1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,740 Hey guys, welcome back to more of Mel the coolest part in the game where I pick people's 2 00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:10,000 brains about things that keep me up at night. 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:14,920 I'm your host Mel and let me just say how excited I am that we are in our second season. 4 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:19,200 We're back, we're better, and we're uncut this season which I really think will lead 5 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,760 to such entertaining content. 6 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:26,040 So without further ado, let's kick off this season with a banger. 7 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:30,560 On today's episode, Single and Comfortable, we have a recurring guest, Ms. Nia Harmon, 8 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:37,760 here to talk with me about our rather recent or not recent delving into the single world. 9 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:43,400 But I've been single for like 9-10 months now, but you're relatively new to the single 10 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:44,400 world. 11 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,400 Yes ma'am I am. 12 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,440 Well first of all, hey everyone, I'm so excited to be here. 13 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,840 I wish y'all could see the smile on my face. 14 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:55,400 Because you know, anytime I'm with my girl Mel, it's a party so, let's get into it. 15 00:00:55,400 --> 00:01:00,480 Okay, so I also want to kind of say that I feel like this is a continuation of my episode 16 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,520 with Grace Kinney. 17 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,560 Not really, but also because we're going to talk about guys and relationships and being 18 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:07,640 single and whatever. 19 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:11,920 So just wanted to kind of give off a little preface for that. 20 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:17,280 So there's going to be a theme throughout her laughing at me already, I can't. 21 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:21,160 No it's uncut, I can't even say why I laugh, but you know why I laugh. 22 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,560 Yeah, okay whatever. 23 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:27,120 Anyways, also another preface, if you feel targeted during this episode, please sign 24 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,720 off because I'm not going to hold anything in. 25 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:34,480 So I mean, I really want my listenership to go up, so listen. 26 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:39,440 But also, oh my god I forgot to say we have a live audience. 27 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,560 Two guests that were on the first season. 28 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,200 We're clapping in our heads right now because we don't want to fuck up the audio. 29 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:48,840 But we have Cherie and Sydney, my girls girls, listening in right now. 30 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,920 They're waving I think. 31 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,440 So yeah, that's a really fun experience. 32 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:58,280 But no, like I was saying, there's going to be kind of a recurring theme in the first 33 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:03,040 five episodes probably because I had a really reflective ass summer bro. 34 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:08,400 I was having existential crises right and left, up, down, side to side. 35 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,360 It was crazy. 36 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:16,200 So I kind of want to hear your thoughts first about being newly single and how that made 37 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,200 you feel or the process or whatever. 38 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,200 So please. 39 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,160 I think it's so funny that we were talking about introspective summer because I know 40 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,000 that's something that we both talked about. 41 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:30,440 Like, baby, when I tell you I was annotating Joan Didion, annotating the Bible, like baby, 42 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:34,080 baby, I was really all my stuff. 43 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:40,640 But yeah, honestly, I think, don't hold back. 44 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:48,440 But baby, you know, how do I say this? 45 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:55,400 Four months back at home can be a lot, especially like and I'm pretty sure like, well, you know, 46 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,880 obviously, you're one of my closest friends, if not my best friend at Emerson, as well 47 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,720 as Samara and like Pangea, that friend group. 48 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,480 And so like I'm super close with you guys. 49 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,880 So going already like being home was hard enough. 50 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:12,000 And then the week after everything happened, you know, this my dad got in a really, really 51 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,720 bad car accident. 52 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:18,560 And the complete so he went because he knew Samara was coming down to Dallas for a couple 53 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:19,560 of days. 54 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:23,200 And I hadn't been driving my car, you know, so I was all. 55 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,200 Everything's working right. 56 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,520 Because I mean, two pretty girls stuck on Sam Rayburn. 57 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,000 Like that's not that's not the vibe. 58 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,000 Right. 59 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,280 And yeah, it was literally just like mechanic mechanic. 60 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,280 Yeah. 61 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,280 Negligence. 62 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:39,440 And the hood of my car comes flying up, completely shatters the windshield. 63 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,840 Like my dad has glass on him and he's about to get on the tollway. 64 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:42,840 Right. 65 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,200 And there was somebody behind him and he wasn't going that fast. 66 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,600 But where it happened, it's a very busy intersection area. 67 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:54,080 So I was in like a state of shock for a very long time. 68 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,080 Rightfully so. 69 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,080 And not only that, but I started a new job. 70 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,080 Right. 71 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,600 So now it's like I'm not with my closest friends. 72 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,040 Like my dad could have been very hurt, if not worse. 73 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,040 You know what I'm saying? 74 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,040 Like I'm back home. 75 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,400 Like I'm having to readjust to like not having my independence to a certain extent. 76 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,200 Because my parents aren't like helicopter parents and obviously I'm 19, but it's like, 77 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,200 you know, like I'm not going out as much. 78 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,200 They have their rules or whatever. 79 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,200 Yeah. 80 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,200 Like I'm not going out as much. 81 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,200 So that was just like a lot. 82 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:24,800 But and again, like being in your childhood bedroom can be weird. 83 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:25,800 You know what I'm saying? 84 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:29,440 Like all the memories fall back from like senior year and like you're kind of starting 85 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:30,440 to be like trauma. 86 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,440 No, literally. 87 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,560 And it's like you feel like you're back at square one. 88 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:35,560 Yeah. 89 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,560 But what I can say is like having that time. 90 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:42,520 Because again, like I got home two weeks later, I was basically all independent. 91 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:47,240 Like I'm having to get driven everywhere because my car's total like my dad could have like 92 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,240 lost his life. 93 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,360 And I'm not talking to the people I used to talk to every single day. 94 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,360 Not only friends. 95 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,360 It's just such a huge change in pace. 96 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,360 Exactly. 97 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,320 Because not only like my friends, but like this other person. 98 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,720 And it's like, you know, it's just like what is going on. 99 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,600 Like even I didn't even tell you and Samara for like the longest. 100 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,560 I was just like, I was just in shock. 101 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,880 Like OMG, like my dad could have lost his life. 102 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,520 But the I don't want to say a good thing, but I guess the silver lining and all of that 103 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,880 was it taught me how like finite our lives are. 104 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,520 Like it obviously I know like we all we're not here forever, but that was really an awakening 105 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,000 that like I can't rot away in my room no matter how sad I am. 106 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:25,040 Like you never know you could walk out the house one day and not come back. 107 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,440 And I do not wish that over my family, over anyone at all. 108 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:34,080 But like it was just really, again, introspective mom where I was like, wow, like I can't dwell 109 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,320 on things. 110 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:42,520 And I can't let things not turning out the way I wanted them to like make me like be 111 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:43,520 the person. 112 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,920 Just hole up in your room and like change you for the worse. 113 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:46,920 Exactly. 114 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:50,200 Like not talk because you know how and you know especially how much we talk and we share 115 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,200 with each other. 116 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,800 So it's like I was just literally I would wake up confused, go to bed confused. 