1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,240 We're going to be talking about settling for fine. 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:09,560 The fine that we don't actually want the fine that is like not really fine. 3 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,320 It's actually terrible. 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,040 But we say we're fine because otherwise we're going to have some sort of a breakdown. 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,040 Yes. 6 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,040 Yeah, absolutely. 7 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:19,040 Yeah, no, absolutely. 8 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,880 It's like that ticking time bomb. 9 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,080 That's what then as is kind of how I look at that one. 10 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:24,080 That's what I was thinking about. 11 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:25,080 So I was like, huh? 12 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:29,760 I was like, there's the like, okay, my hair is fine today. 13 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:34,840 And it could be better, but that's not necessarily the trap we're talking about. 14 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:39,320 You know, it's we're talking about the one that that leads people to explode. 15 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,320 Right. 16 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:41,320 Exactly. 17 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:42,320 Yeah. 18 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,800 Hopefully we catch it way before that. 19 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:44,800 Right? 20 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:45,800 Yeah. 21 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,000 My peanut butter and jelly sandwich can be fine. 22 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,080 My life cannot be fine. 23 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,080 Well said. 24 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:52,080 Okay. 25 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,320 So what's the what's the top secret? 26 00:00:55,320 --> 00:01:01,120 Overcoming this life of fine, its choice. 27 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,120 All right. 28 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,280 Welcome in to Vision Pros Live with Jackson Calame. 29 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:06,280 I'm your show host. 30 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:11,520 We'll be doing interviews for visionary entrepreneurs and guest leaders who are building fantastic 31 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:24,200 visions out there. 32 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,920 In the vision pros live, I'm your host, Jackson Calame, founder and CEO of First Class Business. 33 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,280 I'm excited to have Lauren Lefkowitz on today. 34 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:35,560 We're going to be talking about the word fine and how it is a trap for our life and how to 35 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,800 escape that trap. 36 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:41,520 So before we go into that, I want to give shout outs to some sponsors that may be very 37 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:42,520 helpful for you. 38 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:43,520 They are to us. 39 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,440 One of them is one of them would have been had I come across it sooner. 40 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,600 So ColdClick is what we use for LinkedIn automation. 41 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:55,840 If you're in the business of of building appointments for yourself and you need to grow your network, 42 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,360 then automation is one of the best things you can be using. 43 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,200 It's also one of the worst things you can be using. 44 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,120 You have to know what you're doing with it. 45 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:08,280 And fine is a trap when it comes to that as well. 46 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,600 You can't just have messaging. 47 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:10,780 That's OK. 48 00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:14,720 You can't manipulate people with messaging that makes people go like, oh, I don't know 49 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,360 if I want to be connected to this person. 50 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,640 That's not a good thing. 51 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:18,840 You want to be warm and inviting. 52 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,800 But you want a system like ColdClick that allows you to connect to 50 to 100 new people 53 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:28,800 per week because then you're able to attract the people who are more ready to start new 54 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:29,920 relationships. 55 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,600 Not everybody is interested in what you do. 56 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,640 Not everybody is in a position of need or want. 57 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:41,400 And this system allows us to make sure that we we abide by the rules of the algorithm 58 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:47,280 while also maximizing the amount of executives, coaches, business owners in our case that 59 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:52,560 we want to connect to in order to, for our case, host them on our show. 60 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:53,560 That's where we start. 61 00:02:53,560 --> 00:03:01,760 We start with a very simple process of getting people into seeing do they know us, do they 62 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:05,800 like us, do they trust us, and we allow relationships to move forward naturally. 63 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:10,100 My big tip for the day when it comes to attracting people to work with you. 64 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:13,280 Number two, we've got simply fast websites. 65 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,480 Shane Michaels put this together. 66 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:18,320 You'll notice there it says websites starting at $179. 67 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,920 I spent thousands of dollars on my first few renditions of websites and spent countless 68 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,840 hours trying to build them out, make sure they were in place. 69 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:32,040 It would have been awesome to have a provider that I could have paid $179 to and gotten 70 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,640 the basics started and had some advice. 71 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:38,760 The people that I talked to to help me on my website back in the day, again, I had to 72 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,200 spend a minimum of a thousand with those individuals. 73 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:46,220 And yes, there was Wix and Squarespace and lots of free stuff too. 74 00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:49,800 But when you're building a business, you also need to be considering strategy. 75 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:55,140 So I highlight this because I'm really proud of him and I'm always looking for new resources 76 00:03:55,140 --> 00:04:02,760 to help people who are getting started out with an easier path than what I had to move 77 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,240 forward with. 78 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,520 Then there's the Water Project. 79 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:11,280 The Water Project is my favorite charity to talk about and to help. 80 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:17,240 I don't know if it's called a charity or cause, but what they're doing is just awesome, 81 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:18,240 in my opinion. 82 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:24,160 If I could spend my life working full-time on a project like this, and I probably can, 83 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,480 then I need to be preparing myself for how to move to that. 84 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:31,840 Well, this is one of the ways I can springboard towards that type of a life, and that's helping 85 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,760 people gain access to clean drinking water in Africa. 86 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:39,200 And if you notice, there's these communities that you can support and you can choose which 87 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,860 community you can support. 88 00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:45,320 You can see in the example right there, there's 250 people who will get access to clean drinking 89 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,360 water by funding that project. 90 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,660 You get to see what their life was like beforehand. 91 00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:52,120 You get to see what their life will be like afterwards. 92 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,720 You get to see the progress and momentum. 