we shouldn't diminish anybody,
others, ethnicity, shall we?
Yeah, Brian Jones.
Beatles, no, not Stones.
And Anita Pallenberg, which ended up with Keith.
You need a man.
And she bought him a full Nazi uniform
and talked him into getting photographed.
Wearing it.
Ah, women.
They're the root of all evil.
And they took a picture of him
and he was grinding a little fucking doll
into the dirt with his heel.
Jesus Christ, man.
And they sent him around to the newspapers, man.
So how much cocaine are you on?
Right?
And they were her fucking party in balls.
Well, cocaine and pussy.
Like, pussy's the...
Plus, he was on all kinds of hallucinogenics
and fucking all kinds of...
He was living life.
...man-tracks, uppers, not dude.
He was not living life.
Yeah, he was living life.
He was a mess.
He was a fucking ultimate mess.
Exactly, that's living life.
I don't know if that's living life.
He was fucked up, man.
He was a fucked up individual.
Next thing you know, you're in a Nazi uniform
stepping on a baby's head.
And then they send it around to all the newspapers.
In the penny saver.
Yeah.
And they don't understand why people are like,
what the fuck?
And they're like, they don't get the joke.
Oh, yeah.
Of course they don't get the joke.
What the hell's wrong with you?
I don't think irony plays too well with the Nazis.
You just see, you know what I mean?
Like, some people take that shit very seriously still.
Yeah.
And that was a lot closer to the scene of the crime too, man.
Yeah, I mean-
It was only like, 1960s.
Not like here, yeah.
Well-
Six or seven.
It's not like here when we got people doing that shit.
It's over there.
You can go to Auschwitz and take a train ride for three hours
to fucking get there.
Yeah.
And we're talking hours and hours to get there.
Well, I don't know if you can get there
within three hours from London, but-
I'm just fucking saying something, Larry.
It's pretty close.
Everything's in there.
Right.
You're right, needles.
Everything's in close-
Quit rubbing those feet into the rug.
I'm not.
I'm just-
I'm just talking about my shoes.
I just want to do it.
That's all.
Yeah.
Those are my shoes.
You see?
Fuck.
Here's-
You and fucking Anford.
You and not Anford?
I'm gonna start an only page with you guys.
Only fans page with your fucking Rubblefoot and Wolfhuff.
He was like, all right, spread your toes.
Put Lego guys in between.
Everybody needs a niche, man.
Let me tell you.
You gotta fucking dump things or just, oh, they're ghastly.
It's so funny.
It's so weird.
They're next to the fucking-
I mean, I might be shrooming, but they're next to that.
I mean, I'm not fucking shrooming.
But they're next to that lunchbox and look at how much bigger they look.
It looks like you could seriously crush that lunchbox.
Well, my feet are huge, though.
Yeah, your feet are fucking huge.
They're so weird.
You should play guitar with your feet.
That'd be pretty cool.
That'd be tough, man.
I guess I could do it in open tunings.
Yeah, I should.
I should get another guitar, put it on the floor.
I'm so sorry.
I thought I came up with this idea.
I'm so sorry.
So now we gotta listen to the piano.
Now we gotta listen to you playing the sitar with your foot.
Like a fucking weird Indian.
Thank God you didn't light any fucking Indian convenience store shit tonight, either.
I'm very happy it doesn't smell like an Indian deli in here.
You know those banjo picks that go on your fingertips and metal ones?
I could put them on my toe.
Everything in my nightmare starts with those.
It's like, oh, you got a pretty mouth boy.
You ever see Deliverance?
I've seen it in a long time.
I remember that part when there was playing and the kids were like,
yeah, and then they raped him.
Happy ending.
Everybody wins at the end.
That's a traditional happy ending.
I don't know about that.
I'm sure there's a better definition for the original happy ending.
It's not a man getting raped by another man.
It sounds like a very unhappy ending.
And you'd hope they murder you.
Would you?
Okay, so listen, if man raped you, would you want to be murdered afterwards?
You want to be spared your life?
These are serious questions, Larry.
We don't want to know the answer.
Very serious.
Gee, I don't know.
Of course you want to live, man.
