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We've been married for two and a half years now.

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OK.

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Two and a half years.

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Congratulations.

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Thank you.

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Yeah, thank you.

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That's fantastic.

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OK, so you've one of the things that I'm

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going to ask the hardest question first, I think.

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This is what I would consider the hardest question

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if I was in your shoes.

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And I think most visionaries will too.

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So your topic, the untapped potential

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of great relationships.

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My worry and fear of if I were to be a therapist

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and I were to talk about healthy relationships is crap.

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What happens if my relationship falls apart?

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And how do I stay centered and authentic with my audience

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when I've never seen a marriage that

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doesn't have the good, bad, and the uglies going on?

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It's a hard thing.

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So how do you deal with that as the founder of the successfully

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in love method?

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And what gives you your reassurances and the

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self-assuredness that you got this method figured out?

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Yeah.

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Is that a good question?

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Yeah, it's a good question.

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And I think I used to worry about that.

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I think right at the very beginning,

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I started the business.

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And I was like, oh my goodness, people

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are going to think that I'm a fraud because I pulled off

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my first engagement.

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And clearly, I failed at that.

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And I'm a terrible relationship coach.

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And then every time my husband at the very beginning,

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when we would have our arguments,

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we were in the power struggle stage, and it was difficult.

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And sometimes I'd be crying.

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And then I'd come onto a client coaching call the next day.

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And I'd be thinking, am I a hypocrite?

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What is this?

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And then ultimately, I realized the healthiest

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and the best relationships will have had a moment in time

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where they had a lot of conflict.

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That is literally the hallmark of being in a relationship.

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And a lot of couples, I think it was Terry Real.

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Terry Real shared his own arguments and disagreements

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with his wife.

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He's one of my favorite relationship therapists

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out there.

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Thank you for that.

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And I was like, yeah, and I remember

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hearing the level of volatility in his conflicts.

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And I was like, my goodness, we are like angels, my husband

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and I. We never swear at each other.

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We never call each other names.

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The worst thing that happens is he

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raises his voice ever so teeny weeny slightly,

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and I might cry.

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That's about as bad as it gets.

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And so as I began to dig into it,

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some of my favorite teachers, John Wineland,

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I trained under him.

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He's been divorced, and he's been single for a lot

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of his time.

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I looked at just how many teachers have

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struggled in relationship.

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And I think what I kind of concluded

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was, if you haven't struggled, if you haven't been

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to the depths of despair, if you haven't gone through a divorce

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or called off an engagement or gone

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through really difficult times, how can you possibly

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help other people?

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There's not going to be that level of empathy, right?

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So yeah, I don't have that fear at all.

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And I think, if God forbid, anything ever

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was to happen to me and my husband,

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this is part of a normal journey.

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I mean, not all relationships are meant to stay together.

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And the hallmark of success in a relationship

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shouldn't be longevity, because again, it

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depends on what the purpose is.

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If you're planning to have a family and to have kids,

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absolutely, you probably want to have some longevity

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in there for the stability of the kids.

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But even then, half the time when

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I'm working with people who are in a relationship

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and they're clearly misaligned for each other,

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longevity is not the hallmark of success.

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To me, it's like, how quickly can you split?

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How quickly can you get out of this mess

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and actually free yourselves?

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So I just don't think that relationship's

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kind of cookie cutter thing where everyone's

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Disney princess happy and lives happily ever after.

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I think the reality is that humans are living longer

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than they've ever lived these days.

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And monogamous relationships really

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aren't actually built to last all that long.

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And it's pretty normal.

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It's pretty normal to have breakups.

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It's pretty normal to have challenges.

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Well, it's super normal.

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It's very rare to have the longevity aspect.

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So I loved everything that you said up

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until that part where obviously it passes my comfort zone.

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I shouldn't say obviously, but for me,

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how quickly can you split?

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And I'm not challenging that actually as much as like, oh,

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that's an interesting thing to explore.

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But you called it the hallmark.

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My second question for you in relation

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to that trying to see the perspective is, well,

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wait a second.

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Is there like a secondary or a sub or a harmonious hallmark

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that goes along with that?

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Where what if you don't want to split?

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What if you do want that longevity to last?

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I love that you don't put the emphasis on it.

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That's neat.

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It's like, OK, if I'm living for the future,

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then I'm usually missing the reality of the present

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and what's here.

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So I like the balance on that.

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But for those who are hoping to have an enduring relationship,

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do you see that as something that's

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negative and impractical?

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Or do you see what would be the signs that a relationship is

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headed towards that enduring nature?

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Good question.

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A lot of my clients come from very traditional and often

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quite religious backgrounds.

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And so they will have married quite young.

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And they will be coming to me about 10,

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15 years into their marriage or into their relationship.

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And I have a couple right now.

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They're coming to me 27 years into their relationship.

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And they're very candid that the past eight, 10 years

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have been really, really, really hard, maybe even 15 years.

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I had a client who came to me in 15 years.

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It's been really challenging.

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And when I ask, what's keeping you together,

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it becomes very clear that there's very little friendship

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at this point.

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There's very little in common from a perspective of values.

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Really, the only thing keeping them together

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is kids or principle, right?

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The principle of, we made this commitment.

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We now have to stick together because in the eyes of God,

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it's going to look terrible if we break up.

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To me, that's a terrible waste of life.

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If it is very clear.

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I'm not saying that you walk away from the beginning.

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Of course not.

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I'm with you.

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Well, there's a justification of, oh, I'm

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supposed to endure or be fully diligent with this.

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But in reality, you're using obstinance or arrogance

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as a means to keep it together.

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And you're calling it a virtue.

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So I'm within that.

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And there's a, yeah, to your point,

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it's kind of this hubristic element of,

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I'm going to go against what the signs from universal

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or whatever it might be are clearly showing me.

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I am a big believer that you want to get professional help.

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You want to throw your all into it and do your best

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and give it a boundary, right?

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Six months to roll your sleeves up

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and do your best to work on the relationship

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with a professional is more than enough time

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to see if you're going to have any traction

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and if things are actually getting better

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if you're moving the needle.

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If it becomes very clear, as I've seen

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with a couple of couples, that actually you're

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two very different people and you both feel

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very trapped by each other.

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And really, at the age that you're at,

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with how deep and how bad the resentment has got to,

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with all of the differences between you,

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to try to kind of connect at this point and rebuild,

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it's almost like in a square peg round hole.

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Not saying it can't be done, but is it not fair to say

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that there could be someone even better out there for you

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where you could have an even more rich

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and abundant and happy life

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and your kids would see you happier, right?

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And there's something just a little bit,

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like I absolutely believe I could have stayed

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with my ex-fiance and probably made it work.

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Were we the best match for each other?

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No, value-wise we weren't.

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Am I a much better match with my husband? Yes.

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And actually I met him months after leaving my ex-fiance.

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It happened very, very quickly.

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That alignment kicked in and I married my husband so quickly

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because the connection was so clear, right?

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The friendship was so deep.

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So yeah, I just think you wanna try,

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you wanna do your best, but there has to be

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a healthy amount of like, I'm not gonna try

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and bludgeon this into submission.

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Who wants to do that?

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I love the way that the centered and balanced nature

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of how you talk about it.

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And you talk about it from a perspective of this,

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that's not necessarily the recipe

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that can happen for everybody.

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And I'm gonna double down on that side,

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not to juxtaposition in a negative way.

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In fact, to honor what you said first,

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one of my favorite books is Boundaries of Marriage.

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I needed to learn those boundaries big time.

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We didn't have a full understanding of that

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in my first marriage.

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And I very quickly accidentally found my second wife.

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I was just in a language learning app,

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learning with people worldwide and we happened to meet.

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And then as conversations took off,

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we ended up coming together.

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That led to a marriage that I loved and tried to honor.

