Time to get ready for the Larry Needles show
All right, welcome to the Larry Needles show I'm Larry I'm needles and
Yeah, baby
live
Live live technically, but we're live right now, but we're always all the way live like a motherfucker
There he's a live wire. That's what they tell me like it's shocked right in your butthole
So it is pride month, so you might get it in the butthole man. Oh, so
My I went and saw the dead
Nice and the people are familiar with it. It was a wriggly field and it is on the fringes of Boys Town
Yeah, I remember you telling me you thought you were gonna get shot up at that concert because it was a high-profile thing
I'm glad you didn't know you know what everybody has that kind of fear, right?
Ah crazy down the city. Well here. Let me get the my place for that. So let me get to my shit. Okay, let's hear it
so I
go down with my boys and
Fucking we're like standing outside. I don't know if you've ever been to a dead show, but wriggly field
I have that very conducive to it. Well, no, it's not very friendly to dead. There's no parking lot
Right, right. You know anything it's not
Soldiers field would have been that better sure, but they don't want to area around
Yeah, they want to park in a parking lot and they can fucking
Hawk their wares and shit and drugs and stuff sell the trinkets and acid
It was fucking blankets and shit. So man, I see me this dude man. Larry you would have loved it
so these two boys were walking down the street and
one of the guys had on
like
Pink booty shorts, and he was a tall motherfucker and a vest that was like six sizes too small
The holes under the arms went up to like his arm. His arm. His arms barely fit through the fucking walls
It looked like he was swimming
And then he had his twink with them and then the fucking Scotty and I were standing right there
And I was like man, I really wish I could have the balls to dress like that. Oh man
For what will not be about being a fanook like that. I'm just saying a man
Those guys are just outdoor their thing on a Saturday. This dude's buttholes almost hanging out
Yeah, I wouldn't do that just out of courtesy other people, but you know me man
I'll dress however the fuck I want
I'm wearing leopard fray fucking fuck leopard coat and fucking whatever the fuck
I'm not gonna wear pink shorts cuz nobody wants to see my shit, you know
This guy was fucking packing heat too. No, I mean fucking probably was on Viagra. No, I mean walking down the street on Viagra
You know, hey in Boys Town things get wild
How do you know?
I see you have right now. I see things. Oh, I bet you have
Larry's portable glory hole. Yeah, my brother used to play some shows for the gay pride parade and shit back before they just called it the pride parade
Yeah, shut out no shirt. No shirt. Yeah, and he said they were just fucking and sucking in the streets, you know
And that's what they do man, cuz you know, it's like sounds like you're Mecca
Yeah, we here's the thing, you know cuz it's like could you imagine like there's no emotional attachment
There's no women's type feelings
Even though they're fruity, there's still men. Yeah, you know, so they're just hey after own fuel. Yeah, you want to fuck?
Sure. Yeah, let's do it. It's not like you got to talk a woman into it, you know
Oh, of course woman into it
Of course, you know, you need some sluts that are ready very easy
But you know, you got to usually fucking put a little work into it. Yeah, you know be nice and all that shit when you're in fucking
Boys town, it's just like hey, what's up? Nothing. All right. Let's go in fucking
stall, you know
Doesn't it just all those dicks all day
It's a lot less work, I guess than taking them to dinner and fucking buying them fucking well
Yeah, because there's some sort of romance to that
Right, there's a women one of the hunt, right and that's what the difference of all men
No, man, just walk out there. Here's an ass. All right. Give it to me. That's a mouse
Jesus you should get that handlebar must-have trimmed real nice
A leather, you know, what are we waxed down? What kind of type of guy does it take to be a leather daddy?
I don't know man. It's fucking I
Don't know. I don't know. I don't know much about the type leather. Yeah, I don't know anything about the types
You know, well, I mean we saw them on the one of the village people. Yeah, but they showed you a cap
The leather daddy, you know
But that's the template for gay stuff going on and and I mean it was
That's where they would cruise for dudes is at the YMCA. Yeah, sure, which is that's why it's fun to stay there
Well, I mean who would sleep over at the YM you gotta be a real fucking kook
Well, here's the other thing though, man. It's good if you're broke, you know, some people are fucking destitute back
Then it was different bed. Yeah back then it was a little bit different now. It's more fucking dangerous than ever
I'm sure well anywhere is dangerous man. Yeah, well, okay. Yes
It's not as they're gonna redo the village people are gonna go back on the road and they're doing a remake
It's not as safe or as fun to stay at the YMCA. It's gonna be called. Yeah, really roll off your tongue is good
But I don't even think the YMCA has sleepovers anymore to be honest with you
I think they nipped that right in the bud. Well, they gotta have something for for homeless, you know, well they have shelters
Yeah, I mean the village people weren't fucking talking about sleeping in a shelter. They're going to the fucking pool room. Yeah
That's
No, I mean you already have to be naked in there
I mean you're showing your shit. You gotta or else you can't go in
You know, I mean think about it. Those guys got bowlers with alviagra, too. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, sure
They didn't have it back. They didn't have a performance enhancing drugs
Here's the things when you're all wound up on fucking all kinds, you know, they'd like to stew fucking with it
I try yeah, I'm a night right in the shit and rush
There's fucking using the intervenious fucking speed and shit. They're ready to fucking rock cocaine all the time
You know, they're everybody was doing that back then. Yeah, but they did more
That's how they spread AIDS was through the fucking rush and shit like that now rushy snort
No, I know that needle drugs that they had to worry about yeah, but some how listen
They targeted it to drugs that gays like you know that Anthony Fauci made AIDS to fucking kill all them gays
Allegedly and then made a drug to kill him even faster. Well that you know, ATL or al fucking Z
AT a ZT. I mean you have to test that deadly test off on humans
That's what it always boils down. Wow. He knew what he was. I mean, how do you do it?