93 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:58,320 Once it's finished, you also get to see the update and effect that it has in that community. 94 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:03,680 And this is an opportunity to change lives for decades, change your education, change 95 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:07,600 your ability to be more reliable and work. 96 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,420 And as a family, to have more family time, there's so many benefits that come from giving 97 00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:13,100 back to this cause. 98 00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:16,480 And if you know of another cause that you'd like to see us support, do not hesitate to 99 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,480 drop it in the comments. 100 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:18,480 We'd love to see it. 101 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,560 I'd be happy to take a look, maybe even include it in the show as well. 102 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,240 So with all that said, I'm excited to bring Lauren on. 103 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,840 We're going to be talking about fine being a trap. 104 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:32,640 Let me pull up real quick what I've got here for her background, because there were some 105 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,660 things that stood out to me. 106 00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:40,420 Not only is she an executive leadership coach, but she also found herself going through the 107 00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:43,600 process of escaping the fine. 108 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,640 And she's got her personal story written on her website. 109 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:46,640 I think that's awesome. 110 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:51,040 A lot of coaches I meet don't go into these details. 111 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,440 You don't really know where they came from. 112 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,840 And maybe they have a thought of, well, that's not appropriate to share. 113 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:02,640 Or maybe they use the excuse that their story doesn't really relate to you because it's 114 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:03,640 not about them. 115 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:04,640 It's about you. 116 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:09,040 But it's also really helpful to know what somebody's been through, what somebody's 117 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:16,680 going through, and to also work with somebody who understands that life's not about settling. 118 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:20,760 Life's about getting more out of it and making sure we maximize our time here. 119 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,760 So I'm not supposed to be coaching that, Lauren. 120 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,360 So I'll bring her on, and we'll talk about that in just a minute. 121 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,680 So Lauren, thank you so much for being on Vision Pros Live. 122 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:29,680 Thank you, Jackson. 123 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:30,680 I'm so happy to be here. 124 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:31,680 Awesome. 125 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,600 Lauren, let's define a little bit further for the audience. 126 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,640 So beyond the people who tend to use the word fine, if you're using the word fine, you should 127 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,800 be listening right now. 128 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,160 And who else should be listening? 129 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:46,480 And why do you feel they should listen to you? 130 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,840 Why should you listen to me? 131 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:53,440 Listen to me, everybody. 132 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:58,080 Fine is our automatic answer. 133 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:04,160 Fine is the thing that we say we are when we're not fine, but we feel like it's the 134 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,560 socially acceptable answer. 135 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,120 If you're having a terrible day and you run into an acquaintance and they say, hey, Jackson, 136 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,400 how are you doing? 137 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:16,960 You want to say fine because you don't want to say, oh my God, I tripped over my bed this 138 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:25,400 morning and then I ran out of milk and then my kid was horrendous and fine. 139 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:31,840 So we early on train ourselves to say we're fine, to act like we're fine, and that bleeds 140 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:35,440 into our lives and our careers. 141 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:41,720 And we get to this point in our career in our sometimes late 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s 142 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:47,360 and beyond where we have gotten the things that we went after. 143 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:54,000 The job, the title, the money, the team, the prestigious company we wanted. 144 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,480 And we think this is it. 145 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,160 Okay, I guess it's fine. 146 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,100 I'll do this till I retire. 147 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:07,080 Where we start our own businesses, we become entrepreneurs and we're bogged down with accounting 148 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:10,660 and the parts of the business that we don't want. 149 00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:15,800 If we don't like marketing or if we don't like promoting ourselves, we feel stuck with 150 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,680 those things and we think, well, that's fine. 151 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:18,680 I'm an entrepreneur. 152 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,100 This is what I have to do. 153 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:26,240 And we go on and we go on and the more we're fine, the lower our threshold for excited 154 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,960 gets because we're like buried in fine. 155 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:35,600 And so the message and the listen to me part is it doesn't have to be that way. 156 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:40,600 No matter how long you've lived that way, no matter how much you've settled into, it's 157 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,560 now what you came to this earth for. 158 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:45,840 It's now what you have earned or what you deserve. 159 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:52,920 And I think anybody can create amazing if they're willing to put the focus on it. 160 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:53,920 Well said. 161 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:59,920 Yeah, we're going to dive into some controversy on this too, because I'm of the mindset, you 162 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:06,960 know, that for me it's okay to be sad and it's okay to be mad or upset and it's okay 163 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:12,040 to be amazing and great, but it's not okay to lie to myself. 164 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,040 Yeah. 165 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,080 You know, so that's anyway, go ahead. 166 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,080 I'll let you know. 167 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:23,760 That's a big one for me because not being fine and creating amazing is not toxic positivity. 168 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:30,480 I'm not in the camp of let's be grateful for what we have and everything's amazing and 169 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,840 isn't all of this wonderful as we skim over terrible things. 170 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:41,080 I think as humans, we have the right to experience the whole range of emotions. 171 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:48,560 And when we come into fine, it's almost a numb middle point where we don't get to experience 172 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:54,480 the terrible so that we can come out of it and we don't get to experience the amazing 173 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,240 because we're afraid it's going to go away. 174 00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:05,720 And so we live in this middle ground of so-so and that's so unsatisfying. 175 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:14,240 So I am not of the camp of like, let's just make everything great and pretend that there's 176 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,540 nothing terrible out there. 177 00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:21,000 Great positivity doesn't serve anybody, but neither settling. 178 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,000 Right. 