WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.299 share with me your first name, last name, where 00:00:02.299 --> 00:00:04.900 you're located and the name of your book that 00:00:04.900 --> 00:00:09.179 I see right now. Hi, Jovanka. I am Marcy Axelrod 00:00:09.179 --> 00:00:12.039 and I'm in Westchester, New York, about 30 minutes 00:00:12.039 --> 00:00:15.380 north of Manhattan. Yes. Yes. Well, thank you 00:00:15.380 --> 00:00:19.920 so much. And so you're an author amongst many 00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:22.059 different things, many, many different things. 00:00:22.219 --> 00:00:24.620 But as I see right now, I see a book that says 00:00:24.620 --> 00:00:27.140 how we choose to show up. Please share with me 00:00:27.140 --> 00:00:29.660 a little bit more about that. Oh, absolutely. 00:00:30.500 --> 00:00:34.899 So society lies to us about how we should show 00:00:34.899 --> 00:00:38.259 up. Society lies to us about what we should value, 00:00:38.500 --> 00:00:42.500 what matters, what doesn't matter. Lies to us 00:00:42.500 --> 00:00:46.140 about what showing up actually is. And, you know, 00:00:46.159 --> 00:00:48.200 I'll get into the story later about why this 00:00:48.200 --> 00:00:51.859 is my calling, right? Not my job, not my career, 00:00:51.899 --> 00:00:56.950 but my calling. But I felt that. Since we're 00:00:56.950 --> 00:00:59.210 all doing it wrong and we don't really know what 00:00:59.210 --> 00:01:01.729 it means to show up, there has to be a model 00:01:01.729 --> 00:01:04.549 out there. There has to be a playbook that helps 00:01:04.549 --> 00:01:08.489 us live life as nature designed us to live because 00:01:08.489 --> 00:01:13.569 we are nature. So the book gives us a very clear, 00:01:13.609 --> 00:01:17.069 simple model that I will actually show you. And 00:01:17.069 --> 00:01:19.569 I'll send you these slides for the show notes. 00:01:19.650 --> 00:01:21.349 But there's a model of how humans are designed 00:01:21.349 --> 00:01:26.359 to show up. And there's a continuum. There's 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:29.500 a continuum. One, two, three. Low is barely there. 00:01:30.420 --> 00:01:33.519 Level two is just showing up. That's what my 00:01:33.519 --> 00:01:36.420 20 years of research show 80 % of us do 80 % 00:01:36.420 --> 00:01:38.459 of the time called just showing up. Let's talk 00:01:38.459 --> 00:01:41.359 about like improv life. You just walk in and 00:01:41.359 --> 00:01:43.680 you hope it goes well. And then there's truly 00:01:43.680 --> 00:01:46.920 showing up on the right at level three. And I 00:01:46.920 --> 00:01:51.819 explain behaviorally. psychologically, through 00:01:51.819 --> 00:01:55.260 neuroscience, through biology, through chemistry, 00:01:55.400 --> 00:01:59.200 through physics, what it means to be barely there 00:01:59.200 --> 00:02:02.719 or to be just showing up or to truly show up. 00:02:02.859 --> 00:02:06.640 And I do call it nature's model of how humans 00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:09.000 are designed to show up and to thrive because 00:02:10.209 --> 00:02:12.389 Everything shows up. And by the way, the way 00:02:12.389 --> 00:02:14.469 the tree does it right outside, the way the air, 00:02:14.569 --> 00:02:17.030 the way social justice, the way your vote, the 00:02:17.030 --> 00:02:19.310 way your weight, the way your habits, the way 00:02:19.310 --> 00:02:22.810 everything shows up. It fits into the model. 00:02:22.870 --> 00:02:25.490 And once you know it, it's like, wow. Oh, my 00:02:25.490 --> 00:02:28.250 goodness. It's so much clearer to me. And then 00:02:28.250 --> 00:02:30.550 it's really easy to show up the way that you 00:02:30.550 --> 00:02:34.870 choose more often. So when you say choose to 00:02:34.870 --> 00:02:37.569 show up, how we choose to show up. Tell me your. 00:02:37.909 --> 00:02:41.770 your definition of choose oh absolutely wait 00:02:41.770 --> 00:02:43.849 and i also just want to point out mel robbins 00:02:43.849 --> 00:02:48.210 uh wrote the cover quote on the book so that's 00:02:48.210 --> 00:02:50.310 pretty darn cool and and it's you know it's a 