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The mother of my child, I strive really hard

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to honor our relationship as well,

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but I can't silence the reality that I went through

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so many black eyes and bloody lips

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in the process of trying to protect the sanctity

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of my relationship with my youngest child.

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And trying to make sure that this new Cinderella experience

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we were in too, with somebody who was a stepmother

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to my other three children,

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it can be that the fairy tale does not always happen

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that way where it's like, oh yeah, it's cool.

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We had the friendship side,

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but there were complications related to our circumstances,

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our cultures that made it very difficult

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for us to have a healthy integration.

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And so those of you who are parents out there,

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I don't think Katarina's point or mine is to belittle,

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in fact, I would never belittle the sanctity of marriage

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and the sacred nature of the process of building

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and what I would call an eternal family.

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That's super important to me.

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It's just really sad to me how many people are in those,

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that type of powerful commitment,

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the commitment is strong,

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but the rest of the virtues are like missing.

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It's like, how are you going to do that?

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If you're not, if you're drinking, smoking,

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doing other things in your life, cheating,

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like if you're not, if you're so distracted

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by everything else in life,

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but you're committed to this eternal bond,

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there's an incredible imbalance there.

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And it can certainly lead to a worse environment

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for the children, but I will caution.

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But my friends that are married, divorce,

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when you have kids, you have no idea how complicated it is.

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You have literally zero, if you haven't been through that,

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you have no idea the hell that you will go through

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and the silver lining of walking through the fires of hell

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is you also become refined.

265
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You'll learn a lot about life.

266
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And to your point, Katarina,

267
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you become more useful to others in the world too,

268
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because now you have new experiences

269
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that help you empathize with others.

270
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So I am not a relationship expert

271
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,760
by any way, shape or form,

272
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,400
but it fascinates me to be able to meet with people like you

273
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,760
because we all need a ton of help with our relationships

274
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and maximizing the strength of the relationships.

275
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So we're gonna come back, we're gonna do two things.

276
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We're gonna talk about the three resources

277
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you recommend for visionary leaders,

278
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because you're a fast study.

279
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You've gotten to where you are at a pretty young age.

280
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How old are you?

281
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:26,200
35.

282
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,600
35, yeah, we're both young, I'm 37.

283
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,240
Now I feel like I'm in the infancy of life

284
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,520
where I realize, wow, I really didn't know anything

285
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:34,360
for the last 30 years.

286
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,320
So right now I'm starting to discover things.

287
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,640
So I'm excited about those.

288
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:39,840
We'll take a break and then we'll come back

289
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,080
and talk about that untapped potential

290
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,440
of the great relationships.

291
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:44,480
Outside of marriage too,

292
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,360
this will help with all relationships.

293
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,200
I mean, we'll do as much as we can

294
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,400
in the little time that we have.

295
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:53,080
But Katarina, first, what are the three resources

296
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,600
that you recommend for other people

297
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,520
building missions out there?

298
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,760
Three resources as in that I can help with

299
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,240
or three bits of advice?

300
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,720
No, that have gotten you to where you are.

301
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,520
So if it is your book, that's fine too,

302
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,480
or your movie or whatever it is.

303
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,040
But the three that will help them build

304
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,320
to where they're going?

305
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,120
Yeah, absolutely.

306
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:14,200
I think number one is understanding

307
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,400
your internal wiring, right?

308
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,240
So for me, when I really began to drill down

309
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,400
into attachment theory and understanding

310
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,240
what are the stories in my head?

311
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,440
How do I process information?

312
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,800
What projections am I delivering onto my partner

313
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,160
or onto my relationships?

314
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,800
How am I wired, right?

315
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,000
How do I attach to people?

316
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,560
All of these questions really help me understand myself

317
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:41,800
and help me understand where am I getting in my own way

318
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,360
and how am I negatively contributing

319
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:44,400
to the problems in my life

320
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,000
when it comes to my relationships?

321
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,080
That was number one.

322
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,040
That's awesome.

323
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,280
Yeah, because that's what you can control.

324
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,960
Number two was learning how to work

325
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,600
with the subconscious mind.

326
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,320
So learning how to work with the subconscious mind

327
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,160
has really been the biggest game changer

328
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,560
in my own journey to becoming securely attached

329
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:04,880
and into my own journey to having a healthy, happy marriage.

330
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:09,880
The more I can understand, again, my wiring

331
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,280
and then work with that to change that, to optimize it,

332
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,880
the faster my relationships improve.

333
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,360
I can tell you now that the difference

334
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,920
between where I was at my ex-fiance,

335
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:23,440
where I was pretty anxiously attached and pretty anxious.

336
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:24,280
You agree.

337
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,480
Yeah, and really over-thinking and projecting

338
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,080
and feeling abandoned a lot of the time

339
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,040
and kind of testing him and being quite critical

340
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,520
and having these very explosive arguments.

341
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,000
And really, when I look back at that version of myself,

342
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,080
I'm like, my goodness, he was.

343
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,560
And not to say that the relationship was perfect,

344
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,560
the relationship had tons of problems in it,

345
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:45,800
but I think now if I was to experience that again,

346
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,200
it would be so different, right?

347
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,440
Because when I called that engagement off,

348
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,120
that's when I decided to really roll my seats up

349
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,840
and take ownership because I was like, this sucks.

350
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:58,840
I'm in my early 30s and I really wanted to have a family.

351
00:13:58,840 --> 00:13:59,720
I wanted to have kids.

352
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:00,920
And I was like, what do I do now?

353
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:01,920
Like, let's call this off.

354
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,360
And how am I ever gonna find love?

355
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,240
You know, and I did the math on the timeline of,

356
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,520
well, if I'm 31 now, like, there's no way in hell

357
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:09,920
that I'm gonna meet a partner

358
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,360
and have the time to build a family.

359
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,120
And I didn't know that I'd meet my husband

360
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,400
literally months later, right?

361
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,840
Like, I met him very, very quickly after,

362
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,880
but the time between my ex-fiance and my husband,

363
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,240
I was knee-deep in doing this work.

364
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,440
I was taking so much ownership and accountability.

365
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,360
I was examining myself.

366
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,880
I was studying myself.

367
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,120
I was studying behavioral science.

368
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,440
And I was really, really, really understanding

369
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,960
how to recondition my brain to be more secure.

370
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,760
And so that was like a big part of the practice.

371
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,800
And that's been seminal in helping me

372
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,760
actually deepen my relationship with my husband.

373
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,200
So that's like the second thing.

374
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:47,920
That's amazing. And then the third thing is learning,

375
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,760
this is so cliche, but learning-

376
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,440
I like cliche, that's usually foundational.

377
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:54,760
Go ahead. Yeah.

378
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,520
It is learning to communicate, but it's not just about,

379
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,080
you know, like, don't use you statements,

380
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,920
use I statements, but learning to learn-

381
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,320
And not but.

382
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,560
Yeah, it's like, that's really valid.

383
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,000
I think it's more about getting into the practice

384
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:16,000
of learning to be kind and radically honest, right?

385
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,080
Because I found that the more, yeah-

386
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,920
Radical anger, right? Great book.

387
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,080
Yeah, but in a kind way, right?

388
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,040
And in a way that-

389
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,960
That's the point of that book is,

390
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,560
is you do it because you love, right?

391
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,600
Exactly. If you're giving feedback,

392
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,080
or talking conflict, it has,

393
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,880
and it's from a position of love.

394
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,040
So continue- Exactly, exactly.

395
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:37,800
The faster that you can nip things in the bud, right?

396
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,640
And because, you know, my husband and I,

397
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,080
we look back in the past couple of years and we're like,

398
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,360
we've had the wildest ride.

399
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:50,360
We've moved countries three times in like two years.

400
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,600
We've, you know, he's been unable to work for like two years

401
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,040
because of bloody visa issues,

402
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,840
which is why we're back in Canada now.