Why would you want to die?
Well, now you gotta just because you got to have strength.
Yeah, I mean, could you live with that?
Could you go upstairs and look Mary in the eye every night?
Lots of chicks that live with it.
Man, why did you just, that was the ultimate distraction right there.
So obviously you'd want to live after being raped.
But what if we all knew about it too?
Of course you would, because someone would be filming it.
Oh, Jesus.
Look at you, you're a fucking four year-
You're like a four year now.
Everyone's got a fucking camera.
Who just films an ass rape?
Everybody.
They'd be afraid to step in because of this guy in fucking New York that Danny Penny,
the guy in the subway that was protecting everybody from that psychopath
fucking Michael Jackson person.
I mean, you just took a completely hypothetical situation and tied it to a man.
So they wouldn't help me, they'd fucking probably film it.
You get an ass raped on, but that's on the subway.
That's why you're moving too.
Oh my God.
Talk about Einstein shit with the inertia going.
If Larry's getting an ass raped on 39th street, how many guys could get in his ass before 43rd?
If he's traveling eight miles an hour.
Larry and Needle's math right there.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, that's all right.
That's a hard one to figure out.
And then he gets it right on his bicycle and he gets down.
Fucking so stupid.
So man, there's bombs going off like crazy outside and we're going to do this.
We're going to do another episode tonight.
We're going to do a bonus app.
Yeah.
We listened to a podcast last night, little stinkers.
It was fucking funny and it was about GGL.
Which is amazing.
I love GGL.
And it's amazing they did.
He's a scum fuck.
Yeah.
And it's amazing they did one about GGL because you know, it's like a kind of an underground thing,
but not really.
Everyone's a little stinker.
Oh yeah.
I didn't mean to cut you off there, but he is a little stinker.
The whole definition of that.
But he, uh, he really was a fucked up guy.
He said a few things I didn't know.
Well, him and Merle, he said jerk each other off, which was his brother.
Found that out for the first time.
Yeah, that was fucking little weird.
You think?
That was a little weird.
How about him defecating on stage and throwing it into people?
It's a little weirder to fucking jerk off your brother.
They have him jerking off too.
But we heard about their origin story.
I mean, they really didn't have much.
You know what I mean?
Like, his motherfuckers lived in a cabin in the woods.
Yeah.
I mean, no one.
But musically, they said musically GGL and his and their.
Great.
No shit.
I mean, he's, you know, you can't, you literally can't fucking put a bow on a turd.
You know what I mean?
Like you can't.
Yeah.
But his whole persona, the way he held himself, he said he was going to murder
himself at a show on Halloween, which is amazing.
And then you know what he didn't.
And you know what happened?
His fans beat him up so bad, they broke his arm.
Wow.
Hey, some fans.
You want to fucking write a check you fucking ass can't cash?
Guess what?
Yeah.
Well, the ass cashers are coming for it.
And they're going to beat you up.
That is pretty fucked up because I wouldn't call those fans exactly.
I would call those sickos that want to see someone get
suicide on stage.
Listen, what kind of people are you attracting at this point in your career?
Yeah.
What is he done?
He's defecated.
He used to cut himself with glass.
He would piss on people.
He would punch women.
He would punch men.
He would throw shit at people.
I was.
Oh, how about the newest thing the drummer does?
He want to explain that to everyone, Larry?
Yeah, that he sticks drumstick.
He has people.
Well, wait a second.
He has people come up from the audience.
Yep.
And stick drumsticks up his ass.
Multiple.
Multiple drumsticks.
And tells them.
Just don't twist them.
Don't twist them.
So this guy is literally,
it's just played a show.
He's fucking his heart and his soul out.
And now he's like, come on up and jam sticks in our drummer's ass.
Oh my God.
Then what does he do with them afterwards?
He probably uses them for the next gig.
He uses them till they break.
Hey, one time I saw a G.G. Allen video from a basement party in Chicago.
And it's at someone's house.
What are you pointing at?
And you see how the base of your mic stand is that round weight.
Yeah, with the, yeah.
Mary's got a fucking, it's like a free weight.
But no, no, just the regular base that round base.
