Welcome to the NICU Dad podcast, a podcast for NICU
Dads by NICU Dads. I'm Alex Zavala, a father to two preemie
girls, Mia who was born at 30 weeks, and Emerson who was born
at 27 weeks. Combined my wife Jenn and I both spent over 100
days in the NICU. After my last NICU experience, I started The
NICU Dad. I did this to try and fill the gap in information
and support that was lacking for NICU Dads. Be sure and check
out thenicudadad.com and hopefully, you will find it a
useful resource. In this podcast, we will cover many
topics that NICU parents face but from the NICU Dad's
perspective. Topics such as premature birth, bereavement,
PTSD, and many others. These dads who you'll hear share their
stories in hope of letting other NICU dads know they are not
alone.
Welcome to Episode One of The NICU Dad podcast. In this
episode, I'm interviewed by Hand to Hold's very own Kelli Kelley.
This was also our very first episode for the NICU Dad
Discussions podcast we did. In this episode, I share my NICU
story. I hope you enjoy it.
I am so excited, Alex, to have you on our first podcast
specifically for dads and just so excited to talk to you today
and hear your NICU story.
Thanks for having me. I'm very excited about all of this and
just hopefully excited to see what we can do for NICU
families but also mainly NICU dads.
Well, those dads are often overlooked, you know, and I want
to share with our audience. If you don't know Alex, Alex is
THE NICU Dad. And as we mentioned in his introduction
has a wonderful blog for dads and is very active in the
NICU community and his daughter's hospital but in our
community and does a lot of work does a lot of good for our
NICU graduate families. But you're not a small little guy,
are you Alex? You're a big guy, got a full beard. I mean, you
are a handsome man and you know, one that you wouldn't think
would shed a tear you just are a tough tough looking guy with
some tattoos going. But as we've discussed, as we've gotten to
know each other, we've done all that falls away when you have a
traumatic birth and a baby in the NICU and dads are very
vulnerable. But we don't always talk about it. We just you know,
we kind of, the dad takes on the tough guy role in the NICU
because he's got to take care of himself and his wife and the
baby and there's just a lot going on. But I'm so glad that
you're going to offer this space for dad discussions, real NICU
dad discussions about what it's really like in the NICU
and to start, I just really want you to start from the beginning,
tell us how did you become a NICU dad? What do you remember
about that day?
Well, for us, and once again, I mean, thank you guys so much for
doing this and just everything you do for the NICU
community. So for us, both of both of our daughters are born
premature. Our oldest, my stepdaughter was born at 30
weeks, and she weighed three pounds, six ounces. And our
youngest was born at 27 weeks. And she weighed two pounds, five
ounces. With her, that was my NICU journey. And that's
really where I became a NICU dad was with our youngest. So
with this pregnancy, pregnancy being high-risk, as soon as we
found out we were pregnant, and we were seeing a bunch of doctors.
We always joke now about how we had more pictures of our baby
before she was even born than after, just because we're getting
so many sonogram pictures and ultrasounds and stuff like that.
Just constantly checking up and making sure that she wasn't born
early. And we did shots, which was quite an ordeal if anybody's
ever had to do that. I was having to administer shots to my
wife, I think weekly. And that was a complete, it was a giant
nightmare within itself just doing that, and all the
difficulties that come with that. But everything was going
okay with the pregnancy. Everything was fine. And about
at 27 weeks, we just went into 27 weeks, they administered a
test that they do at 27 weeks, they do this test and it tests
the proteins in the mother. And pretty much if the test comes
back positive, you're likely to deliver within the next two
weeks. And we took our test and it came back negative. It was on
a Thursday. Never forget this. It was on a Thursday test came
back negative. And the doctor said, Hey, you know what you guys got a
two-week window, go and travel, you know, do whatever you you
need to do to, you know, to take care of, because after this next,
you know, after this two-week period, you know, things
are going to be touchy or, you know, we're gonna have to be
more sensitive to everything. And that was a Thursday. So that
Monday morning was the first day of summer for our oldest, we had
planned on spending our first day of summer swimming and
everything, I was going to go to work for a little while. And my
wife went to work that morning, we had gone the day before to
one of the stores to register for our baby shower, you know,
something you do about that time, going into 27 weeks, it
was something we were going to plan for. So the day before that
evening, we had spent shopping around looking at things and
registering for our baby shower that we were planning on having,
you know, a few weeks down the line. But that next morning,
that Monday morning, my wife went to work, and I dropped off our
oldest at my mom's house, at her grandmother's house. And I went
to work also just for a little while, I was just going to go
for an hour or two and then come back and we're going to spend our
first day of summer together. So around 9 am, I'm at work,
probably about 45 minutes from where we live. And around 9 am, I
get a call, I get a phone call. And it's my wife. And I can't
understand anything she's saying. She's just crying and
crying and crying. And she finally, I can finally understand
that she's telling me that her water broke. So we're just kind
of in shock. You know, she's 27 weeks pregnant. I'm thinking
the worst. She says her water broke, she doesn't know what to
do. She's at work, they're calling an ambulance. And the
phone goes dead. And her boss calls me back and her boss is a
friend of the family. And she tells me that her water broke,
they're calling an ambulance and they're taking her to the
hospital. And that's all they tell me really. So I'm sitting
there with this news. And like I said, I'm thinking the worst.
