What's your why?
That's a long story.
I don't know if we have enough time.
But it kind of touches on how this adventure got started.
This is a complete accident, really.
I started this whole journey as a drug addict and a dropout.
And by rights, I should be dead or in jail many times over.
And believe me, I feel blessed every day
that I'm walking around still vertical, still mobile.
I actually had friends betting that I wasn't going
to live to see 30 years old.
Somewhere along the line, keeping the story short,
somewhere along the line, I decided enough was enough.
And about that time, I found martial arts.
So that turned into a 30-odd year, yeah, about 30 years
as a professional martial artist and instructor.
And that's where the speaking evolved,
because people were asking me to share these philosophies
outside the dojo, right?
And they had a lot of resonance.
And I was blessed again with great teachers
who that was their message.
What we learn in the dojo is not just
so that we can slap each other around
and have a good time on a Friday afternoon, right?
It's to make ourselves better so that we become better
resources to the people around us
and to go out and share that.
And so that naturally evolved into the leadership space,
especially after I wrote The Sensei Leader.
That's when it really took off.
And so the why, and I do consciously ask myself
that every year.
I ask leaders to put themselves to this exercise, and I do too.
And I meditate on two questions.
Who am I and what do I do?
And those sound like very stupid questions,
but they're very important.
And I've learned, too, that the broadest questions sometimes
can focus us the best, right?
Because we're not expecting a certain outcome.
And it keeps coming back to teacher.
I think that's what my calling was.
I think that's what I enjoyed as a martial artist.
That's really all I do now.
A lot of different ways to do it,
but it comes down to that.
It comes down to teaching.
And that's what I love, and that's what I'm passionate about.
So that's why I do what I do.
Yeah.
And so when you meet with leaders
that may have a similar background
or a different background, do you
pretty much go through a list of what their goals are,
what their visions are?
And because at the end of the day,
we all were looking for, you said,
you don't look for solutions.
You like resolutions.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, one of my heroes, Thomas Sowell,
I stole that from him, actually.
He gave a very interesting lecture where he said,
there aren't really any solutions.
There are really only trade-offs, right?
Nothing's completely solved.
And how dull would life be if it were, right?
That would be the end of everything.
So not to wax too philosophical, but lists and things
like that, it's interesting because one of the disciplines
I brought up was guide.
And if we wanted, and in a workshop,
we would explore that very technically.
What we're talking about as we apply it really
is teaching and mentoring, coaching, right?
And all leaders, that's a huge part of your job.
So one of the things that I do, this is kind of a side,
but you'll see where it comes back.
My volunteer passion is working with incarcerated youth.
And part of it is payback because that's
the trip I was on, not as a young person, well,
young person, but not as a kid.
So I wouldn't have been in kiddie prison,
is what I call it, with the kids.
But one of the things I do there is training mentors.
And I ask them, I do this exercise,
I do the same thing when I'm doing workshops
with business leaders too.
I say, OK, the same questions you just asked me,
what are your expectations?
Do you have a list of things?
Write them up on the whiteboard.
And they do.
And then me being the jerk that I am, I erase everything.
No.
No expectations.
We're mentoring when we're giving of ourselves that way.
You should give unconditionally.
I don't know what this person wants to do yet.
I don't know what this person's goals and aspirations are.
I have to listen first.
First understand like Stephen Covey said.
Lao Tzu said it a couple thousand years before that.
But Stephen Covey brought it into our time.
And from there, we can start the conversation.
Now, let's be practical about it.
A lot of times we're talking about this in a business
setting.
So there are times when an individual's needs might not
match with the needs of the organization, right?
And then we might not be able to continue
doing business together.
And that's fine.
That might be best for both parties to go separate ways.
But again, that's the exception, not the rule.
Most of the time, if we can really sincerely
listen to somebody, understand what their needs are,
and then see where those things align
with the needs of the group or the organization,
then we're in pretty good shape.
I mean, that's the space where people really grow and expand,
if we can get to that space.
And when I think about helping leaders and trying to be human,
I believe that it all starts with self first,
and making sure that they're comfortable with themselves
in order to be able to inspire, empower, and guide.
Because if not, they're just leading everybody
which themselves down the wrong road.
Do you ever find yourself working with a leader?
Yeah.
Do you ever find yourself working with a leader?
And after a couple of sessions, you're like, maybe this isn't,
I may not be the right path for this individual.
