Hey guys, welcome back to more of Mel the coolest part in the game where I pick people's
brains about things that keep me up at night.
I'm your host Mel and let me just say how excited I am that we are in our second season.
We're back, we're better, and we're uncut this season which I really think will lead
to such entertaining content.
So without further ado, let's kick off this season with a banger.
On today's episode, Single and Comfortable, we have a recurring guest, Ms. Nia Harmon,
here to talk with me about our rather recent or not recent delving into the single world.
But I've been single for like 9-10 months now, but you're relatively new to the single
world.
Yes ma'am I am.
Well first of all, hey everyone, I'm so excited to be here.
I wish y'all could see the smile on my face.
Because you know, anytime I'm with my girl Mel, it's a party so, let's get into it.
Okay, so I also want to kind of say that I feel like this is a continuation of my episode
with Grace Kinney.
Not really, but also because we're going to talk about guys and relationships and being
single and whatever.
So just wanted to kind of give off a little preface for that.
So there's going to be a theme throughout her laughing at me already, I can't.
No it's uncut, I can't even say why I laugh, but you know why I laugh.
Yeah, okay whatever.
Anyways, also another preface, if you feel targeted during this episode, please sign
off because I'm not going to hold anything in.
So I mean, I really want my listenership to go up, so listen.
But also, oh my god I forgot to say we have a live audience.
Two guests that were on the first season.
We're clapping in our heads right now because we don't want to fuck up the audio.
But we have Cherie and Sydney, my girls girls, listening in right now.
They're waving I think.
So yeah, that's a really fun experience.
But no, like I was saying, there's going to be kind of a recurring theme in the first
five episodes probably because I had a really reflective ass summer bro.
I was having existential crises right and left, up, down, side to side.
It was crazy.
So I kind of want to hear your thoughts first about being newly single and how that made
you feel or the process or whatever.
So please.
I think it's so funny that we were talking about introspective summer because I know
that's something that we both talked about.
Like, baby, when I tell you I was annotating Joan Didion, annotating the Bible, like baby,
baby, I was really all my stuff.
But yeah, honestly, I think, don't hold back.
But baby, you know, how do I say this?
Four months back at home can be a lot, especially like and I'm pretty sure like, well, you know,
obviously, you're one of my closest friends, if not my best friend at Emerson, as well
as Samara and like Pangea, that friend group.
And so like I'm super close with you guys.
So going already like being home was hard enough.
And then the week after everything happened, you know, this my dad got in a really, really
bad car accident.
And the complete so he went because he knew Samara was coming down to Dallas for a couple
of days.
And I hadn't been driving my car, you know, so I was all.
Everything's working right.
Because I mean, two pretty girls stuck on Sam Rayburn.
Like that's not that's not the vibe.
Right.
And yeah, it was literally just like mechanic mechanic.
Yeah.
Negligence.
And the hood of my car comes flying up, completely shatters the windshield.
Like my dad has glass on him and he's about to get on the tollway.
Right.
And there was somebody behind him and he wasn't going that fast.
But where it happened, it's a very busy intersection area.
So I was in like a state of shock for a very long time.
Rightfully so.
And not only that, but I started a new job.
Right.
So now it's like I'm not with my closest friends.
Like my dad could have been very hurt, if not worse.
You know what I'm saying?
Like I'm back home.
Like I'm having to readjust to like not having my independence to a certain extent.
Because my parents aren't like helicopter parents and obviously I'm 19, but it's like,
you know, like I'm not going out as much.
They have their rules or whatever.
Yeah.
Like I'm not going out as much.
So that was just like a lot.
But and again, like being in your childhood bedroom can be weird.
You know what I'm saying?
Like all the memories fall back from like senior year and like you're kind of starting
to be like trauma.
No, literally.
And it's like you feel like you're back at square one.
Yeah.
But what I can say is like having that time.
Because again, like I got home two weeks later, I was basically all independent.
Like I'm having to get driven everywhere because my car's total like my dad could have like
lost his life.
And I'm not talking to the people I used to talk to every single day.
Not only friends.
It's just such a huge change in pace.
Exactly.
Because not only like my friends, but like this other person.
And it's like, you know, it's just like what is going on.
Like even I didn't even tell you and Samara for like the longest.
I was just like, I was just in shock.
Like OMG, like my dad could have lost his life.
But the I don't want to say a good thing, but I guess the silver lining and all of that
was it taught me how like finite our lives are.
Like it obviously I know like we all we're not here forever, but that was really an awakening
that like I can't rot away in my room no matter how sad I am.
Like you never know you could walk out the house one day and not come back.
And I do not wish that over my family, over anyone at all.
But like it was just really, again, introspective mom where I was like, wow, like I can't dwell
on things.
And I can't let things not turning out the way I wanted them to like make me like be
the person.
Just hole up in your room and like change you for the worse.
Exactly.
Like not talk because you know how and you know especially how much we talk and we share
with each other.
