Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Sheet Get Sheered podcast.
I'm your host, Austin Kreen, my friends.
We are going to discuss something that I actually have not heard anybody really talk about when
it comes to relationships.
You want to talk about marriage, that's easy.
You want to talk about dating, checked out.
People want to talk about hookup culture, checked out.
But you know what's interesting?
How many of us have had a friends with benefits relationship?
Raise your hands and my invisible audience here out, you know, as I'm recording in my
car after I get into the back from the gym.
Raise your hands.
I see pretty much everybody more or less, but most of the time it doesn't end well.
It ends with people having her feelings, it ends with people getting completely unsatisfied,
usually one more than the other.
And then before you know it, you're like, well, that was a disaster.
So we're going to talk about how do you properly have, if it's even possible, how do you have
a proper friends with benefits relationship?
If it's real, it can't be a mock mode forever.
I mean, if you can, please hit me up in the comments.
I'd love to know your secret.
But we can't stay in mock mode forever.
And even if we're the most staunch religious people in the world, which by the way, anybody
who wants to fuck the Bible at me, I found the bigger the cross, the bigger the crook,
the bigger the schmuck.
And that's what I found.
Usually it's the people who fuck the Bible the most, who are the biggest low life out
here.
I digress talking about friends with benefits.
First of all, what is it?
Well, it's usually an arrangement where they don't want to date because they're probably
fried from dating.
They had a bad experience recently.
They had a scare.
It's usually the girl wants a relationship with the guy she's attracted to.
And the guy she's attracted to has options and he's like, wait a minute, I want to cut
off all my other girls in my rotation.
I don't want to limit myself to just this one girl.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to try to just hook up and have an unspoken agreement
of we're just friends.
This is not exclusive.
And want to go from there.
But let me tell you something, my friends.
That only works the first couple of times.
If you look up with a person a couple of times, I come over midnight, 11, two o'clock in the
morning, you smash, you guys watch a like half a movie that you really don't watch more than
15 minutes of.
And then you can then even proceed to hook up.
And then after that, it's that awkwardness of the guys like, I want to get the hell out
of here.
And the girl's like, oh, I want to cuddle.
I want to talk about stuff.
And you guys like, can I just leave now?
Tell me I'm lying.
See the first couple of times my friends add so on her.
Because she's not telling you, hey, I want to I want to come into a relationship.
She's just giving it to you.
Okay.
But after about two weeks, I'd say I'd say two weeks.
And people might say longer than that.
I say two weeks of consistent hooking up two weeks of consistent hooking up or two months
of on again off again.
No, no, no, scratch that six weeks, two weeks of consistent or six weeks of kind of like
every three days, every four days, whatever, you got to establish what this is.
You as the man, I'm not saying you asked the woman, oh, what are we?
This pussy shit.
No, I'm saying you go out there and you say, look, I'm not looking for a relationship.
We are just, we know we can keep looking up, but you're not getting a relationship out
of me.
That is what you must do.
You must establish the ground rules.
Because if you don't, and then all of a sudden a couple of months down the line, you're like,
oh, yeah, um, I've been hooking up with tons of she finds out you're hooking up with other
girls and whatnot, even if she's hooking up with other dudes, which she probably still
is.
She's going to assume that there's something there if you do not say otherwise.
You must say otherwise.
Now if she chooses to stay there after that, that's all on her.
But you got to let her know what's going on out here.
You got to let her know what you guys are and what you won't be.
You have to do that.
I understand guys don't want to do that because then they're afraid they're going to lose
access to the woman.
Fine.
So what?
Jillian, we're going to talk.
I want to go off on a limb here in a second.
If you are afraid of establishing boundaries like that after the two weeks to six week
mark because you're going to lose access to this woman, you have one of two options.
Then you give her a relationship, which I would not recommend you do, but you do what
you want or two, you got to just cut the you got to cut her off because then she's going
to be a liability to you.
Guys, stop having the scarcity mindset.
