WEBVTT 00:00:01.560 --> 00:00:04.540 It's interesting that I find myself here again 00:00:04.540 --> 00:00:12.140 You know, I think the last time that I Had a 00:00:12.140 --> 00:00:17.219 day like today it's probably back in college 00:00:17.219 --> 00:00:22.859 when I had that that day that a day after I met 00:00:22.859 --> 00:00:25.440 Charlotte and hooked up with her and I was just 00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:29.260 seems I was so smitten with her and Then I found 00:00:29.260 --> 00:00:31.480 out that she you know didn't want anything to 00:00:31.480 --> 00:00:34.439 do with me and ghosted me said that you know 00:00:34.439 --> 00:00:39.039 the sex was that great whatever and then I just 00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:41.600 felt so humiliated and I felt so let down I was 00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:48.619 so angry because she was so hot whatever out 00:00:48.619 --> 00:00:52.219 of the blue despite my best efforts to make it 00:00:52.219 --> 00:00:55.479 right because you know I'm a schmuck and I I 00:00:55.479 --> 00:01:00.579 haven't fully beat the beta just yet I uh I found 00:01:00.579 --> 00:01:04.780 out that Reagan told me, hey, you know what? 00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:09.540 You can't make it work and it's over, basically. 00:01:11.260 --> 00:01:14.599 Despite all my best efforts, despite me trying 00:01:14.599 --> 00:01:18.120 to make it up to her and be a good person, I 00:01:18.120 --> 00:01:25.359 forgot that love is a form of warfare. And I 00:01:25.359 --> 00:01:27.540 allowed myself to get got by trying to be a nice 00:01:27.540 --> 00:01:35.480 person. In an attempt to cover my ass, my aftercare 00:01:35.480 --> 00:01:39.500 go too far. The same way I let this experiment 00:01:39.500 --> 00:01:42.040 go too far. Because that's what this initially 00:01:42.040 --> 00:01:46.180 was. It was an experiment for me. But then like 00:01:46.180 --> 00:01:51.099 a bad spy, I fell into my own role and behind 00:01:51.099 --> 00:01:53.319 enemy lines to the point where I became almost 00:01:53.319 --> 00:01:55.299 a double agent. I became the very thing that 00:01:55.299 --> 00:01:59.519 I despised. I became the very thing that I once 00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:01.879 despised and told myself I would never become. 00:02:02.659 --> 00:02:09.419 And yet here I am, sitting down at my desk, consumed 00:02:09.419 --> 00:02:15.060 with the duality of the man and the monkey at 00:02:15.060 --> 00:02:18.879 war, again, fighting over my soul, fighting over 00:02:18.879 --> 00:02:23.419 my mind. On the one hand, I miss her, and on 00:02:23.419 --> 00:02:25.360 the other hand, I know it's a good thing that 00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:28.449 she's gone. I know it's a good thing that she's 00:02:28.449 --> 00:02:31.009 gone. Listen, my money is going to get spent. 00:02:31.330 --> 00:02:34.590 I don't have any loyalty to anybody now. I don't 00:02:34.590 --> 00:02:36.550 have to worry about her. I don't have to provide 00:02:36.550 --> 00:02:38.050 for her. I don't have to do any of those things. 00:02:38.090 --> 00:02:40.669 But on the other side of it, I'd been with this 00:02:40.669 --> 00:02:47.270 person for a year, basically. And lived with 00:02:47.270 --> 00:02:50.150 her for 10 months. Lived life with her every 00:02:50.150 --> 00:02:55.229 day for 10 months. Traveling to multiple places. 00:02:55.409 --> 00:02:57.340 It wasn't like... I mean, we stayed in the same 00:02:57.340 --> 00:03:03.840 place. We went from Augusta and then went to... 00:03:03.840 --> 00:03:06.740 I mean, we just traveled a lot. In every new 00:03:06.740 --> 00:03:12.219 beginning, I had her. And now I don't. And on 00:03:12.219 --> 00:03:15.319 one side of the aisle, I actually... Again, I 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:17.599 know this is a good thing for me. I know I'm 00:03:17.599 --> 00:03:20.740 gonna win. I know at the end of the day, she's 00:03:20.740 --> 00:03:24.219 gonna need me before I need her. But it's just 00:03:24.219 --> 00:03:27.669 sad that... You know, I lost a friend at the 00:03:27.669 --> 00:03:30.770 end of the day. I really did. And you can call 00:03:30.770 --> 00:03:32.949 me anything you want and call me weak. I don't 00:03:32.949 --> 00:03:36.650 give a fuck what you say about me. All I know 00:03:36.650 --> 00:03:41.710 is when you live with somebody, it's just different. 