Yeah, that's right here.
Yeah.
Okay.
So he's got his mic stand and there's a cat.
It's the girl's cat whose house it is.
And he smashes it with the mic stand.
And now the cat is flailing.
He kills it.
He smashes it until it's dead.
And now this cat is dead and he,
blood is coming out of it.
And he picks it up and he goes, let's eat some pussy.
And he starts licking the fucking dead cat and the open hoons and shit.
And people are like, motherfucker.
And they come up and they want it like,
Yeah, they beat his ass.
Yeah, it's fucking dead.
Yeah.
You know, that's what I was just talking about.
His fans.
Yeah.
Well, because he does such outrageous shit that people are going to kick your ass.
You're killing animals.
I mean, that's a fucking.
He killed a cat.
But well, he was a good friend of Gacy's too.
Yeah.
Remember?
Yeah.
So that was fucked up.
Well, I mean, well, Gacy said that he smelled like the most pissed up,
smelly, shitty fucking whinoe that he ever met.
Which I mean.
And Gigi was proud of that.
Well, the problem is that you got to keep this character going.
That's all it is.
He was just a character.
He was a character of himself.
Yeah.
Remember?
Because when they said, when he was married, he was a straight edge.
Yeah, he was pussy whipped.
He was a straight edge guy, straight edge guy, fucking botan ups and shit.
And then all of a sudden, something cracked.
You know?
And then he turned into this sadamite.
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden, with, and his, his videotapes are early shit.
Like the 90s.
Wouldn't he die?
93?
Something like that.
Now, you know what I mean?
Like this is the beginning of videotaping.
I mean, this girl had the Gigi Allen doll.
I looked it up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like, what the fuck do you call that?
It's like a voodoo doll.
Yeah, voodoo doll.
It's got, it's like, it's like silk screen printed or something with it.
And then it has like scum fog.
Yeah, and then all shit up.
We've looked that up before, Larry.
Yeah, I seen one in person.
I remember when the girl got one and I could have got one too and I was like, no, who cares?
Because they were all over the place.
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden, no.
You know what?
Who cares?
Really?
I still don't care.
You have enough fucking time.
I still don't care.
You have enough fucking knick-knacks and wigwams, Larry, to fill a fucking.
I got enough shit to fucking last me.
You can't take it with you.
We should just bury you in this house.
Knock it down and fucking fill it with concrete.
I told my wife when something happens to me, sell these fucking guitars.
Don't let them.
Not at all.
Give them the fucking steamboat.
Fucking date.
Oh yeah, yeah, sure.
I mean, come on, man.
I can't sell shit.
Shit like that, but there's certain ones that you know she might want to sell.
And your sickle cell cakes in.
We'll all be staying behind.
Get back some of that sugar money.
Exactly.
Get on the back end, if you know what I mean.
On the sweetest part.
The sweetest end of the money.
The back end.
That's all right, though.
Stay on the flip side.
No, the flip side is way worse than the back end.
Yeah.
All right.
Where would you want to be?
Would you want to be on the flip side?
Whatever.
You need both sides of the record, bro.
You're not talking about a record though.
What if there was something like that where it's like right now we're living in a parallel universe
where if we literally flipped ourselves it'd be evil on one side and you know what I mean?
Like us on one side then on the other.
Yeah, all that shit is just fantasy.
It's very fucking hypothetical.
Stoned and mushroomy, but you know.
Yeah.
All these people that, you know.
I mean, there's gotta be other people like us out there.
Hmm.
I don't know.
I don't think so.
You're trying to bait me, aren't you?
No, I'm not.
Not at all.
I would tell you if I was baiting you, you dumbass.
And the best is you think I'm trying to bait you and I'm not.
Damn, quit rubbing them feet together.
Dude, man.
It's so distracting.
What do you want me to do?
I can see shit coming off.
Fuck you.
Oh my god.
You have a soulful of shit.
So happy you don't have a dog because that's the first thing you lick.
Just dirty ass.
Hey, that'd be clean.
We could probably do it only fans of that.
I wonder if we would get banned from that.
Dogs licking licking licking.
PCLT.