179 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,000 Absolutely. 180 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:28,600 So for what's your vision for those who you serve, what do you want to see them accomplish? 181 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:33,240 You know, beyond the range of emotions you just talked about, let's dive in even deeper. 182 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:34,320 Yeah. 183 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:43,240 I want people to come out of working with me, recognizing that they have choices, that 184 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:50,080 they're making those choices consciously and deliberately, including choosing to be fine. 185 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:55,020 Not everything has to be one extreme or the other all the time. 186 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:59,420 If you're choosing that you don't want to put energy into something and that it just 187 00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:02,320 needs to be fine, cool. 188 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:07,360 If you're not going to care about it and it just needs to sort of live somewhere, great. 189 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,160 I have a filing system at home that I don't care about at all. 190 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,440 It doesn't have to be any prettier than it is, it doesn't have to be any more functional 191 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,440 than it is. 192 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,040 I know where to find things. 193 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,880 It's fine. 194 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:24,360 But I care so much and so many of us do about my career. 195 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,760 I care about who and how I'm serving. 196 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:30,520 I care about who and how I am as a human. 197 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,120 And we dull ourselves down so much that we lose that. 198 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:38,700 So my vision for those I serve is that they discover who they are, which kind of sounds 199 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,920 silly because we're grownups. 200 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,160 How do we not know who we are? 201 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,360 But we don't. 202 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:48,800 We spend so much time doing that we forget to figure out who we're being and how we're 203 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,660 being. 204 00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:55,700 And we can go through our whole lives just skipping through all the doing and forgetting 205 00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:57,620 to look at ourselves. 206 00:11:57,620 --> 00:12:00,720 So my clients become more self-aware. 207 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:07,000 They come into first knowing what they don't want anymore because those are the cobwebs 208 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,160 in our head. 209 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,320 Those are the things that distract us. 210 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:14,120 And often when I talk to a client for the first time, they tell me about all the things 211 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,120 they can't have. 212 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,480 I want a new job, but I know I'm going to have to take a pay cut. 213 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,720 I want to do this, but I don't have the experience. 214 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,800 I know I'm going to have to start over. 215 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:27,080 They are already coming in discounting themselves and telling me what they can't have. 216 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,600 So we have to clear that first. 217 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,200 Tell me what you think you can't have. 218 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,000 Tell me what you don't want. 219 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:38,480 Let's clear that out so that then we have a clean slate for what you actually like, 220 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,680 what you actually want and where that fits into a career. 221 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:42,840 Is that a corporate career? 222 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,800 Is that an entrepreneurial career? 223 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,840 Did you get into one and you actually wanted the other? 224 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:51,500 And how do we bridge that and get you from one place to the other? 225 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:57,200 How do we capture the value of what you have had if you're going to be a career changer 226 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,920 or an industry shifter? 227 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:03,680 How do we take that value and not put you back down at the bottom of the mountain you've 228 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:07,720 already climbed and show that value and demonstrate that? 229 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,920 And most of my clients walk away with, and I say most because everybody has different 230 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:16,760 priorities, but most of my clients walk away with more money, jobs they're happier with, 231 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:21,920 better boundaries and just more life in them. 232 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:22,920 Well said. 233 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:29,680 And like you said, each person defines their version of more, what they're looking for. 234 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,960 And there's quite a spectrum of what we can have in life when we start to open our eyes 235 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:33,960 to it. 236 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,520 If you're in the fine category right now, you may not see that even. 237 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:43,100 And that's why it's so important to look at it and say, okay, finds my current safety 238 00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:50,760 net that I've used, but how fun is it to be in a safe house? 239 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:55,640 How fun is it to be in an isolated room with zero motion, good or bad? 240 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:00,040 It might protect you for a little while, but eventually it'll drive you crazy. 241 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,100 So let's shift gears a little bit. 242 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:03,440 What about your personal vision? 243 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:07,160 What do you see for yourself on the horizon? 244 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,160 It's funny. 245 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:15,020 I was just talking about this morning that I think my fine stuck place, which will lead 246 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:19,240 into my vision, my fine stuck place is the day to day, which is interesting because I 247 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,060 am a really detailed person. 248 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,380 So I wake up in the morning, I've got plans. 249 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:27,940 And at the end of the day, I critique myself for not having done all of the things that 250 00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:31,460 I imagine the perfect version of me could have done. 251 00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:37,660 The big picture me, the big vision me is on stages, is talking to Brene Brown and Simon 252 00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:44,020 Sinek is hanging out with Adam Grant and Sean Aker and talking about the psychology of happiness 253 00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:50,440 and the psychology of the workplace and working with individual clients and groups of clients 254 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:58,640 and having a book tour and just living so fully and spreading this message that we don't 255 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,780 have to settle for fine. 256 00:15:00,780 --> 00:15:06,860 And I'm so excited to know that I have this grand vision because the old version of me 257 00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:14,720 who worked 80 plus hours a week in a corporate HR job for 20 years did not have that vision, 258 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:19,180 didn't even have an idea of what that vision could be. 259 00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:24,220 And I was saying to myself at that point in my life, oh, I'd love to coach full time, 260 00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:27,540 but I can't because I need the steady salary. 261 00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:28,540 I need the benefits. 262 00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:29,540 I need this. 263 00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:30,540 I need that. 264 00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:31,540 And so I can't. 265 00:15:31,540 --> 00:15:34,740 So I would talk myself out of it as soon as the thought came to my mind. 266 00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:41,740 And so my vision for myself is to get into a world where on the day to day, I don't limit 267 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:49,900 my own vision so that I can create this grand practice of being out in the world and sharing 268 00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:52,260 this message with people. 