So it's like I was just literally I would wake up confused, go to bed confused.
I'm like, this is not real.
Like what just happened?
Like existential crisis.
Two weeks, two weeks, my life is completely flipped upside down.
Yeah.
And it's just kind of like like that.
Just like looking around for answers, answers, nowhere to be found, a sign, nowhere, nowhere
to be found.
No, it's except in on the beach resort at.
But we'll get to that.
In Maui.
Yeah, because she went to Maui.
All crazy.
And one thing which also was a very it was great.
But like even like the wildfires there now, like it's just I don't know.
It was just a crazy rude awakening, rude awakening, which is such a tremendous thing.
Because like you look back at the pictures and you were like, I was there and all of
like the amazing people we met who were super kind to us and like all of the things we did
and it's like these people are hurting, they're suffering in a place that I was able to like
find some sort of like, you know, like relax or like what is it like relief for a while.
And like my mom and I had the best girl, like my mom and I are super close and we've been
a little too close on that trip in terms of like me sharing stuff with her.
But again, like kind of just like being on the beach with her, like it's just her and
I and a whole bunch of strangers around us.
Just kind of a refreshing scenery and like just to get yourself together kind of after
what had happened.
You know?
Yeah, I'm like looking out the mouth.
I even shared with her like about like me being really upset about obviously she knows
I'm sad about like my dad, but like just kind of like telling her like how all those emotions
like kind of like can't.
Just flooded in.
Yeah.
And I even like turned up a little bit and like I couldn't cry too much because I had
sand all up in my hand.
So I can't like wipe, you know, get sand in my eye.
Priorities.
Yeah.
Just like looking out like into the abyss with the mountains on the ocean, just talking
to my mom.
It was just really like, you know, I mean, fair enough.
Like I love doing that with my mom or even with myself.
And speaking of being by yourself, one of my points is like being single and how like
it makes you feel alone.
But there's also a sense of comfortability kind of because you get to know yourself more
without like having that other person.
I don't want to say hindering because like that has a negative connotation to it, but
like kind of hindering on your life.
You have to focus on them while still focusing on you.
And so you kind of get comfortable with getting to know yourself and just putting focus on
things of greater value.
So did you experience that like after your breakup?
Yeah.
So the funny thing is like college was the first time I like learned how to be comfortable
alone, like freshman year of college, because growing up, I obviously had my family, which
you know that.
And then I was super involved in school.
I mean, yeah, I'm always doing something.
But like if I wasn't in and her are so we're so locked in.
I love a good LinkedIn, love a good, you know, at me, Harmon Media on Instagram, I recently
long as fuck.
It is 20.
It is.
But that's just like how I operate.
I come from two super hardworking parents and I think a lot of my drive I get is from
my mom, which Ray Harmon is a super hard worker.
He built like that church from the ground up, babe.
And like, I'm so proud of him.
I'm so happy for him.
Like what he's been able to like, you know, accomplish.
He was able to have interns this summer, like me and awesome.
I saw that.
Yeah.
Like the fact that like my because you know, there is I'm not going to say on this one,
like when a good church gets to a certain size, it does have a business aspect.
Right.
So like the fact that we've grown so much that like he we are paid interns and we get
to like help out like the fact every time I can see him or every time I see him and
we're doing like church related stuff, I just hug him and I was like, I'm so, so proud of
you because I remember we were in that two bedroom apartment and had nothing like nothing.
It was like it's an awesome feeling seeing your parents exactly after you saw them go
through.
Right.
Yeah.
And even like my mom, I'm not going to tell her whole story because again, like family
related and I don't have permission to say all that stuff.
Like she's an extremely crazy hard worker.
And like I'm sorry.
I will mean like, oh my goodness, like I'm also pretty.
Your mom's so nice.
She saw that, which obviously she is.
But like if only you all knew Wendy Harmon's story, like it's just so amazing.
Wendy Harmon's brain, Wendy Harmon's soul.
Everything.
Like I don't think you understand how badly.
You guys need to meet Wendy Harmon.
When she comes up here.
Oh, oh trust y'all meet her.
But yeah, I get my drive a lot from my parents, but because I went and I went to a super big
high school in Texas, like y'all know the high schools Arabic.
So I was like, I was always around people.
Like that's not a bad thing, but like, okay, like first period I had broadcasting.
So if I wasn't editing a story, I was in the studio, we were doing anchors, right?
And I was directing or I was going out and getting that story.
And then, you know, I have my classes, which obviously have people in them.
And then I go to track practice.
I'm there for like two and a half, three hours every day.
So like I was always around people.
Like when I get home, I'm around my family, obviously.
So like that was one thing I had to learn.
Like at college, like when I, I like didn't start really going like anywhere by myself
for a long time.
And then my parents were also like, okay, like you're in a big city, like don't go anywhere
alone.
Right.
So I was kind of like almost afraid to be alone because one, I was always around people
like all the time.