117 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,080 I'm like, this is not real. 118 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,080 Like what just happened? 119 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,280 Like existential crisis. 120 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:01,240 Two weeks, two weeks, my life is completely flipped upside down. 121 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,240 Yeah. 122 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:06,120 And it's just kind of like like that. 123 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:12,600 Just like looking around for answers, answers, nowhere to be found, a sign, nowhere, nowhere 124 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:13,600 to be found. 125 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:17,240 No, it's except in on the beach resort at. 126 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,240 But we'll get to that. 127 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,240 In Maui. 128 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,240 Yeah, because she went to Maui. 129 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:21,240 All crazy. 130 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,400 And one thing which also was a very it was great. 131 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:29,080 But like even like the wildfires there now, like it's just I don't know. 132 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,160 It was just a crazy rude awakening, rude awakening, which is such a tremendous thing. 133 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,920 Because like you look back at the pictures and you were like, I was there and all of 134 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:39,360 like the amazing people we met who were super kind to us and like all of the things we did 135 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:44,760 and it's like these people are hurting, they're suffering in a place that I was able to like 136 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:50,880 find some sort of like, you know, like relax or like what is it like relief for a while. 137 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:55,880 And like my mom and I had the best girl, like my mom and I are super close and we've been 138 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,760 a little too close on that trip in terms of like me sharing stuff with her. 139 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,080 But again, like kind of just like being on the beach with her, like it's just her and 140 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,360 I and a whole bunch of strangers around us. 141 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:10,520 Just kind of a refreshing scenery and like just to get yourself together kind of after 142 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,520 what had happened. 143 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,520 You know? 144 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,520 Yeah, I'm like looking out the mouth. 145 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,960 I even shared with her like about like me being really upset about obviously she knows 146 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:21,760 I'm sad about like my dad, but like just kind of like telling her like how all those emotions 147 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:22,760 like kind of like can't. 148 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:23,760 Just flooded in. 149 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:24,760 Yeah. 150 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,800 And I even like turned up a little bit and like I couldn't cry too much because I had 151 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,720 sand all up in my hand. 152 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,720 So I can't like wipe, you know, get sand in my eye. 153 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:31,720 Priorities. 154 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:32,720 Yeah. 155 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:36,160 Just like looking out like into the abyss with the mountains on the ocean, just talking 156 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,160 to my mom. 157 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:41,200 It was just really like, you know, I mean, fair enough. 158 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,920 Like I love doing that with my mom or even with myself. 159 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:49,720 And speaking of being by yourself, one of my points is like being single and how like 160 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,600 it makes you feel alone. 161 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:56,120 But there's also a sense of comfortability kind of because you get to know yourself more 162 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,800 without like having that other person. 163 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,160 I don't want to say hindering because like that has a negative connotation to it, but 164 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,880 like kind of hindering on your life. 165 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,760 You have to focus on them while still focusing on you. 166 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:11,680 And so you kind of get comfortable with getting to know yourself and just putting focus on 167 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,560 things of greater value. 168 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,000 So did you experience that like after your breakup? 169 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,000 Yeah. 170 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,640 So the funny thing is like college was the first time I like learned how to be comfortable 171 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:25,880 alone, like freshman year of college, because growing up, I obviously had my family, which 172 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:26,880 you know that. 173 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:27,880 And then I was super involved in school. 174 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,760 I mean, yeah, I'm always doing something. 175 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,600 But like if I wasn't in and her are so we're so locked in. 176 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:38,400 I love a good LinkedIn, love a good, you know, at me, Harmon Media on Instagram, I recently 177 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,400 long as fuck. 178 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,400 It is 20. 179 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,400 It is. 180 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,400 It is. 181 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:43,400 But that's just like how I operate. 182 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,920 I come from two super hardworking parents and I think a lot of my drive I get is from 183 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,800 my mom, which Ray Harmon is a super hard worker. 184 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,880 He built like that church from the ground up, babe. 185 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:53,880 And like, I'm so proud of him. 186 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,880 I'm so happy for him. 187 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,800 Like what he's been able to like, you know, accomplish. 188 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,760 He was able to have interns this summer, like me and awesome. 189 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:03,760 I saw that. 190 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,760 Yeah. 191 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:05,760 Yeah. 192 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,440 Like the fact that like my because you know, there is I'm not going to say on this one, 193 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,920 like when a good church gets to a certain size, it does have a business aspect. 194 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:11,920 Right. 195 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:16,160 So like the fact that we've grown so much that like he we are paid interns and we get 196 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:21,160 to like help out like the fact every time I can see him or every time I see him and 197 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,000 we're doing like church related stuff, I just hug him and I was like, I'm so, so proud of 198 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:28,680 you because I remember we were in that two bedroom apartment and had nothing like nothing. 199 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:32,600 It was like it's an awesome feeling seeing your parents exactly after you saw them go 200 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,600 through. 201 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:34,600 Right. 202 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:35,600 Yeah. 203 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,600 And even like my mom, I'm not going to tell her whole story because again, like family 204 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,040 related and I don't have permission to say all that stuff. 205 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,880 Like she's an extremely crazy hard worker. 206 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:42,880 And like I'm sorry. 207 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,520 I will mean like, oh my goodness, like I'm also pretty. 208 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:45,520 Your mom's so nice. 209 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:46,520 She saw that, which obviously she is. 210 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:50,280 But like if only you all knew Wendy Harmon's story, like it's just so amazing. 211 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,120 Wendy Harmon's brain, Wendy Harmon's soul. 212 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,120 Everything. 213 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,120 Like I don't think you understand how badly. 214 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,120 You guys need to meet Wendy Harmon. 215 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,560 When she comes up here. 216 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,160 Oh, oh trust y'all meet her. 217 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:03,800 But yeah, I get my drive a lot from my parents, but because I went and I went to a super big 218 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,440 high school in Texas, like y'all know the high schools Arabic. 219 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,600 So I was like, I was always around people. 220 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,460 Like that's not a bad thing, but like, okay, like first period I had broadcasting. 221 00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:15,640 So if I wasn't editing a story, I was in the studio, we were doing anchors, right? 222 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,280 And I was directing or I was going out and getting that story. 223 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:21,080 And then, you know, I have my classes, which obviously have people in them. 224 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,960 And then I go to track practice. 225 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,960 I'm there for like two and a half, three hours every day. 226 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,160 So like I was always around people. 227 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,360 Like when I get home, I'm around my family, obviously. 228 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,880 So like that was one thing I had to learn. 229 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,960 Like at college, like when I, I like didn't start really going like anywhere by myself 230 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:35,960 for a long time. 231 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,760 And then my parents were also like, okay, like you're in a big city, like don't go anywhere 232 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:39,760 alone. 233 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:40,760 Right. 