Cause I actually ended up doing two.
Let's see here.
You got to meet with remind me.
Oh, Harry?
Yes, Harry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There it is. Okay.
I thought so. So you got to meet with him in August.
And then we met with him again.
Yeah, I had two meetings with him.
I can't remember if the first one was August or the second one was August.
But yeah, we met.
We had two chats.
We came away after the first one.
He's like, oh, I've got to catch up with you again.
So that was really great.
And then here we are.
December. It's 75 degrees Fahrenheit here at 6 a.m. in Brisbane.
So, you know, welcome, welcome to the universe.
So, yeah, it's been great.
Absolutely.
And I love Harry.
He has learned so much in the last six months as a leader.
And just so you know, he actually gave you a 4.5 out of five star review.
And that's a very, very rare rating.
To be rated that high.
So it says a lot about how much he thinks of you.
That's why I'm also excited to dive into this idea of education that we we all overlook and underappreciate.
Like, even those of us who are educators, I think it's so hard to grasp the value of all that's there.
And then you align that with purpose and fulfillment.
You mind talking about that a little bit?
Yeah. So I guess the thing is, you know, there's this Tony Robbins many years ago talked about the fact that, you know,
we talk about knowledge as power, but knowledge is only potential power.
So first of it is really getting the information that we need.
But then my piece of my work that I love talking about is really how to take that education piece and put it into action.
Because without that, you know, we can't claim that we don't have access to information any day.
But we have a really hard time trying to figure out what is going on for us and what information and education we specifically need to advance our goals
and meet our potential and meet our purpose.
And I think so much gets lost in the white noise that we really, really struggle with that.
So my model of infinite leadership, which is this ongoing evolution around continuous learning,
helps people create this idea of figuring out, moving out the white noise, having a really good structure,
figuring out what do I need right now and what information do I need right now and being able to apply that.
Because I think for so long, you know, what I've experienced in my life is people get resentment,
like they get to the next level in their job or their advancement or their career or they're doing some piece of learning.
And then they get to the next phase. And then if they want to get further, they actually have to continue that learning journey.
And then they get kind of resentful. Oh, my gosh, when does it stop? When can I just breathe? When can I just do this?
But if you kind of just adopt the mindset that it's continuous improvement, always a continuous learning journey,
then it actually takes the resentment piece out of it, because it's just the next natural step for you to get to that next phase in your journey.
And I think we're not learning. We're kind of dying. Right. So how do we continue?
And a lot of it's our mindset piece around that choice. What do we need to do? And we say, yeah, we forget that we actually have choice so often.
How often do we sit there and go, well, I had no choice. Well, yeah, you did. You know, not always great choices.
You might have a, you know, I talk about the least crappy of the crappy choices sometimes, but you still have a choice.
And so and I like to walk my talk, really. I left a government job after 20 years in the middle of COVID, because for a long time, you know, I loved what I did.
I was very, very passionate about empowering others and building capacity in others, both young people and the people that I led.
But it no longer aligned to my true north. And I had all the excuses in the world to not take the next step in the world.
And and for September, Quaio said excuses are valid, but they're not going to get you where you want to go. Right.
So I was a single parent. That would absolutely be a valid reason to not step out of that comfort zone and leave a secure job.
I have been through a lot of life experiences that make it hard to that would be very valid for me to go, you know what?
I'm going to play small. But I didn't let those excuses get in the way.
I learned how to work around them. And that was part of that continuous education and learning journey for myself.
And I'm much more aligned with my own purpose. And I hope by doing that, I'm modeling the way for others to do the same.
I was about to ask if you also breathe. I get very excited. I get very excited about what I do. I love it. I love your passion.
So I love that quote. Who was it that said the excuses are valid, but they don't get you where you want to go?
His name is Busy Busy Fembe Quaio. He's an African guy. He also has an he has a quote that I use in my book.
He said, I didn't he said identity is manmade. So thereby it can be man changed.
So it's really about taking back that choice and control that if you don't like the circumstances, you have the power to change it.
I love that you talked about that from the perspective of education as well. That choice. Right.
And then ultimately boiling it down to the mindset. You know, it's I'm so grateful. One of my favorite quotes.
I learned this when I was pretty young is the more you learn, the more you can learn. Right.
And then years later, I read this study that the Harvard Business Review did on the curse of knowledge.
And that is so eye opening to realize it sounds like you're familiar with it.
And I just want to validate that that, you know, once you make the choice that we love to learn, right, that it's a continual opportunity, right?
Not something you have to do, but something you get to do. It's just so empowering.
And I'm also blessed. This this little book right here played a number on me.
This really changed my perspective on my self-esteem. It's called Strengths Finder 2.0. Yes.
My number one, got that in my bookshelf. My number one trait was learner.
