Fletcher Ellingson, tell me about your vision.
Yeah, so my vision is very succinct.
It's, I envision a world with less suffering,
much more kindness, much more connection,
and much more joy, and that's my vision for,
that I wanna live into.
I wanna be a part of that.
I love that.
I'm gonna take that and combine it
with one of my favorite books, Radical Candor.
I have a feeling you've come across that before.
I actually haven't.
I'm gonna-
Oh, I'm excited, man.
I'm excited.
So we both have some study to do.
I'm gonna be studying on your book,
and I hope that you,
I'll send you the little seven minute YouTube clip
so you can speed through it.
Right on, Radical Candor.
Yep, and so she's got this quadrant,
and on one side of the quadrant,
there's four different, rather, layers of this.
Radical Candor is about giving people feedback
that they may not wanna hear, but doing so with love.
Right, helping people understand the value moving forward.
On the opposite spectrum of that,
somebody who cares about an individual
but refuses to give feedback when they need it,
she calls that ruinous empathy,
and it's often camouflaged in the form of kindness.
I've, I used to kinda hate on kindness quite a bit
because I'm not a big fan of kindness that ends up,
oh yeah, you'll be okay, don't worry.
The cliff's right in front of you, but it's your life.
That's not kindness to me.
So let's talk through that.
What is kindness to you?
What does that mean to you as a leader?
Oh boy, this is one of my favorite concepts, actually.
And I'm with you, I'm not about false kindness.
So the way I define kindness is,
kindness is friendliness, generosity, consideration,
and the willingness to offer assistance
without the need for praise or acknowledgement.
Okay, so it's very specific, right?
And that-
I like that, I agree with that.
I would add on my side, with permission.
Yes, yeah.
Or, you know what, not even with permission,
sorry, I'm gonna reframe mine.
I would say, with respect for agency.
There you go, yeah.
Respect for agency.
Yeah, and you know, cause in my opinion,
kindness, gosh, you know, it just,
it unites instead of divides.
It heals instead of injures, right?
I mean, it feels good to give it,
it feels good to receive it,
and it feels good to be around it.
I really believe that kindness is powerful.
And you know, you mentioned radical candor,
and I love that concept of being radical in your life,
taking a radical responsibility for your life.
And the way I define radical
is simply a departure from the norm,
a departure from what is usual.
And so that might be a very small tweak,
or it could be something very big,
but it's a departure from what is norm.
Oh, I like that a lot.
Oh, that's super fun.
I gotta get, now I gotta get in touch
with the author of Radical Candor
and get you guys in touch.
Oh, that would be too fun
to see you guys bring those concepts together.
Yeah, yeah.
So as we explore this a bit further,
where did your vision come from?
Oh, I mean, on this whole process of kindness
and the practice of feeling good, et cetera.
Walk us through. Yeah.
So the vision for that came from
just being the recipient of kindness,
being the recipient of help and guidance
from other people who, boy,
I mean, again, talk about kindness.
They didn't have to take me under their wing.
They didn't have to show me kindness,
but somebody did.
Somebody believed that there was value in me,
and they took time to extend that kindness.
They extend, they, many people actually took time
to extend that radical candor that we were discussing,
where, and I love it.
Like, I do not want to be surrounded
by a bunch of yes people.
Please, let me know what's working and what's not working.
Let me know where I can improve, honestly,
because I mean, the only way to evolve in this life
is to get that feedback
and to engage in this fun game of self-inquiry.
And so I got it, but I will tell you this.
It started when I was in third grade.
It was either third or fourth.
We had a speaker come to our school.
We all piled in the gymnasium,
and his name was Wayne Bradberg.
And I don't remember much about it,
except that at the end of the,
I mean, he was an inspirational, motivational speaker,
so he had lots of good stories, I'm sure.
But at the end, he handed out to everybody
a reflective sticker to put on your jacket
or your lunch pail or your bike or whatever.
I put mine on my headboard of my bed,
so I saw it every day.
And there was a seed planted there,
because on that sticker that I saw every single day,
it said, start your day with PMA, positive mental attitude.
And then the second thing it said
was expect something wonderful to happen.
So he planted that seed.