If you're afraid to lose this woman because you're like, oh, maybe I only got one or two
women who are interested in me right now and I don't I don't want to go without sex.
You don't want to go without.
You want to have something something's better than nothing and you were mine.
Look, I'm not going to talk down to you.
I've been there.
Trust me.
And I sometimes I actually still am.
I'm not some giga Chad who pulls girls like just by looking at them.
I'm not a giga Chad.
If I was, I wouldn't be doing this show.
I'd be driving my G-Wagon, picking up hoes.
But I'm not.
I'm just another guy.
And so my friends, as just another guy, I understand the struggle.
I understand you want access.
Look, I am sick and tired of hearing from these from these guys who thought the Bible,
they thought the Quran, they thought the Torah at me.
They want to tell me that, oh, you're not supposed to have sex outside of marriage, Austin.
OK, let me tell you all something real quick.
I've sent this so many times.
I can't believe I'm saying it again, but I'm going to do it again.
I wrote a whole book on a subject.
OK, but you Johnny come lately.
I wrote a whole book.
OK, all biblical bachelors on Amazon is on audio book.
It's on it's on Kindle.
It's on all the law.
I don't want to hear that you go, oh, I don't know where to find it.
I wrote a whole book on this.
Marriage is gone when it comes to what it once was.
It is a totally new age bachelorsation of what real marriage once was.
Oh, I hate to use the word real.
It makes me want to throw up when people are like, oh, real men do this or real women do that.
Ignore that crap. Who cares?
I hate using that lingo, but I want to do it anyway for two seconds.
The marriage used to be sanctioned by the church and the state had no stake in that marriage.
People want to tell me, Austin, there's God in marriage.
I mean, how in the world could you say this?
Well, let me tell you, let me ask you a question.
When you're when your marriage is on the rocks and the guys who have been divorced,
please speak up on a subject.
Let these younger guys know these hard headed men.
Let them know I'm not making this up.
You will go into court or marriage counseling.
And where is God there?
I only see a judge and a counselor.
Both of them are going to see you as the aggressor because you got the power of the penis.
They're going to assume that you, my friend, are the problem and that she's the victim.
Why could she's going to play that role and because she's a woman, they're going to agree with it.
I know you don't want this to be true.
I know you're going to say it's not going to affect you.
I know you're going to sit there and say, Austin, it's not going to be me.
I don't care.
All right.
OK.
Well, ignore at your own risk then.
But when it comes to a friends with benefits relationship, you need to define these boundaries.
I don't care how you think you're going to go without the vagina.
I don't give a damn because guess what?
Would you rather I retire slash false allegations coming out against you because that's what you're risking.
You think it doesn't happen?
Oh, it does.
I've seen it happen.
And statistically, it does happen.
When you look at the fact that the male self deletion rate is through the roof, you think
that's just happening in a vacuum?
It's not.
Gentlemen, we need to understand how women work and not because we want to take advantage
of them, but because we need to understand how they operate in the same way that you
must understand the market you are in or the occupation you have to make and maximize
your income and your success.
You must understand women and relationships to maximize your success in getting what you want.
Instead of focusing on your dream of what you think your relationship should be, focus
on every single thing that could possibly happen, good or bad, so that you can be prepared.
All part of the 40 laws of power by Robert Green and fantastic book.
Absolutely fantastic book.
Your shit read it if you haven't read it already.
It's great.
Anyways, my friends, we must understand what we are dealing with.
We think that, oh, because I want her because I want, you know, she seems innocent and nice
that I have nothing to worry about because she says that it's only mine.
I don't got to worry about it.
So all part of the power play, my friends, again, I refer you to the 40 laws of power.
Book you must read right after you read mine.
But seriously, friends with benefits can be very complicated.
And that is why you must not be afraid of it ending to define what is happening.
You say, look, we are just friends.
We are not.
We are a homie lover for we're not homie lover friends.
We're just friends.
We are not friends.
We are just friends.
We are not in a exclusive relationship.
We are just hook up buddies.
You know that.
