What's your why?
You know, I just have I mean I'm an aquarium
so we're always like people minded and humanitarian minded and I just
This is just how I'm built. Like I don't even know what the why is as much as I'm driven to do this
You know
My family is certainly part of my why as to why I wake up every day and work every day and want to create good
things for them
but also
in the Jewish tradition tikkun olam means that you
Live to make the world better than you found it and I really feel that that's part of my
mission in life I
Get that and and interesting enough as I go to your website, I love the
About part where it says change should have been my middle name, please
Elaborate on that for me because I love it
Yeah, I mean by five years old
My parents had moved to Venezuela Caracas, Venezuela
To my dad was pursuing his dream of seeing the world and so we were supposed to be stationed there for one year
We ended up staying six
And it was a formative thing for me to live in another country to learn another language at five years old
to be a part of another culture and
So I've been forced to deal with change ever since I was a little kid
You know then we came back to the United States and I was not an American kid
I mean, I didn't know who the Beatles were. I didn't know what a cheerleader was. I
I was a very naive, you know soon-to-be teenager and
You know, I've just had to deal with change as everybody does but because I was five years old and
assimilating to a different culture, I think it's made me very sensitive to not just fitting in but trying to understand and
and cause connection and bridges with other people in 2006 I became an interfaith minister
because after 9-eleven
People were you know, very anti-islam and I was like, well, you know, Islam is a peaceful loving religion as well
There's extremists everywhere
So I took it upon myself to learn about 14 major religious traditions and become an ordained interfaith minister
And it has been again
Proven to be a way that I bridge differences in the world and try to understand where other people are coming from so
Yeah changes change and connection. I guess is my middle name. I
Love it. How do you find how do you define your coaching style? I
Call myself a velvet hammer. So I'm not mean but I will be direct. I will say unpopular things
But it's all wrapped up in love
I
Love that
And you know, sometimes we just need to hear that truth, right?
that truth about how things are going and I love the fact that you say the velvet because
Although it's soft. It's it's uh, it's tough. It's definitely tough
Yes, how did you get started? I
had
Really I got started because of my intuition
My intuition was telling me to call an old acting mentor of mine because I told you I had been an actor and
The intuition was so strong that he had my next career or my next job for me
I wish my tuition were always this clear
and I
You know was pre the internet and I looked at the internet
And I you know was pre the internet and I looked him up in the phone book
And I was like, do you remember me?
You know what? I didn't want to tell him that I had this intuition that I should call him
I just was you know acting like I was catching up with him and
He had become a coach and I had never heard of such a thing
And so I became a client first and I was a client for two years changed some things in my own life
He helped me make the decision whether to get married or not, which I did and we just celebrated 31 years together
so
my coach
led me to then become one of the first people trained in the United States as a coach and one of the first people
Credentialed as a master credential coach and I helped found the International Coaching Federation
Which is the largest body that exists worldwide to put standards and credentialing and ethics to this profession
so an intuition
Led you to be where you are today 30 years later and 31 years married. Yes
I love it
Everybody did you guys hear that intuition if you have it follow it? Yeah
What's the common challenge that you see your clients face?
Trusting themselves, you know, it's it's when you have an intuition or when you have an inkling to do something that
Doesn't make sense to the rest of your the people in your world
You know, it's it's really hard to take action. Like I often say that if everyone is telling you you're crazy
You're probably on the right track
Right, so
So that's the hardest thing is to you know
Obey your own path when it doesn't seem to match what everyone else expects of you
And how do you go about helping them when they're in that space?
Building consensus in their world helping them be more
Firm in their own vision and firm in taking action towards the new thing
a lot of times
You know life will tell you if you're wrong
You know if you keep trying something and it doesn't work and it doesn't work and it doesn't work
You have to kind of take the message and take your bumps and scrapes and move on but
Most of the time when people are following a deep-seated
Want or desire the doors and the windows start opening and then you have to keep going through them
Yeah, and you know interesting enough when you get a client and they began to tell you
What their desires are and where they want to go if they are
Are in a business is there is the coaching more towards?