27 weeks, I never had before that I didn't. The survival rate
that I thought for 27 weeks was zero. Pretty much when she told
me her water broke, I thought we lost our baby. And so I jumped
in my truck. And that 45 minute ride to the hospital was made in
about 10 minutes. I'm sure other NICU dads have made that car
ride. And it's like nothing else. There's a lot of promises.
It's still so painful to talk about, you know? Yeah. Well,
yeah.
After all this time, you can just hear the pain in your voice
and it's like you're back there, right? You're just back there.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Making that drive. It plays like a movie in your head.
Yeah, every time. Every time. It's been five years and I'm
never going to forget that car ride. There were so many
promises. There were so many. I swear I'm never going to do this
again. I swear I'm going to start doing this and just please,
please, please. And just begging and pleading, you know, with
whether you believe in God or a higher power or anything. I mean,
you're just holding on to hope on that ride. And, you know, it
plays like a movie now. It played like a movie then. It was
kind of an out of body experience. I mean, everything
was just so surreal. Just like in the movies, you know, it was
the truck pulling in to a screeching halt in a parking lot
and a dad running into a hospital and starting, you know,
just like in the movies. I ran in there and I'm like, where's
the maternity ward? My wife, they brought my wife in in an
ambulance and she's having a baby and where do I go? Where do
I go? And, you know, somebody pointing to me down this hall
and running in there and the movie didn't stop. The movie
didn't stop. I ran into the room and I opened that door and it
was just another scene from a movie. It was my wife on a bed
surrounded by a team of doctors and there's her boss and every,
you know, she has this look of fright. She was so scared and
she's crying and, you know, her boss is crying and I'm walking
in and we don't know anything. We don't know anything other
than the baby, you know, we're just trying to save the baby's
life and the doctors were trying to slow down everything to make
sure she didn't go into labor. And we just kind of look at each
other and we're crying and holding hands and, you know, and
I'm telling her I'm sorry.
And why were you apologizing? Do you remember? Like what were
you? Yeah, I was just, you know, like nothing had changed for me
as far as still thinking that we were, our baby was done, you
know, and I was just telling her I'm sorry for all this
happening. And, you know, I don't know if it's the months
before where you're trying, you know, being a high risk
pregnancy, you know, and all the stuff you go through, you know,
to have it, to have everything happen like that. You know, I
don't know if it makes it worse because you were so careful.
You were so, you know, you were already stressed. And then, you
know, to see it happen like that, I don't know if it was just,
you know, I imagine it's probably still the same, but it
was still so hard. And we went and just like everything else,
like I said, you know, I know we're just another story in this
book of NICU families that goes through the same thing. Before
we could even real or even, you know, grasp what was happening,
we find out that the baby's breech and they're going to have
to do an emergency C-section. And, you know, I'm trying to get
information from the doctors and, you know, I'm trying to tell
them, you know, like what do you mean, what's going on? And just
as quickly as, you know, here we are, baby's coming and we're
taking the mom out. And, you know, so this is all happening
only in a matter of minutes. And they whisk her out and they tell
me, you know, they take me back to go and get scrubbed up for
surgery. And I barely have enough time to shoot a couple of text
messages to, you know, my parents, you know, her sister, just
to let other people know kind of what's going on because nobody
knows what's going on. And they take me back. I get scrubbed in,
get my, you know, everything ready for surgery. And there's a
lot of alone time for a NICU dad, or at least there was for me.
