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Where are you going with your vision? I am going great places. We are reaching out and trying to

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find more people. We're moving kind of in more into the corporate space and my passion and my

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vision is to try to reach people that like executives, everybody male and female, but you

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know more of a passion for women in the corporate space and trying to help them take advantage of

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the business environment to learn how to set healthy boundaries there because it's somehow a

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little bit less onerous at work at times because it's not a personal relationship and so you can

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kind of wait in a little bit better and get much more functional and reach your apex better at work

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setting healthy boundaries and then you can do it at home as well and kind of weaves back and forth.

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So that's really exciting. That is very exciting. Let me ask you one thing. I don't think we discussed

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this last time and if we did I apologize. Why women in that space? Why just women?

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Because especially in the c-suite you know you see fortunately you're seeing more women there and

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being as directors and as CEOs, VPs, but what happens is that sometimes women are raised in a

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environment where they are educated and encouraged to be people pleasers, to put other people's needs

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in front of their own and to identify themselves based on other people's expectations and to kind

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of be perfectionistic. Brene Brown talked about the please perform perfect, the tap dance, you know

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pleasing everyone, being perfect, performing for everybody and all those these things in very small

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measures can be very adaptable. When you're in the corporate space you've got to be able as a woman

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to stand your ground, to do it appropriately because some women when they're just learning

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boundaries they go overboard. They're just stomping around saying no no no I don't want to do that.

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That's not appropriate and that doesn't work well in a corporate environment. So you want to be able

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to educate women so they can stand authoritatively in their own space to feel comfortable and secure

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in their own opinions to be able to communicate those in a team possibly of men who might view

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them as passive, milk toast, less than and they have to be able to number one acknowledge that

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anyone is entitled to their own opinion that's okay but then to know who they are to feel very

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secure and and safe and strong in their own opinion and viewpoint and how to communicate that

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in a very diplomatic and respectful way and not back down. Now that's a very powerful vision Dana.

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I had the opportunity to meet Lemoore. She's from Israel and she comes and goes to United States

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once I don't think if you I don't know if you have met her or not. Lemoore Bergstrom if I'm saying

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her last name correctly. She is doing very something similar to what you are doing.

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On the other hand what she her vision is I think she's you are much closer to your vision than she

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is to her vision I want to say. You have you're to come farther along but her vision is to see

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more women in the C-suite. She is a coder I think in by design and I'd love to make an introduction

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between you two. I don't know we could take you guys but I'll send an email and make an introduction

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for you guys. That's great networking and getting to know other other people in the space so that

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we can lift each other up and collaborate and that's fantastic. Exactly yeah that's my hope for

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that. Hopefully you guys make it a women situation for both of you. Yes absolutely. Awesome well

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Dana the next question and thank you thank you for being open to meeting Lemoore. The next question

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for you is would you like to share some more stories about your vision? Well you know

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as I'm a psychotherapist and I've noticed over the years that I tend to do what I've always done

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even when I was a child is I tend to stick up for people who are being bullied. I remember I had a

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story back when I was in junior high and there was a girl that went to the church that I went to and

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she was very very quiet and very passive and didn't really feel very good about herself and because

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of that she got bullied quite a bit and I remember back in the day that I just I would stand beside

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her and if there was someone that was saying something to her I would just like look at them

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like you know you better back down. I'd save a place for her at the table it it felt like I was

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saving a place for her at the table at the cafeteria because she didn't have anywhere to sit. She would

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sit by herself so I'd always been kind of a champion of the underdog and I noticed as I started

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going through as a psychotherapist and I would see people and they would come in and I was noticing

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more and more and more of their issues were boundary related and I started feeling more and more

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strongly about wanting to to to help them champion themselves to be able to go out and to be able to

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stand in their interpersonal relationships at home with their family members which frequently are the

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hardest relationships to set boundaries if we're being brutally honest. Also with with friends at

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times because friends can kind of those friendships can make themselves known as being maybe not

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actually friendships and then also at work for for people to be able to understand when they get the

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tools then they can be so much stronger and they can have these the hard conversations. It just it

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makes my heart just so warm to to envision people that I've trained and I hear them say this when

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my patients will come back and they'll say Dana I was in such and such situation with somebody the

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other day and I heard your voice in my head. I hear your voice in my head telling me you know you've

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got a right to your opinion and you have the right to say no and someone else's expectations. They

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have a right to them but I have a right to my own expectations as well and so when I see these things

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and I see these boundary ideas and tenants playing out in people's lives and I see them pulling up

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and becoming stronger and not being victimized by manipulators and narcissists or just general

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people around them who they don't feel like they can stand up to. It is just it's an amazing an

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amazing feeling and that is my my passion and my vision to be able to train people to be able to

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do that. It's just it's just amazing. Your the bully experience that you were trying to protect

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was that when you were in your high school? That was I was in junior high

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and she just she stood there. She would didn't she didn't feel like she could say anything.