00:03:41.990 --> 00:03:43.889 It's not the same thing as seeing someone two 00:03:43.889 --> 00:03:47.750 or three times a week. Instead of you sleep in 00:03:47.750 --> 00:03:50.650 the same bed, you wake up every day next to them, 00:03:51.449 --> 00:03:55.050 you live life with this person. It's different. 00:03:55.759 --> 00:03:59.800 Now I never experienced that before and I have 00:03:59.800 --> 00:04:08.840 now You know I Had a little micro I could see 00:04:08.840 --> 00:04:13.280 in a microcosm why so many men get better hurt 00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:16.579 damaged and Say fuck this shit and they leave 00:04:16.579 --> 00:04:22.079 the system. I get it. I really do Because for 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:25.920 the first time, you know, we got a dog together 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:29.000 and now the dog's hers and lives with her. He's 00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:32.399 not my dog anymore. I love that dog and I paid 00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:37.680 a pretty chunk of change for that dog too. But 00:04:37.680 --> 00:04:41.339 you know what the sad thing is? The sad thing 00:04:41.339 --> 00:04:49.139 is I'm at war with myself and I'm not mad at 00:04:49.139 --> 00:04:53.639 her. I'm not. At the end of the day, it is what 00:04:53.639 --> 00:04:57.019 it is. Me being mad changes nothing. Me being 00:04:57.019 --> 00:05:01.959 sad changes nothing. But again, my friends, I 00:05:01.959 --> 00:05:04.740 found out what a lot of men find out the hard 00:05:04.740 --> 00:05:07.360 way, which is women are loyal to their feelings. 00:05:07.579 --> 00:05:09.980 They have loyalties to everybody else besides 00:05:09.980 --> 00:05:13.860 you. Besides you. You are the last priority. 00:05:15.069 --> 00:05:18.350 You are never the first priority. It doesn't 00:05:18.350 --> 00:05:20.709 matter how much you provide. It doesn't matter 00:05:20.709 --> 00:05:22.829 how much you give them Don't know any of that. 00:05:22.850 --> 00:05:25.269 What matters is how they feel about you today. 00:05:25.790 --> 00:05:29.230 That's what matters They feel like you're the 00:05:29.230 --> 00:05:32.649 best deal today Do they feel like oh, he's my 00:05:32.649 --> 00:05:35.110 best investment today and the answer ever comes. 00:05:35.410 --> 00:05:38.589 No your spots in jeopardy you can have pookie 00:05:38.589 --> 00:05:41.220 come by and If you lack in any order, if you're 00:05:41.220 --> 00:05:43.540 not laying your pipe game down, you're not providing 00:05:43.540 --> 00:05:45.819 correctly, you're not leading correctly in her 00:05:45.819 --> 00:05:48.680 eyes, she gonna find a guy that does. She gonna 00:05:48.680 --> 00:05:51.439 train the 90 or the 80 for the 10 or the 20. 00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:55.060 And women are evil for doing this. This is just 00:05:55.060 --> 00:05:57.439 what they do. I'm not calling them evil. I'm 00:05:57.439 --> 00:06:00.420 not calling them sluts and skeezers. I'm saying 00:06:00.420 --> 00:06:02.779 this is what it is. And anyone who's lived with 00:06:02.779 --> 00:06:05.220 a woman, anybody who's been married, they know 00:06:05.220 --> 00:06:12.569 this. They know this? And you kind of enter this, 00:06:12.730 --> 00:06:15.310 not a role of subservience, but you take on this 00:06:15.310 --> 00:06:18.170 person when you can't, it's hard to lead someone 00:06:18.170 --> 00:06:19.509 and you don't understand them. So you make it 00:06:19.509 --> 00:06:23.829 a goal to understand. But now that's backfiring 00:06:23.829 --> 00:06:28.810 on me because now you're never the only guy. 00:06:29.170 --> 00:06:32.029 I'm gonna let you know that the illusion that 00:06:32.029 --> 00:06:35.629 you've been given is just that illusion and a 00:06:35.629 --> 00:06:40.899 