And so you're, it's a very, very lonely, scary place. And it's
humbling, it's everything. You know, the emotions, I mean, I guess
that's why it's still hard to talk about today. Just because of
the different scenarios and situations that you're dealing
with are things that you wouldn't want to wish on your worst enemy.
You know, when they take her into surgery, you're not worried for
both. And of course, that's not going to change. That's going to
be your next, you know, the rest of your NICU experience is going
to be you worrying about more than one person. I had a moment
where the doctor was walking by and, you know, he got me ready.
And before he left, you know, I'm asking him, pleading with him
to just take care of my wife and my baby, just, you know, just to
make sure that they both survive, because that's what you're going
into. You don't know what's going to happen. You know, you don't
know if you're going to lose one or both or, you know, or how this
is actually going to end. And we get into the operating room and
they do the C-section and that, we have that experience and, you
know, I'm sure like everybody else, they, I'll never forget
them taking my daughter out and saying, you know, oh, it's a girl
and not hearing anything. Dead silence. And that silence seemed
to last forever. And it was just, it almost was so long where it
confirmed my suspicion, you know, or confirmed my thoughts just
because they, you know, they tell you, oh, it's a girl and they
take her and just silence. There's no baby crying. And it seemed
like that little, however many minutes was a lifetime. And then,
thank God, I hear her cry. And I know, I hear a lot of other dads
talk about that, about how long that really seems before you hear
that cry. Sometimes when they take a baby out in the C-section.
And from there, it was a team of doctors working on my daughter
and seeing how little she was and what she looked like. It just,
it seemed unreal. And then my focus went back on my wife.
Unreal that she could live. Just, she didn't.
Yeah. Yeah. And there was still, there was still, you know, with
her being so small and, you know, the whole experience, it was
just, she can't be okay. You know, you're just hoping and praying
that, you know, let everything be okay. But just let her make it.
And you see her and she's so fragile and just so tiny. But then,
you know, there's a team of doctors around her and working on her.
And then my focus goes to my wife and she was losing a lot of blood.
She was really, you know, kind of going in and out of it.
And so, I mean, that was my concern next was, you know, is she going
to be okay? You know, it was just, it's supposed to be one of the
most happiest points of your life, the birth of your child.
And I don't want to say it was a nightmare, but it's the two mixed together.
Right. You know, it's a nightmare that you're in, but at the same
time, if everything comes out okay, it's one of the greatest days of
your life. So they got Jen, my wife, taken care of and she started
doing better. And they took our daughter, Emerson, back into the NICU
and they took Jen to recovery. And so they asked me to go if I wanted to
see my daughter in the NICU. And I said, absolutely. They had already
taken Jen to recovery. So I go back there and I see her. And as crazy
as it sounds, I knew immediately she was going to be okay.
You could just, she was such a fighter. And you could just see it.
You could tell. I could tell. And I took a picture of our hands touching.
And that tiny little hand grabbing my finger, her hand was about as big
as the tip of my finger and about as big as the nail on your thumb.
And, but I just knew immediately she was going to be okay. Just, she had
so much fight. And I'm in here taking pictures of her and talking to her
and just trying to spend that time with my baby. But then, you know,
then the guilt, not a lot of NICU dads have, starts coming in. My wife
hasn't even seen our daughter. She doesn't know what she looks like.
She doesn't know anything about her. And, you know, the dorm is a baby's
born and handed to the mom. You know, that's what you see. That's what's
supposed to happen. And that doesn't happen for NICU moms a lot of times.
So I tried to take a bunch of pictures and then I left her, as hard as that
was, to go see my wife. And, you know, I'm kind of showing her pictures
and she's still trying to come back to normal, you know, after surgery.
And that, you know, that's the NICU shuffle for dads. You know, that started
for me of who do I need to be with, where do I need to be, and what do I do?
I mean, it's so hard to describe all the emotions and feelings that happen
at this one time. Because you're responsible for everybody. You're fine,
even though inside you were freaking out and breaking and trying everything
you can to hold it together. Because you're also talking to doctors.
You know, you're trying to be at two places that weren't and trying to take
care of 100 things all at the same time. And so they told me, because Emerson
was so small, the NICU there couldn't handle her. So she had to be
transported to another hospital.
