1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,140 But tell me about your vision. 2 00:00:03,140 --> 00:00:07,920 My vision is that we are the generation of parents 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:14,360 who raise empathetic, compassionate, empowered 4 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:20,600 leaders by building them up instead of cutting them down, 5 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:28,420 who will be better equipped to navigate and change 6 00:00:28,420 --> 00:00:32,520 so much of what ails us as human beings, 7 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:37,560 that they can hold compassion and courage together 8 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:38,680 at the same time. 9 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,560 And that's all rooted in their childhood. 10 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:42,240 Yeah, yeah. 11 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:47,400 And those two things together, passion and courage, 12 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,640 I don't think you hear that very often together, 13 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:54,460 because they're on two different ends of the spectrum in my opinion. 14 00:00:54,460 --> 00:00:56,920 And I love that vision, because parenting 15 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,120 is completely different. 16 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:04,520 I'm going to go on every platform to say I'm 45 years old. 17 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:08,560 And the way that parenting is now, oh, I tell you, 18 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,200 it's like a flip of the coin. 19 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,040 And me being raised, and how I responded, 20 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:19,200 and how my parent responded, and now raising four others, oh, 21 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,600 it's a whole different ballgame. 22 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,840 So as I tell myself in my life, I want 23 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,280 to shift into understanding parenting 24 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,640 with the challenge of social media. 25 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:33,600 Yeah, thank you. 26 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,840 So we are in a new digital world. 27 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,480 It is. 28 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:42,680 And of course, Jai, one of our pillars 29 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,960 is that we're not here to tell anyone else how to parent. 30 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,840 We're here to empower you to make those decisions 31 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,800 and feel confident in them and hold boundaries 32 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,280 around the decisions and choices that you make, 33 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,720 yes, compassionately. 34 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,960 And the reality is that all of our children, 35 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,720 whether we give them devices or not, 36 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,640 are going to be influenced by what happens online. 37 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,560 And so I tend to, as a parent, think 38 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:11,680 about preparation versus trying to protect them from it, 39 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,920 because it is the reality. 40 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:17,400 There's nothing that's a better anchor against the ills 41 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:21,640 and risks and scary side of social media 42 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:24,920 than teaching our children who they are, arming them 43 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:28,320 with values, arming them with morality, 44 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:33,360 letting them use social media as a bridge for conversation 45 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,360 around what we stand for in our family 46 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,360 and what might be important to others 47 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:42,280 as a tool of distinction so that they have a self-identity, 48 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:47,040 ideally, that is unshakable, regardless of how many likes 49 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:47,720 their TikTok. 50 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,520 I don't even know if you get likes on TikTok, 51 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,840 but whatever it is, that they are not 52 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:57,640 pulled into that external locus of control, 53 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,160 which is social media. 54 00:02:59,160 --> 00:02:59,840 Yes. 55 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:04,040 And that's good, how you state that you prepare them rather 56 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:10,040 than to protect them, because at any cost and at all costs, 57 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,640 someone, especially if they're going to school, 58 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,800 someone's raising our children, right? 59 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,120 Someone other than ourselves. 60 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,200 I'm so sorry. 61 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,000 They'll cut that out. 62 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:23,760 But it's crazy, because I tell people eight hours out the day, 63 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:24,800 I'm not the parent. 64 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:25,520 That's right. 65 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,720 I'm literally placing them in the hands, 66 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:31,160 whether it be a private school or a public school 67 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,840 or one with faith values. 68 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,600 It is somebody else, right? 69 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:41,920 So with that being said, the preparation 70 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,960 is awesome that you say that, because that's like, hey, 71 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,160 once you're out of my sight and out of my hands, 72 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:52,200 I want you to know who you are, because you 73 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,160 should value who you are. 74 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,840 There's so many things in that. 75 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,040 So how does Jai Institute help parents 76 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,200 to create that for their children? 77 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,880 So we train parenting coaches, and more appropriately, 78 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,920 parent coaches, because again, we don't 79 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,560 have a parenting methodology. 80 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:15,840 Coaching is vital for adult transformation 81 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,240 and learning new skills and learning nervous system 82 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:23,320 regulation, learning to be an effective communicator. 83 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,920 Many of us weren't modeled these skills as children, 84 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,640 not because our parents were trying to mess us up. 85 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,560 They were doing the best with what they could. 86 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:35,440 But these aren't things that, by and large, we learned. 87 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,240 And so the reason that we train parenting coaches instead 88 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:42,840 of, for example, having a parenting course online 89 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,600 is that the way that the human brain works 90 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:50,240 and how responsible our subconscious mind is, 91 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,840 kind of like our automatic processing system of how 92 00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:57,720 we do anger, how we do conflict, how we navigate relationships, 93 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:01,560 what our attachment style is, these 94 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,560 can be controlled with willpower to a certain extent. 