lie that's given to you. It doesn't exist. The 00:06:40.899 --> 00:06:43.639 love itself might be real, but the love that 00:06:43.639 --> 00:06:46.879 you think exists doesn't. The way you think it 00:06:46.879 --> 00:06:49.839 should operate in movies and books and TV shows 00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:53.860 and fantasy, no, it doesn't work that way. It 00:06:53.860 --> 00:06:55.459 doesn't. I don't care what people say. Can you 00:06:55.459 --> 00:06:57.779 have it for a month? Yeah. Can you have it for 00:06:57.779 --> 00:07:00.199 two months? Yeah. Two weeks? Yeah. You can't 00:07:00.199 --> 00:07:02.360 have it for a year. You can have it for over 00:07:02.360 --> 00:07:08.660 six months. That's just not how it works. And 00:07:08.660 --> 00:07:11.819 you could use any shaming tactic you want. Oh, 00:07:11.819 --> 00:07:14.519 uh, you know, you know, I hit it right. Uh, you 00:07:14.519 --> 00:07:17.100 were beta, you know, whatever you let yourself 00:07:17.100 --> 00:07:19.720 go physically. You know, I didn't think of myself 00:07:19.720 --> 00:07:21.839 as being beta whatsoever. I stood on business 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:26.379 most of the time, you know, and at the end of 00:07:26.379 --> 00:07:27.939 the day, no one can pitch a shutout. I'm not 00:07:27.939 --> 00:07:30.920 a perfect man. I'm not perfect by any stretch. 00:07:32.379 --> 00:07:35.160 What I'm telling you, my friends is I had an 00:07:35.160 --> 00:07:39.160 experience that I've never had before. I've never 00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:41.720 been, you know, part of me thought, oh, this 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:44.319 is a good experiment. And I learned a lot of 00:07:44.319 --> 00:07:45.959 things in the last year. I'll tell you that right 00:07:45.959 --> 00:07:50.420 now. I have a whole new respect for people who 00:07:50.420 --> 00:07:53.439 choose to be married as it is a sacrifice. And 00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:56.339 ideally, you know, the sad thing about reality, 00:07:56.339 --> 00:07:59.379 my friends, is I wish I could sit here and tell 00:07:59.379 --> 00:08:01.379 you that marriage is great. Marriage is great. 00:08:01.579 --> 00:08:03.319 And cohabitation is great. And all these things 00:08:03.319 --> 00:08:06.300 are great because in theory they are. In practice 00:08:06.300 --> 00:08:09.120 today, they're not. That's the problem right 00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:11.379 there if they work the way they're intended to 00:08:11.379 --> 00:08:13.720 work We'd have no issues and I'd be out here 00:08:13.720 --> 00:08:16.579 championing it you could you could bet your bottom 00:08:16.579 --> 00:08:21.000 dollar. That's what we're doing today But instead 00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:26.920 Instead I'm not doing that For all I know one 00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:30.720 day she'll hear it she'll listen to this But 00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:37.360 my friends, it's very it's very sad Don't shame 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:40.580 yourself for having feelings Shame yourself for 00:08:40.580 --> 00:08:43.779 what you do with them You know, I'm sitting here 00:08:43.779 --> 00:08:46.000 only remembering the good things that went down, 00:08:46.000 --> 00:08:49.259 but I know there was bad I know she wasn't perfect 00:08:49.259 --> 00:08:51.940 and I'm by any by any stretch the imagination, 00:08:51.960 --> 00:08:55.460 but you know what? Despite that I tried to make 00:08:55.460 --> 00:08:58.259 it work which you could say you're stupid for 00:08:58.259 --> 00:09:00.100 doing that. You know what? Maybe you're right. 00:09:00.340 --> 00:09:05.159 Maybe you're right. Maybe I am I Lost myself 00:09:05.309 --> 00:09:09.450 to my own experiment. I compromised myself because 00:09:09.450 --> 00:09:13.389 I allowed my emotions to not be kept in check. 00:09:15.210 --> 00:09:18.610 I felt the biological trap that many men before 00:09:18.610 --> 00:09:23.710 me and men that are living today fall for. The 00:09:23.710 --> 00:09:27.710 trick of nature. That's what love is. Well, no, 00:09:27.889 --> 00:09:30.370 that's what lust is. Lust is a trick of nature. 