403
00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:59,880
Like, you know, we've had financial pressures,

404
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:03,480
we've had fertility issues, we've had like family stresses,

405
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,600
the Ukraine war, my family's in Ukraine.

406
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:09,320
So we've had like so much grief and heartache and stress.

407
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:13,600
And I think we've been very candid that old us

408
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,080
would never have survived this relationship, never.

409
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,720
But, you know, we're just getting better.

410
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,800
Like literally, it was my birthday last week

411
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:22,960
and I was thinking, I was like, my goodness,

412
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,480
like our relationship only gets better and better and better

413
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,680
no matter how hard things are.

414
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,120
And even this year started off rocky

415
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,200
and he dislocated his bloody shoulder a week ago.

416
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,920
But my point is that it's the fact that we're able

417
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,800
to have that radical candor and nip things in the bud.

418
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,200
And we have these regular relational practices

419
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,680
that we practice communicating and being honest

420
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,320
and being vulnerable with each other,

421
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:48,200
that it's kind of like we keep cleaning things,

422
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,320
we keep kind of polishing our relationship, right?

423
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,600
So it doesn't get grubby, it doesn't get dirty,

424
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:56,080
it doesn't build up with residue of resentment.

425
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,160
Not to say that there hasn't been resentment,

426
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,160
but it's like we're on it, we're on it

427
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,080
and we're both taking accountability

428
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:07,040
and we're both kind of cleaning it, keeping it shiny.

429
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,440
I love that, that is amazing.

430
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,040
Oh, hello.

431
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,920
There's my amateur mistake for the day.

432
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,880
So with that said, I wanna go back to some of those

433
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:18,880
and I'm gonna do my best on this.

434
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,880
So one, healthy healing for your husband,

435
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,160
tough stuff for the shoulder.

436
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,320
Two, happy belated birthday.

437
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:27,160
Thank you.

438
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,920
And three, in the opposite side of the spectrum,

439
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,880
blessings and best wishes to your family in Ukraine.

440
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,920
That's a lot to, a lot of emotion to be going through

441
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,920
at one time.

442
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,400
And the three principles that you just shared with us,

443
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,360
they're out of this world important, they are fundamentals.

444
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,320
I don't see them as cliche at all.

445
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,320
I see them as important growth opportunities

446
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,480
that instead of trying to feed us a fish,

447
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,400
you're giving us the opportunity to go and explore this

448
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,960
in depth for ourselves.

449
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,800
The one that really struck me, I mean, all three of them,

450
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,240
I'm gonna be studying a lot about now this week

451
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,800
and integrating it with the rest of my responsibility

452
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,560
but learning how to work with my subconscious mind.

453
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:14,200
There's so much opportunity to use chat GPT even my friends,

454
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,200
those of you listening to start exploring

455
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,960
how you can go about that and get a game plan.

456
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,320
But then you've got people like Katarina

457
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,400
who she could have recommended thousands of books,

458
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,680
she could have recommended tons of courses and people

459
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,680
and she recommended that learning concept for us.

460
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:28,520
Why?

461
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,560
Because she's so dedicated to doing that herself.

462
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,160
Those are the types of people I like to then turn to

463
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,720
and be like, oh, I gotta grab on to Katarina

464
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,880
and stay close because as I continue to learn

465
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,680
how to explore my own subconscious mind,

466
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,880
it's friends, mentors, people who are on that path

467
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:48,480
that can open our eyes up to how we can get even further

468
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,360
and to understand that.

469
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:52,840
And once you, for me, if I can't have a great relationship

470
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,720
with myself because I don't know myself well enough,

471
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,960
then that's gonna limit my capacity

472
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,000
to have great relationships with others.

473
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,680
So you've already shared a treasure trove of extreme value

474
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:04,720
for all of us.

475
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,280
I'll try to make the break really short.

476
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,760
We'll come back and we'll dive in for all of you to know

477
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,320
what else can you do to untap

478
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,280
and the potential of your great relationships

479
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,720
even though we just had an absolute master class on it.

480
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,800
And we'll see you guys all on the other side.

481
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,000
All right, welcome in to Vision Pros Live.

482
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,080
With Jackson Callum, I'm your show host.

483
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,760
We'll be doing interviews for visionary entrepreneurs

484
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,720
and guest leaders who are building

485
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,280
fantastic visions out there.

486
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:34,280
So, let's get started.

487
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:40,280
What's up, everybody?

488
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,560
It is Pajama Jackson and I am back.

489
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,280
I'll bring Katerina back on stage in just a minute.

490
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,920
Welcome to Vision Pros Live.

491
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:51,000
You guys know that we really appreciate authenticity here.

492
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,760
If you didn't know that, you now know it.

493
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,440
I just got back from Podfest.

494
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,400
I have to give a huge shout out to that.

495
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,680
That was the best expo I've ever been to.

496
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,520
Right up there with Kajabi and Icon.

497
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,400
Those are also amazing expos.

498
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,920
But what made it so special this time

499
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,160
is we have a pretty large team now

500
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,240
that was able to create a compound effect around our efforts.

501
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,560
So, we got to meet so many amazing people.

502
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:13,560
I'm gonna get emotional about it.

503
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:14,720
So, I'm not gonna go into it.

504
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,560
Podfest, expo, if you're in the podcasting world

505
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,680
or interested in getting into it,

506
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,160
I cannot recommend it enough.

507
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,360
We were talking about boundaries and marriage just now.

508
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:25,520
Katerina and I, she just laid down

509
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:29,240
so many amazing principles for how we can exercise

510
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,720
in our own life, how to improve our relationships.

511
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,040
And some of the relationships that are most important to me

512
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,800
are the ones I wanna tell you guys about.

513
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,480
These sponsorships, by the way,

514
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,400
they're not paid for sponsorships.

515
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,400
These are just entities that I really love

516
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,960
because they've done so much for me

517
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,760
and that's why I share them with you guys.

518
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,320
The day that people do pay for that,

519
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,240
I will still only let people do that,

520
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,000
whom I love and who will be important

521
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,280
and helpful for this audience.

522
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,920
So, first off, we've got

523
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,560
Obradales de Trabajo para Latinos or opportunities,

524
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:56,560
sorry, I'm gonna do that in English,

525
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,360
opportunities for Latinos.

526
00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:01,320
We have this program where we help Latinos,

527
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,360
what we're doing is we're bridging the economic gap

528
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,880
to North America, South America, and the rest of the world.

529
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,040
And we do that not through VA relationships.

530
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,760
We call that virtual abuse.

531
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,360
We do not believe in virtual abuse.

532
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,840
We wanna make sure that our team members are fantastic.

533
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,200
We wanna make sure that we're taking great care of them.

534
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,640
And we teach them how to become

535
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,000
what we call digital ambassadors.

536
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,000
Most of these individuals have never heard of LinkedIn.

537
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,200
They never heard of podcasting.

538
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,960
They never heard of Canva Upwork Fiverr.

539
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,480
They never read Rich Dad Poor Dad.

540
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,160
And we show them how they can create a career for themselves

541
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,560
or perhaps come in and work with us.

542
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,000
And we've got an amazing podcast.

543
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,400
That's cool, this page is brand new.

544
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,000
I haven't seen that before.

545
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,080
And so the team's doing so many great things

546
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,480
to build out our brands

547
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,080
in addition to the brands that we work with.

548
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,400
And we try to get them placed with companies

549
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,680
that are going to take care of them long-term.

550
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,360
They've interviewed people like Keke Anglase,

551
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,560
who has 925,000 subscribers on YouTube.

552
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,800
They're absolutely crushing my show as we speak.

553
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,000
Luis Sancentia did an amazing job of hosting it.

554
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,720
If you know a Latino leader or somebody who speaks Spanish

555
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,680
that can go in there and inspire other Latinos

556
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,040
to make the most out of life,

557
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,440
that's what that program's all about.