269 00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:53,260 That's awesome. 270 00:15:53,260 --> 00:15:57,620 Out of all, you think you're the hundredth episode, you're close to it if you're not 271 00:15:57,620 --> 00:16:05,220 the one hundredth episode, but out of everybody's vision, you're the, I think the first person 272 00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:11,660 to vision paint your world, that idea world with actual people talking about it. 273 00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:12,660 Oh yeah. 274 00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:14,020 People you'd want to be hanging out with. 275 00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:15,020 That's amazing. 276 00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:18,340 I appreciate you for bringing those people up. 277 00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:23,580 And it's funny how the powers of manifestation work, right? 278 00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:27,080 And being able to connect us to those realities when we look at them. 279 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:31,660 And that's part of what's required, but it's also part of the opportunity of shifting from 280 00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:34,140 fine to fulfillment. 281 00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:37,060 So we're going to come back to that in just a little bit. 282 00:16:37,060 --> 00:16:43,820 But before we do that, let's look at your worst business experience ever or the worst 283 00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:47,460 business experience that one of your clients has experienced. 284 00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:48,460 Obviously not sharing names. 285 00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:52,180 I won't press you too hard on that. 286 00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:54,580 But what does that look like for you? 287 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:55,900 Yeah. 288 00:16:55,900 --> 00:17:00,340 So I think I've already had my worst business experience ever. 289 00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:04,060 And it happened in my first year of entrepreneurship. 290 00:17:04,060 --> 00:17:08,980 I hope it's my worst business experience ever, because a lot of what I've done, while it's 291 00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:13,820 scary and hard and I've had days where I thought I couldn't do it, most of what I've had has 292 00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:15,940 been just incredible. 293 00:17:15,940 --> 00:17:19,820 And I feel really lucky to be here. 294 00:17:19,820 --> 00:17:28,020 But I had what I'll call a bad client experience, where I thought I had done my due diligence 295 00:17:28,020 --> 00:17:41,220 in working with a new client who was a lovely person and was looking to do what I do and 296 00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:47,460 accomplish escaping from fine and building the next level of her career. 297 00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:50,500 And she kept forgetting to set up her appointments. 298 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,060 And we were on a contract. 299 00:17:52,060 --> 00:17:54,000 And we had signed a contract for a period of time. 300 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:58,220 And I kept reaching out and saying, Hey, how can I help you get set up? 301 00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:02,480 When do you want to I offer on demand service so my clients can contact me whenever they 302 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:03,480 need to. 303 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,860 Do you want to talk informally? 304 00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:07,460 Do you want to, you know, just have a chat? 305 00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:09,380 And she kept saying, thank you for reaching out. 306 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,660 Oh, thank you for reaching out. 307 00:18:11,660 --> 00:18:20,140 And finally, sent me an email one day saying, Oh, let's just cancel. 308 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:24,580 And I had to hold her to the contract. 309 00:18:24,580 --> 00:18:34,780 And she called me a lot of names and refuse to pay and turn or turn the whole thing around 310 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:35,780 on me. 311 00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:41,260 We had a conversation where, you know, I really tried to support her and she wouldn't she 312 00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:42,720 wouldn't allow it. 313 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:46,460 And she just no longer wanted to pay. 314 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:52,840 And I had to decide, did I want to stand for my contract in my business? 315 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,180 Or did I want to fold to this particular thing? 316 00:18:56,180 --> 00:19:00,380 And I had other clients who for one reason or another couldn't continue and it was illness 317 00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:01,380 or death in the family. 318 00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:06,700 And I have bent because of those kinds of things. 319 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:12,100 But simply forgetting to commit to yourself in the way that the contract is set up so 320 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:19,500 that you will commit to yourself wasn't, you know, it didn't really meet the terms to 321 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,460 to cancel the contract. 322 00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,340 And so I stood for it. 323 00:19:23,340 --> 00:19:31,380 And she complained to the agency that certifies me that I was a monster. 324 00:19:31,380 --> 00:19:33,300 And and they stood behind me. 325 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:36,220 I had a hearing and they stood behind me. 326 00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:42,200 And so I feel good about having held to the contract in a way that felt authentic to me 327 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,220 and it felt valid to me. 328 00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:50,880 I felt terrible as a human for having to hold these boundaries and having to hold these 329 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,260 contract terms. 330 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:59,060 But I also felt like I really took a stand for my business and a stand for my other clients 331 00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:05,000 who have trouble with boundaries to be able to to say if I need to. 332 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,820 And I haven't really shared this story before now. 333 00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:12,660 But to be able to say if I need to, like I have held to really difficult contract terms 334 00:20:12,660 --> 00:20:15,660 and I I feel good about having done that. 335 00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:18,100 So that's been my worst business experience. 336 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:23,820 And it also was an amazing lesson for me in how I work with clients on their contracts 337 00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:28,820 and how I work with them on on upholding the agreement and in committing to themselves. 338 00:20:28,820 --> 00:20:29,820 Absolutely. 339 00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:30,820 Thanks for sharing. 340 00:20:30,820 --> 00:20:34,980 You know, anybody who's listening and I that that's newer business, too. 341 00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:39,860 I would I would warn caution that you'll probably have a lot more experiences like that over 342 00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:42,100 a 10, 20 year career. 343 00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:45,300 So those those things happen. 344 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:48,440 Not everybody always agrees on everything. 345 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:49,440 Imagine that. 346 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,540 Just go to the news and take a look. 347 00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:53,160 So you got different perspectives. 348 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,620 But I love that you held your ground. 349 00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:59,700 I also love that you you recognize and voice the reality that it's still it still made 350 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:02,480 you feel a certain type of terrible. 351 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,840 You know, it's it's never fun to be in that situation. 352 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,180 It's never fun to fail. 353 00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:12,300 It's never fun to be painted a failure, you know, whether you failed or not. 354 00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:19,420 It's never fun to, you know, when you have when your desire is to unlock somebody's greatest 355 00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:20,420 reality. 356 00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:21,420 Yes. 357 00:21:21,420 --> 00:21:24,900 And then they turn around and see you as an enemy. 