95 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:08,080 But that's only like two hours a day 96 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,920 that we can control those things. 97 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,880 And so coaching gives people a container 98 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,680 to try new things on, to practice, 99 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,920 to have accountability and support and empathy. 100 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:24,120 And so our thesis, proven by the results that we create, 101 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:28,920 is that coaches bear the best chance of actually making 102 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,040 lasting and meaningful change in adults 103 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,240 who have a lifetime of experience doing relationships 104 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,880 the way that they do relationships. 105 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:42,280 So our coaches go through our parent-centric training first. 106 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,520 They learn about all of these tools 107 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,880 that we have around nonviolent communication, attachment 108 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,560 style, emotional intelligence, and then 109 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,880 learn how to coach those skills in the families 110 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,120 that they serve. 111 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:56,800 I love that. 112 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,840 So how many is on your team? 113 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:00,480 Oh, my goodness. 114 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,480 I think we have about 16 people now. 115 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:03,480 Nice. 116 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,480 Congratulations to you, Enke. 117 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:05,960 Oh. 118 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,440 Oh. 119 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,480 Hey, when you have something, and as I 120 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,680 mentioned before, I'm a little faith-based. 121 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,080 But once it's all got, it's all good. 122 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,320 So it sounds like it's going really good for you. 123 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,080 Congratulations. 124 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:19,880 Yeah. 125 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,560 I mean, I'm sure it's no shock to hear to your listeners. 126 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,960 But growing a business, and it's right up there 127 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:30,120 with growing children, it will take you on a journey. 128 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:30,640 Yes. 129 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,200 Yes. 130 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,960 And I love that we can mix all of this, 131 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,440 because truth be told, there's journey in being a parent. 132 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,720 There's journey in entrepreneurship. 133 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,280 There's journey just in life in general. 134 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:46,080 And what you're telling us is I came up 135 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:50,040 with this little phrase, there's power in a parent. 136 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:54,520 Because we do have the power to raise our children 137 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:59,400 to be strong, courageous, understanding, loving. 138 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:03,680 Even with the social media and the technology, 139 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,160 I think that we still have that power. 140 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,080 And we can take it back. 141 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,120 Absolutely. 142 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,840 Yeah, one thing that's super crazy is, 143 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,440 I believe it was my mom. 144 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,360 My mom was saying she watched something. 145 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,920 And she was like, parents, because now I'm older, 146 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:20,960 and now I have younger ones. 147 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,640 She was like, parents didn't, we're not understanding. 148 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,600 And she's saying, I'm older. 149 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,040 She's like, we're not understanding 150 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,440 that we didn't have technology like that. 151 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,080 And now having that understanding 152 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:35,240 that our children have it, it never clicked until then. 153 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,440 Oh, they didn't grow up without an iPad. 154 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,000 They grew up with an iPad. 155 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,880 They grew up with all these things. 156 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,280 And so talking to you now and having that understanding 157 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:49,600 and what it would feel like to hear someone coach a parent 158 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,080 on trying to be more gentle and understanding, 159 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,600 I love that your coaches are going through coaching 160 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,680 to coach that. 161 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,400 Leaders go first. 162 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:03,240 And as someone who's worked in the transformational space 163 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,680 for a very long time, I have a very high integrity bar. 164 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,880 And it's very important to me as a person 165 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,600 to put my head down on the pillow every night 166 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,440 and know that I can deliver on the promises that I've 167 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,160 made to our community. 168 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,480 And so I believe that's the same for our coaches. 169 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,440 People that are attracted to this kind of mission 170 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,160 are going to be heart centered, are 171 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,080 going to be high integrity. 172 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,080 They care deeply about what's happening with children 173 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,360 and parents all over the world. 174 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,720 And so having our coaches have that experience 175 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:39,760 of transformation for themselves emboldens them to then go out 176 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,720 into their schools, to their pediatricians, 177 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,800 to their communities and say, I can help. 178 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:47,960 I love that. 179 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:48,800 I love that. 180 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,360 I can just hear the passion in your voice. 181 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,960 And it's interesting. 182 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,120 How long have you been in business? 183 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,880 Oh, gosh. 184 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,400 18 years. 185 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,640 My son just turned 20. 186 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,080 Actually, today, it's his 20th birthday today. 