558
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,200
We would love to have you over there.

559
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,600
Then there's Learn and Grow Rich with Zach Olman.

560
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,800
Zach Olman has become a very good friend of mine.

561
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:11,840
He runs his own program.

562
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,600
It's so similar to ours, it's almost creepy.

563
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,960
And he does things at a different angle than we do.

564
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,720
We've brought Zach in as our chief financial officer.

565
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,000
And the reason why he's our chief financial officer

566
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,800
and yet has his own brand is because we needed

567
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:28,120
to have a financial department that could help us scale

568
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,560
with the hundreds of brands

569
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,600
that we plan on supporting over time.

570
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,840
His program's phenomenal.

571
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,360
You're welcome to work with him and not with us,

572
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:37,280
but we want you to be aware of the resources

573
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,720
that are helping us shape the future

574
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,000
of where first-class business is going.

575
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,920
Lastly, there's the Water Project.

576
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,880
I do not have any affiliation with the Water Project.

577
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:50,040
We are a monthly contributor to this particular program.

578
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,440
And I know that us talking about this

579
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,200
is the most important thing that we can do

580
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,680
to continue to move it forward.

581
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,440
There are millions of people in this world

582
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,560
that do not even have access to clean drinking water,

583
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,000
something that I've taken for granted my whole life.

584
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,160
And as I saw how transparent they are with their story

585
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,520
and saw how you get to pick the communities

586
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,480
that you get involved with.

587
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,800
And even if you just give $5,

588
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,560
they will send you the social proof

589
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,480
of that community's borehole well or sand dam

590
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,240
or whatever they're creating for sustainable water

591
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,280
for those individuals.

592
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,160
And then you and I get to have this massive

593
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,800
multi-generational impact for these families.

594
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,560
As you see on the screen right now,

595
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,160
these kids celebrate water

596
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,280
even more than my kids celebrate Christmas Day.

597
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,400
That is a very humbling thought and reality

598
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,200
to think about these kids,

599
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,200
how they have to travel for miles sometimes

600
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,520
to just find a source of water,

601
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:41,760
or the parents and how they have to leave work

602
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,560
just to be able to provide the basic essentials

603
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,520
for their families.

604
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,680
You and I have the opportunity to make impact on that.

605
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,600
So my hope is if you're in a position where financially

606
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:50,760
you just can't help right now,

607
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,800
please think of somebody who you can share this message with

608
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,960
and maybe talk about it over lunch or dinner.

609
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,920
Maybe send a post out about it,

610
00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,640
specifically about the water project

611
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,440
because if we can solve that problem,

612
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,840
we can help millions of people

613
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,680
who do not have that solved for themselves right now.

614
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,480
And thank you for taking time to hear that.

615
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,840
Let's get back to helping you guys with your visions

616
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,880
and untapped potential for greater relationships

617
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,000
with Katarina Polonska.

618
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,680
Thank you so much for being here, Katarina.

619
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,560
Let's dive right into vision.

620
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,040
How are you today?

621
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,560
I'm good, I'm good.

622
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:21,400
Thank you.

623
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,480
Yeah, I can't believe it's like the 20th of January.

624
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,040
Oh my goodness, this year is flying.

625
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,760
It is absolutely huge.

626
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,360
So I'm glad she's good because we, again,

627
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,440
we got started on like, you know what?

628
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,240
I'm gonna ask the absolute hardest question I can first.

629
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,600
And I never ever do that to guests,

630
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,280
but there was something about you.

631
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:42,760
There was just a centeredness and a balance

632
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,600
that I was like, you know what?

633
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,200
She's not just talk about these relationships.

634
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,680
I think she's got the wherewithal, the strength

635
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,000
to be able to dive into the harder topics

636
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,120
and expand that vision.

637
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:57,680
And then we can get back to the basics and the principles.

638
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,080
So returning to the basics and the principles,

639
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,880
who is it that you typically are helping

640
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:09,200
and what is your vision for the people that you serve?

641
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,760
Yeah, such a great question.

642
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,800
I help two camps of people.

643
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,120
So maybe I'll kind of shed light on both of them.

644
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,840
I help singles and I help people in relationship.

645
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,560
I'll start with the people who are in relationship though,

646
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:21,840
because that's kind of my bread and butter,

647
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:26,680
even though in one of my group programs, it's mainly singles.

648
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,120
I help people, those who are in relationship,

649
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:33,600
I help them individually as opposed to couples work,

650
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,280
but generally individually.

651
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,640
And I help them do that critical inner work

652
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,560
to take ownership of their side of the street

653
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,120
so that they can have a clean conscience

654
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:48,440
and know with full certainty, I have done everything

655
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:52,080
in my power to improve this relationship

656
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:53,880
before I make any decisions.

657
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,240
And so often people will come to me and they've been married

658
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:57,920
or in a long-term relationship.

659
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,440
And this question of, do I stay or do I go?

660
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,360
I'm feeling lonely, I'm feeling unsupported,

661
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:06,560
I'm feeling misunderstood, I may be feeling a bit trapped,

662
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,560
but I don't wanna make a rash decision.

663
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,160
I don't want to throw the baby out of the bath,

664
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:11,920
but I don't wanna make any mistakes.

665
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,440
And I'm overwhelmed, I'm a little bit scared.

666
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,040
I don't know where to turn to.

667
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,160
I don't wanna do couples counseling

668
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,280
because I don't wanna kind of put gas on the fire

669
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,560
and I don't wanna make things worse.

670
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,800
I don't wanna drag my partner anywhere.

671
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,240
Let me talk about that a little bit

672
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:30,160
because I've done a ton of couples therapy

673
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,000
in two different marriages.

674
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,400
And one, it takes two to tango,

675
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,360
but you both have to be willing to do it.

676
00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:40,840
And as good as therapists are and psychologists,

677
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,040
just like doctors can perform malpractice,

678
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:48,120
malpractice is far more common in the therapy world.

679
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:50,720
And it's not some evil conniving doctor,

680
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,720
it usually comes from a position of ignorance.

681
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:57,320
I had one of our counselors literally break down in tears

682
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,280
during our conversation where my wife was expressing

683
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,960
the challenges of being in a relationship with me.

684
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,520
And after this 10-minute episode,

685
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,240
no, I'm sorry, after this five minutes of conversation,

686
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,640
the therapist started to project back on us and say,

687
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,320
my husband's like that too.

688
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:15,440
I mean, he does this and this.

689
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:16,960
She went off for 15 minutes.

690
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:17,800
Oh my goodness.

691
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:18,640
About her own self.

692
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:22,240
Yeah, that is beyond unprofessional and uncertified.

693
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,320
And that's the extreme version that we saw.

694
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:26,160
Oh my God, yeah.

695
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:27,200
That's quite arrowing.

696
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:32,200
Oh, it was oftentimes therapists who were kind of guessing

697
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,840
or they were distracted by the next appointment

698
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,760
and wanting to wrap up and you could tell they're exhausted

699
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,200
and their business models are so broken

700
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:45,600
that they're so worried about their own selves

701
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,680
that they don't quite show up with the same problem.

702
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,600
So there are levels to, my point is there are levels.

703
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,640
And if you're going to do couples therapy

704
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,800
and you just go over the first person

705
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,840
or you pay something really cheap,

706
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,400
then my challenge to those of you seeking therapy

707
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:06,120
is to realize you get out of it, what you put into it.

708
00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,800
And if you don't put any research

709
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,960
into the due diligence upfront,

710
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,200
you might end up with a guide that's fairly lackluster.

711
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,520
So nothing against couples therapy,

712
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,280
but maybe look at Landmark,

713
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,240
maybe look at the Gottman Institute

714
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,200
just to give you a couple of resources.

