Please share with me your first, last name, where
you're located and the name of your business.
Yeah, my name's Chris Marr. I am based in Dundee
in Scotland in the UK. And my business is The
Authoritative Coach. Tell me a little bit more
about the, it's the word for me, authoritative,
of course. So tell me more about The Authoritative
Coach. Yeah, so the word I think is important,
right? It's like, it's a curious word. I don't
think people use it all that much. And I think...
the word authority has some negative connotation
sometimes as well right so I think a lot of people
will get this off me when they meet me for the
first time understand it a bit more but authority
has this sort of like power over other people
right and that's not really what we're after
we're not really to like try and control other
people or manipulate other people but we do want
to have as experts as professionals we do want
to have control and influence and respect right
and that requires an authoritative presence you
know like how do we turn up how do we talk about
our thing how do we work with our clients how
do we craft those relationships with the people
that we work with and how do we even through
our marketing our content podcast interviews
How do we turn up in an authoritative way that
allows the people around us to feel like I can
trust this person? I respect this person. What
they're saying sounds interesting. In fact, it's
influencing me or motivating me to want to change
in some way. And so I think there's a lot of
ways in which we diminish, accidentally diminish
our authority. that then leads to people around
us not really trusting us and not really respecting
us and not taking us seriously and that's the
work that I'm in is helping people to see how
they are accidentally diminishing their authority
and help them to with the skills the confidence
and the consistency to get that control and influence
and respect and ultimately become authoritative
in their expertise. So that's what the word is
all about. And that's what it means to me. And
I love it. I love it. So I didn't think that
I was going to actually bring this in, but I
just had an aha moment as I was taking the 20
question, the, what is it? People pleasing. assessment
there were questions in there that were asked
such as um setting boundaries and that's that's
having authoritative control uh setting appointments
feeling some type of way after you set boundaries
and so now it's linking to me as you just spoke
is You were trying to hear or having an understanding,
the assessment was trying to have an understanding
of how authoritative can you be without feeling
some type of way, a type of guilt or outside
of that. And with that assessment, what can you
do with that? Ah, I just had all this aha moments,
Chris. There we go. That's three minutes into
the podcast. That'll do. I think there's a couple
of things that are really important to mention
there, which is that. People don't necessarily
want to be known as a people pleaser. I think
we've all got a sense of what that is and why
it's not great, right? And then there's the difference
between being a people pleaser in your professional
life and a people pleaser in your personal life,
right? Those can be slightly different. I've
had lots of people asking me about all of this.
I'm really focused on how people pleasing is
showing up in your... professional work right
and then when we think about boundaries I think
it's really interesting because we want to have
better boundaries we want to be able to communicate
them more clearly and we don't want to feel guilty
about it when we do it and therefore what we
need to do is work on why are they important
right why is it important that I'm able to communicate
this boundary clearly because it allows me to
do my best work and if I let somebody if there's
a transgression of that boundary and I allow
it it means that like I'm overwhelmed or I'm
overworked or I'm tired I get sick and it's like
what you're doing is I like to use instead of
saying boundaries I like to say set the conditions
for success like what does it look like for you
as the authoritative expert the professional
to take the time To set the conditions for success
in the relationship between you and the client,
because you know what that should look like because
you're the experienced person. The client's doing
it for the first time, maybe. What does it look
like to set the conditions for the work that
we're going to do together so we're successful
at our highest potential? And what does it look
like to set the conditions so that me, the professional,
can do my best work and therefore, obviously,
that rubs off? on all my clients and so when
i think boundaries i think the better way to
look at it for professionals is to take the lead
on setting the conditions for success right when
you decided to come up with that name authoritative
yeah how what what was your thought like what
did you like i'm this well say so the world like
it's a busy place out there right and all these
other words are taken like i looked at a lot
of things like transform transformative coach
or like loads of people had actually you wouldn't
be surprised but quite a few people had opinions
about what it should be or shouldn't be but what
i knew i think from the beginning it's interesting
because nothing was ever like you know it wasn't
you know i didn't go from zero to one it wasn't
like black and white it wasn't like one day i
just knew it was like it all started as an experiment
right I was like well what happens if I started
an Instagram account with the name no branding
no like if you scroll back on my feed you'll
see all this like just I didn't know what I was
doing but what I knew was is that nobody else
owned that word and when I mean owned it nobody
else was known for that word right and I think
it's important that people are able to like so
for example people today will send me content
about people pleasing they're like have you seen
this listen to this podcast or have you seen
this article because they know they've got like
a hook to put their jacket on like they know
that people pleasing is my thing and so they
know that that's that's the word so I'm like
authoritative was one of those words that nobody
else seemed to be using and I thought well That
looks like a clear opening for me. I'm going
to take that word and I'm going to own it. It
became the title of the book. And even though
coach is in the title, it's really about being
more coach -like in your work. So it's really,
a lot of people don't see themselves as a coach,
but they can certainly be more authoritative
and they can certainly be more coach -like in
their work as well. So that's where that all
came from. It was very much an experiment, very
much a sort of organic idea that eventually became...
this actually feels really good and then just
put money behind it and attention into it and
started to brand it all up and it became a very
organic approach like it was built very organically
and still is to this day just every month it
seems to get a bit tighter a bit more clear a
bit more you know known. Yes and so when I seen
your picture if I may say, just the word, right?