And it was the first time I ever validated for my knowledge and like what I did, because I was a 0.33 GPA kid.
I did not do well in school. I did not like the organizational infrastructure that was provided as much as other people do.
But that thing finally validated how I learn and how important it is to my life and helped me center around it.
So I'm so grateful for what you're talking about. I think there's young people and old people, right,
of all generations that can benefit from just taking a step back and saying, you know what?
I can enjoy this from here on out. So that's cool.
And I think there's that saying that says you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Well, you can't teach an old dog that doesn't want to learn anything new tricks, I think.
Right. Or a new dog. Yeah. So anyone that is resistant and has that blocker.
And again, that's a personal thing to yourself. If you've decided and I knew somebody who's like,
I just I don't want to do this anymore. And I'm like, well, well, then what does that look like for you?
Right. So and that's a choice that you make.
But then you can't complain when you don't get the things that you want, right.
Because you haven't made the choice to keep. You know, I talk about reflect, review and recalibrate as many times as you need to get to the next level in your journey.
Speaking of reflection, recalibrate, and you've had a lifetime of opportunities to search the resources and find things that have helped you along your way.
What are three resources that you recommend to other visionary leaders on their way on their way?
Yeah. So shameless plug here. I did some of it. I brought my own book, Infinite Leadership, which is a great resource because it is about infinite leadership.
Infinite leadership drive a continuous improvement culture and create excellence for everyone.
So whether you're doing this as a self leader, like for yourself, for your family, whether you're doing it for your team and whether you're doing it for your organization,
it's that ongoing evolution that we were just talking about that around leadership and each of the letters of infinite is its own pillar.
So when it starts with you, it starts with I for identity. Who are you? Where are you now?
So, you know, going back to your story, you could have you could have claimed that identity as the point three three kid. Right.
But you didn't. You know, and probably at some point you did. I claim it.
But I claim it with the type of confidence and appreciation for my story.
So it doesn't define who you are. It's part of who you were, but doesn't define you.
Like my experience of going through domestic violence, I was a victim of domestic violence. That was an identity that I had.
But it's not something that I want to sit with and, you know, bathe in and stuff like that. I want to move forward from that.
And so, you know, that that identity holds us back so often because if I sat with that and just sit there and go, well, this is the only identity that I attach myself to.
Will that ever get me the outcomes that I seek to gain in this world? Right.
And of course, so all of these different pillars within that book, the second one, I think, is when I was first starting out,
there's I didn't have a lot of people around me in my inner ecosystem.
So the E in Infinite Leadership is ecosystem. But I didn't have an ecosystem around me that really understood where I wanted to go.
And so I was starting to look up stuff online that I could find and resonate with. And my very first my very first thing that I consistently, I guess, watched was a Canadian guy called Evan Carmichael.
And he has a thing called Top Ten Rules for Success and some really key learnings he came out with.
He just finds these snippets of information about key different people and you can take it.
And he talks about what's the lesson that you're taking away that you can apply into your own life today.
So every time I'm going to something, every time I'm reading something, every time I'm listening to something, I'm like, what lesson am I going to take away today from this today?
And I like to bespoke. I don't like to have one particular modality. So I'm like, oh, I like a little bit of this. I like a little bit of this.
I'm going to take a little bit of this and put it all together to create my own model versus having a one size fits all model.
And the other thing that you were talking about is that book that hurts your feelings. Then you know you've got a really good book. Right.
So if you're reading it a little bit and it's challenging your thinking and it's kind of making you feel a bit inside because you've done that.
There's two books outside of my own book that have done that for me is The Big Leap by Gay Hendrix.
I remember I was listening to it. I was driving on a holiday and I was driving up and I was kind of yelling at the radio to stop talking
because I was like so offended by what he was saying because it was so true. I'm like, you're hurting my feelings.
I felt very called out on my travels. And the other one is a lady by the name of Tasha Yurok and she has a book called Insight.
And it's around our self-awareness. And to your point earlier, the more self-aware we are,
the risk of what I call the false positive is thinking that we will not be blind to ourselves at times.
And so who are our people that can be our loving critics to us that want what's best for us in our own journey,
that help us when we are feeling blind to ourselves, help us bring us back into that track with compassion and care,
but are also going to call us out on our stuff in a safe, supportive way. So who are those people in your ecosystem?
So there are a few different, I could go on all that. That could be a whole podcast episode in itself,
but there are three resources that Kylie's nerded out on, but there are three that I particularly love.
You say three. I've got a list of 10 out of those already. So that's fantastic. And I think it's great.
Thank you for being willing to dive deep into your well. That's what you're doing for us.
And it's not always about what's covered in the actual discussion as much as,
and it's usually more about the depth of the leader themselves. And what can we do long-term
to make sure that we're able to engage with leaders like Kylie Leota? So we're going to come back.
