Tell me about your vision
Thanks, Harry for having me on and I'm interested in talking about what my vision was for your audience and
This this podcast. I think it's a good fit for it. So I taught a gender communication class for
several years over ten years
And when I first started teaching the class
The majority of the research
Came from a social learning
perspective a social learning background. So basically in junior communication
the research out there
pretty much emphasizes that there may be some differences between between males and females with a communicate and understand but
it
Comes primarily from the way that we learn from maybe our family members the groups that we belong to our friends
School whatever else but one of the things that stuck out to me was when I started doing research for the class was
That I kept finding some of the same consistent differences in communication between
Men and women boys and girls
So if there's consistent differences between them throughout the different stages of life and people grow up in different cultures different backgrounds
exposed to different
Families then there are some consistencies
beyond society itself and
What I started to look at was what are some of these other?
Factors that contribute to it. So then I started looking into psychology
psychiatry biology
Neuroscience and what I found was that there were consistencies and
biology
biological differences between males and females that contributed to
Some of these communication differences between males and females. So when I was teaching this class, I couldn't find a book that
Attributed or explained some of the biological reasons for gender communication differences and understanding based upon biology
So if I couldn't find one, I thought might as well just write my own and that's why I did
So I tried to incorporate these different types of scientists with the psychology psychiatry biology and neuroscience
folks in brain structural differences sex hormone differences and
How does that influence these communication perception differences the emotional differences between males and females that again?
we find every day through our lives whether it's co-workers whether it's
clients or customers or
large audience who were trying to
reach
What were some of those?
Inconsistencies and consistency that you found during your research
So one of the things that I like to do is to start out with
word this is
Where are some of the beginning?
Influences and all communication starts out in the brain. So at conception everyone pretty much starts out
What we usually think of on the same track as female and then after about four months after conception
That's when the sex hormones start to kick in and differentiate
Sex four months after conception. That's when the sex hormones start to kick in and differentiate males from females and those sex hormones
What that does it actually influences brain structural differences and some of those brain structural differences that are influenced from the sex hormones
Are in communication areas. So just to give
credibility to this
Science has advanced far enough where now you can analyze a human brain and with over 90% accuracy
Predict if it's male or female
So there's that many structural differences between a male brain and a female brain of humans
That you can analyze and predict if it's male or female. So if you have all these
Structural is where you could do that type of prediction then why is it that far of a stretch to think that we're going to communicate?
differently because some of those areas are
responsible for communication
also
What has come out recently in science is that?
Functional differences as well. So doing the same task
Communicating over the same topic
Listening to the same whatever it is
interaction you could look at the
Activations of the brain and analyze it and with over 90% accuracy predict if it's male or female
Based upon the differences in the different areas are activated and the strengths of those activations as well
So it's not only the structural differences, but the activation differences as well doing the exact same thing
Differentiate between males and females where you predict with over 90% accuracy
So the readers after they finish my book should be able to identify
At least five different areas of the brain and how that influences male and female
Communication differences such as in perception the way we understand other people
Topics that we communicate about our emotional differences the words that we use the interest that we have in other areas as well
So pretty much all aspects of our lives
Yeah, can you give example of some of these areas where
What you noticed let's say about
Communication
Okay
that how that
Pertains to like a this is what a male would look like and this is what a female would look like
Okay, so I could start out generally in terms of perception and then I could go into more
Specifics of maybe nonverbal communication verbal communication as well
So we're looking at the exact same thing or we're gonna perceive it differently
Between males and females perception differences. So for males for the most part
most of the time
We focus more generally on the big picture itself and less so on the details
So more more of the overall large
objects itself
We tend to be
better when it comes to visual and spatial abilities and we're more likely to remember those maybe if it's sports or something action in a
movie or whatever else and there's a strong correlation between
testosterone
testosterone testosterone and spatial ability so that makes sense and estrogen hinders spatial ability so that makes sense
Looking at a large number. So you have maybe a six digit number
Males are more likely to look at this multi-digit number holistically as one large number
Same thing if you're looking at maybe a puzzle or a large shape that's made up of individual pieces
We're more likely to look at as one large piece together
and then also when we
Interact in our perception much more comfortable and do much better
When we look straight ahead and there's a saiyan out there in biology that like to hunt eyes in front
so those males and
the animal kingdom
They tend that are hunters. They tend to have their eyes in the front of their skull
Those that are the prey tend to have it on the side and that's what females are much more comfortable with
uh
Human females with more of the side perception when they talk to someone maybe standing to someone's side
Whereas us males we tend to look straight ahead and then the reverse with perception with females that they are much more
um
honed in on the details of objects they have more associations between
uh words in the details of the objects themselves, uh more
uh more perception with the color tones
Um again if there's a large number six digit number they're going to look at more as individual numbers put together as opposed to one large number
Okay, so those are some perceptional differences
I'll stop there and then I could go into some non-verbal differences specifics as well
Uh, thank you for sharing. I think that was that was good enough for me to understand that so that was awesome
my next question for you
um is
Why?
Did you?
Apart from the reason like there was a book missing in this area. What motivated you?
Why did you get started on this path and write this book? Why did you go on like what why did you get started on all this?
Part of it was um
That I I was frustrated with uh people being misinformed
And then secondly that we I saw a need out there. So we have a high divorce rate
Um, you see a lot of conflicts even in uh, celebrity marriages as well
Um all these things as well. So I saw a need in terms of
Empathy so understand from someone else's perspective. So one of the things that I go into are
Non-verbal communication differences between males and females and what are some of the biological explanations as to why?