00:02:50.310 --> 00:02:52.189 bestseller which i think is pretty obvious too 00:02:52.189 --> 00:02:57.909 um so choose what i talk about is choosing the 00:02:57.909 --> 00:03:00.009 you know where on that continuum that i just 00:03:00.009 --> 00:03:02.729 showed you are showing up and what i really mean 00:03:02.729 --> 00:03:08.740 is either before the moment or actually in the 00:03:08.740 --> 00:03:12.860 moment, recognizing right here, right now, I'm 00:03:12.860 --> 00:03:14.840 doing a bunch of things. Number one, I'm impacting 00:03:14.840 --> 00:03:17.259 the world. Number two, I'm changing the lives 00:03:17.259 --> 00:03:20.919 of those around me, the immediate people, but 00:03:20.919 --> 00:03:23.620 also it flows out three levels deep. And I talk 00:03:23.620 --> 00:03:27.599 about that. But really what I'm saying is recognize 00:03:27.599 --> 00:03:33.560 right now. Whether you are in a calm body or 00:03:33.560 --> 00:03:38.020 an alerted body, for example, in your nervous 00:03:38.020 --> 00:03:43.520 system, whether you are in your head or your 00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:48.240 heart showing care, these are the choices. Recognize 00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:52.319 right now, how are you showing up and how do 00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:54.819 you choose to be showing up? So that's the way 00:03:54.819 --> 00:03:57.419 I'm using the word. And I separate the difference. 00:03:58.699 --> 00:04:03.120 The book talks about defaulting through life. 00:04:03.599 --> 00:04:08.560 Defaulting is not choosing. So what we're doing 00:04:08.560 --> 00:04:14.919 is we are devoid of intent. We are flowing more 00:04:14.919 --> 00:04:18.220 in the moment than being able to be up on the 00:04:18.220 --> 00:04:20.980 mountain looking down and having that broad perspective. 00:04:21.620 --> 00:04:24.360 So just really quickly to get into just some 00:04:24.360 --> 00:04:26.579 of the neuroscience, we have two attention systems. 00:04:27.689 --> 00:04:31.829 The left one leads us to grab and get. It's a 00:04:31.829 --> 00:04:34.189 power over. This is the one that says feed me, 00:04:34.370 --> 00:04:38.129 okay? The other one says, wait, I need to make 00:04:38.129 --> 00:04:41.189 sure I'm not fed to something else. So the right 00:04:41.189 --> 00:04:43.490 one is the like, wow, what else is going on? 00:04:43.550 --> 00:04:45.529 Is there a predator there? Where are the kids 00:04:45.529 --> 00:04:47.930 I'm supposed to keep track of in my tribe, right? 00:04:48.689 --> 00:04:52.810 When you just show up, okay, and don't choose, 00:04:52.930 --> 00:04:56.509 you're often in your left attention system, which 00:04:56.509 --> 00:04:58.800 chops everything up. yeah there's a rabbit in 00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:00.759 the woods i'm going to grab it and get it i don't 00:05:00.759 --> 00:05:02.639 care if it just had baby rabbits and it's over 00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:06.360 there because you are just control over left 00:05:06.360 --> 00:05:09.100 hemisphere often controls the right arm this 00:05:09.100 --> 00:05:11.240 is the work by the way of dr ian mcgillchrist 00:05:11.240 --> 00:05:14.779 um who wrote thousands and thousands of pages 00:05:14.779 --> 00:05:17.319 about this he's a psychiatrist from uh from the 00:05:17.319 --> 00:05:23.490 uk and he explains how What that does when we're 00:05:23.490 --> 00:05:25.970 focused in on a part of something is we're missing 00:05:25.970 --> 00:05:29.149 everything else. The world is in pieces. And 00:05:29.149 --> 00:05:31.970 this is what leads us to feel like individualized 00:05:31.970 --> 00:05:36.189 selves. This is the whole faux self -care, self 00:05:36.189 --> 00:05:39.829 -help, all of that. No, that's your mirror reflecting 00:05:39.829 --> 00:05:43.529 you back. What showing up is about is doing this. 00:05:43.629 --> 00:05:45.589 And I'm taking my hands with my mirror facing 00:05:45.589 --> 00:05:48.910 me and I'm turning my mirror outwards. It's recognizing. 