Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode
of Vision Pros Live. I'm your host and coach,
Fletcher Ellingson. I'm so glad you're here.
I'm so glad that you're in this conversation.
Why? Because in these podcasts, we get to meet
people from all over the world who are doing
inspiring things, who are doing motivating things,
who are going for their vision, who are making
a difference. You may be in the same industry
that they're in. And what I love about the people
that we interview is they're showing what's possible.
They're making it easier for us to bring our
vision into the world because they're clearing
a path and they're sharing their expertise, their
wisdom, their mistakes they've made. They're
sharing all their insights so that we can do
it also. hopefully it'll be even a little easier
with their wisdom. Today on the show, we're meeting
with Amy Friesen and she is up in Canada, I believe.
Yes. Yes. And she is from the organization called
Tea and Toast. You can visit her online at amyfriesen
.com. Welcome to the show. Thanks very much for
having me. I'm excited to chat. Yeah. So this
is a new industry for me. I haven't met anybody
in this industry that I've interviewed. So I'm
going to be asking some real elementary questions
that will likely be a good thing, because I think
there's probably a lot of people who are not
familiar with the industry that you're in, which
is elder care. Is that accurate? That's it. There's
a lot of people that know nothing about me. So
let's inform them. Okay, let's do it. But before
we get to that, I always like to start off with
a win. I want to ask you what's going well in
your life personally and or professionally. But
there's a lot of suffering and uncertainty in
the world right now. And I'd like to remind people
that what's going well is always available. What's
not going well is always available. It's a matter
of where we... put our focus. It's a practice
of putting our focus on what's going well. So
what is going well for you, Amy? I would tell
you that I'm fortunate and there's lots of things
going well. One of the things that really is
going well for myself and my team for TNTOS is
that, you know, we are really jiving as a team.
It's incredible to work with. We're all women,
a group of women who communicate as well, who
really just enjoy each other, both professionally
and in friendship. And when I created Tea and
Toast, that's what I was aiming for, really.
That's what I wanted. It's a tough industry out
there. And so I just wanted to cocoon a couple
of people and do a really good job for people.
And that's been really wonderful lately. Right
on. So you so you have you realized the outcome
that you set out to create. It sounds like. Yeah.
Yeah. That's been great. Yeah. So and I and I
just realized this phrase tea and toast. I thought
when we said it just now, it sounded like tea
and toes. But I wanted to clarify for our listeners,
it's tea. and toast you know it's a very canadian
british thing right uh tea and toast um and and
that's a big hit in our household as well uh
so but what before we get to your vision tell
me how you came up with that name tea and toast
i would tell you naming a business is not for
the faint at heart it's incredibly process um
but to your point tea and toast is a double meaning
right so either people are really warm and cuddly
because of TNTOS. It gives them really good feelings.
However, for the people that are maybe eating
that for more than one or two meals a day and
consistently, it's a nutrition issue. So if you're
an adult child and you're seeing that, it's a
red flag. But if you're the senior that's doing
it, it's still a little bit of a comfy, cozy
name, a little bit of an opener for us, really.
Got it. Yeah, yeah. There's some level of relatability
in that for a lot of people, right? Yeah, I didn't
expect so, but I expected that the relatability
was there. But what I didn't expect is there's
a lot of people that literally say, we chose
you because of your name, which is just the best
thing for me. Yeah, it's great. Wow. Well, that's
neat. That's always good feedback to get. Cool.
So tea and toast. And we know that you're in
the elder care industry, but what I want to know,
and this show is called Vision Pro, so we're
always curious. What are people's visions? So
I'm asking you, Amy, what is your vision? Well,
my vision is quite large for an industry that's
in its infancy, right? So we are a brand new
industry in elder care and elder care planning.
And so my vision is to bring education and information
and direction to families across Canada, across
the world, really. I mean, we work across the
world. all of us the lucky ones anyway that we're
going to be living through to elder care and
we all need to do all the stuff like planning
and figuring out all of these pieces and everybody's
scared of it it's kind of like talking to a funeral
director right everybody's like no i don't want
to die and so we're not talking about death but
we're talking about like let's plan let's make
it work for you in the way you want to work it.
And the number one barrier there is like, let's
educate, let's take down those walls and open
the lines of communication. Yeah, so good. And
I want to highlight something you said, it can
be an uncomfortable and kind of scary topic.