The name of the website and then the hands folded.
I was like, is he going to be mean? That's right.
Yeah. And so I was like, I had to read into it.
I had to go into it. And I was like, is he going
to be mean to me? You're the authoritative coach.
So one thing that I love about this, Chris, and
what I do is that I'm a firm believer that there's
somebody behind the website. There's someone.
that is just as human as you you know and when
we go on a website and we see all these accolades
and all these you know about me's and who we've
helped I love hearing about the person behind
the website who, you know, because as I mentioned,
that's what I saw. That was my first thought
was he's going to be authoritative. He's going
to tell me what I need to do, how I need to do
it. I might not have any input. Well, everybody,
I was wrong. Jamaica was wrong and I love it,
but I love how it sticks because that's something
that I'm going to definitely remember. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. there's a bit of a juxtaposition
between the word authoritative and the word coach
because what you're saying there is like authoritative
means consultant telling me what to do giving
me the answers doing all this work you know but
authoritative and co that i think that's an interesting
it's just very interesting to hear you say that
how long have you been doing this well the authoritative
coach as a business is one year old today which
is awesome right which is really cool um so we're
celebrating one year but I have been doing this
work for over 10 years now this in this particular
field um so you know I started I never I think
that when I started calling myself a coach was
probably about only as recent as like six or
seven years ago I never really felt like a coach
but I always felt like a teacher you know I was
always a good I felt like a teacher of adults
and I've done that i have done that since i was
19 years old so for about 25 years i have taught
adults something like a training course or just
any type of knowledge or information i've done
it for so long now but in my more mature years
i have kind of taken like acceptance or ownership
of the of the title as a coach because i figured
out that that's actually what i'm doing is coaching
so you know it's been We did it for a long time
in some capacity, but not always, you know, not
always like with the label as a coach. Yeah.
What made you take that leap and just accept
it? Yeah, I went. So I've always been very like
I like to explore all the different like angles
or perspectives or mental models in the work
that I do. And one of those one of those paths
took me into counseling. So I went to the local
university here in Dundee. I did. I started a
master's in counseling, which is a long program
over four years. And I quit after nine months.
And the reason that I ended up leaving, initially
I saw this big overlap between coaching and counseling.
I can see it was the same sort of skill set,
same type of approach. But as time went on, I
saw those sort of like that Venn diagram of those
circles pulling apart. And I started, it was
really good for me. I don't regret starting and
I don't regret quitting. But what helped me understand
was that. that's coaching is what i'm supposed
to be doing it helped me see that there was a
distinct difference and that i wasn't necessarily
supposed to be all in on counseling but i actually
took a lot of the counseling skills and applied
them to my coaching which i thought was fascinating
so i think that was certainly one of the experiences
i had that sort of locked me in into coaching
was just understanding the difference between
well what's what's what's what's counseling What's
consulting? What's coaching? The distinct differences
between these different types of work and then
being able to see that actually, yeah, that's
what I do. I coach. You know what's interesting?
And again, my mind tends to go when I'm on these.
You said something. Coaching, counselling and
consulting. Would you mind sharing with me those
different and how you see that they're different?
Yeah, I could do it in a sort of broad stroke.
Certainly, I think as a coach, I think it's important
to recognize that as a business coach, there
are times where you need to be a consultant.
And I think it's easy to kind of explain what
those are. So as a coach, a lot of times I'm
asking questions. I'm looking at you for the
answer, not the answer from me. So like, well,
what do you think we should do about it? What
do you think we missed? If we did that, what
do you think would happen? What would be the
worst case scenario? Like I'm looking to you
to kind of like work through the problem, work
towards the answer, knowing that if you come
up with the solution for yourself, you're going
to own it. You're going to feel motivated to
want to do something about it. You're going to
take ownership of it, right? That's really key.
That's the coach, right? The coach is going to
sit there with you in that tension. The consultant,
however, has to come in sometimes. If you think
about a seesaw, just like going, tipping all
the way to one other side, it's like, okay. i've
listened to everything you've said here's exactly
what you need to do you need to do this this
and this and then once you've done those things
we need to do this this and this and once we've
done them we'll be done you know so there's someone
that's actually with their hat their consultant
hat on is defining the path or is coming up with
the solution um because because either the client
can't do that themselves or the coach has got
to the point where if I let you continue down
this path, you're going to make a lot of mistakes.
And I can't sit here and watch you do that. So
it's advisory time. It's consulting time. So
you switch between the two. Yes. So but the one
thing that coaching and consulting has in common
is that it's usually you're usually hired as
an external objective source from the client.