234 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:45,080 So I was kind of like almost afraid to be alone because one, I was always around people 235 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,080 like all the time. 236 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:50,520 And then my work, the job I had this summer before coming to college, I was working with 237 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:51,520 kids, right? 238 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,840 So now I'm really never alone because like I have little ones like around me that you 239 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,200 have to like watch after. 240 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:00,200 So that was like the first time I really got like, once I knew my way around and I was 241 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,360 like, okay, I know like where to go or not to go. 242 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:06,240 I started to like walk to the Esplanade by myself and I'd like eat lunch by myself. 243 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:10,120 I go get coffee, just like walk to Prudential and spend way too much money. 244 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,880 But like it was, I was like kind of like learning how to get on my feet. 245 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:17,240 And then fast forward, I'm in a relationship now, right? 246 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:21,200 So it's like, okay, if I'm not with my friends, I'm with this person. 247 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,200 Yeah. 248 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,400 So like that was really weird too, because like I was, you know, I was with y'all all 249 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,720 the time, but like when I wasn't, I was like having my like alone time. 250 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,600 But I was like, oh, like, okay, I'm done with my friends, I'm hanging out with this person. 251 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,520 Or like vice versa, like done with them, I'm hanging out with my friends. 252 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:36,760 It's just like a constant like leaning on someone, like just bouncing around like off 253 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:37,760 of each other. 254 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:38,760 Exactly. 255 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:39,760 Yeah. 256 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,560 And I think that was one thing again, being at home was hard because like, okay, I'm not 257 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:42,560 supposed to do that. 258 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:43,560 No, I don't have that. 259 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:44,560 I have my leaning on myself. 260 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,880 And like, I have obviously I have my friends at home, you know what I'm saying? 261 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,080 Like, yeah, then like, again, like we're working the entire summer, right? 262 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,640 So it's like, you know, I'm not living my little fairy college life where I'm just like, 263 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:55,640 I go to class. 264 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:56,640 She was a fairy. 265 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:57,640 She was a fairy, right? 266 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,000 I'm not a fairy no more. 267 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:04,120 I don't just wake up, go to class, like go do work, go to get coffee, talk with my friends, 268 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,360 like no, baby, you got to get up, you got to go work that eight hour shift mamas. 269 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,920 Like this is not, this is a real world. 270 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:10,920 You know what I'm saying? 271 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,680 So that like learning how to like do that all again. 272 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:18,080 And then again, y'all, my car was totaled for weeks and like you can't walk in Texas 273 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,440 like you can walk in Boston. 274 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,440 Yeah, like love McKinney shop. 275 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,040 McKinney like it is not a walkable city at any. 276 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,360 Yeah, by any means. 277 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:31,320 So I was just like, well, like I'm yeah, like this is just crazy because I can't even like 278 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,320 it sometimes it was just like I just want to get out the house and then that too. 279 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,600 It's three digit weather all the time. 280 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,360 And again, I'm working what eight, nine hour shifts. 281 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:44,480 So by the time I want to walk to the way too hot, way too dark or you're too fucking tired. 282 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,400 Like you just want to get your ass home and sleep. 283 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,400 Exactly. 284 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,400 So that was just a weird thing. 285 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,980 I was like, oh my God, like this time, like being around people, it was like more suffocating 286 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:55,160 than like relaxing because I was like, I don't want to be around anybody. 287 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,280 Like I just want to be able to like go somewhere. 288 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,520 You know what I'm saying? 289 00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,520 And again, it's nice. 290 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,880 He's just walking through the common or like walking through Beacon Hill. 291 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,980 It's like, oh, like I actually got to get in the car. 292 00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:08,400 And then again, like I got to interact with people and then anywhere I want to go, like 293 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,800 I have to drive there. 294 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,800 Yeah. 295 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:14,040 So it's just like, it's just so such a stagnant life. 296 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,840 I would call it when you're back home. 297 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:20,360 Like I can sort of relay, but like in Haiti, we've talked about this at length, like in 298 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:21,360 Haiti, it's totally different. 299 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,800 Like you can see people all the time, go out all the time, whatever. 300 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:28,840 And also with my like living with my mom, she's never been such a like, like a parent 301 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,520 who's like always like hovering over me or whatever. 302 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,520 Right. 303 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,840 But so it was easier to like go out and do shit. 304 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:41,200 But also, like I remember like, yeah, I think it was the last weekend I was in Haiti and 305 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:46,560 my family was having dinner and I was like, I can't like I'm not I cannot be like, and 306 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:50,880 I love my anyone who knows me knows I love my I would kill for my family. 307 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:55,480 But there's just there just comes a point where you're home for so long, four fucking 308 00:13:55,480 --> 00:14:00,160 months of summer vacation in Haiti, like I could not be around people and I stayed home 309 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,400 and it was the last weekend of being home. 310 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:06,400 Like you would think I'd want to say goodbye to them or like go see them for like the last 311 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,400 day. 312 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:12,360 No, I like I wanted to stay home so bad and be by myself, you know, and like, I don't know. 313 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:17,080 I feel like that relates so much to like having a boyfriend because like you're so used to 314 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,560 like seeing that person or like talking to them 24 7. 315 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:25,320 And then when it ends, it's like, oh, oh, like, what's going on? 316 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,680 Like just panic mode kind of, you know? 317 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:28,680 Exactly. 318 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:29,680 Yeah, I don't know. 319 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,760 But the good thing is like, I was really, really quick so we can move on to our next 320 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:33,760 question. 321 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,680 But like, yeah, again, like having to like, you know, have a super introspective summer, 322 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,200 like even like now, like, you know, I go on my walks in the morning and I've been like 323 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:44,680 waking up early and like being back to like, you know, routine who I was like, you know, 324 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:50,840 like before everything and like, like, not that I was never like, I wouldn't say you 325 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:51,840 changed. 326 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,480 Yeah, but I just kind of like, you know, I got my spark back. 327 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,120 And I'm so happy for you. 328 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,680 And I totally and wholeheartedly agree with that fact. 329 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,840 Thank you. 330 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,800 I also want to say something really interesting. 331 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:09,520 I had seen a TikTok over the summer when I was having like my reflection, right, journey, 332 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:13,000 whatever the fuck that was still in it, honestly. 333 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:19,440 But I saw this TikTok and this woman was saying how being single is so fun until it becomes 334 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:23,400 scary because you get so comfortable with yourself. 335 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:28,360 You kind of don't like no one will live up to what you've done for yourself. 336 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,680 And I like that's so true. 337 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:35,960 I remember I sent you like I sent you screenshots of like a notebook I had and like it was listing 338 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,640 my standards for men now. 339 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:42,000 And it's just such a scary thing because like damn bitch, you're are you going to find this 340 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,000 person? 341 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000 Does this person exist? 342 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,000 It's AI friendly. 343 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:53,240 We have to build him and I'll fact chat fucking GPT because like, whoa, it's so scary because 344 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:58,920 I don't know if anyone is going to live up to the standards I have for them or even for 345 00:15:58,920 --> 00:15:59,920 myself. 