You know animals you tested on fucking, you know humans
That's how you know that's how you tweak your drugs
But you know your monster when first you give him the disease and then you give him the drug to finish him out
She gave a major fuck. Yeah, he's just like he gave us COVID man
Just like they just proved he fucking gave us COVID that cock sucker should be hanging by the motherfucking neck until he's dead
I hate to sound like fucking Don Anford getting all worked up here, but it's how passionate
I am about that traitor motherfucker him and Biden and all them cock suckers allegedly
Well, I mean you could take the train to fucking in the ocean if you want, right? You know who the first guy to get fucking
hanged in
The
Revolutionary war that I'll tell you right now
Larry got a new book and it's very intriguing and the first guy to get hanged was
Hunger hanged hanged. That's how they could say it was on June 28 1778
Washington ordered his execution. It happened at 11 a.m. His name was
Hickey his last name. Well, what the fuck was his first thing? I don't remember. Get up. No, it was
Like William or something. Let me think what Billy Hickey. Yeah, and
And it was for some slight shit, but it's crazy because he did it in the town hall
20,000 motherfuckers showed up to watch it do this into this 20,000 you want to hear something back in the day in India
This guy or Egypt or India this man was just killed because
He wanted to marry this chicken. She said no, so he stabbed her to death
And he was just executed nice
Well, this is crazy like how that still going on in 2023 well, you know what punishment
You know what they did to the fucking just American eyes
You know what the king did to fucking traitors though the key who George King?
Yeah, King George III okay back in a day and this was gonna happen to every motherfucker
That signed the Declaration of Independence. This is what yeah, hold on a second. This is what they were in for a
A trader was to be hanged by the neck
But cut down while still alive and his bowels were to be cut out and burned
Only then was his head to be cut off and it's body to be cut into four pieces
Now check this out intricate it goes beyond his death to his family
Additionally, all of his property was to be forfeited and his family and immediate ears were prohibited from owning property a conducting business
That is a fucking strict
One of the lineage do you fucking ripping your bowels out and burning them while you're just coming back from being choked out
Throw the fucking those motherfuckers don't play games
And now we got these cock suckers running around acting like a bunch of assholes
Who's that you know all of our leaders right now and least they could do it's fucking
Hanging by the neck until they're dead. They don't even have to cut them down while they're still alive
Even though they deserve all that shit have their bowels fucking removed have them motherfuckers burned
And then have their head cut off
You know they got a feel a little something before they go to hell man because they fucking deserve it
They are gonna go to hell to who is all these motherfuckers that are continually lying to everybody
Well, but that's a Fauci Biden
Everybody perpetuates a whole system of injustice perpetuates hell that's for well
I mean, okay, if you want to get on a metaphysical or however, I would so yeah, you're right
Perpetuates itself because of the money man. Well, it's because one guy makes this amount of money
You know, I mean another guy makes everybody's chasing each other in Congress in the Senate. Well, yeah, it's all a bunch of
Cock-suckers that would go for that shit to begin with
Yeah, totally like I like I've said like George Washington they begged that motherfucker to get into hit the position
He was in he didn't want to do that. He was living a good life in Virginia, man
He had 200 fucking slaves hanging down fucking getting down having fun a bunch of kids lots of money
He was real nice to everybody
Even his slaves like they were like his his family and
Fucking he didn't need to go be the general in this war and walk around in the winter and fucking freeze his ass off
He didn't want to do that shit
But he did it because they begged him to do it and he had a lot of experience in the French Indian War
as
Commanders in that shit. Was it the Delaware River across?
Yeah, it was Delaware that famous painting of Valley Forge. Yeah, but when you think about it these people
Pushed into these positions of power. Yeah, like who wants to be the first leader of back then those guys had some balls
I mean, yeah, well you see how do you know?
Cuz man do listen a lot of fucking courage every guy in that fucking at Dick's independence was was
Considered a traitor by the fucking king. They're gonna get on it man
He's written by the winners. It all that's true. It favors the way exactly and that's the other thing
You don't know what to fucking exactly what all we know is where we're at now George Washington
You gotta imagine you could imagine though that the motherfuckers were putting their lives online
Yeah, you know, they were king doesn't fucking play games man. They kill people like crazy
They all had an agenda. Yeah, and they solely stood behind it and they lost their lives for it
And they know not all of them they fucking got away with it most of them only a couple of them got retribution from you know
What they did was they come like the English would come back later and burn their fucking house down like that
But none of them got it. They didn't yeah
They didn't get hanged by the neck when then fucking cut down and then disemboweled and then had their innards burned and then fucking
Have their head chopped off and then be cut into four pieces. I mean that's a pretty fucked up
Those those motherfuckers are pretty good. I mean, that's like a Freddy Krueger type thing
You think one guy does all that or they have two guys. I'm sure it's a fucking team
Yeah, I mean come on like all right
We got to chop this body up again, and then where do you put them like what do you do?
They do this to discourage people from fucking around. Well, that's what they still doing. Sorry rabies
But your hands off if you steal yeah, you know, maybe that's what they should be doing here. Well, well, I don't
Yeah, we're soft shit. That's for sure. It's pretty it's pretty disgusting how soft
The funny, you know, it never gets soft do it. Do you know what's funny though?
It's like, you know, what's you know should always be popular is 9-11
It should always be even though it was a government job
We think her to you know people lost the people should always definitely be you know, it's taking that over transgender
Yeah, yeah, well, that's why they want to take the patriotism out of everything
Well, look what happened everybody blew up BLM and then they went down under well
Then motherfuckers stole all the money they had 42 million fucking dollars
Before after taxes were paid and they don't have any fucking money left the one girl paid her brother. Oh
We already talked about one million, you know
No, one million six hundred thousand dollars for years worth of security or exterminator
Whatever the fucking jag off did. I don't know. Oh, you want to hear something fucking cool?
