1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,120 weeks working on the online course and getting that filmed. 2 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:11,200 Getting an online course now that's exciting. Yes. Any aspirations with that? What are you 3 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:18,400 hoping to accomplish with the online course? Seven figures, baby. Nice. Awesome. Seven figures. How 4 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:24,480 many people will go? Is it a course for the kids or is it a course for the parents? Well, actually 5 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:29,520 both because and we can talk about this in the interview. The course is for parents but the 6 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:33,760 number one complaint parents offer is that they don't know what to say or how to say to their kids 7 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:38,320 about body safety. So I'm actually going to film videos where I speak directly to the kids. They 8 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:43,680 can watch together as a family then have a conversation about. That's brilliant. That's 9 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:51,040 awesome. And you are so right. Do I use that word? Do I not use that word? What have I already 10 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:58,720 learned in school? Is my ex going to get mad at me for teaching this? That's a whole bag of awesome 11 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:05,200 that you're producing for parents. Thank you. We have a parents everywhere. Thank you. I can 12 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:09,520 reference this too and be like, she said it, not me. And she's a professional. I'm glad you're 13 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:15,680 enthusiastic about that because you're my test audience here. I am. I'm loving that. Okay. 14 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:21,200 Awesome. So all right. Let's see here. What are, all right, there's proactive parenting 15 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:28,960 and protecting those kiddos. What are three like ultra secrets about proactive parenting? 16 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:34,000 I would say, first of all, you and your child have more power to protect them than you may think. 17 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:39,920 That's the number one secret. A lot of people think that they don't have the ability to protect 18 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,120 their kids when their kids aren't around or that their kids don't have the ability to protect 19 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:49,760 themselves when the parents aren't around. And that is not true. Number two is that confidence is 20 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:55,520 the number one predator repellent. So when you raise a competent child who is comp, who knows 21 00:01:55,520 --> 00:02:00,720 how to trust her intuition and set boundaries and defend those boundaries, they are less likely to 22 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:08,400 be a target for predators. That's huge. Yes. And then third, I would- All right. Welcome in to Vision 23 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:13,520 Pros Live. With Jackson Calame, I'm your show host. We'll be doing interviews for visionary 24 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:20,320 entrepreneurs and guest leaders who are building fantastic visions out there. 25 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:31,760 Awesome. Welcome in my friends to Vision Pros Live. I'm your show host, Jackson Calame, 26 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:38,160 founder and CEO of First Class Business. I am so, so, so excited to have CJ Scarlett on stage. 27 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:42,960 If you're not doing it already, Google her name. You will learn awesome things about her. She is 28 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:48,560 the bad A grandma. I'm going to avoid saying her title for the sake of making sure this reaches as 29 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:55,200 many people as possible. But she is that cool. She's dope. She's fresh. She's an OG. Whatever 30 00:02:55,200 --> 00:03:00,240 cool slang word you want to use, she's absolutely amazing. And she helps parents learn how to 31 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:07,040 protect their kids from concerns, harmful things that exist online, in person, et cetera. She's 32 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:11,280 super cool. We're going to be bringing her on in just a minute. So be prepared for that. CJ are 33 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,560 going to rock this session. It's going to be a lot of fun. I have four kiddos. I don't know if you'll 34 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:21,440 know that. I have four kiddos that are my world from 12 to 3 years old. Every time I get to talk 35 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:27,360 to CJ, and we've talked about 8 to 10 times now on different things she's up to with the brand and 36 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:32,240 her vision and how awesome it is and what she's doing with Bark, et cetera. There's so many cool 37 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:37,280 things about what's going on with her. I get to learn a little bit more about how to help my kids. 38 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:43,680 So every endeavor I have with her is 100% selfish in addition to the fact that I also 39 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:49,120 may get to have some influence on the direction of the vision too on occasion. I'm humbled by that. 40 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,840 Let's talk about these sponsors real quick. Patrick Creighton of Laidback Languages. 41 00:03:54,640 --> 00:04:00,400 So Patrick is, he knows six different languages. He's mastered six languages and he's an amazing 42 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:04,480 teacher. He's got an amazing heart. If you're in a position where you want to learn a foreign 43 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:11,040 language for whatever reason, he's your guy. This guy has incredible capacity to understand 44 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:16,480 who people are, understand about the cultures, and guide people towards learning languages fast. 45 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:24,160 As somebody who speaks Spanish myself and knows what it takes to learn another language, 46 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:29,200 I can say that his principles and mine align completely. I was able to pick Spanish up and 47 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:33,760 learn it fluently in about four and a half months. It's not because I'm some super genius. It does 48 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:37,920 have a lot to do with the diligence and determination, but there are other secret factors. I won't 49 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:42,160 steal his thunder. Whereas I talked to him about what he does, I was like, ooh, that's why you're 50 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:47,440 that amazing as a coach for language. So then there's Detail Publishing. Detail Publishing, 51 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:53,520 for all of you entrepreneurs out there, she is my content marketing queen. She is one of my 52 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:58,400 favorite entrepreneurs on earth. One of my favorite people on earth. This is Ashley Detail. She's a 53 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:03,680 book publisher, as well as content marketing strategist, worked with the Nomad Capitalists, 54 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:09,680 helped them revamp more than 2000 articles, most of which she also wrote, and the amount of R&D 55 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:15,280 that it would take to write for one of the top performing financial advisors in the world. 56 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:19,440 We're talking about people coming to his conference in Costa Rica who are billionaires 57 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:27,360 and multi-level millionaires. It's just insane how deep her brain goes into difficult territories. 