715
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,400
Yeah, I'm Gottman.

716
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:23,240
Oh, very good.

717
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,120
And so now I'd love for you to continue,

718
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,680
but I just wanted to be a full supporter.

719
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,920
I'm like, yes, be wise.

720
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:30,480
If you want great relationships,

721
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,280
be wise about who you get counsel from.

722
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,400
Yeah, no, and to your point, right?

723
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,000
Like I, my first exposure to this

724
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,800
was seeing my parents go through a divorce

725
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,960
and they were going to kill each other

726
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,680
in the process financially, right?

727
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:48,840
And the counseling was like kind of patronizing.

728
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,000
It didn't land.

729
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,160
I had my own couples counseling with my ex fiance.

730
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,560
And I don't know.

731
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,360
I don't know what progress we really made

732
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,320
other than I think we dragged out a relationship

733
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,680
that frankly again, shouldn't have been together

734
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:04,520
from the beginning.

735
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:08,080
And I think had we just been pulled aside

736
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,920
and done our individual work to take ownership

737
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,480
of our side of the street,

738
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:12,960
we would have arrived at the conclusion

739
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,240
that we're two fundamentally very different people

740
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:16,560
and very different value sets.

741
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,680
And actually one of us is growing at this level.

742
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:20,240
The other one is growing at this level,

743
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,600
which is not meant to be, and that's okay.

744
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,440
Let's not flog a dead horse.

745
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:28,440
You know, like there's, it's like, let's accept it.

746
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,840
Plenty of couples marry very young

747
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:33,960
before they know who they really are,

748
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:35,120
what they really need,

749
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,520
what it takes to have a long-term relationship, right?

750
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,480
They marry out of people, pleasing pressure,

751
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,480
fulfilling parental obligations and duties

752
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:42,800
that are in conditioning.

753
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:45,400
And so often we can get into relationships where actually,

754
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,840
yeah, but again, we're not fully compatible and that's okay.

755
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,880
But to your point about the couples counseling,

756
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:51,040
I had my own frustrations with that

757
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:55,600
because often it felt like, I understand

758
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:56,880
in a lot of couples counseling,

759
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,360
the job of the counselor is that the relationship

760
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,120
is the client, not the two individuals, right?

761
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:03,720
And so the goal of the counselor

762
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,200
is to keep the relationship together at any cost.

763
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:08,880
And so they will work really hard

764
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,360
to keep that relationship going,

765
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,560
which again, from where I'm standing,

766
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,400
often doesn't lead to necessarily the healthiest of outcomes.

767
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,720
And so in the work that I do,

768
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:19,280
and what was so important to me

769
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,880
was working with the individuals as sovereign individuals,

770
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,520
getting real clarity from them of who are you,

771
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:27,800
what do you need to be happy,

772
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,480
where do you wanna go in your life?

773
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:33,800
And then let's clear out all of your self-sabotage,

774
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,680
all of your subconscious blockers.

775
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,320
Let's make sure that you are feeling clear,

776
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,720
you're feeling grounded, you're feeling secure.

777
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,280
We've worked through your triggers,

778
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,240
you've learned communication skills,

779
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:46,600
you've learned how to navigate conflict,

780
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,040
you've learned how to expand

781
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,960
your emotional window of tolerance.

782
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,440
And so then when we do, if we do,

783
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,560
bring you into a room with your partner,

784
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,040
it's gonna be a very different type of conversation

785
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,520
of here is who I am and here is who I am.

786
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:00,960
And now let's have a civil conversation

787
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:01,800
and start to work together.

788
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:02,960
I love that.

789
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,640
I cannot tell you how much I love that.

790
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,360
I love it so much.

791
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,920
It does because otherwise you got two people

792
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,720
who have different listening capacities, right?

793
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:13,280
Different emotional reactions

794
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,680
and different needs that they wanna express

795
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:16,680
that aren't prepared.

796
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:21,520
And it's like we for some reason train ourselves

797
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,480
to only go to counseling when we're on fire, right?

798
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,240
Versus you're kind of creating this separate,

799
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,560
again, strength.

800
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,720
And then if I'm, I wish more couples

801
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:33,920
would could see the opportunity

802
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,640
of going to counseling in the good times, right?

803
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,520
And get ideas and exercises

804
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:39,720
for how to improve the relationship.

805
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:41,720
Sounds kinda like you go that route,

806
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,520
but go ahead and tell me more about it.

807
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:44,400
Yeah, absolutely.

808
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,920
And again, I think what I always found in my work

809
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,240
and what I experienced is that you're very rarely

810
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:50,640
gonna get two people in a relationship

811
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,240
who are both like, yes, we want couples counseling.

812
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,840
Normally somebody, one person wants the other person

813
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:54,680
say what's wrong with you?

814
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:55,760
I don't want this, right?

815
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:57,560
And so then you already have this imbalance

816
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,480
where one person's dragging the other

817
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,480
and the effectiveness is really diminished.

818
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,040
And again, to your point, everyone's gonna be triggered,

819
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,720
already very dysregulated in their nervous system

820
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,000
and it's just gonna be chaos.

821
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,920
And from where I was standing,

822
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:11,640
it felt like we were paying, you know,

823
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:12,680
not a crazy amount of money.

824
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,400
It's like 250 bucks or something, but we were still paying

825
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,800
a lot and in the session, it was so frustrating

826
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,320
because in the session, everyone's saying the right things.

827
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:22,960
Everyone's on their best behavior

828
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,040
and you have all like the best intentions,

829
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:26,440
but then you leave and you get back home

830
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:27,920
and it's the same status quo.

831
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,840
And from a behavioral science point of view,

832
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:31,040
well, of course it is.

833
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,480
None of the learning has been retained

834
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:34,840
because we know that 75% of the learning

835
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,800
is actually lost already in like a few hours

836
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:38,920
and like 90% is gone within the day, right?

837
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,680
So learning retention is completely obsolete.

838
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,400
From a subconscious mind perspective,

839
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:44,880
when you're in the couples counselor room,

840
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,600
you're only using 3% of your brain,

841
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,680
three to 5% of your brain, your conscious mind,

842
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:50,200
you're not tapping into your subconscious.

843
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,800
You're not doing any subconscious mind work.

844
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:53,960
So you can say all the right things, you can nod,

845
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:55,200
you can please the counselor,

846
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,400
you can play the little perfect role,

847
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,360
but again, when you go home,

848
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,120
you're gonna default back to the status quo,

849
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:01,320
into your habits.

850
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:05,000
So again, what I found was with that one person,

851
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,640
that one person who would typically reach out to me,

852
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,560
like, hey, I'm not happy.

853
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,480
I think I wanna leave my husband, but I'm not sure.

854
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:11,520
We've got kids.

855
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,200
I don't wanna make a mess out of this.

856
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:14,400
I do love him.

857
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,280
I just don't feel in love with him.

858
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:17,840
I don't know what to do, help me.

859
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:19,080
And I'll be like, okay, cool.

860
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,200
Let's see when I work together for three to six months,

861
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,560
depending on how quickly we can do this.

862
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:27,680
And let's look at how are you contributing

863
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,000
to your own sense of disconnect in the relationship?

864
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:31,360
What is your attachment style?

865
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:32,720
How are you blocking yourself?

866
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,280
How are you blocking your ability to receive his love?

867
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,360
How are you actually self-sabotaging here?

868
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,240
And let's make sure that we clean up your side of the street

869
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,400
so that you can be like, okay, you know what?

870
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:44,240
I'm feeling secure.

871
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,080
I'm feeling confident.

872
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:45,920
I'm feeling calm.

873
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,520
And I see the relationship clearly from that place.

874
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,840
Let's get clarity on who are you really?

875
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,600
And what is it that you need to be happy long-term

876
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:53,880
in this relationship?

877
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:54,720
Step two.