We're going to talk about personal education even further, Kylie's vision for that, creating fulfillment
and purpose and how to maximize these opportunities in your lives as visionary leaders. And we'll see you guys on the other side.
All right. Welcome in to Vision Pros Live with Jackson Callum. I'm your show host.
We're doing interviews for visionary entrepreneurs and guest leaders who are building fantastic visions out there.
What's up, Vision Pros? Welcome into another episode of Vision Pros Live.
I'm your show host, Jackson Callum, founder and CEO of First Class Business.
And I'm excited to have Kylie Leota on. You may have heard her from past episodes.
We did a couple interviews with Harry Basheest as well. And her depth is one that we just want to keep drawing from the well of.
So we just went through some of the resources that she has. Before we bring her back on stage,
of course, we're always going to give you certain resources from our repertoire as well.
We got Dave Morrow of Hard2Kill.org. Dave has been building Hard2Kill.org to help 100,000 veterans lose 2 million pounds collectively.
And he's now opened his community for fitness and health up to civilians like myself.
So go and check out Hard2Kill.org. If you know anybody in the veteran community, consider sending them our way, especially because they.
How do I put this in a way that's light, but doesn't doesn't tear down the feelings, right?
Too many of our veterans are overlooked. Too many of them have, you know, end up suffering from depression.
And the suicide rate is absolutely insane right now.
And a big part of that is the same thing that would happen to all of us if somebody took away all of our routines,
our life direction, if our life is based on our role, and put us in a position to where you had to kind of start from scratch again.
So my empathy and heart goes out to those soldiers who live and live to protect us.
And I love what Dave's up to to help them get back on track with looking good, feeling good, and going about and doing good.
Sorry, guys, I don't know why I got emotional about that today, but it matters.
Then there's opportunities, opportunities for work for Latinos specifically.
I've got Cynthia here helping me out on the podcast today.
And with opportunities, we're helping bridge the economic gap from North America to South America and the rest of the world.
And they've got their own podcast show for opportunities.
Well, if you're a Latino and you want to go on and inspire the rest of the Latino world on what's possible and definitely join us.
We hosted Quique Anglais a few months back, nine hundred thousand subscribers on YouTube as a English teacher.
And we've got other Latinos who have been involved in that show as well.
The point is not necessarily the accolades of like how cool is this getting? It's actually the exact opposite.
How many Latinos can we find who've never heard of LinkedIn, who never heard of Canva Upwork, who have no idea what digital marketing is or that podcasting exists?
Just like Louisa, who did the interview with Quique after having never done a podcast interview in her life or hearing about it.
It's amazing what's possible. We all come together and see how do we create win win win solutions.
So it is a virtual assistant program. And more importantly, we're looking for more Latinos to get involved and help us carry that torch forward so we can bless more lives.
Then there's a water project. The water project is not my resource. We we I just really like it.
So what we I have this little water bottle right here. Right. I've never been thirsty in my life. Never had to worry about it.
So when it came across the water project and I saw it, I specifically chose to meditate on it and think through what would it be like if my kids didn't have water or what would it be like if I had to be thirsty?
And these individuals, they they don't have water sources within several miles of their homes.
The water project comes in, builds a borehole well or a sand dam, and they get to they document the process.
And they can see the results of what you contribute towards. And I love their transparency related to that. And my hope again, as maybe you'll turn this into a dinner conversation and you'll talk to your friends and family about what you can do to help out causes like this.
And if you have a cause of your own that you'd like to support, or you'd like us to support, drop the comment. Let us know what that causes. We might be able to dive in and help.
We've got eight billion people to help in this world. As long as I'm going to rock the microphone, I'm going to do it with that as a focal point.
Without further ado, Kylie, welcome back to Vision Pros Live. And thank you so much for joining me.
No, thank you so much. And I love that missions that you were just sharing about. And, you know, it's just it's always so powerful when we can collectively come together to bring that to the fore.
So thank you for your work in all of those different spaces to being that voice when people don't have a voice.
I'm super passionate about that kind of work as well. I'm a very strong advocate for a few different causes myself. And so thank you for your work, because without that, we don't get the airtime of different stories that need to be heard.
And voices matter.
I love that. Thanks for doubling down on me. I really appreciate it.
With that said, we got visionary leaders listening in. Some of them are probably just starting out with some of them might not even call themselves visionary leaders yet. Others are well along the way. Maybe Elon Musk is listening today.
Right. I'm curious, though. What's your vision? What's your vision for those that you serve?
Yeah, so the name of my company is called Elements for Success. So quite simply put, how that came about was Earl Nightingale. His definition of success was success is the progressive moralization of a worthy goal or ideal.