58 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:33,520 While also having the capacity to publish a book called Wallace the Westy, a Christmas story about 59 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:39,520 a puppy, and she's an amazing singer. She's so well-rounded. Why is that important? I find that 60 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:45,440 the best entrepreneurs and the best servant leaders, those who are helping people win, tend 61 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:49,920 to be extremely well-rounded individuals. And as I mentioned, I've worked with thousands and 62 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:55,680 thousands of entrepreneurs in different capacities, from restaurant industries, POS companies, to real 63 00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:01,200 estate and beyond, and she is one of my absolute favorite people on earth. So detail publishing, 64 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,760 if you're in the process of considering writing a book, publishing a book, or sprucing up your 65 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:11,680 content going into the new year, you can't go wrong. Ashley's up to you. And last but not least, 66 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:16,800 the water project. In fact, I would say most importantly, if you have access to clean drinking 67 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,440 water, then you probably don't think about it too often. There are millions of people who do not, 68 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:27,600 and I love the water project because I can choose which community I'm helping based on what type of 69 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:33,600 project is being done, how many people are going to be affected by it, and your contribution to the 70 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:38,960 water project has a generational impact, where kids don't have to go look for water when they 71 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:43,360 should have the ability to just focus on school. I love the picture that's on the screen right now. 72 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,960 These kids look like they're in Christmas Day, and it's because they got access to clean drinking 73 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:51,600 water. The humility and the gratitude that exists with that, again, urges my heart to say, you know 74 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:57,360 what, how can I help more of these communities do this? Now, I don't have the budget to be able to 75 00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:02,640 fund every single one of these projects, but I do have a voice, and I can share this for people, 76 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:07,200 and I can contribute what I can. My request of you is this, if you're not in a position to contribute 77 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:13,200 financially, simply share this. You never know who in your network will end up contributing to this 78 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:18,480 by simply putting a voice to the cause. If you feel there's another cause that you'd rather see us 79 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:23,520 contribute to, then please drop that in the comments as well. We'll take a look. We might even put it 80 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,600 on the show as well. We're all about giving back. There's 8 billion people in this world who need a 81 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:33,200 tremendous amount of help. Without further ado, let's dive into how we can protect the children 82 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:40,000 with CJ Scarlett and her cause for helping parents become excellent parents and proactive in their 83 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:44,560 parenting. CJ, welcome to Vision Pros Life. Jackson, thank you so much for having me today. 84 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:51,040 I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Absolutely. So from your military background to 85 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:57,600 being able to teaching self-defense and going on media tours, and I've just seen your passion and 86 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:02,960 dedication to the process of protecting children and empowering parents, I'd love for you to pull 87 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,800 out some of your own highlights though. What are some of the highlights of your path and journey to 88 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:11,360 get to where you are right now? You've got a picture of me there on the screen as a firefighter 89 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,960 for the US Forest Service. Back when I was 18 years old. Oh my, that's a hard firefighting job too. 90 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:21,680 Yeah, and there was in Arkansas and Oklahoma that I fought fires. Now you've got me on the screen as 91 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:26,640 the honor graduate of my boot camp at Parris Island, South Carolina when I was in the United 92 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:31,760 States Marine Corps as a photojournalist. Wow. And that's just a picture of me and my boys when 93 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:39,360 they were about six and nine maybe. Awesome. And then I believe you have a picture of me with my 94 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:44,480 grandkids that's several years old. And I want to say, Jackson, I follow you on Facebook and see the 95 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:50,400 pictures of you and your gorgeous children and you guys look so happy and you look like such a great 96 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:58,320 dad and kudos to you. I do my best and they raise me well. I'm sure they do. 97 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:06,320 Absolutely. So let's again, let's dive in a little bit further too. So some of the, 98 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:10,640 you know, let's just dive right into what's your vision for those that you serve, CJ? 99 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:17,280 My vision for those I serve, I serve parents, grandparents and other caregivers of kids zero 100 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:24,800 to 18. And my vision for them is that they will feel confident in their own ability to 101 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:30,080 protect their kids more than they're doing so now. A lot of people have some misunderstandings 102 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:34,880 about how dangerous the world is. One on one, the world is safer today than it was when I was born 103 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:43,280 in 1961. Crime, however, online is going up precipitously and it terrifies a lot of people 104 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:49,280 and it should. And parents are often confronted with these online dangers. They don't know what 105 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:53,360 a lot of the online dangers are, but what they do is they're not going to be able to do it. 106 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:57,440 And they don't know what the online dangers are, but what they do know scares them and paralyzes 107 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:02,400 them. They don't know what to do about it. And there's a lot that can be done. And I hope we'll 108 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:10,080 dive into some of that today. Absolutely. So you said something that I'm a big fan of. And it's, 109 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:15,440 because I'm assuming it's based in truth, but rather than scaring the entire world about how 110 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:21,280 worse everything is getting, you said that at a different angle, that the common mainstream is 111 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:25,360 that it's not going to be safe. And I'm wondering if you could talk about it because it doesn't 112 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:30,560 drive any clicks. It doesn't drive any fear. You said that the world's kind of getting safer. 113 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:35,920 In what ways? I see it too. What ways do you see it? There's less domestic violence. There's less 114 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:40,640 sexual assault. There's less one-on-one crimes, robbery, burglary, all of it. The crime statistics 115 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:46,720 have been going down and we live in the safest time in human existence. Right. You mean like 116 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:52,400 people's heads off or breaks them to the ground. Pikes and yeah, exactly. And destroy his neighbors 117 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:58,560 for not paying their rent. I don't have to worry about my landlord doing that to me. 118 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:10,880 My role, my goal is to avoid scaring the devil out of the parents and the kids. That's my whole 119 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:17,440 goal. There's a lot of information out there that is scary, but I try to add perspective to that 120 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,560 and add hope by letting them know what they can do to combat those things. I am also a little 121 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:26,320 inappropriate and snarky here and there to lighten it up a little bit because these are heavy topics 122 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:31,360 we're dealing with. I were talking about bullying and cyber bullying and child sexual abuse and 123 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:37,280 assault and kidnapping and sex trafficking. I mean, these are very, very heavy, dark topics. 