878
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,720
And then let's learn communication techniques

879
00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,080
and learn how to set boundaries

880
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,400
and learn how to articulate your needs

881
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,160
and learn how to actually develop intimacy

882
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:05,240
with your partner and see how things are at that point.

883
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:06,920
And normally what I will find in that work

884
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,360
is that at some point, pretty early on,

885
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:10,960
normally like six weeks in,

886
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,080
the person I'm working with will start to show up

887
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:14,760
in the relationship differently.

888
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,360
They will be much more aware of their triggers.

889
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:17,760
They'll be more aware of their communication style.

890
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:19,880
They'll be more aware of their own blocks.

891
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,120
And so they become kinder to their partner.

892
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,440
They become more compassionate.

893
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,080
They start to take more responsibility.

894
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,880
They start to regulate themselves more.

895
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,960
They start to just be a different, more secure person,

896
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,040
which typically the partner will recognize and feel.

897
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,600
Often there'll be a little freak out of like,

898
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,000
what the heck has happened to you?

899
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:36,840
Who are you?

900
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:37,680
You're different.

901
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,840
At that point, there might be a conversation of,

902
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,760
you know what, I've been really unhappy in our relationship,

903
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:44,320
but I'm working with this relationship coach

904
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:45,800
because I wanna fix things.

905
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:47,600
And that's when the other partner might freak out.

906
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:48,640
Maybe they get their own coach.

907
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,120
Maybe they reach out to me, whatever it is.

908
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:51,960
But at that point,

909
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,640
you've kind of got two people doing independent work.

910
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,600
I'm not saying that person even has to do independent work,

911
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:58,160
right, or it might look very different.

912
00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,000
But at that point,

913
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,280
you've kind of started this bigger conversation.

914
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:02,800
And that's where the magic happens.

915
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,880
And I will tell you that I started this work

916
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:10,640
kind of expecting the majority of couples

917
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,000
to actually end up breaking up because my hypothesis

918
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:14,440
was that people are coming to me with this lens

919
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:15,520
of should I stay or should I go?

920
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,160
They're already kind of out the door.

921
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:18,680
That's not what's happened.

922
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:22,360
Nine out of 10 couples that work with me within six months,

923
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,080
it's like they're in the honeymoon again.

924
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,200
They're in love again.

925
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,040
Well, one woman who literally,

926
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,600
I was helping her find a divorce lawyer

927
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:32,040
and she's trying for a baby with her husband now.

928
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:36,800
So all of that to say, we get in our own way so much.

929
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:38,240
And again, the people I work with

930
00:35:38,240 --> 00:35:40,200
are typically high achieving professionals, right?

931
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,400
Who are like business owners or corporate professionals

932
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:43,960
and pretty go-getting.

933
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,080
You can bet that there's gonna be

934
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,440
some subconscious wounding there

935
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,000
because very often our ambition

936
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:50,840
is coming from a wounded place.

937
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:51,800
Absolutely. Right?

938
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,240
And so let's just take care of that.

939
00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:55,560
I'm not saying you're gonna stop being ambitious

940
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,280
or anything, but let's just make sure

941
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,000
that you are the best version of you

942
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,440
before you make any big life changing decisions

943
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,560
about your relationship.

944
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:05,920
Yeah. It's a win-win, right?

945
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,680
It's a win-win. You're either gonna leave

946
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:08,800
being happier than ever before

947
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,680
and find someone really quickly like I did,

948
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,440
or you're gonna stay and have a whole new relationship

949
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:14,960
to enjoy.

950
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:18,800
And maybe it's not the quickly find somebody new,

951
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,240
but perhaps it's the quickly fell centered

952
00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:23,400
and balanced in yourself.

953
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:24,680
Yeah. Right?

954
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:25,800
There's that side too.

955
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:30,600
I wanna say, I honestly believe that you,

956
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,360
have we been working with you?

957
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,120
You may have saved my first marriage.

958
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,760
And I share that with full respect too,

959
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:42,760
for Jonathan Decker of formerly of yourfamilyexpert.com.

960
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,560
I might have worn him out.

961
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:47,840
I don't know.

962
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,760
I have no idea why he no longer has

963
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,480
the yourfamilyexpert.com anymore,

964
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,480
but it was such a phenomenal resource.

965
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:57,600
And he took an approach very similar to what you're doing,

966
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,280
but we were trying so hard

967
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,600
in that counseling together aspect

968
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:05,560
that there were still components missing.

969
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:10,480
And I am grateful for the fact that our marriage dissolved.

970
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,000
I actually am very grateful for that nowadays.

971
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:18,000
And my kids will hopefully also be able to feel the honor

972
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,320
and sacred nature of what I mean by that,

973
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,360
and be able to learn from our experience

974
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,400
how to have their healthiest, happiest selves,

975
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,520
how to be able to move towards having

976
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:32,920
a great long-term relationship for their lives,

977
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,360
and get the counseling, the leadership,

978
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,160
the experiences and knowledge necessary

979
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:40,480
to build their best lives.

980
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,840
So again, I want to respect the sacred nature

981
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,680
of my first marriage,

982
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,080
and again, what Jonathan Decker was able to give to us,

983
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:51,200
but you've already been able to take things to a level

984
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:52,920
that I have not found.

985
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,800
And I have read a lot of books,

986
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,440
been to a lot of therapists,

987
00:37:56,440 --> 00:38:00,400
worked with a lot of providers in this space,

988
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:04,920
and most of which make noise, regurgitate principles,

989
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,440
but they don't know how to tie it together

990
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,840
and talk about the vision of what's possible

991
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:13,480
the way that you were able to eloquently talk about.

992
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,000
I'm gonna double down on that.

993
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:19,240
We will be very interested in learning more about this

994
00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:20,600
for the sake of the relationships

995
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,240
within our brand and company.

996
00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:25,400
Everybody that I work with becomes somebody

997
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:29,760
who can either add energy to what we're up to,

998
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,840
or will be somebody who will drain energy out of me,

999
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:34,680
as a leader.

1000
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:38,080
And so I'm extremely aware of the need

1001
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,920
to tap into that potential great relationships,

1002
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:44,120
the opportunity that exists to raise

1003
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,080
the level of relationships that we have.

1004
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:52,080
So I am so grateful that you came across our path

1005
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:54,680
at this exact moment,

1006
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:58,040
like where we're at as a brand and what's possible,

1007
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,520
because we need the successfully in love method.

1008
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,600
That's something that now I'm dying to hear about

1009
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:04,420
and understand.

1010
00:39:04,420 --> 00:39:07,000
So what is the successfully in love method

1011
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,960
and how does that work?

1012
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,340
Yeah, great question.

1013
00:39:10,340 --> 00:39:12,080
Successfully in love method is,

1014
00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:14,680
well, it took me a while to think about the name.

1015
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,800
So I was like, I wanna talk about

1016
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,120
all these successful professionals

1017
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,360
who are so successful in every arena of their lives,

1018
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,440
apart from their relationships.

1019
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:23,880
They wanna be in love with their lives, right?

1020
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:24,800
You wanna be in love with your life,

1021
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:25,640
you wanna be in love with your work,

1022
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,080
you wanna be successful in love.

1023
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:33,080
And the methodology is a three-step methodology.

1024
00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:36,520
So kind of broken it down into three big chunks.

1025
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:39,400
Chunk number one is the liberation phase.

1026
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,120
So I call it liberate.

1027
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:43,240
And that's where we work together to liberate.

1028
00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:44,800
Did you say celebrate?

1029
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:45,640
Liberate.

1030
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,640
Liberate, liberation, freedom phase.

1031
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:48,720
Exactly.

1032
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:52,720
We liberate you from all of your internal blocks,

1033
00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:55,680
your self-sabotage, all of the different ways

1034
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,840
that you might be getting in your own way

1035
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,080
without realizing it when it comes to your relationship.