346 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:03,400 Like, are you going to love me like I love me? 347 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,400 Good question. 348 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:11,360 So I want to hear your thoughts about that scary aspect of it. 349 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,360 That's a loaded question. 350 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:17,480 And I think what's also crazy too is again, going back to like my parents, like, you know, 351 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:18,480 my dad and I, we butt heads. 352 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,480 I think we're very similar. 353 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:20,480 So we tend to butt heads. 354 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:24,040 And one thing about him exactly, he can pull out that wallet. 355 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,880 One thing even like when we didn't have it when they were in, when they were we were 356 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,560 in like kind of like, you know, our transition time because it was like, again, a whole other 357 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,560 thing. 358 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,680 But like he built it up and we were able to live a comfortable life now, which I would 359 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:39,000 say, which I'm very grateful for, like not trying to be funny or brag at all. 360 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:43,920 But I'm just used to like, even if we quote unquote, don't have it, we're going to make 361 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:44,920 it happen. 362 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:45,920 You know what I'm saying? 363 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:51,280 Like, we're going to have like what we need, period, but like Levi and I want something 364 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,440 like and the thing is, my mom and I joke, she said, like whenever I want stuff or anything 365 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,320 and my mom always jokes that she says, Nia, the only thing you haven't gotten that you 366 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,800 wanted is that pink Barbie Jeep. 367 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,200 Because you know, like when you're kids and they had like little pink Barbie Jeeps. 368 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:05,840 But then again, I was asking for that when we were really little and they were on staff 369 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:10,400 somewhere else and they were just like getting paid peanuts and then they had just had Levi. 370 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,400 So it was just they literally could. 371 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,400 Right. 372 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,400 Exactly. 373 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,400 But guess who drives a Jeep? 374 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:20,280 Not to brag, but it's like everything comes full circle and it's like I I'm just used 375 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,080 to people who like make it happen. 376 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,480 So I think that's where my high standards were stemmed from stem from. 377 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,880 And then you have the rose colored glasses on. 378 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,400 So you allow yourself to be treated like shit. 379 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:35,840 I'm not going to let her blur the lines like shit. 380 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,800 I'm not saying this is specific to either of us. 381 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:46,840 However, comma, comma, when when you put up on those damn glasses with the stained ass 382 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:52,000 fucking lenses, bitch, oh, you let anything slide and it sucks to look back. 383 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,000 But go on. 384 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,760 You took the words right out my mouth, sister. 385 00:17:55,760 --> 00:18:00,000 So yeah, when you have those rose colored glasses on. 386 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,000 Yeah. 387 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,280 Like you said, you know, we've been over that. 388 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:08,040 And then you take the glasses off and you're like, OMG, like OMG, question mark, OMG, question 389 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,040 mark. 390 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,040 And it's like, oh, like what? 391 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:14,440 And even like when I would like tell my parents, like some of the things that happened, like 392 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,840 they were in shock that we raised you differently than this. 393 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,200 Like, you know what I'm saying? 394 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,960 Yeah, they were almost like, girl, what? 395 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,440 And then again, like I wanted to also take into account that, like, you know, everyone's 396 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,520 raised differently for sure. 397 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:31,000 But there are certain things that are like surface level and are givens. 398 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,760 And I'm sorry, there's no excuse for not like living up to those things. 399 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:35,760 I'm sorry. 400 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:36,760 Like, exactly. 401 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:37,760 Yeah. 402 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,040 So it definitely was a learning experience for sure. 403 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:46,040 But yeah, and I don't think and one thing I wanted to comment on when you were saying, 404 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,920 like, you don't think everyone will live up to your standards. 405 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,960 Yeah, we have high standards and we joke, but I think that our standards, this is going 406 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:53,960 to be controversial. 407 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:54,960 So don't get mad. 408 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,040 Like, I don't think our standards are unreasonable. 409 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:03,440 Like genuinely speaking, from like where we like come from, like our backgrounds, we're 410 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:09,600 like, I think it's just like baseline relationship things like I were really not not I don't 411 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,640 think I know we're not asking for that much. 412 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:15,720 So it's like we're not asking for like above what should already be given exactly. 413 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:21,240 So then to be kind of like told that like, oh, like too much, too much. 414 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,840 Yeah, it's like we're staring at each other. 415 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,040 Yeah, bitch, what the fuck? 416 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,880 No, and I agree with that. 417 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:33,440 Because again, going back to my first ever episode of this podcast, as much as I may 418 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:39,840 hate on a Haitian man, one thing about a Haitian man, he will take care of you. 419 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:40,840 Period. 420 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:46,560 Like, and just coming here and like letting guys just like walk all over me. 421 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,560 That's so not me. 422 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,560 That's my problem. 423 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,560 It's so not me. 424 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,360 And like, I just let that shit happen. 425 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,360 No more. 426 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,360 No fucking more. 427 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,360 No more system. 428 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,800 Mind you, it's going to happen again. 429 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,440 Don't put that into the air. 430 00:19:58,440 --> 00:19:59,440 Like literally don't. 431 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,680 Please don't put that in the air. 432 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:02,680 We've come too far. 433 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:03,960 We've come too far. 434 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:08,760 But it's just to say that like not every even though you have something in mind, not everything 435 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,680 is going to play out the way you want it to. 436 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:15,040 Like you said, like in the beginning of this, it's like I know I'm going to get fucked over 437 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,480 again, hoping it's not as hard as it has already happened. 438 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:22,600 But like, I'm not going to put out these crazy expectations out for myself. 439 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,360 And also I just, if I'm actually going to take a guy seriously, I'm not going to let 440 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,680 him treat me like whatever, you know? 441 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:36,120 And I think the important thing is like, let's bring back being like going slow. 442 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,280 Like let's bring going slow back in the style. 443 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,280 Yeah. 444 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:45,720 I think it would save from a lot of confusion and distress if we just went slow. 445 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,000 Like the confusion is crazy. 446 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:55,560 Like the confusion that ensues when you start talking to a man. 447 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,760 It's truly like a what the fuck moment. 448 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,240 Like what is going on again? 449 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,640 And then we let the confusion happen. 450 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:03,640 You know what I'm saying? 451 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,440 And not an excuse because again, we're all grown. 452 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,040 We're all the same age. 453 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:13,200 So like, yeah, but you know, and then my mom has been a school teacher for years. 454 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:20,320 So scientifically proven, like don't buy me, but like, you know, boys do develop later 455 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,320 than women. 456 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,320 100%. 457 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,320 I'm sorry. 458 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:28,080 I'm thinking, oh, you're going to think like how a 19 year old woman would think in the 459 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,160 terms of like, you know, maturity. 460 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,160 Yeah. 461 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,200 And it's like, oh wait, no, like y'all have some years to go. 462 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,120 So that's also one thing to keep into account. 