hey everybody welcome to vision pros my name
is fletcher ellingson i'm your host and coach
and today we're sitting down with retired lieutenant
colonel ron cooper who is a uh used to be a fighter
pilot and accomplished over 300 combat missions
and today ron is a writer he's a speaker he is
a coach and he loves sharing information and
ideas on powerful leadership, effective leadership,
and effective communication. Welcome to the show,
Ron. Great to be with you, Fletcher. It's great
to be with you and your audience. Yeah, absolutely.
Hey, we always like to start off with the win,
something that feels good, something that's refreshing,
and it can be anything, professionally or personally.
So lay it on me. What's been going well for Ron
Cooper? Well, let me just tell you, professionally
and personally, my wife and I will have been
married 57 years, effective September 7th of
2025. We got married September 7th of 1968, so
we will be celebrating 57 years. We've been through
stuff, but we have chosen to stay together in
spite of the stuff. I love that. Yeah, 57 years.
That is... That is a long time. Wow. Well, it's
it is a while. But, you know, a part of my story
is that she accepted me and we have grown together.
And I as awkward as I have been, I asked her
during the time that we were dating each other.
difference. And Marty is 26 months older than
me. If that two -year difference is going to
make a difference to you, please tell me soon
because I'm starting to like you. That was early
in our dating phase. So that'll give you an idea
of just how awkward I was. That's great. And
apparently it didn't bother her, that gap. No,
she told me I needed adult supervision. So I
needed a person with a little more life experience
than I had. Well, you know what I like? You said
she accepted me and we've been through some stuff.
You know, if you're going to be in any type of
long term relationship, you're going to go through
stuff. You are not going to get out of this this
experience without going through stuff. And I
think what you said is she accepted me. And you
know what? That's one of the best feelings in
the world to be with someone. who actually accepts
you for who you are and the way you are. Fletcher,
you very succinctly summarized the first two
decades of my life, which by some descriptions
has been a write -off. It was a loss. And there's
a life story behind that, but it has everything
to do with those who accepted me. Yeah. That
made a big difference for you, right? Well, it
did. And very briefly with that, I don't want
to take you in the wrong direction, but I will
tell you and your listeners very briefly, my
father, who is no longer with us, and I'm not
here to denigrate him by any means, he would
sometimes and frequently tell me, well, I thought
you knew or you should have known. And through
my analytical mind, I'm thinking, well, how should
I have known whatever? And he was the kind of
person that you did not question what he said.
You just accepted it and you move on. And when
I accepted that, Fletcher, with what he said,
I believed. that well maybe i'm intellectually
inferior maybe there's something wrong with me
that i can't process and i maybe i should have
known but i don't know where or why i should
have known and i felt that he did not really
accept me for who i was i didn't know i had any
mental mental deficiencies but i kept churning
in my head maybe i do and i will tell you that
there are four men then marty now marty my wife
who accepted me and one of the topics i talk
about fletcher is the voice that matters and
so be stay with that voice that matters and in
there's a much longer story behind it but there
were the right voices at the right time in my
life who helped me overcome what i now know was
a period of my life where i had very poor mental
health and so i can now tell you confidently
yes i had a poor mental health i assumed mental
health and mental illness were synonymous and
i know they're not and so a much longer story
behind it fletcher but that's a part of my life
yeah and i'm gonna I'm going to tag on to what
you just said, because this is an important topic.
And it's one that I'd like our listeners to get
present to, because I know you're you are very
concerned with language. Like you agree that
language matters. Yes. Oh, yes. I talk on the
topic words. Yeah. Yeah. Words matter. And there
is this phrase that we use a lot. It's the phrase,
well, you should have. Or I will sometimes say
to this, oh, I should have. I should have gone
to the gym. I shouldn't have eaten that. You
should have known better. There's this phrase,
the word should, and that is a word that creates
shame. Anytime we catch ourselves using this,
well, you should have known better. That is synonymous
with shame on you. And that was something I grew
up with was you should be ashamed. That phrase
shame on you. You should have known better. Now,
did they ruin my life? No. But did it affect
me? Yes. And did it affect the way I thought
I felt about myself and other people? Yeah. And
that was modeled for me. So I then. Had that
mindset as well regarding other people. Well,
they should know better. Well, they shouldn't
be doing that. Well, they should be doing this
instead. And what it gets in the way of is the
thing you and I were just talking about, which
is acceptance. If we're shooting people or shooting
ourselves. That preempts our ability of acceptance.
And you're right on. It sounds like, Fletcher,
you and I share a lot of common attributes of
life. The other aspect of should is that's in
the past. And many times that helps us, I say
helps us, actually causes us to be thinking in
the past rather than today and in the future.