1036
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,320
So we look at your attachment style,

1037
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:04,880
we look at your communication,

1038
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:06,640
we look at your belief systems,

1039
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:10,640
we look at how are you, through no fault of your own,

1040
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:13,000
unfortunately negatively contributing to the problem.

1041
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,320
And we're all doing that.

1042
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:15,160
We're all doing that.

1043
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:16,420
Absolutely.

1044
00:40:16,420 --> 00:40:17,800
Step one is liberate.

1045
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,400
And that's where I start teaching

1046
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:20,600
the subconscious mind techniques

1047
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,920
and I'm helping you go into insight

1048
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,920
and clear all of that, right?

1049
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:26,400
Here's a crazy insight.

1050
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:27,960
And God makes no mistakes.

1051
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,400
Maybe all of you have heard this before,

1052
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:34,040
but my buddy, Matt, who I mentor with both directions,

1053
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:35,240
he used to work for me,

1054
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:39,560
he told me about his avoidant personality type.

1055
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,920
And out of all of the psychology books I've read,

1056
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,160
out of everything that I've watched,

1057
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:46,560
and I study like six to 10 hours of this per week, guys,

1058
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:50,520
I had never heard of the avoidant attachment

1059
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:54,800
and the anxious attachment until about two months ago.

1060
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,600
It's just crazy to me that I've never heard of this concept

1061
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,920
and it is so wide and far,

1062
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:02,120
it's so talked about in the psychology realm,

1063
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:03,120
I mean, I had never found it.

1064
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,280
So continue, please.

1065
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,760
That's so important to understand.

1066
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:09,800
I learned so much by diving into one week

1067
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,120
in like six hours on a Saturday.

1068
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:14,000
And I was like, oh my gosh, this is so helpful.

1069
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:15,000
So please continue.

1070
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,640
But I think exactly that, right?

1071
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,360
I found attachment theory a game changer

1072
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:19,480
just because of the way that it helped me

1073
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,960
compartmentalize and understand aspects of myself

1074
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:26,240
that felt like a lot of it didn't make sense, right?

1075
00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:28,640
So yeah, absolutely.

1076
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:29,480
A lot of this stuff.

1077
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:31,520
I'm an integrated attachment theory specialist

1078
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,480
and having trained under the personal development school

1079
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:34,520
as well with Tais Gibson,

1080
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,200
so really like knee deep in that world.

1081
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,480
And so yeah, so liberate is all about

1082
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:40,600
liberating you from that.

1083
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,080
And my goal from the very beginning

1084
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:46,480
is to get you on the process of reconditioning your mind

1085
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,720
so that you are securely attached

1086
00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:51,920
and you feel confident and clear in yourself.

1087
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,040
And that will allow us to then help you

1088
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:55,520
reconnect with yourself in a way

1089
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:57,280
that you've never connected before.

1090
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,440
Because when we are insecurely attached,

1091
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:00,960
when we're full of blocks,

1092
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,880
it's really hard to know who am I really?

1093
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:05,240
We're kind of living an illusion, right?

1094
00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:07,520
Like we're living in this well of insecurity.

1095
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:10,040
So once you feel worthy, once you feel good enough,

1096
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:11,760
once you feel loved and you feel accepted

1097
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,280
and you feel calm and peaceful and connected,

1098
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:16,520
then we can start to get really curious around

1099
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,160
what is it that you actually need?

1100
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:19,000
Who are you?

1101
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,680
Where is it you wanna go in life?

1102
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:22,680
And once we understand the needs,

1103
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:26,120
then we go into the create phase, phase three.

1104
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,760
And that's all about how do we actually create

1105
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:32,160
healthy, productive strategies to get your needs met,

1106
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,960
both in the relationship and outside of it.

1107
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:36,840
So this work really does kind of

1108
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,720
go beyond relationships as well, right?

1109
00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:39,880
Because a lot of this stuff will actually bleed

1110
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,760
into your career, bleed into your finances,

1111
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,040
bleed into your health.

1112
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,440
But the point is it all boils down to you clearing

1113
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,480
those blocks and reconnecting with yourself.

1114
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:51,720
And in that create phase is when we might get clarity on,

1115
00:42:51,720 --> 00:42:56,000
okay, I need more trust in my relationship with my husband

1116
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:57,440
because actually there was this betrayal

1117
00:42:57,440 --> 00:42:59,360
that happened a long time ago that we never addressed

1118
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,040
and all this resentment spilled out.

1119
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:02,600
I will help you work through that resentment.

1120
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:04,080
I will help you clear all of that

1121
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,680
and liberate yourself from it.

1122
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:07,280
But then I'm gonna get clarity with you

1123
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,000
on what is it that you need in order to repair

1124
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:10,480
that relationship with him fully.

1125
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:11,640
And then we're gonna create strategies

1126
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:13,440
to actually get that done, right?

1127
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:14,920
So it's very practical.

1128
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,400
I think a lot of the work that I do to your point

1129
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,360
is for better or for worse,

1130
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,960
I'm quite a logical and a list of all things.

1131
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:23,800
Right, I see that.

1132
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,200
And I know that relationships are messy.

1133
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,200
Well, I'm gonna answer it myself one more time

1134
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:31,160
onto that because as I mentioned earlier,

1135
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,720
I honestly feel like you very well

1136
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,360
could have saved my marriage.

1137
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:37,280
I do think it would have been the missing link.

1138
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:40,000
And I don't think that would have been right for us.

1139
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:43,920
But what I'm noticing about you is you're more pragmatic

1140
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:47,440
about you're not looking at that as the victory, right?

1141
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,240
You're not trying to force the issue that,

1142
00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:51,440
oh, well, you guys now have to stay together.

1143
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,280
And that healthy mindset can scare people

1144
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,480
who have attachment disorder issues

1145
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:59,680
or who feel like, again, that the dogma

1146
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:02,800
is what should dictate their decisions.

1147
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,040
But you're not attacking the dogma.

1148
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:09,120
You're just making space for the wellbeing

1149
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:10,640
of the individual.

1150
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:13,640
And so I don't think you actually would have saved

1151
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:14,480
the marriage.

1152
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,520
I think you would have helped us see

1153
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,280
how we had options, right?

1154
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,200
And that's so neat because if somebody's got

1155
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:29,200
a predetermined outcome for what's best for the individuals,

1156
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:33,120
then they can't possibly guide based on the wellbeing

1157
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,200
of the individuals.

1158
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:36,840
So it's just like, I'm blown away by this.

1159
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:37,680
Yeah, yeah.

1160
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,000
But I think that's to your point, right?

1161
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:43,800
I think that's the issue with couples counseling is that

1162
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,680
the client is the relationship.

1163
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:47,560
And again, when I think about to my own fiance,

1164
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,720
my ex-fiance, I think that there were definitely

1165
00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:55,720
some troubling behaviors that were unethical

1166
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:00,040
and really transgressed a lot of my value system

1167
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:01,120
and a lot of my kind of boundaries.

1168
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:04,440
And I think that they weren't for him, right?

1169
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,320
Because they had different value systems.

1170
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:10,400
And I think had I been working with myself back then,

1171
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,920
I probably would have said what actually

1172
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,000
one of my relationship coach said to me back then,

1173
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:17,800
which she kind of painted the picture

1174
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:19,320
and she kind of mapped it all out for me,

1175
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:20,840
what my future would look like with this person.

1176
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,520
And she was just like, is it fair to say,

1177
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:25,360
based on this vision of your future

1178
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:26,840
that I have mapped out for you,

1179
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:30,520
that actually this is pretty incongruent with who you are,

1180
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:32,440
what I know of you to be.

1181
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:34,200
So where do you fit into this?

1182
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:35,560
And that's when I was like, oh my goodness,

1183
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,880
I'm self abandoning because I'm actually attached.