It's terrifying for people, right? I mean, because
we're talking about Because it's a conversation
that forces us to talk about the fact that you're
kind of on your last chapter here, that there
is an end to this game. I mean, when we're in
our 20s, 30s, and even 40s, we're like, oh, yeah,
I'm going. I think I'm probably going to elude
death. But then we get closer and closer and
realize, oh. We're not. And things start happening
with the body that we weren't planning on. Things
start happening with our memory. So it can be
a frightening, disappointing and frankly upsetting
conversation. But what I liked about what you
said on your website is like you are the person
that's willing to have those conversations. I
have awkward upsetting conversations all day
long right it's I mean that's what we do we bring
light we shine lights into the dark places and
not for dark reasons really because we want to
give people choice and so when people are aging
and they've got all these things that pile up
right needing wills and powers of attorney and
where do i live and what care do i need you know
a lot of people like to stick their head in the
sand because it's scary and it's daunting and
it's just overwhelming but those people unfortunately
are the ones that are not making a plan and then
they don't actually get what they want and so
Really, by educating people in this space, that's
the same reason I put my book out as well, is
that I just want to get education to people where
they're at to start those, you know, what can
be really awkward conversations so that people
have choice. Oh, yeah. OK, so again, I'm going
to I got to recap what you said. I really want
our listeners to hear this. OK, so number one,
and I love the descriptor you use. This is accurate.
Because I said sad or disappointing or fearful,
which it can be those things. But the descriptor
you use, the adjective you use, much more appropriate.
This is an awkward conversation. I'm used to
having all kinds of conversations in my day -to
-day life. I'm very practiced at talking about
what we're having for dinner or where we're going
or work. Ooh, to talk about this, it might be
a really clumsy. an awkward conversation. I may
not have the language. I may not have thought
through. And I may not articulate myself well.
So yeah, awkward. That totally is a fitting descriptor.
And then you said something that I really want
our listeners to hear as well. You said, we tend
to stick our head in the sand. And instead of
talking about it, we avoid it. And then we don't
get what we want. This should be a motivator
for people who are really needing to think about
this. Do you want to get to that place? Do you
want to arrive at that place? And suddenly you're
like, geez, this is not what I wanted. This doesn't
feel good. It's not what I envisioned. So what
I'm hearing you saying is this. now is the time
to like really become proactive and have these
awkward conversations yeah most of the time the
people that I call my ostriches when I say you
know what's your plan you know and I'm starting
to kind of broach that a little bit their plan
is to and quote unquote go out feet first and
so I say you know That is a plan, but there's
so many things like right before that, right?
There's all this trajectory that people aren't
planning for that will change that plan. Unless
you're one of the lucky ones and it just goes
like that and you're done for, right? There is
going to be other things that... are going to
take place. And because you didn't plan, you
will have less and less choice. But to be honest,
all of our healthcare system, a lot of our systems
in general are very reactive, not proactive.
And so elder care planning is all about being
proactive. So you have choices. So you set up
properly because there's a lot of stuff to deal
with. Yeah, there really is. There's a lot of
it. My mom passed in end of 2017. Yes, there
was a lot. to take care of before and after my
stepdad is also he and I he's 87 or 88 he and
I talk fairly regularly about you know wills
power of attorney health care about his options
and plans so we have you know where's where's
the will where's the key to the safety deposit
box I mean we're like we have a lot of these
things and like yeah and and worst case scenarios
like how you know do not resuscitate things like
that um so yeah so i i really appreciate what
you're saying um i would tell you though just
so i mean for what it's worth you're one of the
very few and like kudos because that's not how
like all the families like there's not a lot
of families that are as proactive as that and
it's going to make a difference it's going to
make a difference in his and your life yeah thanks
for saying that yeah um and i will say that some
of these com lots of these conversations have
been awkward they're kind of sucky yeah yeah
it's not you know yeah it's not yeah they're
not they're not the funnest conversation but
i am glad that we've had them because i do want
a plan of action i do want like oh this happened
so i look at our plan like oh and So I go to
this plan of execution. Yeah. If people want
to connect with you, if they're like, geez, you
know what? I really need to start looking at
this stuff. Tell me a little bit about the process.
First of all, tell us where we go to connect
with you. And what can a person expect when they
make that phone call or send that email to you?
Sure. Yeah. So you can connect with me at amyfriesen
.com. And then on there are connections to everywhere
else. So if someone was local, I'm in Ottawa
and Ontario. If someone was local, then they
would go to the Tea and Toast Connection. Or
if they're national, they would go to the Eldercare
Planners of Canada. So that's the hub. Everything
is there. And really what we want to do when
we connect with people is we want to know more.
We want to learn about what is happening. now
the time that they're calling you know what are
their hopes what do they want to see in the future
how much do they want to plan all of this type
of stuff to really get a baseline of who who
that person is who else needs to be involved
and then start to pick away at which pieces are
more important or pertinent right there's often
an order of things when someone says this is
all the stuff i'm dealing with or this is all
the stuff that i think is upcoming Then as an
elder care planner, we can say, OK, this one
really needs some attention right now. Let's
start there and then we'll work out from there.
