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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Sheet Get Sheered podcast.

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I'm your host, Austin Kreen, my friends.

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We are going to discuss something that I actually have not heard anybody really talk about when

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it comes to relationships.

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You want to talk about marriage, that's easy.

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You want to talk about dating, checked out.

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People want to talk about hookup culture, checked out.

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But you know what's interesting?

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How many of us have had a friends with benefits relationship?

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Raise your hands and my invisible audience here out, you know, as I'm recording in my

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car after I get into the back from the gym.

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Raise your hands.

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I see pretty much everybody more or less, but most of the time it doesn't end well.

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It ends with people having her feelings, it ends with people getting completely unsatisfied,

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usually one more than the other.

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And then before you know it, you're like, well, that was a disaster.

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So we're going to talk about how do you properly have, if it's even possible, how do you have

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a proper friends with benefits relationship?

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If it's real, it can't be a mock mode forever.

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I mean, if you can, please hit me up in the comments.

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I'd love to know your secret.

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But we can't stay in mock mode forever.

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And even if we're the most staunch religious people in the world, which by the way, anybody

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who wants to fuck the Bible at me, I found the bigger the cross, the bigger the crook,

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the bigger the schmuck.

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And that's what I found.

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Usually it's the people who fuck the Bible the most, who are the biggest low life out

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here.

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I digress talking about friends with benefits.

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First of all, what is it?

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Well, it's usually an arrangement where they don't want to date because they're probably

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fried from dating.

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They had a bad experience recently.

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They had a scare.

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It's usually the girl wants a relationship with the guy she's attracted to.

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And the guy she's attracted to has options and he's like, wait a minute, I want to cut

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off all my other girls in my rotation.

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I don't want to limit myself to just this one girl.

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So what I'm going to do is I'm going to try to just hook up and have an unspoken agreement

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of we're just friends.

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This is not exclusive.

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And want to go from there.

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But let me tell you something, my friends.

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That only works the first couple of times.

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If you look up with a person a couple of times, I come over midnight, 11, two o'clock in the

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morning, you smash, you guys watch a like half a movie that you really don't watch more than

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15 minutes of.

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And then you can then even proceed to hook up.

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And then after that, it's that awkwardness of the guys like, I want to get the hell out

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of here.

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And the girl's like, oh, I want to cuddle.

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I want to talk about stuff.

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And you guys like, can I just leave now?

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Tell me I'm lying.

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Tell me I'm lying.

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See the first couple of times my friends add so on her.

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Because she's not telling you, hey, I want to I want to come into a relationship.

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She's just giving it to you.

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Okay.

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But after about two weeks, I'd say I'd say two weeks.

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And people might say longer than that.

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I say two weeks of consistent hooking up two weeks of consistent hooking up or two months

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of on again off again.

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No, no, no, scratch that six weeks, two weeks of consistent or six weeks of kind of like

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every three days, every four days, whatever, you got to establish what this is.

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You as the man, I'm not saying you asked the woman, oh, what are we?

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This pussy shit.

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No, I'm saying you go out there and you say, look, I'm not looking for a relationship.

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We are just, we know we can keep looking up, but you're not getting a relationship out

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of me.

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That is what you must do.

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You must establish the ground rules.

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Because if you don't, and then all of a sudden a couple of months down the line, you're like,

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oh, yeah, um, I've been hooking up with tons of she finds out you're hooking up with other

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girls and whatnot, even if she's hooking up with other dudes, which she probably still

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is.

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She's going to assume that there's something there if you do not say otherwise.

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You must say otherwise.

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Now if she chooses to stay there after that, that's all on her.

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But you got to let her know what's going on out here.

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You got to let her know what you guys are and what you won't be.

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You have to do that.

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I understand guys don't want to do that because then they're afraid they're going to lose

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access to the woman.

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Fine.

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So what?

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Jillian, we're going to talk.

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I want to go off on a limb here in a second.

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If you are afraid of establishing boundaries like that after the two weeks to six week

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mark because you're going to lose access to this woman, you have one of two options.

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Then you give her a relationship, which I would not recommend you do, but you do what

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you want or two, you got to just cut the you got to cut her off because then she's going

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to be a liability to you.

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Guys, stop having the scarcity mindset.

