Valley girl or yeah, from there.
Not a valley girl.
Oh, no, is there a difference?
In the valley.
I'm the I'm the ignorant Texan in this regard.
So what's the difference between SoCal girl and Valley girl?
Did I mix up two locations?
Well, the valley is it is in Southern California, but it's like a.
They're just different.
You know, it's kind of like.
I guess I would consider myself truly,
if we're going to be honest about this, a country girl at heart
that somehow grew up in Southern California because, you know,
I want to get Thai food and wear dresses and high heels.
But, you know, which you can do probably anywhere.
You could probably do it in Texas where you are.
Not that you would.
I don't think you know, I thought it was at home usually.
But I want to be in jeans and a T-shirt chasing dogs.
And I don't know, just running around.
But the valley is just weird.
It's very pretentious.
Oh, OK. All right.
Well, there's there's a I'm sure I have that side of me somewhere,
somewhere, you know, at times to when I'm hangry, especially.
You know what I love about you diving right into this topic, though,
is that, you know, I could be offended, right?
I on behalf of everybody, we could we could jump to like, oh, my gosh,
let's never talk politics.
No, let's avoid religion.
Let's avoid sports.
There's so much disaster right now in the world in terms of communication
and being able to, you know, like make space for empathy, compassion,
hearing each other out, speaking to ourself well versus putting ourselves down.
I love your topic, thinking for ourselves
versus thinking against ourselves.
And I think communication, the words we choose, has a lot to do with that as well.
So what what got you started
on the path of, you know, dedicating your profession to this?
Well, it was a really long journey and it really started, you know,
growing up with a lot of trauma and abuse and different things like that.
And, you know, back in those days,
so I'm going to date myself just a little bit back in the 70s, 80s,
you know, even 90s, nobody was talking about this like it is now.
So things got shoved down.
So I really started my personal development journey.
I was probably in my late 30s, early 40s, which is still a long time ago.
And it started going, wow, you know, this is really interesting.
I'd never heard some of these things before.
And actually, and a girlfriend gave me a book called You're Already Amazing.
And it's a faith based book about identity, about just being the fact that you're human.
You're amazing.
You're created for a purpose.
And I had never heard that message.
I was like, wow, even though I grew up in church, I'd never heard like you matter.
So it was a long journey and.
It's been decades long, decades long.
But when I started to learn things, I started going, you know, I'm not alone in this.
There's a whole world of people out there
that think that they are not good enough because of what
has been told to them, either, you know, teachers, coaches, parents or the media,
people they work with that you're not good enough.
You don't measure up. So so I know I'm talking about this is.
So today I did a study on a deep dive study on humility
because we completely lost the concept of what it means.
And it means a full appreciation of oneself and everything else in the world.
It's all about gratitude and diving in, not not self-deprecation.
And huge shout out to Samantha Skelly.
Samantha Skelly created these T-shirts for her binge eating program.
This is a couple of years ago.
And the teacher T-shirt took the word imperfect.
Right. And you take that and it says, I'm perfect.
Yeah. Right. That appreciation again, full appreciation for recognizing that.
You know, we're not the flaws, the mistakes, the failures, all those things that they're,
you know, as Barbara Ann Gardner, higher millsets first attempt and learning.
Right. The acronym for fail.
We're all learning and evolving.
So I really appreciate you bringing it up because it's hard to reach people
with a message of confidence and being your best self.
If somebody's a shell of themselves, not showing up, putting themselves out there.
Now putting themselves down, you know, having like negative self-talk.
And I went through that same type of trauma and tremendous like, oh, I don't value in the world.
I don't value myself in the world unless I'm the best.
And that put me in the bro marketing corners, hiding behind sunglasses, standing in front
of airplanes that weren't mine, doing things that so many of these leaders out there doing
that leaders, right. That are either I call them, uh, sheeps and shepherds clothes.
Ooh.
Oh, and you can't protect people from the wolves.
If you're just as, you know, delicate and lost as everybody else, you're trying to lead.
So, oh gosh, you know, Jackson, I gotta interrupt you right there because that's a book.
That's a book.
My friend working on it.
I love that.
What'd you love about it? Help me, help me see because your perspective is going to be different
than mine.
No, I think the way that you, that you said, if you're a sheep and shepherds clothes, you can't
protect it's, it's almost like sometimes we don't know what we don't know because we're trying to fit
in basically human beings were created for community.
We're not created to be alone and isolated.
It just doesn't work.
And I'm an off the chart extrovert.
I feel like I should have a PhD in the effects of isolation and abandonment because it's, it's brutal
to walk through.
If you have a lot of words to use up every day, like I do, which my cat fully appreciates, but that
like you, it's just going back to you.