187 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:05,760 Yay. 188 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,600 And I worked in finance. 189 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,240 And I had two under two. 190 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:13,080 And I just thought, this is not what I want to be. 191 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,400 I don't want to be coming home to the nanny who 192 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,400 took them to the beach. 193 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,760 This is not what I had in mind. 194 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,800 And so I hung up my first little shingle 195 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,600 when they were just really little. 196 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,360 And here we are. 197 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,120 Time. 198 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,360 No way. 199 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,320 That is exciting. 200 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,760 Happy birthday to you, son. 201 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,080 Thank you. 202 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,160 20 is what's good. 203 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:32,640 I know. 204 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,040 It's like I'm down to one teenager. 205 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,040 Woo. 206 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:36,560 Right. 207 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:41,160 And that's crazy, which is very interesting because that's 208 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:41,840 the business. 209 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:42,520 That's your life. 210 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,680 But it's also your life. 211 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:48,720 So I'm trying to find the word. 212 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,800 But how do you juggle the two? 213 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:57,480 That's better sometimes than others. 214 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,360 I have two kids who are in college now. 215 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,120 So now I'm kind of like, what does one do with oneself? 216 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,040 It's a little destabilizing, frankly. 217 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,160 I think when they were younger, it was important for me 218 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:11,400 to learn to have a really firm boundary for myself. 219 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,960 They would call me out. 220 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,280 When I was trying to be present with them 221 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,240 and I'd be sideways on my phone, we came up 222 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,280 with a secret password for that where they could say marshmallow. 223 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,760 And I would put the phone down. 224 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:25,920 It's hard. 225 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:31,640 And sometimes I did better than others in the early years. 226 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,080 I kind of wish I knew then what I know now. 227 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,520 And I was probably too focused on growing the business 228 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,800 because it does go so fast. 229 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,520 So it ebbs and flows. 230 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,000 And sometimes the needs of the kids 231 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,360 are going to be stronger than the needs of the business. 232 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:46,440 And vice versa. 233 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,160 And I think for entrepreneurial parents, 234 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:53,520 my best advice would be to let that be OK. 235 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,600 Because the beating ourselves up about it 236 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,080 isn't going to help anything. 237 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:57,800 Yes. 238 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,800 And that is the main reason why I asked. 239 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,600 Because I'm telling you, with all the experience as a parent, 240 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,800 like a real live parent-parent, and then coaching others 241 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,960 to do the parenting coaching, that piece right there 242 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,760 was probably, I'm being opinionated, 243 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,240 but that was the most powerful thing probably of this episode 244 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:24,480 is that you're going to ebbs and flows. 245 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:30,560 And your children are going to get that piece of you that's 246 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:31,520 like, OK. 247 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,160 But as you guys heard, Keeva said, make up a word. 248 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:39,080 And then that way, and that's pretty cool too. 249 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,880 Because even when you're out and about, and they're at the park, 250 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,840 and they're on the slide, and you hear, marshmallow. 251 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:46,920 Yeah. 252 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:48,840 Yeah. 253 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:52,640 So much of what we're giving parents the ability to do 254 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,440 is to work in collaboration with children 255 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,760 to create solutions together. 256 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,760 So if you think about the way a lot of us were parented, 257 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,080 it was power over. 258 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,680 Do as I say, because I said so. 259 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,800 I'm the adult. I put a roof over your head. 260 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:11,480 You owe me your good behavior. 261 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,840 And a lot of what we're seeing today is power under parenting. 262 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:20,000 My child's needs and feelings are the most important. 263 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:24,000 And that's not useful when we're thinking 264 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,360 about raising actual human adults who 265 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,240 know how to take personal responsibility and do things 266 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,800 even when they're hard, even when they don't want to. 267 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,720 And so what we're really working toward 268 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,000 is something we call power with, where everyone 269 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,360 in a relationship, whether it's parent, child, or otherwise, 270 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:48,280 has the right to have their feelings and needs matter. 271 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,440 And that in an effective communication style, 272 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:56,040 we can work together to find solutions where, by and large, 273 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,000 everyone's feelings and needs are met. 274 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,320 Now, that doesn't mean everyone's 275 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,920 going to be happy all the time. 276 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,200 And they shouldn't be. 277 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:07,080 Because we need to, or we could choose to, 278 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,600 learn to model what healthy conflict looks like, 279 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:13,720 what compromise looks like, what out-of-the-box thinking looks 280 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:14,840 like. 281 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,760 And that's life changing for a child. 