And for you, Jackson, your vision of what success looks like for you might be different for what it looks like for me, different from your audience, different from those leaders that are just starting out to those leaders that are further ahead in the journey.
But at the end of the day, it's helping people create that what success looks like for them and then helping them backward map that steps along the way.
And the Elements part of Elements for Success is we've all got skill gaps in our journey that are going to stop us from achieving that success that we define for ourselves.
And my job is to help people close the gap and find those different elements that are going to help them in their journey to what success looks like for them, whether it be an individual personal level or whether it be at a high level
or corporate organizational level. At the key and the foundation of it, that's what it's about serving others to do that.
Okay. So your programs at what I don't know how to ask this without it being a convoluted question, but what level of scale are they at?
Because you're able to help both realms of that perspective. And you've been, you know, you've been making a life out of this.
It's not like something that you dove into yesterday, right? And nothing wrong with people who are just starting out again. But how, you know, help me, help us see that.
I would love to know, like, is this open for everybody and anybody Tony Robbins level or Maria?
So there's, yeah, so there's both arms of that. So I've got people that come to me that have never had access to coaching before.
And they're like, I know I need something different. And, you know, with all due respect, there is amazing therapeutic supports out there.
But some people for a whole variety of reasons can't or won't access those particular supports.
Whereas coaching is a little bit more accessible because most of us grew up sport coach or even music or somewhere in school or somewhere along the line.
And coaching is about how to capture your best self and get it on the field or get to capture your best self and get it out there. Right.
So I do do individual work. But the other part of it. So I have this idea.
And when I started, always have been helping people as individuals build their capacity to get to where they want to go.
But what I found was people were hitting ceilings and barriers all along the way because systems are broken.
As we well know, it doesn't matter if it's America, it doesn't matter if it's Australia.
There are many, many, many, many systems that are broken.
So I'm doing this work, helping people level themselves up into the space and they're hitting all these ceilings.
And I'm like, well, this is rubbish. So I'm like, how do I remove some of those barriers for them so they continue on their trajectory to where they want to go?
So the other part of that is going into corporates, going into high level, high scale organisations.
And we know that from here, the difference between a great organisation and a brewing organisation is the leadership.
And we've got to get that right because the flow and effect, the ROI for everybody else in that organisation is more than 10x.
It's, you know, I don't even know if you can put a price value on it if we can remove some of those barriers.
So I do both ends of that for that reason that I can build somebody's capacity and they can be brilliant, but they can still hit a ceiling.
We've got to get rid of those ceilings. So being able to get into organisations, support them to be infinite leaders.
And then this idea is about sustainable practices, right?
So how do we help them then support everybody else in there to create that exponential growth and that continuous evolution of growth,
which is actually what creates the innovation and the success and the excellence in whatever we do, both personally and professionally.
Love that. Love that you said something about the word right and leadership.
So I went ahead and combine the two because there's different forms of leadership that exist out there.
And I'm with you as far as, you know, personal education and fulfilment can be extremely limited by our surroundings,
by our environment, by the leaders who often control what that looks like, but they can also be amplified, right?
They can be cultivated thanks to great leadership. So what is right leadership?
How would you define that? Yeah, for me personally, I think right leadership is one that's really crafted a very solid foundation in psychological safety.
And I say authentically, not tokenistically.
I think it's become the new buzzword that becomes a workshop that you go to to tick a box to say that you do.
But right leadership, you know, is first of all, understanding that as a leader, you're not always right.
There's a really good principle in right leadership is being open to the fact that as a leader, you're not going to get it right all of the time.
But if you have a solid foundation in psychological safety that is authentically embedded into your organisation,
then you're going to surround yourself with people that are going to help you get it right.
And I think that's really, really important. And what does right mean?
It's around creating that collective vision to get the best outcome for everyone.
And it's the win-win, not the I'm winning, you're losing model. It's about creating the win-win for everybody.
I'm going to interrupt what you said, because I think a lot of people are going to miss what you said, not because of you, because of us, right, as listeners, our blind spots.
Psychological safety, psychological safety, psychological safety, right.
So so many people out there are building based on quarterly expectations, based on grinding it out, moving it forward, squeezing every drop out of the lemon, et cetera.
Like that's the that's the typical process that is highlighted and pushed as the means for growth.
Yet 96 percent of businesses lose within 10 years.
Go figure. You all go to the same education class as everybody else does.
You're going to end up with the same results that everybody else is, which we don't want.
So you're going against the barrier with that and going back to the basics, I would say, back to the fundamental reality of what we feel as human beings.
Let's talk about that. What is psychological safety and how do we help entrepreneurs catch the vision clear faster and be inspired to move towards it so that they can adopt it and say, like, oh, gosh, like, duh, let's let's do this.
And I think a lot of entrepreneurs have grown up in a space where it wasn't safe to be themselves.