You don't know what you don't know.
And, and I might be older than your average guest, but I'm not.
I don't know.
But it's like, no, no, no.
I lean towards wisdom.
And there's people who have years of wisdom early.
And in reality, there's, there's so many things that if you've got a couple of decades on me,
you know, anybody, you know, I'm at 37, you know, there's a lot of stuff I haven't figured
out yet.
So, okay.
You're my daughter's age.
Well, maybe started having kids at 10, but okay.
We'll go with that.
It's, it's the filter.
Thank you.
There's just so much that you learn as you get older.
It's like, you finally come into this place where you're just like, I'm not in junior high
trying to fit in anymore.
And okay.
I don't know if you had this experience in junior high, but when I was in junior high,
they had this thing called getting canned.
It's where you get picked up and put head first into a trash can.
Oh no.
No, that was, that was totally, that was totally, that was totally, that was totally, that was
totally, you know, I think that died in the early nineties, but maybe I was just in a
privileged school.
I was six too, as well as a 14 year old.
So nobody was picking me up.
There you go.
It probably didn't happen to girls as much, but it was like, it was a thing for guys.
And so just, you know, the idea of you grow up and you start going, I am not in seventh
grade trying to avoid the bullies and not getting canned.
Like I'm an adult.
I have I have some autonomy here to make decisions and take the reins of my life and decide
Where am I gonna steer this horse to like? What are we doing?
people just need to take control of their life back and a lot of them are so afraid to do that because
Like cancel culture became a big thing. Well, we were canceled on the playground when we were kids
It's it's not
It's just it's a different awareness after what we went through in the world the last few years
It's true. It's true and that that you know, those traumas do come up mind the hair thing, right?
This is first time my life growing my hair out. I was terrified. I didn't know how terrified
I justified it for 15 years. My son wanted to grow his hair out. I said, nope, you know, we are we are sharp
We are clean. We don't do that
You know, we we have our image right that we're supposed to maintain professionally or religiously etc
And again nothing bad about those paradigms, but mine was I wasn't virtuously using those paradigms
So when the day came that I met my son's friend who inspired him as kids like a little version of Jesus like
Wonderful kid and I go up to my son. I'm like, I'm gonna grow my hair out with you
I'm like, this is cool. I was like, I like this kid
You know, and so, you know his mom cut his hair. I don't know
No, I'll leave that where it's at but I went through this process of oh my gosh
I'm terrified to do this
You know, I was so terrified go to a family event. My uncle goes hey ugly
And I my inner child like ran, you know, I was like screaming piss like fight this guy
This is my uncle, you know, like I love my uncle and then my adult self was like
You're right. This is part of the process. This is you're gonna be good. This is exactly what we're overcoming
Right. And so there was all sorts of and I still go through it
There's still lots of things that have me go like ah, what am I doing?
right, but those are the when we it was a
Fletcher Ellingson on Monday was on the show and he talked about how fear is a
internal instinct and
communication
alert to step into our courage it's an opportunity to exercise our courage and I was like
That's a really really profound and easy way for me to think about the relationship between fear and courage. So
You've done such an amazing leadership job of getting me talking and like getting me to open up. So you got superpowers
And I will use them on you I'm feeling this but it's enjoyable and so now we're gonna move though to
Before we dive into your full vision. What are three resources?
