1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,760 Tell me about your vision and all these five books, 2 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:04,680 and I'm sure more to come. 3 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:05,840 Thank you. 4 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,400 So my vision is of the world where 5 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:15,360 we can carry pain in a way that is more life-sustaining, that 6 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,160 feels more nourishing for us. 7 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:22,120 It also means that we need not just ourselves 8 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,320 making the transformation, not just our society 9 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,480 or the collective or the community making 10 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,720 that transformation, but also for as long 11 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,880 as we have government. 12 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:36,040 We also want programs and policies 13 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:39,560 that would help us carry that pain that 14 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,120 makes us feel supported. 15 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,640 Because if we have to go and get surgery, 16 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,600 and all I can think about is, can I afford that? 17 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:47,960 What's the deductible? 18 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:48,760 What's this? 19 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:54,520 That costs more pain than makes me feel supported versus, 20 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:55,560 don't you worry. 21 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,640 That surgery, I don't have to figure out 22 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,120 what's the insurance code, the billing code for that. 23 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,200 We got you covered. 24 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,760 How does that make you feel? 25 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,120 The society, the community, the collective, the family, 26 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:13,280 your workplace? 27 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,120 Because a lot of the time, we only think of, oh, 28 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,600 the government, they didn't do that. 29 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:18,840 What about our workplace? 30 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,080 What do they do to make us feel like, oh, this 31 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,720 is the best support? 32 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,120 Our parents just died, and they expect 33 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,240 us to just not feel anything and just show up the next day? 34 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,200 I mean, this pain, we're humans, right? 35 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:38,360 So what is it that everybody, everything, every organization, 36 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:43,480 every collective out there can provide us with? 37 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:49,240 And so, so far, my books, including the book 38 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,680 that I'm currently finishing right now, 39 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,560 and the one that I'm working on right now is about grief. 40 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,760 And that's why I mentioned that idea about grief 41 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:02,400 and how can our society support people who are grieving. 42 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:08,240 And so, so far, the thread in our writings 43 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,960 has been about feelings and emotions, 44 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:15,640 and especially how power works through emotions. 45 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:18,840 One example that relates pain and power 46 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,880 is that that's why bullies try to hurt us. 47 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:26,120 Because the minute they make us feel small, 48 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,680 they make us feel ugly, they make us feel whatever 49 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:33,240 they want us to feel, it's easier for them to control us. 50 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,760 So the easiest thing when someone tries to bully us 51 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:42,520 is to refuse to feel that pain that they try to inflict on us. 52 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:47,640 So that's one way of, that is one of the visions 53 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:50,800 that I have for this world is that we 54 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:56,160 can carry this pain in a playful way, in a loving way, 55 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,600 like together rather than alone. 56 00:02:58,600 --> 00:02:59,280 Yes. 57 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,480 And you know what's interesting is this in no way, shape, 58 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,720 form is about me. 59 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,640 But I have to mention this because you speak about grief, 60 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:09,760 is I was an organ tissue and eye coordinator. 61 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,120 And I did that for about seven or eight years, 62 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,560 which is speaking to families about donating 63 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,600 and whether they want it to or not. 64 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,960 That's a grief that they couldn't control. 65 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,120 And so there was one of those things 66 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,840 where it was imperative to listen to what type of grief 67 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,160 are they having. 68 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:27,960 Is it age? 69 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:28,800 Is it sudden? 70 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,680 Is it a tragedy that occurred while separated 71 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,440 from their families and things like that? 72 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,120 And so the grief that they were enduring 73 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,320 within the minimal amount of time 74 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:43,000 that I had to contact them was completely different 75 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:47,400 from grief that's created societally. 76 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,280 You know what I mean? 77 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:52,040 And it just brought me back to what grief looks like 78 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,560 and how long it could take to get through it. 79 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:56,400 You know what I mean? 80 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,560 And I won't say get over it because grief 81 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,640 isn't often something I think you get over. 82 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,880 You just get through it. 83 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,680 And just that accepting part, just 84 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,880 like you were saying about pain and everything else. 85 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,080 So it just brought me back to that 86 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,560 because a lot of what you're saying 87 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:12,800 has a lot to do with how we get through it 88 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:17,040 and how we're going to be able to manage it when it surfaces. 89 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,320 And then as you mentioned, what is the community 90 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,720 doing differently to help those that are experiencing 91 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,800 these type of things to include the workplace, which 92 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,960 is very different, that type of lifestyle. 93 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,640 But if you have to go there, you have 94 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:35,800 to deal with their level of how to be in a business 95 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,680 or how to be an employee, et cetera. 