Oh, yeah, you mean the great leaders.
By that, I mean the ones who are very vocal about telling us
that.
It just happened at a conference just a few months ago.
It's funny, because actually we were
talking about assessments.
And this person shared that they had just taken a leadership
assessment.
And I said, well, curiosity, what did you learn from that?
He said, I really learned that I was a much better leader
than I thought I was.
No, OK, I'm not judging.
I don't know.
But then later on at the bar, I met some of the people
that his reports and their version of the story
was a little different.
So I think there's a humility component to it.
The leaders that are authentically the best
are the ones who understand that perfection is not
a destination.
It's a never-ending process, right?
We always want to learn.
We want to grow.
So when you say we have to be comfortable in ourselves
as leaders, yeah, to a degree, we need to express that.
But we also need to be very humble.
We need to look in the mirror a lot.
And I think we get a lot more.
One fact I'll tell you a quick story about,
if you go on my website, somewhere there's
a picture of me in my black belt.
This is part of the reason I share
that I was a drug addict and whatnot before too.
Because when I earned that black belt,
that was the greatest day of my life at that time.
It was the first time I really accomplished anything
meaningful, first time I was certainly recognized for it.
Well, they give you kind of a cheap belt at the test.
So when I got home, my master had a gift for me.
And it was this heavyweight black belt.
It's beautiful.
It's the most beautiful, darkest shade of black you ever saw.
It was just incredible.
But he said, if you continue your life in the arts,
this thing's going to change.
You're going to tie it and untie it thousands of times.
You're going to get dragged across and floored it
and sweat and bleed and cry in it.
And all those things came true for sure.
And it did change.
It faded.
It got gray.
That happens to the best of us.
But more important than that, the black belt, the outer
covering frays away.
And underneath, and this is intentional,
underneath is a white belt that's constantly revealed
as the black belt frays away.
And of course, to a martial artist,
what does that represent?
It's the beginning.
So it teaches us always to have beginner's mind,
always to be happy but never quite satisfied.
And that's truly the mind of the greatest masters
or the greatest leaders.
Never finished.
No.
Always a way to do better, always a way to serve better.
And again, let's not be lollipops or rainbows about it.
There are times when people reach a certain level of skill
or achievement in their life.
That's fine.
Now what can we do with it?
To me, all leadership is sharing.
In fact, when I'm asked to reduce it, that's what I rely on.
Leadership is sharing.
A leader shares.
So if you're ultimately very comfortable in your skin,
you've reached the highest levels, then great.
Now find a way to share that.
Find a way to expand that by sharing it with other people.
And I want to say congratulations to you in your journey.
I was in the field of mental health and substance abuse
for many, many, many years.
And I spoke with several individuals.
And I tell you, as I hear you speak,
I get goosebumps because I remember some of those stories
and how far and the underlining story to where they were
and how they can get out of it.
And so I say that that to say is like, I understand.
I understand what you know.
I can't say that I went through it myself.
But to hear all of those stories of young youth and my business
at that time was tied to the field of HIV and AIDS.
So it was HIV and AIDS, substance abuse,
and mental health.
And then for me to case manage, I
would have to have all of those things encompass
to be able to assist that individual.
So as you tell me these things and you get into martial arts
and dojo and then the belt and then frailing away
and the white part all coming back,
it's almost like a rebirth.
That's what it reminds me of is a rebirth.
And when you say that you don't want
to be too comfortable in yourself
because you still want to have the capacity
to continue to keep learning, I get that too.
It's such a blessing to say that I'm still learning
and I'm going to continue to learn.
As you mentioned, perfection cannot be reached at all.
It's this thing that's-
Yeah, it's not a destination.
It's a purpose.
I want to thank you so much for your work
because that's critical.
And I think you understand what I say by this.
People always ask me about the drug experience.
I say, well, quitting drugs is easy.
Most of us who did it, we got a lot of practice at it.
We put a few tries at it, right?
It's staying off that's hard.
And that's why we need folks like you
to provide a great example, provide support
and give us another place to go.
Thank you for being here today.
I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.
I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions
as these episodes continue to move forward.
This is going to get more and more fun.
We'll have more and more engagement as well.
I want to invite people to participate in the show
and thank you for giving us your time and attention.
Have an excellent time building out your vision
and becoming a Vision Pro yourself.