463 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:39,760 Like again, not to make an excuse because there's plenty of 19 year old, 20 year old 464 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:45,840 men who are perfectly mature and where are they on people's upbringing? 465 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,960 But like, you know, people who are taught how to treat people. 466 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:53,280 No, but like, where are you guys? 467 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:54,280 Hit me up, please. 468 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:55,280 Thank you. 469 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:56,280 Yeah. 470 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,280 Yeah. 471 00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:01,520 But I think I don't know where I was going, but that's okay, friend. 472 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:02,520 We have so many other things. 473 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:03,920 Oh, that's like our standards and stuff like that. 474 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,520 Like I think that's one thing we have to keep in consideration. 475 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:09,920 Like, you know, like guys do tend to take scientifically proven, longer to mature. 476 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,200 Like, yeah. 477 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,440 But I think, yeah, like just taking it slow. 478 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,440 Yeah. 479 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,720 And just so that there's no confusion. 480 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:18,720 Yeah. 481 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:23,280 And also not like, it's okay to have blurred lines in like the beginning when you start 482 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,280 talking to someone. 483 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:28,360 But then when it comes to a point where it's like a mutual understanding, even though, 484 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:32,560 even if it's not spoken, when there's like a mutual understanding that like, okay, I 485 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:37,760 kind of want to try this out with you, kind of want to take you quote unquote seriously, 486 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,120 very quote unquote on that seriously. 487 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:46,080 But yeah, there should be like a mutual understanding, but like, okay, I kind of want to take you 488 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,080 seriously. 489 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,080 Like, let's try it out. 490 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,080 But obviously there isn't? 491 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:50,080 Right. 492 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:51,080 It's kind of frustrating. 493 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,080 Yeah. 494 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:57,600 Because like, obviously people's, we're ever evolving at this age. 495 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,000 Like people's like minds can change and everything like that. 496 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,360 But it's also like, okay, come on now. 497 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:05,320 Like you're too old to be, yeah, like be so real. 498 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,320 But then again, you have to remember. 499 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,840 Scientifically proven. 500 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,400 That's such a crazy fact to me. 501 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,440 I mean, it's not crazy because we've seen how men act. 502 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:16,720 But anyways, not to shit on y'all. 503 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,800 I love men, but we love men. 504 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,800 A handful of you. 505 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,000 Attractive men. 506 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:27,400 You literally just broke my eardrums so bad. 507 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:28,400 That's okay, friend. 508 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,720 And side joke, if you know, you know. 509 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:32,720 Good night. 510 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,120 Oh, okay. 511 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:35,120 Something else. 512 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,480 I want to hear your thoughts on this. 513 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:42,400 Jumping into new relationships straight after or waiting what society deems an appropriate 514 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,800 amount of time after a breakup. 515 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:45,800 What I would prefer? 516 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,200 Yeah, I have thoughts on this. 517 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,120 No, what do you think about those two things? 518 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,960 And also what you would prefer? 519 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,040 Jumping into a relationship right after a breakup, you need to go to therapy. 520 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,360 You do not need to. 521 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:56,360 No, I'm being so serious. 522 00:23:56,360 --> 00:24:01,080 And I think even sometimes before people get into a relationship, they should. 523 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:05,400 Because when you're around a person a long time, you start to pick up on things. 524 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:11,400 And you realize, and I was like, uh oh, I think. 525 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,400 Words. 526 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,400 Thoughts. 527 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:14,400 I'm sorry, y'all. 528 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,400 Turn the mic off. 529 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,400 I don't diagnose people. 530 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:17,400 You know what I'm saying? 531 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:24,600 But with the work that my parents do, they just work a lot with us on emotions and like 532 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,600 talking things up. 533 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,600 And you told me they do counseling, right? 534 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:30,600 Yeah, they do counseling and stuff. 535 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:31,600 Yeah, that's under the umbrella. 536 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:32,600 Just people with many hats, many talents. 537 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:36,040 They do like, premarital counseling, like regular life counseling, like consulting, 538 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,400 all of that as well. 539 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:41,280 So again, I have, obviously I'm not perfect in relationships, but because that's what 540 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:42,280 my parents do. 541 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,200 Yeah, you're in touch with your emotions. 542 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,400 And I kind of pick up on things. 543 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,400 Right, exactly. 544 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,320 So that's my whole thing. 545 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:56,080 If you're getting out of a relationship and diving right back in. 546 00:24:56,080 --> 00:25:02,960 I'm yeah, I don't want to slip no names out, but please do. 547 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:03,960 Do tell. 548 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:04,960 It's okay, y'all. 549 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:05,960 We're not going to be messy. 550 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:06,960 No, yeah, we're not. 551 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:07,960 I'm not. 552 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:08,960 Yeah, I can be, but I'm not going to let her be. 553 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:09,960 Right, exactly. 554 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:10,960 Because I don't want to be. 555 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:18,960 I'm, you know, grown anyways, but like jumping like back into like you need a relationship 556 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:22,600 or like talking to people like baby you need to go see a professional. 557 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:23,600 And like that's okay. 558 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:28,880 Like I think we, that's such a stigma of like men like not going to therapy. 559 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,320 And I'm being so serious. 560 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:31,480 Like my face is straight. 561 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,320 Like Sydney and Cherie can literally vouch for me. 562 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:38,280 My face is so straight when I say please go seek a therapist and like fast friend. 563 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:43,440 Like because a lot of the stuff that men be going through. 564 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,320 I mean, seriously, when it comes to how they treat women. 565 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,360 Or how they treat people in general also. 566 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:54,800 Yeah, it's like friend, you like there's some deep rooted like something happened to you 567 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,280 and I'm so sorry that happened to you. 568 00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,240 But like let's go get it worked out so you can be a healthy, happy person because this 569 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,240 is not a good look friend. 570 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,240 Like this is not a good look. 571 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,240 This is not a good attitude. 572 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:04,240 Like let's go. 573 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:05,240 I agree with that 100%. 574 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:12,240 And like I don't want to call this person out, but I'm not going to name their name 575 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,040 or anything, but someone very close to me who is a guy. 576 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,600 He started going to therapy. 577 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:21,880 I think like a little under a year ago and he's doing so good now. 578 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:26,680 So I had a conversation with him, a bunch of conversations with him over the summer 579 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,840 and just in the way he speaks, you can see the difference. 580 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,840 Like he was so in touch with certain things that like prior he really was not. 581 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:38,000 And like talking to this person before he went to therapy was like literally banging 582 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,000 my head on the wall. 583 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,240 So I was like, can you shut the fuck up? 584 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:41,760 What are you talking about? 585 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,320 And now I'm able to have a productive conversation with this person. 586 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:48,240 And also this is not men, please don't come and like shit on us. 587 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:52,080 This is not to say that only men need therapy because I have a therapist. 588 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,080 I love my therapist. 