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What's your why?

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You know, I just have I mean I'm an aquarium

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so we're always like people minded and humanitarian minded and I just

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This is just how I'm built. Like I don't even know what the why is as much as I'm driven to do this

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You know

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My family is certainly part of my why as to why I wake up every day and work every day and want to create good

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things for them

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but also

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in the Jewish tradition tikkun olam means that you

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Live to make the world better than you found it and I really feel that that's part of my

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mission in life I

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Get that and and interesting enough as I go to your website, I love the

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About part where it says change should have been my middle name, please

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Elaborate on that for me because I love it

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Yeah, I mean by five years old

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My parents had moved to Venezuela Caracas, Venezuela

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To my dad was pursuing his dream of seeing the world and so we were supposed to be stationed there for one year

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We ended up staying six

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And it was a formative thing for me to live in another country to learn another language at five years old

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to be a part of another culture and

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So I've been forced to deal with change ever since I was a little kid

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You know then we came back to the United States and I was not an American kid

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I mean, I didn't know who the Beatles were. I didn't know what a cheerleader was. I

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I was a very naive, you know soon-to-be teenager and

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You know, I've just had to deal with change as everybody does but because I was five years old and

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assimilating to a different culture, I think it's made me very sensitive to not just fitting in but trying to understand and

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and cause connection and bridges with other people in 2006 I became an interfaith minister

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because after 9-eleven

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People were you know, very anti-islam and I was like, well, you know, Islam is a peaceful loving religion as well

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There's extremists everywhere

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So I took it upon myself to learn about 14 major religious traditions and become an ordained interfaith minister

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And it has been again

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Proven to be a way that I bridge differences in the world and try to understand where other people are coming from so

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Yeah changes change and connection. I guess is my middle name. I

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Love it. How do you find how do you define your coaching style? I

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Call myself a velvet hammer. So I'm not mean but I will be direct. I will say unpopular things

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But it's all wrapped up in love

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I

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Love that

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And you know, sometimes we just need to hear that truth, right?

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that truth about how things are going and I love the fact that you say the velvet because

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Although it's soft. It's it's uh, it's tough. It's definitely tough

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Yes, how did you get started? I

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had

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Really I got started because of my intuition

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My intuition was telling me to call an old acting mentor of mine because I told you I had been an actor and

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The intuition was so strong that he had my next career or my next job for me

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I wish my tuition were always this clear

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and I

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You know was pre the internet and I looked at the internet

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And I you know was pre the internet and I looked him up in the phone book

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And I was like, do you remember me?

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You know what? I didn't want to tell him that I had this intuition that I should call him

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I just was you know acting like I was catching up with him and

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He had become a coach and I had never heard of such a thing

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And so I became a client first and I was a client for two years changed some things in my own life

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He helped me make the decision whether to get married or not, which I did and we just celebrated 31 years together

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so

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my coach

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led me to then become one of the first people trained in the United States as a coach and one of the first people

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Credentialed as a master credential coach and I helped found the International Coaching Federation

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Which is the largest body that exists worldwide to put standards and credentialing and ethics to this profession

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so an intuition

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Led you to be where you are today 30 years later and 31 years married. Yes

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I love it

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Everybody did you guys hear that intuition if you have it follow it? Yeah

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What's the common challenge that you see your clients face?

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Trusting themselves, you know, it's it's when you have an intuition or when you have an inkling to do something that

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Doesn't make sense to the rest of your the people in your world

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You know, it's it's really hard to take action. Like I often say that if everyone is telling you you're crazy

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You're probably on the right track

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Right, so

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So that's the hardest thing is to you know

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Obey your own path when it doesn't seem to match what everyone else expects of you

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And how do you go about helping them when they're in that space?

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Building consensus in their world helping them be more

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Firm in their own vision and firm in taking action towards the new thing

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a lot of times

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You know life will tell you if you're wrong

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You know if you keep trying something and it doesn't work and it doesn't work and it doesn't work

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You have to kind of take the message and take your bumps and scrapes and move on but

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Most of the time when people are following a deep-seated

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Want or desire the doors and the windows start opening and then you have to keep going through them

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Yeah, and you know interesting enough when you get a client and they began to tell you

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What their desires are and where they want to go if they are

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Are in a business is there is the coaching more towards?

