WEBVTT 00:00:01.200 --> 00:00:05.200 My friends, welcome to the SheepKidSheared podcast. 00:00:06.080 --> 00:00:11.539 I'm your host Austin Creed and my friends. It's 00:00:11.539 --> 00:00:17.239 been a very difficult day for me. I broke up 00:00:17.239 --> 00:00:23.820 with my girlfriend today and you know, we were 00:00:23.820 --> 00:00:32.049 together for over 11 months and You know, what's 00:00:32.049 --> 00:00:34.710 really interesting is if you watch podcasts, 00:00:35.070 --> 00:00:39.729 you read books, you watch TV, like not a lot 00:00:39.729 --> 00:00:42.530 of, I mean, TV, I guess more than any other, 00:00:42.850 --> 00:00:46.210 but nobody prepares you for this part of it, 00:00:46.409 --> 00:00:48.929 especially when you live together. Cause my girlfriend, 00:00:49.149 --> 00:00:53.130 I guess ex -girlfriend now and I lived together 00:00:53.130 --> 00:00:58.119 for months and You don't realize, if you don't 00:00:58.119 --> 00:00:59.799 have never lived with a woman, you don't view, 00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:02.939 you have no idea what we're talking about. Nothing, 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:08.280 but you have, and you know that it's hard to 00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:10.840 even have roommates and you're not like, Oh wow. 00:01:10.859 --> 00:01:14.500 You know, like I miss them. But when you live 00:01:14.500 --> 00:01:17.620 with your girlfriend, it's different because 00:01:17.620 --> 00:01:21.140 you're used to hanging out all the time. Now 00:01:21.140 --> 00:01:25.099 it's not quality time all the time, but For example, 00:01:25.140 --> 00:01:28.500 right now, I'm driving in my truck cross country. 00:01:30.420 --> 00:01:34.159 And both, you know, my ex, my ex girlfriend now 00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:40.680 and my dog, who's now her dog, used to always 00:01:40.680 --> 00:01:44.700 drive places. Now it's just me and made no mistake 00:01:44.700 --> 00:01:48.280 about it. There's peace to be found in solitude, 00:01:48.459 --> 00:01:53.299 but. I've never been in a long term relationship 00:01:53.299 --> 00:01:57.250 like this. So now I'm suffering the fallout of 00:01:57.250 --> 00:02:00.530 it. And for all I know, she's listening to the 00:02:00.530 --> 00:02:03.530 show right now because she's, you know, trying 00:02:03.530 --> 00:02:05.989 to get over me or she wants to hear my voice 00:02:05.989 --> 00:02:08.069 but not talk to me. I don't know. For all I know, 00:02:08.110 --> 00:02:12.669 she's not listening at all. But, you know, for 00:02:12.669 --> 00:02:14.409 all the stuff we talk about, especially in the 00:02:14.409 --> 00:02:17.409 Manosphere type space about, oh, don't love these 00:02:17.409 --> 00:02:20.909 hoes, don't do this, don't do that. I think that... 00:02:20.889 --> 00:02:23.990 You need to realize that despite all - Get rid 00:02:23.990 --> 00:02:27.490 of the Red Pill Rage. It's so 2018. Get rid of 00:02:27.490 --> 00:02:32.289 the rage garbage. I'm talking to guys who understand 00:02:32.289 --> 00:02:35.610 that despite the rage, you're still a human being 00:02:35.610 --> 00:02:38.650 and you need to be able to get through your feelings 00:02:38.650 --> 00:02:40.650 and not just push them aside, because that's 00:02:40.650 --> 00:02:44.289 a temporary fix. That's how you punch a hole 00:02:44.289 --> 00:02:50.729 through a wall and people freak out. You don't 00:02:50.729 --> 00:02:53.349 want to be that guy. You want to be the guy who 00:02:53.349 --> 00:02:57.289 controls his and understands his emotions. And 00:02:57.289 --> 00:02:59.949 so if you're going through a breakup or you have 00:02:59.949 --> 00:03:02.610 breakups are not easy. And I'm sure it's only 00:03:02.610 --> 00:03:05.789 going to get harder for me. And, you know, I 00:03:05.789 --> 00:03:08.430 harbor no animosity towards my ex -girlfriend. 