And then my work, the job I had this summer before coming to college, I was working with
kids, right?
So now I'm really never alone because like I have little ones like around me that you
have to like watch after.
So that was like the first time I really got like, once I knew my way around and I was
like, okay, I know like where to go or not to go.
I started to like walk to the Esplanade by myself and I'd like eat lunch by myself.
I go get coffee, just like walk to Prudential and spend way too much money.
But like it was, I was like kind of like learning how to get on my feet.
And then fast forward, I'm in a relationship now, right?
So it's like, okay, if I'm not with my friends, I'm with this person.
Yeah.
So like that was really weird too, because like I was, you know, I was with y'all all
the time, but like when I wasn't, I was like having my like alone time.
But I was like, oh, like, okay, I'm done with my friends, I'm hanging out with this person.
Or like vice versa, like done with them, I'm hanging out with my friends.
It's just like a constant like leaning on someone, like just bouncing around like off
of each other.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And I think that was one thing again, being at home was hard because like, okay, I'm not
supposed to do that.
No, I don't have that.
I have my leaning on myself.
And like, I have obviously I have my friends at home, you know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah, then like, again, like we're working the entire summer, right?
So it's like, you know, I'm not living my little fairy college life where I'm just like,
I go to class.
She was a fairy.
She was a fairy, right?
I'm not a fairy no more.
I don't just wake up, go to class, like go do work, go to get coffee, talk with my friends,
like no, baby, you got to get up, you got to go work that eight hour shift mamas.
Like this is not, this is a real world.
You know what I'm saying?
So that like learning how to like do that all again.
And then again, y'all, my car was totaled for weeks and like you can't walk in Texas
like you can walk in Boston.
Yeah, like love McKinney shop.
McKinney like it is not a walkable city at any.
Yeah, by any means.
So I was just like, well, like I'm yeah, like this is just crazy because I can't even like
it sometimes it was just like I just want to get out the house and then that too.
It's three digit weather all the time.
And again, I'm working what eight, nine hour shifts.
So by the time I want to walk to the way too hot, way too dark or you're too fucking tired.
Like you just want to get your ass home and sleep.
Exactly.
So that was just a weird thing.
I was like, oh my God, like this time, like being around people, it was like more suffocating
than like relaxing because I was like, I don't want to be around anybody.
Like I just want to be able to like go somewhere.
You know what I'm saying?
And again, it's nice.
He's just walking through the common or like walking through Beacon Hill.
It's like, oh, like I actually got to get in the car.
And then again, like I got to interact with people and then anywhere I want to go, like
I have to drive there.
Yeah.
So it's just like, it's just so such a stagnant life.
I would call it when you're back home.
Like I can sort of relay, but like in Haiti, we've talked about this at length, like in
Haiti, it's totally different.
Like you can see people all the time, go out all the time, whatever.
And also with my like living with my mom, she's never been such a like, like a parent
who's like always like hovering over me or whatever.
Right.
But so it was easier to like go out and do shit.
But also, like I remember like, yeah, I think it was the last weekend I was in Haiti and
my family was having dinner and I was like, I can't like I'm not I cannot be like, and
I love my anyone who knows me knows I love my I would kill for my family.
But there's just there just comes a point where you're home for so long, four fucking
months of summer vacation in Haiti, like I could not be around people and I stayed home
and it was the last weekend of being home.
Like you would think I'd want to say goodbye to them or like go see them for like the last
day.
No, I like I wanted to stay home so bad and be by myself, you know, and like, I don't know.
I feel like that relates so much to like having a boyfriend because like you're so used to
like seeing that person or like talking to them 24 7.
And then when it ends, it's like, oh, oh, like, what's going on?
Like just panic mode kind of, you know?
Exactly.
Yeah, I don't know.
But the good thing is like, I was really, really quick so we can move on to our next
question.
But like, yeah, again, like having to like, you know, have a super introspective summer,
like even like now, like, you know, I go on my walks in the morning and I've been like
waking up early and like being back to like, you know, routine who I was like, you know,
like before everything and like, like, not that I was never like, I wouldn't say you
changed.
Yeah, but I just kind of like, you know, I got my spark back.
And I'm so happy for you.
And I totally and wholeheartedly agree with that fact.
Thank you.
I also want to say something really interesting.
I had seen a TikTok over the summer when I was having like my reflection, right, journey,
whatever the fuck that was still in it, honestly.
But I saw this TikTok and this woman was saying how being single is so fun until it becomes
scary because you get so comfortable with yourself.
You kind of don't like no one will live up to what you've done for yourself.
And I like that's so true.
I remember I sent you like I sent you screenshots of like a notebook I had and like it was listing
my standards for men now.
And it's just such a scary thing because like damn bitch, you're are you going to find this
person?
Does this person exist?
It's AI friendly.
We have to build him and I'll fact chat fucking GPT because like, whoa, it's so scary because
I don't know if anyone is going to live up to the standards I have for them or even for
myself.