That other visionary leaders can use that have helped you get to where you are
Okay, so I have three great books and this is the first book. It's reality-based leadership by Cy Wakeman
She's an absolute genius
this book changed my life and
I
cried through most of it because it was like
It was like oh my gosh, somebody else actually
Understands what I've been going through. So that was really great. The next book is
catalytic leadership
12 keys to becoming an intentional leader who makes a difference
There's a theme here. I know right. This is William Attaway. I actually hired him to be my executive coach this
That's January
Going right to the source, right? You know what? I have spent so much money on courses
That did not deliver it is so worth it to invest in yourself and have somebody walk with you personally. It's life-changing
And then the third book this is so good the power of moments
Chip Heath and Dan Heath
Moments matter you can change the world standing in line at the grocery store or in your office or
Wherever you are
Love that. Those are awesome. None of those are on my radar
Now they all are I always get really excited when I learn about new wells that I've been to
And then you go find like you did go find the person who built the well. Oh, right. That's I'm a big fan
I love that. Go find the person who built the well. You're just dropping all kinds of things that could be on a t-shirt or on a mug
I'm getting there. I'm getting there
I love it. And and the same is same is going to be true on the vice versa
In fact, I saw a quote from your website that I'll highlight real fast on that
You are famous for saying
Oh
believe
Believing a lie is just as powerful as
Believing the truth we're gonna come back to that after we take our little break and only all you listening in
Take that take that context of and think through it. What does that mean to you and
You know, may you be in a situation where you're kind of caught believing a lie and got stuck with it
And we'll try to unpack how to escape that situation right when we come back
All right. Welcome in to vision pros live with Jackson Calame. I'm your show host
We will be doing interviews for visionary entrepreneurs and guest leaders who are building fantastic visions out there
Hey, what's up everybody welcome into another episode of vision pros live
I'm your show host Jackson Calame founder and CEO first-class business and I'm excited to have Sharon Hughes here today
We're gonna be talking about communication with ourselves
If you ever get into negative self-talk, this is definitely something for you
If you're getting the negative self think as well
I highly recommend sticking around we're gonna be we've already unlocked a couple of really cool treasures that
Have even been some things that I learned this very week about communication with myself and overcoming
Those what do they call in the world the imposter syndrome, right that hits us
We all deal with that. So we'll bring her on just a minute
I want to give you a couple of other resources at the same time
So we're gonna start with hard to kill org by Dave Marl hard to kill org is helping a hundred thousand veterans lose two million pounds
collectively why because well life is so much more enjoyable when we look good feel good and then go and do good and I
Love that. That's Dave's focus. In fact, you can see how much good he did in one small but very powerful event
Look up Dave Marl Afghanistan and see what the New York Times has to say about Dave's impact and influence on
Trying to help some very important allies in Afghanistan in addition to that though. This program has been open
It's no longer just available for veterans
This is a community that's now been open to civilians like myself and I don't know what Dave did to me
But I went eight years avoiding some of the best coaches and the the physical
fitness space for years and staying the skinny fat guy
I'll talk to a lot of coaches a lot of great leaders out there and none of them got me motivated to actually do my workouts
Dave cracked my code and I am super super happy and excited about that
I'm grateful to be part of again his community and his life. So then there's the next sponsor, which is opportunities
Now this is this sponsor what this is our homegrown program open. I said the rock hopper Latinos in particular
The one that we're going to show you here is run by Latinos these days
They built this for 14 years and after 14 years, I finally had enough self-confidence again
We're talking about that with Sharon and enough of a drive for my given purpose to actually bring to fruition
I'm super happy to say that any Latinos out there that are listening or if you know a Latino leader invite them to come be a
guest on that show. We're inspiring Latinos and Filipinos and people in India. Thanks to Harry Vance
Easton, Ange Castro and their respective roles to learn about things you and I take for granted
Most of these individuals when they come and find us, they never even heard of LinkedIn
They don't know about Canva. They don't know Upwork. They've never read Rich Dad Poor Dad
They've never read Think and Grow Rich. They don't have those resources. We're inspiring them to start looking in and
realizing there's a whole world of opportunities and we teach them to stay away from the VA relationships out there
We call that virtual abuse
We want our virtual assistants to become digital ambassadors that are empowered with strength and they're doing an amazing job
of helping our brand
So if again that draws you for whatever reason, go ahead and check out opportunities to see what we're doing that
If your leader wants to jump in and help, by all means join us. We got 8 billion people to help
Speaking of the water project, it's not ours, not related to us
I love the project though. When I found out that there's people that don't have access to clean drinking water
I just decided not to ignore that message. I was like, you know what? This sounds kind of important
And I imagined what it would be like for my kids to be like this child who's digging into a well that I would never drink from
Right? Ever let my kids do that yet. That's what they have. They're walking three to five miles sometimes to get access to water
when they should be in school sent by the community itself. You can imagine the danger
So as I started to internalize that and got involved with one project, I just invested a tiny bit of money
I think $5 the first time and I found out they give you updates for what happens with the sand dam they're building
or the borehole well they're building. You get to see the project come to fruition
And these kids celebrate water like my kiddos celebrate Christmas Day
You have the opportunity to bring that to some child on the other side of the planet
So I hope you join me on it. If you are in a financial position to where that sounds like a conflict, that's okay
My hope is that you will talk about this over dinner maybe share it with a friend maybe tag somebody that you meditate about
And like oh man I should share this with so-and-so you never know how far the ripple effect of the good action or just the invitation will go that you do
So join us on that and without further ado we'll get back to serving you with all good things for your vision
Sharon Hughes, welcome to Vision Pros Live. Thank you. It's a pleasure to be with you. Absolutely
We're going to dive right back in hot and heavy you have this awesome quote and it's disturbingly powerful
You know t-shirts I could see on a black t-shirt in white right? Believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth
Yeah. Talk me through that. I felt it like it like horrifies me. Yeah well I think most of us believe lies about ourselves
And that's just as powerful as if you believe the truth about yourself so really the challenge is is figuring out well what's the lie that I believe
We would love to hear from you guys in the comments if there's a lie that you have been victim of believing right if there's something that you realize you are no longer
Let's share I'm gonna hit some for myself right. Yeah. Nobody's going to find me attractive because my teeth are crooked
Right. That's a that's a lie that we tend that I tell my nose is broken in three places and it's huge right and and so my huge nose
You know it's something that nobody wants to see on camera right there's there's all sorts of things that we dive into my voice
Isn't good enough to be able to sing right there's so many things what about you Sharon you mind sharing a few
Yeah well mine mine was really rooted in self-worth issues and basically so when I coach people this this is what I do is and I tried this out in
In corporate training this is this is so powerful think about what you've dragged around your entire life so for for guys that are listening
It's the coach that said you're no good you'll never make the cut the dad that say says you won't measure up it could be and and these some of these are for everybody
But guys have it guys have it different and I'll go into that in a second. Yeah, it's you know, you're not smart enough
You're you're no good. You're stupid like a teacher that says to you. Why are you trying harder? Hello. What does that do to a kid? Right?
