1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 Tell me about your vision 2 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:09,220 Thanks, Harry for having me on and I'm interested in talking about what my vision was for your audience and 3 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:16,560 This this podcast. I think it's a good fit for it. So I taught a gender communication class for 4 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,240 several years over ten years 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,280 And when I first started teaching the class 6 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:25,720 The majority of the research 7 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:28,720 Came from a social learning 8 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:33,520 perspective a social learning background. So basically in junior communication 9 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,240 the research out there 10 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:43,800 pretty much emphasizes that there may be some differences between between males and females with a communicate and understand but 11 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,240 it 12 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:52,560 Comes primarily from the way that we learn from maybe our family members the groups that we belong to our friends 13 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:59,160 School whatever else but one of the things that stuck out to me was when I started doing research for the class was 14 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,760 That I kept finding some of the same consistent differences in communication between 15 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,600 Men and women boys and girls 16 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:14,360 So if there's consistent differences between them throughout the different stages of life and people grow up in different cultures different backgrounds 17 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,240 exposed to different 18 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,520 Families then there are some consistencies 19 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,600 beyond society itself and 20 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:26,960 What I started to look at was what are some of these other? 21 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:31,720 Factors that contribute to it. So then I started looking into psychology 22 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,560 psychiatry biology 23 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,840 Neuroscience and what I found was that there were consistencies and 24 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,560 biology 25 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,600 biological differences between males and females that contributed to 26 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:50,600 Some of these communication differences between males and females. So when I was teaching this class, I couldn't find a book that 27 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:59,440 Attributed or explained some of the biological reasons for gender communication differences and understanding based upon biology 28 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,760 So if I couldn't find one, I thought might as well just write my own and that's why I did 29 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:10,200 So I tried to incorporate these different types of scientists with the psychology psychiatry biology and neuroscience 30 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:15,280 folks in brain structural differences sex hormone differences and 31 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:23,600 How does that influence these communication perception differences the emotional differences between males and females that again? 32 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:28,240 we find every day through our lives whether it's co-workers whether it's 33 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,320 clients or customers or 34 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,720 large audience who were trying to 35 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,800 reach 36 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,800 What were some of those? 37 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:42,800 Inconsistencies and consistency that you found during your research 38 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,840 So one of the things that I like to do is to start out with 39 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,360 word this is 40 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,500 Where are some of the beginning? 41 00:02:53,680 --> 00:03:00,640 Influences and all communication starts out in the brain. So at conception everyone pretty much starts out 42 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:08,040 What we usually think of on the same track as female and then after about four months after conception 43 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,000 That's when the sex hormones start to kick in and differentiate 44 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:20,240 Sex four months after conception. That's when the sex hormones start to kick in and differentiate males from females and those sex hormones 45 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:28,280 What that does it actually influences brain structural differences and some of those brain structural differences that are influenced from the sex hormones 46 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:32,040 Are in communication areas. So just to give 47 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,600 credibility to this 48 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:41,000 Science has advanced far enough where now you can analyze a human brain and with over 90% accuracy 49 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,240 Predict if it's male or female 50 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:47,940 So there's that many structural differences between a male brain and a female brain of humans 51 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:52,480 That you can analyze and predict if it's male or female. So if you have all these 52 00:03:52,480 --> 00:04:00,120 Structural is where you could do that type of prediction then why is it that far of a stretch to think that we're going to communicate? 