282 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:18,600 They will not. 283 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,360 Their standards when you raise it, like, my kids 284 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,640 blow me away with their standards 285 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,640 for their relationships. 286 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,840 I'm frankly jealous. 287 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,440 I'm telling you, me too. 288 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:34,360 Me too, because again, they've grown up differently, right? 289 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,600 Of course, not with us. 290 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,000 But then we're the parents. 291 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,520 And then you watch them. 292 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,240 They're doing things so different. 293 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,080 And I love it. 294 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:45,840 And I often wonder why I connect with my 29-year-old a lot. 295 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:51,560 Because I'm like, yes, yes, yes. 296 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,080 Healthy conflict, because I will say this. 297 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:58,720 When you say that, and I hear that often, healthy and conflict 298 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:02,160 never was in the same sense or word. 299 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:03,720 It didn't have a hyphen or anything. 300 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,600 Those two things were completely different. 301 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,480 Because conflict is rage and anger, at least 302 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,440 the way that I was raised. 303 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,320 Yeah, for a lot of us. 304 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:13,040 For a lot of us. 305 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,000 And so we fear conflict. 306 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,000 I'll speak for my own journey. 307 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,560 I used to think I was a people pleaser. 308 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,480 No, I was like an Olympic champion conflict avoider. 309 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:28,200 Like I would just sit in a pot of boiling hot water 310 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:32,680 rather than risk losing love through conflict, 311 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,080 because that's what it meant for me. 312 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,920 And as I've developed this ability to really sit 313 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,520 in conflict and to stay open and to hear what the other person is 314 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:46,120 saying, and to have the courage, like oh my god, 315 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,080 is it going to come out? 316 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,120 And to have the courage to say what I actually 317 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,040 am feeling and thinking, even if I think the other person isn't 318 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,480 going to agree with me. 319 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,360 The miracle on the other side of that 320 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,840 is that it deepened my relationships. 321 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:05,800 It created more trust, more connection, more intimacy. 322 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,440 And so these ideas that we have about black and white, 323 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,240 it's like no, it's the both and. 324 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,760 Yes, yes, yes. 325 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:18,920 And the crazy part about that too is even if it doesn't deepen, 326 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:22,440 even if it doesn't get better per se, 327 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,120 we have that choice to say am I going to accept it, 328 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,040 or am I going to be OK with letting it flow 329 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,640 and letting it go? 330 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:34,400 Because anything that doesn't allow healthy conflict 331 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:39,240 or healthy conversations to happen that end in a not so good 332 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,680 way, maybe it's not for that. 333 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,720 And maybe there's some times we need to sit in it, reflect, 334 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,520 and say, hey, is this meaningful to us? 335 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,960 Which is, and going back to parenting, the same thing. 336 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,080 Healthy conversations, healthy conflict. 337 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,200 And that can, I won't call it balance, 338 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,760 but that can set a tone to having a conversation that's 339 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,840 either hard for us as parents or to the children that says, 340 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,000 say what you're going to say, but also make sure you 341 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,600 choose your words wisely. 342 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:14,080 I deeply appreciate that you just brought that up. 343 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,600 When we grow, when we mature, when 344 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,000 we start to live into a new reality of who 345 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,680 we are as leaders, because whether you're a parent, 346 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,280 whether you're a business owner, you are a leader. 347 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,200 People, children, or otherwise are 348 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:33,680 going to be influenced by your thoughts, actions, and deeds. 349 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:37,240 And not everyone is going to be able to meet you 350 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,520 in that place. 351 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:43,560 I've really worked to allow people's journeys 352 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,440 to be their own. 353 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:51,320 I can't make another person act responsibly or treat me 354 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,840 with kindness. 355 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,280 And so the reality is that there are people 356 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,200 that we will move on from. 357 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,320 But I think it's worth it. 358 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,720 In the end, it's like our monkey mind that's saying, danger, 359 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,920 danger, but freedom lives over here. 360 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,520 Yes, yes, yes. 361 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:13,560 And that freedom doesn't have to make 362 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,600 you feel that lump in your throat of fear 363 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,600 to actually say what you feel, because maybe that's not 364 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,800 the person or the position. 365 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,920 And I say all of this because I'm actually teaching my kids, 366 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,720 hey, what's the kind of conversations that you're having? 367 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,280 Oh, you're not friends anymore? 368 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:33,440 And they're like, no. 369 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,600 It's like, OK, well, let's talk about that. 370 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:39,680 And then I'm like, hey, well, let it flow and let it go 371 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,760 if it has to. 372 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:41,960 Don't force it. 373 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:46,080 And I think that that's also the thing about you teaching 374 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,160 and your team teaching how to parent is also, 375 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,440 I think you're really parenting the parent. 