Oh, that's so scary. I know so many of our families are in that situation,
unfortunately. And then it often means the babies are separated from their
moms, right?
Yeah, exactly.
So this NICU shuffle you just talked about becomes, I don't even know the
right word. It's more than shuffle.
Yeah, it's definitely, and it's so common, especially for those reasons.
We went and they transported her to Dell Children's Hospital in Austin,
which once again was probably about 30, 45 minutes away from where we lived.
And they asked me if I wanted to follow the ambulance to the hospital.
And I couldn't believe it as I was saying it, but when they asked, I said
maybe. And everything in me was telling me to say yes. But on the other end,
I had my wife in the hospital. And let us not forget, our oldest is still
at grandma's house. And I'm barely able to kind of text people to give updates.
So I'm trying to figure out what's going on. And just to give you a timeframe
on how fast all this happened, that phone call came at 9 a.m. in the morning
that Monday. The baby was born around noon. So everything happened just in a
matter of three hours or so. And so they took her, and I mean, this is another
thing about moms and what they deal with. They were taking, they were
transporting our daughter in an oscillet that was ready for transport,
which basically is like an incubator that's completely covered. You can't even
see the baby in there, just barely. And they were wheeling her out. They stopped
her. They stopped right by my wife and I. And we took a picture. And that
picture, I know we don't think about it a lot, but it's so haunting just of the
NICU experience in the beginning. And what we go through, that was our baby
picture. Like that was our first family photo. And that was the only glimpse
that my wife had of our daughter. And it's just, it's so wrong, you know,
and unfair for it to be that way for NICU families and moms and dads. You know,
you're robbed us so much. But they took her and took her to the hospital. I made
sure that everything was set up for my wife and what she needed. And I left
there, went home. The whole time afterwards, I was like, I need a shower.
You know, I need to, you know, figure out what makes her my daughter. Are our
other daughters okay? And she has dinner. And that started the bigger NICU
journey and the bigger NICU shuffle of dads that have a wife in one hospital, a
baby in one. And then you still have siblings and pets and work and
everything else in another area. And it's always where are you going to go? Who
needs you the most? And what do you do? And I remember I left the hospital. My
wife's sister had come in and, you know, that helped us huge. You know, that was
just so huge for us. Because she got to stay with her while she healed in the
hospital. And I ran home, packed up our dog and some clothes for my daughter,
went to my parents' house, visited with her for maybe an hour or so, made sure
she was taken care of. And then I drove to the hospital. And I spent the night
there. And that, you know, just kind of had that whole experience, which was
something I'll never forget also. I mean, walking in and seeing your baby in the
NICU with all the tubes and wires and everything all over them, it was, I
don't know, it's indescribable. The picture I get in my head, I am a big guy.
I'm probably about 6 foot, weigh about 300 pounds. And the nurse that was in
there the first time that I saw our daughter, she's now a friend of our family
and everything. She's part of our family, which most of your NICU staff becomes.
But she's a very small person. She's probably about 5 foot or so. And I'll
never forget this. We joke about it now. But the first time that I walked in and
she pulled the cover back, I lost it. You know, just seeing how frail and how
small and just that whole image of her with all the wires and just, you know,
not looking like a normal baby that you see that's delivered. It was just, I
don't want to use the word horrific, but sometimes it is. You know, and your baby
doesn't look like a normal baby. And it's just, it's so scary. So scary.
And I think you're trying to be brave, right? I think for moms, I don't want to
be sexist in any way, but I think for women and showing our emotions and breaking
down in sobs, but I think for dads, they feel, I don't know, a little more reserved
that they can't show. Oh, absolutely. There's a machismo there that we're not
supposed to cry. And I tell everybody this. I never cried before this. Before our
daughter was born, I was not a crier. You know, and that's how I was brought up.
But from that day forward, I mean, especially when I talk about this, and that's
why you get what you get, but you know, seeing her that way, and I don't know if
it was the total of all the day's events or so, but I just couldn't compose
myself anymore, and I just lost it. And like I said, here I am, this big guy with
this tiny woman just rubbing my back telling me it's going to be okay.
Thank God for those nurses. You know, they've seen a lot of dads before you, and
they understand. They really do understand. So walk me through. So now, how long
did Jen have to stay in the other hospital before she was discharged?