124 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:47,120 Yep. But so I use levity in some cases to keep the parents engaged and keep that coming back for more. 125 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:54,320 It's important. You can easily drown yourself in darkness in those areas and I appreciate that 126 00:11:54,320 --> 00:12:00,400 as well. And I know it's hard. Vision Pro is for listening. Sometimes it takes a little bit of 127 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,400 breathing just to go through these types of conversations, breathing techniques to make it 128 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:10,720 through. I used to have before the water project, our was the entity, the cause that I supported for 129 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:16,720 years and years and years and I still support it. It's Operation Underground Railroad and they help 130 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:28,640 fight child sex trafficking as well. And I had a team member who absolutely was resistant to us 131 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:34,240 continuing with that cause as what I supported because of just the nature of how dark it was. 132 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:42,320 And we let go of her before we let go of it, I will say. A love or death, but there's no place 133 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:47,440 from hiding from darkness that exists. Putting your head in the sand doesn't make it go away. 134 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:53,120 It does not make it better. That's correct. And so I do really appreciate what you're standing for 135 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,800 and that's why we wanted you on the show. What's your vision for you, 136 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:07,040 CJ? My vision for me is to be the best version of myself. I believe that we, I don't know if we all 137 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:14,080 have a predestined purpose here in this life, but I believe that if we take life as it comes, 138 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:20,560 that we have choices at every juncture to stay depressed or to become a victim or to become a 139 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:26,320 perpetrator or to overcome. And in my case with the history of child sexual abuse and two teen 140 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:31,440 sexual assaults, and I was almost looking to a sex trafficking ring at the age of 19, I had a lot 141 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:38,800 of darkness in my life and I was very much, I clung to the victim mentality myself for a lot of years 142 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,800 and it was not productive and it didn't get me anywhere. And when I finally claimed my power 143 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:48,320 and began to heal from those things and work through the process of healing those things, 144 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:55,520 and work through the process of healing those things, I discovered that I am not at the mercy 145 00:13:55,520 --> 00:14:02,560 of other people in life. I choose all the time. I choose. And so my goal for myself, my vision for 146 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:08,880 myself is to make the best possible choices that will lead me to be the best version of myself that 147 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:17,920 I can be. I like that another way. I 100% endorse that because that's my humble path as well. Like 148 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:22,640 I'm trying, that's what I figure life is about, is being my best self. It took me a while to get to 149 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:27,280 where I appreciated that. As I made that transition, I found more peace and happiness in what I do. 150 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:34,480 Let's talk about some of these online tools for a minute. So there was something you talked about 151 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:43,360 there that got my brain on a tangent. And it was about the danger of these online tools or these 152 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:50,960 online programs, shouldn't call them tools, these online programs that people utilize. And even as 153 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:57,600 an adult, I need to be protecting myself from what exists out there. And as somebody who also 154 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,680 specialized in digital marketing, it's not uncommon for a client to say like, why aren't we using 155 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:06,160 Snapchat? Why aren't we using TikTok for growth and all of that? I don't have a hard and fast rule 156 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:12,080 against it. There's still not enough case studies to convince me that we should go all in on a path 157 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:18,000 that way. But one of the challenges I face and one of the reasons why I will never allow my kids, 158 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:23,440 I don't know what the other side of the equation will say or do, but TikTok and Snapchat, 159 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:29,760 you can open that app, go right to it without any filtering or knowing who you are. You have no idea 160 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:37,120 what's going to pop up on that screen. And my kids don't need exposed to that. That's not at their 161 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:44,080 age. They wouldn't know what to do with that or how to react with it. It's hard for me to endorse 162 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:51,840 and proactively go into a platform that I have to also protect myself from the moment I open it. 163 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:58,160 What are your thoughts on that? Well, as an example, a child's first exposure to online 164 00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:04,160 pornography occurs around the age eight. And the children aren't looking for that. They stumble 165 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:11,600 upon it. Mine was four before the internet. Yes. And back when we were kids, you probably ran into 166 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:17,440 your dad or your brother's stash of magazines, 30 magazines. But now the information is all over 167 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,760 the internet. So your child could be researching something for school, something innocent, 168 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:27,280 and be led by because of the algorithms, be led down a path into darker and darker content until 169 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:35,360 they're viewing pornography and even child abuse scenes online. And so you don't know what you're 170 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:39,840 going to get. That's a problem. And a lot of parents let their children have unfettered access 171 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:46,720 to these apps and the texting and the chatting and the instant messaging. And where a lot of the 172 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,720 online conversations go on that are the most dangerous is with the instant messaging and the 173 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:57,680 texting. And they don't know what they're they don't know what they don't know. But I also think 174 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:02,640 in some cases, they're being willfully ignorant. They it takes work to monitor your child's 175 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:07,120 activities. I'm really happy to say that I'm partnering with bark, which is the world's 176 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:11,920 leading parental monitoring app company that has apps and a smartphone that monitors your kids 177 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:18,400 online activity. And you don't just find your kid, what they do is if they alert you when your child 178 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:24,400 accesses content that's not appropriate. If they talk about suicidal ideation, if they view online 179 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:30,480 pornography, if they start talking to somebody they don't know in person, bark will the bark app 180 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,480 will let you know that this is happening so that you can take action. So you don't have to constantly 181 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:39,680 spy on your kid. You can just be alert to these to the monitoring that's going on in the background. 182 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:45,680 So public reveal, I have not revealed this. I think I've told you about it. I don't know if I 183 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:51,280 told you the whole concept. I'm writing a book on parenting. Excellent. Did we discuss that book 184 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:58,400 in depth? Well, I need co-authors for it. So if you're interested in co-authoring the book with me, 185 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:03,120 it's actually a very simple concept, but it is so neat. And it's on this subject. It's called the 186 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:10,400 third parent. And that third parent didn't exist before the internet. But now kids go online to 187 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:15,200 see what their parents meant about what they said. And they Google it, Google being the third parent. 188 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:19,680 And we got a series coming behind it, the fourth parent, Facebook, the fifth parent, Instagram, 189 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:26,720 et cetera, to expose what's happening there, what children are seeing as answers to also prepare 190 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:33,760 parents for the conversations that our parents didn't have to prepare for. That didn't exist. 