358 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:33,300 There's there's almost it's so hard to not feel the pain of, you know, what what didn't 359 00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:34,620 what didn't come to fruition. 360 00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:39,020 And not only that, but it's again, it's gone the exact opposite direction. 361 00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:41,260 It's a very hard emotion to balance. 362 00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:46,540 So I'm sure other people who are listening have been right there. 363 00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:52,540 And that's neat that you you stuck to your discipline of your healthy boundaries and 364 00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:58,300 at the entity as well, and also took the opportunity to to look at and support you. 365 00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:00,660 Yeah, yeah. 366 00:22:00,660 --> 00:22:07,140 So with that said, I guess that that does give one one more I've got like an ongoing 367 00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:10,460 tally of certifications and non certifications. 368 00:22:10,460 --> 00:22:13,620 I'm like a non certified guy and everything. 369 00:22:13,620 --> 00:22:18,900 I don't have and it's kind of one of my unfair advantages. 370 00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:22,620 But at the same time, there's there's pros and cons to that. 371 00:22:22,620 --> 00:22:23,860 I've never thought about that. 372 00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:25,940 Like, oh, wow, it's certification board. 373 00:22:25,940 --> 00:22:26,940 Oh, cool. 374 00:22:26,940 --> 00:22:33,020 They're there to validate you, you know, as well as as make sure that what you're doing 375 00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:40,580 is in line with, you know, their their principles and and I don't know, conditions. 376 00:22:40,580 --> 00:22:45,260 So that that's cool, because then you're not on your you're not on your own trying to figure 377 00:22:45,260 --> 00:22:48,820 out and think through like, did did I do everything I could here? 378 00:22:48,820 --> 00:22:51,020 I mean, is there anything I'm I'm overlooking? 379 00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:55,540 You've kind of got the 360 evaluation built in when you want it when you need it or when 380 00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:56,540 the client needs it. 381 00:22:56,540 --> 00:22:58,740 So thanks for sharing. 382 00:22:58,740 --> 00:23:00,420 Yeah, yeah. 383 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:06,300 I I'm a little bit of a certification junkie. 384 00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:09,680 I like the street cred of it. 385 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:14,420 So when I was in HR, yeah, everybody should have value should should appreciate as much 386 00:23:14,420 --> 00:23:16,980 as I don't care about the piece of paper on the wall. 387 00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:21,660 So yeah, and I think it also depends on like what it is that you're doing. 388 00:23:21,660 --> 00:23:22,660 Right. 389 00:23:22,660 --> 00:23:29,580 So executive coaching is a real loosey goosey kind of profession in a lot of ways. 390 00:23:29,580 --> 00:23:35,300 And anybody can call themselves a coach and anybody can believe that anybody is a coach. 391 00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:37,620 And really, anybody can be a coach. 392 00:23:37,620 --> 00:23:46,620 But the sort of pure coaching philosophy comes with street cred when you have a lot of people 393 00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:52,820 who have some training in how to be a coach as opposed to having been good at something 394 00:23:52,820 --> 00:23:55,300 and coached on it. 395 00:23:55,300 --> 00:24:00,860 So I kind of for me, I feel like I have the blend of having been a good mentor, advisor, 396 00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:02,500 manager, doer. 397 00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:07,700 And now I also have the certification that says like, we also think you're a good coach, 398 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:08,700 Lauren. 399 00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:09,860 So for me, it works. 400 00:24:09,860 --> 00:24:14,500 And I always advise people if they're looking for a coach specifically, to ask people what 401 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:19,580 their background is and how they define coaching, because a lot of coaches define coaching really 402 00:24:19,580 --> 00:24:20,580 as advising. 403 00:24:20,580 --> 00:24:21,580 I like that. 404 00:24:21,580 --> 00:24:22,580 Yeah. 405 00:24:22,580 --> 00:24:26,740 Ask them what their background is and ask them how they define coaching. 406 00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:33,340 And you know, that leads to another very, very good therapeutic exercise is define what 407 00:24:33,340 --> 00:24:36,960 coaching means to you, you know, as well, right? 408 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:37,960 What is it? 409 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,620 What is it that you're looking for in a coach? 410 00:24:39,620 --> 00:24:40,620 Write those things down. 411 00:24:40,620 --> 00:24:42,300 It'll help you with the process. 412 00:24:42,300 --> 00:24:47,540 So it'll help you not settle for the coach that's fine to play with our theme. 413 00:24:47,540 --> 00:24:51,020 So what's your best experience in business? 414 00:24:51,020 --> 00:24:53,420 What does that look like so far? 415 00:24:53,420 --> 00:25:00,900 Gosh, my best experience is there's so many, gosh, just choosing one. 416 00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:01,900 Okay. 417 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:02,900 I'm going to choose a moment. 418 00:25:02,900 --> 00:25:03,900 I put you right on the spot. 419 00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:04,900 I know, I know it's okay. 420 00:25:04,900 --> 00:25:06,220 I'm going to choose a moment. 421 00:25:06,220 --> 00:25:11,380 I have a client right now who I've been working with for about a year who, who came to me 422 00:25:11,380 --> 00:25:15,540 from such a horribly toxic environment. 423 00:25:15,540 --> 00:25:19,020 And so the work, a lot of the work we've been doing has been rebuilding her confidence and 424 00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:22,520 helping her remember who the F she is, right? 425 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:26,700 Because you lose that when your management is coming down on you for things that don't 426 00:25:26,700 --> 00:25:28,520 make any sense. 427 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:34,680 And on our discovery call, strategy call, whatever you call the consultation call to 428 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:43,500 set up working together, we were talking about this and I could see that she was just waiting 429 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:48,340 for me to stop talking so she could tell me she wants to work with me. 430 00:25:48,340 --> 00:25:50,440 And it is such a good feeling. 431 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,340 And I've had this experience a couple of times, hers in particular stands out more than anybody 432 00:25:54,340 --> 00:26:01,540 else's because I could feel her on the edge of her zoom chair, just waiting to say like, 433 00:26:01,540 --> 00:26:04,260 tell me how much it costs so I can work with you. 434 00:26:04,260 --> 00:26:09,860 And my preference always is to tell you what you're getting so that you know then when 435 00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:13,580 I give you the price for it, you know, then what's what comes with that, right? 436 00:26:13,580 --> 00:26:18,100 If I tell you come to my restaurant, it'll cost you $75. 437 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,540 And then you come in and I just give you a side of french fries. 438 00:26:20,540 --> 00:26:23,580 It's a lot less satisfying than a three course meal. 439 00:26:23,580 --> 00:26:24,580 Right? 440 00:26:24,580 --> 00:26:27,140 So if you don't know what you're getting, and you just put the money down. 441 00:26:27,140 --> 00:26:31,460 So so I told her, you know, how it all worked, how we would work together. 442 00:26:31,460 --> 00:26:36,440 And I could see her like, okay, okay, okay, you know, like on the inside, she wasn't making 443 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,340 those faces, but I could feel her energy. 444 00:26:39,340 --> 00:26:45,420 And and those kinds of moments when somebody is so ready to do this and so ready to dive 445 00:26:45,420 --> 00:26:52,180 into what has felt so scary is just like, even now it gives me chills to know that there 446 00:26:52,180 --> 00:26:58,620 are people out there who are just waiting to discover how they want things to be and 447 00:26:58,620 --> 00:26:59,660 go after it. 448 00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:06,620 And they just don't know how and having somebody to be with you and help you with the how is 449 00:27:06,620 --> 00:27:08,020 so powerful. 450 00:27:08,020 --> 00:27:13,260 So it's that like eagerness and readiness that just is like, that's the high I'm going 451 00:27:13,260 --> 00:27:15,300 after for the rest of my business. 452 00:27:15,300 --> 00:27:19,100 Yes, I love that. 453 00:27:19,100 --> 00:27:24,140 It is it's extremely helpful and satisfying to bring somebody in who's done their due 454 00:27:24,140 --> 00:27:30,620 diligence within themselves and then within your work as well to know that the alignment 455 00:27:30,620 --> 00:27:32,460 is correct. 456 00:27:32,460 --> 00:27:35,540 And that yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that as the best experience we haven't I don't 457 00:27:35,540 --> 00:27:38,460 think we've heard that one before either. 458 00:27:38,460 --> 00:27:40,540 You can tie this to find if you want to. 459 00:27:40,540 --> 00:27:44,460 You can also we're going to take the rest of the time to be talking about fine and how 460 00:27:44,460 --> 00:27:45,740 it's trapped. 