Yeah, let's I was looking I looked this up earlier and I just think that's fucking amazing
So I got nothing but venom right now. Yeah, I know that's why I had to stop you Larry the atomic vodka
Should we talk about that first? Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good sounds like some good shit
I wouldn't mind if you were drinking that shit. Okay. Well, I'm not drinking. I'm just having a PBR right now
So one of my PBRs. I don't know. I think we might have read this before. Oh, this is you might have heard that fucking doc Alice
You know who he is?
Sounds real familiar pitch. He was a pitcher. Hmm
Um for the pirates ancient or 1970. Oh, yeah, that's why I know who he is so on June 12th 1970
Doc Ellis doc Ellis, excuse me. Yeah did something
By all rights should be completely impossible. What do you think it's a no hit around ass? Yes, he did
Good job Larry. Do we talk about that? No, I know my shit
But isn't that crazy though?
What happened was he thought his rotation was the next day
He thought he got all fucked up. Well, he thought no, listen, he thought he was gonna pitch the next day
So he took acid in the morning
The morning well, I've done that. I I know but you're a fucking idiot. You know, I mean this guy's a star athlete
You know, you know, Larry Jones. Here's the other thing though when you're on acid
It makes everything so slow like when the band is playing and everyone's tripping on mushrooms or acid
We could play some riffs that like fuck man. I'm scaring myself
So it does make a baseball no hitter. That's amazing. Yeah, and he admits it
It was funny. Hey, man
Whatever it takes to get that no hitter, but he didn't think it was gonna happen
But think about it when you're on LSD. How you focus on something. Yeah. Yeah, literally pinpoint accuracy
You could see a fucking ball get a hundred yards. He probably didn't even need to be relieved
I remember when we were kids were like about probably hit a guy on with a pitch
Which is amazing, yeah
Probably didn't even need a relief pitcher though because when we were kids he pitched the whole nine
Hey, yeah, because we were kids these girls one of their these these three slutty girls from our neighborhood
And then we all wanted to fuck and I eventually fucked them and then
But their brother one of their brother was a bodybuilder and it was like two hundred and something pounds on this fucking weight bench
And we were like, you know, we were in fucking middle school still and we were at we were fucking tripping balls and me Jeff
My old drummer and no shirt Nick were pumping this iron like 20 times and these girls were all impressed. Wow, man
You guys are strong. Well, it was the drugs and the next day, man, I couldn't lift my arms
I'm going what the fuck happened yesterday. And I everyone we were tripping we were on LSD
Yeah, and these girls had a weight bench in the garage and the girls says my brother's a weightlifter and we're real skinny
I love how you're compared yourself to Doc Alice
No, I didn't
African-American
I'll tell you what I did do kiss the dude. I pissed. I fucking I fucking
Almost kissed a dude after I bolded 300 once. Whoa, you could ask Mary motherfucker
Wow
I could stop that Jimmy summerman's birthday party. Oh man, we should probably train whistle. It was in fucking Edison Park in Chicago
All right, let's get more specific address and I bold a fucking 300 bullshit. I did ask Mary
I did all I swear on my fucking mother. We need to call it the bowling yet
You call up the bowling alley right dude. Ask my wife motherfucker dude. Here's the thing. It was so casual
I was just sitting there throwing the ball drinking beers and I kept hitting strike strike strike strike
And then pretty soon people are gathering around me
I took I didn't even care and I'm and people are like wow you really good and then when I bolded 300
I didn't even know what a big deal it was and everyone was like holy fuck holy fuck
So then the next game I really fucking tried that's where you got and I got about a 40 and that's my you know
I pulled between a 40 and a 70 so when I hit this 300 it was fuck
Amazing. Are you on drugs right now? No, are you sure dude?
I feel like I'm having a flashback though thinking about that
Little told me you roll the 300 I bowl
300 and it was that Jimmy summerman's fucking birthday party
We're at it one of my bully alley Edison Park Bowl write that down cuz I'm gonna call them up ask Mary and listen to this check
This out one of Mary's good friends got mugged on the way there this cute looking blind got punched in the eye
And someone took her fucking purse dude. They don't even have it
It was it was fucking they weren't even keeping track. I wasn't on a league or nothing
I just you're telling me more than 300 and people saw it everybody
But you don't have your name on a board somewhere. Do you know they do? I don't know but I didn't fucking do anything about
I didn't give a fuck dude. I was on coke. I was on fucking drunk off my ass
You know, I was looking to party party and with chicks. I wanted to get laid. You know what I mean
It was I wasn't given a fuck about no bowling game, but it's yeah when I realized later
No, because later is when I realized what a big deal it was because you know, I get lucky
I do things good right away the first time every time
But I didn't know that bowling at 300 was such a big fucking deal until everybody was like holy shit, dude
Holy fuck people go their whole life and I'm like really it wasn't that hard
But then when I tried of course, I got like a 90 one time and then they got maybe a hundred
You tell me you bolded 300 and then to one game 40 to 70 to 90
Yeah, something like that you understood and people were like what the fuck I thought you're good and I'm like I'm not
It was really just pure luck Larry dude. I was right pulling the ball down. I was wound up on coke and I was just throwing
I think you made
Man, I'm a little you got you know what well on the next episode 300
Yeah, and the next episode you can call bullshit on me if you don't ask I'm not calling rose was there too. Oh, yeah
Let's trust rose. Well, why wouldn't I just there? I'm just saying but no, um
And Mary was there my wife one human being wrong of 300 game. I don't you know, I should look up the odds on that though
Yeah, so I mean, you know, I got good odds, baby. I'm a lucky motherfucker Mary says
I'm she used to call me lucky boy. I mean, you know, you see all the tires and shit
I only bought one or two guitars my whole life. I got 30 fucking guitars people just I'm a lucky boy
I was not my lucky. You're a lucky old man. Yeah
Jesus Christ. So Larry bulls is 300. Yeah, that was amazing too. And but the thing was is
I never really bold. I never even bold a 200 again
I've I've maybe rolled a hundred and a quarter. Yeah, I never even got over 200 again. Yeah, that's I mean
I'm not a good bowler. I love it me too
But I'm not and then you want to hear something else really cool the very next time we went I went with Greg grants
older brother Mary
Georgie and me and we all went bowling at fucking Brunswick in Bloomingdale or whatever. I'm on Lake Street and fucking uh, I
