Welcome to the NICU Dad Podcast, a podcast for NICU dads by NICU dads.
I'm Alex Zavala, a father to two preemie girls, Mia who was born at 30 weeks and Emerson
who was born at 27 weeks.
Combined my wife Jen and I both spent over 100 days in the NICU.
After my last NICU experience, I started the NICU Dad.
I did this to try and fill the gap of information and support that was lacking for NICU dads.
Be sure and check out thenicudad.com and hopefully you will find it a useful resource.
In this podcast, we will cover many topics that NICU parents face, but from the NICU
dads perspective.
Topics such as premature birth, bereavement, PTSD, and many others.
These dads who you'll hear share their stories in hope of letting other NICU dads know they
are not alone.
In today's episode, we'll be speaking with Dan Miller.
Dan is a financial coach with Three Buckets Wealth Management based out of upstate New
York.
He is an avid reader, Mets fan, and a board member of the local Ronald McDonald House
Charities.
Most importantly, he's a husband to his wife, Lindsay, and the proud father of Benny, a
premature baby born on Christmas Day 2019.
Hey Dan, I just want to thank you for being on here and being brave enough to share your
story with us and your NICU experience.
We really appreciate it.
And if you don't mind, if you want to go ahead and get started and tell us about your NICU
experience and probably from that early pregnancy and how things were going for you.
Sure, Alex.
Yeah.
Thank you for having me.
I will like to start by thanking you for everything you're doing.
I do remember pretty early in our NICU experience being on Google looking for some resources
on NICU parenting or what to do.
And I did find your blog and your Instagram is really the only resource out there for
NICU dad.
So thank you for being here and happy to be a small part of the podcast today.
Appreciate it.
Yeah.
So we started at the beginning, our story.
My wife found out she was pregnant.
And at the same time, we found out in the ultrasound that there was something in her
uterus called a fibroid, which we became experts on.
Basically they are fibroid is a cyst.
And we were told this would be no big deal.
And that actually fibroids are very common.
We came to find out that a woman walking down the street might have five or six of these
fibroids.
They're usually the size of a pea and really cause no problems.
You wouldn't even know they were there.
But unfortunately, my wife's fibroid grew, which is a little uncommon.
So as we kept going to the doctors for our routine ultrasounds, they kept noticing that
the fibroid was getting larger and larger and larger.
Towards the end of her pregnancy, this cyst was the size of a grapefruit.
So our son was really fighting for some real estate and was out of room there in the uterus.
So through this process, we were transferred to a high risk team.
We had to move our care to a different hospital.
And we were being seen by the high risk surgeon who developed a plan that we were comfortable
with for the birth.
The plan was we were going to go in for ultrasounds every week as we got closer to her due date,
which was the end of February, because we wanted to make sure two things happened.
We wanted to make sure that the birth, the C-section, happened before he went into labor
because the fibroid, the cyst, was blocking the birth canal.
So if he attempted to a traditional birth, he would be stuck here.
And they were concerned about his breathing and his vitals.
You know, traditional labor was not an option here.
And the other concern was the location of the fibroid, which we learned if the fibroid
would happen to be cut by accident in the C-section, there would be a major blood loss
and a major concern for my wife's life.
So two major concerns.
So it was really important that we schedule the C-section a couple weeks out from the
due date.
The pregnancy was very tough.
This fibroid caused a lot of pain.
My wife was really in pain the second trimester.
We kind of joked she had a quote unquote easy first trimester.
There was no morning sickness or anything like that.
And we, I should say, I made light of that and said, oh, this pregnancy thing is a walk
in the park.
Unfortunately, things took a turn there and she had a very difficult and painful second
trimester.
She was hospitalized a few times.
We spent a week in the hospital with the fibroid pain.
So this continued.
And unfortunately, with this fibroid pain, obviously, when she's pregnant, there's not
a lot they can do.
They couldn't give her much pain medicine because she's pregnant, obviously.
And of course, they couldn't remove the fibroid or do much about it.
So the medical advice was, unfortunately, you just kind of have to deal with this pain
and get through it.