Well, you know, hats off to my wife. She's a very determined woman. They almost
let her out and discharged her the next day, almost. But she, I mean, physically,
she just couldn't do it. She ended up staying in the hospital, I think, for two
nights, and then was released. But she couldn't walk. You know, she was still
healing, but there's no keeping, you know, a mom away from her baby. So luckily
and thankfully at the hospital that we're at, they had, in the NICU, they had
these sleep rooms, and we were fortunate enough to get them pretty much every
night for almost a week. And that was just an adventure within itself. We would
go and we would spend the night there and sleep there, which was great because I
was wheeling her around in a wheelchair. And she would pump in there, and it was
just such a great experience. But we would also have to pack up our stuff and
see if we were going to get it the next night. But fortunately, like I said, we
were able to have that for a whole week. And that week, my wife was able to heal.
And she got to the point where she could walk around and everything. But, you
know, and we had our baby just right down the hall, which was huge for us. Our
NICU stay with Emerson was for 67 days. And we ran into a bunch of some of the
same issues that other NICU families do, maternity leave, how are you going to
manage that. You know, you don't know how long your NICU stay is going to be, but
sometimes you have an idea, especially with the preening. You know you're not
getting out, you know, in four weeks or so until that baby gets older and bigger.
And so those are some of the things that we had to deal with. We were very set on
trying to be as involved as we could be. And so it was very important for us to
be there for the doctors, for our daughter, as much as we could in the NICU,
for rounds and things like that. We were just, we were trying to soak up as much
information as we could. You know, that's some advice that I offer to anybody in
the NICU experience, you know, as much as you can try, you know, to be involved.
We think it was something that really helped our daughter and helped her thrive.
But I'm a small business owner here in Austin, Texas. And so I was fortunate
enough to be able to change my schedule a little bit. And even my wife at work,
they kind of changed her schedule also. But you know, she was pumping and doing
things like that. So it was a shuffle. And it was a huge shuffle. And so if she was
at work, I was there first thing in the morning. I'd drop, you know, I'd go check
on her daughter or drop her off at my parents' house or what have you. And then
I would go straight to the hospital. And my wife would usually go to work and then
she would come, you know, like around 2 in the afternoon. And when she did,
I would go to work. And afterwards when I was done, I'd come back and meet her
and we'd be there in the NICU for the rest of the afternoon and the evening.
Then have the grueling task of trying to leave the NICU, you know, every night.
But that was pretty much life for us, was doing that shuffle and trying to still
take care of everything at home also.
Well, talk to me a little bit about your feelings during that time. I think, you
know, you've gotten your footing there in the NICU. And I assume knowing you,
you were taking care of Emerson as far as being involved in her care. So talk to
me a little bit about what does it feel like being a dad in the NICU?
It was, I think, the first week. Definitely the first two days are the most important
and the hardest for a NICU dad. You know, those first two days, you don't know
what's going on. And even with the NICU dads that I talk to now, I see it all the
time. And that's, you almost become a zombie those first two days because you're
not sleeping. You know, a lot of times these things, like I said, happen so fast.
It was three hours between the time I got the phone call and our daughter was
born. And just, you're trying to take care of everything. You're exhausted,
completely exhausted. And then you have the emotions and the stresses of trying
to take care of your family, your wife, your baby. I don't think a lot of times
we have the time to deal with our emotions. I mean, you just kind of swallow
hard and put all that stuff down. And you try to just push through. And physically,
I think that might be what we have to do to make it through those first two days.
And that first week is tough too because you've done that the first two days and
now you have the rest. It catches up to you by the end of that first week. And
just dealing with the emotions and shoving them down, they come back up too.
There's a lot of cries in the shower. There's a lot of just breakdowns and
stresses, arguments that you have out of nowhere. But it's every emotion.
I mean, it's so hard to describe and it is so traumatic. And that's why a lot of
NICU dads deal with PTSD and deal with these things just because of that.
And I really, I think after that first week and second week, a lot of things,
I don't want to say you get your groove, but you're kind of more familiar with
everything and kind of also are able to process the emotions and what's
happening a little easier than you did because a lot of times we're not dealing
with that stuff anymore. So it's foreign to you. I'm not an emotional guy.
So the things that I was feeling or dealing with that first week, I'm familiar
with them. You're in such a vulnerable place. And I think like most men, we're
not used to being there. I know for me that was a real unfamiliar place and that
was a big deal.