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Them or how to be a better coach for them

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Or how to be a better coach for their employees or who they're working with well if I'm working with leaders

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I help them develop into better coaches

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But sometimes they have to make strategic decisions, which you know I help them hear themselves better

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You know I'm not an expert in every field. I'm an expert in

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processing people to hear themselves and to

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understand their own criteria for success

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so

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You know when I work with other coaches, you know when I work with people who want to have a business like mine

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A lot of it is more consultative. You know it's more telling them what to do

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But for most most of the time it's asking the right questions to help people

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Recognize their own brilliance and take action accordingly

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Yes, yes, and you know I ask that question because you mentioned something about trusting themselves, right?

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And so I know that when I sought out a coach or a mentor it was more so

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To get me together right and the goal wasn't for me to become a coach just the goal was to be coached

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Yeah, so it's it's a it seems like it would be just so different

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Especially coaching the leader who may not be in tune or in touch with themselves

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You know and it may be having to reverse the things to say hey

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What about you before we actually start focusing on who you lead?

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Yeah, I mean it coaching is so much about the individual like we when I'm training other coaches

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I'll tell them you know you're not coaching the situation. You're coaching the person

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Right, so I'm not coach. I'm not fixing their situation. I'm coaching them to deal with it better

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So a lot of the insights come from the coachee

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But it's my job to pull it out of them

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So it is a different kind of discipline. You know like consulting is flat-out. I know better than you

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I'm going to tell you what to do

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You know but coaching is asking the right questions so that people open up to their own

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brilliance and their own answers

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Laura I have a random question has there ever been someone you said you're not coachable?

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Oh, yes, definitely yeah after 30 years. I've definitely come across

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uncoachable people

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People who just think they're right all the time people who don't want to change

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I mean I was working with a very senior leader who he was willing to take the journey with me

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But he would say you know I have to decide if I really want to be the leader that develops other people

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Because I've really liked being the leader that just has all the answers and people listen to what I say oh wow

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Okay, yeah, you know he had the insight to know

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There's a difference between the two and he's not so sure that he wants to be

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That you know yeah, yeah, you know and I think that that's um that's that's some self

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self

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Finding you have to say something like that which makes all the sense in the world for that individual

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They have to really know where they are and what they want so I've actually never heard that but um

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Hey, there's a first time for everything right

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What's the most important quality of a great coach um I

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Think they're really good listener

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And also that they

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practice reducing their ego

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You know and I when I train other coaches I tell them that becoming a coach is ego reduction therapy

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Because you're not it's not about you. It's not about your great ideas. It's not about your great wisdom

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It's about bringing out the greatness and other people

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So you have to reduce your own ego and be a great listener and listen for that brilliance and somebody else

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Yes, yes interesting enough that that's a part of one of my own business quotes

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You speak you you speak I listen you desire I deliver and I just really believe that that's something so important

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It's just to be able to listen

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Before you decide to respond so you're you're right and I think that's a great quality of life in general

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You know if you're a good listener

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I think you can pretty much get through and and speak to most people I won't say anyone right not everyone

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But I'll paraphrase a roomie

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I think it's a roomie quote, but and I'm paraphrasing because I don't have it exactly right, but like before you open your mouth

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Is it true is it kind and does it improve on the silence?

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And I love that last part

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You know does it improve on the silence because so many people feel like they have to fill the silence and say something and sometimes you don't

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Yes, yes that statement. I'm just be quiet

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Just be quiet and listen

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Can you share the story where your coaching led to a proposal?

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Change in someone's life? Um there's so many of them do

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But I'm reminded of an early story of a woman who was in her 50s, and she was a recruiter and

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she made about $50,000 a year and

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Working with me for 18 months she moved her income from 50k a year to 500k a year

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and she created herself a lovely retirement in her in her dream home with a garden and her dream Mercedes Benz and

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She went from thinking very small to thinking much bigger in her field and she was very well respected by the time she retired and

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Really made a life for herself

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Even in you know a later life

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When a lot of people think there's no possibility for them. Yes, yes, and you know, I'm definitely going back to the story

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I heard on your TEDx talk and the end of the story was saying that

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If I if I may tell just a piece of it because of what I heard the 17 year old

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Having being a young mother and then

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pushing forward to do the work, right and then thereafter as she got older

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That was what she did and she was very good at what she did and getting to where she needed to be

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But as she got older some things needed to change and she found herself in a moment