Like, are you going to love me like I love me?
Good question.
So I want to hear your thoughts about that scary aspect of it.
That's a loaded question.
And I think what's also crazy too is again, going back to like my parents, like, you know,
my dad and I, we butt heads.
I think we're very similar.
So we tend to butt heads.
And one thing about him exactly, he can pull out that wallet.
One thing even like when we didn't have it when they were in, when they were we were
in like kind of like, you know, our transition time because it was like, again, a whole other
thing.
But like he built it up and we were able to live a comfortable life now, which I would
say, which I'm very grateful for, like not trying to be funny or brag at all.
But I'm just used to like, even if we quote unquote, don't have it, we're going to make
it happen.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, we're going to have like what we need, period, but like Levi and I want something
like and the thing is, my mom and I joke, she said, like whenever I want stuff or anything
and my mom always jokes that she says, Nia, the only thing you haven't gotten that you
wanted is that pink Barbie Jeep.
Because you know, like when you're kids and they had like little pink Barbie Jeeps.
But then again, I was asking for that when we were really little and they were on staff
somewhere else and they were just like getting paid peanuts and then they had just had Levi.
So it was just they literally could.
Right.
Exactly.
But guess who drives a Jeep?
Not to brag, but it's like everything comes full circle and it's like I I'm just used
to people who like make it happen.
So I think that's where my high standards were stemmed from stem from.
And then you have the rose colored glasses on.
So you allow yourself to be treated like shit.
I'm not going to let her blur the lines like shit.
I'm not saying this is specific to either of us.
However, comma, comma, when when you put up on those damn glasses with the stained ass
fucking lenses, bitch, oh, you let anything slide and it sucks to look back.
But go on.
You took the words right out my mouth, sister.
So yeah, when you have those rose colored glasses on.
Yeah.
Like you said, you know, we've been over that.
And then you take the glasses off and you're like, OMG, like OMG, question mark, OMG, question
mark.
And it's like, oh, like what?
And even like when I would like tell my parents, like some of the things that happened, like
they were in shock that we raised you differently than this.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, they were almost like, girl, what?
And then again, like I wanted to also take into account that, like, you know, everyone's
raised differently for sure.
But there are certain things that are like surface level and are givens.
And I'm sorry, there's no excuse for not like living up to those things.
I'm sorry.
Like, exactly.
Yeah.
So it definitely was a learning experience for sure.
But yeah, and I don't think and one thing I wanted to comment on when you were saying,
like, you don't think everyone will live up to your standards.
Yeah, we have high standards and we joke, but I think that our standards, this is going
to be controversial.
So don't get mad.
Like, I don't think our standards are unreasonable.
Like genuinely speaking, from like where we like come from, like our backgrounds, we're
like, I think it's just like baseline relationship things like I were really not not I don't
think I know we're not asking for that much.
So it's like we're not asking for like above what should already be given exactly.
So then to be kind of like told that like, oh, like too much, too much.
Yeah, it's like we're staring at each other.
Yeah, bitch, what the fuck?
No, and I agree with that.
Because again, going back to my first ever episode of this podcast, as much as I may
hate on a Haitian man, one thing about a Haitian man, he will take care of you.
Period.
Like, and just coming here and like letting guys just like walk all over me.
That's so not me.
That's my problem.
It's so not me.
And like, I just let that shit happen.
No more.
No fucking more.
No more system.
Mind you, it's going to happen again.
Don't put that into the air.
Like literally don't.
Please don't put that in the air.
We've come too far.
But it's just to say that like not every even though you have something in mind, not everything
is going to play out the way you want it to.
Like you said, like in the beginning of this, it's like I know I'm going to get fucked over
again, hoping it's not as hard as it has already happened.
But like, I'm not going to put out these crazy expectations out for myself.
And also I just, if I'm actually going to take a guy seriously, I'm not going to let
him treat me like whatever, you know?
And I think the important thing is like, let's bring back being like going slow.
Like let's bring going slow back in the style.
Yeah.
I think it would save from a lot of confusion and distress if we just went slow.
Like the confusion is crazy.
Like the confusion that ensues when you start talking to a man.
It's truly like a what the fuck moment.
Like what is going on again?
And then we let the confusion happen.
You know what I'm saying?
And not an excuse because again, we're all grown.
We're all the same age.
So like, yeah, but you know, and then my mom has been a school teacher for years.
So scientifically proven, like don't buy me, but like, you know, boys do develop later
than women.
100%.
I'm sorry.
I'm thinking, oh, you're going to think like how a 19 year old woman would think in the
terms of like, you know, maturity.
Yeah.
And it's like, oh wait, no, like y'all have some years to go.
So that's also one thing to keep into account.
Like again, not to make an excuse because there's plenty of 19 year old, 20 year old
men who are perfectly mature and where are they on people's upbringing?
But like, you know, people who are taught how to treat people.