461 00:27:45,740 --> 00:27:48,660 So you can feel free to squeeze something else in. 462 00:27:48,660 --> 00:27:52,700 My next question for you is what powerful lesson can other visionaries learn from your 463 00:27:52,700 --> 00:27:57,660 experience and let's do this in terms of if this is your last opportunity to share something 464 00:27:57,660 --> 00:27:58,660 with us. 465 00:27:58,660 --> 00:27:59,660 It's right. 466 00:27:59,660 --> 00:28:03,780 What would that what would the lesson be? 467 00:28:03,780 --> 00:28:08,100 The lesson is you are not stuck. 468 00:28:08,100 --> 00:28:15,100 You have created this life for yourself or it has been created at you. 469 00:28:15,100 --> 00:28:18,660 And you followed the path that was thrown at you. 470 00:28:18,660 --> 00:28:24,060 At any point you get to pick something different. 471 00:28:24,060 --> 00:28:30,940 And that is so powerful because we sit in our little boxes and we look at what our day 472 00:28:30,940 --> 00:28:36,380 or week or month looks like and we feel like we are just packed into it and we just have 473 00:28:36,380 --> 00:28:39,060 to do what comes our way. 474 00:28:39,060 --> 00:28:44,980 And I can tell you as someone who has lived with chronic illness for 17 years, who worked 475 00:28:44,980 --> 00:28:50,940 80 to 100 hours a week in an HR job and thought HR was the only future that I could possibly 476 00:28:50,940 --> 00:28:57,380 have, who slipped and fell on my floor and broke both of my shoulders chasing a Roomba 477 00:28:57,380 --> 00:29:04,980 vacuum and got taken out of my regular life. 478 00:29:04,980 --> 00:29:05,980 It's funny. 479 00:29:05,980 --> 00:29:09,340 It's like funny in the most disastrous way. 480 00:29:09,340 --> 00:29:13,060 I have had the challenges, right? 481 00:29:13,060 --> 00:29:20,980 There are we all have challenges, whether it's health or poverty or family issues or 482 00:29:20,980 --> 00:29:25,420 whatever it is that comes at us that takes away from us or feels like it's going to take 483 00:29:25,420 --> 00:29:29,640 away from us and makes us say out loud all the time, I'm fine. 484 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:30,640 It's going to be fine. 485 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:31,640 I can do this. 486 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:32,640 I'll get through this. 487 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:34,020 It'll be fine. 488 00:29:34,020 --> 00:29:37,840 You can step out of fine at any time and choose something different. 489 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,880 You have to find support for it. 490 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:49,260 You have to find somebody outside of you who's constructive and that's important, who can 491 00:29:49,260 --> 00:29:53,380 help you move forward towards those things. 492 00:29:53,380 --> 00:29:58,340 The reason I say constructive is because we have a lot of commiserators around us. 493 00:29:58,340 --> 00:30:03,260 We have a lot of people when you say, poor me, they say, yeah, poor you. 494 00:30:03,260 --> 00:30:04,780 We have a lot of people around us. 495 00:30:04,780 --> 00:30:11,540 When you say, I think I may do something that's a little bit risky, they say, no, no, be safe. 496 00:30:11,540 --> 00:30:12,540 Right. 497 00:30:12,540 --> 00:30:15,060 Those people are great for comfort. 498 00:30:15,060 --> 00:30:17,740 They are not great for growth. 499 00:30:17,740 --> 00:30:21,580 You have to find someone growth oriented to help you with that. 500 00:30:21,580 --> 00:30:23,460 Well said. 501 00:30:23,460 --> 00:30:29,580 I love that you point that out too because there's obviously the people who are not constructive 502 00:30:29,580 --> 00:30:35,980 and I think most people listening into this are already avoiding those individuals, hopefully. 503 00:30:35,980 --> 00:30:40,380 You don't want somebody who's negative and who makes you feel bad and says, man, you 504 00:30:40,380 --> 00:30:42,620 really sucked at that. 505 00:30:42,620 --> 00:30:44,820 But on the flip side, you're right. 506 00:30:44,820 --> 00:30:49,580 If we just get people around us who are going to shield us and protect us and keep us safe, 507 00:30:49,580 --> 00:30:50,580 they don't want to see us strain. 508 00:30:50,580 --> 00:30:55,460 They don't want to see us work hard. 509 00:30:55,460 --> 00:31:00,180 They're going to also hurt us because they're not allowing us to exercise, which is what 510 00:31:00,180 --> 00:31:02,780 leads to strength. 511 00:31:02,780 --> 00:31:06,380 Thank you for sharing that. 512 00:31:06,380 --> 00:31:11,700 Let's dive into fine and the trap that it is on a deeper level. 513 00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:13,780 So Lauren, take this away. 514 00:31:13,780 --> 00:31:19,560 If somebody were to, I'll put the host mic in your hand. 515 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:28,540 What question should I be asking you to unlock our fine mindset and get us unstuck? 516 00:31:28,540 --> 00:31:30,500 Yeah. 517 00:31:30,500 --> 00:31:35,220 I think you should be asking me why we keep going back to fine. 518 00:31:35,220 --> 00:31:36,600 That's the question, right? 519 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:41,420 Why do we keep coming back to it and landing in fine? 520 00:31:41,420 --> 00:31:46,460 And the answer is comfort and familiarity. 521 00:31:46,460 --> 00:31:52,220 And they're two different things and we don't treat them as two different things. 522 00:31:52,220 --> 00:31:58,820 Comfort is what we enjoy because we know it and it feels good. 523 00:31:58,820 --> 00:32:00,060 That's comfort. 524 00:32:00,060 --> 00:32:03,200 So comfort foods like potatoes and cheese. 525 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:04,380 I love potatoes and cheese. 526 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:07,460 I can eat potatoes and cheese only for the rest of my life. 527 00:32:07,460 --> 00:32:13,340 I don't know how comfortable my body would be with that, but I find those delicious and 528 00:32:13,340 --> 00:32:15,780 comforting, right? 529 00:32:15,780 --> 00:32:20,660 Comfort is what we feel when we are warmed by what we know. 530 00:32:20,660 --> 00:32:28,420 Familiarity, on the other hand, is what we do only because it's what we know. 531 00:32:28,420 --> 00:32:33,300 So if you think of the word comfort, and I always like this metaphor, when we're cold, 532 00:32:33,300 --> 00:32:35,420 we wrap a comforter around us, right? 533 00:32:35,420 --> 00:32:39,900 It is intended, this blanket is intended to make us feel comfortable. 534 00:32:39,900 --> 00:32:46,180 And some of us have comforters from our childhoods or from 15 years ago that are tattered and 535 00:32:46,180 --> 00:32:49,100 worn and they don't keep us that warm anymore. 536 00:32:49,100 --> 00:32:52,220 And there's that little hole at the bottom that you keep getting your toe stuck in. 537 00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:54,820 So it's no longer comfortable. 538 00:32:54,820 --> 00:32:57,500 It is only familiar. 539 00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:05,700 And at some point, it's time to decide that you don't want that comfort, that familiarity 540 00:33:05,700 --> 00:33:08,140 that you used to have. 541 00:33:08,140 --> 00:33:09,720 You want something new. 542 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:10,780 You want to stretch. 543 00:33:10,780 --> 00:33:13,160 You want to find new areas of comfort. 544 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,260 You want to find new potato and cheese money. 545 00:33:16,260 --> 00:33:23,980 And you want to be able to be in a world where you feel really good about what you're doing 546 00:33:23,980 --> 00:33:29,680 in your life, in your career, in your relationships, in your relationship with yourself. 547 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:34,060 And it is hard to decide to do that. 548 00:33:34,060 --> 00:33:39,060 And then once you've decided to do it, it's like an addiction, a positive addiction, but 549 00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:41,540 it is like an addiction, like, Oh, I figured this out. 550 00:33:41,540 --> 00:33:44,320 Now I want to unpack this and now I want to unpack this. 551 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:50,620 And for me, that's led me to different coaches, different therapists, different really hard 552 00:33:50,620 --> 00:33:53,120 times, different really amazing times. 553 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:57,620 And I just want to keep at it because I will no longer settle for fine. 554 00:33:57,620 --> 00:34:03,620 And once you get a taste of what not fine is and choosing not fine anymore and choosing 555 00:34:03,620 --> 00:34:07,620 something better for yourself, you just want more of it. 556 00:34:07,620 --> 00:34:08,620 Yes. 557 00:34:08,620 --> 00:34:11,340 And I love that. 558 00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:15,460 You become stronger at being able to go towards that as well. 559 00:34:15,460 --> 00:34:18,860 You know, it's just like anything else in life, any other choices you have to work out 560 00:34:18,860 --> 00:34:23,100 or to not, you know, once you build the atomic habit, you know, you're, you're going to 561 00:34:23,100 --> 00:34:29,020 have nowhere to go once you've transitioned and you just can't see life the same anymore 562 00:34:29,020 --> 00:34:31,400 once you've made those, those hard steps. 563 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:37,420 But for me, I was, I was overweight and I'm overweight again, a little bit. 564 00:34:37,420 --> 00:34:44,540 But when I was not working out for a very long time, my blanket of comfort was the fact 565 00:34:44,540 --> 00:34:47,620 that I was never hungry. 566 00:34:47,620 --> 00:34:52,660 And Jim Gaffigan, the comedian, it talked about, he's like, I haven't been hungry. 567 00:34:52,660 --> 00:34:53,660 It's been like 20 years. 