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She would just look down at the grass. We were outside and she just stood there. Her shoulders

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were all hunched down and she just looked down at the grass and these people were saying things to

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her that were not nice and I did not appreciate that. That is being on both sides of this equation

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where I've been a kind of a bully and I've been bullied I can understand and how

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it's very weird and awkward. People are trying to please each other in a way and you don't even

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realize it and as a kid you don't know what you're doing and I can it can cause detriment to someone's

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life. Absolutely well and you you got a great point in that think about being bullied or feeling like

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you are a bully in the work environment because see you know we are all we're grown up we're all

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grown up bodies but many people are walking around in grown up bodies but in inside they're still

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behaving very much like a child and so we get on on the work environment and see setting boundaries

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not only gives the one who's being bullied it gives them an opportunity to stand in their own

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strength without being obnoxious right without being overpowering without becoming a bully

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of their own right we that's not okay so it lifts up the person who's being bullied and the

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boundaries also helps the one who's maybe functioning as a bully and they don't really

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realize it once they start understanding about boundaries then they can non-judgmentally just

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observe their own behavior and understand that they're maybe behaving in a way that's not helpful

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to the work environment and how it's impacting those around them and then they can slowly kind

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of non-judgmentally step down a little bit when they understand their impact and it's just it's

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wonderful that way it helps both people no matter which direction they're coming from

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you're absolutely correct i want to play a game about this okay what tips do you have for employees

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but i want to do in a situation where supposedly i'm the one who's being bullied

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um maybe my boss is a bully maybe my supervisor is a bully in a way where they're continuously

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nagging me about doing stuff right or something of that sort in a healthy environment how would i

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deal with it okay when you're applying boundaries the first thing you need to recognize is what

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belongs to you and what does not so i like to use the yard analogy so you think about your

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yard what's in your yard are your thoughts feelings and actions what is on the other side of the fence

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in your neighbor's yard which does not belong to you are your neighbors which could be anyone that

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you're in a relationship with could be your boss could be your co-worker in their yard

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are their thoughts feelings and actions which you are not responsible for so when you're looking at

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this scenario you look at your feelings and and your thoughts no matter what you're doing

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you're not responsible for your feelings and and your thoughts knowing you have a right to these

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and if you cannot let them go let's say it's happening repetitively and you're just really

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bothered by it these come in form of intrusive thoughts so then you have the responsibility to

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yourself and quite frankly to your boss and to the office as a whole to approach your boss who's

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being a bully and when you're practicing healthy boundaries you know that however he let's say he

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however he responds it might make you uncomfortable but it does not belong to you it is not your job

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to manage his emotions it's not your job to make sure that he doesn't get upset those are his

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feelings on the other side of the fence so when you acknowledge these things it gives you the ability

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to diplomatically and respectfully approach your boss and say can we please have a brief conversation

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there was we had a discussion the other day that really bothered me i would just like to share with

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you my thoughts on it and so when you're going into that scenario when you know number one you have a

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right to your thoughts and feelings if you can't let them go then you have a responsibility to

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communicate them in a respectful way because your behavior belongs to you and also when like i said

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we are not owning how the boss is going to respond and so if he responds if he starts yelling and

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screaming and carrying on we can simply watch him as if you would watch a neighbor in their

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in their yard on the other side of the fence and you just watch them okay that's those aren't your

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feelings you're not responsible for those you didn't cause those you can't control them you

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can't cure them they don't belong to you technically his feelings are in his brain just saying so when

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you do that then you can have your conversation then he knows how you feel then you can and you

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and you repeat that and then you kind of go back because a lot of these problems in the workplace

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happen repeatedly because we're too scared to tell the person how we feel we're terrified they're

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going to come screaming at us they're going to yell at us call us names cuss and carry on

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we're so scared of that that we just we just keep it all to ourselves they they can't read our mind

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they don't know how we feel so it's our responsibility to communicate it if we can't let that go

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yeah that is very powerful dana um what would you say uh in this scenario if someone's someone is

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afraid maybe for they might get fired or they might and they don't they don't know if they want

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to feed all those things that they don't want to confront someone about it how would they get out

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of that situation well and i want to i like the that you use the word confront because a lot of

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people assume that setting boundaries and practicing healthy boundaries involves being

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confrontational and it absolutely does not as a matter of fact the most peaceful calm people i

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know are the ones that are very clear about what belongs to them and what does not so when we

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understand that we can approach someone very calmly and you'd be surprised or maybe not

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how often when we approach someone very peacefully and very calmly we keep our we keep our tone down

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we slow down the volume and we slow down the tempo of our speech the other person their body

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calms down as well like as i'm talking to you right now i'm bringing my volume down i'm slowing

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the tempo of my speech down do you feel the change in your body as i'm changing your body

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as i'm changing how i talk when we approach people like that it's very difficult for them

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to come back in a very angry defensive stance because your voice modulation has impacted their

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body to relax it down thank you for being here today i'm really happy that you tuned in to vision

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pros live i'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move

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forward this is going to get more and more fun we'll have more and more engagement as well we'll

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invite people to participate in the show and thank you for giving us your time and attention

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have an excellent time building out your vision and becoming a vision pro yourself