In sixth grade, I started reading
The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale.
And so I was a bit of an odd kid.
I was super interested in this.
I didn't know what was called personal development
or personal evolution at the time,
but I was calling it positive thinking, right?
But I was interested, so it started there
many, many years ago.
And fast forward 2021 during COVID,
where when I switched online
to doing my TV show online from home,
I actually found Wayne Bradberg,
the guy from my third grade experience.
He was up in Alaska in his 80s,
and I had him on my show.
Yeah, so it all came full circle
and I got to send him a copy of my book.
And he was just like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe
like that seed that was planted, you know, 30, 40,
I actually know 40 plus years ago,
sprouted and grew, right?
That's amazing.
And now when you get to talk to him the next time,
I'm thinking he's still around.
Yeah.
He's still making noise.
So you have to tell him that I know somebody
who also uses the PMA concept.
I don't know if he gave credit though.
So we got to make sure that that loop goes,
but ask me afterwards.
I'll tell you who I know that's leading with PMA.
I'll have to find out if he is or not.
I just may have forgotten that part of the story,
but yeah, we'll talk about Mike afterwards.
All right, so I want to switch gears.
I'm almost not at all.
We're going to go into one more segment.
And on this one, I want to know,
you've told me about where it came from,
how it all got started, this path, which is awesome.
And how did you get started?
So, I mean, going into this to where, you know,
you've got your book, you've got your TV show.
Yeah.
Where would you say it officially started
where you started to really like dedicate,
you do this, you do what you do full-time?
I do, yeah.
Yeah, I'm very, very fortunate to be able to do it full-time.
And I love it.
And you have a wife, Dr. Amy, is that correct?
Am I making a sound here?
I do, yes.
Did I get something wrong?
No, you got it.
Yeah, yeah, my wife.
I go over to her church and I was like,
this could go awkward, but.
Yeah, yeah, no, she's, yeah.
My wife's a family physician.
And that's been wonderful for us.
We've been able to co-lead seminars together
and do some really cool things, marrying our skillsets.
That's amazing.
Okay, so yeah, I'm all ears now.
How did you guys get started with all that?
Yeah, so I think, you know, again,
I've always been an entrepreneur, two things.
I've always been an entrepreneur
and I've always been really fascinated
by personal development.
And so I've started many businesses.
One of them crashed and burned really hard,
like ball of fire hit the ground and nothing left.
We were, this was before I was married
to my current wife, Amy, but we were a family of five.
We had a mortgage, zero revenue income
after the business crashed.
We just had to walk away from it
and we had over $20,000 worth of credit card debt, right?
Not the good kind of debt.
So what happened was I was at such a low point that,
and I remember, because I was in Safeway
and we were so destitute that we were on food stamps
and nothing against food stamps.
Love that they're there for when people are in need of them.
You're in need.
Yep, but I got up to the counter
and I went to pay for the food that I had with food stamps.
My kids were with me.
There was a line of people behind me
and I remember just how that felt.
Handing over these, you know, in that day,
there were the physical coupons.
And I remember the clerk said,
oh, these coupons don't cover these specific items
that you're trying to purchase.
And I was just like, oh, gosh.
And I just remember like feeling humiliated, embarrassed.
And so after I left that store-
Yeah, put stuff back.
Yeah, exactly.
I had to take things off.
Yes, exactly, right?
And so I was just, in that moment,
I decided I will never be in this position ever again.
I will never be behind financially.
I will always be ahead.
And in that moment, I made that powerful decision.
And as a result, I dove even deeper
into personal development.
I mean, I just started reading
and listening to everything, right?
Courses and CDs and tapes and books and going to seminars.
And as a result, we cranked up
quite an incredible technology business at the time.
And I was traveling all over the world
and I was getting into,
I was speaking in front of thousands of people a year.
And it was there that I realized a couple of different things.
One of them was my superpower.
And that superpower is a superpower that humans all share.
It's our ability to recognize patterns.
Pattern recognition, I believe,
is one of the superpowers of the human species.
And because I was interfacing with so many people
on a regular basis, I began to see the same patterns
over and over and over again.