00:03:09.069 --> 00:03:12.430 She's a wonderful person. It just wasn't going 00:03:12.430 --> 00:03:15.409 to work. Not because I didn't want it to, per 00:03:15.409 --> 00:03:18.250 se, but it just wasn't going to work. We were 00:03:18.250 --> 00:03:20.840 very different people and It was highlighted 00:03:20.840 --> 00:03:23.039 to me over and over again. We just wanted different 00:03:23.039 --> 00:03:26.280 things. I want to be a billionaire by 40 years 00:03:26.280 --> 00:03:29.419 old. I'm 25 now. I have a long way to go. I haven't 00:03:29.419 --> 00:03:30.960 even made my first million yet. I got a long 00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:35.620 way to go. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't be 00:03:35.620 --> 00:03:37.520 with someone like her who just had a different 00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:40.979 mindset than that. And I don't expect her to. 00:03:41.180 --> 00:03:43.419 And that's why I don't I'm not angry with her. 00:03:44.259 --> 00:03:47.560 I'm more disappointed that didn't work out. But 00:03:47.560 --> 00:03:51.360 the more I realized that It was gonna change 00:03:51.360 --> 00:03:54.960 the more I realized that more I couldn't I could 00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:58.439 justify Having the relationship go on anymore 00:03:58.439 --> 00:04:01.319 for both of our sakes not just my sake for hers, 00:04:01.319 --> 00:04:07.680 too And my friends breakups are hard It's even 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:09.340 harder when you're the one getting dumped. I 00:04:09.340 --> 00:04:12.060 understand that I've been there too. I've been 00:04:12.060 --> 00:04:14.879 the guy who's been dumped. Oh, yeah I was the 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:16.560 guy who was dumped a couple times when I was 00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:19.720 younger But now I'm the one who's you know, now 00:04:19.720 --> 00:04:21.899 I'm the one who's doing the dumping and it's 00:04:21.899 --> 00:04:27.199 still different It's different and because I'd 00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:31.100 expect to be like, oh finally I'm free. No, it's 00:04:31.100 --> 00:04:35.819 not like that and I Don't know if she's listening 00:04:35.819 --> 00:04:37.339 to the show. She's probably thinking. Oh, who 00:04:37.339 --> 00:04:39.620 is he kidding? I'm angry with him. I get that 00:04:39.620 --> 00:04:42.160 if you're a guy who's like, oh, he's just a sip 00:04:42.160 --> 00:04:44.519 You know, he's not over his girl dude. You could 00:04:44.519 --> 00:04:47.610 think what you want what I'm telling you is To 00:04:47.610 --> 00:04:49.649 get through a breakup, you need to beware of 00:04:49.649 --> 00:04:51.209 a couple things, because it's already started 00:04:51.209 --> 00:04:56.329 for me. Number one, you have to beware of the 00:04:56.329 --> 00:05:01.750 hindsight. I'll call it hindsight heaven. I'll 00:05:01.750 --> 00:05:04.750 coin a term, hindsight heaven. Hindsight heaven 00:05:04.750 --> 00:05:07.069 is when you look in the past in your relationship 00:05:07.069 --> 00:05:10.670 and you only see the good stuff. You only see 00:05:10.670 --> 00:05:13.290 the stuff that was good, the stuff that was amazing, 00:05:13.569 --> 00:05:16.209 the stuff you're like, wow, that was great. Why 00:05:16.209 --> 00:05:18.730 did I break up with that person? You don't remember 00:05:18.730 --> 00:05:22.029 the