96 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,840 So you were talking about some things 97 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:44,040 that I think that it's going to definitely help people 98 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,320 to understand what that looks like. 99 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,440 And maybe figuring out ways to help the community, 100 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:51,440 to help them manage it. 101 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:55,800 As I mentioned before, it takes us being verbal, though, 102 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,320 to say this is how we feel. 103 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,520 But how many people accept it? 104 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,480 It's just such this imbalance. 105 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:12,080 Yeah, and also just to add about the verbal part of it. 106 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,360 And again, I love that we are able to communicate. 107 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,400 And sometimes we can't. 108 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,400 Because what you said reminded me of this one time 109 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:25,640 I did this 11-day, it's officially 10-day silent 110 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:33,720 meditation, where we can't talk, not even with codes. 111 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:38,280 We weren't able to bring our books or anything like that. 112 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:43,520 But what I noticed was that we learned 113 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:48,440 each other's likes, dislikes, behaviors, 114 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,080 just by observing them in the silence. 115 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,440 And I thought that was so powerful. 116 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,960 Because when you talk about grief, and again, 117 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,360 grief is a form of pain. 118 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,440 And what I propose and invite the readers or listeners to do 119 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:07,280 is to be playful and curious about their grief 120 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,840 or about their pain, but also about each other's grief 121 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:11,760 or pain. 122 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,040 Because a lot of the times, and for this book 123 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,840 I'm working on right now, I interviewed people. 124 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:22,840 And they were saying that they stop having friends, actually. 125 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,280 Because friends, obviously there were close, close friends 126 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:29,680 who were there and support or family members. 127 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,480 But suddenly they stopped receiving invitations 128 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,240 for dinner parties and things like that. 129 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:40,640 And it's as if we don't want to sit there. 130 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:46,360 And maybe we don't want to ask about their grief 131 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,640 because maybe they don't want to talk about it 132 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,880 or maybe they're not ready to talk about it. 133 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,800 But how can we learn? 134 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,680 What does this grief look like? 135 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,880 What does this grief manifest? 136 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,360 What does your grief look like? 137 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,840 Because like you said, exactly, your grief 138 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,680 may look different and feel different, 139 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,720 for mine, from that person. 140 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,600 So I want to know your grief. 141 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,600 I want to get to know your grief better. 142 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,040 And vice versa. 143 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:16,360 And maybe if we can't do it verbally yet, 144 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,600 or maybe that moment, how can we sit with each other? 145 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:23,200 And how can we just hug it out and just lay together? 146 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,600 Because one of the interviewees who I talked to, 147 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:30,720 she lost her baby a few hours after. 148 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,200 And sometimes, oh, I'm having goosebumps 149 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,640 just talking about this. 150 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,680 And as she said, one of the things that were most helpful 151 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:42,080 was when her husband would just come to the bed 152 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:47,360 and just lay there with her and just felt, didn't say anything, 153 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,280 because you can't. 154 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:54,560 There is no word, no word that would make you feel better, 155 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,720 that you just lost that baby. 156 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,160 And so in those moments, they learn 157 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,880 about how each other can grieve or that grieving process 158 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,720 or the other person's grieving process 159 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,800 look like and stuff like that without words. 160 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:14,640 And again, I'm not at all saying that talking doesn't help. 161 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,160 It does. 162 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:15,960 And I love talking. 163 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,760 This is what I do for a living. 164 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,840 I talk and I teach in the classroom as well. 165 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,240 So but that is so beautiful. 166 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,880 And I also wanted to say about your waterfalls metaphor, 167 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,920 the next time I cry, that's going to be there. 168 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,480 And I'm like, this is my beautiful waterfalls. 169 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,720 And people, tourists, they come to all different parts 170 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,800 of the world just to see waterfalls. 171 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,560 And so this is a beautiful thing that we 172 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:47,920 have this natural waterfall of our own. 173 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:48,840 Thank you for that. 174 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,000 It's so beautiful. 175 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:50,920 I love it. 176 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:51,960 You're welcome. 177 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:56,880 And I tell you, sitting on here and speaking to you, 178 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:00,320 I think my mind is just going and going and going 179 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,600 because it's a great conversation to have. 180 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:06,600 And it's a great conversation for people to actually just 181 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,800 sit and watch and wonder. 182 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:14,160 I desire most people to listen to this and be curious. 183 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,520 What more can I do? 184 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:21,840 What is it that IU is saying that I haven't yet even 185 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,840 addressed or even thought about? 186 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:25,920 And then you know what? 187 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:26,960 She has five books. 188 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,360 Let me get one of those because I don't think anyone is, 189 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,960 many are free from pain. 190 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:36,320 I don't know if that's a freedom or a joy 191 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:40,200 that we get to have very often, even though it may not 192 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,360 be created by ourselves. 