So one of the last kind of hospitalization and ultrasounds we had, they gave my wife
a premature birth test.
I guess there's a protein that they can test for and that came back negative.
So about a week prior to her inevitably giving birth, we were convinced that premature birth
was not happening and that this pain was 100% fibroid related pain and she was not in labor.
So that was the mindset that we had going into a Christmas Eve party.
So Christmas Eve, we go to my parents' house for Christmas gathering and my wife's in some
pain.
She's uncomfortable.
We now know this was labor.
But again, that was not on our radar and not what we thought was even possible.
My 97-year-old grandmother pulled my wife aside and told her that, she goes, oh, honey,
you look tired.
So that was her way of saying, something's not right here.
My poor wife is having a tough time.
So we go home and the pain gets worse and worse and worse.
And I've heard this on your podcast by a few other guests.
You start to realize something's not right and there's actually a problem here.
So fast forward a couple hours and my wife has had enough.
She really can't deal with this anymore.
We call the hospital and they tell us to come on in and they'll treat her for the pain.
They'll see what they can do for the pain.
They'll do something.
So we do not pack our bag that we have prepared because again, this is not labor.
Right?
Yeah.
You have the test.
Yeah.
We're convinced.
And we head out.
Now it's Christmas morning, maybe around 2 a.m.
We're the only car on the highway.
Nope, nothing behind us, nothing ahead of us.
We're to get off the highway.
We're the only car in the city streets.
And actually right before we get off the highway, my wife's water breaks, which was a very alarming,
scary thing.
And at that point, we didn't even know what that means.
Right?
So we run into the emergency room now fully panicked and are quickly brought up to the
labor and delivery floor where we're told we do not have any time to call the high risk
surgeon who of course is not there being it's Christmas morning, 3 o'clock in the morning
now.
We don't have time to do that ultrasound to check where the fibroid is.
We got to go right now.
We got to go now.
Right?
So really out of a movie, we're running beside the stretcher.
My wife's signing forms and it's a full sprint.
I'm throwing the scrubs on and we head into the emergency ultrasound emergency C section.
So I'm sitting by my wife's head.
There's the big curtain here blocking the view as they perform the emergency surgery.
And the two doctors there save my wife's life and give life to my son, which was absolutely
incredible.
Something before it comes to mind about a movie, right?
It's almost like this is happening to someone else.
You're kind of just watching all this happen.
There's not enough time to even process what's going on.
You're just kind of in it, right?
But my only experience, this is our first son, our first child.
My only experience with any direct childbirth of any kind is from a movie or TV shows, right?
And what happens in those scenarios is the wife smiles, the music changes, you hear the
baby crying and the baby is given to the mother.
Baby's laying on the mother's chest, right?
And everything's good.
And that didn't happen here.
The room was silent.
Our son was not breathing.
You could hear a pin drop.
We just kind of froze.
The NICU staff, however, was in the operating room.
I didn't know it at the time.
All of a sudden this whole crew of people had been behind me the whole time.
The NICU staff, they take our son and they very quickly leave the room.
They go to an adjoining room and the door closes behind them.
And if I kind of move my, shift my weight, if I move to the right, I can kind of get
a view of this door.
And the door has a glass vertical panel in it, a little window.
And through that window, I can see them looking down at my son.
I can see them breathing for him with the bag valve mask, forcing his lungs and getting
oxygen into him.
And what feels like maybe a half hour, you know, might have been a minute, but finally
we do hear him cry.
Prior to that, my wife was yelling, is he alive?
Is he alive?
And I was by her head saying, yes, yes, yes.
Of course with no knowledge if that was accurate.
So hearing him scream gave us both an unbelievable sense of relief.
I'm sure my wife didn't believe me or trust my answer.
We had no idea what was going on, right?
So in a wonderful sense of relief, we're told that our son is going to be transported upstairs
to the NICU and we would be able to see him in a couple of hours.
My wife still having some complications from this emergency C-section and the fibroid.
She is obviously admitted to the hospital and she spends a couple days as a patient
and she's in recovery room for the next couple of hours.
