please let me know your first name, last name,
your business, and again, where you're located
because now we're recording.
Great, so Scott Allen and I'm in Cleveland, Ohio,
just outside of Cleveland, Ohio.
And I'm kind of many things.
I'm an instructor at Southern Methodist University
in the Cox School of Business Executive Education.
And I am a consultant, I'm an author, speaker.
So a lot of different things kind of going on,
but I love it all, podcaster as well.
So I very much understand what you're up to here,
which is awesome, because it's been so much fun.
Are you enjoying it?
I love it.
Yeah.
I love people, right?
Yeah.
So Scott, that's the biggest thing.
And to be able to love people and hear about their vision.
Yes.
I'm like, hey, this is everything
that I never thought I wanted, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Well, I had a conversation with someone this morning
that was thinking about starting a podcast.
And I said, look, it's been,
there's like five or six reasons.
Obviously it's work, but there's five or six reasons
why it's just been incredible.
So thank you for having me.
I really appreciate it.
Of course, of course.
So I should have asked you what you are not.
Hmm.
I heard podcaster.
So are you an author too?
Do you have a book out?
I do, I do.
Yes.
So having kind of come up through academia,
that's kind of your jam.
You have to write a lot.
So yes, a few books, lots of articles,
but really shifting gears now to making those articles.
I want more than seven people to read them.
Yes.
So how do you plan that?
What's the plan in that?
Well, I have a couple of books in mind right now.
One is Leading and Family.
So my passion, what I've researched and written about
and studied and talked about for almost 20 years
is leadership, leader development.
How do we, so my vision would be,
how do we better prepare people to serve
in these really, really complicated roles?
I mean, you know what it feels like
when you're in the presence of someone who's a great leader
or teacher or coach or parent,
and you know what it feels like to be in the presence
of someone who's struggling with that work,
and they're not doing a good job as a coach or a teacher
or a leader or a parent.
And so how do we better prepare people to do that work?
Now, my undergraduate degree
was in marriage and family therapy.
It was called Family Social Science at the time.
Okay.
And so if you think about it, if you're raising children,
if you're in a family, you're in a leadership role,
you have an opportunity to practice.
And so each and every day, 24 hours a day,
seven days a week, three, you know,
for maybe 18 years, if you're lucky,
you get to practice leadership.
And so I'm co-leading with my wife,
but so I have a book about that definitely in mind.
And then another one that has to do with problem solving.
I love the whole conversation around
how we help people think about problem solving at leaders.
So that's another, but again,
it applies beautifully to coaching or teaching or family.
So those are a couple books that I have kind of outlines for
and one of them I might write with my wife,
which would be the leading in family
because it's been a fun adventure with her.
We have twin girls that are 14 and a son that's 16.
So. Oh, nice.
Yeah. And you know,
what's interesting is I love that you said
that being a parent is a leadership role.
Yes. You know, I have four
and I never really thought about that.
I know that it's a role, right?
And that's a list, a long list,
which is what I'm excited that you didn't say,
husband and father, those are things that are given, right?
You said, castor coaching and a teacher, you know,
and then when you dive into being a parent,
that's a different type of leader.
You are coaching in everything possible.
So, and then I think that when you talk about that, Scott,
there is a different type of leadership role
in the person that stays at home mostly
and raises the children.
And then the leadership role that, well,
a double leadership role in the person
that actually works and does both.
So I think that that's awesome to hear
because I don't think that's a dynamic
that anybody's really touched on at all.
So when it comes to that, where did that vision come from?
For the book with leadership and family or just the overall?
I think it's truly where you're going into, you know,
I feel it in my soul that you have passion about that.
So when you have passion and you said it was an undergrad,
I think that this is like at the top.
So I think you're going somewhere with this.
Yes, you know, okay, so there's this really, really,
really wonderful psychologist, his name was Albert Bandura.
And he came up with this thing called social learning theory.
And all that means is that we learn from our environment,
what's appropriate, what's inappropriate,
what is on the table, what's off the table,
we learn from our environment.
And so when you think about the role of parenting
and with four, oof, you know, we're at three, you're at four.
So the complexity increases in your case.
And so what my wife and I model matters,
I mean, greatly to their growth and development,
whether that's modeling our patients, modeling standards,
modeling how we engage in disagreement at times,
modeling curiosity.