Won the free pizza they go hey fill out this card and you could win a free pizza and we're bowling and all of a sudden
Jones
It was like about four or five years after the last time I went bowling when I bowled at 300 and I told Mary you
Bould a 300 at the Edison Park Bowl and then the next time I won bowling five years later
I want a free pizza. I'm like I really do get lucky when I go bowling
I really do I want a free hopefully this time next time you had heard it had everything on it man and had fucking
Sausage green peppers. There's nothing better than a pitcher of beer and a fucking holy Nalee Pete
And it was free, you know, I could smell it. Yeah
It was fucking awesome. Crispier man. Listen, he had those fucking
Fuck bowling alley food
I remember going like we used to what we used to work at Wickstrom
Fucking they had a bowling league and we would play in it and we would go
You know to the fucking bowling alley over there and it was
Outrageous I bet the food all fried food you what mozzarella sticks cheese poppers
Yeah, fucking you get brought you get a what's that like the fucking cauliflower broccoli, you know what I mean like a plan
I think you can deep fry anything you can deep fry this mother they got it
I'm gonna get a shoe. I used to go out this girl Michelle back in the day and I would be here at like thanks for not using her last name
I appreciate
Shout out to Michelle. You're still a honey. I love you, baby
fucking I would meet her at the stream would ball and we would be drinking it like to in the afternoon
No one would be in there. Oh, you know like 22. Oh, yeah
It was a while. This is this is when you get your dirtbag roots. Yeah
She'd go Mimi at the stream with bull and I'm thinking on the way there
I'm thinking wow this chick must be in the bowling now. She's sitting in the bar drunk as a motherfucker. Yeah
He's give you handies or anything. She would do she would do anything. I love this chick. She was really cute, too
But that's besides the point. You know, it's not you just the one that just blatantly came out
At all I still like her too, you know, I said this don't like her you're a married man
I mean, we're still friends and stuff and even Mary knows her and everything and fucking
I've said this on both podcasts before I am friends with all my old girlfriends. I never fucking
Fucked them over so bad that they hated me. I mean they hated me at first
But I never did something to them where it was like they would never speak to me again
When I see him on a hug me you're the talk to me. You're the judge of that
Nobody else is well, no because they they don't hate me. I don't have any depends on what you did to them
Right. Well, some of you know, yeah
Exactly you should see the smile
Fucking Joker smile
I treated them great and fair
Do is ask two questions
He didn't he couldn't even hold his composure. I mean
I
Want me dead no, but you and I are not murdering anyone together because you'll just open up they'll be like hey
Can I get a frosty
I wonder do we ever tell a story about this glass still do I don't know?
I mean, do you really want to talk about that? Okay? I don't know why you keep on handling it like it's a baby
It's a weird way interesting. No, it's not it's pretty weird cuz I was cut somebody stuck that in their vagina
And then you found I watched your name. I watched it. No wash my hands. Oh, great
Was to it's soap and fucking so okay
I mean if you want to tell the story tell the story which is weird one day
I'm cutting my lawn and I'm in the front courtyard in the ditch
And you know by the street and I look down and I see some gleaming out of the corner of my
Sunlight some hit in its glass. It's a clear see-through glass
Pink-hued Larry wiped the sweat
And I thought oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Could I sit in my ass Larry thought
And so I brought it in the house to my wife is like why the fuck where did you get this?
Yeah, I'm a glass dildo Larry and then I said I found a minute wait you lose it was probably the neighbor remember
But wait a second. Yeah, you picked up the dildo from the ditch brought it in the house and Mary's like
Why do you have a dildo? You didn't even wash it yet?
No, I washed it and I said to her look what I found in
She's like what now like yes
Someone must have been like fucking doing themself up and then pitch it out the window or something
Did you get off? I don't know using a murder or they just
That's definitely a blunt object this thing is like at least seven inches long
Mm-hmm. I mean it is solid fucking glass. Yeah, I mean
You couldn't play the fucking lottery and hit like Larry finding a dildo cut his grass
Yeah, it was weird man
And then the funny thing was is I had my next door neighbors over a couple days later for like a little party and my parents and everything
And everyone's sitting around I pull it out and bang stick it in the middle of the table
And I tell norman rocks and my next door neighbors. I'm like I
I found this cut in the grass and they just busted out laughing everyone was laughing pretty good
It was funny at the time, but yeah weird though. Yeah, and it's very mystery cuz who whose is it?
It's very weird that you keep it in arms reach at all time. That's the way you say have we got another giant dildo down here
When the bands would be recording and they did a bad take we would make every they they'd have to kiss the dick
Oh my god, that would make them not want to fuck up. Are you kidding me?
I'm not kidding. It's dude. Where is it? No, I don't want to fucking see it right now. It's pretty weird
How'd you get all this gay shit all of a sudden you find one dildo? No, it's on your foot
No, the other thing is like a fucking statue of a dick, you know, it's not really a dildo
It's just a mold or just a fucking yeah like a ceramic fucking thing one side. It looks like a wizard
Like a copper corning. Oh and so yeah, no not like a thing where they broke over hide, but
And so we'd be like if you guys fuck up somebody's got to kiss this fucking thing and so they'd laugh and then
Fuck off. Yeah, and then somebody have to kiss a dick and then we'd laugh and then we'd laugh man
It was fun, you know that's how you guys record these sessions. That's yeah, that bands would be recording a demo
Put it up on young buck.com
No, we didn't video record it. It would be just audio even better
Yeah, but you know, no, well, you know, it was in between takes it would be like just to make the band laugh and the fucking guy
You're building camaraderie, you know, yeah kissing dicks. Yeah. Yeah, it's how you build camaraderie
Maybe in Boyce town. I don't see you do all the gay jokes. We did too. We did it too. I've never pulled a dildo
I mean my friends kiss it. Well, they weren't our friends. They were just some
Listen here for no fairly new these fucking guys
You don't know us and you're paying us money
But every time you fuck up and you have we have to stop the recording you have to kiss the tip of a
Yeah, but no, you know, we would do a vote with the band you guys think we should yeah, and they say yeah, okay
That's funny and then so someone would have to usually it's the singer
You know what?