193 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,040 And there was one thing that she said, 194 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,160 and it's a word that always sticks with me too, 195 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,040 is silence. 196 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:50,400 Silence can sometimes be so loud. 197 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,160 So loud. 198 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:54,600 And as you mentioned and said the story about the lady that 199 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,600 lost her baby and her husband, that 200 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,560 speaks volumes without words completely. 201 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,000 Sometimes we just need to be held. 202 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:03,960 Don't ask me. 203 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:04,560 Not today. 204 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,640 Not right now. 205 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,140 We'll talk about it when we're ready. 206 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,880 So I definitely get and understand 207 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:13,200 that it is sometimes OK to just sit in silence, 208 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:17,200 love and care for individuals, and then learn accordingly. 209 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,520 So I completely understand that. 210 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,920 And there's one question that I have remaining. 211 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:26,360 And with everything that you do to include 212 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:30,400 you being a doctor, the books you've written, 213 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,960 what are the greatest joys of what you do? 214 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,560 Oh, one of the things that bring me joys. 215 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,160 Oh my gosh, there are so many. 216 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,360 And I think that what are. 217 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:43,240 So thank you for allowing me to answer more than one. 218 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:47,600 One of them is obviously when I have a student in the past 219 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,360 who emailed me years later and say, 220 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,440 there's this thing that you said. 221 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,280 Now I work as this. 222 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:57,640 Now this is what I'm doing to change the world. 223 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:03,520 Or this is how that class really shifted my life. 224 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:07,880 And so these are the joys of what 225 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:12,720 I do, which is teaching and writing books, or somebody 226 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,960 out of nowhere would email me and said, I read this book. 227 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,960 And it really touched me and things like that. 228 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:25,000 So that is one of my greatest joys is hearing 229 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,560 that there is something that I did, 230 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,360 the little tiny thing that I did could really 231 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,480 help people live their lives in a better way, 232 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,240 that they could really enjoy their life. 233 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,040 That's one thing. 234 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,800 The other thing that I love doing, 235 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:43,800 and I am in Columbia right now, is traveling. 236 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,800 And again, I'm not saying that everybody should travel 237 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,040 because I understand that traveling is a privilege, 238 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,720 especially post-COVID because everything, all the prices, 239 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,760 went up significantly. 240 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,720 But what I learned, and again, if you 241 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,800 can't travel out of the country, maybe out of the city, 242 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:05,640 maybe out of the state, or whatever that is, 243 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:11,240 is to create what I call in my book, in my latest book, 244 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,680 what I call as feminist enchantment, 245 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:17,800 is this feeling that you're enchanted with the world. 246 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,600 And for some reasons, in that moment, 247 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:25,240 you feel you're connected with your own erotic self. 248 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,840 And here, I use the word erotic not just 249 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,680 like in that limited notion of sexuality at all, 250 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,800 but erotic as the life force. 251 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,040 And I'm quoting Audre Lorde. 252 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,080 This is not my own word. 253 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,880 But this idea that when you're connected with yourself, 254 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,960 you can feel more pain, yes, but you can feel more joy. 255 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,040 You can feel everything, more, more, more. 256 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,840 And then you have that fuel. 257 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,240 Because remember, when bullies or when power, whatever, 258 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,560 try to put you down, that power of erotic 259 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,960 actually brings you up. 260 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,760 It makes you want to do things. 261 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,120 That's why I'm here or there or whatever 262 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:04,120 is because I need to feel inspired to write or do 263 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:04,720 whatever. 264 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,880 I'm a writer, but other people, I 265 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,120 don't know whatever they want to do with their life. 266 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,560 It's that inspiration. 267 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,840 It's doing whatever you do, raising kids. 268 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:17,320 But how can you raise kids in that way 269 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,160 that you feel excited, inspired to do that? 270 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,480 And for me, that is traveling. 271 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,200 I get to see different things. 272 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,960 I get to be enchanted by the views, the beauty, whatever 273 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:33,240 that I see that really shifted how I see the world. 274 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,480 And because I see things differently, 275 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:37,640 then I write this book. 276 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,080 Thank you for being here today. 277 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,520 I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live. 278 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,160 I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions 279 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,360 as these episodes continue to move forward. 280 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,120 This is going to get more and more fun. 281 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,040 We'll have more and more engagement as well. 282 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,080 We'll invite people to participate in the show. 283 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,440 And thank you for giving us your time and attention. 284 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,160 Have an excellent time building out your vision 285 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:09,760 and becoming a Vision Pro yourself.