So if we're curious about the world,
especially when they are in that kind of sweet spot
between let's say, oh, four and let's say 11,
where you are the end all be all.
And if you're modeling curiosity about the world,
I mean, all of that.
So when you think about our role as parents,
it's incredibly important because now I failed twice,
twice this morning, I didn't intervene probably
how I should have.
With each girl, I did not win.
And now the thing is, you know, the one thing I have going for
me is that I observed it, I reflected on it,
and I said, huh, I need to approach that differently.
I got triggered and responded, and it just wasn't,
it wasn't anything significant, but it wasn't also helpful.
And so even modeling how I'm responding to them when maybe
they're not at their best or responding in a way that I would
like them to, having that kind of reflective space where I am
at least staying in the game and learning a little bit.
Sometimes my wife looks at me and says,
no, that didn't, that didn't work.
That was it.
No, stop.
You didn't look too.
But I'm in the game.
I'm trying.
I'm trying to get better.
And so I think, yeah, you know, one of the reasons I did my
undergrad was because I was a little bit more of a
conservative person.
And so one of the reasons I did my undergrad that I did was
that I grew up in a family that really in many ways kind of
struggled.
And there was, there was divorce, three years of divorce.
And so it was a, it was a challenging place to be.
And I wanted to know from an undergraduate perspective,
well, what, what is a healthy family?
And then I was super fortunate to, you know, marry someone
that's just, she's incredible.
She's awesome.
She's, and has taught me so much about parenting.
And so, yeah, definitely.
I think if, if more parents viewed their role in that way,
and again, I'm not saying this from a position of, haha,
I've it all figured out.
No, but I'm, I'm working on it.
I'm trying as hard as I can to be a little bit better every
day.
I'm observing what I'm failing and I'm trying to model what
is, you know, healthy boundaries in a relationship.
What does that look like?
Because if we're modeling that, what does fun look like?
Is it, we're drinking every night, six days a week.
Is that fun in our family?
Is that, then that's what you're modeling or is it responsible use?
And so I don't know.
I'm fascinated by that topic.
I really am.
Absolutely.
And I, and I'm fascinated right along with you.
And the interesting thing about my, the dynamics of my own family is we have a 29 year old
and a 10 year old.
Okay.
So that's 29, 24, 14 and 10.
Okay.
The complexity that I have is adults and children communicating where I'm trying to teach the
kids to respect the adult sibling, but yet they still have to teach them to be, to be
respectful, but they're siblings with you.
You have twins that are girls.
So that's a complete different dynamic.
And I love when you say that you failed because we fail often.
Oh my goodness.
And failure is not a bad thing.
And teaching that, acknowledging that to ourselves and being able to teach that back to the children,
you're going to fail.
You know, there's, I tell my older children, it's, it's, I can't believe I'm saying it
on air.
It's like, Hey, when I had the younger two, I was like, Hey, you guys were trial and error
and I'm sorry.
And the trial and error isn't a negative statement.
It's a statement of saying that I know now what I didn't know then.
And I did my best with you then.
And you'll see me raise these other two completely different, but I need you to roll with me.
So there were times Scott that I brought the older kids back in because I missed some,
some points.
Yeah.
Like 20, 23.
And I'm like, yeah, you could come home.
I don't know why I did that, but they came home.
And I talked to them more about finances, what it looks like for it to have a retirement
fund, what it looks like, you know, to purchase a car on your own without our money.
And then after that year was over, you can't return.
Like you cannot return.
I've done, I really, really did everything.
But I say all that I have to say is because it's, it's a leadership role that doesn't
stop.
No, you're in it.
You're in it.
But I love what you just said.
I mean, it's, it's, it's this kind of infinite game where it doesn't end.
No.
And we're constantly, if we're, if we're in that game and we're present, we are also learning.
So I love the fact that what you just said, look, there are a couple of things I missed.
Maybe it's that modeling.
And I don't mean that you weren't modeling financial health.
I'm not saying that, but I need to teach you about financial health and I need you to understand
this because we didn't get to that.
You still can.
You still can kind of pause and say, huh, you know, this isn't something we really had
on the radar when you were in your teens, but now I'm seeing it and we're going to, we're
going to talk about that because I think your influence over the children over all of those
years, it's, we don't always get the immediate response.