Whoa, Jesus.
Litter.
Wouldn't that be PCLT?
No, that's...
How would a dog licking your feet be?
Oh, sex on your foot from a dog?
That's how you explain it.
Why would a dog licking your foot?
Why would it be a homely fan?
Huh?
What are you talking about?
Just a dog licking your foot, dude.
We don't have to say dog licking your orifices or whatever.
Well, I don't want the dog licking my orifices.
Well, that's what it sounded like from the description.
No, man. It's probably BCLT.
I don't want no dog licking my foot.
Have you had a dog licking your foot?
Well, I mean, if I put whipped cream on there, it might be.
But if it just licked it, fucking raw dog?
Yeah, no, that's fucking gross.
I don't like when dogs fucking lick me anyway.
That's the worst thing.
When someone's dog comes up and licks your fucking leg
when you're wearing shorts or something,
it's like, get the fuck away from me.
Seriously.
You just punch the neighbor's dog.
Larry doesn't like dogs.
I like dogs.
I just don't like when he licks me.
This is Larry's dog session.
We just complain about what he don't like about dogs.
You know when they come up and they lick your leg
and then you punch them?
Like, no, I don't, Larry.
I never felt like that in my life.
Oh, man.
I just can't punch neighbor's dog.
I loved my next-door neighbor's dog.
And that's it. That's the only one.
But actually, you don't because that's not
the same next-door neighbor's anymore.
No, Norman Roxanne.
Their dog, Alexi, she was great,
but she was, they had to put her down
and it was really sad and shit and fucking...
Fucking a man, Americans rule.
And you love the animals.
You know what, the new neighbor's on the other side and shit?
We've been there for 10 years.
They're not really the new neighbors.
10 years, really?
Something like that.
Eight, nine years.
Yeah, man.
It's been a long time.
Fucking...
I don't remember one minute.
They got the same dog.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The people change with the fucking dogs.
They take a bitch-ass poodle, like a big poodle.
And literally, it's a big fucking dumb poodle.
And it's a mean son of a bitch.
And it's just...
This dog's not so bad, though.
I don't mind him, man.
It barks like a motherfucker.
No, Roosevelt used to bark like a motherfucker.
Roosevelt died, too, but...
And then dogs died, man.
They don't live long.
Yeah.
Listen, he's not like a dog killer.
You're like, dog...
I didn't kill the motherfucker.
I didn't want Roosevelt to die.
You should see the smile on his face.
Fuck you!
How did he get his state with fucking mushrooms?
And you're like, oh, yeah, he's smiling because...
Because the dog died.
Dog died because you killed the dog.
I'm calling the cops.
Whenever you're ready, there's all high-end mushrooms
and I call the cops.
Fuck, man.
20 minutes later, they show up and I'm like,
what are you here for?
Like, did you say this guy killed the dog?
Like, I don't know.
I don't know.
He's talking about it.
Yeah.
We're on this new topic.
We don't have a dog.
Huh?
We don't have a dog.
Who?
That's what you tell the cops.
Well, not anymore.
What are you talking about?
What?
He got a look in his bin.
We killed him.
Plus, he does math.
Check his pockets.
He's playing something on you.
Take him away.
I wonder if they want to write your paperwork up as dog kisser.
Meth user, dog kisser, especially with that jacket.
They were like, why do you have a jacket on, son?
It's 80 degrees outside.
Something's wrong with you.
It's fucking cold down here, man.
No, it's not.
We're in the depths of the basement.
It's the coldest fucking part of the house.
My wife is the air conditioning at Arctic fucking levels.
You know what?
Your heart is the coldest part of the house.
Fuck man.
I don't know about that, man.
I do.
I just said it.
It's the warmest part of the house.
Oh, it's really mad.
Sight's Mary's heart.
Oh, man.
Oh, fuck man.
Those are the two warmest parts
of the house.
You wanted to do your shout outs?
Oh, you got a quote?
Here, you want me to look up a quote for you?
Yeah, no, I got some quotes for your ass.
Listen to this, man.
First of all, wait a second.
Parental advice already?
You're right.
No.
