Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:00:00]: Today's conversation is about the part of adult friendship no one prepares you for. And I'm having it with someone who lives it in real time. I'm joined by one of my students, Sami Pira, who recently studied abroad in Spain and had to rebuild connection, community and confidence from scratch. And together, we are unpacking what actually psychologically happens when you start over. This isn't a story about instant friends or overnight belongings. It's about why the beginnings feel so, so uncomfortable, what that discomfort really means, and how understanding the psychology of adult friendship can move you from self doubt to momentum, clarity, and real connection. So let's get started with the psychology of adult friendship no one teaches you about. And actually, let me start with something that most people don't say out loud. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:00:52]: Making friends as an adult is hard. Yes. No one prepares you for this. And it's not because something is wrong with you. In fact, it's actually not even because you are bad at connection. It's because no one ever taught us how this actually works. This is why this episode is so important here today. We grew up believing friendships should happen naturally. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:01:14]: And when they don't, we quietly assumed we failed. Today, we're going to challenge that assumption. And that means we're actually looking at adult friendship as psychological. Once you understand the psychological background and the rules, everything changes. If you're new here, I'm Dr. Christiane. Welcome to my channel. Actually, I have a very special guest here today, Sami Pera, who is one of my students. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:01:43]: And today we talk the psychology of momentum, confidence in the small practices that make change real. And let's talk about friendship here today. Because if you've ever moved, started over, or looked around and thought, why does everyone else seem settled? And I feel like I'm rebuilding from scratch, this episode is here for you, and you can obviously hear it in my accent. Of course, I've moved countries, cities, cultures more times than I can count. But when I moved to the United States, I knew exactly one person. And I really want to emphasize I actually had never met that person before. I had a name on a piece of paper. It was a little sticky note that I held in my hands. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:02:30]: I didn't have a network. I didn't have a building community. I didn't have a sense of home. And I quickly learned that waiting to feel settled does not work. You don't arrive at home. You have to build it. And that's why I wanted to have this conversation with Sami here today. Because guess what? Sami experienced what I experienced when I came to the United States. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:02:54]: She recently studied in Spain. So her experience really mirrors this from a different season of life, but the psychology is exactly the same. So you lived abroad in Spain. So tell us about it. Samantha Bradshaw [00:03:06]: So I was abroad studying Spanish for about four months and through this experience I went to different countries and I was able to experience different cultures and just different aspects of life that I've never experienced in the U.S. amazing. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:03:20]: And of course for you this was a big step, right? Samantha Bradshaw [00:03:23]: Yeah, definitely a scary step. But it had its amazing perks as well. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:03:28]: So how would you describe this in one word? Samantha Bradshaw [00:03:31]: I would describe honestly this experience as different. And this is not because it's necessarily positive or negative. It was just I experienced so many different things and through these experiences, experiences I was able to learn about myself and honestly just grow as a person. But obviously through this growth, I did experience some ups and downs. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:03:51]: So the first phase is sometimes the hardest. Samantha Bradshaw [00:03:54]: Really? Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:03:54]: Yes, yes. And I think that when you move somewhere, the beginning can feel the challenge where some people actually give up. They're like, oh my gosh, this is not meant for me. Samantha Bradshaw [00:04:03]: I can't do it. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:04:04]: Yeah, I can't do it. So what happened for you there? Samantha Bradshaw [00:04:06]: I definitely had that moment where I was like, oh no, I can't do this. But then once you get over the first kind of week and kind of just settling in and realizing it's going to be okay, obviously there's going to be some hardships. Once you get over that, you're honestly just smooth sailing and it turns out to be a very positive experience. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:04:23]: Oh yeah, that's beautiful. Because guess what? Nothing happens overnight. So once you stop overthinking, why am I here? I'm building connection and you take small steps, things become easier because it's the most what people really miss. That discomfort doesn't mean you're failing. That discomfort just means you are still early, you are still building. And that's really the key that I want you to hear. Your environment matters more than your personality. I mean, think how you even show up in a different country. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:04:57]: Showing up in the culture that you grew up in, your clothing, you're holding mugs and who knows what. You're not in a space that supports that connection, creativity and growth. It's not you as like inside your character flaw. It's just a context issue. I tell that my students all the time. So. So you need to turn this around. So stop turning an obstacle into a self criticism. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:05:21]: Start turning it into a strategy. Friendship doesn't come into your house it doesn't just appear because you want it badly enough. It actually forms because you're showing up consistently in the same place. So people tell me all the time, I want more friends, I want a partner. But when I ask them, oh, so what are you actually doing to gain more friends? What are you actually doing to find a partner? They usually say, not much. And then I say, well, guess what? Friends are not just going to show up. You're in your house and they're going to be like, knock on your door. You have to put yourself out with what you're wearing, holding your mugs with your culture that you grew up in. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:06:00]: Because it's just where adults really differ in their friendship from children. As children, all that context doesn't matter as much because the proximity is really what does the word. As adults, it's the intention. And psychology really backs this up. Adult friendships require repeated exposure, shared environments, time without immediate payoff. If you quit too early, you never reach that momentum. So if you're watching this right now and you're thinking, why does it feel so hard for me? I want that. You know, you're not behind, you're just early. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:06:37]: You're not broken at all. You're still early in the process. You're basically just planting the seeds right now, and you have to wait for those seeds to sprout and start growing. And it's the same thing with friendship. So at the beginning, it can feel lonely. It can feel really awkward. And let's speak about awkward. How did that feel for you? Did you ever feel awkward? Samantha Bradshaw [00:06:57]: Oh, 100%. I think, honestly, just what you're talking about, the clothing and not being able to wear more athletic gear and just completely embracing a different culture definitely was awkward in the beginning. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:07:10]: People look at you and they, like, immediately see that you're not. Samantha Bradshaw [00:07:13]: From that point, they're like, yeah. And it makes them automatically be, oh, I don't want it, to talk to them. And it definitely makes you hurt inside a little bit. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:07:22]: Yeah. Once you get past that first phase, though, it does get easier because you start settling and you find your people, maybe other people that came from abroad, and then you just need to keep going. So that's the part that I really want you to leave with. Home is not a place you arrive at. It's something you build. Friendships aren't proof of your worth. They are the result of repeated intentional action. And if this conversation felt familiar, you're not alone, because we talked about this on previous episodes on this channel as well. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:08:00]: Belonging, comparison. That feeling of I'm out of place and I don't really know where I belong. That episode just builds on those previous conversations. And if you watched our channel and you watched the past videos on confidence, you know that small steps really lead to that big impact because you will find your footing in unfamiliar seasons and the next layer will come. You don't even need extra motivation. You just need understanding for it. So, Sami, thanks so much for being here. Samantha Bradshaw [00:08:34]: Thank you so much for having me. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:08:35]: What's like maybe a word that you can leave the audience with you today and kind of share that with them? Samantha Bradshaw [00:08:41]: Honestly, I think what we were saying before is just have fun and really embrace different experiences and just embrace the culture, because if you're not doing that, then you're not gonna get the most out of the situation or ever find your grouping of people. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:08:55]: Lovely. So your three words of wisdom are. Samantha Bradshaw [00:08:59]: Have fun, embrace the culture, and just honestly get outside your comfort zone, because all of that will help you have a better experience and ultimately just grow and learn about yourself. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:09:09]: I love so much that she started with having fun because obviously when you're traveling, you should always keep in mind this is actually just. Samantha Bradshaw [00:09:17]: This is vacation as well. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:09:19]: Love it. So go back and watch our previous episodes as well. Have fun in watching those because they all connect and they're meant to be watched together. And if this resonated with you, subscribe to our channel. This isn't just one video. It's a body of work, and we are just getting started. I can't wait to connect with you in our next video. Until then, I'm Dr. Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:09:40]: Christiane. Thank you.