1184
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:39,720
And then it all kind of clicked.

1185
00:45:39,720 --> 00:45:40,920
And that's when I was like,

1186
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:42,160
so I can work on this relationship

1187
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:43,080
with the cows come home.

1188
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:44,760
I'm sure we can make it work.

1189
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:45,880
I'm sure we can make it work.

1190
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,960
I'm sure we can actually have a lovely marriage,

1191
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,480
lovely kids, have a lovely kind of day-to-day,

1192
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:54,680
but is that actually the highest, most kind of,

1193
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,440
the highest place of integrity for me and who I am

1194
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:00,520
and my own unique contribution to the world?

1195
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,840
Probably not, because rapidly, literally within months,

1196
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,960
I met my husband now and that led me into being

1197
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:10,560
so much more aligned with my vision, who I am,

1198
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:13,760
my career, my health, my finances,

1199
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:15,600
my kind of trajectory where I'm going in life,

1200
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,160
where we're going in life.

1201
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,280
It is like, this is my soul's purpose.

1202
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:20,640
And I think that's what I'm getting at, right?

1203
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,480
That we kind of, often we get into relationships

1204
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:27,320
for the wrong reasons, out of fear, scarcity, desperation,

1205
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,640
people pleasing, time is too short.

1206
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:32,440
Right, call them in out pleasure, right?

1207
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:35,480
Yeah, absolutely, you know, and that isn't always

1208
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:37,160
going to be the best relationship out there.

1209
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:39,160
And I do believe that we all have multiple people

1210
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:40,200
we can have a great relationship with,

1211
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,360
but it's like, you want to be connected on that deeper level.

1212
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:44,360
But yes, all of us say that I think I,

1213
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,000
I appreciate relationships are messy.

1214
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,120
I appreciate that they don't all fit

1215
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,160
into these nice little boxes.

1216
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:54,480
And yet I still find it helpful to think things through

1217
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,320
in little boxes because the people I work with

1218
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:01,280
are so logical and so analytical and KPI driven

1219
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,320
that often when we think about the world of relationships

1220
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,800
and marriage counseling, it is frustrating

1221
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,040
because you're kind of just floating in this murky mess

1222
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,120
going round in circles, which is what we felt.

1223
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:11,440
And it's like, no, no, no, no, no.

1224
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,640
That's just going to erode my confidence.

1225
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:14,920
I need a plan.

1226
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,440
I need to take control and ownership.

1227
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,360
And I need to be able to understand this intellectually

1228
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,800
to understand myself, right?

1229
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:23,640
And I think that's important.

1230
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:27,040
There are other phases of the successfully in love method

1231
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:28,600
that we're not going to have time to get to today.

1232
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:29,440
Oh, God, sorry.

1233
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:30,280
And that's important.

1234
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:31,120
No, no, no, oh my gosh.

1235
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:31,960
Don't applaud.

1236
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,440
This was probably, this is easily one of the best episodes

1237
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:35,280
we've ever had.

1238
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,240
Oh, easily one of the best.

1239
00:47:37,240 --> 00:47:39,680
One of the most important that the visionaries they work with

1240
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:41,680
because if you've got a vision

1241
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,680
and you're meant to do major impact,

1242
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:47,120
you're going to need relationships by your side

1243
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:48,160
in order to do that.

1244
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:49,640
And so the more we can learn

1245
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,400
about building phenomenal relationships, the better.

1246
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:54,520
And as I teach my Latino team, when it comes to learning

1247
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:56,880
English, we got to find the best teachers in the world

1248
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:58,680
because you can't be the best student in the world

1249
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,960
if you don't have the best teachers in the world.

1250
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,240
And I'm going to put you right up there on that pedestal

1251
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:04,680
with the best of the best teachers.

1252
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,760
This was phenomenal.

1253
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,680
So those of you who are listening in, make sure to,

1254
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,480
one, I skipped my absolute favorite question

1255
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:13,320
because we didn't have time

1256
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:14,560
and I'm hoping that you'll come back.

1257
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:15,960
I know you've been on our show three times.

1258
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:17,800
You were with Javanka twice on the show

1259
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,560
or at least y'all did one episode.

1260
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:24,440
We're going to be using this material for a very long time

1261
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:27,480
to help people with their growth and repurposing it

1262
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,960
because again, the relationship dynamic

1263
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:32,000
is one of the most crippling dynamics

1264
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,960
for any visionary out there.

1265
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:35,400
And the more help they get on that,

1266
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:38,120
the better leaders they become and the happier we become

1267
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,320
and working with them on what they're up to.

1268
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:44,120
Two, I didn't get to ask you about the most powerful lesson

1269
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:45,840
you could share with the audience.

1270
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,480
So we will do that if we get to come back

1271
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:49,840
and we'll dive into those phases.

1272
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,760
Those of you listening in, down below,

1273
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:52,840
you'll see the action steps.

1274
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:54,720
What actions can you take with Katarina

1275
00:48:54,720 --> 00:48:56,480
in order to work in her program?

1276
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:57,480
We'll drop some information

1277
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,360
about the Successfully in Love method.

1278
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:01,520
We'll also, of course, put the resources on there

1279
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:02,680
that we talked about earlier,

1280
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,160
the coaches that she's working with, the institutes,

1281
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:11,080
learning how to work on your subconscious mind, et cetera.

1282
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:12,120
All that's going to be there.

1283
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:13,400
And then the top right corner,

1284
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:14,240
those of you listening in

1285
00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:16,520
that want to share your vision with us,

1286
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,640
you don't have to be a world-class leader

1287
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,080
like Katarina to do that.

1288
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:21,760
You can be at the beginning stages

1289
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:24,160
of putting your vision out there and talk to us.

1290
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:27,240
Just as be our guest, click the button to be our guest

1291
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:29,680
and come have a meeting with our team

1292
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,400
and let's get you on the show.

1293
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:32,840
Any final words you'd like to share?

1294
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:34,520
I'll let you wrap up, Katarina.

1295
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:35,960
Yeah, no, thank you for that.

1296
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:38,160
And I'd love to come back.

1297
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:39,360
Would absolutely love that.

1298
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:43,800
I think final words are that you and everyone out there

1299
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:47,560
deserves to have a really healthy, fulfilling,

1300
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:50,720
meaningful relationship where they feel safe,

1301
00:49:50,720 --> 00:49:51,760
where they feel loved,

1302
00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:53,960
where they feel chosen every single day.

1303
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:55,600
You can have that.

1304
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:57,840
You absolutely can have that, right?

1305
00:49:57,840 --> 00:49:59,480
It might not be where you're at right now.

1306
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,200
It might not feel like it's possible, but it is.

1307
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:04,080
And all you need is the motivation

1308
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:05,640
to go out there and make it happen.

1309
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,600
Then just take a little micro steps and learning what to do.

1310
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:11,800
But it's a process and you can learn a process.

1311
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:12,920
You really can. I love that.

1312
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,240
I love the Vision Pros.

1313
00:50:14,240 --> 00:50:15,600
You heard it from Katarina.

1314
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,880
We will see you on the next episode of Vision Pros Live.

1315
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:18,720
Thanks for tuning in

1316
00:50:18,720 --> 00:50:20,240
and we look forward to hearing your feedback.

1317
00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:21,600
Thank you for being here today.

1318
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,080
I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.

1319
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,720
I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions

1320
00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:29,000
as these episodes continue to move forward.

1321
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:30,720
This is gonna get more and more fun.

1322
00:50:30,720 --> 00:50:32,520
We'll have more and more engagement as well.

1323
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,640
We'll invite people to participate in the show

1324
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:37,000
and thank you for giving us your time and attention.

1325
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,720
Have an excellent time building out your vision

1326
00:50:39,720 --> 00:50:54,720
and becoming a vision.