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If you're afraid to lose this woman because you're like, oh, maybe I only got one or two

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women who are interested in me right now and I don't I don't want to go without sex.

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You don't want to go without.

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You want to have something something's better than nothing and you were mine.

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Look, I'm not going to talk down to you.

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I've been there.

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Trust me.

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And I sometimes I actually still am.

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I'm not some giga Chad who pulls girls like just by looking at them.

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I'm not a giga Chad.

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If I was, I wouldn't be doing this show.

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I'd be driving my G-Wagon, picking up hoes.

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But I'm not.

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I'm just another guy.

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And so my friends, as just another guy, I understand the struggle.

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I understand you want access.

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Look, I am sick and tired of hearing from these from these guys who thought the Bible,

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they thought the Quran, they thought the Torah at me.

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They want to tell me that, oh, you're not supposed to have sex outside of marriage, Austin.

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OK, let me tell you all something real quick.

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I've sent this so many times.

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I can't believe I'm saying it again, but I'm going to do it again.

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I wrote a whole book on a subject.

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OK, but you Johnny come lately.

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I wrote a whole book.

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OK, all biblical bachelors on Amazon is on audio book.

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It's on it's on Kindle.

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It's on all the law.

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I don't want to hear that you go, oh, I don't know where to find it.

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I wrote a whole book on this.

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Marriage is gone when it comes to what it once was.

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It is a totally new age bachelorsation of what real marriage once was.

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Oh, I hate to use the word real.

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It makes me want to throw up when people are like, oh, real men do this or real women do that.

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Ignore that crap. Who cares?

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I hate using that lingo, but I want to do it anyway for two seconds.

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The marriage used to be sanctioned by the church and the state had no stake in that marriage.

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People want to tell me, Austin, there's God in marriage.

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I mean, how in the world could you say this?

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Well, let me tell you, let me ask you a question.

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When you're when your marriage is on the rocks and the guys who have been divorced,

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please speak up on a subject.

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Let these younger guys know these hard headed men.

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Let them know I'm not making this up.

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You will go into court or marriage counseling.

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And where is God there?

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I only see a judge and a counselor.

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Both of them are going to see you as the aggressor because you got the power of the penis.

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They're going to assume that you, my friend, are the problem and that she's the victim.

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Why could she's going to play that role and because she's a woman, they're going to agree with it.

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I know you don't want this to be true.

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I know you're going to say it's not going to affect you.

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I know you're going to sit there and say, Austin, it's not going to be me.

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I don't care.

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All right.

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OK.

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Well, ignore at your own risk then.

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But when it comes to a friends with benefits relationship, you need to define these boundaries.

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I don't care how you think you're going to go without the vagina.

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I don't give a damn because guess what?

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Would you rather I retire slash false allegations coming out against you because that's what you're risking.

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You think it doesn't happen?

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Oh, it does.

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I've seen it happen.

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And statistically, it does happen.

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When you look at the fact that the male self deletion rate is through the roof, you think

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that's just happening in a vacuum?

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It's not.

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Gentlemen, we need to understand how women work and not because we want to take advantage

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of them, but because we need to understand how they operate in the same way that you

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must understand the market you are in or the occupation you have to make and maximize

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your income and your success.

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You must understand women and relationships to maximize your success in getting what you want.

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Instead of focusing on your dream of what you think your relationship should be, focus

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on every single thing that could possibly happen, good or bad, so that you can be prepared.

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All part of the 40 laws of power by Robert Green and fantastic book.

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Absolutely fantastic book.

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Your shit read it if you haven't read it already.

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It's great.

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Anyways, my friends, we must understand what we are dealing with.

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We think that, oh, because I want her because I want, you know, she seems innocent and nice

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that I have nothing to worry about because she says that it's only mine.

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I don't got to worry about it.

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So all part of the power play, my friends, again, I refer you to the 40 laws of power.

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Book you must read right after you read mine.

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But seriously, friends with benefits can be very complicated.

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And that is why you must not be afraid of it ending to define what is happening.

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You say, look, we are just friends.

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We are not.

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We are a homie lover for we're not homie lover friends.

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We're just friends.

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We are not friends.

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We are just friends.

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We are just friends.

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We are just friends.

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We are not in a exclusive relationship.

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We are just hook up buddies.

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You know that.

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And as soon as they don't like it, let them leave.