589 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:55,080 Shout out Mary. 590 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,600 Y'all love you girl. 591 00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,200 But yeah, I think that's a really good point. 592 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:06,400 Honestly, for me personally, I feel like I've dealt with both situations where when I was 593 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:11,160 younger, like on the cusp of middle school and high school, like I, like I don't want 594 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,160 to call it a boyfriend because bitch, you were not my boyfriend. 595 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,160 You were a friend. 596 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,160 You were 11. 597 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,160 That I liked. 598 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,160 Yeah. 599 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,160 Whatever. 600 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:23,160 And so like I would, that sounds so wrong, but I swear guys, I was like 12, 13, like 601 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,240 getting in and out of relationships. 602 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,280 But like looking back, it was not a relationship. 603 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:31,040 It was someone I held hands with like at school. 604 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,040 And hugged. 605 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:36,720 And my friends did like the ooh ah crazy and took Snapchat videos or whatever. 606 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:37,720 So like. 607 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,120 Y'all hugging in the school hallway, mind you. 608 00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:42,120 We're trying to get to class, get an education. 609 00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,000 That's what we're doing. 610 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:49,840 I want to say in part, I kind of dealt with that aspect, but also this is, I don't, this 611 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:55,080 is not the longest I've been single, but I've been single for like almost 11 months now. 612 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:59,920 And like, I don't see myself getting like, it's a long, it's been a long time. 613 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:00,920 Right. 614 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:05,200 And like, I still don't see myself getting into a serious relationship. 615 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,200 Yeah. 616 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:07,200 Like, I don't know. 617 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:11,640 And I kind of find comfort in that knowing that I'm aware that I still need to work on 618 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:17,840 certain aspects of my person to like be, I don't want to say be better for a man, but 619 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:23,240 like be a good version of myself for when I do find that partner, you know? 620 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:29,120 Because again, I think I spoke about this with Grace, like this person, this partner 621 00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:31,160 of yours is not your therapist. 622 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,400 This partner of yours is not like, sure. 623 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,040 You need to be able to rely and lean on your partner. 624 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,400 However, they're not there just for that. 625 00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:39,400 You need to. 626 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:40,400 Or to fill some void. 627 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:41,400 Exactly. 628 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,000 You need to fill that void for yourself. 629 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:44,000 You need to. 630 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,720 My mom always says this or like my aunt, I don't know. 631 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:52,680 You need to love yourself so much that someone else's love is going to add on to that love 632 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,280 you have for yourself and not, like you said, fill some void, you know? 633 00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:57,280 Yeah. 634 00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:58,280 So I don't know. 635 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:01,840 I think waiting and that's the only time I agree with society, like waiting an appropriate 636 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:05,760 amount of time, waiting it out, like trust, it's going to be so much more worth it because 637 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:10,440 I've, I hate to admit this, but I've been that toxic person in the relationship where 638 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:15,680 I treated my ex boyfriend like a therapist and like I bet that fucking sucked. 639 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,480 Like I hate myself for doing that. 640 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,960 We're not on the best of terms, but like I hate myself for doing that to that person 641 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,640 because they didn't deserve it. 642 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,920 Like that was really wrong of me. 643 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:30,040 And now like talking it out with other people, like my therapist, like, oh shit, like what 644 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:31,040 did I do? 645 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,800 Like I need to work on that part of myself, you know? 646 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:34,800 So I don't know. 647 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,920 I think like we all live, we all learn. 648 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:38,640 Yeah, for sure. 649 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,680 Life is a big learning experience. 650 00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:41,680 Exactly. 651 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:42,680 And so awareness is key. 652 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,680 And I, I heavily agree with that. 653 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:45,920 Yeah, I'm happy. 654 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:46,920 Okay. 655 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,560 Next point, letting people and I feel like that ties into what I just talked about letting 656 00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:54,480 people in dating around or whatever, kind of have a fun story time. 657 00:29:54,480 --> 00:30:00,600 So you guys know, like I was, I was dabbling in the dating apps, had some awful first dates. 658 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:01,600 Oh my God. 659 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:06,120 Like thinking this guy texted me over the summer that I went on a Tinder date with started 660 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:07,120 speaking. 661 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,120 Was it Dutch? 662 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,880 Like you guys like start speaking Dutch to me. 663 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:10,880 It was crazy. 664 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:12,880 He texted me over the summer. 665 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:18,240 He was like, he starts speaking, like texting me in French and I was like, oh, when did 666 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,240 we start doing this? 667 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:20,240 Right. 668 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:26,160 So I, I kind of had to like, I felt this urge like pushing me to delete those cursed ass 669 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,160 date. 670 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:31,240 Please guys, I mean, experience it if you want, but please like once you're done, like 671 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,120 please delete them off your fucking phone. 672 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,680 There's some freaks out there, some creeps. 673 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:36,680 Yeah. 674 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,760 Like it's very scary. 675 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:44,640 And also, I don't know what this is like the Tik Tok trend, whatever, like the sassy man 676 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:45,640 apocalypse. 677 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,080 Can we talk about that for a minute? 678 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,960 If you want to talk about that a lot of thoughts. 679 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:58,200 Um, I definitely think, I don't know what this wave of, yeah, the sassy men, but like 680 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,760 men like expecting to be, sorry. 681 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:01,760 It's okay. 682 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:08,360 No, like to be expected, I don't want to say, I have to be very careful with what I say. 683 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:14,280 Like I'm trying to like not say, but like men being expected to be like treated with 684 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:20,840 like be treated equal in relationship as in the sense of like be treated like a woman. 685 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,220 Like bitch, you're not a princess. 686 00:31:22,220 --> 00:31:23,220 Your rumple still skins. 687 00:31:23,220 --> 00:31:24,220 Please get away. 688 00:31:24,220 --> 00:31:25,220 Like Shereen's in here dying guys. 689 00:31:25,220 --> 00:31:26,220 Rumple is crazy. 690 00:31:26,220 --> 00:31:27,220 What? 691 00:31:27,220 --> 00:31:33,480 I mean in the sense of like, they're like, oh, well like if you want this, if you want 692 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,440 this, if you want this, oh, I have to get this. 693 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:43,120 And it's like, oh wait, like I thought you were like, I thought. 694 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:47,760 Unspoken again, like mutual understanding that not to be heteronormative or anything, 695 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:48,760 but like you're the- 696 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:49,760 Right, like I'm not sure I do too much. 697 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,720 Like I know I have a very like, you know, like I don't want to sound like I'm- 698 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,800 No, but still you're in a hetero relationship. 699 00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:56,800 Right. 700 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:57,800 Like man, I'm the woman. 701 00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:58,800 Let's get one thing straight. 702 00:31:58,800 --> 00:31:59,800 Where are the flowers? 703 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:00,800 Where are the- 704 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:01,800 And you're the brick wall. 705 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:02,800 Okay. 706 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:03,800 Please again, don't shit on us. 707 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:04,800 Like obviously this is a joke, but kind of- 708 00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:05,800 Okay, but like literally Trina Jo's bouquet babes, five dollars, like, like please. 709 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:06,800 Like, and the thing is I saw a thing on TikTok, literally like I think a couple nights ago, 710 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,800 and it was literally a guy had bought like four bouquets of flowers for his, for a, or 711 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:10,800 I don't, for somebody. 