So I'm allowed to go in by myself first and meet my son.
And walking into that NICU, into that room, it's quite an experience, right?
Anyone listening to this kind of knows that overwhelming sense where you don't know anything.
You don't even know what you don't know.
You're just kind of taken back by the weight of the situation, by the machinery, the beeping,
the incubator.
It's a very tough visual, right?
The first time you walk in that room, it's really something.
I remember just being shocked at how small he was, right?
And how every inch of him is covered in this equipment that you don't even know what it's
doing, right?
Prior to this, I had no understanding what a premature baby was.
I think I ignorantly thought the baby is born small and the baby grows, right?
I had no concept of the development and the challenges and the incubator services that
these NICUs provide, right?
So that was our Christmas morning.
Walked out into the lobby now.
Maybe it was five or six or so in the morning by the time I went out there and both my parents
and my in-laws were there.
A few hours later, our brothers and sisters and our nieces arrived and our whole family
had a Christmas morning breakfast in the NICU's lobby where we would spend the next month.
Wow.
What a Christmas.
Yeah.
When that first morning, you spend some time with the doctors.
They went through an explanation to me, of course, of all these moving parts and what
each machine was doing and the oxygen and they kind of explain that EKG to you.
I remember asking every nurse or doctor who would come in, I remember asking, is he going
to be okay?
Is he going to be okay?
And Alex, you may know they don't answer that question.
Maybe one they don't know or they can't tell you or maybe secondly, what does okay even
mean, right?
They can't answer that question.
So I started asking, what should I be asking was my question because I realized you have
no idea of this process.
I don't even know where to begin.
So I started asking, what should I be asking you right now?
And I learned that was a good way simply to get them talking.
That answer seemed to be more timeline-based, which I really needed.
They would explain to me, okay, next we're going to do a brain scan.
After that, we're going to do this.
Or after that, we're going to increase the feeds.
After that, we're going to decrease the breathing.
Okay.
So what should I be asking?
And then I would follow that up with what else?
What else?
What else should I be asking?
What else do we need to know?
And I would keep asking that until they stopped talking, right?
But that was my way of getting the information out of them because that was the first couple
days you just didn't even know where to begin.
I didn't even know what to do.
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
I mean, it's almost, you could almost describe it as someone taking you and dropping you
in the middle of a country whose language you don't speak and you're just dropped in
there and you have to fend for yourself and understand it and pick it up as fast as you
can and get going for the sake of yourself and your family and your baby.
And it's kind of crazy too how fast we pick it up and understanding what things are.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, and to use your analogy, which I'll point out, there are interpreters.
There are people that can help you.
You just have to ask them, right?
Which that was another hurdle for me to get around.
I remember the first couple days I was turning my family down when they were asking to bring
dinner or to go do our laundry.
I was saying, no, no, no, we don't need anything.
No, no, we're okay.
We're okay.
Once they kind of settled that, oh, no, we're not going home tomorrow.
Right?
We're here for an extended period of time.
I started having to accept the fact that I'm going to have to take some help here.
Right?
So as a father, this is your first experience.
You think you're supposed to do it all.
You think you're supposed to take care of everything.
You learn real quickly.
You can't.
And probably unhealthy to even try.
Right?
So you need the help and as a man, obviously, I think that's hard to accept in some cases.
But the help is there.
There are resources and people.
Maybe it's your family.
Maybe it's your friends.
Maybe it's the services provided by the hospital.
Right?
But there are resources there to help us if we ask and speak up and then say yes and accept
them.
Absolutely.
I think you, I mean, that could be, and I mean, I'm just sitting here hearing everything
that I would like literally almost we have almost the same experiences on certain things.
Even with us having the test, they came back negative that we were good for two weeks.
But just yeah, what is that test?
Come on.
I think it's called an FFN test.
I forget all the time.
But I think for us as dads and being, you know, here you're going through the pregnancy
and you're waiting for that birth of your baby and then to be thrust into this nightmare
of a situation and then to, it's so hard, you know, to ask for help or even accept the
fact that you might need help, especially early on.