191 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:38,240 They could say holistically, you know what, you're just going to have to trust me on this. Or you 192 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:42,880 know what, you just don't get it yet. And I bought that. I believe that. And my parents, they were 193 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:47,280 protecting me. Nowadays, we have to have more transparent open conversation. So we'll talk about 194 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:52,800 this after. But I would love to talk about that. And we are digital immigrants, you and I. 195 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:58,400 The internet came into our lives when we were in our, you know, for me, I was in my 30s, my late 196 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:04,480 30s when I started using the internet. And I guess I was in my mid 30s. But our kids are digital 197 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:09,600 natives. It's like a fish in water. They don't even know there's water there. They're so immersed 198 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:14,640 in this online world that it's difficult for them sometimes to tell fantasy from reality. 199 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:18,160 And you know, they don't know what's real. They don't know what's true. 200 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:26,320 What a powerful correlation for people who relate to that, which I do. That's awesome. Okay. We're 201 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:30,640 going to dive into some leadership aspects for the vision pros out there. You've been in leadership 202 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:37,120 and you've done so much with your brand, as well as working for other brands, including the military. 203 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:42,640 What's your worst leadership experience ever? When I worked for the North Carolina Attorney 204 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:48,320 General's Office as the Director of Victims Issues in the mid 90s, I initiated and co-led 205 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:53,200 the implementation. This is a mouthful of the nation's first automated notification system, 206 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:58,320 which notifies victims before their perpetrators are released from custody. So jail or prison, 207 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:03,040 it notifies them 48 hours beforehand because in the olden days you could be standing at the grocery 208 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,160 store and turn around and your rapist is right behind you and you had no idea that he was even 209 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:11,920 out. And so this was being done at a city level, but it had never been done at a statewide level. 210 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:19,760 Well, I was only 35 years old when I implemented this and the people I had to bring together, 211 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:26,160 all the courts, all the prisons, all the law enforcement agencies, the prosecutor's offices, 212 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:30,480 everybody who had different computer systems and didn't even talk to one another and convince them 213 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:35,440 to all get in the same boat together. And they were so used to competing for funding and attention 214 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:40,160 and everything like that, that they saw each other as the enemy. And then to compound that, 215 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:45,600 so I had to manage these very difficult relationships and bring them over to the table. 216 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:51,680 But also they looked at me like, who do you think you are? And there were two women, the head of the 217 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:57,680 North Carolina Victim Assistance Network and the head of the North Carolina Coalition Against 218 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:05,040 Domestic Violence that challenged me every step of the way. They tried to sabotage this. It was 219 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:10,640 going to help their constituents, but they didn't like the fact that this 30 something woman, 220 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:16,880 year old woman had a project this big in her hands. I mean, I got the million dollars to grant money 221 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:22,240 for and everything. And so they tried to make my life a living hell. And that was really one of 222 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:27,200 the most difficult leadership experiences I've ever had. I did bring on a gentleman who was 223 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:32,880 the head of the court, excuse me, head of the prisons to be my co-chair. And that really helped 224 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:37,440 bring everybody to the table. So one of the things I learned there was that when you don't 225 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:44,480 necessarily have the experience or the cache to lead yourself, bring in partners, supplement 226 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:49,200 your, what you don't know with people who do know. And create those relationships. 227 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:56,800 Absolutely. So that's great. So what would, you mentioned that part of it was related to 228 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:01,200 an inferiority complex perhaps, and those two leaders, I mean, it was that age. And then 229 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:08,400 what else would you define as characteristics that drove those two individuals to lead so poorly? 230 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:15,200 I don't know if it wasn't because it wasn't their idea or they just thought I was an upstart 231 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:20,080 or, you know, I'm actually not sure what it was. In fact, the chief justice of the state 232 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:25,520 Supreme court didn't want the project to go through either. He challenged me. And I'm happy 233 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:31,200 to say that this is, it's now been almost 30 years and that system is still in place. 234 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:39,280 That's awesome. Absolutely. And there's people who, there's different motivations for challenging 235 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:46,160 situations, you know, but there was definitely some clarity around at least the, the perhaps 236 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:52,640 the inferiority complex or the politics too, that goes in behind the scenes. That's why it's so 237 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:57,680 important to have diplomatic skills, you know, when you're, when you're leading. What would you say 238 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:03,680 your best leadership experience has been? This could be yours. This could be anybody's, this could 239 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:08,160 be a movie that you saw, but what would you define as leadership? In every leadership role I've had, 240 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:14,960 where I've been CEO or in the C-suite, I have encountered tremendous challenges because of the 241 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:20,000 growth curve, because I was a military brat and then I was in the military, then I was a non-profit. 242 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:27,280 And so moving to government and to corporate was a very different game. And so there's a lot I didn't 243 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:34,800 know. And so as challenging as that was at every step, I had the best teachers. I believe the 244 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:39,920 bigger the butt head, the better the teacher. So the people that we, we say are our enemies or have 245 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:46,320 are want to sabotage us or, or have it in for us, like those two women with that program are our 246 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:53,520 best teachers. And so my best leadership experience has been growing more humble and more appreciative 247 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:58,320 of the lessons I can learn from the people who support me because they're really there for my 248 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:02,800 growth. They're really helping me. They don't know that they're helping me, but they are helping me. 249 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:09,120 Right. Sometimes they do know that would be the, that would be like Denzel Washington, 250 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:14,480 representing the coach and remember the Titans, right? He's, he certainly had a 251 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:20,640 player's best interests at heart, but he wasn't, you know, he wasn't going to mince words about 252 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:26,240 what you did wrong or what you did right. And that's, that's an inspiration to me in a world that, 253 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:32,320 oh, struggles to embrace that personality these days. I like that the bigger the butt head, 254 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:37,520 the better the teacher. That's funny. Funny and true. What powerful lesson, all right, 255 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:41,600 if this was the last thing you could share with us, what powerful lesson can other visionaries 256 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:49,520 learn from your experience CJ? I would say that what I would hope they would learn from my experience 257 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:58,080 is that nothing is impossible. If you are willing to do the work, if you are willing to take the 258 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:04,000 hits, if you're willing to get up again over and over and over again, you will succeed in some way. 259 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:09,280 It may not look like what you originally envisioned, but you will succeed in one way or another. 