And so it can be for anything. It can be for
planning. It can be for knowing their options
of retirement, living and long term care, how
to stay safe at home. So many different things.
But, you know, the courage really does come in
just picking up the phone or writing the email
because. a lot of people, to our point earlier,
aren't even that far. Yeah. I got another question
for you. Let's say somebody is listening to this
right now and they're thinking, gosh, this is
important. But at what age do I initiate this
phone call? When is the appropriate time to call
Amy and start getting curious? I would tell you
that, you know, we work with seniors at the moment,
like 80 plus. Right. And so we're working with
their adult children and those adult children,
as we're making plans for their loved one, are
making plans for themselves. And so I would say,
you know, I'm in my 40s. I have wills, POAs,
all sorts of things in line. Right. Which are
all the kind of the bare minimum stuff that we
should all kind of be working towards. And so
a conversation is never too early. It's just
what you work on at that point, right? You can
still make a plan to your point, you know, if
this, then that. You can still make those plans
and there's still some direction based on what
is happening in their life, how old they are,
what their trajectory is. There's some people
that have had, for instance, dementia in their
family and they've seen a loved one go through
it and that person only lived to be X amount
of years old, right? And so they're coming up
on it. Is it too early to plan? Maybe not, because
they have seen what's coming before them. And
all we can do is best guess. Right. And health
care, you know, is it running in the family and
all that stuff? So I think that it's never too
early. I think there's always something that
you can make sure is in line. Yeah. And so my
next question, kind of similar to that, is who's
calling? Is it the is it the senior citizen that's
calling or is it? Is it the children who are
calling? And can the children call without the
permission of the parent? If they're like, hey,
how do I navigate this? Can you answer that for
me? Yeah, so most often it's the caregiver calling.
That could be. a senior spouse it could be a
senior themselves if they're independent or whatnot
and most often it's a female adult child i mean
we also get male adult children as well but the
primary primary person is often that and they
call because they either have had a loved one
say i need help with this please help me find
it and so they call us and we and we work it
out or They're in caregiver burnout. They're
overwhelmed. They don't know where to go. They
find us and they call us and say, what do I do
as a caregiver? Where do I go? How do I approach
this conversation with my loved one? Can you
come in and help and talk to them? And so, of
course, before we go in, we get permission, all
that stuff. But, you know, there is two different
ways. Right. It's really like, can you help us
or can you help them? Right. And it's trying
to figure out what the situation is. Yeah. OK,
that's good. And, you know, in my mind, I was
I totally wasn't even considering the caregiver
for some reason. I was just thinking about the
children. Maybe that's because that's the position
I'm in in my current life. The but and when you
say caregiver, I'm just I'm just clarifying for
our audience. When you say caregiver, you mean
like. the spouse who is, has been, that has been
caregiving up to a point and now they're, and
now they're at a point where like, either I can't
do this, it's too much, I'm burnt out or, or
I need to really be prepared for what's next.
Is that accurate? I mean, yes, but I mean anyone.
So, so often, you know, there's a spouse involved
and they're the caregiver, but they also have
a caregiver. So it's like a caregiver role. You
know, there's always kind of, you know, Generally
always there's a support structure that goes
out like a web almost. And so the caregivers
are often the children, the adult children. And
if it's not them, then it's a niece or it's a
sister or something. and then uh and the and
then the rare cases it's just the senior it's
them there's nobody else and so then we're helping
just them directly and working towards that um
and the spouses often kind of get stuck because
if the spouse is a caregiver then they're often
more independent right they maybe don't want
to do a move they might not want care in the
home things like that and so it's a bit harder
to get them on the phone with us. It's usually
coming through an adult child because they see
their mother, for instance, burning out and they're
like, can you please talk to her and give her
some experience, you know, information and whatnot
so that she can see that there's other ways that
this can go out. So we do get calls from the
spouses as caregivers, but often it comes through
the web of the adult children. Got it. Thanks
for clarifying that. Also for the, our audience
who's listening, I really want to hit on something
that's very important because you mentioned that
a lot of the people that are involved in this
are overwhelmed or they feel burnt out or they
feel a high level of uncertainty. So I'm setting
you up for the good news now for our listeners
to tell me, what is it? What have you seen your
clients? experience emotionally as a result of
taking time to make that call and have a conversation
with you. I'll give you an example. I had a client
the other day that was going to come on with
us and her mom was in hospital. And the way that
long -term care works here and a lot of places,
it's just very, very complicated. And so she
wrote us an email and she said, you know, actually,
they're going right to long term care. We don't
need to serve things very much. And we said,
OK, no problem. And then I got a call from her
and she was crying and she was saying, I got
the wrong information from the hospital. I didn't
understand what they said. And this can't happen.