So I got the E on my report card all the time almost every class did you not stand for excellent instead for excessive talking. Are you an extrovert?
Huh? That's kind of funny. Oh, I mean on that look what I do today. All right, so I am an introverted extrovert. Yes
There for people and I'm now a mile more assertive than anything, but I used to be like super private about me but there and present for anybody else
Yeah, well that already changed at the very beginning of our conversation. You started sharing some things got my superpower coming at you
So basically just asking yourself what have you dragged around, you know, it's some form of rejection and when we get hurt by that
It's it's always rooted in fear of you know, not being loved and accepted not being enough
So I would tell people, you know, hold on to that for just a second. Don't share it with anybody in the room
I'd go through a whole training we come back to the very end. I'd say okay that thing you've been dragging around
Is it true? Room always goes silent. Some people start to cry and it's just shocking how many people you're around every single day in your workplace
You know just kids school other parents just like anywhere you go. There's humans people are dragging stuff around
They're in so much pain hiding and feeling like I don't measure up. So first time I shared this in corporate training
The next question I said is well if those things aren't true, who would you be?
And this lady sitting in the front row just burst out in front of like 30 people. She goes free. I'd be free
And I was so not expecting that people don't usually shout things out in corporate training and I was like
Okay, I think I'm on to something and I kept using that and built everything that I do on that
So for the audience right now is what are you dragging around that somebody said to you?
I mean, I was going to try out for cheerleading in seventh grade. I remember my dad saying you're not good enough
I was devastated. I could hear him for years telling me you're not good enough until he eventually kicked me out of the house at 17
And I was homeless and that just added to the story. I'm not good enough. It's it's taken a lot of work to get to the other side of that
So what's possible for you if those things are lies? You can be free. I want to dig into this vein even further
Because the entrepreneurs I work with seem like some of the most bulletproof people in the world
And yet so many of them are shattered inside and they haven't escaped these realities
And guys, I'm not a doctor. This is not a trained situation. Be careful with what I say. Don't share anything
You know over to Volge, but you know if you feel empowered to make the comment and let it go and surround yourself with people
Who are going to build you up and help you feel safe with this and then consider it. You know, I remember my first
My first massive insecurity. I was five years old playing soccer and I would go to soccer in jeans because my thighs were fat
I grew up with my mom and five older sisters and I listened to these angels like the people that I loved most and felt were perfect
Talk about how fat they were even though they weren't at all even close. And so I grew up with this super complex of I'm not good enough
If they feel and they never said to me, but I felt the I felt the self-sabotage. I inherited that from from those who raised me
And then come you know compound that with everything else that happens in life. Right. My next one was somehow I ended up
I shouldn't say somehow through a lot of rejection and a lot of challenges. I ended up carrying the weight that if I'm not the best
Then I am nothing and I think a lot of entrepreneurs struggle with that where they don't want to acknowledge their competition
The visionaries want to pretend that they have to have the only solution on earth or something completely unique
Those are all representations of having that that inferiority complex or the superiority complex of we just can't accept that we are valuable as we are
And you talked about that in the beginning and the value that that is as a profound truth. So you did something very fast
You went from people looking at what's dragging them to the immediate opposite which I'm grateful for that transition because I like fast transitions of
What would you be and that person said free. What are some of the other answers that people you've worked with and trained have centered in on
You know, one of the most profound things that happened was I did that same training about two weeks later with another group. So again, this was in corporate training
All departments at this company men, women all different backgrounds and a guy about 36 37 started crying and he came up to me after and he goes
Sharon, I haven't talked to my family in 10 years and I'm going to call them tonight. Now, he never shared with me what he had walked through or any other details
But I thought
This is so it's it's such a quick win for someone to get for somebody to be able to flip like that to like, okay, I need there's something in my life I need to address
And then just to move on to the to the next piece of this is what are you willing to let go of
Yeah, he didn't just say something right wasn't just an affirmation and there's nothing wrong with the affirmation path right now you're talking about some you honed in on an actual action right somebody jumped that
There's both people the person who shouted out freedom. Yeah, and this person is taking an action. And if we're not careful as listeners. What does that mean for him right what transformations took place word wise and when we won't know like you said this is
Yeah, reality. Keep going. Well, it's really really confrontational work. And a lot of people are afraid, because what they've been dragging around for so long has become their identity. And they don't know who they are without being that.