260 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:13,840 So do not give up no matter what, no matter how far away it looks like you are from your goal. 261 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:19,520 You may have to shift your goal and pivot, but you will, you will be happy with the results if 262 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:25,760 you stick with it. I love that. I, and that's, I love that you combined it. I don't have to do it 263 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:31,600 now. Nothing is impossible. And my immediate thought was, yeah, when you've been as diligent 264 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:37,440 as you have, right? Yes. When you've done the work, you know, I'm pretty sure that you've done 265 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:42,640 the work. I mean, I'm putting the effort, you've paid your dues to understand what it is, you know, 266 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,800 you're going for and after. And then you talked about the pivots as well that occur. That was 267 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:52,320 beautiful. That's a morning mantra to wake up to if you're listening and you might just cut that 268 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:58,320 segment and listen to that over and over by CJ for a few weeks and see your, your, your life flourish. 269 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:04,800 All right. So let's dive in a little bit further now on, on protecting the kids and, you know, 270 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:09,840 proactive parenting. What, which route do you want to take us CJ on that? This is your call 271 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,680 because it's your subject. We can go into your books. We can go into talking about the online 272 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,680 course that's coming up or your active programs currently. Well, I would love to talk about the 273 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:24,080 online course actually, because when I talk to parents, the number one complaint I get is that 274 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:28,560 they don't know what to say or how to say it to their children about body safety. And so they say 275 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:34,960 nothing in my case, my parents didn't teach me anything about my body, boys, bodies, sex, anything. 276 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:41,120 So not surprisingly, I became, I got pregnant at 15 and didn't know a thing about what I was doing 277 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:45,440 or what was what, forgive the dogs in the background. We love dogs. It's all good. 278 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:55,280 Because they were too embarrassed, because they didn't know what to say. They left me unarmed. 279 00:26:55,280 --> 00:27:01,520 They left me unprepared to deal with a very rural world with, with, you know, boys in it. And, 280 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,920 you know, again, we didn't have the online world to deal with. It's so much more complex for kids. 281 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:10,720 We cannot, we can say we understand where our kids are coming from right now, but we simply cannot. 282 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:18,720 Because of the issues they face and the challenges they face in their world today is so 283 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:24,880 distinct from the one that we experienced that we can do our best to listen, but we cannot 284 00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:30,640 really get it. They are living in a totally different reality than we lived in. And the 285 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:38,080 good news about that is that they have a lot to teach us. And the other good news is that 286 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:43,520 their children have more power to protect themselves than we may believe. If we take action. 287 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:50,080 Right. I'm sure it feels loud on your end. On our end, your dog sounds very pleasant. 288 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:59,520 Okay. Makes me want to pet your puppy. So the, all right. So going into the children and confidence, 289 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:06,000 what are some things that we can do to empower our children with a healthy, healthy dose of 290 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:10,640 confidence in who they are? Yes. Because as I mentioned earlier to you, you know, 291 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:15,760 confidence is the number one predator repellent. Predators look for children when they're looking 292 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:20,560 for victims, they look for children who are unsure of themselves, who need attention or affection or, 293 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:26,960 who clearly are not going to put up resistance. And that is not the fault of the child in any way. 294 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:31,600 I'm not victim blaming in any way. It's totally the fault of the predator, but they look for easy 295 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:36,560 victims. Well, in addition to those who aren't as confident are less likely to communicate. 296 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:44,000 Yes. Right. That's I'm going to talk, you know, like I'm going to talk. And so I can see why 297 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:49,760 I wouldn't be on somebody's radar. You know, same is true in business. Somebody wants to take 298 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:54,080 advantage of me in business. They know I'm going to ask all the hard questions. I'm going to make 299 00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:58,080 sure that the contract makes sense. And they're just going to go away right away because I don't 300 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:03,440 want to, I'm going to do my due diligence. Right. And again, it doesn't justify the criminal 301 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:08,240 and what they're doing at all, but you know, it's a very important thing to consider if your child 302 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:13,600 struggles to communicate that may be a sign that they're struggling with their confidence. So yeah, 303 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,480 go ahead and help us see how do we, how do we empower them with confidence? 304 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:22,400 We start, it starts with air and diapers. And of course, if you, your child is eight or 10 or 12 305 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:28,400 or 15 now, you can start today wherever they are, wherever you are. But you do things like teach 306 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:33,680 them about what intuition is, how to trust their gut. And I talk about all these in my books and 307 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:38,880 I'll be talking about it in the online course. But if you teach them about their, how to trust their 308 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:44,240 gut and their own intuition, you're giving them a magic key that will help them in almost any 309 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,680 situation. Once they learn how to check in with their gut, or even the parent in their head, 310 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,920 you know, if you teach your children, what would you think about what I would tell you to do in 311 00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:59,920 the situation? And your voice is in their head already anyway. But if you teach consciously do 312 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:03,840 that and to consciously check in with their gut first before they do something, and if it feels 313 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:08,960 okay, and it aligns with their more, their morals and intuition, then go for it. And if it doesn't, 314 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:14,560 they need to extract themselves from that situation immediately. The other is to help them set strong 315 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:19,200 boundaries. And this, there are exercises you can do with your child to help them establish 316 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:24,000 what those boundaries are. Everything from, we don't have to hug someone, we, you know, even grandma, 317 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:30,080 if you don't want to, you don't have to allow anyone to touch you, you don't have to tolerate 318 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:36,080 bad behavior, you don't have to let someone talk to you in a mean way. And teach them not only 319 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:41,120 what the boundaries are, but then how to use their moxie to take action to defend those boundaries. 