That's why the entrepreneurs in the first place, they didn't fit into a mold that says in corporate, we work or we do this right.
Because our brains are wired differently.
And one of the things that I said a couple of years ago is I'm so tired of apologizing for the way that my brain works.
So how do we create?
How do we create a space that is psychologically safe for me?
And going back to that ecosystem model, right.
But at its foundational principles, whether you're talking about corporate, whether you're talking about entrepreneurship or whether you're talking about your own family, like I'm a mom of three kids.
Right. So at the premise level, the very first level of psychological safety is inclusion.
I feel like I belong here.
And that could be in a conversation.
It could be in a meeting. It could be in the organization.
It could be within the team.
What does that look like for me?
And the part for yourself as right leaders for yourself is not that the organization should do this for me, but self identifying.
What does it feel like to belong?
How do I know that I belong in this space or how do I feel like I belong in this space?
And so as an entrepreneur, you're constantly on the hustle and sometimes trying to put yourself square peg in a round hole.
How do you know if it's a good fit for you instead of wasting your energy on things that aren't a good fit?
So that sense of belonging and at its basic level, I feel like I belong here.
I feel like I'm welcome here.
And sometimes that's with ourselves.
Right. What does it feel like to be OK to belong to myself as this entrepreneurial mindset and be kind and compassionate to myself in this journey?
The second part is that learner phase.
I'm learning along this journey and there's sometimes I'm going to get it right and sometimes I'm not.
But the only time it's a failure is if I don't take something away from it.
The true failure is if I continue to, I guess, reject the learnings.
I know. And it's about finding the wisdom in those wounds, not that we won't have wounds on that journey.
And I think one of the most I'm I'm pretty hard on myself.
I've got a pretty high aspirations for myself.
So being a former educator, I am the most compassionate person.
And my my young people that I worked with were kids on roofs, kids with knives, kids with had horrific, horrific stories.
And everyone would go, oh, my gosh, you are so compassionate, so caring.
But I haven't always been that to myself.
And so, you know, what does that look like and sound like and feel like for me in this journey when I'm not getting where I think I should be or how do I give myself grace in that moment?
But how do I surround myself with people that are going to give me grace with the fact that I'm not always going to be perfect?
Because once I do a lot of things well, there are some things not so great at. Ask my kids.
They'll tell you. Right. So finding grace and compassion in that moment.
The next part of psychological safety is contribution.
If I walk into this conversation, I walk into this meeting, I walk into this team or the organization, my contribution is valued.
Regardless of whether they take it on board or not, I feel like I have the right to speak up and share my thoughts and ideas.
And I walk away feeling heard. How often does that not happen for us?
And I even go back to one of the big pieces I talk about is feedback, because I think we do it so poorly.
When when did anyone that you led, sorry, anyone that led you ever come up to you and say, hey, Jackson, when I've got some feedback to give you, how would you like me to give it to you in a way that you can receive it?
Not very often. I don't recall anyone ever saying that to me. They've all got their own.
I've got some feedback for you or catch me when it's a really bad time or they'll say it in a way.
The hard part from I understand the wisdom, what you're saying, because there's like 99.9 percent of people don't have that right.
But you highlighted the truth that resonates super well with me. Right.
And that's I've built a team of belonging. All right.
And I've been raised by people who, you know, like I've got leaders who did that for me because I dedicated my life to trying to figure out how to find leaders like that.
So I know I'm the exception, the rule on that. If you don't have that in your life, know that there are lots of great leaders out there.
There's lots of great environments to belong within.
And if you're not in that, then you have an opportunity to choose to find one to move.
And you don't have to accept less than because you feel like you know, this is what it is.
I often say to people that haven't had that very blessed experience that you've got of having leaders that created that around you.
I often start with no. I learned more lessons about leadership from the bad leadership about what I didn't want to be.
That was actually how I started my model. Right. Like, no, I'm not doing that.
I will never do that. Not do that.
And so from that, I crafted what I felt it looked like to be that set, create that sense of belonging.
And I have staff that worked with me 15 years ago that will still reach out to me and go, Kylie, you are the first and only leader that had ever actually made me feel seen, heard and accepted.
And she goes, I've been missing that for the last 15 years in my leadership journey. Can we catch up?
And in one conversation, they're like, I've had more support from you in one conversation than I've had in the last 15 years.
Those of you who are listening in, you have an extreme opportunity. The wisest of those listening in are hearing and valuing both sides of this equation.
And why does that matter? Because as a leader, you have to we have the opportunity to help people learn what to escape.
Right. And you have to have empathy and compassion in order to do that.
And then the flip side, you know now how to guide them, like what you're guiding them to, where you're going to take them.
And so I do appreciate being able to hear both sides of this and be able to dynamically dive into both sides at once, because it's very rare that a leader has that depth to be able to dive into both simultaneously.