712 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:11,800 I don't know. 713 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:12,800 I don't know this man. 714 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:13,800 But, but I don't know. 715 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:14,800 I don't know. 716 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:15,800 I don't know. 717 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:16,800 I don't know. 718 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:17,800 I don't know. 719 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:18,800 I don't know. 720 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:19,800 I don't know. 721 00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:26,800 Like, this guy had bought like four bouquets of flowers for his, for a, or I don't, for 722 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:27,800 somebody. 723 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:28,800 I don't know. 724 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:29,800 I don't know this man. 725 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:30,800 Bought like four bouquets of flowers for somebody, and he's rearranging them himself outside 726 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:31,800 of a Trina Jo's. 727 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,800 And this lady like recorded him and she was like, yeah, like if he wanted to friend, like 728 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,440 he would, and like you should not take anything less from that. 729 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:39,440 And I think- 730 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:40,440 So fucking true. 731 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,760 Like men just expect way too much. 732 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:49,720 And for you to act like a wife, when like they're not even acting like a boyfriend. 733 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,200 You know what I'm saying? 734 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:52,200 Which is so true. 735 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:53,200 Like, whoa. 736 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:54,200 It's fucking insane. 737 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,200 Like, whoa. 738 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:56,200 Like it's really scary. 739 00:32:56,200 --> 00:33:03,400 And again, not to go, like I know I live in the US now and like I have to get accustomed 740 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,680 to that, but like shout out my Haitian men. 741 00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,400 Y'all, I love you guys so much. 742 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,280 You guys have never made me feel like you guys were the princess and I was not. 743 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,280 Right. 744 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:18,680 Like I'm always like sitting pretty and letting shit get done for me. 745 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:23,240 And that's what women were put on earth to do is to sit pretty and look at us. 746 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,440 We're working in the relationship. 747 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:29,600 Touching a fucking coffee pot that no one wants to drink out of it. 748 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:30,600 And it's sick. 749 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:31,600 It's fucking sick. 750 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:32,600 And I'm- 751 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,120 And the thing is we allowed it. 752 00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:35,120 Not anymore. 753 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,120 Not anymore. 754 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,760 That's the even sicker part because what? 755 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,440 We really allow that shit to happen to us and like it needs to stop. 756 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,440 It really needs to fucking stop. 757 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:48,420 And it is starting now. 758 00:33:48,420 --> 00:33:50,800 It takes 21 days to build a habit. 759 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:51,800 Please. 760 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:52,800 Please. 761 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,760 Sheree just had a revelation. 762 00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:01,480 Side note, she quit me for 21 days and she just- 763 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,560 I wish they could see her face. 764 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,920 I wish y'all could see her face because like someone told her to quit me for 21 days and 765 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:12,400 she apparently did not know it was like the amount of time to build a habit. 766 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,000 Anyways, back to us. 767 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:20,480 I also want to talk about my reflective summer. 768 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:21,720 Not to go back to that again but- 769 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:23,840 It's your podcast so we can go back to it. 770 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:24,840 My institution. 771 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:25,840 Exactly. 772 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:32,960 Again, want to bring up hookups and my love and hate relationship with them because like 773 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:37,120 on one hand, mom please sign off if you're listening to this now. 774 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,200 This is your time to get off. 775 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,200 And my brother and my dad if you're listening. 776 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:43,200 Anyways. 777 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:45,880 On the one hand, love a good hookup. 778 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:46,880 Love it. 779 00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,920 But on the other hand, so unfulfilling. 780 00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:52,160 So fucking- because like what happens next? 781 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:57,440 I'm just like- I don't want to say that but like that's what it kind of feels like. 782 00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:02,080 Whoring myself out and then getting nothing out of it. 783 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,880 And again, hooking up with someone is your choice. 784 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:05,880 It's a choice you make. 785 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:07,320 It's a decision you make. 786 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:11,320 And I'm not getting held against my will like, oh bitch you need to hook up with this person 787 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:12,320 right now. 788 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:17,000 But damn, like I don't know it's just so unfulfilling. 789 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,480 What do you think about that? 790 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,160 That's- I've- that's never been like me. 791 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:25,560 Like I have tried so hard to like stay away from that again because like my parents is 792 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:26,560 like- 793 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:27,560 Yeah, that's what you were taught. 794 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,840 Yeah, they're very big on like no soul ties, no soul ties, no soul ties. 795 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,200 So which is very good. 796 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,200 And again, like if- 797 00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,280 If that's what someone likes then please go for it. 798 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:43,160 But I think especially we're like at such a ripe age like baby, I'm young. 799 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:48,320 Like I can't be- I can't be attached to somebody that like I have no commitment with. 800 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:52,640 So like that's just like never like really been me to like go super fast. 801 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:53,640 Yeah, yeah. 802 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:54,640 Well, I- yeah. 803 00:35:54,640 --> 00:36:01,840 Y'all know what I mean like as far as like hooking up and stuff. 804 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:05,080 It was one crazy stutter. 805 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,160 Yeah, um. 806 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:09,160 Keep going bitch. 807 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:10,160 Damn. 808 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:11,160 Trying to recoup. 809 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:16,640 But yeah, I just- I'm not a fan of hookup culture just because like again like Kennell 810 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:18,080 he's like what- like what are we doing? 811 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:19,880 Like I feel like it's a waste of time. 812 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:20,880 It's a waste of energy. 813 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:24,880 It's a waste of emotion that you're spending on somebody that like I don't say that doesn't 814 00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:29,000 deserve it but like to a certain extent doesn't deserve it because like there's no commitment. 815 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,960 There's no flowers. 816 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:31,960 There's no dates. 817 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,560 There's no- you know what I'm saying? 818 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,600 So like- so why do it? 819 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:40,120 Exactly and I wholeheartedly agree with that and again reflective summer. 820 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:41,120 Yeah. 821 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,120 Don't get tired of me. 822 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:49,160 Um but I- I can't- I need to stop like I want to stop like indulging in like hookup culture 823 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:54,920 and I've stopped a little bit honestly like over the summer but like guys I'm not who 824 00:36:54,920 --> 00:37:00,080 I am in Haiti like who I am in Haiti like it's not- it's really truly not me and I had 825 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:07,120 a crazy ass summer in terms of like hookup culture but like again not me not me y'all 826 00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:11,080 if you guys saw her do anything that wasn't me that was a clone like really trying to 827 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:16,480 stray away from that and I just feel like not to get sappy or anything but I feel like 828 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:22,120 I've gone through so much with men that it's kind of a search for validation. 829 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:23,120 Right. 830 00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:27,320 Which like I'm happy I'm able to be aware of that and like self- like we said self-awareness 831 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:32,160 is like everything and I've talked that out with my therapist a lot and she validated 832 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:37,320 me in the sense that like yes you are in search like you've been in search for validation 833 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:43,120 from men and like it needs to stop and like really trying to work on that because I can't 834 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:47,760 I can't do it anymore especially at Emerson like it's just everyone knows everyone's 835 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:52,600 business it's just like enough is enough there comes a point where it's like ugh. 836 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:53,600 Yeah. 837 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:54,600 No. 838 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:55,600 Yeah. 839 00:37:55,600 --> 00:38:02,480 So before do you want to give your quotes she she's quoting Joan Didion and the Bible 840 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,360 y'all the word of G-O-D. 841 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:05,360 Right exactly. 