320 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:45,440 So you can teach them, they can say no. If Jackson, if I'd known that I could say no, 321 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:49,200 to the people who were hurting me when I was a child, most of the things that happened to me never 322 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:53,680 would have occurred. Because I was not going to tell. I was clearly a child who was desperate for 323 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:57,680 attention and affection and was not going to tell. And that's why I was victimized so many times. 324 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:03,280 And so if I had been given that permission to say no to adults and other kids, because 325 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:08,880 this is a tip for parents, a child is more likely to be molested by another kid than they are by a parent. 326 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:13,920 And so you can't just think that they're, and the other thing is, is that strangers are responsible 327 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:19,840 for less than 7% of crimes against kids. And when it comes to kidnapping, for example, we think kids 328 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:25,840 are being plucked off street corners by strangers. In 2018, only 65 kids were kidnapped by complete 329 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:32,560 strangers. The rest of the time they were runaways or throwaways, or they were kidnapped by a 330 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:38,480 non-custodian, or they were kidnapped by a non-custodian, or they were kidnapped by a 331 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:44,000 non-custodial parents or other relatives or people they knew. And so there's a lot of misconceptions 332 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,840 out there that I talk about in my books and I try to set things straight so that parents have a 333 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:55,280 realistic picture of what's true. Then they know how to follow the advice I share to empower their 334 00:31:55,280 --> 00:32:00,800 kids so that their kids know when their boundaries are being violated. They know when their intuition 335 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:06,640 is going off like a fire alarm and how to take action. Well, you bring up an important fact too 336 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:11,360 about the stats. And we're not going to talk about the detailed stats for those who are listening, 337 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:16,160 but you can do your own due diligence to gain clarity around realities. And one of the things 338 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:21,280 that CJ said was being kidnapped by the non-custodial parent. And I do take issues with 339 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:26,880 that reality because my... And don't get me wrong, I understand there's parents that you have to be 340 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:33,520 protected from. My dad kidnapped my brothers one summer to bring them down and it was his custodial 341 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:41,200 right to have the children. And his ex-wife had called the cops. And so when the cops pulled him 342 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:47,440 over with the children, he said, I'm their dad. This is my time with them. They let him go. 343 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:54,960 They let him bring my brothers down to see me. And so the world has become a little bit more 344 00:32:56,080 --> 00:33:02,400 restrictive in relation to that too. Again, not to say that there aren't horror stories. That's why 345 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:09,840 we sometimes lean towards, I'd rather stop fully at the stop sign than California roll through it, 346 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,840 or that's why I'm going to get a ticket for it because a freak accident, something happens. 347 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:21,520 It's devastating and it looks bad to society beyond blah, blah, blah. And it's hard. So I 348 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:27,440 want to talk about one other angle on this. And it's one thing to prepare kids to know that 349 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:32,800 to know that they don't have to accept hugs. Rather they have that healthy boundary. 350 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:39,200 It's another to scare the living daylights out of a child and reinforce that time and time again, 351 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,720 like a tooth brushing experience. We're like, okay, tomorrow you don't have to have grandma. 352 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,160 Tomorrow you don't have to go to grandma. Tomorrow you don't have to go to like, what's that child 353 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:51,120 going to think? They're going to be traumatized about that relationship because we took the 354 00:33:51,120 --> 00:34:00,640 instruction too far. An anxious parent can make for an anxious child. What I recommend in my books 355 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:05,680 is that you have monthly family meetings where the family all sits together. They have pizza 356 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:09,760 during the meeting or after the meeting or whatever. And everybody takes turn being the leader 357 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:13,920 and the timekeeper and the secretary and all that stuff, even for kids as young as five. 358 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:20,080 And you help the family get on the same page about what you're going to do for vacation, 359 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:25,520 whether you get a puppy, but you also have a body safety topic at the month where you talk about 360 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:30,720 something simple and you have a conversation about it and then move on. But there's also 361 00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:36,480 opportunities for daily sharing. You don't want to do what you were saying, Jackson, which is hit it 362 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:40,880 over and over and over again and make your child terrified of the world because the world is not 363 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:46,480 as dangerous as we think it is. But you do want to give them enough information that they know what 364 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:52,720 they're doing. And so with a few strategic tips, like if they're going to their friend's house to 365 00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:56,960 spend the night or whatever, you know you can call me and you can even call me if you feel 366 00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:00,800 uncomfortable or afraid, you can call me and I'll come get you. You can even lie and say that you 367 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:05,680 feel sick to your stomach and I'll come pick you up. That's a conversation you have one time. 368 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,960 And then every time they go to their friend's house after that to spend the night, you say, 369 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:14,480 remember, you can call me. Just that little sea, that little reminder, but you don't have to be 370 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:21,040 a dead horse and scare your kid to death. Right, correct. And you know, I don't think, I think 371 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:26,240 every family has a different boundaries too, right? In terms of what's acceptable and what's not. 372 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:34,080 I'm a no sleepover guy due to my experiences with sleepovers growing up. 373 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:43,680 And you know, my ex, my first ex-wife, she's okay with the sleepover stuff. 374 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:48,160 And it's so hard, you know, to balance the realities that, okay, we have different healthy 375 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:53,360 boundaries and I've got to, now I've got to prepare my kids in this situation. Now you said 376 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:58,480 this quote and it's what defines the difference between a concerned parent and an expert is you 377 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:04,640 know where to go to for your glossary of like confidence and how to help an ancient, an anxious 378 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:09,680 parent can make for an anxious child. I'll be the first to admit, if you haven't caught it in my 379 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:17,520 shows, I'm an anxiety person. Like I deal with anxiety. My, in our relationship, we both deal 380 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:24,160 with that from different angles too. So I asked that question from my own selfish desire of, okay, 381 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:31,840 how do I, how do I help my child when the stranger danger aspect is so predominantly pronounced, 382 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:36,560 you know, on the other side of the equation, how do I balance that out and help them understand that 383 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:42,640 the world's not as dark and scary as, as it may be indoctrinated on the flip side to throw myself 384 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:49,440 under the bus too. My first child is, we're in church, right? She has big heavy doors and she's 385 00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:53,520 playing in this little foyer that's like silent. It's cool. She can make as much noise as she wants. 