No, but like, where are you guys?
Hit me up, please.
Thank you.
Yeah.
But I think I don't know where I was going, but that's okay, friend.
We have so many other things.
Oh, that's like our standards and stuff like that.
Like I think that's one thing we have to keep in consideration.
Like, you know, like guys do tend to take scientifically proven, longer to mature.
Like, yeah.
But I think, yeah, like just taking it slow.
Yeah.
And just so that there's no confusion.
Yeah.
And also not like, it's okay to have blurred lines in like the beginning when you start
talking to someone.
But then when it comes to a point where it's like a mutual understanding, even though,
even if it's not spoken, when there's like a mutual understanding that like, okay, I
kind of want to try this out with you, kind of want to take you quote unquote seriously,
very quote unquote on that seriously.
But yeah, there should be like a mutual understanding, but like, okay, I kind of want to take you
seriously.
Like, let's try it out.
But obviously there isn't?
Right.
It's kind of frustrating.
Yeah.
Because like, obviously people's, we're ever evolving at this age.
Like people's like minds can change and everything like that.
But it's also like, okay, come on now.
Like you're too old to be, yeah, like be so real.
But then again, you have to remember.
Scientifically proven.
That's such a crazy fact to me.
I mean, it's not crazy because we've seen how men act.
But anyways, not to shit on y'all.
I love men, but we love men.
A handful of you.
Attractive men.
You literally just broke my eardrums so bad.
That's okay, friend.
And side joke, if you know, you know.
Good night.
Oh, okay.
Something else.
I want to hear your thoughts on this.
Jumping into new relationships straight after or waiting what society deems an appropriate
amount of time after a breakup.
What I would prefer?
Yeah, I have thoughts on this.
No, what do you think about those two things?
And also what you would prefer?
Jumping into a relationship right after a breakup, you need to go to therapy.
You do not need to.
No, I'm being so serious.
And I think even sometimes before people get into a relationship, they should.
Because when you're around a person a long time, you start to pick up on things.
And you realize, and I was like, uh oh, I think.
Words.
Thoughts.
I'm sorry, y'all.
Turn the mic off.
I don't diagnose people.
You know what I'm saying?
But with the work that my parents do, they just work a lot with us on emotions and like
talking things up.
And you told me they do counseling, right?
Yeah, they do counseling and stuff.
Yeah, that's under the umbrella.
Just people with many hats, many talents.
They do like, premarital counseling, like regular life counseling, like consulting,
all of that as well.
So again, I have, obviously I'm not perfect in relationships, but because that's what
my parents do.
Yeah, you're in touch with your emotions.
And I kind of pick up on things.
Right, exactly.
So that's my whole thing.
If you're getting out of a relationship and diving right back in.
I'm yeah, I don't want to slip no names out, but please do.
Do tell.
It's okay, y'all.
We're not going to be messy.
No, yeah, we're not.
I'm not.
Yeah, I can be, but I'm not going to let her be.
Right, exactly.
Because I don't want to be.
I'm, you know, grown anyways, but like jumping like back into like you need a relationship
or like talking to people like baby you need to go see a professional.
And like that's okay.
Like I think we, that's such a stigma of like men like not going to therapy.
And I'm being so serious.
Like my face is straight.
Like Sydney and Cherie can literally vouch for me.
My face is so straight when I say please go seek a therapist and like fast friend.
Like because a lot of the stuff that men be going through.
I mean, seriously, when it comes to how they treat women.
Or how they treat people in general also.
Yeah, it's like friend, you like there's some deep rooted like something happened to you
and I'm so sorry that happened to you.
But like let's go get it worked out so you can be a healthy, happy person because this
is not a good look friend.
Like this is not a good look.
This is not a good attitude.
Like let's go.
I agree with that 100%.
And like I don't want to call this person out, but I'm not going to name their name
or anything, but someone very close to me who is a guy.
He started going to therapy.
I think like a little under a year ago and he's doing so good now.
So I had a conversation with him, a bunch of conversations with him over the summer
and just in the way he speaks, you can see the difference.
Like he was so in touch with certain things that like prior he really was not.
And like talking to this person before he went to therapy was like literally banging
my head on the wall.
So I was like, can you shut the fuck up?
What are you talking about?
And now I'm able to have a productive conversation with this person.
And also this is not men, please don't come and like shit on us.
This is not to say that only men need therapy because I have a therapist.
I love my therapist.
Shout out Mary.
Y'all love you girl.
But yeah, I think that's a really good point.
Honestly, for me personally, I feel like I've dealt with both situations where when I was
younger, like on the cusp of middle school and high school, like I, like I don't want
to call it a boyfriend because bitch, you were not my boyfriend.
You were a friend.
You were 11.
That I liked.
Yeah.
Whatever.
And so like I would, that sounds so wrong, but I swear guys, I was like 12, 13, like
getting in and out of relationships.
But like looking back, it was not a relationship.