So I've got real quick a recap. I've got one, the sense of belonging, two, facilitating a place where I'm learning and where others can learn, three, the contribution aspect, right?
Facilitating an opportunity for people to contribute.
And the last one of psychological safety is that challenge of safety around the fact that is if I should hope that anyone on my team can actually come up to me and go, Hey, Kylie, I know you said this thing that we're going to do.
I'm not sure it's right. Can I can I help? Can I get you to help me unpack that? Or I can actually go, Hey, can you help me understand why you made that decision, Jackson, the other day when you said this thing in the meeting?
Because I'm struggling with that right now, without fear of losing their job, without fear of that person not liking them, without fear that we're not going to be okay at the end of this conversation.
Right. So is this is this the fourth point? Do you define that the way Patrick Lincione does as healthy conflict? Or is there a different term that you use for it?
I use considered conflict. So I actually run. Yeah, I use. Yeah, I create and I run workshops on it. Actually, I'm heading off. I'm jumping on a plane after this podcast to go down to Melbourne in Australia and run a workshop on it.
Because the idea is that we grew up, most of us grew up the narrative that conflict is bad. And if you ask people what they think of conflict, they've got a negative definition to it.
But there's, when we do it in a considered manner, we can have a constructive and positive outcome where we're still intact at the end of it.
And I think that's the most important piece of it is the fact that, you know, it's about being, I always talk about being proactive versus reactive.
And considered conflict is a proactive approach to challenge a safety in making sure that we do it in the right way.
So, you know, the Gottmans talk about how to fight well. They've got this concept about how to fight well. Let's talk through that. Is that the big one? Yeah, I love it.
So the Gottmans talk about the foreforcement of the apocalypse. They talk about criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
And the Gottmans are famous for their work in personal relationships about, you know, I think they talk about the fact that, you know, within seven minutes of observing a couple, they can kind of assess whether they're going to stay together or not.
But in organizations, it's true. How do we create, how do we fight well in organizations? For those of you who don't know, real quick, the Gottmans are like the Michael Jordan of psychology.
Like that's what they're known as. That's what one of my psychologists said and was invalidated by a lot of other psychologists. So, yeah, the Gottman Institute we can all learn from. Go ahead, sorry.
And I love, what I love about what I do is I'll learn something personally and I'm like, oh, that's, but how do I then create a lens into the organizational space where that can relate?
And my life journey was I got opportunities to learn leadership skills in my work life. I didn't know how to apply them to my personal life. So I love to blend them both together and, you know, go back and forth.
So Gottmans are known for their personal, I guess, side of things, but they also do the org side of things, just less known for it. So how do we have a good, healthy, robust, fight well conversation and go away feeling like I'm okay at the end of it?
Because we're focused on the issue at hand and I haven't walked away feeling like you're personally attacking me. And so four things that they talk about, yeah, is removing the criticism, removing the contempt,
moving the defensiveness and the stonewalling. But it's about having those healthy mechanisms in that space, right?
You know, and being able to use, and like anything in life, it's like a practice. How did you get good as a baseball player or how did you get good as a musician? You practiced.
You don't get, you don't wake up one day and come off this podcast and go, Oh my gosh, I'm going to nail psych safety now. It's a practice.
I mean, y'all might, but I spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars and hours on therapy and counseling and watching videos and reading books like this, boundaries in marriage, five love languages, etc.
And it's like child whisper, like there's all sorts of resources and it, you know, comes down to what type of life do we want to carve out for ourselves? Do we want to accept the status quo or what's just given to us?
Or do we see an opportunity and optimization and positive changes? And that's, so yes, I love these concepts. I'm glad you're...
Yeah. And even the love language concepts in an organization, what does that look like is how do we validate people? Yep. Some people need the words of affirmation. Some people do not.
Some people need, Hey, I'll take that off your caseload today. I'll help you out by helping you with this thing. You know, so by understanding...
There's one more level of this. There's one more level of this too. There's a book that almost nobody reads called Tribal Leadership.
Tribal Leadership takes this all to a level that I've never seen. Sorry, I just missed that. Oh, Tribal, yes. Tribal Leadership. Yes. I've also in my bookcase at my office. Yeah.
Incredible concept that takes all of that to the next level. For those of you visionaries, we're looking to build at scale, super valuable. Now, I want to pull us into my favorite question because you got a depth that this is going to be a lot of fun.
Kylie, this is the last opportunity you ever had to share words of wisdom with an audience. What powerful lesson can other visionaries learn from your experience?
So I would say that we have to be aware that we are the sum of our experiences, but we don't allow ourselves to be defined by those experiences.
Tell me about that.