53 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,480 differently because some of those areas are 54 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,760 responsible for communication 55 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,480 also 56 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:10,000 What has come out recently in science is that? 57 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:14,580 Functional differences as well. So doing the same task 58 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,520 Communicating over the same topic 59 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,840 Listening to the same whatever it is 60 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,480 interaction you could look at the 61 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:31,480 Activations of the brain and analyze it and with over 90% accuracy predict if it's male or female 62 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:39,180 Based upon the differences in the different areas are activated and the strengths of those activations as well 63 00:04:39,180 --> 00:04:45,200 So it's not only the structural differences, but the activation differences as well doing the exact same thing 64 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:49,880 Differentiate between males and females where you predict with over 90% accuracy 65 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,360 So the readers after they finish my book should be able to identify 66 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:59,440 At least five different areas of the brain and how that influences male and female 67 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,640 Communication differences such as in perception the way we understand other people 68 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:13,560 Topics that we communicate about our emotional differences the words that we use the interest that we have in other areas as well 69 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,560 So pretty much all aspects of our lives 70 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:25,800 Yeah, can you give example of some of these areas where 71 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,880 What you noticed let's say about 72 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,080 Communication 73 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,280 Okay 74 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,280 that how that 75 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:43,800 Pertains to like a this is what a male would look like and this is what a female would look like 76 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:51,080 Okay, so I could start out generally in terms of perception and then I could go into more 77 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,240 Specifics of maybe nonverbal communication verbal communication as well 78 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,800 So we're looking at the exact same thing or we're gonna perceive it differently 79 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:05,960 Between males and females perception differences. So for males for the most part 80 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,960 most of the time 81 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:13,320 We focus more generally on the big picture itself and less so on the details 82 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,680 So more more of the overall large 83 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,760 objects itself 84 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,760 We tend to be 85 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:27,960 better when it comes to visual and spatial abilities and we're more likely to remember those maybe if it's sports or something action in a 86 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,400 movie or whatever else and there's a strong correlation between 87 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,280 testosterone 88 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:41,720 testosterone testosterone and spatial ability so that makes sense and estrogen hinders spatial ability so that makes sense 89 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:46,760 Looking at a large number. So you have maybe a six digit number 90 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:51,800 Males are more likely to look at this multi-digit number holistically as one large number 91 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:57,720 Same thing if you're looking at maybe a puzzle or a large shape that's made up of individual pieces 92 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,400 We're more likely to look at as one large piece together 93 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,960 and then also when we 94 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:09,800 Interact in our perception much more comfortable and do much better 95 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:17,160 When we look straight ahead and there's a saiyan out there in biology that like to hunt eyes in front 96 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,800 so those males and 97 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,280 the animal kingdom 98 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:26,200 They tend that are hunters. They tend to have their eyes in the front of their skull 99 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:31,720 Those that are the prey tend to have it on the side and that's what females are much more comfortable with 100 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,160 uh 101 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:38,280 Human females with more of the side perception when they talk to someone maybe standing to someone's side 102 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:45,720 Whereas us males we tend to look straight ahead and then the reverse with perception with females that they are much more 103 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,240 um 104 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:51,640 honed in on the details of objects they have more associations between 105 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:56,280 uh words in the details of the objects themselves, uh more 106 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,480 uh more perception with the color tones 107 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:07,960 Um again if there's a large number six digit number they're going to look at more as individual numbers put together as opposed to one large number 108 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,480 Okay, so those are some perceptional differences 109 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,880 I'll stop there and then I could go into some non-verbal differences specifics as well 110 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:22,280 Uh, thank you for sharing. I think that was that was good enough for me to understand that so that was awesome 111 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,920 my next question for you 112 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,320 um is 113 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,000 Why? 114 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,920 Did you? 115 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:36,360 Apart from the reason like there was a book missing in this area. What motivated you? 116 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:41,880 Why did you get started on this path and write this book? Why did you go on like what why did you get started on all this? 117 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,360 Part of it was um 118 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:49,240 That I I was frustrated with uh people being misinformed 119 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:56,600 And then secondly that we I saw a need out there. So we have a high divorce rate 120 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:01,960 Um, you see a lot of conflicts