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Tell me about your vision.

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My vision is that we all stop trying to fit the mold of who we should be and just embrace

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who we are.

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Can you tell me more about that?

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I think it sounds really simple, right?

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Just be who you are.

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But we're inundated.

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Everywhere we look, this is what you should be.

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So say you're a parent.

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This is how you should parent.

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Look on social media, there's people ready to tear you down for anything.

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If you're a businesswoman or a businessman, everywhere you look, this is what success

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should look like.

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This is what it looks like to be a professional.

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If you are a scientist, this is what you should be doing.

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And everywhere we look, and even in our relationships, this is what a healthy relationship should

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look like.

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We're just inundated with these ideas of this is how you need to behave and this is what

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you need to look like.

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This is what you need to earn.

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And if we don't meet those standards, we feel like we're failing and it can make us feel

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really ashamed of who we are.

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You know, we're told, for example, let's take masculinity and femininity or feminine.

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And we're told, okay, say you are a successful man.

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This is how you should behave.

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You should hide your emotions.

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You shouldn't feel this.

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So when you do, it makes you feel like you're not good enough or you're not a real man.

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And it's the same.

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You should be delicate and feminine if you're a woman.

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So we really need to try and break away from those standards that society really holds

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against us and just embrace what feels natural to us.

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And how did you get onto this path?

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I think what you shared is very valuable.

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I agree, like if you go against your natural self, like if someone as a man is more nurturing

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and caring for the ones, I mean, I don't think it's a bad quality to have anyway.

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So how did you get onto this path and talking about this?

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Like, where does this come from?

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Well, I became a professor very young and I had this idea of how I should behave.

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I was really struggling to find who I am as a professional, especially being a young woman.

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I knew when I would be on stage, there would be kind of eyes like, does she really belong

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here?

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So I had a look at everything around me and what everybody was telling me.

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What I really learned was, well, if I'm going to be a strong independent woman, I need to

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appear cold.

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I need to be stoic.

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I really need to be able to stand my ground against the men.

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And in my head and from the society perspective, it was being cold because if you're warm,

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that's a weakness.

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So I took on that characteristic and I took it on as a professor, as a speaker, as a leader.

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And what I found was I thought that it was working for me.

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I thought, okay, well, people will respect me because this is what authority looks like.

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And actually what I found was people couldn't relate to me.

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My young students, they would go to me for support.

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And one of my students said, well, you know, I just, I don't know how to talk to you because

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you just wouldn't understand.

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And I could see her pain.

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And I did absolutely understand, but I wasn't an inviting presence.

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I wasn't a warm presence because I had tried to appear very stoic and cold.

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And I just realized that the reason that I became a professor and joined education was

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to make a difference, was to empower and to create passion.

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And me holding this perspective of I need to appear one way was actually hindering my

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ability to help my students.

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So I kind of learned to let that perception go and just say, you know, I'm just going

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to be me.

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I'm just going to let the warmth come out and let the weakness or what I perceive as

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weakness show.

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And actually it was the complete opposite.

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It just started connecting to me differently because it just felt more authentic.

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I'm going to ask you one question based on what you just told me.

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It's going to be a little harder.

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So this notion and or the idea that you had and you had that you needed to be firm and

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stand your ground so that where did that come from in your mind?

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Well, I think a lot of the time it comes from imposter syndrome.

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And we don't feel like we meet the criteria to be able to do that job.

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And we think, well, I'm not good enough for this.

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So because me as myself isn't good enough, I need to kind of create a persona that I

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can use to shield myself with so that people can look at the persona and be like, oh, she

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actually knows what she's doing.

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So it largely comes from an air of insecurity.

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And it's something that we all experience when we go into something new.

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You know, this was I was just I hadn't even finished my Ph.D. when I was a professor.

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I was doing it at the same time.

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I was very young and I wasn't experienced in that field.

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And that's a really normal thing.

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Any time we go into a new field, we always have that period.

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But it makes us feel like everybody around us knows what they're doing and we don't.

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So when you feel that, even though it's such a common thing, it feels like you're alone

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with it.

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It feels really isolating.

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So often we don't say to people, hey, I'm struggling a little bit with knowing what

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I'm doing.

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So we kind of try and take that on ourselves.

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And sometimes we do what I did and take a maladaptive approach of how can I create a

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fake persona to shield me from my own feelings of imposter syndrome?

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That makes sense.

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Thank you for sharing that.

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Thank you for being open about it.

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What would you say, Abby, is why or what you do?

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What gets you out of bed and talk about this to people every day?

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I love seeing passion grow in other people.

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So my motto for everything I do is making science accessible.

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And I've always been someone that's loved psychology.

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It's my favorite thing in the world.

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I know I'm biased, but I just I think it's the most exciting subject.