386 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:57,600 That's not affecting church. So I'm out there playing with her and I'm watching from the couch 387 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:02,720 and I see the door starting to shut and her little finger is going to get caught in this heavy door. 388 00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:10,000 Right? So helicopter dad mode, boom, Superman jumps up. I hit that door to open. What I didn't 389 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:17,840 take into effect, end of account was the bottom of the door. So I saved her finger. I crushed her 390 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:24,560 toes. Oh no. Yeah. So she, all of her toes, all tear up and boom, just start bleeding. You know, 391 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:29,440 I did it. Oh, it was so awful. And I was like, Oh my gosh, she wouldn't have lost her finger. 392 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:35,840 She would have been fine. My overreaction completely made this a mess. We're all susceptible 393 00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:43,360 to making these types of mistakes. It's a little bit like foreigners imagine in United States that 394 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:47,520 we have, that they'll get, if they come to our country, they'll get shot instantly. I mean, 395 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:52,160 that there are constantly shootings going on. There are shootings going on that you need to 396 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:57,120 be aware of, but it's not the level of threat that people on the outside perceive it to be. 397 00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:00,720 And it's very much the same way with the parenting and the dangers to our kids. 398 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:06,640 Parents, some parents believe don't look at the dangers at all and are oblivious to it. They put 399 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:11,440 their head in the sand. Other parents are obsessed with the dangers and can't let them go. And 400 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:16,720 there's a happy medium. There's a happy medium. You can find where you are educating your child 401 00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:20,960 and empowering your child and giving them the confidence they need without scaring them to death. 402 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:27,760 Yeah, absolutely. So if you're in that situation where you've kind of, you're trying to be the 403 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:35,920 voice of happy medium reason, what are some tools as a parent that you can utilize to balance that 404 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,840 equation out? Well, the daily sharing is an exercise. You know, your kids come home at the 405 00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:45,200 end of the day, just like you, if you go to work and you have a bad day, you come home and you vent 406 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:49,840 to your spouse or your partner. And it feels good to do that, to just let it off your chest. Well, 407 00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:54,720 our kids need the same thing too. And if we're trying to make dinner and fiddle on our phone 408 00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:59,440 while they're trying to talk to us, they're going to check out, they're going to stop talking to us. 409 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:03,040 Or if we say, how was your day, sweetheart? And they say, fine. And we just let it go with that. 410 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:09,760 His day wasn't fine. It was filled with epic fails and laughter and mistakes and all kinds of things 411 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:14,320 that you could, that are great to talk about because there are learning opportunities. 412 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:20,240 And so those daily sharing opportunities are a great way to stay, to keep your child's pulse. 413 00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:24,400 Which book of yours dives into the daily sharing the most? 414 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:29,200 All three of the parenting books. I have three books for parents, Badass Parenting, which is 415 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:34,800 not PG rated. Heroic Parenting, which is PG rated. Those two books are for parents and kids. 416 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,920 And then Raising Badass Kids, The Safi Parents Guide to Predator-Privileging 417 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:45,440 Tweens and Teens is coming out in mid-January. And all of them cover the daily sharing and the 418 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:49,760 monthly family meetings. They're basically, they all cover the same kind of content. 419 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,600 Although I will say that I have a chapter in the new book on how to teach your children about 420 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:56,160 sexual consent. That is probably the most important thing I've ever written. 421 00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:02,960 Right. Yeah. Okay. That's good. And again, I'm kind of thinking selfishly on this path, you know, 422 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,160 where am I with my- Heroic Parenting is a book for you. 423 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:13,760 Heroic Parenting. Cool. I'm going to get it. And that aspect, you know, when my children were in 424 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:19,520 kindergarten and first grade, one of my challenges was I kind of expected that by the time they were 425 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:25,040 three, we would be able to play chess. I was like, wait a second, this doesn't work. 426 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:31,520 Add water. Just add water. Right. And so as we start talking about school, 427 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:35,600 you know, I'm getting these fine answers. You're like, it was good, but like they just, 428 00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:40,080 you know, they're kindergarten. They want to talk about Paw Patrol, you know, or what's coming next, 429 00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:43,760 not necessarily what's in the past. And so- That's where open-ended questions really become 430 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:48,640 important instead of saying, you know, how was your day? It's like, what did you learn today? 431 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:54,880 Did anything funny happen? Did anybody get hurt? Did anybody get sad? It was what made you happiest? 432 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:59,680 Kind of roses and thorns things about what was the hardest part of your day and what was the best part 433 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:05,200 of your day? Questions like that invite conversation. Yeah. And don't shut it down. 434 00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:12,400 True. True. Absolutely. And I've noticed too, as they get older, they have more patience for the 435 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:16,960 process. You know, again, versus like, I thought we were going to go get ice cream. You know, 436 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:22,400 or I want to do this now. And I was like, man, I just want to be the- can't you just let me be 437 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:28,320 the concerned parent? The parent that's trying to understand the day. But that was definitely 438 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:34,640 a challenge for me. All right. So with, we got a couple of minutes left, which I'm excited about, 439 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:41,280 because we have more time to dive in than we normally do. Protecting kids. What other aspect 440 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:48,320 can- what other things can parents be aware of that's not talked about enough online? 441 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:56,640 I would say it's bullying. Bullying has always existed. As long as there have been 442 00:41:56,640 --> 00:42:00,080 as long as there have been humans walking this earth, there has there have been bullies. 