And I think you're absolutely right.
But you know, as advice, I think the earlier that you can understand that you need help
and that you're not going to get through this by yourself, the better.
You know, I know for me, I was stubborn and it took me a long time.
And you know, all that stuff weighs on you after a while as you know.
So you guys had baby was delivered, wife is recovering, baby's in the NICU.
What was that first week like for you?
Like what were you doing?
What were you thinking?
And how soon before you knew that your wife was going to be okay?
Because I mean, that stuff was pretty serious for her, right?
Yeah.
We knew very quickly that she was going to be okay.
There was another trip she did to the took to the ER, maybe the second week, she had
an infection and some complications, but they were minor.
So the life threat life and death situation with her was simply if something happened
in the surgery.
So she was going to be okay and she was fine.
There was a couple days obviously of recovery where she was, you know, on medication from
the procedure so unavailable at certain times.
But our focus, our focus was primarily on our son from the first minute, right?
So thankfully she was available and okay and both of our primary focuses was our son.
The first week though was a lot, right?
It's a lot of transition.
And on day four, my wife was discharged as a patient.
So day four, we realized, okay, we can't stay here in the hospital anymore, right?
She was sleeping in her room as a patient and I was sleeping in the NICU on that uncomfortable
couch.
So day four is when talk about taking help.
Day four is when we moved her into the Ronald McDonald House, which was right down the street
and provided an unbelievable service for us.
She was able to breast pump and keep the breast milk in the freezer at the house and shower
and sleep and maybe get a hot meal a couple times a day and be at the hospital late at
night and early in the morning because we didn't have to commute or travel.
We had the Ronald McDonald House right there.
And I'll point out on taking help early in our, one of the first conversations my wife
and I had early in our NICU stay when she had to go upstairs to her patient room, she
told me, do not leave him.
So we agreed that I would spend every night in the NICU and she would spend most of the
days in the NICU and we have this kind of system worked out in weeks two, three, four.
So I didn't leave the NICU, you know, other than maybe some trips and some errands during
the day, but we were with him for the entire 30 days.
So looking back on it now, I think that might have been a mistake.
There are signs all over the NICU telling you to go home, to rest.
There's a sign in our room that said, this is not a hotel, do not sleep here.
And I did for 30 days, I didn't leave.
And you get some weird looks from the nurses like, what are you doing here?
Right?
And I put sleep in quotation marks because, you know, as you know, every two hours the
nurses are coming in for feedings and different things they have going on.
So looking back on it probably would have been healthier to leave and get some rest
and unwind a little bit.
But we and I chose not to do that.
In the moment it was more important to me to be there because we had the means to.
We could.
I realized it was possible that I stay here this entire time.
Again, this was our first child.
We didn't have another child at home.
We didn't have a dog at home.
I could take the time off of work, which was a wonderful blessing, right?
So because I was able to, I felt like I needed to and had to.
And looking back on it now, I didn't need to.
So I would suggest any father in the NICU right now to not feel guilty if you got to
go for a run and leave and go have a burger and leave and sleep at home and come back.
You need that time away.
Nothing wrong with that.
So you guys did a month in the NICU and were there any complications or anything like that
during that month with either your wife or the baby?
No, other than, again, my wife had a little infection the second week and a fever.
So she was back in the emergency room for a day.
Our son thankfully had a minor little setback when they decreased his oxygen.
The vitals didn't jive well and they had to increase the oxygen, a couple of minor things
like that.
But very thankfully, the brain scans were positive.
He did a great job gaining weight.
So he went from three pounds to five pounds, a little over five pounds, and we were discharged.
So over the course of the 30 days, the staff, my wife and my son did a great job of increasing
the feedings, decreasing the medical support, right?
And it all kind of worked out smoothly for us to be discharged 30 days later.
We went home at the end of January.
So let me ask you something.
And I see now that you've seen where maybe not sleeping in the NICU for that entire time
might have been not the best decision.
What was that like coming home?
How tired were you once you got home?
And also too, what was that feeling like leaving the NICU and knowing you're taking this baby
home and there's not a NICU staff there?
