Tell me about your vision. Oh, my vision. It's
broad and deep. My vision, if I go from the perspective
of my book, which is really the key topic today,
is we all have a story. And sometimes it's really
hard to share those stories. But in my case,
it was a story that kept popping up those whispers
that keep on telling you you have to do this
and people come into your life that give you
the guidance to help you do that. So part of
my vision is about the ability to listen to yourself
and each other and to be able to look at your
own life story and back into those foundational
relationships which is exactly what my book is
about and how those foundational relationships
shape you and then the choices you make as you
move forward tell me more about that um where
does it apply to you how how the dolls all come
about I'd love to hear more well um I say on
my title that I'm a mother and At the end of
the day, that's my first priority in my life,
my kids. I bring these human beings into the
world. It's my job to raise them to be the best
human beings they possibly can. So I had a rather
unusual upbringing. I'm British. I went for career
reasons and chasing the American dream from London
to America. I was in the ad business. I was with
Saatchi & Saatchi, the biggest advertising agency
in the world at the time in the 80s and 90s.
And I had to walk away from that career for a
while. But I was able to do that. Because I grew
up with a mother who always told me, you can
be and do anything you want with your life and
never allow yourself to say no. But it was a
very unusual upbringing. And my mother, a week
after my 16th birthday, came home from school
and she said, I'm done. I've given you and your
dad 16 years of my life and I'm done. I'm leaving
tomorrow. Which, as you can imagine, is a rather
shocking thing to tell your 16 -year -old child.
And the next morning I went to my Saturday job,
as we did back then when I was growing up in
the late 70s. And, you know, we all started at
14, basically, in our Saturday jobs. And came
back from that. Walked into my house, no message,
no number, nothing. Race around the house, realize
it's really happened. She's really done it. So
what do I do? I go next door to the house she'd
bought a couple of years before and she was renting
to college students. She answers the door. invites
me in for a cup of tea, as you do, to discuss
anything in the British household. And she said,
I'm done. I'm leaving. And I think moments like
that in your life, in your teenage years, really
are those tipping points. And the worst of it
was, first of all, she was moving in with three
hot college guys, which, you know, was kind of
nice for me, but very strange for me. And she
didn't tell my dad. I had to tell my dad. So
that story is something that when my daughter
was in her teens at college. I was having my
own marital issues, as you often do when your
kids are going off to college or you've been
married a long time. You're going through all
these changes. You're looking at your life. What
am I going to do for the next phase? My children
are grown. What am I going to do? Which is what
my mother's situation was. So you see these patterns
reflecting or repeating themselves. And my job
was to make sure I didn't repeat that pattern
in the same way. And from that came the book,
because there was a lot of self -exploration,
self -reflection. And it really was a journey
in writing a book where you have to go so deep
and try and understand your own foundational
relationship with your parents and how. that
has shaped you in this world and how there are
some decisions and many things they gave you
that have really made you strong or successful
or brave or fearless. But there are other things
that. you still hold deep within that you need
to be able to let go of and move on to have a
successful life. And that's where when I say
choice, choice is very important. And not to
dwell in any negativity, particularly in the
world we live in. And how can we have a better
relationship and learn the lessons of mutual
respect and interaction between parents and children
so that we again can speak truthfully and have
a good relationship. I couldn't emphasize enough
on how important an influence of a parent is
in a kid's life. At the end of the day, I firmly
believe that you can't control what your kid
can do. You can, to a degree, influence what
they're able to do. But at the end of the day,
it's your example that they see, that they breathe
in every day, that they are eventually going
to probably lean towards or lean away from what
they want to do. Like for my case scenario, there's
certain things that... I grew up in, I was born
and raised in India, in like a joint family -ish,
very dysfunctional, very dysfunctional. I think
most families are, that's the truth. And we choose
which family we come into, to be born into. Exactly.
during that time there's a lot of lessons i learned
and there's a lot of things i learned that i
don't want to do with my family good or bad there's
there's certain things that i'm like and at the
end of the day um i still believe to this day
that it was the example of my parents that make
me go towards something or make me lean away
from something i definitely don't want to do
in my life so those i um but i want to shift
focus on on your story now how did uh the book
comment about it and like what was the when did
you start the journey of being an author in those
case scenario and what made you write a book
about those experiences and my guess is it's
about your book like the book is about your experiences
that you've had with your own mother yes um it
was a book that i i was involved and still am
in a lot of female empowerment and working with
young girls um helping them find their voice,
move through hard things. And every time I would
do a workshop and if someone was stuck, I would
tell the story, you know, how my mother moved
next door when I was 16 and got on with her life.