Hmm. I'll spend our trade word we're busy. Speak up about this so that other men can be free. It's for free. It's for free right is the woo woo stuff now that this means you're scared.
That's all that means if you find yourself saying it's for for it's because you're scared.
Thank you differently.
Yeah. If you want to challenge me on that in the comments too I mean by all means give me another perspective right it's just mine. I've only got one angle. No, I love that. I, because it.
It's one thing for me as a woman to call a guy out and and definitely you know I would never do that in a way to be like the wrong kind of confrontation, it's the kind of confrontation that comes from you matter so much, and you are so capable, and there's so much for you.
You're, you're missing it.
It's like if we were talking about sales I would be saying you're leaving money on the table. Right.
One, you're staring from a position of what Kim Scott, Kim Scott labels this, and we hear it and we get it wrong. We don't understand what she said we tune it out and so sad because her version of radical candor.
Right phenomenal book is, I care so much that I am willing to talk to you about change. Yeah, most people think radical candor is just being extremely truthful, but they don't actually dive into the quadrant of that what that book means, and so I'm, I'm grateful that
you're willing to talk about it that's the whole point of the show, and itself so I'm going to shift gears a little bit with you though.
What is, what's the, what's the vision for the people that you serve.
It's that they know who they are, and how valuable they are.
It's so simple.
If you've had. Have you ever looked at the Joe Hari window.
So the Joe Hari window it's like a four pane window.
Yeah, it's really cool. I wish I hadn't pulled up I didn't expect to share that with you but you can just do a quick, like do a search Joe Hari window, Joe, H a ri.
This can be used in so many different ways, and it's a great tool, whether you're working one on one, you need to do some self reflection or you're giving feedback to somebody on your team.
The box represents something different. So there's no, I'm gonna get it up here for you which one do you want the just do the the top left one that's got the blue background.
Yeah, that's perfect. Okay, let me get that open and a bigger window for us to that way. People like me don't have ice there we go.
Cool. Okay, so let's let's look at the box the light yellow box that says blind spot that what that represents is what you might know about me.
But I don't know about me.
Right. So you're, you can look at me and you could be like, you're my next door neighbor and you're just like I see you come and go every day I see the kind things that you do I see all these great things and you yada yada.
You don't see it in yourself.
So we have blind spots, and they can be for good or they can be for for bad, it can be you know a boss that thinks he's a good communicator but he really doesn't listen to his team so that can be a blind spot.
Yeah, still there. Right. It's an evolution process so if I say I've been there definitively that means I'm not accepting the fact that I obviously have blind spots.
Yeah. Yeah, the open areas. What you and I would both know about myself or about yourself.
Hidden area, what you and I have not discovered about me or about you.
And then the unknown.
Did I do that.
Area would be what I know, but I haven't shared that with somebody else right. Yes, yes I did that wrong. And then the unknown is what you and I both don't know.
Yeah, gotcha. So the hidden area in this case would be like my belly button.
My belly button looks like a safe safe one there. And then there's the, the not known to self and not known to you the complete unknown, which is the world is in the unknown.
And so I think in business and visions. We have a really sad tendency to beat ourselves up over the unknown, and I'm constantly like my trainings with my own children I don't train on that coach somebody do but when we do talk about it I'm like, Look, you're
old you are. How much do you know about oxygen. You've been breathing in your whole life. Yeah, and they're like, nothing. So if you don't know anything about oxygen, then why do you feel like you're supposed to know everything about marketing and about
leadership. When you've only been paying attention to that, probably since your 20s.
And like let go of all the things we don't know like that's the fun part that's the quadrant we get to go explore and have fun and but we don't have to pretend we know.
I think this is the point that we need to just remind everybody listening. It's okay to be human.
Like it or not you're human.
You're not a cyborg.
Can we just be you know have a come to Jesus moment that none of us have everything figured out, not even chat to TP.