568 00:34:53,660 --> 00:34:57,180 I mean, when he likes to make fat jokes about himself and all that. 569 00:34:57,180 --> 00:35:00,420 And so I resonated with that and I was like, cool. 570 00:35:00,420 --> 00:35:03,020 I'm with Jim on this. 571 00:35:03,020 --> 00:35:07,940 There became a very interesting day where I said, wait a second, maybe that's part of 572 00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:15,540 portion control is my need to allow my body to feel hungry, not starving, but just to 573 00:35:15,540 --> 00:35:22,180 allow myself to want food for a couple hours at a time, knowing that I'm not, I'm not hurting 574 00:35:22,180 --> 00:35:23,180 myself. 575 00:35:23,180 --> 00:35:28,800 I'm just experiencing something new and I'm ignoring this constant desire to be full. 576 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:34,140 And it, you know, by, by paying attention to that for several months, I ended up getting 577 00:35:34,140 --> 00:35:37,700 down to my, my best health since I was 18 years old. 578 00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:44,520 And it, it was really like, I, I, it was so subtle that change that I was very lucky to 579 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:45,940 catch that by myself. 580 00:35:45,940 --> 00:35:46,940 Yeah. 581 00:35:46,940 --> 00:35:51,900 Most of the time I need a coach, you know, somebody in my life to help me realize those 582 00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:55,340 realities, whether it's business, career, et cetera. 583 00:35:55,340 --> 00:35:59,220 Why leave that up to chance, you know? 584 00:35:59,220 --> 00:36:04,740 So with, with fine and fine being a trap, again, what let's, let's dive in a little 585 00:36:04,740 --> 00:36:05,740 bit deeper. 586 00:36:05,740 --> 00:36:07,420 You talked about the comfort and the familiarity. 587 00:36:07,420 --> 00:36:12,300 So we have to be willing to let go of comfort we have and throw that blanket away. 588 00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:17,180 We have to be willing to get out of what's familiar as well. 589 00:36:17,180 --> 00:36:22,260 What are some of the things that we tell ourselves, Lauren, or your clients tell you as their, 590 00:36:22,260 --> 00:36:24,100 I don't want to call them excuses. 591 00:36:24,100 --> 00:36:25,100 They are. 592 00:36:25,100 --> 00:36:31,580 Um, but the reasons that, that they stay in the, the fine zone, what are some of the most 593 00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:33,900 common ways we manifest that? 594 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:34,900 Yeah. 595 00:36:34,900 --> 00:36:37,540 Um, it's funny that you said excuses and then reasons. 596 00:36:37,540 --> 00:36:45,820 I always talk about, uh, you know, when, when I'm asking people why they don't think that 597 00:36:45,820 --> 00:36:47,020 they can have things. 598 00:36:47,020 --> 00:36:52,220 It's always like, because reasons, you know, it's reasons it's, we all have them. 599 00:36:52,220 --> 00:36:58,300 We all think our own reasons are special and we are all unique in how we come to our reasons. 600 00:36:58,300 --> 00:37:06,060 It's, you know, whether it's childhood influences or a bad boss or a, you know, a damaging partner 601 00:37:06,060 --> 00:37:12,620 or like one bad day at work that just has stuck with us for all of these years, we have 602 00:37:12,620 --> 00:37:15,420 those and they shape us. 603 00:37:15,420 --> 00:37:20,860 And also say those reasons out loud, say those excuses out loud, whatever you want to call 604 00:37:20,860 --> 00:37:24,060 them, because those are what limit us. 605 00:37:24,060 --> 00:37:25,100 Right? 606 00:37:25,100 --> 00:37:29,660 So I talked earlier about if we want to go into another job or another career, we always 607 00:37:29,660 --> 00:37:30,940 think we have to take a step down. 608 00:37:30,940 --> 00:37:36,060 This is especially true with women and it's not all men or all women or all anything, but 609 00:37:36,060 --> 00:37:42,780 it, in a general sense, women experience this more frequently that men are willing to apply 610 00:37:42,780 --> 00:37:47,100 for a job they have no business applying to because they have confidence. 611 00:37:47,100 --> 00:37:51,260 Women think they have to have a hundred percent of the qualifications to go in and apply for 612 00:37:51,260 --> 00:37:52,260 that job. 613 00:37:52,260 --> 00:37:54,860 And they're willing to take a pay cut if they can get the opportunity. 614 00:37:54,860 --> 00:37:59,340 So we always start talking about what we can't have. 615 00:37:59,340 --> 00:38:02,940 And I think we all do it when we're going into entrepreneurship, everybody who becomes 616 00:38:02,940 --> 00:38:03,940 an entrepreneur. 617 00:38:03,940 --> 00:38:07,180 I've never met an entrepreneur who said this first year I'm going to match my corporate 618 00:38:07,180 --> 00:38:08,180 salary. 619 00:38:08,180 --> 00:38:09,180 Never met one. 620 00:38:09,180 --> 00:38:10,180 Did you? 621 00:38:10,180 --> 00:38:11,180 I did not. 622 00:38:11,180 --> 00:38:13,860 I said, no, I did not, but I said I was going to. 623 00:38:13,860 --> 00:38:14,860 Good for you. 624 00:38:14,860 --> 00:38:15,860 Bravo. 625 00:38:15,860 --> 00:38:16,860 Yeah. 626 00:38:16,860 --> 00:38:17,860 I, that's overconfident. 627 00:38:17,860 --> 00:38:18,860 I was arrogant. 628 00:38:18,860 --> 00:38:19,860 That's amazing. 629 00:38:19,860 --> 00:38:20,860 Yeah. 630 00:38:20,860 --> 00:38:29,740 Um, and, and we, so we set limits for ourselves about what we're allowed to have, how much 631 00:38:29,740 --> 00:38:35,540 money, how much joy, how much love, how much fun, how much balance we set all of these 632 00:38:35,540 --> 00:38:41,020 limits and we almost like bargain with our inner self. 633 00:38:41,020 --> 00:38:46,580 If I'm allowed to get a job at this good company, then I'll be willing to give up these other 634 00:38:46,580 --> 00:38:47,580 things. 635 00:38:47,580 --> 00:38:48,580 Right? 636 00:38:48,580 --> 00:38:52,900 It's almost like we dive right into that stage of grief where we're, we're doing like the 637 00:38:52,900 --> 00:38:59,240 anticipatory grieving of what we're going to lose by going after what we actually want 638 00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:04,440 because we cannot believe that we can have everything we want. 639 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:13,300 So part of having a coach, part of having people surrounding you who believe in you 640 00:39:13,300 --> 00:39:19,980 is being able to have people tell you again, not in like a toxically positive way, but 641 00:39:19,980 --> 00:39:23,100 be able to tell you, Hey, I hear you discounting yourself again. 642 00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:25,220 Hey, you just said something really cool. 643 00:39:25,220 --> 00:39:27,660 Then you talked yourself out of it. 644 00:39:27,660 --> 00:39:31,140 You just said, I'd love to be on 27 podcasts this year. 645 00:39:31,140 --> 00:39:34,120 And then you said, but. 646 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:40,700 So stop every time you say, but stop every time you say I can't because, and then ask 647 00:39:40,700 --> 00:39:42,620 yourself how you can. 648 00:39:42,620 --> 00:39:43,620 Right? 649 00:39:43,620 --> 00:39:50,460 And part of the settling for fine and limiting ourselves is because our brains and our hearts 650 00:39:50,460 --> 00:39:55,640 like can't comprehend that things can be this good. 651 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:59,060 And I don't want to paint you a picture of my life is perfect. 652 00:39:59,060 --> 00:40:06,660 This year's therapy work went into like deep trauma work and it has been incredibly hard. 653 00:40:06,660 --> 00:40:13,020 And it's been going to be incredibly rewarding, which I know, but I'm in the icky part of 654 00:40:13,020 --> 00:40:14,660 trauma therapy right now. 655 00:40:14,660 --> 00:40:22,140 I'm also celebrating loving my business, loving my life, having the opportunity last week 656 00:40:22,140 --> 00:40:24,660 to decide I need a couple of days away. 657 00:40:24,660 --> 00:40:29,020 I can move this and move this and have Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off. 658 00:40:29,020 --> 00:40:30,620 I'm going to do it. 659 00:40:30,620 --> 00:40:31,620 Right? 660 00:40:31,620 --> 00:40:34,300 So I can never have imagined that stuff on my own. 661 00:40:34,300 --> 00:40:36,520 I could never have built that stuff on my own. 662 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:42,280 And we tend to not only tell ourselves what we can't have, but also not share the things 663 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:48,700 we want with other people because we're afraid they'll seem dumb or outrageous or too big. 664 00:40:48,700 --> 00:40:57,500 And I think if you have a dream of doing something, just stop saying, but get yourself the support 665 00:40:57,500 --> 00:41:03,700 you need in order to get that in whatever way you can get that support and start small. 666 00:41:03,700 --> 00:41:07,260 I didn't wake up one day and say, I'm going to be a business owner, quit my corporate 667 00:41:07,260 --> 00:41:10,260 job and live my life exactly the way I want to. 668 00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:15,540 I woke up one day and said, I want to not check my phone for 15 minutes in the morning 669 00:41:15,540 --> 00:41:17,500 when I wake up. 670 00:41:17,500 --> 00:41:24,460 That was my first step because all the steps I built before were these like big, giant, 671 00:41:24,460 --> 00:41:28,200 unachievable from where I was steps. 672 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:35,100 So as I took each step forward, I became less fine and more excited about what could be. 673 00:41:35,100 --> 00:41:37,140 And I still talk myself out of things. 674 00:41:37,140 --> 00:41:41,400 I had an appointment with my coach this morning and I told her what I couldn't have. 675 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,220 And she said, why? 676 00:41:43,220 --> 00:41:48,460 And I was like, OK, help me get it. 677 00:41:48,460 --> 00:41:51,320 But we have to stop limiting ourselves. 678 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:56,260 We have to allow ourselves to dream and we have to be audacious. 