Dudes or the guy chicks I think aren't they? Yeah, you know what I think chicks are worse chicks are fucking dangerous
No
I'm afraid of more chicks than guys
That's true. I mean you have a multitude of women in my life that I'm afraid of
For various I used to I used to but not a multitude
Your friends close but your enemies close. Yeah, I'm a little afraid sometimes, you know, I don't want to piss off my wife
Too bad. I'm not afraid of her per se, but I like to make her happy. Yeah, I know, but I'll help her bury you
I totally would Larry. No, I'm more than you never bury in her. No you ask. Oh fuck you fucking douchebag you did even hear that
I did mutter it a little so you wouldn't hear it, but I got no problems. Just totally fucking take no Mary
I go to Turks and Cancun's and we're gonna bury you by the cats
Okay, he's got like six fucking cats buried in the backyard. There's a pet cemetery
I do it's stupid Larry gets up my ass the other day and he's like
My mom I got growth on the side of my fucking to my garage
Remember what you like oh we got to cut down the branches. Oh, yeah, you know this motherfucker. I go over there
He's got like six cat graves
Marks my like stones
Yes, people cut the lawn and they like cut her
And then they hand
Yeah, I mean, it's like a pet cemetery back there. It's like a Ramon song in my bag
No, it's not like it's like a pet cemetery. You have dead cats in the background fucking book or something. I mean they never come back alive
That's so I mean they're dead. Yeah, not technically they are dead
But I mean yeah, and here's what I do man when I bury them
What do you do fucking each shovel full of dirt when I'm digging the hole?
I say a solemn word about the cat that's being buried a good thing about him all the good
Characteristics he had I put him in like a fucking thousand count fucking Egyptian cotton
And I put him in the ground and bury him in each shovel full I put back on him
I say some good thing about him by the end
I'm usually worked up enough to have a tear to come down. Yeah, and Larry has 19 neighbors that can see into his backyard
Hey, I don't give a fuck they're probably good another one of his cats die
Things are driving me crazy. How long does this fucking how long does this ceremony take?
Well, it's only it's a cat so the whole is like you're digging a hole for a person you're digger
But it's only like three feet deep and so big it's a cat three foot deep you yeah, yeah, you sure yeah
You know how deep three foot is?
Maybe I go about a foot and a half yeah
That's the three foot motherfucker. I dig holes for a living bastard
It's not there. No, it's not three feet because I know you got to do that when they for cold when they make you bury some
Shit like a wires and stuff. So yeah, that's pretty deep three feet now
I go I go about a foot and a half in the last cat I buried I hit a root
I was only able to go down about fucking eight inches
Yeah, and so I had to like fucking
Get in the fucking drinking water
Right now the aquifer
Little cat runoff
That's all right though. You love cats, but yeah, we had to hack down all that shit on the side of the fucking garage
Yeah, which is very funny because we're out there and
I found there he's got a leather jacket on the bike that Mike
Garbage picked for his son when the kid was an infant and now he's 37 so
I'm like 46. I know no the kids like fucking 17
Back on the side of my fucking
Grads for a long time and I didn't even see it because so many fucking things grew through it and I
Discovered it as I was picking the rest of the work. It's awesome the next day
You have a beer to fucking smoke a joint do some yard work
Yeah, bad. Yeah, I'll shut down, but the problem is is oh you're a fucking fancy motherfucker
Tony's like next time one of your cats dies give it to me and I'll use it to fertilize some weed
I'll be the best. I'm like are you fucking man allegedly? I don't know what you're talking about right now. Are you that high?
You know, yeah
He was using cats
No, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna. I don't care. I'm serial killers. How are you gonna do that?
Well, he just said next time when the cats dies let them know and I'm like no, I'm not gonna fucking do that
I'm gonna bury him in the next fucking plot next to the other one person wants to fucking use
Cat people are fucking crazy to water marital
He said the best fertilization would be like a rotting fucking no it's guano bat guano fucking seabird guano
Well, I guess if you got someone with cats and they're gonna die eventually
I mean, I don't know what you guys are on lately or what you're smoking. He said it. I know nothing about you just agreed to it
You're like yeah, I said no hell no. I'm not giving you one of my cats
Fuck you. You know when they're dead. I got more respect for him than that. I'm gonna bury him
I'm gonna say solemn words. Yeah, I was gonna say you have a whole fucking production for these motherfuckers
Yeah, I mean, and you know what I'll touch these cats in an inappropriate way
No, you're like a preacher of all well
Here's what happened with the last cat man. He got killed the night before and it was in my dad's fucking front yard
Oh, yeah, yeah, and so, you know, he lives about a block down for the people who don't know and I had and he calls me on the phone
He's like hey Larry. I got bad news one of your cats is dead in my front yard
So I had to go over there and when I pick them up man
I had to carry him back home, you know, and so I was like why don't you put him in a bag?
I did I got a pillowcase, but the thing when I wait how many cotton thread thousand
thousand county chips I think I think I buried one of them in like a Led Zeppelin pillowcase or a t-shirt
You should just tie a t-shirt next time I might because I got a lot of old t-shirt
Cuz maybe if you put him in a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, maybe it's to hang out with Led Zeppelin in heaven
No, he's Led Zeppelin's cat Zeppelin is going to hell
How do you know? Oh dude, they're going to hell man. They make fucking black magic and everything else
So every other band that you think about yeah, so they're all going now. I would fuck about you your musician
I don't do all that shit. You're going to hell. I'm not signed to a major label man. I'm not fucking I mean
I'm not banging fucking girls that are underage. I'm not
Over I'm not doing voodoo shit. I don't fucking play look it. I got this holy water right here
What is that holy water bullshit? Yeah? No, it's not look okay? Just cuz the bottle says it's I blessed it myself
First wait a minute man. Well, we got it. We got it from a cat wait. We got the holy water from a cat
priest
And then I said to mark the holy water from the priest is fucking evil
How much did you pay for that?