I'm close. I in fact, I have very tiny bit figured out compared to the everything else. Right and that's that's the, but that's the essence that doesn't mean you're not valuable at all doesn't take away from your value in any way, shape or form.
Yeah, and so I again I love that you kind of bring that to people.
So, thinking for ourselves.
I want to tap into that I'm gonna give you an option multiple choice. So we can go into thinking for ourselves, and what that what that means and how we do that, or we can go into worst leadership experience that you've ever had.
Which one do you want to go into. Not a trick question either.
Well, let's go into thinking for yourself. I love it. Thank you. All right, perfect. The irony of that is not is not lost on me, or the the not irony right you are right for the subject. Great.
I want to tap that nice ding ding ding ding ding I want to do that.
I wish I could pass you in the next 50 more years we'll have technology, or we can pass on to the screen.
That'd be cool.
Maybe. Yeah, so thinking for ourselves. Alright, so the idea of it, it just seems too simple to get but you know what are signs maybe that I'm not thinking for myself right I've got that group think going on.
I have I have a thought on this to like the escaping what's called the agentic state.
As as Millner put it Stanley Miller put it but how do you do this how do we get people to recognize the puppet strings.
How do you feel about yourself.
How do you feel about yourself like when you're around certain people that point out all your flaws, and why you don't measure up.
I think about how do you feel about yourself when you're around people that actually speak truth and life over you.
We're always going to gravitate towards that that truth and life. I feel like there's like this counterbalance you know they say in psychology.
You need like seven positives to overcome every one negative, you know, if we need six more people to tell us that we matter to cancel out the uncle that said hey ugly.
Get 12.
Then get 12 right.
Yeah.
And the old adage is about you, you become the company that you keep it really is true. I feel like we just keep learning more and more about that.
That was why I hired an executive coach is, I could not find anybody, not one leader or mentor, and all my years that would help me get to the next level, and it was super disappointing.
I was like, you know, I got as far as I could go by, you know, reading and doing a lot of work and myself did did some counseling, some coaching type of things but like it just wasn't enough.
You have to invest in yourself. I mean, and if you're not in a financial situation where you can keep reading the books, you know doing the work on yourself do what you can until you can afford a coach but.
Well, I'm look I'm gonna, I'm gonna bear news to the world that's going to shock everybody.
I have never invested money, physical money into a specific coach. I know, like mind blowing, you know, and people black well that's why you'll never actually you can judge all you want.
I love the coaching world, and the idea of coaching, but I learned through network marketing, the hard way that when you invest in somebody way down the hill.
That does not know what they're doing. You are not going to win.
You're going to win, and you're going to open a subway franchise don't go don't go follow the dumbest subway franchise owner. Go to the best subway franchise owner and ask them to mentor you and follow everything they do and say, as an internet type of circumstance.
So, the, the reality with the coaching world for business and I know there's probably a few coaching organizations that are not happy with what I'm saying right now but I had a golf coach, my golf coach, he took me to a, he took me to a golf course very nice one.
And I grew up there and I take my little practice swing.
Right and and he goes, Oh my gosh, I know I'm sorry go ahead. He's messing my mind right. I think my next practice like again, is that we're gonna hit it. Oh, nope sorry dude go ahead go ahead do your thing.
And so I'm like, you know, and he's like he's like bro, just hit the game, just hit the ball. So I go I hit the ball I shank it. He runs up there, hits his ball perfectly and runs back to the cart jumps in and we take off.
I mean like we're playing basketball. And he goes, he goes Jackson golf is a game. Play it like a game, it is meant to be enjoyed and to be fun. And so he's driving like he's like we're gonna leave your ball where it's at.
He has like 300 400 yards you know. So he's driving and he's like, he goes, Jackson so many golf coaches want you to become dependent upon them because that's how they make their livelihood.
That's how they make their money. And so when you're out in the golf course you're thinking about all the things your coach said and what you need to do and you're not playing the game.
Empower you to play the game of golf without me.
So you can enjoy it you can be successful you can be confident. You don't have to be stuck addicted a slave garbage style coaching and I was like, so, again, there's still great coaches, but the great coaches out there empower us, they don't make us dependent upon
them.
Thoughts on my wrong or like is this important.
That is so good. There's so many people that they're just like these codependent coaches and now coaches are everywhere. It's kind of just a disservice really, they take a $49 course on Instagram and oh I'm a I'm a coach.
No, you're not.
What are you? It's tough. I mean, I've got a 0.33 GPA, Sharon, I have no degree, no diploma, no certifications, and I've probably been a better coach since I was four years old, the most people, because of life experience.
Yeah, so it's tough because we're all living and learning but I look at the world and they say we got 8 billion people in this world how many more math teachers do we need.