So I guess going back to those experiences, so I might at most... I actually didn't hilariously aspire to be a leader in the traditional sense. I didn't wake up one morning and go, oh my gosh, I want to be a visionary or I want to be a leader.
And my life was one of where safety and security was, I guess, the paramount thing. And so I could have lived a very middle of the line life around that due to the sum of my experiences.
And that would have been okay. But I didn't want to be defined by that. And so what happened is every time something happened to me, so I mentioned earlier, I went through domestic violence. It was a pretty horrific experience.
And I could have allowed myself very validly to have been consumed by that and lived a very, very small life as a basis of that.
But, you know, Elizabeth Gilbert says, my children do not mean... my children don't need me to save them. They need to watch me save myself.
And that was a knife through the heart going, what am I modeling right now? And whether you're a leadership in your home life or whether you're a leadership in your professional life, is I always go back to what am I modeling right now?
And so am I modeling that I'm going to allow that experience to shrink me? Or am I going to take the wisdoms from that wound and I'm going to apply it and not be defined by that thing?
Because at the end of the day, I don't want my children being defined by the fact that they were raised by a single mom. I want them to take the lessons of the fact that they've had to dig deeper and had to overcome a few things that maybe some other people haven't had to navigate.
But don't use it as an excuse and don't use it as a defined... define you as to why you can't.
And I think as... if we're a true visionary leader, it's that whole, you know, fall down 7, get up 8, fall down 77, get up 88, fall down 700, get up 701 times, right?
Is that it's okay to feel it in the moment. And I think it's really important that we don't dismiss our experiences. We have to acknowledge them. But don't allow yourself to be defined by them. Both good and bad.
We had... I had a great discussion with John Whaley on the podcast and we were talking about adversities and how most people refer to them as the... you can learn to refer to that as the silver lining, you know, that exists in life. And he called it the silver road.
And I was like, oh, that's awesome. Like that's owning fully that if we didn't have the experiences that we've had in our past, we wouldn't be experiencing the good that we're experiencing now and that we can get to experience.
And that can feel very overwhelming if we can't feel the benefit of the silver, right? If we feel like we're stuck in the mud and it can take a daily process.
And we'll go back to what you said, the sense of belonging, right? Having a community, people uplift you. Most of you who are listening to this show, you're here because you do have a sense of healthy community.
You've already put yourself in a space or been blessed to be in a space where your vision is something that you can consider valuing. There's so many people who don't have that ability in the world to even fathom or think through or listen to five minutes of this without being like, oh my gosh, this is too frou frou.
Let's move on for it. But I want to validate what you said because your concept of we're not like, yes, the sum of our experiences are valid. They're there and we're not defined by it.
You know, I learned that at a very young age where you start to hear things as a kid. You know, if you're paying attention in school, well, I was from a divorced background, right? I wasn't supposed to be successful based on the stats.
Right. Yeah, exactly. And I was somebody who grew up with abuse, you know, spiritual, mental, physical, sexual abuse. I was not supposed to be successful according to statistics.
And I knew I was good at math. I could see that. Oh crap. That means that my percent chance of being able to succeed is going from here down here. And my mom was a single mom of six.
And so multiply the fact now you don't have the individual time with your parents, you know, that they say that one child needs to have, et cetera.
Well, I had to make conscious choices and decisions in my life to say, you know what? I'm not a statistic. I'm going to find the variables that help me give me my edge to be able to do what I need to do.
There's been positives, there's been negatives, right? Consequences all around that. But I'm not defined by those past experiences. Neither any of you. I'm a single father of four. I'm twice divorced.
They're experiences. I've learned phenomenal lessons from each one of those experiences and been able to see the opportunities, not what I have to go through. I don't have to go through anything. I choose to go through it.
I've never been a prisoner of war, so I can't speak to that. But good news, there's books out there on people who went through that and still found a way towards abundance in their lives.
So we've just been blessed with such a great opportunity to live in an age where all these resources are available to us. And we have virtual communication possibilities where somebody as awesome as Kylie is willing to get up at six in the morning,
or ready at six in the morning in order to bring us abundance. And I just want to honor you and thank you for that because you don't have to do what you do. Yet you don't only do it because of duty, you do it because you love to and you want to help others.
And that's just, that's the way to live.
There was a big lotto. We don't have big amounts like you do in America, but we had a very big lotto here the other day. And I was talking to a friend of mine. I said, so if I won this huge lotto that we had here, do you know what I'd do tomorrow?
I'd get up and I would go serve my clients. I, you know, because I get to do that. That's something I have a privilege to do every single day.
So even great resources to do it too.
Go ahead, continue on that because your vision is real, it can feel like that.
Yeah, and it would give me a mechanism to serve more people more powerfully. That's what that conduit would give me.