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Don't don't either walking out the door say, oh, but I'm thinking about giving

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you a relationship.

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No, no, unless you mean it, don't say it.

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My friends, there are so many women out there.

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Do you have any idea how many women are out there?

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You know how many women want a certain caliber of man out there?

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A lot.

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So why in the world would you compromise yourself for a single person who's

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already halfway out the door anyway?

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My friends, this is all the only way you can have a successful

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friends of benefits relationship is when you establish if it's consistent, like

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it's happening every day, two weeks.

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And what's happening every other day or more inconsistent variable, six weeks.

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You must establish what it is, what it's not.

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And the laid out rules, because at that point, they are not a victim anymore

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of miscommunication.

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They are volunteering for what you have laid out.

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Now, that does not give you a hall pass to do whatever you want.

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I like that.

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Go should go without saying.

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What it does do is it allows you to do whatever you want.

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Is it allows you to understand that there is a understand that there is a

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dynamic here that is mutual now.

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She doesn't have some idea of what this is.

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And oh, you're over here.

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Think it's casual.

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Meanwhile, she thinks that you're the one.

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That's how you end up with enormous problems, man.

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Or maybe it's the guy.

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Maybe he was a guy.

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You want to date her and she's like, nah, I'm just trying to I'm just trying

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to have sex for fun, which women do, by the way, all the time.

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Oh, yeah.

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Oh, yeah, we need to break this notion that women don't have sex for fun.

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Oh, yes, they do.

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Oh, yes, they do.

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They do it a lot, actually.

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See, I had a comparison once that men are like dogs and women are like cats.

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You ever notice how you might see a cat in the morning if you have one

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and then you don't see it all day and then you see it like at nighttime

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and you're like, oh, I whiskers, what have you been doing all day?

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Meanwhile, the dog's following you.

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Don wants to protect you.

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Dog knows where you're going.

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Dogs at the house.

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He's protective.

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He's loyal.

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He's companion.

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He's companion orientated.

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You notice the difference there?

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Women will do what they do in secret.

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They are out here bragging about how, yo, man, I smashed Kelsey, man.

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No way, bro.

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That's sick.

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She's like, I go out there and be like, yo, guys,

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I smashed Mike and she's awesome.

250
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No, they doing that shit, at least not around you.

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Goofies.

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They're going to do that.

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Because you go and judge them versus you could actually learn something

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about who they are.

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But if you listen, which you're not listening, instead, you're one and judge

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them because you want traditional tradition is gone, man.

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It being gone for a while.

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Why are we trying to bring something back?

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It's not going to happen.

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Not without a massive disaster.

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I'm talking like apocalyptic level problems.

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Even then they still gone bucket.

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So why are we wasting our time?

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Instead of talking about how to establish arrangements that actually benefit

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you as a man, stop trying to bring back the old day that ain't coming back.

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We are look forward.

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We're going to be like the Greek God Janus who looks with one head to the

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future and one head to the past, learning from the past that both ourselves

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and others and always turning our eyes to the future as to what will happen.

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What might happen in what's probable to happen.

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That is how we establish good relationships that are understanding

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and that are not going to completely come out of nowhere, or at least it's reduced.

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Where they're not going to come out of nowhere with a chainsaw and

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in his wreck or life for a short period or a long period of time.

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My friends, let me know what you have to say about friends with benefits.

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How you've made them work.

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Do you do them?

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Are you being really against them?

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Let me know what you think.

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Because not a lot of people are talking about this.

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Instead, they want to talk about, oh, we need to bring back tradition.

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Yeah, good luck.

283
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Good luck, man.

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That's not going to happen.

285
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Most people are obese, they're lazy, they're stupid.

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And you want to sit here and tell me about tradition.

287
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Yeah, right.

288
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You want to talk to me about banding together?

289
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Let's all of us men unite and put these women in check.

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Biology 101 and Charles Darwin said natural selection is going to conquer that immediately.

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Stupid, absolutely ridiculous.

292
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But anyways, my friends, you take care of that.

293
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You take care of yourselves.

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Let me know what you have to say about friends with benefits, especially.

295
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And how you've made it work, how you don't do them, how they fail.

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Let me know.

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It's important.

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Take care.

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I'm out.

300
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I might do another show today, but I got a busy afternoon.

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I'll let you know I'm out.

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Peace.