Well, what best advice do you have for dads while they're in the NICU? How do
you, not just survive, but are there tips for actually thriving in the NICU?
What's your best advice?
My best advice? My best advice would be just to kind of, as best as you can,
take it day by day. I always tell people now that a NICU journey or NICU stay is
a marathon. It's not a sprint. And in that also, I think you have to face
reality. I was in denial and maybe most dads get that way too. I was in for the
short-term NICU stay. My baby's getting out of here. She's going to beat all the
odds and we're going to get out of here as fast as we can. And it just, at some
point, reality needs to set in and you need to prepare yourself that you're not
leaving there in a couple of days. It's going to be however long it needs to be.
And you need to prepare yourself for that marathon, whether physically,
mentally, emotionally. Everyone is counting on you. And that's a NICU dad.
Your wife has to heal so she can help take care of the baby. Your family is
depending on you. The other siblings are depending on you because you're still
dads. You still have to go to work. We still need to pay for these astronomical
medical bills that are about to hit you. Your wife needs you to help her and
make sure she's taken care of so she can help take care of the baby also. And
it is what it is. But it's so important that you understand that role and that
you do everything that you can to help get yourself ready for that marathon. And
I think those types of things and however it's going to take you to prepare for
that. And I think finding somebody to talk to, especially after, even initially,
I think that makes a big difference. And that's what's going to set you up to be
a more successful NICU dad, which is going to help your whole family. And I
think it's so important to talk to somebody. And that goes for even after the
NICU. I mean, just because now we're seeing so much. It's so stressful. And the
things that we encounter and deal with on a daily basis during that NICU stay,
you're going to carry those. You're going to carry those for a long time. I mean,
I obviously can't talk about it without crying. And I'm five years later. And so
I think another discussion later on needs to be about sharing your story and
talking to somebody. But the best advice for a NICU stay, I think, is just
getting yourself prepared for that marathon, dealing with the reality of the
situation that you're in and knowing that it's not going to shorten and sweet.
And if it is, great. But prepare yourself for that long haul.
I think that's great advice. And did you ever seek any professional counseling
or reach out to a peer mentor or a friend? How did you cope?
I didn't. And I think now being involved in what I am and doing what I do have
my eyes been opened onto some of the things that I deal with now. I see the
benefits of talking to someone. And even if not professional, just talking to
someone. I mean, every time I share my story or talk about this, it feels like a
weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize it. And we get in this
primal, just, you know, free of flight mode. And you go straight to fight. And
it's in our DNA. It's in our everything. As a dad, you're the protector. And you
go straight to fight. And you're fighting through this whole NICU journey. And
you're fighting for your family. You're fighting for yourself. I mean, it's
just, it's a primal thing that's inside of us. And so a lot of times you don't
acknowledge what you're going through. You just keep pushing through. And then
once you get home and everything gets back to normal and your baby gets better,
you never open that back up until you're willing to do that and share your story.
And that's when it opens. And if not, that never gets dealt with.
I think that's great. Great advice as well. So touch me a little bit about what
made you start your NICU Dad blog? How long before, how long after your NICU
journey did you start that blog?
It took a few years. It really, I started it last year. We basically incubated at
home for about a year after our daughter came home. And for us, we were just,
we're going to do whatever it takes to not have her ever go back to the
hospital. So we, you know, we were germaphobes, everything. During that time,
during that course of that year, we started looking at all the organizations
that helped us and we saw all the support we got in the NICU. We just wanted to
give back. Our NICU staff was just so incredible and they all became a second
family for us. I mean, you're in there for 67 days. You're seeing these people
every day. They're taking care of your baby. They're sharing all those special
moments for us. So we just had such a strong connection that we wanted to give
back. So we actually started doing things for our NICU. You know, we would bring
up donations. We would have cupcakes for the NICU staff during the holidays. And
we just got very involved in our NICU. Through there, we did that, like I said,
a year after our daughter had come home. I was asked to host a NICU Dads group
at the NICU and speak to other NICU dads and, you know, share our stories and
what have you. But I jumped at the chance. And I'm like, oh, this is great.