I didn't pay nothing that was free and I said the priest is fucking bad
He fucks little kids and we dumped out the original holy water
I put new water in it and I blessed it myself dump off the old holy water on the grass outside in front of my house
Why it's gonna bring bad spirits here. No, it won't bad juju dude
Man, I got in there then water from the tap and then I fucking blessed it
How through those power vested within me from the Lord
Man, what fucking what are you doing? What powers does a fucking priest have then?
I don't fucking have I don't know I got just as tight of a relationship with God and Jesus is those motherfuckers
I'm pretty sure you know fuckery. I've never fucked boy. We're weird too with a little white thing in the middle
No, but I never fuck you know either. You don't teach children every day. Do you I don't teach children how to give head?
That's for sure Wow, I mean those fuckers
They're allegedly they fucking do some pretty bad shit to case away. Let's get back to this holy water by Larry Jones
So then I blessed it and and I asked wait wait wait. I asked my dad. I said
something like
through the power of Jesus
Do Lord through the power of Jesus blessed this holy water
That you know through Christ our Lord and all that good stuff
You want to know something so when you drink tap water at least seven people?
Have pissed in that drink sure
And that crazy no, I imagine it was more like a thousand
I'd imagine it was all pissed that was reprocessed in the water. Well, no, I mean they do
Their voodoo to that urine, but yeah, yeah
Robert knows all about you know knows all about that shit
Yeah, he knows all about that shit because he fucking goes to all those stick me fucking water plant fucking
He says it is nasty
He said the nastiest fucking place though the nastiest smelling shit worse than a garbage dump worse than anything
is the laundry places like
the uniform joints and the places that wash all the
Restaurant stuff and the baby diapers and whatnot and that all goes to a big laundry place
Dippers whatever. Yeah, all that shit people sometimes use still I had to use cloth diapers when I was a kid
When I was a kid, that's all they had dude
They didn't have this plastic bullshit
That's why you're getting ass cancer now. I don't have a cancer. Oh, yeah, now they yeah because they got all that shit around
Yeah, yeah, yeah plastic is horrible
Well, I remember when they changed the oxy-cons when you'd be able to just wash off the fucking coating and sniff home or whatever
And fucking and then they put the the time release shit all throughout the pill
So you had to smash it put it in the microwave
Let it fucking drip away put it in the freezer let it hard and scrape it off
Refucking do that a couple times to you know, so I told my plastic yeah, and I told my cousin Pete man
They just ruin this shit. It's not good. They didn't ruin it. They just stop no no junkie. What's my time?
Exactly. Yeah, they just ruined you having a good time that they got you addicted to yeah
So that's what they do they fucking get you hooked and then they pull the fucking rug out from under you
That's their game
It's like if you want to get high get the fuck high yeah do whatever you can't do with oxys anymore by sniffing
I'm just saying do whatever the fuck you want to do man. Just don't let it bother me which eventually it's gone
But you know what all that shit's bad anyway, and I don't condone it and I don't do any of that shit anymore
Take a swig of that. I'm glad I fucking survived drink it
Mark drank some of the other shit of what the other holy water that the bad you you blessed two bottles
No, the first bad priest that blessed it the Catholic priest blessed it and then that's some of the
Drank it. Yeah
Where is he now? I think he's at home sick. He's probably to playground
He fucking he went to the zoo man, and he's telling me yeah, you remember the zoo
I'm like you remember Lincoln Park Zoo. He's going to me you know horrible, and I'm like dude the last time
I was at Lincoln Park Zoo. I was like seven fucking years old. No, I don't remember I don't remember
The last time I was at the zoo legitimately was when I went with Bobby and I got in trouble for not having steel toes on and they thought
I worked there
Yeah, cuz you were like giving up suggestions. Yeah, and the guy's like that's a good idea. Hey, where's your steel?
I'm like fuck and I didn't even know
No, I had like Ramones Kedson
Bobby threw me right under the bus. He's like I don't know this is some couch kid. I picked up by the front gate
Yeah, thanks a lot ass. I picked him up last night
I had a hard a hard-hitting Keds
Man, that's a man dude that's what a Jeffy
That's my fucking hair was about my hair was like three feet long at the time, you know
Yeah, so I would and you're in the penguin. I didn't know I wasn't in the penguin. We were in the bear
Exhibit they're building a new bear in
You know cuz they built a new bear enclosure at the Lincoln Park zoo
I mean, yeah at Brookfield zoo. I mean and Brookfield
mark was at Lincoln Park and
You can't believe like the water the shit that they swim in like the little pool
You can't believe the tanks and the pumps they got in the back
That water has to be changed out so rapidly because they're shitting in there and pissing in everything
Man polar bear. So it is fucking cranking through fast. Yeah million
Yeah, there's probably a current net fucking cool. Yeah, it's fast
I love the polar bear and it's going through these filters needles that are so fucking big man
It was like they were about this big around, you know like about six foot six feet around with and they were about
12 feet tall and it was six of them
Pumping that water all for one enclosure for one enclosure for the bear enclosure at Brookfield zoo and the pipes on that fucking shit
We're three inch pipes. No three inches like this
They were made with six six inch probably. Yeah, is there one in between? Well, yeah, three four five six
Maybe they were four you can do four inch and six inch. They don't make five inch
Maybe it was four or six it didn't for if you're talking about
They were big it was pumping some water. I'm not a fucking pump guy, but I'll take it all these pressure gauges and yeah
Yeah, man, it was fucking heavy and I mean like if you're saying like you said
You know, I don't really see the bears and that's they shit that much. They probably shit in the water
Yeah, and that's why they got a pump and always remember when I was a little kid
They used to have the polar bear panel with the keg. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be like batting it around
Yeah, dunking it under letting it fly. Yeah, now the fucking the animals don't do shit
I took my kid there and drove a fucking and now it's crazy. You have to make an appointment to get in really
Yeah, they have like time slot. I don't think you have to do that anymore and Lincoln Lincoln. No, that brooks you
I don't think you do anymore because
Don Anforth is a member of the fucking Zoological Society. So he really is they should study him and so fucking what is it?