even in uh, celebrity marriages as well 121 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,480 Um all these things as well. So I saw a need in terms of 122 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:11,400 Empathy so understand from someone else's perspective. So one of the things that I go into are 123 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:18,760 Non-verbal communication differences between males and females and what are some of the biological explanations as to why? 124 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,960 Now I could go into a few details if you don't mind. Yeah, go ahead 125 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:26,280 Okay, so for females and this is one of the things that really 126 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,840 Stuck out to me in the research 127 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:32,520 Is in the science it's already settled as far as i'm concerned 128 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:38,360 That females have much more connections across both hemispheres with their brain and us males were much more compartmentalized 129 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:44,040 We have more connections within each hemisphere. So non-verbally what that helps her to do is she can 130 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,440 She can engage in the conversation at hand while at the same time 131 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:53,320 She could access the other area of her brain and analyze your non-verbal communication 132 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:59,800 Whereas with us males we could do one or the other but we're not going to understand the non-verbal communication nearly as well 133 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:06,600 Because we're much more compartmentalized another thing is that uh females have more mirror neurons 134 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:11,320 That are activated during social interactions. So we talked about empathy and non-verbal 135 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:16,040 Communication non-verbal understanding. How do you non-verbally understand someone? 136 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:21,960 Is you empathize and you feel or experience what they're going through and that's what the mirror neurons do 137 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:27,720 They activate when you see someone else's non-verbal behaviors and it progresses through their brain 138 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:34,120 Non-verbal behaviors and it prepares your body to display those same behaviors that you see someone else doing 139 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,560 So if your body is preparing to do those same behaviors, what's that do? 140 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:43,800 It helps you go through a similar type of emotional experience. So you have a better non-verbal understanding of the other person 141 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,420 Also, she has more of her overall brain activated 142 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:53,260 During social interactions whereas with us males again being much more compartmentalized 143 00:10:53,260 --> 00:10:58,700 Um, it's usually language is on the left and emotion is on the right for us whereas with her 144 00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:04,700 She has more of the overall brain and what's actually been found with uh sex hormones 145 00:11:05,260 --> 00:11:07,660 Is that testosterone hinders? 146 00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:14,240 Uh social understanding of other people and with us males we tend to have about 20 times more testosterone 147 00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:21,820 Whereas with estrogens has been found to actually help social understanding and adult females tend to have about 20 times 148 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:27,260 Uh more estrogen. So the bottom line with non-verbal understanding is that 149 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,220 Females are going to have much more 150 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:38,780 cues to go off of much more details and one, uh, I don't know this is somewhat of my opinion, but one way 151 00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:43,020 What I summarize it to remember it as that sometimes us males 152 00:11:43,260 --> 00:11:48,940 We may oversimplify things because we have less non-verbal cues to go off of less details 153 00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:54,860 And maybe females sometimes they over complicate things read into too much because they're going off of a bunch 154 00:11:55,260 --> 00:11:57,500 Uh more information a bunch more details 155 00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:03,820 That's awesome. Thank you for sharing that with us. I think that was very helpful. Um 156 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:10,540 There's not much I have to say because there's not much I know about it, but I really appreciate you sharing that 157 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:15,180 Yeah, the exact same conversation and meeting and you have men and women there 158 00:12:15,180 --> 00:12:21,020 It's going to remember differently between the men and the women the men probably much more of the topic oriented 159 00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:27,820 It's in the women much reading much more beyond the topic. So uh, the vocal tones the non-verbal behaviors 160 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:33,980 um, what is uh being said much more beyond uh, the words themselves the words people 161 00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:40,860 Seated at what's their facial expressions all those things they're going to pick up on much more easily than what the males are 162 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:44,000 So they're going to and also social interactions 163 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:50,240 Um are remembered much more so by females. They have a better social memory than what us males do 164 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:55,060 So you see a lot of frustrations out there whether it's working relationships or regular relationships 165 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,120 that um 166 00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:02,560 Men don't remember conversations nearly well as what women do and there's biological reasons why? 167 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,520 That 168 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,840 Is intriguing thought now now I have another thought regarding what you just mentioned. I think 169 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,400 so doing this research and 170 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,400 After writing the book 171 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:20,880 What has these this information helped you in your day-to-day life to do like what? 172 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,600 um 173 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,440 What is