And if he says the N-word, needles doesn't feel about this.
No, no.
I'm not going to say the N-word, but...
Thank God.
You know how I've been praising Martin Luther King, you know?
No, I have not.
You know, on the last few episodes,
I've been saying his quotes and saying how crazy he is.
I can't even say that with a straight face.
I mean, now you're...
I mean, dude, are you just like race baiting right now?
No.
You're turning to BLM?
No.
Or we can't do this show anymore if you go to the other side.
Are they infiltrating us?
No.
Here come the Israelites, the black ones.
So here's what happened.
With what?
I was saying how great Martin Luther King was and...
Okay.
And then I read some stuff about him that I didn't like, man.
Oh, my God, Larry Wiley.
And this was coming from his handler who was a fucking...
Like, you know, considered...
King considered him as like his best friend,
and he said that he didn't even think King was a Christian,
and he was a fucking wild-ass womanizer.
But the other thing is...
Larry.
I already knew about the womanizing part.
Larry.
One thing was he's a fucking...
This is the end of our episode.
What are you doing?
This is our strong point.
Yeah, I know.
You just can't come out with this stuff right now.
This is some strong shit, man.
Yeah, you know.
He was a commie.
And what he did was he acted like a big...
This is allegedly also.
Allegedly.
This is from this guy.
He would have somebody that would agitate the crowd and shit
and get shit riled up.
Get a height, man.
Not necessarily, yeah.
A height, man.
But no, no, no.
Like an agitator, like in the communist sense of the word,
that actually got shit going, you know?
To do what?
What do you mean?
I don't understand what you mean.
You know, just shit like Antifa and shit like that.
Shit's going...
Like shit that's going now, like Antifa, how that is.
Yes, you said Antifa five times.
How they agitate things.
They had the same shit going on back then, except...
When's the last time you heard of Antifa?
Motherfucker, I'm just trying to prove a point.
I'm not saying Antifa's at the front door.
I'm just asking you a question.
You got to defend him all of a sudden.
You'll hear about him again.
They're not done.
Oh, man.
Coming from a guy who's on mushrooms.
When they need him, they'll break him back out.
When fucking...
They'll break him back out?
Yeah, when they need him.
Listen, dude.
They're not snow tires.
So, or else whoever pays for them will fucking buy him a pallet of bricks
and whatever else weapons they need and send them to whatever neighborhood it is.
I don't think they need him anymore.
People are doing...
They don't need him anymore.
No, people don't need bricks anymore.
They got him, Antifa.
Now the people are agitated.
Now it's ready for the communist fucking last stroke.
Fucking leftist Larry.
I don't like this, man.
I'm not a leftist.
I don't want it to be communist.
I mean, where did you get that blue tie from?
What blue tie?
That one you're wearing right now.
You looked at him, asshole.
Oh my god, that's how high you are.
You really looked at him, you had a tie on.
You are really a dumbass.
I love you.
You seriously looked at you, you had a tie on.
Well, I got a blue shirt and I got this blue pants.
You're not wearing a collared shirt first of all.
I thought what are you seeing?
Dude, what kind of asshole wears a tie with a t-shirt?
Larry.
I don't have a tie on.
Not even collared.
All right, Larry, do your shout out, you ass monkey.
Filly putting strain on the relationship today.
Oh, shit.
Shout out to Russ, man.
Shout out to Russ, we love you, bro.
You got something coming in the mail, buddy.
Why would you say it like that?
That sounds so ominous.
I don't want to say what it is.
I got him a present.
I bought him a present.
Yeah, okay.
What country did it come from?
I don't know, I bought it.
It's from the USA.
It's made in the USA.
It's in a crate.
It's like a 656 crate.
It'll be in a box.
Yeah.
I ordered it off of Amazon.
So it's nothing too weird.
Yeah, I mean, hopefully it's not a child.
Matthew.
Love you, Matt.
He took your glasses off to read this.
That's how high you are.
Well, I can't read with my glasses on, man.
That's all right, man.
I can't see who I'm talking about.
That's what George Washington said.
Tiffany, Tiffany out there in Portland, baby.
We love you.