stuff that led you to the breakup. You don't 00:05:22.029 --> 00:05:24.829 remember the stuff where you're like, ooh, ooh, 00:05:24.949 --> 00:05:27.750 yeah, that's kind of a problem. Ooh, I overlooked 00:05:27.750 --> 00:05:30.189 that. Yikes. You know, you don't think about 00:05:30.189 --> 00:05:32.930 those things. Instead, what you think about is, 00:05:33.589 --> 00:05:37.129 oh, my gosh, I loved I love for example, the 00:05:37.129 --> 00:05:39.870 way I love the way she scratched my back. I love 00:05:39.870 --> 00:05:42.889 the way that she had little cute mannerisms that 00:05:42.889 --> 00:05:45.939 she had. I loved, you know, the way that She 00:05:45.939 --> 00:05:49.180 would smile. I loved looking into her eyes when 00:05:49.180 --> 00:05:53.279 she would smile. I love all those things. It's 00:05:53.279 --> 00:05:56.839 easy to remember the things you liked, not to 00:05:56.839 --> 00:05:59.339 remember the stuff that you hated, especially 00:05:59.339 --> 00:06:02.600 when you're kind of going through it. Because 00:06:02.600 --> 00:06:04.399 your mind will play tricks on you. You don't 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:06.980 think, oh, wait a minute, it was not bad. You 00:06:06.980 --> 00:06:10.139 got to go back when there was a reason you left 00:06:10.139 --> 00:06:12.879 in the first place or reasons maybe that you 00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:15.300 left in the first place. But instead you'll be 00:06:15.300 --> 00:06:17.699 focused on all it couldn't have been that bad 00:06:17.699 --> 00:06:20.019 because look at all this good stuff I can list 00:06:20.019 --> 00:06:23.579 it off for you Look think about all the good 00:06:23.579 --> 00:06:26.439 stuff and you'll proceed to list a couple things 00:06:26.439 --> 00:06:29.939 and instead of Seeing it for what it was, which 00:06:29.939 --> 00:06:33.779 is a complicated situation Maybe slightly toxic 00:06:33.779 --> 00:06:37.100 maybe not That just needed to end it wasn't gonna 00:06:37.100 --> 00:06:38.920 end It wasn't gonna go the way it was supposed 00:06:38.920 --> 00:06:41.199 to go and so it was ended whether it was by one 00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:43.740 person or the other or both And you got to move 00:06:43.740 --> 00:06:48.220 on. And instead of having that frame of reference 00:06:48.220 --> 00:06:49.899 instead, what you say is, oh, it couldn't have 00:06:49.899 --> 00:06:51.379 been that bad. I got to find a way to get back 00:06:51.379 --> 00:06:54.420 together or, oh, I'm down bad sexually. I got 00:06:54.420 --> 00:06:56.220 to get laid. I got to get, I got to link up with 00:06:56.220 --> 00:06:59.399 them. Don't do that. That's probably the worst 00:06:59.399 --> 00:07:01.959 thing you can do because now you're not only 00:07:01.959 --> 00:07:05.180 you not moving on, you're robbing yourself of 00:07:05.180 --> 00:07:12.019 the ability to grow as a person. You cannot do 00:07:12.019 --> 00:07:15.519 that. I know it's easy whether you're a man or 00:07:15.519 --> 00:07:18.620 a woman to do that. I understand that. But it's 00:07:18.620 --> 00:07:20.980 not gonna help you. It's going to feel good in 00:07:20.980 --> 00:07:22.819 the moment, and then right afterwards you're 00:07:22.819 --> 00:07:29.660 gonna be like, damn, that was not worth it. You're 00:07:29.660 --> 00:07:32.779 gonna just be aiming for a distraction. That's 00:07:32.779 --> 00:07:36.860 number two. You gotta avoid unhealthy distractions. 