Them or how to be a better coach for them
Or how to be a better coach for their employees or who they're working with well if I'm working with leaders
I help them develop into better coaches
But sometimes they have to make strategic decisions, which you know I help them hear themselves better
You know I'm not an expert in every field. I'm an expert in
processing people to hear themselves and to
understand their own criteria for success
so
You know when I work with other coaches, you know when I work with people who want to have a business like mine
A lot of it is more consultative. You know it's more telling them what to do
But for most most of the time it's asking the right questions to help people
Recognize their own brilliance and take action accordingly
Yes, yes, and you know I ask that question because you mentioned something about trusting themselves, right?
And so I know that when I sought out a coach or a mentor it was more so
To get me together right and the goal wasn't for me to become a coach just the goal was to be coached
Yeah, so it's it's a it seems like it would be just so different
Especially coaching the leader who may not be in tune or in touch with themselves
You know and it may be having to reverse the things to say hey
What about you before we actually start focusing on who you lead?
Yeah, I mean it coaching is so much about the individual like we when I'm training other coaches
I'll tell them you know you're not coaching the situation. You're coaching the person
Right, so I'm not coach. I'm not fixing their situation. I'm coaching them to deal with it better
So a lot of the insights come from the coachee
But it's my job to pull it out of them
So it is a different kind of discipline. You know like consulting is flat-out. I know better than you
I'm going to tell you what to do
You know but coaching is asking the right questions so that people open up to their own
brilliance and their own answers
Laura I have a random question has there ever been someone you said you're not coachable?
Oh, yes, definitely yeah after 30 years. I've definitely come across
uncoachable people
People who just think they're right all the time people who don't want to change
I mean I was working with a very senior leader who he was willing to take the journey with me
But he would say you know I have to decide if I really want to be the leader that develops other people
Because I've really liked being the leader that just has all the answers and people listen to what I say oh wow
Okay, yeah, you know he had the insight to know
There's a difference between the two and he's not so sure that he wants to be
That you know yeah, yeah, you know and I think that that's um that's that's some self
self
Finding you have to say something like that which makes all the sense in the world for that individual
They have to really know where they are and what they want so I've actually never heard that but um
Hey, there's a first time for everything right
What's the most important quality of a great coach um I
Think they're really good listener
And also that they
practice reducing their ego
You know and I when I train other coaches I tell them that becoming a coach is ego reduction therapy
Because you're not it's not about you. It's not about your great ideas. It's not about your great wisdom
It's about bringing out the greatness and other people
So you have to reduce your own ego and be a great listener and listen for that brilliance and somebody else
Yes, yes interesting enough that that's a part of one of my own business quotes
You speak you you speak I listen you desire I deliver and I just really believe that that's something so important
It's just to be able to listen
Before you decide to respond so you're you're right and I think that's a great quality of life in general
You know if you're a good listener
I think you can pretty much get through and and speak to most people I won't say anyone right not everyone
But I'll paraphrase a roomie
I think it's a roomie quote, but and I'm paraphrasing because I don't have it exactly right, but like before you open your mouth
Is it true is it kind and does it improve on the silence?
And I love that last part
You know does it improve on the silence because so many people feel like they have to fill the silence and say something and sometimes you don't
Yes, yes that statement. I'm just be quiet
Just be quiet and listen
Can you share the story where your coaching led to a proposal?