00:05:49.639 --> 00:05:53.019 That the self is a large S self, which is part 00:05:53.019 --> 00:05:57.620 of society, because we are absorbing all the 00:05:57.620 --> 00:05:59.699 laws that are out there, all the like, yes, you 00:05:59.699 --> 00:06:01.160 need to look a certain way and have a certain 00:06:01.160 --> 00:06:05.120 job and title and car and garbage, as opposed 00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:09.040 to we are here to care for each other. So truly 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:12.839 showing up is recognizing how am I attending 00:06:12.839 --> 00:06:15.360 to the moment? Which attention system? Is it 00:06:15.360 --> 00:06:19.240 the only one, Jovanka? is it the right hemisphere 00:06:19.240 --> 00:06:26.360 that leads me yeah to feel you yeah yeah right 00:06:26.360 --> 00:06:31.180 now and you know yeah what happened i've just 00:06:31.180 --> 00:06:36.439 switched into my care mode now when i when i 00:06:36.439 --> 00:06:39.540 i'm asking a question because i don't i want 00:06:39.540 --> 00:06:44.399 to have understanding when you say default says 00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:48.319 whatever happened before I came in, that's my 00:06:48.319 --> 00:06:50.500 default and it's going to be delivered outward. 00:06:50.879 --> 00:06:54.100 However, if I'm not utilizing the default and 00:06:54.100 --> 00:06:56.740 I'm choosing whatever happened here, rather good 00:06:56.740 --> 00:07:00.439 or bad, I can pull in, make that decision to 00:07:00.439 --> 00:07:03.480 change and then send it out. Am I on the right 00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:06.579 track here? You're definitely on the right track. 00:07:06.779 --> 00:07:10.579 Okay. Yes. And I want to pick up on something 00:07:10.579 --> 00:07:13.180 you just said, Javinka, about, you know, turning 00:07:13.180 --> 00:07:17.399 toward others. There is not the distance and 00:07:17.399 --> 00:07:20.540 the separation that people think. Right. David 00:07:20.540 --> 00:07:23.980 Bohm, one of the foremost physicists of the 20th 00:07:23.980 --> 00:07:26.860 century, who was trained by Oppenheimer, wrote 00:07:26.860 --> 00:07:29.779 a book called Wholeness and the Implicit Order. 00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:33.220 And it was published, I believe, in 1980. And, 00:07:33.259 --> 00:07:36.300 you know, he was. Right up there with Albert 00:07:36.300 --> 00:07:38.819 Einstein in terms of understanding the workings 00:07:38.819 --> 00:07:42.660 of the universe. Everything that's here, us, 00:07:42.759 --> 00:07:44.639 the leaves, the tree, everything in the past 00:07:44.639 --> 00:07:48.879 and the future is a single system. And just because 00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:52.300 people pop up like, you know, leaves on a tree 00:07:52.300 --> 00:07:54.040 and we think we're a separate leaf because we 00:07:54.040 --> 00:07:56.420 have somewhat of a separate life. We are not. 00:07:56.540 --> 00:07:59.259 We are attached to the same branch of a single 00:07:59.259 --> 00:08:02.949 tree. Maybe a bunch of trees, but. We're all 00:08:02.949 --> 00:08:05.889 interconnected under the earth, right? And this 00:08:05.889 --> 00:08:09.810 is research that was well shown. In fact, I think 00:08:09.810 --> 00:08:11.769 it's actually on my desktop, like the actual 00:08:11.769 --> 00:08:15.870 article. I referenced it in my book. Suzanne 00:08:15.870 --> 00:08:22.129 Simard is the one who wrote it. Anyway, the me 00:08:22.129 --> 00:08:26.519 and you really merges into a we, M -W -E. That's 00:08:26.519 --> 00:08:29.079 actually a term of Dr. Daniel Siegel, who created 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:33.659 a field called interpersonal neurobiology. Because 00:08:33.659 --> 00:08:35.820 he showed how when you and I are looking into 00:08:35.820 --> 00:08:41.500 each other's eyes, in just seconds, the brainwaves 00:08:41.500 --> 00:08:44.139 in your brain and in mine start to literally 00:08:44.139 --> 00:08:49.759 resonate as a single wave. So we exist as one 00:08:49.759 --> 00:08:54.899 mind in this between space. And what the model 00:08:54.899 --> 00:08:56.919 of showing up talks