And even though I wasn't in an official coaching capacity,
I found myself coaching my clients
and not about the product that we were selling,
but about their mindset.
Yes.
You're right.
Huge, huge, huge, huge.
I hope everybody's listening to that.
Mindset, mindset, mindset, go ahead.
Right.
And so I just kept on finding myself doing that
more and more.
And then I started my coaching business.
And then at some point I was just like, you know what?
This is what I've always wanted to do.
In fact, I got my degree in biblical studies at one point
because I was gonna go into the ministry, right?
And I wanted to be a source of contribution
or help or something, right?
And so-
Too divine that you mentioned that.
So are you Christian?
Is that, or Jewish, or what do you follow?
Well, I'm a very spiritual person.
Yeah, and I subscribe to a lot of different thoughts.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
But it was that point where I was like,
this is what I'm gonna do.
And so I left that business after 15 years
and haven't looked back and just having an absolute blast.
Okay, excellent.
There's so much wisdom and truth that was just divulged
and uncovered in a short time.
We're almost gonna wrap up on that.
Vision pros, I'm at a thought I wanna give as well,
Fletcher, the opportunity to debate or say,
hey, I'm with you on that.
It's kind of a perspective for some of you out there
who have not had the fortune of being able
to gain control in your finances, right?
And when I say not have the fortune,
I almost agree completely, Fletcher,
with the idea that I will never allow myself
to be in that financial hole,
that financial situation again.
And I would add the caveat that it will never be my fault
if I end up there anymore.
I'm going to make sure to do everything in my power
to be my best self.
And for those of you out there who realize that,
you can't control the environments.
If I plant a crop, and this is,
I would say Christianity for me, it makes it easy.
But even if you're not Christian,
if I plant crops in the field across from my house
over there and a tornado comes and wipes it out,
I don't control the tornado.
I can diversify my income and do lots of things,
but even still, there are causes that can come over us
and really ruin what we're up to.
So those of you that are celebrating with Fletcher
and myself and saying, hey, we're gonna do everything we can
to position ourselves to where we're never
in that position of need,
I would add that if you end up there,
don't beat yourself up over it.
Don't give up.
Don't feel like, your external is never the reflection
of your internal, but it is wonderful when we have it.
What would you add?
Would you add any adjustments to that Fletcher?
Would you say-
Yeah.
Sorry, I'm gonna add one more piece and that's it.
There is a power.
There is a very big superpower out there,
a dark force that will give us anything that we want,
even if it's not good for us.
And I believe that wholeheartedly.
So I would be very careful with where we turn
for the types of answers that we want.
On my side, I believe there's a light force.
There's a different force that if I'm willing
to accept humbly what it's going to give me
and recognize that what it's going to give me
is best for my particular needs,
that's the force that I want on my side in my life.
So Fletcher, please feel free to wrap this up on your-
Sure, sure.
Yeah, I like what you're saying there.
The only thing I would add is that, yes,
if it happens in the future,
it's definitely probably not gonna be my fault
and I am responsible for it.
Right?
So it's just kind of like,
if I go out into my garage in the morning
and try to turn the car over and it doesn't start,
that's not my fault.
Were you watching me on Sunday?
No, is that what happened?
One of my little chips was shortening out.
So yeah, Sunday morning in the rain there was,
and you know, God-
Yes, right?
So it wasn't your fault,
but it was still your responsibility.
Correct.
Right?
And so that's why we want to remember,
it's like one of my mantras for myself
is I'm resourceful, capable, and flexible.
Okay?
Things may not-
I love that.
Yeah, things may not be my fault,
but I'm multi-responsible,
but because I'm resourceful, capable, flexible,
if I am those three things,
I love it.
then I can get through anything.
It doesn't mean I have to fix it all,
but I'm resourceful.
Maybe I can assemble a team around myself, right?
That's what you're doing.
You're assembling a team around your business
so that it can grow in scale, right?
You're being resourceful.
Thank you for being here today.
I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live.
I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions
as these episodes continue to move forward.
This is gonna get more and more fun.
We'll have more and more engagement as well.
We'll invite people to participate in the show,
and thank you for giving us your time and attention.
Have an excellent time building out your vision
and becoming a Vision Pro yourself.