00:09:30.509 --> 00:09:32.529 Love is a choice and you have to make it every 00:09:32.529 --> 00:09:37.169 day because if you don't, then it's over. And 00:09:37.169 --> 00:09:39.129 today when we're living longer than ever before, 00:09:40.149 --> 00:09:43.470 today when there's more options than ever before, 00:09:43.769 --> 00:09:45.809 especially for women, whether they want to realize 00:09:45.809 --> 00:09:47.649 that or not. I never said that there are always 00:09:47.649 --> 00:09:50.610 good options. I never said that there were options 00:09:50.610 --> 00:09:53.870 that were great in every respect. I'm talking 00:09:53.870 --> 00:09:57.850 about maybe he's a good financial provider. Maybe 00:09:57.850 --> 00:09:59.980 he's good at delivering the pipe. Maybe he's 00:09:59.980 --> 00:10:03.059 good at talking to you when you had a rough day 00:10:03.059 --> 00:10:06.259 and he wants to be in the emotional tampon. I 00:10:06.259 --> 00:10:08.480 don't know, but everybody has a purpose to serve 00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:10.759 and that's what a roster is for. That's what 00:10:10.759 --> 00:10:13.740 people do, especially women because men are all 00:10:13.740 --> 00:10:18.980 too willing to do that. And at the end of the 00:10:18.980 --> 00:10:21.039 day, if you're going to let someone else make 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:23.480 your choices for you, you get what you deserve. 00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:26.639 I don't care if you're man, woman, alien, doesn't 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:28.539 matter. You let other people make your choices 00:10:28.539 --> 00:10:31.460 for you? you get what you deserve you teach them 00:10:31.460 --> 00:10:33.600 that that's fine you teach them that they could 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:36.139 do that they have that power and control over 00:10:36.139 --> 00:10:38.980 you and that you can't make a choice for yourself 00:10:38.980 --> 00:10:41.259 either that or you're not strong enough to admit 00:10:41.259 --> 00:10:45.440 that this is what you wanted you know make an 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:47.419 excuse because you're afraid of backlash don't 00:10:47.419 --> 00:10:50.139 be afraid of backlash my friends no no no never 00:10:50.139 --> 00:10:52.899 apologize for don't for pursuing what you want 00:10:52.899 --> 00:10:55.860 and care about Don't try to spare somebody's 00:10:55.860 --> 00:10:58.120 feelings by by giving them the bull crap of oh, 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:01.480 it's not me It's it's my mom or it's not me. 00:11:01.539 --> 00:11:05.820 It's my dad. It's not me. It's my sister My brother. 00:11:05.960 --> 00:11:09.620 No, no, man. Mm -hmm. No, that's just the excuse 00:11:09.620 --> 00:11:12.799 That's just the excuse people do what they want 00:11:12.799 --> 00:11:15.820 and they make excuses for what they don't You 00:11:15.820 --> 00:11:18.700 can write that one down People do what they want 00:11:18.700 --> 00:11:23.710 and they make excuses for what they don't My 00:11:23.710 --> 00:11:26.509 friends if you've gone through with a really 00:11:26.509 --> 00:11:28.190 hard breakup and you've been through some hard 00:11:28.190 --> 00:11:32.669 stuff when it relates to When it relates to you 00:11:32.669 --> 00:11:36.750 know Relationships let me tell you there are 00:11:36.750 --> 00:11:38.110 so many people who think they know everything 00:11:38.110 --> 00:11:39.909 about relationships and I try not to be one of 00:11:39.909 --> 00:11:43.750 those people I really do But what I'll tell you 00:11:43.750 --> 00:11:49.309 my friends is this We got a boss up we got to 00:11:49.309 --> 00:11:54.009 do better It's so easy to just slip into that 00:11:54.009 --> 00:11:59.210 beta provider. It is so easy. Oh My gosh, it's 00:11:59.210 --> 00:12:02.690 so easy. But you know what? You've got to level 00:12:02.690 --> 00:12:06.210 up as a man You need options and leverage because 00:12:06.210 --> 00:12:09.309 when you don't you just look pathetic and you 00:12:09.309 --> 00:12:15.570 just you ooze that Negative charisma and nobody 00:12:15.570 --> 00:12:17.289 wants to hear that nobody wants to be around 00:12:17.289 --> 00:12:23.940 that It's tough, man. Let me be totally honest 00:12:23.940 --> 00:12:27.460 with you guys. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought. 00:12:28.399 --> 00:12:32.519 It's kind of like a dull, you know, pain. It's 00:12:32.519 --> 00:12:34.960 not like a sharp pain in my side or anything. 00:12:35.019 --> 00:12:38.500 It's just, just a dull. It's like being in the 00:12:38.500 --> 00:12:40.539 mental doldrums where you're waiting for a gust 00:12:40.539 --> 00:12:43.000 of wind to carry you to the next port. It's kind 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:47.860 of what, that's kind of what it feels like. But 00:12:47.860 --> 00:12:49.500 my friends, I would love to hear what you have 00:12:49.500 --> 00:12:52.200 to say and I'll be expanding on this. We'll be 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:55.399 talking about this a lot in time to come but 00:12:55.399 --> 00:12:57.360 I'm just sitting here at my desk and I needed 00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:01.419 to I need to document this I needed to try to 00:13:01.419 --> 00:13:05.460 work my way through it because It's really easy 00:13:05.460 --> 00:13:08.940 To go hit the bottle. It's easy to hit the it's 00:13:08.940 --> 00:13:12.600 easy to go smoke It's easy to go try to you know, 00:13:12.860 --> 00:13:15.960 go on the rebound. That's easy to do That's like 00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:18.509 having hair of the dog after you get drunk and 00:13:18.509 --> 00:13:19.970 you think that it's gonna make you feel better. 00:13:20.210 --> 00:13:22.870 Oh, it will for a little, but it's not gonna 00:13:22.870 --> 00:13:26.450 treat the actual issue. It's not gonna help you 00:13:26.450 --> 00:13:29.850 feel better. It's only gonna help you negate 00:13:29.850 --> 00:13:31.649 the negative for a short period of time while 00:13:31.649 --> 00:13:33.850 making it worse when it inevitably hits you in 00:13:33.850 --> 00:13:38.730 the face. And my friends, I would encourage you 00:13:38.730 --> 00:13:41.309 to avoid that. Avoid it like the plague. Don't 00:13:41.309 --> 00:13:44.690 do it. I'm talking to you while I'm talking to 00:13:44.690 --> 00:13:49.070 myself too. Because that's what we people do 00:13:49.070 --> 00:13:51.389 we people don't want to grow they want to just 00:13:51.389 --> 00:13:53.590 not feel the pain They want to numb themselves 00:13:53.590 --> 00:13:56.409 to avoid what they need to do, which is grow 00:13:56.409 --> 00:13:58.690 with a person They don't want to grow as a person 00:13:58.690 --> 00:14:00.230 because they don't want to experience pain Let 00:14:00.230 --> 00:14:01.990 me tell you was a guy who was six and a half 00:14:01.990 --> 00:14:04.090 feet tall had a lot of growing pains when I was 00:14:04.090 --> 00:14:07.730 a kid I Heard a lot, but you know what I grew 00:14:07.730 --> 00:14:11.490 literally from it the pain that you feel that's 00:14:11.490 --> 00:14:16.590 mental That is gonna produce results in the same 00:14:16.590 --> 00:14:20.269 way that pressure produces pearls these hard 00:14:20.269 --> 00:14:24.230 times will produce a hardened man somebody who's 00:14:24.230 --> 00:14:28.029 going to be there to withstand the onslaught 00:14:28.029 --> 00:14:29.909 that life will throw your way it's not going 00:14:29.909 --> 00:14:37.149 to get easier it only gets harder my friends 00:14:37.149 --> 00:14:43.330 wish me luck on this this new um transition that 00:14:43.330 --> 00:14:46.440 i'm going through And if you want to laugh at 00:14:46.440 --> 00:14:49.259 my expense, I accept that. It is what it is. 00:14:49.539 --> 00:14:52.860 But if you want to talk about it, explain what 00:14:52.860 --> 00:14:55.080 you've been through and how it's affected you 00:14:55.080 --> 00:14:57.700 and your experience, let me share some stories. 00:14:58.019 --> 00:14:59.860 I look forward to hearing from you all. Peace.