842 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:06,360 So let's hear. 843 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:11,160 So this summer one of my friends had actually bought me let me tell you what I mean by Joan 844 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:15,440 Didion she bought it for me a while ago and I know it's so amazing I annotated so much 845 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:20,000 in here and I was in the airport and coming back from Maui and I was like you know I had 846 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,800 packed it with me because I'm trying to like you know read more like I'm on pain and stuff 847 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:26,960 and I was like super tired she's like you know let me crack open this book I kid you 848 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:31,680 not read two thirds of it before I got on my flight like literally in like what an hour 849 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:35,120 and a half and like the thing is like she has a lot of like shorter stories in here 850 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,480 so it's not like a super like dense reading but everything she says I feel like it's just 851 00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:39,480 has so much value. 852 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:46,600 Exactly and so in this like short story it's titled like on not but on being unchosen by 853 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:51,080 the college I want or yeah on being unchosen by the college of one's choice and she talks 854 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:55,480 about being rejected from Stanford and all of that stuff and like how she had a friend 855 00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,400 who went to Stanford she even like wrote an essay yeah for that friend at Stanford and 856 00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,760 the Stanford friend got an A on it and she went to UC Berkeley and she actually got a 857 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:08,880 B on that same essay but I thought it really put into perspective like how you know everyone 858 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:13,720 looks at your worth differently that's what I got from it like you may be in some people's 859 00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:18,200 eyes an A plus at Stanford and then some people you may be a B at UC Berkeley which when you 860 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:22,840 look in the hierarchy of elite colleges like Stanford is really up there and so is UC Berkeley 861 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:27,640 UC Berkeley is a great school but some people think that like oh if you can get an A in 862 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,080 a class at Stanford like you're really elite but she has this really great paragraph at 863 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:36,800 the end of this little chapter that I wanted to read off for y'all because I just it was 864 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:41,120 like a really like whoa like it's like you know like punching my gut in the best way 865 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:46,460 and just kind of like talking about not you know letting like your life kind of go off 866 00:39:46,460 --> 00:39:51,040 the course that you had planned for like really define you were like make you upset okay ready 867 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:55,240 here we go so she goes and of course none of it matters very much at all none of these 868 00:39:55,240 --> 00:39:59,440 early successes early failures I wonder if we had better not find some way to let our 869 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:03,880 children know this so made it extricate our expectations from theirs some way to let them 870 00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:08,680 work through their own rejections and southern rebellions and interludes with golf pros unassisted 871 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:13,520 by anxious prompting from the wings finding one's role at 17 is is problem enough without 872 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:19,920 being handed somebody else's script and I love that particular like paragraph because 873 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:25,280 I think so often especially at this age we're at we are trying to do like what we see on 874 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,920 social media like other relationships our friends are in we're trying to like fit that 875 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:33,680 person's script where she's literally saying like girl you're young like it's okay yeah 876 00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:39,280 don't try to emulate other people's things just exactly yourself and make those mistakes 877 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:44,240 because you end up learning from them exactly that's a really good point just like don't 878 00:40:44,240 --> 00:40:48,760 take obviously take life seriously to an extent but like don't take yourself or this life 879 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:54,920 too seriously to where like you're going batshit yeah exactly and losing yourself exactly 880 00:40:54,920 --> 00:41:00,800 yeah yeah that makes a lot of sense I don't know if we have much time but I wanted to 881 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:06,320 do a little game kind of ish yeah yeah trying to be in my entertainment area y'all I love 882 00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:12,200 it look at us just entertainment girlies whoo we just high-fived yeah um but I'm gonna name 883 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:19,800 off a couple of male celebrities and you're gonna tell me if you would date or not date 884 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:26,240 okay don't have a reason no okay I don't want a reason oh like I want to be mysterious yeah 885 00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:30,480 yeah or like if you think they would be a good boyfriend okay kind of that situation 886 00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:36,560 so Michael B Jordan and this is not based on looks like I think he seems like a nice 887 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:42,920 guy yeah I think he'd be a good I wholeheartedly disagree I think he'd be the worst boyfriend 888 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:50,920 ever sorry Michael B Jordan you're still sexy but I don't I think but no explanation okay 889 00:41:50,920 --> 00:42:01,920 so Nia yes Mel no okay um second one and I'm holding a GUN to her head on this one Mr. 890 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:10,200 Bad Bunny you know I don't know too much about him so I mean might as well have just suffocated 891 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:17,280 me right so yes exactly yes is the only answer Sheree and Sydney they nodded yes okay against 892 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:22,560 my ethics as a journalist I have to give real raw information real broad answers on my podcast 893 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:28,320 you are no journalist wow miss Nia Kennedy Harbin okay two more people these are just 894 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:35,320 off the top of my head guys I don't even know oh um Justin Bieber and I know we have we 895 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:43,280 have thoughts about this again not based on looks specifically him in the snooze video 896 00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:49,320 baby come home the kids miss you so much but that's I think in like the world of like acting 897 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:55,440 is so weird because like that was crazy and the way again I don't I don't want to speak 898 00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:59,320 on my relationship because I really cannot be speaking on nobody's relationship at all 899 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:03,000 yeah I am the last person you should ever speak on somebody's relationship but the paradox 900 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:10,280 yeah but like I don't I I say no again I go back to like if he wanted to he would that's 901 00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:16,640 my answer like look if he wanted to love somebody wholeheartedly he would love them because 902 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:22,880 we've seen him do that in the past but yeah I gotta say okay so two nos on that one sorry 903 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:29,760 JB yes love canadian though so you're safe there um one last person do you guys have 904 00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:37,240 anyone do something like something something fun something controversial yeah we're asking 905 00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:49,560 sherry and sydney I was literally thinking about him timothy shala balagu our generations 906 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:58,360 what's his name charlie and the chocolate pot charlie willy wonka I say yes yeah I don't 907 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:03,800 find him attractive but I think he'd be like a solid I because I think once he's about 908 00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:09,040 a bitch he's about a bitch like again I'm not going to my relationship because yeah 909 00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:14,120 anyway but um yeah I think he'll be a good boyfriend I think you I think he'd be like 910 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:20,880 a cute little five-month boyfriend right once it hits that five-month mark then it's over 911 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:28,800 out the window baby like I don't know yeah I could see that you know not everything yeah 912 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:39,080 I'm trying I'm trying I'm finding it so like maybe yeah okay again like I think things 913 00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:43,720 that I don't know like there's only so much you can learn on somebody from like a interview 914 00:44:43,720 --> 00:44:52,000 clip so like I really don't know I'm only seeing what the media wants me to see so exactly 915 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:56,920 so timothy hit up my line when you're done with Kylie mind you he would not step near 916 00:44:56,920 --> 00:45:02,520 me with a 10-foot pole after dating Kylie Jenner anyways well guys I think that's all 917 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:07,640 Nia and I have for you on this matter thank you so much for tuning into today's episode 918 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:13,040 of more of Mel's single and comfortable I'm your host Mel and I really hope you enjoyed 919 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:19,280 today's episode listening to Nia and I talk about our singleness ad fucking nauseam guys 920 00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:23,560 and again I want to give a huge shout out to Nia Harmon for coming back on this season 921 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:28,560 of more of Mel like it's been such an honor do you have any advice for the single baddies 922 00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:35,480 out there girl just live your life get your money up be cute you know what I'm saying 923 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:43,200 so go out flirt like just live it up I cannot stress that enough young wants so true make 924 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,960 the most of it babes I agree with that sure you and Sydney do you guys want to tune in 925 00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:56,920 and give a piece of advice or say a few words they're like no we're good but anyways guys 926 00:45:56,920 --> 00:46:17,320 I love you all so much and tune in next time on more of Mel.