376 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:56,440 That's exactly what we are doing. 377 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,560 It's like we're teaching adults how 378 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:03,520 to embrace the full scope, the messiness, the beauty, 379 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,400 the joy, the heartbreak, the grief, the pride. 380 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,280 All of that is humaning. 381 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,920 And we, with our small human brains, 382 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,280 tend to think, oh, I only want the good stuff. 383 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,240 I only want my kids to have the good stuff. 384 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:19,560 But that's not real. 385 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,440 That's not how life goes. 386 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,720 And so it's kind of like the same thing as what 387 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,280 we said about social media. 388 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:29,280 I want to prepare my children to navigate heartbreak, 389 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,640 not to avoid it. 390 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:36,480 I want to prepare my children to handle failure, not to avoid it. 391 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,560 And when I mess up, I want them to see 392 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,800 that I get to make mistakes, too. 393 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,760 And I'm going to make it right. 394 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,200 And I'm going to take responsibility. 395 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,960 And that allows them to say, OK, I can mess up, 396 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,680 but I'm still worthy. 397 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:54,800 I'm still deserving of love and respect and kindness 398 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,400 and compassion. 399 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,880 And so this is what I see as so revolutionary about what we do, 400 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,880 because at the end of the day, what we're trying to do 401 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:06,480 is raise better human beings, whether they're 2 or 72. 402 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:13,680 Yes, because, I mean, as we know, 2025 came so fast. 403 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,680 I'm telling you, I was like, what? 404 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,040 And then I'm like, wait. 405 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,000 I still remember January 1, 2024, 406 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,880 which meant that I was present. 407 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:28,800 And if I remember January, I remember March. 408 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,040 And it helped me to, I'm actually getting goosebumps, 409 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,640 because when you're present, after having 410 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,600 these coachings and this understanding within yourself, 411 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,320 and then the attempt to raise your children well, 412 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:45,000 but just also knowing that life is so short, 413 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:49,400 but so worth the living, hey, no matter how fast the year goes 414 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,680 by, we still have an opportunity, 415 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:55,440 if we're blessed, to have that opportunity to make changes, 416 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,800 be better people. 417 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:01,120 And so with you and your team, parenting the parent 418 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:04,600 to parent the child, I think that it's 419 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,080 the best domino effect ever. 420 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:07,800 Dominoes. 421 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:08,680 I agree. 422 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:12,760 I mean, it's just, it's very humbling. 423 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,600 It's very awe-inspiring. 424 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,280 Every Monday morning, I have a practice 425 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,920 of reading our Google reviews. 426 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,920 Because being a CEO of a business that's gotten way 427 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,080 bigger than I ever thought, it's hard. 428 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,600 It can be really scary, and it can be, 429 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,080 I can feel like I'm not equipped. 430 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:34,280 I don't understand KPIs enough or whatever story 431 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,320 I'm telling myself. 432 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,040 And then I go read those reviews, and I'm like, Kiva, 433 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,360 you may not quit. 434 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:43,040 No, you get to rise to the occasion, 435 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,480 because the work is so important. 436 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,360 And it just fuels me and my desire 437 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,600 to be the best leader that I can be. 438 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,080 Absolutely. 439 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,720 And I don't want to take up too much more of your time, 440 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,800 but I have one last question, and I'm going to hit you with it. 441 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:00,640 What's your why? 442 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:09,000 It's little girl Kiva who didn't get these things 443 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,760 and ended up adopting defense mechanisms and coping 444 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,080 strategies that caused a lot of harm, not just to myself, 445 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,960 but other people. 446 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,880 And so in my other office, I have a Polaroid of me 447 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,680 when I was about six years old, which 448 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,960 is when my life kind of started to go 449 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,680 in a really intense and kind of scary direction, 450 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,680 and I keep her with me all the time. 451 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:38,240 I just want to do better for her and for Miles 452 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,040 and Charlotte, my own kids, and give other people 453 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,160 the opportunity to do the same. 454 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,520 Thank you for being here today. 455 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,000 I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live. 456 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,640 I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions 457 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,960 as these episodes continue to move forward. 458 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,640 This is going to get more and more fun. 459 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,560 We'll have more and more engagement as well. 460 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,560 We'll invite people to participate in the show. 461 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,920 And thank you for giving us your time and attention. 462 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,640 Have an excellent time building out your vision 463 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:20,240 and becoming a Vision Pro yourself.