I will tell you the voices I listen to help me
transition from the past in what was a negative
past and help me think into the future. So very,
very important. And words matter. And we need
to be aware of those things. Absolutely. So we're
on this show. It's called Vision Pros, as you
know. And so. We're interested in what people's
vision are and how we can help them promote that
and live into it. So my next question for you,
because you've had a lot of different chapters
in your life. But what I'm interested to know
is, Ron, what is your vision now? That's a very
important question. And I help others determine
their purpose, vision. And with that, Fletcher,
I will tell you my vision is to be a catalyst.
to help people live their full design created
potential there are many people i believe that
you and i are not all that different who are
in organizations who might not express what they're
feeling what why they're not performing at their
full potential because, and there are any number
of reasons, but one of the fundamental aspects
behind that is we do not trust you. I need to
trust you before I can explain to you what is
happening in my past. I may not know. I may not
even be aware of everything in my past, but because
of your life experience, you might be able to
help me define my past with no focus on that.
knowing what the past was, you can help me define
a better future. My vision is to help people
define a better future for their life because
there are some of us who are living the past
and we need a better voice to help us live the
future and actually to determine what our purpose
is. Yeah, I appreciate that. And so if I want
to recap what you just said, your vision is to
help others figure out what or bring clarity
to what their own vision is and to help them
get out of their own way in order to live into
that vision. Is that accurate? That's very well
stated and very accurate. Yes, right on. People
need the right voice to help them determine their
best future. And one of the problems we sometimes
run into is everybody has a voice in the expression
that everybody has an opinion, just like belly
buttons, everyone has one. But we need to find
the voice. that best aligns with our future.
We develop trust in it, stay with that voice,
and we don't necessarily turn out the other voices,
but we turn the volume lower on those other voices,
and we stay with the one voice with whom we have
the greatest trust. Boy, now you're talking about
something that I really love to bring a spotlight
to, and that is where we place our focus. Because
what I heard you saying there is you can't you
can't get rid of all the voices, but you can
turn some down and you can turn some up. And
how do we do that? By directing our focus to
those voices that are in alignment, like you
said, with our vision. And that's a practice,
right? Most of us are practiced at focusing on
what's not going well, who's doing us wrong,
where we're a victim. And so it's a practice
to learn to focus on the voices that are in alignment
with us. And the other thing I really want to
bring a spotlight to is this thing, this word
you have brought up several times, which is trust.
Yes. This is a deep, deep subject and so important.
We long to trust. We want to trust people. But
we're very skittish when it comes to actually
trusting people. And so I think there's actually
three things that are needed for for a person
to give their trust to somebody. One is we're
more inclined to trust somebody. When we feel
heard, would you agree with that? Oh, definitely.
So right on. When we feel heard, we're more inclined
to trust. However, I could be heard. I could
feel heard and still not trust somebody. Yes.
Now, the second thing is. I'm more inclined to
trust somebody when I feel supported by them.
Right. Yes. When I feel supported and heard,
I'm more inclined to give my trust. But even
still, I may not trust them. The third thing
which I think is absolutely critical for developing
trust with people is when I feel safe with Ron,
when I feel safe with him, and I feel heard,
and I feel supported, I'm going to willingly
give Ron Cooper my trust. You're right on, Fletcher,
and I use many times a term that is very applicable.
with what you just very articulately and eloquently
stated, who believes current tense or who believed
in you. And when we have people who believe in
us, we, they are willing to invest resources
in us, which is primarily time, but sometimes
it's money. But when you, Know the value of people.
You believe in them. You are willing to invest
in them. And one -on -one investment, trust,
and the like are what people need to become their
very best. Absolutely. Yeah, well said. Well
said. So my next question for you is, why is
all this important to you? Why do you want to
spend your time helping others? I want to help
others because, again, it has to do with potential.
And there are many people who are not performing
at their design potential. I will tell you very
briefly, Fletcher, there were literally times
in my... early life, the first two decades where
I could be silent for maybe two weeks at a time,
I didn't want for you to ask my opinion because
I doubted myself. And I have felt certain that
whatever I may express as an opinion, you may
question, not believe me, which just took me
deeper into thought. So rather than even engage
in that, I just, okay, let's just avoid conversation.
I would never. in the first two decades of my
life ask a question because asking a question
means i didn't know what just affirms that i'm
stupid now hey i can jokingly say fletcher i'm
making up for lost time now so i want to encourage
people to be curious yeah oh boy yeah get curious
right get curious about other people get curious
about yourself get curious about your thinking
and i love uh that you what you just said about
um the fear of of not knowing, the fear of not
having the answers, the fear of being wrong,
right? The fear of looking bad. Boy, I can relate
to that so profoundly. That was me for a lot
of my life. Now, Ron, one of the things that
I do that I'm actually most proud of is I am
quick to say, whoops, I made a mistake. Whoops,
I thought it was this. It's actually that. I'm
not sure what the answer is to that. you know
oh i'm wrong oh thanks for thanks for showing
me where i was wrong it is so empowering to be
able to say i don't know where i was wrong fletcher
what you just said is extremely important you
are now exuding confidence which maybe earlier
in your life you and at least i had very little
confidence i had to develop confidence and those
are the positive voices that helped me throughout
life to develop what i hope to be a very healthy
confidence you project that you are very confident
in yourself right now which may be earlier in
your life certainly not it was true in my life
i did not have confidence then that i have now
many people do not have confidence because they've
been told in various forms well We're not sure
what your worth is. Those kind of things churn
over and over. Yeah, yeah. And confidence is
one of the topics that's near and dear to your
heart. That's what you like to speak about, isn't
it? Oh, it is. I definitely speak on that. I
can tell you that if I were now the way I was
at an earlier life, I never would have been a
fighter pilot. I never would have been able to
accomplish what I've been able to accomplish.