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:39.620 You have to avoid doing something you're gonna 00:07:39.620 --> 00:07:42.910 regret. Do not make rash choices throughout this 00:07:42.910 --> 00:07:45.829 breakup process if you make a rash choice, you're 00:07:45.829 --> 00:07:52.170 going to be pouring You're gonna be trying to 00:07:52.170 --> 00:07:55.910 treat the wound with dirt And be rubbing dirt 00:07:55.910 --> 00:07:57.870 or salt into the wound and it's not gonna help 00:07:57.870 --> 00:08:01.449 you. It's gonna be very painful. It won't help 00:08:01.449 --> 00:08:06.569 I Know how it's hard. Trust me. I'm going through 00:08:06.569 --> 00:08:11.250 it right now It's not It's not fun, especially 00:08:11.250 --> 00:08:13.610 when you've lived together. And then, I mean, 00:08:13.670 --> 00:08:16.250 let's not pretend like I lived with this woman 00:08:16.250 --> 00:08:25.990 for like nine months. That's a long time. I spent 00:08:25.990 --> 00:08:31.529 almost like every day with her. She was, I mean, 00:08:31.529 --> 00:08:34.409 she's not my best friend, but she was one of 00:08:34.409 --> 00:08:36.610 my closest friends on top of being my girlfriend. 00:08:38.419 --> 00:08:40.779 I think that's part of it that people who are, 00:08:40.779 --> 00:08:43.320 you know, shorter term relationships, like under 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:46.259 six months, they don't understand that. That 00:08:46.259 --> 00:08:48.399 there's also the friendship that's there too. 00:08:51.759 --> 00:08:55.919 There's also that friendship too. I kind of miss 00:08:55.919 --> 00:08:58.980 it to be honest. It hasn't even been a day and 00:08:58.980 --> 00:09:02.379 I kind of miss it already. But I'm not going 00:09:02.379 --> 00:09:04.179 to make any bad choices. I can tell you that 00:09:04.179 --> 00:09:07.679 right now. But my friends, it's super difficult. 00:09:08.680 --> 00:09:12.279 To you do something positive with a negative 00:09:12.279 --> 00:09:16.620 situation It's very easy to take on I'm gonna 00:09:16.620 --> 00:09:19.320 go drink or I'm gonna go smoke or I'm gonna go 00:09:19.320 --> 00:09:21.960 have anonymous hookups I'm gonna go do things 00:09:21.960 --> 00:09:25.480 that are not going to actually help me get over 00:09:25.480 --> 00:09:30.600 this It's gonna it's gonna be a short -term fix 00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:34.299 to a problem that requires you to grow when when 00:09:34.299 --> 00:09:38.169 you break your arm Your bone has to regrow. It 00:09:38.169 --> 00:09:40.669 can't you don't snap back in place. It's got 00:09:40.669 --> 00:09:44.269 a reform. It's got a rehardening You're you're 00:09:44.269 --> 00:09:47.610 gonna be the same exact way with your heart same 00:09:47.610 --> 00:09:54.750 way Because if you it's impossible to not feel 00:09:54.750 --> 00:09:56.429 anything when you're with someone for a certain 00:09:56.429 --> 00:10:01.990 period time I Mean I was tearing up on the phone 00:10:02.139 --> 00:10:04.200 You know, when I last talked to her, it was, 00:10:04.200 --> 00:10:07.059 it was tough, man. I was tough. I was, I was 00:10:07.059 --> 00:10:08.740 on the verge of saying, you know what, let's 00:10:08.740 --> 00:10:11.799 get back together. But I didn't do it. Why? Because 00:10:11.799 --> 00:10:16.440 I know that there was a reason for it. Do I like 00:10:16.440 --> 00:10:19.460 it? No, I really don't, but I'm doing it anyway, 00:10:19.460 --> 00:10:23.100 because it needs to be done. I'm in a new phase 00:10:23.100 --> 00:10:25.919 of my life. I'm starting a new job. I have to 00:10:25.919 --> 00:10:29.690 be focused. I have to, I'm trying to get a house. 00:10:29.870 --> 00:10:33.509 I gotta be able, I got to have my mind in the 00:10:33.509 --> 00:10:39.870 right place. And of course we had our problems. 