Change in someone's life? Um there's so many of them do
But I'm reminded of an early story of a woman who was in her 50s, and she was a recruiter and
she made about $50,000 a year and
Working with me for 18 months she moved her income from 50k a year to 500k a year
and she created herself a lovely retirement in her in her dream home with a garden and her dream Mercedes Benz and
She went from thinking very small to thinking much bigger in her field and she was very well respected by the time she retired and
Really made a life for herself
Even in you know a later life
When a lot of people think there's no possibility for them. Yes, yes, and you know, I'm definitely going back to the story
I heard on your TEDx talk and the end of the story was saying that
If I if I may tell just a piece of it because of what I heard the 17 year old
Having being a young mother and then
pushing forward to do the work, right and then thereafter as she got older
That was what she did and she was very good at what she did and getting to where she needed to be
But as she got older some things needed to change and she found herself in a moment
And there was a statement you made of course, I'm paraphrasing
You probably know it for me, but I'm not sure if you've heard of it
But once she realized she was in a different position and her why was different
You helped her to change that. Am I on the right track? Do you remember?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what story you're talking about. See she was um
We the point of the story is that sometimes we make a vow very young in our life
And we base all our actions on that vow and her vow that was as you know, having given birth to her
Child at 17 years old and she had to give up going to college at the time and a basketball scholarship and she
Made us that she made a vow that she would not be a teenage statistic like that
She was going to beat the odds and here she was now in her 30s working with me
And she was successful at what she did, but she didn't like it anymore
And she didn't have any motivation and she didn't know why she was losing her mojo
And it was because she had outgrown the why
She'd outgrown the motivation like she was not a teenage statistic. She blew that one out of the water
And she needed a new motivation and she didn't even realize it. So once I had her awareness on
You did it you proved it that can't be driving you anymore
That's why you don't have your mojo is because you need a new driver a new reason
And so she changed that reason and went on to continue successfully in her career
And I wanted to give her a reason why she was losing her mojo
I want to give her a reason why she was wanting to live her life. I don't know how
She knew that situation
When she was
where we stopped knowing that we've grown and stayed in our past and tried to make it
work moving forward.
So I really thought that story was super impactful for others.
And if you're listening, it is a TEDx talk.
Utilize her name and find it.
And it's a good one.
And you'll understand where the story comes from as we sort of minimize it or shorten
it a little bit.
And I invite you to go to Laura's TEDx talk and watch that.
Thank you.
Of course.
And as I mentioned before, it hit home.
I too was young with children.
And so I was like, oh, wow, this is, is she talking about me?
But I love that for you.
When it comes to leaders and you coaching them, what tips do you have for leaders?
The tip on reducing your ego, I think, is big for leaders.
That's hard.
You could always be the answer person.
But if you become the developer of people instead of the answer person, your legacy, your ripple
effect will be much bigger.
Yeah.
So what do you want to be measured by?
So I think it was Jack Welsh, the CEO of GE, who said leaders are not measured by how many
followers they have, but by how many leaders they've developed.
I like that.
You know, interesting enough is, do you keep track of this?
You know, and I mean, and I guess it comes off of that question again.
This is another question off the top of my head.
Do you keep or should leaders keep track of how many people they've assisted to determine
where they are and measure what they've done?
You know, it's not something I actively do with clients, you know, counting or even me
counting.
I've lost track of how many clients I've coached and how many hours I've coached.
But because of other colleagues of mine who have kept track of their hours, they guesstimate
that I'm in like the 35,000 hours now of coaching and you get 10, you master at 10,000 hours.
So I think that, you know, you'll know your impact based on how many people keep, they'll
tell you.
So if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have done this or, you know, you'll get that occasional
letter of gratitude from somebody.
But you know, people say so many nice things about you at your funeral.
It'd be nice if people could say those things along the way while you're still alive and
can hear them.
Absolutely.
So what you're saying, Laura, is you're a master coach.
I am a master coach.
Did you all hear that?
She's a master coach.
She's well over the 10,000 hours.
So if I may ask, what new projects or ideas are you most excited about right now?
If any.
Yeah, I mean, I'm still coaching leaders and I'm still coaching people who are figuring
out what they want to do with their life.
But I have turned my focus towards helping other coaches be successful because, you know,
I'm now a senior member of this community of coaches and I just see too many talented
people not treating it as a business and not succeeding.
And these are well-meaning, heart-centered, really talented people and I want to see them
do well.
So I've been supporting coaches on what they need to do to be a business owner and to be
an entrepreneur because they need to be an entrepreneur to be the coach that they want
to be.
So that's where my attention and focus is and people can find out more about all my
areas of expertise on laurabermanforking.com.
Thank you for being here today.
I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.
I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward.
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and attention.
I hope you're having an excellent time building out your vision and becoming a Vision Pro
yourself.