Yeah.
Well, I'll point out this weekend is Mother's Day.
So I can't say I'm the only person that was tired.
My wife also didn't sleep for those 30 days, right?
So yeah, we took that drive home from the NICU.
We drove home very slowly.
Probably the slowest we've ever driven, right?
My wife sat in the back seat and we double checked that car seat 10 times before we headed
out of there.
Certainly was scary, right?
We were confident and comfortable, but the NICU staff did do a great job of in the last,
only the last week that we were there, they increased our responsibility, right?
So we were holding him more for the feeds.
We were doing all of the changing of the diapers, right?
Not that it was training or any great example of what life will actually be like, but we
did feel comfortable that we could do this, right?
But yeah, going home, starting day one after not sleeping for a month, not the easiest
thing in the world, but we figured it out, right?
And that's kind of my other takeaway is you adapt, you figure it out.
If we could get through a month in the NICU, we could get through a month at home is certainly
easier, right?
Certainly less stressful, right?
So I leaned on my wife, she leaned on me.
We both kind of watched our son and he taught us a lot, right?
And I hope obviously that we helped him get out of there.
So we really walked out of there feeling confident and comfortable and like we just really accomplished
something, right?
Getting out of that place is a huge accomplishment.
You did it.
You made it out.
Absolutely.
And so you celebrate the victory.
What was it like being at home coming down?
You guys were getting out in January.
Of course, there's some things that we have to be careful with, especially with the new
NICU baby coming home.
What was that like for you guys that first year or so?
Yeah, so it was a little interesting in that obviously COVID was a factor here, right?
So everyone is affected by COVID.
I know we're not unique to that situation.
But yes, we came home end of January.
We were more or less in quarantine because it was flu season and the NICU staff told
us not to do anything and not to go anywhere for the month of February and March.
And then the whole world caught up to us and started doing this quarantine thing, right?
So it was back to back.
Obviously the two-week quarantine here in New York turned into quite a bit longer than
that.
So that was wild, right?
Our parents, that was our support system.
All of a sudden they weren't around for a while as we were locked down with COVID.
And that was a scary situation.
It was almost like what else can happen to us, right?
We just got out of here.
We were finally looking forward to being able to show our son off and have him meet our
family.
And then the wool was pulled out from underneath us a little bit.
But again, another example, we got through it.
Now things here locally are pretty much opened back up and our son is almost a year and a
half now and happy and healthy.
And so are we.
So another accomplishment that we're very happy about.
That's great.
Absolutely.
So what has life been like for you guys?
Obviously, you understand everything that you've gone through and all that you've accomplished
with your son, with Benny, right?
Benjamin?
Yep.
And so you and Lindsay, what's it been like for you guys, let's say life after the NICU?
Yeah.
So I will point out that it's a challenge, right?
I mean, when you have this traumatic stress happen to you, I've kind of realized maybe
even in the last couple of weeks is well, Alex, just because I had a premature child
in no way means I know what your experience was like.
You and I, although maybe they're similar, we had very different experiences and we're
going to walk out of those experiences being different, right?
I don't know what it was like for you.
I know what it was like for me, right?
And what I realized is my wife had a different experience.
So even within our marriage, we walked out of the NICU having different experiences.
She felt very differently, obviously, through the pregnancy and the connection with her
son and I had a completely different experience.
So the stressors are different.
What each other needs is different, right?
The support that I need is different than the support that she needs.
And what we had to work on and realize is how can we give that to each other?
How can we support each other respecting what the person had just been through?
So a little bit of an adjustment period as we kind of figured out, you know, we transitioned,
right?
We became we went from husband and wife to a mom and dad, right?
So we have a different relationship now and we had an experience that was very unique
for each other that we had to adjust and be able to give our partner what they need to
get by to get through it.
Yeah, that's super important.
You that's I can't that's that's really important, man.
I know it's hard and I see it in NICU parents in the relationships, you know, whether it's
on the mom side or the dad side, you know, we all deal with trauma in a different way
and some of us completely different.