A lot, tons, and there's far more math teachers and coaches but so how do we, how do we though like if you're in a position really coaching.
How do we then recognize who it is that we turn to I think it's you're listening through podcasts like this and gravitating towards, you know who kind of makes the most sense trusting our intuition.
And so, when it comes to the thinking for ourselves.
What else will help us start to think for ourselves in healthy fashion.
Well, podcasts definitely help. And just to go back to what you just said about, you know, listening to who makes the
most sense, like, you should be able to have a free consultation with a coach to see if it's a good fit before you sign
anything. So people don't go, don't throw your money at somebody that wants you to give them $5K just to have a
conversation. Because, you know, honestly, as a coach, there's some people that are not coachable that I don't want to
work with. So it's just as important for the coach to meet with you to see if you're a good fit. You need to be
coachable. Do your homework. You know?
You for real, I feel like work at this.
Yeah, you need to find somebody that works for you, and with you. And the best thing that they can do is they can walk
with you. And then you get to where you need to be and you get to fire your coach. This is, you know, there's going to
be time that you come back where you're just like, Hey, I'm at my next milestone. And you know, I want to get to the
next thing. And I need some help strategizing that. It's not like you're going to be in a forever relationship. And
it's not like getting married.
Huge. Well, it can be. LeBron James has been with his coach for a very, very, very, very, very long time. But he is
not toxic enough. And his coach isn't talk enough to say, I already have a coach. He's got like over 100 coaches in
his life. And so does Adele, and so does Ed Sheeran, and so do very, very successful people. They don't close their
mind or put blind spots on to the opportunity. So I love that you share that. Because, yes, there are occasions where it
makes sense to divide and conquer or to go your separate ways. And it also is very important if you've got somebody
who's trying to act like they're the one hit wonder for everything for your life. That's a bad sign. Yeah, I ran,
yeah, I ran late in a lot of those. Oh, so, oh, man, this is, I really hope those of you that are out there listening
are benefit. The reason why I'm talking so much is because it benefits so much from what Sharon's exposed and
unwrapped. This will help me get to new levels. So
because I personally wouldn't, what's that? Anything else you want to share? Go ahead.
Yeah, I wouldn't hire a coach that hasn't gotten further down the road than me. I actually have fired two coaches
that I hired years ago. And one of them, she embarrassed me on a group call, actually humiliated me. And I was so
shocked at her behavior. But what it showed was, she was really in the coaching space because of her own
insecurities. And she thought, you know, I'm gonna have these people and I'm gonna steer them clear. And you know,
I'm gonna feel good about it was it was a horrible, horrible experience. But I learned a lot from it. And I thought,
I would never want somebody to leave a coaching session with me, feeling the way that I felt with those other
coaches that I fired. Don't be afraid to fire your coach either.
Right, right. We can't be afraid of it. And I think there's an opportunity to look at, you know, like, you know, do
we, can other, do others people have the capacity to humiliate us? Or is that something that
we choose to allow other people to do? And we're all at different learning stages on that. There's a phenomenal TED
talk that helped me with the same concept, because I used to be easy to humiliate, very, very, very, very, very
easy to get to get, get triggered by stuff. And the TED talk talks about how to not get offended. And you'll see the
guys like this and like talk like he's from a profile side, red hair. Oh, my gosh, super simple coin flip idea of
how to, how to, how to receive those types of experiences in a new light. And as, as leaders, right, the bigger,
the bigger, the bigger the stage we get to, the more hecklers that we come across as well. And so all of you
visionaries out there, there's going to be people who challenge what you do, challenge how you do it. Say you're
doing things wrong, say, say this, that and the other. And so our, our opportunity to protect ourselves is, again,
thinking for ourselves in a positive way, and finding a space to know that when we're thinking against
ourself, how do we, how do we take a step back from ourself? My goodness, how meta can we go? Right, from
ourself and realize like, okay, we still have options related to this. So I'm going to ask you my favorite
question. And then we'll wrap up. My favorite question of all time. So Sharon, if this was your absolute last
opportunity to speak, what powerful lesson can other visionaries learn from your experience?
Be careful who you listen to, and who you give permission to speak into and over your life. Yeah.
Tell me about that.
Well, you need to have a filter. It's like we talked about at the beginning, if somebody's telling you you're
not good enough, you don't measure up. It's got to be filtered, because it can cause some serious damage. But
we're not taught that when we're kids. You know, we grow up thinking adults, family members, you know, teachers,
coach, soccer coaches, whatever it is, that, you know, they're adults. They know more. I'm just a kid. What
do I know? We tend to believe things that are said to us. You know, we have that childlike wonder. And when
we're being attacked, and told that we're stupid, and we're too fat, and we're ugly, and all these things,
you know, that kids just don't have that built in filter. And it plants a little seed. We can't
be really careful what we water. Then you have that seed, you're already a little insecure, haven't
haven't quite healed from that you meet somebody fall in love or whatever the situation is, you know,
and somebody, they just seem to know how to say something to sink your ship, you know, and then these
little things kind of build on each other, we got to be really careful what we let in. If you don't have
people in your life that's building you up, helping you grow and get to the next level, you got to find
them. You got to find them.