about, it says you're not 00:08:56.919 --> 00:09:01.539 just a self, but you're also a member of a situation 00:09:01.539 --> 00:09:05.240 right now. Meaning how you think, feel and act 00:09:05.240 --> 00:09:07.740 is largely determined right now by what's going 00:09:07.740 --> 00:09:10.840 on around you. Is there a bottle of water? Maybe 00:09:10.840 --> 00:09:12.779 you will lift it and drink it. If it wasn't there, 00:09:12.940 --> 00:09:15.779 you wouldn't lift it and drink it. If you're 00:09:15.779 --> 00:09:20.740 smiling at me, my chemistry is. You know, my 00:09:20.740 --> 00:09:23.519 cortisol is going down. My adrenaline is going 00:09:23.519 --> 00:09:27.019 down. Maybe some dopamine and serotonin are going 00:09:27.019 --> 00:09:31.379 up. My oxytocin, the connectedness or love hormone 00:09:31.379 --> 00:09:36.100 is going up. And therefore, what I think, how 00:09:36.100 --> 00:09:39.240 I feel and what I say, what I do, I've been shifted 00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:43.100 by you. yeah you are indwelling within me right 00:09:43.100 --> 00:09:45.799 just like i am taking up inhabitants within you 00:09:45.799 --> 00:09:49.299 your body your chemistry so we have a situation 00:09:49.299 --> 00:09:53.279 member role and it's right here there's a model 00:09:53.279 --> 00:09:58.440 self situation member societal member okay and 00:09:58.440 --> 00:10:00.399 it's happening all at one time because why are 00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:03.139 why are you maybe in an office why are you in 00:10:03.139 --> 00:10:05.820 a home society has told us we're going to build 00:10:05.820 --> 00:10:07.740 these things this is where people work this is 00:10:07.740 --> 00:10:12.129 where people Everything around us is a creation 00:10:12.129 --> 00:10:14.710 of the society and the culture. Why are we on 00:10:14.710 --> 00:10:19.070 a podcast? Why does this laptop exist? So the 00:10:19.070 --> 00:10:21.710 more we recognize we're in three roles at once, 00:10:21.789 --> 00:10:25.769 and that's what's creating us. It's everything 00:10:25.769 --> 00:10:28.850 that society has led us to be and told us. That's 00:10:28.850 --> 00:10:31.850 what we believe about good and bad and do this 00:10:31.850 --> 00:10:35.759 and don't do that. The moment right now. So I 00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:38.320 really want people to be clear. You're a societal 00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:42.519 member and a situational member far more than 00:10:42.519 --> 00:10:45.740 you're a quote self. And don't fall into the 00:10:45.740 --> 00:10:50.559 ego mirror in small S for self. We're a big S 00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:52.919 for self, which is the integration of the three. 00:10:53.440 --> 00:10:56.419 And I'm, you know, it might sound abstract, but 00:10:56.419 --> 00:10:58.320 think about what, what are you doing and how 00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:01.200 do you feel this moment? That model explains 00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:06.419 it. Very matter of fact, explaining what's going 00:11:06.419 --> 00:11:09.399 on in your mind, in your body and in your behavior 00:11:09.399 --> 00:11:13.700 right now. This is what that's what choosing 00:11:13.700 --> 00:11:15.919 to show up is about. That's what showing up itself 00:11:15.919 --> 00:11:19.080 is about. I love it. I love it. And how you explain 00:11:19.080 --> 00:11:21.299 it. There's so much passion in it. There's so 00:11:21.299 --> 00:11:24.080 much passion in your research and what you've 00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:27.440 done, what you're doing. So, of course, I would 00:11:27.440 --> 00:11:30.980 not be doing my job if I did not eventually ask 00:11:30.980 --> 00:11:33.809 you to. Tell me about your vision in this all. 00:11:34.870 --> 00:11:37.529 Yeah, my vision is that everyone on the planet 00:11:37.529 --> 00:11:40.889 understands the truth about showing up. First, 00:11:41.009 --> 00:11:44.409 number one, you have choice. Number two, it's 00:11:44.409 --> 00:11:47.789 reciprocal. If