When you can get a plane right out here,
we will do that threesome you want to do.
Jesus.
Why are you just staring at me?
You don't listen to her.
She fucking texts me all the time, man.
Does she ever say she wants to do a threesome?
Yeah, she does.
Larry, stop.
She does.
I'll show you the fucking text.
Becky, Chris, Chrissy.
I mean, dude, people are going to stop listening
if you can't read me.
Hey, you know what?
We have a lot of women listeners.
Yeah.
I just realized that.
I know.
Well, you know what?
That's just the ones I know about that.
But yeah, obviously Larry, I just said,
we have a lot of women.
I mean, I'm just now pulling something out of the ether
and saying, we have a lot of women listeners.
I'm going off the list.
Yeah.
Well, I know, I know most of them.
Oh, man, Larry.
Those are kind of slaps.
Thank God the ground is soft.
It won't be that hard to dig a hole.
It's been raining like a bitch out here.
By the way, I have, I have 11.
Sickle cell, Annie, Annie, and eight.
I have 11 bottle rockets.
So maybe you can get them all in your ass.
It was maybe I'll light them.
Lighting them up.
I want to do that.
That's our new Twitter.
I'm trying to figure it out.
Larry gets 11 in his ass.
We don't say 11 of what.
So maybe on the outside, on the back end,
shoot some of those off, you know,
yeah, we're going to record ourselves being stupid
in the backyard on mushrooms.
It's right though.
That's a good idea, I think.
What's that?
Putting bottle rockets in your ass?
Yeah, I got a couple of fucking,
I got a fucking bottle.
I think I got a handle or like a fifth bottle
that I saved when I finished it.
I said, oh, this is going to be perfect.
Dude, fireworks rock.
They really do.
Listen, man, because you need a good bottle.
Fireworks rock, but be safe.
Yeah.
Because listen, don't blow your hand off.
Hopefully Larry blows a finger off
and it's Larry and nine-finger needles.
Yeah, nine-finger needles.
I know what I'm saying.
That's what I'm going to call you.
You're going to fucking blow your fingers off.
Yes.
Well, I'm just going to probably lose them
from God of Rio when I bang them or the first guy
who loses fingers.
I got a real bad case of herpes from a jacket.
And just, you know, I get like gangrene on my fingers.
Like I've been climbing mountains.
I think I knew somebody that lost some fingers
from partying so much.
I can't remember.
I can't remember exactly how.
What were they partying on?
Like a fucking computer?
I forgot what their thing was, man.
Or maybe they just had something wrong with them
and they neglected it and their fingers got chopped off.
I can't remember.
Larry, this story is all over the place.
Yeah.
Really, there's no rhyme to any reason.
And you know, here's the thing, man.
It was the person that I know they could tell me
how the story goes is dead.
So I can't even fucking...
I would have to...
Man, it took a real big circle to get to that point.
Maybe Mary remembers.
I know the person's name.
I don't want to say their name.
Fingers or fingertips or what?
Yeah, like the fingertips on one finger
and then another finger, like half the finger
and then two fingers here.
And then on this hand, a missing finger.
All from partying?
Yeah.
And I forgot what happened, something.
Oh, man, you know.
Man, I wish I was a better comedian
or something that I could have come up with.
Fingeredist or something.
Yeah, I'll tell you.
Because I don't want to be smirking anybody.
You got real quiet, which is so funny.
You know, like watching you get into this.
So stupid.
Oh, fucking hilarious.
I love you, Larry.
All right, let's shut this bitch down.
Thank you for tuning in.
We love you guys.
Thanks for listening, man.
It really does mean a lot and fucking...
Like, follow, subscribe, which I hate to say
and I forgot to say that.
I don't know why I did.
But you know, you already know that.
More important, fuck all that shit.
Tell other people about it.
That spread the word.
The best is, you know what?
We haven't gotten any bad shit from anybody,
so that means people love us.
Yeah, I can't believe nobody has fucking attacked us yet
on Twitter or any place like that.
Because we...
I mean, we always say that you use controlled weather.
We do some pretty stupid shit.
Anyways...
All right, we love you guys.
Yeah.
Peace. Thank you.