what what what changes has that brought you in your life? 174 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:32,720 And has there been negative positive changes and what would you like to share about it? 175 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:39,780 Yeah, so I tried to look at it from when I have a social interaction with someone from the other person's perspective 176 00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:42,420 So if i'm talking to a male a man 177 00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:49,380 Then I may emphasize much more of the big picture and the topics itself and not tie in nearly as much 178 00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:52,180 uh emotion or details or past experiences 179 00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:57,860 But if i'm talking to a female or a woman a woman then I know that's important to her 180 00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:01,540 To tie in these other things as well such as more of the emotion 181 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:06,180 Um more of the details and some of the past experiences as well 182 00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:12,760 They have women have a much larger hippocampus and that's responsible for language memory and relationships 183 00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:18,500 so that's how they understand much of of all these details together and 184 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:20,740 um 185 00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:26,580 That's that's one of the things that they look for also during conversations as well. So one of the things that I like to 186 00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:28,980 uh suggest is 187 00:14:28,980 --> 00:14:29,940 that 188 00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:36,200 That um for us males to understand when she ties in the current topic with past experiences 189 00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:40,820 And emotion that she's not off topic and she's not personally attacking us 190 00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:45,780 That's what makes sense to her tying all these different individual individual pieces together 191 00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:49,780 Like I already talked about before she has more connections to different parts of her brain 192 00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:55,620 And for women they need to understand when we answer a question and we don't tie in much emotion at all 193 00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:59,860 It doesn't mean that we don't care or it doesn't mean that we're not interested 194 00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:04,820 But it's because we're much more compartmentalized and we're focused on the topic itself 195 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:10,020 And it's much more difficult for us to tie in the emotion and the topic together because we don't have those connections 196 00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:12,260 Or as much estrogen to help us out 197 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,940 Um, and how has 198 00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:19,620 Applying this in your day-to-day life, right? 199 00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,180 Changed what was the result of it? 200 00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:27,240 So, um, one of the things is I I think I have a better understanding 201 00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:30,020 of um 202 00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:34,100 Someone else's intentions so the intention behind what they say 203 00:15:34,820 --> 00:15:35,700 so 204 00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:43,300 Uh the intention if a woman says something then I tried to read into it beyond just the words themselves or just the topic itself 205 00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:47,220 Whereas before this I would have just thought about the topic and just take that away 206 00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:54,020 But now I try to think and oh what are some of the subtleties that she throws in in the emotion behind it? 207 00:15:54,420 --> 00:16:00,260 That ties into the overall theme for her whereas with the uh, if i'm talking to a man 208 00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:07,940 That's pretty much more natural for me and I just pretty much take it more at face value of what's being said and much more literal 209 00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:11,540 So that's one of the things that I really uh grew from 210 00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:18,420 Um is to pick up or try to pick up on some of the subtleties from women's communication and that's important to her 211 00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:20,660 and important to the topic 212 00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:21,700 um 213 00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:23,700 This is a little bit harder question 214 00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,060 Okay 215 00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:27,060 This is what you got out of it. But now 216 00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:33,780 What did the women or the men that you interacted to with these changes got out of it? 217 00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:39,140 So I think uh, one of the things that they uh got out of it was 218 00:16:39,140 --> 00:16:45,140 Uh a better understanding of themselves and how they come across that I think too often 219 00:16:45,140 --> 00:16:48,920 We always we always just see it from our own point of view our own perspective 220 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:54,820 And we expect people to understand it the way that we do in the way that we communicate so 221 00:16:55,460 --> 00:17:01,220 What a lot of my students and if I do consult work or whatever else one of the things that um 222 00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:07,700 That they take away from it is to understand from the other person's perspective not only when you listen 223 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:12,340 Uh from the uh listen to them, but also when you talk to them as well 224 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,580 So changing your communication to fit your audience. I think it's one of the biggest takeaways 225 00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:20,420 Thank you for being here today. I'm really happy that you tuned in to vision pros live 226 00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:25,300 I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward 227 00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:26,980 This is going to get more and more fun 228 00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:30,980 And we'll have more and more engagement as well invite people to participate in the show 229 00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:37,720 And thank you for giving us your time and attention have an excellent time building out your vision and becoming a vision pro yourself