So going back to that ecosystem that you were talking about earlier is one of the things that I have learned the very hard way in my life is there's people in your life and often we don't actually audit our ecosystem.
There are people that are in our existence and, and we actually, how often do we take the time to audit whether or not they are going to be a huge supporter of you to get to the next phase of your journey.
And that's not to say that people are bad. I want to really caveat that I'm not saying every relationship every day.
I learned that people were successful do the same thing. It's healthy boundaries and most people don't know it. So I'm with you doubling down like go Kylie go.
Yeah, but that was a hard. And so one of the things that I had an experience was I had somebody in my life who I thought was a huge supporter of me.
And when I started doing things with the US I'm heading to I'm coming over to the US in March I'm doing all of these things. Anyway, as I started to expand because as Marianne Williamson says you're playing small does not serve the world.
As I started to expand. I was getting a different vibe. And what I realized was, they were supportive of me to the level of their comfort.
And when I started to play outside of their comfort level. I don't think they're even consciously aware of it. They're not a bad person. They're one of my most favorite people in the whole entire world.
But they were stifling because all of a sudden I wasn't in line with their comfort level. So doing an energy audit of the people places and things that you surround yourself with is really constant.
And that's not to say that you don't have these people in your life. But it's around how you allow that engagement in your life so that you can continue and not continue to shrink yourself for the comfort of others.
The best of you, Vignery leaders, listening in. The best of you. Almost all of you have a coach that is that limiting person. I'm calling the industry out.
It is so sad to me the amount of people who say, I already have a coach. And where does that come from? A coach who has put you in a position to where you feel like they're the best thing since God.
LeBron James, how many coaches does that man have in his life? Like a hundred. Same thing with Jeff Bezos. Same thing with Elon Musk.
So there are levels to this. And it doesn't mean we have to eliminate. Doesn't mean we have to crucify. Doesn't mean we have to burn people at the stake, etc. We can sell the relationships.
I had to shut down one of my closest core essential relationships a few weeks ago. I'm not going to say who it is, but all of you all know what that close core looks like from a familial standpoint, right?
And I said, look, I said, I don't feel like I can share who I am with you anymore because every time I do, you bring me down. And so I'm going to stop.
Like I'm done. And my boundary line is now here. And, you know, it is what it is. I'm not sorry. Right. And but I love you. Right. And I walked out.
And we went through several weeks where that like that was it. Like that's where it was. And that's where it was left. But because that person loves me and because I love that person,
we ended up having a new opportunity to explore. Is it safe? Right. Is there hope? You know, is this going to go well? And as we did, you know, it gave me the time, the opportunity to reopen that gate and say, you know what?
Well, right. You know, we can figure this out. That's not always the case with our relationship. Sometimes we need a big old break or we need a permanent break and say, like, I can love you from a distance, but not in my life.
Right. That has happened. So I love that you talk about the auditing of our ecosystems, the taking our social apps, right. And unfollowing a bunch of you. You don't unfriend them. Unfollow.
I did it the other day. I unfollowed like 3,000 people in a matter of two weeks because I've got all these wonderful coaches and professionals who love to promote and yap their butts off about all the things that they're trying to show off and do.
I don't need that in my feed. You know, it just distracts me and just annoys. It ruined my ability to see my closest relationships and what was going on in my life.
So these are, these are lessons, visionaries, that you will learn as you go. And I hope that you teach us in the comments, too. What do you do in your lives to audit and make sure that your ecosystems are safe and sound because I'm always trying to optimize that.
So, Kylie, you've, you've really, really helped us out a lot today. Vision Pros, we will have below this episode the links for the action steps that you can take with Kylie. We'll also have below those links all of the resources that we talked about.
I mean, I have my work going out for me today. I mean, I have to work on that list, but we'll get those on the resource notes as well. That way it's easy for you to go and click and see how to explore those depths of relationships, those opportunities.
Reach out to the authors. Take some bold moves. Like I said, get in touch with Kylie, too. And if you felt inspired enough to want more, then go directly to the source. Reach out to her and build a relationship and Vision Pros.
We'll see you all in the next episode. Before I close out, though, Kylie, I feel inspired. I'm going to let you close today. Any final thoughts you want to share with the audience?
I just go back to that idea as, you know, that Marianne Williamson talks about, you're playing small doesn't serve the world. So where in your life are you playing small? And what can you do to be an infinite leader and remove those barriers for yourself so that you continue that evolution to your own success and to create the life that you want?
That's fantastic. We'll see you all in the next episode. And if you'd like to share your vision, apply top right corner. It says be our guest. We'd love to have you. Bye-bye, everybody.
Thank you for being here today. I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live. I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward. This is going to get more and more fun. We'll have more and more engagement as well. We'll invite people to participate in the show. And thank you for giving us your time and attention. Have an excellent time building out your vision.