00:10:40.370 --> 00:10:42.909 I'm not gonna dog on her though. I don't see 00:10:42.909 --> 00:10:47.070 any benefit in doing that. My friends, let me 00:10:47.070 --> 00:10:49.710 know how you've experienced breakups because 00:10:49.710 --> 00:10:52.690 what advice would you have? Because I'm going 00:10:52.690 --> 00:10:54.990 through it. I know other people go through it. 00:10:55.330 --> 00:10:59.299 It's not easy to get past. But you need to realize 00:10:59.299 --> 00:11:03.539 that you got to embrace the pain. Pain is progress. 00:11:03.960 --> 00:11:06.000 So for you to try to numb the pain or ignore 00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:08.419 it, you're not helping yourself. You're actually 00:11:08.419 --> 00:11:13.679 preventing growth and repair. I know that might 00:11:13.679 --> 00:11:16.379 sound confusing because pain is usually associated 00:11:16.379 --> 00:11:18.879 with something bad. In this case, it's actually 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:23.379 good. In the same way that when you were growing 00:11:23.379 --> 00:11:24.980 as a kid, you might have felt a little bit of 00:11:24.980 --> 00:11:28.669 pain as I did. Growing pains are necessary for 00:11:28.669 --> 00:11:34.690 you to become a better, stronger person. And 00:11:34.690 --> 00:11:37.049 I'm honestly shocked that I haven't gotten more 00:11:37.049 --> 00:11:42.750 emotional than I already am. Because everything 00:11:42.750 --> 00:11:48.309 in me wants to call her, but I won't do it. Is 00:11:48.309 --> 00:11:51.309 there a reason why we broke up? There are reasons 00:11:51.309 --> 00:11:56.639 why I told her I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't 00:11:56.639 --> 00:11:59.679 just make this on a whim. I mean, I made the 00:11:59.679 --> 00:12:03.019 decision to go to leave, but there always been. 00:12:03.139 --> 00:12:05.179 They have been problems in the background for 00:12:05.179 --> 00:12:06.799 a while that I thought would get better, but 00:12:06.799 --> 00:12:08.580 they didn't. They didn't do it. You know, gentlemen, 00:12:08.700 --> 00:12:11.919 I got to be honest with you. A lot of us dudes, 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:15.259 we intend to fall for the very same trap that 00:12:15.259 --> 00:12:17.360 we tend to tell women they shouldn't fall for, 00:12:17.399 --> 00:12:19.960 which is the getting back together because you 00:12:19.960 --> 00:12:22.120 think it's going to get better, but promises 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:24.799 that things are going to get better. And you 00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:28.259 take it. Oh, that won't happen again. Oh, it'll 00:12:28.259 --> 00:12:30.700 get better. And you think, oh, OK, I'll get back 00:12:30.700 --> 00:12:34.320 together with them and give another chance. I'm 00:12:34.320 --> 00:12:36.659 not a big believer in anything cost a second 00:12:36.659 --> 00:12:40.519 chance. God gives second chances after that. 00:12:40.860 --> 00:12:44.139 I'm not a big fan of it because all you're doing 00:12:44.139 --> 00:12:45.759 is telling them they got to give you some lip 00:12:45.759 --> 00:12:49.080 service and a half effort for a week, two weeks, 00:12:49.179 --> 00:12:51.200 and then it's back to the way it was before. 