It was someone I held hands with like at school.
And hugged.
And my friends did like the ooh ah crazy and took Snapchat videos or whatever.
So like.
Y'all hugging in the school hallway, mind you.
We're trying to get to class, get an education.
That's what we're doing.
I want to say in part, I kind of dealt with that aspect, but also this is, I don't, this
is not the longest I've been single, but I've been single for like almost 11 months now.
And like, I don't see myself getting like, it's a long, it's been a long time.
Right.
And like, I still don't see myself getting into a serious relationship.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know.
And I kind of find comfort in that knowing that I'm aware that I still need to work on
certain aspects of my person to like be, I don't want to say be better for a man, but
like be a good version of myself for when I do find that partner, you know?
Because again, I think I spoke about this with Grace, like this person, this partner
of yours is not your therapist.
This partner of yours is not like, sure.
You need to be able to rely and lean on your partner.
However, they're not there just for that.
You need to.
Or to fill some void.
Exactly.
You need to fill that void for yourself.
You need to.
My mom always says this or like my aunt, I don't know.
You need to love yourself so much that someone else's love is going to add on to that love
you have for yourself and not, like you said, fill some void, you know?
Yeah.
So I don't know.
I think waiting and that's the only time I agree with society, like waiting an appropriate
amount of time, waiting it out, like trust, it's going to be so much more worth it because
I've, I hate to admit this, but I've been that toxic person in the relationship where
I treated my ex boyfriend like a therapist and like I bet that fucking sucked.
Like I hate myself for doing that.
We're not on the best of terms, but like I hate myself for doing that to that person
because they didn't deserve it.
Like that was really wrong of me.
And now like talking it out with other people, like my therapist, like, oh shit, like what
did I do?
Like I need to work on that part of myself, you know?
So I don't know.
I think like we all live, we all learn.
Yeah, for sure.
Life is a big learning experience.
Exactly.
And so awareness is key.
And I, I heavily agree with that.
Yeah, I'm happy.
Okay.
Next point, letting people and I feel like that ties into what I just talked about letting
people in dating around or whatever, kind of have a fun story time.
So you guys know, like I was, I was dabbling in the dating apps, had some awful first dates.
Oh my God.
Like thinking this guy texted me over the summer that I went on a Tinder date with started
speaking.
Was it Dutch?
Like you guys like start speaking Dutch to me.
It was crazy.
He texted me over the summer.
He was like, he starts speaking, like texting me in French and I was like, oh, when did
we start doing this?
Right.
So I, I kind of had to like, I felt this urge like pushing me to delete those cursed ass
date.
Please guys, I mean, experience it if you want, but please like once you're done, like
please delete them off your fucking phone.
There's some freaks out there, some creeps.
Yeah.
Like it's very scary.
And also, I don't know what this is like the Tik Tok trend, whatever, like the sassy man
apocalypse.
Can we talk about that for a minute?
If you want to talk about that a lot of thoughts.
Um, I definitely think, I don't know what this wave of, yeah, the sassy men, but like
men like expecting to be, sorry.
It's okay.
No, like to be expected, I don't want to say, I have to be very careful with what I say.
Like I'm trying to like not say, but like men being expected to be like treated with
like be treated equal in relationship as in the sense of like be treated like a woman.
Like bitch, you're not a princess.
Your rumple still skins.
Please get away.
Like Shereen's in here dying guys.
Rumple is crazy.
What?
I mean in the sense of like, they're like, oh, well like if you want this, if you want
this, if you want this, oh, I have to get this.
And it's like, oh wait, like I thought you were like, I thought.
Unspoken again, like mutual understanding that not to be heteronormative or anything,
but like you're the-
Right, like I'm not sure I do too much.
Like I know I have a very like, you know, like I don't want to sound like I'm-
No, but still you're in a hetero relationship.
Right.
Like man, I'm the woman.
Let's get one thing straight.
Where are the flowers?
Where are the-
And you're the brick wall.
Okay.
Please again, don't shit on us.
Like obviously this is a joke, but kind of-
Okay, but like literally Trina Jo's bouquet babes, five dollars, like, like please.
Like, and the thing is I saw a thing on TikTok, literally like I think a couple nights ago,
and it was literally a guy had bought like four bouquets of flowers for his, for a, or
I don't, for somebody.
I don't know.
I don't know this man.
But, but I don't know.
I don't know.
Like, this guy had bought like four bouquets of flowers for his, for a, or I don't, for
somebody.
I don't know.
I don't know this man.
Bought like four bouquets of flowers for somebody, and he's rearranging them himself outside
of a Trina Jo's.
And this lady like recorded him and she was like, yeah, like if he wanted to friend, like
he would, and like you should not take anything less from that.
And I think-
So fucking true.
Like men just expect way too much.
And for you to act like a wife, when like they're not even acting like a boyfriend.
You know what I'm saying?
Which is so true.
Like, whoa.