Now I could go into a few details if you don't mind. Yeah, go ahead
Okay, so for females and this is one of the things that really
Stuck out to me in the research
Is in the science it's already settled as far as i'm concerned
That females have much more connections across both hemispheres with their brain and us males were much more compartmentalized
We have more connections within each hemisphere. So non-verbally what that helps her to do is she can
She can engage in the conversation at hand while at the same time
She could access the other area of her brain and analyze your non-verbal communication
Whereas with us males we could do one or the other but we're not going to understand the non-verbal communication nearly as well
Because we're much more compartmentalized another thing is that uh females have more mirror neurons
That are activated during social interactions. So we talked about empathy and non-verbal
Communication non-verbal understanding. How do you non-verbally understand someone?
Is you empathize and you feel or experience what they're going through and that's what the mirror neurons do
They activate when you see someone else's non-verbal behaviors and it progresses through their brain
Non-verbal behaviors and it prepares your body to display those same behaviors that you see someone else doing
So if your body is preparing to do those same behaviors, what's that do?
It helps you go through a similar type of emotional experience. So you have a better non-verbal understanding of the other person
Also, she has more of her overall brain activated
During social interactions whereas with us males again being much more compartmentalized
Um, it's usually language is on the left and emotion is on the right for us whereas with her
She has more of the overall brain and what's actually been found with uh sex hormones
Is that testosterone hinders?
Uh social understanding of other people and with us males we tend to have about 20 times more testosterone
Whereas with estrogens has been found to actually help social understanding and adult females tend to have about 20 times
Uh more estrogen. So the bottom line with non-verbal understanding is that
Females are going to have much more
cues to go off of much more details and one, uh, I don't know this is somewhat of my opinion, but one way
What I summarize it to remember it as that sometimes us males
We may oversimplify things because we have less non-verbal cues to go off of less details
And maybe females sometimes they over complicate things read into too much because they're going off of a bunch
Uh more information a bunch more details
That's awesome. Thank you for sharing that with us. I think that was very helpful. Um
There's not much I have to say because there's not much I know about it, but I really appreciate you sharing that
Yeah, the exact same conversation and meeting and you have men and women there
It's going to remember differently between the men and the women the men probably much more of the topic oriented
It's in the women much reading much more beyond the topic. So uh, the vocal tones the non-verbal behaviors
um, what is uh being said much more beyond uh, the words themselves the words people
Seated at what's their facial expressions all those things they're going to pick up on much more easily than what the males are
So they're going to and also social interactions
Um are remembered much more so by females. They have a better social memory than what us males do
So you see a lot of frustrations out there whether it's working relationships or regular relationships
that um
Men don't remember conversations nearly well as what women do and there's biological reasons why?
That
Is intriguing thought now now I have another thought regarding what you just mentioned. I think
so doing this research and
After writing the book
What has these this information helped you in your day-to-day life to do like what?
um
What is what what what changes has that brought you in your life?
And has there been negative positive changes and what would you like to share about it?
Yeah, so I tried to look at it from when I have a social interaction with someone from the other person's perspective
So if i'm talking to a male a man
Then I may emphasize much more of the big picture and the topics itself and not tie in nearly as much
uh emotion or details or past experiences
But if i'm talking to a female or a woman a woman then I know that's important to her
To tie in these other things as well such as more of the emotion
Um more of the details and some of the past experiences as well
They have women have a much larger hippocampus and that's responsible for language memory and relationships
so that's how they understand much of of all these details together and
um
That's that's one of the things that they look for also during conversations as well. So one of the things that I like to
uh suggest is
that
That um for us males to understand when she ties in the current topic with past experiences
And emotion that she's not off topic and she's not personally attacking us
That's what makes sense to her tying all these different individual individual pieces together
Like I already talked about before she has more connections to different parts of her brain
And for women they need to understand when we answer a question and we don't tie in much emotion at all
It doesn't mean that we don't care or it doesn't mean that we're not interested
But it's because we're much more compartmentalized and we're focused on the topic itself
And it's much more difficult for us to tie in the emotion and the topic together because we don't have those connections
Or as much estrogen to help us out
Um, and how has
Applying this in your day-to-day life, right?
Changed what was the result of it?
So, um, one of the things is I I think I have a better understanding
of um
Someone else's intentions so the intention behind what they say
so
Uh the intention if a woman says something then I tried to read into it beyond just the words themselves or just the topic itself
Whereas before this I would have just thought about the topic and just take that away
But now I try to think and oh what are some of the subtleties that she throws in in the emotion behind it?
That ties into the overall theme for her whereas with the uh, if i'm talking to a man
That's pretty much more natural for me and I just pretty much take it more at face value of what's being said and much more literal
So that's one of the things that I really uh grew from
Um is to pick up or try to pick up on some of the subtleties from women's communication and that's important to her
and important to the topic
um
This is a little bit harder question
Okay
This is what you got out of it. But now
What did the women or the men that you interacted to with these changes got out of it?
So I think uh, one of the things that they uh got out of it was
Uh a better understanding of themselves and how they come across that I think too often
We always we always just see it from our own point of view our own perspective
And we expect people to understand it the way that we do in the way that we communicate so
What a lot of my students and if I do consult work or whatever else one of the things that um
That they take away from it is to understand from the other person's perspective not only when you listen
Uh from the uh listen to them, but also when you talk to them as well
So changing your communication to fit your audience. I think it's one of the biggest takeaways
Thank you for being here today. I'm really happy that you tuned in to vision pros live
I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward
This is going to get more and more fun
And we'll have more and more engagement as well invite people to participate in the show
And thank you for giving us your time and attention have an excellent time building out your vision and becoming a vision pro yourself