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I believe the world needs more love.

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I don't mean that in the abstract sense.

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I mean we need to learn what love is and how to

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build it in the real sense, whether that be in

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marriages, romantic partnerships, in

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families, in friendships, in workplaces, with

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coworkers and communities, and as humanity,

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we need to learn how to build relationships

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with people who are not just your friends,

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your family, your friends, your friends.

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We need to learn how to build relationships

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with people who are not just your friends,

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your family, your friends, your friends.

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I believe that love is practical.

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It's tangible.

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It's not just bubble gum and butterflies.

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It's not just sweet and beautiful, although

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that's part of it.

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I teach the five components of love.

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In my book, learning love, I teach the five

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components of love that anyone can learn and

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practice to build healthy, happy, thriving

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relationships in every area of life.

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And so if people will learn how to build

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relationships with people who are not just

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your friends, their friends, your friends,

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your family, your friends, your family,

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it's really important for people to learn

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these components and put them into practice.

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They can change their marriages, their

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romantic relationships, their families, and we

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change the world.

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That's phenomenal.

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I love that vision.

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So I'm curious, where did that vision come from?

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What sparked this thought that we need more

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love in the world?

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What sparked that?

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Well, a lot of things, but one was I didn't

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always know what I know now.

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I was in a toxic marriage, terrible relationship,

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ended in divorce.

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I still have the emotional scars from that one.

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And that among other things,

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kind of planted some seeds in me that grew over time

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that I wanted to know what love really is

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and how to build it.

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That it needed to be more than something abstract,

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that we could actually learn how to live out

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relationships of love.

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And so over time, I've worked not only

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through my own personal experiences,

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but I have a master's degree in mental health counseling.

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And so from a therapist standpoint,

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I thought about and researched the idea of love.

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I also have a faith-based background

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with degrees in divinity and in ministry.

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And I have worked in the faith-based area

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and in spirituality.

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And so I look from a spiritual component.

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Because as human beings, regardless of our religious

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backgrounds, we are a human spirit.

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We have a spiritual component to us.

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And we have a psychological and emotional component to us.

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And we have our experiences.

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And so I brought all that together in my own life,

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in my own practice of how to live out love,

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and from an academic standpoint as well.

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And ended up, from all those perspectives,

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being able to write my book and teach

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the five components of love.

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What exactly are the five components?

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A quick brief overview.

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Absolutely.

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The first one is grief.

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And that's a strange place to start.

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People very often react to that one about you're

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talking about love and you start with grief.

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Yes.

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Because you talk to someone who has put up emotional walls,

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keeps people at arm's length, fails to connect with even

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people who love them.

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These are people that have been hurt.

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These people will tell you a story of heartbreak.

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And when we go through these tough times in life,

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when we go through divorce, when we

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go through a terrible breakup, when someone close to us dies

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and where our heart is broken, we

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have a tendency to want to avoid that pain.

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And so we put up emotional walls that keep people out

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of our life.

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We distance ourselves even from the people we love most

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and end up damaging and even separating ourselves

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from the relationships that we could have.

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We're not going to get through life without scars.

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Life is going to be painful sometimes.

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The message that I want people to hear

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is that, yes, there is pain in life that is so heartbreaking

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it can leave a hole in your heart.

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But you can live a really good life with a hole in your heart.

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And that's what I want people to see,

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that you're not going to escape pain,

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but we can learn to make those connections,

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those emotional connections, those connections of love,

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despite the hole in our heart.

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We can live that good life anyway

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if we learn how to grieve those hurts of life.

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So the first component, the foundational component

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that keeps us engaged in love is grief.

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The second one is emotion.

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This is the bubble gum and butterflies.

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This is the connections that we all

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think about, the sweet and beautiful,

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those wonderful connections that we make that

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are the connections of the heart.

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And for some people, that comes really easy.

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Other people are not as emotional.

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They don't know how to express their emotions as much.

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That's OK.

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It's a practice.

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We practice the components of love.

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And so even if love, maybe if you came out

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of an abusive background, the word love

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may have bad connotations to you.

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Say things like, I appreciate you.

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Find ways of expressing emotion.

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The third one is practicality.

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I always say that emotion brings us together.

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Practicality keeps us together.

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The practical side of love is learning

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how to deal with finances in your relationship,

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in your family, in your marriage.

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Dealing with communication skills, and it is a skill.

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We can learn how to communicate.

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Dealing with mental health issues.

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Mental health is key to a relationship.

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And it condemns so many relationships

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that could be salvaged and could be thriving

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if we got help with our mental health.

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And that's a practical matter, just like getting help

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with our physical health if we have an ailment.

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Mental health is treatable as well.

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And so if we take care of our practical issues,

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our practical matters of life, we

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enhance, we thrive in our relationships

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because we can stay connected.

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We sometimes hear people say, I love them.

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I just can't live with them.

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And that's when we know that the practical side of love

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has failed.

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The emotional side is still there,

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but practicality has fallen.

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The fourth is acceptance.

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And of course, we have to accept people as they are.

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People are not going to be perfect,

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but that's a small part of it.

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What we're really talking about in acceptance

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is learning to love and accept ourselves.

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Brene Brown has done some tremendous research on this.

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Many people don't realize you cannot love other people more

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than you love yourself.

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That's the limit.

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That's as far as you can go.

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You have to love yourself because love is not

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a commodity like money.

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If you need more money, you can get a second job.

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You can take out a loan.

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You could steal money.

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I don't recommend that last one.

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But you can get money in a lot of ways to give it away.

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But love is organic.

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It has to be grown, and it has to be grown within us.

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And so the only way you can love other people more

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is to love yourself more.

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And finally, the fifth component is passion.

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When we say passion, we often think

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about intimacy and romantic relationships.

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That's part of it, but it's not the whole story.

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We're talking about a passion for life,

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being able to enjoy the life you have.

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That's the wind in your sails.

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That's the fuel in your engine.

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It gets you going in the morning to see

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what life's going to bring.

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And the way to have passion in life is fun, to keep life fun.

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Now, of course, life is serious.

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That's why practicality is the third component of love.

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And yes, there is tragedy.

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That's why grief is the first component of love.

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But despite those things, learn to have fun.

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Keep fun as part of your life.

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That keeps passion in your relationships.

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It keeps passion in every area of your life,

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what you do for a living, your connections in family,

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your connections in community.

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Go to the job.

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Have fun with your coworkers as much as you can in life.

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When we do those five things, when we know how to grieve,

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we know how to connect emotionally,

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we know how to live life in a practical manner

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to make life livable with each other.

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We love ourselves first, and we keep life fun

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and keep the passion in life.

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You can build healthy relationships,

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even if you've never known how to have them before.

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Thank you for being here today.

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I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.

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I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these

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episodes continue to move forward.

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This is going to get more and more fun.

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We'll have more and more engagement as well.

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We'll invite people to participate in the show.

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And thank you for giving us your time and attention.

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Have an excellent time building out your vision

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and becoming a Vision Pro yourself.