I'm so grateful for YouTube, you know, and the ability to select your content and just have so much
available information or fingertips, right? There's, there's obviously all sorts of garbage as well,
you know, on in the open world. And there's so many different doctors that are on there, therapists
that are on there, coaches for relationships that are on there, etc. And I love what you said. I'm
going to pull your quote back up here. The be careful who you listen to, who you give permission
to speak into and over your life, because I think sometimes we end up gravitating towards the
best friends, right? Or calling people best friends, or we end up getting married to somebody who we
then kind of give permission to sabotage us, you know, or we become the person who does that. And
it's, there's a delicate balance between our responsibility to do exactly what you said, which is, you
know, we don't want to be that type of person that, that accidentally tears other people down, while
also understanding our opportunity and necessity in this world to build up our own resilience, and
see how can I create resilience within myself so that when somebody, you know, comes at me, one of
those podcasts, one of those YouTube channels, I was going to say it and I was like, man, I was on
national television right now, I would be mocked and ridiculed forever, because of the YouTube
channel I'm going to mention. And it's something like the happy wife school.
Right. And it's like, Oh, well, this guy, you know, things he knows everything, and he's sending
people to happy what now the the teacher, the lady who runs that just impresses impressed me from a,
from a perspective standpoint, like, wow, her perspectives are very eye opening, and interesting
from a relationship standpoint. And Dr. Orion, another one, Chris Williamson, Tony Robbins,
there's so many chances, so many opportunities. My hope is that all of us will find those back to the
the well aspect, the people who build these wells, you know, and find people like who are going to
care deeply about your well being. Right. That's, that's, we all make mistakes. But having people
around you who are who care about your well being, there are lots of options out there. And
sometimes it's just easy to go easier to go to one who seems like that great option like Sharon,
and then also benefit from her extended network. You know, the same is true of mine, you're all
welcome to of course, reach out to both of us. Final thoughts as we wrap up, I'm gonna get the
action steps below the links, my friends, you've got the resources down below, of course, you can
plug into those, and we'd love to have you on the show. There's a button this is be our guest. I'm
like this very calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm,
is in like state right now. Thanks to Sharon. But Sharon, I'll let you wrap us up today. Any final
final message for the audience? Now, I think, go back and listen again, and take some notes,
take some time to just be alone with yourself and just think about what is it that you want.
I was listening to somebody the other day, they were talking about rejection being a gift. And
I love how she framed it. And I'm going to totally like, I cannot even remember her last name
perfectly. It's Jamie that founded it cosmetics. Jamie Kern. Yes, thank you. Lima. Yes. Yes.
Oh, like, she's just so good talking about her journey of, you know, the rejection and,
and even to be rejected, rejected, not based solely on the product she was designing,
but because she didn't fit with her figure and got she's gorgeous, and kind and smart. You know,
she's the package, she didn't fit what Hollywood was peddling. And a lot of those investors missed
$1 billion, one billion reasons to invest in her and are you know, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, my goodness. Her story is phenomenal. Right. Our life a couple years ago. And as I say it out
loud, she didn't fit what Hollywood was peddling. But you and I don't fit what Hollywood is peddling
either. Right. Listeners, you probably don't fit what Hollywood is peddling. There's an agenda.
There's a narrative. We have to stop and think what do we want? This is my life.
I interviewed Lisa Gable, who was part of the Reagan administration on my show the other day,
and she's like, think about what you want. What makes you happy? How do you want to live your life
like we have got to stop trying to fit into the sitcom box that we all see. It's not life. It's
not reality. And it's really affecting like, the next generation coming up like, it affected our
generation. Like you guys, this is so called entertainment. It's not reality. Absolutely.
Super opportunity to dive in and explore again, what makes us happy. I think that is such a easy
thing to neglect and overlook. Yeah, it takes some, takes some meditation sometime to figure out what
that looks like and perhaps a couple conversations with people who will live in the same world.
Happy to do that myself. And we will see all of you on the next episode of Vision Pros Live.
Thank you for being here today. I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live. I'm looking
forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward. This is going to get
more and more fun. We'll have more and more engagement as well. We'll invite people to
participate in the show and thank you for giving us your time and attention. Have an excellent time
building out.