I want you to show up for me a 00:11:47.789 --> 00:11:50.509 certain way, you know, I got to show up to you 00:11:50.509 --> 00:11:54.090 a certain way, right? It's reciprocal and it's 00:11:54.090 --> 00:11:58.870 symbiotic. Okay, there's a mutuality built into 00:11:58.870 --> 00:12:01.090 this. The third thing about showing up that people 00:12:01.090 --> 00:12:03.769 need to understand is everyone's on the continuum 00:12:03.769 --> 00:12:10.309 at all moments, right? One, two, three, barely 00:12:10.309 --> 00:12:12.850 they're just showing up or truly showing up. 00:12:13.129 --> 00:12:17.129 And that gives you permission. It gives you permission 00:12:17.129 --> 00:12:19.529 to default to the just showing up at some times, 00:12:19.590 --> 00:12:25.370 but it also kind of calls you to choose. Anyway, 00:12:25.509 --> 00:12:27.950 so my vision is that everyone understands this 00:12:27.950 --> 00:12:30.830 and lives a truly show -up life, and we would 00:12:30.830 --> 00:12:35.889 have much less war, much less division of haves 00:12:35.889 --> 00:12:38.850 and have -nots. We would be kinder, happier. 00:12:39.269 --> 00:12:41.750 We would consume less, right? Trying to have 00:12:41.750 --> 00:12:45.429 our being needs met by having, it's not going 00:12:45.429 --> 00:12:47.309 to happen. You have to have your being needs 00:12:47.309 --> 00:12:51.309 met by being, which means what we're designed 00:12:51.309 --> 00:12:53.529 for, which is we're here to care for others. 00:12:54.339 --> 00:12:57.379 And, you know, that's my vision of the world. 00:12:57.460 --> 00:12:58.960 That's why I wrote the book and that's why I 00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:01.620 do all the speeches and blah, blah, blah. And 00:13:01.620 --> 00:13:04.120 that's what that I think that's really big of 00:13:04.120 --> 00:13:07.000 what you stated. We have to start being by just 00:13:07.000 --> 00:13:10.799 being and not relating being to having because 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:14.840 having is could be quickly lost just as quick 00:13:14.840 --> 00:13:17.679 as you gain it. It can be lost. Well, it doesn't 00:13:17.679 --> 00:13:20.330 meet your needs. That's it. It's never going 00:13:20.330 --> 00:13:23.490 to meet your needs to show up the way society 00:13:23.490 --> 00:13:26.169 says, like focusing on how we look or what we 00:13:26.169 --> 00:13:29.629 have. I mean, you know, meaning there's a meaning 00:13:29.629 --> 00:13:32.309 crisis in this country. I also call it a just 00:13:32.309 --> 00:13:36.250 showing up crisis. And, you know, this is where 00:13:36.250 --> 00:13:39.669 all the, you know, anxiety and depression and 00:13:39.669 --> 00:13:42.610 so many other things are coming from. You know, 00:13:42.629 --> 00:13:45.110 the ill health is coming from the fact that we 00:13:45.110 --> 00:13:48.759 aren't living as we're designed, which is. Being 00:13:48.759 --> 00:13:51.179 the nature that we truly are and interacting 00:13:51.179 --> 00:13:54.580 with each people as we're designed by nature 00:13:54.580 --> 00:13:59.019 to do. So, of course, I'm going to ask, where 00:13:59.019 --> 00:14:03.759 does this vision come from? When I was six, I 00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:08.000 lost the ability to speak. And most of my first 00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:10.240 20 years of life, I really couldn't get a word 00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:12.720 out without someone just being so uncomfortable 00:14:12.720 --> 00:14:18.039 and stuttering or just. you know, the vocal cords 00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:22.659 were so locked. I said nothing. So that turned 00:14:22.659 --> 00:14:25.240 my mirror outward, you know, on the blacktop 00:14:25.240 --> 00:14:27.139 behind, you know, behind school, I would see 00:14:27.139 --> 00:14:30.659 all these people not showing up, not choosing 00:14:30.659 --> 00:14:32.419 how they showed up. And I couldn't stand it because 00:14:32.419 --> 00:14:35.019 I, I knew how I wanted to show up and I couldn't 00:14:35.019 --> 00:14:39.440 show up as I chose. And so I started to observe 00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:41.840 everyone else throwing their show up choices 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:44.080 away. And then after, you know, a rehabilitation 00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:47.730 hospital, you know, watching supposedly where 00:14:47.730 --> 00:14:50.429 I was learning a way to speak fluently, which 00:14:50.429 --> 00:14:54.950 wasn't effective, but I saw elders struggle learning 00:14:54.950 --> 00:14:57.090 how to walk again and feed themselves again. 