And so it's very hard for us, especially when you're going through it, to understand what
your partner might be going through also.
And sometimes you see relationships get stronger from a NICU stay.
Sometimes you see that, you know, things get worse.
But it's it's really hard and it's so important if you can just understand that for each other
that, you know, we all handle it differently.
And you know, yeah, it's I'm so glad you said that because it's it's something that well,
even on on this end, you know, for us being NICU dads that we don't talk about, you know.
Yeah.
I think and that's probably 80 percent of it is is talking about how you actually feel
or even knowing what you actually feel.
Right.
So personal experience, I was shoving everything down, everything, everything's fine, everything's
fine, everything's fine.
He's OK.
Everything's fine.
Right.
But maybe maybe I am worried.
Maybe I am concerned.
Maybe I actually need this and this.
And therefore, I need to work a little bit on giving her what she needs.
Right.
And being open and honest and vulnerable and having conversations.
Not not doesn't come easy to dads or men in general.
Right.
So if you can, that's that's very important as well, for sure.
Yeah.
Super important.
So, you know, a lot of times we go through the NICU stay.
We have life after the NICU.
And for for some, there's you're so grateful, I guess, for all the help that you did get.
And you see there's a want sometimes to give back and help others and and do some volunteer
stuff and things like that, especially around the NICU.
You guys are involved in some stuff.
What can you tell us about that?
Yeah.
I just recently became a board member of our local Ronald McDonald House.
The Ronald McDonald House was really wonderful for our family.
So we have a few different projects working on.
We have we were cooking meals for the house and for the guests there, which obviously
became a problem with covid.
So we're really back to the drawing board now as things are opening up and trying to
figure out how best can we help in a post covid world.
A lot of things still aren't possible here.
But yeah, being volunteers and advocates for the Ronald McDonald House is going to be a
big focus of us in in 2021 and in the future.
Yeah, that's that's amazing.
So I've our family, my family also is an ambassador family for the Ronald McDonald House.
And can you describe what your experience might have been without the Ronald McDonald
House?
Yeah, certainly a lot different.
So we live about an hour away from the hospital.
So without my wife being a minute away from the hospital, you know, would have added an
hour at the beginning and end to each day would have been a problem for transporting
the breast milk.
It would have made every single thing harder.
I also think without the Ronald McDonald House, my wife would have left the hospital at five
or six p.m. instead of 10 p.m.
Right.
And she would have got to the hospital at 11 a.m. instead of 8 a.m.
And it was really important to us that we be next to the incubator and with him as much
as possible.
I think that the amount of time that we spent in the NICU is why he was discharged at 30
days and not 60 days.
I don't know if that's medically true, but that's how I feel.
So without the Ronald McDonald House, we're there half the amount of time that we were.
So the Ronald McDonald House gave us the opportunity.
It made it possible for us to do what we felt like we had to do.
So it made us our job of being parents.
The Ronald McDonald House made it possible.
I'll also add we have and we're lucky to have an amazing family.
We had our sisters cooking us lunch and dinner and doing our laundry and helping.
There was many guests at the Ronald McDonald House that did not have that because they
were from out of town or certainly didn't have the support there.
And the volunteers of the Ronald McDonald House and the donations stepped up and filled
that void.
So the Ronald McDonald House provides a great service for everyone and makes the situation
10 times, 100 times better.
Absolutely.
I totally agree with you 100%.
I don't think people...
It's almost unimaginable unless you go through it.
I mean, and even then, it's...
I don't even think you can put it really into words on the credit of what they do and how
important it is for us NICU parents or kids that are having surgeries and stuff in the
hospital.
Yeah.
And there's volunteers there around the clock, 24-7.
There's volunteers, which again, a year ago, a year and a half ago, I didn't know it existed.
I've been to McDonald's my fair share of times and I used to never throw the change in the
Ronald McDonald House jar.
I will admit, I didn't do it.
It wasn't on my radar.
And now I go to McDonald's too much and I do put the change in the jar.
Absolutely.
We owe them quite a bit.
Yeah.
