Tell me about your vision and all these five books,
and I'm sure more to come.
Thank you.
So my vision is of the world where
we can carry pain in a way that is more life-sustaining, that
feels more nourishing for us.
It also means that we need not just ourselves
making the transformation, not just our society
or the collective or the community making
that transformation, but also for as long
as we have government.
We also want programs and policies
that would help us carry that pain that
makes us feel supported.
Because if we have to go and get surgery,
and all I can think about is, can I afford that?
What's the deductible?
What's this?
That costs more pain than makes me feel supported versus,
don't you worry.
That surgery, I don't have to figure out
what's the insurance code, the billing code for that.
We got you covered.
How does that make you feel?
The society, the community, the collective, the family,
your workplace?
Because a lot of the time, we only think of, oh,
the government, they didn't do that.
What about our workplace?
What do they do to make us feel like, oh, this
is the best support?
Our parents just died, and they expect
us to just not feel anything and just show up the next day?
I mean, this pain, we're humans, right?
So what is it that everybody, everything, every organization,
every collective out there can provide us with?
And so, so far, my books, including the book
that I'm currently finishing right now,
and the one that I'm working on right now is about grief.
And that's why I mentioned that idea about grief
and how can our society support people who are grieving.
And so, so far, the thread in our writings
has been about feelings and emotions,
and especially how power works through emotions.
One example that relates pain and power
is that that's why bullies try to hurt us.
Because the minute they make us feel small,
they make us feel ugly, they make us feel whatever
they want us to feel, it's easier for them to control us.
So the easiest thing when someone tries to bully us
is to refuse to feel that pain that they try to inflict on us.
So that's one way of, that is one of the visions
that I have for this world is that we
can carry this pain in a playful way, in a loving way,
like together rather than alone.
Yes.
And you know what's interesting is this in no way, shape,
form is about me.
But I have to mention this because you speak about grief,
is I was an organ tissue and eye coordinator.
And I did that for about seven or eight years,
which is speaking to families about donating
and whether they want it to or not.
That's a grief that they couldn't control.
And so there was one of those things
where it was imperative to listen to what type of grief
are they having.
Is it age?
Is it sudden?
Is it a tragedy that occurred while separated
from their families and things like that?
And so the grief that they were enduring
within the minimal amount of time
that I had to contact them was completely different
from grief that's created societally.
You know what I mean?
And it just brought me back to what grief looks like
and how long it could take to get through it.
You know what I mean?
And I won't say get over it because grief
isn't often something I think you get over.
You just get through it.
And just that accepting part, just
like you were saying about pain and everything else.
So it just brought me back to that
because a lot of what you're saying
has a lot to do with how we get through it
and how we're going to be able to manage it when it surfaces.
And then as you mentioned, what is the community
doing differently to help those that are experiencing
these type of things to include the workplace, which
is very different, that type of lifestyle.
But if you have to go there, you have
to deal with their level of how to be in a business
or how to be an employee, et cetera.
So you were talking about some things
that I think that it's going to definitely help people
to understand what that looks like.
And maybe figuring out ways to help the community,
to help them manage it.
As I mentioned before, it takes us being verbal, though,
to say this is how we feel.
But how many people accept it?
It's just such this imbalance.
Yeah, and also just to add about the verbal part of it.
And again, I love that we are able to communicate.
And sometimes we can't.
Because what you said reminded me of this one time
I did this 11-day, it's officially 10-day silent
meditation, where we can't talk, not even with codes.
We weren't able to bring our books or anything like that.
But what I noticed was that we learned
each other's likes, dislikes, behaviors,
just by observing them in the silence.
And I thought that was so powerful.
Because when you talk about grief, and again,
grief is a form of pain.
And what I propose and invite the readers or listeners to do
is to be playful and curious about their grief
or about their pain, but also about each other's grief
or pain.
Because a lot of the times, and for this book
I'm working on right now, I interviewed people.
And they were saying that they stop having friends, actually.
Because friends, obviously there were close, close friends
who were there and support or family members.
But suddenly they stopped receiving invitations
for dinner parties and things like that.
And it's as if we don't want to sit there.
And maybe we don't want to ask about their grief
because maybe they don't want to talk about it
or maybe they're not ready to talk about it.
But how can we learn?
What does this grief look like?
What does this grief manifest?
What does your grief look like?
Because like you said, exactly, your grief
may look different and feel different,
for mine, from that person.
So I want to know your grief.
I want to get to know your grief better.
And vice versa.
And maybe if we can't do it verbally yet,
or maybe that moment, how can we sit with each other?
