WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.040 Do me a favor, share with me your first, last 00:00:02.040 --> 00:00:04.179 name, where you're located, and what you do. 00:00:05.960 --> 00:00:08.960 Dr. Deborah Mandel, I'm a licensed psychologist, 00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:11.939 and I already love you because we just had a 00:00:11.939 --> 00:00:14.519 little chat before we started this. And you're 00:00:14.519 --> 00:00:19.199 such a loving and warm person. That melts my 00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:21.300 heart. Thank you for having me on your show. 00:00:21.719 --> 00:00:25.859 Tell me more about what you do. Well, that's 00:00:25.859 --> 00:00:29.120 a great starting point because I really do love 00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:34.079 to help people as best I can to find the positive 00:00:34.079 --> 00:00:37.479 in life because that's so challenging for so 00:00:37.479 --> 00:00:41.100 many of us. And one of my sayings, and I hope 00:00:41.100 --> 00:00:44.439 I can say this, but it's turning chicken, S -H 00:00:44.439 --> 00:00:47.579 -I -T, into chicken salad. I know we have the 00:00:47.579 --> 00:00:51.759 lemons and the lemonade, but I so love the idea 00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:54.619 of taking adversity and turning it into strength. 00:00:54.990 --> 00:00:58.929 And that is my message. So survival, victim, 00:00:59.130 --> 00:01:06.650 so many of us have had, many of us have had incredibly 00:01:06.650 --> 00:01:11.390 challenging situations in our life. Truly. I 00:01:11.390 --> 00:01:14.569 mean, if we look back on our histories, we find 00:01:14.569 --> 00:01:19.730 that, I mean, I can cry for people all the time. 00:01:19.829 --> 00:01:23.709 Yeah. That there's so much pain in our backstory. 00:01:25.279 --> 00:01:28.359 And there is so much love in our backstory if 00:01:28.359 --> 00:01:31.560 we look for it. Because unless we grew up in 00:01:31.560 --> 00:01:35.200 a home where there was just absolutely no love 00:01:35.200 --> 00:01:40.159 at all, if we can turn that as adults into finding 00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:43.840 the ways in which we were loved and not just 00:01:43.840 --> 00:01:46.659 the pain, we have so much more hope for ourselves. 00:01:47.019 --> 00:01:49.099 And that's what's hard for people. And that's 00:01:49.099 --> 00:01:52.439 what I try to do. So my message is take victimhood. 00:01:53.069 --> 00:01:55.450 to survivorhood. And I don't want to be a survivor. 00:01:55.650 --> 00:01:57.909 Survivor is like being in a, still in a prison. 00:01:58.310 --> 00:02:01.909 I want to be a thriver. Thriver is opening up 00:02:01.909 --> 00:02:06.870 the door to being able to live life to its fullest. 00:02:07.090 --> 00:02:10.030 And that's what I, that's my message that I really 00:02:10.030 --> 00:02:12.389 want for people. And how long have you been a 00:02:12.389 --> 00:02:15.620 psychologist? Oh, I don't want to age myself 00:02:15.620 --> 00:02:20.939 too much, but yes, decades, decades. Well, I 00:02:20.939 --> 00:02:24.840 started very young. I was 21 when I got my first 00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:29.599 client, actually. Well, actually, I started even 00:02:29.599 --> 00:02:31.639 younger than that because I volunteered in lots 00:02:31.639 --> 00:02:35.659 of different agencies to help. What you said 00:02:35.659 --> 00:02:39.150 was so important because... you're talking about 00:02:39.150 --> 00:02:42.169 a narrative that we all have, right? The narrative, 00:02:42.270 --> 00:02:45.750 the story we want to tell about our lives is 00:02:45.750 --> 00:02:50.789 what defines us. So if we can redefine the narrative 00:02:50.789 --> 00:02:54.289 to some degree, we have a chance at having a 00:02:54.289 --> 00:02:57.689 different future. And that's really hard for 00:02:57.689 --> 00:03:03.710 people to understand. So I myself grew up in 00:03:03.710 --> 00:03:06.870 a family that was challenging, very challenging. 00:03:07.949 --> 00:03:11.270 I can tell you the details or I cannot. It doesn't 00:03:11.270 --> 00:03:14.870 matter because it was challenging. No communication, 00:03:15.189 --> 00:03:18.909 difficulty abuse, we would call that. People 00:03:18.909 --> 00:03:24.949 would have been reported at this point. I can 00:03:24.949 --> 00:03:28.150 tell that story or I can tell the story of, wow, 00:03:28.409 --> 00:03:33.439 my parents loved me the best they could. And 00:03:33.439 --> 00:03:35.479 I know that's hard for people because we want 00:03:35.479 --> 00:03:38.219 to stick with our wounds. We want to stick with 00:03:38.219 --> 00:03:42.280 the experience of how was I hurt? Because we 00:03:42.280 --> 00:03:45.419 want to tell our story. Yeah. If we can tell 00:03:45.419 --> 00:03:48.020 our story in a different way, we have a chance 00:03:48.020 --> 00:03:51.300 to have a different experience. And that's so 00:03:51.300 --> 00:03:54.500 important, I believe. Yes. Yes. And it takes 00:03:54.500 --> 00:03:58.039 some time, too. It takes a lot of patience to 00:03:58.039 --> 00:04:01.360 do what you do. How do you take care of yourself? 