The, wow, that's so wise.
Thank you for that advice.
Never.
Planting seeds, right?
We're planting seeds and probably sometime in, you know, 2060, they're going to go, you
know, mom, she was awesome.
And you know what?
I get the opportunity and I think I can voice on that.
I often say I don't voice and I don't want to be voiceful nor do I want to say that I've
done everything right, but I do get the opportunity to hear it.
So in that area where we have, and I'm far from perfection, right?
We're far from perfection, but where we reached it to a, to a level of saying, okay, I might
be at my level of perfection, right?
Because it was just good enough to actually hear it, you know, and, and even in, in a
business sense as, as a coach or as a CFO or CEO, we rarely get to hear that we've done
well, you know what I mean?
And affirmation, you know, I know that there's these, there's the love languages and everything,
but affirmation is good for any of those love languages.
And that's to hear that we've done well, you know, we haven't may have not done our best,
but, and I say all that to say is that when, when you begin this coaching and in this,
this, this position, I think that they'll end up understanding that they've done the
best that they could and they should pat themselves on the back, you know, marriage and family,
that's a whole different ball game.
So Scott, when you touch on that, I'm going to be on every podcast.
I want my own book, because I'm still learning, but the world is different today.
So I've been able to speak with so many leaders that are talking about, you know, coaching
and businesses.
I met with a leader who coaches C-suite individuals and relationships and C-suite individuals
only.
And I'm like, whoa, like that's different because if our home life isn't working well,
then a lot of things don't work well there that follows.
So you're touching on something that says, Hey, I'm going to start at the core of life.
And so where do you go?
Where do you go from here?
Now that that's a thought.
Yeah, where do you go from here?
You know, my wife and I, we have an outline.
And so we walk every morning at 530 a.m. kind of rain or shine, no bad weather, just bad
gear is the mantra.
So we were out there with Orion this morning walking along and it's kind of our stand up
meeting every day.
It's kind of our, we connect, we get on the same page about the day, we talk a little
bit about the kids.
We might, we talked about a vacation that we want to do maybe in January just to get
a little vitamin D because we're vitamin D deficient come January in Northeast Ohio.
But you know, it's a wonderful, wonderful time of the day.
And so one thing we've talked about is do we just record a conversation on some of these
different topics, whether it's financial health or gratitude, you know, modeling gratitude.
My daughter, it's beautiful.
My daughter's and I didn't, I didn't grow up with this.
So just my wife very much has kind of an other orientation.
She will be a target and she will say, Oh, my colleagues really like Dr. Pepper and another
one really likes Diet Coke.
It's going to be a rough week.
I'm going to pick up a 12 pack.
And her mind is just wired that way.
It's beautiful.
Mine isn't.
So I've had to learn that from her.
But what's so cool is that, you know, our daughters now will say, Oh, we have we have
a big week in rehearsals for the musical that we're in.
I'm going to make brownies and just kind of cheer everyone up.
And it's like, holy, wow, that is incredible that your mind is now wired in a way.
And that's been modeled for you to think of others and think of others in that way.
And you know, I still I haven't arrived.
I'm getting a teeny bit better at that.
But so what's next with that idea is, you know, I think we go on a walk and I think
we talk and we record it and then we transcribe that.
And then those conversations are going to be the foundation for, you know, putting something
out there.
But I often don't think that parents understand the impact they're having.
All of us who are serving in that role.
And you said something beautiful that I think if you're in a position of authority, you're
a coach or you're a leader or you're a parent.
I don't think we often get a lot of those.
Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for working 60 hours last week.
That was you're an incredible supervisor.
Or I just love you so much, Dad.
You're the best ever.
Or I think those positions at times can be a little bit.
They can be missing some of those accolades.
And that can be hard because you aren't necessarily getting some of that feedback back of what
you're putting out.
But I think it's about chipping away and maintaining that other orientation and going out of your
way for others.
And they'll see that they'll feel that.
And then that'll come back to you.
There's a great quote, you know, life is like an echo.
You get back what you put out.
And you know, nothing else.
People remember you as someone who put out some incredible stuff.
And that's I tell everyone is that I wake up wanting to create a living eulogy.
I don't want to hear it when when I'm above and I'm looking down and you tell me that
I've done well.