It's fucking insane.
Like, whoa.
Like it's really scary.
And again, not to go, like I know I live in the US now and like I have to get accustomed
to that, but like shout out my Haitian men.
Y'all, I love you guys so much.
You guys have never made me feel like you guys were the princess and I was not.
Right.
Like I'm always like sitting pretty and letting shit get done for me.
And that's what women were put on earth to do is to sit pretty and look at us.
We're working in the relationship.
Touching a fucking coffee pot that no one wants to drink out of it.
And it's sick.
It's fucking sick.
And I'm-
And the thing is we allowed it.
Not anymore.
That's the even sicker part because what?
We really allow that shit to happen to us and like it needs to stop.
It really needs to fucking stop.
And it is starting now.
It takes 21 days to build a habit.
Please.
Sheree just had a revelation.
Side note, she quit me for 21 days and she just-
I wish they could see her face.
I wish y'all could see her face because like someone told her to quit me for 21 days and
she apparently did not know it was like the amount of time to build a habit.
Anyways, back to us.
I also want to talk about my reflective summer.
Not to go back to that again but-
It's your podcast so we can go back to it.
My institution.
Exactly.
Again, want to bring up hookups and my love and hate relationship with them because like
on one hand, mom please sign off if you're listening to this now.
This is your time to get off.
And my brother and my dad if you're listening.
Anyways.
On the one hand, love a good hookup.
Love it.
But on the other hand, so unfulfilling.
So fucking- because like what happens next?
I'm just like- I don't want to say that but like that's what it kind of feels like.
Whoring myself out and then getting nothing out of it.
And again, hooking up with someone is your choice.
It's a choice you make.
It's a decision you make.
And I'm not getting held against my will like, oh bitch you need to hook up with this person
right now.
But damn, like I don't know it's just so unfulfilling.
What do you think about that?
That's- I've- that's never been like me.
Like I have tried so hard to like stay away from that again because like my parents is
like-
Yeah, that's what you were taught.
Yeah, they're very big on like no soul ties, no soul ties, no soul ties.
So which is very good.
And again, like if-
If that's what someone likes then please go for it.
But I think especially we're like at such a ripe age like baby, I'm young.
Like I can't be- I can't be attached to somebody that like I have no commitment with.
So like that's just like never like really been me to like go super fast.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I- yeah.
Y'all know what I mean like as far as like hooking up and stuff.
It was one crazy stutter.
Yeah, um.
Keep going bitch.
Damn.
Trying to recoup.
But yeah, I just- I'm not a fan of hookup culture just because like again like Kennell
he's like what- like what are we doing?
Like I feel like it's a waste of time.
It's a waste of energy.
It's a waste of emotion that you're spending on somebody that like I don't say that doesn't
deserve it but like to a certain extent doesn't deserve it because like there's no commitment.
There's no flowers.
There's no dates.
There's no- you know what I'm saying?
So like- so why do it?
Exactly and I wholeheartedly agree with that and again reflective summer.
Yeah.
Don't get tired of me.
Um but I- I can't- I need to stop like I want to stop like indulging in like hookup culture
and I've stopped a little bit honestly like over the summer but like guys I'm not who
I am in Haiti like who I am in Haiti like it's not- it's really truly not me and I had
a crazy ass summer in terms of like hookup culture but like again not me not me y'all
if you guys saw her do anything that wasn't me that was a clone like really trying to
stray away from that and I just feel like not to get sappy or anything but I feel like
I've gone through so much with men that it's kind of a search for validation.
Right.
Which like I'm happy I'm able to be aware of that and like self- like we said self-awareness
is like everything and I've talked that out with my therapist a lot and she validated
me in the sense that like yes you are in search like you've been in search for validation
from men and like it needs to stop and like really trying to work on that because I can't
I can't do it anymore especially at Emerson like it's just everyone knows everyone's
business it's just like enough is enough there comes a point where it's like ugh.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
So before do you want to give your quotes she she's quoting Joan Didion and the Bible
y'all the word of G-O-D.
Right exactly.
So let's hear.
So this summer one of my friends had actually bought me let me tell you what I mean by Joan
Didion she bought it for me a while ago and I know it's so amazing I annotated so much
in here and I was in the airport and coming back from Maui and I was like you know I had
packed it with me because I'm trying to like you know read more like I'm on pain and stuff
and I was like super tired she's like you know let me crack open this book I kid you
not read two thirds of it before I got on my flight like literally in like what an hour
and a half and like the thing is like she has a lot of like shorter stories in here
so it's not like a super like dense reading but everything she says I feel like it's just
has so much value.