00:14:57.370 --> 00:15:00.049 And they had experts by their side with well 00:15:00.049 --> 00:15:02.490 -made plans and a lot of preparation. And I said, 00:15:02.509 --> 00:15:06.230 look, these people with a lifetime of wisdom, 00:15:06.330 --> 00:15:08.789 with experts by their side and with well -made 00:15:08.789 --> 00:15:11.889 plans, they're still struggling to show up as 00:15:11.889 --> 00:15:14.289 they choose. So I said, where's the blueprint? 00:15:14.889 --> 00:15:17.669 Where's the roadmap? So at age 12, I started 00:15:17.669 --> 00:15:20.870 to devour psychology and neuroscience and evolutionary 00:15:20.870 --> 00:15:23.149 biology and everything that I could. And then 00:15:23.149 --> 00:15:28.490 at age 29, I did my first global study of personal 00:15:28.490 --> 00:15:31.070 effectiveness and what gets in people's way and 00:15:31.070 --> 00:15:34.110 what helps them. And I've been doing this evergreen 00:15:34.110 --> 00:15:37.629 research for the last 30 plus years now about. 00:15:39.649 --> 00:15:41.629 showing up and what it means to people and what 00:15:41.629 --> 00:15:44.289 gets in their way. So that's where it came from. 00:15:44.549 --> 00:15:47.909 Do you speak about choosing to show up pretty 00:15:47.909 --> 00:15:51.129 much wherever you are and to include social media? 00:15:51.570 --> 00:15:54.409 Oh my goodness. So there are quotes in the book, 00:15:54.450 --> 00:15:57.629 right? You carry yourself grounding everywhere. 00:15:58.269 --> 00:16:00.789 right there's a skill for each role grounding 00:16:00.789 --> 00:16:04.769 in yourself readiness for your situations and 00:16:04.769 --> 00:16:07.429 connectedness with intent to serve in your societal 00:16:07.429 --> 00:16:09.389 role there's actually a word for that called 00:16:09.389 --> 00:16:11.529 all intelligence that we don't have time to get 00:16:11.529 --> 00:16:16.649 into but it's pretty rare to show up you know 00:16:16.649 --> 00:16:19.289 for one thing a certain way and then show up 00:16:19.289 --> 00:16:22.110 right i actually have a research in the book 00:16:22.110 --> 00:16:25.830 that shows a dot under you know most people say 00:16:25.830 --> 00:16:29.220 well i truly show up more at work I kind of just 00:16:29.220 --> 00:16:33.559 show up, you know, somewhat well to my parenting 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:36.220 and my kids, and then my spouse gets whatever 00:16:36.220 --> 00:16:38.700 left, whatever's left, and that's down on the 00:16:38.700 --> 00:16:42.539 left. Authenticity has come up a lot, and I give 00:16:42.539 --> 00:16:45.620 speeches specifically about that because many 00:16:45.620 --> 00:16:48.259 of us live in some version of fear, right? And 00:16:48.259 --> 00:16:51.559 it comes in four forms. Number one, need to be 00:16:51.559 --> 00:16:55.039 seen as. Number two, I'm lesser than, right? 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:58.809 Impostors. syndrome type stuff uh number three 00:16:58.809 --> 00:17:00.990 i'm you know the flip side of that oh i'm better 00:17:00.990 --> 00:17:06.769 than like i gotta prove myself or um what's what's 00:17:06.769 --> 00:17:10.470 oh i deserve i deserve these are all kind of 00:17:10.470 --> 00:17:15.630 fear -based insecurities and i call that and 00:17:15.630 --> 00:17:18.490 that's described in my chapter on grounding in 00:17:18.490 --> 00:17:21.730 yourself when you recognize those four things 00:17:22.140 --> 00:17:24.420 everyone's showing up in some version of those 00:17:24.420 --> 00:17:29.180 at all times um you you start to recognize