Yes, I want to do this. And so I went online and I started looking for
information. You know, I started looking at what are we going to talk about? What
are some of the things I can discuss with other NICU dads? And I jumped online
and started looking for stuff for NICU dads and there was nothing. There was
maybe a story here or a story there on some kind of parenting site or a mom's
site or a mom's blog. NICU dads were just a mention and there really wasn't any
information out there. And it just, I couldn't believe it. And so I decided, you
know what, this has to change. I see the NICU dads when I come up to the NICU.
I know they're there. I know what I went through and I see it in the face of
every man in here that they're going through the same thing. And so that's, I
started the NICUdad.com as a blog and it just, for me, I mean, I don't know if it
was therapeutic getting my story out there and seeing some of the things and
sharing some of the same experiences that other NICU dads are going through
also. I'm starting to see a trend. More information is starting to come out and I
think now even the moms are starting to kind of see it and share information.
Is the importance of identifying what NICU dads are going through. I'm hearing
stories now on some of these parenting groups. I mean, and with the help of
social media, all the information is getting out there now. But I'm seeing
wives share about how their husbands are having to be admitted into the psych
wards in some of these hospitals that they're having NICU stays in. And, you
know, just there's such a high prevalence of anxiety already from people and then
having them go into this situation. It's just, I'm seeing a lot of kind of
emotional PTSD. Just, you know, NICU dads are two times more likely to suffer from
PTSD than NICU moms. And it's, I think, us having the discussion and getting the
word out and just trying to get some of these things in front of, you know, other
NICU dads' faces, at least to get them to, you know, identify maybe something
they dealt with or just help them and just have a story to have a NICU dad that
will help them and make it a little bit easier on their NICU stay. That's one of
the biggest things that I hope for this. And I hope that, you know, other NICU
dads can see that you're not by yourself. This is what we're, you know, I've gone
through it. And I've seen that now. And now we're seeing celebrities. Like, you
know, we talk about, you see guys like Chris Pratt and different other
celebrities that are, you know, have, our NICU dads, you know, have shared some of
the same experiences. And that's what I think we look to have on here. And some
of the guests, too, that have dealt with things. And some of the people that are
trying to do things for the NICU dad community, like Rad White in Australia. I
mean, the guy wrote a book, Enter the NICU. You know, I think right now it's
really starting to grow. I hope we can help a lot of people.
I agree. More so than ever before. We are, you know, we handhold, provide support
for families in hospitals. And hospitals are asking us to develop programs
specifically for those dads because we know how important it is for dads to be
integrated into the care of the child. We know how hard that is for them to go
back to work. And they're trying to, you know, financially support the family.
But, you know, long term, we need our families graduating from the NICU,
united and healthy, emotionally, physically, financially, ready to take
care of their babies long term. Because what you and I both know, that not all
challenges related to being preterm or having a NICU stay end when that baby
goes home. So, you know, the struggle is real. And so for us to inform and
support dads well beyond the NICU as well. You know, my husband dealt with a
lot of challenges and there was no diagnosis for more than 15 years. And so
we don't want dads to suffer quietly and alone. We want them to understand there
are risks for postpartum depression for dads of newborn healthy babies. So when
we look at traumatic birth, it does make sense that our dads would be at risk for
anxiety disorders and PTSD following a traumatic birth and or loss of a baby.
I had an interesting discussion today with a dad whose wife unfortunately
committed suicide from after suffering with postpartum depression. And he was
talking about having wishy understood signs and symptoms and what to look for
and how to have help. So, you know, we'll talk about some of those things too.
How do we support, how do dads support moms? How do they support moms through
breastfeeding or not breastfeeding? Right? There's a lot of things.
You took the words right out of my mouth. Yeah, you took, that's exactly what was
going in my head was supporting and feeding. I mean, and all those things are
so important. Yeah, it's, there's so much out there.
Well, I think we've tapped into something exciting and hopefully our listeners
will think so too. And I very much look forward to working with you in the coming
months and years of producing a really informative but supportive podcast
series. So thank you, Alex Savola, for being so open with your emotions.
Thank you.
Being willing to share your story and being willing to step up and give back to
those that are now walking in your shoes. You are a great man, an amazing dad,
and we are just delighted to be partnering with you. So with that, thank
you so much.
Thank you. Thanks for having me.
Thank you for listening and thank you for your support. Once again, please take a
look at the nickyudad.com. We continue to grow the list of resources we are
bringing Nickyudads. To my fellow Nickyudads, good luck and remember, you
are not alone.