And as soon as they don't like it, let them leave.
Don't don't either walking out the door say, oh, but I'm thinking about giving
you a relationship.
No, no, unless you mean it, don't say it.
My friends, there are so many women out there.
Do you have any idea how many women are out there?
You know how many women want a certain caliber of man out there?
A lot.
So why in the world would you compromise yourself for a single person who's
already halfway out the door anyway?
My friends, this is all the only way you can have a successful
friends of benefits relationship is when you establish if it's consistent, like
it's happening every day, two weeks.
And what's happening every other day or more inconsistent variable, six weeks.
You must establish what it is, what it's not.
And the laid out rules, because at that point, they are not a victim anymore
of miscommunication.
They are volunteering for what you have laid out.
Now, that does not give you a hall pass to do whatever you want.
I like that.
Go should go without saying.
What it does do is it allows you to do whatever you want.
Is it allows you to understand that there is a understand that there is a
dynamic here that is mutual now.
She doesn't have some idea of what this is.
And oh, you're over here.
Think it's casual.
Meanwhile, she thinks that you're the one.
That's how you end up with enormous problems, man.
Or maybe it's the guy.
Maybe he was a guy.
You want to date her and she's like, nah, I'm just trying to I'm just trying
to have sex for fun, which women do, by the way, all the time.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, we need to break this notion that women don't have sex for fun.
Oh, yes, they do.
They do it a lot, actually.
See, I had a comparison once that men are like dogs and women are like cats.
You ever notice how you might see a cat in the morning if you have one
and then you don't see it all day and then you see it like at nighttime
and you're like, oh, I whiskers, what have you been doing all day?
Meanwhile, the dog's following you.
Don wants to protect you.
Dog knows where you're going.
Dogs at the house.
He's protective.
He's loyal.
He's companion.
He's companion orientated.
You notice the difference there?
Women will do what they do in secret.
They are out here bragging about how, yo, man, I smashed Kelsey, man.
No way, bro.
That's sick.
She's like, I go out there and be like, yo, guys,
I smashed Mike and she's awesome.
No, they doing that shit, at least not around you.
Goofies.
They're going to do that.
Because you go and judge them versus you could actually learn something
about who they are.
But if you listen, which you're not listening, instead, you're one and judge
them because you want traditional tradition is gone, man.
It being gone for a while.
Why are we trying to bring something back?
It's not going to happen.
Not without a massive disaster.
I'm talking like apocalyptic level problems.
Even then they still gone bucket.
So why are we wasting our time?
Instead of talking about how to establish arrangements that actually benefit
you as a man, stop trying to bring back the old day that ain't coming back.
We are look forward.
We're going to be like the Greek God Janus who looks with one head to the
future and one head to the past, learning from the past that both ourselves
and others and always turning our eyes to the future as to what will happen.
What might happen in what's probable to happen.
That is how we establish good relationships that are understanding
and that are not going to completely come out of nowhere, or at least it's reduced.
Where they're not going to come out of nowhere with a chainsaw and
in his wreck or life for a short period or a long period of time.
My friends, let me know what you have to say about friends with benefits.
How you've made them work.
Do you do them?
Are you being really against them?
Let me know what you think.
Because not a lot of people are talking about this.
Instead, they want to talk about, oh, we need to bring back tradition.
Yeah, good luck.
Good luck, man.
That's not going to happen.
Most people are obese, they're lazy, they're stupid.
And you want to sit here and tell me about tradition.
Yeah, right.
You want to talk to me about banding together?
Let's all of us men unite and put these women in check.
Biology 101 and Charles Darwin said natural selection is going to conquer that immediately.
Stupid, absolutely ridiculous.
But anyways, my friends, you take care of that.
You take care of yourselves.
Let me know what you have to say about friends with benefits, especially.
And how you've made it work, how you don't do them, how they fail.
Let me know.
It's important.
Take care.
I'm out.
I might do another show today, but I got a busy afternoon.
I'll let you know I'm out.
Peace.