Exactly and so in this like short story it's titled like on not but on being unchosen by
the college I want or yeah on being unchosen by the college of one's choice and she talks
about being rejected from Stanford and all of that stuff and like how she had a friend
who went to Stanford she even like wrote an essay yeah for that friend at Stanford and
the Stanford friend got an A on it and she went to UC Berkeley and she actually got a
B on that same essay but I thought it really put into perspective like how you know everyone
looks at your worth differently that's what I got from it like you may be in some people's
eyes an A plus at Stanford and then some people you may be a B at UC Berkeley which when you
look in the hierarchy of elite colleges like Stanford is really up there and so is UC Berkeley
UC Berkeley is a great school but some people think that like oh if you can get an A in
a class at Stanford like you're really elite but she has this really great paragraph at
the end of this little chapter that I wanted to read off for y'all because I just it was
like a really like whoa like it's like you know like punching my gut in the best way
and just kind of like talking about not you know letting like your life kind of go off
the course that you had planned for like really define you were like make you upset okay ready
here we go so she goes and of course none of it matters very much at all none of these
early successes early failures I wonder if we had better not find some way to let our
children know this so made it extricate our expectations from theirs some way to let them
work through their own rejections and southern rebellions and interludes with golf pros unassisted
by anxious prompting from the wings finding one's role at 17 is is problem enough without
being handed somebody else's script and I love that particular like paragraph because
I think so often especially at this age we're at we are trying to do like what we see on
social media like other relationships our friends are in we're trying to like fit that
person's script where she's literally saying like girl you're young like it's okay yeah
don't try to emulate other people's things just exactly yourself and make those mistakes
because you end up learning from them exactly that's a really good point just like don't
take obviously take life seriously to an extent but like don't take yourself or this life
too seriously to where like you're going batshit yeah exactly and losing yourself exactly
yeah yeah that makes a lot of sense I don't know if we have much time but I wanted to
do a little game kind of ish yeah yeah trying to be in my entertainment area y'all I love
it look at us just entertainment girlies whoo we just high-fived yeah um but I'm gonna name
off a couple of male celebrities and you're gonna tell me if you would date or not date
okay don't have a reason no okay I don't want a reason oh like I want to be mysterious yeah
yeah or like if you think they would be a good boyfriend okay kind of that situation
so Michael B Jordan and this is not based on looks like I think he seems like a nice
guy yeah I think he'd be a good I wholeheartedly disagree I think he'd be the worst boyfriend
ever sorry Michael B Jordan you're still sexy but I don't I think but no explanation okay
so Nia yes Mel no okay um second one and I'm holding a GUN to her head on this one Mr.
Bad Bunny you know I don't know too much about him so I mean might as well have just suffocated
me right so yes exactly yes is the only answer Sheree and Sydney they nodded yes okay against
my ethics as a journalist I have to give real raw information real broad answers on my podcast
you are no journalist wow miss Nia Kennedy Harbin okay two more people these are just
off the top of my head guys I don't even know oh um Justin Bieber and I know we have we
have thoughts about this again not based on looks specifically him in the snooze video
baby come home the kids miss you so much but that's I think in like the world of like acting
is so weird because like that was crazy and the way again I don't I don't want to speak
on my relationship because I really cannot be speaking on nobody's relationship at all
yeah I am the last person you should ever speak on somebody's relationship but the paradox
yeah but like I don't I I say no again I go back to like if he wanted to he would that's
my answer like look if he wanted to love somebody wholeheartedly he would love them because
we've seen him do that in the past but yeah I gotta say okay so two nos on that one sorry
JB yes love canadian though so you're safe there um one last person do you guys have
anyone do something like something something fun something controversial yeah we're asking
sherry and sydney I was literally thinking about him timothy shala balagu our generations
what's his name charlie and the chocolate pot charlie willy wonka I say yes yeah I don't
find him attractive but I think he'd be like a solid I because I think once he's about
a bitch he's about a bitch like again I'm not going to my relationship because yeah
anyway but um yeah I think he'll be a good boyfriend I think you I think he'd be like
a cute little five-month boyfriend right once it hits that five-month mark then it's over
out the window baby like I don't know yeah I could see that you know not everything yeah
I'm trying I'm trying I'm finding it so like maybe yeah okay again like I think things
that I don't know like there's only so much you can learn on somebody from like a interview
clip so like I really don't know I'm only seeing what the media wants me to see so exactly
so timothy hit up my line when you're done with Kylie mind you he would not step near
me with a 10-foot pole after dating Kylie Jenner anyways well guys I think that's all
Nia and I have for you on this matter thank you so much for tuning into today's episode
of more of Mel's single and comfortable I'm your host Mel and I really hope you enjoyed
today's episode listening to Nia and I talk about our singleness ad fucking nauseam guys
and again I want to give a huge shout out to Nia Harmon for coming back on this season
of more of Mel like it's been such an honor do you have any advice for the single baddies
out there girl just live your life get your money up be cute you know what I'm saying
so go out flirt like just live it up I cannot stress that enough young wants so true make
the most of it babes I agree with that sure you and Sydney do you guys want to tune in
and give a piece of advice or say a few words they're like no we're good but anyways guys
I love you all so much and tune in next time on more of Mel.