And how can we just hug it out and just lay together?
Because one of the interviewees who I talked to,
she lost her baby a few hours after.
And sometimes, oh, I'm having goosebumps
just talking about this.
And as she said, one of the things that were most helpful
was when her husband would just come to the bed
and just lay there with her and just felt, didn't say anything,
because you can't.
There is no word, no word that would make you feel better,
that you just lost that baby.
And so in those moments, they learn
about how each other can grieve or that grieving process
or the other person's grieving process
look like and stuff like that without words.
And again, I'm not at all saying that talking doesn't help.
It does.
And I love talking.
This is what I do for a living.
I talk and I teach in the classroom as well.
So but that is so beautiful.
And I also wanted to say about your waterfalls metaphor,
the next time I cry, that's going to be there.
And I'm like, this is my beautiful waterfalls.
And people, tourists, they come to all different parts
of the world just to see waterfalls.
And so this is a beautiful thing that we
have this natural waterfall of our own.
Thank you for that.
It's so beautiful.
I love it.
You're welcome.
And I tell you, sitting on here and speaking to you,
I think my mind is just going and going and going
because it's a great conversation to have.
And it's a great conversation for people to actually just
sit and watch and wonder.
I desire most people to listen to this and be curious.
What more can I do?
What is it that IU is saying that I haven't yet even
addressed or even thought about?
And then you know what?
She has five books.
Let me get one of those because I don't think anyone is,
many are free from pain.
I don't know if that's a freedom or a joy
that we get to have very often, even though it may not
be created by ourselves.
And there was one thing that she said,
and it's a word that always sticks with me too,
is silence.
Silence can sometimes be so loud.
So loud.
And as you mentioned and said the story about the lady that
lost her baby and her husband, that
speaks volumes without words completely.
Sometimes we just need to be held.
Don't ask me.
Not today.
Not right now.
We'll talk about it when we're ready.
So I definitely get and understand
that it is sometimes OK to just sit in silence,
love and care for individuals, and then learn accordingly.
So I completely understand that.
And there's one question that I have remaining.
And with everything that you do to include
you being a doctor, the books you've written,
what are the greatest joys of what you do?
Oh, one of the things that bring me joys.
Oh my gosh, there are so many.
And I think that what are.
So thank you for allowing me to answer more than one.
One of them is obviously when I have a student in the past
who emailed me years later and say,
there's this thing that you said.
Now I work as this.
Now this is what I'm doing to change the world.
Or this is how that class really shifted my life.
And so these are the joys of what
I do, which is teaching and writing books, or somebody
out of nowhere would email me and said, I read this book.
And it really touched me and things like that.
So that is one of my greatest joys is hearing
that there is something that I did,
the little tiny thing that I did could really
help people live their lives in a better way,
that they could really enjoy their life.
That's one thing.
The other thing that I love doing,
and I am in Columbia right now, is traveling.
And again, I'm not saying that everybody should travel
because I understand that traveling is a privilege,
especially post-COVID because everything, all the prices,
went up significantly.
But what I learned, and again, if you
can't travel out of the country, maybe out of the city,
maybe out of the state, or whatever that is,
is to create what I call in my book, in my latest book,
what I call as feminist enchantment,
is this feeling that you're enchanted with the world.
And for some reasons, in that moment,
you feel you're connected with your own erotic self.
And here, I use the word erotic not just
like in that limited notion of sexuality at all,
but erotic as the life force.
And I'm quoting Audre Lorde.
This is not my own word.
But this idea that when you're connected with yourself,
you can feel more pain, yes, but you can feel more joy.
You can feel everything, more, more, more.
And then you have that fuel.
Because remember, when bullies or when power, whatever,
try to put you down, that power of erotic
actually brings you up.
It makes you want to do things.
That's why I'm here or there or whatever
is because I need to feel inspired to write or do
whatever.
I'm a writer, but other people, I
don't know whatever they want to do with their life.
It's that inspiration.
It's doing whatever you do, raising kids.
But how can you raise kids in that way
that you feel excited, inspired to do that?
And for me, that is traveling.
I get to see different things.
I get to be enchanted by the views, the beauty, whatever
that I see that really shifted how I see the world.
And because I see things differently,
then I write this book.
Thank you for being here today.
I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.
I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions
as these episodes continue to move forward.
This is going to get more and more fun.
We'll have more and more engagement as well.
We'll invite people to participate in the show.
And thank you for giving us your time and attention.
Have an excellent time building out your vision
and becoming a Vision Pro yourself.