443 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:06,400 And people, you know, schools like to tout their zero top, zero bullying policy, zero tolerance, 444 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:11,360 bullying policies, but there's no such thing. In North Carolina, for example, like six years ago, 445 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:16,160 North Carolina reported zero bullying incidents, whereas 30 something percent of kids report 446 00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:21,520 bullying incidents. So there's a disconnect clearly. One of the exciting things is, is there's a way 447 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:28,800 your child can train bullies to leave them alone. And so there are, there's so much that can be done 448 00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:32,400 that there's so much content in the books and in the online course that I'm getting ready to put 449 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:37,440 together. And if I had a vision for parents, it would be every parent was required to read one of 450 00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:42,400 these books, not necessarily just my books, but a book on how to teach your kid about these kinds of 451 00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:48,080 things. So that they are more confident, they are savvy, or they are more empowered, and they can be 452 00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:56,000 safer kids as a result. Parents have so much power to make their kids safer. Absolutely. So 453 00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:02,640 the book that has the bullying concept, which which book, all three books, all three books as well. 454 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:08,240 The only thing different about race about the third book, the one for teens and tweens and teens is 455 00:43:08,240 --> 00:43:13,360 that I do not cover abductions, but I do cover sex trafficking. And I also have the additional chapter 456 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:18,480 on how to teach a child about sexual consent. But otherwise, the books all have the same basic 457 00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:25,280 content of who the predators are, what the dangers are, how to teach them about cyber bullying, 458 00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:29,840 and what to teach them, and what it, and in the in her old parenting and badass parenting, I actually 459 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:34,160 break it down by age group. How do you, because how you talk to a three-year-old, your three-year-old 460 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:39,360 is very different than how you would talk to your 12-year-old. Right. So in 2024, what does bullying 461 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:45,520 look like going into the future? There's so many different types of bullying. And now that the 462 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:53,440 online world is our reality, anybody, any person will say and do things online that they wouldn't 463 00:43:53,440 --> 00:44:00,960 necessarily do in person. And so with that veil of anonymity, kids especially will say and do things 464 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:08,080 to troll and humiliate and harass and bully other kids. And the bad, the worst of it is, is that 465 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:12,720 other kids will join in partly because they don't want to be the next target. So they will join in 466 00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:17,680 with the bully. Right. And partly because they don't feel a sense of responsibility because it's 467 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:23,040 online and you know, really it's almost invisible at that point. Yeah, that's a real danger. 468 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:29,760 That no accountability. And so they're, and then you're learning bullying techniques from the best 469 00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:35,280 of the best. Yes. You have access to, just like, you know, when I was growing up playing the trumpet, 470 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:40,720 you know, I could listen to, you know, Dizzy Gillespie, you know, or Louis Armstrong, whatever 471 00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:45,600 CD I had, right. I couldn't download whatever music. Now I can go to YouTube, right. I can, 472 00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:50,560 I can put in trumpet and I can see people do things that will teach you exactly what to do to 473 00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:58,560 make that happen. Like you're instantly learning amazing things and extremely far more. Yeah. 474 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:04,080 For good or ill. Yeah. So I'm really glad you brought that up. I know the bullying instance 475 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:09,440 that comes to mind. I had a friend in his early thirties when he was having a birthday, he went 476 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:15,600 on to Reddit and he asked for his birthday. He said, he said, I want you guys to roast me. 477 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,200 And this is a gentleman who struggled with self-confidence. And I told him like, dude, 478 00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,960 delete it. I was like, you're, what are you doing to yourself? You know, why, why are you asking 479 00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:28,640 people to do this to you? Because, and so roasting is for parents who don't know that's, you know, 480 00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:34,640 hey, make jokes about me or this person, you know, that are as bad as possible to make this person, 481 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:40,800 you know, feel lit on fire. I imagine that that's happening with children as well. 482 00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:45,280 Yeah. And, and you know, girls do not get a pass on the bullying because they could, 483 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:49,520 they're, they're relational bullying is some of the worst because it's emotional and it's so 484 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:54,240 emotionally damaging. I mean, you know, a bully can shake his fist in your face and it scares you and 485 00:45:54,240 --> 00:45:59,840 it's traumatic, but these girls who can do these, not just girls, of course, boys do it as well, 486 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:06,640 but, but you see exclusion tactic to take somebody and make them the pariah of the school 487 00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:10,160 that can follow a child all the way through the rest of your school career. 488 00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:15,040 Right. You know, it's scary. It is absolutely. There are things they can do. 489 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:19,760 Then, yep. And then there's a manipulation of imagery as well. That's, that's becoming 490 00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:26,000 more common with AI and stuff like that. So educating ourselves is the empowerment towards 491 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:31,120 helping our children understand what's going on in the world, which leads them to feel much more 492 00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:36,080 confident, much safer and be protected. And I got so much out of this conversation. I know our 493 00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:41,600 audience did too CJ. So I just want to thank you for being on Vision Pros Live. Anybody who's 494 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:45,840 listening into, if you have a vision to share, it doesn't always have to be entrepreneurship, 495 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:51,440 you know, or related to business. It could be about protecting children. It could be about saving 496 00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:55,920 the wells, et cetera. Feel free to apply to be on the show. CJ, do you have any last thoughts 497 00:46:55,920 --> 00:47:06,160 you'd like to share before we go? Oh, I think I lost a little bit. I just want to say that 498 00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:14,640 the techniques I teach, the advice I give is so simple and it's so doable. And I would encourage 499 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:20,560 all the listeners who love a child, whether it's your own or somebody else's to learn these 500 00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:27,760 techniques because you could literally save a child from being abused or molested or bullied 501 00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:34,320 or worse. I mean, there are real dangers out there, but they don't have to, you know, you, 502 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:38,240 you can make your child not predator proof because that's a promise you can't obviously, 503 00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:43,600 I cannot keep, but you sure can make them a whole lot safer. And that is worth every bit of effort. 504 00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:51,840 You can put into it. I love that. Absolutely. And on that, that higher end note to building kids, 505 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:57,120 helping kids become more confident leads to more success and better feelings for them as well. So 506 00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:02,960 yes, all the way through adulthood are good as well. So everybody have a fantastic rest of your 507 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,960 day and thanks for joining us on vision pros live. We'll see you on the next episode. Thank you, 508 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:11,200 Jack. Thank you for being here today. I'm really happy that you tuned into vision pros live. I'm 509 00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:16,000 looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward. This is going 510 00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:20,000 to get more and more fun. We'll have more and more engagement as well. We'll invite people to 511 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:49,920 participate in the show and thank you for giving us your time and attention. Have an.