Go to her for
Wolf
He went there and they said I told them when he went there be careful that they don't keep
He's a real fast swimmer
Especially with those things
Toes in all yeah, just cutting through those claws
He could really dig through the dirt with those well, I mean look at the guy can't really do anything else about it
Otterfoot
Sounds like a metal band fucking Africa
Man, I got otterfoot I got bit by a mosquito
I don't know what happens what's up? I mean they have they make fucking you're malaria from well
You know you gotta get what they do
I don't know if I would do any of this shit anymore
But like when you would travel to other countries like yeah Africa they gave you a little bit of a whatever diseases
They got going on under your you know, they skin pop it
They don't hit it into your vein, but they put it under your skin
Yeah, well that's like a tax it and then you become immune to it, you know, that they do a TB
Yeah
Underneath your and they put that thing bump and then they look at it
Yeah, I had them and went to treatment they would do that sure well, you know whatever
You know at the methadone at the methadone clinic they do that of course every year they give you a TB fucking test
Which I don't even know how the fucking get TB. Well, it's from it's from not
So properly circulated air and it's a lung infection
Yeah, like Doc holiday in the old days died of it. They used to call it consumptions
The diet of consumption. It's not Legionnaires disease. That's like it. I'm just saying like it. Yeah, the lung infection
Yeah, the Legionnaires disease is a lung infection. So yeah, and and they called it in the old West consumption
the because they did you know usually the guys they got it would be drinkers and smokers and dudes at party balls
So fucking so they really room they didn't know where it came from at first
But then now we know that it's tuberculosis you get it's good. It's rampant in prisons
Junkies get it a lot because they're not breathing deep. They're always on drugs and they're shallowly breathing. You know what I mean
Yeah, I always on the verge of fucking slipping in the other side
So you're really not taking a lot of deep breaths. So they check you for TB
And I fucking got the fuck out of the methadone clinic right quick and I didn't fucking make a career out of it
So I only got one TB test isn't that crazy tuberculosis can't be cured
We did polio. Yeah, I mean we're working on AIDS right now, right?
Yeah, you can survive with if you're each other first of all like I said early though AIDS is fake and the medicine for it'll kill you
You know things I don't think so anymore. I think that there's more to it now
Yeah, it's not like I mean you ever hear anyone dying of AIDS anymore
That's funny that you said it doesn't have been a funeral
Not I don't know
I've been to some Jewish funerals though, and I'll tell you what was really cool was it was kind of like burying one of my cats because
Each person at the funeral what they do is they put the coffin down in the ground and then each person
Takes like a couple of dirt couple of three shovels of dirt instead of roses
They do put the fucking dirt down and so every person there buries it in the rabbi says some shit like
And it's kind of cool, you know and he says stuff like
This is the last favor in the most unselfish act you could do somebody because you know they could never return the favor
They're fucking dead. Oh, yeah. No, and so yeah, it was kind of
Good about hand in the shovel to the you know
Some old ladies and helping them out and then go and last cuz I didn't you know
I wasn't my family member, but you know it was an extended family member one of my wife's
My my wife's sister still experience though husband
I had to be a very sombering very sombering and it was it was kind of cool the way they did it
And it was kind of cool that you got to bury the fucking people yourself, you know, and then I thought well
Maybe it's cuz they're Jewish. They don't want to pay the Mexican guys
Do you want to go in the ground or do you want to be cremated?
Shit man, I guess I do too because I don't want to waste fucking space
But then what happens when what somebody does with your ashes?