00:04:03.009 --> 00:04:06.189 Sometimes well, sometimes not so well. That's 00:04:06.189 --> 00:04:09.250 a great question, right? I think the things that 00:04:09.250 --> 00:04:12.250 we need to pay attention to in our self -care, 00:04:12.409 --> 00:04:17.730 most importantly, is breathe. So much of our 00:04:17.730 --> 00:04:20.589 lives we forget to breathe, and that's where 00:04:20.589 --> 00:04:22.589 our anxiety comes from. So let me tell you a 00:04:22.589 --> 00:04:25.490 little bit about anxiety. Anxiety is the perception 00:04:25.490 --> 00:04:30.149 of danger when there is none. Fear is the same 00:04:30.149 --> 00:04:34.000 body experience. but it's the experience where 00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:39.040 there is danger. So we live in anxiety so much 00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:42.180 of the time, which again is the perception when 00:04:42.180 --> 00:04:45.519 there is no danger and then we forget to breathe. 00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:49.180 Yes. Because we're in fight, flight or freeze 00:04:49.180 --> 00:04:53.300 mode. And we don't want to remember to experience 00:04:53.300 --> 00:04:56.439 that, which we have right in our fingertips, 00:04:56.579 --> 00:04:59.769 which is breathing. So first order of business 00:04:59.769 --> 00:05:03.389 is whenever I'm stressed, I try to pause and 00:05:03.389 --> 00:05:07.209 say, Oh, I need to breathe. I just need to breathe. 00:05:08.089 --> 00:05:12.750 Secondly, I think if we, if we're able to exercise 00:05:12.750 --> 00:05:16.709 is so important. I know it's, it's overrated 00:05:16.709 --> 00:05:19.350 and underrated. So I'm not saying obsessively 00:05:19.350 --> 00:05:24.569 or compulsively exercising, but I'm saying get 00:05:24.569 --> 00:05:27.120 up and. do something. Sometimes with depression, 00:05:27.500 --> 00:05:30.699 we don't want to do anything. We want to sit 00:05:30.699 --> 00:05:36.779 in our hole and die. We don't want to get up 00:05:36.779 --> 00:05:39.300 and do anything. But if you can get up for two 00:05:39.300 --> 00:05:41.899 minutes, just do it for two minutes. That's what 00:05:41.899 --> 00:05:45.899 I say. Get up and move for two minutes. It's 00:05:45.899 --> 00:05:49.660 amazing. Oh, I love that. I love that. And I 00:05:49.660 --> 00:05:52.000 know that that was a pretty off question, but 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:55.980 it's I've learned that you have to take care 00:05:55.980 --> 00:05:58.980 of you so you can take care of others. And it 00:05:58.980 --> 00:06:03.199 just also says that you too are human as well. 00:06:03.399 --> 00:06:07.040 But I love that. I don't think that I've ever 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:09.220 heard the definition of anxiety like that. The 00:06:09.220 --> 00:06:13.560 perception of danger when there is none. It's 00:06:13.560 --> 00:06:16.240 often usually like a little bit more complicated. 00:06:16.259 --> 00:06:19.699 And I really hope that the listener is truly 00:06:19.699 --> 00:06:22.819 understanding what that means. You know, when 00:06:22.819 --> 00:06:26.740 there is none, that's the key word to it. So 00:06:26.740 --> 00:06:33.139 when you began this in your 20s, tell me about 00:06:33.139 --> 00:06:38.139 your vision when you first started. Oh, and my 00:06:38.139 --> 00:06:40.279 heart, you know, I will probably shed a tear 00:06:40.279 --> 00:06:43.480 here is that I really just want to reach people 00:06:43.480 --> 00:06:47.980 to help their hearts. That is my soul being is 00:06:47.980 --> 00:06:52.060 I want to help people thrive. I want to help 00:06:52.060 --> 00:06:56.139 people get out of their story and into a new 00:06:56.139 --> 00:06:59.720 story that helps them be better for themselves 00:06:59.720 --> 00:07:03.420 and then better for others. That is totally what 00:07:03.420 --> 00:07:07.230 I'm about. And I don't do this well most of the 00:07:07.230 --> 00:07:10.569 time, by the way. I do not want to sound like 00:07:10.569 --> 00:07:13.589 I'm the guru who has this going on all the time. 00:07:13.629 --> 00:07:17.449 No, it's my journey also. It's all of our journeys. 00:07:17.949 --> 00:07:20.850 Every day we wake up and try to have a better 00:07:20.850 --> 00:07:23.329 story for ourselves. Thank you for being here 00:07:23.329 --> 00:07:25.230 today. I'm really happy that you tuned in to 00:07:25.230 --> 00:07:27.670 Vision Pros Live. I'm looking forward to seeing 00:07:27.670 --> 00:07:30.730 your reactions as these episodes continue to 00:07:30.730 --> 00:07:32.430 move forward. This is going to get more and more 00:07:32.430 --> 00:07:34.750 fun. We'll have more and more engagement as well. 00:07:34.769 --> 00:07:36.689 We'll invite people to participate in the show 00:07:36.689 --> 00:07:38.870 and thank you for giving us your time and attention. 00:07:39.149 --> 00:07:41.790 Have an excellent time building out your vision 00:07:41.790 --> 00:07:43.189 and becoming a vision pro yourself.