00:12:51.810 --> 00:12:54.009 If they really cared and they are really aware 00:12:54.009 --> 00:12:56.029 of what was going on, they wouldn't have put 00:12:56.029 --> 00:12:58.889 you in the position to have to re up their promises 00:12:58.889 --> 00:13:03.529 in the first place. They wouldn't have to rearrange 00:13:03.529 --> 00:13:05.870 their promise to be like, Oh, but I mean it this 00:13:05.870 --> 00:13:09.750 time. So you didn't meet it the first time. Gentlemen, 00:13:10.169 --> 00:13:11.990 you have to be aware of that. Ladies, same thing 00:13:11.990 --> 00:13:16.990 for you. Don't fall for it. If people don't do 00:13:16.990 --> 00:13:19.570 what they say they're going to do, believe that 00:13:19.570 --> 00:13:20.850 they're not going to do what they say they're 00:13:20.850 --> 00:13:26.620 going to do. And move on. I don't delight in 00:13:26.620 --> 00:13:31.559 other people's pain. I've been done with that. 00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:36.639 I haven't done that since high school. But pain 00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:39.539 leads to progress. The last time I had my heart 00:13:39.539 --> 00:13:42.279 genuinely broken, I wrote an entire 100 page 00:13:42.279 --> 00:13:45.559 manuscript in like a matter of two weeks through 00:13:45.559 --> 00:13:54.389 using like an audio to text. AI program. I was 00:13:54.389 --> 00:13:59.769 unpublished, but I plan to publish it. Because 00:13:59.769 --> 00:14:03.830 my friends, pain can lead to unmeasurable progress, 00:14:04.490 --> 00:14:07.070 but you have to be willing to not numb yourself 00:14:07.070 --> 00:14:10.149 to the pain. You'd be willing to say, I'm angry. 00:14:10.350 --> 00:14:13.190 I'm going to go to the gym. I'm furious. I'm 00:14:13.190 --> 00:14:15.009 going to write something down. I'm going to I'm 00:14:15.009 --> 00:14:17.409 going to do something with that pain, with that 00:14:17.409 --> 00:14:20.730 anger. There are stages to grief. Maximize them, 00:14:20.769 --> 00:14:23.470 use them to your advantage so that you're not 00:14:23.470 --> 00:14:25.850 in a toxic spiral and end up in a worse place 00:14:25.850 --> 00:14:28.750 than you already are, which yes, it is possible 00:14:28.750 --> 00:14:32.029 being a worse place than you are right now. I 00:14:32.029 --> 00:14:34.470 know it might not seem like it, but there is. 00:14:39.049 --> 00:14:43.750 And if she is listening to the show. You know, 00:14:43.950 --> 00:14:50.190 I'm. I want to say that. I'm sorry. Because at 00:14:50.190 --> 00:14:52.230 the end of the day, I'm not the I'm not the one 00:14:52.230 --> 00:14:55.570 out here who's like yeah, man I typed this woman 00:14:55.570 --> 00:14:59.570 and now I'm leaving her in the streets. No No, 00:14:59.570 --> 00:15:01.769 I'm not about that. Of course people are gonna 00:15:01.769 --> 00:15:04.210 go back to the streets You know go back and have 00:15:04.210 --> 00:15:06.190 sex with their ex -girlfriends, you know, that's 00:15:06.190 --> 00:15:08.970 the ex -boyfriends. That's normal stuff We all 00:15:08.970 --> 00:15:11.950 know as part of the game But understanding that 00:15:11.950 --> 00:15:15.460 people have lives and you need to Understand 00:15:15.460 --> 00:15:18.159 that you yourself will one time be there and 00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:20.799 you'd want someone to have sympathy for you. 00:15:21.100 --> 00:15:22.779 It's because things have to happen doesn't mean 00:15:22.779 --> 00:15:24.919 they have to happen in the worst and most tragic 00:15:24.919 --> 00:15:29.179 way possible. That's how I see it. My friends, 00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:31.279 let me know if you have any breakup advice or 00:15:31.279 --> 00:15:33.200 stories because I'd love to hear them. I'll be 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:35.840 talking more about it as the days and weeks go 00:15:35.840 --> 00:15:37.820 on because of how fresh this is. It's happened 00:15:37.820 --> 00:15:43.460 today, by the way. I look forward to hearing 00:15:43.460 --> 00:15:45.700 it. Take care of yourselves, I'm out. Peace.