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And there was a statement you made of course, I'm paraphrasing

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You probably know it for me, but I'm not sure if you've heard of it

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But once she realized she was in a different position and her why was different

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You helped her to change that. Am I on the right track? Do you remember?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what story you're talking about. See she was um

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We the point of the story is that sometimes we make a vow very young in our life

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And we base all our actions on that vow and her vow that was as you know, having given birth to her

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Child at 17 years old and she had to give up going to college at the time and a basketball scholarship and she

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Made us that she made a vow that she would not be a teenage statistic like that

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She was going to beat the odds and here she was now in her 30s working with me

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And she was successful at what she did, but she didn't like it anymore

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And she didn't have any motivation and she didn't know why she was losing her mojo

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And it was because she had outgrown the why

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She'd outgrown the motivation like she was not a teenage statistic. She blew that one out of the water

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And she needed a new motivation and she didn't even realize it. So once I had her awareness on

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You did it you proved it that can't be driving you anymore

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That's why you don't have your mojo is because you need a new driver a new reason

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And so she changed that reason and went on to continue successfully in her career

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And I wanted to give her a reason why she was losing her mojo

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I want to give her a reason why she was wanting to live her life. I don't know how

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She knew that situation

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When she was

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where we stopped knowing that we've grown and stayed in our past and tried to make it

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work moving forward.

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So I really thought that story was super impactful for others.

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And if you're listening, it is a TEDx talk.

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Utilize her name and find it.

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And it's a good one.

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And you'll understand where the story comes from as we sort of minimize it or shorten

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it a little bit.

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And I invite you to go to Laura's TEDx talk and watch that.

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Thank you.

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Of course.

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And as I mentioned before, it hit home.

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I too was young with children.

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And so I was like, oh, wow, this is, is she talking about me?

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But I love that for you.

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When it comes to leaders and you coaching them, what tips do you have for leaders?

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The tip on reducing your ego, I think, is big for leaders.

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That's hard.

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You could always be the answer person.

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But if you become the developer of people instead of the answer person, your legacy, your ripple

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effect will be much bigger.

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Yeah.

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So what do you want to be measured by?

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So I think it was Jack Welsh, the CEO of GE, who said leaders are not measured by how many

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followers they have, but by how many leaders they've developed.

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I like that.

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You know, interesting enough is, do you keep track of this?

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You know, and I mean, and I guess it comes off of that question again.

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This is another question off the top of my head.

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Do you keep or should leaders keep track of how many people they've assisted to determine

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where they are and measure what they've done?

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You know, it's not something I actively do with clients, you know, counting or even me

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counting.

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I've lost track of how many clients I've coached and how many hours I've coached.

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But because of other colleagues of mine who have kept track of their hours, they guesstimate

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that I'm in like the 35,000 hours now of coaching and you get 10, you master at 10,000 hours.

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So I think that, you know, you'll know your impact based on how many people keep, they'll

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tell you.

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So if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have done this or, you know, you'll get that occasional

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letter of gratitude from somebody.

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But you know, people say so many nice things about you at your funeral.

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It'd be nice if people could say those things along the way while you're still alive and

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can hear them.

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Absolutely.

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So what you're saying, Laura, is you're a master coach.

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I am a master coach.

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Did you all hear that?

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She's a master coach.

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She's well over the 10,000 hours.

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So if I may ask, what new projects or ideas are you most excited about right now?

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If any.

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Yeah, I mean, I'm still coaching leaders and I'm still coaching people who are figuring

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out what they want to do with their life.

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But I have turned my focus towards helping other coaches be successful because, you know,

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I'm now a senior member of this community of coaches and I just see too many talented

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people not treating it as a business and not succeeding.

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And these are well-meaning, heart-centered, really talented people and I want to see them

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do well.

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So I've been supporting coaches on what they need to do to be a business owner and to be

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an entrepreneur because they need to be an entrepreneur to be the coach that they want

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to be.

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So that's where my attention and focus is and people can find out more about all my

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areas of expertise on laurabermanforking.com.

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Thank you for being here today.

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I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.

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I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward.

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This is going to get more and more fun.

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We'll have more and more engagement as well.

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We'll invite people to participate in the show and thank you for giving us your time

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and attention.

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I hope you're having an excellent time building out your vision and becoming a Vision Pro

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yourself.