I need to do this. I just need my mom out. And
she was just beside herself and rightly so. And
I would say that, you know. When you call someone
like myself and my team, we're going to put all
those pieces together and we're going to do it
very quickly and we're going to do it on your
behalf. We're going to connect all the dots for
you and show you a full picture. instead of having
this spotty piece work because there's nothing
more overwhelming than thinking you have an answer
for a loved one that's in crisis and then finding
out you don't have the answer and then you're
back from square one right and then some of these
adult children as well are still working some
of them are in sandwich generation they're still
raising kids they're having awkward conversations
of birds and bees and elder care they got enough
to do right taking on elder care planning is
a whole other job and so And we just bring it
all together. We speak the same language as the
hospital, as a retirement home, a long term care,
all of it. And so we can bring it and we can
package it for them and customize it right for
them. Yeah. And so I'm imagining that how people
feel as a result of that is major relief. Right.
Very, very much. They feel I mean, some of the
reviews that come in. Right. Like basically like
I couldn't have done this alone. Right. And it's
like, I don't know how I found you, but thank
God I did. Right. Like, you know, it's one of
those things that it's like the relief that comes
from not having to do it on their own, not trying
to compare options with a field of information
you don't know. Right. Like it's just. Yeah.
That overwhelming piece makes people not do anything.
And then it gets people into trouble more because
they've stalled the process. Meanwhile, the person
that needs the service is possibly getting more
ill and more ill. And so as that happens, then
they have to bring in more service. And it's
just it just becomes this overwhelming mess of
things. Yeah. And so we we keep the bus going.
Right. We keep them moving forward. Yeah, I like
that. You know, if you're listening to this and
you're beginning to, that dimmer light is beginning
to glow, you know, more boldly, pick up the phone,
go to your email, go to her website. And just
have a discovery call because we do not want
to get caught in that level of overwhelm and
uncertainty. We do not want to because really
you're just putting yourself and the people involved
in a position of more suffering. You're going
to amplify the suffering that's already going
on. You can begin to turn down that suffering
by getting into communication, hiring these professionals
who... already know what moves need to be made
they are going to help you take the guesswork
out of it and and what they're going to ultimately
do and this is what all humans want is they want
a sense of certainty they want to know what's
what's going to happen next and um to me that's
what it sounds like you guys really provide is
a plan of this is what's going to be happening
and And and you have buy in on it. And for me,
like I always want that in my life. Right. I
mean, personally, I always want to know what's
going to happen. And I always want buy in for
things that affect my life. So one health care
can be. Very uncertain. It is uncertain all the
time. So to your point about making kind of like
plan A and then here's a plan B in case. And
then if everything else fails, I got your phone
number and they can call us. Right. And also
to to your viewers as well and your listeners
is that like if you're not in our area, there's
most likely an elder care planner in your area
that we can connect you with and make it a point
to reach out to other elder care planners, specifically
in the US and Canada. through my network of people
to connect because they just, we just need a
soft transfer for this person so that they can
at least get into their zone because all the
healthcare systems between provinces and states
and everything, right? Countries, they're all
different. So you need someone local, but we
can most likely point you there. Nice. Nice.
Really good information. Again, I told you like
I did not know much about this industry. You've
made it very understandable and certainly stressed
the importance of being proactive. Thanks for
your time today, Amy. I wish you all the best
and look forward to having you back in a bit
and finding out more. We'll dive into some more
maybe stories about. So people can relate even
more. And any last words before we wrap up? I
just want to tell everybody to a reminder that
they're not alone, right? We're all doing it.
You just need to open the communication. Yeah.
Yeah. Very good. My guest today is Amy Friesen
and you can go to amyfriesen .com. She has the
company called Tea and Toast. It's all about
preparing for those final chapters in your life.
So if you want more information, if you've heard
something that sparks an idea or curiosity, reach
out to her. And now it's time for you all to
get out there. Be a source of kindness. Be a
source of contribution. You do have something
to offer this world, and I believe in you. Thank
you for being here today. I'm really happy that
you tuned in to Vision Pros Live. I'm looking
forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes
continue to move forward. This is going to get
more and more fun. We'll have more and more engagement
as well. We'll invite people to participate in
the show. And thank you for giving us your time
and attention. Have an excellent time building
out your vision and becoming a vision pro yourself.