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I think it's the most important subject because we deal with people with everything we do.

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And I went into education because I had a pretty difficult upbringing and background.

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And when everything else was falling apart, the only thing that really kept me going was

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psychology.

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I found that I was good at studying.

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I found that I was really good at this subject and it kind of became my lifeline.

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So for me, it was something I held on to and then I just fell in love with it.

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So as I moved through education, my why became giving that to other people.

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So being a professor, my favorite thing would be to see a student who didn't understand

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something and didn't think they liked it.

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Then you see this spark in them when they start to get it and start to enjoy it.

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And you see that passion start to kind of burn a little bit.

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And then when I moved out of academia and went into the private sector, I realized that

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there's so many people out there that don't think science is fun and don't think that

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they would ever be able to do science and don't think that they'll ever be able to

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obtain that kind of knowledge because it's almost day kept and it's not always promoted

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in an accessible way.

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The language isn't always understandable to someone without a certain level of education.

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So that's where my motto of making science accessible came in.

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And I wanted to take that science and give it to people that didn't think that science

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was fun.

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And it's been such a rewarding thing going into different fields and seeing people that

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were like, I never had an interest in this.

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And now I really do.

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And it's that little spark of passion that I see that gets me up.

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That's awesome.

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Wow.

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Thank you for sharing that.

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One more question for you for today's segment.

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How did you get started on this path?

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Like, what was the first things you ended up doing and then where you are today?

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So it's probably not the expected one.

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When I was 16, I was kicked out of college.

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I had failed all of my subjects.

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I was kicked out of my home, kicked out of my mom's house, kicked out of my dad's house.

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I was suffering with a drug addiction.

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It was a really difficult time in my life.

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And I had gone back to the college that had kicked me out and had asked if I do both years

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in one, can I stay?

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So if I redo the year, but I redo the year following because they didn't want me to stay

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for an extra time.

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They didn't want to deal with me for longer.

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So I said, if I do them all in one, can I stay?

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And my psychology teacher let me back in and she gave me a chance where everybody else

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didn't believe in me and told me I couldn't and I didn't really have a stable home to

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go back to.

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It was my psychology teacher that said, you know what, you can do this.

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And that was when I started, I said to her, okay, well, I'll write you an essay every

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week.

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And I did.

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And I went from failing to getting almost perfect marks when I found out how, what worked

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for me.

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And it was that, that was where I became interested in psychology because I realized this is the

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first thing I'm really good at.

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And it was helping me understand my own behavior.

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And it just gave me, like I said, that lifeline, something that maybe everything else is falling

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apart, but this one part of my life, maybe I could be really good at this.

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And then I just ran with it and I never looked back.

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That's amazing.

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Give me a little background.

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You said you were in college at 16.

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Yes.

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Where were you at then?

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College for me is I think the U.S. you call it high school.

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Okay.

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So at the age of 15 and 16 and 17, I was in the UK college, which is A1 and A2.

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Okay.

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That makes sense.

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Yeah.

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That high school years.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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That makes sense.

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I just want to clarify that.

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I'm like, oh, you're very.

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Yeah, I always do that.

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Yeah.

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There's still some U.S. UK terms that I get messed up with.

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Yeah.

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That's very encouraging from your teacher.

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Yeah.

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She was there to help you out.

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So when you were doing all that, what challenges were you facing when you actually started

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doing it?

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I'm like, oh my gosh, it's easier or harder.

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What were you thinking during those times?

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Well, there's a lot of self-doubt that comes in, especially when you don't have a stable

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family home, because obviously your mother would be someone that you go to to reassure

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you.

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And my mother was not that person for me.

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So I for a long time, I didn't have any self-belief.

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And all we really need sometimes is just one person to believe in us.

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And I had removed myself from my friend groups because, like I said, I had been dealing with

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some issues with drugs and alcohol.

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So I needed to remove myself from those groups.

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So I was really isolated and alone.

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So it was that one person that finally believed in me that made all the difference.

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Because before that, when you don't have self-belief, also having everyone around you telling you,

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you can't do it too, is a really difficult thing.

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And her name was Miss Moon.

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And when she said, you can do this, it was like she lit this fire in me because finally

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it kind of lit that fire of maybe I can.

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And then it turned everything because instead of me listening to everybody else saying,

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I can't do it and letting that be my self-perspective, because I had that one person saying, you

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can, it flipped everything and I said, you know what?

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Ignore everyone else.

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I'm going to prove them all wrong instead of falling into that self-category too.

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Thank you for being here today.

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I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.

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I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward.

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This is going to get more and more fun.

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We'll have more and more engagement as well.

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We'll invite people to participate in the show.

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And thank you for giving us your time and attention.

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Have an excellent time building out your vision and becoming a Vision Pro yourself.