Wow a conundrum that is a conundrum I have I have ashes not only do I have cats buried but I have cats up in canisters in my living
Yeah, but I'm gonna tell you right now those cats aren't a hundred percent. No, I know I know you might have a dog
I know that you might even have a gerbil in that mother. I know maybe a guinea pig
Well, I don't think it's necessary to fucking go get a gerbil incinerated. I'm sure you just flushed that fucker down the toilet
You just toss him in the garbage man
Or I mean if you want to dig a gerbil grave, you don't even have to call fucking Julie
I mean and that's what and that's the beauty part about it is I called Julie when I got my pool put in years ago
And so I paid close attention where all the lines were so when they wouldn't mess when they know so when they at
Cemetery so I hit was before I had my cat cemetery
So I said when they paint on lines, I said to Mary right there is gonna be the cat cemetery
And she's like why and I'm like cuz there's no lines
That's all good to go right there
It's green space. It's fucking cat space down baby. Yeah, we could kill as many cats as we want
I don't kill them. I love them. Yeah, I would never kill a cat man
You never know you see that fucking thing on that Netflix. I think it was
Man the people are going nuts
Well the funny you can kill a hundred motherfuckers at a country concert no one cares, but you kill two cats
I'm a vacuum bag or whatever, you know and people flip the fuck out Teddy K
Teddy K Kennedy Teddy K
Kuzinsky yeah, oh he died. Yes, he killed the unabomber kill kill themselves died by suicide. Oh
Shout out Teddy K. We know you're a listener. I hate to hear that man cuz I like he was riddled with cancer
Oh, yeah, he was fucking okay. He was not too. I thought I heard I
Yeah, well
He was a fucking smart motherfucker man. Hopefully they have like the unabomber was dope
I mean, I know a lot of people got fucked up by him and I my heart goes out to all the families and the victims and shit
The survivors and the dead
But the guy was a pissed-off motherfucker and he did get his revenge for 20 years
Yeah, yeah, man, and man he lived in a shack in the middle of fucking the world brother turned them in yeah
Cuz you know why he recognized the manifesto the language that was spoken
He knew that's how my brother talks
Well, he was a very fucking and then he recognized the handwriting. He was a very quirky guy
Oh very quirky they would say when he got fucked with heavily when he was a kid
They put him in college because he was so far advanced session
He was like 12 years old in college and the teachers told him the professor said your mother doesn't fucking care about you
Yeah, no they did they fucks grade he skipped 11th grade and they put him in like uh, they put him in college man
And they put it one of them in doctorating colleges and the teachers actually did mental experiments
Psyops on this fucking kid and told him your mother hates you
They intercepted every letter his mother sent to him and said she never writes you what about a reality
There was a hundred fucking letters MK ultra. Yeah, and that's what they were doing to the kid
Maybe and now here you go MK ultra
I mean his IQ like uh, his IQ was fucking he was through the fucking ceiling man
He was a very that motherfucker, you know what smart, you know, it goes hand-in-hand with that. You're fucking social awkwardness. Yeah
Yeah, like you it's it's a curse. Yeah, you know, you can't find me
I wish I was blessed with that curse. I'm really smart than have friends
I'm sometimes socially awkward but not to the point like that and I would not want to be that smart because here's the thing
You're alone in your world
You can't relate to anybody because no one's smart enough. Well, nobody's even on your level man
I've seen it where I've seen it like my friend Rick. His brother was like a genius like this computer guy like on the ground floor of
Computers, he really couldn't speak to anybody. He was too fucking smart
He stole jokes that were dumb. He didn't get any other how old was he? He was
He was halfway between my age and my dad's how old I don't know like at the time
At the time, you know, I was probably my 20s the guy was probably like 35. Okay, so
So, yeah, and he couldn't speak to my parents
He couldn't speak to my brother even who's a fucking genius and this guy was like off the fucking charts, you know
And you know, it's a lonely world Kazinsky lived in man, especially when you live in a shack
I mean literally I mean literally it's a fucking lonely world, but man that motherfucker had
Imagine not getting any pussy. Yeah, that's the one thing man. That would be horrible
That's why I always like the band the problem never could be in the band
the problem is is like these people that are so eccentric and
They focus on one thing solely
Yeah, yeah, yeah, or you know what I mean? Yeah the mind that this guy had he dwelled on this shit
That tea well, that's one of the reasons he attacked universities is because of what they did to him
Yeah, he was a kid and airports. Yeah, the grudge. Yes heavily in some fruit some reason it was that's what they called it unabomber
University and airports for some reason that was his main targets
But all the people like when he sent him directly to people's houses
It was always like some college professor or some fucking guy like that, which is amazing
Yeah, I can send using pack you a fucking box full of nails that's gonna shoot you
The United States Postal Service. Yes federal entity. Yes to transport his devices of death
Isn't that crazy and get away with it is amazing?
And I mean nobody was the wiser to what this fellow was doing. Yeah, and he came out of the fucking woods
Yeah, he wouldn't notice like think about this needles
He had fucking devices to where this motherfucker is gonna make it into the post thing through the mail all the way to its
Destination and then blow off. Yeah, it's not gonna happen in between. No, well then when they open the bomb, right?
Yeah, but it wasn't timed
No, no, no think about it, but there's a lot of things that could happen in between
There's a lot of variables down. Yeah, I'm very a lot of what he's sending these things out of state a
Bomb a man. You don't know you have a bomb in the back of your truck and he's fucking sending it to these colleges
Imagine that yeah, yeah, the postman is delivering and none of them
Signs for it, but none of them went off. I know crazy. Yeah, like this guy. He was trained very highly trained
Well, I think he trained himself man
Like I saw a little I saw a little fucking movie about him and it was some dramatization of his life as a childhood
And some girl rejected him in school. He sent her a fucking note
And he put a little couple chemicals in there and folded it up just one piece of paper and he said here hand this to
Julie or whatever the fuck the girl's name was and she gets it and opens it up
Pow and it blows up in her face nice
And so the kid had skills all the way back in fucking grade school. Yes. He knew chemistry like a mother fucker
Yeah, man, I mean chemicals yeah
Warfare
You and
I don't know they're a seam or violent who's that slayer seems like they like chemical
Okay, listen, dead Kennedys are against chemical warfare slayer seems like they like chemical war
That's why I thought I was I mean think about that man a bomb made personally for case for you by Kaczynski unexploded
Imagine that you you get this bomb and you open it up. I
Mean, dude, that is the most least suspecting thing. Yeah, it's terrible
He is an asshole for doing that, but I gotta give him props for his brain. That's all did have a big brain
Yeah, man, motherfucker with smarter shit. Yeah. All right, man. Let's wrap this motherfucker up. All right
I want to tell you
Martin Luther King one of my fucking heroes injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere
Remember that and people are getting fucked over everywhere right now. So we're next people just remember that also
I want to shout out to Russ Matt Tiffany
Chris
Chrissy I don't like that you just
Back you love you sent some more pictures style and
Have a great fucking day everybody you guys are fucking great for listening and you the few and the proud you're fewer than the Marines
I hope you know and I'm just let you ramble on and dig your grave
It does it seems like someone spiked me. Oh, you know what it is man. I
Caffeine up I took some caffeine pills. I drank well, dude
I didn't sleep for two days because of my ribs are
Why would you take caffeine pills because otherwise I would have been sleeping right now when you came over to do the
Podcast I just do I just put it right next to your dead body
Have my way with it. The funny thing is is I forgot all about it and listen to me
I'm talking like I did a fucking eight ball or something
Yeah, yeah, Louise. All right, I was Louise. I love you guys. Thank you. I'm Larry