And nothing braggadocious in what I said. It's
just that I have overcome the past. And while
none of us is defined per se by our past, a lot
of our past does affect our future in that. We
are building on the past to help others overcome
what we have overcome. Yes. And I also appreciate
what you just said. Nothing braggadocious. I
really enjoy your attitude. It's very relatable
down to earth. There's no arrogance because now
some people can confuse confidence with arrogance.
And we just want to set the record straight here.
First of all, nothing wrong, nothing good, bad,
right or wrong with being arrogant. It just may
not serve you very well in some of the outcomes
you produce. OK, no, that's that's another topic
on which I speak, Fletcher. And I will tell you
that for me, my definition is confidence is about
you. If I overstep the bounds and I become arrogant,
then it's about me. I'm promoting me. I want
to promote you, Fletcher. More than I want to
promote. And I will promote me in the process
of promoting you. But if I lack confidence, I'm
going to cross the line and be arrogant. And
I'm going to intentionally try to promote me
maybe over you. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. And
I you know, and there's this flavor of arrogance,
too. It's just like there's a flavor of like
I'm better than right. There's this there's this.
degradation of the other person when it comes
to an arrogance. Whereas confidence, you may
very well be with somebody who doesn't have the
level of skill you currently have, but you're
not looking down on them, right? So there's no
judgment about their worthiness. And that's so
enjoyable to be and work with people who are
confident. and not arrogant no and what you've
just said by my life experience is i need to
be aware in the context of words matter that
all of us have shortfalls all of us have strengths
let's identify our strengths and be confident
about that let's also identify those areas in
which we're weak and particularly when we work
together let's Make sure to try as best we can
that your strengths complement my weaknesses
and vice versa. And so just acknowledging who
we are, where we are. And again, it's building
each other up. It's a mindset, Fletcher. Yeah,
it's a mindset. And I really appreciate what
you just said. It's about building each other
up. And how we build each other up frequently
is through language. It is. And I will tell you
that one of the things I promote with mentoring
and coaching is I would hope those who choose
to work with me would pledge never to consciously
denigrate anyone else. Yeah. Yeah. Let's build
each other up. Right. Yes. There's enough. denigration
and demeaning in our world let's let's be people
who build each other up look for opportunities
to build each other up in fact right we look
for that and i emphasize let's look for the positive
we'll find whatever we look for positive negative
in the unlikely chance fletcher you and i vehemently
disagree on whatever the topic is okay let's
discuss it let's bang the table if we figuratively
or literally would do that i want to know what
you think why you think and after which Let's
go break bread together. Let's go have a meal
together because our friendship cannot separate
just simply because we have differences of whatever.
Yeah. Thanks for saying that. That's so important
to such a good message for us to hear, especially
in these times. And if we're looking to be different
ideologically or any number of things like that.
Oh, it's easy to find things like that. But if
our mindset is I will not do anything other than
consciously, I do want to edify you. I want to
help you with your strengths. Everything else
becomes a peripheral issue. And we need to have
a mindset of knowing what the main thing is that
to some people becomes a cliche. Yeah. I like
how you talk. I like your heart, Ron. Really
good. Hey, we're just about out of time here.
So I wanted to give you an opportunity to extend
an invitation to people to connect with you.
Maybe there's somebody out there that would like
to work with you or ask you a question. What's
the best way to get in touch with you? I'll pause.
I appreciate that, Fletcher. The best way to
contact me would be through my email, Ron. r
-o -n at thecooperculture .com. That's t -h -e
-c -o -o -p -e -r -c -u -l -t -u -r -e .com.
Our company name is The Cooper Culture with the
emphasis on culture. Contact me by way of email,
and you can look at our website, www .thecouperculture,
learn more about me, and I would be happy to
work with people I know. As we have discussed
very briefly, there are people who are not living
at their full potential for various reasons.
If there are opportunities to address your company,
your smaller groups, whatever it may be, I'd
enjoy the opportunity to speak with your people
on topics. And although there are various topics
on which I can speak, I first off like to know
what your strategic objectives are so that I
can help advance you in wherever your company,
wherever your family may be going. So I want
to offer that pleasure to help advance other
people. Thank you so much for your time today,
Ron. Love all these words of encouragement, empowerment.
So thank you very much and best wishes to you.
Thank you, Fletcher. Great to be with you and
your audience. Thank you for being here today.
I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision
Pros Live. I'm looking forward to seeing your
reactions as these episodes continue to move
forward. This is going to get more and more fun.
We'll have more and more engagement as well.
We'll invite people to participate in the show.
And thank you for giving us your time and attention.
Have an excellent time building out your vision
and becoming a vision pro yourself.