that 00:17:29.180 --> 00:17:35.920 really the solution is just being human to human 00:17:35.920 --> 00:17:41.279 accept yourself javanka the moment i look at 00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:46.960 you and i feel you as a human being Not as a 00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:50.099 podcast interviewer or as a beautiful young woman 00:17:50.099 --> 00:17:55.140 or someone who I really have a tremendous respect 00:17:55.140 --> 00:17:57.720 for because of how you're living your life. The 00:17:57.720 --> 00:18:02.140 moment you show up as a human, everything shifts 00:18:02.140 --> 00:18:04.819 in me. I go from my head mode to my heart mode. 00:18:05.700 --> 00:18:10.579 My voice shifts. My countenance shifts. We become 00:18:10.579 --> 00:18:16.319 one. And this is truly showing up. And this is 00:18:16.319 --> 00:18:19.140 what people need to do. That's what showing up 00:18:19.140 --> 00:18:22.180 is all about. And actually, there's a quick continuum 00:18:22.180 --> 00:18:26.660 that I want to put up here. I show the science 00:18:26.660 --> 00:18:30.960 of how we go from just living in ourself to noticing. 00:18:32.460 --> 00:18:35.880 And I'm moving my hand up the continuum. It goes, 00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:38.539 first, you notice, oh, my God, your bank is there. 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:43.579 And then tuning in. Wow, I'm sensing her emotion 00:18:43.579 --> 00:18:48.140 now. And then I'm feeling with. And then I enact 00:18:48.140 --> 00:18:53.380 care. And that is how you move up. And I've got 00:18:53.380 --> 00:18:57.160 a lot of research behind this that I quote on 00:18:57.160 --> 00:19:00.740 the pages about how this happens. The opposite 00:19:00.740 --> 00:19:04.779 also happens. If I show up feeling, oh, my God, 00:19:04.799 --> 00:19:06.819 I'm lesser than this interview is not going to 00:19:06.819 --> 00:19:10.200 be as good as the 50 she did before. People aren't 00:19:10.200 --> 00:19:12.319 going to feel. Anyway, whatever that fear is. 00:19:12.779 --> 00:19:15.519 Javanka, do you know what happened? And this 00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:19.259 is the research of Suzanne Jacopio. And what 00:19:19.259 --> 00:19:23.460 she explained, if I'm in fear, your face to me 00:19:23.460 --> 00:19:27.359 reinforces that. And I feel threat. Oh, my God, 00:19:27.440 --> 00:19:31.240 this isn't working. I literally will feel a threat 00:19:31.240 --> 00:19:36.180 from a friendly face. Because I'm showing up 00:19:36.180 --> 00:19:39.680 a certain way to you to the moment. This is my 00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:42.420 situation member role. How am I showing up to 00:19:42.420 --> 00:19:45.720 the moment? Right. That's our point of contact 00:19:45.720 --> 00:19:48.240 with reality. And I have a choice of fighting 00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:53.140 against it or of merging with you human to human. 00:19:53.539 --> 00:19:57.099 So I've kind of lost sight of your original question 00:19:57.099 --> 00:20:00.339 and gone and gone. I really think it's important 00:20:00.339 --> 00:20:05.140 for people to understand these things. Authenticity, 00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:08.359 yes. Brings us back to authenticity. Thank you 00:20:08.359 --> 00:20:10.240 for being here today. I'm really happy that you 00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:12.539 tuned in to Vision Pros Live. I'm looking forward 00:20:12.539 --> 00:20:16.079 to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue 00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:17.839 to move forward. This is going to get more and 00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:19.900 more fun. We'll have more and more engagement 00:20:19.900 --> 00:20:21.960 as well. We'll invite people to participate in 00:20:21.960 --> 00:20:24.140 the show. And thank you for giving us your time 00:20:24.140 --> 00:20:26.420 and attention. Have an excellent time building 00:20:26.420 --> 00:20:28.779 out your vision and becoming a vision pro yourself.