679 00:41:56,260 --> 00:42:00,100 The fact that you were willing to say, I'm going to become an entrepreneur and I'm going 680 00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:04,320 to match my salary, whether you did it or not, isn't the point. 681 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:09,340 The point is you believed in yourself enough to get the support you needed to build the 682 00:42:09,340 --> 00:42:14,100 business that you were dreaming of building and to keep at it so that you had bigger and 683 00:42:14,100 --> 00:42:16,940 bigger goals as you kept going. 684 00:42:16,940 --> 00:42:24,660 I have been extremely blessed and to have a mindset far from fine for most of my life 685 00:42:24,660 --> 00:42:26,380 and life was never even close to fine. 686 00:42:26,380 --> 00:42:29,820 That's part of the reason life had lots of darkness to it. 687 00:42:29,820 --> 00:42:37,340 And so it was very obvious I needed to make big changes in order to overcome the odds. 688 00:42:37,340 --> 00:42:39,820 And so there's that side of it. 689 00:42:39,820 --> 00:42:43,860 But to dive into some of those realities, the universe or God, whatever you want to 690 00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:55,100 call it, or the person, has this uncanny ability to cater to our exact situations. 691 00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:59,380 We never have more in front of us than we can take on. 692 00:42:59,380 --> 00:43:00,380 Pretty close. 693 00:43:00,380 --> 00:43:01,380 We're pretty close to that reality. 694 00:43:01,380 --> 00:43:07,900 Now, I don't want to minimize our friends, family members who have committed suicide 695 00:43:07,900 --> 00:43:09,860 and have taken darker paths. 696 00:43:09,860 --> 00:43:13,780 But for those of us who are listening to this, have the capacity to listen and to have a 697 00:43:13,780 --> 00:43:22,900 healthy dose of hope in our lives, we are always going to be swimming upstream in life. 698 00:43:22,900 --> 00:43:25,780 And that's kind of the design of life itself. 699 00:43:25,780 --> 00:43:28,860 What that means is we have to be swimming faster than the current. 700 00:43:28,860 --> 00:43:34,260 However, sometimes that current is going slower against us than at other times, where it's 701 00:43:34,260 --> 00:43:37,900 okay to take those smaller baby steps forward in life. 702 00:43:37,900 --> 00:43:40,660 And so it's not me saying, hey, look at my current. 703 00:43:40,660 --> 00:43:41,940 It's bigger than yours. 704 00:43:41,940 --> 00:43:42,940 This isn't a comparison. 705 00:43:42,940 --> 00:43:45,740 You just have to know where you're at and be willing to look at it. 706 00:43:45,740 --> 00:43:51,060 But if you don't realize that the current is going against you and you're swimming slower 707 00:43:51,060 --> 00:43:56,380 than that current, that's where good becomes the enemy of great. 708 00:43:56,380 --> 00:44:01,580 That's where fine becomes, again, what pushes you off that waterfall where you're thinking 709 00:44:01,580 --> 00:44:05,260 like, oh my gosh, I was rowing my boat. 710 00:44:05,260 --> 00:44:06,540 How did this happen to me? 711 00:44:06,540 --> 00:44:09,820 And it's like, well, were you settling? 712 00:44:09,820 --> 00:44:13,020 Were you not working hard enough to move beyond that? 713 00:44:13,020 --> 00:44:14,420 We're all at different limitations. 714 00:44:14,420 --> 00:44:16,100 We're all at different realities with that. 715 00:44:16,100 --> 00:44:19,300 But I think that's one of the key important things to hit on. 716 00:44:19,300 --> 00:44:22,100 You also, you have a cup on your website. 717 00:44:22,100 --> 00:44:26,200 And I don't recommend doing the opposite cup, by the way, but it says choose happiness or 718 00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:27,340 choose happy. 719 00:44:27,340 --> 00:44:28,700 And I love that. 720 00:44:28,700 --> 00:44:30,980 And I would add, choose sadness. 721 00:44:30,980 --> 00:44:33,660 We're not going to put a cup on a website for that. 722 00:44:33,660 --> 00:44:37,060 We can buy my cup that says choose sadness. 723 00:44:37,060 --> 00:44:44,140 But when it comes to grief, when it comes to having lost a relative or you went through 724 00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:51,300 a divorce or you got fired from a job, whether it was earned or not, whether it was something 725 00:44:51,300 --> 00:44:59,660 that you cause or not, learning to accept those emotions and dive into them in healthy 726 00:44:59,660 --> 00:45:04,420 fashion, again, with the help from somebody who's going to be constructive with you. 727 00:45:04,420 --> 00:45:09,900 Those are those that is the essence of life, whether it's good or bad. 728 00:45:09,900 --> 00:45:15,340 Yeah, we're not made to just float. 729 00:45:15,340 --> 00:45:19,620 If we're going to take I love a metaphor and I can take a metaphor, I can build a screen 730 00:45:19,620 --> 00:45:22,700 play off of a metaphor. 731 00:45:22,700 --> 00:45:27,020 But if you're just going to float, you're going to be fine. 732 00:45:27,020 --> 00:45:31,260 You're going to look at stuff that's up there and you're going to see that there's possibility 733 00:45:31,260 --> 00:45:35,100 for joy, for grief, for experiencing full ranges of emotions. 734 00:45:35,100 --> 00:45:39,740 You're going to look behind you and you're going to see what's already happened and have 735 00:45:39,740 --> 00:45:42,140 experienced it. 736 00:45:42,140 --> 00:45:44,300 And then you're going to just sit still. 737 00:45:44,300 --> 00:45:45,300 And that's boring. 738 00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:46,300 It's a trap. 739 00:45:46,300 --> 00:45:47,300 And unsatisfying. 740 00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:48,300 It is a trap. 741 00:45:48,300 --> 00:45:57,540 So if you're rowing and you're in the boat for the first time, I told you, I'm going 742 00:45:57,540 --> 00:45:58,540 to take this far. 743 00:45:58,540 --> 00:46:03,340 You're in the boat for the first time and they've given you the biggest, heaviest oars 744 00:46:03,340 --> 00:46:05,380 there are. 745 00:46:05,380 --> 00:46:07,840 You will not be able to row forward. 746 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:08,840 You will row forward. 747 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,080 Your arms will get tired and you're going to come back. 748 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:16,980 And I had a call with a client yesterday who needs to have a conversation with her boss 749 00:46:16,980 --> 00:46:20,700 that feels like a big conversation and a big change. 750 00:46:20,700 --> 00:46:24,980 And we played this game that I play, which is what's before that? 751 00:46:24,980 --> 00:46:26,620 What's before this big change happens? 752 00:46:26,620 --> 00:46:28,060 Well, my boss agrees. 753 00:46:28,060 --> 00:46:29,300 What's before that? 754 00:46:29,300 --> 00:46:31,100 I tell her what she needs to agree to. 755 00:46:31,100 --> 00:46:32,380 What's before that? 756 00:46:32,380 --> 00:46:34,020 I need to write down what I want to say to her. 757 00:46:34,020 --> 00:46:35,020 What's before that? 758 00:46:35,020 --> 00:46:39,020 I need to actually observe what's happening so that I can write it down. 759 00:46:39,020 --> 00:46:40,020 Right. 760 00:46:40,020 --> 00:46:44,180 So the little oars is observing and writing it down. 761 00:46:44,180 --> 00:46:48,580 The big oars are starting from right now and going right to your boss and telling your 762 00:46:48,580 --> 00:46:52,900 boss what needs to change, gaining agreement and having everything be amazing. 763 00:46:52,900 --> 00:46:54,420 You're not ready for those oars. 764 00:46:54,420 --> 00:46:55,420 You're ready to observe. 765 00:46:55,420 --> 00:46:56,420 Small oars, small wings. 766 00:46:56,420 --> 00:47:01,660 Dude, Lauren, I was so ready for those oars, I would hit them over the head with that oar. 767 00:47:01,660 --> 00:47:03,180 That's not the way to approach either. 768 00:47:03,180 --> 00:47:06,060 So this is really helpful. 769 00:47:06,060 --> 00:47:07,580 I got some notes from myself. 770 00:47:07,580 --> 00:47:11,580 Thank you for showing up on Vision Pros Live and throwing down. 771 00:47:11,580 --> 00:47:12,580 Where can people connect with you, Lauren? 772 00:47:12,580 --> 00:47:14,660 Where would be the best place? 773 00:47:14,660 --> 00:47:21,700 I am the most active right now on LinkedIn, TikTok and Instagram. 774 00:47:21,700 --> 00:47:28,900 And you can download a Fine as a Trap checklist inventory from fineasatrap.com. 775 00:47:28,900 --> 00:47:33,500 If you forget everything else about me, including how to spell my last name, which is difficult, 776 00:47:33,500 --> 00:47:38,500 go to fineasatrap.com and that's where you can find ways to get in touch with me and 777 00:47:38,500 --> 00:47:39,500 download the tool. 778 00:47:39,500 --> 00:47:40,500 Awesome. 779 00:47:40,500 --> 00:47:41,500 You heard it. 780 00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:42,500 Grab the checklist. 781 00:47:42,500 --> 00:47:44,940 We look forward to seeing you guys in the next episode. 782 00:47:44,940 --> 00:47:47,900 If you have any other questions, you just want to drop a comment. 783 00:47:47,900 --> 00:47:48,900 Feel free to do that. 784 00:47:48,900 --> 00:47:52,140 We'll for sure get back to them and of course get you connected to Lauren. 785 00:47:52,140 --> 00:47:54,820 Lauren, my pleasure to host you today. 786 00:47:54,820 --> 00:47:56,620 This was a lot of fun. 787 00:47:56,620 --> 00:47:57,980 It was a lot of fun. 788 00:47:57,980 --> 00:47:59,260 You guys all have a fantastic day. 789 00:47:59,260 --> 00:48:00,260 We'll see you on the next show. 790 00:48:00,260 --> 00:48:01,740 Thank you for being here today. 791 00:48:01,740 --> 00:48:04,220 I'm really happy that you tuned into Vision Pros Live. 792 00:48:04,220 --> 00:48:09,020 I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward. 793 00:48:09,020 --> 00:48:10,660 This is going to get more and more fun. 794 00:48:10,660 --> 00:48:12,660 We'll have more and more engagement as well. 795 00:48:12,660 --> 00:48:40,740 We'll invite people to participate in the show and thank you for giving.