I want to do that daily.
You know, and the goal is to love unconditionally.
Right.
And I believe that in what you learned in your your minor studies is that love can be
conditional, but it should not.
Because based on each person, even even being a father or mother, our children are not the
same.
Oh, no.
And we have to live with them.
You know what I mean?
And even identical twins are not the same.
Not at all.
I'm telling a friend of mine, I hid in the closet last week from my two daughters because
you had three doors to get to in order to get to me.
So I'm like, I can't do this.
I'm going to flip out.
So if I just sit in the closet just for a moment and hide.
But you know, it's it's it's the part of just knowing that you're OK with where you are.
You're in and you're as long as you're doing it in love.
Right.
And that's because love love heals all no matter what people think, because that smile
when when you came on, I think that the big smile just gave me goosebumps because life
isn't always filled with smiles.
Right.
And it's filled with so many different things.
And when we're at home and we have that kind of weight on our shoulders and when we go
into the world and there's a different type of weight, which I feel is a little bit heavier,
if we're not used to working out, which is working out within ourselves and loving ourselves
first, I don't know if we can lift any of those weights.
So I believe that you're doing something that is going to elevate life, the world.
I think that what's going to be in return is an abundance of of teaching as well as
learning to love ourselves.
Right.
Because that's where it starts.
And you and your wife and taking those walks and having a meeting, a meeting of the minds.
Right.
At that time, it's like, OK, the the feet are hitting the pavement, which is like, hey,
we're moving forward, but we're not moving forward alone.
We're doing this together.
So you recording those conversations, those authentic conversations, that goes your podcast
right there.
I'm all in.
I did I did meet a leader who does some of her podcasts while she's walking through a
garden.
Oh, wow.
Yes, yes.
And so she often when she coaches, she often has her in her the people she's coaching walk
through a garden to show you say, what are you looking at?
And she's like, they're like, oh, I'm looking at a rock.
Do you think it's heavy?
If so, what do you think is heavy about it?
You know, is it the weight or are you feeling that?
And I say that to say is that there's there's so much therapy and walking and being together
and you guys choosing to do this together.
And I think I'm more excited about what's the.
Well, I'll keep you in the loop.
You have to because I'm going to invite you to.
I'm going to send you a link.
And I think that, you know, one of the things that I've been hearing, Scott, over and over
and over again, just do it.
Just do it.
And not to quote Nike, but I think that's the greatest quote ever.
We're often thinking of how to.
But if you have a feeling and then you serve a higher power and that higher power says,
go.
Yeah, delayed obedience is no different from disobedience.
So I think you've been given the go.
I love it.
I'm trying to figure it out.
I love it.
Well, maybe we'll start recording tomorrow.
Hey, why not?
You know, the little little plug in a little microphone and then hey, yes, it's an intimate
conversation, but it's an intimate conversation that mimics and shows people what a healthy
relationship looks like.
Right.
And it starts with you.
So I'm super stoked.
I know that you have a day full of work and I want to be conscious of your time.
And thank you, Scott, for being the first or the second person I get to see this morning
full of smiles and energy.
And I just love it.
I just love it.
And I appreciate you being a part of my morning.
Well, I really, really appreciate the opportunity.
And yes, I think you may have been the spark to ignite the start tomorrow.
Yes.
But you'll have all my information in this email.
I just want to see it.
I did it.
I would love to see it.
I did it because I believe that you have the key that you're going to open up some doors
to some parents that didn't even know that they were doing well and didn't know that
they even if they're all done in there and in a home in a space where there is no children,
they've done well.
We need to hear it and we need to honor it and wear it as a badge of honor.
And you're the start of that, Scott.
Oh, well, thank you.
You're more than welcome.
I thought I was coming on to share my vision, but you've now given me a vision of the future.
Thank you.
And you know what's funny?
You shared it, but I'm so intrigued.
So I hope I didn't take it away.
No, no, not at all.
Not at all.
I mean, actually, you've gotten me more excited about it.
And so I love that.
I appreciate it.
Thank you for being here today.
I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.
I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward.
This is going to get more and more fun.
We'll have more and more engagement as well.
We'll invite people to participate in the show.
And thank you for giving us your time and attention.
Have an excellent time building out your vision and becoming a Vision Pro yourself.