It's a completely different feeling now when you go and you almost feel a little connection
anytime you step into a McDonald's, you're like, this is part of us.
This is...
Right.
I wish it was a salad bar, but it's McDonald's.
So you got to do what you got to do.
Yeah, exactly.
So through this NICU experience and everything like that, that you saw and experienced, what
advice would you offer current NICU dads or even past NICU dads, that guy that's in there
for the first day and also the guy that's been in there and is out now, what kind of
advice would you give them?
Yeah.
So there's the Ronald McDonald House family room in our NICU or there's a lobby or most
hospitals I'm aware have some space for the family.
My advice would be to talk to the other fathers, the other mothers, the other family members
that are there.
I remember the second or third day when we were in the hospital, my wife and I were hugged
by another mother who we came to found out later was dealing with a situation a lot more
challenging than ours.
And she was hugging us and making us feel better.
The parents rally and support each other.
So my advice would be to open up and you will be helped by talking to the other parents,
right?
That team atmosphere, they are there, the parents need each other and can help each
other.
My second piece of advice would be again, ask the doctors what should I be asking?
You don't know what you don't know.
What should I be asking?
And then again, to bring it around, my last piece of advice would be go for a walk and
leave.
Give yourself the time.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's one of the things we were talking about before is that self-care.
And it really sounds like what you shouldn't be doing.
And I didn't do it.
I should have.
Yeah, I didn't either.
And let me ask you this.
So do you see anything that you carry around now from this experience that you notice or
you see and you're like, you know what, that's a NICU or that's something?
Yeah, so a little bit, and this speaks to the COVID in general, I have a desire for
there not to be any problems, right?
I feel like we just got through a nightmare that I very much want to be over.
So I think I'm not as patient as I should be with the challenge that life does throw
at you, right?
So I'm quick to go back to that high stress anxiety level of, well, we got a problem here.
I got to fix it.
Right?
I shared with my wife a couple months ago, the microwave beeped and my heart rate jumped
and I heard the NICU machine beeps, right?
Just the microwave going off put me back there for a second, right?
So again, whether you like to admit it or not, I think you walk out of that place a
little different and taking the support from your wife or partner or family that are there
to help you can help you immensely if you are open to it.
Absolutely.
That's awesome.
Great advice.
And you know, if the guy that slept in the NICU for 30 days tells you to get out and
take a walk, you should get out and take a walk.
Maybe not a long walk, but a little bit, a little bit.
Yeah.
You definitely got to take some time for yourself, especially once we get home.
You know, a lot of that stress is on us.
So a lot of guys don't realize that.
They just look at getting out of the NICU, but it's almost like you need to train for
that time when you come home because it's not over once you get home.
Yeah, the NICU is the preseason.
You get home and that's when the actual dad work starts, right?
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
If everybody would just focus on it like that, that would man, yeah, you want to definitely
be stronger once you get home.
And I think we all do the exact opposite.
For me, I've sleep deprived and we did 67 days in the NICU and it was rough.
And knowing that and, you know, hearing this from guys that have been in it, take our advice
guys, you know, if you're new NICU dad, take care of yourself.
You know, your wife's going to need you, your baby's going to need you.
And you want to make sure that you're ready for that season of coming home because it's
a lot of work.
Absolutely.
A lot of work.
Well, Dan, I appreciate you sharing today and sharing your guys story.
I'm so glad to hear that Benny's doing great and that you guys are have, you know, really
bouncing back from being in the NICU and look forward to all the things that you guys are
doing.
So glad you're working with Ronald McDonald House and, you know, such a great organization.
But I can't thank you enough.
Thank you, Alex.
No, thank you.
And again, I'll say it again.
I found your content when I was in the NICU and you were the only voice for the NICU dad
that I could find.
So thank you for putting that all out there.
And for this platform, you're doing a great job.
Thank you.
We appreciate it.
Thank you for listening and thank you for your support.
Once again, please take a look at the NICUdad.com.
We continue to grow the list of resources we are bringing NICU dads to my fellow NICU
dads.
Good luck.
And remember, you are not alone.