And people would laugh because I would tell it
in a typical British fashion, which is with humor,
which is actually how I write the book. And the
more I talked about it, the more people asked
me to write the book. And so I sat down and actually
I was also asked to, excuse me, do a treatment
for a movie. And I started to do that. But I
realized in Hollywood, everyone wants to change
a story. And a very good friend of mine. A producer
actually said to me, write the book first, because
there will always be the truth in the book. And
the book will lead to many more things. And so
I started writing the book. And to do so, I had
to go really deep myself into my own memory bank.
I went back to England, saw old friends, met
with my sister many a time to... you know, try
and understand different stories about my mother.
Why did she do the things she did? What was her
perspective? And I write in the beginning of
the book, you know, I have a half brother and
sister from my mother's side, the family, and
I have a sister from my dad, because The other
part of this story, which has many, many layers,
which as you go into your own story, you discover.
My mother was 45 and my dad was 60 when I was
born, which was very rare at that time. So they
had to bring these two teenage families together.
So. As I got into her story, I started writing
the book one way, just simply from more my perspective
and the years I grew up. But then I realized
the importance of putting the whole backstory
of how she grew up. Because when you understand
someone else's story and put yourself in their
shoes, you understand their behavior and how
their behavior often is nothing to do with you.
but it's about their experience. And so that
was a really important thing. And also I realized
my mother, and I knew this to your point about
how they model. My mother was fearless. She was
doing things and living her life on her terms
at a time when women weren't. And she was in
her 60s. She was 60 when she left, 61, to start
a whole new life. Now, however painful that is,
to your other point, that showed me how she was
being so truthful. Now she had felt she had taken
care of her motherly duties, let's call it that.
She wanted a new life. And she wanted her career
back. She wanted to go and do the things she
wanted to do, which she couldn't do with my father.
They weren't the right match ultimately. And
so that taught me about living life in my truth.
That taught me fearlessness. And so as I wrote
the book, however. And there's always elements
of anger or pain or whatever that you're still
feeling that you don't even realize you are that
come out as you write. So I would be laughing
hysterically at some of the stuff, angry, yelling
at her, crying at times, thinking how lucky I
was to have. such a loving, grounding father
who was there, but also thinking how lucky I
was to have a mother who taught me how to fly
and take chances. So there were so many emotions
that came up, so many new things I learned, and
it helped me. I found... Well, it helped me understand
a lot of things, but I found this whole new respect
and compassion for her. And it really led me
to that point of then with my own daughter creating
Mothers and Daughters Unfiltered, our intergenerational
conversation podcast, but also creating some
workshops for mother and daughters so daughters
can see their mothers as women. as people who
had dreams before they were born, dreams still
while they were raising them, and have aspirations
and dreams after they've left the coop. So I
think we all get something different out of writing
and looking into our story, but it's that first
step of owning it, self -reflection, and being
willing to do that. And give someone a break
because often we don't give our parents a break.
I think it's so true because we are so, and I've
been guilty of this in the past for sure, that
we are easy to blame and we are last one to take
responsibility of our own actions. But I believe
in most cases, not all, but most cases, if we
were living the lives our parents were living,
and we were in the circumstances that they were
in, I believe we will make the same choices that
they did. Yes. You know, that is such an important
point, Harry, is understanding. And in our workshop,
we have a section in what context did your mother
become your mother? Who was her support system?
How did those around her view motherhood? what
was going on in her life, in her community, in
society as a whole. I mean, every generation
changes. My mum had been through the Second World
War, lost a child, but she still had the ability
to bring more children in the world. Have a positive
outlook and not give up. Thank you for being
here today. I'm really happy that you tuned in
to Vision Pros Live. I'm looking forward to seeing
your reactions as these episodes continue to
move forward. This is going to get more and more
fun. We'll have more and more engagement as well.
We'll invite people to participate in the show.
And thank you for giving us your time and attention.
Have an excellent time building out your vision
and becoming a vision pro yourself.