Right. So I can look and see the behaviors, the
things that you're doing that are getting in
your way. And the other thing that they have
in common is it's usually future orientated.
Right. So I'm keen that after every session and
the work that we're doing, we're moving towards
something. We're moving forward. Yes. And that's
a distinct difference in counseling and counseling.
There isn't really a sense of urgency to move
towards a solution. And it's generally focused
on the past rather than the future. uh of course
also four and a half years compared to maybe
taking some courses to get coaching and consulting
might be a difference too there's a big lesson
there though right i could have changed my whole
career thinking i was supposed to be a counselor
but instead i went and tried to figure it out
first like you know i tried it on like a like
a jacket you know i was like this is a good fit
for me actually It's a bit big in the shoulders.
It's not really for me, you know. And I was able
to try it on without upending my whole career
and going all in on something before I really
figured out. I think oftentimes we have a romantic
idea about this thing that we want to do. And
I think it's good to go and just explore it without
anything at stake and really figure out actually
what parts of this do I not like and then make
a decision. So there's a big lesson in there,
I think. Yeah, definitely. Not to mention there's
a there's a financial aspect to all these three
differences as well, too. Oh, yeah. Yes. With
authoritative coaching, I would not be Vision
Pros Live if I did not ask you to tell me about
your vision. Where are you going? Where are you
at? Right. So this business that is a year old
today, I want this business to be the business
I run for the next 10 to 15 years. And the mission
is to help people, generally speaking, professionals
to feel more confident. and to get the sense
that they really are stepping into their authority
as their experts, right? So when they come into
work every day, they feel like they're really
making a difference. People are, they have influence,
they have respect from people. I want that to
be true for them. And so part of that vision
includes me building and creating a place where
professionals can come. and actually talk about
the challenges that they're having with their
clients. This is something that I pulled from
counseling, which I think is really critical
to the story, is that in counseling, if you want
to be a registered counselor, you need to have
a formal source of supervision. I need to meet
you every month so I can talk about my clients.
That doesn't exist in other professions, right?
So if you're a client -facing professional, you're
working with clients every day, you don't have
a place where you can go and actually talk. about
what's happening in your client relationships
and that's where i want people to come is to
come to me and actually troubleshoot it unpack
it practice it role play it get different skills
different perspectives frameworks tools methods
practice all of that actually watch their client
sessions nobody does that watch their client
sessions give them feedback also that they can
go back to their clients with this heightened
sense of confidence with the right skills so
they can really just feel truly confident in
the work that they're doing and if the coach
or the private you know if the professional is
confident That rubs off on the client. The client
doesn't want to feel more doubtful. They want
confidence. And so that's what I want for everybody
that I work with, that they feel like they're
doing their best work. They feel like they're
thriving in the work that they're doing. They
feel like they're making a difference. And when
they work with people, they listen, they do the
work, and they get the best results as well.
With that, is there a specific level that you
work with? Do you work with entrepreneurs, individuals,
corporate, such as that? yeah it's really broad
actually I don't really niche down on the type
of person if you work with clients in a professional
setting then the work that I do will absolutely
be relevant for you now for the most part though
it's owners usually somebody who owns the business
and I'll work with their team so I work with
sales teams account management teams leadership
teams and owners usually generally speaking so
sometimes that means an agency will come to me
and I'll work with the owners and I'll work with
the client facing team. I'll work with their
sales team. You know, I'll work with all of them.
So yeah, it's any capacity really. I just want
to, like I said, the vision's there, right? It
doesn't, it doesn't, it includes everybody essentially
is what I'm trying to get at. Sounds good. And
before I leave, I have one favorite question.
I always ask everyone. Okay. What are the greatest
joys of what you do? Oh, there's so many. Let
me try and pick one. The one that comes front
of mind is just a very recent one. You know how
we mentioned earlier about if you grow, you're
more valuable to others, right? If you're constantly
working on the stuff that's challenging for you,
you're having breakthroughs, you're more valuably
positioned to help others. Well, what happened
in my work, this is so cool to see, is that because
I'm working on my stuff, I am... I can help others.
So I help one, what this person, a coach, she's
a coach, a consultant. I help her to have breakthroughs
in her own business, stuff that she was resisting.
And so I help her with it. And then the next
thing I know, I see her clients doing the same
thing for their business. And it's like, there's
this trickle effect. And I love the fact that
I'm behind the curtain. Like I'm not looking
for the spotlight. That's not what this business
is all about. The spotlight should be on the
client and the results that they're getting.
But it was so interesting to see the spotlight
being shown on their client doing the things
that we've been working on. So I thought that
was like really cool just to see this sort of
second order or third order impact of the work
that we were doing together. I just thought it
was just really cool. Kind of like. thing that
was worthy of celebration and recognition thank
you for being here today i'm really happy that
you tuned in to vision pros live i'm looking
forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes
continue to move forward this is going to get
more and more fun we'll have more and more engagement
as well we'll invite people to participate in
the show and thank you for giving us your time
and attention have an excellent time building
out your vision and becoming a vision pro yourself